Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
WEBVTT
00:06.345 --> 00:10.768
Subtitles by explosiveskull
00:10.770 --> 00:11.603
Careful.
00:12.470 --> 00:13.303
Ryan.
00:14.960 --> 00:17.128
I don't think I know how to French kiss
00:17.130 --> 00:19.643
and I need you to teach me.
00:20.690 --> 00:21.788
Okay.
00:21.790 --> 00:22.838
Teach you how?
00:22.840 --> 00:23.838
Well, demonstrate.
00:23.840 --> 00:25.568
Kiss me and show me how it's done.
00:25.570 --> 00:26.688
Okay.
00:26.690 --> 00:29.578
Wait, shouldn't you be doing
this with your girlfriend?
00:29.580 --> 00:31.208
Oh, Evan?
00:31.210 --> 00:32.888
She's too polite to tell me
00:32.890 --> 00:34.808
that my kissing skills could improve
00:34.810 --> 00:36.941
but I know she wants me to be better.
00:36.943 --> 00:37.958
Yeah.
00:37.960 --> 00:39.188
Did she say something to you?
00:39.190 --> 00:40.188
What?
00:40.190 --> 00:41.078
No.
00:41.080 --> 00:41.911
No.
00:41.913 --> 00:43.848
She said nothing to be about
you being a bad kisser.
00:43.850 --> 00:45.228
She said I was a bad kisser?
00:45.230 --> 00:46.680
She didn't but
00:47.610 --> 00:49.468
okay, let's practice.
00:49.470 --> 00:51.613
Kiss me like you kiss her.
00:59.270 --> 01:00.327
How was I?
01:00.329 --> 01:01.162
Great.
01:02.989 --> 01:04.516
I am a bad kisser.
01:04.519 --> 01:07.447
Maybe you should open
your mouth a little.
01:07.449 --> 01:08.807
Relax your lips.
01:08.809 --> 01:11.402
You wanna go from here to here.
01:12.532 --> 01:13.365
Okay.
01:15.000 --> 01:21.074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
01:22.059 --> 01:23.187
Okay, it's like you're pecking
01:23.189 --> 01:25.937
Like, "mwuah, mwuah," little kisses.
01:25.939 --> 01:30.027
Which is super sweet if
that's what you're into.
01:30.029 --> 01:31.887
But that's no good.
01:31.889 --> 01:33.797
It's sort of like an extended version
01:33.799 --> 01:35.262
of kissing your sister.
01:35.264 --> 01:36.095
Ew.
01:36.097 --> 01:37.049
Yeah, it's not hot.
01:39.149 --> 01:40.297
Listen,
01:40.299 --> 01:42.927
open your mouth, relax your lips,
01:42.929 --> 01:43.932
follow my lead.
02:07.196 --> 02:09.836
Wow, that was amazing, is
that how it's supposed to be?
02:09.839 --> 02:10.757
Yes.
02:10.758 --> 02:11.947
You probably should've figured that out
02:11.949 --> 02:13.157
when you were like 13.
02:13.159 --> 02:16.227
I wasn't kissing a lot
of girls when I was 13.
02:16.229 --> 02:17.757
That's what boys are for.
02:17.759 --> 02:20.227
Lifting heavy boxes and
practicing making out.
02:20.229 --> 02:22.287
Oh, you're a wizard, I
can't wait to show Evan.
02:22.289 --> 02:23.817
Or is that too much?
02:23.819 --> 02:25.777
Definitely try it on Evan.
02:25.779 --> 02:26.612
She'll love it.
02:29.139 --> 02:33.057
So, this has been super
fun and not at all boring
02:33.059 --> 02:35.332
but I'm gonna go mingle.
02:36.293 --> 02:37.507
Why don't you go find Evan
02:37.509 --> 02:39.487
and show her all this fun
stuff I just taught you.
02:39.489 --> 02:40.320
Are you kidding?
02:40.322 --> 02:41.552
I have so many questions.
02:43.959 --> 02:45.263
Oh, look, my drink is almost gone.
02:45.265 --> 02:46.327
Why don't you get me another one
02:46.329 --> 02:49.786
and I'll go talk to people who aren't you.
02:51.579 --> 02:52.412
Ryan,
02:54.459 --> 02:56.697
you're the best friend a girl could have.
02:56.699 --> 02:58.217
Thanks.
02:58.219 --> 02:59.052
I know.
03:20.728 --> 03:22.728
Why are we hiding away from the world?
03:25.686 --> 03:27.346
Because I have the good shit.
03:27.348 --> 03:29.116
Out there, they have snickelfritz,
03:29.118 --> 03:33.246
and this, this is 27 year old
small batch Kentucky bourbon.
03:33.248 --> 03:34.866
And I don't like to share.
03:34.868 --> 03:35.986
Ever.
03:35.988 --> 03:37.238
You're sharing with me.
03:38.506 --> 03:40.876
That's because I'm one
generous motherfucker.
03:40.878 --> 03:42.671
I'm a god unto my people.
03:45.240 --> 03:46.746
This is older than I am.
03:46.748 --> 03:47.966
How expensive is this?
03:47.968 --> 03:48.799
Very.
03:48.801 --> 03:50.509
Costs more than your dignity.
03:50.511 --> 03:51.926
Well that's not saying much.
03:51.928 --> 03:53.119
Skol.
03:53.121 --> 03:56.288
Of course it is, it's got ice in it.
03:57.398 --> 03:58.466
Hey, lezlords.
03:58.468 --> 03:59.836
Hate to break up the gay-gay meeting
03:59.838 --> 04:02.611
but your girlfriend is out
there making out with Ryan.
04:03.478 --> 04:04.766
Really?
04:04.768 --> 04:07.386
I think she's giving her
kissing lessons out of pity.
04:07.388 --> 04:08.936
Good, let's hope it works.
04:08.938 --> 04:10.426
It's really sad though.
04:10.428 --> 04:11.886
You might wanna get out there and stop her
04:11.888 --> 04:14.406
before she embarrasses herself anymore.
04:14.408 --> 04:15.241
Okay.
04:19.058 --> 04:22.960
Listen, my dad gave this
to me when I quit smoking.
04:22.962 --> 04:24.646
Very expensive.
04:24.648 --> 04:26.648
Guard it with your life.
04:28.888 --> 04:31.736
Evan, you never quit smoking.
04:31.738 --> 04:32.888
He doesn't know that.
04:35.312 --> 04:36.472
You're beautiful.
04:36.474 --> 04:37.557
Never change.
04:39.018 --> 04:40.611
Hey, you wanna get fucked up?
04:41.526 --> 04:43.087
Yeah.
04:43.089 --> 04:44.901
Cool.
04:44.903 --> 04:45.736
Have fun.
05:52.289 --> 05:53.120
Hi.
05:53.122 --> 05:54.724
Excuse me.
05:57.857 --> 05:58.690
Excuse me, miss.
06:00.687 --> 06:03.625
I'd be careful walking around
with two premium beverages
06:03.627 --> 06:05.325
when this party's down to
six-pack of wine coolers
06:05.327 --> 06:06.565
and a bottle of Maneschewitz.
06:06.567 --> 06:09.050
We could attract some
unsavory characters.
06:10.667 --> 06:13.515
Whose premium cocktail am I drinking?
06:13.517 --> 06:14.810
Let me guess.
06:15.956 --> 06:16.787
The spoiled little rich girl
06:16.789 --> 06:20.195
whose external locus of identity
needs constant validation?
06:20.197 --> 06:22.995
Validation is
for parking, not people.
06:22.997 --> 06:24.728
Maybe the nurse practitioner
and soon-to-be divorcee
06:24.730 --> 06:28.205
who readily expounds upon the
virtues of anarcho-capitalism.
06:28.207 --> 06:29.855
I once dabbled in anarchism myself.
06:29.857 --> 06:32.445
Bear in mind I was 15
and obsessed with Crass.
06:32.447 --> 06:34.365
Say what you will about the
convenience of its tenets,
06:34.367 --> 06:35.720
but at least it's an ethos.
06:37.067 --> 06:38.192
Perhaps you'd go for
the very emo Jewish girl
06:38.194 --> 06:40.965
in the back room who's in
dire need of companionship.
06:40.967 --> 06:43.735
At least now we know who
brought the Manischewitz.
06:43.737 --> 06:44.568
What type are you?
06:44.570 --> 06:46.207
I hate to break it to you, miss,
06:47.077 --> 06:49.695
but I am completely unavailable.
06:49.697 --> 06:50.585
How unfortunate.
06:50.587 --> 06:51.875
Who is the lucky lady?
06:51.877 --> 06:52.708
Forgive me,
06:52.710 --> 06:55.910
I assume it's a women of
whom you are speaking.
06:56.977 --> 06:58.305
No apology necessary.
06:58.307 --> 07:02.244
And yes it is a beautiful,
brilliant, remarkable woman.
07:02.246 --> 07:03.077
Tell me more.
07:03.079 --> 07:04.484
Blonde hair, blue eyes,
07:04.486 --> 07:06.794
about yeah high.
07:06.796 --> 07:10.144
She's a medieval scholar
specializing in Dark Ages weaponry.
07:10.146 --> 07:11.924
She does sound remarkable
07:11.926 --> 07:13.574
and also very familiar.
07:13.576 --> 07:14.407
Maybe you know her.
07:14.409 --> 07:15.724
Her name is Bridget.
07:15.726 --> 07:16.814
That's my name.
07:16.816 --> 07:17.814
She's supposed to be here tonight
07:17.816 --> 07:19.704
but I can't seem to find her.
07:19.706 --> 07:20.914
Oh, this could be dangerous.
07:20.916 --> 07:22.304
She might see me flirting with you.
07:22.306 --> 07:23.874
Then what?
07:23.876 --> 07:26.154
Well, I'm sure she wouldn't
want me taking what's hers.
07:26.156 --> 07:28.094
I suppose I should seize
the opportunity now
07:28.096 --> 07:29.233
and kiss you while I can.
07:29.235 --> 07:31.574
I wouldn't want to
put you in harm's way.
07:31.576 --> 07:34.163
I think you're worth the risk.
07:44.548 --> 07:45.465
Yes, yes.
09:53.064 --> 09:53.897
Evan?
09:58.086 --> 09:59.274
Evan.
09:59.276 --> 10:00.295
What?
10:00.297 --> 10:03.565
I think there's someone in the kitchen.
10:03.567 --> 10:04.949
I think there's someone in the kitchen.
10:04.951 --> 10:05.784
Huh?
10:07.556 --> 10:08.939
Get my ax.
10:08.941 --> 10:09.774
Help me get my ax.
10:21.878 --> 10:22.709
Ryan!
10:22.711 --> 10:23.542
Oh my God.
10:23.544 --> 10:25.273
I didn't mean to wake you guys up.
10:25.275 --> 10:27.553
How is she in here?
10:27.555 --> 10:32.503
I gave her a key and a code
to the alarm system, sorry.
10:32.505 --> 10:35.095
Bridget, you look hot.
10:35.097 --> 10:36.385
Is that La Perla?
10:36.387 --> 10:38.703
No, I'd rather have Victoria Secret
10:38.705 --> 10:41.163
and an extra five hundred
bucks in my pocket.
10:41.165 --> 10:43.023
To what do we owe the
honor of your home invasion?
10:43.025 --> 10:45.318
Guys, this is intense.
10:46.245 --> 10:47.093
I've been poisoned.
10:47.095 --> 10:47.926
What?
10:47.928 --> 10:49.309
Yeah, someone tried to dose me.
10:49.311 --> 10:50.142
Who?
10:50.144 --> 10:52.823
I don't know but my
drink tasted really funny
10:52.825 --> 10:55.283
and I felt really weird,
so I left and came here.
10:55.285 --> 10:57.133
Do we need to take you to the hospital?
10:57.135 --> 10:58.364
No.
10:58.366 --> 10:59.532
I only had one sip.
10:59.534 --> 11:01.434
I just feel way drunker than I should.
11:02.404 --> 11:06.062
Okay, well what did you do
with the rest of the drink?
11:06.064 --> 11:09.042
I gave it to Dov and told
her to take care of it.
11:09.044 --> 11:11.172
Ryan, this is very important.
11:11.174 --> 11:14.642
Now what exactly did you say to Dov?
11:14.644 --> 11:16.537
I told her to take care of it.
11:17.924 --> 11:18.757
Oh no.
11:20.684 --> 11:23.183
We're leaving, now!
11:34.437 --> 11:35.268
What's happening?
11:35.270 --> 11:36.101
She's fucked up.
11:36.103 --> 11:36.934
Who knows?
11:36.936 --> 11:38.762
Rope, G, K.
11:38.764 --> 11:39.750
L-M-N-O-P.
11:39.752 --> 11:41.295
Oh my God, it's all my fault.
11:42.130 --> 11:43.862
I knew you
idiots had a hand in this.
11:43.864 --> 11:44.762
I didn't know.
11:44.764 --> 11:47.299
Someone roofied me and I gave it to Dov
11:47.301 --> 11:48.942
and I guess I didn't make it clear.
11:48.944 --> 11:51.222
Trista, you're a nurse,
what's the prognosis?
11:51.224 --> 11:53.192
It depends on how much she had.
11:53.194 --> 11:54.025
Just one drink.
11:54.027 --> 11:55.572
Shouldn't we call the police?
11:55.574 --> 11:57.182
I mean, we need to
figure out who did this.
11:57.184 --> 11:58.742
The police
don't give a shit about us.
11:58.744 --> 11:59.780
Is that true?
11:59.782 --> 12:02.132
Will she be
needing medical attention?
12:03.554 --> 12:04.672
Just keep an eye on her.
12:04.674 --> 12:07.392
You know, I can hear
everything you're saying.
12:07.394 --> 12:09.363
How is she still conscience?
12:09.365 --> 12:11.689
She must've not had enough to pass out.
12:11.691 --> 12:13.572
I have a strong constitution.
12:13.574 --> 12:15.772
I've built up a really high tolerance
12:15.774 --> 12:17.247
to controlled substances.
12:18.664 --> 12:20.214
Get those people out of here.
12:24.484 --> 12:25.315
Party's over!
12:25.317 --> 12:26.208
Everybody get out!
12:26.210 --> 12:27.041
What?
12:27.043 --> 12:27.874
Get out!
12:27.876 --> 12:28.707
Why?
12:30.070 --> 12:31.766
Out, come on, get out!
12:31.768 --> 12:32.635
Out!
12:32.637 --> 12:33.541
Everybody get out!
12:33.543 --> 12:34.772
We have to, now!
12:34.774 --> 12:36.405
No, no, it's too much.
12:36.407 --> 12:38.487
Out, out, now, come on!
12:41.753 --> 12:42.586
Come on!
12:49.351 --> 12:52.662
I don't know if I'm laughing
so much because I'm so high
12:52.664 --> 12:55.642
or because I'm dying.
12:55.644 --> 12:56.917
You're not dying.
12:58.114 --> 12:59.861
We're all dying.
12:59.863 --> 13:02.113
She's being fatalistic,
that's a good sign.
13:04.403 --> 13:05.236
That's it.
13:07.294 --> 13:08.786
Don't worry, girl.
13:08.788 --> 13:09.621
I got you.
13:11.373 --> 13:12.206
Evan?
13:13.453 --> 13:16.406
There's something really major
I wanna tell you right now.
13:26.693 --> 13:29.466
Did you know they had
bras in the 14th Century?
13:31.433 --> 13:33.779
Does that mean they
also had a second base?
13:40.115 --> 13:41.532
I have some news.
13:42.503 --> 13:43.366
My father,
13:44.293 --> 13:46.681
my father is running for Senate.
13:46.683 --> 13:47.911
State or?
13:47.913 --> 13:49.341
US Senate.
13:49.343 --> 13:51.091
And he wants me to be campaign chair.
13:51.093 --> 13:52.191
Governor wasn't enough?
13:52.193 --> 13:54.791
For my father, nothing is ever enough.
13:54.793 --> 13:56.651
Must run in the family.
13:56.653 --> 13:58.131
You have to do it.
13:58.133 --> 13:59.131
I will.
13:59.133 --> 14:00.741
There's one catch.
14:00.743 --> 14:02.801
He can't win as a Democrat again.
14:02.803 --> 14:04.401
This time he has to run as...
14:04.403 --> 14:05.651
A Libertarian?
14:05.653 --> 14:06.726
As a Republican.
14:08.383 --> 14:10.931
You can't support a
Republican candidate.
14:10.933 --> 14:12.161
I can if he's my dad.
14:12.163 --> 14:14.611
He'll be Republican in name only.
14:14.613 --> 14:16.001
He's a huge supporter of gay rights
14:16.003 --> 14:17.651
and everyone knows his daughter's a homo.
14:17.653 --> 14:18.566
A major one.
14:19.993 --> 14:22.831
What about women's rights
and abortion rights?
14:22.833 --> 14:24.348
And immigrants' rights?
14:24.350 --> 14:25.581
I'm not an immigrant.
14:25.583 --> 14:26.921
Your grandparents were.
14:26.923 --> 14:28.161
Someone's gonna chair his campaign,
14:28.163 --> 14:29.313
it might as well be me.
