All language subtitles for Last Week Tonight 914

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> John: WELCOME, WELCOME,

WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT."

I'M JOHN OLIVER.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING

US.

IT'S BEEN ANOTHER BUSY WEEK.

BORIS JOHNSON NARROWLY SURVIVED

A NO-CONFIDENCE VOTE, THE U.S.

POSTAL SERVICE UNVEILED A NANCY

REAGAN STAMP IN AN APPARENT

ATTEMPT TO CANCEL OUT PRIDE

MONTH, AND THE HOUSE COMMITTEE

INVESTIGATING JANUARY 6TH HELD

ITS FIRST PRIME-TIME HEARING,

PROMPTING A CRISIS FOR

CONSERVATIVE MEDIA.

FOX NEWS OPTED NOT TO AIR IT AT

ALL, AND OAN WENT ONE BETTER,

AIRING A TRIBUTE TO TRUMP

INSTEAD, FEATURING THIS

EXQUISITE TRANSITION TO

COMMERCIALS.

>> YOU HAVE INSPIRED COUNTLESS

MILLIONS AND SHOWN OUR NATION

WHAT IT TRULY MEANS TO MAKE

AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.

FOR ONE AMERICA NEWS, I'M

PEARSON SHARP.

>> GENERIC VIAGRA DELIVERED

WITHIN 48 HOURS IN DISCREET

PACKAGING ON APPROVAL.

NO ONE WILL KNOW BUT YOU.

OH, AND YOUR MAILBOX.

[LAUGHTER]

>> John: PERFECT.

ABSOLUTELY NO NOTES.

WITH THE SOLE EXCEPTION OF,

MAYBE SPARE A THOUGHT FOR THE

MAILBOX THERE.

IT JUST GOT GIVEN A RAGING FLAG

BONER BY DISCREETLY PACKAGED

PILLS, AND NOW IT JUST NEEDS TO

SIT THERE FRUSTRATED AND HOPE

FOR A PIGEON TO LAND JUST RIGHT.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT WE'RE GOING TO START BY

CHECKING IN ON THE

MIDTERM ELECTIONS AGAIN.

THIS TIME, IN ARIZONA, CURRENTLY

REPRESENTED BY TWO DEMOCRATS IN

THE SENATE.

KYRSTEN SINEMA, THE ONLY

SENATOR WHO SEEMS TO BUY ALL HER

CLOTHES EXCLUSIVELY FROM

GIRLBOSS PYRAMID SCHEMES.

[LAUGHTER]

AND MARK KELLY, WHO'S UP FOR

REELECTION.

REPUBLICANS THINK THEY HAVE A

REAL CHANCE OF UNSEATING HIM,

WHICH HAS LED TO A COMPETITIVE

PRIMARY.

THE BEST-KNOWN CONTENDER IS

PROBABLY MARK BRNOVICH,

ARIZONA'S CURRENT AG, WHOSE

WHOLE VIBE CAN PROBABLY BEST BE

SUMMED UP BY THIS VIDEO HE

RELEASED TO CELEBRATE THE END OF

THE STATE'S BAN ON NUNCHUCKS,

WHICH PROVED SO POPULAR, HE

LATER RELEASED THIS SEQUEL:

>> PEOPLE, YOU WANT MORE

CHUCKS?

[LAUGHTER]

>> John: I KNOW THAT'S

RIDICULOUS, BUT I'M PERSONALLY

ENJOYING DANNY McBRIDE'S NEWEST

CHARACTER AND I'M EXCITED TO SEE

WHERE HE GOES WITH IT.

BUT BURNOVICH FACES RESISTANCE

FROM DIE-HARD TRUMP SUPPORTERS,

WHO FEEL HE DIDN'T DO ENOUGH TO

TRY AND OVERTURN THE 2020

ELECTION.

WHICH HAS OPENED UP SPACE FOR

CANDIDATES LIKE JIM LAMON,

A RETIRED ENERGY EXECUTIVE WHO

HAS MADE WAVES WITH THIS TV

SPOT:

>> THE GOOD PEOPLE OF ARIZONA

HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.

IT'S TIME FOR A SHOWDOWN.

♪ ♪

I'M JIM LAMON AND I APPROVE THIS

MESSAGE.

>> John: WELL, YOU SHOULDN'T

HAVE APPROVED IT, JIM, BECAUSE

YOUR AD IS TERRIBLE.

"SHIFTY KELLY" IS SUPPOSED TO BE

MARK KELLY, WHO'S MARRIED TO

GABBY GIFFORDS, WHO SURVIVED

BEING SHOT IN THE HEAD IN 2011.

SO SHOOTING AT HER HUSBAND IS,

AT BEST, INSENSITIVE.

IT'S FRANKLY AMAZING A GROWN MAN

DRESSED IN A SHERIFF COSTUME

THAT LOOKS LIKE IT WAS

DISCONTINUED BY PARTY CITY IS

SOMEHOW JUST THE SECOND MOST

DISTASTEFUL PART OF THAT AD.

BUT SURPRISINGLY, TRUMP DIDN'T

ENDORSE LAMON, EITHER.

INSTEAD, HE'S ENDORSED

BLAKE MASTERS.

AND IF YOU THINK HIS NAME ALONE

MAKES HIM SOUND LIKE A THIRD

TIER BOND VILLAIN WAIT UNTIL YOU

HEAR ABOUT HIS EVERYTHING

ELSE.

BECAUSE MASTERS IS A PETER

THIEL-BACKED, SELF-DESCRIBED

"CONSERVATIVE NATIONALIST."

AND SINCE TRUMP'S ENDORSEMENT,

THINGS HAVE STARTED TO SURFACE

ABOUT HIM, LIKE THIS AUDIO, FROM

A PODCAST THAT HE APPEARED ON

BACK IN APRIL.

>> WE DO HAVE A GUN VIOLENCE IN

THIS COUNTRY AND IT'S GANG

VIOLENCE.

RIGHT?

IT'S GANGS, IT'S PEOPLE IN

CHICAGO, ST. LOUIS, SHOOTING

EACH OTHER.

VERY OFTEN, YOU KNOW, BLACK

PEOPLE, FRANKLY.

>> John: OKAY, BLAMING BLACK

PEOPLE FOR GUN VIOLENCE IN

AMERICA IS JUST OUTRAGEOUSLY,

UNCREATIVELY RACIST.

BUT ALSO UNSURPRISING FROM

SOMEONE WHO -- AND THIS IS

TRUE -- WAS CALLED AN

"IMMIGRATION PATRIOT" BY THE

WHITE NATIONALIST WEBSITE

V-DARE, WHICH PRAISED HIM,

SAYING HE "CHECKS ALL THE RIGHT

BOXES."

AND "HE'S AN IMMIGRATION PATRIOT

WHO CHECKS ALL THE WHITE

SUPREMACIST BOXES" JUST ISN'T

WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT A

MAN RUNNING FOR OFFICE.

YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO HEAR IT

IN A "SEX AND THE CITY"

VOICEOVER.

THAT NIGHT, CHARLOTTE MET

BLAKE, WHO WAS AN IMMIGRATION

PATRIOT WHO CHECKED ALL THE

BOXES, AND I COULDN'T HELP BUT

WONDER: WERE WE ALL JUST

SEARCHING FOR OUR WHITE KNIGHT?

[LAUGHTER]

MASTERS ALSO EMBRACES A NATIONAL

ABORTION BAN, HAS QUESTIONED

WHETHER JANUARY 6TH WAS SET UP

BY THE FBI.

AND THEN THERE'S THIS INTERVIEW,

IN WHICH HE CHOOSES THE EXACT

WRONG ANSWER TO THE SOFTBALL

QUESTION, "WHO'S A SUBVERSIVE

THINKER WHO'S UNDERRATED?"

