Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:35,489 --> 00:00:37,200
'The story so far.
2
00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:40,444
'In the beginning,
the Universe was created.
3
00:00:41,078 --> 00:00:43,092
'This has made a lot of people
very angry
4
00:00:43,212 --> 00:00:45,969
'and been widely regarded
as a bad move.
5
00:00:46,239 --> 00:00:49,712
'Many races believe that it was
created by some sort of god,
6
00:00:49,832 --> 00:00:51,422
'though the Jatravartid people
7
00:00:51,542 --> 00:00:55,015
'of Viltvodle VI firmly believe
that the entire Universe
8
00:00:55,135 --> 00:00:57,560
'was, in fact,
sneezed out of the nose
9
00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:00,677
'of a being called
the Great Green Arkleseizure.
10
00:01:01,358 --> 00:01:03,692
'The Jatravartids,
who live in perpetual fear
11
00:01:03,812 --> 00:01:07,320
'of the time they call The Coming
of the Great White Handkerchief,
12
00:01:07,538 --> 00:01:10,480
'are small blue creatures
with more than 50 arms each,
13
00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:12,020
'who are therefore unique
14
00:01:12,140 --> 00:01:14,080
'in being the only race in history
15
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:17,946
'to have invented the aerosol
deodorant before the wheel.
16
00:01:18,803 --> 00:01:21,383
'However, the Great Green
Arkleseizure theory
17
00:01:21,503 --> 00:01:22,769
'was not widely accepted
18
00:01:22,889 --> 00:01:24,439
'outside Viltvodle VI,
19
00:01:24,559 --> 00:01:27,320
'and so one day,
a race of hyperintelligent
20
00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:29,109
'pan-dimensional beings
21
00:01:29,229 --> 00:01:33,512
'built themselves a gigantic
super-computer called Deep Thought
22
00:01:33,632 --> 00:01:35,334
'to calculate, once and for all,
23
00:01:35,454 --> 00:01:39,440
'the answer to the ultimate question
of Life, the Universe
24
00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:41,033
'and Everything.
25
00:01:41,773 --> 00:01:43,625
'For seven and a half million years,
26
00:01:43,745 --> 00:01:46,443
'Deep Thought computed
and eventually announced
27
00:01:46,563 --> 00:01:49,458
'that the answer was, in fact, 42,
28
00:01:49,916 --> 00:01:52,745
'and so another even bigger computer
had to be built
29
00:01:52,865 --> 00:01:55,434
'to find out
what the actual question was.
30
00:01:55,798 --> 00:01:58,496
'And this computer,
which was called the Earth,
31
00:01:58,616 --> 00:02:02,242
'was so large that it was
frequently mistaken for a planet,
32
00:02:02,362 --> 00:02:04,991
'particularly
by the strange, ape-like beings
33
00:02:05,111 --> 00:02:06,444
'who roamed its surface
34
00:02:06,564 --> 00:02:08,640
'totally unaware
that they were simply part
35
00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:11,108
'of a gigantic computer program.
36
00:02:12,365 --> 00:02:16,720
'This is very odd, because without
that obvious piece of knowledge,
37
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:18,320
'nothing that happened on Earth
38
00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:21,197
'could possibly
make the slightest bit of sense.
39
00:02:21,572 --> 00:02:24,191
'However, at the critical moment
of read-out,
40
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:26,812
'the Earth was
unexpectedly demolished
41
00:02:26,932 --> 00:02:29,630
'to make way
for a new hyperspace by-pass,
42
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:33,354
'and the only native Earth people
who survived the demolition
43
00:02:33,474 --> 00:02:35,069
'are now being shot at
44
00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:36,913
'behind a computer bank
45
00:02:37,033 --> 00:02:39,360
'on the lost planet of Magrathea,
46
00:02:39,602 --> 00:02:42,593
'along with their strange companions
from Betelgeuse,
47
00:02:42,713 --> 00:02:45,517
'who are currently singing
a Betelgeuse death anthem
48
00:02:45,637 --> 00:02:49,183
'on the very sensible grounds
that they are about to die.
49
00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:52,435
'This is what the computer bank
is about to do.
50
00:02:55,230 --> 00:02:57,315
'And the time
at which it is going to do it
51
00:02:57,435 --> 00:03:00,661
'is 4.2 seconds from now.'
52
00:03:21,476 --> 00:03:24,388
Good evening, madam, gentlemen.
53
00:03:24,740 --> 00:03:26,783
Do you have a reservation?
54
00:03:27,993 --> 00:03:30,480
- Reservation?
- Yes, sir.
55
00:03:30,923 --> 00:03:33,259
Do you need a reservation
for the afterlife?
56
00:03:33,565 --> 00:03:35,561
The afterlife?
57
00:03:35,972 --> 00:03:37,533
Is this the afterlife?
58
00:03:37,653 --> 00:03:40,443
Yeah. I mean, yeah!
59
00:03:40,563 --> 00:03:42,600
I mean, yeah...
60
00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:46,523
There's no way we could
have survived that blast in there.
61
00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:47,864
- No.
- None at all.
62
00:03:47,984 --> 00:03:49,276
I certainly didn't survive.
63
00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:52,376
I was a total goner!
Wham! Bam! And that was it!
64
00:03:52,496 --> 00:03:53,667
Yeah, we didn't stand a chance.
65
00:03:53,787 --> 00:03:57,302
We were blown to bits -
arms and legs everywhere!
66
00:03:57,422 --> 00:03:59,777
Yeah! Kerpow! Splat!
67
00:03:59,897 --> 00:04:00,695
Would you care to order drinks?
68
00:04:00,815 --> 00:04:04,640
Instantaneously zonked
into component molecules!
69
00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:08,580
Hey, Ford, did you get that thing of
your whole life flashing before you?
70
00:04:08,700 --> 00:04:10,904
Yeah! Did you get that, too?
71
00:04:11,024 --> 00:04:13,581
- Oh! Your whole life!
