Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:43,078
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
we present our tribute...
2
00:00:43,078 --> 00:00:46,331
to The Lower Tidmarsh Hospital Sevice.
3
00:00:52,713 --> 00:00:55,007
Goodbye.
4
00:08:42,111 --> 00:08:48,075
- You open wide your window, dear...
5
00:08:49,118 --> 00:08:51,329
Sorry, mister.
6
00:08:55,917 --> 00:08:59,253
Mervyn, ah, how long have you been
in show business?
7
00:08:59,295 --> 00:09:03,341
Ever since I was 17.
8 years.
8
00:09:06,261 --> 00:09:09,514
- 8 years?
- Nearly 8 years.
9
00:09:10,098 --> 00:09:13,226
And what position are you holding at the moment?
10
00:09:15,603 --> 00:09:19,149
I'm so like upright, but relaxed, like you said.
11
00:09:19,190 --> 00:09:22,527
- No, I ... I meant - in show business.
- Oh, my God, a chorus boy.
12
00:09:22,611 --> 00:09:25,530
- Ah ... I beg your pardon?
- I am a chorus boy.
13
00:09:27,574 --> 00:09:32,120
- And how did you start?
- Well, you see, it all started for me in darling Bournemouth,
14
00:09:32,537 --> 00:09:35,538
when, unbeknownst to myself...
15
00:09:35,270 --> 00:09:38,238
my then fiancee took a snapshot of me...
16
00:09:38,319 --> 00:09:40,320
while I was at the water's edge...
17
00:09:40,420 --> 00:09:42,297
having a paddle.
18
00:09:44,508 --> 00:09:47,094
She sent the snap-up to the Town Hall,
19
00:09:47,136 --> 00:09:50,222
the next thing I knew, I've been entered
for the "Nobel in knees" contest.
20
00:09:50,264 --> 00:09:52,819
Well, I didn't want let my fiancee down,
so I went through with it...
21
00:09:52,819 --> 00:09:56,312
I can't tell you how I thoughts ??? to that then
in front of all these ogling women,
22
00:09:56,354 --> 00:09:59,523
with my kneecaps ... completely naked.
23
00:10:00,274 --> 00:10:03,402
After the competition, which incidentally I won,
24
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,697
there was a party, and that was my downfall.
25
00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:08,725
Yes, I tasted the sweet life.
26
00:10:09,158 --> 00:10:12,453
I tasted the dolce vita
of Boscombe and Poole.
27
00:10:13,496 --> 00:10:19,085
Is there any truth that the woman
has set her mind to cheating in
the "Nobel in knees" contest.
28
00:10:19,085 --> 00:10:24,049
It's the shame to have to tell you this,
but ... some of the men wear falsies.
29
00:10:25,634 --> 00:10:29,387
- Falsies?
- Flesh coloured plastic kneecaps.
30
00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:33,934
Top of the station, hour before every competition
a nurse goes with hammer, ??? (ram ??? of hammer)
31
00:10:34,142 --> 00:10:36,144
tapping them and testing them.
32
00:10:39,815 --> 00:10:43,819
I can't tell you how embarassing it is if the mold drops off.
33
00:10:46,697 --> 00:10:48,949
It will be like a cattle market.
34
00:10:49,033 --> 00:10:52,036
It's no wonder I joined the men's liberation movement.
35
00:10:53,037 --> 00:10:57,958
You did work well and you firmed yourself in several touring places.
36
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:02,530
- Have you ever played leads?
- Yes I did, in Manchester and Birmingham.
37
00:11:02,630 --> 00:11:06,259
Oh yes, ha, I was well a hell-raiser in those days.
38
00:11:06,300 --> 00:11:08,594
They used to call us the rat pack.
39
00:11:08,636 --> 00:11:11,779
Not just me.
There was Athene Seyler,
40
00:11:12,676 --> 00:11:13,929
Edith Evans,
41
00:11:14,350 --> 00:11:16,811
Kathleen Harrison,
Robert Morley.
42
00:11:16,853 --> 00:11:19,022
All are drinkers, you know.
43
00:11:19,522 --> 00:11:22,776
Eh ... After the show they and I've been going
to "The Queen's Arms" then.
44
00:11:22,817 --> 00:11:26,613
Mannings ??? and I ... I've downed
as many as 7 pints of shandy, straight off.
45
00:11:26,821 --> 00:11:29,366
You lived Life with a big L.
46
00:11:29,407 --> 00:11:33,495
And sometimes I suffered pain.
With a big P/pee.
47
00:11:42,254 --> 00:11:44,643
Like when I ... when I've met
this terrible agent.
48
00:11:44,939 --> 00:11:46,260
She was my staging producer.
49
00:11:46,295 --> 00:11:50,387
She said I've never had a surprise party.
I've got a surprise when I've got an item,
I can tell you.
50
00:11:50,429 --> 00:11:52,888
Carrying on like that was disgraceful.
51
00:11:53,235 --> 00:11:55,830
It's like a film about ... Gomorra
52
00:11:55,830 --> 00:11:57,478
and another place, you know.
53
00:12:00,648 --> 00:12:03,675
A tower of Babel there was.
Full of beatniks,
54
00:12:03,675 --> 00:12:05,802
with long sideboards, full of drink.
55
00:12:08,030 --> 00:12:11,868
That I mean: the side ... that sideboards,
they were full of drink.
56
00:12:12,618 --> 00:12:14,561
Somebody man was just despaired.
57
00:12:15,147 --> 00:12:18,374
I'll tell you, there ... I'll tell you, there were witches there.
They were practicing witchcraft.
58
00:12:18,383 --> 00:12:21,544
Not just lady. Witches that men-witches,
that men-witches there.
59
00:12:21,586 --> 00:12:24,214
- Warlocks.
- It's true, I tell you.
60
00:12:30,095 --> 00:12:33,139
They wa ... They was men-witches there.
61
00:12:34,057 --> 00:12:37,894
- Warlocks, male witches.
- Oh, I see that, yes.
62
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:41,273
Well, they said to me ...
63
00:12:45,193 --> 00:12:48,906
They said "She's waiting for you in your den",
so of course I went straight in.
64
00:12:48,947 --> 00:12:52,993
Well, you've really taken an awful chance.
I mean you're really ... very attractive.
65
00:12:53,035 --> 00:12:54,453
I know.
66
00:12:55,370 --> 00:12:58,999
I thought I'll be all right, as everyone said she was a Lebanese.
67
00:13:03,796 --> 00:13:08,509
When I've got in there and she was all
dressed up in this like leather gear, you know,
68
00:13:08,551 --> 00:13:12,972
and she said here: "Put that on" and she
give me a Russian army officer's uniform,
69
00:13:13,014 --> 00:13:16,350
give me copy of "TV Time" and said: "Whip me with it".
70
00:13:20,188 --> 00:13:24,692
- She was a masochist.
- What, she is spoke fluent English.
71
00:13:25,193 --> 00:13:29,062
Well, I come out of there,
they was like witch-people,
they was all like stood around, you know,
72
00:13:29,223 --> 00:13:31,910
and they said they was go carry a symbolic sacrifice,
73
00:13:31,910 --> 00:13:34,994
they was going go out and get an 18 year old virgin.
74
00:13:35,328 --> 00:13:37,872
- Where was this?
- Chelsea.
75
00:13:40,458 --> 00:13:42,836
As what I thought, some ouch, you know.
76
00:13:43,962 --> 00:13:46,379
Anyway, then they all stayed looking at me.
77
00:13:47,305 --> 00:13:50,944
- And what steps did you take?
- Bloody long, was I.
78
00:13:51,179 --> 00:13:53,513
I was after then mighty shock. ???
79
00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:59,232
What plans have you for the future?
80
00:13:59,233 --> 00:14:02,579
Well, I hope to get into a nice show with an decent people.
81
00:14:02,614 --> 00:14:05,192
I belong with this part in "Oh Calcutta", you see.
82
00:14:05,901 --> 00:14:09,822
- "Oh Calcutta"?
- Yes, well, it will be full of Indians, you know. ???
83
00:14:09,864 --> 00:14:13,284
And I've seen them on the television in
the documentaries, when they bath in the Ganges,
84
00:14:13,325 --> 00:14:17,038
they don't even take their night shirts off,
so there won't be any nudes ???
to recognize them, you know.
85
00:14:17,079 --> 00:14:19,580
- Mervyn Craddy, thank you.
- That's all right.
86
00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:21,181
Do you really find me attractive?
87
00:14:34,597 --> 00:14:37,392
Claude was a pennyless actor.
88
00:14:42,355 --> 00:14:45,150
Pierre was a rich banker.
89
00:14:49,779 --> 00:14:52,991
Also Fifi married Pierre...
90
00:14:53,033 --> 00:14:57,037
...and installed Claude as their butler.
91
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:43,543
But when this did not work,
Claude returned as a chauffeur.
92
00:16:17,494 --> 00:16:23,375
And when this failed,
Claude returned as the gardener.
93
00:16:51,029 --> 00:16:56,660
But when he turned up as the maid,
his troubles really started.
