All language subtitles for Masters.of.Sex.S02E04.HDTV.x264-ASAP

Previously on Masters Of Sex...

Because I wasn't sure when
I would be starting at Memorial,

I haven't yet told Lillian.

Greathouse feels
it may not be possible

for you to come
over to Memorial.

Great to see you, Bill.

I hope you're treating him
right, Barbara.

Because this one,

he's got a bigger following
than "Gunsmoke."

You, my dear,
are not married to a saint.

You are to keep 100 miles away
from that study.

Unofficially,
I am very interested

in what happens behind closed
doors-- very, very interested.

Metastasis was always
a possibility.

I know what to research now.

I'm going to have
to hand the work off

to someone
who can fight the fight.

You're sterile

and yet engaging
in fertility treatments?

It's not my problem.

Last I looked, your new
job came with all the zeroes

on that check my husband wrote.

Attention all hospital staff.

Dr. Austin Langham
has spent the last two months

fornicating
with his sister-in-law.

Thought he would do the trick.

Having our son.

I know my husband
was reticent about children.

Who ever heard of a grown man
being afraid of his own child?

I think
you might have misunderstood

what happened between us.

Of course we're not having
an affair, Virginia.

We never were.
I'm a happily married man.

Continuing the work
is a good idea

but only if you understand
the terms.

I agree.

Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com

If sex is merely
a vehicle for procreation,

then clearly,
the end of fertility

marks the end of sexual desire.

Yet Freud believed
that menopause

led to an increase
in female libido.

As usual, Dr. Freud
presents no empirical evidence

to substantiate his claim.

He wasn't all wrong, though.

The data does show

certain physiological changes
in women over 50--

a longer period of foreplay
needed for lubrication,

fewer vaginal contractions
in the orgasm phase.

When did you see
all of these participants?

Oh, those are only
a small sampling.

So you've resumed the study.

- Yes, of course.
- Without me.

I did everything
I could, Virginia.

The board just wasn't impressed
by your application.

Uh, I-I don't understand.

Try to see it
from their perspective--

Limited experience,
no higher education.

I tried to go back to school.

You tried,
but you didn't see it through.

- You chose me instead.
- I chose the work.

Virginia, you thought
it was about the work.

I always knew the truth.

And that became apparent in
your application, so I'm sorry,

but you really only have
yourself to blame.

Because?

For starters?

Under "Current occupation,"
you wrote, "Mistress."

You're up.

How long was I...?

An hour, maybe.

An hour?
Why didn't you wake me?

You looked like
you needed to sleep.

Did you know you sleep
with your mouth open,

like a little baby bird?

You don't sleep here.

Or read.
This isn't vacation.

I told the sitter
I'd be home by 10:00.

It's only 9:15.
We still have--

Please get dressed.

You still need to get
the study files out of my trunk.

Oh, goodbye, Silky.

And don't wait for me to write
another story about you.

Drop in anytime.

Goodbye, Mr. Thompson.

Aren't you gonna escort me
to the door?

Mr. Thompson,
my wife didn't mean anything.

We've been married
for 25 years.

You're not gonna shoot me.

Why should I?

If you want to get out of it,
shoot yourself.

It's a mess,
but it's all there--

Intake forms, instrument
readings, sexual histories.

I could have used these
the other day.

Barbara tried to make fliers for
the study riddled with typos.

Any response yet?

Oh, the phone
hasn't stopped ringing.

I have seven interviews

with prospective participants
tomorrow, six the next day.

I meant any response
from Greathouse

about my position in the study.

Uh, why, h-he can't
authorize me to hire you

until the board signs off.

Has he even
brought it up to them?

I'm gonna make sure he does.

You should pull your car around

so we can start loading these.

Well, m-maybe
you should hold on to them.

Someone has to... put them back
into some kind of order.

I was under the impression

that someone
was called your secretary.

Oh, Barbara
can barely alphabetize.

Besides,
you know better than anyone

how all the pieces fit together.

I-I want you to stay connected
to the work.

So I-I'm not qualified
as a researcher,

but it's fine for me to play
secretary in my free time.

Virginia, I'm as
unhappy with this situation

as you are.

Are you--
Are you taking... diet pills?

I'm selling them.

You're holding on to them
for a friend.

No, I'm selling them.

Without the extra money
from the study,

I can barely afford
to pay my rent.

I need to make a living, Bill.

This morning we're driving in,

and the parking attendant says,
"Morning, Mrs. Moretti."

And it takes me a solid minute
to realize he meant me.

