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1
00:00:01,542 --> 00:00:04,128
What kind of parents drag their kids away
2
00:00:04,253 --> 00:00:05,796
for the entire week of spring break?
3
00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:07,673
I'm missing Mike Triscuit's drug party.
4
00:00:07,757 --> 00:00:09,341
Look at this.
He's already watching
5
00:00:09,425 --> 00:00:10,467
"Euphoria" to pregame.
6
00:00:10,551 --> 00:00:12,970
Pregame. Game.
Video game.
7
00:00:13,095 --> 00:00:16,057
Yes, yes, drugs and video games.
Poor babies.
8
00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:19,894
What you need is to level up
with a bong rip of nature.
9
00:00:20,019 --> 00:00:21,569
Trust me, this is good for you.
10
00:00:21,687 --> 00:00:23,648
Can someone just kill me?
11
00:00:23,773 --> 00:00:25,149
Grandpa Rick, you can kill anything.
12
00:00:25,233 --> 00:00:27,693
No, he can't, Summer.
We're roughing it.
13
00:00:27,818 --> 00:00:29,361
And that means no sci-fi bullshit.
14
00:00:29,445 --> 00:00:31,145
- Isn't that right, Rick?
- Uh-huh.
15
00:00:33,491 --> 00:00:37,161
Rick, was that a sci-fi phone call?
16
00:00:37,286 --> 00:00:38,663
Shut up, Jerry.
17
00:00:38,788 --> 00:00:40,831
Damn it, I didn't think
she had this number.
18
00:00:40,915 --> 00:00:43,292
Why are you building a Faraday
box to block out the signal?
19
00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:44,835
Oh, my God, Grandpa's ghosting someone.
20
00:00:44,919 --> 00:00:46,753
I'm not ghosting.
Hey! Give it back, Summer!
21
00:00:46,837 --> 00:00:48,256
"Rick.
Please answer me.
22
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:49,590
I'm pregnant"?!
23
00:00:49,715 --> 00:00:52,552
Oh, my God, Grandpa, you fuck boi.
24
00:00:52,677 --> 00:00:54,053
I'm not a fuck boi Summer!
25
00:00:54,178 --> 00:00:55,928
There's no way those kids are mine.
26
00:00:56,013 --> 00:00:58,348
Wow. At least we know why Rick
actually came on the trip ...
27
00:00:58,432 --> 00:00:59,808
To avoid his fuck-guy problems.
28
00:00:59,892 --> 00:01:01,602
- Why would this person lie?
- I don't know, honey.
29
00:01:01,686 --> 00:01:03,228
She's addicted to what the Rick did.
30
00:01:03,312 --> 00:01:04,730
You know, it's... it's...
It's a tale as old
31
00:01:04,814 --> 00:01:06,148
as my huge dynamite penis.
32
00:01:06,274 --> 00:01:07,524
Can we turn the radio on?
33
00:01:07,608 --> 00:01:08,942
I am not letting you abandon those kids
34
00:01:09,026 --> 00:01:10,777
- like you abandoned me.
- Oh, my God!
35
00:01:10,861 --> 00:01:12,988
We're going to see
this baby mama right now!
36
00:01:13,072 --> 00:01:14,323
What, like, literally now?
37
00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:15,908
Yes, now!
That's an order.
38
00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:19,537
Aah!
39
00:01:19,662 --> 00:01:21,539
No!
40
00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:23,916
This is exactly what I was talking about!
41
00:01:24,041 --> 00:01:25,709
Rick, I hope you realize
the tubing permit
42
00:01:25,793 --> 00:01:27,461
was non-refundable!
43
00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:29,213
Relax, Jerry, we'll be
in and out in a minute,
44
00:01:29,297 --> 00:01:31,423
and then you can get right back
to your dumb vacation
45
00:01:31,507 --> 00:01:33,307
with a family that doesn't need you.
46
00:01:34,385 --> 00:01:36,285
Kind of expected someone to defend me,
47
00:01:36,387 --> 00:01:37,888
but, sure, okay.
48
00:01:39,974 --> 00:01:41,517
Hello, Gaia.
Hold on.
49
00:01:41,642 --> 00:01:44,228
Let me just adjust my
Seismic-to-English translator.
50
00:01:44,353 --> 00:01:45,980
Rick. You came.
51
00:01:46,105 --> 00:01:48,399
- W-Where is she?
- You're looking at her.
52
00:01:48,524 --> 00:01:49,942
I-I-I-I don't understand.
53
00:01:50,067 --> 00:01:51,319
Isn't it obvious, Morty?
54
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:52,945
I fucked a planet.
55
00:02:24,935 --> 00:02:27,437
So, what, you just go around
knocking up planets now?
56
00:02:27,521 --> 00:02:29,231
I-I-Is that what you do
when I'm at school?
57
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:31,108
I'm a scientist, Morty.
I try things.
58
00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:33,492
Sex with a living planet?
Big step for mankind.
59
00:02:33,611 --> 00:02:36,072
Yeah, we finally broke
the deadbeat dad barrier.
60
00:02:36,197 --> 00:02:38,157
- Ah, where the magic happened.
- Gross.
61
00:02:38,282 --> 00:02:41,410
Hey, uh, Gaia, baby,
Big Daddy Rick is here.
62
00:02:41,535 --> 00:02:42,953
- What's the problem?
- Children.
63
00:02:43,037 --> 00:02:44,288
Birth cycle. Now.
