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'Arthur Dent,
a perfectly ordinary Earthman,
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'was rather surprised
when his friend Ford Prefect
3
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'suddenly revealed himself
to be from a small planet
4
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'in the vicinity of Betelgeuse
5
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'and not from Guildford after all.
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'He was even more surprised
when, minutes later,
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'Earth was unexpectedly demolished
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'to make way
for a new hyperspace by-pass.
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'But this was as nothing
to their joint surprise
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'when they were rescued from certain
death by a stolen spaceship
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'manned by Ford's semi-cousin,
the infamous Zaphod Beeblebrox,
12
00:01:11,993 --> 00:01:15,840
'and by Trillian, a rather nice
young astrophysicist
13
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'Arthur once met at a party
in Islington.
14
00:01:19,435 --> 00:01:23,990
'However, all four of them are soon
totally overwhelmed by surprise
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'when they discover that
the ancient world of Magrathea,
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'a planet legendary for its trade
in manufacturing other planets,
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'is not as dead
as it was supposed to be.
18
00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:37,823
'For Zaphod, Ford and Trillian,
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'surprise is pushed to its
very limits when THIS happened...'
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00:01:44,387 --> 00:01:47,200
'And when Arthur encounters
Slartibartfast,
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'the Magrathean coastline designer
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'who won an award for his work
on Norway
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'and learns that the history
of mankind
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'was only being run for the benefit
of a few white mice,
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'surprise is no longer adequate
26
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'and he is forced to resort
to astonishment.'
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00:02:04,910 --> 00:02:05,908
Mice?!
28
00:02:08,937 --> 00:02:10,452
Mind your head.
29
00:02:11,203 --> 00:02:13,600
E-Excuse the mess.
30
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Most unfortunate-a diode blew in
one of the life support computers.
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When we came to revive
our cleaning staff,
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we discovered they'd been dead
for 30,000 years.
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Who's going to clear away the bodies?
That's what no one has an answer for.
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00:02:29,039 --> 00:02:33,756
Mice? Look, are we talking
about the same things?
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Mice are white furry creatures
with a cheese fixation,
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00:02:37,885 --> 00:02:41,053
women standing screaming on tables
in early '60s sitcoms.
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00:02:41,930 --> 00:02:47,191
Earthman, it is sometimes hard
to follow your mode of speech.
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00:02:47,461 --> 00:02:50,960
I have been asleep
inside this planet of Magrathea
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00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:54,708
for... um... five million years
40
00:02:54,828 --> 00:02:59,686
and know little of these early '60s
sitcoms of which you speak.
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00:02:59,968 --> 00:03:03,710
These creatures you call mice
are not quite as they appear.
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They are merely the protrusion
into our dimension
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00:03:06,507 --> 00:03:11,040
of vast hyper-intelligent,
pan-dimensional beings.
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00:03:13,013 --> 00:03:17,281
This business with the cheese
and the squeaking is just a front.
45
00:03:17,401 --> 00:03:19,747
They have been experimenting on you.
46
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Ahh! No, look, you've got it wrong!
It was us! We experimented on THEM!
47
00:03:24,763 --> 00:03:28,600
Making them run down mazes,
ring bells, eat bits of cheese!
48
00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:31,040
And, by analysing their behaviour,
49
00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:34,038
were learned all sorts of things
about ourselves!
50
00:03:34,158 --> 00:03:36,328
- Such subtlety!
- Well...
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00:03:36,448 --> 00:03:39,569
Well, how better to disguise
their true natures,
52
00:03:39,689 --> 00:03:42,880
how better to guide your way
of thinking,
53
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,440
than to be right down there
amongst you?
54
00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:48,641
Suddenly running down the maze
the wrong way,
55
00:03:49,568 --> 00:03:51,353
eating the wrong bit of cheese,
56
00:03:51,473 --> 00:03:53,960
unexpectedly dropping dead
of myxomatosis.
57
00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:58,162
Finely calculated,
the cumulative effect is enormous.
58
00:03:58,282 --> 00:04:02,436
Just sit... back... back.
59
00:04:02,917 --> 00:04:05,829
I must tell you
that your planet and people
60
00:04:06,170 --> 00:04:09,412
have formed the matrix
of an organic computer
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00:04:09,532 --> 00:04:11,669
running a 10-million-year
research programme
62
00:04:11,789 --> 00:04:16,788
into the ultimate question of Life,
the Universe... and Everything.
63
00:04:17,064 --> 00:04:21,913
They are particularly clever,
hyper-intelligent, pan-dimensional beings.
64
00:04:22,033 --> 00:04:26,582
Attention! Slartibartfastand the visiting Earth creature
65
00:04:26,702 --> 00:04:31,120
report to the work's reception areaimmediately... Repeat, immediately!
66
00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:35,280
However, in the field of management
relations, they're shocking.
