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1
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:10,559
'I've always known that
gods had a sense of humour.'
2
00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:14,839
'Why else would they put us all
on the back of a giant turtle?'
3
00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:18,319
'Of course, I had assumed
I was in on the joke.'
4
00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:22,639
'As it turns out, I, Moist von
Lipwig, am the butt of it.
5
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:34,399
Can you fax it
to Genua, please, dear?
6
00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:28,319
Bloody hellfire.
7
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:40,519
When are they gonna spend
some money on this system?
8
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:57,999
Good evening, John Dearheart.
9
00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,159
Who's there?
10
00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:00,599
And good night.
11
00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:05,159
Argh!
12
00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:16,479
Argh! Argh!
13
00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:27,639
'There is always an angle.'
14
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:32,359
'l've come to realise it's the one
thing in life you can rely on.'
15
00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:35,759
'The trick is finding that angle.'
16
00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:40,599
'The events I'm about to recount
may seem extraordinary,
17
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:44,079
callous, criminal, even.'
18
00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:46,559
'But reflecting
on all that's happened,
19
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:49,159
in many ways, I feel blameless.'
20
00:03:55,480 --> 00:04:00,839
'Perhaps you'd be more sympathetic if
I started from the very beginning.'
21
00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:07,239
'You see, on the day I was orphaned,
I had only two things to my name -
22
00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:11,239
the family nag,
and "nag" is being generous,
23
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:13,239
and my wits.'
24
00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:19,999
'But wit, and a bit of boot polish,
can turn a nag into a horse...
25
00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,039
...for about 20 minutes.'
26
00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:26,759
'Which is all I needed.'
27
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:35,959
'12 horse trades later, and I had
enough cash to get into diamonds.'
28
00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:38,519
$25.
29
00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:39,719
Is that all?
30
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:48,959
'Got her.'
31
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:54,719
'She'd seen a $100 diamond, but
she'd bought a $1 lump of glass.'
32
00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,559
'You see, I'm a firm believer
in the saying,
33
00:04:57,560 --> 00:05:00,479
"you can't fool an honest man".'
34
00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:03,319
'It was on this premise
that I built my career.'
35
00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:06,119
'Rob, trick, forge, embezzle.'
36
00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:08,879
'I can't deny
I did every con in the book.'
37
00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:12,639
'And when I finished
the book of cons,
38
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:15,239
I started writing
chapters of my own.'
39
00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:16,879
News!
40
00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:19,879
Times! Times!
41
00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:22,519
Bond crisis rambles on!
42
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:35,239
Albert Spangler, chief bursar
for the Undertakers Guild.
43
00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:37,999
You might be interested
in our compensation scheme
44
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:41,519
for losses incurred by the, er...
45
00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:46,799
...fake bond scandal.
46
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:52,599
'Good dollars for fake bonds,
fake dollars for good bonds.'
47
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,439
'Switch the cash bags,
48
00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:56,359
add a dash of short change,
49
00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:58,839
bank on a little greed...'
50
00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:02,399
'By the time we'd finished,
I was $200 up.'
51
00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:07,399
'Not a fortune, but enough
for a good night on the town.'
52
00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:26,719
Albert Spangler?
53
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:33,319
Never heard of him.
But for you, I could be anyone.
54
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,159
Could you be lunch?
55
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:42,239
'How was I to know the City Watch's
finest sergeant was a werewolf?'
56
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,279
Eurgh!
57
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,239
'I'd been in tighter spots.'
58
00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:14,439
'The mortar was soft.'
59
00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:16,999
'With a decent metal spoon
and time on my hands,
60
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:20,439
a few weeks' hard digging
and I'd be free.'
61
00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:13,039
Well done, Mr Lipwig.
62
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:16,639
You set this up.
63
00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:18,399
Lord Vetinari's orders.
64
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:20,679
He calls it occupational therapy.
65
00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:23,679
Occupa...
l call it torture.
66
00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:25,199
Not upset, are you?
67
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:28,039
Only you've really entered
into the spirit of the thing.
68
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,399
Admirable,
the way you kept going,
69
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:33,399
stuffing all the dust
into your mattress.
70
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,399
Very tidy.
71
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,599
Now, you really should
get some rest.
72
00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:40,759
We'll be hanging you
in half an hour.
73
00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:46,439
Hanging? For one little con?
74
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:49,559
That and these.
75
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:59,199
There's got to be at least
$150,000 worth of fraud here.
76
00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:03,079
And these are just
the cons we can prove.
77
00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:18,919
Good morning, sir.
78
00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:22,999
I am Trooper and I will be your
executioner for today.
79
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:26,519
Don't look so worried, sir,
I've hanged hundreds of people
80
00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:28,639
and we'll have you
out of here in no time.
81
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:30,439
That's what I'm worried about.
82
00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:36,999
Now, before we start,
about your rope, sir.
83
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:40,999
It sounds strange, but there's a lot
of specialist collectors out there
84
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,399
and I'm gonna auction it
on the clacks.
85
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:46,959
It's the coming thing, you know.
Worth more signed, of course.
86
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:50,719
Much obliged.
87
00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:56,079
Which just leaves the small matter
of your final words.
88
00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:57,999
I wasn't actually expecting to die.
89
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,079
Very good.
We haven't had that one before(!)
90
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,039
Everybody ready?
Not me. Not me.
91
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:04,359
Oh, you are a card, sir.
92
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:08,319
I bring an edict from Lord Vetinari,
Patrician of Ankh-Morpork.
93
00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:10,479
A reprieve!
94
00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:13,399
He says to get on with it.
95
00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:18,319
The last words, sir?
96
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:24,199
I commend my soul to any god
that can find it.
97
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:26,679
Very nice, we'll go with that.
98
00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:55,159
Ah, Mr Lipwig, I see you are awake.
99
00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:59,799
And still alive at the present time.
100
00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:03,159
Ooh!
101
00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:05,439
You've danced the sisal two-step.
102
00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:08,959
It's a very precise science,
hanging a man,
103
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,279
and Mr Trooper is a master.
104
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,519
But only an expert
would have spotted
105
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:17,359
that you were hanged to within
an inch of your life.
106
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:20,879
The last inch being
the crux of the matter.
107
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:22,999
You see, sometimes,
108
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:27,399
when a man has made such a foul
and tangled mess of his life
109
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:30,039
that death appears
to be the only option...
110
00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:32,799
...an angel appears
111
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:35,239
and offers him a change of life.
112
00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:40,159
I should like you
to think of me as that angel.
113
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,839
I'm offering you a new life.
114
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:47,639
And a job.
115
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,159
Little sips.
116
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:56,679
Now, perhaps, I should point out
that door behind you.
117
00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:03,679
If, after hearing my proposition,
you wish to leave,
118
00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:06,119
you have only to step through
that door
119
00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:09,319
and you will never hear
from me again.
120
00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:16,359
The job in question is to reopen
the Ankh-Morpork Post Office.
121
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,519
The Post Office?
Mmm.
122
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:19,759
A moment.
123
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:23,799
Oh!
124
00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:37,479
'Certain death or the Post Office?'
125
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:40,559
'Hardly a choice,
more an alternative.'
126
00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:44,679
'l'd seen enough of the inside
of a coffin for one day.'
127
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:48,079
You see, the really interesting
thing about angels...
128
00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:52,079
...is that you only ever get the one.
129
00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,519
Do we understand each other,
Mr Lipwig?
130
00:12:58,080 --> 00:12:59,399
Perfectly.
131
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:02,479
Welcome to government service.
132
00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:05,039
And the wage is $20 a week.
133
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:07,759
Not bad at all.
134
00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:13,119
Please.
135
00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,159
Oh, I almost forgot.
136
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:21,119
Your parole officer will meet you
outside in ten minutes.
137
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:23,399
Parole officer?
138
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:26,759
But I'm a respectable
member of society now.
139
00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:29,159
Oh, he's a very respectable
parole officer.
140
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:35,159
Whoo-hoo!
141
00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:37,719
'The fools had gifted me
a second chance.'
142
00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:41,359
'All I had to do was run faster
and run longer.'
143
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,079
'The plains lay ahead of me.'
144
00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:45,159
'By nightfall,
I'd be in a feather bed
145
00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:47,799
and, by morning,
I'd be back in business.'
146
00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:00,079
Uh?
147
00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:14,719
You can't run
and you can't hide, Mr Lipwig.
148
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,839
That's what you think.
149
00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:20,959
You gotta be kidding.
150
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:31,319
Argh!
151
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:34,119
The rules must be obeyed.
152
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:40,679
A-a-a-rgh!
153
00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:50,919
I have nothing but good feelings
towards you, Mr Lipwig.
154
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:52,959
What the hell are you?!
155
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:59,439
I am your parole officer
and your safety is my concern.
156
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:07,719
Regrettably, we meet again.
157
00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:11,999
Yet I specifically remember saying
that you only ever get one angel.
158
00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:18,479
You didn't say you were gonna set
a clay monster on me.
159
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:19,679
Rather harsh.
160
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:23,199
Mr Pump is not a monster,
he's a golem.
161
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:26,759
It walked all night,
carrying me and a horse. Quite.
162
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:32,879
You have to sleep, Mr Pump does not.
You have to eat, Mr Pump does not.
163
00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:35,479
There is no escape for you.
164
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:39,919
There is only a choice between
reopening the Post Office and...
165
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,679
But...
166
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:53,359
Who cares about the Post Office?
167
00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:55,279
No one posts anything any more,
168
00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:58,039
it's all clacks, clacks, clacks -
look at it.
169
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:01,639
Do you play Thud, Mr Lipwig?
170
00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:03,039
It's a fascinating game.
171
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:09,119
My current opponent is far away
in Uberwald and we play by clacks.
172
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:13,359
Well, that's the theory, but there
are so many service breakdowns.
173
00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:14,959
Now, as a disgruntled customer,
174
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:17,319
I should be able to take
my business elsewhere,
175
00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:19,879
but with no postal service,
I am stuck.
176
00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:23,039
And I don't like to be stuck,
Mr Lipwig.
177
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:25,119
But why me?
178
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,919
Because wheels are in motion,
Mr Lipwig.
179
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,999
Wheels within wheels.
180
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,719
And it is time
for your cog to turn.
181
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:42,399
The postmaster has the use
of a small apartment.
182
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,759
And I believe there is a hat, too.
183
00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:45,999
Mmm.
184
00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:02,599
'There was nothing for it
but to deploy Rule 13 -
185
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,959
when captured,
turn enemies into friends.'
186
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:08,239
Can we talk frankly, Mr Pump?
187
00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:11,879
A golem is incapable of lying.
188
00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:15,119
Really?
How unfortunate for you.
189
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:19,759
Fact is, I'm worried.
190
00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:23,119
Lord Vetinari works you so hard.
191
00:17:23,120 --> 00:17:25,039
It's just not right.
192
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,319
I was built to work.
193
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:34,319
Don't you ever just want
to kick back and take a day off?
194
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,159
You misunderstand.
195
00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:41,479
Pump is not my name,
it's my description. Pump 19.
196
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:44,519
I stood at the bottom
of a hole 100 feet deep
197
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:49,799
and pumped water into the city,
for two centuries.
198
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:55,799
But now, I walk in the sunlight,
feel the wind on my face.
199
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:57,919
This is better.
200
00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:00,919
Trouble is, sooner or later,
201
00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:04,199
someone always comes along
and blocks out your sun.
202
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:06,879
What do you do then, Mr Pump?
203
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:15,559
Ah, it doesn't look
in bad shape at all.
204
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:20,559
This is not the Post Office.
205
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:23,919
That is.
206
00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:43,119
"No glom of nit
207
00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:48,759
can stay these mes
engers abot their duty."
208
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,439
What the hell does that mean?
209
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:57,639
It means, you have work to do.
210
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,439
Really. Where do they find them?
211
00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:12,159
We should be, er,
going now, Reacher.
212
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:14,399
Have you seen this, Horsefry?
213
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:24,639
It looks likes some other fool
214
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:28,519
has been suckered in
to running the Post Office.
215
00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:31,679
If we're late for Vetinari,
we'll be in big trouble.
216
00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:33,559
Oh.
217
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:41,719
Remind me to look
appropriately scared.
218
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:38,559
They can't expect me
to fix this on my own.
219
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:41,239
Oh! You won't be on your own, sir.
220
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:45,759
Groat, sir, junior postman Groat.
221
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:48,679
One word from you, sir,
and I will...
222
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:50,959
I will leap into action.
223
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:53,199
Junior postman Groat?
224
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,199
Indeed, sir, yes -
it should be senior,
225
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:59,119
but nobody's ever stayed
long enough to promote me.
226
00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:01,479
And you are it?
227
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:04,839
Oh, no, sir, that would be
ridiculous. No, no.
228
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:06,879
Well, I want to meet
my entire staff.
229
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:10,559
Oh, certainly, I'll take you
straight to him, sir.
230
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:11,799
Come this way.
231
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:15,279
Stanley!
232
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:19,599
Mr Lipwig, the new postmaster.
233
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:21,839
Oh.
234
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:28,799
Oh, I see you know something
about pins, Stanley.
235
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:30,759
No, sir.
236
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,759
I know everything about pins.
237
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:36,999
Last year,
the pinneries of Ankh-Morpork
238
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:43,479
turned out 27,880,972 pins.
239
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:48,719
Born in the sorting room, sir.
Learned to read from envelopes.
240
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:51,439
We did our best for him,
but he's a bit "return to sender",
241
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:52,759
if you know what I mean.
242
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:54,639
That includes wax-headed, steels,
243
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:57,799
brasses, silver-headed,
extra-large...
244
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:00,359
...and novelty.
245
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:05,879
Yes.
246
00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:09,199
I saw a magazine about this once.
247
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:10,759
Pins Monthly?
248
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:13,559
That rag is for hobbyists.
249
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:20,559
True pinheads only read Total Pins.
250
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:25,159
Ah. Erm, will you be staying down
here with us, sir?
251
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:33,039
No, no. I was told
there's an official apartment.
252
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:36,719
Oh, you want to stay there?
253
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:43,359
There is the hat, too, sir.
The hat of office.
254
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:46,959
Ah!
255
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:50,279
Ah, ha-ha. Magnificent.
256
00:22:53,360 --> 00:22:56,039
It's magnificent, isn't it, sir?
257
00:22:57,440 --> 00:22:59,999
You don't seriously expect me
to put that on my head?
258
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:02,639
It's a time-honoured tradition, sir,
259
00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:05,159
and it must sit
on the postmaster's head.
260
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:06,199
Get off me!
261
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:08,959
Sit with dignity.
Stop it, Mr Groat! Enough!
262
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:12,639
This is going straight
to the city dump.
263
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:16,759
We expected more
keenness from the postmaster.
264
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:19,999
Keenness?
Like him and his pins.
265
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:23,119
Keenness beyond the bounds of sanity.
266
00:23:23,120 --> 00:23:27,359
Perhaps, if you'd been a bit more
keen about being postmen,
267
00:23:27,360 --> 00:23:29,999
we wouldn't have a million letters
stuck out there.
268
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:39,839
I don't think I like him, Mr Groat.
269
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:43,799
Don't worry, Stanley,
he won't be here long.
270
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:49,159
The problem is, Mr Gilt,
271
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:53,079
since you acquired the clacks,
breakdowns have increased.
272
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:57,679
The speed of messages has slowed
and the cost to customers has risen.
273
00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,239
With respect, my Lord,
274
00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:03,839
we are answerable to our
shareholders, not to you.
275
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:06,759
Then perhaps your shareholders
will be interested to learn
276
00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:08,519
that I am reopening the Post Office.
277
00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:17,399
That lumbering, overstaffed monster
that collapsed under its own weight?
278
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:19,959
The people of Ankh-Morpork
deserve choice
279
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:25,479
and currently, the only choice they
have is between you and nothing.
280
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:32,039
And the problem is?
281
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:34,599
Don't let me detain you.
282
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:47,999
Is that an original bluestone slab?
283
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,799
I take my Thud very seriously.
284
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:56,199
We should play a game sometime.
285
00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:02,079
We already are, Mr Gilt.
We already are.
286
00:25:03,120 --> 00:25:07,559
He really means business, this time,
Reacher. He really does.
287
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:09,159
Don't panic, to mean business
288
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:11,359
you need to have a business
to start with.
289
00:25:11,360 --> 00:25:13,759
And...
What's that on your face?
290
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:16,999
It's nothing. Just nerves.
291
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:20,599
It's revolting.
292
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:24,479
Anyway, this fellow Lipwig
has half-wits for staff
293
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:26,639
and a four-year backlog of mail.
294
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:29,239
There will be no renaissance.
295
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:35,079
Especially once
I've enlightened him.
296
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:43,319
Enlightened him!
297
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:00,199
What happened here?
298
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:01,759
Happen, sir?
299
00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:04,879
Post offices should deliver mail,
not hoard it.
300
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:06,999
We-we just, er,
just got a bit behind, sir.
301
00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:14,159
What was that?
302
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:17,959
Er, er, what, sir?
It's probably just a pigeon, sir.
303
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:21,359
Mr Groat, I don't think
you're being honest with me.
304
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:27,159
Maybe I should just sack you all.
305
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:29,439
Er...
306
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:34,359
You could do that, sir, but then,
who would fill the inkwells, sir?
307
00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:37,119
Inkwells?
Gotta keep the inkwells filled, sir.
308
00:26:37,120 --> 00:26:39,239
Just like in the old days. Yes.
309
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:41,999
Ah, you should've seen it, sir.
310
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:43,639
Brass and copper everywhere,
311
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:48,279
counters of rare wood
and teams of postmen.
312
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:51,479
Teams, sir, all lined up
under the great clock.
313
00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:56,199
Their uniforms all royal blue
with brass buttons.
314
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:58,319
Ah, this must be my apartment.
315
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:01,319
Now, all we've got is you, sir.
316
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:11,919
'You might understand,
by this point,
317
00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:15,079
I was almost feeling nostalgic
for the gallows.'
318
00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:18,519
'This wasn't a Post Office,
it was a lunatic asylum.'
319
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:21,919
'Somehow, I had to escape.'
320
00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:26,399
Excellent work, Mr Pump.
321
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:29,519
That's it,
you just keep on shovelling.
322
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:34,759
Don't stop for anything, now.
323
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:39,999
I have your Karmic signature
on my internal tablet.
324
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:42,959
Fascinating.
325
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:47,879
Which means I know where you are
at all times.
326
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:50,919
So, if you were thinking
of escape...
327
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,079
Escape? Me?
328
00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:54,359
No, no, no.
329
00:27:54,360 --> 00:27:56,519
No, I was just off to er...
330
00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:59,839
Erm... Um...
331
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:03,879
...deliver a letter.
332
00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:08,319
Isn't that what postmasters do?
333
00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:15,799
I will know
if this is not delivered.
334
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:17,639
Don't you trust me, Mr Pump?
335
00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:22,399
I want to trust you, Mr Lipwig,
I really want to.
336
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:37,279
'Everyone has their levers.'
337
00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:40,719
'With Pump, it was doing your duty.'
338
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:43,879
'With Groat, it was promotion.'
339
00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:46,199
'But with Stanley...'
340
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:53,639
Well, well.
341
00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:16,839
Hello.
Hmm.
342
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:25,119
(Ow!)
343
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:32,519
ls, uh...
344
00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:36,159
Is this a good one?
345
00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:39,759
It's alright for the novice,
I suppose.
346
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:46,839
Personally, I prefer Practical Pins
or World of Pins.
347
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:52,199
Then there's Pins Monthly,
New Pins, Modern Pins, Pins Extra,
348
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:58,439
Pins international, Talking Pins,
Total Pins, Pins and Pinneries.
349
00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:00,159
Or...
350
00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:23,159
Certainly has
a lot of women in leather.
351
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:26,279
Yeah.
But they're all holding pins.
352
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:35,239
(Actually, I was wondering if
you'd got anything a bit sharper?)
353
00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:43,999
I don't do nails.
We get kids in here.
354
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:47,159
No, no, strictly pins, that's me.
355
00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:52,079
Well, as it happens,
I might have one or two items
356
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:54,319
for the genuine collector.
357
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:18,719
Excuse me.
358
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:21,199
I'm looking for Antimony Parker.
359
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:24,079
He's out the back,
tackling the difficult cabbage.
360
00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:29,279
Perhaps you could give him this.
361
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:33,719
Tell him the Post Office apologises
for the delay.
362
00:31:33,720 --> 00:31:40,079
Don't worry. It can't be a bill,
it's sealed with a loving kiss.
363
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:42,399
OK.
364
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:46,159
I know it's been a while,
but we're finally reopening.
365
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:48,439
I'm the new postmaster.
366
00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:54,599
I am so sorry. I really am.
367
00:31:57,520 --> 00:32:00,159
You've really done it now,
Mr Lipwig.
368
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:03,199
Who the hell are you?
369
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:06,919
The man who's trying
to save your life.
370
00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:09,159
Step aboard.
371
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:28,479
They didn't tell you, did they?
372
00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:32,519
Tell me what, Mr...?
373
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:34,959
Gilt. Reacher Gilt.
374
00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:38,639
You know about the Post Office?
375
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:40,919
I know about everything
that goes on in this city
376
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:41,999
and I'm begging you,
377
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:44,999
run straight back to wherever
it is you've come from.
378
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:46,159
If only it was that easy.
379
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:50,519
Mr Lipwig, whoever gave you this job
has put you in mortal peril.
380
00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:53,639
The fact is, the last four
postmasters have died
381
00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:55,839
in dreadful circumstances.
