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1
00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:39,153
It's very kind of you to offer me a lift to the shops,
Margo,
2
00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:41,760
but I could have walked
to the ironmonger's by now.
3
00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:45,839
I know, dear. I sometimes wonder
why Jerry bothers to have the car serviced.
4
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:48,759
He does one himself every time
he gets into the wretched thing.
5
00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:53,273
I don't think he's ever got over
that time we went touring Scotland.
6
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:56,915
Do you remember when we got stuck
without petrol halfway up that mountain?
7
00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:02,717
I'm afraid I do. The recollection of
that obscene kilted crofter is etched on my brain.
8
00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:07,312
Oh, he wasn't obscene.
It was... just a windy day.
9
00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:11,670
We did have fun that year, didn't we?
10
00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:14,917
- 1973 wasn't it?
- No, '74.
11
00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:18,351
- Are you sure?
- Yes! I'll prove it to you.
12
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:19,549
Look.
13
00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:28,309
There.
14
00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:32,399
"The gang having drinks at Gleneagles,
summer 1974."
15
00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,113
Oh, yes!
16
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:36,959
There's that silly man from Birmingham
in the background,
17
00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:39,435
the one who bought a salmon
from a local fishmonger
18
00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:41,596
- and claimed he'd caught it.
- Yes...
19
00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:43,836
He didn't even take the price tag off.
20
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:45,960
No...
21
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,071
Penny for your thoughts.
22
00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:52,717
I was just looking at myself.
I used to look quite smart, didn't 17?
23
00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:54,512
Yes, you did.
24
00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:57,439
You could always wear clothes, Barbara.
I must admit,
25
00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:01,155
- I used to be the teeniest bit jealous of you.
- Thank you, Margo!
26
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:04,033
- Not now, of course.
- No.
27
00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:07,038
- Not since Tom ceased to be a wage-earner.
- No.
28
00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:10,869
- But then, you've made your bed.
- And I'm lying on it. Let's change the subject.
29
00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:13,070
Oh, of course.
30
00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:16,556
I've seen the most exquisite
pair of shoes in...
31
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:18,876
Sorry.
32
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:21,793
I can't get the damn thing to start.
33
00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:24,400
- What's wrong?
- If I knew that, I'd have started it.
34
00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:26,875
It's probably something mechanical.
35
00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:29,833
Of course it's something mechanical!
The car's mechanical.
36
00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:33,032
Please don't flare your nostrils at me, Jerry.
37
00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:38,234
I'd just like to know the point of all these checks
if you can't even start the car.
38
00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:40,999
I check the tyres, the water, the oil, the petrol.
39
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:43,600
- There my expertise ends.
- That's patently obvious.
40
00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:45,472
I'll get the garage to have a look at it.
41
00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,875
I'll have a look at it, If you like.
42
00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:49,752
Don't be silly, Barbara. You're a woman.
43
00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,838
You've been looking
at too many old photographs.
44
00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:00,751
Shouldn't we get her something to lie on?
45
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:03,997
In those trousers? Huh!
46
00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:11,390
Qil'l thought you two were taking Barbara
down to the shops.
47
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:13,113
We were. The car wouldn't start.
48
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:16,710
Look, I've got a Tillotson's valve
waiting for me in the ironmonger's.
49
00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:20,799
- How exciting.
- It is! With a Tillotson's valve,
50
00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:24,913
I can siphon methane off my effluent digester
at three times its original rate.
51
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:27,395
Not in the Avenue, please, Tom.
52
00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:32,154
- What's wrong with the car, anyway?
- Margo suspects it's something mechanical.
53
00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:38,359
Well, Barbara's quite good with the rotary
cultivator these days. Get her to have a look.
54
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:40,835
- Where is she?
- She's under here.
55
00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:46,517
- She has had a look at it.
- Ha, ha, ha! Hello, Grubby.
56
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,153
(Tom sniggers)
57
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,510
Hello, dear.
58
00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:52,790
No. Sorry, Jerry.
59
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:56,913
The cable's sheared through.
Garage job, I'm afraid.
60
00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,792
Well, never mind.
I'll go and phone for a tow.
61
00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:03,798
Jerry, if you're not keen on money,
just throw it over the fence.
62
00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:06,912
- What do you mean?