67
00:04:35,748 --> 00:04:38,600
- Really?
- Every time they give me an order,
68
00:04:38,984 --> 00:04:41,080
I want to jump on a table and scream.
69
00:04:41,462 --> 00:04:43,458
Yes, I can see
that would be a problem.
70
00:04:43,963 --> 00:04:47,139
'There are many problems
connected with life,
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00:04:47,259 --> 00:04:49,640
'of which some of
the most pressing are...
72
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'Why are people born?
73
00:04:52,340 --> 00:04:53,867
'Why do they die?
74
00:04:53,987 --> 00:04:57,623
'And why do they spend
so much of the intervening time
75
00:04:57,743 --> 00:05:00,077
'wearing digital watches?
76
00:05:01,796 --> 00:05:06,440
'Many millions of years ago,
a race of hyper-intelligent beings
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00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:10,920
'became so fed-up with the bickering
about the meaning of life
78
00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:14,760
'that they decided to sit down
and solve it once and for all.
79
00:05:15,030 --> 00:05:17,038
'To this end, they built themselves
80
00:05:17,158 --> 00:05:20,895
'a stupendous super-computer
called Deep Thought
81
00:05:21,015 --> 00:05:23,600
'that was so amazingly intelligent
82
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:27,080
'that even before its data banks
had been connected up,
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00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:29,997
'it started
from first principles with:
84
00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:36,760
'And deduced the existence
of rice pudding and income tax
85
00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:39,454
'before anyone managed
to turn it off.'
86
00:05:39,574 --> 00:05:41,286
Do not be alarmed.
87
00:05:43,376 --> 00:05:46,041
'Only after Deep Thought
has been programmed
88
00:05:46,161 --> 00:05:49,760
'with all the knowledge
in the Universe, do two men,
89
00:05:50,140 --> 00:05:53,369
'selected of all their race,
approach it.'
90
00:06:03,786 --> 00:06:08,800
What is this great taskfor which l, Deep Thought,
91
00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:12,259
the second greatest computerin the Universe
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00:06:12,379 --> 00:06:17,170
of Time and Space, have been called into existence?
93
00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:22,400
- Your task, O computer...
- No, wait a minute!
94
00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:24,740
Did he say "second greatest"?
95
00:06:25,550 --> 00:06:28,803
O Deep Thought, are you not,
as we designed you to be,
96
00:06:28,923 --> 00:06:32,548
the greatest, the most powerful
computer of all time?
97
00:06:33,300 --> 00:06:39,206
I described myself asthe second greatest and such I am!
98
00:06:39,326 --> 00:06:41,531
Can we just clear this up?
99
00:06:42,024 --> 00:06:45,040
O Deep Thought,
are you not a greater computer
100
00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:49,720
than the Milliard Gargantubrain which
can count all the atoms in a star?
101
00:06:49,937 --> 00:06:56,200
A Milliard Gargantubrain? A mere abacus! Mention it not!
102
00:06:56,320 --> 00:07:00,840
Are you not a greater analyst
than the Googleplex Star Thinker
103
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,480
in the 7th Galaxy
of Light and Ingenuity?
104
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:07,257
The Googleplex Star Thinker?
105
00:07:07,377 --> 00:07:11,399
Molest me notwith this pocket calculator stuff!
106
00:07:11,519 --> 00:07:13,800
But are you not
a more fiendish disputant
107
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:19,600
than the Great Hyperlobic Omnicognate
Neutron Wrangler on Ciceronicus 12?!
108
00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:22,560
The Great 0mnicognateNeutron Wrangler
109
00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:27,213
could talk all four legsoff an Arcturan megadonkey,
110
00:07:27,624 --> 00:07:31,778
but only I could persuade itto go for a walk afterwards!
111
00:07:31,898 --> 00:07:34,396
Then... what is the problem?
112
00:07:34,516 --> 00:07:37,280
There is no problem!
113
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:42,840
I speak of none but the computerthat is to come after me!
114
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:46,000
I think this is getting
needlessly messianic.
115
00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:50,640
A computer whose merestoperational parameters
116
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:53,640
I am not worthy to calculate,
117
00:07:53,760 --> 00:08:00,019
but which it will be my destinyeventually to design!
118
00:08:00,641 --> 00:08:02,990
Can we get on and ask the question?
119
00:08:03,110 --> 00:08:04,528
Oh, all right.
120
00:08:05,382 --> 00:08:11,664
O Great Computer, the task we have
designed you to perform is this.
121
00:08:12,322 --> 00:08:15,644
We want you to tell us the answer.
122
00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:18,472
The answer?
123
00:08:18,883 --> 00:08:21,920
- The answer to what?
- Life!
124
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:24,651
- The Universe!
- Everything!
125
00:08:25,168 --> 00:08:26,706
Tricky.
126
00:08:27,599 --> 00:08:30,123
But... can you do it?