94
00:17:20,934 --> 00:17:26,440
But when a new maid arrived,
and he was obliged to share a room with her,
95
00:17:26,482 --> 00:17:30,111
it was almost too much for him.
96
00:18:15,282 --> 00:18:18,395
But when he found out he had to share a bed with her,
97
00:18:18,395 --> 00:18:20,703
it really was too much for him.
98
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:34,885
And so Fifi remained faithful to her husband.
99
00:18:34,927 --> 00:18:37,436
After all, better an old husband...
100
00:18:37,437 --> 00:18:41,654
...than a lover, who is a nervous wreck.
... Next part.
101
00:18:45,855 --> 00:18:49,123
But soft, my love is here.
102
00:18:49,224 --> 00:18:51,619
My goddess there doth seat.
103
00:18:51,778 --> 00:18:55,432
Oh, that sweet face,
oh, those gentle arms...
104
00:18:55,332 --> 00:18:59,327
...in whose enfolding
I would die a thousand deaths.
105
00:18:59,786 --> 00:19:02,831
Soft, she speaks.
106
00:19:04,624 --> 00:19:09,087
Forgotten a bloody line of that text?
107
00:19:37,908 --> 00:19:39,743
Hello, Madge.
108
00:19:39,994 --> 00:19:43,497
I was so busy these days.
I want you to have a look at my hands.
109
00:19:43,539 --> 00:19:47,501
You have a two best of hands, dear.
Not that they look like that, they are.
110
00:19:47,543 --> 00:19:51,130
- Well, so I was washing up.
- Oh, you ought to try Balmolive, my dear.
111
00:19:51,172 --> 00:19:54,717
-That's washing up liquid?
- It's what your hands are in now.
- Oh!
112
00:19:55,636 --> 00:20:00,515
Oh, yes.
Oh, Balmolive is especially mild.
And there is none gentler.
113
00:20:00,556 --> 00:20:03,524
Oh, Balmolive will keep your hands
lovely and soft.
114
00:20:03,524 --> 00:20:06,604
- Oh!
- Hoy, haven't you seen my glue?
- There.
115
00:20:09,772 --> 00:20:12,923
Goodness! Madge!
116
00:20:13,528 --> 00:20:16,948
Honestly, Johnny so bloody rough, that brute.
117
00:20:18,533 --> 00:20:21,661
- Ah, we're having a taste test.
And ...
118
00:20:21,703 --> 00:20:25,866
One of these contains
SPUDDO instant mashed potato,
119
00:20:25,866 --> 00:20:28,722
and the other one on the slab
contains home made potato.
120
00:20:28,722 --> 00:20:30,821
And we want to know which one you like best.
121
00:20:40,806 --> 00:20:42,474
This one.
122
00:20:47,813 --> 00:20:50,941
You bleeding well would put ...
123
00:20:51,567 --> 00:20:55,571
This was my wife. Tired, listless,
124
00:20:55,613 --> 00:20:57,698
just a part-time wife.
125
00:20:57,740 --> 00:21:00,451
Then a friend's suggested Benovite.
126
00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:03,053
In next to no time she was a new woman,
127
00:21:03,053 --> 00:21:05,667
lively, vivacious, full of energy,
128
00:21:05,702 --> 00:21:08,084
full of fun and (???) of vigor.
129
00:21:08,793 --> 00:21:12,380
And it's all thanks to Benovite.
130
00:21:14,758 --> 00:21:17,177
MARGARINE "Stück" (also "Packed margarine") COMES TO MUNICH
131
00:21:18,595 --> 00:21:20,889
Can you find the difference?
132
00:21:20,931 --> 00:21:23,683
That's what we're finding here in Munich.
133
00:21:23,725 --> 00:21:27,145
Nine out of ten women can't find the difference
134
00:21:27,187 --> 00:21:30,565
between "Stück" and butter.
Test the taste.
135
00:21:30,607 --> 00:21:35,445
I'll challenge 200 marks if you can
distinguish "Stück" from butter.
136
00:21:35,487 --> 00:21:37,948
- Want to try?
- Yes.
- Let's go inside.
137
00:21:37,990 --> 00:21:40,784
200 marks, will you?
138
00:21:43,829 --> 00:21:45,789
Where is my wife?
139
00:21:46,624 --> 00:21:48,375
Ilsa! Where were you?
140
00:21:48,417 --> 00:21:50,753
I was in the caravan with this man.
141
00:21:50,794 --> 00:21:53,756
Look, 200 marks for 2 minutes!
142
00:21:53,798 --> 00:21:56,092
- But I am your husband!
143
00:21:56,133 --> 00:21:59,762
Yes, and his wife can tell the difference!
144
00:22:09,021 --> 00:22:10,523
This is "Stück".
145
00:22:10,565 --> 00:22:14,485
18 months ago Edith Clackett worked for Thames TV.
146
00:22:14,527 --> 00:22:17,822
A year ago she left to draw
in Tele Monte Carlo.
147
00:22:17,864 --> 00:22:22,494
And just 6 weeks ago she became
the 5th Viscountess d'Argent.
148
00:22:22,535 --> 00:22:24,871
Ah, we have got a little trouble with Eurovision link.
149
00:22:24,913 --> 00:22:26,848
In anyway, she has my numbered questions,
150
00:22:26,926 --> 00:22:28,329
so we should be all right.
151
00:22:29,834 --> 00:22:33,004
Do you still get the TV cards?
152
00:22:41,763 --> 00:22:46,226
What's it like being married to
a 70 year old viscount?
153
00:22:46,268 --> 00:22:49,355
Well, I don't get it as often as used to.
154
00:22:53,525 --> 00:22:57,905
I ... I used to look forward to Thursday mornings
155
00:22:58,739 --> 00:23:03,285
for the postman's visit, but when
I do getting, I think of you, Alan,
156
00:23:04,537 --> 00:23:08,457
and all of my friends from the Thames Television.
Happy days they were.
157
00:23:09,083 --> 00:23:12,837
I believe your favorite wedding present was a French poodle.
158
00:23:12,879 --> 00:23:18,343
He is nearly 75 years old,
but he still manages.
159
00:23:18,968 --> 00:23:23,056
A little tennis and golf, he is in it quite active, you know.
160
00:23:23,097 --> 00:23:27,018
I saw a flash of you dining with
the French President Monsieur Pompidou.
161
00:23:27,060 --> 00:23:29,229
Eh, what sort of person is he?
162
00:23:29,270 --> 00:23:35,235
Well, he's got the stubborn habits,
but he's clean about the house,
163
00:23:35,277 --> 00:23:37,904
and that's something noticeable, isn't it?
Ah-Ha-Ha.
164
00:23:41,450 --> 00:23:45,381
They tell me, that from your villa
there's nothing but vineyards,
165
00:23:45,381 --> 00:23:47,962
full of green, as far as the eye can see.
166
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:51,543
- Eh, how many acres have you?
- Yes.
167
00:23:54,213 --> 00:23:56,507
A perfect gentleman.
168
00:23:56,882 --> 00:24:02,263
- Do you hope to have children?
- Probably 12 or 15 hundred.
169
00:24:03,722 --> 00:24:08,227
Mostly white ones but one or two black ones.
170
00:24:09,854 --> 00:24:14,066
Yes. They say the black ones fill up the bottles quicker.
171
00:24:15,568 --> 00:24:20,323
Whether that's true or not, I don't know,
but I do prefer red wine. Oh, it's hell! Ha-Ha.
172
00:24:21,032 --> 00:24:24,452
It's a very 2 years it's I was down that there.
173
00:24:24,494 --> 00:24:28,873
Yes, well, we've just up to wait and see you will do it.
174
00:24:29,415 --> 00:24:32,544
It's a long time since I saw you in the flesh.
175
00:24:32,585 --> 00:24:36,548
Alan, you would not recognize the old place now.
176
00:24:39,426 --> 00:24:42,345
There is a motor way that's
177
00:24:44,848 --> 00:24:48,226
going right from the tips of the Alps
178
00:24:49,645 --> 00:24:53,482
right the way down to the Massif Central.
179
00:24:54,608 --> 00:24:59,321
There's still one or two out of the way places,
but it's full of tourists now there.
180
00:25:00,656 --> 00:25:02,408
Pardon. Pardon. Mademoiselle?
181
00:25:02,449 --> 00:25:03,909
Coupez! Coupez, on entend rien!
(Cut! Cut, it's impossible
to understand anything!)
182
00:25:03,951 --> 00:25:07,663
Mais c'est pas ma faute, c'est la faute
de Thames Television, mademoiselle!
(But it is not my fault, it is
the fault of Thames TV, mademoiselle!)
183
00:25:07,705 --> 00:25:09,290
Cut.
184
00:28:16,477 --> 00:28:17,281
Good evening.
185
00:28:18,233 --> 00:28:21,236
My guests this evening are Jeremy Renuing, MP,
186
00:28:21,278 --> 00:28:23,889
whom you last met in a party political programs.
187
00:28:23,989 --> 00:28:27,117
Is this a political (talk ???) ?