382
00:32:57,640 --> 00:32:58,639
Died?
383
00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:02,559
They say the Post Office
has a curse on it.
384
00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:04,959
And now you've actually delivered
a letter...
385
00:33:08,080 --> 00:33:10,119
Why would anyone curse
the Post Office?
386
00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:13,079
I'd be more worried
about why no one told you.
387
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:14,199
Oh!
388
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:15,679
'So, facing imminent death,
389
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:19,319
I decided to approach my staff
in a calm and rational manner.'
390
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:22,199
Were you just gonna
stand by and watch?
391
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:24,079
You can't shout at me, sir.
392
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:27,039
While I met a gruesome end.
It's against regulations.
393
00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:30,039
Bugger the regulations!
Don't you hurt Mr Groat!
394
00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:33,599
Oh! Stanley, Stanley, wait!
Look what I've found.
395
00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:38,319
I was just walking down Market Street
and there it was,
396
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:40,079
between two cobblestones.
397
00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:45,519
Is it a number-three,
broad-headed extra-long?
398
00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:48,119
And it was just lying around?
399
00:33:48,120 --> 00:33:50,079
That's hard to believe, isn't it?
400
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:51,999
It's a collector's piece.
401
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:53,679
But it's yours now, Stanley.
402
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:56,159
Really, Mr Lipwig?
403
00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:10,159
I have got a place
ready and waiting for it.
404
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:20,559
I'm sorry I broke the regulations,
senior postman Groat.
405
00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:23,199
That's all very well, sir, but...
406
00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:26,799
Did you say "senior postman", sir?
407
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:30,879
I'm in charge, which means
I can promote you, yes?
408
00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:36,919
Now, senior postman Groat,
let's pop upstairs
409
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:42,319
and discuss exactly what you
know about those dead postmasters.
410
00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:55,879
What do you think?
411
00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:58,639
Actually, it quite suits you.
412
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:04,439
I'm sorry if I was disrespectful
about your traditions.
413
00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:06,359
Perhaps I was feeling
a bit overwhelmed.
414
00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:09,279
I understand, sir, yes.
415
00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:14,879
Yes. Well, the Post Office was one
of the great ships of state, sir.
416
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:18,239
So what happened
to the previous captains?
417
00:35:18,240 --> 00:35:20,079
They were very unlucky, sir.
418
00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:22,359
Postmaster Mutable was the first.
Decent chap.
419
00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:25,199
He fell into the sorting hall
from the fifth floor,
420
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:28,479
smack, sir, smack
on to the marble, head-first.
421
00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:31,799
Oh, it was like a melon hitting.
I get the picture.
422
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:34,759
Then there was Postmaster Sideburn.
423
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:38,679
He fell down the back stairs
and broke his neck.
424
00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:40,879
Three in the morning, it was.
425
00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:42,959
So they all fell?
No, sir.
426
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:49,599
Postmaster lgnavia, he was
just lying dead on the floor.
427
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:51,199
Dead as a door knob, sir,
428
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:54,399
with his face contorted,
like he'd seen a ghost.
429
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:59,799
A ghost? Then it is true.
430
00:36:00,720 --> 00:36:01,879
The curse.
431
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:03,799
No, that's just malicious talk.
432
00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:07,719
I swear me and Stanley have
never seen nothing of no ghost.
433
00:36:07,720 --> 00:36:08,759
Sir...
434
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:16,159
All I'm asking for is a head start.
435
00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:18,399
No, Mr Lipwig.
436
00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:20,999
Your punishment
is to fix the Post Office.
437
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:25,319
Exactly.
Not to meet a horrible death.
438
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:28,319
I am just a conman.
439
00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:33,719
You have killed 22.8 people.
440
00:36:33,720 --> 00:36:36,239
I've never so much as drawn a sword.
441
00:36:36,240 --> 00:36:40,999
You have stolen,
embezzled and swindled.
442
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:45,239
You have ruined businesses
and destroyed lives.
443
00:36:45,240 --> 00:36:49,519
When banks fail,
it's not bankers who starve.
444
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:54,439
In 1,000 small ways, you have
hastened the deaths of many.
445
00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:59,639
You did not know them.
You did not see them bleed.
446
00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:03,719
But you snatched bread
from their mouths.
447
00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:09,399
There will be no running.
448
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:08,919
Hands where I can see them.
449
00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:13,839
If you're trying to kill me,
you'll have to get in line.
450
00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:31,159
We had some unwelcome visitors
last night.
451
00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:35,639
This must be yours, then?
452
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:42,879
You can keep it.
453
00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:44,999
I prefer my clay
with more life in it.
454
00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:48,839
So, erm, why did they...?
455
00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:50,919
Some people don't like golems.
456
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:52,799
They think they take away jobs.
457
00:38:52,800 --> 00:38:54,599
The trust stands up
for golem rights.
458
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:57,399
Moist von Lipwig.
459
00:38:57,480 --> 00:39:00,639
Oh. That's quite a name.
460
00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:03,319
Were your parents stupid
or just plain cruel?
461
00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:07,919
Doting. If a little unwise.
462
00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:10,959
Adora Belle Dearheart.
463
00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:13,479
I've never seen black
look so adorable.
464
00:39:13,480 --> 00:39:16,679
If you say "adorable", I'll be
forced to shoot you after all.
465
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:19,559
Sorry. Couldn't resist.
466
00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:24,879
I'm in mourning,
if you must know.
467
00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:28,319
Oh... I'm sorry.
468
00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:30,279
I doubt it.
469
00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:34,319
'This was not a good start.'
470
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:42,639
'What surprised me was how much
I wanted it to be a good start.'
471
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:46,719
'Of course,
I'd heard about emotions like these
472
00:39:46,720 --> 00:39:48,359
but I'd never actually felt any.'
473
00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:50,439
Now that we've been
appropriately human,
474
00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:51,719
what was it you wanted?
475
00:39:51,720 --> 00:39:54,999
I need to find out
what makes golems tick.
476
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:56,119
We do a pamphlet.
477
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:01,439
Five pence.
478
00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:10,679
The thing is, I'm trying to persuade
mine to see the bigger picture.
479
00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:13,599
If you want to manipulate him,
you might as well give up now.
480
00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:17,119
M-m-manipulate.
Such an ugly word.
481
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:25,359
The great thing about golems is
they're loyal and incorruptible.
482
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:27,639
Unlike people.
483
00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:30,159
How-how true.
484
00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:33,919
Which golem is it?
485
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:35,599
Pump 19.
486
00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:40,279
Hmm. Oh. The Post Office.
487
00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:41,919
So you must be...?
488
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:44,119
The postmaster. Yes.
489
00:40:44,120 --> 00:40:45,119
Well.
490
00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:50,119
If anyone can save Mrs Lipwig from
becoming a widow, it's Pump 19.
491
00:40:53,720 --> 00:40:57,759
Actually, there is no Mrs Lipwig.
492
00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:01,279
You don't say.
493
00:41:02,240 --> 00:41:03,279
Miss Dearheart.
494
00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:08,879
I don't suppose you'd like
to have dinner tonight?
495
00:41:08,880 --> 00:41:10,279
With you?
496
00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:12,319
No.
497
00:41:13,160 --> 00:41:15,639
I've got things to do,
but thanks for asking.
498
00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:19,279
No problem.
499
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:27,599
Just remember. If you want to stay
alive, stay close to Pump 19.
500
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:31,079
Very close.
501
00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:35,839
Promise me you won't leave.
502
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:37,759
I promise.
503
00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:48,039
If the curse were to strike tonight,
what could you actually do?
504
00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:50,759
Improvise.
505
00:42:15,720 --> 00:42:17,599
Mr Pump?
506
00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:19,599
Mr Pump!
507
00:42:34,320 --> 00:42:35,319
Brr!
508
00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:40,519
Oh!
509
00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:05,359
Mr Pump!
510
00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:16,639
Argh! Get away!
511
00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:19,839
No.
512
00:44:23,080 --> 00:44:24,959
No, no!
513
00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:26,599
Mr Lipwig.
No!
514
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:28,319
Mr Lipwig!
515
00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:30,319
Wake up.
516
00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:32,919
Did you see it?
517
00:44:37,200 --> 00:44:38,439
The farmer.
518
00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:41,359
I stood here all night.
You slept soundly.
519
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:44,839
No! it was real.
520
00:44:49,880 --> 00:44:51,679
I can't stay here.
521
00:44:58,360 --> 00:44:59,679
Are you the postmaster?
522
00:44:59,680 --> 00:45:01,999
What?
You delivered this.
523
00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:04,359
I didn't mean any harm.
524
00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:06,759
I was just doing my... job.
525
00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:10,359
Ah. You've made me
the happiest man in the world.
526
00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:14,559
She said yes. She's gonna marry me.
It was just stuck in the post.
527
00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:17,559
All this time,
I thought she didn't care,
528
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:19,559
but now you're back in business.
529
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:22,639
The wedding invitations.
530
00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:24,599
You're giving us letters.
531
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:26,719
Oh, sorry. Lots to organise.
532
00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:35,719
How does it feel to make someone's
life better, Mr Lipwig?
533
00:45:38,280 --> 00:45:39,479
Unusual.
534
00:45:45,040 --> 00:45:47,639
Just what we need, more letters.
535
00:45:48,960 --> 00:45:51,559
I'll put them in the queue.
536
00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:53,519
Maybe you should deliver them.
537
00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:56,279
What?
Deliver them?
538
00:45:57,840 --> 00:45:59,159
You're all postmen.
539
00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:01,919
Surely it's your solemn duty
to deliver?
540
00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:04,039
Hmm?
541
00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:06,759
Now, how does it work?
542
00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:08,839
You got the money, did you sir?
Mm-hm.
543
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:12,519
Then we need to put
the official stamp on, that's it,
544
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:13,959
to show that it has been paid.
545
00:46:15,720 --> 00:46:18,479
Oh, yes, er... Right.
546
00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:26,559
I get this stamp. This stamp.
And bang it on the ink pad.
547
00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:33,119
And then, sir, then, I bang it.
Bang it on the letter.
548
00:46:33,120 --> 00:46:35,119
There.
549
00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:38,679
Oh.
550
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:43,599
Oh, you don't know how good
it feels to do that again.
551
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:51,399
And this is worth a penny?
552
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:52,639
Yes.
553
00:47:07,600 --> 00:47:08,999
Opportunity knocks.
554
00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:12,879
It's not strictly your line
of printing, Mr Spools, but look.
555
00:47:12,880 --> 00:47:14,679
The old-fashioned way.
556
00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:17,359
Queue up at the Post Office
to get your letter stamped.
557
00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:19,879
Now.
558
00:47:21,640 --> 00:47:23,519
A new way.
559
00:47:23,520 --> 00:47:27,439
Everybody buys their stamps in
advance, to use at their leisure.
560
00:47:28,760 --> 00:47:32,559
Good grief. A kid could
forge this with half a potato.
561
00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:36,759
That's where your genius
as a printer comes in, Mr Spools.
562
00:47:37,640 --> 00:47:40,639
Mmm. Well you need a bit
of cross-hatching, erm.
563
00:47:41,760 --> 00:47:44,959
What about pictures?
Complicated pictures.
564
00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:47,439
Yes. Everyone loves a miniature.
565
00:47:47,440 --> 00:47:51,199
Yes. We could have a different
picture for each type of stamp.
566
00:47:51,200 --> 00:47:54,439
A penny to Ankh-Morpork.
Five pennies to Sto Lat.
567
00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:57,919
You could have a whole set.
568
00:47:57,920 --> 00:47:59,239
A whole set.
569
00:47:59,240 --> 00:48:00,679
Yes.
570
00:48:00,680 --> 00:48:03,079
To collect.
571
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:13,759
Mr Spools, meet Stanley,
the Post Office's new head of stamps.
572
00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:15,479
Head of stamps?
Mmm.
573
00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:16,679
Wow.
574
00:48:17,240 --> 00:48:19,279
Is there a hat?
575
00:48:19,960 --> 00:48:21,839
One thing at a time, Stanley.
576
00:48:21,840 --> 00:48:23,279
Yes, Mr Lipwig.
577
00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:27,359
'Wait before you tear this letter
up in disgust.'
578
00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:29,679
'Ask yourself one question.'
579
00:48:29,680 --> 00:48:32,959
'Would you have done
anything so different?'
580
00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:34,079
'Would anyone?'
581
00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:38,359
'l had discovered a foolproof way
of creating money from paper.'
582
00:48:40,600 --> 00:48:45,399
'lf every resident bought just
a few stamps to put in their wallet,
583
00:48:45,400 --> 00:48:48,959
I'd end up holding hundreds
of thousands of dollars
584
00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:50,439
of other people's money.'
585
00:48:50,440 --> 00:48:54,719
'Enough to finance an escape plan
and set me up for life.'
586
00:48:55,760 --> 00:48:58,759
'And, better still,
for the con to work,
587
00:48:58,760 --> 00:49:01,239
I had to bring the Post Office
back to life
588
00:49:01,240 --> 00:49:03,759
so that people would want
to buy stamps.'
589
00:49:03,760 --> 00:49:06,239
'It was a con
where everyone would win.'
590
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:09,559
'Well, nearly everyone.'
591
00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:14,239
That is why it's important
to study grammar.
592
00:49:15,720 --> 00:49:17,439
Hugos?
593
00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:21,199
Technically, without the apostrophe,
it's "hu-gos".
594
00:49:21,200 --> 00:49:24,399
And the reason there's no apostrophe
is because there isn't one
595
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:28,079
in the uplifting slogan
that adorns our beloved Post Office.
596
00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:29,799
Oh.
Oh.
597
00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:32,959
"Glom of nit."
598
00:49:35,240 --> 00:49:38,559
Oh. They've stolen them.
599
00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:39,799
Yes.
600
00:49:45,040 --> 00:49:46,239
Ay-ya, ta-ta, ta-ta!
601
00:49:46,240 --> 00:49:49,959
We're in the letter business,
Mr Groat.
602
00:49:49,960 --> 00:49:53,079
We do words, not bricks.
603
00:50:05,680 --> 00:50:07,719
Good day, to you.
604
00:50:09,320 --> 00:50:10,639
Can I see Mr Hugo, please?
605
00:50:11,960 --> 00:50:13,079
I doubt it.
606
00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:14,999
Then perhaps
you can give him a message.
607
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:17,679
I tried my best,
608
00:50:17,680 --> 00:50:22,759
but I'm almost certain
Lord Vetinari will press charges.
609
00:50:26,520 --> 00:50:27,599
Mr Hugo.
610
00:50:28,440 --> 00:50:31,279
There's a man in reception
who says that Lord Vetinari...
611
00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:34,639
(Two, three, four...)
612
00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:36,519
Excuse me, sir.
613
00:50:38,040 --> 00:50:40,079
Hugo can see you now.
614
00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:41,199
Ah.
615
00:50:44,440 --> 00:50:45,479
Got it.
616
00:50:46,640 --> 00:50:48,039
Thanks, Mr Pump.
617
00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:55,119
Got it, Mr Groat.
618
00:50:58,560 --> 00:51:00,159
Good work, Stanley.
619
00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:01,639
Chop-chop. Chop-chop.
620
00:51:03,360 --> 00:51:04,359
That's it, Mr Pump.
621
00:51:09,200 --> 00:51:12,199
And you can tell your readers
that this is the first
622
00:51:12,200 --> 00:51:16,799
of millions of letters we are putting
back in the right place.
623
00:51:17,920 --> 00:51:20,319
One sign does not
a Post Office make.
624
00:51:20,320 --> 00:51:24,799
No, Miss Cripslock, but we have
a new system to help us.
625
00:51:24,800 --> 00:51:27,839
The stamping system.
626
00:51:27,840 --> 00:51:28,959
(Stamp, Stanley.)
627
00:51:35,600 --> 00:51:37,279
Cute, Mr Lipwig.
628
00:51:37,280 --> 00:51:42,799
But, with the clacks,
why do we need a Post Office at all?
629
00:51:42,800 --> 00:51:44,999
The clacks is all well and good
630
00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:48,319
if you want to know the prawn
market figures from Genua,
631
00:51:48,320 --> 00:51:53,439
but can you seal a clacks
with a loving kiss?
632
00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:56,919
Can you cry tears on a clacks?
633
00:51:56,920 --> 00:52:00,759
Can you enclose a pressed flower?
634
00:52:03,240 --> 00:52:08,399
So, spread the message far and wide,
635
00:52:08,400 --> 00:52:13,319
the Post Office is back in business.
636
00:52:21,240 --> 00:52:24,719
I tried talking to him nicely.
637
00:52:24,720 --> 00:52:30,039
But some people just won't listen.
638
00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:37,919
We may need to be a little more
direct in our approach.
639
00:52:37,920 --> 00:52:39,599
Please, Reacher, I...
640
00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:43,599
I'm not sleeping well, as it is.
641
00:52:43,600 --> 00:52:48,399
This is all about Vetinari
trying to clip our wings.
642
00:52:50,960 --> 00:52:54,919
But I haven't finished...
643
00:52:54,920 --> 00:52:56,839
...soaring.
644
00:53:05,280 --> 00:53:08,759
Miss Dearheart!
645
00:53:12,680 --> 00:53:14,639
And I thought your name
was ridiculous.
646
00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:18,679
How many golems are for hire
right now?
647
00:53:22,120 --> 00:53:23,439
There's 12 on the books.
648
00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:24,999
I'll take them all.
649
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:27,079
Don't bother to wrap them up!
650
00:53:27,080 --> 00:53:32,199
We're not talking
about groceries. They have souls.
651
00:53:32,200 --> 00:53:35,839
I'm offering good jobs
with plenty of prospects.
652
00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:46,359
That's a terrible habit, you know.
653
00:53:48,040 --> 00:53:50,239
Perhaps I like bad habits.
654
00:53:50,240 --> 00:53:52,999
Maybe there's still hope for me,
then.
655
00:53:54,960 --> 00:53:57,279
One minute you're trying
to manipulate Pump 19,
656
00:53:57,280 --> 00:53:59,239
the next,
you're a golem's best friend.
657
00:53:59,240 --> 00:54:02,279
Because now I have a plan.
658
00:54:05,920 --> 00:54:08,039
Let me think about it.
659
00:54:08,040 --> 00:54:10,839
Whilst your brighten up the world
like a little sunbeam.
660
00:55:48,240 --> 00:55:49,319
No!
661
00:55:53,840 --> 00:55:54,839
Help me!
662
00:55:55,400 --> 00:55:56,759
Help!
663
00:56:02,520 --> 00:56:05,079
Somebody! Help!
664
00:56:05,080 --> 00:56:06,879
Help me!
665
00:56:44,080 --> 00:56:47,319
Why are you picking on me?!
This is nothing.
666
00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:49,039
You see?
667
00:56:49,040 --> 00:56:51,319
A victimless crime.
668
00:56:54,520 --> 00:56:56,119
Wait, wait, wait a minute.
669
00:56:56,120 --> 00:56:58,879
Forged bonds harm no one!
670
00:57:13,800 --> 00:57:16,039
No, no! Wait a minute.
671
00:57:16,040 --> 00:57:18,879
You can't make him the scapegoat.
Take it from your profits.
672
00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:24,519
That was never part of the plan!
673
00:57:26,600 --> 00:57:27,839
Wait!
674
00:57:29,480 --> 00:57:29,980
No!
675
00:57:37,360 --> 00:57:39,599
Mr Lipwig! Mr Lipwig!
676
00:57:39,600 --> 00:57:41,919
Mr Lipwig, sir!
677
00:57:41,920 --> 00:57:44,159
You can't sleep here.
678
00:57:46,400 --> 00:57:48,319
We-we're opening up.
679
00:57:48,320 --> 00:57:51,839
There's a big queue out there.
They're all coming back to us, sir.
680
00:57:54,360 --> 00:57:56,399
The clacks is down!
One at a time.
681
00:57:56,400 --> 00:57:57,959
Please. Please!
682
00:57:58,840 --> 00:58:00,959
Gentleman! Please, please!
683
00:58:00,960 --> 00:58:02,279
Wait, wait! Stop!
684
00:58:05,920 --> 00:58:08,239
Behold!
685
00:58:09,760 --> 00:58:14,359
As the postman said,
one at a time.
686
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:24,039
Next.
687
00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:31,319
Who's next, please?
688
00:58:31,320 --> 00:58:32,599
Stanley.
689
00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:34,279
Marvellous.
690
00:58:57,280 --> 00:58:58,279
We got a problem.
691
00:58:58,280 --> 00:59:00,119
The stamps.
692
00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:03,079
You can't prove anything.
693
00:59:03,080 --> 00:59:05,479
We've sold out.
694
00:59:05,480 --> 00:59:06,679
Oh.
695
00:59:10,040 --> 00:59:12,319
Well, good sales are never a problem.
696
00:59:12,320 --> 00:59:14,639
Run over to Mr Spools
and fetch some more.
697
00:59:20,320 --> 00:59:23,519
Stanley. Stanley!
Got the new double-pointers in.
698
00:59:23,520 --> 00:59:26,959
I'll come back later.
Limited edition, selling fast.
699
00:59:26,960 --> 00:59:28,959
Ah... ah.
700
00:59:28,960 --> 00:59:31,119
I can't stop.
701
00:59:31,560 --> 00:59:34,239
Stanley. Not a girl.
702
00:59:35,240 --> 00:59:36,559
Mr Spools!
703
00:59:41,440 --> 00:59:42,839
Uh?
