All language subtitles for Maggie.S01E08.WEBRip.x265-ION265

- Even Instagram knows
I'm going through a breakup.

I just got an ad
for "singles grave plots."

- You're not gonna die alone
because I'm gonna cremate you

and put you in my smoothie,
so I can drink you every morning.

- Honestly, can we just skip
ahead to the cremation part?

Anything to not feel
what I'm feeling right now.

Maggie, I know it sucks.

Thought I could be myself with Daniel.

It's embarrassing when you
show yourself to someone,

and then that's why the relationship ends.

Give me his address.

Thelma's got IBS, and I have
a stack of paper bags and a lighter.

- Thank you.
Hey, Maggie,

any chance you'd want to go
to prom with me tomorrow night?

- Uh, I don't know.
I'll have to ask my parents,

and they'll be just as confused as I am.

- Oh, no, no, no. I want you
to come as the entertainment,

um, as a psychic.

You know, the guy who writes
names on rice dropped out.

He's at the hospital with carpal tunnel.

- Oh.

- I think one prom in a lifetime
is enough for me.

- Ah, man, I'd love
to go to prom as an adult.

I'd finally get to ask all
the teens if it's good or bad

when people call me "cheugy."

You wanna come too, Lou?

Amy, Dave, and Jessie all said no,
and you'd really be saving me.

I can always use another set of eyes
to police for vapes and wine bras.

Do I look like a narc to you?

Because I would love to!

- Oh, great.
- Come on, let's go!

It'll get your mind off Daniel.

Plus, if you don't come,

then I'll have to learn
how to write on rice,

and one of my students' names
is "Redlingshafer."

It can't be done.

Uh... okay, fine.

- I will come.
- Yes! Oh!

- No, but I will not be
cranking that Soulja Boy. No.

- How great is it that we get
to do this all over again?

- Wait, a-are we overdressed?
That girl's wearing a sweatsuit.

- Who cares? I'm rockin'
the same nipple petals

- from prom '07, baby.
- They still have stick?

Nope, not at all.

Um... Oh, yeah, they fell off in the Uber.

- Tonight has to be better
than our prom, right?

- What are you talking about?
Our prom ruled.

- I think you're thinking of not us
and not what happened.

Guys, guys, guys!

Prom King and Queen
are gonna be Joe and Ilana!

- Seriously? Come on.
Why did you have to do that?

- Spoilers!
- You suck.

Brandy, wait.

Hey, Rachel, Rachel.
Be careful at the after-party.

The police are gonna bust it.

Are you gonna call the cops on us?

That's messed up.

- No--

Hey, you wanna dance or something?

- Can't. Chem test Tuesday.
Parents are on my ass.

Uh, quick... Ask me what
the atomic weight of zirconium is.

- What's the atomic--
- Ninety-one!

Ah, I got it right!

Well, at least we're
in a way better place now.

Kids are gonna look at us
and be like,

"Oh my gosh, they're so cool,
and, like, totally goals."

- We are goals.
I know how to do my eyeliner now.

- Yeah, and I don't have to wear
prescription deodorant anymore.

Hell, yeah! Let's go to prom.

♪

BEN:
Hey!

You guys clean up so nice.

- Hm, you too. Lookin' spicy.
- Thank you.

This is my "history teacher
after dark" look.

- Um...
- You know what?

That does not sound right.
I will not call it that.

So, you ready to narc, Louise?

- Uh-huh. Oh.

Spotted. Blunt in the boutonnière,
flask strapped to the thigh,

and those cufflinks are actually molly.

Time for me to do my thing.

- Wow, she's like RoboCop.
- Yep.

So, um, how are ya since the breakup?

- Oh, no, no, no.
We are not talking about that.

I am just here to tell
a bunch of horned-up teens

which Ivy Leagues
they are not getting into.

- Gotcha. I'm gonna hit the dance floor.
I'm on "grind control."

- Ooh, yeah, those two look like
they're trying to start a campfire.

- Hey, guys... don't make me
get the spray bottle.

- You don't wanna be doin' that anyway.
Lot of chafing.

- What if I wanna chafe?
At least then I'd feel something.

Nobody wants to dance
with "That's So Not Raven."

Well, as your guidance counselor,

I'm proud of you for being
so open about your gift.

You are unapologetically you.

I guess. What about you, Mr. Hart?

When are you gonna show
people who you really are?

Everybody knows I'm a proud gay man.

I drive a Kia Soul
with a bumper sticker that says,

"My other car is a fireman."

- No, I mean... the fact that nobody
but me knows that you're a psychic, too.

- Maggie, no, I am a grown-up
with a two-bedroom apartment,

and a Yankee Candle addiction.
I have expenses.