127
00:08:31,133 --> 00:08:33,932
Yes, I can do it.
128
00:08:34,590 --> 00:08:37,408
You mean... there IS an answer?
129
00:08:37,819 --> 00:08:40,840
- A simple answer?
- Yes.
130
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:44,280
Life, the Universe and Everything.
131
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,440
There is an answer.
132
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:51,184
- There is an answer! At last!
- But I'll have to think about it.
133
00:08:56,488 --> 00:08:58,728
- We demand admission!
- Now what?
134
00:08:58,848 --> 00:09:02,737
- You can't keep us out!
- We demand you cannot keep us out!
135
00:09:07,199 --> 00:09:10,720
- Who are you? Get out of here!
- I am Majkthise!
136
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:14,203
And I demand that I am Vroomfondel!
137
00:09:15,154 --> 00:09:18,442
It's all right,
you don't need to demand that!
138
00:09:18,688 --> 00:09:21,584
All right, I am Vroomfondel...
139
00:09:21,843 --> 00:09:25,835
...and that is not a demand,
that is a solid fact!
140
00:09:26,187 --> 00:09:28,171
What we demand is solid facts!
141
00:09:28,291 --> 00:09:31,520
No, we don't! That is precisely
what we DON'T demand!
142
00:09:31,810 --> 00:09:33,572
We don't demand solid facts!
143
00:09:33,924 --> 00:09:37,280
What we demand is a total absence
of solid facts!
144
00:09:37,740 --> 00:09:43,083
I demand that I may, or may not,
be Vroomfondel!
145
00:09:44,422 --> 00:09:47,909
- Who are you?
- We are philosophers.
146
00:09:48,029 --> 00:09:50,400
- Though we may not be!
- Yes, we are!
147
00:09:50,809 --> 00:09:53,222
We are definitely here
as representatives
148
00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:57,920
of the Amalgamated Union
of Philosophers, Sages, and Luminaries,
149
00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:00,317
and we want the machine off now!
150
00:10:00,437 --> 00:10:02,477
We demand that you get rid of it!
151
00:10:02,597 --> 00:10:07,080
- What's the problem?
- The problem is demarcation, mate!
152
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:11,560
We demand that demarcation
may or may not be the problem!
153
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:13,889
Let the machines
get on with the adding up
154
00:10:14,009 --> 00:10:16,883
and WE'LL take care
of the eternal verities!
155
00:10:17,003 --> 00:10:19,663
By law, the quest for ultimate truth
156
00:10:19,783 --> 00:10:22,907
is the inalienable prerogative
of your working thinkers!
157
00:10:23,142 --> 00:10:26,400
Any machine goes and finds 'em,
we're out of a job!
158
00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:30,600
What's the use of our arguing
half the night whether there may...
159
00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:32,880
- Or may not!
...be a god...
160
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:36,583
...if this machine gives you
his phone number in the morning!
161
00:10:36,703 --> 00:10:37,794
That's right!
162
00:10:37,914 --> 00:10:42,326
We demand rigidly defined areas
of doubt and uncertainty!
163
00:10:43,289 --> 00:10:47,349
Might I make an observation
at this point?
164
00:10:47,469 --> 00:10:49,077
Keep out of this!
165
00:10:49,383 --> 00:10:53,739
We demand that that machine not be
allowed to think about this problem!
166
00:10:56,465 --> 00:11:00,328
If I might make an observation!
167
00:11:02,676 --> 00:11:05,779
All I wanted to say was this.
168
00:11:06,641 --> 00:11:10,325
My circuitsare now irrevocably committed
169
00:11:10,445 --> 00:11:13,040
to calculating the answer
170
00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:18,118
to the ultimate questionof Life, the Universe and Everything,
171
00:11:18,482 --> 00:11:23,270
but the program will take mea little while to run.
172
00:11:24,397 --> 00:11:28,840
- How long?
- Seven and a half...
173
00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:34,609
- What, not till next week?!
- ... million... years!
174
00:11:35,853 --> 00:11:40,844
- How long?!
- I said I'd have to think about it.
175
00:11:40,964 --> 00:11:45,250
And it occurs to me that runninga program like this
176
00:11:45,370 --> 00:11:48,520
is bound to createconsiderable interest
177
00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:51,689
in the whole areaof popular philosophy.
178
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:55,440
- Yes?
- Keep talking.
179
00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:58,663
Everyone's going to havehis own theory
180
00:11:58,783 --> 00:12:02,702
about what answer I'm eventuallygoing to come up with
181
00:12:02,937 --> 00:12:06,960
and who better to capitaliseon that media market
182
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:09,184
than you yourselves?