704
00:59:43,720 --> 00:59:44,959
You've got to be joking.
705
00:59:44,960 --> 00:59:47,599
The presses can't cut them.
They're too small.
706
00:59:47,600 --> 00:59:48,799
But we need 1,000.
707
00:59:48,800 --> 00:59:51,079
Well, grab a pair of scissors
and get cutting.
708
00:59:51,080 --> 00:59:54,119
I missed out on a set
of double-pointers
709
00:59:54,120 --> 00:59:56,839
and you're cutting out stamps
with scissors.
710
00:59:56,840 --> 01:00:00,359
Ah, pin collector, are you?
711
01:00:00,360 --> 01:00:02,239
Oh!
712
01:00:02,240 --> 01:00:05,079
I've still got
my old collection up in the attic.
713
01:00:05,080 --> 01:00:07,679
Yes, I was very keen.
714
01:00:07,680 --> 01:00:11,559
But then I met the wife
and she wasn't interested in pins.
715
01:00:11,560 --> 01:00:16,359
No. I've been meaning to get
them down and get them valued.
716
01:00:16,360 --> 01:00:18,799
Mr Spools.
717
01:00:18,800 --> 01:00:22,759
You know what's always
got up my nose?
718
01:00:22,760 --> 01:00:25,839
How delicate pin paper is.
719
01:00:27,320 --> 01:00:30,199
It's almost more hole
than paper.
720
01:00:43,720 --> 01:00:45,199
What d'you think?
721
01:00:45,200 --> 01:00:48,239
Stanley, I think you're a genius.
722
01:00:49,880 --> 01:00:52,559
I must ask everyone to be patient.
723
01:00:52,560 --> 01:00:56,519
We weren't expecting quite
such an enthusiastic response.
724
01:00:56,520 --> 01:00:59,719
But stamps are on their way
and we have a special offer.
725
01:00:59,720 --> 01:01:07,439
The new express delivery
for Sto Lat leaves on the hour
726
01:01:07,440 --> 01:01:11,759
to arrive this afternoon.
727
01:01:11,760 --> 01:01:15,439
And at half the cost
of a clacks message.
728
01:01:15,440 --> 01:01:17,839
But we don't have
an express delivery, sir.
729
01:01:21,560 --> 01:01:22,919
(We do now.)
730
01:01:22,920 --> 01:01:23,919
(Mr Pump.)
731
01:01:25,120 --> 01:01:26,399
(Go to Hobson's livery.)
732
01:01:26,400 --> 01:01:29,399
(Tell him I want a fast horse,
not one of his old nags.)
733
01:01:29,400 --> 01:01:31,159
(Something with fizz
in his blood.)
734
01:01:31,160 --> 01:01:34,199
Extra fizz.
Very good, Mr Lipwig.
735
01:02:05,560 --> 01:02:09,639
You've made a big
impression on Pump 19.
736
01:02:09,640 --> 01:02:11,199
Thank you.
737
01:02:11,200 --> 01:02:14,119
Personally,
I think you're a phoney.
738
01:02:14,120 --> 01:02:16,119
But business is business.
739
01:02:18,440 --> 01:02:22,719
So. This is what you meant
by free uniforms.
740
01:02:22,720 --> 01:02:24,559
Think of it as a badge of honour.
741
01:02:24,560 --> 01:02:25,759
Next!
742
01:02:25,760 --> 01:02:28,599
Don't worry, we'll clean it off
when they leave.
743
01:02:28,600 --> 01:02:32,239
Leave? Clearly, I'm not talking
to the same postmaster.
744
01:02:34,680 --> 01:02:36,119
Oh.
745
01:02:36,120 --> 01:02:40,119
You're right.
The hat really does catch the sun.
746
01:02:40,120 --> 01:02:43,319
Those quotes about wanting
to kick the clacks when it's down.
747
01:02:43,320 --> 01:02:44,999
Are they true?
748
01:02:46,880 --> 01:02:49,639
Er... Because I want to lend
a helping boot.
749
01:02:54,520 --> 01:02:56,319
You do?
750
01:02:58,280 --> 01:03:00,879
Has anyone ever told you
how beautiful you look
751
01:03:00,880 --> 01:03:02,759
when considering violence?
752
01:03:03,400 --> 01:03:06,079
Violence and retribution.
753
01:03:06,080 --> 01:03:08,479
My father was the founder
of the clacks.
754
01:03:10,320 --> 01:03:11,599
It was his great vision.
755
01:03:12,800 --> 01:03:13,919
He was no businessman.
756
01:03:13,920 --> 01:03:15,999
He borrowed money
and mortgaged everything
757
01:03:16,000 --> 01:03:17,279
to build the first system.
758
01:03:17,280 --> 01:03:20,519
The clacks was an instant hit.
He'd have made a fortune.
759
01:03:20,520 --> 01:03:22,719
Do I look like an heiress?
760
01:03:23,840 --> 01:03:25,679
Black August.
761
01:03:25,680 --> 01:03:28,679
The collapse of the Cabbage
Growers' Bank. Remember that?
762
01:03:28,680 --> 01:03:30,879
Erm, vaguely.
763
01:03:30,880 --> 01:03:34,119
The bank fell victim
to fake bond fraud.
764
01:03:34,120 --> 01:03:35,959
Had to call in all its loans,
765
01:03:35,960 --> 01:03:38,479
the biggest of which
was my father's.
766
01:03:40,520 --> 01:03:41,719
You're looking pale.
767
01:03:43,480 --> 01:03:47,119
Hmm? Um...
768
01:03:47,120 --> 01:03:50,199
it's paint fumes.
769
01:03:53,480 --> 01:03:56,559
A man called Gilt
and his coven of lawyers
770
01:03:56,560 --> 01:03:59,759
used the crisis to steal the clacks
from under my father's nose.
771
01:03:59,760 --> 01:04:00,799
Reacher Gilt?
772
01:04:00,800 --> 01:04:03,359
You're on first-name terms
with that reptile?
773
01:04:03,360 --> 01:04:08,479
No. No, no, I, er, bumped into him.
774
01:04:10,160 --> 01:04:14,959
So, every message
that your Post Office delivers
775
01:04:14,960 --> 01:04:17,599
takes money out
of Reacher Gilt's pocket.
776
01:04:18,560 --> 01:04:20,639
I like that.
777
01:04:20,640 --> 01:04:21,759
You do?
778
01:04:22,600 --> 01:04:23,759
Really?
779
01:04:24,800 --> 01:04:26,999
I think I'm getting somewhere.
780
01:04:27,000 --> 01:04:30,879
Are you the one who wants
some extra fizz in 'is 'orse?
781
01:04:30,880 --> 01:04:33,319
You must be from Hobson's livery?
782
01:04:33,320 --> 01:04:38,599
I am 'Obson.
And I've brought you Boris.
783
01:04:44,120 --> 01:04:46,079
'Ad all the kids you want, 'ave you?
784
01:04:47,440 --> 01:04:48,639
Sir.
785
01:04:48,640 --> 01:04:50,279
Mr Groat.
786
01:04:51,840 --> 01:04:54,039
Off you go, load the mail.
787
01:04:54,040 --> 01:04:56,479
Right, sir. Ready for action.
788
01:04:59,800 --> 01:05:00,799
Over there?
789
01:05:04,160 --> 01:05:05,879
Er... Er...
790
01:05:21,160 --> 01:05:24,959
Tell your men to hold him
good and tight, Mr Hobson.
791
01:05:29,480 --> 01:05:34,039
Ladies and gentlemen.
792
01:05:34,040 --> 01:05:39,599
You see the raw power
of nature we've harnessed...
793
01:05:40,880 --> 01:05:43,119
...to deliver your post.
794
01:05:50,720 --> 01:05:52,679
Miss Dearheart.
795
01:06:01,400 --> 01:06:03,119
Let him go!
796
01:06:03,120 --> 01:06:05,919
Whoo!
797
01:06:05,920 --> 01:06:07,319
Argh!
798
01:06:08,400 --> 01:06:09,439
Watch out!
799
01:06:09,920 --> 01:06:12,559
Boris! Argh!
800
01:06:13,880 --> 01:06:15,399
Boris!
801
01:06:15,920 --> 01:06:18,559
Argh!
802
01:06:18,560 --> 01:06:20,439
Boris.
803
01:06:20,440 --> 01:06:24,839
You have been
a very naughty boy.
804
01:06:27,520 --> 01:06:31,759
And you know what happens
to naughty boys.
805
01:06:38,280 --> 01:06:41,079
Oh, you seem to have the Boris touch.
806
01:06:43,600 --> 01:06:45,639
I don't suppose
you'd care for a ride?
807
01:06:45,640 --> 01:06:47,559
I hardly know you.
808
01:06:47,560 --> 01:06:50,119
I'm rather banking on that.
809
01:06:50,120 --> 01:06:53,919
Smooth answer. Slick.
810
01:06:56,280 --> 01:06:58,199
Whoo!
811
01:07:08,880 --> 01:07:10,279
I need to make a detour.
812
01:07:10,280 --> 01:07:11,919
You want to hold up the mail?
813
01:07:11,920 --> 01:07:14,039
It won't take long. Up there.
814
01:07:35,120 --> 01:07:38,399
We came all the way up here
to see a derelict clacks tower?
815
01:07:41,160 --> 01:07:43,759
This is where my brother John died.
816
01:07:45,840 --> 01:07:47,559
Three years ago.
817
01:07:52,800 --> 01:07:54,359
He was a clacksman.
818
01:07:56,000 --> 01:07:57,999
Until someone pushed
him from up there.
819
01:08:03,760 --> 01:08:05,399
He was murdered?
820
01:08:06,760 --> 01:08:08,959
We could never prove anything.
821
01:08:13,800 --> 01:08:15,319
Some of the old engineers say
822
01:08:15,320 --> 01:08:18,799
they can still hear John's name
on the wires.
823
01:08:20,240 --> 01:08:23,839
Just before dawn.
824
01:08:37,720 --> 01:08:40,159
How could your brother
carry on working here?
825
01:08:40,160 --> 01:08:42,799
After what they did to your family?
826
01:08:42,800 --> 01:08:45,439
John had big plans.
827
01:08:45,440 --> 01:08:48,039
For a new clacks - better, cheaper.
828
01:08:50,080 --> 01:08:53,039
He never got a chance to build it.
829
01:08:56,960 --> 01:08:59,279
Gilt went to the trouble
to steal the clacks
830
01:08:59,280 --> 01:09:00,999
and now he won't even
look after it.
831
01:09:02,480 --> 01:09:05,359
Is it any wonder my father died
a broken man?
832
01:09:10,640 --> 01:09:15,199
When you look at me like that,
I wish I was a better man.
833
01:09:17,680 --> 01:09:19,279
You're a man with vision.
834
01:09:20,480 --> 01:09:22,519
Maybe that counts as better.
835
01:09:35,920 --> 01:09:39,559
One of the great things
about Mr Gryle...
836
01:09:40,920 --> 01:09:42,839
...he's never late.
837
01:09:42,840 --> 01:09:46,599
Do you realise that if we dilute
the clacks lubrication oil
838
01:09:46,600 --> 01:09:51,479
with guano extract,
it can increase our profits.
839
01:09:51,480 --> 01:09:54,319
$2.4 a minute.
840
01:10:00,280 --> 01:10:01,799
That'll be him now.
841
01:10:07,520 --> 01:10:13,559
Mr Gryle, this is my finance
director. Crispin Horsefry.
842
01:10:15,160 --> 01:10:17,359
You're...
843
01:10:17,360 --> 01:10:19,999
You're the...
844
01:10:20,000 --> 01:10:22,279
The banshee!
845
01:10:25,840 --> 01:10:30,679
Mr Gryle, what exactly have you
found out about Moist von Lipwig?
846
01:10:30,680 --> 01:10:34,839
Father dead. Mother dead.
847
01:10:34,840 --> 01:10:38,639
Sent away to school.
848
01:10:38,640 --> 01:10:41,199
Bullied.
849
01:10:41,200 --> 01:10:43,159
Ran away.
850
01:10:43,240 --> 01:10:44,639
Vanished.
851
01:10:44,640 --> 01:10:47,239
I wonder where he's been
all this time.
852
01:10:48,400 --> 01:10:54,439
Well, Mr Gryle.
This postmaster is a nuisance.
853
01:10:54,440 --> 01:10:56,759
Understood.
854
01:11:01,720 --> 01:11:03,439
Deal with him for me.
855
01:11:03,440 --> 01:11:05,399
My pleasure.
856
01:11:32,160 --> 01:11:35,479
Express mail from Ankh-Morpork.
857
01:11:40,160 --> 01:11:41,559
Ah.
858
01:11:41,560 --> 01:11:44,719
Posted this very morning.
859
01:11:44,720 --> 01:11:46,599
You can't get fresher than that.
860
01:11:47,920 --> 01:11:49,999
We're going back in one hour.
861
01:11:50,000 --> 01:11:53,959
If you want to send anything,
862
01:11:53,960 --> 01:11:58,079
form an orderly line
at the back of the horse.
863
01:12:18,200 --> 01:12:20,479
I can get off a horse, you know.
864
01:12:20,480 --> 01:12:22,319
This way is more fun.
865
01:12:28,240 --> 01:12:30,399
You were right.
866
01:12:30,400 --> 01:12:32,279
I don't suppose...
867
01:12:33,240 --> 01:12:35,359
...you fancy dinner for two?
868
01:12:36,400 --> 01:12:38,479
Let me think about it.
869
01:12:38,480 --> 01:12:40,559
I really am making progress.
870
01:12:41,720 --> 01:12:42,879
Perhaps.
871
01:12:47,800 --> 01:12:52,679
But sometimes, a slow delivery
beats the express.
872
01:12:56,280 --> 01:13:00,399
'It was the most wonderful kiss
I never had.'
873
01:13:00,400 --> 01:13:02,679
'l was on top of the world.'
874
01:13:02,680 --> 01:13:05,279
'The only problem with having
a bright tomorrow
875
01:13:05,280 --> 01:13:07,919
is you have to get through
the night before.'
876
01:13:23,360 --> 01:13:24,959
Who's there?
877
01:13:29,640 --> 01:13:30,639
Hello.
878
01:13:56,560 --> 01:13:58,999
Who's there?
879
01:14:05,000 --> 01:14:06,279
Oh!
880
01:14:22,600 --> 01:14:24,719
(No, it can't be.)
881
01:14:24,720 --> 01:14:25,919
I'm still awake!
882
01:14:27,360 --> 01:14:29,159
Adora.
883
01:14:40,440 --> 01:14:41,479
No.
884
01:14:43,000 --> 01:14:44,119
Please.
885
01:14:44,720 --> 01:14:46,679
Not again.
886
01:15:03,520 --> 01:15:05,879
Why are you showing me this?
887
01:15:35,960 --> 01:15:36,959
No!
888
01:15:37,800 --> 01:15:40,079
Argh!
889
01:15:43,880 --> 01:15:45,279
Help!
890
01:15:50,080 --> 01:15:51,919
What do you want with me?!
891
01:16:57,440 --> 01:16:59,039
Alright.
892
01:17:03,280 --> 01:17:05,279
Enough.
893
01:17:07,880 --> 01:17:10,959
Finish it here.
894
01:17:10,960 --> 01:17:12,959
It is what I deserve.
895
01:17:18,560 --> 01:17:19,959
Oh!
896
01:17:24,520 --> 01:17:29,759
'Adora, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.'
897
01:17:29,760 --> 01:17:31,639
Mr Lipwig.
898
01:17:35,440 --> 01:17:36,919
What are you doing?!
899
01:17:36,920 --> 01:17:38,119
Rescuing you.
900
01:17:38,120 --> 01:17:41,319
There's no point,
I can't escape the...
901
01:17:41,320 --> 01:17:44,479
I deserve to die.
902
01:17:44,480 --> 01:17:47,559
Your safety is my concern.
903
01:17:48,600 --> 01:17:51,119
Oh, hell.
Last time you said that...
904
01:17:52,440 --> 01:17:54,519
Argh!
905
01:17:54,520 --> 01:17:59,839
I didn't mean to hit you
so hard, Mr Lipwig.
906
01:17:59,840 --> 01:18:01,839
I wish you'd finish me off.
907
01:18:02,640 --> 01:18:05,839
No one should wish their life away.
908
01:18:05,840 --> 01:18:09,479
I'm a bad man, Mr Pump.
909
01:18:10,920 --> 01:18:13,279
I've done terrible things.
910
01:18:13,280 --> 01:18:17,199
And your punishment
is to rebuild the Post Office.
911
01:18:17,200 --> 01:18:20,519
One balances out the other.
912
01:18:21,600 --> 01:18:23,959
Nothing can balance out
what I've done.
913
01:18:25,760 --> 01:18:27,479
Oh, Pump 19, how's it going?
914
01:18:27,480 --> 01:18:31,159
Oh. You look like
you've seen a ghost.
915
01:18:32,160 --> 01:18:33,239
How did you know?
916
01:18:34,600 --> 01:18:37,079
The answer's yes.
917
01:18:39,480 --> 01:18:40,959
Dinner for two?
918
01:18:47,440 --> 01:18:50,559
Er, I...
919
01:18:58,280 --> 01:19:01,079
Oh. I see.
920
01:19:05,720 --> 01:19:10,239
I'd love to, Adora. But you
really have to stay away from me.
921
01:19:10,960 --> 01:19:13,119
It's not you, it's me.
922
01:19:13,120 --> 01:19:16,559
Oh! Cliches, as well,
now I really am insulted.
923
01:19:16,560 --> 01:19:18,879
Trust me, it's best we call
the whole thing off.
924
01:19:19,720 --> 01:19:24,119
Don't flatter yourself.
I hadn't decided it was on.
925
01:19:41,080 --> 01:19:45,799
OK. I'm here.
What exactly did you want to know?
926
01:19:49,600 --> 01:19:52,079
Would you mind
if we talk somewhere else?
927
01:19:56,600 --> 01:19:59,759
It was dirty,
ruthless and back-stabbing,
928
01:19:59,760 --> 01:20:02,679
but it made great copy.
929
01:20:02,680 --> 01:20:04,319
Bad news always does.
930
01:20:04,320 --> 01:20:06,639
When the clacks
got into financial difficulty,
931
01:20:06,640 --> 01:20:09,759
the only person who could help
them was Reacher Gilt.
932
01:20:09,760 --> 01:20:13,399
The Dearhearts were so desperate,
they'd have signed anything.
933
01:20:13,400 --> 01:20:17,959
Gilt took the entire business
from under the family's nose.
934
01:20:17,960 --> 01:20:20,599
Technically legal, morally rotten.
935
01:20:24,960 --> 01:20:27,719
But there'd be no clacks
if it weren't for the Dearhearts.
936
01:20:27,720 --> 01:20:29,599
And they wouldn't have
got into trouble
937
01:20:29,600 --> 01:20:31,439
if it weren't
for the banking crisis.
938
01:20:31,440 --> 01:20:34,799
Surely the banks
could survive a few fake bonds.
939
01:20:36,960 --> 01:20:39,279
You call that a few?
940
01:20:44,400 --> 01:20:47,399
'It wasn't the happiest reunion
in my life.'
941
01:20:47,400 --> 01:20:52,519
'l had drawn every line, faked
every signature on those bonds.'
942
01:20:52,520 --> 01:20:54,839
'Now I felt sick to look at them.'
943
01:20:56,360 --> 01:20:58,399
Go to her.
944
01:20:58,400 --> 01:20:59,399
I can't.
945
01:20:59,400 --> 01:21:01,399
Apologise to her.
946
01:21:01,400 --> 01:21:03,319
The letters have warned me
to stay away.
947
01:21:03,320 --> 01:21:06,599
The letters?
Again with this nonsense.
948
01:21:06,600 --> 01:21:09,199
If I go near Adora again,
the letters will kill me.
949
01:21:09,200 --> 01:21:11,239
Letters do not kill.
950
01:21:12,600 --> 01:21:14,679
I will prove it to you.
951
01:21:24,160 --> 01:21:26,399
You must be the victim.
952
01:21:29,240 --> 01:21:31,479
Who the hell are you?
953
01:21:31,480 --> 01:21:35,919
Mr Ridcully is Archchancellor
of the Unseen University.
954
01:21:35,920 --> 01:21:41,359
He will give you proof the letters
do not want to kill you.
955
01:21:41,360 --> 01:21:43,719
How is he going to do that?
956
01:21:43,720 --> 01:21:44,999
How many words are here?
957
01:21:45,000 --> 01:21:49,119
A million, two million.
958
01:21:50,240 --> 01:21:55,199
What about in the whole building?
There must be billions.
959
01:21:55,200 --> 01:21:59,639
Only an academic could state the
obvious and pass it off as wisdom.
960
01:22:01,400 --> 01:22:03,279
Are you the type to burn a book,
Lipwig?
961
01:22:03,280 --> 01:22:05,679
No.
Why?
962
01:22:07,240 --> 01:22:10,839
Because you just don't do
that sort of thing.
963
01:22:10,840 --> 01:22:14,119
Correct.
Books must be treated with respect.
964
01:22:14,120 --> 01:22:18,959
We feel that in our bones,
because words have power.
965
01:22:19,680 --> 01:22:24,479
Bring enough words together,
you can bend space and time.
966
01:22:24,480 --> 01:22:26,799
That's what has been giving
you hallucinations.
967
01:22:26,880 --> 01:22:30,999
For the last time,
they weren't hallucinations.
968
01:22:31,000 --> 01:22:33,279
They did try to kill me.