14:32.643 --> 14:34.031
I just don't want you to do something
14:34.033 --> 14:35.660
you're later going to regret.
14:35.662 --> 14:37.729
Regret it my favorite pastime.
14:37.731 --> 14:39.571
Every day I can pass along to him
14:39.573 --> 14:41.031
your Marxist feminist dialectic.
14:41.033 --> 14:44.638
Oh, I love it when you talk nerdy to me.
14:53.133 --> 14:53.966
Marry me.
14:54.943 --> 14:57.805
I have other plans for today.
15:02.863 --> 15:04.090
Oh, you taste so sweet.
15:04.092 --> 15:06.460
You taste better than being thin feels.
15:09.882 --> 15:12.550
Is there another intruder in the house?
15:12.552 --> 15:13.730
The very same one.
15:13.732 --> 15:15.670
I let Ryan in after
you crashed last night.
15:15.672 --> 15:18.010
She didn't want to sleep
alone in her new apartment.
15:18.012 --> 15:20.305
We're not running a
social services agency.
15:22.694 --> 15:25.920
I don't know about you guys
but I am ready for some vodka.
15:25.922 --> 15:27.175
Morning.
15:34.862 --> 15:38.660
So I get some phone call
from England, collect,
15:38.662 --> 15:40.980
and it's some nurse from some hospital
15:40.982 --> 15:43.960
informing me that my
father is on his deathbed.
15:43.962 --> 15:45.897
Oh, Ryan, I'm so sorry.
15:45.899 --> 15:47.460
I'm not.
15:47.462 --> 15:49.920
The old bastard has
been alive long enough.
15:49.922 --> 15:51.060
I'm ready for him to kick the bucket
15:51.062 --> 15:52.400
so I can collect my inheritance.
15:52.402 --> 15:53.600
I thought you guys
got along pretty well.
15:53.602 --> 15:55.690
We had a fabulous arrangement.
15:55.692 --> 15:57.740
He pays me five grand a month
15:57.742 --> 16:00.220
and his embarrassment
of a homosexual daughter
16:00.222 --> 16:02.678
stays on a different
continent and out of his life.
16:02.680 --> 16:04.550
Oh, I didn't know it was that bad.
16:04.552 --> 16:05.884
It could be worse.
16:05.886 --> 16:09.325
When I graduated, his initial
offer was three thousand.
16:10.752 --> 16:11.585
Hey, babe.
16:14.209 --> 16:16.440
Have a nice day, ladies.
16:16.442 --> 16:17.895
Where's my kiss?
16:22.072 --> 16:24.060
Hey, is Evan going to work?
16:24.062 --> 16:25.660
But it's Saturday.
16:25.662 --> 16:28.340
Wait, sorry, since when
has Evan had a job?
16:28.342 --> 16:30.299
Since her dad's running for Senate.
16:31.622 --> 16:33.215
And now,
16:34.712 --> 16:36.440
she's a Republican.
16:36.442 --> 16:38.230
Oh my God.
16:38.232 --> 16:39.780
She's a sellout.
16:39.782 --> 16:42.500
What happened to our
dead-dog-dyke-Democrat?
16:42.502 --> 16:45.320
She's rolling over and
playing conservative.
16:45.322 --> 16:48.600
And she keeps pushing me to marry her.
16:48.602 --> 16:49.740
I know.
16:49.742 --> 16:52.060
She won't stop taking about it.
16:52.062 --> 16:53.730
Don't you want to?
16:53.732 --> 16:54.950
Yeah.
16:54.952 --> 16:55.785
Just
16:57.052 --> 16:58.830
not now.
16:58.832 --> 17:00.489
You're gonna need some of this.
17:00.491 --> 17:03.309
Glad to see last night
didn't put you off your game.
17:03.311 --> 17:04.261
What do you mean?
17:06.751 --> 17:08.084
You got roofied.
17:10.281 --> 17:11.114
Oh, right.
17:12.871 --> 17:14.079
Yeah.
17:14.080 --> 17:14.914
Well,
17:15.861 --> 17:17.855
so here's to getting married, then.
17:17.857 --> 17:18.688
And selling out.
17:18.690 --> 17:20.188
Aren't those the same thing?
17:28.080 --> 17:29.259
Why does the universe go through
17:29.261 --> 17:30.924
all bother of existing at all?
17:31.761 --> 17:34.552
Having a bout of
existential despair, I see.
17:34.554 --> 17:36.184
What's the purpose of life?
17:38.281 --> 17:39.789
That's a yes.
17:39.791 --> 17:40.999
Well,
17:41.001 --> 17:43.529
most losers, present company included,
17:43.531 --> 17:44.971
would say it's
17:46.401 --> 17:47.839
love.
17:47.841 --> 17:48.672
Wrong.
17:48.674 --> 17:51.169
Love is a capitalist
scheme that is pre-packaged
17:51.171 --> 17:53.059
and peddled to the masses.
17:53.061 --> 17:54.329
It's the perfect racket.
17:54.331 --> 17:56.404
It's selling dreams for cash.
17:57.301 --> 17:58.159
I thought you'd be happy
17:58.161 --> 18:00.361
once Evan got you that
job at the newspaper.
18:01.441 --> 18:04.049
Typing up engagement
announcements isn't writing.
18:04.051 --> 18:05.394
Although,
18:05.396 --> 18:09.009
I would recommend it to our
government as a form of torture.
18:09.011 --> 18:10.709
You are so emo.
18:10.711 --> 18:12.011
You just need to get laid.
18:13.931 --> 18:15.031
Love is an illusion.
18:18.501 --> 18:19.551
So what is it then?
18:21.241 --> 18:22.072
What's what?
18:22.074 --> 18:23.759
Your original question.
18:23.761 --> 18:24.761
The purpose of life.
18:26.201 --> 18:27.099
I don't know.
18:27.101 --> 18:27.934
I do.
18:29.751 --> 18:31.239
It's to have as much fun as we can
18:31.241 --> 18:33.141
before we're all sent to burn in Hell.
18:53.842 --> 18:55.259
Up for some divorce proceedings?
18:55.261 --> 18:56.361
Nice to see you too.
18:58.291 --> 19:00.028
Good to be back.
19:00.030 --> 19:02.108
I like what you've done with the place.
19:02.110 --> 19:02.953
I guess.
19:14.790 --> 19:18.043
And here I thought this wasn't
gonna be an amicable divorce.
19:45.378 --> 19:47.453
Come in, come in.
19:48.902 --> 19:51.858
I don't think you've seen this
place since I've moved here.
19:51.860 --> 19:54.628
Business must be booming
in the tattoo industry.
19:54.630 --> 19:56.915
This world is full of un-inked flesh.
19:56.917 --> 19:59.368
I'm going to change real fast.
19:59.370 --> 20:00.698
Make us a drink.
20:00.700 --> 20:02.808
Or one for each of us.
20:02.810 --> 20:04.413
You know what I'm saying.
20:12.230 --> 20:13.808
Ryan!
20:13.810 --> 20:15.888
How are you affording all this?
20:15.890 --> 20:16.988
Oh, you now,
20:16.990 --> 20:18.638
things are going really well at the shop
20:18.640 --> 20:22.558
and my dad helps me financially.
20:22.560 --> 20:24.478
Bridget was telling me about that.
20:24.480 --> 20:25.748
She's worried about you.
20:25.750 --> 20:27.008
Why?
20:27.010 --> 20:28.383
I'm doing fabulously.
20:41.450 --> 20:44.023
Would you like to mix
that with something?
20:45.120 --> 20:46.170
I like it straight.
20:49.130 --> 20:51.113
Pretty much the only
thing I like straight.
20:53.810 --> 20:55.435
Have a seat.
20:56.370 --> 20:57.738
Tell me why I suddenly feel
20:57.740 --> 20:58.708
like I need to have a cigarette.
20:58.710 --> 21:00.359
I'm about to drop a truth bomb.
21:01.783 --> 21:02.677
In your own home?
21:02.679 --> 21:04.612
That's an act of domestic terrorism.
21:09.249 --> 21:10.162
Bombs away.
21:15.889 --> 21:18.172
Dov, you have a major problem.
21:19.359 --> 21:21.047
Why do I feel like
I'm at an intervention?
21:21.049 --> 21:22.749
Because I'm interventioning you.
21:24.439 --> 21:25.307
Okay.
21:25.309 --> 21:28.077
What's my drug of choice?
21:28.079 --> 21:29.657
I want you to know that I understand you
21:29.659 --> 21:31.637
better than you realize.
21:31.639 --> 21:33.827
I think about you all the time,
21:33.829 --> 21:36.367
about what your life must be like
21:36.369 --> 21:37.969
and I know what your problem is.
21:38.889 --> 21:40.617
This should be spectacular.
21:40.619 --> 21:42.380
You're madly in love with Evan.
21:46.609 --> 21:47.440
Evan?
21:47.442 --> 21:48.273
Yes.
21:48.275 --> 21:49.219
You're in love with her.
21:50.419 --> 21:53.017
I'm sorry, did someone just
turn on the batshit signal?
21:53.019 --> 21:53.850
It's like I've said.
21:53.852 --> 21:55.777
I've given a lot of thought
to your life situation
21:55.779 --> 21:58.257
and I've had some major insights.
21:58.259 --> 21:59.787
Enlighten me.
21:59.789 --> 22:02.937
You need a girl who's
gonna treat you like a lady.
22:02.939 --> 22:03.947
As apposed to...
22:03.949 --> 22:06.567
As apposed to most
girls who take one look
22:06.569 --> 22:09.907
at your bad girl persona
and immediately turn into
22:09.909 --> 22:12.277
pillow princesses and starfish.
22:12.279 --> 22:13.967
Starfish?
22:13.969 --> 22:16.847
They take their arms and their legs
22:16.849 --> 22:18.549
and they make you do all the work.
22:23.049 --> 22:25.757
You need someone who
will open doors for you.
22:25.759 --> 22:28.987
Put her hand on the small of your back,
22:28.989 --> 22:33.057
grab you by the back of
your head and kiss you.
22:33.059 --> 22:35.487
All the things a girl needs
to make her feel like a woman.
22:35.489 --> 22:39.677
And you know that Evan
can do that for you.
22:39.679 --> 22:41.437
Sounds like you're the
one that's in love with her.
22:41.439 --> 22:43.427
Please, me?
22:43.429 --> 22:47.047
If I wanted Evan, I'd
have had her already.
22:47.049 --> 22:50.287
Look, I get it, Evan is
our fearless leader but
22:50.289 --> 22:52.747
she's also in a serious
longest of terms relationship
22:52.749 --> 22:53.607
with my best friend.
22:53.609 --> 22:55.987
Ryan, there are delusional states
22:55.989 --> 22:57.207
and there's full on psychosis.
22:57.209 --> 22:58.042
Prove it.
22:59.108 --> 23:00.566
Kiss me.
23:00.568 --> 23:02.126
No, I'm not Bridget.
23:02.128 --> 23:03.366
You heard about that?
23:03.368 --> 23:05.236
Kissing lessons out of pity?
23:05.238 --> 23:06.386
It got around.
23:06.388 --> 23:08.066
A concept I'm sure you're familiar with.
23:08.068 --> 23:09.566
Come on.
23:09.568 --> 23:11.926
Everyone wants to kiss me.
23:11.928 --> 23:13.751
Unless they're in love with Evan.
23:16.368 --> 23:18.966
Once again, you've taken this too far.
23:18.968 --> 23:20.546
Let's take it farther.
23:20.548 --> 23:22.336
This is the kind of
initiative you need to show
23:22.338 --> 23:23.688
when you're pursuing women.
23:27.718 --> 23:29.726
Oh my God, if you weren't you,
23:29.728 --> 23:31.646
I'd be totally turned on right now.
23:31.648 --> 23:34.461
Please, cancel my
subscription to your issues.
23:36.058 --> 23:37.558
You're not leaving, are you?
23:39.571 --> 23:42.516
Well, I appreciate your
attempted analysis of my psyche.
23:42.518 --> 23:44.968
Your conclusion couldn't
be further from reality.
23:46.468 --> 23:48.336
I know you're not telling the truth.
23:48.338 --> 23:50.196
You can lie to me and you
can lie to the whole world
23:50.198 --> 23:52.486
but the one person you
can't lie to is yourself.
23:52.488 --> 23:54.946
On the contrary, I
exile in that department.
23:54.948 --> 23:57.241
And, on that note, I bid you adieu.
24:01.538 --> 24:04.841
Apparently Cleopatra wasn't
the only queen of denial.
24:14.528 --> 24:15.391
I miss this.
24:16.468 --> 24:18.576
Yeah, don't get any ideas.
24:18.578 --> 24:19.409
Huh?
24:19.411 --> 24:20.668
This is a one time thing.
24:21.708 --> 24:22.809
A one night stand.
24:22.811 --> 24:25.356
How do you have a one
night stand with your wife?
24:25.358 --> 24:28.446
Until this divorce is final,
we are married in name only.
24:28.448 --> 24:29.553
Wait,
24:29.555 --> 24:31.846
you didn't think we were
getting back together, did you?
24:31.848 --> 24:33.976
Gee, Paige, when you attacked
me when I walked in the door
24:33.978 --> 24:35.786
and we made mad, passionate love.
24:35.788 --> 24:38.806
Yes, I thought maybe our
relationship status was changing.
24:38.808 --> 24:39.916
So immature.
24:39.918 --> 24:41.818
This is exactly why I'm divorcing you.
24:42.893 --> 24:44.016
What the fuck?
24:44.018 --> 24:45.956
Grow up.
24:45.958 --> 24:46.916
You know better.
24:46.918 --> 24:48.746
No, Paige, tell me.
24:48.748 --> 24:50.386
Why am I divorcing you?
24:50.388 --> 24:52.586
Maybe it's because you're
never awake before noon.
24:52.588 --> 24:54.426
Or the constant partying.
24:54.428 --> 24:55.976
Or maybe it's the white stuff
24:55.978 --> 24:57.386
you're constantly shoving up your nose.
24:57.388 --> 24:58.509
I'm a nurse.
24:58.511 --> 25:00.075
I have to stay alert.
25:00.077 --> 25:01.985
I keep kids alive.
25:01.987 --> 25:04.137
Don't hide behind
the pillar of altruism.
25:05.947 --> 25:07.768
You just stand there and criticize me.
25:07.770 --> 25:08.601
Easy for you,
25:08.603 --> 25:10.195
you've never experienced
that kind of pressure.
25:10.197 --> 25:12.065
Yeah, I like nose candy.
25:12.067 --> 25:13.435
I should've been a bigger priority.
25:13.437 --> 25:15.225
Than the kids dying
in the pediatric ward?
25:15.227 --> 25:17.205
Yeah, like when I
asked you to quit blow.
25:17.207 --> 25:19.025
You should have for us.
25:19.027 --> 25:20.295
For you.
25:20.297 --> 25:22.005
Fuck, Paige, you are so selfish.
25:22.007 --> 25:23.435
Why am I still in love with you?
25:23.437 --> 25:26.337
Don't ask me because I'm
certainly not in love with you.
25:29.567 --> 25:31.221
This is heavier than
I thought it would be.
25:32.295 --> 25:33.583
Oh yeah.
25:33.585 --> 25:36.283
They didn't have refined steal yet, duh.
25:38.237 --> 25:39.965
By the late 12th Century,
25:39.967 --> 25:42.655
so the swords in western
Europe had evolved
25:42.657 --> 25:47.515
into cruciform weapons with
circular wheel pommels, usually,
25:47.517 --> 25:49.825
and normally with a fuller or bloodgroove
25:49.827 --> 25:51.027
running down the center.
25:52.357 --> 25:54.469
I feel like Wonder Woman.
25:55.777 --> 25:56.627
Coffee's ready.
25:57.787 --> 25:59.755
Can I set this down?
25:59.757 --> 26:01.435
Only with great caution.
26:01.437 --> 26:02.270
Okay.
26:07.857 --> 26:09.690
Do I act like I'm attracted to Evan?
26:10.567 --> 26:11.695
What? No.
26:11.697 --> 26:13.725
Where'd you even get that idea?
26:13.727 --> 26:16.365
Yeah, Ryan believes I'm
secretly in love with her.
26:16.367 --> 26:17.575
Oh, Ryan.
26:17.577 --> 26:20.265
She certainly has a flair for
the dramatic, doesn't she?
26:20.267 --> 26:22.890
I mean, she should be
writing episodes for Dynasty.
26:25.420 --> 26:28.747
Unless, there's something
you're not telling me.
26:32.357 --> 26:34.755
Ryan, I worry about her.
26:34.757 --> 26:37.785
I mean, the situation with her father.
26:37.787 --> 26:40.705
It's like everyone's
got something to hide,
26:40.707 --> 26:43.585
like we're all keeping a secret
26:43.587 --> 26:46.110
we desperately need to stay concealed.
26:47.057 --> 26:48.950
I wouldn't know anything about that.
26:53.167 --> 26:56.025
How is it that I can
restore ancient weaponry
26:56.027 --> 26:58.704
but I can't make a cup of
coffee without injuring myself?