>> SUBVERSIVE THINKER THAT'S

UNDERRATED?

>> YEAH.

>> I'LL PROBABLY GET IN TROUBLE

FOR SAYING THIS.

I MEAN, I'D SAY, HOW ABOUT,

LIKE, THEODORE KACZYNSKI?

>> GOOD!

GOOD ONE, ACTUALLY, YEAH.

>> UH, PROBABLY NOT GREAT TO BE

TALKING ABOUT THE UNABOMBER

WHILE CAMPAIGNING.

[LAUGHTER]

>> John: YEAH, PROBABLY NOT!

ALSO, I'M SORRY, "THEODORE

KACZYNSKI?"

WHAT ARE YOU, HIS MOM WHEN HE'S

IN TROUBLE?

THEODORE JOHN KACZYNSKI, HAVE

YOU BEEN SENDING MAIL BOMBS TO

AIRLINES AND UNIVERSITIES AROUND

THE COUNTRY FROM A REMOTE CABIN

IN THE MONTANA WILDERNESS?

YOU ARE SO GROUNDED, MISTER!

NAUGHTY THEODORE!

[LAUGHTER]

NOW, MASTERS INSISTS HE DOESN'T

ENDORSE THE "BOMB" ASPECT OF THE

UNABOMBER, WHICH WAS A PRETTY

KEY PART OF HIS WHOLE DEAL.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT UNSURPRISINGLY, JIM LAMON

HAS NOW PRODUCED AN ATTACK AD

FEATURING THAT AND MANY OTHER

TERRIBLE THINGS MASTERS HAS

SAID, AND HIS PUSHBACK TO THAT

WAS FULL OF EVEN MORE RED FLAGS.

>> LOOK, AS MY COMPETITORS

SELF-DESTRUCT, I'M SURE THESE

ATTACKS ARE ONLY GOING TO

INCREASE.

RIGHT, THEY'LL INTERVIEW MY

CLASSMATES FROM MIDDLE SCHOOL.

THEY'LL PORE OVER WHATEVER I MAY

HAVE WRITTEN AS A TEENAGER, TRY

TO TWIST IT ALL OUT OF

PROPORTION.

BUT I'M NOT GOING TO GET SUCKED

INTO THAT KIND OF PETTY, DIRTY

POLITICS.

>> John: HOLY SHIT.

"THEY'LL PORE OVER WHAT I MAY

HAVE WRITTEN AS A TEENAGER" IS

JUST NOT A NORMAL THING TO WORRY

ABOUT.

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S LIKE SAYING, "MY PETTY

OPPONENTS WILL GO FROM DOG POUND

TO DOG POUND, ASKING THE STAFF

WHAT I MAY HAVE DONE WITH ALL

THOSE STRAY DOGS.

CLASSIC PETTY, DIRTY POLITICS."

EXCEPT, NO, IT ISN'T, BLAKE!

IT'S WEIRD, SPECIFIC POLITICS

THAT WE NOW NEED TO KNOW A LOT

MORE ABOUT.

LOOK, THIS PRIMARY IS VERY MUCH

UP IN THE AIR.

AND WE DON'T KNOW WHETHER IT'LL

GO TO NUNCHUCKS McGEE,

THE WORLD'S MOST PATHETIC

COWBOY, OR A GUY WHO LIKED THE

UNABOMBER'S EARLIER, FUNNIER

STUFF.

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT WE DO KNOW, THOUGH, IS

THINGS ARE GOING TO INTENSIFY IN

ARIZONA OVER THE NEXT COUPLE OF

MONTHS, THAT THESE RESULTS COULD

WELL SHIFT THE BALANCE OF POWER

IN THE SENATE, AND THAT,

CRUCIALLY, SOMEONE PROBABLY

NEEDS TO INTERVIEW BLAKE MASTERS

MIDDLE SCHOOL CLASSMATES AS SOON

AS POSSIBLE.

[LAUGHTER]

AND NOW, THIS.

>> Announcer: AND NOW, SEAN

HANNITY'S FAVORITE JOKE.

>> TO COIN A PHRASE, WAS A TOTAL

SCHIFF SHOW IF YOU KNOW WHAT I

MEAN.

>> WE CALL IT THE 2022 ADAM

SCHIFF SHOW.

>> CAPITOL HILL HAS DESCENDED

INTO A ADAM SCHIFF SHOW.

>> ADAM SCHIFF SHOW.

>> THIS LATEST SCHIFF SHOW.

>> A MOSCOW DOESN'T GIVE A ADAM

SCHIFF ABOUT SANCTIONS.

>> SPEAKING OF THEIR ADAM SCHIFF

HOLE.

>> BOMBED THE LIVING SCHIFF OUT

OF ISIS.

>> OF THAT IS TOTAL BULL-SCHIFF.

>> TOTAL B.S., OR TOTAL B

SCHIFF, ADAM SCHIFF.

GUESS WHAT, SPOTIFY IS IN DEEP

TROUBLE, OR ADAM SCHIFF, AS

I CALL IT.

[LAUGHTER]

>> John: MOVING ON.

OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CONCERNS

THE INTERNET, A WORLD-CHANGING

RESOURCE THAT WAS INITIALLY SOLD

TO US LIKE THIS:

>> WE INSTALLED THE INTERNET ON

OUR COMPUTER JUST A SHORT TIME

AGO AND I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO

GET THE KIDS OFF IT EVER SINCE.

>> NOT ONLY DO THEY PLAY THE

TYPICAL COMPUTER GAMES THAT ALL

THE KIDS ENJOY, BUT THEIR

CURIOSITY FOR LEARNING HAS

SKYROCKETED.

PETER IS CONSTANTLY QUOTING

SPORTS STATISTICS, AND HE CAN

TELL YOU THE BEST SURFING SPOTS

AROUND THE GLOBE.

>> NOT TO MENTION THE

IMPROVEMENT IN PETER'S GRADES.

AND DASHA'S, TOO.

>> John: OKAY, FIRST, PETER WAS

NOT CHECKING SURFING SPOTS OR

SPORTS STATISTICS.

PETER WAS MASTURBATING.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT IS WHAT PETER WAS DOING.

BUT SPARE A THOUGHT FOR DASHA

THERE, WHO JUST GETS "ALSO GOOD

GRADES."

YOU DESERVE BETTER, DASHA.

I HOPE YOU GREW UP TO BE AN

EARLY INVESTOR IN CELLPHONES,

MADE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS AND

NEVER SPOKE TO YOUR WEIRD FAMILY

EVER AGAIN.

SPECIFICALLY, WE'RE GOING TO

TALK ABOUT THE FACT OUR

EXPERIENCES ON THE INTERNET ARE

NOW DOMINATED BY A VERY SMALL

HANDFUL OF COMPANIES, WHO ARE

GETTING PRETTY USED TO THROWING

THEIR WEIGHT AROUND.

IN 2020, THE HOUSE JUDICIARY

SUBCOMMITTEE ON ANTITRUST

RELEASED A MASSIVE

450-PAGE REPORT DETAILING

ANTICOMPETITIVE CONDUCT BY

APPLE, AMAZON, FACEBOOK, AND

ALPHABET -- THAT'S THE PARENT

COMPANY OF GOOGLE.

AND THE FINDINGS COULDN'T HAVE

BEEN CLEARER: EACH PLATFORM

SERVES AS A GATEKEEPER OVER A

KEY CHANNEL OF DISTRIBUTION,

ALLOWING THESE GIANTS TO PICK

WINNERS AND LOSERS THROUGHOUT

OUR ECONOMY.

AND I KNOW, FOR SOME, THAT'S

PART OF THE APPEAL.

>> APPLE'S THE EMPIRE OF THE

SMARTPHONE WITH ALL ITS

ATTENDANT SERVICES.

FACEBOOK IS THE REPOSITORY OF

YOUR IDENTITY.