969
01:22:33,280 --> 01:22:37,599
The terrible thing is, I deserve it.
970
01:22:38,880 --> 01:22:41,359
Read my lips.
971
01:22:41,360 --> 01:22:43,919
Words do not kill.
972
01:22:45,040 --> 01:22:46,479
People kill.
973
01:22:46,480 --> 01:22:48,639
Wild animals kill.
974
01:22:48,640 --> 01:22:53,399
But words, words have
a totally different power.
975
01:22:53,400 --> 01:22:58,399
They enter through our eyes and ears
and work their way into our souls.
976
01:22:58,400 --> 01:23:02,039
I think this is where
the real problem is.
977
01:23:02,040 --> 01:23:04,119
Your soul.
978
01:23:04,120 --> 01:23:07,159
Don't blame the letters
for your own problems.
979
01:23:11,440 --> 01:23:14,719
Now you can apologise
to Miss Dearheart.
980
01:23:16,760 --> 01:23:19,319
It is way beyond apology.
981
01:23:19,320 --> 01:23:22,199
Only she can judge that.
982
01:23:22,200 --> 01:23:24,599
Talk to her.
983
01:23:28,040 --> 01:23:30,159
I don't trust my tongue.
984
01:23:30,160 --> 01:23:33,639
When I speak, I lie.
985
01:23:33,640 --> 01:23:35,039
It's the way it's always been.
986
01:23:35,040 --> 01:23:37,159
So don't speak.
987
01:23:37,160 --> 01:23:38,919
Write her a letter.
988
01:23:40,760 --> 01:23:43,039
A written confession.
989
01:23:46,080 --> 01:23:48,759
A conman can't do that.
990
01:23:48,760 --> 01:23:51,119
It's against our code of practice.
991
01:23:51,120 --> 01:23:55,239
But what better way
for a postmaster?
992
01:23:57,520 --> 01:24:00,479
'Which is how I came
to be sitting here,
993
01:24:00,480 --> 01:24:03,559
pouring out my heart.'
994
01:24:03,560 --> 01:24:08,159
'All I can do is seal this
with the most loving kiss.'
995
01:24:08,160 --> 01:24:09,679
'And hope.'
996
01:24:16,040 --> 01:24:18,479
I'm not convinced, Mr Pump.
997
01:24:18,480 --> 01:24:22,319
I didn't get where I am today
by telling the truth.
998
01:24:22,320 --> 01:24:26,559
And where exactly are you?
999
01:24:26,560 --> 01:24:29,199
Point taken.
1000
01:24:33,840 --> 01:24:35,839
Stamp it up and send it on its way.
1001
01:24:35,840 --> 01:24:40,559
No. You must deliver this by hand.
1002
01:24:40,560 --> 01:24:44,319
If I get within 50 yards
of Adora, I'm a dead man.
1003
01:24:44,320 --> 01:24:46,879
I told Adora to meet you
at 8 o'clock.
1004
01:24:46,880 --> 01:24:48,559
Dinner for two.
1005
01:24:48,560 --> 01:24:51,319
You mean I have to be there
when she reads this?
1006
01:24:51,320 --> 01:24:54,199
At the best restaurant in town.
1007
01:24:54,200 --> 01:24:57,559
How did you get a table?
They're booked up for months.
1008
01:24:57,560 --> 01:24:59,359
I didn't.
1009
01:24:59,360 --> 01:25:03,319
This is one time
your lying will be useful.
1010
01:25:25,360 --> 01:25:28,639
Good evening, sir.
Reservation for?
1011
01:25:28,640 --> 01:25:32,239
You mean you still don't know?
1012
01:25:32,240 --> 01:25:34,479
After all the times I've been here.
1013
01:25:34,480 --> 01:25:36,919
I'm acquainted with the regulars,
but, er...
1014
01:25:38,640 --> 01:25:40,359
...I cannot place you, sir.
1015
01:25:40,360 --> 01:25:42,479
Very good.
1016
01:25:42,480 --> 01:25:46,559
I appreciate your discretion.
1017
01:25:48,400 --> 01:25:50,679
Wouldn't want everyone knowing
we were here.
1018
01:25:50,680 --> 01:25:55,799
So, shall I wait for Mr Gilt
inside at the regular table?
1019
01:25:55,800 --> 01:25:58,319
Mr Gilt, you say?
Mm-hm.
1020
01:25:59,360 --> 01:26:03,959
I'm afraid that...
Mr Gilt doesn't do problems.
1021
01:26:03,960 --> 01:26:07,239
But... Surely you of all people
remember the Poisson Rouge.
1022
01:26:08,480 --> 01:26:10,079
I cannot say...
Exactly.
1023
01:26:10,080 --> 01:26:13,559
Mr Gilt used to take
the city's finest there every week
1024
01:26:13,560 --> 01:26:17,919
until one day,
same thing happened.
1025
01:26:19,280 --> 01:26:22,079
Au revoir, Poisson Rouge.
1026
01:26:23,240 --> 01:26:25,599
I'll wait inside, shall I?
1027
01:26:50,960 --> 01:26:52,199
Adora.
1028
01:26:53,960 --> 01:26:56,599
You look... I'm only here because
Mr Pump begged.
1029
01:27:00,040 --> 01:27:01,839
That and the stuffed liver.
1030
01:27:06,000 --> 01:27:08,359
To be honest,
I can't think about food...
1031
01:27:08,800 --> 01:27:11,879
until you've read this.
1032
01:27:15,080 --> 01:27:17,559
Is it an apology?
1033
01:27:17,560 --> 01:27:20,719
It... it's worse than that.
1034
01:27:21,880 --> 01:27:24,519
Just read it.
1035
01:27:25,360 --> 01:27:28,879
And then, maybe, we can move on.
1036
01:27:44,760 --> 01:27:48,079
Good evening, little postman.
1037
01:27:53,080 --> 01:27:56,159
Hello?!
1038
01:27:58,680 --> 01:28:01,359
We are closed.
1039
01:28:03,480 --> 01:28:07,039
But we are open again
at nine in the morning.
1040
01:28:08,000 --> 01:28:12,159
We've got a special
on mail to Pseudopolis. Ah!
1041
01:28:12,160 --> 01:28:14,959
Why not write to your old granny?
1042
01:28:14,960 --> 01:28:18,999
I ate my granny.
1043
01:28:19,000 --> 01:28:21,079
Oh.
1044
01:28:21,080 --> 01:28:23,679
Then I'm dead.
1045
01:28:53,760 --> 01:28:58,919
Erm. Perhaps I could paraphrase
the last section.
1046
01:28:58,920 --> 01:29:00,279
You ruined my family.
1047
01:29:00,280 --> 01:29:03,239
Adora, I'm sorry. What can I say?
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
1048
01:29:03,240 --> 01:29:04,479
You're a liar and cheat.
1049
01:29:04,480 --> 01:29:06,239
Those days are behind me. I swear.
1050
01:29:06,240 --> 01:29:09,599
Every word is true, I've bared my
soul to you. There are no lies left.
1051
01:29:09,600 --> 01:29:15,919
My dear Moist.
How good of you to bag a table.
1052
01:29:15,920 --> 01:29:19,239
You... And him?
1053
01:29:19,240 --> 01:29:20,759
No.
1054
01:29:20,760 --> 01:29:23,559
Always a joke with Moist, hmm?
1055
01:29:23,560 --> 01:29:27,919
Why don't you ask them
to bring the champagne list, huh?
1056
01:29:29,640 --> 01:29:31,799
Just gotta freshen up.
1057
01:29:35,280 --> 01:29:37,759
How many more times
will you humiliate me?
1058
01:29:37,760 --> 01:29:40,159
I can explain.
1059
01:29:40,160 --> 01:29:41,199
What is in your foot
1060
01:29:41,200 --> 01:29:43,719
is a steel-tipped,
four-inch stiletto heel.
1061
01:29:43,720 --> 01:29:47,239
The most dangerous footwear
in the world.
1062
01:29:47,240 --> 01:29:51,399
I know what you're thinking. "Could
she push it through to the floor?"
1063
01:29:51,400 --> 01:29:53,519
No!
1064
01:29:53,520 --> 01:29:56,359
To tell you the truth, I'm not sure
about that myself,
1065
01:29:56,360 --> 01:29:58,999
but I'm going to give it
a damn good try.
1066
01:30:00,560 --> 01:30:02,719
The Post Office is burning!
1067
01:30:05,200 --> 01:30:06,239
Argh!
1068
01:30:19,600 --> 01:30:21,639
Mr Pump.
1069
01:30:21,640 --> 01:30:23,839
Where's Stanley and Groat?
1070
01:30:24,720 --> 01:30:27,999
Your safety is my concern.
1071
01:30:30,200 --> 01:30:31,239
Mr Groat.
1072
01:30:37,800 --> 01:30:39,359
Call the fire brigade.
1073
01:30:40,360 --> 01:30:42,439
Argh!
1074
01:30:44,360 --> 01:30:48,239
It's Stanley. You've got to save
Stanley.
1075
01:31:06,920 --> 01:31:11,479
Mr Lipwig, it's too dangerous.
1076
01:31:19,920 --> 01:31:21,279
Stanley!
1077
01:31:23,440 --> 01:31:24,839
Argh!
1078
01:31:26,760 --> 01:31:30,319
And Lipwig make five!
1079
01:31:30,320 --> 01:31:34,239
I'm collecting dead postmasters.
1080
01:31:34,240 --> 01:31:40,559
Of course,
the fun part is making them dead!
1081
01:31:40,560 --> 01:31:41,959
You killed them?
1082
01:31:43,320 --> 01:31:44,519
All of them?
1083
01:31:44,520 --> 01:31:45,839
Oh, yes.
1084
01:31:45,840 --> 01:31:49,239
I am the killer!
1085
01:31:49,240 --> 01:31:53,039
This is a Post Office closer!
1086
01:34:11,260 --> 01:34:12,779
You know what they say.
1087
01:34:14,060 --> 01:34:19,139
Hear the cry of the banshee and die!
1088
01:34:19,140 --> 01:34:21,699
Actually...
1089
01:34:21,700 --> 01:34:26,299
...it's banshee cries, somebody dies.
1090
01:34:26,300 --> 01:34:27,899
Today it's you.
1091
01:34:39,700 --> 01:34:42,739
Missed both my hearts.
1092
01:34:47,220 --> 01:34:50,259
I do love postmasters.
1093
01:34:51,420 --> 01:34:55,659
Killing them is so lucrative.
1094
01:34:57,340 --> 01:34:58,859
Who's paying you?
1095
01:34:58,860 --> 01:35:03,419
Not everyone can afford
assassin of calibre.
1096
01:35:03,420 --> 01:35:08,059
I deal with all Reacher's
loose ends.
1097
01:35:09,700 --> 01:35:10,899
Gilt.
1098
01:35:10,900 --> 01:35:14,979
The Dearheart boy
screamed like a pig.
1099
01:35:14,980 --> 01:35:18,299
Screamed like a pig!
1100
01:35:18,300 --> 01:35:21,139
Till he struck the ground.
1101
01:35:24,260 --> 01:35:29,059
Time to shut up shop, Postmaster.
1102
01:35:30,020 --> 01:35:35,379
This is not Reacher Gilt's
Post Office to close.
1103
01:35:35,380 --> 01:35:37,539
It belongs to the city.
1104
01:35:37,540 --> 01:35:40,299
How dare he come in here
and destroy it.
1105
01:35:44,860 --> 01:35:47,139
Oh, please!
1106
01:35:47,140 --> 01:35:50,539
Can't I even die in peace?
1107
01:35:50,540 --> 01:35:53,419
I mean, I'm no angel, but him?
1108
01:35:53,420 --> 01:35:55,659
He's a devil.
1109
01:36:27,740 --> 01:36:31,379
"Upon discovery of fire,
remain calm."
1110
01:36:41,820 --> 01:36:46,299
"Shout 'fire'
in a loud, clear voice."
1111
01:36:46,300 --> 01:36:47,739
Fire!
1112
01:36:49,620 --> 01:36:50,979
Stanley.
1113
01:36:56,500 --> 01:36:58,539
"If trapped...
1114
01:37:00,020 --> 01:37:04,619
...await A, rescue or B, death."
1115
01:37:06,580 --> 01:37:09,499
Straightforward enough.
1116
01:37:11,580 --> 01:37:14,179
A it is, then.
1117
01:37:14,180 --> 01:37:16,099
Come on.
1118
01:37:26,820 --> 01:37:28,179
I owe you.
1119
01:37:47,300 --> 01:37:51,419
Where are the fire brigade?
We have no insurance.
1120
01:37:51,420 --> 01:37:52,579
What?
1121
01:37:52,580 --> 01:37:57,259
I'm sorry, sir,
it was fire insurance or food.
1122
01:37:57,260 --> 01:37:59,259
Where are the buckets then?
1123
01:37:59,260 --> 01:38:03,299
This is beyond buckets, Mr Lipwig.
1124
01:38:14,020 --> 01:38:15,259
Hmm!
1125
01:38:23,940 --> 01:38:24,939
Adora.
1126
01:38:26,500 --> 01:38:28,859
Care for a dance?
1127
01:38:28,860 --> 01:38:31,419
A dance? With you?
1128
01:38:31,420 --> 01:38:35,619
A self-centred skuggem
with the moral fibre of a...
1129
01:38:35,620 --> 01:38:37,939
A rat?
A rat.
1130
01:38:37,940 --> 01:38:39,779
Thank you.
My pleasure.
1131
01:38:46,300 --> 01:38:49,619
Let me go!
1132
01:38:49,620 --> 01:38:53,499
Not until I've told you
what's really going on.
1133
01:38:53,500 --> 01:38:55,939
You destroyed my family,
that's what's going on.
1134
01:38:55,940 --> 01:38:59,899
That was an accident.
I can put it right.
1135
01:38:59,900 --> 01:39:03,579
You don't know the meaning
of the word "right".
1136
01:39:03,580 --> 01:39:07,499
Those dead postmasters,
Gilt had them killed.
1137
01:39:07,500 --> 01:39:09,339
He tried to kill me, too.
1138
01:39:09,340 --> 01:39:13,179
Who'd have thought I had something
in common with Reacher Gilt?
1139
01:39:13,180 --> 01:39:17,979
Adora, he murdered your brother.
1140
01:39:22,500 --> 01:39:24,979
John wore a safety line,
but he fell to his death.
1141
01:39:24,980 --> 01:39:29,659
It doesn't make sense, unless you
hire a flying banshee to push him.
1142
01:39:29,660 --> 01:39:33,739
And banshees are Gilt's
weapon of choice.
1143
01:39:33,740 --> 01:39:35,659
You've got proof?
Of course.
1144
01:39:39,100 --> 01:39:43,299
Well, the banshee was my proof.
He knew everything.
1145
01:39:43,300 --> 01:39:46,099
Except how to be fireproof.
How convenient!
1146
01:39:46,100 --> 01:39:49,419
Even so, I think I can bring down
Reacher Gilt.
1147
01:39:49,420 --> 01:39:52,019
All talk and no action, as usual.
1148
01:39:52,020 --> 01:39:55,939
Adora, will you trust me
just this once?
1149
01:39:57,380 --> 01:39:58,699
Oh!
1150
01:39:58,700 --> 01:40:01,139
Does that answer your question?
1151
01:40:03,020 --> 01:40:06,579
Any comment to go with the picture,
Mr Lipwig?
1152
01:40:19,980 --> 01:40:21,339
Reacher.
1153
01:40:23,980 --> 01:40:25,659
Marvellous, isn't it?
1154
01:40:25,660 --> 01:40:27,539
A bit...
1155
01:40:27,540 --> 01:40:29,379
...extreme?
1156
01:40:29,380 --> 01:40:33,099
The point is, Horsefry, we've won.
1157
01:40:35,780 --> 01:40:37,299
We've won.
1158
01:40:54,940 --> 01:40:58,499
Well, I suppose that's one way
to deal with the backlog.
1159
01:40:58,500 --> 01:41:00,259
How can you joke?
1160
01:41:00,260 --> 01:41:02,899
That's our life. And it's gone.
1161
01:41:04,380 --> 01:41:07,099
Be brave, Mr Groat.
1162
01:41:13,700 --> 01:41:15,619
There's our customers over there.
1163
01:41:15,620 --> 01:41:18,859
Sending clacks, we've lost them.
1164
01:41:20,660 --> 01:41:24,579
Then we'll just have
to win them back again, won't we?
1165
01:41:24,580 --> 01:41:27,339
Come on, Mr Groat.
1166
01:41:32,660 --> 01:41:37,459
The Post Office is open... as usual.
1167
01:41:37,460 --> 01:41:41,019
A bit more open than usual,
I would say.
1168
01:41:43,700 --> 01:41:47,179
Number four delivery, proceed.
1169
01:41:48,060 --> 01:41:50,379
Number four delivery.
1170
01:41:50,380 --> 01:41:52,099
Stan!
1171
01:41:52,100 --> 01:41:53,659
Aggy!
1172
01:41:54,700 --> 01:41:57,499
Not many of us old postmen
left now, Mr Groat.
1173
01:41:57,500 --> 01:42:01,419
We help out the best we can
in the post's hour of need.
1174
01:42:01,420 --> 01:42:02,899
See?
1175
01:42:02,900 --> 01:42:04,899
People love the Post Office.
1176
01:42:06,660 --> 01:42:09,099
So...
1177
01:42:09,100 --> 01:42:12,059
Get your men organised,
1178
01:42:12,060 --> 01:42:14,979
Deputy Postmaster Groat.
1179
01:42:14,980 --> 01:42:17,019
I want them...
1180
01:42:17,740 --> 01:42:23,739
Did you say deputy postmaster, sir?
I did.
1181
01:42:24,460 --> 01:42:28,699
And, what's more,
I want your men out on the streets
1182
01:42:28,700 --> 01:42:32,739
delivering the mail today.
Yes, sir.
1183
01:42:40,140 --> 01:42:42,739
Looks like the clacks is down again.
1184
01:42:45,140 --> 01:42:47,659
This really is my lucky day.
1185
01:42:52,180 --> 01:42:55,619
Special today, ladies and gentlemen,
1186
01:42:55,620 --> 01:43:00,019
mail to Pseudopolis
reduced to three pence.
1187
01:43:00,020 --> 01:43:02,859
Three pence only.
1188
01:43:02,860 --> 01:43:08,419
And if anyone has a message
already stuck in the clacks,
1189
01:43:08,420 --> 01:43:11,739
we'll deliver it for free.
1190
01:43:13,140 --> 01:43:18,059
No matter how hard I scrape my shoe,
1191
01:43:18,060 --> 01:43:22,179
Lipwig remains stuck to it.
1192
01:43:22,180 --> 01:43:25,459
It says here he was unscathed.
1193
01:43:25,460 --> 01:43:28,899
Does this mean we have to try again?
No.
1194
01:43:28,900 --> 01:43:35,979
He may be alive,
but he's yesterday's man.
1195
01:43:36,860 --> 01:43:39,539
Knowing Lipwig, he'll rebuild.
1196
01:43:39,540 --> 01:43:41,339
With what?
1197
01:43:41,340 --> 01:43:43,219
It'll cost a fortune.
1198
01:43:44,180 --> 01:43:50,459
And the... Post Office is bankrupt.
1199
01:43:52,260 --> 01:43:55,499
Nevertheless, people...
1200
01:43:55,500 --> 01:43:57,699
...seem to have a fondness
for the post.
1201
01:43:57,700 --> 01:44:02,219
My latest innovation
will change all that.
1202
01:44:02,220 --> 01:44:04,219
Innovation?
1203
01:44:04,220 --> 01:44:07,339
We closed down research
and development years ago.
1204
01:44:07,340 --> 01:44:12,179
This isn't about research, Horsefry.
1205
01:44:12,180 --> 01:44:18,379
This is about dazzling the masses
with a bauble.
1206
01:44:19,500 --> 01:44:25,299
I believe the respectable term is...
1207
01:44:30,060 --> 01:44:32,099
...marketing.
1208
01:44:38,780 --> 01:44:41,019
We are proud
1209
01:44:41,020 --> 01:44:44,699
to usher in a new era.
1210
01:44:44,700 --> 01:44:48,419
The mobile era.
1211
01:44:48,420 --> 01:44:52,419
A network of towers like this
1212
01:44:52,420 --> 01:44:58,099
will move around Discworld
as demand requires.
1213
01:44:58,100 --> 01:44:59,579
This doesn't look good.
1214
01:44:59,580 --> 01:45:04,059
In future,
if you can't get to a clacks tower,
1215
01:45:04,060 --> 01:45:08,899
the clacks tower
will be brought to you.
1216
01:45:08,900 --> 01:45:12,619
Full coverage for the entire Disc.
1217
01:45:12,620 --> 01:45:15,499
Mr Gilt, today's increase
in the price of clacks messages
1218
01:45:15,500 --> 01:45:19,939
is the fifth this year.
Surely that is extortion.
1219
01:45:19,940 --> 01:45:22,859
This is the future
of long-distance communication,
1220
01:45:22,860 --> 01:45:25,459
and new technology is not cheap.
1221
01:45:25,460 --> 01:45:30,979
Would you really have that
when you can have this?
1222
01:45:36,220 --> 01:45:39,619
But he had the Post Office
destroyed.
1223
01:45:39,620 --> 01:45:42,259
We have no proof, Mr Pump.
1224
01:45:50,100 --> 01:45:52,059
We must do something.