I mean, your whole life, you're
walking around as Betty Dimello

and the next day, you're married

and someone's calling you
some other lady's name.

It's like if, all of a sudden,

I started calling you
Dr. Lipschitz.

Mrs. Moretti.

You know, it makes me feel like

I'm pretending to be
somebody I'm not.

Know what I mean?

They had a free
subscription offer,

so I figured, "Why not?"

But then I stumbled
on this article.

Turns out a new baby
is very traumatic for a man,

as though his home
has been transformed

into an oversized playpen.

Messy, noisy.

There are smells.

Which explains why the moment
Bill walks through the door,

the first thing he does
is take out the diaper pail.

It also explains why Bill needs
to feel things are calm at home,

orderly, unchanged.

No bottles on the counters,

no pacifiers
stuck between cushions.

It's also why today
is important.

I mean, I know it seems
like just a silly luncheon,

but these are the wives
of Bill's new colleagues.

If things go well here,

they report as much
back to their husbands.

That helps Bill at work
as well as at home.

Is that a Dixie cup on his...?

It's a trick I learned

from changing
my brother's diapers.

You'll lose your eyes if
you're not careful with boys.

Maybe I should have axed
you before I put it on.

Asked me...
before you put it on.

We talked about this before,
remember?

Don't worry.
You'll get it.

We should have
a sample pap smear kit

for Dr. Papanikolau to bring
to Florida with him.

I put one together last week.

Several... sample kits.

At least three or four, even,
to be safe.

Four seems reasonable,
don't you think?

He's only in St. Louis
once a year

for the Thalberg conference.

Does he prefer coffee or tea?

Tea...
with cream and a little...

with a little...

the little squares
and the sugar's in--

Sugar cubes.

You're just nervous
about tomorrow.

They did name the pap smear

after Dr. Papanikolau,
after all.

It makes sense that
you would want to impress him.

I'm not trying
to impress anyone.

Dr. Papanikolau happens to be

a very respected figure
in the field. That's all.

His support for our program
would be enormously useful.

Especially to you,
as you continue with our work.

DePaul, Lillian?

Save my seat.

How long have you worked here?

Three years in March.

I'm over at Maternity.

Oh, my girlfriend Peggy
used to work there.

How do you like it?

Truthfully?

The stress of working
in a hospital--

Some days I just want to curl up
with a piece of chocolate cake.

I know what you mean.

We're supposed to give these
to patients for nausea.

I can imagine it's tough

being surrounded
by so much suffering every day.

Especially
when everyone's so skinny.

I did try the grapefruit diet,

but all it did
was give me cavities.

That is the problem
with fad diets.

T-they promise you
the moon and the stars,

but you just end up feeling
hungry all the time.

That's why I started
using Cal-o-Metric.

We'll be following the
exact same protocol as you did

when you participated in the
study at Washington University.

But what would I tell
my husband?

What did you tell him before?

That there were two doctors,

and one of them was a lady.

That's the only reason
he let me do it, Dr. Masters.

I'm sorry, but if it's just
going to be you here, alone,

watching... I'm sorry.

Part of the study?

Not anymore.

Oh, shame.

Yes,
and without Mrs. Johnson,

we can look forward to a lot
more qualified volunteers

declining to participate.

Mrs. Johnson is instrumental
in this part of the process.

Nobody else puts people
at their ease--

Bill, I get it.

You and I-- we've been at this
a long time.

You reach a certain point
in your career--

same routine day in and day out.

It's like if you never see
another torn perineum again,

it'll be too soon.

So, you start a sex study,
get a research assistant.

Mrs. Johnson
is indispensable to this study.

She may seem indispensable
to you, but to the board,

she's, uh,
a little press secretary.

Things aren't always
what they seem, are they?

For instance, Barbara doesn't
seem to know the first thing

about secretarial work, and yet,

apparently,
she's essential... to you.

I'm simply asking

that Mrs. Johnson be brought on
to this study

because she is essential...
to the work.

I'll float the idea
at tomorrow's board meeting,

see what they think.

What?
They're out of ambrosia?

You know, last year,
when you left the study,

I thought to myself, "Why?

Why would Virginia
leave the work she loves

to go back to typing memos?"

Not to mention,
"Why would Bill let her go?"

What are you
talking about, Austin?

Now I'm thinking, "What
complicates every relationship?

What splits two people up?"

Elise is now staying
at her mother's

across the river in Alton.

So when it's my turn
for an overnight with the kids,

I drive to Alton,
where I pick them up,

then take them to
the Chancery Park Plaza Hotel.