64
00:02:44,413 --> 00:02:47,833
Okay, gettin' right into it.
65
00:02:47,958 --> 00:02:49,877
- I am! I am!
- Jesus Christ!
66
00:02:50,002 --> 00:02:52,672
- I am!
- I am!
67
00:02:52,797 --> 00:02:54,507
Dad, do something!
Make it stop!
68
00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:55,924
You think I know how to stop this?
69
00:02:56,008 --> 00:02:57,885
I thought she was gonna shit an egg.
70
00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:00,763
Cool vacation, guys.
71
00:03:00,888 --> 00:03:02,222
So happy I got to see the human geyser
72
00:03:02,306 --> 00:03:03,807
instead of micro-dosing with my friends.
73
00:03:03,891 --> 00:03:06,310
More coming. Kids.
Need father.
74
00:03:06,435 --> 00:03:08,687
Yeah, um, Baby Quakes,
how big is your orbit again?
75
00:03:08,771 --> 00:03:10,647
I mean, not to say
you get around, but, um...
76
00:03:10,731 --> 00:03:11,982
Are you kidding me?
Look at them!
77
00:03:12,066 --> 00:03:13,275
They look just like you.
78
00:03:13,401 --> 00:03:14,943
Yeah, and snakes look like dildos, Beth.
79
00:03:15,027 --> 00:03:16,194
- What's your point?
- They do?
80
00:03:16,278 --> 00:03:17,779
The fact is even if they were mine,
81
00:03:17,863 --> 00:03:20,282
which they're not,
the best parent is evolution.
82
00:03:20,408 --> 00:03:23,243
They'll probably develop harder
skin or maybe even webbed arms.
83
00:03:23,327 --> 00:03:25,370
Man, that'd be cool, huh?
Flying squirrel people?
84
00:03:25,454 --> 00:03:27,664
Yeah, Dad, that approach
worked out great for me.
85
00:03:27,748 --> 00:03:29,124
Beth, I know it looks bad, but trust me.
86
00:03:29,208 --> 00:03:30,542
This is life in the galaxy, okay?
87
00:03:30,626 --> 00:03:31,711
It's totally normal.
88
00:03:32,962 --> 00:03:35,506
Fine.
You won't do something, I will.
89
00:03:35,631 --> 00:03:37,299
Welp, there goes the surprise!
90
00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:39,092
I was gonna have us jump
on the trampoline
91
00:03:39,176 --> 00:03:40,385
- after we caught our first fish.
- I am!
92
00:03:40,469 --> 00:03:42,471
- What? You're stupid.
- I am!
93
00:03:42,596 --> 00:03:44,222
- I am! I am!
- Beth, that's not gonna help.
94
00:03:44,306 --> 00:03:45,766
Uh, I hate to agree with Rick,
95
00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:47,100
but shouldn't we just let this be?
96
00:03:47,184 --> 00:03:48,393
We're supposed to be on vacation.
97
00:03:48,477 --> 00:03:49,645
You're unemployed, Jerry!
98
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:51,271
Every day is a vacation for you.
99
00:03:51,355 --> 00:03:52,981
- Okay, ouch.
- You guys do whatever you want.
100
00:03:53,065 --> 00:03:54,483
I'm staying here and fixing this.
101
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:56,152
- I am!
- I am!
102
00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:57,527
Goddamn it, Beth, if you're gonna do it,
103
00:03:57,611 --> 00:03:59,113
at least do it right.
104
00:03:59,238 --> 00:04:01,198
Gaia, baby, gonna need
a little raw iron and steam.
105
00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:03,659
Whatever you need, baby.
106
00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:12,668
- So much for camping.
- Nope.
107
00:04:12,793 --> 00:04:14,170
We are going camping.
108
00:04:14,295 --> 00:04:16,463
There's trees over there.
We're on solid ground.
109
00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:17,715
- Mom!
- Summer, Morty,
110
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,090
go camp with your father.
111
00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:20,717
- Ohh, son of a bitch.
- Son of a bitch.
112
00:04:20,801 --> 00:04:22,052
- I am!
- I am!
113
00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:24,513
Welp, welcome to lack of abandonment.
114
00:04:26,390 --> 00:04:27,690
Dad, can we please go back
115
00:04:27,808 --> 00:04:29,267
and hang out with Grandpa's clay people?
116
00:04:29,351 --> 00:04:31,979
Why? Because they might
have a Sega Dreamcast?
117
00:04:32,104 --> 00:04:34,314
Why is it so hard for you two
to let nature in?
118
00:04:34,398 --> 00:04:36,358
Because this sucks ass.
Camping is just
119
00:04:36,484 --> 00:04:38,026
being homeless without the change.
120
00:04:38,110 --> 00:04:40,237
Well, that attitude is
exactly why we're out here.
121
00:04:40,321 --> 00:04:42,322
You guys wouldn't last
two seconds on your own.
122
00:04:42,406 --> 00:04:44,074
You're only happy when you're penned in
123
00:04:44,158 --> 00:04:47,119
and drugged up like
some kind of chicken or lemur.
124
00:04:47,244 --> 00:04:49,205
Hey!
I told you kids no phones!
125
00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:50,706
There's not even any service.
126
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,332
Just... Just let us
be happy for a minute.