- It costs ten quid to call out a breakdown truck.
63
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,429
The garage is 200 yards up the road.
We can push it!
64
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,438
- I don't know...
- Oh, come on. It won't kill us.
65
00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,360
How... How does one do it?
66
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:21,430
Not you, you'll get yourself dirty.
Come on, Barbara. In you get, Jerry.
67
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:24,790
Shouldn't we let Barbara steer and I'll push?
68
00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:26,717
Broad as it's long.
69
00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:31,160
But...
70
00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:35,671
I'magirl.
- Ha, ha, hal
71
00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:37,393
Come on, Muscles.
72
00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:04,719
Thanks for the push, you two.
Stand you both a pint on Sunday.
73
00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:06,558
OK, Jerry.
74
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:10,278
- Tom?
- Yeah?
75
00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:14,279
- Rugby players drink pints, don't they?
- Yeah.
76
00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:17,358
Then why did Jerry offer to buy me a pint?
77
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,994
Well, you're one of the lads, aren't you?
78
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:24,998
Oh, thanks!
79
00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,199
- You what?
- Nothing.
80
00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:36,317
Excuse me? Which way is number 877
81
00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:40,513
- Uh... down the road on the left.
- Thank you, sonny.
82
00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:45,395
- I'magirll
- I'm sorry. I've got my reading glasses on.
83
00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:48,592
Well, that shouldn't make any... difference.
84
00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:08,112
(Whistling)
85
00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:13,671
- Hello!
- Hello, Curly.
86
00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:19,037
Well, it was worth the walk. I got my valve!
87
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:25,636
Here she is! Ah, look at that. Look at that.
88
00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:27,512
Oh, what a beauty, eh?
89
00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,358
Oh, lovely. There she is.
90
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,038
Where are the instructions?
91
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,793
Ah. Now. Here we are. Yes.
92
00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:38,195
"For maximum efficiency
for the conduction of gas,
93
00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:41,312
ensure that the inlet and outlet ports
are lagged with tow."
94
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:43,158
Mind out, love. You're in my light.
95
00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:49,512
Ah, they're beautifully made, these Tillotsons.
96
00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:53,269
- Yes!
- It's the new SFX125, you know.
97
00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:54,993
Is it?
98
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:58,396
It's got the new metal diaphragm
instead of the old perishable rubber one.
99
00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:00,875
Get this on the effluent digester
and we're there.
100
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,911
- Tom?
- Yeah?
101
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:06,999
- Do I look nice?
- Well, you always look nice, love.
102
00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:11,432
- Yes, I know... Particularly, at this moment?
- Why?
103
00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:15,314
Because I've (ahem)...
got my best frock on.
104
00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:16,839
Why?
105
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,750
Because I felt like it!
106
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:21,757
Ah.
107
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:25,030
Well?
108
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:27,911
Very nice. I'd get changed, if I were you.
109
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,759
You don't want to get it dirty
down the cellar.
110
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:37,317
I'll get changed.
111
00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:40,473
Cor!
112
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:49,072
(Screams)
113
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:52,033
Oh, damn and blast!
114
00:07:54,240 --> 00:08:00,634
- Oh, Tom! Look!
- Oh, dear. How did you do that?
115
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,957
- On that nail sticking out of the banister.
- Must bang that in.
116
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:08,073
- Well, it's too late now!
- Never mind, love. You can always sew it up.
117
00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:13,079
Yes. I'll put a great big red flannelette patch
on it while I'm at it.
118
00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:16,351
I'll tell you what. Cut the torn bit off,
and turn it into a mini. Right?
119
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,789
With the bit you cut off,
you could make a scarf.
120
00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:20,797
- Shut up.
- I'm trying to be constructive.
121
00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:24,549
- Or you can make a nice...
- Don't say any more, Tom.
122
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,399
This isn't like you.
What's so tragic about tearing a dress?
123
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:32,150
- It isn't a dress. It's my only dress.
- It's not.
124
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:37,274
It is! It's the only thing I have left that I feel
a little bit glamorous in, and now it's ruined.
125
00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:39,960
But you don't have any occasion to wear it
any more.
126
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,877
I know that.
127
00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:44,639
It's just knowing that I've got it that matters.
128
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:48,196
But you knew you'd got it.