I saw you there last night
with Bill.

Well,
you should have said something.

We could have all gotten
a drink.

Bill and I have decided to go
ahead and publish the study.

Now, it's still
in the early stages--

Compiling the data,
drafting the texts.

Bill's not welcome here,
obviously.

I'm not welcome at his hospital.

And we can't work late hours
at his house with the new baby.

We can't exactly discuss
sex research at my house

with my kids there,
so we work out of the hotel.

Then why did you two
stop working together?

Bill thought

that we were ready to present
to the faculty,

and I said we had not done
enough to prepare them

for what they were
about to hear,

let alone the site
of a pulsating vagina...

...on a projection screen.

So we had a terrible fight,
and in the end, I quit.

And then after the debacle
with the presentation,

Bill admitted that he was wrong
and he apologized

and he asked me to come back.

So that's it?

Yes, that's it.

And we took the children

to see The Music Man
with Robert Preston.

Oh, I hear that is fabulous!

- It's fabulous.
- Ohh!

Oh, I couldn't drag Bill
to a Broadway musical.

He'd probably bring a journal
on uterine fibroids to read

during the slow parts.

So, how does
he like the new hospital?

Oh, he couldn't be happier.

And that study of his--
Is that still happening, too?

I bet you know all the secrets.

- Uh...
- Libby, do tell us

the most delicious thing
you've learned

from all of his experiments.

Uh, well, um...

I actually worked on the study
myself for a bit in his office,

where I got to see firsthand
just how boring it all is.

The charts and the graphs and
the incomprehensible diagram.

Someone had a nice long nap.

Oh, my goodness.

Has that adorable creature
been here this whole time?

Oh, he is gorgeous, Libby.

And she is so wonderful
with him.

- Can I hold?
- Mm-hmm.

Ahh.

Where did you learn
to be so great with children?

You're so young.

Oh, well... my mama passed
when I was 10, and...

Mm-hmm.

...I had to bring up
my brothers and sisters.

But even before that, you know,
I had baby cousins in Joplin--

Coral, she doesn't
want your family history.

She was just being polite.

She axed.

Either I'm-- I'm losing
my mind, or I'm-- His hair.

Is there something
crawling in it?

All my sales reports are there.

I sold over $40 worth
of products this week.

It's almost double
what I did the week before.

Hmm.
Be still my heart.

I did all of that
without using your sales script,

by the way.

No wonder your numbers stink.

I don't--
I don't feel comfortable

reading from a script

that deliberately makes women
feel bad about themselves.

And yet women who feel
great about themselves

don't buy diet products, which
leaves us with a... conundrum.

Listen, if you really want
to get good at this--

- Oh, I don't.
- Oh.

I don't want
to get good at this.

Selling diet pills may be enough
for most housewives

that walk through your door,
but I already have a career.

Oh,
you're following your dreams.

Yes.

At the moment, I need something
to supplement my income, but--

Have you ever heard
of William Elvis Sloan?

He invented Cal-o-Metric?

He came up with
how to make a toilet flush.

Was that his calling?

Did he wake up every morning
tickled pink

and skipping off to work?

Probably not.

But he died a very rich man.

So, sure, follow your dreams.

It's a lovely slogan for a life

most people
can't afford to live.

But who knows?

Maybe you're special.

I just asked for the check.

I assumed you weren't coming.

I had to turn in
my sales report.

Of course.

I wouldn't want our work to
interfere with your diet pills.

Austin saw us last
night leaving our room together.

A-apparently, his wife

is staying with her mother
in Alton,

so when he takes the kids,
he stays at this hotel.

Jesus.

It's not a problem.
I handled it.

Says who?

If someone like Austin
can walk through here,

that means anyone can.

So luckily,
there's nothing strange

about two colleagues having
a drink in a hotel lobby.

Virginia, I am a married man.

You do understand what it would
mean if this were to get out.

I do.

Which means it would
probably be imprudent

for us to head upstairs,
wouldn't it?

It's a mess, I know.

I wasn't expecting you home
until late.

I, uh--
I hope you ate something.

I haven't made a thing
for dinner.

Everything's fine.

We found lice in Johnny's hair,

but I got a book
from the library,

and we just need
to wash everything--

all the fabric in the house--
and it shouldn't be a problem.

The baby's crying.

I know the baby's crying.

The baby has been crying
all day.

I can't get the baby
to stop crying.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

You have enough to worry about.

Now the girl brings in lice.

- Coral?
- Who else?