26:58.706 --> 27:00.834
Because you focus on
the things you love,
27:00.836 --> 27:02.734
like weapons and friends,
with such intensity
27:02.736 --> 27:05.274
that not pouring scolding
hot water on yourself
27:05.276 --> 27:07.304
just simply fades into the background.
27:07.306 --> 27:08.951
Well maybe I'm just clumsy.
27:08.953 --> 27:13.217
Clumsy on you is adorable.
27:13.219 --> 27:16.429
You would be such a good girlfriend.
27:17.476 --> 27:20.164
Why don't you start dating,
put yourself out there?
27:20.166 --> 27:23.294
I don't believe in the
grand idea of romance.
27:23.296 --> 27:25.396
Well, surely you've been in love before.
27:26.616 --> 27:28.684
Do you know how to make
the coffee with the foam or...
27:28.686 --> 27:30.489
Don't evade the topic.
27:32.968 --> 27:33.801
Ugh.
27:34.956 --> 27:37.614
When I was in high school
27:37.616 --> 27:39.304
there was a girl, Whitney Merritt,
27:39.306 --> 27:40.994
she was a senior, I was a sophomore
27:40.996 --> 27:43.474
and she would drive me
home everyday from school
27:43.476 --> 27:46.026
in a red Mustang, so I
didn't have to take the bus.
27:47.396 --> 27:49.774
She was the most beautiful
thing I'd ever seen
27:49.776 --> 27:52.394
and I convinced myself that we
were destined to be together
27:52.396 --> 27:55.339
and at the end of the school
year, I professed my love.
27:57.066 --> 27:58.634
And?
27:58.636 --> 28:00.462
Well, I never heard from her again.
28:00.464 --> 28:02.634
She went to the Hamptons for the summer
28:02.636 --> 28:04.986
and then straight to a
private woman's college.
28:05.826 --> 28:06.854
I'm still looking for her.
28:06.856 --> 28:09.999
But not her, specifically,
because that would be creepy.
28:11.036 --> 28:13.134
But I'm looking to feel
that way, I felt about her,
28:13.136 --> 28:14.259
with someone else.
28:15.373 --> 28:18.484
In that sense, I guess, I'll
always be chasing Whitney.
28:18.486 --> 28:19.319
So,
28:20.616 --> 28:23.004
this is there you got all the angst
28:23.006 --> 28:24.899
that inspired you to become a writer.
28:25.743 --> 28:26.949
I'm afraid it did.
28:28.676 --> 28:31.264
Yeah, my mom could tell I was
really emotionally devastated
28:31.266 --> 28:33.644
and we didn't have much
28:33.646 --> 28:35.664
but she bought me this
used lime green iBook
28:35.666 --> 28:38.374
into which I just poured by soul.
28:38.376 --> 28:40.514
And through which you began your journey
28:40.516 --> 28:43.084
to becoming one of the
great novelists of our time.
28:43.086 --> 28:44.975
More like my journey to
writing engagement announcements
28:44.977 --> 28:46.519
and other forms of drivel.
28:48.066 --> 28:48.899
What I need
28:50.146 --> 28:51.129
is inspiration.
28:52.064 --> 28:54.099
I'm currently stuck in writers' gridlock.
28:55.046 --> 28:56.824
Maybe
28:56.826 --> 28:59.735
what you need is to, you know.
29:02.185 --> 29:03.128
Get laid?
29:04.112 --> 29:06.998
Yeah, that seems to be the consensus.
29:10.175 --> 29:11.008
Hello, ladies.
29:11.991 --> 29:13.058
Aww.
29:16.795 --> 29:18.373
Hello, dear.
29:18.375 --> 29:20.075
Productive day in zee noo Germany?
29:24.499 --> 29:25.330
What is it?
29:25.332 --> 29:26.295
Something medieval.
29:33.525 --> 29:35.753
Time for Middle East peace conference.
29:35.755 --> 29:36.598
Oh, okay.
29:39.842 --> 29:41.603
I have to marry Bridget, now.
29:41.605 --> 29:42.723
Why?
29:42.725 --> 29:44.075
Did you get her knocked up?
29:45.125 --> 29:46.133
Kidding.
29:46.135 --> 29:47.443
What's the rush?
29:47.445 --> 29:48.993
Dov, when you meet
the girl of your dreams
29:48.995 --> 29:50.193
and you look into her eyes,
29:50.195 --> 29:51.853
you'll understand that
the most important thing
29:51.855 --> 29:53.498
is never letting her go.
29:55.249 --> 29:57.998
I wouldn't know anything
about that either.
29:59.445 --> 30:01.301
I'm gonna kill myself.
30:01.303 --> 30:02.553
It's only coffee, Evan.
30:05.305 --> 30:07.443
Oops, you did it again.
30:07.445 --> 30:08.276
Who is she?
30:08.278 --> 30:11.223
An intern at my father's
campaign headquarters.
30:11.225 --> 30:13.003
I hate cliches.
30:13.005 --> 30:13.903
How old?
30:13.905 --> 30:15.113
She's in college.
30:15.115 --> 30:15.946
Not what I asked.
30:15.948 --> 30:17.411
19.
30:17.413 --> 30:18.320
Whoa, you like to play low numbers.
30:18.322 --> 30:19.973
I like to win.
30:19.975 --> 30:21.089
It's not a casino.
30:21.091 --> 30:23.533
It's a game, it's all a game.
30:23.535 --> 30:26.943
I'm just thinking that if
you can't stop screwing around,
30:26.945 --> 30:29.773
you should probably let Bridget
go and find someone else.
30:34.375 --> 30:36.657
I just need her to marry me.
30:36.659 --> 30:38.783
Do you really feel that marriage
30:38.785 --> 30:40.608
is gonna make you stop
cheating on Bridget?
30:40.610 --> 30:41.763
Yes.
30:41.765 --> 30:43.460
Hey, this girl, she didn't touch me.
30:43.462 --> 30:45.372
It' a one way street, you understand?
30:45.374 --> 30:47.023
Well you're driving down
it in the wrong direction.
30:47.025 --> 30:49.568
What's your philosophy,
Evan, eating isn't cheating?
30:56.791 --> 31:00.123
It's entirely historically inaccurate.
31:01.244 --> 31:02.369
And I love it.
31:04.351 --> 31:05.184
My baby.
31:07.518 --> 31:12.518
I guess I'll wear it all the time.
31:46.981 --> 31:47.812
Hey.
31:47.814 --> 31:49.772
Hey, did Dov leave?
31:49.774 --> 31:51.912
No, she left right after we ate.
31:51.914 --> 31:53.292
I didn't notice.
31:53.294 --> 31:54.127
Thank you.
31:58.511 --> 32:00.867
"Your eyes are blue torch light.
32:02.041 --> 32:03.827
"Ice-kissed frost fire.
32:04.951 --> 32:06.902
"My wasted heart melts there."
32:06.904 --> 32:08.262
You know, it's cute,
32:08.264 --> 32:11.389
like a middle school
love note or something.
32:11.391 --> 32:13.642
"Ice-kissed frost fire?"
32:13.644 --> 32:15.101
You wrote this for me?
32:15.103 --> 32:17.629
No, you wrote it for me.
32:17.631 --> 32:19.736
Oh shit, or didn't you?
32:19.738 --> 32:21.722
Evan, that's not even my handwriting.
32:21.724 --> 32:23.387
You're saying you didn't write that.
32:25.584 --> 32:27.172
Where did you find that?
32:27.174 --> 32:29.692
Just in the kitchen, just over there.
32:29.694 --> 32:31.792
Somebody wrote it.
32:31.794 --> 32:34.157
Looks like you have a secret admirer.
32:35.284 --> 32:39.123
They're out of luck because
I have eyes only for you.
33:29.197 --> 33:32.541
No, no, no.
33:35.473 --> 33:36.851
But.
33:36.853 --> 33:39.131
The answering machine is full.
33:42.673 --> 33:44.111
Hello.
33:44.113 --> 33:45.891
Hey, Bridget.
33:45.893 --> 33:46.796
Is Evan there?
33:49.823 --> 33:50.983
Evan Dever.
33:50.985 --> 33:52.491
Evan.
33:52.493 --> 33:53.901
It's Ryan.
33:53.903 --> 33:55.311
I'm locked out of my house.
33:55.313 --> 33:57.511
What time is it?
33:57.513 --> 33:58.811
Please.
33:58.813 --> 34:01.461
I was out partying with
these Iranian guys.
34:01.463 --> 34:02.551
No offense.
34:02.553 --> 34:03.541
None taken.
34:03.543 --> 34:05.171
And we were doing blow all night
34:05.173 --> 34:08.951
and I got that feeling, you know?
34:08.953 --> 34:10.791
The one that says "leave now."
34:10.793 --> 34:13.460
So I got out of there but
my keys aren't in my clutch
34:13.462 --> 34:15.899
and I don't wanna go back alone.
34:15.900 --> 34:18.630
I thought maybe since you're Arab...
34:19.592 --> 34:21.751
Iranians are Persian, not Arab.
34:21.753 --> 34:23.166
Oh.
34:23.168 --> 34:25.596
Oh, right.
34:26.563 --> 34:27.616
Don't worry about it.
34:29.163 --> 34:32.041
I think you can reason
with them since you're,
34:32.043 --> 34:32.886
you know,
34:34.303 --> 34:35.436
Middle Eastern.
34:36.623 --> 34:38.331
Please come get me.
34:38.333 --> 34:39.701
I'm on my way.
34:39.703 --> 34:41.226
Do you speak Arabic?
34:41.228 --> 34:42.414
No.
34:48.402 --> 34:49.235
Hello?
35:13.462 --> 35:15.710
You were so good at reasoning with them.
35:15.712 --> 35:17.635
Evan Dever, you're my hero.
35:23.842 --> 35:24.940
Do you wanna come inside?
35:24.942 --> 35:26.437
Stay up and party all
night like the old days?
35:26.439 --> 35:28.755
I have to be at work in three hours.
35:30.162 --> 35:31.460
How'd you afford this?
35:31.462 --> 35:32.635
My daddy hates me.
35:39.432 --> 35:40.988
Hey.
35:40.990 --> 35:41.971
Hey.
35:41.973 --> 35:44.295
I live next door, I'm Misha.
35:44.297 --> 35:45.450
Evan.
35:45.452 --> 35:47.780
Are you Ryan's new girl?
35:47.782 --> 35:49.730
Oh no, we're good friends.
35:49.732 --> 35:51.320
That's what they all say.
35:51.322 --> 35:54.095
Can you light me one of those, cowboy?
35:56.352 --> 35:58.345
How about I give you this one, cowgirl?
36:03.912 --> 36:05.010
Thanks.
36:05.012 --> 36:06.112
Think nothing of it.
36:07.002 --> 36:08.864
You're up late.
36:08.866 --> 36:10.949
Oh yeah, we were just...
36:11.822 --> 36:14.711
Wanna come over to my place, hang out?
36:14.713 --> 36:16.450
I have to be up early.
36:16.452 --> 36:18.795
Okay, well, you know where to find me.
36:21.379 --> 36:22.412
Hey!
36:22.414 --> 36:23.247
Come on!
36:40.352 --> 36:41.570
You know, cocaine is
God's way of telling you
36:41.572 --> 36:43.150
you have too much money.
36:43.152 --> 36:45.102
I don't need God to tell me I'm rich.
36:46.467 --> 36:47.717
You need to be careful.
36:48.552 --> 36:49.460
I've seen a lot of pretty girls
36:49.462 --> 36:51.380
ruin their looks with this stuff.
36:51.382 --> 36:54.664
Well it's a lucky thing I
don't plan on living past 30.
36:54.666 --> 36:55.497
You have some on your nose.
36:55.499 --> 36:57.295
It's okay, I'm gonna keep doing it.
37:00.381 --> 37:02.929
God blessed me with
good looks and cursed me
37:02.931 --> 37:05.199
with the knowledge that
they would one day fade.
37:05.201 --> 37:06.994
There's no reason to rush prophecy.
37:08.541 --> 37:10.119
How come you and I never got together?
37:10.121 --> 37:11.789
We've been over this.
37:11.791 --> 37:13.069
Come on.
37:13.071 --> 37:14.344
We'd be so cute.
37:15.751 --> 37:17.564
Because a player can't get played.
37:24.431 --> 37:26.839
Which one of us is the
play in this scenario?
37:26.841 --> 37:27.724
We both are.
37:30.871 --> 37:32.459
Additionally, I happen to be madly in love
37:32.461 --> 37:35.579
with you best friend, whom
I also plan on marrying.
37:35.581 --> 37:38.129
What's with you saying
"whom" all the time?
37:38.131 --> 37:40.092
I went to the same school
as you and I can't do that.
37:40.094 --> 37:41.382
I was paying attention in class.
37:41.384 --> 37:43.249
I doubt you even showed up.
37:43.251 --> 37:44.319
I finished four years in three
37:44.321 --> 37:46.649
and never even cracked the text book.
37:46.651 --> 37:47.514
Show-off.
37:49.841 --> 37:50.674
I'm cold.
37:51.701 --> 37:52.544
Get on the bed.
38:01.358 --> 38:03.275
I don't know, it's just
38:04.671 --> 38:08.109
nice having someone like me for me.
38:08.111 --> 38:09.511
Bridget likes you for you.
38:10.741 --> 38:11.691
That's different.
38:13.261 --> 38:14.304
She's not a boy.
38:15.521 --> 38:16.524
You're a boy, Evan.
38:17.381 --> 38:19.059
That's why I called you.
38:19.061 --> 38:20.761
I wanted a boy to take care of me.
38:26.890 --> 38:29.640
We have the best group, don't we?
38:30.517 --> 38:34.038
You're the king, Bridget's the queen.
38:35.791 --> 38:37.869
I'm definitely the princess.
38:37.871 --> 38:39.171
What are Dov and Trista?
38:41.351 --> 38:42.351
The court jesters.
38:47.311 --> 38:48.231
Hey, Evan?
38:48.233 --> 38:49.066
Mhmm?
38:50.051 --> 38:50.999
There's something I need to tell you.
38:51.001 --> 38:53.034
You can tell me anything.
38:54.424 --> 38:55.674
You're right.
38:56.594 --> 38:57.913
I can always count on you.
39:07.240 --> 39:08.898
Hey,
39:08.900 --> 39:09.793
can you stay?
39:11.590 --> 39:13.178
At least until I'm asleep?
39:13.180 --> 39:14.730
That won't be for a few days.
39:16.040 --> 39:16.873
Fair point.
39:18.680 --> 39:21.230
Do you think you could at
least sleep here tonight?
39:22.461 --> 39:24.068
I'd feel a lot safer.
39:24.070 --> 39:26.638
You're paranoid from all the coke.
39:26.640 --> 39:27.571
Do you think Bridget will mind?
39:27.573 --> 39:29.978
Because I could call her
right now and tell her.
39:29.980 --> 39:31.798
Bridget forced you to
give her kissing lessons.
39:31.800 --> 39:32.663
She'll be fine.
39:39.100 --> 39:40.133
Hey, Evan?
39:40.991 --> 39:41.824
Mhmm?
39:43.730 --> 39:44.995
I love you.
39:44.997 --> 39:46.633
You too, sweetheart.
39:48.705 --> 39:50.727
And not in a gay way.
40:19.480 --> 40:20.679
No.
40:20.681 --> 40:22.326
No, no.
40:22.328 --> 40:23.655
No, no.
40:41.920 --> 40:43.298
Dov isn't here right now,
40:43.300 --> 40:44.918
would you like to leave a message?
40:44.920 --> 40:45.898
Where the fuck are you?
40:45.900 --> 40:48.618
You know how much this
party means to Bridget.
40:48.620 --> 40:49.928
What time is it?
40:49.930 --> 40:51.418
Were you asleep?
40:51.420 --> 40:52.720
Were you dreaming of Evan?
40:53.640 --> 40:55.028
I hate myself.
40:55.030 --> 40:57.787
You love someone who doesn't love you.
40:57.789 --> 41:00.137
And I thought writers didn't like cliches.
41:00.139 --> 41:02.567
It's not so cliche that I hate myself.
41:02.569 --> 41:03.927
Hang on.
41:03.929 --> 41:06.207
Dov, you know how much
this party means to Bridget.
41:06.209 --> 41:07.609
That's what I said.
41:08.449 --> 41:09.417
I'm dying.
41:09.419 --> 41:10.284
You're not dying.
41:10.286 --> 41:11.717
You just can't think of
anything better to do.
41:11.719 --> 41:13.877
Tell her to take some Gas-X.
41:13.879 --> 41:16.062
Get dressed and get the fuck over here.
41:18.429 --> 41:19.652
The king has spoken.
41:31.752 --> 41:36.752
Hello?
41:50.257 --> 41:51.326
Oh!
41:51.328 --> 41:52.159
You look amazing!
41:52.161 --> 41:54.260
This is hilarious!
41:58.080 --> 41:59.611
Where's your costume?
41:59.613 --> 42:01.034
This is not good enough.
42:01.036 --> 42:01.953
Whatever.
42:03.181 --> 42:04.012
Oh, Ryan.
42:04.014 --> 42:06.168
You need to wear your glasses.