I didn't know.
188
00:28:27,117 --> 00:28:32,407
And our first speaker, Britain's first lady of fashion, Marie Quint.
189
00:28:33,193 --> 00:28:34,431
- Hello.
- Hi.
190
00:28:34,534 --> 00:28:38,212
- Well, I won't keep you waiting any long.
- Keep going then.
191
00:28:38,254 --> 00:28:43,426
These news have already shaken Europe.
It has rocked the whole western world.
192
00:28:43,468 --> 00:28:49,223
I ... I did tell you it already in 1962,
that it was going to happen,
and now it has.
193
00:28:49,265 --> 00:28:51,226
Yes,
194
00:28:51,267 --> 00:28:55,814
- Stripes are back.
- Great!
195
00:28:56,189 --> 00:29:02,862
- And not only for us girls,
but also for the boys, oh yes.
- Oh, yeah.
196
00:29:03,113 --> 00:29:08,076
Green, heliotrope, crimson and blue,
magenta and primrose.
197
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:12,247
This year men are going
to be gayer than ever.
198
00:29:12,331 --> 00:29:13,822
- You're kidding! Oh, yes.
199
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:19,497
And, men, your wives are going
to be more feminine than ever.
200
00:29:19,598 --> 00:29:22,326
Wouldn't ... Wouldn't you ...
201
00:29:22,591 --> 00:29:26,553
Wouldn't you men like to see your wives
in something long and flowing?
202
00:29:26,637 --> 00:29:29,139
- Yes, in the river!
- Mr. ...
203
00:29:29,682 --> 00:29:33,477
As I have said you before, there will be changes, mate.
204
00:29:33,519 --> 00:29:36,731
Maxis out for example, ponchos in.
205
00:29:36,731 --> 00:29:39,191
Lucky ponchos.
206
00:29:39,483 --> 00:29:42,069
- But you men with an eye for beauty,
- What is it about? (???)
207
00:29:42,111 --> 00:29:46,060
will be pleased to know that
the miniskirt is definitely staying with us.
208
00:29:46,061 --> 00:29:48,926
Only this year it's going to be minier than ever!
209
00:29:49,243 --> 00:29:54,123
This year ... Along with thousands of other girls,
210
00:29:54,165 --> 00:29:59,379
- I shall be wearing my microminiskirt.
- You going to be showing your knickers again?
211
00:29:59,420 --> 00:30:03,341
- Oh yes, and see-through blouses a back.
- Oh, you're kidding at that.
212
00:30:03,425 --> 00:30:06,928
I to be putting my own
at the first opportunity.
213
00:30:07,304 --> 00:30:10,098
You will be showing it all,
it is the game, true? (???)
214
00:30:10,432 --> 00:30:13,919
Cut. Get him out of here.
215
00:30:15,562 --> 00:30:19,249
- Can I go wee now?
- Yes, you can go wee now.
- Wee!
216
00:35:02,731 --> 00:35:05,985
In my garden of love
217
00:35:07,486 --> 00:35:14,535
Now there’s a rose for the way
my spirits rose when we met.
218
00:35:14,869 --> 00:35:21,709
A forget-me-not to remind me to remember not to forget.
219
00:35:22,377 --> 00:35:29,134
A pine tree for the way I pined over you.
220
00:35:29,384 --> 00:35:36,600
And an ash for the day I ashked (asked) you to be true.
221
00:35:36,641 --> 00:35:43,857
And the sun and the rain fell from up above
222
00:35:44,357 --> 00:35:51,281
And landed on the earth below
in my garden of love.
223
00:35:53,200 --> 00:36:00,124
Now there’s a beetroot for the day
you said that you’d be trued to me.
224
00:36:00,874 --> 00:36:08,257
A sweet pea for the sweet way
you always used to smile at me.
225
00:36:08,299 --> 00:36:15,723
But you had friends who needed you.
There was Ferdy, there was Liza.
226
00:36:15,765 --> 00:36:22,939
So, just for them, I put down a load of fertiliser.
227
00:36:22,980 --> 00:36:30,196
And the sun and the rain fell from up above.
228
00:36:30,572 --> 00:36:37,829
And landed on the earth below
in my garden of love.
229
00:36:40,290 --> 00:36:46,797
Oh, Gus the gardener’s left now,
and you went with him, too.
230
00:36:47,380 --> 00:36:54,304
The fungus here reminds me
of the fun Gus is having with you.
231
00:36:54,763 --> 00:37:01,770
The rockery’s a mockery,
with weeds it’s overgrown.
232
00:37:02,187 --> 00:37:08,944
The fuchsia’s gone, I couldn’t face the future all alone.
233
00:37:09,153 --> 00:37:16,494
And my tears fell like raindrops from the sky above.
234
00:37:16,994 --> 00:37:26,879
And poisoned all the flowers in my garden of love.
235
00:37:35,513 --> 00:37:36,926
Good night,
236
00:37:37,594 --> 00:37:39,215
mother of six.
237
00:37:40,977 --> 00:37:44,189
Good night, father of one.
238
00:37:51,279 --> 00:37:57,703
("Bu, Bu" - "Drunk, Drunk " - ???)- pseudo French)
("Des bas baisse!" - "Stockings down!" - ???)
("Jean bon triste" - "Jean is very upset" - ???)
239
00:37:57,869 --> 00:38:00,455
("Ne coucher pas le pouf" -
"Don't sleep on the pouffe" or
"Don't overturn the pouffe" - ???)
240
00:38:02,124 --> 00:38:06,587
Is it as four of the films to come from
the founder of the french avant-garde cinema
241
00:38:06,628 --> 00:38:10,632
director Pierre De Terre.
- Bonsoir. Bonsoir. (Good evening)
242
00:38:11,633 --> 00:38:15,179
- Delighted to see you here. (approximately)
- Thank you very much.
243
00:38:15,930 --> 00:38:18,432
For me, the best thing you've ever done,
244
00:38:18,474 --> 00:38:20,901
perhaps most moving thing
I've ever seen in the cinema,
245
00:38:21,258 --> 00:38:25,231
is that moment in "Lovable Enfants". ("En face" is actually said)
246
00:38:25,564 --> 00:38:30,194
This 22 year old girl, who for so long
lived in this fantasy world,
247
00:38:30,236 --> 00:38:33,781
suddenly throught the death of a pet tortoise,
248
00:38:33,823 --> 00:38:35,992
have to face up to reality.
249
00:38:36,034 --> 00:38:41,039
Suddenly you change from colour to black
and white, right unto the end of the film.
250
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:43,042
A masterstroke showing start of reality.
251
00:38:43,106 --> 00:38:46,307
No, no, you don't understand,
the change from colour to black and white
252
00:38:46,407 --> 00:38:48,254
because we run out of colour film.
253
00:38:49,839 --> 00:38:54,970
You see, we have no more colour film,
we have no money to buy another colour film,
254
00:38:55,011 --> 00:38:58,014
so use available in stock, black and white, that's right.
255
00:38:58,181 --> 00:39:00,934
Yes, but ...
256
00:39:03,311 --> 00:39:08,233
The urgency you implied in the story, so
simply giving almost a documentary effect,
257
00:39:08,275 --> 00:39:10,452
you're using a handheld camera.
258
00:39:10,603 --> 00:39:14,880
No, no, no, no, we use handheld
because we don't have,
259
00:39:14,980 --> 00:39:17,694
how you call it, tripod, tripod, to put on top.
260
00:39:17,910 --> 00:39:23,040
This is a cameraman hit on the head
the makeup man with a tripod and broke it.
261
00:39:23,541 --> 00:39:28,170
He broke the tripod, not the head.
And we have no ... no ... So we hold it in hand.
262
00:39:28,713 --> 00:39:34,051
This girl, who had this grand of this savoir-faire...
263
00:39:34,093 --> 00:39:38,097
so very nearly perfect,
yet you gave her a lisp.
264
00:39:38,139 --> 00:39:40,181
Show that even the most perfect of those ...
265
00:39:40,281 --> 00:39:42,336
No, no, no, I don't give her a lisp.
266
00:39:42,435 --> 00:39:44,145
She have a lisp.
267
00:39:44,687 --> 00:39:48,816
The actress who played the part
have always this, always.
Lisp.
268
00:39:48,858 --> 00:39:49,901
Yeah, always.
269
00:39:49,943 --> 00:39:54,072
Searched all over France for an actress
with a lisp. That's dedication.
270
00:39:54,114 --> 00:39:57,826
No, I don't search for her.
She was discovered actually by the producer,
271
00:39:58,201 --> 00:40:03,832
who was living with her at the time.
He says she in so opportunity.
272
00:40:04,166 --> 00:40:08,545
I think the best part of the film,
it was in a restaurant.
273
00:40:08,587 --> 00:40:14,092
She looked up to him and said:
"Je peux (should be veux?) le moule manière!"
274
00:40:14,134 --> 00:40:17,930
- "I want a life in a grand manner."
- No, no, no, no. She says:
275
00:40:17,971 --> 00:40:22,768
"Je peux (should be veux?) le moules marinières!"