183
00:12:09,304 --> 00:12:13,520
So long as you can keep violentlydisagreeing with each other
184
00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:16,857
and slagging each other offin the popular press,
185
00:12:17,197 --> 00:12:20,649
and so long asyou have clever agents,
186
00:12:21,095 --> 00:12:25,886
you can keep yourselveson the gravy train for life!
187
00:12:28,340 --> 00:12:32,982
Bloody hell!
Now, that's what I call thinking!
188
00:12:33,205 --> 00:12:36,915
'Ere, Vroomfondel, how come
we never think of things like that?
189
00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:38,488
Dunno.
190
00:12:40,461 --> 00:12:44,039
I think our minds must be
too highly trained, Majkthise.
191
00:12:49,922 --> 00:12:53,068
Very salutary, but what about
the Earth and mice?
192
00:12:53,188 --> 00:12:55,254
All will become clear to you.
193
00:12:56,992 --> 00:13:02,072
Are you not anxious to hear what the
computer said 7.5 million years later?
194
00:13:02,192 --> 00:13:04,752
Erm... yes... quite.
195
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,811
The time is nearly upon us!
196
00:13:31,931 --> 00:13:35,017
7.5 million years we've waited.
197
00:13:36,402 --> 00:13:38,920
75,000 generations
198
00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:43,200
since our ancestors set this program
in motion and, in all that time,
199
00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:47,141
we shall be the first to hear
the computer speak.
200
00:13:47,646 --> 00:13:48,996
It's an awesome prospect.
201
00:13:53,759 --> 00:13:56,178
Deep Thought is about to speak!
202
00:13:58,526 --> 00:14:00,455
Good evening.
203
00:14:02,756 --> 00:14:04,177
G-Good evening.
204
00:14:14,965 --> 00:14:17,360
O... Deep Thought...
205
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:20,920
...do you have... Have you...?
206
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:23,560
An answer for you?
207
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:26,284
Yes, I have.
208
00:14:26,404 --> 00:14:30,040
- There really is one?
- There really is one.
209
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:32,846
To everything?
The secret of the Universe?
210
00:14:32,966 --> 00:14:35,229
The great questions of Life
and Everything?
211
00:14:35,863 --> 00:14:38,925
- Yes.
- Are you ready to give it to us?
212
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:41,664
- I am.
- Now?!
213
00:14:42,347 --> 00:14:43,651
Now!
214
00:14:44,379 --> 00:14:45,435
Wow!
215
00:14:46,316 --> 00:14:49,976
Though I don't thinkyou're going to like it.
216
00:14:50,763 --> 00:14:53,416
Doesn't matter! We must know it!
217
00:14:53,648 --> 00:14:56,290
- Now?
- Yes... now.
218
00:14:57,406 --> 00:14:59,402
All right.
219
00:15:11,257 --> 00:15:14,240
- Well?
- You're really not going to like it.
220
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:15,760
Tell us!
221
00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:19,414
- The answer to the great question...
- Yes?
222
00:15:19,778 --> 00:15:23,080
... of Life, the Universeand Everything...
223
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:24,651
- Yes?
- ... is...
224
00:15:24,771 --> 00:15:26,177
- Yes?
- ... is...
225
00:15:26,297 --> 00:15:29,982
- Yes?!
- ... 42!
226
00:15:32,612 --> 00:15:35,607
It was a tough assignment.
227
00:15:36,276 --> 00:15:38,784
42?!
228
00:15:39,218 --> 00:15:46,040
Is that all you've got to show
for 7.5 million years' work?!
229
00:15:46,838 --> 00:15:48,771
I think the problem
230
00:15:48,891 --> 00:15:52,282
is that you've never knownwhat the question is.
231
00:15:52,402 --> 00:15:54,920
But it was the GREAT question,
232
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:59,756
the ultimate question of Life,
the Universe and Everything!
233
00:16:00,073 --> 00:16:03,560
Yes, but what actually is it?
234
00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:05,169
Well...
235
00:16:06,942 --> 00:16:08,582
...just everything!
236
00:16:09,111 --> 00:16:12,222
You know... everything!
237
00:16:12,492 --> 00:16:14,218
Exactly.
238
00:16:14,629 --> 00:16:18,254
You have to knowwhat the question actually is
239
00:16:18,374 --> 00:16:21,425
in order to knowwhat the answer means.
240
00:16:21,753 --> 00:16:25,015
Well, can you please tell us
the question?
241
00:16:25,135 --> 00:16:28,291
- The Ultimate Question?
- Yes!
242
00:16:28,411 --> 00:16:32,462
Of Life, the Universeand Everything?
243
00:16:32,814 --> 00:16:35,930
- Yes!
- Tricky.
244
00:16:37,773 --> 00:16:40,088
But can you do it?
245
00:16:41,603 --> 00:16:42,836
No.
246
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:47,670
But I'll tell you who can.
247
00:16:48,797 --> 00:16:50,347
Tell us!