- Yeah!
72
00:04:13,701 --> 00:04:14,647
At least, I assume it was mine.
73
00:04:14,767 --> 00:04:17,174
I spent a lot of time
out of my skulls.
74
00:04:17,421 --> 00:04:19,178
- So...
- So what?
75
00:04:19,298 --> 00:04:21,433
- Here we are, lying dead...
- Standing.
76
00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,769
- Standing dead in this desolate...
- Restaurant.
77
00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:27,527
- Standing dead in this desolate...
- Five-star restaurant.
78
00:04:28,032 --> 00:04:29,089
Well, yeah.
79
00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:32,119
Odd, isn't it?
80
00:04:32,612 --> 00:04:34,220
Nice decor, though.
81
00:04:34,678 --> 00:04:37,402
You know, it's not so much
an afterlife, more sort of apr�s vie.
82
00:04:37,522 --> 00:04:41,951
Hey, you dead guys! We're missing
some ultra important thing here -
83
00:04:42,071 --> 00:04:43,691
something somebody said
and we missed it!
84
00:04:43,811 --> 00:04:46,626
- I said it was more apr�s vie.
- Don't you wish you hadn't? ...Ford?
85
00:04:46,746 --> 00:04:49,733
- I said it was odd.
- Shrewd but dull... . Trillian?
86
00:04:49,853 --> 00:04:52,960
Er... um... pass.
87
00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:55,880
Would you care to discuss
the matter over drinks?
88
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,563
Drinks! That was it!
89
00:04:59,033 --> 00:05:00,987
You see what you miss
if you don't stay alert?
90
00:05:01,107 --> 00:05:04,944
If the lady and gentlemen would like
to order drinks before dinner...
91
00:05:05,064 --> 00:05:06,365
Yeah, great!
92
00:05:06,485 --> 00:05:09,277
...and the Universe will explode
later for your pleasure.
93
00:05:09,397 --> 00:05:12,287
Wow! What sort of drinks
do you serve in this place?
94
00:05:12,407 --> 00:05:15,457
I think sir has misunderstood me.
95
00:05:15,577 --> 00:05:16,939
I hope not!
96
00:05:17,059 --> 00:05:19,062
It is not unusual for customers
97
00:05:19,182 --> 00:05:22,186
to be disorientated
by the time journey.
98
00:05:22,306 --> 00:05:24,240
- Time journey?
- What time journey?
99
00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:27,560
You mean...
this isn't the afterlife?
100
00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:29,011
Afterlife?
101
00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:30,802
No, sir.
102
00:05:31,905 --> 00:05:33,360
Then we're not... dead?
103
00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:34,700
Aha!
104
00:05:34,993 --> 00:05:36,743
Sir is most evidently alive,
105
00:05:36,863 --> 00:05:39,560
otherwise I would not attempt
to serve, sir!
106
00:05:39,878 --> 00:05:43,157
Ha, ha. Then where the photon
are we?
107
00:05:47,783 --> 00:05:50,026
Hey, I've sussed it!
108
00:05:50,146 --> 00:05:52,440
This must be...
109
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,095
Milliways!
110
00:05:56,714 --> 00:05:57,935
Milliways!
111
00:05:58,055 --> 00:06:00,760
Yes, this is Milliways.
112
00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:01,992
Milliways?
113
00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:04,810
The Restaurant at the End
of the Universe!
114
00:06:04,930 --> 00:06:07,194
- End of what?
- The Universe.
115
00:06:07,314 --> 00:06:10,059
- When did that end?
- In just a few minutes, sir.
116
00:06:10,179 --> 00:06:11,937
Now, if you will order drinks,
117
00:06:12,057 --> 00:06:16,649
I will show you to your table
in the main part of the restaurant.
118
00:06:18,058 --> 00:06:19,678
I suppose there's no chance
of a cup of tea?
119
00:06:19,798 --> 00:06:20,475
None.
120
00:06:26,287 --> 00:06:28,459
'The Restaurant at the End
of the Universe
121
00:06:28,579 --> 00:06:30,578
'is one of the most
extraordinary ventures
122
00:06:30,698 --> 00:06:32,926
'in the entire history of catering.
123
00:06:33,443 --> 00:06:37,517
'A vast time bubble has been
projected into the far future
124
00:06:37,637 --> 00:06:40,887
'to the precise moment
of the End of the Universe.
125
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:46,467
'You can arrive
without prior reservation,
126
00:06:46,587 --> 00:06:48,865
'because you can book
retrospectively
127
00:06:48,985 --> 00:06:50,896
'in advance, as it were,
128
00:06:51,016 --> 00:06:53,872
'when you return to your own time.
129
00:06:56,385 --> 00:06:58,487
'You can visit it
as many times as you like
130
00:06:58,607 --> 00:07:00,976
'and be sure of never meeting
yourself
131
00:07:01,096 --> 00:07:04,202
'because of the embarrassment
this usually causes.
132
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:13,461
'You just deposit one penny in
a savings account in your own era,
133
00:07:13,581 --> 00:07:15,516
'and when you arrive
at the End of Time,
134
00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:17,757
'the operation of compound interest
135
00:07:17,877 --> 00:07:21,928
'means that the fabulous cost
of your meal has been paid for.
136
00:07:25,357 --> 00:07:27,432
'... which is why
the advertising executives
137
00:07:27,552 --> 00:07:31,742
'of the star system of Bastablon
came up with this slogan:
138
00:07:41,756 --> 00:07:43,529
This way, please.
139
00:07:43,799 --> 00:07:45,920
Wowee! Zappo!
140
00:07:46,159 --> 00:07:48,318
Incredible! The people...
141
00:07:48,438 --> 00:07:49,640
the things!
142
00:07:49,882 --> 00:07:51,855
The things are also people.
143
00:07:51,975 --> 00:07:54,320
The people? The also people?
144
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:55,965
The lights!