I've never had lice.
You've never had lice.

No one that we know
has ever had lice.

You don't
have to wash everything.

Libby, just the baby's clothes
and his blankets, then tomorrow,

you can scrub his hair

with the medicated shampoo
they sell at the supermarket.

These are just
a few harmless insects.

They'll be gone in a day or two.

See?

It's so much nicer when we can
sort these things out together.

I'll, uh, take out
the diaper pail.

Initial aim of the program

is to expand access
to early screening

through a systematic outreach
effort to physicians

and to... to...

Hospitals.

And eventually,
we hope to establish

a research facility
at Washington University

to develop new methods
of detection

and treatments
of cervical cancer.

But that's still years
in the future.

I am creating a research center

of my own
at the University of Miami.

- Are you really?
- Mm-hmm.

How very interesting.

Oh.

This is the prototype

for the testing kit
we'll be sending out.

We've included
a skort frim slip.

Pardon?

A skort frim slip.

There's a short film strip.

Yes. It is short.

Do you have any questions?

Hey, uh, Doc?

Do you time it

so we arrive at the exact
same moment every morning,

or is it just the heavens
conspiring against me?

Actually, uh, we wait
till we see your car pull in.

Morning!

Gene came to give a donation.

Well, you've been more
than generous already.

Not that kind of donation.

Uh,
poor Gene's been getting antsy

with all this testing
we're doing.

He's been asking
when we're gonna move on.

Move on to...?

Well, Betts says
you're good on her end,

but you just need a sample
of my, uh... swimmers.

Pardon my French.

- Ready, Moretti?
- Yeah.

Good morning, Dr. Masters.

Betty, I-- Betty,
I think it's best if you wait--

Don't worry.
I can take care of this.

If I could just have a--

You really know your way
around here, don't you, honey?

- I'm very observant.
- I really must insist.

All right, reading material.

Here. You always had a thing
for Ava Gardner.

Dr. Masters, could I just--

All right, don't have
too much fun in there.

Could I just have just a--

Barbara, what is it?!

Dr. Greathouse
would like to know

what time
tonight's study's starting.

He would like to be there.

7:00.

But make sure he knows this
evening's area of focus, please.

Uh, uh, yes.

We'll be looking at men...

with enlarged prostates,

primarily elderly men
engaged in auto manipulation.

Auto... I'm-- I'm sorry.

Old men masturbating!

I know you're gonna say--

- In my office.
- Mm-hmm.

Uh, I'm almost done in here.

So maybe I could
take the baby now?

Actually, there's something

that I would like to speak
to you about.

Uh, I need you
to use this tonight.

What is it?

It's a special shampoo.

It, um... It gets rid
of anything that's...

The eggs, or, um...

Everyone that you live with--
your family--

they should use it, too.

I don't have lice,
Mrs. Masters.

They didn't come from me.

I never said that they did.

All you have to do
is look in there

and tell him he's got bum sperm.

And-- and this
I would divine somehow

by staring into a cup.

Put it under
a magnifying glass.

It's a shame you didn't
pursue a career in medicine

because you obviously
have a head for it.

He won't know the difference.

I know, and I will not
tell a patient he is sterile

when I know for a fact

that the only reason
he can't have children

is because his wife
underwent a tubal ligation.

You want to get
all high and mighty?

Fine.
Let's end it now.

You tell him I'm infertile.
Tell him the truth.

You tell him.

Hey.
Sorry to interrupt.

I, uh...
I crossed the finish line.

It's all just...

Well, it's cruel.

Ohh, you're out there
in the john making baby batter,

while in here, the doc gets the
results from my very last test,

and it turns out
I'm the culprit.

I don't even know what to say.

Nobody does.
Only Betty knows.

You know, your whole life,

you think all you got to do
is find the right fella.

Getting knocked up,
that's the easy part.

Then to find out your body's
just not cut out for it.

Doc.

Is there anything
that we can do?

I'm afraid not.

Nothing at all?

Uh, this is a real blow.

I... Uh, thank you for trying.

I didn't do anything.
Really.

I think it's only right that,
uh, you dispose of this, Betty.

Hey. You okay?
'Cause I'm not sure I am.

Uh, I'm,
you know... devastated.

Hey.

But at least
we still got each other.

Ah, hell.
Cashier.

Need to settle up the bill.

No.

Um, Dr. Masters isn't gonna
charge us for this morning.

No, we got to pay
for all the fertility tests

and the treatments that you had.

No, Gene, honey,
let's just go home

and start the healing process.