42:06.170 --> 42:08.337
Oh, they make me look like a nerd
42:08.339 --> 42:10.899
and they're historically inaccurate.
42:12.589 --> 42:13.827
Dov is coming.
42:13.829 --> 42:14.767
Oh, thanks for calling her.
42:14.769 --> 42:16.797
I didn't realize she wasn't here.
42:16.799 --> 42:17.847
So, apparently my dad
42:17.849 --> 42:20.357
is in some kind of induced-coma state.
42:20.359 --> 42:22.117
I don't get it, I thought
in Europe they had laws
42:22.119 --> 42:24.287
where they let people die.
42:24.289 --> 42:25.887
He wants that?
42:25.889 --> 42:27.307
Euthanasia?
42:27.309 --> 42:28.757
Youth in Asia?
42:28.759 --> 42:30.332
What do they have to do with it?
42:50.518 --> 42:51.351
Hi.
42:57.899 --> 42:58.732
Dov.
43:02.871 --> 43:04.956
Time for a Mid-East summit?
43:04.958 --> 43:06.946
I need to unburden my conscience.
43:06.948 --> 43:08.148
Do you take confessions?
43:09.028 --> 43:10.936
Do I look like a priest?
43:10.938 --> 43:12.665
You look poor and celibate.
43:14.488 --> 43:16.076
Close enough, what's up?
43:16.078 --> 43:19.156
My intern, now she says
she's in love with me.
43:19.158 --> 43:21.261
I have to see her every day.
43:22.768 --> 43:23.736
I don't know how to handle it.
43:23.738 --> 43:26.056
Why don't you be a big boy
and stop committing adultery
43:26.058 --> 43:28.226
with your teenage subordinate?
43:28.228 --> 43:30.396
It's not adultery unless you're married.
43:30.398 --> 43:31.966
Until Bridget accepts my offer,
43:31.968 --> 43:34.021
I have no reason to decline any others.
43:35.318 --> 43:36.466
I'll tell you what.
43:36.468 --> 43:38.736
Say three Hail Mary's, four Our Father's
43:38.738 --> 43:39.569
and pray that there's a God
43:39.571 --> 43:42.021
that will absolve you of your sins.
43:42.023 --> 43:43.896
You know what I like about you?
43:43.898 --> 43:44.766
Can't wait.
43:44.768 --> 43:46.416
You always tell it like it is.
43:46.418 --> 43:48.116
You never lie.
43:48.118 --> 43:49.276
You're a straight shooter.
43:49.278 --> 43:51.585
Not so sure about the
"straight" part but.
44:46.248 --> 44:47.596
Hey, over here!
44:47.598 --> 44:49.216
I want you to meet my neighbor's daughter.
44:49.218 --> 44:50.396
She's Jewish too.
44:50.398 --> 44:51.386
Misha!
44:51.388 --> 44:52.926
Misha!
44:52.928 --> 44:54.666
Misha,
44:54.668 --> 44:57.450
this is Dov, I was telling you about her.
44:58.327 --> 44:59.970
I like your haircut.
45:01.737 --> 45:02.568
Thanks.
45:02.570 --> 45:03.725
No one ever says that.
45:03.727 --> 45:04.565
Really?
45:04.567 --> 45:06.420
That's the first thing I noticed.
45:11.427 --> 45:12.330
Spectacular.
45:15.257 --> 45:17.120
I like your bonnet.
45:18.946 --> 45:19.779
Ummm.
45:22.447 --> 45:23.682
Truth.
45:23.684 --> 45:24.517
Hmmmmm.
45:25.737 --> 45:26.837
What are your numbers?
45:28.267 --> 45:29.865
Well,
45:29.867 --> 45:31.725
I knew I was a lesbian in high school
45:31.727 --> 45:33.415
but I didn't come out until college,
45:33.417 --> 45:35.320
which is where I met Evan.
45:36.390 --> 45:39.245
But then I Puerto Rico to live
with my dad for a few years
45:39.247 --> 45:40.895
and they're really conservative there,
45:40.897 --> 45:42.820
but I kept in touch with Evan,
45:45.329 --> 45:48.625
so eventually she offered
to pay for grad school
45:48.627 --> 45:49.560
if I came back.
45:51.689 --> 45:53.720
So, what's your answer?
45:55.627 --> 45:57.105
Just Evan.
45:57.107 --> 45:58.149
Just one.
45:58.151 --> 45:59.135
Uh-uh.
45:59.137 --> 46:00.065
No, you're lying.
46:00.067 --> 46:01.325
She's not.
46:01.327 --> 46:03.331
She would've told me.
46:03.333 --> 46:05.035
Do you think about other women?
46:05.037 --> 46:07.165
Well, I mean yeah, I
think about other women
46:07.167 --> 46:08.140
but I love Evan.
46:09.207 --> 46:10.884
Wow, that's super deep.
46:13.277 --> 46:14.677
Okay, so...
46:16.837 --> 46:17.670
Who's next?
46:19.667 --> 46:20.805
Ryan.
46:20.807 --> 46:21.665
Yes?
46:21.667 --> 46:22.500
Dare.
46:25.827 --> 46:27.165
Kiss Evan.
46:27.167 --> 46:28.000
Fuck yeah.
46:40.957 --> 46:41.860
My turn.
46:45.267 --> 46:46.970
Dov, truth or dare?
46:48.557 --> 46:49.388
Truth.
46:49.390 --> 46:50.520
You sure about that?
46:52.787 --> 46:53.620
No.
46:54.547 --> 46:55.380
Dare.
46:56.647 --> 46:57.519
I choose dare.
47:06.606 --> 47:08.013
Kiss Evan.
47:10.263 --> 47:11.094
No.
47:11.096 --> 47:11.927
Kiss Evan.
47:11.929 --> 47:12.760
Nope.
47:12.762 --> 47:13.644
That's your
dare, you have to do it.
47:13.646 --> 47:14.554
I'm not.
47:14.556 --> 47:15.387
Why?
47:15.389 --> 47:17.594
Is there something wrong with Evan?
47:17.596 --> 47:18.884
I just don't want to.
47:18.886 --> 47:19.724
Give me another dare.
47:19.726 --> 47:20.924
That's not how it works.
47:20.926 --> 47:22.454
Do you think I wanted to kiss Evan?
47:22.456 --> 47:23.634
Yeah, I think you did.
47:23.636 --> 47:25.064
Poor example.
47:25.066 --> 47:27.254
Oh, come on, you're
gonna make her feel bad.
47:27.256 --> 47:29.454
Stop, she doesn't have to kiss me.
47:29.456 --> 47:30.944
Yes she does.
47:30.946 --> 47:33.264
If I'd welched on every
dare I got in high school,
47:33.266 --> 47:34.947
I wouldn't be the woman I am today.
47:35.782 --> 47:37.989
I think you're arguing
against your own point.
47:43.161 --> 47:43.994
Awwww.
47:46.354 --> 47:48.166
Good job, Evan.
47:48.168 --> 47:49.719
Was that so bad?
47:50.658 --> 47:52.158
Oooooh.
48:02.693 --> 48:03.526
There.
48:04.796 --> 48:06.919
Bridget, Evan, thank you for having me.
48:06.921 --> 48:07.944
Come on!
48:07.946 --> 48:09.009
You're not leaving!
48:10.113 --> 48:11.363
Come back!
48:11.365 --> 48:12.895
Come back!
48:12.897 --> 48:14.300
Awww.
48:14.302 --> 48:15.705
Bye, Felicia.
48:19.786 --> 48:21.171
Well, that was a play full of awkwardness.
48:21.173 --> 48:22.584
It was like being kissed
48:22.586 --> 48:24.619
by a 12 year old virgin of myself.
48:25.806 --> 48:27.404
Gotta disinfect.
48:27.406 --> 48:29.347
Drink it, drink all of it.
48:29.349 --> 48:31.173
Kill the bottle, kill it.
48:32.556 --> 48:34.443
Here, here, I got you.
48:35.607 --> 48:36.907
I'm just gonna lick it up.
48:42.166 --> 48:43.429
Hey, wait up!
48:44.406 --> 48:45.701
What were you thinking?
48:45.703 --> 48:47.159
I did you a favor.
48:48.327 --> 48:49.158
You humiliated me.
48:49.160 --> 48:50.859
I'm not in love with Evan!
48:51.906 --> 48:52.794
What's it gonna take to get that through
48:52.796 --> 48:54.194
your pretty, little skull?!
48:54.196 --> 48:56.504
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
48:56.506 --> 48:58.433
Maybe one kiss from your
lips is all it would take
48:58.435 --> 49:01.373
and Evan would decide to
leave Bridget forever.
49:01.375 --> 49:02.653
If only.
49:02.655 --> 49:03.973
Aren't you the one who's
supposed to be looking out
49:03.975 --> 49:05.373
for her best interests?
49:05.375 --> 49:06.925
What makes you think I'm not?
49:08.275 --> 49:10.113
Where'd that come from?
49:10.115 --> 49:12.313
I had lunch at Evan's office last week.
49:12.315 --> 49:14.263
I got a look at Evan's intern.
49:14.265 --> 49:16.303
More specifically, I got a look at the way
49:16.305 --> 49:18.193
Evan looks at her intern.
49:18.195 --> 49:20.323
I don't know if she's done anything or not
49:20.325 --> 49:23.053
but I know Evan and I know people
49:23.055 --> 49:24.463
and I know that the one thing
49:24.465 --> 49:26.508
that people never, ever do is change.
49:29.295 --> 49:31.343
Listen, this had been a
little too much reality
49:31.345 --> 49:32.283
for one night.
49:32.285 --> 49:35.203
I like substances and I like abusing them.
49:35.205 --> 49:36.168
I don't know, Ry.
49:37.155 --> 49:41.043
Some dweezoid left a mondo
of Purple Urkel at my place.
49:41.045 --> 49:42.473
It's yours for the taking.
49:42.475 --> 49:44.273
As am I.
49:44.275 --> 49:45.288
Purple Urkel?
49:46.185 --> 49:48.933
I cordially invite you
to night of bad decisions
49:48.935 --> 49:51.196
and debauchery at my apartment.
49:54.995 --> 49:57.233
Then I cordially
accept but I'm still mad.
49:57.235 --> 49:59.003
I can live with that.
49:59.005 --> 50:00.443
Are you gonna try to seduce me again?
50:00.445 --> 50:02.913
Depends, do you want me to?
50:02.915 --> 50:03.778
Yeah
50:22.215 --> 50:23.893
Hey, Jew bu.
50:23.895 --> 50:26.053
This isn't Buddha, this is Shiva.
50:26.055 --> 50:28.003
I thought you were in
an exclusive relationship
50:28.005 --> 50:29.205
with the God of Abraham.
50:30.295 --> 50:32.423
I took an Asian
Philosophy class in college.
50:32.425 --> 50:34.673
I didn't understand a word of it but
50:34.675 --> 50:36.223
it was graded on a curve so,
50:36.225 --> 50:37.625
I passed with flying colors.
50:38.615 --> 50:43.615
And what brought on this
bout of religious bi curiosity?
50:43.625 --> 50:45.823
Trying, again, to write my novel
50:45.825 --> 50:48.325
and failing, again, to
come up with a single word.
50:49.735 --> 50:51.943
And how's this ritual helping you?
50:51.945 --> 50:54.808
Clearly, you understand nothing
about the writing process.
50:57.764 --> 50:58.977
I saw Paige yesterday.
51:00.034 --> 51:00.887
How'd it go?
51:01.907 --> 51:03.057
I didn't talk to her.
51:04.276 --> 51:05.982
You can't keep standing
outside your old house
51:05.984 --> 51:07.422
and spying on her.
51:07.424 --> 51:08.472
Why not?
51:08.474 --> 51:09.674
What are yo afraid of?
51:10.864 --> 51:11.697
Dying alone.
51:13.003 --> 51:14.497
I think we're in the same boat.
51:15.519 --> 51:17.719
More like a sinking ship.
51:17.721 --> 51:19.445
Except, I've long accepted the fact
51:19.447 --> 51:20.882
that the woman who owns my heart
51:20.884 --> 51:23.132
will never return my feelings.
51:23.134 --> 51:24.884
Which bitch are you in love with?
51:25.824 --> 51:27.312
That's between me and my God.
51:27.314 --> 51:29.847
Which God, I haven't decided yet.
51:31.284 --> 51:33.202
If you're obsessed with
some unobtainable girl,
51:33.204 --> 51:35.232
you have to profess to her your love.
51:35.234 --> 51:36.982
I'd rather keep writing
engagement announcements
51:36.984 --> 51:38.992
for the rest of my natural born life.
51:38.994 --> 51:40.347
So much irony in that.
51:41.564 --> 51:43.762
You could offer me a million
dollars to write a book,
51:43.764 --> 51:44.595
right now,
51:44.597 --> 51:47.292
I wouldn't be able to come
up with a single thing.
51:47.294 --> 51:49.302
I know what you need
to write a book about.
51:49.304 --> 51:51.272
Write a book about a group of lesbians
51:51.274 --> 51:52.832
who are constantly creating
51:52.834 --> 51:54.722
unnecessary and neuritic problems
51:54.724 --> 51:58.452
to keep them from dealing with
their terrifying problems,
51:58.454 --> 52:00.012
like reality.
52:00.014 --> 52:01.162
Come on.
52:01.164 --> 52:02.417
No one would read that.
52:08.924 --> 52:10.862
I'm getting a promotion at the museum.
52:10.864 --> 52:12.795
That's so great.
52:12.797 --> 52:16.522
And I might even be getting
a fellowship in Romania.
52:16.524 --> 52:19.197
Are you still gonna have a
big, gay Republican wedding?
52:20.529 --> 52:22.122
I don't even wanna think about it.
52:22.124 --> 52:24.042
Can I be a bridesmaid?
52:24.044 --> 52:26.892
No one's ever asked me to be a bridesmaid.
52:26.894 --> 52:28.104
I'm just so
52:29.774 --> 52:30.912
unsure.
52:30.914 --> 52:33.747
But you and Evan have
a fairytale romance.
52:34.940 --> 52:36.737
I love Evan, I do.
52:38.961 --> 52:41.181
"Ice-kissed frost fire."
52:42.314 --> 52:43.147
What?
52:44.914 --> 52:45.747
Nothing.
52:49.834 --> 52:51.482
Okay.
52:51.484 --> 52:55.729
Someone wrote Evan an anonymous love note.
52:55.731 --> 52:57.171
Oh my God.
52:57.173 --> 52:58.476
That's so pathetic.
52:59.603 --> 53:02.254
You don't know anything
about it, do you?
53:06.953 --> 53:08.311
So good.
53:08.313 --> 53:09.901
Where'd you learn to
make coffee like this?
53:09.903 --> 53:11.561
Late nights in stuffy museums,
53:11.563 --> 53:13.611
a person will resort
to desperate measures.
53:13.613 --> 53:15.866
Desperate measures is
my area of expertise.
53:17.453 --> 53:18.853
Hey, Ryan, how's your dad?
53:20.143 --> 53:21.943
Still hanging on, the old bastard.
53:23.543 --> 53:25.818
I'm worried about you.
53:25.820 --> 53:29.831
You don't seem bothered that
your dad is going to die.
53:29.833 --> 53:31.631
I'm very bothered.
53:31.633 --> 53:33.351
Once I collect inheritance,
it's gonna put me
53:33.353 --> 53:35.737
in an entirely new tax bracket.
53:35.739 --> 53:36.570
That's the other thing.
53:36.572 --> 53:38.886
You seem obsessed with getting his money.
53:40.243 --> 53:41.906
Once I become rich,
53:43.023 --> 53:44.256
I mean, rich rich,
53:45.583 --> 53:47.933
I'll never have to work
another day of my life.
53:49.463 --> 53:51.713
I'll just be tattooing
for shits and giggles.
53:54.653 --> 53:57.901
Evan's paying your tuition
for grad school, right?
53:57.903 --> 54:00.002
Yeah, but it's just temporary.
54:00.004 --> 54:02.581
When I get my career going,
I'm gonna pay her back.
54:02.583 --> 54:05.983
And you're not paying
rent to live with her?
54:06.853 --> 54:07.684
I try.
54:07.686 --> 54:11.391
I insisted, actually, but
she wouldn't hear of it.
54:11.393 --> 54:13.481
She refused to take anything from me
54:13.483 --> 54:16.036
because we're in love.
54:19.313 --> 54:20.146
What a world.
54:21.163 --> 54:21.994
Yeah.
54:21.996 --> 54:24.541
The world is crazy, right?
54:24.543 --> 54:25.376
No.
54:27.053 --> 54:28.000
I meant, yours.
54:49.804 --> 54:51.401
I'm thinking June 1st.
54:51.403 --> 54:53.261
That'll give you enough time to prepare.
54:53.263 --> 54:55.751
You'll have a wedding planner
to assist you, of course.
54:55.753 --> 54:58.452
I just got a promotion, I
barely have time as it is.
54:59.302 --> 55:01.120
I'm thinking a garden wedding.
55:01.122 --> 55:02.080
I can see it now.