145
00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:57,456
The food!
146
00:08:00,429 --> 00:08:02,296
The clothes!
147
00:08:04,045 --> 00:08:05,680
The clothes?!
148
00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:07,360
Yeah, the clothes!
149
00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:09,343
The End of the Universe
is very popular.
150
00:08:09,463 --> 00:08:11,985
People dress up for it.
Gives it a sense of occasion.
151
00:08:12,105 --> 00:08:16,083
Hey, everybody's here. You know -
everybody who was anybody!
152
00:08:16,203 --> 00:08:17,762
Hi, guys! How did you do?
153
00:08:17,882 --> 00:08:20,025
Hi!
154
00:08:22,831 --> 00:08:25,952
Hey, Zaphod! There's an old mate
of mine. Look, see!
155
00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:27,528
It's Hotblack Desiato!
156
00:08:27,648 --> 00:08:30,280
See the big guy in the platinum suit?
157
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:31,880
Oh, yeah.
158
00:08:32,121 --> 00:08:34,223
Wow! Did he ever make it megabig.
159
00:08:34,343 --> 00:08:36,911
Bigger than the biggest thing ever -
other than me.
160
00:08:37,031 --> 00:08:39,600
- Who is he?
- Hotblack Desiato?
161
00:08:40,247 --> 00:08:41,960
You never heard of Disaster Area?
162
00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:43,723
- No.
- The biggest, loudest...
163
00:08:43,843 --> 00:08:45,695
- Richest...
- Rock band in the history of...
164
00:08:45,815 --> 00:08:47,832
- History itself!
- Yeah!
165
00:08:47,952 --> 00:08:48,807
No.
166
00:08:49,288 --> 00:08:51,680
We're at the End of the Universe
167
00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:53,522
and you haven't even lived yet!
Hey, did you miss out!
168
00:08:57,197 --> 00:09:00,083
Hey, waiter, bring me volume three
of the wine list.
169
00:09:03,382 --> 00:09:05,520
Hey, Hotblack!
170
00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:09,153
How you doing? Great to see you,
big boy! How's the noise?
171
00:09:09,273 --> 00:09:11,840
You are looking great!
172
00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:14,885
Really very, very fat and unwell.
Amazing!
173
00:09:15,005 --> 00:09:16,244
Remember the old days?
174
00:09:16,364 --> 00:09:18,322
Wow! We used to hang out!
175
00:09:18,442 --> 00:09:20,494
The Bistro Illegal, remember?
176
00:09:20,614 --> 00:09:22,690
The Evildrome Boozarama?
177
00:09:22,810 --> 00:09:25,520
Slim's Throat Emporium?
178
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:27,362
Great days, eh?
179
00:09:27,482 --> 00:09:29,978
When we were hungry,
we'd pose as health inspectors
180
00:09:30,098 --> 00:09:32,822
and confiscate meals and drinks,
and get food poisoning!
181
00:09:32,942 --> 00:09:36,262
And you were up all night trying to
write songs, and we all hated them!
182
00:09:36,382 --> 00:09:40,125
You didn't care, but we did
because we hated them so much.
183
00:09:40,245 --> 00:09:41,925
You said you didn't want to be a star
184
00:09:42,045 --> 00:09:44,459
because you despised
the star system,
185
00:09:44,579 --> 00:09:48,371
and we said we didn't think you had
the option. And what do you do now?
186
00:09:48,876 --> 00:09:51,182
You BUY star systems!
187
00:09:51,302 --> 00:09:55,100
Here is a guy who buys star systems!
188
00:09:55,573 --> 00:09:58,440
What's that number you do? That
really huge one? How does it go?
189
00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:01,156
Er... da... da... da... something.
190
00:10:01,276 --> 00:10:04,764
And in this stage act, it ends with
the ship crashing right into the sun
191
00:10:04,884 --> 00:10:06,031
and you actually DO it!
192
00:10:06,151 --> 00:10:08,960
I mean, ship... sun... bang!
193
00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:10,610
I mean, forget lasers.
194
00:10:10,730 --> 00:10:14,278
You guys are into solar flares
and real sunburn,
195
00:10:14,398 --> 00:10:15,992
and terrible songs!
196
00:10:16,112 --> 00:10:18,320
Yeah! Let's have a drink!
197
00:10:18,564 --> 00:10:19,773
Yeah!
198
00:10:23,671 --> 00:10:24,808
Hotblack?
199
00:10:28,154 --> 00:10:31,266
Kid. Beat it!
200
00:10:32,921 --> 00:10:33,926
Who are you?
201
00:10:35,422 --> 00:10:36,968
I'm the guy
that's telling you to beat it,
202
00:10:37,088 --> 00:10:38,673
before it gets beaten for you.
203
00:10:39,413 --> 00:10:40,640
Now, listen,
204
00:10:41,796 --> 00:10:44,465
I am one of Hotblack's oldest friends
205
00:10:44,585 --> 00:10:45,580
and I...
206
00:10:46,226 --> 00:10:48,724
And I am Mr Desiato's bodyguard
207
00:10:48,844 --> 00:10:50,441
and I'm responsible for his body,
208
00:10:50,561 --> 00:10:52,954
and I am not responsible for yours,
209
00:10:53,074 --> 00:10:56,531
so take it away
before it gets damaged!
210
00:10:57,353 --> 00:10:58,560
Now, wait a minute...
211
00:10:58,680 --> 00:11:00,100
No minutes.
212
00:11:00,220 --> 00:11:01,744
No waiting.
213
00:11:01,864 --> 00:11:04,680
Mr Desiato speaks to no one.
214
00:11:05,002 --> 00:11:07,600
Well, perhaps you'd better
let him speak for himself.
215
00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:09,934
He speaks to no one.
216
00:11:10,054 --> 00:11:12,552
Oh, why? What's the matter with him?