Bets. We're here.

Let's just get it
over with now.

Your taxi
should be here any minute.

Dr. Papanikolau,
if I may speak frankly,

you chair the committee for
the Williams Prize, correct?

I do.

Well, Dr. DePaul
would never say this,

but that kind of endorsement--

it would be invaluable
to our program,

not to mention what
it would mean to Dr. DePaul

on a more personal level...
coming from you.

You see, nobody has stood
behind this program.

The administration
had to be strongarmed

into offering even
a modicum of support.

Everything that Dr. DePaul
has accomplished here,

she has had to do on her own
with no help, no guidance.

I did not expect to be
impressed this morning.

To be honest,

I did not even remember
Dr... DePaul.

But I am always pleased
years later

to hear that a student
considered me their mentor.

No, I didn't say "Mentor."

And neither did Dr. DePaul.

She says she never had a mentor,
since mentors, I believe,

were reserved
for the male students.

And you may not have remembered
her, but I guarantee you

you will remember her now

because what she has done
here-- this program,

all on her own--
it is remarkable.

Yes.
You are right about that.

Well, then, I hope

you will take that
into consideration

as you make your selections
for the Williams Prize.

Now, uh, you control
the device yourself...

The speed, intensity, depth.

Ah, it's freezing.

Oh, uh,
my partner usually warms it

with a hot towel.

I-I've completely forgotten.

Well, uh... The friction between
the device and the vaginal wall

should, uh, gradually increase
the temperature.

Oh, I thought
we were doing prostates.

Last-minute scheduling change.

I see you opted
for old and fat instead.

Hmm.

Post-menopausal, actually.

Oh.

Well, pretend I'm not here.

I'll be invisible.
Fly on the wall.

Thar she blows.

Sorry, uh, no comments from
the peanut gallery. I know.

Have you spoken to the
board yet about my assistant?

Uh, yes, I did, actually.

I spoke to them at length about
Mrs. Johnson just this morning,

and, uh, they haven't made
a decision yet, obviously,

but, uh, they seem open to it.

Well, I'm happy
to speak to them myself

to answer any questions.

Steady on, pal.

It's a process.
It takes time.

But trust me.
We'll get there.

Knock, knock.

I noticed you were burning
the midnight oil.

Thought I'd say hello.

Hello.

Do you know what the worst part

about this divorce is?

It's not fighting with lawyers

or driving a half an hour
to see your kids

or watching your wife
of 12 years

turn into some kind
of a she-wolf.

It's eating potato chips
for dinner.

I just keep fantasizing
about Elise's cooking.

Beef Stroganoff,
tuna noodle casserole,

jiffy corn casserole,
cheeseburger casserole.

Are you just going
to sit there, talking?

Because if so, I need a drink.

I didn't even know
that water polo was a sport,

let alone that
it was my favorite sport.

Mm, I have
a stack of exams to grade.

Give Virginia the answer sheet.

Let her do it.

One more.

To Virginia.

Virginia.

Funny.

The second I met Virginia,
I thought I had her pegged.

Just another one of these women
unwilling to do the hard work.

Ready to latch on
to the first man

that can take them
to the next rung of the ladder.

Well, then, that just proves

you are a good judge
of character.

She's closer to you than--
than anyone.

How long have you known?

So... long.

Very long.

I saw them last night
leaving the hotel.

Virginia, God bless her,

tried-- tried to give me
some baloney story

about how they're publishing
the study,

working out of the hotel.

She used to do this thing every
once in a while in the lab.

She would lean in
and fix Bill's bow tie,

just sort of straighten it out,
you know?

There is a fence
around Bill Masters--

chain link with barbed wire.

Nobody gets through that.
Nobody gets close.

But Virginia-- Virginia
would just waltz right through.

I think back now.

I mean, how could I have missed
something so obvious?

How could I not have known

that they were sleeping together
the entire time?

Tatti Greathouse gave me
a recipe for osso bucco.

She says it's better
than the one at Bella Rossa.

I may not be home
until after 9:00.

Oh. I thought we could
have a late supper.

We can close our eyes,
pretend we're in Florence.

Here, I'll take that.

Good morning, Mrs. Masters.

Good morning, Dr. Masters.

Good morning.

Hello, Coral.
I see, um...

Well, I see that your hair is
the same as it was yesterday.

Oh. Yes, Mrs. Masters.
I feel like it suits me.

I'm referring
to the shampoo that I gave you.

Did you use it?

My brother checked.
He didn't find nothing.