129
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:52,313
I mean, why put it on in the first place?
I don't understand.
130
00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:55,512
- No, you don't understand, do you'?
- No, I don't! Tell me.
131
00:08:55,560 --> 00:08:59,793
Well, I'm just trying...
trying to create the illusion that I'm a woman!
132
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:04,799
- But you are a woman.
- Well, I'm not so sure nowadays.
133
00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:08,993
I'm not so sure.
I push cars. I get offered pints.
134
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:14,797
And then to cap it all, some rotten swine
actually mistook me for a boy.
135
00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:16,592
(Laughs)
136
00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:21,593
Where are you going?
137
00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:25,595
I'm going to put my trousers on.
138
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:27,472
(Sighs)
139
00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:29,750
vrrmm, virmm!
140
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,951
Hello! Jerry Leadbetter here.
141
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:40,356
I was just telephoning to find out
whether I can have my car today.
142
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,669
Oh. Tuesday.
143
00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,518
What do you mean, Tuesday?
144
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:51,230
Be quiet. I don't care if the spare parts
come from Mars. Go and collect them.
145
00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:56,396
A bottleneck in the lube bay?
What does that mean in English?
146
00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:59,032
Well, say lubrication, then.
147
00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:00,798
- Margo!
- Be quiet, Jerry.
148
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:04,109
All right, go and look
at your wretched worksheet.
149
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:07,516
No, you may not tinkle me back. I'll hold on.
150
00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:10,074
Don't interrupt Margo. She's in full flow.
151
00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:13,757
Hello? Are you the same man?
152
00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:16,637
Very well.
153
00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:19,433
No, that is not good enough.
There was a time in this country
154
00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:21,357
when a date promised was a date honoured.
155
00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:24,438
If you promised my husband
the car would be ready today, then...
156
00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:27,113
Just a moment.
157
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,790
Did they or did they not
say it would be ready today?
158
00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:35,357
- I was just telephoning on the off-chance.
- Really, Jerry.
159
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:38,631
I do wish you'd acquaint me
with the facts before getting me involved.
160
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,677
Good day to you.
161
00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:46,152
Hello, Tom. How's Barbara?
162
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:49,033
Well, she's a bit low, actually.
Has been for a couple of days.
163
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:50,878
That's why I want to use your phone.
164
00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:53,719
- Nothing serious, I hope?
- Oh, no. Just a mood.
165
00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:55,797
I'll tell you now, as this concerns you both.
166
00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:59,595
Barbara got a letter from an old school friend,
over here on a visit from Canada.
167
00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:03,679
I thought it might be a nice idea
to have a little dinner party at our house.
168
00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,792
- You two, this Eileen... you know.
- How very thoughtful.
169
00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:10,595
- That's not like you at all.
- It is!
170
00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:14,793
One tip. If Barbara's got to cook the dinner
for this dinner party she doesn't know about,
171
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,433
give her plenty of notice.
172
00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:19,669
Good thinking.
173
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:22,073
Yes. It would be nice
174
00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:25,636
- if one's husband practised what he preaches.
- What are you talking about?
175
00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:30,800
Mr Rubescu and his five Rumanian associates
at half-an-hour's notice, that's what.
176
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:32,672
That was two years ago!
177
00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,394
If you're arguing, I'll use the phone in the hall.
178
00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:37,909
- We don't argue, Tom.
- Of course not...
179
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:41,715
Incidentally, this friend of Barbara's,
is she Canadian?
180
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:44,229
- No, no. English, I believe.
- Oh, good.
181
00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:48,478
I've been rather off the Canadians
since they adopted that silly flag.
182
00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:52,673
Ah! Well, I tell you what. When she goes back,
we'll ask her to get them to change it.
183
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,109
Ha, ha, ha.
184
00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:09,596
Ah.
(Shudders)
185
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:13,400
Hurry up, darling. They'll be here in a minute.
186
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:21,793
Ah. Good. Yes.
187
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:25,037
Right. Now, do these go on the left or the right?
188
00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:31,515
- Oris it the left? Or is it the right?
- Does it really matter?
189
00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:35,440
What's the matter with you?
You don't seem to be looking forward to this.
190
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:39,269
- I thought you liked surprises.
- I do. I'm just not keen on shocks.