"I would like mussel soup."
276
00:40:30,776 --> 00:40:32,319
Very significant.
277
00:40:32,361 --> 00:40:36,991
And then, at the end of the film, and she
sits alone in the palm waste of the Camargue,
278
00:40:37,033 --> 00:40:39,160
and little dog ran up to her.
279
00:40:39,201 --> 00:40:41,996
That said it all: "It's a dog's life."
280
00:40:42,705 --> 00:40:44,832
- How do you getting to do that?
- I don't geting to do.
281
00:40:44,874 --> 00:40:47,168
I don't know whose is the dog.
282
00:40:48,169 --> 00:40:53,424
I mean if I knew whose is the dog,
I kill him, because the dog put the leg
upon the camera,you know.
283
00:40:55,134 --> 00:40:59,848
And all the working is very rusty and ... terrible.
I don't know,
284
00:40:59,889 --> 00:41:02,350
I could kill whose is the dog.
285
00:41:03,268 --> 00:41:06,021
Thank you, Pierre De Terre.
286
00:41:17,699 --> 00:41:23,288
When things don't turn up right,
I know I'll be all right.
287
00:41:23,330 --> 00:41:27,209
I just keep ... sunshine ...
288
00:41:28,377 --> 00:41:33,257
- Oh, it's a beautiful night, isn't it.
- It's no half as you are.
289
00:41:34,675 --> 00:41:37,720
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
290
00:41:38,220 --> 00:41:42,808
- I do not think I've seen you on the boat before.
- No, I spend most of my time in ...
291
00:41:44,894 --> 00:41:49,065
- You've must to be very lonely in there.
- I was rather.
292
00:41:49,649 --> 00:41:52,610
You know I saw you this morning
walking on the top deck.
293
00:41:52,652 --> 00:41:55,822
Now, I couldn't have noticing
you had a very very beautiful
294
00:41:55,863 --> 00:41:57,532
behind.
295
00:41:58,074 --> 00:42:02,412
I had it for quite some time.
They've made it for me in Crete.
296
00:42:02,453 --> 00:42:06,875
- They don't make them like that nowadays.
- Do you have a nice cabin?
297
00:42:06,916 --> 00:42:10,962
Unfortunately no.
I couldn't get one with a bathroom.
298
00:42:11,004 --> 00:42:13,798
Now so I'm getting a bit fed up having to ...
299
00:42:13,840 --> 00:42:16,176
out of porthole.
300
00:42:16,468 --> 00:42:21,223
- Especially on a cold nights.
- You know you are really very ...
301
00:42:21,264 --> 00:42:23,100
pathetic.
302
00:42:23,141 --> 00:42:24,476
Thank you.
303
00:42:24,616 --> 00:42:27,282
Oh, I say, I get it.
304
00:42:27,582 --> 00:42:28,647
Ha-ha, hello...
305
00:42:28,689 --> 00:42:29,940
It's lovely.
306
00:42:29,982 --> 00:42:32,390
Oh, it's very influential person.
307
00:42:32,615 --> 00:42:34,737
His mother is Edward Heath.
308
00:42:34,778 --> 00:42:38,157
- It sounds quite a woman.
- Oh, she is.
309
00:42:40,075 --> 00:42:44,170
I say, eh, I'm most awfully sorry.
310
00:42:44,170 --> 00:42:46,540
How dare you!
I''ll call the steward.
311
00:42:46,582 --> 00:42:50,753
- How about your song, Roger?
- Yeah, how about it, sir.
312
00:42:50,795 --> 00:42:54,090
Oh no, you don't want to hear me.
313
00:42:54,131 --> 00:42:56,343
Tiptoe through the tulips.
314
00:42:56,750 --> 00:42:59,367
But only if Jenny will ... with me.
315
00:42:59,565 --> 00:43:00,680
I'd love to.
316
00:43:00,722 --> 00:43:01,874
Tiptoe ...
317
00:43:01,975 --> 00:43:04,581
(By the window,) that is where I'll be.
318
00:43:04,582 --> 00:43:08,261
Come tiptoe through the tulips,
319
00:43:08,296 --> 00:43:13,276
through, through the tulips with me.
320
00:43:13,318 --> 00:43:15,737
Indeed.
321
00:43:16,905 --> 00:43:23,359
- In the flowers we'll stray
- Will kiss.
322
00:43:24,576 --> 00:43:27,681
Talk showers away.
323
00:43:27,749 --> 00:43:31,996
And if I kiss you in the garden,
324
00:43:32,137 --> 00:43:35,883
through the tulips with me.
325
00:43:37,801 --> 00:43:39,762
Good show.
326
00:43:39,803 --> 00:43:41,930
I thought it was lousy.
327
00:43:41,972 --> 00:43:42,932
Oh, you can ...
328
00:43:42,973 --> 00:43:44,475
yourself!
329
00:43:45,142 --> 00:43:48,938
Purser, that's him over there.
330
00:43:49,105 --> 00:43:51,732
Excuse me, sir.
Ticket!
331
00:43:51,774 --> 00:43:55,236
- Very well, I...
- Second class.
332
00:43:55,278 --> 00:43:58,030
- Oh, no.
- I'm afraid so, madam.
333
00:43:58,072 --> 00:44:01,409
I must ask you to leave this
first class room immediately, sir.
334
00:44:01,451 --> 00:44:04,162
- Very well.
- Is it true?
335
00:44:04,203 --> 00:44:09,667
- Are you really a second class passenger?
- I most terribly sorry. Do forgive me. I'll go.
336
00:44:09,709 --> 00:44:11,252
Is it true?
337
00:44:11,294 --> 00:44:25,559
- Are you really a second class passenger?
- I most terribly sorry. Do forgive me. I'll go.
338
00:44:26,810 --> 00:44:29,020
Is it true?
339
00:44:30,188 --> 00:44:42,075
- Are you really a second class passenger?
- I most terribly sorry. Do forgive me. I'll go.
340
00:44:42,117 --> 00:44:43,077
Is it true?
341
00:44:43,118 --> 00:44:46,330
- Are you really a second class passenger?
- I most terribly sorry. Do forgive me. I'll go.
342
00:44:48,123 --> 00:44:50,834
- Oh, no, how did you sort it ot, Nick?
- I knew there was something funny from the start.
343
00:44:50,876 --> 00:44:53,295
- That man is somebody from another deck.
- Yes, probably you are right.
344
00:44:53,462 --> 00:44:55,589
Jenny, darling, what're doing down here?
345
00:44:55,631 --> 00:44:59,719
- I changed my ticket for second class fund.
- Oh, darling!
346
00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:02,847
I am terribly sorry about that, sir.
I had no idea you were the owner.
347
00:45:02,888 --> 00:45:04,849
- The owner?
- Oh yes, madam.
348
00:45:04,891 --> 00:45:07,810
Mr. Roger's... ship to wherever the place.
349
00:45:07,852 --> 00:45:10,438
- Darling ...
- Oh, Jenny!
350
00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:13,441
Look still lovely, don't you?
351
00:45:13,483 --> 00:45:17,070
That's him, this man is being
annoying all the lady passengers.
352
00:45:17,111 --> 00:45:20,824
Oh, so it's you.
So you're that fantom crawler.
Why, I ...
353
00:45:20,865 --> 00:45:23,785
- Dirty filthy beast.
- It's a lie, I tell you. It's ...
354
00:45:25,303 --> 00:45:26,393
No...
355
00:45:26,594 --> 00:45:27,594
you...
356
00:45:28,611 --> 00:45:31,033
swine.
357
00:45:50,813 --> 00:45:53,357
- Take him a-low and put him in up.
- It's not me, I tell you. It's not true.
358
00:45:53,399 --> 00:45:55,943
Take him. (unintelligible)
359
00:45:55,985 --> 00:45:58,253
-Did he ... ? And what? ... When will we be married?
- Be married? Oh, darling...
360
00:45:58,253 --> 00:45:59,454
(unintelligible)
361
00:46:24,180 --> 00:46:29,644
I've reached the age of 14 and
I hadn't started courting and
my mummy's getting worried about me.
362
00:46:31,187 --> 00:46:34,649
She says daddy: "Start you talking him
all about the birds and beeses".
363
00:46:34,691 --> 00:46:39,863
He says: "The birds and beeses" and he sat me on his knee.
He says: "Remember old uncle Joe
364
00:46:39,905 --> 00:46:44,034
and that picnic that all we go and
he was off in the woods with auntie Pat?"
365
00:46:44,951 --> 00:46:48,664
"And when I was chased old Riley's daughter
and what happened when I caught?"
And I said "yes".
366
00:46:48,705 --> 00:46:51,166
"It was what birds and bees does that."
367
00:46:54,420 --> 00:46:57,965
Dad works very hard indeed.
What, he got ten kids to feed.
368
00:46:58,007 --> 00:47:00,801
What, ten and seven ninths, to be precise.
369
00:47:00,843 --> 00:47:05,097
And we all wear hand-me-downs.