Anything.
He didn't find anything.

It costs me $4
to get my hair done every week.

I can't afford to mess it up.

So you didn't use the shampoo,

even though you told me--
you promised me that you would.

Dr. Masters,
I don't have lice.

I swear I don't.

My brother said negroes
can't even get it.

Coral, this conversation
is between you and me.

Her brother is right.

Negroes do have tightly coiled,
low-density hair,

which makes it
very inhospitable for lice.

I read about it in the, uh,
Wellford Journal of Medicine.

So it does seem unlikely
she would have them.

Unlikely is not impossible.

I don't see why we need
to involve Dr. Masters

in this discussion at all.

I'll go get him.

Is everything all right?

I cheated in college.

Calculus.

I could never get my head
around calculus.

No matter how many hours I
studied, I couldn't crack a B+.

And I was a straight A student.

I figured medical schools
couldn't turn away

a straight A student,
even if she were a woman.

So I bought the final exam
from the previous year

from a rather unscrupulous
graduate student named Marvin

for $10.

I'm impressed.

Lillian DePaul
breaks the rules.

It was a shortcut.
That's all.

Does it negate the work
I've done since?

Does one shortcut diminish
everything that comes after?

So...?

So... that's my secret.

What's yours?

My secret?

I don't--
I don't have any secrets.

I don't believe you.

Virginia, you've seen me
at my worst--

lying naked on a hospital sheet,

limping to the car
after radiation.

I've shared... nearly everything
with you-- too much, even.

It seems only right
that you should share with me.

I...

Honestly, Lillian...

I'm not that interesting.

Coral,
could you come here, please?

This relationship
is about trust.

I leave you in my house
every day with my child,

- and if I can't trust you--
- Mrs. Masters.

What if something,
God forbid, happened to Johnny?

How do I know that you would
tell me the truth?

How can I trust anything
that you say to me anymore?

I'm sorry.

I need you to sit down, please.

Mrs. Masters,
I'll use the shampoo.

No, Coral, that is the point.

I can't trust you anymore
to do it yourself.

If you don't sit down, Coral,
you'll have to leave,

and you will not be
welcome back.

Put your head back, please.

The water warm enough?

We need to be on the same side.

If you have a problem
with something, you come to me.

Dr. Masters is a busy man, and
we don't need to involve him.

He's not a part of this.

You and I-- we need
to stick together, okay?

I hope you can understand that.

Please.

To get your hair redone.
It's my treat.

I appreciate you meeting me

on such short notice,
Dr. Papanikolau.

I don't have much time.

My plane leaves in one hour.

This won't take long.

I called because
I would like to ask you

to take my program with you...

to Miami,
to your new research center.

I'm sorry if there's
been a misunderstanding,

Lillian, but my staff
is already in place.

No, I'm not asking for a job.

After some consideration...

I've come to the conclusion
that this university

simply doesn't have
the proper personnel

to fully realize the program.

You understand
that if I were to oversee this,

I would keep you informed of
any major decisions, of course.

But in terms
of the day-to-day management...

Once I give you the program,

my role in it will be finished.

I understand.

Ah. Bill.

So?

So, what?

So, uh,
what's on the menu tonight?

You know, actually,
I was looking for you, Doug,

uh, since I haven't had a chance
to apologize yet for last night.

I realized afterwards I had
completely forgotten to warn you

about the transference effect.

Does, uh, transference
involve attractive women?

Well, yes, it can,
but not necessarily.

Observation of sexual activity
can produce

a kind of, um, tension
in the observers.

The researchers
can find themselves

experiencing certain
uninvited erotic sensations.

Now, this can happen
between a man and a woman.

It can also happen
between a man and another man.

I'm not quite sure
I understand.

Well, I've been doing
this for a long time, Doug,

so I'm immune to, uh,
the transference effect myself,

but I have seen other men
in that small, confined space.

Well, the danger is high,

and for those male observers
that do get drawn in,

well... they often don't come out
the other side.

At least not the same way
they, uh, went in.

You mean like in wrestling.

Something like that.

You're nervous.

How can you tell?

Slight
generalized vasocongestion

in your face and chest,

mild fasciculation
in the hands, feet.

You're flushed and... trembling.

Is that bad?

Uh...

Honest to God, Bill,

this is better
than my bachelor party.

Step outside, Doug.

Sure.

Yes?

This is a scientific study,

not a-a stag film
in a frat house.

Your colleagues are
very interested in your work.

I-I think you should
appreciate that.

Get them out of here.