191
00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:43,633
But you said you liked Eileen.
You said she should come over.
192
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:46,832
Yes, but why do you have to make it
a great big dinner party?
193
00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:50,874
Why not? I thought it would cheer you up.
A little get-together, a chance to dress up...
194
00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:52,797
Here I am, dressed up.
195
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:57,232
- Well, it got you out of those old trousers.
- Yes, into an old skirt and top.
196
00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:00,397
Well, you tore your posh frock, didn't you?
197
00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:02,954
Fancy you remembering that.
198
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,994
Is that all that's upsetting you,
not being able to wear your posh frock?
199
00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:10,350
- Yes.
- Come on, Barbara.
200
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,073
That's just behaving like a woman.
201
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:14,589
Maybe that's because I'm supposed to be one.
202
00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:17,280
You don't understand, do you?
You don't understand.
203
00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:19,834
There'll be Margo, poshed up,
and Eileen, poshed up,
204
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:22,394
and I'll be looking like something
the cat dragged in.
205
00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:25,432
Look. Stop that.
You've spoilt the design.
206
00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:28,233
Now leave it. Leave it.
Come over here. Let's talk this over.
207
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:29,793
Now, don't be difficult.
208
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:32,832
Come over here
and let's get to the bottom of this.
209
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:35,474
Come over to the sofa. Go on there and sit.
210
00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:36,749
Sit! Sit.
211
00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:40,789
Now, look, Barbara,
212
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:43,832
we've left all that who's-got-the-best-dress
business behind.
213
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:45,791
- I didn't mean...
- Please let me finish.
214
00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:48,673
- Lonly...
- I'd like you to let me finish.
215
00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:51,997
Thank you. That's suburban rubbish.
We don't need it.
216
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,429
It's gloss. We're dealing with real values.
217
00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:57,598
I don't need to keep telling you I love you, do 17
You just know it.
218
00:13:57,640 --> 00:13:59,950
- Do you love me?
- Do I what?
219
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,355
Of course I do, you silly bitch!
220
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,437
What I'm trying to say...
221
00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:10,078
If this room was packed with elegant models
wearing the latest designs from Paris,
222
00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:11,793
I'd only be looking at you.
223
00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:13,797
- Even in this?
- I don't see that.
224
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:16,434
- What do you see?
- Look...
225
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:23,038
.the point is, I'm interested in the beer,
not the bottle.
226
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:27,551
Well! I mean, all this glamour and taming up,
you can keep it,
227
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,796
because in the end,
it doesn't mean a damn thing.
228
00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:31,592
Do you mean that?
229
00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:34,951
- My love, it is water off a duck's back.
- (Doorbell)
230
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:40,029
Now, look, let's try and enjoy ourselves,
and keep a sense of proportion, all right?
231
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:43,878
- Well.
- There.
232
00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:47,472
Good girl.
233
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,395
You are right, of course.
234
00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:55,478
I know I am. I know I am.
235
00:14:55,520 --> 00:15:00,754
Hello, hovv are you'?
Oh, so nice to see you!
236
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:03,189
Tom, this is Eileen.
237
00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:06,833
Eileen, this is Tom.
238
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,911
Uh! Hello!
239
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,753
- How nice to meet you, Tom.
- Nice to see you!
240
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,313
Please, come and sit down.
241
00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:23,196
Over there. Ah. There we are.
242
00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:25,675
Well, now, Eileen!
Would you like a drink, Eileen?
243
00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:27,518
A pea pod or thingummy?
244
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:29,597
Oh, a thingummy, I should think.
245
00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:31,313
Ah, ha, ha, ha!
246
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:34,398
Right! (Laughs enthusiastically)
247
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,918
There we are.
248
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,636
Coming right up. (Snorts)
249
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:49,754
- Well, cheers.
- Cheers.
250
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:53,395
And, may I say, Eileen,
you look absolutely stunning.
251
00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:54,430
(Snorts)
252
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,434
EILEEN: Bye!
TOM AND BARBARA: Bye!
253
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:13,997
Barbara was very quiet all evening, Jerry.
I do hope she isn't sickening for something.
254
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,600
If you ask me,
it's Tom who's sickening for something.
255
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:18,836
- What do you mean'?
- Well!
