All language subtitles for Maggie.S01E02.720p.WEB.h264-KOGi

Previously
on Maggie...

- The closer I am to your
energy, the clearer my vision.

You will fall in love.

There'll be a wedding.

A family.

It's going to be unlike anything
you've ever experienced.

I saw myself in a
vision. I was married.

- I'm going to make
a wish that I spend

more time with you tonight.

- I want to tell you something
about the reading I gave you.

What? What is it?

- In your reading,
I saw your future,

and this doesn't work out.

I have no idea what my
future looks like anymore.

I have to let the new tenant in.

- Ben.
- Maggie.

- Hi.
- What are you doing here?

- I live here. What
are you doing here?

- I live here now with Jessie.

- Amazing.

- Maggie.

Maggie.

I'm sorry.

- Are you thinking
about him, dear?

- Who?

- Peewee? My missing parakeet.

The police won't even look into
it unless it's been 48 hours

and it's a person.

- Did, um, did you
bring an item of his?

- Yes, I did.

His doll. I had it
made to look like me.

- Whoa.

You'll have to give me the
name of your doll person.

- Oh, sure.

- Let me see what I can do.

Come on, you
got this. Dig deeper.

Let's go, let's go. Come
on, everybody.

- Oh.

I'm so sorry, Margot.

Uh...

your bird is gone.

- What?

You're supposed to
make me feel better,

Yes!
not worse.

There's a reason I go to a
psychic and not a therapist.

- Well, unfortunately, the
truth doesn't always care

about how we feel.

- Got to get back on eBay now.

For sale. Bird shoes.

Never worn.

- Custom. From the bird cobbler.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

- I can't believe you have
your own psychic store now.

I always wonder how these
places stay in business.

- Aww, you're sweet.

Yeah, it just kind of
felt like the right move.

You know, I can actually
focus on work here

away from all the
distractions of the duplex.

It's honestly almost perfect.

- Why almost?

Pick it up! Pick it up!

Those love handles aren't going
to handle themselves, ladies!

- I'm next to a CrossFit gym.

Dig, dig. There's no
shopping for a thigh gap. Come on!

- Seriously?

- Sorry.

- This is a great
location. How do I look?

- Whoa, did you get your hair
in your mustache bleach again?

- What? No. The box said
Jared Leto uses this color.

- You want the truth?
- Not from you.

You've got worse bedside
manner than my gynecologist.

And she says "whoa"
to everything.

- Hi, girls.

- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, Maria.

- I brought a sunlamp.

- It's supposed to
boost your moods.

- I'm sad just looking at it.

- Well, I can't return it

because the catalog
already went bankrupt.

- Ah.
- Now, I have a question.

And don't say no.

My meat man's disease-free
son just moved to town.

- Oh, sounds hot.

- John is 30 and
owns a bed frame,

so I give him your number.

- That sounds promising.

Thank you, Mom, uh, but
I don't feel like dating.

I've just tried that, and
it was a huge mistake.

- With who? I
love him for you.

- Mom. I'm not in
the mood, okay.

- Whoa. Oh.

- How about now?

- Really?

- Oh hey.
- Hi, ladies.

- Hi.
- Oh wait, are you having a party?

- Uh, not that I know of.

- We're having a party!

- It's a housewarming.
I hope that's okay.

- Oh.
- Of course!

I don't live here, but
I love warming homes.

- Hey, babe, do you
think it's weird

that Ben and Maggie hooked up
and now they're all just, like,

living in this apartment
complex together?

- No, that's not weird.
- No?

- People have to live somewhere.

- Yeah, but it's all so fast.

I mean, do you think that my
brother even loves Jessie?

- Of course, he loves Jessie.

Everybody loves Jessie.
She's like ketchup.

- You guys are going
to come, right?

It'll be fun, and
it won't go late.

I hope it's not
going to go late.

Can you see when people
are going to leave?

- Oh no. Unfortunately, I
can't choose what I see.

That's why I end up having
so many visions of old men

shaving their shoulders.

Yeah, it's a thing.

- I hope that's not why you ran
away halfway through my reading.

- You ran away during his reading?

- No, I didn't run away. I
just saw all there was to see.

- Oh, I bet you know
some things that I don't.

Oh gosh.

I should get to bed, huh?

- It's, uh, 4:15.

- Yes, stay, Dave made beer.

And we also have good beer.

- Oh, but we actually
like unregulated alcohol.

- Oh, do we?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Let's try it.

You're acting a little weird.

- I'm sorry. I know.

I can't be hanging around
with the guy that I slept with

and his new old girlfriend and
her very angular clavicles.

- You might end up loving
her. You've been wrong before.

Remember when we were kids

and you had that vision
of me driving a PT Cruiser

and therefore predicted that
I would be a millionaire?