55:02.082 --> 55:03.290
Our lesbian nuptials will be
55:03.292 --> 55:05.590
the Republican social
gathering of the year.
55:05.592 --> 55:07.290
Do you want a wedding ceremony
55:07.292 --> 55:10.495
or a political gathering
worthy of CNN coverage?
55:10.497 --> 55:11.620
I can see it now.
55:11.622 --> 55:13.780
The Republicans can sit
on my side of the isle
55:13.782 --> 55:16.549
and since your family isn't coming, sorry,
55:16.551 --> 55:19.095
anyone who are Democrats
appear can sit on yours.
55:22.582 --> 55:23.415
Ugh.
55:24.512 --> 55:27.490
I've been, okay, do you
mind if I say something?
55:27.492 --> 55:28.750
Offensive?
55:28.752 --> 55:29.989
Just when I thought this conversation
55:29.991 --> 55:32.090
couldn't get any more interesting.
55:32.092 --> 55:33.720
Okay.
55:33.722 --> 55:34.555
Okay.
55:36.162 --> 55:39.600
Look, I've never seen
a white Arab than you.
55:39.602 --> 55:41.820
I've never seen a whiter person than you.
55:41.822 --> 55:44.560
I mean, it's all too easy
with your golden locks
55:44.562 --> 55:48.145
and your fair skin to
avoid discrimination.
55:49.512 --> 55:50.362
What about you?
55:51.477 --> 55:53.540
You think in a million years
anyone would think you were gay
55:53.542 --> 55:55.090
from looking at you?
55:55.092 --> 55:57.150
Because that's what I have to live with.
55:57.152 --> 56:00.630
Every person who sees me sees a dyke.
56:00.632 --> 56:02.000
It's not a competition.
56:02.002 --> 56:03.370
My point is that this is a case
56:03.372 --> 56:05.172
of the pot calling the kettle white.
56:06.162 --> 56:08.040
As sure is the day is long,
56:08.042 --> 56:10.070
they will fuck you.
56:10.072 --> 56:12.290
They will fuck you and me
56:12.292 --> 56:16.470
and every gay and lesbian
and brown and black person.
56:16.472 --> 56:19.180
You are delusional if you think
56:19.182 --> 56:21.000
you're gonna come out ahead on this.
56:21.002 --> 56:22.702
Now tell me how you really feel.
56:24.324 --> 56:25.157
Come on.
56:27.832 --> 56:30.970
Bridget, this is just background noise.
56:30.972 --> 56:31.803
Let's get married and start
56:31.805 --> 56:33.615
an exciting new chapter in our lives.
56:34.802 --> 56:37.780
Do you know many happily
married people, Evan?
56:37.782 --> 56:38.715
Because I don't.
56:42.742 --> 56:44.378
This house is falling apart.
56:44.380 --> 56:46.400
You know, I think you
wanted to redo the house
56:46.402 --> 56:47.686
so you threw that Halloween party
56:47.688 --> 56:49.588
knowing how much damage it would make.
56:53.026 --> 56:55.144
We need to redo the carpets.
56:55.146 --> 56:56.989
The walls need new paint.
56:56.991 --> 56:59.374
I need to get an
estimate on the foundation.
57:01.151 --> 57:01.984
Yeah.
57:03.091 --> 57:04.641
Let's fix the foundation first.
58:06.719 --> 58:08.679
Ryan, your hands are shaking.
58:08.681 --> 58:09.739
It's freezing in here.
58:09.741 --> 58:11.029
Would it kill you to
pay your heating bill?
58:11.031 --> 58:12.099
Just.
58:12.101 --> 58:13.729
No, don't stab out my eye.
58:13.731 --> 58:15.729
My insurance plan sucks!
58:15.731 --> 58:16.564
Damn!
58:19.071 --> 58:20.221
How's your dad?
58:21.270 --> 58:23.689
Ugh, he won't die.
58:23.691 --> 58:26.999
Did I tell you why I
became a tattoo artist?
58:27.001 --> 58:28.469
It was to punish him.
58:28.471 --> 58:31.199
I got this fancy degree in art history
58:31.201 --> 58:33.079
that cost him a fortune and now I use it
58:33.081 --> 58:34.759
to give people something they're regret
58:34.761 --> 58:36.049
for the rest of their lives.
58:36.051 --> 58:37.351
Like he regrets having me.
58:39.501 --> 58:42.509
Bridget, you are so beautiful.
58:42.511 --> 58:44.139
If I were you, I wouldn't
give a second thought
58:44.141 --> 58:46.089
to the intern at Evan's office.
58:46.091 --> 58:47.854
You're much prettier than she is.
58:48.901 --> 58:50.184
Oh, excuse me.
58:52.311 --> 58:55.671
It's like a "don't do drugs, kids" PSA.
59:17.630 --> 59:19.237
Attention!
59:19.239 --> 59:20.527
Attention!
59:20.529 --> 59:22.196
Ladies and gentlemen
59:23.057 --> 59:25.073
and everyone else.
59:25.075 --> 59:27.628
I have an announcement!
59:27.630 --> 59:28.758
Bridget!
59:28.760 --> 59:29.658
Bridget!
59:29.660 --> 59:30.803
Where are you, baby?
59:33.180 --> 59:35.478
I know most girls,
59:35.480 --> 59:38.748
I know most girls lose their
virginity on prom night
59:38.750 --> 59:42.018
but tonight, I'm hoping that my true love
59:42.020 --> 59:44.658
will make an honest fella out of me.
59:44.660 --> 59:46.278
She's wasted.
59:46.280 --> 59:49.603
This has been burning a
whole in my pocket for weeks.
59:50.710 --> 59:55.130
Bridget, will you do me
the extraordinary honor
59:56.090 --> 59:57.653
of becoming my bride?
59:59.830 --> 01:00:01.013
Evan, you're drunk.
01:00:02.420 --> 01:00:03.920
Sapphire to match your eyes.
01:00:06.100 --> 01:00:08.243
There's something we
need to talk about first.
01:00:13.310 --> 01:00:14.478
What are we gonna do about
01:00:14.480 --> 01:00:16.230
all your late nights at the office?
01:00:17.260 --> 01:00:18.283
What do you mean?
01:00:19.780 --> 01:00:21.938
I'm talking about all
the special attention
01:00:21.940 --> 01:00:23.490
you've been giving your intern.
01:00:34.565 --> 01:00:35.648
You told her!
01:00:35.650 --> 01:00:36.488
Why would you tell her?!
01:00:36.490 --> 01:00:38.578
Evan, stop, let her go!
01:00:38.580 --> 01:00:39.801
Tell me what?
01:00:39.803 --> 01:00:41.023
I wasn't me!
01:00:46.060 --> 01:00:48.523
She didn't tell me anything.
01:00:50.310 --> 01:00:52.460
You just told me everything.
01:00:57.360 --> 01:00:58.191
It's all right.
01:00:58.193 --> 01:01:01.186
She's always like playing hard to get.
01:01:06.939 --> 01:01:08.877
Hey, it's all right.
01:01:08.879 --> 01:01:11.857
It's not a party until
something gets broken.
01:01:11.859 --> 01:01:13.159
Yeah, like my neck.
01:01:39.779 --> 01:01:41.767
Thanks for letting me stay here.
01:01:41.769 --> 01:01:45.227
I really didn't wanna go home tonight.
01:01:45.229 --> 01:01:46.627
Are you sure you wanna stay here?
01:01:46.629 --> 01:01:48.447
I can take the sofa, no problem.
01:01:48.449 --> 01:01:49.280
I don't wanna do that to you.
01:01:49.282 --> 01:01:50.837
I don't wanna kick you out of your bed.
01:01:50.839 --> 01:01:53.062
I mean, it's actually totally okay.
01:01:54.179 --> 01:01:55.332
What is that?
01:01:56.689 --> 01:01:57.767
Oh.
01:01:57.769 --> 01:01:58.600
That.
01:01:58.602 --> 01:01:59.569
That's a long story.
01:02:00.989 --> 01:02:03.537
Also the closest thing I've
had to a woman in my bedroom
01:02:03.539 --> 01:02:04.489
in a long time.
01:02:04.491 --> 01:02:07.477
Well, in this house in forever.
01:02:07.479 --> 01:02:09.878
As long as it's not a sex doll.
01:02:09.880 --> 01:02:10.711
What?
01:02:10.713 --> 01:02:11.987
Oh no, that would be weird.
01:02:11.989 --> 01:02:14.821
Weirder than having a
mannequin in you bedroom?
01:02:17.619 --> 01:02:20.087
When I was in college, I
was a creative writing major
01:02:20.089 --> 01:02:22.727
who was thoroughly invested in her art
01:02:22.729 --> 01:02:24.999
and in hopes of attracting young ladies
01:02:25.001 --> 01:02:27.086
I came up with this backstory
01:02:27.088 --> 01:02:29.697
that the reason my dad
spiraled into alcoholism
01:02:29.699 --> 01:02:33.747
was because he lost his
job in a mannequin factory.
01:02:33.749 --> 01:02:37.012
I bet the ladies couldn't resist.
01:02:39.089 --> 01:02:40.197
Was any of that true?
01:02:40.199 --> 01:02:41.692
Only the alcoholism part.
01:02:42.579 --> 01:02:43.767
Oh.
01:02:43.769 --> 01:02:45.069
I didn't mean to go there.
01:02:46.969 --> 01:02:48.477
While we're on the topic,
01:02:48.479 --> 01:02:49.929
would you care for a bourbon?
01:02:50.879 --> 01:02:51.712
Sure.
01:02:56.328 --> 01:02:59.216
Oh, "A The Dummies'
Guide to the Dark Ages."
01:02:59.218 --> 01:03:01.368
I didn't know you were
into medieval stuff.
01:03:02.318 --> 01:03:03.151
Yeah, that's.
01:03:05.295 --> 01:03:08.305
"Let me show you how
a kiss should taste."
01:03:10.318 --> 01:03:11.706
Not ready for anyone to see that.
01:03:11.708 --> 01:03:12.843
Ah, still in utero?
01:03:26.778 --> 01:03:31.376
Do you have a book full of
photos or Ryan somewhere
01:03:31.378 --> 01:03:34.916
or maybe a secret stash of photos
01:03:34.918 --> 01:03:36.836
on each one of your friends?
01:03:36.838 --> 01:03:38.581
No, you're my one and only.
01:03:44.935 --> 01:03:46.785
"Your eyes are blue-torched light."
01:03:53.135 --> 01:03:54.795
"Ice-kissed frost fire."
01:03:55.915 --> 01:03:58.085
"My wasted heart melts there."
01:04:00.488 --> 01:04:01.321
It was you?
01:04:03.298 --> 01:04:04.131
Yeah.
01:04:08.998 --> 01:04:11.662
You wrote that for Evan.
01:04:11.664 --> 01:04:13.776
No, no.
01:04:13.778 --> 01:04:15.766
I wrote that for you.
01:04:15.768 --> 01:04:18.181
For you to find.
01:04:22.688 --> 01:04:24.446
When you're alone and you
think no one's watching,
01:04:24.448 --> 01:04:27.166
you get this look on your face
01:04:27.168 --> 01:04:28.404
and I always wonder what you're thinking
01:04:28.406 --> 01:04:30.856
because you look so sad
01:04:30.858 --> 01:04:32.651
but your eyes, they just,
01:04:33.796 --> 01:04:36.241
they turn the most
remarkable shade of blue.
01:04:38.818 --> 01:04:39.911
You notice that?
01:04:41.088 --> 01:04:44.581
Bridget, nothing about you
has ever escaped my attention.
01:04:51.078 --> 01:04:52.756
Maybe if you stare at
her house long enough,
01:04:52.758 --> 01:04:55.083
she'll decide she doesn't
want to divorce you anymore.
01:04:55.085 --> 01:04:56.334
That's what I'm hoping.
01:04:57.887 --> 01:04:59.875
This is technically trespassing.
01:04:59.877 --> 01:05:03.195
If we end up in jail, I'm
gonna miss Black Friday.
01:05:03.197 --> 01:05:05.725
Calm down, you'll
be out by Cyber Monday.
01:05:05.727 --> 01:05:06.560
What's that?
01:05:09.367 --> 01:05:10.935
Hey, Trista?
01:05:10.937 --> 01:05:12.285
Can you spend the night at my house?
01:05:12.287 --> 01:05:14.455
What's up with you being
afraid of your apartment?
01:05:14.457 --> 01:05:18.055
Evan says it's because I'm
paranoid from all the coke.
01:05:18.057 --> 01:05:19.935
Hey, can we talk about something?
01:05:19.937 --> 01:05:20.820
Shit.
01:05:22.552 --> 01:05:23.763
What's going on?
01:05:25.490 --> 01:05:26.407
Oh, look.
01:05:28.317 --> 01:05:29.148
Oh no.
01:05:29.150 --> 01:05:29.983
No, no, no, no.
01:05:31.367 --> 01:05:32.535
She's with someone.
01:05:32.537 --> 01:05:33.370
No way.
01:05:35.272 --> 01:05:37.085
That bitch.
01:05:37.087 --> 01:05:38.387
Maybe that's her sister.
01:05:42.067 --> 01:05:43.990
I really hope that's not her sister.
01:05:45.877 --> 01:05:46.708
I've had enough.
01:05:46.710 --> 01:05:48.021
Trista, no!
01:05:48.023 --> 01:05:49.273
Let go of me.
01:05:53.334 --> 01:05:55.334
I want to go fight her.
01:05:57.926 --> 01:06:00.105
I'm gonna fight her.
01:06:00.107 --> 01:06:02.760
Jesus Christ, you've got
freakish coke strength.
01:06:09.937 --> 01:06:12.725
Here we go, you're coming with me.
01:06:16.009 --> 01:06:17.706
I gotta go.
01:06:20.147 --> 01:06:20.980
Oh my God.
01:06:23.621 --> 01:06:25.335
I'm performing an intervention.
01:06:25.337 --> 01:06:26.170
Jesus.
01:06:27.925 --> 01:06:29.008
Don't move.
01:06:39.227 --> 01:06:41.115
Get off me!
01:06:41.117 --> 01:06:42.875
You may be stronger than me
01:06:42.877 --> 01:06:44.195
but I am meaner.
01:06:44.197 --> 01:06:46.441
And you are not going into that house.
01:06:56.196 --> 01:06:58.675
Evan's always been the one, you know?
01:06:58.677 --> 01:07:02.714
I never even had any other
girlfriends in high school.
01:07:02.716 --> 01:07:04.124
Believe it or not,
01:07:04.126 --> 01:07:05.507
I was kinda of a geek.
01:07:08.025 --> 01:07:09.779
Sometimes I do wonder,
01:07:10.796 --> 01:07:12.181
I think to myself,
01:07:12.183 --> 01:07:14.970
"What if Evan hadn't
picked me up that night?"
01:07:14.972 --> 01:07:19.114
I don't necessarily subscribe
to M-Theory or String Theory
01:07:19.116 --> 01:07:21.139
but the very possibility of a multiverse
01:07:21.141 --> 01:07:22.633
has got to make you wonder.
01:07:22.635 --> 01:07:26.469
Well, if you hadn't been with
Evan, we never would've met.
01:07:27.586 --> 01:07:30.689
I thought I'd be angry, furious, upset.
01:07:32.026 --> 01:07:33.856
Instead, I just feel...
01:07:35.386 --> 01:07:36.509
Emptiness.
01:07:38.829 --> 01:07:43.169
Speaking of emptiness.
01:07:47.756 --> 01:07:51.094
The reason I spend so
much time around Evan
01:07:51.096 --> 01:07:53.076
is because wherever she is
01:07:54.936 --> 01:07:56.684
you are there too.
01:07:56.686 --> 01:07:57.517
Huh?
01:07:57.519 --> 01:08:00.384
And I think the reason
I'm not seeing anyone
01:08:00.386 --> 01:08:02.726
or looking to meet anyone is because
01:08:04.366 --> 01:08:06.036
to me you are perfect.
01:08:08.086 --> 01:08:09.584
Oh my God.
01:08:09.586 --> 01:08:10.986
Since the moment I met you
01:08:12.087 --> 01:08:12.920
I've been
01:08:14.346 --> 01:08:15.239
secretly,
01:08:16.206 --> 01:08:17.179
madly,
01:08:19.496 --> 01:08:20.529
in love with you.
01:08:24.836 --> 01:08:26.676
How could I not have seen this?
01:08:31.466 --> 01:08:33.323
How could I not have seen you?
01:08:33.326 --> 01:08:35.076
I wish I could just
01:08:36.148 --> 01:08:39.823
cut you into a million pieces
and scatter you across the sky
01:08:39.826 --> 01:08:41.439
and count you like stars.
01:08:42.926 --> 01:08:44.555
I think that
01:08:45.626 --> 01:08:49.899
is the most romantic thing
anyone has ever said to me.
01:09:19.005 --> 01:09:21.895
I've loved you since
the moment I saw you.
01:09:21.897 --> 01:09:26.897
Not a day's gone by I
haven't dreamed of this!
01:09:35.745 --> 01:09:36.578
I'm sorry.
01:09:37.425 --> 01:09:38.808
I don't know why I did that.