256
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,793
Well, well! What a nice girl!
257
00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:25,356
- Wasn't she a nice girl?
- Yes!
258
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,631
I say, I say... you can tell she's a model,
can't you?
259
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:32,391
Yes. (Clears throat)
260
00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:36,593
I must say, I thought Barbara's dinner
was absolutely delicious.
261
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:38,950
- Wasn't it, Tom?
- What?
262
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,799
Oh, yes. Stick Barbara in a kitchen,
you can't go wrong.
263
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:46,954
- It was a beautiful dress.
- Beautiful.
264
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:50,356
- I love those six little buttons.
- Five.
265
00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:54,149
Well, now, come along. More coffee?
266
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,191
No, I really think we ought to be going.
267
00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:00,313
- Must we? Why?
- Thank you so much, Barbara.
268
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:02,510
Thank you, Tom. Night night.
Come on, Margo.
269
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:06,400
Thank you for a lovely dinner, Barbara.
270
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:08,272
- Good night.
- Good night.
271
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,231
- Good night, Tom.
- Good night, Margo.
272
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:15,792
- I don't know what this hurry's about, Jerry.
- I've got one of your headaches.
273
00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:19,957
Night night! Ha, ha, ha.
274
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:21,877
Ah, dear. Well, a nightcap?
275
00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:25,117
I'm just... trying to get the words right.
276
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:28,118
- What for?
- Yes, I think I've got them now.
277
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:33,237
Two-faced, inconsiderate, selfish.. rat.
278
00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:36,278
Who is?
279
00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:37,790
You.
280
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:40,400
- What, what, what?
- Don't what-what-what me.
281
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:45,799
Don't what-what. Don't give me
all that guff about glamour not mattering,
282
00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:48,434
and then spend the whole evening
drooling over Eileen!
283
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:52,553
- I was not!
- Your eyes were on stalks.
284
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:58,949
- Ah, I was just being sociable.
- Sociable? If you'd been any more sociable,
285
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:02,595
- you'd have got into her dress with her!
- You're jealous!
286
00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:06,190
I'm not! It's reasonable to look at Eileen.
She's a very sexy girl.
287
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:07,833
- What, then?
- Well, what, what...
288
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:13,114
What you don't do is go on and on
about her wonderful, glamorous clothes,
289
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,357
"Who do you prefer modelling, Eileen,
Ossie Clarke or Mary Quant?
290
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,791
Eh, Eileen?
Oh, I know what you'd look nice in, Eileen!
291
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,912
- A nice slinky black sexy number!"
- Well, she would.
292
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,270
- Well, what about me?
- You're Barbara.
293
00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:29,199
- (Screams)
- What are you doing?
294
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:30,878
- I'm screaming.
- Why?
295
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:35,073
Because as far as you are concerned,
there are three sexes in the world:
296
00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:38,033
man, woman and Barbara.
297
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,993
And just once, now and again, now and again,
298
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:44,396
I would like to feel that I'm a normal,
attractive woman!
299
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,751
- Well, that's ridiculous.
- Thank you!
300
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:50,838
...I didn't mean that! Look, Barbara,
we've chosen our life.
301
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:54,396
I thought you realised it didn't include
wardrobes full of flashy clothes.
302
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:59,958
- I only wanted one flashy clothe.
- Pardon?
303
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:03,394
- My posh frock!
- Well, you tore that.
304
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:04,589
I know!
305
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:09,435
- Have a glass of wine. You'll feel better.
- I don't want a glass of wine.
306
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:12,359
- Have a nice glass...
- I don't want a glass of wine.
307
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:18,191
It's just not your day, is it?
308
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,950
Excuse me.
309
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:48,518
(Crockery clatters)
310
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,909
Well, that's just being silly, isn't it?
311
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:57,831
No, it's not.
312
00:19:57,880 --> 00:19:59,996
No, it's not. These are girls' clothes.
313
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,554
And what am I doing in girls' clothes?
314
00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:04,398
I'm not a girl, I'm a Barbara,
315
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:08,513
and this is what Barbaras look like.
316
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:18,358
Look, love. Barbara?
317
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:21,392
It'd be pointless you having a dress
like Eileen wore.
318
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,358
You're too short.
319
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,151
(Screams)
320
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:39,032
- Hello, Jerry.