This school does not want
a psychic on their payroll.

- Okay, well, when I'm grown up,
you'll never catch me in a high school.

So, how's high school going?

- Well, I've been hooking up with this guy
from my wrestling team all year,

and I need to know if he'll ever
commit to a real relationship.

- Oh, well, in my experience,
men will always disappoint you,

so... brace yourself.

Will you be my boyfriend?

Yes.

Ha!

Looks like you got one of the good ones.
Hold on to him.

- I'm sorry about smashing
your inhaler earlier.

I really thought it was a vape pen.

But, uh, you, Missy, I will have
to confiscate that nip of vodka.

I know, it sucks, but soon enough,

you guys'll be old enough
to bring vodka wherever you want.

Like, the movie theater,
or, you know, the DMV,

so it's all Gucci, right?

- What class did you say you teach again?
I-I, I don't think I've seen you here.

I'm not a teacher.

- So, you're just, like,
a professional prom narc?

No... I'm here helping out Mr. Morales.

Yeah, and not to brag,
but... I'm actually a yoga instructor.

- As, like, your job?
- I think she means as a hobby.

No, Sparkles. It is my job.

- So, did you, like...
invent goat yoga or something?

- What?! No! But a goat did
eat my hair extensions once.

Y-You know what?
I didn't come here to defend myself, okay?

- So, I want to be
a professional soccer player,

but I'm worried my boyfriend
will think it's dumb,

and I just want him to believe in me.

Ugh, girl, I feel you.

But if he doesn't support you,
it's better to find out now

before you clog your phone up
with photos of him and his stupid beard

that makes you cry.

- What?
- Never mind.

Ha!

Not only does he believe in you,

when you go pro, he gets
your jersey number tattooed on his back.

Actual size.

Man, these kids
are really throwing me off.

What a bunch
of well-adjusted little weirdos.

Tell me about it.

I'm an excellent narc,

but for some reason,
no one thinks I'm cool.

Actually, saying that out loud,
I should've seen that coming.

- Look... They're all in healthy,
supportive relationships.

I'm starting to think there's
something wrong with me.

Barkeep, you got anything stronger?

- I'm a gym teacher,
and, um, refreshments aren't for parents.

Wow... really twisting the knife.

I can't believe that just happened.

♪

♪

Sorry, you won't be having sex tonight.

But if it makes you feel any better,
neither will I?

- Well, I-I see a solution
to both our problems.

Honors Bio taught me it's called
a "symbiotic relationship."

I'm also taking Anatomy.

- Go get some punch, Kenneth.
- Okay, sorry.

Now, don't feel bad, Kurt, okay?

The first time I tried to tie a tie,
I passed out.

All right... you look so sharp.

Now, go ask Alec to dance.

Go! Yes! Go!

- H3
- C, CH2, CH3 is propane.

- Holy crap, he's hot.
Do you think his hair is naturally black?

- Uh, well, his eyebrows are red
and he's got freckles.

- Oh no, he saw us.
Pretend like we're dancing.

Okay.

- Actually, he's kinda scary.
- - H3
- C, CH2, CH3 is propane.

Maggie? Oh.

Trevor got into Penn.

Why would you tell him
to commit to art school?

You might as well tell him
to grow a handlebar mustache now

because he's goin'
straight to being a barista.

He's an artist.

That's what he's going
to do with his life.

You don't know that, Victor.

- I think I do, and it is my job
to guide these students.

- Well, lately, you've been guiding
angry parents into my office.

Now talk to Trevor and fix this.

- I love that one.
Oh my god, you look so cute.

Look at that.

- Uh, so, just to be clear--
- Oh, that lady's back.

That's right. The lady is back.

Yoga might be a part-time job,
but it is a full-time lifestyle.

- You felt the need to come back
and tell us that?

- No. No, no, no. That's not all.
I'm smart, okay? I went to med school.

So, you're like a retired doctor?

- What? No...
I dropped out because it was stressful.

You guys get that, right?

School is just studying,
and overbearing parents, and raging acne.

Actually, you all have perfect skin.

- Things are goin' pretty great right now.
Gemma just made a boatload on NFTs.

Yeah, she literally bought a boat.

- You die together,
holding hands at the age of 102.

Enjoy.

- Beat it, kid! This is an emergency.
- Ah!

- Thank you.

Why is love so easy for these kids, Lou?
It makes no sense.

They drive Teslas, Maggie.

And I'm just some cheugy loser
who blew off her parents' expectations

in the name of "personal fulfillment."

Cheugy is bad, Maggie... Really bad.

- It's like the second
I opened myself up to Daniel,

he breaks my heart.

I still owe money on my PT Cruiser.