127
00:04:52,416 --> 00:04:54,459
You know, maybe if you
two stopped whining
128
00:04:54,543 --> 00:04:56,253
and let your old man take the reins,
129
00:04:56,337 --> 00:04:59,298
you might actually learn something.
130
00:04:59,423 --> 00:05:01,550
Here.
Take a bite of this tasty treat.
131
00:05:01,675 --> 00:05:04,011
Oh, you think this s'more
makes you special?
132
00:05:04,136 --> 00:05:05,929
What? Because someone said,
"good job,"
133
00:05:06,013 --> 00:05:07,389
to you once when you were 10?
134
00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:09,892
That's actually really sad, dad.
Let's be real.
135
00:05:10,017 --> 00:05:11,518
You've been high-roading us non-stop,
136
00:05:11,602 --> 00:05:13,103
forcing us to do nothing
in the middle of fucking nowhere
137
00:05:13,187 --> 00:05:14,563
because it's the only way
138
00:05:14,688 --> 00:05:15,897
you're gonna level
the playing field, isn't it?
139
00:05:15,981 --> 00:05:17,983
Because if you move the bar so low,
140
00:05:18,108 --> 00:05:20,653
you might actually seem like
you're worth a fuck.
141
00:05:20,778 --> 00:05:22,571
Huh.
142
00:05:22,696 --> 00:05:24,865
I'm gonna go take a walk.
143
00:05:29,036 --> 00:05:30,704
Jesus Christ.
You really need to stop
144
00:05:30,788 --> 00:05:32,081
hanging out with Rick.
145
00:05:36,794 --> 00:05:38,712
Okay, so, if we divert
the Lawyer Pipeline here,
146
00:05:38,796 --> 00:05:40,172
they should avoid the Ethics Tube
147
00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:41,757
and come out spineless enough
to do their job.
148
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:43,509
Right.
Wait, why are the athletes
149
00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:45,093
going through the introvert sector?
150
00:05:45,177 --> 00:05:46,887
Obviously so they can bully
the mathematicians
151
00:05:46,971 --> 00:05:49,556
- and give us astronomers.
- God, you are such a space nerd.
152
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,725
I'm not a nerd. We're raising
a society here, Beth.
153
00:05:51,809 --> 00:05:53,185
If we want them to be self-sufficient,
154
00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:54,561
they need to get out into space.
155
00:05:54,645 --> 00:05:56,814
Birth cycle. Coming.
156
00:05:56,939 --> 00:05:59,589
We got you, Gai-Gai! Shoot 'em
hard and up the middle!
157
00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:15,624
We got an oversupply of teachers
158
00:06:15,749 --> 00:06:17,167
putting a strain on the literary drive.
159
00:06:17,251 --> 00:06:18,710
Activating playwright converter!
160
00:06:18,794 --> 00:06:20,504
Aah!
161
00:06:20,629 --> 00:06:22,255
Nice work, honey.
Okay, the therapists
162
00:06:22,339 --> 00:06:23,799
are getting bored.
We need to increase
163
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:25,884
- their supply of incest porn.
- 20% wasn't enough?
164
00:06:25,968 --> 00:06:27,219
What the hell is that?
165
00:06:27,344 --> 00:06:28,804
The unproductives.
Goddamn it!
166
00:06:28,929 --> 00:06:30,764
- How are there so many of them?
- Unproductives?
167
00:06:30,848 --> 00:06:32,808
Yeah, deejays, foodies, influencers.
168
00:06:32,933 --> 00:06:34,983
I just re-circulate them through until...
169
00:06:36,103 --> 00:06:37,896
Shit, they blew a hole in
the human resources department!
170
00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:38,980
- You're fired!
- Downsizing already?
171
00:06:39,064 --> 00:06:40,564
I'm putting this in your file!
172
00:06:42,651 --> 00:06:43,819
We gotta fix this, Dad.
173
00:06:43,944 --> 00:06:45,529
We can't keep recycling them through.
174
00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:47,197
I could add an online college workaround.
175
00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:49,199
Or just push them out
through a pipe in the back.
176
00:06:49,283 --> 00:06:50,826
- Same thing.
- Same thing.
177
00:06:50,951 --> 00:06:53,245
These kids may not be mine,
but you definitely are.
178
00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:55,497
Look at you.
My little steampunk overlord.
179
00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:56,665
Eeee!
180
00:06:56,790 --> 00:06:59,084
I don't think he's coming back.
181
00:06:59,209 --> 00:07:00,752
You know, you... you really
messed him up, Summer.
182
00:07:00,836 --> 00:07:02,254
Yeah, well, he called me a lemur.
183
00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:03,588
Let's just go find grandpa.
184
00:07:03,672 --> 00:07:05,215
Maybe he can portal us home or something.
185
00:07:05,299 --> 00:07:07,050
- Should we leave a note?
- Dad is fine.
186
00:07:07,134 --> 00:07:08,510
He's probably sucking off a tree
187
00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:10,644
and having the time
of his life right now.
188
00:07:12,556 --> 00:07:15,267
Guess you don't want to learn
how to skip rocks, either.
189
00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:16,644
Aah!
190
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:19,813
Aaah!
191
00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:21,106
Whoa! Whoa!
192
00:07:21,231 --> 00:07:24,151
Aah! Aaaaaah!
193
00:07:24,276 --> 00:07:25,569
Ohh!
194
00:07:25,694 --> 00:07:27,488
Aaaaaah!
195
00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:28,906
Gah!
196
00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:30,407
Ohhhh!
