All language subtitles for Maggie.S01E07.WEBRip.x264-ION10[eztv.re]

♪

Oh, your parents put out
a birthday balloon for you.

I can't believe it took us
over an hour to get here.

I can't believe you kept
intentionally giving me the wrong address.

Full disclosure, I'm very excited

and also very terrified
for you to meet my parents.

Oh, don't worry.

At this point,
the worst thing that can happen

is they like me more than you do.

- Well, that's when Maggie had
her headgear removed.

Other kids would see her and scream.

What you got going on downstairs?

Wow. You threw that right in my face.

Great, great, great party.

-Oh.
- It's over. Maria, forget it.

You know what else could be fun?

- Hmm?
- If we leave the party before it starts

and set the world record
for the most Irish Irish exit.

- I know this may be hard
for you to believe,

but I'm actually excited
to learn where you came from.

See! We're making memories already!

Mom! Turn it off!

I have no idea how to turn that off.

-Happy birthday!
-It's so loud.

Why is the alarm even set?

We're having people over.

- Well, yeah,
I wanted everyone to feel safe.

- Do you feel safe?
- I feel like I'm robbing a safe.

- Mm-hmm.

Ah.

Guys, hi,

this is Daniel--

- Jack, get the phone.
It's probably the alarm company.

You have to get them the password.

Otherwise, they send
someone out to make sure

we're not being murdered.

Or worse.

What's worse than being murdered?

Oh, thank you, Daniel.

I've heard almost nothing about you,

but that says more about
my daughter than about you.

That. That is worse.

So this is my mom.

Oh please. Mom was my mother's name.

- Fine. Hold it one second.
Um, Maria, the password?

- It's a... Oh shoot.
Uh, what did we tell the man?

What man?

- The man. The security man.
He came to install it.

We were out back.
We told him the password.

Oh shoot.

Uh, what was it?

Okay. Okay, you know what?

I'm going to have to call you back,

uh, but I promise you
we're not about to be murdered.

Yeah, I know.

That does sound like something
a murderer would say, doesn't it?

But would he say this? Toodles!

- Wow. Our landlords have
a very nice place.

- I keep forgetting that Jack's a doctor.
- I know.

He strikes me as a guy
who just hangs out in the park.

- Hi, everybody.
Hello.

Sorry we're late.

- Oh, a bottle of wine
for the birthday girl, huh?

Ooh.

- The birthday girl?
It's, it's Maggie's birthday?

Oh, I did not know that.

I thought this was just
like a dinner party,

and I thought it was weird
we were invited.

Good thing we bought a bottle of wine.

- I just invested
in this vineyard up in Napa.

It's a micro micro vineyard.

This is one of only three bottles.

- Babe, that was supposed
to be the gift for Maggie.

- It was? Oh.
Yes.

- Just put our name
on whatever you brought.

- Sorry. You don't get
to just waltz in and take credit.

Our gift is super thoughtful.

Oh. What did you get her?

- I don't know.
Ben, what do we get her?

Hmm.

We got her a vintage book on the occult

that we found on one
of my solo walks downtown.

- I just fell asleep. That was so boring.

- Hey, guys.
Hey.

Hey, happy birthday.

- Thank you.
Oh, Lou, you got me a candle.

- It smells like the lip smackers
you used to eat.

Ooh.

Delicious.

Angel, thank you for respecting
our no gifts rule.

- To be clear,
I am not in favor of that rule.

And I like cash.

Maggie, happy birthday.

This is from only us.

- Oh my gosh.
Thank you so much for the book.

I'm flattered you think I read.

Uh, you didn't even open it yet.

I do, in about a week.

- Well, ours isn't here yet.
It's coming soon.

- Yeah, in our defense,
we didn't know it was your birthday.

- Don't even worry about it.
You guys don't have to get me anything.

- Oh good.
- I do have to go rescue Daniel, though.

I think he's with my parents.

I, I don't get it.

I mean, where's the fun
in getting Maggie a gift

if she already knows what it is.

It's very hard to surprise a psychic.

It's one of the many reasons
I've never been impressed

by Mr. Night Shyamalan.

Hmm.

- I bet I could surprise her. Mm-hmm.

I've been told that my energy
really throws people off.

And that's why we switched therapists.

- Ooh. Ooh. How about
we make a game of it?

Whoever surprises
the birthday girl first wins.

Yes. I love games. Maybe too much.

Which is why we can't keep them
at our place anymore.

- Well, she bit me
the last time we played Scrabble,

so I'm on her team.

- I pick Amy.
- Aww. Are you playing?