And as I am the youngest
370
00:47:05,139 --> 00:47:07,683
and the others are all girls it's ain't very nice.
371
00:47:07,725 --> 00:47:11,771
Dad says: "It's time for you go wed".
I says: "I'd rather drop dead".
Then he says:
372
00:47:11,812 --> 00:47:16,484
There we have old Maud from my ??? Down.
I says: "Maud? Not bloody likely".
373
00:47:16,526 --> 00:47:20,696
"She been out with all the chaps in old place."
"It was likely is really quite a little town".
374
00:47:23,741 --> 00:47:27,996
He says: "You got to get a wife."
"You can't go on enjoying life or"
375
00:47:28,037 --> 00:47:33,835
"folks will think you're strange and start refrain???."
I says: "You know, look, why should I buy a book"
376
00:47:34,127 --> 00:47:37,547
"when there is a thriving lending library in the town?"
377
00:47:40,634 --> 00:47:44,429
One day I'll find a friend, that by Badgers Inn.
378
00:47:44,596 --> 00:47:48,850
Little pigeon fell down at my feet.
Its feathers was flecked in red and
379
00:47:48,892 --> 00:47:53,105
at first I thought it's dead,
and I now ... I felt his little heart still beat.
380
00:47:53,605 --> 00:47:56,646
I ... I cupped him in my hands
and I ran up to my mummy
381
00:47:56,646 --> 00:47:59,528
and she said: "Son, I am as proud of you as I can be."
382
00:47:59,570 --> 00:48:02,855
"You are thoughtful, and you are kind,
and you got a gentle mind and "
383
00:48:02,856 --> 00:48:04,793
"you'll do a treat for your old father's tea."
384
00:48:07,244 --> 00:48:10,181
I says: "You shall not touch my bird."
385
00:48:14,850 --> 00:48:19,882
And without another word,
I took him in my room and
I shut the door and I bathed him,
386
00:48:19,924 --> 00:48:24,804
warmed him and I nursed him,
that do well, of course, you see,
I have not really had a friend before.
387
00:48:25,513 --> 00:48:29,100
I taught him do old tricks,
like playing dead and picking up sticks
388
00:48:29,142 --> 00:48:32,478
And the village girls, they brought birds in every day.
389
00:48:34,856 --> 00:48:38,568
"Dad, you can't come in and check, or my birdie will fly out",
390
00:48:38,610 --> 00:48:40,862
because I let the village girls old style.
391
00:48:40,904 --> 00:48:44,074
Would a-reason Mabel from the stable, (???)
and Mary from the dairy.
392
00:48:44,115 --> 00:48:46,952
We had a visit from our beauty queen.
393
00:48:47,369 --> 00:48:51,832
And that great big Betty Mavery
and she got on her an avery, (probably from "avis" - bird)
394
00:48:53,333 --> 00:48:56,086
Oh, she got the biggest parakeets,
I've ever seen.
395
00:49:04,136 --> 00:49:07,081
Dad says: "You are a-let him go."
396
00:49:07,212 --> 00:49:10,586
The mom, she says: "Oh no, you does
want a-get some shooting practicing."
397
00:49:10,586 --> 00:49:17,441
But the Vicar says:
"My son, you really isn't done
and a-lock up a wild thing, oh, that's a sin."
398
00:49:17,483 --> 00:49:22,530
One morning, and it was all still,
I took him up to Badgers Hill.
399
00:49:22,822 --> 00:49:24,949
I lost the only little friend I had that day.
400
00:49:24,991 --> 00:49:27,952
Not a word I say,
I just kissed his little head,
401
00:49:28,411 --> 00:49:32,039
and I opened my hands and I watched him fly away.
402
00:49:32,081 --> 00:49:36,669
He circled up and around and then
he sat up on the ground and then
he flied straight up into the sky,
403
00:49:36,711 --> 00:49:40,381
and then I looked and I could see,
he was flying back to me.
404
00:49:40,423 --> 00:49:44,427
And then he swooped and then
he pooped right in my eye.
405
00:49:53,937 --> 00:49:56,754
I thought: "That's bloody rude."
406
00:49:57,831 --> 00:50:00,089
I called: "That's gratitude!"
407
00:50:01,528 --> 00:50:04,531
I hope they never cross
a pigeon with a cow.
408
00:50:06,575 --> 00:50:09,783
And dad says: "Here, this is a caper."
I told him: "Give me a paper."
409
00:50:09,783 --> 00:50:12,581
I says: "Dummy, dummy. More of this way going down."
410
00:50:20,756 --> 00:50:26,011
Dad says: "I know you lost a friend,
but it's really not the end."
411
00:50:26,053 --> 00:50:32,059
"You be married and have your
family of your own quite soon."
Well, I never said a word,
412
00:50:32,351 --> 00:50:38,733
but you see, if that little bird
had lured 18 little ravers, oh, that's my reward.
413
00:50:38,983 --> 00:50:42,028
So if anyone's got a spare cockatoo,
414
00:50:42,070 --> 00:50:46,074
or, you know, crow they don't want,
I wil be very much obliged.
(unintelligible)
415
00:50:47,826 --> 00:50:50,864
Left, left, left, right... (approximately)
416
00:50:54,165 --> 00:50:56,293
step back, (approximately)
417
00:51:01,089 --> 00:51:03,425
Left, left, left, right... (approximately)
418
00:51:56,146 --> 00:52:00,817
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
a demonstration of unarmed combat.
419
00:52:04,487 --> 00:52:07,199
Take 'em up!
420
00:52:09,659 --> 00:52:11,661
Take 'em up!
421
00:52:33,309 --> 00:52:35,311
Cut, cut, cut.
422
00:53:55,685 --> 00:53:58,104
An exibition of acrobatics and ...
423
00:53:58,471 --> 00:54:01,107
control.
424
00:55:16,710 --> 00:55:19,771
He was your bishop for how long?
425
00:55:19,813 --> 00:55:23,024
For more years than I care to remember.
426
00:55:23,233 --> 00:55:27,112
But you know, he usually used to say to me:
"Never forget, Reverend,
427
00:55:27,279 --> 00:55:31,742
hard cash doth not a soft heart make."
428
00:55:31,783 --> 00:55:33,855
And you know, I never forgot that.
429
00:55:35,171 --> 00:55:38,093
Thank you, Reverend Fairchief.
430
00:55:45,714 --> 00:55:48,842
Never found out what the silly old twit meant to.
431
00:55:49,343 --> 00:55:51,204
Ah, that stupid old thing.
432
00:55:51,204 --> 00:55:54,205
The last time he was in this building,
he pinched my bum.
433
00:55:56,684 --> 00:55:59,249
- He did it.
- Not that I blame him.
- Oh no, don't start.
434
00:55:59,249 --> 00:56:00,450
As soon as it's all over I should pinch it myself.
435
00:56:01,898 --> 00:56:03,566
Oh! You dirty thing!
436
00:56:03,608 --> 00:56:07,612
Cut the sound!
The sound, cut over!
437
00:56:07,701 --> 00:56:09,213
- What?
- What's happened.
438
00:57:40,082 --> 00:57:42,876
Here he is, Tommy Tupper!
439
00:57:46,838 --> 00:57:50,342
All ready!
Hello everyone!
440
00:57:51,009 --> 00:57:52,845
What is a "mugwam?
441
00:57:53,053 --> 00:57:57,182
A mugwam this is a bird which sits
on a fence with it's mug at the one side
and it's rump on the another.
442
00:57:58,309 --> 00:57:59,727
That's another one. (???)
443
00:58:01,562 --> 00:58:04,482
Did you ever hear of the actor, who was so conceited,
444
00:58:04,523 --> 00:58:06,567
that he parked in L/lovers' L/lane by himself?
445
00:58:08,235 --> 00:58:09,654
That's another one.
446
00:58:10,947 --> 00:58:13,337
On the actress, the actress, who was ... was so dumb,
447
00:58:13,437 --> 00:58:15,549
she could not (count) up to two
without taking off her blouse?
448
00:58:17,745 --> 00:58:20,106
Out-and-out, ladies and gentlemen,
449
00:58:20,123 --> 00:58:22,959
let's be serious for a moment,
because we could
450
00:58:28,173 --> 00:58:30,216
I am falling for you tonight.
451
00:58:34,179 --> 00:58:38,016
Here we go. Ladies and gentlemen,
we must be serious. This is a serious matter.
452
00:58:38,058 --> 00:58:41,937
If ... if you met somebody,
who is a 107 years old,
I'm sure that you ...
453
00:58:42,738 --> 00:58:44,548
you would ... you ... you would ...
454
00:58:45,065 --> 00:58:47,943
have a lot of questions to ask him.
I am no different from anybode else.
455
00:58:47,985 --> 00:58:51,947
I have a lot of questions to ask him.
Here he is, a 107 years old today,
456
00:58:51,989 --> 00:58:54,324
Eric Moulton from Kimberley.
457
00:59:09,799 --> 00:59:12,093
Well, these things do happen,
ladies and gentlemen.
458
00:59:13,260 --> 00:59:14,595
If ...