01:09:40.532 --> 01:09:42.470
You're a goddess.
01:10:27.329 --> 01:10:29.399
My bra.
01:11:01.225 --> 01:11:05.308
You're the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen.
01:11:29.462 --> 01:11:31.082
Hey.
01:11:31.084 --> 01:11:31.917
Hey.
01:11:38.951 --> 01:11:40.315
Wait.
01:11:40.317 --> 01:11:41.650
I wanna see you.
01:11:47.354 --> 01:11:48.514
There you are.
01:12:04.493 --> 01:12:05.564
Trista?
01:12:05.566 --> 01:12:06.397
It's Evan.
01:12:08.015 --> 01:12:10.120
How is she here?
01:12:10.122 --> 01:12:12.483
No one locked the door!
01:12:12.485 --> 01:12:13.316
Hold on.
01:12:13.318 --> 01:12:14.751
Shit!
01:12:15.826 --> 01:12:17.409
Hold on one minute.
01:12:22.427 --> 01:12:23.972
A thousand pardons
01:12:23.974 --> 01:12:26.697
for my behavior last night.
01:12:28.464 --> 01:12:31.162
I know you are not the
one who told Bridget.
01:12:31.164 --> 01:12:33.352
I know you wouldn't do that.
01:12:33.354 --> 01:12:34.592
Hey.
01:12:34.594 --> 01:12:37.282
Now is not the best time right now.
01:12:37.284 --> 01:12:38.817
If you know what I mean.
01:12:41.079 --> 01:12:42.972
Oh shit.
01:12:42.974 --> 01:12:44.858
You have a girl back there?
01:12:46.504 --> 01:12:48.547
Yeah, I can't wait to
tell you all about it.
01:12:48.549 --> 01:12:50.242
I gotta tell you, I
always wondered about you.
01:12:50.244 --> 01:12:52.202
I thought maybe you were
one of those straight girls
01:12:52.204 --> 01:12:53.252
who pretends to be gay
01:12:53.254 --> 01:12:55.572
because she thinks it
makes her more interesting.
01:12:55.574 --> 01:12:57.411
Evan, you have no idea.
01:12:57.413 --> 01:12:58.541
Oh.
01:12:58.543 --> 01:13:01.296
Hey, just confirm for me
that it's a woman in there.
01:13:10.183 --> 01:13:11.783
This isn't what it looks like.
01:13:12.693 --> 01:13:14.743
It looks like you fucked my girlfriend.
01:13:16.813 --> 01:13:19.846
That's exactly what it looks like.
01:13:21.323 --> 01:13:23.316
You know it wasn't her idea, Evan.
01:13:26.833 --> 01:13:28.761
I know that if we fight, you'll win,
01:13:28.763 --> 01:13:31.391
but I will inflict as much
damage on you as possible
01:13:31.393 --> 01:13:32.311
before you bring me down.
01:13:32.313 --> 01:13:33.731
And you will have to kill me
01:13:33.733 --> 01:13:35.633
before I let you go anywhere near her.
01:13:39.013 --> 01:13:41.806
You got a lot of, what is
that word you people use?
01:13:42.873 --> 01:13:44.531
Chutzpah?
01:13:44.533 --> 01:13:45.930
Yeah, chutzpah.
01:13:47.363 --> 01:13:48.581
Stop it, Evan.
01:13:48.583 --> 01:13:50.436
Do not speak to me!
01:13:55.213 --> 01:13:57.876
Do not ever come back to my house again.
01:13:59.663 --> 01:14:01.446
I don't ever wanna see your face.
01:14:56.422 --> 01:14:57.255
Hey.
01:14:58.642 --> 01:15:00.190
Hey!
01:15:00.192 --> 01:15:01.565
Hey, sleepyhead.
01:15:02.545 --> 01:15:03.505
What time is it?
01:15:04.652 --> 01:15:06.310
Time for me to go to work.
01:15:06.312 --> 01:15:09.100
I'll be in so much
trouble if I'm late again.
01:15:09.102 --> 01:15:10.640
How long have I been here?
01:15:10.642 --> 01:15:12.585
Hello, since we got back.
01:15:13.592 --> 01:15:14.940
Wait.
01:15:14.942 --> 01:15:18.060
We went to Paige's, you tackled me
01:15:18.062 --> 01:15:22.057
and why don't I remember
anything after that?
01:15:22.059 --> 01:15:25.260
We came back here and
you were super upset
01:15:25.262 --> 01:15:27.560
and I have some diazepam, so...
01:15:27.562 --> 01:15:29.130
How much did you give me?
01:15:29.132 --> 01:15:30.850
You asked for a loading dose.
01:15:30.852 --> 01:15:32.170
Fuck.
01:15:32.172 --> 01:15:34.720
And I don't play so I got out
these old pharmacy textbooks
01:15:34.722 --> 01:15:38.121
and I asked you your weight
and I added 20 pounds
01:15:38.123 --> 01:15:42.258
because I know I always take
off 20 when anyone asks me.
01:15:42.260 --> 01:15:43.420
I gotta get out of here.
01:15:43.422 --> 01:15:44.472
I wouldn't do that.
01:15:46.632 --> 01:15:47.465
Oh no.
01:15:55.612 --> 01:15:57.735
Like I said, a loading dose.
01:15:58.792 --> 01:15:59.725
Up we go.
01:16:02.592 --> 01:16:04.145
This is why my wife left me.
01:16:06.682 --> 01:16:09.463
No one should have to live like this.
01:16:09.465 --> 01:16:11.715
I decline my invitation
to your pity party.
01:16:14.962 --> 01:16:18.519
This is like "Whatever
Happened to Baby Jane."
01:16:19.644 --> 01:16:20.990
And I'm baby Jane.
01:16:20.992 --> 01:16:22.820
If the rule that you
followed led you here,
01:16:22.822 --> 01:16:24.425
of what use was the rule?
01:16:30.389 --> 01:16:33.040
You dare get existential on me now.
01:16:33.042 --> 01:16:36.045
You're Monday-morning
quarterbacking your entire life.
01:17:02.811 --> 01:17:03.644
Shoot.
01:17:10.161 --> 01:17:11.698
You scared me.
01:17:11.700 --> 01:17:13.374
I had your things sent to you.
01:17:14.401 --> 01:17:17.301
Yeah, well, you forgot some
of my weapons, so here I am.
01:17:18.411 --> 01:17:19.969
I thought you'd be sleeping.
01:17:19.971 --> 01:17:22.529
I've reverted to my old schedule.
01:17:22.531 --> 01:17:25.324
Sleep by day, live by night.
01:17:27.661 --> 01:17:28.979
What about your job?
01:17:28.981 --> 01:17:30.581
Oh yeah, I haven't been going.
01:17:31.731 --> 01:17:32.564
Why?
01:17:35.231 --> 01:17:37.999
My dad took a contribution
from an organization
01:17:38.001 --> 01:17:41.109
whose leader once said that
gays should be rounded up
01:17:41.111 --> 01:17:42.334
and thrown off cliffs.
01:17:43.391 --> 01:17:44.341
Are you quitting?
01:17:52.821 --> 01:17:54.449
I moved in with Ryan.
01:17:54.451 --> 01:17:55.284
I heard.
01:17:56.241 --> 01:17:57.096
Will I also be footing the bill
01:17:57.098 --> 01:17:58.764
for your share of Ryan's rent?
01:17:59.730 --> 01:18:01.589
I don't have to listen to this.
01:18:01.591 --> 01:18:02.424
Sweets,
01:18:04.241 --> 01:18:05.941
you couldn't ignore me if you try.
01:18:07.111 --> 01:18:08.819
Don't throw that in my face!
01:18:08.821 --> 01:18:09.652
What?
01:18:09.654 --> 01:18:11.779
That I've been paying for
your Ivy League education?
01:18:11.781 --> 01:18:13.249
Or that I have supported you for years
01:18:13.251 --> 01:18:18.251
and I've only asked you for
one, one thing, in return?!
01:18:18.711 --> 01:18:21.739
How could I marry someone
who did what you did to me?
01:18:21.741 --> 01:18:22.809
I did nothing to you!
01:18:22.811 --> 01:18:23.729
Yeah, that's right,
01:18:23.731 --> 01:18:25.289
you were too busy doing
it to someone else!
01:18:25.291 --> 01:18:26.649
You let Dov fuck you!
01:18:26.651 --> 01:18:29.529
I know it wasn't the other
way around, pillow princess.
01:18:29.531 --> 01:18:31.614
You've always been more of a taker.
01:18:33.211 --> 01:18:37.089
You have fucked everyone and everything
01:18:37.091 --> 01:18:39.391
and you've been doing
it since the day we met!
01:18:40.711 --> 01:18:41.544
And I,
01:18:43.531 --> 01:18:45.509
I loved you too much to admit to myself
01:18:45.511 --> 01:18:46.342
what I knew to be true.
01:18:46.344 --> 01:18:48.399
Love me or you needed me?
01:18:48.401 --> 01:18:50.159
Which one, Bridget?
01:18:50.161 --> 01:18:50.994
You love me?
01:18:51.861 --> 01:18:54.489
It's very easy to be
taken care of, isn't it?
01:18:54.491 --> 01:18:56.988
Makes it so much easier
not to see the things
01:18:56.990 --> 01:18:58.420
you don't want to.
01:19:00.500 --> 01:19:01.331
What changed it for you?
01:19:01.333 --> 01:19:03.600
What made you go, "You know,
I've had a really great time
01:19:03.602 --> 01:19:05.185
"not having to work for anything
01:19:05.187 --> 01:19:06.515
"but now I think I'm gonna get rid of
01:19:06.517 --> 01:19:08.007
"good old reliable Evan."
01:19:10.400 --> 01:19:12.373
I fucking love you!
01:19:13.333 --> 01:19:16.718
I've loved you since I was 18 years old.
01:19:16.720 --> 01:19:18.528
Not a day has gone by since
01:19:18.530 --> 01:19:21.328
that you haven't been the
love of my fucking life!
01:19:21.330 --> 01:19:23.918
I know you're a cheater,
I know you screw around.
01:19:23.920 --> 01:19:26.321
That is why I wouldn't marry you!
01:19:26.323 --> 01:19:29.058
I will stop fucking around
when I have tangible proof
01:19:29.060 --> 01:19:30.221
that you're not in this for a free ride.
01:19:30.223 --> 01:19:32.278
You had something better than tangible,
01:19:32.280 --> 01:19:34.698
you had something real!
01:19:34.700 --> 01:19:36.550
You're discussing us in past tense.
01:19:37.630 --> 01:19:39.447
Doesn't get any more real than that.
01:19:42.168 --> 01:19:43.941
Shut up for a second.
01:19:43.943 --> 01:19:45.360
Shut the fuck up.
01:19:47.410 --> 01:19:49.460
Or maybe it was your guilt that was real.
01:19:51.980 --> 01:19:54.858
And why would I feel guilty, Evan?
01:19:54.860 --> 01:19:57.578
I've always been there for
you when no one else was.
01:19:57.580 --> 01:19:59.963
Maybe you were guilting
yourself into staying with me.
01:20:02.921 --> 01:20:04.451
Stupid.
01:20:04.453 --> 01:20:06.003
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
01:20:09.190 --> 01:20:11.218
You are telling me that
you've been fucking around
01:20:11.220 --> 01:20:13.555
this whole time because you thought
01:20:13.557 --> 01:20:15.988
I felt I owed you something?!
01:20:15.990 --> 01:20:18.152
That I was using you?!
01:20:18.154 --> 01:20:21.388
And all you had to do was
ask me and I woulda told you
01:20:21.390 --> 01:20:22.933
that none of that was true!
01:20:28.020 --> 01:20:28.953
I love you.
01:20:31.070 --> 01:20:32.448
I love you! I love you!
01:20:32.450 --> 01:20:33.413
I love you!
01:20:39.690 --> 01:20:41.228
Say
01:20:41.230 --> 01:20:42.063
something.
01:20:47.513 --> 01:20:49.013
Good luck in the real world.
01:21:07.289 --> 01:21:09.139
This is the part where I leave you.
01:21:55.616 --> 01:21:58.224
"The Shipwreck Diaries.
01:21:58.226 --> 01:22:01.359
"A Novel by Dov Dolenz."
01:22:03.489 --> 01:22:04.792
You wrote a book?
01:22:08.519 --> 01:22:09.352
Yeah.
01:22:11.459 --> 01:22:12.377
Let's go read it.
01:22:12.379 --> 01:22:13.212
Okay.
01:22:26.352 --> 01:22:27.497
Dov.
01:22:27.499 --> 01:22:28.332
Yeah?
01:22:30.149 --> 01:22:31.292
This is amazing.
01:22:32.919 --> 01:22:34.117
Are you sure?
01:22:34.119 --> 01:22:35.987
I mean, I've had women say that before
01:22:35.989 --> 01:22:38.942
but I haven't always
trusted their sincerity.
01:22:38.944 --> 01:22:39.777
Yes.
01:22:40.729 --> 01:22:43.717
This is so exciting, I
mean, you wrote a book.
01:22:43.719 --> 01:22:45.937
I'll be back to writing
engagement announcements tomorrow.
01:22:45.939 --> 01:22:48.722
Yeah, maybe, but this
book is gonna be big.
01:22:50.189 --> 01:22:51.922
When did you do this?
01:22:52.809 --> 01:22:54.407
The last three nights I just stayed up.
01:22:54.409 --> 01:22:55.731
It was pouring out of me.
01:22:56.798 --> 01:22:57.631
It was you.
01:22:59.428 --> 01:23:02.378
Bridget, I couldn't have written
this if it wasn't for you.
01:23:08.488 --> 01:23:09.321
Dov.
01:23:44.908 --> 01:23:47.081
Can I be godmother
to your finger babies?
01:23:49.768 --> 01:23:50.601
Very funny.
01:24:01.000 --> 01:24:03.769
I need to share this book with Ryan.
01:24:03.771 --> 01:24:04.602
No
01:24:04.604 --> 01:24:05.437
I gotta show her.
01:24:07.968 --> 01:24:10.098
Yeah, yes, yes, yes.
01:24:25.618 --> 01:24:26.781
I'll be back.
01:24:33.961 --> 01:24:37.711
Ryan, Dov wrote a novel
and it's really good.
01:24:38.934 --> 01:24:40.506
"The Shipwreck Diaries."
01:24:40.508 --> 01:24:42.008
I loved that when I was a kid.
01:24:42.848 --> 01:24:45.531
This is Dov's book.
01:24:46.828 --> 01:24:47.766
Gotta split.
01:24:47.768 --> 01:24:49.639
One of my friends is waiting on me.
01:24:49.641 --> 01:24:51.786
Have I got any messages?
01:24:51.788 --> 01:24:53.057
Is my dad dead?
01:24:53.059 --> 01:24:53.890
Dad-dead.
01:24:53.892 --> 01:24:54.945
Ryan, are these the new friends
01:24:54.947 --> 01:24:56.525
that Evan had to save you from?
01:24:56.527 --> 01:24:59.130
Oh, that Evan, telling
tales out of school.
01:25:05.927 --> 01:25:07.460
She's falling apart.
01:25:08.337 --> 01:25:10.537
Hey, even the Sistine
Chapel is crumbling.
01:25:12.197 --> 01:25:13.030
Yeah.
01:25:14.577 --> 01:25:15.410
Dov,
01:25:17.447 --> 01:25:18.350
your book.
01:25:19.577 --> 01:25:20.935
Second thoughts.
01:25:20.937 --> 01:25:22.875
Not as great as you thought
it was five minutes ago?
01:25:22.877 --> 01:25:23.915
It's amazing.
01:25:23.917 --> 01:25:26.950
It's just the characters,
01:25:28.417 --> 01:25:30.265
it's us, right, the gang?
01:25:30.267 --> 01:25:32.745
You, me, Trista,
01:25:32.747 --> 01:25:34.085
Evan, Ryan?
01:25:34.087 --> 01:25:36.640
Yeah but I'm not
anticipating any lawsuits.
01:25:39.387 --> 01:25:40.722
And I'm Kahlan
01:25:40.724 --> 01:25:41.760
and you're Cara?
01:25:43.127 --> 01:25:44.856
Pretty obvious, huh?
01:25:44.858 --> 01:25:46.025
And Kahlan and Cara,
01:25:46.027 --> 01:25:48.135
they wind up together in the end, right?
01:25:48.137 --> 01:25:50.495
Specifically moving in
together and getting married.
01:25:50.497 --> 01:25:54.015
Oh, right, but Bridget,
it's just a book.
01:25:54.017 --> 01:25:57.100
I've been up the past
two days, three days.
01:25:59.034 --> 01:26:01.394
It's all artistic license.
01:26:01.396 --> 01:26:02.229
I know.
01:26:04.817 --> 01:26:06.540
I just need you to understand,
01:26:08.497 --> 01:26:10.630
I just got out of a really bad situation.
01:26:12.307 --> 01:26:14.705
Is this what you think
this is, a bad situation?
01:26:14.707 --> 01:26:15.710
No, no.
01:26:18.675 --> 01:26:19.990
It's wonderful.