217
00:11:12,810 --> 00:11:15,667
'The Hitchhiker's Guide
To The Galaxy notes that:
218
00:12:48,839 --> 00:12:51,920
Oh, hi, there, Ford. Did you talk
to your big-noise friend?
219
00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:56,240
Hot... Hotblack?
Yeah, I sort of spoke to him, yeah.
220
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:57,706
Well, what did he say?
221
00:12:57,826 --> 00:13:01,463
- Er... not a lot. He's, um...
- Yeah?
222
00:13:01,583 --> 00:13:03,893
Spending a year dead
for tax reasons.
223
00:13:04,013 --> 00:13:06,138
Oh, yeah? Neat!
224
00:13:07,418 --> 00:13:10,271
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!
225
00:13:12,807 --> 00:13:14,665
Ladies and gentlemen,
226
00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:17,413
the Universe as we know it
has been in existence
227
00:13:17,533 --> 00:13:21,920
for 170,000 million billion years,
228
00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:24,539
and will be ending
in a little over ten minutes' time.
229
00:13:24,659 --> 00:13:27,475
So, welcome one and all
to Milliways,
230
00:13:27,595 --> 00:13:30,927
the Restaurant at the End
of the Universe!
231
00:13:33,739 --> 00:13:36,600
I am your host for this evening,
Max Quordlepleen,
232
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:40,000
and I have come straight from
the very, very other End of Time,
233
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:43,316
where I've been hosting a show
at the Big Bang Burger Bar,
234
00:13:43,436 --> 00:13:46,636
where we had a very exciting
evening, ladies and gentlemen,
235
00:13:46,756 --> 00:13:47,848
and I will be with you
236
00:13:47,968 --> 00:13:52,120
right through
this tremendous historic occasion -
237
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,396
the end of history
238
00:13:54,516 --> 00:13:56,320
itself.
239
00:13:57,444 --> 00:13:57,984
So...
240
00:13:58,104 --> 00:14:00,680
now, ladies and gentlemen,
241
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:02,842
take your places at the table.
242
00:14:02,962 --> 00:14:04,800
The candles are lit,
the band is playing,
243
00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:08,120
and as the force-shielded dome
above us slides apart
244
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:10,515
revealing a dark and sullen sky
245
00:14:10,635 --> 00:14:13,885
hung with the ancient light
of livid, swollen stars,
246
00:14:14,005 --> 00:14:19,269
I can see we are in for
a fabulous evening's apocalypse!
247
00:14:21,206 --> 00:14:22,944
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen,
248
00:14:23,064 --> 00:14:26,160
I'll be back again in a moment.
249
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:28,019
Would you all like to see the menu,
250
00:14:28,139 --> 00:14:30,743
or would you care to meet
the dish of the day?
251
00:14:31,001 --> 00:14:32,410
- Meet?
- What is it?
252
00:14:32,530 --> 00:14:36,320
It's an Amiglion Major cow.
I'll bring him over.
253
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:39,198
OK, we'll meet the meat. That's cool!
254
00:14:42,309 --> 00:14:44,680
Beugh... A-hem...
255
00:14:44,916 --> 00:14:47,570
Good evening, madam and gentlemen,
256
00:14:47,690 --> 00:14:50,000
I am the main dish of the day.
257
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:53,147
May I interest you
in parts of my body?
258
00:14:53,805 --> 00:14:55,496
Huh?
259
00:14:57,362 --> 00:14:58,102
Oh, well.
260
00:14:58,222 --> 00:15:00,811
Something off my shoulder, perhaps?
261
00:15:00,931 --> 00:15:05,000
- Braised in a white wine sauce?
- Your shoulder?!
262
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:06,917
Well, naturally mine, sir.
263
00:15:07,037 --> 00:15:09,850
Nobody else's is mine to offer!
264
00:15:10,272 --> 00:15:12,174
The rump is very good, sir.
265
00:15:12,294 --> 00:15:15,474
I have been exercising
and eating plenty of grain,
266
00:15:15,594 --> 00:15:18,010
so there's a lot of good meat there.
267
00:15:19,838 --> 00:15:22,832
Or a casserole of me, perhaps?
268
00:15:23,161 --> 00:15:26,437
You mean this animal
actually wants us to eat it?
269
00:15:26,557 --> 00:15:29,680
Me? I don't mean anything.
270
00:15:29,924 --> 00:15:31,916
It's the most revolting thing
271
00:15:32,036 --> 00:15:34,320
- I've ever heard!
- What's the problem?
272
00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:38,891
I don't want to eat an animal
that's inviting me to!
273
00:15:39,011 --> 00:15:40,960
It's better than eating an animal
that doesn't want to be eaten.
274
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:42,211
That's not the point.
275
00:15:43,620 --> 00:15:44,877
Well, maybe it is the point.
276
00:15:44,997 --> 00:15:46,802
I don't want to talk about it.
277
00:15:46,922 --> 00:15:48,693
I'll have a green salad.
278
00:15:50,149 --> 00:15:53,040
May I urge you, sir,
to consider my liver?
279
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,507
It must be very rich and tender
by now.
280
00:15:55,627 --> 00:15:59,112
I have been force-feeding myself
for months.
281
00:16:00,603 --> 00:16:02,526
Green salad, please.
282
00:16:02,808 --> 00:16:04,463
A green salad!
283
00:16:06,471 --> 00:16:08,880
Is there any reason
why I shouldn't have a green salad?
284
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:12,320
I know many vegetables that
are very clear on that point, sir,
285
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:16,080
which is why it was decided to cut
through the whole tangled problem
286
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:19,079
by breeding an animal
that actually wanted to be eaten
287
00:16:19,199 --> 00:16:21,080
and was capable of saying so
288
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:22,760
clearly and distinctly.
289
00:16:22,977 --> 00:16:26,374
And here I am!
290
00:16:26,494 --> 00:16:27,539
A glass of water...?
291
00:16:27,659 --> 00:16:30,944
Listen, we want to eat! We don't
want to make a meal of the issues.