459
00:59:18,724 --> 00:59:20,567
If you ... if you met ...
460
00:59:21,289 --> 00:59:26,899
If I told you that 3 goals were scored
today on a Lampton football field and that's
suppose ... you ... you ... was really surprise you,
461
00:59:26,941 --> 00:59:31,905
But when I tell you that they was
scored by the vicar of Lampton,
462
00:59:31,946 --> 00:59:35,033
I am sure you will be surprised.
He's come along here today ... tonight direct
463
00:59:35,074 --> 00:59:40,413
from the ... the ... the changing room.
He's more than welcome, and here ... here is
464
00:59:40,455 --> 00:59:43,083
The Reverend, Peter Wilby.
465
00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:45,564
Peter ...
466
01:00:11,237 --> 01:00:13,072
Peter...
467
01:00:15,533 --> 01:00:17,827
Vicars ...
468
01:00:21,372 --> 01:00:24,750
Vicars ... vicars playing football.
Whatever next?
469
01:00:24,792 --> 01:00:26,335
Well ...
470
01:00:30,574 --> 01:00:36,669
I ... I feel that we in the church should show
that we are just the same as everyone else.
471
01:00:37,805 --> 01:00:39,172
I mean - that we are human.
472
01:00:41,547 --> 01:00:42,487
I see.
473
01:00:45,146 --> 01:00:46,272
Well ...
474
01:00:46,481 --> 01:00:49,484
we all have our little differences. I mean ...
475
01:00:49,526 --> 01:00:53,780
as in industry. But ... but I think
the important thing is to air
476
01:00:53,822 --> 01:00:55,824
one's differences from time to time.
477
01:00:57,504 --> 01:00:58,640
You know ...
478
01:01:02,372 --> 01:01:05,250
- Bring them out in to you, pretty so to speak.
- Yes.
479
01:01:10,974 --> 01:01:12,974
Enter.
480
01:01:17,429 --> 01:01:19,973
- As for playing football ...
- Yes.
- Oh, well ...
481
01:01:20,683 --> 01:01:26,147
- I often think that life ...
life is very much like a football game.
- Yes.
482
01:01:26,230 --> 01:01:31,903
We all struggling to all the same goal.
I mean, we all want to show what
we're made of, don't we.
483
01:01:33,946 --> 01:01:37,867
And, I've nothing to hide.
I like to be admired, like the next man.
484
01:01:38,326 --> 01:01:39,911
Sure you do.
485
01:01:40,244 --> 01:01:43,039
Well, vicar, you know, this is, this is really most ...
Your fly's undone.
486
01:01:43,081 --> 01:01:44,207
What?
487
01:01:45,333 --> 01:01:48,920
It's, I am saying , it is most interesting ...
but your fly's undone.
488
01:01:59,110 --> 01:02:00,036
Well ...
489
01:02:03,101 --> 01:02:05,228
so much for religion.
490
01:02:05,228 --> 01:02:09,399
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
I am delighted that my next ...
491
01:02:11,819 --> 01:02:14,988
my next, my next guest
my next guest...
492
01:02:15,030 --> 01:02:18,028
has, has come from the West End of London.
493
01:02:18,028 --> 01:02:20,327
He's one of the London's bigger's West End's stars,
494
01:02:20,327 --> 01:02:25,291
I know you're going to make him very welcome.
Here he is ... Rodney Fairchild.
495
01:02:29,170 --> 01:02:31,964
Rodney ... hello.
496
01:02:32,006 --> 01:02:35,760
Have to be splendid of you to come along
and be my guest on the show.
Really am.
497
01:02:35,801 --> 01:02:39,013
I am so thrilled you have been able
to find time to come along.
498
01:02:39,055 --> 01:02:42,809
You have this ... You have a reputation
of being quite a ... quite a hellraiser.
499
01:02:42,892 --> 01:02:45,561
Did you feel this reputation
is justified in any way?
500
01:02:47,313 --> 01:02:48,940
Tha ... Tha ... That you have?
501
01:02:49,867 --> 01:02:56,614
This a ... you know, a-being ... a-being
a hellraiser? Do you ... Do you feel any ...
anyway justified that at all?
502
01:02:57,425 --> 01:03:01,036
It's a ... re ... reputation that you have?
503
01:03:04,080 --> 01:03:05,415
No ...
504
01:03:10,921 --> 01:03:14,591
Well, there you are.
Bless my soul ...
505
01:03:14,675 --> 01:03:19,054
Oh, it's just sort of newspaper publicity.
The put labels on ... on people ...
506
01:03:19,096 --> 01:03:23,350
You know ... labels.
They put label on you.
507
01:03:23,392 --> 01:03:26,895
You know, it's sort of like publicity.
Which is that that publicity?
I suppose that's publicity, isn't it?
508
01:03:27,187 --> 01:03:30,316
- It's publicity?
- Well, yes.
509
01:03:35,821 --> 01:03:39,575
Oh well, honestly, you ... you ... me ...
quite surprised me at that.
510
01:03:40,993 --> 01:03:44,539
You ... eh, tell me, eh, eh, does that
worry you that this reputation
511
01:03:44,580 --> 01:03:48,376
wrong and false maybe?
Does that worry you ... at all?
512
01:03:48,835 --> 01:03:54,966
The ... the ... the reputation that you've got?
Does it ... does it ... does it worry you ...
in any way at all?
513
01:03:56,676 --> 01:03:58,344
No, ye ...
514
01:04:01,598 --> 01:04:05,477
Well, there you are.
Honestly, what a good talking that we've all made!
515
01:04:05,894 --> 01:04:09,648
That's lovely to have you all on the show,
but, you know, we've got to move along...
516
01:04:09,689 --> 01:04:13,276
Summoned to meet my last guest
to see you now. I know you will
make her very happy.
517
01:04:13,318 --> 01:04:17,406
Here she is ... The very lovely West End star, Liza Moon.
518
01:04:26,457 --> 01:04:29,501
- Oh, Liza, it's lovely ... lovely to have you here.
- Thank you.
519
01:04:32,087 --> 01:04:35,257
Lovely to have you on ... on the show. It's a ...
520
01:04:35,382 --> 01:04:39,011
What do you do, lady?
You still appear in ... in the West End?
521
01:04:45,518 --> 01:04:49,355
Tell me, have you ... have you ever ... ever
worked together? Have you worked ... worked with ...
522
01:04:49,397 --> 01:04:55,028
Have you ... have you worked to ... with Liza ...
to ... any ... any ... any your shows together?
523
01:04:55,987 --> 01:04:59,032
Not ... not had the pleasure ... working.
Have you ... have you ...
524
01:04:59,073 --> 01:05:02,243
ever ... ever ... ever worked with ... with ... with ...
525
01:05:02,285 --> 01:05:07,257
Ro ... Ro ... Ro ... Rodney at all?
It's lovely having you all ... all here.
526
01:05:07,299 --> 01:05:09,501
Really, it's absolutely splendid.
527
01:05:20,137 --> 01:05:24,558
That's what a public wants: new faces.
One-in-a-row.
528
01:05:25,726 --> 01:05:28,896
Well, ladies and gentlemen, I can go on, eh ...
529
01:05:30,647 --> 01:05:33,692
along talking and having fun here all night,
530
01:05:33,734 --> 01:05:38,822
but unfortunately there ... there're clocks
on the walls, so it's only 42 minutes to go.
531
01:05:40,574 --> 01:05:43,504
Anyway, folks, tune in again "List Hour" (???)
next week and ... and ... and ...
532
01:05:43,504 --> 01:05:46,288
see ... "Crossroads".
533
01:05:47,623 --> 01:05:52,545
Blackmore. This vast wasteland
of bogs and marshes
534
01:05:52,587 --> 01:05:57,967
has over the last 17 years, claimed no few than ...
535
01:06:03,640 --> 01:06:07,143
What's that in the road? A head?
536
01:06:07,143 --> 01:06:08,812
Hold it.
537
01:06:09,729 --> 01:06:11,379
I'm sorry.
Hold, hold for a second.
538
01:06:11,479 --> 01:06:14,525
No, dear, no.
What's there in the road ahead?
539
01:06:17,153 --> 01:06:19,865
This ... this is a tiny ... tiny bicycle.
540
01:06:20,073 --> 01:06:23,243
Oh, my God, she'll be here
after the minute. Oh God!
541
01:12:16,939 --> 01:12:19,191
Here we go then. Action!
542
01:12:24,238 --> 01:12:29,452
Oh, Barnaby, I am just the happiest licking lady ...
543
01:12:29,493 --> 01:12:31,415
- Oh, sorry, John.
- It's OK.
544
01:12:31,415 --> 01:12:33,257
Keep running.
Right, take her out again.
545
01:12:36,542 --> 01:12:38,002
Right, action.
546
01:12:38,044 --> 01:12:41,255
Oh, Bodleyby, I am just the ...
547
01:12:41,355 --> 01:12:43,648
Oh, I am so so sorry, John.
548
01:12:43,883 --> 01:12:48,054
- Oh, that's OK. ...
- Just relax.