AMAZON'S THE ONLINE WORLD

BACKED BY CLOUD INFRASTRUCTURE.

AND ALPHABET IS ALL THINGS

SEARCH.

NOW, THESE COMPANIES HAVE ALL

CREATED INCREDIBLE PRODUCTS THAT

WE CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT.

THEY ARE GARGANTUAN BUSINESSES

THAT ARE, FOR THE MOST PART,

LOVED AND RESPECTED BY THE MOST

IMPORTANT PEOPLE, THEIR

CUSTOMERS.

ARE THEY MONOPOLISTS?

I HONESTLY DON'T CARE!

I DON'T!

WAKE ME UP WHEN SOMEONE ELSE CAN

DO IT BETTER!

>> John: OKAY, THERE ARE A FEW

PROBLEMS WITH THAT.

FIRST, IN ORDER TO BE WOKEN UP,

AT SOME POINT YOU DO NEED TO GO

TO SLEEP, SOMETHING I FEEL LIKE

JIM CRAMER -- A MAN WHO

CONSTANTLY EXUDES BIG "RUNNING

LATE TO MY CHILD'S THING"

ENERGY -- HASN'T DONE IN THE

LAST DECADE.

BUT SECOND, A BIG THING THESE

COMPANIES ARE ACCUSED OF DOING

IS SUPPRESSING THEIR COMPETITION

SO COMPLETELY THAT WE'D NEVER

ACTUALLY KNOW IF SOMEONE ELSE

COULD DO IT BETTER, BECAUSE

THEY'LL NEVER GET A FAIR CHANCE

TO TRY.

THAT IS THE PROBLEM HERE.

IT'S NOT THAT TECH COMPANIES ARE

INHERENTLY BAD BECAUSE THEY ARE

BIG -- IT'S THAT THEY'RE

ENGAGING IN ANTICOMPETITIVE

BEHAVIOR.

AND HERE'S WHERE, UNUSUALLY, I

MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE SOME GOOD

NEWS.

BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO BILLS

BEFORE CONGRESS RIGHT NOW WITH

BIPARTISAN SUPPORT THAT COULD

CURTAIL AT LEAST SOME OF BIG

TECH'S EXCESSES.

BUT FOR REASONS WE'LL GET INTO

LATER, IF THEY DON'T PASS IN THE

NEXT MONTH OR SO, THEY'RE NOT

LIKELY TO PASS AT ALL.

SO, TONIGHT, LET'S TALK ABOUT

TECH MONOPOLIES, THE HIDDEN HARM

THEY CAN DO, AND HOW BEST TO

ADDRESS THAT.

AND LET'S START WITH A TINY BIT

OF HISTORY.

BECAUSE IN THE PAST, THE U.S.

HAS ACTUALLY TAKEN STRONG ACTION

TO BREAK UP HARMFUL MONOPOLIES.

IN THE EARLY 20TH CENTURY, WE

BROKE UP STANDARD OIL.

AND AS RECENTLY AS 40 YEARS

AGO, THE GOVERNMENT TOOK ACTION

AGAINST, WHO ELSE, BUT AT&T, OUR

BUSINESS DADDY WHO LEFT FOR

CIGARETTES AND NEVER CAME HOME.

[LAUGHTER]

THEY WERE ACTUALLY THE LARGEST

FIRM ON THE PLANET, BACK THEN,

AND BROADLY WELL-RESPECTED AND

CONSIDERED GOOD.

WHICH IS TO SAY, COMPLETELY

UNRECOGNIZABLE FROM THE AT&T OF

TODAY.

BUT CRUCIALLY, THAT POPULARITY

MAY WELL HAVE BEEN BECAUSE

PEOPLE HAD NO ALTERNATIVES.

YOU HAD TO RENT YOUR PHONE FROM

AT&T, AND THEY WERE IN CHARGE OF

BOTH LOCAL AND LONG-DISTANCE

SERVICES, WHICH, AS WE NOW KNOW,

WERE WILDLY OVERPRICED.

AND WHEN MCI -- A MUCH SMALLER

COMPANY -- TRIED TO OFFER

LONG-DISTANCE PHONE SERVICE AT A

LOWER RATE, AT&T WAS NOT HAVING

IT.

>> MCI, WHICH CHARGES UP TO 50%

LESS THAN BELL, ARGUED THAT AT&T

TRIED TO PUT IT OUT OF BUSINESS

BY REFUSING TO PROVIDE EQUIPMENT

NEEDED FOR LONG-DISTANCE

TRANSMISSION.

A KEY EXHIBIT: AT&T'S OWN NOTES

OF A 1972 FLORIDA MEETING BY

COMPANY EXECUTIVES IN WHICH ONE

SAID, "LET'S CHOKE THEM OFF

BEFORE THEY GET STARTED."

>> John: NOW, OBVIOUSLY: FUCK

AT&T NOW AND FOREVER.

BUT IS THAT WHAT THAT SAID?

THE ONLY BITS OF SQUIGGLE I CAN

DECODE THERE ARE THE WORDS,

"DANGEROUS TO SAMANTHAS,"

A DOLLAR SIGN, SOMETHING THAT

WEIRDLY MIGHT BE COVID, AND

THEN SOMETHING THAT'S

DEFINITELY, NO QUESTION,

CAPITAL-B "BALLS."

[LAUGHTER]

THE DOJ THEN ACTUALLY FILED AN

ANTITRUST LAWSUIT, WHICH AT&T

FOUGHT VIGOROUSLY FOR A DECADE.

AND WHEN, IN 1984, IT WAS

FORMALLY BROKEN UP BY THE

GOVERNMENT, AT&T'S CHAIRMAN

WARNED THE PUBLIC THAT WE'D COME

TO REGRET WHAT HAD JUST

HAPPENED.

>> OH, I'VE HAD THE CONVICTION

AND TAKEN THE POSITION IN MORE

THAN ONE FORUM THAT THE COUNTRY

IN THE LONG RUN WILL BE SORRY.

I FIND IT DIFFICULT TO

BELIEVE -- DIFFICULT TO BELIEVE

THAT THINGS WILL WORK AS WELL IN

THE FUTURE AS THEY HAVE IN

THE PAST.

>> John: YEAH, BUT HE WAS WRONG.

THINGS ACTUALLY WORKED BETTER.

BECAUSE IT TURNS OUT, ENDING A

MONOPOLY IS ALMOST ALWAYS A GOOD

THING, WHETHER IT'S AT&T OR

STANDARD OIL, OR LITERALLY ANY

GAME OF MONOPOLY.

WE DIDN'T KNOW IT AT THE TIME,

BUT AT&T'S DOMINANCE WAS

SERIOUSLY HOLDING BACK

INNOVATION.

BUT AS SOON AS IT WASN'T

CONTROLLING THE PHONE LINES AND

WHAT YOU COULD ATTACH TO ITS

NETWORK, MANY NEW PRODUCTS

STARTED PROLIFERATING, FROM THE

ANSWERING MACHINE TO THE MODEM.

THE BREAKUP OF AT&T WAS ACTUALLY

A KEY STEP IN PRODUCING THE

INTERNET REVOLUTION, GIVING US

THE WEB AS WE NOW KNOW IT, AND

PETER THE ABILITY TO LOOK UP

SPORTS STATS, SURFING SPOTS,

AND WHAT WE ALL KNOW HE WAS

REALLY DOING THERE.

[LAUGHTER]

THE POINT IS, WHEN HARMFUL

MONOPOLIES END, INNOVATION

FLOURISHES.

AND I WANT YOU TO BEAR THAT IN

MIND AS WE TALK ABOUT THE

MONOPOLIES OF TODAY: TECH

COMPANIES.

AND TONIGHT WE'RE GOING TO FOCUS

ON JUST ONE WAY THEY USE THEIR

MONOPOLY POWER, SOMETHING CALLED

"SELF-PREFERENCING."