No.

- Dammit.
Okay, you're my first choice, babe.

- Oh hey!
- I'm bringing my beer.

What are you talking about?

You can totally surprise a psychic.

Maggie's literally shocked every time
she sees how long my toenails are.

- Well, of course,
you can surprise a psychic.

I walked into a glass door this morning.

I just wanted to see
what kind of birthday surprises

these crazy kids come up with.

Oh, Angel, that's really sweet.

- It sprouted out of boredom,
but it ripened into sweetness.

You talk like a book.

I talk like a play.

Dad. You ran away earlier.

This is Daniel.

- Oh yeah. I'm sorry about that.
Hi, Daniel. Welcome.

Boy, you know, it's kind of odd.

The way Maggie described you,
you seemed taller.

Maggie talked about him to you?

- Oh yeah. We went out
for ice cream together,

and she was telling me
all about her new boyfriend

and how handsome and charming he is.

And, I don't know,

I kind of equate qualities
like that with someone

six-two, six-three, something like that.

I love ice cream, Daniel.

Why wasn't I invited to ice cream?

- Oh, uh, sorry, I don't know.
I wasn't part of the ice cream getting.

I think that was just
your husband and daughter.

Wow. You threw that right in my face.

Okay, I think that's enough for now.

Okay.

Sure.

- Ooh. Well, you have
officially met my parents,

and we're still standing.

I do have to warn you, though,

um, I saw some embarrassing things
go wrong later.

Nothing big. But, you know,
just so that you're prepared--

- Hey, hey. Let's not worry about
the future right now.

- Okay.
- Okay?

Now let's focus on the present.

Okay.

Oh my god, is this a cookie?

- Mm-hmm.

Well, I mean, you gave me one when we met,

so I thought I'd return the favor.

- I feel like
the Cookie Monster's girlfriend.

Well, I mean, in a way, you kinda are.

So you really like it?

- I got a call about
a security alarm going off.

- Everything okay?
- Yeah, we're fine.

My husband forgot the password
to our new alarm.

Yes, I know your husband.

- That's right. Officer Kantor
is the guy who came over

when I was trapped
on the roof in my underwear.

Before you roll your eyes
back there, I had a good reason.

Thought my pants were up there.

I suggest you find your password.

If I'm called out again,
you'll be charged a fine.

Thank you, Officer.

Would you like to stay
for my daughter's birthday?

Full disclosure, I caught her
smoking marijuana in high school,

but she is clean now.

- Mom. Would you like to share
where I found that joint?

She also does comedy.

Yeah.

- If I'm going to Vegas,
the only thing I'll bet is Midler.

- Hello?
- Oh hello, necklace.

- Oh my gosh. It's from Daniel.
It's a cookie.

Oh, wow. Oh, we like him.

- I know. He's passing
every test imaginable.

Lou, I can't believe I'm saying this,

but... I think I might
actually be in love.

Mags, this is great news!

Are you going to tell him?

- I don't know. It'd have to be
the right moment, you know.

I'm freaking out, Lou. I've never said it.

Girl, what you're feeling right now,

that's the stuff that makes life so good.

You should tell him. This is a safe space.

- Gah!

Ha, ha!

Oh, guys, I won.

- What was that?
- Uh, don't ask.

Ohh.

- Okay. I did it.
I scared the crap out of Maggie.

So what do I win?

- Nothing.
- What? Why?

- Yeah, we agreed the first person
who surprises Maggie wins.

She was pretty surprised by that cop.

Did that make him the winner?

- Hey, Dave, did I miss the cop
joining our team?

- No? Then shut it down.
- Oh.

- Y'all, the game
is not about scaring Maggie.

It's about making her birthday better
with a delightfully unexpected gift.

Have you no whimsy?

Oh, I have whimsy.

I have more whimsy than anyone else here.

My car's headlights
have eyelashes on them.

Oh.

You're driving me home.

- I would be honored.
- Yeah.

I don't understand.

If the alarm goes off,

why can't we give them
the code we punch in.

- Could you please explain
to her that the code, honey,

it's not our password.

The password is a word.

The code is numbers.
It's really quite simple.

Then what is our code?

- Ah, well, I'm glad you asked.
I wrote it down somewhere.

- Guys, can we talk about
literally anything else?

I got this.

Hey, do you guys have
baby pictures of Maggie I can see?

- That is the nicest thing
anyone has ever asked me.

- I think I love him.
- I know the feeling.

Careful what you wish for.

Pink album. That's a real classic.

- Is it? Okay.
- Oh yeah.