1225
01:45:53,940 --> 01:45:55,459
Follow me.
1226
01:46:12,060 --> 01:46:14,939
Arrest those men!
For what?
1227
01:46:14,940 --> 01:46:17,139
Vandalising clacks property.
1228
01:46:17,140 --> 01:46:21,499
I think you'll find the only offence
here is trespass.
1229
01:46:21,500 --> 01:46:25,419
Your map was being paraded
on Post Office property.
1230
01:46:25,420 --> 01:46:28,139
I'll see you paraded
through hell, Lipwig.
1231
01:46:28,140 --> 01:46:31,099
Are you going to send another
assassin to sort me out?
1232
01:46:31,100 --> 01:46:34,579
Assassin? I have no idea
what you're talking about.
1233
01:46:34,580 --> 01:46:38,539
Mr Gryle and I
had a very interesting chat.
1234
01:46:39,900 --> 01:46:42,699
I know exactly
what you've been up to.
1235
01:46:42,700 --> 01:46:44,379
Where's your proof?
1236
01:46:44,380 --> 01:46:46,259
All in good time.
1237
01:46:46,260 --> 01:46:49,219
You're such a fraud.
1238
01:46:49,220 --> 01:46:52,059
And you're such a murderer.
1239
01:46:57,980 --> 01:47:00,379
That is slander.
1240
01:47:01,420 --> 01:47:04,419
This is a declaration of war.
1241
01:47:04,420 --> 01:47:05,659
Can I quote you on that?
1242
01:47:05,660 --> 01:47:08,019
If you want a quote,
Miss Cripslock, try this.
1243
01:47:08,020 --> 01:47:12,099
Neither rain nor fire
can stop the post.
1244
01:47:13,740 --> 01:47:15,499
Very stirring.
1245
01:47:15,500 --> 01:47:18,419
But his quote had "war" in it.
1246
01:47:21,020 --> 01:47:24,259
Fine talk, sir. Fine talk.
You do give a good bite of sound.
1247
01:47:24,260 --> 01:47:26,699
If you don't mind me saying,
it's bugger all help.
1248
01:47:26,700 --> 01:47:28,099
I know, I know.
1249
01:47:28,100 --> 01:47:32,379
They come through with a new
technological breakthrough.
1250
01:47:32,380 --> 01:47:36,699
"A modern miracle that will change
communications for ever."
1251
01:47:36,700 --> 01:47:39,299
And we haven't even got a roof.
1252
01:47:39,300 --> 01:47:42,939
Oh, one decent downpour
and all this will be papier-mache.
1253
01:47:42,940 --> 01:47:45,219
Big roofs cost big money.
1254
01:47:48,820 --> 01:47:50,859
That's it, Mr Groat.
1255
01:47:50,860 --> 01:47:52,659
Rain.
1256
01:47:54,020 --> 01:47:56,539
Rainy days.
1257
01:47:56,540 --> 01:48:01,379
The problem with people who put
money away for a rainy day
1258
01:48:01,380 --> 01:48:04,459
is they never know when it's raining.
1259
01:48:06,540 --> 01:48:09,339
Well, I think it's about to pour.
1260
01:48:15,740 --> 01:48:16,939
Stress.
1261
01:48:16,940 --> 01:48:19,779
It does funny things to a man.
1262
01:48:24,500 --> 01:48:25,859
Sausage?
1263
01:48:26,780 --> 01:48:30,459
Mrs Leakall's
Premium Reserve sausages.
1264
01:48:30,460 --> 01:48:33,139
A special offering.
1265
01:48:33,140 --> 01:48:35,219
Because I have a special prayer.
1266
01:48:35,220 --> 01:48:37,979
Well, you're off to a good start.
1267
01:48:39,900 --> 01:48:45,139
Tell me, how do you actually
get the sausages up there?
1268
01:48:45,140 --> 01:48:49,939
Frying. The gift of sausages ascends
onto Offler, the sacred crocodile,
1269
01:48:49,940 --> 01:48:52,019
by means of smell.
1270
01:48:56,140 --> 01:49:00,219
And then you... eat the sausage?
1271
01:49:00,980 --> 01:49:03,139
A common misconception.
1272
01:49:03,140 --> 01:49:05,859
But the true sausagidity
goes to Offler.
1273
01:49:05,860 --> 01:49:11,019
He eats the... essence
of the sausages.
1274
01:49:11,020 --> 01:49:14,859
While we priests
eat the earthly shell.
1275
01:49:17,940 --> 01:49:20,379
That would explain
why the smell of sausages
1276
01:49:20,380 --> 01:49:24,819
is always better than
the actual taste, perhaps.
1277
01:49:24,820 --> 01:49:27,259
You should have been a theologian.
1278
01:49:27,260 --> 01:49:31,259
So, what is your prayer
to accompany Mrs Leakall's finest?
1279
01:49:31,260 --> 01:49:33,099
Just the usual.
1280
01:49:33,100 --> 01:49:36,739
Pennies from heaven.
1281
01:49:36,740 --> 01:49:42,619
$150,000... to be precise.
1282
01:49:43,340 --> 01:49:49,939
Might take more than a few sausages
to get something that... specific.
1283
01:49:51,420 --> 01:49:55,419
But... let's give it a shot.
1284
01:50:14,180 --> 01:50:16,219
Post!
1285
01:50:17,580 --> 01:50:18,579
Post!
1286
01:50:24,740 --> 01:50:27,939
Good work, Stanley. That'll do it.
1287
01:50:29,740 --> 01:50:32,619
Forwards, Stanley, forwards.
1288
01:50:36,500 --> 01:50:40,259
Post.
1289
01:50:44,980 --> 01:50:46,379
Come on.
1290
01:50:46,380 --> 01:50:48,659
Everyone loves getting a letter.
1291
01:50:51,940 --> 01:50:56,699
I think it's best
you stay away from Miss Adora.
1292
01:50:57,460 --> 01:50:59,579
Stay away?
1293
01:50:59,580 --> 01:51:01,619
I can't do that, she loves me.
1294
01:51:01,620 --> 01:51:04,819
But she just tried to kill you.
1295
01:51:04,820 --> 01:51:09,979
Well, the human heart
is a complex thing, Mr Pump.
1296
01:51:09,980 --> 01:51:13,539
Love, hate,
they're just a breath apart.
1297
01:51:13,540 --> 01:51:16,379
She doesn't know it yet,
but she loves me.
1298
01:51:33,180 --> 01:51:34,379
Mr Pump.
1299
01:51:35,500 --> 01:51:37,539
That's your third delivery today.
1300
01:51:37,540 --> 01:51:40,739
Many letters survived the fire.
1301
01:51:40,740 --> 01:51:44,299
We are working round the clock
to deliver them.
1302
01:51:44,300 --> 01:51:47,179
Round the clock?
Without a break.
1303
01:51:47,180 --> 01:51:50,499
That is how much we believe
in Postmaster Lipwig.
1304
01:51:50,500 --> 01:51:52,939
But that's exploitation.
1305
01:51:52,940 --> 01:51:54,859
The Golem Trust can't allow it.
1306
01:51:54,860 --> 01:51:57,979
You misunderstand.
1307
01:51:57,980 --> 01:52:01,379
We volunteered.
Volunteered?
1308
01:52:02,660 --> 01:52:05,739
That is the worst form
of exploitation.
1309
01:52:51,220 --> 01:52:52,219
Rats.
1310
01:53:14,260 --> 01:53:16,779
What are you doing, Horsefry?
1311
01:53:16,780 --> 01:53:18,779
I need it for my budget.
1312
01:53:19,500 --> 01:53:21,619
Budget?
1313
01:53:21,620 --> 01:53:24,899
I need to know how many towers
we're going to build.
1314
01:53:27,340 --> 01:53:30,659
Do you know what I really like
about you, Horsefry?
1315
01:53:30,660 --> 01:53:33,419
Your naivety.
1316
01:53:33,420 --> 01:53:36,019
Sorry, don't quite get you.
1317
01:53:40,340 --> 01:53:45,739
We put up the clacks charges
to finance a fleet of towers, right?
1318
01:53:45,740 --> 01:53:49,099
But we don't actually build any.
1319
01:53:49,100 --> 01:53:53,219
So the extra revenue
becomes pure profit.
1320
01:53:55,620 --> 01:54:00,099
But won't people
want to see some towers?
1321
01:54:00,100 --> 01:54:03,299
Well, we'll wheel out that fancy
model every now and then,
1322
01:54:03,300 --> 01:54:08,099
give the idiots
some eye candy to gawp at.
1323
01:54:08,100 --> 01:54:14,099
Meanwhile, the mobile clacks project
is officially in development.
1324
01:54:17,100 --> 01:54:18,459
Shame.
1325
01:54:19,660 --> 01:54:22,419
I thought it was a good idea.
1326
01:54:23,380 --> 01:54:27,659
Horsefry, Horsefry.
1327
01:54:28,380 --> 01:54:32,139
They aim of business is?
Erm...
1328
01:54:32,140 --> 01:54:35,979
Not to provide a good service,
but to provide the...
1329
01:54:35,980 --> 01:54:38,899
Only.
..only service.
1330
01:54:48,860 --> 01:54:52,459
They seem very taken with
the new-fangled towers, sir.
1331
01:54:52,460 --> 01:54:54,659
It's the oldest trick in the book.
1332
01:54:54,660 --> 01:54:57,659
Dazzle the punter
with a pretty picture.
1333
01:54:57,660 --> 01:55:00,139
What's a punter?
1334
01:55:00,140 --> 01:55:04,019
They haven't even built
the mobiles yet, have they?
1335
01:55:04,020 --> 01:55:05,699
It's all promise.
1336
01:55:05,700 --> 01:55:08,099
Know what happens to promises.
1337
01:55:08,100 --> 01:55:11,339
Will the people
ever come back to us?
1338
01:55:11,340 --> 01:55:13,059
How would they be able to resist
1339
01:55:13,060 --> 01:55:17,619
when we have our new
state-of-the-art Post Office?
1340
01:55:17,620 --> 01:55:21,699
Not in our lifetime.
You underestimate me, Mr Groat.
1341
01:55:21,700 --> 01:55:23,419
I don't want to hurt your feelings,
1342
01:55:23,420 --> 01:55:26,459
but praying for money
is a bit desperate, don't you think?
1343
01:55:26,460 --> 01:55:30,139
There's a god out there for everyone.
The trick is hooking up with -
1344
01:55:32,100 --> 01:55:35,219
Mr Lipwig! Mr Lipwig!
1345
01:55:37,260 --> 01:55:39,299
Mr Lipwig!
1346
01:55:44,940 --> 01:55:46,059
The light.
1347
01:55:47,260 --> 01:55:50,619
The wonderful light.
1348
01:55:50,620 --> 01:55:53,739
Glory be to Offler.
1349
01:55:53,740 --> 01:55:56,699
The sacred crocodile god.
1350
01:55:59,780 --> 01:56:00,779
Oh!
1351
01:56:02,380 --> 01:56:05,939
He's blind. He's blind.
1352
01:56:05,940 --> 01:56:08,219
Mr Lipwig, sir.
1353
01:56:08,620 --> 01:56:12,379
Mr Lipwig! Mr Lipwig!
1354
01:56:12,540 --> 01:56:15,619
One regular white,
one skinny Klatchian.
1355
01:56:17,780 --> 01:56:19,899
And two figgins, please.
1356
01:56:20,700 --> 01:56:22,939
Somebody call a doctor.
1357
01:56:26,820 --> 01:56:29,259
Can you see nothing at all?
1358
01:56:29,260 --> 01:56:32,459
Are you totally blind?
1359
01:56:32,460 --> 01:56:36,779
Only blind to this world, my friend.
1360
01:56:38,540 --> 01:56:43,819
Now I perceive the inner truth.
1361
01:56:44,620 --> 01:56:45,619
Yes.
1362
01:56:50,700 --> 01:56:53,699
The angels of Offler...
1363
01:56:53,700 --> 01:56:55,979
...whisper onto me.
1364
01:56:58,780 --> 01:57:03,259
One... hundred... and...
1365
01:57:03,260 --> 01:57:06,379
...fifty thousand dollars.
1366
01:57:07,780 --> 01:57:12,499
Buried... in a forest.
1367
01:57:16,340 --> 01:57:17,699
Offler.
1368
01:57:17,700 --> 01:57:19,899
I am not worthy.
1369
01:57:24,460 --> 01:57:28,539
Let the angels choose a holy witness.
1370
01:57:28,540 --> 01:57:30,099
Me, me!
1371
01:57:32,340 --> 01:57:35,659
I'll give you the front page.
1372
01:57:35,660 --> 01:57:37,939
You...
1373
01:57:37,940 --> 01:57:39,979
...are chosen.
1374
01:57:45,380 --> 01:57:49,819
Offler says... to the hop gate.
1375
01:57:51,620 --> 01:57:53,499
And bring a shovel.
1376
01:58:02,540 --> 01:58:04,859
Divine intervention.
1377
01:58:08,460 --> 01:58:10,659
Show me the way!
1378
01:58:13,820 --> 01:58:16,299
The praying man.
1379
01:58:16,300 --> 01:58:17,899
It is here.
1380
01:58:21,980 --> 01:58:26,859
The praying man
under the praying tree.
1381
01:58:28,700 --> 01:58:30,539
Looks like an elephant to me.
1382
01:58:35,460 --> 01:58:40,619
Well, now you mention it,
I can definitely see a praying man.
1383
01:58:58,260 --> 01:59:00,899
He can see.
1384
01:59:01,900 --> 01:59:02,979
What's going on?
1385
01:59:02,980 --> 01:59:05,339
You're under arrest,
that's what's going on.
1386
01:59:13,180 --> 01:59:15,819
Hello again.
1387
01:59:20,580 --> 01:59:22,819
Mr Lipwig.
1388
01:59:23,900 --> 01:59:26,699
I demand you step aside.
1389
01:59:26,700 --> 01:59:30,099
Can't you wait
until Mr Lipwig returns?
1390
01:59:30,100 --> 01:59:32,539
Mr Lipwig is in breach of contract.
1391
01:59:32,540 --> 01:59:35,859
But we golems
are satisfied with him.
1392
01:59:35,860 --> 01:59:38,219
You've been manipulated by him.
1393
01:59:38,940 --> 01:59:41,779
Not manipulated.
1394
01:59:41,780 --> 01:59:43,459
Persuaded.
1395
01:59:49,420 --> 01:59:51,659
Now you're making me angry.
1396
01:59:51,660 --> 01:59:54,299
Pump 19.
1397
01:59:56,580 --> 01:59:59,539
I will assemble the golems.
1398
02:00:06,780 --> 02:00:08,739
Mr Lipwig.
1399
02:00:08,740 --> 02:00:11,699
You've had a most strenuous day,
have you not?
1400
02:00:12,980 --> 02:00:16,059
Can't be as strenuous
as signing death warrants.
1401
02:00:18,300 --> 02:00:19,299
Joke.
1402
02:00:22,220 --> 02:00:25,699
Oh, I'm sorry, I hadn't realised.
1403
02:00:25,700 --> 02:00:28,899
Do tell me if you feel obliged
to make another.
1404
02:00:30,740 --> 02:00:35,179
To be honest, today has all been
a bit of a blur.
1405
02:00:35,180 --> 02:00:39,779
There's $150,000 buried
in the forest.
1406
02:00:39,780 --> 02:00:43,499
And you have no idea
how it got there.
1407
02:00:43,500 --> 02:00:45,619
It's miraculous.
1408
02:00:45,620 --> 02:00:49,139
A remarkable coincidence that
it is precisely the sum of money
1409
02:00:49,140 --> 02:00:52,419
that was hidden
by a notorious conman.
1410
02:00:52,420 --> 02:00:54,139
Conman?
1411
02:00:55,020 --> 02:01:00,139
Who was that then?
We hanged him. He's dead.
1412
02:01:00,140 --> 02:01:01,499
Isn't he?
1413
02:01:02,740 --> 02:01:06,139
Yes. He's dead.
1414
02:01:06,140 --> 02:01:07,419
Excellent.
1415
02:01:07,420 --> 02:01:10,659
So, as this money
is a gift from the gods,
1416
02:01:10,660 --> 02:01:14,299
it should be used for
the public good, should it not?
1417
02:01:21,700 --> 02:01:25,339
The eyes, Mr Lipwig.
Hmm?
1418
02:01:25,340 --> 02:01:28,139
You can trust me.
1419
02:01:28,140 --> 02:01:29,139
Oh, that.
1420
02:01:31,180 --> 02:01:33,219
Made from turtle egg shells.
1421
02:01:35,540 --> 02:01:37,419
Ingenious.
Thank you.
1422
02:01:37,420 --> 02:01:40,539
I meant me
for making you postmaster.
1423
02:01:44,540 --> 02:01:47,619
Ah. Marvellous.
1424
02:01:48,980 --> 02:01:50,499
Mr Lipwig.
1425
02:01:52,180 --> 02:01:56,459
But if I'm to restore the Post
Office, I have to pay the builders.
1426
02:01:56,460 --> 02:01:59,259
Send the bills to Drumknott.
1427
02:01:59,260 --> 02:02:02,619
Your job is to make sure
that Reacher Gilt
1428
02:02:02,620 --> 02:02:06,779
is in no position to burn
the Post Office down again.
1429
02:02:06,780 --> 02:02:08,899
He's a murderer.
1430
02:02:08,900 --> 02:02:12,499
An accusation
for which you have hard evidence?
1431
02:02:14,180 --> 02:02:18,459
Your spies could find some evidence,
no doubt.
1432
02:02:18,460 --> 02:02:19,459
Spies?
1433
02:02:21,380 --> 02:02:24,659
I did hear there was a man
on the inside.
1434
02:02:24,660 --> 02:02:27,499
But he was dropped
from his position.
1435
02:02:29,300 --> 02:02:30,979
Quite literally.
1436
02:02:31,900 --> 02:02:35,259
John Dearheart was your spy?
1437
02:02:35,260 --> 02:02:37,379
He was a spy.
1438
02:02:37,380 --> 02:02:40,179
But he didn't get very far.
1439
02:02:40,180 --> 02:02:43,819
Perhaps if he'd possessed
the agile mind of a conman,
1440
02:02:43,820 --> 02:02:47,099
he might have had more success
as a spy.
1441
02:02:49,660 --> 02:02:54,179
You think I'm some thug piece
to be moved around at your leisure?
1442
02:02:54,180 --> 02:02:56,819
Precisely.
No.
1443
02:02:56,820 --> 02:02:59,939
I won't be your spy.
1444
02:02:59,940 --> 02:03:03,459
Shame. Miss Dearheart
would have been impressed.
1445
02:03:12,380 --> 02:03:15,539
Indeed it is
the very essence of golem.
1446
02:03:15,540 --> 02:03:17,819
But enough is enough.
1447
02:03:17,820 --> 02:03:21,579
This postmaster, this Lipwig,
is an exploiter.
1448
02:03:21,580 --> 02:03:25,299
The Golem Trust can't allow it
and won't allow it.
1449
02:03:25,300 --> 02:03:27,219
Just because
you don't need a tea break
1450
02:03:27,220 --> 02:03:29,419
doesn't mean you're not
entitled to one.
1451
02:03:29,420 --> 02:03:32,419
Right now the Post Office
needs you more than you need it.
1452
02:03:32,420 --> 02:03:35,699
There is only one course of action
to take in those circumstances.
1453
02:03:35,700 --> 02:03:37,979
Strike and strike hard.
1454
02:03:37,980 --> 02:03:39,419
So what do we want?
1455
02:03:42,900 --> 02:03:44,699
OK.
1456
02:03:44,700 --> 02:03:46,739
OK, let's go straight to the vote.
1457
02:03:46,740 --> 02:03:49,779
All those in favour of
an immediate withdrawal of labour
1458
02:03:49,780 --> 02:03:52,139
raise your hand.
1459
02:03:57,420 --> 02:03:59,299
Oh, I see.
1460
02:03:59,300 --> 02:04:03,899
I suppose you all think the sun
shines out of Lipwig's backside.
1461
02:04:14,780 --> 02:04:16,259
Very well.
1462
02:04:16,260 --> 02:04:19,059
But don't come running to me
when you're so worn out
1463
02:04:19,060 --> 02:04:22,579
that the only thing you're able
to hold is a pot plant.
1464
02:04:24,860 --> 02:04:25,859
Adora.
1465
02:04:27,340 --> 02:04:28,339
Adora, wait.
1466
02:04:28,340 --> 02:04:30,259
How dare you turn my golems
against me.
1467
02:04:30,260 --> 02:04:33,139
You're the one who said
they can't be manipulated.
1468
02:04:35,420 --> 02:04:37,699
The brochure is being revised.
1469
02:04:37,700 --> 02:04:41,099
Did you know your brother was a spy
for Lord Vetinari?
1470
02:04:44,140 --> 02:04:46,819
You really will say anything
just to get my attention.
1471
02:04:46,820 --> 02:04:47,899
It's the truth.
1472
02:04:47,900 --> 02:04:51,219
Let my brother rest in peace.
Fine, then here's what we'll do.
1473
02:04:51,220 --> 02:04:53,419
We'll keep on fighting day and night.
1474
02:04:53,420 --> 02:04:55,619
We'll make sure
we never share information
1475
02:04:55,620 --> 02:04:58,899
that could damage the clacks.
That way Reacher Gilt's sure to win.
1476
02:04:58,900 --> 02:05:01,939
You think you're the only one
who can bring down Reacher Gilt.