IT'S WHERE COMPANIES UNFAIRLY

FAVOR THEIR OWN PRODUCTS ON

THEIR OWN PLATFORMS, WHICH HAVE

BECOME SO BIG MOST OF US HAVE NO

CHOICE BUT TO USE THEM.

THIS IS A PARTICULARLY BIG

PROBLEM WITH THESE THREE

COMPANIES, AND WE'RE GOING TO

START WITH APPLE.

SPECIFICALLY, ITS APP STORE,

WHICH IS BASICALLY THE ONLY

PLACE TO DOWNLOAD SOFTWARE FOR

YOUR iPHONE.

WHICH IS ALREADY A LITTLE WEIRD

WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, RIGHT?

YOU CAN DOWNLOAD ANY SOFTWARE

YOU LIKE TO YOUR DESKTOP

COMPUTER, BUT IF YOU HAVE AN

iPHONE, APPLE HAS SET IT UP SO

THAT ITS APP STORE IS THE ONLY

GAME IN TOWN.

AND APPLE'S BEEN ACCUSED OF

UNFAIRLY PUSHING ITS OWN APPS TO

THE TOP OF SEARCH RESULTS.

THE COMPANY DENIES DOING THIS,

BUT "THE WALL STREET JOURNAL"

FOUND APPLE APPS THAT GENERATE

REVENUE THROUGH SUBSCRIPTIONS OR

SALES, LIKE MUSIC OR BOOKS,

SHOWED UP FIRST IN 95% OF

SEARCHES RELATED TO THOSE APPS.

BUT REGARDLESS, PERHAPS MORE

IMPORTANT IS THE STRANGLEHOLD

APPLE HAS ON DEVELOPERS WHO WANT

TO GET THEIR APPS ONTO YOUR

PHONE.

BECAUSE THEY ARE REQUIRED TO USE

APPLE'S PAYMENT PROCESSOR, WHICH

TAKES A HUGE PIECE OF EVERY

DOLLAR THAT CUSTOMERS SPEND ON

THOSE APPS AND ANY DIGITAL

PURCHASES WITHIN THEM.

>> APPLE TAKES A 30% COMMISSION

ON SALES OF APPS AND IN-APP

PURCHASES.

SO, IF AN APP COSTS $4.99

UPFRONT, APPLE COLLECTS $1.50.

SAME GOES FOR IF YOU USE AN

APP TO BUY DIGITAL GOODS, LIKE

VIRTUAL WEAPONS, OR SIGN UP FOR

A SUBSCRIPTION TO A MONTHLY

SERVICE.

>> John: IT'S TRUE.

AND THAT WAS PRETTY SHOCKING TO

ME.

IT MEANS EVERY TIME SOMEONE

SPENT MONEY ON THE JEREMY RENNER

APP, SOMETHING REAL PEOPLE

ACTUALLY DID, TO BOOST THEIR

POSTS ABOUT HIM SO THEY COULD

#BeSeen BY JEREMY RENNER --

AGAIN, SOMETHING HUMANS

WANTED -- IN AMOUNTS RANGING

FROM $1.99 TO NEARLY 100 ACTUAL

DOLLARS, APPLE GOT A CUT.

AND THAT IS BLOOD MONEY RIGHT

THERE.

[LAUGHTER]

APPLE MAKES LITERALLY BILLIONS

EVERY YEAR, JUST ON COMMISSIONS

ON APP STORE PURCHASES.

AND SOME APP DEVELOPERS HAVE

TRIED TO FIND WAYS AROUND THIS.

TINDER, FOR INSTANCE, CHARGES A

HIGHER PRICE IF YOU SUBSCRIBE

THROUGH THE APP THAN IF YOU DO

IT ON THEIR WEBSITE.

AND IF YOU OPEN NETFLIX ON YOUR

iPHONE AND DON'T HAVE AN

ACCOUNT, YOU GET A MESSAGE

READING, "TRYING TO JOIN

NETFLIX?

YOU CAN'T SIGN UP FOR NETFLIX IN

THE APP.

WE KNOW IT'S A HASSLE.

AFTER YOU'RE A MEMBER, YOU CAN

START WATCHING IN THE APP."

AND YOU CAN SEE WHY NETFLIX

WOULD DO THAT.

IT DOESN'T WANT TO LOSE A

THIRD OF ITS SUBSCRIPTION

REVENUE TO APPLE.

IT NEEDS THAT MONEY TO PROMOTE

ITS NETFLIX PRIDE MONTH

COLLECTION!

WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY GREAT --

SIMPLY SCROLL BY THE DOZEN

STANDUP SPECIALS

MOCKING THE TRANS COMMUNITY AND

IT'S RIGHT THERE!

SHINE WITH PRIDE, GUYS!

AND WHILE APPLE WILL SAY IT'S

LOWERED ITS COMMISSIONS FOR

CERTAIN SMALL APP DEVELOPERS,

AND NOW EVEN ALLOWS SOME APPS TO

LINK TO AN EXTERNAL WEBSITE AND

BYPASS COMMISSIONS, A KEY REASON

THAT HAPPENED IS THAT THEY WERE

PUT UNDER EXTREME PRESSURE, FROM

LAWSUITS AND FROM REGULATORS

OVERSEAS.

AND IF YOU ARE THINKING,

APPLE'S NOT THE ONLY GAME IN

TOWN, WHAT ABOUT GOOGLE'S APP

STORE?

THEY CHARGE SIMILARLY HIGH

COMMISSIONS TO DEVELOPERS.

AND THE FACT IS, OVER 99% OF

SMARTPHONES ARE PART OF EITHER

GOOGLE'S OR APPLE'S APP

ECOSYSTEM.

LET'S ACTUALLY TALK A BIT ABOUT

GOOGLE NOW.

BECAUSE THEIR APP STORE IS

CLEARLY ONLY A SMALL PART OF

THEIR STORY.

AS I'M SURE YOU KNOW, THEY

ABSOLUTELY DOMINATE ONLINE

SEARCHES.

>> LAST YEAR, GOOGLE

CONDUCTED 90% OF THE WORLD'S

INTERNET SEARCHES.

WHEN BILLIONS OF PEOPLE ASKED

TRILLIONS OF QUESTIONS, IT WAS

GOOGLE THAT PROVIDED THE

ANSWERS, USING COMPUTER

ALGORITHMS KNOWN ONLY TO GOOGLE.

>> THEY HAVE THIS PHRASE THEY

USE, "COMPETITION IS JUST A

CLICK AWAY."

THEY HAVE NO COMPETITION.

BING, THEIR COMPETITION, HAS 2%

OF THE MARKET.

THEY HAVE 90%.

>> John: EXACTLY, PEOPLE USE

GOOGLE TO THE EXTENT "GOOGLING"

SOMETHING IS NOW A VERB.

YOU CAN'T SAY THAT FOR ANY OTHER

SEARCH ENGINE.

NO ONE HAS EVER SAID "I'M GOING

TO BING IT," EXCEPT FOR MAYBE

BING CROSBY ANNOUNCING HE'S

ABOUT TO MASTURBATE.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT THAT'S IT!

AND GOOGLE HAS EXPLOITED THEIR

MARKET DOMINANCE IN SUBTLE WAYS,

HAVING TO DO WITH THE SEARCH

RESULTS THAT IT SHOWS YOU.

BECAUSE IT USED TO BE, WHEN YOU

GOOGLED SOMETHING, YOU GOT

A PAGE THAT LOOKED LIKE THIS:

A SERIES OF BLUE LINKS TO

VARIOUS PAGES ACROSS THE

INTERNET THAT GOOGLE'S ALGORITHM

HAD DETERMINED TO BE THE MOST

RELEVANT.

AND THAT WAS THE COMPANY'S GOAL

AT THE TIME.