197
00:07:30,532 --> 00:07:32,284
Aaah!
198
00:07:32,409 --> 00:07:36,121
Aah!
199
00:07:36,246 --> 00:07:38,958
Aah!
200
00:07:44,088 --> 00:07:47,633
Aaah!
201
00:07:47,758 --> 00:07:48,968
Ow! Hey!
202
00:07:49,093 --> 00:07:50,844
Aah!
203
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:53,222
Aaaaah!
204
00:07:53,347 --> 00:07:57,768
Aaaaaaaah!
205
00:07:57,893 --> 00:07:59,395
Ohh!
206
00:08:04,566 --> 00:08:05,734
Who are you guys?
207
00:08:05,859 --> 00:08:09,113
We are...
unproductives.
208
00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:11,031
Ahh, I get it.
209
00:08:11,156 --> 00:08:12,950
Bunch of bullshit.
210
00:08:16,704 --> 00:08:18,372
What is that?
211
00:08:18,497 --> 00:08:21,417
This?
This is camping.
212
00:08:21,542 --> 00:08:23,293
Camping?
Ooh!
213
00:08:23,419 --> 00:08:24,795
Camping!
214
00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:29,675
♪ Well, there's a new thing
going 'round ♪
215
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:32,594
♪ People sleepin'
on the ground ♪
216
00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:37,182
♪ And if it's fun to do,
then we're not doing it ♪
217
00:08:37,307 --> 00:08:40,310
♪ And that's called camping ♪
218
00:08:40,436 --> 00:08:42,813
♪ Let's go camping ♪
219
00:08:42,938 --> 00:08:45,607
♪ Do you want to go camping? ♪
220
00:08:45,733 --> 00:08:48,068
♪ Can't wait to go camping ♪
221
00:08:48,193 --> 00:08:50,654
♪ Even if you hate camping ♪
222
00:08:50,779 --> 00:08:54,450
♪ You still got to camping ♪
223
00:08:54,575 --> 00:08:56,785
♪ Ee-mi-mo-man ♪
224
00:08:56,910 --> 00:08:58,119
Good work there, TikTok.
225
00:08:58,203 --> 00:08:59,955
Keep whittling.
Incredible.
226
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,330
You've almost got smoke
over there, Florflock.
227
00:09:02,416 --> 00:09:03,792
There you go, guys!
228
00:09:03,917 --> 00:09:04,960
Pump those cheeks.
229
00:09:05,085 --> 00:09:06,670
That's the camping spirit.
230
00:09:06,795 --> 00:09:08,213
What the... Squeeb!
231
00:09:08,338 --> 00:09:09,673
This is not a tent.
232
00:09:09,798 --> 00:09:11,592
It is a new kind of tent,
233
00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:14,970
with special gutters
to funnel the rain, and a door.
234
00:09:15,095 --> 00:09:17,306
It's a house! No houses!
235
00:09:17,431 --> 00:09:19,975
No doors! Once you have doors,
you have indoors.
236
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:23,479
Once you have indoors,
you won't want to camp anymore.
237
00:09:23,604 --> 00:09:26,690
Then why do they not camp?
238
00:09:26,815 --> 00:09:28,358
Because they're bad.
239
00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:30,486
Bad. Bad. Bad.
240
00:09:32,654 --> 00:09:34,656
Oh, my God.
Maybe Dad was right.
241
00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:36,283
Maybe we have no life skills.
242
00:09:36,408 --> 00:09:38,368
I've definitely drank more pee
than I care to remember.
243
00:09:38,452 --> 00:09:39,995
I'm just gonna sit down.
244
00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:42,623
If I die, don't eat my ass.
That'd be weird.
245
00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:44,500
Uh, Summer?
246
00:09:48,712 --> 00:09:50,255
Damn, you think they got infected
247
00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:51,739
by a mind slug or something?
248
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:53,258
Probably drove through a nebula
that made them
249
00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:54,968
see their own fears.
250
00:09:58,514 --> 00:10:00,766
Whoa!
These controls.
251
00:10:00,891 --> 00:10:02,976
It's just like my video game controllers.
252
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:05,687
I just wish I could read these symbols.
253
00:10:08,649 --> 00:10:11,527
This looks just like Tricia's bong.
254
00:10:11,652 --> 00:10:13,486
Morty, I think these tubes might contain
255
00:10:13,570 --> 00:10:15,489
all of their collective knowledge.
256
00:10:20,661 --> 00:10:23,038
- Mm!
- Well?
257
00:10:23,163 --> 00:10:24,832
I think we got this, bro.
258
00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:27,709
Beth, you wanna do the honors?
259
00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:28,961
What? Really? Wow.
260
00:10:29,086 --> 00:10:32,172
Okay.
Here we go.
261
00:10:32,297 --> 00:10:34,466
If you told me six days ago
I'd be christening
262
00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:36,760
a generation ship for
my half-rock children,
263
00:10:36,885 --> 00:10:38,345
I would've called you crazy.
264
00:10:38,470 --> 00:10:40,472
But I guess that's the lesson...
Crazy things happen
265
00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:43,183
when you put in the work.
Salud!
266
00:10:43,308 --> 00:10:45,477
Fucking Doopnar!
Sing something!
267
00:10:45,602 --> 00:10:47,938
Great toast, Dad.
268
00:10:48,063 --> 00:10:50,463
- Thanks, sweetie.