248
00:16:53,109 --> 00:16:57,829
I speak of none but the computerthat is to come after me.
249
00:16:58,275 --> 00:17:02,360
A computer whose merestoperational parameters
250
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:05,400
I am not worthy to calculate!
251
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:08,364
Yet I will design it for you!
252
00:17:08,798 --> 00:17:13,485
A computer which can calculatethe Answer to the Ultimate Question,
253
00:17:13,849 --> 00:17:18,160
a computer of such infiniteand subtle complexity
254
00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:20,320
that organic life itself
255
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:23,827
shall form partof its operational matrix.
256
00:17:24,156 --> 00:17:30,187
You yourselves shall take on newforms and go down into the computer
257
00:17:30,307 --> 00:17:34,440
to navigateits 10-million-year program!
258
00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:38,326
Yes, I shall designthis computer for you
259
00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:41,680
and I shall name it also unto you
260
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:46,193
and it shall be called the Earth!
261
00:17:49,450 --> 00:17:51,422
Oh, what a dull name.
262
00:17:52,033 --> 00:17:53,231
So there you have it.
263
00:17:54,851 --> 00:17:58,960
Deep Thought designed the Earth,
we built it and you lived on it.
264
00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:02,915
The Vogons destroyed it 5 minutes
before the program was completed.
265
00:18:03,035 --> 00:18:06,426
10 million years of planning
and work gone.
266
00:18:06,546 --> 00:18:09,240
Well, that's bureaucracy for you.
267
00:18:09,360 --> 00:18:11,329
Do you know, this explains a lot,
268
00:18:11,634 --> 00:18:15,236
because all my life
I've had this feeling in my bones
269
00:18:15,356 --> 00:18:18,280
something sinister was happening
in the Universe.
270
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,261
No one would tell me what it was.
271
00:18:20,381 --> 00:18:22,820
That's just perfectly normal
paranoia.
272
00:18:24,077 --> 00:18:27,141
- Everyone in the Universe has that.
- Everyone?
273
00:18:27,881 --> 00:18:29,004
Everyone.
274
00:18:29,603 --> 00:18:31,658
Maybe that means something!
275
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:35,920
That outside the Universe we know,
some alien intelligence is...
276
00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:37,998
Maybe. Who cares?
277
00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:41,508
Perhaps I'm old,
but the chances of finding out
278
00:18:41,628 --> 00:18:44,725
what really is going on
are so absurdly remote
279
00:18:44,845 --> 00:18:49,202
the only thing to do is to say, "Hang
the sense of it" and keep occupied.
280
00:18:49,322 --> 00:18:53,596
Look at me. I design coastlines.
I got an award for Norway.
281
00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:57,960
Where's the sense in that?
None that I can make out.
282
00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:00,200
I've been doing fjords all my life.
283
00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:04,780
For a fleeting moment, they become
fashionable. I get a major award.
284
00:19:05,297 --> 00:19:09,240
In this replacement Earth,
I've been given Africa to do.
285
00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:13,200
I'm doing it with with fjords
because I happen to like them.
286
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:17,713
I'm old-fashioned enough to think
they give a lovely baroque feel
287
00:19:17,833 --> 00:19:19,183
to a continent.
288
00:19:19,303 --> 00:19:23,274
They tell me it's not equatorial
enough. What does it matter?
289
00:19:23,394 --> 00:19:26,137
Science has achieved
wonderful things,
290
00:19:26,257 --> 00:19:29,720
but I'd far rather be happy
than right any day.
291
00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:33,520
- And are you?
- No. That's where it all falls down.
292
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:36,750
Pity. Sounded like
rather a good lifestyle otherwise.
293
00:19:36,973 --> 00:19:42,040
Slartibartfast and the Earthcreature report to the reception area.
294
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:45,400
Now? To meet mice?
You want me to meet mice now?
295
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:47,631
It won't be a great social occasion.
296
00:19:47,751 --> 00:19:49,510
At once!
297
00:19:49,630 --> 00:19:52,317
I seem to be having difficulty
with MY lifestyle.
298
00:19:52,437 --> 00:19:55,287
- I beg your pardon?
- What? Sorry.
299
00:19:55,407 --> 00:19:58,568
- Fatuous thing to say, really.
- I thought so.
300
00:20:00,999 --> 00:20:04,840
'It is, of course, well known
that careless talk costs lives,
301
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:08,325
'but the full scale of the problem
is not always appreciated.
302
00:20:08,445 --> 00:20:11,107
'At the very moment Arthur said:
303
00:20:11,227 --> 00:20:14,489
I seem to be having difficulty
with MY lifestyle.
304
00:20:14,609 --> 00:20:19,246
'a freak wormhole opened up in the
fabric of the space-time continuum
305
00:20:19,366 --> 00:20:21,876
'and carried his words
far back in time
306
00:20:21,996 --> 00:20:26,412
'across almost infinite reaches
of space to a distant galaxy
307
00:20:26,532 --> 00:20:28,514
'where strange and warlike beings
308
00:20:28,634 --> 00:20:32,588
'were poised on the brink
of frightful interstellar battle.