AS ITS CO-FOUNDER LARRY PAGE

SAID IN 2004, "MOST PORTALS SHOW

THEIR OWN CONTENT ABOVE CONTENT

ELSEWHERE ON THE WEB.

WE FEEL THAT'S A CONFLICT OF

INTEREST.

WE WANT TO GET YOU OUT OF

GOOGLE AND TO THE RIGHT PLACE AS

FAST AS POSSIBLE."

BUT WHEN YOU SEARCH FOR

SOMETHING TODAY, YOU GET A LOT

OF GOOGLE CONTENT BEFORE

ANYTHING ELSE APPEARS.

IN FACT, "THE MARKUP" FOUND

GOOGLE DEVOTES 41% OF THE FIRST

PAGE OF SEARCH RESULTS ON MOBILE

DEVICES TO ITS OWN PROPERTIES

AND WHAT IT CALLS "DIRECT

ANSWERS" MEANING A USER WOULD

HAVE TO SCROLL NEARLY HALFWAY

DOWN THE PAGE BEFORE REACHING

THE FIRST ORGANIC RESULT IN THAT

SEARCH.

NOW, GOOGLE DISPUTES THEIR

METHODOLOGY, BUT THINK ABOUT

WHAT IT IS LIKE WHEN YOU SEARCH

FOR SOMETHING.

LET'S SAY YOU WANT TO LOOK UP

DOLPHINS.

SO YOU GOOGLE "DOLPHIN ANIMAL",

AND YOU GET THIS, A BUNCH OF

PICTURES OF DOLPHINS ON GOOGLE

IMAGES.

A BUNCH OF BUTTONS UP TOP LIKE

"SOUNDS" THAT MOSTLY LEAD YOU

TO VIDEOS ON YOUTUBE -- ALSO

OWNED BY GOOGLE, BY THE WAY --

A SECTION ON THE RIGHT SIDE

THAT'S MOSTLY LINKS TO RELATED

GOOGLE SEARCHES, LIKE "ORCA" OR

"AMAZON RIVER DOLPHIN" AND

A BOX OF DIRECT ANSWERS TO

QUESTIONS PEOPLE HAVE ASKED

ABOUT DOLPHINS, LIKE

"WHAT ARE FIVE INTERESTING FACTS

ABOUT DOLPHINS?" OR

"IS DOLPHIN A FRIENDLY ANIMAL?"

OR "CAN A DOLPHIN LOVE YOU?"

AND WHILE YOU'VE NEVER EVEN

THOUGHT OF THAT AS POSSIBILITY,

SUDDENLY, YOU'RE CURIOUS.

SO YOU CLICK ON IT, AND IT SAYS

"DOLPHINS HAVE ALSO SHOWN LOVING

EMOTIONS TOWARDS HUMANS."

AND YOUR HEART KIND OF FLUTTERS

FOR A MOMENT, WHO KNEW THAT

THERE WAS ROOM IN A DOLPHIN'S

HEART FOR LOVE?

MAYBE THERE IS ROOM IN ONE FOR

YOU?

THEN YOU SEE MORE QUESTIONS LIKE

"DO DOLPHINS PROTECT HUMANS?"

WHICH THEY MUST, RIGHT?

AFTER ALL, WE JUST LEARNED THEY

CAN LOVE US.

BUT THE ANSWER IS "THERE JUST

ISN'T ANY RELIABLE EVIDENCE THAT

IT'S TRUE."

AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

THEY'RE WILLING TO LOVE, BUT NOT

PROTECT US?

THEY'RE JUST GOING TO THROW OUR

LOVE AWAY?

AND AS THE FEELING OF

BETRAYAL CREEPS IN, YOU SEE THAT

OTHERS HAVE SEARCHED "ARE

DOLPHINS EVIL?"

AND THE ANSWER IS, "DOLPHINS

HAVE A HUGE CAPACITY FOR EVIL."

WHICH, OF COURSE THEY DO.

THEY'RE MONSTERS WITH NO

UNDERSTANDING THAT YOU MIGHT'VE

OPENED UP TO THEM, FOR THE FIRST

TIME IN A LONG TIME, AND THEY'D

ABANDON YOU LIKE YOU'RE NOTHING?

AND THEN YOU SEE "WHAT DO

DOLPHINS THINK OF HUMANS?"

AND YOU CAN BARELY EVEN BREATHE

AS YOU OPEN THIS ONE, BUT YOU

KNOW THE TRUTH BEFORE IT EVEN

APPEARS: "DOLPHINS ARE

ESSENTIALLY BRIBED WITH FISH TO

INTERACT WITH HUMANS."

AND EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE HURT, AT

LEAST YOU CAN ACCEPT THAT IT'S

NOT ACTUALLY YOU, IT WAS NEVER

YOU, IT WAS THE FUCKING DOLPHIN!

[LAUGHTER]

AND THE POINT IS, THROUGHOUT

THAT WHOLE EMOTIONAL

ROLLERCOASTER, YOU NEVER EVEN

LEFT GOOGLE!

IN FACT, ONE ANALYSIS FOUND THAT

TWO-THIRDS OF SEARCHES ON GOOGLE

ENDED WITHOUT EVER CLICKING TO

ANOTHER WEB PROPERTY.

AND THE THING IS, INFORMATION

THAT GOOGLE FEEDS YOU IN

SEARCHES LIKE THAT MAY HAVE BEEN

COPIED FROM OTHER SOURCES,

SOMETIMES WITHOUT THEIR

KNOWLEDGE OR CONSENT.

AND IF YOU'RE THINKING, WELL,

IT'S FREE INFORMATION, WHY DOES

IT MATTER IF I READ IT ON GOOGLE

OR ON THE SITE THEY TOOK IT

FROM?

SITE TRAFFIC IS ONE OF THE MAJOR

TOOLS THAT MANY WEBSITES,

ESPECIALLY FREE ONES, USE TO

SELL AD SPACE, SO TAKING AWAY

VISITORS TO THEIR SITE IS

ESSENTIALLY TAKING MONEY OUT OF

THEIR POCKET.

AND WHEN YELP EXPLICITLY REFUSED

TO HAVE THEIR DATA SCRAPED,

GOOGLE TOLD THEM THE ONLY WAY TO

HAVE THEIR SITE'S CONTENT

REMOVED WAS FOR IT TO BE REMOVED

FROM GOOGLE'S GENERAL RESULTS

ENTIRELY.

AND AS THE CEO OF YELP EXPLAINS,

THAT IS BASICALLY A DEATH

SENTENCE.

>> HOW IMPORTANT IS THAT FIRST

PAGE?

>> IT'S NOT EVEN JUST THE FIRST

PAGE.

IT'S THE FIRST FEW LINKS ON THE

PAGE IS THE VAST MAJORITY OF

WHERE USER ATTENTION GOES, AND

WHERE THE TRAFFIC FLOWS.

>> SO, IF YOU'RE NOT AT THE

TOP OF THE PAGE, OR AT THE

BOTTOM OF THE FIRST PAGE, OR ON

THE SECOND PAGE, THAT'S GOING TO

AFFECT YOUR BUSINESS?

>> YEAH, IF YOU'RE ON THE SECOND

PAGE, FORGET IT, YOU'RE NOT A

REAL BUSINESS.

>> John: EXACTLY.

AND PUTTING THE MERITS OF YELP

ASIDE, GOOGLE'S ALGORITHM

SHOULDN'T DETERMINE WHETHER OR

NOT SOMEONE'S BUSINESS IS REAL.

FRANKLY, THAT DISTINCTION SHOULD

ONLY BE WITHHELD IF SOMEONE'S

BUSINESS INCLUDES THE WORDS

"INSTAGRAM INFLUENCER."