292
00:16:31,064 --> 00:16:35,649
- Four rare steaks, please.
- Very wise choice, sir.
293
00:16:36,271 --> 00:16:37,257
I'll just nip off
294
00:16:37,377 --> 00:16:38,520
and shoot meself.
295
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:39,970
Oh, God!
296
00:16:40,475 --> 00:16:41,661
Don't worry, sir.
297
00:16:41,884 --> 00:16:43,640
I'll be very humane.
298
00:16:44,014 --> 00:16:46,244
What's eating you, Earthman?
299
00:16:49,378 --> 00:16:51,800
Hello, ladies and gentlemen!
300
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:55,120
Is everybody having
one last wonderful time?
301
00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:58,280
Good.
302
00:16:58,517 --> 00:16:59,703
And now,
303
00:16:59,823 --> 00:17:02,474
as the photon storms gather
in swirling clouds around us,
304
00:17:02,594 --> 00:17:05,199
preparing to tear apart
the last of the red hot suns,
305
00:17:05,319 --> 00:17:08,028
I hope you will all enjoy with me
306
00:17:08,148 --> 00:17:10,752
what I know you will find
a tremendously exciting
307
00:17:10,872 --> 00:17:13,230
and terminal experience.
308
00:17:13,350 --> 00:17:15,483
Believe me, ladies and gentlemen,
309
00:17:15,603 --> 00:17:17,949
there is nothing penultimate
about this one.
310
00:17:18,069 --> 00:17:20,332
This one, ladies and gentlemen,
311
00:17:20,452 --> 00:17:22,880
is the proverbial IT!
312
00:17:23,679 --> 00:17:24,321
After this,
313
00:17:24,441 --> 00:17:26,740
there is void,
314
00:17:27,538 --> 00:17:28,724
emptiness,
315
00:17:28,844 --> 00:17:30,344
oblivion,
316
00:17:31,331 --> 00:17:33,515
absolute...
317
00:17:34,031 --> 00:17:35,551
nothing.
318
00:17:37,206 --> 00:17:38,883
Except of course
for the sweet trolley
319
00:17:39,003 --> 00:17:41,668
and our fine selection
of Aldebran liqueurs!
320
00:17:41,788 --> 00:17:43,559
And for once, ladies and gentlemen,
321
00:17:43,679 --> 00:17:45,946
there is no need to worry about
having a hangover in the morning,
322
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:48,459
for there will be no more mornings!
323
00:17:51,864 --> 00:17:53,003
And now, at the risk
of putting a damper
324
00:17:53,123 --> 00:17:55,847
on this wonderful atmosphere
of doom and futility,
325
00:17:55,967 --> 00:17:58,809
I'd like to welcome a few parties.
326
00:17:58,929 --> 00:18:03,901
Now, do we have a party from the
Zansellquasure Flamarion Bridge Club
327
00:18:04,021 --> 00:18:05,923
from beyond the Vortvoid of Qvarne?
328
00:18:08,439 --> 00:18:11,292
Last bids now, and no cheating!
329
00:18:11,412 --> 00:18:13,324
This is a very solemn moment!
330
00:18:13,746 --> 00:18:16,097
And a party of minor deities
331
00:18:16,217 --> 00:18:18,151
from the halls of Asgaard?
332
00:18:24,397 --> 00:18:27,262
And a party of young Conservatives
from Sirius B?
333
00:18:29,375 --> 00:18:32,175
This is all your fault, of course!
334
00:18:33,361 --> 00:18:35,955
And lastly,
a party of devout believers
335
00:18:36,075 --> 00:18:38,348
from the Church of the Second Coming
336
00:18:38,468 --> 00:18:40,591
of the Great Prophet Zarquon.
337
00:18:44,301 --> 00:18:46,532
Still waiting for the second coming.
338
00:18:46,990 --> 00:18:49,918
Well, fellas, let's hope he hurries.
He's got eight minutes left!
339
00:18:50,411 --> 00:18:53,475
But seriously, though,
no offence meant.
340
00:18:53,595 --> 00:18:55,460
I know one shouldn't make fun
of deeply held beliefs,
341
00:18:55,580 --> 00:18:59,713
so I think a great big hand
for the Great Prophet Zarquon...
342
00:19:02,696 --> 00:19:04,786
...wherever he's got to!
343
00:19:06,230 --> 00:19:09,765
It's marvellous to see
so many of you here tonight.
344
00:19:09,885 --> 00:19:11,010
No, isn't it, though?
345
00:19:11,130 --> 00:19:13,804
Because I know so many of you
come time and time again
346
00:19:13,924 --> 00:19:16,913
to watch this final end
of everything,
347
00:19:17,033 --> 00:19:19,560
and then return home
to your own eras
348
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,075
and raise families,
349
00:19:21,195 --> 00:19:23,174
strive for new and better societies,
350
00:19:23,294 --> 00:19:26,241
and fight terrible wars
for what you know is right.
351
00:19:26,361 --> 00:19:30,714
It gives one real hope
for the whole future of lifekind...
352
00:19:31,231 --> 00:19:31,830
except, of course,
353
00:19:31,950 --> 00:19:34,519
we know it hasn't got one!
354
00:19:38,747 --> 00:19:40,508
Excuse me, sir.
355
00:19:41,456 --> 00:19:41,800
Who, me?
356
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:45,593
- Mr Zaphod Beeblebrox?
- Er, yeah.
357
00:19:45,713 --> 00:19:48,219
There is a phone call for you, sir.
358
00:19:48,465 --> 00:19:50,075
- Hey, what?
- Here?
359
00:19:50,195 --> 00:19:51,613
Who knows where I am?
360
00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:54,560
Maybe the Galactic Police
have traced you here.
361
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:56,559
So they can arrest me
over the phone?
362
00:19:56,793 --> 00:19:58,930
Could be. I'm a pretty
dangerous dude when cornered.