- Damn, listen to those pipes.
269
00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:52,109
You sure these kids are yours?
270
00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:53,860
What, you've never heard me sing karaoke?
271
00:10:53,944 --> 00:10:55,779
I'm... I'm pretty good when
someone's in my register,
272
00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:57,530
like the guy that sings
"Circle of Life."
273
00:10:57,614 --> 00:10:59,449
Can't remember his name.
Dresses up weird.
274
00:10:59,533 --> 00:11:02,369
Look at this.
Everyone's happy.
275
00:11:02,494 --> 00:11:04,121
They're about to go into space.
276
00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:06,289
I know things haven't always
been great with us,
277
00:11:06,373 --> 00:11:08,584
but we do make a pretty good team.
278
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:10,794
Uh, Rick?
Can we talk?
279
00:11:10,919 --> 00:11:12,587
Kinda in the middle of
a breakthrough with my daughter.
280
00:11:12,671 --> 00:11:14,821
Go ahead, Dad.
Gaia deserves some time, too.
281
00:11:14,923 --> 00:11:18,552
- They're your kids.
- Yes, about that.
282
00:11:18,677 --> 00:11:22,097
Pam!
It's good to see you, baby!
283
00:11:22,222 --> 00:11:24,224
Um, Gaia?
You know this guy?
284
00:11:24,349 --> 00:11:26,268
Ha! You call her Gaia?
285
00:11:26,393 --> 00:11:28,103
- So lame.
- Is that...
286
00:11:28,228 --> 00:11:30,189
- God?
- Rick. The kids.
287
00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:32,816
I messed up.
You're not their father.
288
00:11:32,941 --> 00:11:34,776
Little ones!
Daddy's here!
289
00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:36,778
I'm sending some fog down.
290
00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:38,404
Feel my presence through the fog!
291
00:11:38,488 --> 00:11:39,406
Ooh!
292
00:11:39,531 --> 00:11:41,450
Beth! What the fuck?
Don't touch it!
293
00:11:42,367 --> 00:11:44,745
You gotta be kidding me.
God is the father?
294
00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:46,580
No hard feelings, okay?
295
00:11:46,705 --> 00:11:48,289
We thought they were yours, you know,
296
00:11:48,373 --> 00:11:50,209
because they're so small.
297
00:11:50,334 --> 00:11:52,502
Oh, wow. No hard feelings.
Y-You hear that, Beth?
298
00:11:52,586 --> 00:11:54,963
Guy swoops in after we raised
his whole civilization
299
00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:57,841
and tells us he forgives us.
What a fucking mooch!
300
00:11:57,966 --> 00:11:59,676
Don't push me, asshole!
301
00:11:59,801 --> 00:12:01,970
Rick, I think you should go.
302
00:12:02,095 --> 00:12:04,389
Seriously? You really want
this pile of dry ice
303
00:12:04,473 --> 00:12:05,599
to raise your kids?
304
00:12:05,724 --> 00:12:07,768
Stop acting like you did a good job.
305
00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:10,896
You made my kids soft and empty inside.
306
00:12:11,021 --> 00:12:13,065
This city is a monument to nothing!
307
00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:14,483
Where is their faith?
308
00:12:14,608 --> 00:12:16,068
Reggie is right.
309
00:12:16,193 --> 00:12:18,028
The children are not ready to leave.
310
00:12:18,153 --> 00:12:19,363
He can give them more.
311
00:12:19,488 --> 00:12:21,364
I mean, maybe we should just bail, Dad.
312
00:12:21,448 --> 00:12:23,783
At least this guy is immortal
and can stick around.
313
00:12:23,867 --> 00:12:25,867
Bullshit. They're my kids!
We're staying!
314
00:12:27,537 --> 00:12:30,081
See? Now, this is the kind
of shit I'm talking about.
315
00:12:30,165 --> 00:12:32,876
Jerry! Oh, my God!
316
00:12:33,001 --> 00:12:34,627
Is that you?
What the hell are you doing?
317
00:12:34,711 --> 00:12:35,671
Camping.
318
00:12:35,796 --> 00:12:37,505
Oh, look, Jerry finally found his people.
319
00:12:37,589 --> 00:12:39,382
All it took was a deep enough drip pan.
320
00:12:39,466 --> 00:12:41,969
You labeled these creatures
"unproductive,"
321
00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:44,294
but I have given them
more purpose than ever.
322
00:12:44,388 --> 00:12:46,347
Oh, yeah? They filing your
unemployment forms?
323
00:12:46,431 --> 00:12:48,600
His tongue is sharp,
but it cannot whittle.
324
00:12:48,725 --> 00:12:50,644
The Great Roughing of It is at hand.
325
00:12:50,769 --> 00:12:54,189
You will now join the One Family
on its Eternal Getaway.
326
00:12:54,314 --> 00:12:57,734
Or join the embers over which
we hold marshmallows
327
00:12:57,859 --> 00:12:59,403
at just the right distance.
328
00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:02,739
Six inches!
Until it gets golden brown!
329
00:13:02,864 --> 00:13:04,574
Don't let it start on fire!
330
00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:06,952
The carbon is bad for you!
331
00:13:08,662 --> 00:13:09,955
What's happening?
332
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:12,416
My children, I give you my power.
333
00:13:12,541 --> 00:13:14,543
Use it to take what is yours.
334
00:13:14,668 --> 00:13:17,087
Oh, this motherfucker.