BECAUSE THAT IS NOT A JOB,

YOU'RE NOT A BUSINESS, YOU'RE

JUST ATTRACTIVE, INDEPENDENTLY

WEALTHY, AND IT'S SUNNY OUTSIDE.

THAT IS ALL THAT IS HAPPENING

THERE.

[LAUGHTER]

AND BEFORE JIM CRAMER SAYS "WHO

CARES, BUILD A BETTER PRODUCT

AND YOU'LL LAND ON THE FRONT

PAGE," THE TOP RESULTS

GOOGLE FEEDS YOU MAY NOT

BE THE BEST ONES.

TAKE GOOGLE FLIGHTS.

IT USED TO BE, IF YOU GOOGLED

"NYC TO BOISE," YOUR TOP RESULTS

WOULD BE LINKS TO SITES LIKE

THESE.

BUT NOW, YOU'LL ALMOST ALWAYS

GET THIS GOOGLE FLIGHTS WIDGET

AT THE TOP OF THE PAGE, ALREADY

SET UP SO THAT YOU CAN CAN STAY

ON GOOGLE AND FIND A FLIGHT

WITHOUT CLICKING ANYWHERE ELSE.

AND WHILE YOU, PERSONALLY, MIGHT

SCROLL DOWN PAST THAT, MANY

DON'T.

AND THE INDUSTRY HAS FELT THIS.

AS ONE TRAVEL ANALYST WROTE,

"THE FACT THAT GOOGLE IS

LEVERAGING ITS DOMINANCE AS A

SEARCH ENGINE INTO TAKING MARKET

SHARE AWAY FROM TRAVEL

COMPETITORS IS NO LONGER EVEN

DEBATABLE."

AND GOOGLE MIGHT SAY THAT IT'S

AT THE TOP BECAUSE IT'S THE

BEST.

BUT "THE MARKUP" FOUND GOOGLE

FLIGHTS DID NOT ALWAYS DISPLAY

THE CHEAPEST FARES, OR ALL

AVAILABLE FLIGHTS.

THOUGH I GUESS THAT EXPLAINS WHY

GOOGLE FLIGHTS' BANNER IMAGE IS

A WOMAN AND A CHILD HIKING

SOMEWHERE WHILE POINTING AT AN

AIRPLANE THAT THEY ARE NOT ON,

SEEMINGLY SAYING, "WHAT THE

FUCK?

THERE ARE FLIGHTS HERE?

[LAUGHTER]

GOOGLE TOLD US OUR BEST OPTION

WAS TO WALK TO DENVER!"

NOW, GOOGLE, LIKE APPLE, WILL

QUIBBLE WITH A LOT OF WHAT I'VE

JUST SAID.

THEY'LL TELL YOU THEY SEND

BILLIONS OF CLICKS OUTSIDE OF

GOOGLE EVERY DAY, AND THAT THEY

DON'T PREFERENCE GOOGLE FLIGHTS

IN SEARCHES, WHICH...

OKAY!

OKAY, GOOGLE!

THEY'LL ALSO TELL YOU

YELP AND OTHER COMPANIES CAN NOW

SELECT WHICH OF THEIR

INFORMATION GETS SCRAPED, THOUGH

THAT ONLY HAPPENED UNDER SERIOUS

PRESSURE FROM THE FTC.

AND IF YOU'RE NOTICING A THEME

HERE THAT THESE COMPANIES ONLY

DO THE RIGHT THING WHEN THEY'RE

PUSHED UP AGAINST THE WALL,

THAT'S A LITTLE BIT THE POINT.

BUT ARGUABLY THE COMPANY MOST

GUILTY OF SELF-PREFERENCING IS

AMAZON, FOUNDED, OF COURSE, BY

A MAN RICH ENOUGH TO BUY

ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING, INCLUDING,

SEEMINGLY, THE RIGHTS TO

PITBULL'S IDENTITY.

[LAUGHTER]

AMAZON REPORTEDLY CONTROLS

65% TO 70% OF ALL U.S. ONLINE

MARKETPLACE SALES.

IT HOSTS ABOUT 2.3 MILLION

ACTIVE THIRD-PARTY SELLERS FROM

ALL AROUND THE WORLD, AND TO

THOSE SELLERS, LIKE THIS MAN,

WHO SOLD SPORTING GOODS, IT'S

CLOSE TO THE ONLY GAME IN TOWN.

>> YOU'VE GOT TO BE ON AMAZON.

YOU HAVE TO BE THERE, BECAUSE

THAT'S WHERE EVERYONE IS.

100 MILLION PRIME SUBSCRIBERS.

>> THEY WILL TELL YOU THAT THERE

ARE OPTIONS.

THERE IS WALMART, THERE IS ALLIE

BABA.

>> I'VE HEARD THAT RESPONSE FROM

AMAZON EXECUTIVES BEFORE.

AND WE DID THAT.

>> WE LISTED ALL

OF OUR PRODUCTS ON EVERY OTHER

ONLINE MARKETPLACE.

ALL OF THE OTHERS THAT WERE

NON-AMAZON, COMBINED, DID ABOUT

10% OF WHAT WE WERE DOING ON

AMAZON.

>> John: EXACTLY, AMAZON IS

ESSENTIALLY THE ONLY PLACE TO

SELL ANYTHING ON THE INTERNET,

UNLESS, THAT IS, YOU'RE LOOKING

TO OFFLOAD SOME HUMAN TEETH.

THEN IT'S CRAIGSLIST ALL THE

WAY, BABY!

[LAUGHTER]

AND FOR A THIRD-PARTY SELLER,

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE

WORLD IS SOMETHING CALLED THE

"BUY BOX."

IT'S THAT LITTLE BOX THAT SHOWS

UP ON ANY AMAZON PRODUCT PAGE,

WHERE YOU CAN INSTANTLY CLICK TO

BUY.

SO WHEN WE SEARCHED FOR DURACELL

AAA BATTERIES, WE GOT

THIS PAGE, AND HERE'S THE BUY

BOX, RIGHT HERE, WHERE WITH ONE

CLICK, WE COULD BUY A PACK FOR

$14.

AND YOU MIGHT ASSUME THAT'S THE

BEST DEAL, BUT IF YOU CLICK

ON THIS LITTLE BOX BELOW, YOU

CAN SEE MULTIPLE OTHER SELLERS

WHO ARE OFFERING THE SAME

PRODUCT, MANY AT A LOWER PRICE.

THE PROBLEM IS, MOST PEOPLE

AREN'T GOING TO SEE THAT,

BECAUSE AN ESTIMATED 80% OF

AMAZON SALES GO THROUGH THAT

FIRST BUY BOX, AND IT'S EVEN

MORE FOR MOBILE PURCHASES.

BECAUSE IF WE'VE LEARNED

ANYTHING SO FAR TONIGHT IT'S

THAT NOBODY EVER, EVER WANTS TO

SCROLL DOWN.

SO OUT OF ALL THOSE SELLERS,

ONLY ONE OF THEM GETS TO BE IN

THAT BOX.

AND NOBODY EXCEPT AMAZON KNOWS

HOW ITS ALGORITHM PICKS THE

WINNER.

BUT IT SURE SEEMS TO

CONSISTENTLY FAVOR AMAZON, WITH

ONE ANALYSIS FINDING THE COMPANY

CHOSE ITSELF FOR THE BUY BOX FOR

ABOUT 40% OF PRODUCTS, WHILE THE

NEXT HIGHEST SELLER GOT IT IN

JUST HALF OF ONE PERCENT OF

POPULAR PRODUCTS.

AND EVEN WHEN THE BUY BOX DID

GO TO A THIRD-PARTY SELLER,

NINE OUT OF TEN TIMES, IT WENT

TO THOSE THAT USED AMAZON'S

SHIPPING SERVICE, FULFILLED BY

AMAZON.