1477
02:05:01,940 --> 02:05:04,379
The arrogance, the conceit.
1478
02:05:04,380 --> 02:05:06,139
I don't need you.
1479
02:05:06,140 --> 02:05:08,299
I'll show you just how much
I don't need you.
1480
02:05:08,300 --> 02:05:10,259
The one-woman crusade, how noble.
1481
02:05:10,260 --> 02:05:13,459
You'll see. The whole city will see.
1482
02:05:26,900 --> 02:05:28,739
Good work, lads.
1483
02:05:35,060 --> 02:05:38,819
Are we ready, Mr Groat?
Just a few more, sir.
1484
02:05:38,820 --> 02:05:42,139
Bet you're glad you invented
perforations, eh, Stanley?
1485
02:05:42,140 --> 02:05:46,859
Strange thing is some people
are sending letters to themselves.
1486
02:05:46,860 --> 02:05:48,219
What?
1487
02:05:48,220 --> 02:05:51,899
Once the stamp has been through
the post it makes it more real.
1488
02:05:51,900 --> 02:05:55,179
You see, people are collecting them.
1489
02:05:57,220 --> 02:05:59,659
Just like you and your pins, eh?
1490
02:05:59,660 --> 02:06:01,099
Pins?
1491
02:06:02,140 --> 02:06:03,819
Oh, pins.
1492
02:06:03,820 --> 02:06:06,619
No, pins are just
pointy metal things.
1493
02:06:06,620 --> 02:06:07,979
Ready to roll, sir.
1494
02:06:07,980 --> 02:06:11,059
All you good people of the city.
1495
02:06:11,060 --> 02:06:15,259
Now run in conjunction
with Hobson's Livery,
1496
02:06:15,260 --> 02:06:18,259
it gives me great pleasure
to crack the whip
1497
02:06:18,260 --> 02:06:21,499
on the overnight express
to Sto Lat.
1498
02:06:27,620 --> 02:06:30,059
So much for us having won.
1499
02:06:31,780 --> 02:06:34,899
How dare the gods work against me.
1500
02:06:34,900 --> 02:06:38,579
I don't remember
giving them permission.
1501
02:06:41,580 --> 02:06:46,539
Why don't we just concentrate
on our own business?
1502
02:06:46,540 --> 02:06:49,819
Because Lipwig's taking
our business.
1503
02:06:49,820 --> 02:06:52,219
Look at them.
1504
02:06:52,220 --> 02:06:56,659
One artist's impression...
and they believe.
1505
02:06:59,020 --> 02:07:02,899
Of course,
posting the letter is one thing.
1506
02:07:02,900 --> 02:07:07,139
Making sure it arrives
is another thing altogether.
1507
02:07:26,260 --> 02:07:28,499
Yah! Yah!
1508
02:09:00,820 --> 02:09:02,819
Oh, here we go again.
1509
02:09:02,820 --> 02:09:05,339
What's up?
1510
02:09:05,340 --> 02:09:07,219
It's jammed.
1511
02:09:07,220 --> 02:09:10,219
Maybe it's iced up.
Better call maintenance.
1512
02:09:10,220 --> 02:09:13,219
Oh yeah, yeah.
Like we got three days to waste.
1513
02:09:30,420 --> 02:09:34,299
Princess,
you've got to come and see this.
1514
02:09:34,300 --> 02:09:36,299
I'm looking right at it.
1515
02:09:40,180 --> 02:09:42,219
A fault?
1516
02:09:42,220 --> 02:09:44,819
It seems it's spreading
right through the system,
1517
02:09:44,820 --> 02:09:48,219
which is why we need
to shut everything down now.
1518
02:09:48,220 --> 02:09:52,059
Shut down the entire clacks?
1519
02:09:52,060 --> 02:09:54,419
It's the only way.
1520
02:09:54,420 --> 02:09:57,699
Did I tell you the good news,
Mr Pony?
1521
02:09:57,700 --> 02:09:59,699
I'm recommending you for a pay rise.
1522
02:09:59,700 --> 02:10:02,179
A substantial pay rise.
1523
02:10:02,180 --> 02:10:05,219
And I'm pushing for a bonus, too.
1524
02:10:05,220 --> 02:10:07,059
That's very generous of you,
Mr Gilt.
1525
02:10:07,060 --> 02:10:10,419
Nothing less than you deserve,
Mr Po-
1526
02:10:10,420 --> 02:10:12,419
Or may I call you...
1527
02:10:13,940 --> 02:10:16,019
...George.
1528
02:10:16,020 --> 02:10:21,419
Problem is, George,
I have to answer to the board.
1529
02:10:21,420 --> 02:10:24,419
And what will they say
when my very next sentence is,
1530
02:10:24,420 --> 02:10:27,219
"Mr Pony wants to shut down
the clacks."
1531
02:10:27,220 --> 02:10:29,499
Well, you don't have to be
a boardroom veteran
1532
02:10:29,500 --> 02:10:31,219
to work that one out, do you?
1533
02:10:31,220 --> 02:10:35,219
I want you to have that bonus,
George.
1534
02:10:35,220 --> 02:10:37,619
I really do.
1535
02:10:37,620 --> 02:10:39,819
So I'm going to ask you
just one more time.
1536
02:10:39,820 --> 02:10:43,059
Are you absolutely sure you can't
solve this technical hiccough
1537
02:10:43,060 --> 02:10:46,219
without having to shut down
the whole system?
1538
02:10:46,220 --> 02:10:49,419
Well, maybe we can come at it
from a different angle.
1539
02:10:49,420 --> 02:10:53,259
By damn it, George,
you've talked me into it.
1540
02:10:53,260 --> 02:10:56,299
I'll tell the board you've got
the whole thing under control.
1541
02:10:56,300 --> 02:11:00,099
Your skill and ingenuity
will be the saving of the company.
1542
02:11:17,860 --> 02:11:21,339
I hadn't budgeted for any pay rises,
Reacher.
1543
02:11:23,220 --> 02:11:25,219
You won't have to.
1544
02:11:26,420 --> 02:11:30,619
Money dangled is much more
effective than...
1545
02:11:30,620 --> 02:11:33,259
...money given.
1546
02:11:33,260 --> 02:11:35,899
Er, talking of wages.
1547
02:11:37,380 --> 02:11:41,419
How much did you pay
the banshee in the end?
1548
02:11:41,420 --> 02:11:43,419
What does it matter?
1549
02:11:43,420 --> 02:11:46,899
I just need to reconcile my ledger.
1550
02:11:46,900 --> 02:11:49,219
You mean you actually intend
1551
02:11:49,220 --> 02:11:53,219
to write down how much
I paid an assassin?
1552
02:11:55,620 --> 02:11:57,619
I've always done it in the past.
1553
02:12:00,060 --> 02:12:03,659
Well, got to keep records, Reacher.
1554
02:12:03,660 --> 02:12:06,899
Can't cover your tracks if you
don't know where you've left them.
1555
02:12:06,900 --> 02:12:09,459
And is that the only ledger?
1556
02:12:09,460 --> 02:12:12,859
No, I've got dozens of them
going back years.
1557
02:12:12,860 --> 02:12:13,859
Oh.
1558
02:12:15,660 --> 02:12:19,219
I'd love to see them, Horsefry.
1559
02:12:19,220 --> 02:12:20,219
Really?
1560
02:12:20,220 --> 02:12:21,419
Yes.
1561
02:12:22,220 --> 02:12:23,819
They're in my office.
1562
02:12:23,820 --> 02:12:25,619
Come up any time.
1563
02:12:25,620 --> 02:12:27,339
Now, Crispin.
1564
02:12:27,340 --> 02:12:30,299
I want to see them.
1565
02:12:30,300 --> 02:12:31,499
Now.
1566
02:12:34,220 --> 02:12:36,179
Never shown any interest before.
1567
02:12:36,180 --> 02:12:37,419
No.
1568
02:12:37,420 --> 02:12:40,419
Well, I'm very interested in...
1569
02:12:41,620 --> 02:12:43,619
...settling accounts.
1570
02:12:49,380 --> 02:12:51,379
Thank you.
1571
02:13:06,540 --> 02:13:08,539
There you are.
1572
02:13:24,060 --> 02:13:26,419
So that's what she meant.
1573
02:13:26,420 --> 02:13:27,899
Mr Lipwig, sir.
1574
02:13:27,900 --> 02:13:29,899
Oh, calamity.
1575
02:13:29,900 --> 02:13:31,899
The mail coach is back, sir.
1576
02:13:31,900 --> 02:13:33,219
Already?
1577
02:13:33,220 --> 02:13:37,339
But there's no mail.
And not much coach.
1578
02:13:46,420 --> 02:13:48,419
So efficient.
1579
02:13:50,220 --> 02:13:52,819
Thank you.
1580
02:13:52,820 --> 02:13:54,819
Nice to be appreciated.
1581
02:14:06,220 --> 02:14:08,219
What have you done, Horsefry?
1582
02:14:10,300 --> 02:14:12,219
Er...
1583
02:14:12,220 --> 02:14:14,019
...my job.
1584
02:14:14,020 --> 02:14:16,019
Account for things.
1585
02:14:20,020 --> 02:14:22,419
Damn you.
1586
02:14:22,420 --> 02:14:25,419
Account for this.
1587
02:14:31,620 --> 02:14:34,219
Reacher, no!
Leave it.
1588
02:14:34,220 --> 02:14:36,659
What are you doing?
Saving us from prison.
1589
02:14:36,660 --> 02:14:38,139
But we have to keep account.
1590
02:14:38,140 --> 02:14:39,739
Your job is to hide things,
1591
02:14:39,740 --> 02:14:42,419
not to declare them
for the whole world to see.
1592
02:14:42,420 --> 02:14:45,219
Please, Reacher!
It is my life's work.
1593
02:14:45,220 --> 02:14:47,219
Get off me, you fat fool.
1594
02:14:49,900 --> 02:14:52,219
Look at you.
1595
02:14:52,220 --> 02:14:56,219
Loose flesh, loose tongue,
loose brain.
1596
02:14:56,220 --> 02:14:59,019
Just loose everything.
1597
02:14:59,820 --> 02:15:02,139
The fact is, Horsefry,
1598
02:15:02,140 --> 02:15:05,139
you're too stupid to live.
1599
02:15:31,620 --> 02:15:34,859
Found the fault yet, Mr Pony?
1600
02:15:34,860 --> 02:15:36,659
I-I...
1601
02:15:42,220 --> 02:15:44,219
Mr Horsefry was taken ill.
1602
02:15:46,020 --> 02:15:49,419
It left a nasty stain on the carpet.
1603
02:15:49,420 --> 02:15:51,619
I sent him home.
1604
02:15:51,620 --> 02:15:55,419
But can't stand the smell.
1605
02:15:57,700 --> 02:15:59,819
Mr Pony,
that's not the look of a man
1606
02:15:59,820 --> 02:16:02,819
who's in for a substantial pay rise.
1607
02:16:06,620 --> 02:16:08,619
Better.
1608
02:16:36,420 --> 02:16:39,739
Adora, that's a really neat trick
you pulled off.
1609
02:16:43,620 --> 02:16:45,059
I knew you'd see it my way.
1610
02:16:45,060 --> 02:16:47,099
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
1611
02:16:47,100 --> 02:16:49,819
Freezing the towers.
That was very slick.
1612
02:16:49,820 --> 02:16:52,979
The trouble is, right now the
Post Office is down, too. Bandits.
1613
02:16:52,980 --> 02:16:56,139
Hmm. How careless of you.
1614
02:16:56,140 --> 02:16:57,779
We need a double whammy.
1615
02:16:57,780 --> 02:17:00,419
As you hit the clacks,
we can steal their business.
1616
02:17:00,420 --> 02:17:01,619
A synchronised attack.
1617
02:17:01,620 --> 02:17:03,219
I wouldn't synchronise with you
1618
02:17:03,220 --> 02:17:05,219
if you were the last person
on the Disc.
1619
02:17:05,220 --> 02:17:08,219
40 Passing Clouds, please.
1620
02:17:08,220 --> 02:17:09,419
You know what?
1621
02:17:09,420 --> 02:17:12,779
You're right. You don't need me.
1622
02:17:12,780 --> 02:17:16,139
You're more than capable of bringing
down Reacher Gilt on your own.
1623
02:17:16,140 --> 02:17:17,699
You've got it all under control
1624
02:17:17,700 --> 02:17:21,179
so I'll just walk away
and leave you in peace.
1625
02:17:21,180 --> 02:17:23,179
You won't ever hear from me again.
1626
02:17:27,100 --> 02:17:30,299
Two...
Don't you want to know how I did it?
1627
02:17:35,220 --> 02:17:38,539
Go out onto the Post Office roof.
1628
02:17:38,540 --> 02:17:42,259
Get yourself a little bit closer
to Heaven.
1629
02:17:42,260 --> 02:17:45,979
Then get down on your knees
and pray.
1630
02:17:45,980 --> 02:17:48,099
You know how to pray, don't you?
1631
02:17:48,100 --> 02:17:50,579
Just put your hands together
and hope.
1632
02:18:11,220 --> 02:18:13,019
Hello?
1633
02:18:20,220 --> 02:18:22,219
She said pray.
1634
02:18:32,180 --> 02:18:35,539
Hope you don't mind
about the sausage business.
1635
02:18:35,540 --> 02:18:37,099
But, to be perfectly honest,
1636
02:18:37,100 --> 02:18:41,219
I think we both came out of it
looking pretty good.
1637
02:18:41,220 --> 02:18:44,019
Anyway, I was wondering if -
1638
02:18:54,860 --> 02:18:56,859
Is this about the rent?
1639
02:18:58,620 --> 02:18:59,939
Who the hell are you?
1640
02:18:59,940 --> 02:19:03,739
We paid Mr Groat. So you'll
have to take it up with him.
1641
02:19:07,420 --> 02:19:09,419
Forget Groat.
1642
02:19:10,820 --> 02:19:13,019
What are you doing on my roof?
1643
02:19:13,020 --> 02:19:15,659
I'm Mad Al. He's Sane Alex.
1644
02:19:15,660 --> 02:19:16,819
And that's Adrian.
1645
02:19:16,820 --> 02:19:19,339
He says he's not mad
but you can't prove it, can you?
1646
02:19:19,340 --> 02:19:21,699
We're pigeon fanciers.
1647
02:19:21,700 --> 02:19:23,699
So where are the pigeons?
1648
02:19:25,860 --> 02:19:27,859
Out flying.
1649
02:19:29,420 --> 02:19:31,419
Pigeons don't fly at night.
1650
02:19:32,460 --> 02:19:34,259
Bats.
1651
02:19:34,260 --> 02:19:36,939
We're trying to breed homing bats.
1652
02:19:36,940 --> 02:19:39,419
Bats don't have a homing instinct.
1653
02:19:40,380 --> 02:19:41,579
Yes.
1654
02:19:42,700 --> 02:19:43,819
Tragic, isn't it?
1655
02:19:43,820 --> 02:19:46,419
Yeah, because sometimes
I come up here at night
1656
02:19:46,420 --> 02:19:48,819
and I just see their empty
little perches.
1657
02:19:48,820 --> 02:19:50,819
Is all I can do not to cry.
1658
02:19:54,700 --> 02:19:58,099
Well, I'm sure Lord Vetinari will be
fascinated to hear all about it.
1659
02:19:58,100 --> 02:20:02,419
You know, I quite enjoyed
seeing you on your knees.
1660
02:20:02,420 --> 02:20:04,219
Adora.
1661
02:20:06,620 --> 02:20:08,619
The Smoking GNU, actually.
1662
02:20:16,100 --> 02:20:20,899
You can really jam the whole
clacks system from a pigeon loft?
1663
02:20:20,900 --> 02:20:22,899
Mm-hmm.
1664
02:20:23,820 --> 02:20:24,819
Nice trick.
1665
02:20:24,820 --> 02:20:26,099
Trick?
1666
02:20:26,100 --> 02:20:28,219
This is cutting edge cracking.
1667
02:20:28,220 --> 02:20:29,659
Two years in development.
1668
02:20:29,660 --> 02:20:31,659
Iterative beta testing.
1669
02:20:31,660 --> 02:20:34,219
Culminating in this.
1670
02:20:39,860 --> 02:20:41,859
Away you go, boys.
1671
02:20:55,620 --> 02:20:57,619
Firing out from here...
1672
02:20:58,660 --> 02:21:00,379
...into the Grand Trunk.
1673
02:21:00,380 --> 02:21:02,379
Then...
1674
02:21:03,820 --> 02:21:05,099
Jam.
1675
02:21:05,100 --> 02:21:08,219
But before it jams,
it's already passed the code on.
1676
02:21:08,220 --> 02:21:09,699
So...
1677
02:21:10,620 --> 02:21:11,120
Jam.
1678
02:21:21,820 --> 02:21:24,499
The problem started at this tower.
1679
02:21:24,500 --> 02:21:28,419
And I think one of you
has been meddling.
1680
02:21:28,420 --> 02:21:31,219
Was it him?
Was this his idea of a joke?
1681
02:21:31,220 --> 02:21:33,099
No, sir. He didn't do anything.
1682
02:21:33,100 --> 02:21:37,579
Then it must have been you.
You with a juvenile sense of humour.
1683
02:21:40,700 --> 02:21:44,619
Stay back. I'll have to drop
every employee until someone -
1684
02:21:44,620 --> 02:21:46,979
I've got it. I know what's happened.
1685
02:21:46,980 --> 02:21:50,619
One moment, Mr Pony.
I'm just disposing of some assets.
1686
02:21:51,620 --> 02:21:54,819
Hey! That's my niece.
1687
02:21:54,820 --> 02:21:57,099
Oh, that is useful to know.
1688
02:21:57,100 --> 02:21:58,899
It's a strange aperture.
1689
02:21:58,900 --> 02:22:01,419
It's jumping off
the elliptical bearing.
1690
02:22:01,420 --> 02:22:03,619
I can fix it.
1691
02:22:03,620 --> 02:22:05,619
If you hit Q and then K,
1692
02:22:05,620 --> 02:22:08,019
and the resonant frequency
to sent it to Genua,
1693
02:22:08,020 --> 02:22:09,939
when the pressure
is higher than ours -
1694
02:22:09,940 --> 02:22:13,419
Spare me the details.
Can you trace it?
1695
02:22:13,420 --> 02:22:15,499
Well, there's over
10,000 messages here.
1696
02:22:17,700 --> 02:22:19,299
I might be able to find it.
1697
02:22:19,300 --> 02:22:21,299
Thank you.
1698
02:22:23,780 --> 02:22:25,419
There, there.
1699
02:22:25,420 --> 02:22:28,699
Better stop down now.
1700
02:22:28,700 --> 02:22:33,539
When the sun comes up,
they can see us. Shh.
1701
02:22:33,540 --> 02:22:34,739
See?
1702
02:22:35,500 --> 02:22:39,419
We can do to the clacks
what my stiletto did to your foot.
1703
02:22:39,420 --> 02:22:41,899
It's not a bad start.
1704
02:22:41,900 --> 02:22:44,019
Not bad?
1705
02:22:44,020 --> 02:22:47,899
As long as we're sending, Reacher
Gilt doesn't earn a single dollar.
1706
02:22:47,900 --> 02:22:51,019
Ah, but if we worked together
1707
02:22:51,020 --> 02:22:53,819
while you're stabbing his foot,
1708
02:22:53,820 --> 02:22:55,819
I can be picking his pocket.
1709
02:23:02,220 --> 02:23:04,059
The great thing about the Post Office
1710
02:23:04,060 --> 02:23:06,379
is we don't rely
on complicated machines.
1711
02:23:06,380 --> 02:23:08,979
We have hands and feet.
1712
02:23:08,980 --> 02:23:09,979
And...
1713
02:23:11,100 --> 02:23:13,019
...strong ones at that.
1714
02:23:13,020 --> 02:23:15,699
Heave away, Mr Pump.
1715
02:23:20,900 --> 02:23:26,219
Ladies, gentlemen,
don't get caught in the clacks.
1716
02:23:26,220 --> 02:23:28,219
Come join us at the Post Office.
1717
02:23:28,220 --> 02:23:30,699
We'll get your message delivered.
1718
02:23:34,420 --> 02:23:40,899
You see, the clacks system works
at the cutting edge of technology.
1719
02:23:40,900 --> 02:23:44,619
And in the white heat of progress
there are sometimes complications.
1720
02:23:44,620 --> 02:23:47,939
But I can assure you
there are now all resolved.
1721
02:23:47,940 --> 02:23:49,139
Some people are saying -
1722
02:23:49,140 --> 02:23:52,899
And we'll be providing refunds for
any messages that have been lost.
1723
02:23:52,900 --> 02:23:54,979
All you have to do is
fill in the claim form.
1724
02:23:54,980 --> 02:23:57,499
But I do urge your readers
not to do anything as rash
1725
02:23:57,500 --> 02:24:01,019
as writing a letter
and sending it by post.
1726
02:24:01,020 --> 02:24:02,019
Wouldn't you -
1727
02:24:02,020 --> 02:24:04,939
You might as well tear it up
and scatter it to the four winds.
1728
02:24:04,940 --> 02:24:08,739
Mr Gilt, this claim form
is 50 pages long.
1729
02:24:11,820 --> 02:24:14,419
A help desk will be provided.
1730
02:24:14,420 --> 02:24:17,899
But, please, don't get bogged down
in the details.
1731
02:24:17,900 --> 02:24:23,739
What really matters is
we fly high above the bandits.