549
01:12:48,096 --> 01:12:50,298
- OK, are you OK?
- Yes, I'm OK now.
550
01:12:50,378 --> 01:12:51,766
Carry on. It'll be all right.
551
01:12:51,850 --> 01:12:54,102
- Not tired?
- No!
552
01:12:54,144 --> 01:12:55,854
Well, to go out, right.
553
01:12:57,439 --> 01:13:03,487
Oh, Barnaby, I am just the happiest
little lady in the whole land.
554
01:13:03,528 --> 01:13:07,656
- Do you love me?
- Oy ... Oy ...
555
01:13:13,622 --> 01:13:15,958
That's plenty, George.
Right. Back.
556
01:13:16,000 --> 01:13:20,379
Come back, George. Set that. That's lovely.
We close the panel. Splendid.
557
01:13:21,171 --> 01:13:26,227
Right. Come to four. That's it.
Camera on the panel board.
558
01:13:26,269 --> 01:13:29,385
Keep panning. That's splendid.
559
01:13:30,509 --> 01:13:32,509
That's fine, Peter.
560
01:13:33,559 --> 01:13:35,825
Peter, keep panning. Peter!
561
01:13:35,825 --> 01:13:37,955
That's it. Hold on the trumpet player.
562
01:13:37,990 --> 01:13:40,233
That's splendid. Hold on the trumpet player.
563
01:13:41,217 --> 01:13:42,713
Peter ...
564
01:13:43,319 --> 01:13:45,655
Do your beam to the trumpet. (???)
565
01:13:50,618 --> 01:13:53,274
That's right. Splendid. Splendid.
566
01:13:53,574 --> 01:13:55,872
Right. Now, do you see the two trophies there?
567
01:13:56,124 --> 01:13:58,460
Zoom into the two trophies.
568
01:14:01,046 --> 01:14:03,790
No, cut to one.
Cut to one.
569
01:14:07,894 --> 01:14:09,805
Cut to two.
570
01:14:11,890 --> 01:14:13,475
Cut to three.
571
01:14:14,268 --> 01:14:17,104
Oh, pack it up. Hold it. Hold it.
572
01:14:22,192 --> 01:14:26,405
- Uh, what's this thing called, love?
- Hold it, stop.
573
01:14:28,324 --> 01:14:32,036
It's: "What is this thing, called love?"
574
01:14:35,206 --> 01:14:38,209
This is what she's figured. (???)
But completely wrong. (???)
575
01:14:41,003 --> 01:14:43,131
I've brought for you my picture.
I thought you might like see.
576
01:14:43,172 --> 01:14:45,125
Hold it, George!
577
01:14:45,896 --> 01:14:46,566
Fu...!
578
01:14:57,228 --> 01:14:59,814
Ah, cuss me (excuse me), sir. (???)
Will you open it, please?
579
01:14:59,856 --> 01:15:02,387
So sorry.
Nice bronde (blonde) rady (lady).
580
01:15:03,030 --> 01:15:04,395
with big blisters.
581
01:15:07,113 --> 01:15:09,616
- Port of embarkation?
- Pardon?
582
01:15:09,658 --> 01:15:12,285
- Port of embarkation?
- No, no have a.
583
01:15:12,327 --> 01:15:15,474
Have a rice roin.
Have a shaving rotion.
584
01:15:15,474 --> 01:15:18,786
No have port or embrocation. No have.
585
01:15:19,209 --> 01:15:22,921
- You've just arrived, sir?
- I've got a fright.
586
01:15:22,963 --> 01:15:26,050
- How did you get a fright?
- Bought a fright ticket.
587
01:15:29,178 --> 01:15:31,294
- A flight.
- Yes.
588
01:15:31,578 --> 01:15:35,149
- It was a miracle.
- Eh, what was a miracle?
589
01:15:35,510 --> 01:15:38,954
- We ... we take off with a miracle.
- You took of from the miracle?
590
01:15:38,955 --> 01:15:41,139
United Stashe of a miracle.
591
01:15:42,358 --> 01:15:44,944
- America?
- Yes.
592
01:15:45,319 --> 01:15:47,238
Broody treat.
593
01:15:48,281 --> 01:15:52,118
- Are you staying here, sir or going over the seas?
- I have a right.
594
01:15:52,160 --> 01:15:56,289
Yes, you have a right to go on overseas,
but I have a right to ask where.
595
01:15:56,289 --> 01:15:59,584
- I have a right.
- You have a right?
596
01:15:59,626 --> 01:16:02,670
No, you have a right.
I overwrite.
597
01:16:02,712 --> 01:16:05,590
- Oh, Isle of Wight?
- Yes.
598
01:16:07,133 --> 01:16:09,052
Stupid iriot.
599
01:16:11,221 --> 01:16:14,558
- I hardly call that overseas.
- You tried looking there.
600
01:16:21,648 --> 01:16:23,400
- Can you see this?
- Yes.
601
01:16:23,859 --> 01:16:25,903
- Can you read it?
- No.
602
01:16:28,113 --> 01:16:30,616
- Why not?
- Wrong way up.
603
01:16:32,242 --> 01:16:34,286
Push, that way.
604
01:16:36,789 --> 01:16:40,084
- You are Chinese?
- Oh, blother! (brother)
605
01:16:48,801 --> 01:16:51,012
Damn mother of mine!
606
01:16:55,475 --> 01:16:57,602
- Did you understand it?
- Do you understand me?
607
01:16:58,561 --> 01:17:00,521
It's hardly the point.
608
01:17:01,189 --> 01:17:02,980
- Is, eh, this all you have?
- Yes, of course.
609
01:17:02,980 --> 01:17:07,018
Also ... also I have a usual interest for you.
610
01:17:07,118 --> 01:17:10,147
One hundred year old egg.
611
01:17:10,148 --> 01:17:14,004
One hundred year old. One hundred year.
612
01:17:14,244 --> 01:17:17,622
- You don't seem to have much.
- No, I have my beliefs.
613
01:17:17,822 --> 01:17:22,085
- Your beliefs. Ah yes, Buddha.
- No, no butter, no sugar, no teas.
614
01:17:22,127 --> 01:17:25,881
You have my beliefs (briefs).
Always there.
615
01:17:26,965 --> 01:17:29,968
Ah, I am sorry.
I have caused you such disarray.
616
01:17:30,010 --> 01:17:32,846
Oh, this array, that array, who cares?
617
01:17:32,888 --> 01:17:35,516
- One hundred year old egg.
- Oh, begad.
618
01:17:39,687 --> 01:17:41,772
Immigration!
619
01:17:41,814 --> 01:17:44,191
I'll be very very very soon, moment.
620
01:17:47,194 --> 01:17:49,530
Hey, you been, eh, in the sun, cooking boy?
621
01:17:49,572 --> 01:17:53,576
- Oh, you have been telling my colleague,
that you are going to the Isle of Wight?
- Yes.
622
01:17:53,576 --> 01:17:56,412
- For a what purpose?
- Bleeding (breeding) cows.
623
01:17:56,996 --> 01:17:59,832
You teddy's bear (tell me where).
I wish to know, why?
624
01:17:59,874 --> 01:18:03,961
That is, that is why. I am going a-bleeding cows.
625
01:18:04,796 --> 01:18:09,884
A bleeding cows.
Uh, you, risten, rook (listen, look - ???).
626
01:18:10,426 --> 01:18:15,098
- I am go to, ah, Lily.
- Lily?
627
01:18:15,140 --> 01:18:17,517
- I can go to Lille?
- Lille.
628
01:18:17,559 --> 01:18:20,186
- Ligate Hallogate.
- Reigate and Harrogate.
629
01:18:20,228 --> 01:18:22,213
Why you lepeat (repeat) everything?
630
01:18:22,838 --> 01:18:24,700
Rike a broody pallot. (Like a bloody parrot.)
631
01:18:26,276 --> 01:18:30,322
Alsho (Also) I know the falmer Blown.
He's angrier.
632
01:18:30,364 --> 01:18:35,410
- Oh! Why is he angrier?
- Cause he rive (live) in East Angria.
633
01:18:36,871 --> 01:18:40,124
- Oh! East Anglia.
- Oh! Yes!
634
01:18:43,327 --> 01:18:46,005
- It's ... it's wits town.
- Yes!
635
01:18:46,255 --> 01:18:49,842
- Yes what?
- It's wits town!
636
01:18:50,092 --> 01:18:53,387
- Oh, Ipswich town.
- Oh ye ..., oh ye ...
637
01:18:53,429 --> 01:18:55,139
Oh, crumbs.
638
01:18:55,222 --> 01:18:58,267
How get you've know broody clums. (???)
639
01:18:59,302 --> 01:19:02,939
Oh, I explain to you.
I go, you see, why work,
640
01:19:02,939 --> 01:19:06,484
you see, my work,
I after find a farmer shootable.
641
01:19:06,526 --> 01:19:11,781
- Oh, you'll work in pharmaceutical? Yeah.
- No, falmer shoo ... Why you don't listen?
642
01:19:11,823 --> 01:19:13,564
You no got cotton off your ears? (???)