- Morning, Tom.
321
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:50,269
- Ah. The old 4 wood, eh?
- Yeah.
322
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:55,552
Mending it, then?
323
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,637
Yeah.
324
00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:13,000
- You haven't got the car back, then?
- No.
325
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,350
Well, that's the way it goes.
326
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:26,233
- Do you want something?
- Me? No, no, no.
327
00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:28,078
Just having a breather.
328
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:29,519
I see.
329
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:35,078
- Ah! Women, eh?
- Ah.
330
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:39,398
What do you mean, ah?
331
00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:41,238
- You've had a row?
- How did you know?
332
00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:43,430
- I heard the screams.
- Oh.
333
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:47,633
Barbara must stop doing that. She must learn
to string her arguments together cohesively.
334
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:52,151
I should say the looks she was giving you
last night were eloquence itself.
335
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,794
Ha, ha. Women, eh?
336
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:58,037
- Ha, ha! Tom, eh'?
- What?
337
00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,754
- You are a fool sometimes.
- Why?
338
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:05,078
I ask you. We all know Barbara hasn't got much
in the way of clothes these days,
339
00:22:05,120 --> 00:22:09,000
but on you go, blundering on
like some short-sighted hippopotamus
340
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:11,077
about Eileen and her haute couture.
341
00:22:11,120 --> 00:22:14,158
Come on, Jerry. You're a bloke.
You're supposed to be on my side.
342
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:18,398
Ah, I know what it is. Margo's been getting
at you. She told you to tell me off.
343
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:20,351
- It's not Margo.
- Ha ha!
344
00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:23,040
- You're claiming to understand all this?
- Some of it.
345
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:25,549
- What makes you so clever?
- Standing next to you.
346
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:29,150
Look, mate.
You're arguing from a very precarious position.
347
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:32,158
You and Margo have the odd row, don't you?
Ten or 15 times a day.
348
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:35,318
That's just the point.
It's meaningless with Mar... with Margo.
349
00:22:35,360 --> 00:22:38,796
It's just a means of communication.
With Barbara, it does mean something.
350
00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:41,878
- You ought to give it a little thought.
- I have, and she's wrong.
351
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:44,432
OK.
352
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:46,391
Fine.
353
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:51,599
Well, she is.
354
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,314
- Isn't she?
- You know, Tom,
355
00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:57,432
Barbara once told me she loved you
for your sensitivity.
356
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,357
- Really?
- Yes, she did.
357
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:03,916
If you ask me, you've buried your sensitivity
along with your potatoes.
358
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:07,510
- What?
- She gave up normal feminine perks for you.
359
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:12,396
Silly things, maybe, some of them,
but she gave them up without a second thought.
360
00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:14,317
The least you can do is respond
361
00:23:14,360 --> 00:23:17,193
- when she has the odd withdrawal symptom.
- I gave things up!
362
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:19,072
- Like what?
- My job.
363
00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:21,270
- You hated it.
- Yeah, but I gave it up.
364
00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:24,517
Ah, and here's one. I couldn't afford to play golf.
I gave that up.
365
00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:28,599
You were thrown out of the club
for shooting rabbits on the short 17th.
366
00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:30,995
I've only got one suit, you know.
I don't complain.
367
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:34,795
Why should you? You're naturally scruffy.
She isn't. You should make allowances.
368
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:38,515
(Scoffs)
Are you changing sex or something?
369
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:40,437
Ah. You know I'm right.
370
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:43,711
- Go on like this, you'll be on the woman's page.
- You do know I'm right.
371
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:46,400
- Feminist fop!
- You know I'm right.
372
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:48,795
- How do I know?
- You've resorted to abuse.
373
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:50,831
- Clever dick.
- You're doing it again.
374
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:54,669
- Shut up!
- Ha, ha.
375
00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:12,192
I'm sorry, love.
376
00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:23,557
- I don't like that.
- That was your idea.
377
00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:29,118
- Exactly.
- Ah, but wait until you see it with...
378
00:24:32,120 --> 00:24:34,475
Was that my idea as well?
379
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:38,115
I don't think I'll go in for dress designing.
Excuse me.
380
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:47,991
It's a posh frock.
381
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:11,952
Well? Aren't you going to say,
"You shouldn't have'?