309
00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:36,440
'The two leaders
were meeting for the last time.
310
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:39,595
'A silence fell across
the conference table
311
00:20:39,715 --> 00:20:45,048
'as the commander of the VI'hurgs,
in his red jewelled battle shorts,
312
00:20:45,168 --> 00:20:49,320
'gazed levelly at the G'Gugvunt
leader squatting opposite him
313
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:52,237
'in a cloud of green,
sweet-smelling steam
314
00:20:52,357 --> 00:20:55,949
'and, with a million
be-weaponed star cruisers
315
00:20:56,069 --> 00:21:00,214
'poised to unleash electric death
at his single word of command,
316
00:21:00,334 --> 00:21:04,302
'challenged the vile creature
to take back what it said
317
00:21:04,422 --> 00:21:06,090
'about his mother.
318
00:21:07,499 --> 00:21:10,880
'The creature stirred
in its sickly broiling vapour
319
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,818
'and at that moment the words...
320
00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:15,800
I seem to be having difficultywith MY lifestyle.
321
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:18,160
'... drifted across the table.
322
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,800
'Unfortunately,
in the VI'hurg tongue,
323
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:23,760
'this was the most dreadful insult
imaginable
324
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:27,888
'and there was nothing for it
but to fight terrible war!'
325
00:21:49,078 --> 00:21:52,211
'Eventually, after their galaxy
had been decimated
326
00:21:52,331 --> 00:21:54,797
'over a few thousand years,
it was realised
327
00:21:54,917 --> 00:21:57,601
'the whole thing
had been a ghastly mistake.
328
00:21:57,721 --> 00:22:02,120
'So the two opposing battle fleets
settled their differences
329
00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:05,280
'in order to launch
a joint attack on our galaxy,
330
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:09,600
'now positively identified as
the source of the offending remark.
331
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:12,364
'For thousands more years,
the mighty ships
332
00:22:12,484 --> 00:22:15,000
'tore across the empty wastes
of space
333
00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:18,720
'and finally dived,
streaming onto the planet Earth
334
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:22,200
'where, due to a terrible
miscalculation of scale,
335
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:27,508
'the entire battle fleet was
accidently swallowed by a small dog.
336
00:22:28,976 --> 00:22:32,051
'Those who study the interplay
of cause and effect
337
00:22:32,171 --> 00:22:36,320
'in the history of the Universe
say this goes on all the time,
338
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:39,119
'but that they are powerless
to prevent it.
339
00:22:40,164 --> 00:22:42,905
'Meanwhile,
Arthur is about to be confronted
340
00:22:43,025 --> 00:22:46,839
'with the terrible reality
of all he has learnt.'
341
00:22:47,778 --> 00:22:49,821
Arthur, you're safe!
342
00:22:50,091 --> 00:22:51,857
Am I? Oh, good.
343
00:22:56,930 --> 00:23:00,769
- Hi. Come in. Food.
- What happened to you?
344
00:23:00,889 --> 00:23:03,720
Well, our hosts here
have been gassing us
345
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:06,441
and zapping our minds
and being weird,
346
00:23:06,561 --> 00:23:10,266
and are now giving us this amazingly
keen meal to make it up to us.
347
00:23:10,386 --> 00:23:14,080
Have some Vegan rhino cutlet!
It's exit!
348
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:16,165
Hosts? I don't see any hosts!
349
00:23:16,285 --> 00:23:19,253
Ugh! There are mice on the table!
350
00:23:22,142 --> 00:23:26,011
Yes... sorry.
I... wasn't quite prepared for...
351
00:23:28,089 --> 00:23:29,721
Let me introduce you.
352
00:23:29,841 --> 00:23:32,668
- This is Benjy mouse.
- Hi, there!
353
00:23:32,788 --> 00:23:36,520
- And this is... Frankie mouse.
- Pleased to meet you!
354
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:39,948
- Aren't they...
- The mice I brought from Earth.
355
00:23:40,068 --> 00:23:41,200
Well...
356
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:43,344
Try some grated Arcturan megadonkey.
357
00:23:43,464 --> 00:23:45,960
Ahem! Excuse me!
358
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,800
Yes, Slartibartfast, you may go!
359
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:49,866
What?
360
00:23:50,383 --> 00:23:55,466
Oh, very well, I'll go and get on
with some of my fjords, then.
361
00:23:55,586 --> 00:23:57,920
They won't be necessary.
362
00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:00,995
I don't think we'll be needing
the new Earth.
363
00:24:01,242 --> 00:24:02,369
What?!
364
00:24:02,698 --> 00:24:06,772
I've got a thousand glaciers poised
and ready to roll over Africa!