363
00:19:59,050 --> 00:20:02,170
Yeah, you go to pieces so fast,
people get hit by the shrapnel!
364
00:20:02,290 --> 00:20:05,800
- Hey, what is this? Judgement Day?
- Is it that as well? Terrific!
365
00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:09,040
Who's the cat on the phone?
Pass the wine, Ford.
366
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:12,588
I am not personally acquainted
with the metal gentleman, sir...
367
00:20:12,708 --> 00:20:13,163
Metal?
368
00:20:13,283 --> 00:20:15,875
...but am informed
he has been awaiting your return
369
00:20:15,995 --> 00:20:18,447
for a considerable number
of millennia.
370
00:20:18,567 --> 00:20:21,880
You left here
somewhat precipitately.
371
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,520
Left here? We've only just arrived!
372
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,080
Indeed, sir,
373
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:29,088
but before you arrived here,
you left.
374
00:20:30,086 --> 00:20:33,172
You're saying
that before we arrived here,
375
00:20:33,292 --> 00:20:34,400
we left here?
376
00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:36,440
That is what I said, sir.
377
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:39,151
Put your analyst
on danger money, baby!
378
00:20:39,597 --> 00:20:40,548
Wait.
379
00:20:41,828 --> 00:20:43,564
Where exactly is here?
380
00:20:43,684 --> 00:20:45,785
The planet Magrathea, sir.
381
00:20:45,905 --> 00:20:48,240
But we just left there.
382
00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:51,160
We're at the Restaurant at the End
of the Universe, I thought!
383
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:52,956
Precisely, sir.
384
00:20:53,076 --> 00:20:56,044
The one was constructed
on the ruins of the other.
385
00:20:56,164 --> 00:21:00,360
Ah, I see! So you mean we've
travelled in time but not in space?
386
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:03,137
You semi-evolved simian!
Go climb a tree!
387
00:21:03,257 --> 00:21:04,779
Go bang your heads together,
four eyes!
388
00:21:04,899 --> 00:21:08,419
No, no. Your monkey has got it right.
389
00:21:08,539 --> 00:21:10,969
You jumped forward
many millions of years in time
390
00:21:11,089 --> 00:21:13,578
whilst retaining
the same position in space.
391
00:21:13,871 --> 00:21:16,280
Your friend has been awaiting you
in the meantime.
392
00:21:16,725 --> 00:21:19,190
Marvin! It must be Marvin!
393
00:21:19,507 --> 00:21:20,540
The paranoid android!
394
00:21:20,660 --> 00:21:23,560
Space cookies! Hand me
the rap rod plate, captain!
395
00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:25,589
I beg your pardon, sir?
396
00:21:25,812 --> 00:21:27,206
The phone, waiter!
397
00:21:27,326 --> 00:21:30,103
You guys are so unhip, it's a wonder
your bums don't fall off!
398
00:21:30,223 --> 00:21:32,040
The phone, sir.
399
00:21:32,486 --> 00:21:34,879
Hi, Marvin. How are you doing?
400
00:21:34,999 --> 00:21:36,502
I think you ought to know
401
00:21:36,622 --> 00:21:38,607
I'm feeling very depressed.
402
00:21:38,727 --> 00:21:41,720
Yeah? We're having a great time -
wine, food,
403
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:44,087
and the Universe going foom!
404
00:21:44,207 --> 00:21:45,297
Where are you, Marvin?
405
00:21:45,417 --> 00:21:48,704
You don't have to pretend
to be interested in me, you know.
406
00:21:48,824 --> 00:21:52,108
I know perfectly well
I'm only a menial robot.
407
00:21:52,228 --> 00:21:53,529
Yeah, but where are you?
408
00:21:53,649 --> 00:21:56,042
"Reverse primary thrust, Marvin,"
409
00:21:56,162 --> 00:21:57,388
that's what they say to me.
410
00:21:57,508 --> 00:21:59,901
"Open airlock number three, Marvin.
411
00:22:00,021 --> 00:22:03,000
"Marvin, can you pick up
that piece of paper?"
412
00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:05,400
Here I am,
brain the size of a planet,
413
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,231
picking up a piece of paper!
414
00:22:08,351 --> 00:22:09,185
Yeah. Marvin...
415
00:22:09,305 --> 00:22:11,977
But I'm quite used
to being humiliated.
416
00:22:12,097 --> 00:22:13,811
I can even go and stick my head
417
00:22:13,931 --> 00:22:16,320
in a bucket of water if you like.
418
00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:19,132
I mean, if that's what
you really want.
419
00:22:19,848 --> 00:22:22,901
Would you like me to stick my head
in a bucket of water?
420
00:22:23,021 --> 00:22:25,707
- I've got one ready.
- Marvin, um...
421
00:22:26,105 --> 00:22:27,596
What's he saying, Zaphod?
422
00:22:27,716 --> 00:22:30,649
Nothing. He just phoned
to wash his head at us.
423
00:22:30,769 --> 00:22:33,970
Marvin, will you please tell us
where you are!
424
00:22:34,090 --> 00:22:37,978
- I'm in the car park.
- What are you doing in the car park?
425
00:22:38,098 --> 00:22:41,700
Parking cars. What else
does one do in a car park?
426
00:22:41,820 --> 00:22:45,223
OK, stay there.
I'll be down in a minute.
427
00:22:45,343 --> 00:22:46,765
That makes two of us.
428
00:22:46,885 --> 00:22:49,830
Come on, guys, let's go!
Marvin's down in the car park.
429
00:22:49,950 --> 00:22:51,873
What's he doing there?
430
00:22:51,993 --> 00:22:55,231
Parking cars, what else, dum-dum?
Come on, let's go!
431
00:22:56,534 --> 00:22:58,722
Now, an interesting effect
to watch for
432
00:22:58,842 --> 00:23:01,211
is in the upper left-hand quadrant
of the sky,
433
00:23:01,331 --> 00:23:04,331
where you can see
the star system of Hastromil
434
00:23:04,451 --> 00:23:06,680
boiling away into the ultraviolet.