- It looked very
fancy back then,

and I had no context.

And predictions aside,

Jessie does not know
about me and Ben,

so the less time I spend
around her, the better.

- Hmm. Oh.

- Hey!
- Hey.

- You know, Amy is
coming over on Thursday.

You guys should join.

We can do a girls' night. We
can discuss that hair issue.

- We'd love to.
- Amazing.

Ooh, we can play a drinking
game where we say we're fine,

but then drink until
we admit we're not

and spill all of
our darkest secrets.

Okay.

Sometimes I go to
IKEA for dinner.

- I don't wear underwear
when I try on swimsuits.

- Sometimes I let my dog...

- Okay, guys, we haven't
started playing yet.

- That's right. We got to
save this energy for Thursday.

Can't wait.

- Why would you agree to that?

I can't spill my
darkest secrets to her.

And you know how I
get when I Sancerre.

- But she does hair
professionally.

That's the most important friend
I can have next to someone

who knows how to wax it off.

Next to you, my numero uno.

No, no.

- Mm-mm.

- Ooh. Is that
Bulgarian rosewater?

- Pine-Sol. I'm having
an earwig problem.

Oh, I have had a day.

You wouldn't believe this
lady that was in here upset

about her lost bird.

What she should have been upset
about is her online shopping habit.

- Wait. Margot came to you?
- Mm-hmm.

- What is with everybody?
Nobody wants the truth anymore.

- Well, not the way
you stab it into them.

I just told her the bird ended
up on a singles nudist cruise.

That's where I'd fly away to.

Angel.
- Sorry.

- Yeah. Aren't we supposed
to be honest with people,

even if it hurts them?

- Well, yeah,

but maybe you can start by
being honest with yourself.

- Okay. What do you mean?

- I mean, you're using your
disappointment over Ben

as an excuse to put
your walls back up.

I can see it.

- Okay, maybe I'm
protecting myself.

But... it's because I saw
myself ending up with Ben,

and then it turned
out I was wrong,

which means I was actually
right, and I end up alone.

- Aww. Maybe Ben is the one.
Maybe he isn't. Maybe...

Shh!

- I wasn't talking.
- Hush, child.

Who is the girthy
Adonis you're talking to

at some housewarming party?

- Oh, I'm not going
to that party.

- Oh, you are.
- I have no date prospects.

- You do.
- My mom tried to set me up with someone,

but I never called him back.

- Trust me, you're going to
want to call this one back.

He's got that muscly V thing
that goes right to the crotch.

And this is me
high-fiving an elephant's paw.

- Wow. What's that like?

- It's hard to explain,
but it's kind of like

when two people... slap
hands together, I guess.

Kind of.

- So how long did
you live in Thailand?

- A week.

Yeah, but it was a super,
super important week.

- Yeah.
- I mean, like...

- Hmm.

- Can I interest you
guys in some dessert?

- Oh, you don't want any, right?

- No.
- No.

I would actually love some.

I'll get you a menu.

- This girls' night
hasn't even started yet,

and I already want to leave.

You sure it's not weird to
bring a single tiny cucumber?

- No. Jessie strikes
me as someone

who's really into
water-forward vegetables.

- Okay, well, what
did you bring?

- The cucumber's
from both of us.

- Come on.

- Hi.
- Hi. This is from me.

- You're amazing
for bringing this.

- Is that a Persian?
- Yes.

- I love Persians.

- Oh, hi.

I didn't know you all
were hanging out tonight.

- Yeah. You got to have
girls for a girls' night.

- Right.

Well, I'm, uh...

I'm off to meet Dave.

- Aww, I love it when
you two hang out,

'cause it's still
kind of about me.

- Ah, it's not.
- Well.

- Um, have a good night.

- Alright, Maggie. Spill it.
What happened with you two?

- What do you mean?
- Your date?

The landlord said you went
out with some meat prince.

She was very excited about
the possibility of free ham.

Your mom says hi, by the way.

- John. Yes, him.

- Who is this John?

- Very sweet, but not my thing.

- Well, what is your thing?

- I mean, I'm a psychic, so I guess
I just want somebody unpredictable

who can surprise me.

John was ugly, wasn't he?

Wow. I literally
can't think of words

and look at him
at the same time.

- Okay, Maggie, I love you, even
though you still haven't accepted

my period app friend request.

But I feel like I just,
I don't understand you

if you don't want to go
out with this guy again.

- Let me see.

- Well, listen, there are
some perks to being single.

That being said, it
sounds like a nightmare.

And I wouldn't wish
it on my worst enemy.

That's why I'm married.

- Aren't you and
Dave not married?

- Hmm. Not legally.

We got married at Burning Man.

It was officiated by
an unlicensed wizard.