Ohh!

What is going on here?

- Well, that's when Maggie had
her headgear removed.

Remember that, honey?

You had to wear all that headgear

because of your weird, crumbly tooth.

I do.

Her teeth came in sideways.

Other kids would see her and scream.

It was traumatizing.
Probably for her, too.

Well, I'm glad it got straightened out.

That's a fun turn of phrase.

So funny.

My parents are obsessed with you.

I keep seeing my mom taking photos of you

when you're not looking.

- Okay, but I'm going to need
final approval on anything

that she wants to post.

Oh, you are funny.

- Alright, guys. Any ideas
on how to surprise her?

Actually, no ideas is my strategy.

- Oh, that sounds convoluted, babe.
Do tell.

- Well, I figure we're going
to get her a gift,

but the sooner I think of that gift,

the more time Maggie has

to go out and have a vision of that gift.

If I don't have an idea,
she can't see it coming

until I do have an idea
and I immediately buy it

before she can even have a vision of it.

Ugh. Not thinking.

- That is so smart.
Thank you.

- Do they really think
psychics can read minds?

I mean, honestly.

Yeah. So dumb.

Like, I'm thinking of a number right now.

You probably don't know what it is, right?

- Pardon me. I'm going in
for a second helping of fun.

Twelve.

- Oh, I have an idea for a gift.
- She already has one of those.

- She has an ashtray I made her
at Color Me Mine?

- What doesn't she have?
- We're going to lose.

What happened?

Did you eat the cookie off your necklace?

Oh no. It must have just turned.

- Oh no. Yeah.
- Can you get it?

- You know, I heard that
when this sort of thing happens,

you are supposed to make a wish.

Oh.

Well, I'm not sure what I would wish for.

I'm pretty happy with
what's right in front of me.

Yeah?

Me, too.

- I--
- Danno!

Hey, hey, hey.

What you got going on downstairs?

- Your feet. He means your feet.
He's a podiatrist.

- Not just a podiatrist.
A foot enthusiast.

But not in a pervy way.

Those guys are friggin' weird, right?

- Yeah.

- Okay, let's pop off
the old Hush Puppies.

Dad.

I think I heard Mom calling you.
She sounds mad.

- No. Really?
- Yeah.

Okay. Well, I better get going then.

I don't need to tell you who wears
the shoes in this household, right?

Oh.

Well, where were we?

- I think we were having
a private, romantic moment.

Yeah.

Don't mind me.

- You know what? At this point,
I'm gonna go show my feet to your dad.

Okay.

Okay. People. Shh, shh, shh!

People.
Maggie is coming.

Now, if you really want
to surprise her, clear your mind.

Otherwise, she's gonna read
whatever thoughts you're having.

Hey, guys.

- How's it going?
- Hey.

- Sorry about scaring you earlier.
I didn't understand the rules.

Rules for what?

I've said too much.

Right.

Can I get anyone anything?

Go away.

- Okay.
- Great, great, great party.

I actually think that worked.

- How's the game going?
- Not as sophisticated as I'd hoped.

Ew, this is not my Fanta.

Oh hey.

- Hey, man. It's great party, huh?
- Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I always thought
Maggie hated parties,

but she seems to be having a great time.

- Yeah, she's the best.
- Yeah.

And good news.

She must see you in her future
if she's keeping you around, huh?

- Yeah, maybe.
I hope so. I mean, I don't know.

- What do you mean?
- Oh, nothing.

Well, it's just like sometimes I think
that she puts too much weight

on what she thinks is going to happen.

- Well, to be fair, she knows
what's going to happen.

Right.

- You do believe that Maggie's
a psychic, right?

- I mean, come on. Come on, man.
What do you want me to say?

Oh!

My chicken.

- Chicken. Thank god.
I thought it was a ham.

Oh.

Jack, is our smoke alarm connected
to our security alarm?

- Yeah, of course it--

Without the password,
they're going to charge us.

Oh, it's over, Maria. Forget it.

Oh, I hate the security system.

I hate the automatic locks.

I hate the cameras.
I hate the peace of mind.

Oh my god, Jack, shut up.

The cameras, they're everywhere,

even on the back patio.

- Uh-huh.

- Where we were with the guy--

Yeah?

- Which is when we told him--

- I'm clearly not getting this. What are--
- Our password!

If we can find the footage,
we'd know our password,

and we can call the security company.

We need to find that footage right now.

Oh no.

Oh.

- I feel like this is my fault
because I asked my mom to cook.

Well, let's skip to cake.