435
00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:08,915
Anyone here from Hastromil?
436
00:23:10,608 --> 00:23:11,583
Well, it's too late to worry about
437
00:23:11,703 --> 00:23:14,231
whether you left
the gas on at home now!
438
00:23:14,818 --> 00:23:16,685
There he is! Marvin!
439
00:23:16,805 --> 00:23:20,160
Hey, Marvin, kid,
are we pleased to see you!
440
00:23:20,548 --> 00:23:23,912
No, you're not! No one ever is.
441
00:23:24,032 --> 00:23:24,476
Suit yourself.
442
00:23:24,596 --> 00:23:26,413
No, Marvin, really we are!
443
00:23:26,533 --> 00:23:27,364
Quite.
444
00:23:27,484 --> 00:23:30,944
Hanging around waiting for us
all this time!
445
00:23:31,064 --> 00:23:34,053
The first ten million years
were the worst.
446
00:23:34,173 --> 00:23:36,307
And the second ten million,
447
00:23:36,427 --> 00:23:38,130
they were the worst, too.
448
00:23:38,250 --> 00:23:41,587
The third ten million
I didn't enjoy at all.
449
00:23:41,707 --> 00:23:44,067
After that,
I went into a bit of a decline.
450
00:23:44,187 --> 00:23:46,157
Poor old Marvin!
451
00:23:46,277 --> 00:23:50,240
It's the people you meet in this job
who really get you down.
452
00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:51,973
The best conversation I had
453
00:23:52,093 --> 00:23:54,240
was over 34 million years ago.
454
00:23:54,360 --> 00:23:56,095
Oh, dear.
455
00:23:56,717 --> 00:23:59,006
And that was with a coffee machine.
456
00:23:59,126 --> 00:24:02,000
Hey, Zaph, look at this baby.
457
00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:04,960
The tangerine star buggy
with black sun busters.
458
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,360
Hey, get this number.
459
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:10,823
Multicluster Quark drive
with perspulax running boards!
460
00:24:10,943 --> 00:24:13,720
This has got to be
a Lazlar Lyricon custom job.
461
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:16,623
I was passed by one of these mothers
out by the Axel Nebula.
462
00:24:16,743 --> 00:24:20,160
I was going flat out and this thing
just strolled past me!
463
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,555
- It was incredible!
- Too much!
464
00:24:22,675 --> 00:24:23,436
Ten seconds later
465
00:24:23,556 --> 00:24:26,491
it smashed straight
into the third moon of Jaglan Beta.
466
00:24:26,611 --> 00:24:28,053
Great-looking ship, though.
467
00:24:28,173 --> 00:24:32,587
Looks like a fish, moves
like a fish, steers like a cow.
468
00:24:32,707 --> 00:24:36,320
Yeah, that really is bad
for the eyes!
469
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:40,531
It's so black! You can hardly see it.
Light just falls into it.
470
00:24:41,541 --> 00:24:42,806
Hey, feel this surface!
471
00:24:42,926 --> 00:24:45,151
Yeah... Hey, you can't!
472
00:24:45,271 --> 00:24:47,276
It's just totally frictionless!
473
00:24:47,396 --> 00:24:49,960
This must be one mother of a mover.
474
00:24:50,442 --> 00:24:51,557
Well, what do you reckon, Ford?
475
00:24:52,097 --> 00:24:55,303
You reckon we should just stroll off
with it? Do you think we should?
476
00:24:55,423 --> 00:24:56,383
- No.
- Neither do I.
477
00:24:56,503 --> 00:24:57,898
- Let's do it.
- OK.
478
00:24:58,018 --> 00:24:59,765
We'd better hurry. In a few seconds,
the Universe will end,
479
00:24:59,885 --> 00:25:03,945
and all those creeps will come
for their bourgemobiles.
480
00:25:04,065 --> 00:25:06,540
Hey, Zaph. How do you get into it?
481
00:25:07,010 --> 00:25:09,348
Just don't spoil
a beautiful idea, Ford.
482
00:25:09,468 --> 00:25:12,131
- Maybe the robot can figure it out!
- Hey, Marvin!
483
00:25:12,251 --> 00:25:14,127
We've got a job for you.
484
00:25:14,247 --> 00:25:15,219
I won't enjoy it.
485
00:25:15,339 --> 00:25:18,830
Yes, you will. There's a whole new
life stretching out in front of you!
486
00:25:18,950 --> 00:25:21,413
- Oh, not another one!
- Shut up and listen!
487
00:25:21,533 --> 00:25:25,733
There'll be excitement and adventure
and really wild things!
488
00:25:25,853 --> 00:25:27,920
- Sounds awful.
- But, Marvin...
489
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:30,360
I suppose you want me to help you
490
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:32,479
to get into this spaceship...
491
00:25:32,599 --> 00:25:33,254
Marvin, will you just listen!
492
00:25:33,374 --> 00:25:36,440
...and open the door for you.
493
00:25:36,683 --> 00:25:38,080
What?
494
00:25:38,448 --> 00:25:40,268
Er... Yeah.
495
00:25:40,550 --> 00:25:42,480
Well, I wish you'd just tell me
496
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:45,400
rather than try to engage
my enthusiasm,
497
00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:48,178
because I haven't got one.
498
00:25:50,326 --> 00:25:53,884
Abracadiodularservosystems.
499
00:26:01,082 --> 00:26:02,268
How did you do that, Marvin?
500
00:26:02,388 --> 00:26:05,944
Oh, didn't I tell you I've got
a brain the size of a planet?
501
00:26:06,064 --> 00:26:06,877
Oh, yeah.
502
00:26:07,487 --> 00:26:10,106
Hey, Zaph,
come and have a look at this.
503
00:26:10,226 --> 00:26:12,904
Hey! Weird!