Look, I know
that Bart Scully treated you

like the second coming,

but here, in this hospital,
you're my employee.

And you have grossly
misjudged me if you think

I'm gonna allow those baboons
to sit in my exam room

slurping chop suey,
mocking my work.

The terms of my employment,

the terms between you and me
are changing now.

You will clear my exam room,

and you will never
get near it again.

And you will authorize
Mrs. Johnson's hiring

starting tomorrow morning.

Now, let me tell you
how it works with secretaries.

You don't promote them to lofty
positions above their pay grade

or give them titles
like "Research Assistant."

I didn't even mention
your assistant to the board,

and you should thank me for that

because I'm keeping you
from being perceived as a man

that only thinks with his cock
and not with his head.

Now, as far as your study goes,

your colleagues are
on your side.

So relax.

You care for one, Bill?

They're delicious.
Not that spicy.

- Hey!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

What the hell?!

- Ohh!
- What the fuck?!

Uhh!

Take it easy.

By the time I'm off the phone
tomorrow morning,

there's not gonna be a single
hospital in the Midwest

that's gonna let you so much
as step through their doors!

These need to be mimeographed

and sent to Dr. Papanikolau's
office at Cornell

as soon as possible.

He requested
the files for our program?

Maybe he wants to share them
with the committee

for the Williams Prize.

Actually, Dr. Papanikolau

will be bringing the program
with him

to his new research center
in Miami.

What do you mean?

You'll need to speak to someone

in the audiovisual department

to make duplicates
of the film strip.

You gave him the program?

Why didn't you tell me
about this?

I'm telling you right now.

After you've made
your decision?

I don't need to consult you

about the course of my research.

Your research?!

We're partners.
I-I believed it.

I worked like a dog to get
this program off the ground!

I recommended you
for the Williams Prize!

I didn't ask you to do that.

Well, I did it anyway!
For you!

Papanikolau-- he'll put
his name on your work!

You won't even be a footnote!

I didn't go into medicine

to see my name on a study,
Virginia.

Loraine.
Virginia Johnson.

We met last summer
at the block party.

Of course.
Are you still at Maternity?

I am.

Although I've recently
begun transitioning

to a new line of work.

I'm the new neighborhood
ambassador for Cal-o-Metric.

Oh. This isn't one
of those fad diets, is it?

My sister tried
the cabbage-soup one.

She ended up so bloated,
we called her The Hindenburg.

No, I can assure you,

Cal-o-Metric
is not a fad at all.

No, our trademark nutritional
formula is based

on only the most
cutting-edge science.

Well, good luck with it.

Let me ask you
something, Loraine.

When you see yourself
in the mirror, how do you feel?

How do you feel?

I feel great.

Well, you're lucky, then.

I don't know many women that do.

Well, I'll tell you who does.

A woman who's confident
in her figure.

A woman like that feels great.

In fact, a woman like that
feels fantastic.

But a woman who's not so sure?

Who's maybe put on a pound
or two over the years

or noticed the slightest sag
here and there,

wonders why her husband
doesn't look at her

quite the way he used to.

Or even the checkout boy

who used to stare openly,

but now just looks straight past
her as if she's not even there.

You know, a woman like that--

a woman like that
doesn't feel fantastic at all.

This could be the start
of a brand-new you.

I know it was for me.

Bill.

I need to talk to you.

I hate to tell you guys this,

but your kid's got a bad case
of the cutes!

Dr. Langham decided
to drop by.

Isn't that nice?

I'm in major need
of advice, Bill.

I got this new patient,
real head-scratcher,

right up your alley.

Well, the skeletal
system is not exactly my--

Libby also invited me
to dinner.

She said the two magic words--
veal and shanks.

How could I resist?

Plus I picked up a few
Montecristos this weekend.

You care to join me outside?

I don't smoke.

Why don't you join me, Bill?

Do you want to go see mommy?

I know.

There.

Aw.

Okay.

I did try to make
the heavenly ham loaf first.

It was a Betty Crocker recipe
and everything.

Oh, who, by the way, is a phony.

Did you know that?

Betty Crocker is some
advertising idea dreamed up

by some suits sitting
in a fancy boardroom.

Not a real person at all.

It was a woman.

A woman came up
with Betty Crocker.

Well, you would know

being in the food business.

And I guess you would be
the expert on phony Bettys.

Okay.

I deserve that.

But just so you know,
I'm not going anywhere.

So when you're done
extracting your pound of flesh,

I'll be here.

You knew
you couldn't have kids.