- Oh.
- He builds Adirondack chairs!

Maggie, what
is wrong with you?

- So this guy lives in the sea,

and he and the
octopus are together?

I don't think
they put labels on it,

but I got a good feeling they're
going to make it after all.

- I got a good feeling
that octopus has

no idea what's going on.

- Ben, love is love, even with
a tentacle. Can't fight it.

- Listen. Um, when did you
know my sister was the one?

- That's not a thing
you know, mate.

It's like how do you know
water feels good? It just does.

- Well, not always.

Sometimes you drink
the wrong kind,

and it ruins the
family vacation.

- Okay, worrywart. See, your
problem is you think too much.

Just feel. Quick, what's
your favorite direction?

- Uh, what?
- Mine's forward and to the left.

Stop thinking. Just answer.
What's your favorite time?

- 11:11. Because it reminds
me of four tiny swords.

- Alright. What's yours?

- My future with Amy.

Wow. That was interesting.

My intuition just
taught me something.

Your turn. Jessie,
do you love her?

- Yeah, I do.

- Nice. What are you drinking?

- A crisp white would be nice.

- Your intuition is
wrong. Two big beers.

- Two big beers.
- Two big beers.

Alright.
What do you think?

- I love it.
- Yeah?

So good.
- So good.

- Yes. Okay.

How much do I owe you?

Um, let's see.
Where's my wallet?

Oh, there's the exotic
cucumber I gifted you.

- It's on the house.
- What?

Thank you.

Who knew having a friend
who does hair is so awesome?

- Oh my god. Are we allowed to
call each other friends now?

- Yeah.
- I didn't want to, like, say it first

and, you know,
scare you guys off.

I haven't made new
friends in a while.

- Yeah, me neither.

- No, I get that for you.

Makes me so upset because
you deserve everything.

We all deserve everything.
Women are amazing.

- What did you see
in Ben's reading?

- Oh. Um...

- I'm sorry. I
shouldn't ask that,

but I've been
wanting to all night.

Um, Ben and I have been
off and on for a while,

so I get in my head sometimes,

and I was just wondering if
you saw me in his future.

- Well...

Oh. That's the door.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I hope I'm in the right place.

Maggie texted me to come by,

told me to wear
basketball shorts.

- Please have a
seat in this chair.

Or, you know, you can build
one or whatever you want.

- I can do both.

- Can I have that back?
- Yeah.

There you go.

I'm Louise, by the way.

- Hi. I'm John.
- Hi.

Oh, is that a Persian?

Oh my god...

- Oh! Oh god.

- Whoa! Uh...

I'm sorry. I didn't
mean to scare you.

- Yeah. You just keep
popping up everywhere, huh?

- No more surprises.
- Yeah.

- I, I promise.
- Hmm.

Keys.
- Your keys.

- Don't think. Just answer.

Are you sure?
- Yes.

I'm going to ask
her at the party.

- Well, I should get
to bed.

- Makes more sense now
than when you said it

at four o'clock
in the afternoon.

Yep.

- How was your date
with the Adonis?

- Physically, Helvetica.

Emotionally, Wingdings.

- Tiny wiener?
- I don't know. I didn't see it.

- Oh, well, there's always Ben.

- No, there isn't.

I had a vision of him
proposing to Jessie

at their housewarming party.

- Fun.

I love a tacky
public engagement.

It's my favorite part
of straight culture.

- Angel, why do you keep
telling me to be open-minded?

Just tell me I'm doomed
and let me give up.

I'm not like our clients.
I can handle the truth.

- Okay, here's the truth.

Your problem is you
can see the future,

but you never see past it.

- What's past the future?

- Hope, honey.

And that is something
that everybody needs.

In that regard,

you're no different
than your clients.

- What am I even hoping for?

- You'll know, when it
walks through your door.

Oh.

Oh, I need a Tums.

Those tiny wieners
go right through me.

- I am surprised
to see you back.

- I don't know where else to go.

Jo-Ann Fabric was closed,

and the world just keeps
moving on without my bird.

And I can't seem to...

- I know what you mean.
- I'm just hopeless.

- You know what?

Even psychics need to
double-check their work sometimes.

Can I have your hands?

This bond

between the octopus
and its human...

- I love you.

- Hmm.

Well, I don't know how
to tell you this, Margot,

but I do see a bird
in your future.

- Are we happy?
- Yeah.

- Thank you.

CROSSFIT
Pain is a gift!

It is everyone's... MAGGIE:
Oh. Watch out, Margot.

Uh, who are
you? What are you doing?

- Please, don't make
me go back out there.

We have been running up and down

the same staircase
for 20 minutes.

- Yeah. You lost me at running.

- That's where
they lost me, too.

Oh god, I'm so sorry.