BASICALLY, IT IS AMAZON'S

PLAYGROUND, THEY MAKE THE RULES,

AND THEY DO SEEM TO WIN A LOT OF

THE TIME.

AND AS THIS EXPERT POINTS OUT,

IF THEY'RE COMPETING WITH YOU,

YOU'RE BASICALLY DEAD.

>> THIRD-PARTY SELLERS HAVE TOLD

ME THAT ONCE THEY SEE THAT

AMAZON IS SELLING THE SAME GOOD

THAT THEY'RE SELLING, THEY

LIQUIDATE THEIR INVENTORY.

THEY KNOW IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO

COMPETE AGAINST AMAZON ON

AMAZON'S OWN PLATFORM.

>> John: OF COURSE.

THINK ABOUT IT, OF COURSE IT IS.

YOU DON'T STAND A CHANCE.

AMAZON IS TO RETAILERS WHAT

DOLPHINS ARE TO THE HUMAN HEART.

[LAUGHTER]

IF THEY TAKE AN INTEREST IN YOU,

YOU ARE GOING TO WIND UP

DEVASTATED.

FUCK YOU, FLIPPER!

[LAUGHTER]

AND THE THING IS, AMAZON ISN'T

JUST A MARKETPLACE OR INDEED A

SHIPPING COMPANY, IT ALSO

STARTED COMING UP WITH ITS OWN

PRODUCTS NOW.

BECAUSE IT CURRENTLY HAS

APPROXIMATELY 158,000

PRIVATE LABEL PRODUCTS ACROSS 45

IN-HOUSE BRANDS.

AND IT'S BEEN ACCUSED OF

PREFERENCING THEM OVER ITS

COMPETITORS -- OR EVEN WORSE,

MAKING CLEAR KNOCKOFFS OF

PRODUCTS THAT'VE BEEN

SUCCESSFULLY SOLD ON ITS

WEBSITE.

TAKE A SMALL COMPANY CALLED

PEAK DESIGN.

IT MADE THIS CAMERA BAG, AND

WHEN IT NOTICED A SUSPICIOUSLY

SIMILAR BAG BEING SOLD BY

AMAZON, IT MADE THIS PRETTY

DECENT, SNARKY VIDEO IN

RESPONSE.

>> THIS IS THE EVERYDAY SLING BY

PEAK DESIGN.

AND THIS IS THE EVERYDAY SLING

BY AMAZON BASICS.

IT LOOKS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE

THE PEAK DESIGN EVERYDAY SLING,

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR

ALL THOSE NEEDLESS BELLS AND

WHISTLES, LIKE YEARS OF RESEARCH

AND DEVELOPMENT, RECYCLED

BLUESIGN-APPROVED MATERIALS, A

LIFETIME WARRANTY, FAIRLY PAID

FACTORY WORKERS, AND TOTAL

CARBON NEUTRALITY.

INSTEAD, YOU JUST GET A BAG

DESIGNED BY THE CRACK TEAM AT

THE AMAZON BASICS DEPARTMENT.

[LAUGHTER]

>> John: YEAH, IT SURE SEEMS

AMAZON IS PUTTING OUT A CHEAP

COPY WITH ESSENTIALLY THE SAME

NAME AND DESIGN.

AND IT'S PRETTY WEIRD THAT ONE

OF THE BIGGEST COMPANIES IN THE

WORLD SEEMS TO BE USING THE SAME

STRATEGY AS KNOCKOFF DVDs

DESIGNED TO CONFUSE PARENTS.

"HEY KIDS, WE GOT YOU THE MOVIES

YOU ASKED FOR: RATATOUILLE,

TRANSMORPHERS, AND CHOP KICK

PANDA!

WHY ARE YOU CRYING?

IT'S WHAT YOU WANTED"

AND AMAZON HAS A HUGE ADVANTAGE

OVER ITS COMPETITORS, BECAUSE IT

RUNS THE MARKETPLACE, AND HAS

ACCESS TO ALL THE INDEPENDENT

SELLER DATA -- LIKE,

HYPOTHETICALLY, WHAT BAG IS

PROVING POPULAR.

AND LOOK, AMAZON DENIES THAT

THEY PREFERENCE THEMSELVES,

THEIR OWN PRODUCTS, OR SELLERS

THAT PAY FOR THEIR LOGISTICS

SERVICES.

AND THEY ALSO DENY RIPPING OFF

PRODUCTS BASED ON INTERNAL DATA,

THOUGH WHEN JEFF BEZOS WAS ASKED

ABOUT THAT DIRECTLY, HIS ANSWER

WASN'T GREAT.

>> LET ME ASK YOU, MR. BEZOS,

DOES AMAZON EVER ACCESS AND USE

THIRD-PARTY SELLER DATA WHEN

MAKING BUSINESS DECISIONS?

AND JUST A "YES" OR "NO" WILL

SUFFICE, SIR.

>> I CAN'T ANSWER THAT QUESTION

"YES" OR "NO."

WHAT I CAN TELL YOU IS WE HAVE A

POLICY AGAINST USING

SELLER-SPECIFIC DATA TO AID OUR

PRIVATE LABEL BUSINESS.

BUT I CAN'T GUARANTEE YOU THAT

THAT POLICY HAS NEVER BEEN

VIOLATED.

>> John: NOT GREAT, JEFF!

"WE HAVE A POLICY BUT I CAN'T

GUARANTEE YOU IT HASN'T BEEN

VIOLATED" HAS GOTTA BE ONE OF

THE MOST INCRIMINATING WAYS TO

ANSWER A QUESTION.

IT'S RIGHT UP THERE WITH

ANSWERING "DID YOU BREAK THE

LAW?" WITH "WHICH LAW?"

LOOK, IT'S PRETTY CLEAR HERE:

SELF-PREFERENCING STIFLES

COMPETITION, HURTS SMALL

BUSINESS AND OFTEN RESULTS IN

SERVING CONSUMERS AN INFERIOR

PRODUCT.

SO WHAT CAN WE DO?

WELL, THAT BRINGS ME TO THE GOOD

NEWS I MENTIONED EARLIER.

BECAUSE THESE TWO BILLS ARE

CURRENTLY BEFORE CONGRESS, AND

WOULD ADDRESS SOME OF THE

PROBLEMS YOU'VE SEEN TONIGHT.

AMONG OTHER THINGS, THEY'D STOP

MASSIVE COMPANIES THAT OPERATE

APP STORES, LIKE APPLE AND

GOOGLE, FROM REQUIRING

DEVELOPERS TO USE THE COMPANY'S

OWN IN-APP PAYMENT PROCESSOR,

AND THEY'D BAN ADVANTAGING A

PLATFORM'S OWN PRODUCTS,

SERVICES, OR LINES OF BUSINESS

OVER THOSE OF A RIVAL.

AND UNSURPRISINGLY, TECH

COMPANIES ARE FIGHTING THESE

BILLS HARD, MAKING THE SAME

ARGUMENTS THAT AT&T MADE 40

YEARS AGO -- THAT IF YOU TAMPER

WITH THEM, THINGS WON'T WORK AS

WELL IN THE FUTURE AS THEY DID

IN THE PAST.

ALTHOUGH THIS TIME, THEY ALSO

HAVE TRADE GROUPS RUNNING

RIDICULOUS ADS LIKE THIS:

>> WASHINGTON IS FULL OF

PROBLEMS, NOT SOLUTIONS.

EVERY TIME THEY GET INVOLVED IN

A NEW AREA OF OUR LIVES, THEY

JUST SEEM TO MAKE THINGS WORSE.

AND NOW, POLITICIANS ARE

BOASTING ABOUT A PLAN TO CONTROL

MY DEVICES AND HOW I USE THEM?

[LAUGHTER]

THEIR SILLY IDEAS COULD RUIN

SOME OF THE SERVICES THAT I RELY

ON.