01:26:21.567 --> 01:26:24.010
But it's still a situation.
01:26:25.654 --> 01:26:26.487
Oh.
01:26:27.827 --> 01:26:28.660
Okay.
01:26:30.177 --> 01:26:32.122
That night, when I
found out you'd written
01:26:32.124 --> 01:26:33.510
"blue torch light" for me,
01:26:34.397 --> 01:26:36.607
and then you wrote
another poem on the spot
01:26:38.007 --> 01:26:41.465
and beautiful words were
just coming out of you.
01:26:41.467 --> 01:26:43.700
Beautiful words always come out of you.
01:26:44.717 --> 01:26:49.405
I just got so lost in
everything that you were saying
01:26:49.407 --> 01:26:51.905
and in everything that you are.
01:26:51.907 --> 01:26:53.400
And I'm really good in bed.
01:27:00.089 --> 01:27:02.139
It's easy to fall in love with someone.
01:27:04.926 --> 01:27:06.949
Falling out of love,
01:27:07.816 --> 01:27:10.139
that is a lot harder.
01:27:12.266 --> 01:27:14.416
It always comes back
to Evan, doesn't it?
01:27:17.236 --> 01:27:18.256
I wish...
01:27:19.826 --> 01:27:20.659
I...
01:27:23.446 --> 01:27:25.919
I wish I could forget.
01:27:26.876 --> 01:27:27.709
But...
01:27:29.996 --> 01:27:31.546
She's been the love of my life.
01:27:39.206 --> 01:27:40.405
Okay.
01:27:40.407 --> 01:27:41.779
I understand.
01:27:43.976 --> 01:27:45.389
You gave me the inspiration.
01:27:46.966 --> 01:27:49.799
I got the book but I lost the girl.
01:27:50.976 --> 01:27:55.604
You are gonna get so
much more out of this book
01:27:55.606 --> 01:27:57.179
than you ever would me.
01:27:58.716 --> 01:28:00.229
I respectfully disagree.
01:28:07.306 --> 01:28:08.659
I don't wanna lose you.
01:28:12.283 --> 01:28:13.116
I need you.
01:28:19.916 --> 01:28:20.766
I need you too.
01:28:31.046 --> 01:28:33.224
Nobody understands the
rules for the Brat Pack.
01:28:33.226 --> 01:28:36.024
The rules for the Brat Pack are, A,
01:28:36.026 --> 01:28:38.304
starring in either "St. Elmo's Fire"
01:28:38.306 --> 01:28:39.464
or "The Breakfast Club,"
01:28:39.466 --> 01:28:41.374
and B, being in at least one other movie
01:28:41.376 --> 01:28:43.044
with anther Brat Packer.
01:28:43.046 --> 01:28:45.314
So that's eight people.
01:28:45.316 --> 01:28:47.104
Judd Nelson,
01:28:47.106 --> 01:28:48.604
Rob Lowe,
01:28:48.606 --> 01:28:50.214
Molly Ringwald,
01:28:50.216 --> 01:28:52.154
Anthony Michael Hall, Emilio Estevez,
01:28:52.156 --> 01:28:54.574
Ally Sheedy, Andrew McCarthy,
01:28:54.576 --> 01:28:57.023
and last but certainly not least,
01:28:57.025 --> 01:28:58.083
Demi Moore.
01:28:58.085 --> 01:28:59.053
Who didn't make the cut?
01:28:59.055 --> 01:29:00.473
Mare Winningham.
01:29:00.475 --> 01:29:02.803
Mare was in "St. Elmo's Fire"
01:29:02.805 --> 01:29:05.405
but never in another movie
with another Brat Packer.
01:29:10.524 --> 01:29:11.863
Mare Winningham.
01:29:11.865 --> 01:29:12.793
Who is he?
01:29:12.795 --> 01:29:16.008
Oh my God, I don't even
know why I talk to you.
01:29:17.190 --> 01:29:20.283
Whenever you start talking
about pistachios and inter...
01:29:20.285 --> 01:29:22.303
Pastiche and intertertextuality.
01:29:22.305 --> 01:29:24.013
Right, intertertextuality.
01:29:24.015 --> 01:29:27.113
It sounds like a new sexual orientation.
01:29:27.115 --> 01:29:29.865
If you were on the Table
of Elements, you'd be moron.
01:29:36.405 --> 01:29:37.438
Yeah, it's me!
01:29:48.467 --> 01:29:50.217
Is your phone hot?
01:30:06.568 --> 01:30:07.401
Evan?
01:30:13.451 --> 01:30:14.284
Evan?
01:30:18.611 --> 01:30:19.444
Evan?
01:30:26.733 --> 01:30:27.566
Evan.
01:30:29.671 --> 01:30:30.668
Evan.
01:30:33.305 --> 01:30:34.883
Hey.
01:30:34.885 --> 01:30:35.716
Evan!
01:30:35.718 --> 01:30:36.558
Come on, wake up!
01:30:40.255 --> 01:30:41.088
Evan.
01:30:56.454 --> 01:30:57.592
I had to.
01:30:57.594 --> 01:30:59.987
Why are you here?
01:31:01.044 --> 01:31:01.877
Again!
01:31:03.173 --> 01:31:04.117
Fuck!
01:31:05.864 --> 01:31:07.442
Nice, She-Ra.
01:31:07.444 --> 01:31:08.855
It's invaluable, okay?
01:31:08.857 --> 01:31:10.432
I couldn't leave it in the car.
01:31:10.434 --> 01:31:12.712
It's nice to know you
cherish something so dearly.
01:31:12.714 --> 01:31:14.402
Why haven't you been taking my calls?
01:31:14.404 --> 01:31:15.682
I'm focused on the future.
01:31:15.684 --> 01:31:18.062
Not the past.
01:31:18.064 --> 01:31:21.572
This isn't about me and
you, Evan, this is about Ryan.
01:31:21.574 --> 01:31:23.702
She called me while I was
at the museum, crying.
01:31:23.704 --> 01:31:25.019
She said the debt collectors
are coming to take away
01:31:25.021 --> 01:31:27.161
all of her stuff tomorrow.
01:31:27.163 --> 01:31:28.272
I thought she was loaded.
01:31:28.274 --> 01:31:31.222
I don't understand it
anymore than you do but
01:31:31.224 --> 01:31:33.502
she said she's gonna lock
herself in her bathroom
01:31:33.504 --> 01:31:35.962
and drown herself in the bathtub.
01:31:35.964 --> 01:31:38.264
That is literally an
impossible thing to do.
01:31:40.044 --> 01:31:42.262
Well we have to do something.
01:31:42.264 --> 01:31:44.192
This is not am MP.
01:31:44.194 --> 01:31:45.027
It's a YP.
01:31:46.474 --> 01:31:48.152
Your problem.
01:31:48.154 --> 01:31:49.232
Evan, what's wrong with you?
01:31:49.234 --> 01:31:50.757
This is Ryan.
01:31:52.014 --> 01:31:53.327
She needs our help.
01:32:25.694 --> 01:32:27.651
Oh, I gotta get this off.
01:32:34.192 --> 01:32:35.275
Get this off.
01:32:36.683 --> 01:32:41.023
Oh, my baby.
01:32:41.025 --> 01:32:41.858
Thank you.
01:32:47.129 --> 01:32:48.111
Bridget.
01:32:48.113 --> 01:32:48.946
What?
01:32:52.984 --> 01:32:54.172
Ryan?
01:32:54.174 --> 01:32:55.501
Stay away!
01:32:55.503 --> 01:32:57.201
If you come any closer, I'll jump.
01:32:57.203 --> 01:32:59.241
Oh, for the love of.
01:32:59.243 --> 01:33:01.171
Ryan, sweetheart,
01:33:01.173 --> 01:33:02.611
we've all been there.
01:33:02.613 --> 01:33:04.681
Remember that time I
crashed my dad's Delorean
01:33:04.683 --> 01:33:06.851
and decided to drink myself to death?
01:33:06.853 --> 01:33:09.403
You stayed up all night
with me feeding me edamame.
01:33:11.033 --> 01:33:12.524
We're gonna call the police
if you don't stop this.
01:33:12.526 --> 01:33:14.431
I'll throw myself over the railing
01:33:14.433 --> 01:33:15.761
before you even get to the phone.
01:33:15.763 --> 01:33:17.806
Maybe threatening her
wasn't the best idea.
01:33:20.650 --> 01:33:22.193
What the fuck is it now?
01:33:22.195 --> 01:33:23.612
Oh, Jesus Christ.
01:33:28.693 --> 01:33:31.031
You invite Dov to
Ryan's nervous breakdown?
01:33:31.033 --> 01:33:31.864
I called everyone.
01:33:31.866 --> 01:33:33.186
It's a real party.
01:33:38.373 --> 01:33:39.981
How is she?
01:33:39.983 --> 01:33:42.541
Ryan, you're scaring us.
01:33:42.543 --> 01:33:44.141
Leave me alone.
01:33:44.143 --> 01:33:46.241
Honey, look,
01:33:46.243 --> 01:33:48.921
at that distance, with your
weight at that velocity,
01:33:48.923 --> 01:33:52.131
you'd be more likely to
break your legs than die.
01:33:52.133 --> 01:33:53.171
Keep talking to her like that
01:33:53.173 --> 01:33:55.341
and she'll definitely
decide to kill herself.
01:33:55.343 --> 01:33:56.565
Honey, why don't you let us just,
01:33:56.567 --> 01:33:59.540
you look so tired, we'll come
up there and talk to you.
01:34:00.999 --> 01:34:02.281
I heard you wrote a book.
01:34:02.283 --> 01:34:03.116
Yeah.
01:34:04.383 --> 01:34:05.216
Wanna read it?
01:34:14.562 --> 01:34:16.111
Evan, don't mess around!
01:34:16.113 --> 01:34:17.521
Evan, stop it, that's priceless.
01:34:17.523 --> 01:34:18.751
I mean, invaluable.
01:34:18.753 --> 01:34:21.131
Me or the sword?
01:34:21.133 --> 01:34:23.900
Fuck, it's turning into Hamlet in here.
01:34:23.902 --> 01:34:28.902
I hope they all die in the end.
01:34:29.593 --> 01:34:31.581
You stole the thing I love most.
01:34:31.583 --> 01:34:33.321
Maybe if you hadn't
treated her like a thing,
01:34:33.323 --> 01:34:34.773
I wouldn't have been able to.
01:34:35.723 --> 01:34:37.941
Evan, you can do tens
of thousands of dollars
01:34:37.943 --> 01:34:39.341
worth of damage to that sword.
01:34:39.343 --> 01:34:40.958
Okay, she's worried about the sword.
01:34:40.960 --> 01:34:43.091
I'm not concerned with
consequences anymore.
01:34:43.093 --> 01:34:44.801
Thanks to your little pep talk.
01:34:44.803 --> 01:34:46.103
What did you say to her?
01:34:47.633 --> 01:34:50.951
Maybe I told her I
was leaving her for good
01:34:50.953 --> 01:34:52.741
and then maybe I hit her?
01:34:52.743 --> 01:34:53.921
Okay, okay.
01:34:53.923 --> 01:34:55.650
She's armed like a knife
and pushed to the brink
01:34:55.652 --> 01:34:57.420
and I fucked her girlfriend.
01:34:57.422 --> 01:34:59.245
Any last words, Dov Dolenz?
01:35:01.672 --> 01:35:02.505
I love her.
01:35:08.197 --> 01:35:09.114
I love her.
01:35:10.612 --> 01:35:11.445
I love her.
01:35:15.578 --> 01:35:17.535
There is no peace in the Middle East.
01:35:17.537 --> 01:35:19.820
This could technically be
construed as a hate crime.
01:35:19.822 --> 01:35:22.516
This is an act of war!
01:35:32.562 --> 01:35:34.310
I think you may have anger issues.
01:35:34.312 --> 01:35:36.200
You don't need to worry about anything.
01:35:36.202 --> 01:35:37.772
Not where you're going.
01:35:48.418 --> 01:35:50.408
Fuck!
01:35:50.410 --> 01:35:51.639
Fuck!
01:36:03.582 --> 01:36:05.672
Oh my God! Oh my God!
Oh my God! Oh my God!
01:36:05.674 --> 01:36:07.294
Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
01:36:07.296 --> 01:36:08.129
Oh my God!
01:36:24.626 --> 01:36:25.910
Just...
01:36:25.912 --> 01:36:27.114
Just let me have a look at it.
01:36:27.116 --> 01:36:28.430
No!
01:36:28.432 --> 01:36:31.895
None of you bitches touches me!
01:36:34.600 --> 01:36:35.433
Evan?
01:36:37.372 --> 01:36:38.770
Are you okay?
01:36:38.772 --> 01:36:39.603
Me?
01:36:39.605 --> 01:36:41.185
I'm fit as fucking fiddle.
01:36:42.522 --> 01:36:43.800
You have a knife in your back.
01:36:43.802 --> 01:36:45.065
Yeah, I gathered.
01:36:48.932 --> 01:36:50.460
Dov, call an ambulance.
01:36:50.462 --> 01:36:52.010
Where's the phone?
01:36:52.012 --> 01:36:53.275
Should we pull it out?
01:36:53.277 --> 01:36:54.110
No!
01:36:58.703 --> 01:37:01.620
What have I done, Evan?
01:37:09.721 --> 01:37:10.664
Oh, shit.
01:37:47.751 --> 01:37:49.349
That's better.
01:37:49.351 --> 01:37:50.289
What's wrong?
01:37:50.291 --> 01:37:52.539
Did you run out of money?
01:37:52.541 --> 01:37:53.374
We can help you.
01:37:54.420 --> 01:37:56.069
It's not that.
01:37:56.071 --> 01:37:57.034
It's my dad.
01:37:58.511 --> 01:37:59.342
Did he die?
01:37:59.344 --> 01:38:00.175
I'm so sorry.
01:38:00.177 --> 01:38:01.884
No, that fucker's alive and well.
01:38:02.941 --> 01:38:04.191
He was never really sick.
01:38:05.251 --> 01:38:06.784
I made the whole thing up.
01:38:08.211 --> 01:38:09.411
Why would you do that?
01:38:10.333 --> 01:38:12.174
He cut me out of his life.
01:38:13.251 --> 01:38:15.219
Not just financially.
01:38:15.221 --> 01:38:16.054
Completely.
01:38:19.101 --> 01:38:19.934
What happened?
01:38:20.921 --> 01:38:23.059
His daughter is a lesbian.
01:38:23.061 --> 01:38:26.714
I fuck women and that is
enough to make him hate me.
01:38:27.721 --> 01:38:28.964
He disposed of me.
01:38:31.611 --> 01:38:32.444
He's not dead.
01:38:33.441 --> 01:38:34.641
I'm the one that's dead.
01:38:35.491 --> 01:38:37.089
Dead to him.
01:38:37.091 --> 01:38:39.105
Honey, you could've told us.
01:38:39.107 --> 01:38:40.307
I was too embarrassed.
01:38:42.461 --> 01:38:43.611
So I said he was dying.
01:38:45.251 --> 01:38:46.544
It seemed easier.
01:38:48.921 --> 01:38:51.631
I was just so ashamed
01:38:53.471 --> 01:38:56.458
and now I'm angry at myself
01:38:56.460 --> 01:38:59.203
for feeling ashamed.
01:39:00.840 --> 01:39:01.690
It should be him.
01:39:04.070 --> 01:39:06.088
He should be the one who hates himself.
01:39:06.090 --> 01:39:06.921
Not me.
01:39:06.923 --> 01:39:07.756
You know,
01:39:09.070 --> 01:39:10.668
when we're growing up,
01:39:10.670 --> 01:39:11.808
when we're kids,
01:39:11.810 --> 01:39:13.758
we know there's something
different about us.
01:39:13.760 --> 01:39:16.633
Yeah, I knew I liked
girls from the age of five.
01:39:17.483 --> 01:39:18.748
I've always been ahead of the curve.
01:39:18.750 --> 01:39:19.948
When we know there's something different
01:39:19.950 --> 01:39:21.728
and we can't put words to it.
01:39:21.730 --> 01:39:23.853
That turns into self-loathing.
01:39:25.550 --> 01:39:26.798
Then we get a little older
01:39:26.800 --> 01:39:29.108
and we realize that society doesn't accept
01:39:29.110 --> 01:39:30.868
the parts of us that make us different
01:39:30.870 --> 01:39:34.823
and that self-loathing turns in to shame.
01:39:36.510 --> 01:39:37.768
I'm stronger than that.
01:39:37.770 --> 01:39:38.928
I know you are.
01:39:38.930 --> 01:39:40.428
You're a tough cookie but
01:39:40.430 --> 01:39:43.188
you can't fix what your
family and society did to you.
01:39:43.190 --> 01:39:45.183
You can't un-fuck up a kid.
01:39:47.470 --> 01:39:50.437
I'm not getting five
thousand a month anymore.
01:39:50.439 --> 01:39:52.568
I had some money saved up.
01:39:52.570 --> 01:39:54.963
I spent it all.
01:39:55.880 --> 01:39:58.503
I just wanted the hurt to go away.