365
00:24:06,892 --> 00:24:10,118
Thank you, Slartibartfast,
that will be all!
366
00:24:10,717 --> 00:24:13,476
Yes, sir. Thank you very much.
367
00:24:14,204 --> 00:24:15,167
Well...
368
00:24:15,930 --> 00:24:17,797
...goodbye, Earthman.
369
00:24:17,917 --> 00:24:21,801
Sorry about your planet.
Hope the lifestyle comes together!
370
00:24:21,921 --> 00:24:25,429
- Now to business!
- Oh, yeah. To business!
371
00:24:25,549 --> 00:24:28,482
- To business!
- I beg your pardon?!
372
00:24:28,602 --> 00:24:33,200
I'm sorry, I thought
you were proposing a toast!
373
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:37,720
Earth creature, we've been running
your planet for 10 million years
374
00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:40,520
in order to find
the Ultimate Question.
375
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:43,880
As we were about to see the fruit
of millions of years of work,
376
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,080
you let your planet get blown up!
377
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:49,114
- The best-laid plans of mice.
- And men.
378
00:24:49,234 --> 00:24:52,720
- What?
- Best-laid plans of mice and men.
379
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:55,053
What have men got to do with it?
380
00:24:55,173 --> 00:24:57,960
We've got to have that Question!
381
00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:00,478
I'm sorry I can't help you.
Shall we be off?
382
00:25:00,598 --> 00:25:05,914
Get this, you are a last generation
product of that computer matrix.
383
00:25:06,034 --> 00:25:08,960
You were there
before your planet got the finger.
384
00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:12,720
Your brain was a part
of the configuration of the program.
385
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:13,965
Of the whatty?
386
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:17,783
- Drink?
- I will.
387
00:25:18,265 --> 00:25:21,705
The mice seem to think the Question
might be buried in your brain.
388
00:25:21,825 --> 00:25:24,800
- Is that what they think?
- Yes. They wanna buy it.
389
00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:28,720
- What, the Question?
- No, no, your brain!
390
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:30,560
- What?
- What?
391
00:25:30,905 --> 00:25:31,679
What?
392
00:25:31,799 --> 00:25:35,880
- That's all right. Who'd miss it?
- Thank you!
393
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:39,560
I thought you said you could read
his brain electronically.
394
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:41,998
Yes, but we'd have
to get it out first.
395
00:25:42,118 --> 00:25:46,061
- It's got to be prepared, diced.
- Thank you!
396
00:25:46,181 --> 00:25:48,840
It could be replaced
if it's important.
397
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:51,599
Yes, an electronic brain.
398
00:25:51,719 --> 00:25:53,903
- A simple one should suffice.
- Simple?
399
00:25:54,023 --> 00:25:59,080
Program it to say "What?" and "Where's
the tea?" Who'd know the difference?
400
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:00,297
- What?
- See?
401
00:26:00,417 --> 00:26:03,645
- I'd notice!
- You'd be programmed not to!
402
00:26:03,765 --> 00:26:05,280
Let's get out!
403
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:09,560
- Sorry, mice, old mates, no deal.
- Let's not be hasty...!
404
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:13,920
Emergency! Hostilealien police in Section 8A!
405
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:16,800
- Defence stations...!
- Galactic police!
406
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:19,730
Hell and bats' dos,
we gotta go whoosh!
407
00:26:19,965 --> 00:26:23,400
- Creatures, where are you going?
- Out, out, out!
408
00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:28,160
But the Question!
Think of the issues at stake!
409
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:30,600
- Which way?
- Any way!
410
00:26:30,889 --> 00:26:33,480
- This way!
- Don't you understand?
411
00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:39,800
Don't you understand how much money
we can make appearing on chat shows?
412
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:42,847
All this fuss
about an Earthling brain!
413
00:26:42,967 --> 00:26:45,888
- Let's go, let's go!
- Where are we gonna go?!
414
00:27:03,095 --> 00:27:04,586
Over there!
415
00:27:06,841 --> 00:27:08,074
Which way?
416
00:27:08,297 --> 00:27:12,179
- At a wild guess, I'd say...
- This way.
417
00:27:12,299 --> 00:27:13,456
Yeah.
418
00:27:13,926 --> 00:27:16,801
OK, Beeblebrox, hold it right there,
we got you covered!
419
00:27:19,126 --> 00:27:22,560
- Cops!
- Anyone else want a guess?
420
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:24,867
Yeah... this way!
421
00:27:27,285 --> 00:27:30,160
We don't wanna shoot you, Beeblebrox.
422
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:31,690
Suits me fine!
423
00:27:33,380 --> 00:27:36,351
- Back to the lift?
- Back to the lift!
424
00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:45,000
Hey, I thought they said
they didn't want to shoot at us!