504
00:26:13,327 --> 00:26:14,806
It's so black.
505
00:26:15,076 --> 00:26:18,106
Everything in it
is just totally black!
506
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:35,055
Well, this is very pretty,
I must say!
507
00:26:35,175 --> 00:26:37,649
Yeah, I like a change of scene!
508
00:26:37,978 --> 00:26:41,527
Hey! This is one ace
wonderful ship, eh, Ford!
509
00:26:41,647 --> 00:26:42,325
Yeah.
510
00:26:44,685 --> 00:26:46,728
Pity it doesn't seem to work,
isn't it?
511
00:26:50,086 --> 00:26:51,771
- Ah, well.
- Hey, where are you going?
512
00:26:51,891 --> 00:26:54,601
To find another ship. One
with a single red button suits me.
513
00:26:54,721 --> 00:26:58,346
Hey, listen, Ford. This is the most
stylish heap I have ever been in!
514
00:26:58,466 --> 00:27:01,040
We are gonna make it work, OK?
515
00:27:01,329 --> 00:27:02,113
YOU make it work!
516
00:27:02,233 --> 00:27:04,720
I can make any ship work!
517
00:27:05,237 --> 00:27:06,622
You hear that, ship?
518
00:27:09,511 --> 00:27:11,200
Hey! I did it!
519
00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:13,360
OK, guys, we're on our way!
520
00:27:13,784 --> 00:27:14,500
Where?
521
00:27:14,620 --> 00:27:17,040
Who cares where? We just go!
522
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:18,105
Yeah!
523
00:27:20,911 --> 00:27:24,097
Ladies and gentlemen, the moment
you've all been waiting for!
524
00:27:24,217 --> 00:27:26,279
The skies begin to tremble!
525
00:27:26,399 --> 00:27:28,665
Nature collapses
into the screaming void!
526
00:27:28,785 --> 00:27:30,121
In 15 seconds' time,
527
00:27:30,241 --> 00:27:34,220
the Universe itself will be
at an end!
528
00:27:34,340 --> 00:27:38,587
See where the light of infinity
bursts in upon us!
529
00:27:39,514 --> 00:27:42,262
What's this? What's happening?
Who's this?
530
00:27:42,382 --> 00:27:44,487
I don't believe it!
531
00:27:44,607 --> 00:27:47,129
Ladies and gentlemen,
a big hand, please,
532
00:27:47,249 --> 00:27:50,520
for the Great Prophet Zarquon!
533
00:27:53,121 --> 00:27:56,360
Er, hello, everybody. I'm sorry
I'm a bit late. Had a terrible time.
534
00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:59,120
All sorts of things cropping up
at the last moment.
535
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:00,753
How are we for time?
536
00:28:06,212 --> 00:28:07,794
'One of the major selling points
537
00:28:07,914 --> 00:28:09,739
'of that wholly remarkable book:
538
00:28:12,299 --> 00:28:14,225
'apart from its relative cheapness,
539
00:28:14,248 --> 00:28:17,027
'and the fact it has
the words "Don't Panic"
540
00:28:17,147 --> 00:28:19,600
'in large friendly letters
on the cover,
541
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:23,704
'is its compendious
and occasionally accurate glossary.
542
00:28:24,546 --> 00:28:25,697
'Its simplistic style
543
00:28:25,817 --> 00:28:28,277
'is partly explained
by the fact that its editor,
544
00:28:28,397 --> 00:28:30,386
'having to meet
a publishing deadline,
545
00:28:30,506 --> 00:28:34,543
'copied the information off the back
of a packet of breakfast cereal,
546
00:28:34,790 --> 00:28:37,279
'hastily embroidering it
with a few footnotes
547
00:28:37,399 --> 00:28:38,873
'in order to avoid prosecution
548
00:28:38,993 --> 00:28:43,502
'under the incomprehensibly tortuous
Galactic copyright laws.
549
00:28:44,993 --> 00:28:47,917
'It is interesting to note
that a later and wilier editor
550
00:28:48,037 --> 00:28:49,911
'sent the book backwards in time
551
00:28:50,031 --> 00:28:51,367
'through a temporal warp,
552
00:28:51,487 --> 00:28:54,913
'and then successfully sued
the breakfast cereal company
553
00:28:55,033 --> 00:28:57,261
'for infringement of the same laws.
554
00:28:58,260 --> 00:29:01,588
'Here's a sample in both headings
and footnotes:
555
00:31:03,862 --> 00:31:06,892
Basically, what you're telling me
is that the ship is out of control!'
556
00:31:07,443 --> 00:31:09,560
The weird colour scheme freaks me.
557
00:31:10,168 --> 00:31:13,937
Every time I try to operate
one of these weird black controls,
558
00:31:14,057 --> 00:31:16,720
a small black light lights up in
black to let you know you've done it.
559
00:31:17,298 --> 00:31:19,578
It it some kind
of Galactic hyper hearse?
560
00:31:19,698 --> 00:31:22,777
Maybe the designer had eyes that
respond to different wavelengths.
561
00:31:22,897 --> 00:31:24,600
Or had no imagination!
562
00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:27,400
Perhaps he was feeling
very depressed.
563
00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:29,586
It's beginning to make me
feel spacesick!
564
00:31:29,706 --> 00:31:31,430
Timesick!
We're going backwards through time.
565
00:31:31,550 --> 00:31:36,406
- Now I AM going to be ill!
- We could do with some colour here.
566
00:31:42,156 --> 00:31:45,526
Oh, that's better! Have you managed
to make sense of the controls?
567
00:31:47,616 --> 00:31:49,897
No. We just stopped
fiddling with them.
568
00:31:52,703 --> 00:31:53,983
OK, Hotblack,
569
00:31:54,103 --> 00:31:57,679
the black ship's ready to crash
into the sun of Kakrafoon.
570
00:31:57,799 --> 00:32:00,377
Time to get there ourselves.
43360
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.