643
01:19:14,989 --> 01:19:17,314
Rosh your rock hose hu...
(Perhaps "Wash your locked ears, nut." ???)
644
01:19:18,146 --> 01:19:23,168
Look, I did find a farm. (???)
I take a bull to the cow ...
645
01:19:23,209 --> 01:19:26,922
show her the bullock and make lot with a cow. (???)
646
01:19:26,963 --> 01:19:31,426
- Oh, but sure that ... that is a job for the farmer.
- It has to be a bull.
647
01:19:37,307 --> 01:19:40,463
I know that one day the cow become a mummy ...
648
01:19:41,398 --> 01:19:42,636
so I wait.
649
01:19:43,897 --> 01:19:46,191
- Why wait?
- For a heifer?
650
01:19:47,651 --> 01:19:50,679
No for[h]ever.
Only for few months.
651
01:19:51,623 --> 01:19:56,327
Wait ... Little tiny baby bull,
and another little baby bull,
and another little baby bul.
652
01:19:57,077 --> 01:20:00,623
And more little baby bulls.
And more they grow.
653
01:20:00,664 --> 01:20:04,877
And when I have them older,
then I sharter (charter) the chip (ship).
654
01:20:04,919 --> 01:20:09,390
- Oh, you charter a chip?
- That's what I said, why you no listen? Look.
655
01:20:10,132 --> 01:20:13,261
All time talking. Listen!
656
01:20:13,511 --> 01:20:16,973
And then, when I got a chip
and they got all in it, (???)
657
01:20:17,015 --> 01:20:22,687
I send to Hong Kong a lot of bull.
658
01:20:24,147 --> 01:20:26,316
- No, you do not.
- Oh yes, I do!
659
01:20:26,357 --> 01:20:32,113
- No, it's a lot of bollocks.
- You listen to me ...
660
01:20:33,490 --> 01:20:37,702
You listen to me, cookie boy.
You gas mine a mouth in a minute. (???)
661
01:20:37,744 --> 01:20:41,456
No, don't you get contraceptive with me.
662
01:20:45,210 --> 01:20:49,089
Stamp on my passport.
Stamp on my passport, you stupid.
663
01:20:49,131 --> 01:20:52,426
No my hand, you stupid idiot. (???)
Rogue, you! (???)
664
01:20:52,468 --> 01:20:55,554
I have never been so insulted in my whole life!
665
01:20:55,596 --> 01:20:58,098
That's your fault.
You do not get out enough.
666
01:20:59,543 --> 01:21:04,772
Listen, there is two chips (things) ...
that we can't stand.
One is racial prejudice,
667
01:21:04,814 --> 01:21:06,941
the other thing - bloody chintz (Chinese).
668
01:21:08,693 --> 01:21:11,293
There is two things I can't stand ...
669
01:21:11,293 --> 01:21:13,037
and you are both of them.
670
01:21:14,532 --> 01:21:17,952
This egg one hundred year old.
671
01:21:18,703 --> 01:21:22,040
Happy birthday to you.
672
01:21:45,072 --> 01:21:47,780
It's time to say goodnight, my friends.
673
01:21:48,180 --> 01:21:50,251
Time to call it a day.
674
01:21:50,986 --> 01:21:57,034
Time to blow out the candle or as
my friend Shirley Bassey would say:
675
01:21:57,910 --> 01:22:03,332
We burn a candle that both ends
for a flickings finely flung,
676
01:22:04,083 --> 01:22:09,046
That's just to hear one last song that
gives us Gilbert O'Sullivan. (???)
677
01:22:10,089 --> 01:22:14,176
Me mum puts me to bed
and kisses me to the head,
678
01:22:14,268 --> 01:22:18,014
then she goes round and puts out all the fires.
679
01:22:18,856 --> 01:22:22,977
And then me aunt Deevy sings me a lullaby,
680
01:22:23,227 --> 01:22:26,814
I like it cause she sounds like Dorothy Squires.
681
01:22:27,607 --> 01:22:32,695
I did it my way.
682
01:22:38,910 --> 01:22:40,620
Oh, bother. (???)
683
01:22:41,371 --> 01:22:45,584
And Moses said to Isaiah:
"My living's no milk and no honey."
684
01:22:46,084 --> 01:22:49,588
He said: "Isaiah, come forth!",
and Isaiah came fifth.
685
01:22:49,629 --> 01:22:54,468
And then he take off with his money.
It's all Greek to me, you know.
686
01:22:54,843 --> 01:22:57,254
Hello everyone.
Here is a little song
687
01:22:57,254 --> 01:23:01,475
about the girl who is going to see
her lover by the eucalyptus tree.
688
01:23:01,517 --> 01:23:06,397
And when she walks there she sees a boy,
and he says: "Your lips are like red wine,
689
01:23:06,438 --> 01:23:08,440
and I should like to sip them."
690
01:23:08,607 --> 01:23:12,903
And she says: "You can not,
because I am going to meet
my lover by the eucalyptus tree."
691
01:23:12,945 --> 01:23:15,092
A little further on she meets another boy,
692
01:23:15,264 --> 01:23:19,234
and he says: "Your eyes are like
pools of clear crystal water."
693
01:23:19,234 --> 01:23:20,944
"I should like to bathe in them".
694
01:23:21,329 --> 01:23:25,291
And she says: "You can not,
because I am going to see
my lover by the eucalyptus tree."
695
01:23:25,333 --> 01:23:27,276
A little further on she meets another boy,
696
01:23:27,513 --> 01:23:30,672
And he says: "Your hair is like corn waving in the breeze".
697
01:23:30,873 --> 01:23:33,236
"I should like to run barefoot through it."
698
01:23:33,668 --> 01:23:37,391
And she says: "You can not,
because I am going to see
my lover by the eucalyptus tree."
699
01:23:37,728 --> 01:23:41,501
And she gets to the eucalyptus
tree and a lover doesn't come.
700
01:23:42,058 --> 01:23:43,768
Exact so.
701
01:23:44,192 --> 01:23:49,092
I exact so, I am an ex so,
mini mini up a check sock so. (???)
702
01:23:50,283 --> 01:23:51,985
Now here is a little song
703
01:23:52,027 --> 01:23:55,655
about happy days of Christmas. (???)
704
01:23:55,822 --> 01:24:01,870
January the first, January the second,
January the third, Jan ...
705
01:24:02,287 --> 01:24:04,289
You'd rather have Moira? (Moira Anderson)
Who?
706
01:24:04,331 --> 01:24:09,211
Should a body meet a body
coming through the rye.
( Robert Burns )
707
01:24:09,253 --> 01:24:13,590
If you dare to touch my booby
I will black your eye.
708
01:24:13,632 --> 01:24:18,387
I'll go back to Bonnie Scotland
Seek my holly ... It's two ... (???)
709
01:24:20,306 --> 01:24:24,560
That is a two of Beverley sisters on the radioooo.
710
01:24:25,519 --> 01:24:32,885
Just me and my shadow
(Music by Dave Dreyer, lyrics by Billy Rose)
711
01:24:32,927 --> 01:24:39,117
All alone and feeling blue ...
712
01:24:44,022 --> 01:24:47,000
Bye, everybody.
See you soon.
713
01:26:34,000 --> 01:26:38,000
Subtitles by: Vitaly (vipo)
(Leningrad-Gush Dan).
Made mostly by hearing, but using also
other subtitles and published songs lyrics.
Editing program: "Subtitle Edit".
714
01:26:41,000 --> 01:26:42,000
The list of sketches
00:00:40.200 Lower Tidmarsh Volunteer Hospital Sevice
00:08:41:00 Window
00:08:54,790 THE GRASS IS GREENER
00:14:25.880 Gaiety Follies
00:18:44.000 Forgotten text
00:19:10.000 Pretty legs
00:19:37.000 Balmolive
00:20:18.533 Taste Test
00:20:51.567 Benovite
00:21:14.758 Stück Margarine koms to München
00:22:10.565 Viscountess d'Argent
00:25:11.000 Boutique
00:28:09.391 After Dinner with Charlotte Fudge
00:30:20.233 The Messenger
00:35:02.731 My garden of love
00:37:32:500 Good night
00:37:48.500 Interview with French film director
00:41:08.023 Passengers of Love
00:46:19.000 Birds and beeses
00:50:47.826 Scuttle's keep fit brigade
00:55:16.000 Interview with Reverend Fairchief
00:55:42.211 Words of comfort
00:56:09.947 Ye Olde Wishing Well
00:57:10.000 TOMMY TUPPER in TUPPER-TIME
01:05:47.623 Blackmore
01:06:03.640 A head in the road
01:06:23.493 The life of Maurice Dribble from womb to tomb in 5 mins 46 secs
01:12:09.000 Doctor
01:12:16.939 Bride
01:13:11.787 Adjudicating Panel
01:14:17.000 What is this thing, called love
01:14:41.003 Picture
01:14:47.000 Chinaman
01:21:34.000 Pumping up
01:21:41.500 It's time to say goodnight
64178
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.