425
00:27:45,120 --> 00:27:48,788
- I thought so!
- You said you didn't wanna shoot us!
426
00:27:48,908 --> 00:27:51,405
It isn't easy being a cop!
427
00:27:51,839 --> 00:27:54,188
- What did he say?
- It isn't easy being a cop.
428
00:27:54,308 --> 00:27:56,430
- That's his problem!
- I think so!
429
00:27:56,550 --> 00:28:01,521
Listen, we've enough problems of our
own having you there shooting at us!
430
00:28:01,641 --> 00:28:05,316
If you'd like to avoid laying
your personal problems on us,
431
00:28:05,436 --> 00:28:08,360
I think we'd all find it
easier to cope!
432
00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:10,541
Now, look, buddy,
433
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:15,494
you're not dealing with any dumb,
two-bit, trigger-pumping morons
434
00:28:15,614 --> 00:28:20,596
with low hairlines, little
piggy eyes and no conversation!
435
00:28:21,171 --> 00:28:24,840
We're a couple of caring,
intelligent guys
436
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:28,322
you'd probably really like
if you met us socially.
437
00:28:28,557 --> 00:28:31,291
I don't go around gratuitously
shooting people
438
00:28:31,411 --> 00:28:35,160
and then brag about it
in seedy space rangers bars.
439
00:28:35,483 --> 00:28:37,652
I go around
gratuitously shooting people,
440
00:28:37,772 --> 00:28:41,440
then I agonise about it afterwards
to my girlfriend!
441
00:28:41,675 --> 00:28:45,720
- And I write novels!
- Yeah, he writes them in crayon.
442
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:48,520
Though I haven't had
any published yet
443
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:54,210
so I'd better warn ya,
I'm in a mean mood!
444
00:28:56,112 --> 00:29:00,174
- Who are these guys?
- I preferred them shooting.
445
00:29:00,527 --> 00:29:04,897
So are you gonna come quietly
or you gonna let us blast ya out?
446
00:29:05,017 --> 00:29:06,790
Which would you prefer?
447
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:17,319
You still there?
448
00:29:17,671 --> 00:29:19,291
Yeah!
449
00:29:20,336 --> 00:29:22,680
We didn't enjoy that at all.
450
00:29:22,956 --> 00:29:26,520
- We could tell!
- Now, listen to this, Beeblebrox.
451
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:29,813
- And you'd better listen good!
- Why?
452
00:29:31,281 --> 00:29:35,640
Er... because it's gonna be
very intelligent
453
00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:38,980
and quite interesting... and humane.
454
00:29:42,937 --> 00:29:45,564
OK, shoot. I mean, fire away!
455
00:29:45,684 --> 00:29:47,809
No, no, I mean...!
456
00:29:48,044 --> 00:29:51,285
Sorry, misunderstanding there.
457
00:29:52,705 --> 00:29:56,480
Beeblebrox, either you all
give yourselves up
458
00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:58,280
and let us beat you up a little,
459
00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:03,082
though not too much because we are
firmly opposed to needless violence,
460
00:30:03,202 --> 00:30:07,674
or... er... or we blow up
this entire planet!
461
00:30:09,858 --> 00:30:12,800
And one or two others
we noticed on the way over!
462
00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:15,240
That's crazy! You wouldn't do that!
463
00:30:15,505 --> 00:30:17,032
Yes, we would!
464
00:30:17,361 --> 00:30:21,679
- I think we would, wouldn't we?
- Yes, we'd have to. No question.
465
00:30:21,799 --> 00:30:23,666
- But why?
- Tell her.
466
00:30:24,241 --> 00:30:26,280
- You tell her!
- You tell her!
467
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:29,280
- You tell her!
- You tell her!
468
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:31,682
Will one of you tell her!
469
00:30:33,197 --> 00:30:36,214
It isn't easy being a cop!
470
00:30:36,532 --> 00:30:40,445
(Listen... if we keep them talking,
maybe their brains will seize up.)
471
00:30:41,444 --> 00:30:44,496
Shall we... shoot them up again
for a while?
472
00:30:44,896 --> 00:30:46,258
- Why not?
- Yeah.
473
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:47,559
Wait...
474
00:30:50,717 --> 00:30:54,028
Well, that just about wraps it up
for this lifetime, I guess.
475
00:30:54,533 --> 00:30:59,264
Well... it's really been nice
running into you again, Zaphod.
476
00:30:59,384 --> 00:31:04,400
# Zaglabor astragard
477
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:09,040
# Hootrimansion Bambriar... #
478
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:13,013
- What the hell are you doing?!
- A Betelgeuse death anthem.
479
00:31:13,133 --> 00:31:17,251
It means, "After this,
things can only get better."
480
00:31:19,177 --> 00:31:23,680
# Zaglabor astragard!
481
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:29,360
# Hootrimansion Bambriar... #
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