- And now I'm getting
hit on by kids in jorts.

- And according to one kid,
I still need that prescription deodorant.

- I gotta get outta here.
- What? Why? Where are you going?

I'm going through something, Maggie,

and I have to go home and figure out
what the hell an NFT is immediately!

Maggie...

where's Miss Louise?

- Ugh, she's so obsessed
with becoming a doctor

that she locked herself
in the bathroom to study,

so I'm alone as usual.

- You know, sometimes
you just have a bad night.

DYLAN:
Hey, Maggie,

I have two crystal balls
you can look into.

- Dylan, I suggest you take your comments
and your rusty wallet chain elsewhere.

At least the night's almost over.

- Listen, Maggie,
I know things seem terrible right now,

but I see great things in your future.

People are gonna love and appreciate you.

And those eyebrows are gonna
make people jealous someday.

Thanks.

You know, you're kinda
like my guardian angel.

- Oh. "Guardian angel."
I like that.

- What?
- I just saw something.

You will dance with a great guy
at prom and you'll be happy.

- Really?
- Yes, sweetie, just not at this prom.

♪

- Milady... would you be so kind
to let me have this dance?

Sure, Kenneth.

- You smell really nice.
Like a fancy grocery store.

Thank you.

- Nice jorts.
- Thanks. They're rentals.

Oh.

Excuse me, Kenneth. May I cut in?

I just overheard Hayley Redlingshafer

saying that your jorts slap
and make you look like a total zaddy.

Ah, thank you, Mr. Morales.

Shall we?

A total zaddy, huh?

- Yeah, I have no idea what
any of those words mean.

Sorry for... cutting in on Kenneth.

I mean, he's a great student,
but very handsy.

- Well, he is the first person
I ever danced with at prom.

Well, if it makes you feel better,

my prom was a bummer, too.
I didn't dance either.

I didn't even get a corsage.

- So, you really wanted
an ice-cold flower bracelet

- from a to-go box?
- Yes!

My wrist was the only part of my body
I was comfortable accentuating.

- Worst part for me?
Oh yeah, I rocked a faux hawk.

Ooh, I'm sorry, Mr. Brightside.

- I came outta my cage
and I'm doing okay.

- Ooh... should you maybe, like,
throw a bucket of cold water on them, or?

Oh, um, mm, no.

Jeff gave half the seniors
lice last semester.

- I'm gonna give him this win.
- Oh, fair enough.

I mean, I don't know how any
of these students could resist

- this romantic atmosphere.
- Mm.

Sticky floors.

- Oh, the overwhelming scent
of Axe body spray.

- The deejay's laser occasionally
burning a hole in your retina.

Yes.

Well, I guess it's all about
who you're with that

makes the night special.

♪

GEMMA :
Students of J.R. Buchanan High,

it is time to announce the royal court!

Come on up, Mr. Morales.

- There's my overly reverb-ed cue.

- Now, before Mr. Morales does the honors
of crowning this year's royalty,

we have a little surprise.

ALL:
Ooh.

- So, the prom committee did some digging
on something called MySpace,

and we thought Mr. M. would like
to remember his prom when he was king.

Okay.

GEMMA:
Aw, they're so in love.

STUDENT :
Nice suspenders, Mr. M.!

- Uh, just so you know, suspenders
were really cool, uh, back then... so.

What do you, uh--

What do you say we announce
the royal court, huh?

DEEJAY:
Time to get freaky... in a respectful way!

- Ugh... this music is so loud
I can't even concentrate!

Oh, I knew I shouldn't have come to prom.

If I don't pass this test,
my parents are gonna kill me

because I'm not gonna get into med school,
which means that my brother will win.

Do you even want to be a doctor,

or are you just trying
to make your parents happy?

I'm sorry, what's the difference?

Let's just go to Rena's.

I hear there's a secret menu
and they'll put cheese on your fries.

Shut up. Is that real?

Duh, I wouldn't lie about cheese.

We need to make that a rule.

BOTH:
We don't lie about cheese.

- Wait, ow, ow, ow...
These shoes are killing me.

I wish my mom just let me wear my Heelys.

- All right, Victor,
did you talk to Trevor yet?

No... and I'm not going to.

PRINCIPAL BUTLER:
Excuse me?

- I'm gonna meet you outside.
- Okay.

ANGEL:
He will go to art school,

and then he will sign
with a gallery in Chelsea,

and have a bitter feud
with the maître d' at Balthazar.

And, yes, he will be a barista,
but only for, like, six months.

And, uh... how do you know all this?

Because I can see the future.

I'm psychic.

PRINCIPAL BUTLER:
Psychic.

Victor, tell me, what else
do you see in your crystal ball?