- Well, I mean, you can
hide in here if you want.

- Can I? I won't touch anything.

- Oh. I think you're going to
change your mind about that.

- Wow.

You must be psychic.

So what do you do here?
- I'm a psychic.

- Well, that explains it.

I'm Daniel, by the way.

- Maggie.
- Thank you, Maggie.

Maybe, just maybe, this will
get me through the battle ropes.

- Well, turns out I like giving
people a little hope now and then.

- Look, um,

I hate to ask you this when
you can see the outline

of my nipples through my shirt.

But, um...

would you want to
go out sometime?

- Actually, um,

what are you doing tonight?

- I may or may not
die from CrossFit,

but if I'm alive, I'm available.

- Perfect.

- Thank you.

Hi. Thanks for coming.

Oh, bar's over
there. Food's inside.

Uh, the party does end at
10:00, but have a great time.

- You look great, by the way.

I almost didn't recognize you
with your nipples covered.

- Oh, don't worry.
They're still there.

- So glad you decided to come.
- Thanks for having me.

- Yeah. So, what
were you doing today?

- Oh, I was counting trees all
throughout my neighborhood.

- Oh. How many were there?

- Two.
- Oh, okay.

Oh my gosh. John
is so fascinating.

Did you know that he's
found every Waldo?

- Yeah. That was the
first thing he told me.

- Oh, hey, Maggie.
Have you seen Dave?

Not like in the
future, but like now.

- Oh no, I haven't
seen him in either.

- Oh, I bet John could find him.

- Oh, okay.
- Mm-hmm.

- Have you seen Dave?

- Oh.
- Hi. Uh, thank you all so much for coming

to celebrate this new
chapter for Jessie and me.

There's a lot that could be said

for finding the right
person in your life.

Which brings us to what
this night is really about.

- Dave.

- Thanks, mate. Where's Amy?

Um...
- Sorry. Excuse me.

- Oh god. There you are.

- Dave, what are you doing?
- You're as beautiful today

as the day when we maybe
got married at Burning Man.

- Oh.

- And I'm not even on mushrooms.

I've never looked
back from that moment.

But recently,

I've been finding myself looking
forward and a little to the left.

- Your favorite direction?

- That's my favorite
direction. You know me so well.

I know I have my head
in the clouds sometimes

and I don't always read
your text messages,

especially when you
send a bunch in a row.

But I don't want to go
another day wondering

if that wizard that married
us had a license or not.

Aww!

- Will you marry me?
For real this time?

- Yes. Of course.

Yes, yes, yes, of course.
- Yes!

- Yes!

- Woo!

- She said yes!
- Yes!

- Ooh, I did not
see that coming.

- Me neither. I had no
idea he was Australian.

- Yeah, I'm just hearing it now.

Let me guess...

Texting that you looked
for me to say good night

but now you need to get to bed?

- Oh, this is awkward.

I didn't save your number.
What's your name again?

- I need to ask you something.

- Oh.
- I'm going to ask her at the party.

- You were going to ask me.
- Well, we haven't talked.

And it's weird that I moved into
your duplex with my girlfriend,

especially after we, you know.

- Took the D train to V town.

- I was going to say "spent
a lovely night together."

- Oh.

- Which is kind of the problem.

- You're pregnant.

- I wanted to ask if I
should tell Jessie about us.

- Oh.
- I love her.

And I don't want to hurt her.

- Oh, gorgeous.

- You know, I think the truth
can hurt people sometimes.

And maybe it's better if we just

leave the past in the past.

- Yeah, yeah.

You're probably right.

What about us? We'll be okay?

- Yeah, we're friends.

- We're friends.

Good news.

She must see you in her future
if she's keeping you around, huh?

- Hey. There you are.

- That used to be my line.

- Good night.
- Good night.

- Nice guy. MAGGIE: Yeah.

Um, do you want to
get another drink?

- You know, I'm actually
not a huge fan of parties.

- Oh?

- There's just something about
the talking and the people

and the talking to people.

- Totally.

Well, my place is
right upstairs,

and we don't have
to talk to anybody.

- Oh.

Uh, well, you know,
it's a good thing

I have a lot of
practice with stairs.

- Do you?
- Well, you know, I almost died today.

- We'll take it step-by-step.

- Can you see if people will
notice if I get Invisalign?

Oh, um...

- Sorry to bother you,

but I own the CrossFit
studio next door.

Have you seen one
of our students?

Scruffy, brutal BMI.

Smells like cookies.
- I haven't seen him. Sorry.

- Well, if you do, tell him we're all
pushing tires across the parking lot.

- Lamp really lifted my spirits.

I think I can make
it to my car now.

Bye.

- He's cute, right?

- Oh. Um.

- Invisalign.

- Yep, people will notice.
- Okay.