IF I NEED DIRECTIONS, I SIMPLY

CLICK ONE BUTTON AND IT GETS ME

STRAIGHT TO WHERE I NEED TO GO.

IN THEIR SEARCH FOR POPULARITY

AND POWER, D.C. DOESN'T CARE

WHETHER THEY MESS UP WHAT I NEED

FROM THE INTERNET.

MY MESSAGE TO WASHINGTON: FOCUS

ON FIXING AMERICA'S REAL

PROBLEMS.

AND LEAVE MY PHONE ALONE.

[LAUGHTER]

>> John: WHAT IS GOING ON WITH

THAT UNSETTLING MAN?

"FOCUS ON AMERICA'S REAL

PROBLEMS, LIKE ME, AND WHATEVER

MY DEAL IS, BECAUSE WHAT IS

GOING ON WITH ME?

WHAT'S THAT THING IN MY TRUCK?

IS IT A TRASHCAN TAPED TO A

DESK?

A JABBA THE HUTT BARGE TAPED TO

A CHIMNEY?

ALSO, WHAT DID I JUST DO TO IT,

AND WHY?

MY BROADER POINT SEEMS TO BE I'D

LIKE GOVERNMENT TO PAY LESS

ATTENTION TO WHATEVER WEIRD SHIT

THAT I'M DEFINITELY UP TO.

BASICALLY, TO LEAVE MY PHONE AND

WHATEVER OBVIOUSLY INCRIMINATING

SHIT IS ON THERE ALONE, OR I

WILL LUNGE AT YOU.

I WILL LUNGE RIGHT AT YOU,

WASHINGTON!

[LAUGHTER]

THESE COMPANIES HAVE PUSHED SOME

WILD ARGUMENTS, FROM CLAIMING

THE BILLS WILL HELP CHINA, TO

SAYING THEY'LL SOMEHOW HURT

PEOPLE OF COLOR.

AND WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO GO

THROUGH EVERY BULLSHIT BOOGEYMAN

THEY'VE COME UP WITH, BUT NONE

OF THEM REALLY STAND UP, AND

SOME HAVE FALLEN APART

SPECTACULARLY.

APPLE, FOR INSTANCE, CLAIMS THEY

HAVE TO CONTROL THE APPS YOU

CAN DOWNLOAD, OTHERWISE IT

WOULD EXPOSE USERS TO SERIOUS

SECURITY RISKS.

IGNORING THE FACT THAT THESE

BILLS HAVE EXPLICIT CARVEOUTS

FOR THAT, IF APPLE COULD PROVE

THOSE RISKS GENUINELY EXIST.

AS FOR AMAZON AND GOOGLE,

THEY'VE BEEN ARGUING SMALL

BUSINESSES WOULD BE HARMED BY

THESE BILLS, FUNDING LOBBYING

GROUPS LIKE THIS ONE, THE

CONNECTED COMMERCE COUNCIL,

WHICH SUPPOSEDLY REPRESENTS

5,000 SMALL BUSINESSES WHO

ALL OPPOSE ANTITRUST REGULATION.

BUT WHEN POLITICO REACHED OUT TO

ITS MEMBERS, NEARLY ALL OF THE

BUSINESSES IT CONTACTED SAID

THEY'D NEVER HEARD OF THE

CONNECTED COMMERCE COUNCIL.

[LAUGHTER]

AND I DO GET WHY AMAZON, IN

PARTICULAR, WOULDN'T HAVE FILLED

THEM IN ABOUT IT, BECAUSE WHEN

IT DIRECTLY ASKED ITS

THIRD-PARTY SELLERS TO OPPOSE

THESE BILLS, ONE OF THEM WROTE

BACK, "ANY INFORMED SELLER IS

GOING TO SUPPORT MASSIVE ACTION

TAKEN AGAINST AMAZON IN THE

ANTITRUST ARENA.

WE ARE NOT MORONS AND KNOW

HOW TO READ AND THINK FOR

FOR OURSELVES."

WHICH IS BASICALLY A POLITE WAY

OF SAYING, "FUCK YOU AND

THE SPACESHIP YOU RODE IN ON."

THE TRUTH IS, THESE BILLS ARE

NARROW -- ARGUABLY, TOO NARROW.

BUT THAT'S PROBABLY WHY THEY

HAVE BROAD BIPARTISAN SUPPORT.

BOTH BERNIE SANDERS AND JOSH

HAWLEY WANT TO PASS THESE BILLS.

THAT'S BASICALLY THE ONLY THING

THEY HAVE IN COMMON.

APART FROM THE FACT BOTH THEIR

SMILES ARE EXCLUSIVELY UPPER

TEETH, NO LIP.

SO WHY HAVEN'T THE BILLS MOVED

FORWARD?

WELL, SOME BELIEVE IT DOESN'T

HELP THAT AT LEAST 17 MEMBERS OF

CONGRESS CURRENTLY HAVE CHILDREN

WHO WORK OR HAVE RECENTLY WORKED

FOR FOUR OF THE BIGGEST TECH

COMPANIES, INCLUDING, CRUCIALLY,

CHUCK SCHUMER'S DAUGHTERS, ONE

OF WHOM WORKS AS A MARKETING

MANAGER AT META, AND ONE OF WHOM

IS A LITERAL REGISTERED LOBBYIST

FOR AMAZON.

AND THE REASON THAT IS

INTERESTING IS BECAUSE

CHUCK SCHUMER IS THE PERSON WHO

NEEDS TO CALL THESE BILLS TO A

VOTE.

AND WHILE HE HAS CERTAINLY SAID

HE'LL DO THAT, HE HASN'T DONE IT

YET, AND IF HE DOESN'T DO IT

BEFORE CONGRESS LEAVES FOR ITS

AUGUST RECESS, THE BILLS ARE

PROBABLY DEAD, BECAUSE IN THE

FALL, EVERYONE'S GOING TO HAVE

MOVED ON TO FOCUSING ON THE

MIDTERM ELECTIONS, WHERE AS WELL

ALL KNOW, THE DEMOCRATS WILL BE

ABSOLUTELY ANNIHILATED.

SO WE HAVE A VERY SMALL WINDOW,

RIGHT NOW, TO ACTUALLY DO

SOMETHING ABOUT THIS.

AND IF ANY PART OF YOU IS

THINKING, WHO CARES?

THINGS BASICALLY WORK FINE FOR

ME RIGHT NOW.

IT'S WORTH REMEMBERING, PEOPLE

THOUGHT THINGS WORKED FINE WITH

AT&T BEFORE THEY WERE BROKEN UP,

BECAUSE THEY LITERALLY DIDN'T

KNOW WHAT THEY WERE MISSING.

THE PROBLEM WITH LETTING A FEW

COMPANIES CONTROL WHOLE SECTORS

OF THE ECONOMY IS THAT IT LIMITS

WHAT'S POSSIBLE FOR STARTUPS BY,

IF I MAY QUOTE AT&T'S

INCOHERENT MEMO, "CHOKING THEM

BEFORE THEY CAN EVEN GET

STARTED."

AN INNOVATIVE APP, OR WEBSITE,

OR PRODUCT, MIGHT NEVER GET OFF

THE GROUND, BECAUSE IT COULD BE

SURCHARGED TO DEATH, BURIED IN

SEARCH RESULTS, OR RIPPED OFF

COMPLETELY.

THESE BILLS WOULD CRACK THE DOOR

BACK OPEN FOR INNOVATION, AND

NUDGE THE INTERNET BACK TOWARD

WHAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FROM

THE START: A REVOLUTIONARY TOOL

THAT EXPANDS GLOBAL ACCESS TO

INFORMATION, AND THE ABSOLUTE

BEST PLACE TO RESEARCH SURFING

SPOTS.

GET YOURS, PETER.

GET YOURS.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT'S OUR SHOW.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING.

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

GOOD NIGHT!

♪ ♪