Raise the walls!
335
00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:23,135
Walls can't stop us, Rick.
We are chosen.
336
00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:25,178
Sha-boom-boom!
337
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:26,680
Sorry! Sorry!
338
00:13:26,805 --> 00:13:28,306
Just trying to get
the hang of this thing.
339
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:30,517
Nice choice of chosen people, G-diddles.
340
00:13:30,642 --> 00:13:32,518
I guess you'll be playing
the "mysterious ways" card
341
00:13:32,602 --> 00:13:34,270
- on that one.
- You wanna go, bro?
342
00:13:34,354 --> 00:13:37,065
- I'll kick your ass myself.
- Oh, dude, don't tempt me.
343
00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:38,816
When I'm done with you,
you'll need a staff
344
00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:40,360
to un-part your fucking face.
345
00:13:40,485 --> 00:13:43,196
Guys. Please.
Not in front of the kids.
346
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,741
Did you for real just try to smite me?
347
00:13:46,825 --> 00:13:49,745
Siri, triangulate source of power.
348
00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:51,454
Got you now, you son of a bitch.
349
00:13:51,538 --> 00:13:52,830
Sweetie, you handle the hippies.
350
00:13:52,914 --> 00:13:54,207
I'll handle the off-brand Yahweh.
351
00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:57,169
- Kick his ass, Dad!
- Bear witness.
352
00:14:02,674 --> 00:14:05,344
Now you see my true form.
353
00:14:05,469 --> 00:14:09,181
The clouds were simply a shape
more appealing to Gaia's mind.
354
00:14:09,306 --> 00:14:11,391
No shit. Any form is more
appealing than this.
355
00:14:11,475 --> 00:14:13,268
You look like Kid Rock fucked Zeus.
356
00:14:13,393 --> 00:14:15,353
Oh, seriously, you expect me
to fight you like this?
357
00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:17,563
You're the size of
four Empire State Buildings.
358
00:14:17,647 --> 00:14:19,900
Alright, motherfucker.
359
00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:22,694
Let's go.
360
00:14:36,958 --> 00:14:40,003
Aaah! Aah!
361
00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:42,714
Ha-ha!
You like that?
362
00:14:42,839 --> 00:14:45,133
- Ohh!
- Here comes some pain!
363
00:14:45,258 --> 00:14:47,886
Ohh!
364
00:14:58,980 --> 00:15:02,109
Ow!
365
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:04,069
Ow!
366
00:15:07,322 --> 00:15:11,368
And...
that last one should be
367
00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:13,078
the start button.
368
00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:14,603
Perfect.
I guess we're ready.
369
00:15:14,704 --> 00:15:16,665
Let's show Mom and Dad what video games
370
00:15:16,790 --> 00:15:18,792
and partying are all about.
371
00:15:26,591 --> 00:15:28,885
Jesus Christ, was that the wings?
372
00:15:30,512 --> 00:15:32,222
This is not like a video game!
373
00:15:32,347 --> 00:15:34,247
Oh, my God, make it stop!
Make it stop!
374
00:15:34,349 --> 00:15:37,602
- How do I make it stop?!
- I don't know. I'm fucking high!
375
00:15:37,727 --> 00:15:39,688
Aah!
376
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:43,358
Oh, God, now I'm high, too!
377
00:15:47,821 --> 00:15:49,739
- Jerry, that's enough.
- Oh, hey, babe.
378
00:15:49,823 --> 00:15:52,576
You like these plagues
I'm unleashing on your asses?
379
00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:54,577
No, they're lame.
It's not a great sign
380
00:15:54,661 --> 00:15:56,861
that your army's
on the same side as disease.
381
00:15:56,955 --> 00:16:00,167
Sorry we aren't modern enough
to sort people by value
382
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:02,961
and shit the losers
through a mean butt tube!
383
00:16:05,005 --> 00:16:08,216
Just admit this is about you
wanting to feel needed!
384
00:16:08,341 --> 00:16:10,302
Says the woman who sold out her family
385
00:16:10,427 --> 00:16:12,804
for an ounce of approval
from her drunk father!
386
00:16:12,929 --> 00:16:14,764
Well, maybe he drinks
because it isn't easy
387
00:16:14,848 --> 00:16:17,308
- to be more powerful than God.
- Well, if it's god power
388
00:16:17,392 --> 00:16:19,143
that gets you going, light some candles
389
00:16:19,227 --> 00:16:21,938
and put on the Billy Ocean
because Moses is home
390
00:16:22,063 --> 00:16:24,107
and he's ready to burn some bush!
391
00:16:24,232 --> 00:16:25,984
Sha-boom-boom!
392
00:16:27,611 --> 00:16:29,362
Ohh!
Fuck! Ow!
393
00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:31,072
Alright, alright, stop.
394
00:16:31,198 --> 00:16:32,990
- Come on, bitch!
- Look, you win, okay?
395
00:16:33,074 --> 00:16:34,534
Ju... I don't care about the kids.
396
00:16:34,618 --> 00:16:36,327
Smite them, raise them to fuck sheep.
397
00:16:36,411 --> 00:16:37,913
Just keep the city, okay?
398
00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:39,288
My daughter and I built that thing.
399
00:16:39,372 --> 00:16:41,875
- It's important to her.
- No, bro. I'm a Zeus.
400
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,127
I can literally do anything.