- Well, I see you having
four beautiful grandchildren,

and you get a DUI
on something called a Bird scooter.

Oh, and there is one more thing.

It's blurry, but it's getting clearer,
it's getting clearer.

I quit.

I quit.

- All right, Mr. Hart!
- I'm a free bird.

Well... that was it.

The only prom we'll ever have,

and the best part was watching
a grown man quit his job.

I hope we don't feel that way
when we see Twilight .

- Are you kidding my ass?
There is no way. Team Jacob.

I keep trying to get visions of it,

but all I see are adult women
sobbing in the theater.

Thought I might find you here.

Also, your period app posts your location.

- I should turn that off.
- Yeah.

- I'm sorry for ditching you.
- It's okay. We both had a rough night.

- At least we got cheesy fries.
- Mm-hm.

Mm.

- Well, I may not be
the psychic in this relationship,

but I know we're only goin' up from here.

Yeah? What do you see, Lou?

Well, I'm gonna be a surgeon,

and you're gonna be married to Pete Wentz,

and we'll look back on this and laugh.

I really thought tonight
was gonna be a win for us.

Now I'm questioning
every choice I've ever made.

Like, maybe I shouldn't
have quit med school.

- Lou! You were miserable in med school.
You did what was best for you.

- I used to be so ambitious, Maggie.
- You still are!

You still have that flashcard-wielding
freak deep inside of you.

You just gotta let her out.

- I have always wanted
to own my own studio,

and I think I could do it, too.

My classes always have a waitlist,

and one of my Yelp reviews
said that I should start a cult.

Yes!

- Who cares if I never made it
on a "30 under 30" list?

I got a new goal, and a cartilage
piercing that's finally healed.

- That is huge.
Things are really looking up.

And what about you? How are you?

You know what?

I'm actually okay.

At first, it was... it was rough
seeing all those teens in love.

Oh, yeah, you hate to see that.

But maybe... it was good for me?

Like... it was a reminder
that love is still out there.

- Uh, I just got full-body chills.
- Yeah.

Somebody's gonna love me
for who I really am, visions and all.

Well, you know, someone already does.

Mm, thanks, Lou. I love you, too.

You know what?

- I need to celebrate.
- Ooh.

- Hopefully, this is vodka
and not wine cooler.

- To our futures.
- To our futures.

- Hey, you know what I just remembered?
- Huh, prom sucks?

These cheese fries give me heartburn.

- Just gotta keep eating through the pain.
- Challenge accepted.

♪

So, how was prom? Dance with anyone?

I think you know the answer to that.

Ugh, I'm just glad it's over.

Thank god we're both
done with high school.

I know. That dress code was oppressive.

They wouldn't let me
wear any of my silk robes.

They have lapels. It's business casual.

- I just wanted to tell you, Angel...
I'm really proud of you.

- I'm proud of me, too.
But for what specifically?

For being unapologetically you.

Aw.

- I gotta go. That must be Lou
coming back for her leftovers.

Bye, baby.

- L-- Oh, hi.
- Hi.

- Hey, come in.
- Are you okay?

- Oh, yeah, I-- I'm...
- I was just looking around,
and I didn't see you there.

- ...so sorry.
I didn't mean to leave early. I just--
- No, no, no. It, it-- It's all good.

It's all good.

But you did miss Alec and Kurt
winning prom kings.

Ahh.

And crowned by a former king.

- Oh, about that--
- Yeah, so you secretly had a great prom.

- Actually... right before
that picture was taken,

that was the first time
Jessie and I broke up.

- Ah.
- Sometimes a photo
doesn't tell the full story.

I know what you mean.

- So, am I still part
of the miserable prom club?

- I guess I won't revoke
your membership card just yet.

I did bring this.

Kenneth thought you should have it.

Sweet, sweet Kenneth.

He is tenacious. I will give him that.

I thought you should have it, too.

- Thanks for coming tonight, Maggie.
- Yeah.

- You're welcome.
- Students loved it.

- Good night.
- Night.

Victor Hart?

- Yes, I would like
to change my name to Angel.

That's A-N-G-E-L, as in guardian,
as in touched by, as in hair pasta.

- Got it.
- Wow. Well, that was super easy.

I wanna thank you for being a part
of this monumental moment in my life.

You are very welcome, sir.

- I'mma go to Starbucks now
and watch them spell it wrong on a cup.

- Great, but first, you'll head down
to the Social Security Office

and change your Social Security card.

Then you'll swing by the DMV
and get a new license.

After that, head straight
to the bank and change your fi--

You know what?

I'm just gonna tell people
to call me Angel.

I'm wearing all white. They'll get it.
Thank you.

♪