1732
02:24:35,900 --> 02:24:40,819
I will wager my hat of office
1733
02:24:40,820 --> 02:24:45,819
that the clacks will have broken down
by sunset tonight.
1734
02:24:53,620 --> 02:25:00,419
And when we win, I'll burn his
ludicrous hat of office in this.
1735
02:25:02,940 --> 02:25:04,939
Now to collect on that wager.
1736
02:25:07,700 --> 02:25:09,419
Ready to stick the stiletto in?
1737
02:25:09,420 --> 02:25:11,419
The pleasure's all ours.
1738
02:25:28,220 --> 02:25:30,219
So, how long does it take?
1739
02:25:30,220 --> 02:25:33,019
It should have got
to the first tower already.
1740
02:25:35,460 --> 02:25:38,139
I must say, it's looking
distinctly underwhelming.
1741
02:25:40,540 --> 02:25:42,499
It's alright leaving us.
1742
02:25:42,500 --> 02:25:44,539
So much for iterative beta testing.
1743
02:25:44,540 --> 02:25:46,619
Don't shout at me.
I'm not shouting.
1744
02:25:46,620 --> 02:25:49,299
I'm just calmly stating.
Well, just don't.
1745
02:25:54,580 --> 02:25:56,579
Is it possible they could have...
1746
02:25:58,100 --> 02:26:00,219
...cracked our code?
1747
02:26:00,220 --> 02:26:02,419
Just as I was beginning
to like the hat.
1748
02:26:02,420 --> 02:26:05,819
Stop whining, Lipwig.
I'm not whining, I'm just -
1749
02:26:05,820 --> 02:26:08,219
I'd like to know why
the GNU isn't smoking.
1750
02:26:08,220 --> 02:26:11,379
I'm sure you've talked your way
out of worse situations before.
1751
02:26:11,380 --> 02:26:15,179
That was the old Lipwig, remember?
I'm a changed man now.
1752
02:26:15,180 --> 02:26:17,339
Mr Lipwig, sir. Mr... oh.
1753
02:26:17,340 --> 02:26:18,619
Mr Lipwig, sir.
1754
02:26:18,620 --> 02:26:20,619
Mr Groat.
1755
02:26:21,340 --> 02:26:23,779
I imagine Gilt's demanding the hat.
1756
02:26:23,780 --> 02:26:26,579
You're not gonna let them have it,
are you?
1757
02:26:29,820 --> 02:26:32,219
What's that I hear?
1758
02:26:32,220 --> 02:26:36,859
Nothing.
Moist Von Lipwig has nothing to say.
1759
02:26:38,220 --> 02:26:41,019
Have we lost everything?
1760
02:26:44,220 --> 02:26:45,619
Relax, Mr Groat.
1761
02:26:45,620 --> 02:26:47,139
I'm not done yet.
1762
02:26:47,140 --> 02:26:49,139
All I have to do...
1763
02:26:50,660 --> 02:26:52,659
...is attempt the impossible.
1764
02:27:05,020 --> 02:27:09,219
As you can see, the sun has set
1765
02:27:09,220 --> 02:27:14,419
and the clacks system
is working perfectly.
1766
02:27:14,420 --> 02:27:19,179
All that remains is for
the Postmaster to admit defeat.
1767
02:27:19,180 --> 02:27:21,259
But where is he?
1768
02:27:21,260 --> 02:27:23,259
Another empty promise.
1769
02:27:24,420 --> 02:27:26,619
Now, don't get me wrong.
1770
02:27:26,620 --> 02:27:30,899
I have a fondness
for the quaint old Post Office.
1771
02:27:30,900 --> 02:27:33,779
It's part of our history.
1772
02:27:33,780 --> 02:27:37,499
But, really,
that is where it belongs.
1773
02:27:37,500 --> 02:27:39,819
Did someone ask for me?
1774
02:27:39,820 --> 02:27:41,819
Ah, Postmaster.
1775
02:27:41,820 --> 02:27:43,179
Just in time.
1776
02:27:43,180 --> 02:27:46,099
The fire was getting low.
1777
02:27:46,100 --> 02:27:47,099
Well...
1778
02:27:48,700 --> 02:27:53,419
...if you're too scared
to rise to the challenge.
1779
02:27:53,420 --> 02:27:54,619
Have it.
1780
02:27:54,620 --> 02:27:56,419
Challenge?
1781
02:27:56,420 --> 02:27:59,899
An overnight race
from here to Uberwald.
1782
02:27:59,900 --> 02:28:03,219
The clacks versus the post.
1783
02:28:03,220 --> 02:28:04,939
That's over a thousand miles away.
1784
02:28:04,940 --> 02:28:09,699
1,700 miles, to be precise,
Miss Cripslock.
1785
02:28:09,700 --> 02:28:12,219
Mr Gilt,
do you accept the challenge?
1786
02:28:12,220 --> 02:28:14,219
Accept?
1787
02:28:15,220 --> 02:28:18,659
How could the clacks possibly lose?
1788
02:28:23,260 --> 02:28:26,379
Well, you've made quite a splash.
1789
02:28:26,380 --> 02:28:30,899
As the fish said to the man with
the lead weight tied to his feet.
1790
02:28:33,420 --> 02:28:35,219
Perhaps I'm missing something.
1791
02:28:35,220 --> 02:28:37,539
No, my lord, it's a straight race.
1792
02:28:37,540 --> 02:28:40,899
But you can't possibly win.
I agree, it won't be easy.
1793
02:28:40,900 --> 02:28:45,019
And I must insist
that the race is run fairly
1794
02:28:45,020 --> 02:28:47,419
with strict rules.
1795
02:28:47,420 --> 02:28:50,899
I have no intention of cheating.
1796
02:28:50,900 --> 02:28:52,619
And I ask for no favours.
1797
02:28:52,620 --> 02:28:55,299
All I ask is that when I win,
1798
02:28:55,300 --> 02:28:58,619
Reacher Gilt hands over
the entire clacks network.
1799
02:29:00,220 --> 02:29:02,219
Very well.
1800
02:29:03,020 --> 02:29:05,939
But I have a condition of my own.
1801
02:29:05,940 --> 02:29:09,059
If you lose, Mr Lipwig, you hang.
1802
02:29:11,180 --> 02:29:13,179
Really?
1803
02:29:14,620 --> 02:29:16,819
It seems a little harsh.
1804
02:29:16,820 --> 02:29:18,219
But fair.
1805
02:29:18,220 --> 02:29:21,419
If you lose, you will have
outlived your usefulness.
1806
02:29:21,420 --> 02:29:25,779
Having second thoughts, Postmaster?
1807
02:29:38,420 --> 02:29:40,419
Let's race.
1808
02:29:59,180 --> 02:30:01,059
Very good, sir.
1809
02:30:01,060 --> 02:30:03,419
The worried look. Very convincing.
1810
02:30:03,420 --> 02:30:05,219
Throws them off the scent.
1811
02:30:05,220 --> 02:30:06,419
Yes.
1812
02:30:08,900 --> 02:30:11,339
But how do you know
I'm not really worried?
1813
02:30:11,340 --> 02:30:14,379
Because you're the man
who got money out of the gods, sir.
1814
02:30:14,380 --> 02:30:16,379
Ah. Yeah.
1815
02:30:18,220 --> 02:30:20,899
Supposing I did that with a trick?
1816
02:30:20,900 --> 02:30:22,899
Damn good trick, sir, damn good.
1817
02:30:22,900 --> 02:30:28,379
A man who can trick money out of the
gods is capable of anything, sir.
1818
02:30:30,300 --> 02:30:33,019
Mr Groat.
Hmm?
1819
02:30:33,020 --> 02:30:35,219
What if I told you that, er...
1820
02:30:35,220 --> 02:30:39,019
There's no way a coach
can get to Uberwald
1821
02:30:39,020 --> 02:30:41,819
faster than the clacks machines?
1822
02:30:41,820 --> 02:30:43,619
Of course you have to say that, sir.
1823
02:30:43,620 --> 02:30:46,819
Because the walls have ears, eh?
1824
02:30:46,820 --> 02:30:48,819
Mum's the word.
1825
02:31:00,140 --> 02:31:02,139
Everything?
1826
02:31:03,820 --> 02:31:05,819
Everything.
1827
02:31:06,220 --> 02:31:09,419
But there's 15 years of work here.
1828
02:31:09,420 --> 02:31:11,819
He's grown out of pins.
1829
02:31:11,820 --> 02:31:15,059
Sir, pins are for life.
1830
02:31:15,060 --> 02:31:16,619
They stick with you.
1831
02:31:16,620 --> 02:31:19,579
He's starting a new life.
Isn't that right, Stanley?
1832
02:31:19,580 --> 02:31:23,579
So. How much?
1833
02:31:31,820 --> 02:31:36,299
Dave, what do you think
about stamps?
1834
02:31:48,140 --> 02:31:51,899
So... what's the plan?
1835
02:31:51,900 --> 02:31:53,899
How can you possibly win?
1836
02:31:55,620 --> 02:31:56,819
Hmm?
1837
02:31:58,340 --> 02:32:00,339
Friction.
1838
02:32:01,900 --> 02:32:06,019
The coach will be so shiny
it'll glide through the air.
1839
02:32:07,020 --> 02:32:09,739
Meanwhile back in the real world(!)
1840
02:32:09,740 --> 02:32:12,419
The Post Office
is a hopeless underdog.
1841
02:32:12,420 --> 02:32:19,019
Ah, but the underdog can always
find somewhere soft to bite.
1842
02:32:19,020 --> 02:32:23,219
This is no time for witty banter.
We're not on a date.
1843
02:32:23,220 --> 02:32:24,819
Do you have a plan?
1844
02:32:24,820 --> 02:32:26,579
Do you trust me?
No.
1845
02:32:26,580 --> 02:32:29,699
Do you have a plan?
Of course.
1846
02:32:30,740 --> 02:32:33,139
We got 50-1 . 50-1, sir.
1847
02:32:33,140 --> 02:32:35,179
You haven't done anything silly,
I hope.
1848
02:32:35,180 --> 02:32:38,659
No, no, no. I took all me savings,
Stanley here sold his pin collection
1849
02:32:38,660 --> 02:32:43,139
and we put the whole lot
on you to win the race.
1850
02:32:43,140 --> 02:32:45,819
The whole lot?
1851
02:32:45,820 --> 02:32:47,539
Erm...
1852
02:32:47,540 --> 02:32:50,419
Perhaps that wasn't so wise.
1853
02:32:50,420 --> 02:32:52,099
50-1.
1854
02:32:52,100 --> 02:32:54,819
But we don't want to appear greedy.
1855
02:32:54,820 --> 02:32:55,899
Do we?
1856
02:32:55,900 --> 02:32:58,419
I mean, we want to keep
the moral high ground.
1857
02:32:58,420 --> 02:33:00,619
Bugger the moral high ground.
We'll be rich.
1858
02:33:00,620 --> 02:33:03,859
It's all thanks
to your inspired plan, sir.
1859
02:33:03,860 --> 02:33:04,939
Mr Groat.
What?
1860
02:33:04,940 --> 02:33:08,499
Let's go and see if the golems
want to cash in. Good idea, lad.
1861
02:33:11,220 --> 02:33:13,779
Oh, my God.
1862
02:33:13,780 --> 02:33:16,259
There is no inspired plan.
1863
02:33:17,340 --> 02:33:19,379
There.
1864
02:33:19,380 --> 02:33:21,379
Right between your eyes.
1865
02:33:22,420 --> 02:33:25,579
The next time I see you,
that's where I'm aiming.
1866
02:33:51,820 --> 02:33:54,619
Messages can be blocked.
1867
02:34:02,540 --> 02:34:05,419
I trust you have
discovered Lipwig's plan.
1868
02:34:06,980 --> 02:34:09,619
I'm afraid not, sir.
1869
02:34:11,540 --> 02:34:15,059
Only a fool would challenge
the clacks with a horse and cart.
1870
02:34:15,060 --> 02:34:18,339
He must have a trick up his sleeve.
1871
02:34:18,340 --> 02:34:19,779
Now...
1872
02:34:20,420 --> 02:34:21,739
...what is it?
1873
02:34:21,740 --> 02:34:24,659
All I can promise you, sir,
is the clacks won't let you down.
1874
02:34:24,660 --> 02:34:28,379
We're clearing all messages off the
system, running double bandwidth,
1875
02:34:28,380 --> 02:34:30,099
I'm putting all my best operators -
1876
02:34:30,100 --> 02:34:32,659
You just remember,
if I'm made to look a fool,
1877
02:34:32,660 --> 02:34:35,059
your pretty little niece
will rue the day
1878
02:34:35,060 --> 02:34:37,979
her Uncle Pony
got her a job at the clacks!
1879
02:34:41,700 --> 02:34:43,699
Archchancellor Ridcully, my lord.
1880
02:34:43,700 --> 02:34:47,019
This had better be important,
I'm in the middle of an experiment.
1881
02:34:47,020 --> 02:34:49,299
Involving a knife and fork,
no doubt.
1882
02:34:49,300 --> 02:34:50,619
I wouldn't expect a layman
1883
02:34:50,620 --> 02:34:53,059
to understand the pressures
of university life.
1884
02:34:53,060 --> 02:34:54,619
Incredible though it may seem,
1885
02:34:54,620 --> 02:34:57,659
we have found a practical use
for one of your magical devices.
1886
02:34:57,660 --> 02:35:01,059
Have you?
The object in question is...
1887
02:35:01,060 --> 02:35:03,459
An Omniscope, my lord.
1888
02:35:03,460 --> 02:35:06,579
Enabling us to see things
at a distance, I believe.
1889
02:35:06,580 --> 02:35:10,859
The Omniscope is a highly complex,
very unstable piece of equipment.
1890
02:35:10,860 --> 02:35:12,899
You mean, it doesn't work?
1891
02:35:12,900 --> 02:35:15,099
Well...
1892
02:35:15,100 --> 02:35:16,939
Relatively speaking, it works.
1893
02:35:16,940 --> 02:35:20,339
Excellent, kindly have it
up and running by dawn tomorrow.
1894
02:35:20,340 --> 02:35:22,619
Now, listen,
magic is not some workmen's tool
1895
02:35:22,620 --> 02:35:24,299
that you can hire out by the hour.
1896
02:35:24,300 --> 02:35:28,139
Just as well, because
I wasn't intending to pay you.
1897
02:35:38,500 --> 02:35:40,659
Can I help?
1898
02:35:42,500 --> 02:35:44,579
Mr Pony.
1899
02:35:45,660 --> 02:35:47,459
Miss Adora.
1900
02:35:49,060 --> 02:35:50,619
How have you been?
1901
02:35:52,980 --> 02:35:56,459
It's nice to see you
after all these years.
1902
02:35:57,420 --> 02:36:00,619
I'm sorry I never came
to your father's funeral.
1903
02:36:00,620 --> 02:36:02,459
It didn't seem right.
1904
02:36:02,460 --> 02:36:04,579
What happened wasn't your fault.
1905
02:36:06,260 --> 02:36:09,019
You must hate me
for staying on at the clacks.
1906
02:36:09,020 --> 02:36:12,179
You're just doing your job, Mr Pony.
1907
02:36:14,180 --> 02:36:18,979
The truth is,
clacks is run on blood now.
1908
02:36:18,980 --> 02:36:21,179
There's not a day goes by
when I wouldn't like
1909
02:36:21,180 --> 02:36:24,419
to throw my resignation
in Reacher Gilt's face.
1910
02:36:26,100 --> 02:36:27,539
I'm 58.
1911
02:36:28,540 --> 02:36:32,419
Twinges in my knuckles,
a sick wife and a bad back.
1912
02:36:37,260 --> 02:36:41,059
You have to think twice, don't you,
before such gestures?
1913
02:36:43,060 --> 02:36:46,659
My father always said
you were a good man.
1914
02:36:46,660 --> 02:36:49,459
And a great engineer.
1915
02:36:50,860 --> 02:36:52,859
I'm sure he was right.
1916
02:36:54,500 --> 02:36:56,899
No.
1917
02:36:56,900 --> 02:36:59,699
Your father was a great engineer.
1918
02:37:16,140 --> 02:37:19,539
Gilt tried to burn these.
1919
02:37:19,540 --> 02:37:22,259
I'm sure you'll know
what to do with them.
1920
02:37:24,780 --> 02:37:26,939
I'm sorry.
1921
02:37:40,700 --> 02:37:43,619
Stand by to repel borders.
1922
02:38:07,140 --> 02:38:10,499
Adora?
1923
02:38:11,420 --> 02:38:14,139
If this is about
what I said earlier...
1924
02:38:16,140 --> 02:38:17,979
They killed him.
1925
02:38:21,860 --> 02:38:26,979
They killed John and they put
his name in a debit column.
1926
02:38:34,420 --> 02:38:37,059
These people, they...
1927
02:38:37,060 --> 02:38:40,819
...they get away with murder and
everyone just looks the other way.
1928
02:38:42,340 --> 02:38:44,419
No, not everyone.
1929
02:38:45,820 --> 02:38:48,819
Just because you were right,
doesn't mean you have to gloat.
1930
02:38:48,820 --> 02:38:52,419
Forget gloating.
1931
02:38:53,900 --> 02:38:56,379
Now I really do have a plan.
1932
02:38:58,180 --> 02:39:00,099
Go away!
1933
02:39:00,100 --> 02:39:03,419
All you do is talk of plans.
1934
02:39:03,420 --> 02:39:07,539
Crazy, non-existent plans.
1935
02:39:07,540 --> 02:39:09,099
What sort of man are you?
1936
02:39:09,100 --> 02:39:11,699
Adora, just listen to me.
1937
02:39:11,700 --> 02:39:12,899
Give me the crossbow.
1938
02:39:12,900 --> 02:39:15,819
Those ledgers
are the key to everything!
1939
02:39:15,820 --> 02:39:18,819
Just hear me out.
1940
02:39:18,820 --> 02:39:23,219
If you don't like the plan,
be my guest. Shoot.
1941
02:39:32,420 --> 02:39:34,579
This had better be good.
1942
02:39:37,260 --> 02:39:39,059
Now then, boys, you take the message
1943
02:39:39,060 --> 02:39:41,099
and ride hell-for-leather
to Uberwald.
1944
02:39:41,100 --> 02:39:43,779
But how are we going to get
to Uberwald overnight, sir?
1945
02:39:43,780 --> 02:39:44,859
You're not, Mr Groat.
1946
02:39:44,860 --> 02:39:47,179
Does that mean you're going to hang,
Mr Lipwig?
1947
02:39:47,180 --> 02:39:49,499
Not if I can help it.
I have a plan, Stan.
1948
02:39:49,500 --> 02:39:51,179
I need you to take a little detour.
1949
02:39:51,180 --> 02:39:54,219
There is a derelict clacks tower
and I need you to deliver
1950
02:39:54,220 --> 02:39:55,939
some canvas and ropes and rigging.
1951
02:39:55,940 --> 02:39:58,979
Rigging? Is this about boats, sir.
Only I can't do boats.
1952
02:39:58,980 --> 02:40:00,099
I get very seasick.
1953
02:40:00,100 --> 02:40:02,339
Not boats, Mr Groat. Sails.
1954
02:40:02,340 --> 02:40:04,859
We are going to block out
their message with a sail.
1955
02:40:04,860 --> 02:40:06,459
Block it out? Won't they notice?
1956
02:40:06,460 --> 02:40:08,499
Not if we put our own message
in its place.
1957
02:40:08,500 --> 02:40:10,579
Sorry, sir,
could you run that by me again?
1958
02:40:10,580 --> 02:40:13,939
Yeah. I got a bit lost at... sail.
1959
02:40:20,660 --> 02:40:22,099
Hello!
1960
02:40:26,540 --> 02:40:30,099
Hello, Ankh-Morpork!
1961
02:40:30,100 --> 02:40:33,179
Welcome to the great race!
1962
02:40:33,180 --> 02:40:35,499
Lovely to see you all!
1963
02:40:38,700 --> 02:40:40,139
Hello!
1964
02:40:42,860 --> 02:40:44,299
Hello.
1965
02:40:51,340 --> 02:40:53,299
Nice entrance.
1966
02:40:53,300 --> 02:40:57,659
It will make up
for your ignominious exit.
1967
02:40:57,660 --> 02:40:59,579
Hello, sir.
1968
02:41:11,540 --> 02:41:13,819
Citizens of Ankh-Morpork.
1969
02:41:13,820 --> 02:41:17,659
As per Lord Vetinari's directive
number P1500 -
1970
02:41:17,660 --> 02:41:20,859
We know why we are here.
1971
02:41:20,860 --> 02:41:22,499
To witness a great race!
1972
02:41:22,500 --> 02:41:25,499
The Postmaster has challenged
the clacks.
1973
02:41:27,740 --> 02:41:32,659
Two identical messages
must be delivered to Uberwald.
1974
02:41:32,660 --> 02:41:36,139
The wizard's Omniscope
will show us the finish line.
1975
02:41:40,060 --> 02:41:44,739
Get it ready by sunrise, Ridcully,
which is when I expect to win.
1976
02:41:44,740 --> 02:41:47,379
And to show the spirit of fair play,
1977
02:41:47,380 --> 02:41:51,859
we have graciously allowed the
Post Office to choose the message.
1978
02:41:51,860 --> 02:41:56,379
I thought long and hard
about an appropriate message.
1979
02:41:58,700 --> 02:42:00,859
And then, I remembered
1980
02:42:00,860 --> 02:42:05,299
how nice it is to receive a parcel.