382
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:18,835
It's beautiful!
383
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:23,675
- It's very impractical.
- Good.
384
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:26,711
Oh, Tom!
385
00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:29,995
- But you can't afford this!
- Yes, I can.
386
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:34,716
- What have you done?
- I found some money in my turn-ups.
387
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:39,230
No, no, I... I sold a few things.
388
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:45,076
No...
389
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,629
Oh, Tom!
390
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:53,274
Don't worry.
I didn't sell my Peter Dawson record.
391
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:06,710
Stop bickering, Margo.
This is Barbara's night.
392
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:09,400
I shall drop the subject
as soon as Barbara comes down.
393
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:11,351
All I'm saying is, Jerry,
394
00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:15,758
had I not gone round to the garage in person,
we would not have had the car this evening.
395
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:19,316
You realise I can never show my face in there
again, after your performance.
396
00:26:19,360 --> 00:26:21,749
I don't like the word "performance”, Jerry.
397
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:24,717
It smacks of the circus.
398
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:26,751
How do you know what I said, anyway?
399
00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:30,270
The manager telephoned me to say
one of his mechanics had been assaulted.
400
00:26:31,360 --> 00:26:33,670
I didn't touch the man!
401
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:38,078
He simply backed away
and fell into the inspection pit.
402
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:40,513
Was he hurt?
403
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:42,471
- Of course he wasn't.
- How do you know?
404
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:47,594
Because when I said, "Now you're under
the car, get on with it," he did.
405
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:49,074
It was ready in ten minutes.
406
00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:52,397
- Margo, you're priceless.
- Thank you, Jerry.
407
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:54,636
Come here.
408
00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:59,394
♪ Ta-da!
409
00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:02,717
- Oh, Barbara!
- You look absolutely ravishable.
410
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:03,955
Ravishing, Jerry.
411
00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:09,750
It is very pretty!
I must say, you still have a very tiny waist.
412
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:14,670
- Yes.
- I do hope Tom isn't going to make us late..
413
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:18,998
Oh, no. He'll be down in a minute.
It's so nice of you to take us out.
414
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:22,510
You've got to wear it, haven't you?
I always say it's the best way to make up.
415
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:25,234
- What do you mean, always?
- Whenever we have a row,
416
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:27,430
I take her out afterwards. Don't I, darling?
417
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:29,949
You make it sound as if we're always arguing.
418
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,435
- Well, we are, aren't we?
- No, we're not!
419
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:35,154
- We are. We're arguing now.
- Of course we're not!
420
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:37,350
- (Coughs)
- Sorry.
421
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:39,550
Come on, come on!
422
00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:43,355
I could eat a horse.
Well, a Shetland pony, anyway.
423
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:46,153
- What are you looking at?
- You.
424
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:48,840
Haven't you ever seen an Adonis before?
425
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:52,109
Tom, you look an absolute shambles.
426
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:55,278
I do not! I'll have you know,
this is the jacket of my dress suit.
427
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:58,669
Well, put the trousers on as well.
428
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:01,678
- They're meant to be worn as a set.
- I don't want to show you up.
429
00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:04,280
I got the trousers covered in creosote
doing the fence.
430
00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:07,233
Well, change the jacket or something.
431
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:10,272
- Anorak?
- Really.
432
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:13,472
I don't know what the fuss is about.
It doesn't matter what I wear.
433
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:17,718
- Barbara's the belle of the ball.
- What's the point, if you look like that?
434
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:23,312
- Oh, Tom, go and put that suit on. Please.
- Well, um.. there's a slight problem there.
435
00:28:23,360 --> 00:28:24,191
Why?
436
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:27,713
The suit was one of the things
I sold to buy your dress.
437
00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:32,117
Oh, Tom.
438
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:38,119
Well, I shall be very proud
to go with Tom as he is.
439
00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:42,120
It was you who said that, wasn't it, Margo?
440
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:48,150
Yes. I think it's an unselfish act on Tom's part,
and I applaud it.
441
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:51,151
Now, come along.
442
00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:58,671
Only do put him behind a pillar or something
in the restaurant.
443
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:06,830
What am I going to do with you?
444
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:10,589
I don't know.
I'm looking forward to finding out, though.
445
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:14,797
Come along.
36726
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