401
00:16:44,252 --> 00:16:46,838
Think I'm gonna hang around
and raise kids?
402
00:16:46,963 --> 00:16:50,967
The only lesson they need
is right here... fear.
403
00:16:51,092 --> 00:16:53,595
And it looks like school's out, bitch.
404
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:55,805
- I-I think you mean school's in.
- What are...
405
00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:57,306
- What are you talking about?
- I-If you're teaching fear,
406
00:16:57,390 --> 00:17:00,185
then choking me... school would be in.
407
00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:02,562
Fine.
School's in, bitch.
408
00:17:03,563 --> 00:17:04,898
Oh.
409
00:17:05,023 --> 00:17:07,025
What the fuck?
410
00:17:12,572 --> 00:17:14,866
Ohh! Are we dead?
D-Did we die?
411
00:17:14,991 --> 00:17:16,284
I don't ever want to be high again.
412
00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:17,568
I-I got scared straight.
413
00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:19,036
Oh, my God, I got scared straight.
414
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:20,372
Fuck. Dad was right.
415
00:17:20,497 --> 00:17:21,664
We... We think we know everything,
416
00:17:21,748 --> 00:17:23,448
but maybe we're the ones who suck.
417
00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:27,044
You kids are my fucking heroes!
418
00:17:27,128 --> 00:17:28,921
You saved Grandpa's life!
I fucking love you so much!
419
00:17:29,005 --> 00:17:30,465
- Papa!
- Papa!
420
00:17:30,590 --> 00:17:31,757
We played video games and got high!
421
00:17:31,841 --> 00:17:33,009
We did wrong!
We did wrong!
422
00:17:33,093 --> 00:17:34,385
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, little boopas.
423
00:17:34,469 --> 00:17:37,222
Come on, now. You kids,
you did real good here.
424
00:17:37,347 --> 00:17:38,682
You did good.
Getting high
425
00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:40,099
and playing video games is the best,
426
00:17:40,183 --> 00:17:41,726
- I swear to fucking God.
- But mom and dad
427
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:43,436
- are gonna be mad.
- No, hey, hey, look, no.
428
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:46,063
Fuck your mom and dad.
Your parents are a bag of dicks.
429
00:17:46,147 --> 00:17:48,065
Getting high and playing
video games is the best,
430
00:17:48,149 --> 00:17:49,609
and I will never sell you out, ever.
431
00:17:49,693 --> 00:17:51,152
Now, we got to get out of here
before this guy
432
00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:52,404
falls out of the sky.
433
00:17:52,529 --> 00:17:54,697
He's generating an ionic cloud
from his own belief system.
434
00:17:54,781 --> 00:17:56,824
Holy shit, Summer, were you smoking this?
435
00:17:56,908 --> 00:17:58,242
You were basically inhaling brake fluid.
436
00:17:58,326 --> 00:17:59,369
Jesus!
437
00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:03,081
Mm, yeah.
438
00:18:08,712 --> 00:18:11,262
It's over, Beth. Tell your
people to lower the gates
439
00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:13,174
and pack their moisture-wicking shirts.
440
00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:15,010
Incoming!
441
00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:23,351
Jerry!
442
00:18:23,476 --> 00:18:25,645
Beth!
Just hold on!
443
00:18:25,770 --> 00:18:27,397
I'm losing my grip!
444
00:18:29,566 --> 00:18:30,817
- Jerry.
- Squeeb?
445
00:18:30,942 --> 00:18:34,446
Use the s'more, Jerry.
446
00:18:34,571 --> 00:18:35,655
Ow!
You stabbed my hand!
447
00:18:35,739 --> 00:18:36,906
Sorry! Sorry!
448
00:18:40,118 --> 00:18:41,911
Should... Should we make love?
449
00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:43,955
Jerry, I love you, but I can literally
450
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,166
- smell your balls from here.
- Oh, wow.
451
00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:49,085
Ask God for a flood next time.
It'll come with a shower.
452
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:51,171
Noted.
453
00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:52,964
Aw, geez, that... that poor guy.
454
00:18:53,089 --> 00:18:54,549
Can you maybe not tell Mom and Dad?
455
00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:57,051
Relax, it's just a Zeus.
If this was the real God, it...
456
00:18:57,135 --> 00:18:59,512
It'd be a completely different story.
457
00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:02,098
Rick! What did you do?!
458
00:19:02,223 --> 00:19:03,641
I mean, gravity did most of it.
459
00:19:03,725 --> 00:19:06,770
- So, you, technically.
- I told you to leave!
460
00:19:06,895 --> 00:19:08,854
Yeah, well, you also asked me
to raise your kids.
461
00:19:08,938 --> 00:19:11,148
Uh, not sure if you heard
the phrase, "pick a lane,"
462
00:19:11,232 --> 00:19:12,942
- but...
- You killed their father!
463
00:19:13,068 --> 00:19:14,986
Father or not, he was
a lying piece of shit.
464
00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:16,821
I don't care who else stuffed your crust,
465
00:19:16,905 --> 00:19:18,406
but I'm the guy that showed up.
466
00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:20,658
But I mean, if you want,
I can still power-wash his guts
467
00:19:20,742 --> 00:19:23,286
- off the tower and maybe...
- Get oooout!
468
00:19:23,411 --> 00:19:24,746
Okay, yeah, she's pissed.
469
00:19:24,871 --> 00:19:26,497
I mean, you killed her
slam piece, Grandpa.