01:40:00.590 --> 01:40:01.493
Who does that?
01:40:02.430 --> 01:40:04.668
What kind of man turns
his back on his daughter
01:40:04.670 --> 01:40:05.888
just because she's gay?
01:40:05.890 --> 01:40:07.768
You don't need him.
01:40:07.770 --> 01:40:10.498
Okay, you have me and those
three losers downstairs
01:40:10.500 --> 01:40:12.998
who would do anything for you.
01:40:13.000 --> 01:40:16.328
Ryan, the four of us would die for you.
01:40:16.330 --> 01:40:18.668
Fuck your dad, he's not your dad.
01:40:18.670 --> 01:40:19.838
Evan's your dad.
01:40:19.840 --> 01:40:23.528
And us, we're the rest
of your fucked up family.
01:40:23.530 --> 01:40:26.263
I'm just so confused.
01:40:27.730 --> 01:40:29.113
Everything hurts.
01:40:30.610 --> 01:40:31.443
I'm so
01:40:33.070 --> 01:40:33.903
totally
01:40:35.040 --> 01:40:35.873
lost.
01:40:36.750 --> 01:40:38.158
Well,
01:40:38.160 --> 01:40:39.258
with those words,
01:40:39.260 --> 01:40:42.158
I officially pronounce you
01:40:42.160 --> 01:40:43.203
a grownup.
01:40:48.170 --> 01:40:50.588
Did you know I always
wanted to make you coffee?
01:40:50.590 --> 01:40:52.190
The way you do it with the foam.
01:40:53.170 --> 01:40:54.977
I was gonna surprise you
once, you were at the museum,
01:40:54.979 --> 01:40:57.477
you were gonna come home and find it.
01:40:57.479 --> 01:40:59.202
I tried but I failed.
01:41:00.211 --> 01:41:02.525
I threw it all out and never told you.
01:41:02.527 --> 01:41:03.952
I called an ambulance.
01:41:06.857 --> 01:41:08.197
Oh, shit.
01:41:08.199 --> 01:41:10.399
I don't like doing
things I'm not good at.
01:41:12.668 --> 01:41:14.017
Evan,
01:41:14.019 --> 01:41:17.382
this is for the pain.
01:41:22.348 --> 01:41:23.496
Okay.
01:41:23.498 --> 01:41:26.907
Fuck, this jacket is vintage.
01:41:26.909 --> 01:41:28.807
What the fuck happened here?
01:41:28.809 --> 01:41:30.647
Bridget stabbed me in the back.
01:41:30.649 --> 01:41:31.987
I know, sweetie.
01:41:31.989 --> 01:41:34.162
No, this time,
01:41:35.269 --> 01:41:36.777
I really did stab her.
01:41:38.759 --> 01:41:39.590
Jesus.
01:41:39.592 --> 01:41:41.107
Dov called an ambulance.
01:41:41.109 --> 01:41:42.539
It should be here soon.
01:41:44.029 --> 01:41:46.037
So, Ryan tries to commit suicide
01:41:46.039 --> 01:41:47.677
and you three bitches find a way
01:41:47.679 --> 01:41:49.322
to make it all about yourselves.
01:41:50.437 --> 01:41:52.964
Is that one of
Bridget's ancient daggers?
01:41:52.966 --> 01:41:54.237
I believe so.
01:41:54.239 --> 01:41:56.447
If that thing is 500 years old,
01:41:56.449 --> 01:41:59.687
you're gonna have one
hell of an infection.
01:41:59.689 --> 01:42:01.452
Do not forget your dying king.
01:42:02.429 --> 01:42:03.557
Is she gonna die?
01:42:03.559 --> 01:42:06.159
No, baby, but I'm about
to pass out from the pain.
01:42:07.229 --> 01:42:08.682
Goodnight, sweet prince.
01:42:10.155 --> 01:42:13.262
May flights of angels
sing thee to thy rest.
01:42:14.239 --> 01:42:17.165
So what have I learned
after all this time?
01:42:17.167 --> 01:42:19.917
After all the fucking and partying.
01:42:19.919 --> 01:42:22.669
Lying to friends, lovers, myself.
01:42:22.671 --> 01:42:26.066
Playing this sick game in this sick world,
01:42:26.068 --> 01:42:29.812
filled with liars and cheaters
and depraved miscreants.
01:42:32.069 --> 01:42:34.117
I'll tell you what I've learned.
01:42:34.119 --> 01:42:36.789
One thing, and one thing only...
01:42:38.189 --> 01:42:41.372
I fucking love being gay!
01:42:44.239 --> 01:42:47.067
Hey, Evan, are you still there?
01:42:47.069 --> 01:42:48.547
Yeah.
01:42:48.549 --> 01:42:50.625
I thought you were about
to pass out right then.
01:42:50.627 --> 01:42:52.822
Yeah, that would've been
the perfect place to do it.
01:42:52.824 --> 01:42:55.681
Yeah, yeah, right at
the end of that speech.
01:42:58.158 --> 01:42:59.601
Now she's passed out.
01:43:00.618 --> 01:43:02.061
It's true what they say.
01:43:02.958 --> 01:43:05.451
Timing really is everything.
01:43:06.548 --> 01:43:08.081
Oh, the ambulance is here.
01:43:09.358 --> 01:43:11.116
Yay.
01:43:11.118 --> 01:43:12.021
Evan won't die.
01:43:13.818 --> 01:43:16.376
Can I ride with her to the hospital?
01:43:16.378 --> 01:43:18.711
I should probably get my stomach pumped.
01:43:19.978 --> 01:43:20.917
Can I take out the knife now?
01:43:20.919 --> 01:43:21.836
No!
01:43:29.368 --> 01:43:30.526
Where's your coffee machine?
01:43:30.528 --> 01:43:33.261
Does anyone want some coffee?
01:43:47.864 --> 01:43:49.256
Bye, losers.
01:43:49.258 --> 01:43:50.461
Good to see you.
01:43:58.168 --> 01:43:59.936
How's the shoulder?
01:43:59.938 --> 01:44:00.896
Still sore?
01:44:00.898 --> 01:44:02.366
Nothing that copious amounts of alcohol
01:44:02.368 --> 01:44:03.518
and Vicodin can't cure.
01:44:05.608 --> 01:44:06.441
Same old Evan.
01:44:07.856 --> 01:44:09.351
I quit my father's campaign.
01:44:11.758 --> 01:44:13.258
When were you gonna tell me?
01:44:14.128 --> 01:44:16.978
When I finally mustered
the ability to say
01:44:19.138 --> 01:44:20.031
you were right.
01:44:23.118 --> 01:44:23.949
You remember when I told you
01:44:23.951 --> 01:44:27.003
about not liking not being good at things
01:44:27.005 --> 01:44:28.655
like making coffee and saying I'm sorry?
01:44:31.781 --> 01:44:35.864
But as for the coffee, I
came up with a solution.
01:44:37.388 --> 01:44:39.008
Instant coffee.
01:44:52.332 --> 01:44:53.165
Bridget,
01:44:57.018 --> 01:44:57.851
I'm sorry.
01:45:13.608 --> 01:45:14.441
Evan,
01:45:18.410 --> 01:45:19.743
this is oatmeal.
01:45:21.730 --> 01:45:22.563
What?
01:45:25.383 --> 01:45:27.230
You made me oatmeal.
01:45:28.223 --> 01:45:30.124
This is instant oatmeal.
01:45:48.458 --> 01:45:50.875
I'll never stop loving you.
01:45:53.375 --> 01:45:54.208
Ditto.
01:45:59.237 --> 01:46:02.920
Things are looking up for me.
01:46:04.357 --> 01:46:07.257
I got promoted from writing
engagement announcements
01:46:08.138 --> 01:46:09.238
to writing obituaries.
01:46:10.267 --> 01:46:12.105
That's super.
01:46:12.107 --> 01:46:13.865
That's like the best news ever.
01:46:13.867 --> 01:46:14.700
So great.
01:46:16.837 --> 01:46:20.085
So, tell me more about
the newspaper, please.
01:46:20.087 --> 01:46:21.137
Where's Trista?
01:46:21.139 --> 01:46:23.735
Dov, come over here.
01:46:23.737 --> 01:46:26.145
Oh my God, this conversation has to end.
01:46:26.147 --> 01:46:28.251
So much suck.
01:46:34.887 --> 01:46:36.665
So, I couldn't help but notice
01:46:36.667 --> 01:46:39.820
you to have been avoiding
each other all night.
01:46:41.577 --> 01:46:42.772
My parents pulled the same act for years.
01:46:42.774 --> 01:46:46.305
You're taking a position
at a museum in Romania.
01:46:46.307 --> 01:46:47.803
Seems like you're the
one going to extremes
01:46:47.805 --> 01:46:49.305
to avoid conflict.
01:46:51.752 --> 01:46:52.585
True.
01:46:54.486 --> 01:46:56.579
But I am confused.
01:46:57.896 --> 01:46:58.979
I love you both.
01:47:03.377 --> 01:47:04.727
But I need time for myself.
01:47:06.836 --> 01:47:07.669
Cliche?
01:47:09.290 --> 01:47:10.123
A little.
01:47:15.186 --> 01:47:16.708
So,
01:47:16.710 --> 01:47:17.543
friends?
01:47:18.984 --> 01:47:19.817
Eh.
01:47:20.810 --> 01:47:21.791
Okay.
01:47:21.793 --> 01:47:22.624
Fine.
01:47:22.626 --> 01:47:24.209
Bridget?
01:47:29.688 --> 01:47:30.771
Crazy fuck!
01:47:31.799 --> 01:47:33.709
Republican bitch!
01:47:33.711 --> 01:47:35.809
Jesus Christ.
01:47:42.116 --> 01:47:43.554
Well, fags, I'd stay
01:47:43.556 --> 01:47:46.493
but I'm afraid you'd
as me to help clean up.
01:47:46.495 --> 01:47:47.434
I'll miss you, kid.
01:47:47.436 --> 01:47:48.804
No you won't.
01:47:48.806 --> 01:47:51.449
I'll miss the excessive
drama you bring to my life.
01:47:54.226 --> 01:47:56.194
Next week, Hanukkah party, my place.
01:47:56.196 --> 01:47:58.504
I'm gonna bust out the Bong Mitzvah.
01:47:58.506 --> 01:47:59.403
Goodnight, homos.
01:48:02.476 --> 01:48:04.744
I should probably be going too.
01:48:04.746 --> 01:48:07.204
Early flight, long flight.
01:48:07.206 --> 01:48:08.114
You coming, Ry?
01:48:08.116 --> 01:48:09.504
I wish I was coming?
01:48:09.506 --> 01:48:10.744
Get it?
01:48:10.746 --> 01:48:12.024
No?
01:48:12.026 --> 01:48:13.654
No, I'm gonna stay up.
01:48:13.656 --> 01:48:14.706
I'll take her back.
01:48:15.676 --> 01:48:16.507
Okay, well,
01:48:16.509 --> 01:48:20.079
I am going to go Benadryl myself to sleep.
01:48:21.396 --> 01:48:22.254
See you in the morning.
01:48:22.256 --> 01:48:23.306
- Bye, babe.
- Yeah.
01:48:24.396 --> 01:48:27.704
- I'll walk you out.
- I'll walk you out.
01:48:27.706 --> 01:48:29.056
You did try to behead me.
01:48:33.826 --> 01:48:36.114
I'll see you in half a year.
01:48:36.116 --> 01:48:38.299
Just try to stay out of trouble.
01:48:39.155 --> 01:48:44.155
What's the fun in that?
01:49:13.319 --> 01:49:15.693
I know you have something to say.
01:49:15.695 --> 01:49:16.708
Cheeky monkey.
01:49:21.518 --> 01:49:24.185
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!
01:49:32.135 --> 01:49:34.773
So not to sound arrogant
or anything, you know,
01:49:34.775 --> 01:49:37.788
but I am gonna be gone for six months.
01:49:39.225 --> 01:49:40.308
What I'm saying is,
01:49:41.475 --> 01:49:42.808
if you meet someone.
01:49:44.655 --> 01:49:45.842
No, I get it.
01:49:48.545 --> 01:49:49.738
I packed your poem.
01:49:50.735 --> 01:49:51.685
It's in my carryon.
01:49:55.282 --> 01:49:57.252
"Ice-kissed frost fire."
01:50:00.675 --> 01:50:02.065
I wish I could be like you
01:50:03.547 --> 01:50:05.348
and have the right words.
01:50:09.920 --> 01:50:13.015
I wish I had the right words right now.
01:51:07.591 --> 01:51:09.662
So I have this friend
01:51:09.664 --> 01:51:12.424
and she really liked her
best friend's girlfriend
01:51:13.264 --> 01:51:15.152
and she thought she'd be a much better fit
01:51:15.154 --> 01:51:17.922
for her friend's girlfriends
01:51:17.924 --> 01:51:19.564
than her friend
01:51:20.414 --> 01:51:23.262
and so she set into motion
01:51:23.264 --> 01:51:27.714
a series of events that would
lead to them breaking up
01:51:29.089 --> 01:51:32.412
and it took a really long time
01:51:32.414 --> 01:51:37.122
and a lot of really manipulative behavior
01:51:37.124 --> 01:51:39.707
but eventually this girl's plan worked.
01:51:40.824 --> 01:51:42.002
What happened?
01:51:42.004 --> 01:51:42.918
What do you mean?
01:51:42.920 --> 01:51:44.002
What happened?
01:51:44.004 --> 01:51:45.142
What do you mean?
01:51:45.144 --> 01:51:48.162
Did your friend end up with
her best friend's girlfriend?
01:51:48.164 --> 01:51:49.452
I don't know.
01:51:49.454 --> 01:51:51.227
That remains to be seen.
01:51:53.184 --> 01:51:54.017
So,
01:51:55.944 --> 01:51:58.202
what do you think of all that?
01:51:58.204 --> 01:52:00.867
Do you think my friend is a bad person?
01:52:23.824 --> 01:52:24.657
What?
01:52:26.184 --> 01:52:27.533
Survival of the fittest, right?
01:52:29.404 --> 01:52:31.062
Yeah.
01:52:31.064 --> 01:52:31.897
Totally.
01:53:26.833 --> 01:53:29.011
Is there someplace you'd rather be?
01:53:29.013 --> 01:53:30.063
Than here with you?
01:53:31.483 --> 01:53:32.316
Never.
01:53:48.352 --> 01:53:50.019
Why'd you do that?
01:53:51.059 --> 01:53:54.288
Because I knew you wouldn't.
01:53:54.290 --> 01:53:56.486
I imagine you want to
get back at your father.
01:53:58.423 --> 01:54:00.596
I would excel in that capacity.
01:54:45.144 --> 01:54:46.641
Do you love me?
01:54:46.643 --> 01:54:49.906
I know you'll say yes and I'll
take you at your word but I...
01:54:49.908 --> 01:54:51.816
With every beat of my wasted heart.
01:54:53.215 --> 01:54:56.104
I see it now, it's true.
01:54:56.106 --> 01:54:56.939
Yes.
01:59:11.049 --> 01:59:13.716
I'm laughing already, I can't.
01:59:16.770 --> 01:59:18.377
Turn around, Mike!
01:59:20.295 --> 01:59:22.176
I think but I can see.
01:59:22.178 --> 01:59:25.508
It looks like you're just crazy.
01:59:25.510 --> 01:59:27.078
Sweet prince
01:59:27.080 --> 01:59:28.438
and flights of angels.
01:59:31.730 --> 01:59:33.333
Welcome to Girl-Girl Scene.
01:59:34.780 --> 01:59:36.906
I just want to make
sure I'm holding it right.
01:59:44.150 --> 01:59:46.238
- You're up late.
- Thanks.
01:59:46.240 --> 01:59:48.288
My mom's freaking
out about the body slam.
01:59:48.290 --> 01:59:49.640
I know we're being careful.
02:00:00.294 --> 02:00:01.127
Fuck!
02:00:19.773 --> 02:00:22.194
As long as you literally
don't see my ass.
02:00:22.196 --> 02:00:23.143
My ass is out.
02:00:46.771 --> 02:00:47.602
What? Let me see.
02:00:47.604 --> 02:00:49.149
I was just filming Jerry.
02:00:52.994 --> 02:00:55.262
We got the tools and we got the knowhow.
02:00:56.199 --> 02:00:58.247
Okay, what was the next scene?
02:00:58.249 --> 02:00:59.457
Bedroom.
02:00:59.459 --> 02:01:00.290
Me waking up.
02:01:01.206 --> 02:01:02.657
I got it too late.
02:01:02.659 --> 02:01:05.099
Like I couldn't debut it
earlier in a different scene
02:01:05.101 --> 02:01:06.956
but now it's in the movie.
02:01:51.087 --> 02:01:52.337
Action.
02:01:58.609 --> 02:01:59.702
You're still here?
02:02:01.799 --> 02:02:03.182
It's over.
02:02:05.189 --> 02:02:06.022
Go home?
02:02:12.539 --> 02:02:13.372
Shoo.
02:02:13.374 --> 02:02:14.437
Subtitles by explosiveskull
02:02:15.305 --> 02:02:21.691
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org
112029
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.