1981
02:42:05,300 --> 02:42:08,899
So, why not a book?
1982
02:42:12,500 --> 02:42:19,299
The authorised, illustrated
biography of Lord Vetinari.
1983
02:42:21,540 --> 02:42:25,299
You think yourself so clever,
it'll buy you a few hours at best.
1984
02:42:25,300 --> 02:42:27,259
Our message
will still be there by dawn,
1985
02:42:27,260 --> 02:42:29,659
while your lumbering coach
will get bogged down
1986
02:42:29,660 --> 02:42:31,019
in some godforsaken marsh.
1987
02:42:31,020 --> 02:42:32,859
Maybe.
1988
02:42:32,860 --> 02:42:35,179
Maybe not.
1989
02:42:41,260 --> 02:42:43,539
Ready when you are, my lord.
1990
02:43:05,420 --> 02:43:07,339
Get clacksing!
1991
02:43:09,940 --> 02:43:12,819
Come on, move it!
1992
02:43:13,220 --> 02:43:15,299
If we win this race...
1993
02:43:15,300 --> 02:43:17,659
...you can have a half-day holiday!
1994
02:43:17,660 --> 02:43:19,179
Come on!
1995
02:43:19,180 --> 02:43:21,619
Get on with it.
1996
02:43:44,060 --> 02:43:45,139
You took a while.
1997
02:43:45,140 --> 02:43:48,819
I had to stop a couple of times,
all that bumping and jolting,
1998
02:43:48,820 --> 02:43:51,659
my bladder's not what it used to be.
1999
02:43:51,660 --> 02:43:54,579
If we don't get this sail rigged
before they start sending,
2000
02:43:54,580 --> 02:43:56,579
we're done for.
Yeah, alright.
2001
02:44:00,540 --> 02:44:01,539
OK!
2002
02:44:03,540 --> 02:44:04,979
Ready?
2003
02:44:07,860 --> 02:44:10,899
Hoist it up, lads.
2004
02:44:10,900 --> 02:44:12,419
Quick as you can.
Alright!
2005
02:44:12,420 --> 02:44:14,299
Come on,
let's get a wriggle on here!
2006
02:44:22,380 --> 02:44:24,019
Where are ya?
2007
02:44:24,020 --> 02:44:26,779
Here, look, stick your boot
in there, will you?
2008
02:44:42,540 --> 02:44:44,339
Still here, Mr Groat?
2009
02:44:44,340 --> 02:44:46,259
I'm not built for parcel post, sir.
2010
02:44:46,260 --> 02:44:49,419
Now, you know what to do?
Ride like the clappers, sir.
2011
02:44:49,420 --> 02:44:52,539
Good man, stop for nothing.
The mail must get through!
2012
02:44:52,540 --> 02:44:54,659
No gloom of night.
2013
02:44:54,660 --> 02:44:56,179
Hey, Mr Lipwig.
2014
02:44:56,180 --> 02:44:58,939
Exactly, Stanley, no gloom of night.
2015
02:44:58,940 --> 02:45:03,619
C-C-Can I say, sir, even if we
lose and the Post Office collapses,
2016
02:45:03,620 --> 02:45:07,899
and all this was in vain -
And you get hanged.
2017
02:45:07,900 --> 02:45:09,819
Yes, sir, even dead,
2018
02:45:09,820 --> 02:45:15,179
you are still the best
Postmaster we have ever had.
2019
02:45:18,260 --> 02:45:21,019
That's very touching, Mr Groat.
2020
02:45:21,020 --> 02:45:24,099
But I'm not dead yet.
2021
02:45:25,900 --> 02:45:28,259
Good luck, boys.
2022
02:45:46,940 --> 02:45:49,219
Why aren't we sending?!
2023
02:45:49,220 --> 02:45:52,659
I want to see those lights flashing!
2024
02:45:52,660 --> 02:45:54,739
Where's Mr Pony?
2025
02:45:54,740 --> 02:45:57,139
Get me Pony!
2026
02:46:04,380 --> 02:46:07,179
That's what I love
about the Dearhearts.
2027
02:46:07,180 --> 02:46:08,939
Perfect alignment.
2028
02:46:08,940 --> 02:46:12,499
Any message coming out of there
comes straight through us.
2029
02:46:13,460 --> 02:46:16,779
Time to create some interference.
2030
02:46:16,780 --> 02:46:19,219
OK, 14!
Number 14!
2031
02:46:19,220 --> 02:46:20,259
14's good.
2032
02:46:20,260 --> 02:46:21,699
Number 15?
2033
02:46:21,700 --> 02:46:25,899
OK, there is a snag on 15!
It's stuck! it's stuck!
2034
02:46:25,900 --> 02:46:27,499
Where's the hammer?
2035
02:46:27,500 --> 02:46:29,579
I put it back in the toolbox.
2036
02:46:29,580 --> 02:46:32,379
It's not here!
It's in there!
2037
02:46:32,380 --> 02:46:35,539
In the spanner drawer!
Yeah, it's still the toolbox!
2038
02:46:35,540 --> 02:46:38,299
And who would look for a hammer
in the spanner drawer?
2039
02:46:38,300 --> 02:46:39,299
Boys!
2040
02:46:39,300 --> 02:46:40,739
We haven't got time for this!
2041
02:46:40,740 --> 02:46:43,299
A place for everything
and everything in its place!
2042
02:46:43,300 --> 02:46:47,139
If you say that one more time, I'll
find another place for the hammer!
2043
02:46:48,140 --> 02:46:50,539
Oh, for God's sake, look!
They're sending!
2044
02:46:50,540 --> 02:46:52,419
Let's go, come on!
2045
02:47:00,460 --> 02:47:02,779
Grand Trunk are sending the message.
2046
02:47:14,220 --> 02:47:16,139
Hurry up!
2047
02:47:18,140 --> 02:47:20,579
Pull it up!
2048
02:47:25,340 --> 02:47:27,699
Come on boys, pull!
It's stuck!
2049
02:47:27,700 --> 02:47:31,339
Pull it! Keep pulling!
2050
02:47:31,340 --> 02:47:32,779
It's stuck on something!
2051
02:47:32,780 --> 02:47:35,259
If you want something done
properly...
2052
02:47:36,420 --> 02:47:38,419
Oh no, up we go!
2053
02:47:40,020 --> 02:47:42,819
Strange. The signal's stopped.
2054
02:47:42,820 --> 02:47:45,179
No, it can't have,
this is top priority.
2055
02:47:45,180 --> 02:47:48,699
Send! Send!
2056
02:47:48,700 --> 02:47:51,179
For God's sake, start sending!
2057
02:48:12,540 --> 02:48:15,659
It's OK. They're sending again.
2058
02:48:25,380 --> 02:48:28,419
Yes! Yes! They've taken the bait!
2059
02:48:28,420 --> 02:48:30,099
They're passing it on!
2060
02:48:33,020 --> 02:48:33,520
Adora!
2061
02:48:39,700 --> 02:48:41,379
I'm coming for you!
2062
02:48:55,020 --> 02:48:57,699
What kept you?
2063
02:49:05,060 --> 02:49:06,979
Adora...
2064
02:49:07,660 --> 02:49:09,459
I don't suppose...
2065
02:49:09,460 --> 02:49:12,899
...now would be a good time
to ask you something?
2066
02:49:12,900 --> 02:49:15,459
Well, I can hardly walk away.
2067
02:49:18,900 --> 02:49:21,419
Will you marry me?
2068
02:49:26,100 --> 02:49:28,699
You are forgetting...
2069
02:49:28,700 --> 02:49:30,979
...we still have a race to win.
2070
02:49:34,660 --> 02:49:37,459
That's not exactly a rejection.
2071
02:49:37,460 --> 02:49:40,099
Not exactly.
2072
02:49:42,180 --> 02:49:44,179
Hang on!
2073
02:50:04,420 --> 02:50:06,619
Down you get, Mr Lipwig.
2074
02:50:06,620 --> 02:50:09,299
You're under arrest.
What for now?
2075
02:50:09,300 --> 02:50:11,539
Same as last time. Doing a runner.
2076
02:50:11,540 --> 02:50:13,619
But-but I've come back.
2077
02:50:13,620 --> 02:50:16,019
Let's keep it that way.
2078
02:50:16,020 --> 02:50:18,019
Lord Vetinari's orders.
2079
02:50:21,700 --> 02:50:23,699
Listen.
2080
02:50:51,500 --> 02:50:54,939
Nice to have you with us again, sir.
Same last words as before?
2081
02:50:54,940 --> 02:50:59,179
I'm rather hoping there'll be
a different outcome this time.
2082
02:50:59,180 --> 02:51:01,979
Keep your hands off.
Let's see some magic, please.
2083
02:51:01,980 --> 02:51:03,819
It'll come in a moment.
2084
02:51:03,820 --> 02:51:05,819
Please don't touch it.
2085
02:51:07,020 --> 02:51:08,819
There we are.
2086
02:51:08,820 --> 02:51:12,019
We need to read the ticker-tape,
Archchancellor.
2087
02:51:12,020 --> 02:51:14,219
Nobody said anything about
a close-up.
2088
02:51:14,220 --> 02:51:16,419
Can't you just move it in?
2089
02:51:16,420 --> 02:51:20,419
Just move it in? This is a highly
sophisticated magical apparatus.
2090
02:51:28,700 --> 02:51:30,699
There we are.
2091
02:51:32,500 --> 02:51:34,979
I think we have a winner, my lord.
Mm-hmm.
2092
02:51:37,500 --> 02:51:42,419
Uberwald receiving station,
message as follows.
2093
02:51:42,420 --> 02:51:46,859
"Havelock Vetinari was born into
a wealthy and influential family."
2094
02:51:46,860 --> 02:51:48,699
There we have it, my lord.
2095
02:51:48,700 --> 02:51:53,019
The message has arrived, delivered
on time by clacks technology.
2096
02:51:53,020 --> 02:51:55,219
The clacks has won.
2097
02:51:55,220 --> 02:51:57,419
Never mind, sir. It could be worse.
2098
02:51:57,420 --> 02:51:58,619
How, exactly?
2099
02:51:58,620 --> 02:52:01,019
Well, we've got a good crowd,
lots of press.
2100
02:52:01,020 --> 02:52:03,819
They'd even promised me
a review in "What Gallows?".
2101
02:52:03,820 --> 02:52:07,419
Pull the lever, Mr Trooper.
No, wait.
2102
02:52:07,420 --> 02:52:09,259
The message hasn't finished yet.
2103
02:52:09,260 --> 02:52:11,219
They're playing for time!
2104
02:52:11,220 --> 02:52:15,019
My Lord, it's clear the race
is over. I demand my prize.
2105
02:52:15,020 --> 02:52:17,019
My last words!
2106
02:52:17,020 --> 02:52:19,939
I haven't had my last words.
2107
02:52:19,940 --> 02:52:21,699
If he must.
2108
02:52:27,220 --> 02:52:31,019
Strange as it may seem,
2109
02:52:31,020 --> 02:52:35,219
as I stand here on
the verge of oblivion
2110
02:52:35,220 --> 02:52:38,219
I have a great sense of relief.
2111
02:52:38,220 --> 02:52:42,419
I no longer fear the worst because,
frankly, the worst has happened.
2112
02:52:43,500 --> 02:52:49,499
And although I may not have always
been a model citizen,
2113
02:52:49,500 --> 02:52:53,299
finally I've been made
to see the error of my ways.
2114
02:52:53,300 --> 02:52:56,699
Not by the heavy hand of the law,
2115
02:52:56,700 --> 02:52:58,699
but by the gentle touch of...
2116
02:53:00,820 --> 02:53:02,539
...well.
2117
02:53:03,900 --> 02:53:06,019
By the gentlest touch of all.
2118
02:53:09,780 --> 02:53:11,619
Very nice, sir. Stand by.
2119
02:53:11,620 --> 02:53:12,619
No, there's more.
2120
02:53:12,620 --> 02:53:14,339
Where's it gone?
2121
02:53:14,340 --> 02:53:16,459
It's not coming back.
Give it a moment.
2122
02:53:16,460 --> 02:53:17,579
Don't breathe on it.
2123
02:53:17,580 --> 02:53:21,179
The man who has never known love
has never really lived.
2124
02:53:21,180 --> 02:53:22,419
Get on with it.
2125
02:53:22,420 --> 02:53:25,819
But worst is the man
who avoids love.
2126
02:53:25,820 --> 02:53:27,619
Too true. Well said, sir. Now...
2127
02:53:27,620 --> 02:53:32,419
Because the man who runs from love
and all its trials and tribulations,
2128
02:53:32,420 --> 02:53:38,019
that man is just conning himself,
swindling himself out of true...
2129
02:53:38,020 --> 02:53:40,019
Ah. There we are.
2130
02:53:41,900 --> 02:53:44,219
...happiness.
2131
02:53:44,220 --> 02:53:45,819
Sorry to interrupt, my lord.
2132
02:53:45,820 --> 02:53:47,459
I wish someone would.
2133
02:53:47,460 --> 02:53:51,579
I'm not quite sure what this means
but I think you ought to hear it.
2134
02:53:51,580 --> 02:53:54,339
Message continues.
2135
02:53:54,340 --> 02:53:57,619
"We are the voice of the dead."
2136
02:53:57,620 --> 02:54:02,219
"The ghosts of those
who met a bloody end."
2137
02:54:02,220 --> 02:54:05,019
That's enough. The race is finished.
2138
02:54:05,020 --> 02:54:08,019
"Postmaster Mutable pushed
from the fifth floor."
2139
02:54:08,020 --> 02:54:10,219
"Postmaster Sideburn,
his neck broken."
2140
02:54:10,220 --> 02:54:11,219
Pack it all away!
2141
02:54:11,220 --> 02:54:12,499
Touch nothing.
2142
02:54:12,500 --> 02:54:16,139
"John Dearheart,
flung to his death from a tower."
2143
02:54:16,140 --> 02:54:21,819
"And Crispin Horsefry,
clubbed to death by Reacher Gilt."
2144
02:54:21,820 --> 02:54:23,019
Turn it off!
2145
02:54:23,020 --> 02:54:24,939
"Here follow the facts and figures
2146
02:54:24,940 --> 02:54:27,339
proving fraud,
embezzlement and murder."
2147
02:54:27,340 --> 02:54:31,339
"The full record of the clandestine
dealings of Reacher Gilt."
2148
02:54:31,340 --> 02:54:33,419
My Lord, they're lying. Lying.
2149
02:54:33,420 --> 02:54:35,819
Who are they, exactly?
2150
02:54:35,820 --> 02:54:38,459
They're only reading
what has been delivered by you.
2151
02:54:38,460 --> 02:54:40,899
The message has originated
from your own company
2152
02:54:40,900 --> 02:54:42,779
which makes it a confession.
2153
02:54:42,780 --> 02:54:46,179
I confess nothing!
2154
02:54:56,820 --> 02:54:58,819
Lipwig!
2155
02:55:08,500 --> 02:55:12,859
Your safety is my concern,
Mr Lipwig.
2156
02:55:12,860 --> 02:55:16,339
Your safety is my concern.
2157
02:55:19,820 --> 02:55:21,819
Arrest Reacher Gilt.
2158
02:55:24,620 --> 02:55:26,899
He appears to have vanished,
my lord.
2159
02:55:28,220 --> 02:55:30,219
Find him.
2160
02:55:35,500 --> 02:55:38,019
An ingenious plan, Mr Lipwig.
2161
02:55:38,020 --> 02:55:40,659
And most effective.
2162
02:55:40,660 --> 02:55:44,819
Which is why I have agreed to your
request to hand over ownership
2163
02:55:44,820 --> 02:55:48,819
of the clacks back
to the Dearheart family.
2164
02:55:51,820 --> 02:55:53,819
Just sign here.
2165
02:55:54,980 --> 02:55:56,979
And here.
2166
02:55:58,460 --> 02:56:00,459
No need to thank me.
2167
02:56:03,740 --> 02:56:08,619
However, as the two of you now run
all communications
2168
02:56:08,620 --> 02:56:11,019
in and out of this city,
2169
02:56:11,020 --> 02:56:15,499
should I find that my long-range
game of thud is interrupted
2170
02:56:15,500 --> 02:56:18,499
I shall come looking
for one of you to blame.
2171
02:56:18,500 --> 02:56:21,619
I wonder which one it will be.
2172
02:56:34,260 --> 02:56:36,819
By the way, you look great.
2173
02:56:36,820 --> 02:56:38,419
Colour really suits you.
2174
02:56:38,420 --> 02:56:40,219
Thank you.
2175
02:56:40,220 --> 02:56:42,219
Is that as sore as it looks?
2176
02:56:42,220 --> 02:56:45,219
Oh, it's not the first time
I've been hanged.
2177
02:56:45,220 --> 02:56:47,499
A bad habit to get into.
2178
02:56:47,500 --> 02:56:51,019
I'll tell you what, I'll give up
hanging if you give up smoking.
2179
02:56:51,020 --> 02:56:52,699
Too late.
2180
02:56:52,700 --> 02:56:54,499
I already quit.
2181
02:56:54,500 --> 02:56:55,499
You did that for me?
2182
02:56:55,500 --> 02:56:57,779
Why on earth would you think that?
2183
02:56:58,820 --> 02:57:01,019
Adora...
2184
02:57:01,020 --> 02:57:06,259
...those things I said on the gallows
when I was staring death in the face
2185
02:57:06,260 --> 02:57:09,259
about the gentlest touch of all.
2186
02:57:11,500 --> 02:57:14,019
You do know I meant every word?
2187
02:57:14,020 --> 02:57:15,019
Yes.
2188
02:57:15,940 --> 02:57:19,139
It's amazing the rubbish
some people spout
2189
02:57:19,140 --> 02:57:22,699
when they're trying
to save their lives.
2190
02:57:22,700 --> 02:57:25,499
Or trying to get a kiss.
2191
02:57:33,220 --> 02:57:35,819
Of course, we can't do this.
2192
02:57:35,820 --> 02:57:38,699
What now?
Conflict of interest.
2193
02:57:38,700 --> 02:57:41,419
You're the Post Office,
I'm the clacks.
2194
02:57:41,420 --> 02:57:42,619
We're rivals.
2195
02:57:42,620 --> 02:57:46,459
Which throws up some very interesting
possibilities of a corporate merger,
2196
02:57:46,460 --> 02:57:48,459
don't you think?
Maybe.
2197
02:57:53,820 --> 02:57:57,819
Well, I'd certainly like
to get my hands on your assets.
2198
02:57:57,820 --> 02:58:01,299
Keep your hands as far away
from my assets as humanly possibly.
2199
02:58:11,500 --> 02:58:14,019
Ah, Mr Gilt.
2200
02:58:14,020 --> 02:58:15,699
I see you are awake.
2201
02:58:15,700 --> 02:58:18,219
I don't know what you're
talking about.
2202
02:58:18,220 --> 02:58:21,419
My name is Merryforth Truman and...
2203
02:58:22,220 --> 02:58:24,219
...I've got papers to prove it.
2204
02:58:24,220 --> 02:58:26,419
Some wonderful papers
they are too, Mr Gilt.
2205
02:58:26,420 --> 02:58:27,419
But enough of that.
2206
02:58:27,420 --> 02:58:31,219
I've brought you here because
I want to talk to you about angels.
2207
02:58:33,380 --> 02:58:35,379
Come.
2208
02:58:37,940 --> 02:58:41,859
Excuse me, my lord. I've got a letter
here for Merryforth Truman.
2209
02:58:50,420 --> 02:58:51,619
Strewth.
2210
02:58:51,620 --> 02:58:55,299
He was here, but sadly
he didn't believe in angels.
2211
02:58:55,300 --> 02:58:56,299
Oh.
2212
02:59:00,500 --> 02:59:03,499
Well, that's a bit
of an embuggerance.
2213
03:01:13,780 --> 03:01:17,219
We did it, Mr Groat.
Home sweet home.
2214
03:01:17,220 --> 03:01:20,939
Stanley,
it's not only the race we won.
2215
03:01:20,940 --> 03:01:22,219
The bet, remember.
2216
03:01:22,220 --> 03:01:24,499
50-1 . Blimey, we're rich.
2217
03:01:24,500 --> 03:01:26,219
Let's have the betting slip, then.
2218
03:01:26,220 --> 03:01:28,819
I gave it to you, Mr Groat.
Hey?
2219
03:01:28,820 --> 03:01:31,499
Oh, yes. I've got it here somewhere.
2220
03:01:31,500 --> 03:01:34,499
You can't have lost it, Mr Groat.
50-1.
2221
03:01:34,500 --> 03:01:37,219
50-1.
No, of course.
2222
03:01:37,220 --> 03:01:40,219
I remember now.
I've put it somewhere safe.
2223
03:01:40,220 --> 03:01:41,699
I, erm...
2224
03:01:43,300 --> 03:01:45,219
. .l hid it under the mattress.
2225
03:01:45,220 --> 03:01:46,619
Which mattress?
2226
03:01:46,620 --> 03:01:48,019
The one in that tavern.
2227
03:01:48,020 --> 03:01:49,219
Which tavern, Mr Groat?
2228
03:01:49,220 --> 03:01:51,819
You remember, that...
2229
03:01:51,820 --> 03:01:53,819
...that nice one in Uberwald.
Oh!
2230
03:01:58,020 --> 03:02:00,419
Uberwald...
Mr Groat, Mr Groat!
2231
03:02:00,420 --> 03:02:02,419
Get in the carriage, Mr Groat!
161306
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