470
00:19:26,581 --> 00:19:28,041
I don't blame her.
471
00:19:41,596 --> 00:19:44,849
See? You put the fire stick
to the wood, and, voilà!
472
00:19:44,974 --> 00:19:45,892
Campfire.
473
00:19:46,017 --> 00:19:47,768
You have known about this the whole time?
474
00:19:47,852 --> 00:19:49,687
I'm not gonna waste my time
building you an ark,
475
00:19:49,771 --> 00:19:52,398
but if your mom gets clingy, you
can use this to get some space.
476
00:19:52,482 --> 00:19:54,859
Is that all you want to say to
your children before you leave?
477
00:19:54,943 --> 00:19:57,570
Oh, yeah, uh, don't ask me for money.
478
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,367
I mean, Gaia's not gonna raise those guys
479
00:20:02,492 --> 00:20:04,244
to hunt us down, right?
480
00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:06,370
Oh, most definitely.
I put a tracker on their ship.
481
00:20:06,454 --> 00:20:08,122
I'll blow it up if they come
anywhere near me.
482
00:20:08,206 --> 00:20:10,375
Well, kids, never thought
I'd say this, but,
483
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:12,251
- Summer, you were right.
- Wait, what?
484
00:20:12,335 --> 00:20:14,462
I thought I wanted
to teach you guys about tents,
485
00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:16,631
but really,
I just wanted to feel important.
486
00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:18,299
I guess sometimes teenagers do know
487
00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:20,509
what they're talking about,
even if it's mean.
488
00:20:20,593 --> 00:20:23,543
Right, but didn't you, like,
go into god-mode and fight mom?
489
00:20:23,638 --> 00:20:25,723
Love is the only power
that matters, Morty.
490
00:20:25,807 --> 00:20:28,059
No, you had actual power,
and you did jack shit.
491
00:20:28,143 --> 00:20:29,561
That was a divine staff.
492
00:20:29,686 --> 00:20:31,312
You could've cured cancer
or raised the dead.
493
00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:33,814
- Instead you made bugs.
- Well, I was impressed, Dad.
494
00:20:33,898 --> 00:20:36,443
He saved my life, no thanks to you.
495
00:20:38,903 --> 00:20:40,321
Your kids got high on alien mist
496
00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:41,906
and drove the ship
into that Zeus guy's head.
497
00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:43,282
- Basically murdered him.
- Grandpa!
498
00:20:43,366 --> 00:20:44,617
- What the hell?!
- Come on!
499
00:20:44,701 --> 00:20:46,369
I mean, not to cast the first stone,
500
00:20:46,453 --> 00:20:48,329
but, Beth and Jerry, pretty
terrible parenting on your part.
501
00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:50,039
Did you know Summer huffed a K-Zax Array?
502
00:20:50,123 --> 00:20:51,582
She basically
smoked "The Ring."
503
00:20:51,666 --> 00:20:53,084
Most pilots die after three days.
504
00:20:53,168 --> 00:20:54,669
And Morty, the fucking moron, he thought
505
00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:56,545
the ship worked like a game controller.
506
00:20:56,629 --> 00:20:58,381
What in the Disney Channel fuck is that?
507
00:20:58,465 --> 00:21:00,007
Maybe help him with homework next time.
508
00:21:00,091 --> 00:21:01,885
He's clearly crying for help.
509
00:21:33,166 --> 00:21:36,211
Planets Only.
Planets Only. Planets Only.
510
00:21:36,336 --> 00:21:39,506
Entire systems of steamy, lush globes
511
00:21:39,631 --> 00:21:42,217
and barely habitable celestial objects
512
00:21:42,342 --> 00:21:44,719
are drifting through
the void just for you.
513
00:21:44,844 --> 00:21:46,846
- Planets Only.
- Let's terraform.
514
00:21:46,971 --> 00:21:49,724
- Or colonize me as I am.
- Planets Only.
515
00:21:49,849 --> 00:21:52,185
Oops, there's a hole in my ozone.
516
00:21:52,310 --> 00:21:54,020
I didn't put it there.
Did you?
517
00:21:54,145 --> 00:21:57,482
I can't fill it by myself.
I'm not smart enough.
518
00:21:57,607 --> 00:22:00,193
Young, dumb, and orbiting a sun.
519
00:22:00,318 --> 00:22:03,279
The greenhouse is in full effect
at Planets Only.
520
00:22:03,404 --> 00:22:04,905
Oh, I want you to split my Pangea
521
00:22:04,989 --> 00:22:06,239
into distinct continents.
522
00:22:06,324 --> 00:22:08,868
I don't have hydrostatic equilibrium yet.
523
00:22:08,993 --> 00:22:10,870
Is that something you can learn?
524
00:22:10,995 --> 00:22:12,789
You get the idea.
525
00:22:12,914 --> 00:22:14,624
Phew!
526
00:22:14,749 --> 00:22:16,625
I was watching over your
shoulder for a full minute.
527
00:22:16,709 --> 00:22:18,085
So? I was watching because
it's funny.
528
00:22:18,169 --> 00:22:19,545
It's... It's... They... They...
They're planets,
529
00:22:19,629 --> 00:22:21,464
but they're sexy.
It's a comedic premise.
530
00:22:21,548 --> 00:22:24,425
- Yeah.
- Planets Only.
531
00:22:24,551 --> 00:22:26,052
Planets Only.
39478
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