Why don't you go into the other room

and get ready to act surprised?

- That was good.
- Yeah.

- That was really good.
- Mm-hmm.

- Okay. The TV is supposed
to be on input three.

Okay.

I have no idea what that means.

- Oh, I got it. I got it.
I just thought of it.

I got a surprise for Maggie.
It just fell right into my head.

Okay, shh. Don't think. Just move.

- Wait, where are they going?
What are they doing?

- Well, how should I know?
I'm talking to you.

Where the hell is the damn input?

- Is it next to output?
- Next to the output? I--

Why-- Oh yeah, it is, right here. Okay.

- Hey, how's it going?
You drop the L-bomb on Daniel yet?

We keep getting interrupted,

but the bomb is in my holster,

and I clearly do not know
how weapons work.

- No, you don't.
- Hey.

You good? You okay?

- Yeah. Yeah, I was just,
uh, talking to Daniel.

Oh, oh, a little bit of boy gossip, huh?

About this little lady right here.

What did he say?

- Uh--
- Okay. Come to Papa.

That's not the security guy.

-Are you sure?
- Would you excuse me for a second?

- Hey, can I see that for a second?
- What?

No, no, no, no, we just got it working.

- Yeah. Come on.
We know what we're doing here.

How do you get the picture to move?

- In all fairness, she knows
what is going to happen.

- Right.
Right.

I mean, you do believe
Maggie's a psychic, right?

- I mean, come on. Come on, man.
What do you want me to say?

Everybody now!

- We got you a whale-watching trip.

She has already been surprised.

- Dammit
- Was it an ashtray?

- Maggie. Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

- If you don't believe I'm a psychic,
then what do you believe?

You, you, you think I'm crazy?

Of course, I don't.

Look...

Whether you can actually see
the future or not is irrelevant.

What I see

is that it's making
your life really, really hard.

I can see the future, Daniel.

And I always will.

Okay. Well, I don't care about that.

I care about tonight, right now,

because we are having a great time.

Maggie, please. Please.

Let's not ruin this.

- This is the vision
that I had of us fighting.

Oh my god.
It wasn't Amy's dress, it was this dress.

You're kidding, right?

You're doing this now. I mean--

I don't know, I just don't think
our whole lives need to revolve

around your visions.
That's all.

That's not an option for me.

And what about you?

When, when, when were you going
to tell me that you felt this way?

- I didn't think it mattered.
- Why not?

Because I love you.

You don't even know me.

Maggie.

You should go home.

This is over.

♪

I'm so sorry about tonight, sweetheart.

You want to talk about it?

That's okay. Thanks.

- You know something, honey?
I could-- I could tell, uh,

feet-wise, bad, really bad.

Hmm.

You know we're here.

This sucks.

Maybe this will help.

Surprise.

That's not really how surprises work.

I already know it's a candle.

It's a cake.

Happy birthday.

Oh my god. That's--

I had no idea. That's really cool.

Hey, Angel.

So we've been talking, and--

- And not to be that guy.
- Totally. Not to be that guy.

But we are not really sure
that Daniel betraying Maggie counts

as a good surprise.

- Which, just to remind you,
was your rule.

- Uh-huh. And you were
very condescending about it.

Louise's candle was a cake.

She wins.

- Dammit!
- That's whimsical as hell.

- Ugh!
- No contest.

Ohh!

Sorry.

- I love it.
- It looks pretty.

Yeah.

- I really thought
he might be the one.

Honestly. If not him, then who?

Hi, Maggie.

Uh, just wondering if cake might help.

Cut you a corner piece.

- Wow. My girl is out here
dealing with this,

and you're in there cutting cake?

-I--
- You can go.

Okay. Thank you.

- You know, I always thought
he was a jerk.

- Really?
- No. I was completely blindsided.

Here.

Happy birthday.

Thank you.

You missed it.

- Oh!
- Oh.

Oh, you missed it.

You sure you're okay?

- I mean--

- I just ask because I thought
I saw you eat a candle.

- I did.
- You did?

It wasn't all it's cracked up to be.

I imagine.

- Okay. So what do you want
your password to be?

Uh, password.

I would suggest something stronger.

Ooh, like whiskey.

Whoa. Maria, are we drinking already?

We just need to pick a password.

How about my meemaw's birthday?

That was January 23rd, 1945.

Yeah.

So one, two, three, four, five.

Oh, that's easy to remember.

- I wasn't even listening.
All I'm thinking about is that drink.

- Ah, I'll make three.
You're not going anywhere.

Okay. I'll put on some music.

Password's good.

♪