You knew before we married,
before we met.

Why didn't you just tell me?

Because you never
would have married me

- if you knew the truth.
- You know that?!

I know what you saw
when you first met me--

a good Christian girl at church

who'd have good
Christian babies.

I didn't meet you at church.

Of course you did.
Remember?

It was Palm Sunday potluck
and I bumped into you

and your coleslaw fell
into my pocketbook and I--

It was before that.

I have always been shy
with girls.

Always had trouble talking
to them.

So I thought, you know...

go to a-- go to a-a brothel.

You know, maybe there
I could... learn, you know?

I never met a girl
who was nice to me like that.

And I didn't want to leave.

I was so scared

that I would never see you
again.

And then when I walked
into that church that morning,

you were standing right there,
and I knew we were meant to be.

I never thought you were
a good Christian girl.

I just thought you were
the love of my life.

I will admit
it's an acquired taste.

I've always liked the way
it looks.

Gives me sort of
a Hemingway air, I think.

So, what advice can I give you?

Actually, Bill,

there's some advice
I'd like to give you.

Do you know why I married Elise?

I thought it would cure me.

No more wandering eye.

No more chasing ass
like a teenager.

It would be like magic,
you know?

As soon as I put the ring
on my finger, abracadabra,

all that stuff would disappear,

and, well, it would just be me
and her.

I screwed a dental hygienist
named Gerty three months later.

Hated myself for it, too.

Then I spent the next 12 years

hating myself over
and over again.

Most people,
when they get burned,

they don't touch
the stove again,

so what the hell's
the matter with me

that I can't stop touching it?

You don't know how many times
I've asked myself,

"Why... can't you just be
more like Bill?"

And then...
the other night...

at the hotel,

I-I realized that I've been
punishing myself for no reason,

that... you and me--
we're the same.

Two men trying our best.
How about that?

I'm no better or worse
than Bill Masters.

I thought Virginia explained

we're starting up
the study again.

Come on, Bill.
Look who you're talking to here.

I don't know
what you mean by that.

Just don't do it
the way that I did.

You have got to keep this thing
under wraps.

I mean, I am not
the only one who knows.

Lillian DePaul has been wise
to it from the beginning.

Take it from me--
This bachelor life...

is not all it's cracked up
to be.

And don't get me wrong.

There are some days when
it feels like, literally,

I've died and gone
to heaven... literally.

But I can't walk
by the nursery anymore

because when I do see
those little bundles...

all I can think is how much
I want to see my kids.

All I'm saying is whatever
this is you have with Virginia,

you-- you've got to weigh it
against all of this.

Is it worth it?

Tatti Greathouse just called.

She told me
the most outlandish story.

She said that you were fired.

That you assaulted her husband.

I-I-I did lose
my temper, Libby,

but you would have, too.

The man is an utter philistine.

Why do I have
to hear everything

about my husband third hand?!

I was gonna tell you
last night,

but then Austin was here.

This is the second job
in two months, Bill!

Soon there won't be a hospital
left for you to storm out of!

Lib.

Why are you doing this to me?!

Is this our life now-- you
going from one job to another,

always finding some reason
why it's not good enough?!

It's not
about "good enough," Libby.

It's about--

Your study?

They didn't understand
your study?!

Well, they didn't understand it
at Maternity, either!

That doesn't mean
that things won't work out.

They will.
Everything will be fine.

When, Bill?

When, exactly,
will everything be fine?

How many more opportunities
do you have to squander

before you make this work?!

You-- you have a wife
and a child who depend on you!

Doesn't that mean anything?

Y-yes.
Yes, of c-- of course.

That's all I think about--

How to do right by you,
the baby.

You j-- you just have to trust
me right now, okay?

I'm gonna take care of you.

Whatever happens, I will always
take care of you.

You just have to believe that.

Please, Libby.

I ju-- I just-- I just...

I nee-- I need--

All right, all right,
all right, all right.

You'll find the right job.

And we'll be okay.

Everything will be okay.

What's 6 plus 4 equal?

10.

What's 6 plus 12?

Tessa.

Your brother can't do
your homework for you.

He does it better, though.

And what happens
when he isn't there?

Hmm? When the teacher
calls on you in class,

what are you going to do then?

You can't count on anybody else
to do your work for you.

You can only count on yourself.

Everything that is worth doing
you have to do on your own.

Did you do everything
on your own?

No, I didn't.

But I do now.

From now on.

We are so very pleased

that you've decided to join us,
Dr. Masters.

The pleasure is all mine.