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1
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New York City,
no matter how well you think you know it...
2
00:01:05,048 --> 00:01:08,113
there's always somewhere
or someone new to discover.
3
00:01:08,727 --> 00:01:11,891
I was on my second date with Ray King,
who lived in Queens...
4
00:01:11,959 --> 00:01:14,228
but it felt like our second,
third and fourth date...
5
00:01:14,295 --> 00:01:16,716
because we'd been to three jazz clubs
in one night.
6
00:01:16,791 --> 00:01:18,930
I can't sing for shit, but damn, can I chop.
7
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And where does one learn this skill?
8
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- Jersey Shore.
- Is that where you're from?
9
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Listen. This lick right here
is why I wanted to play the bass.
10
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Man.
11
00:01:30,678 --> 00:01:32,139
How about that?
12
00:01:32,502 --> 00:01:34,290
Jesus, that's sweet.
13
00:01:34,805 --> 00:01:36,267
Listen to that again.
14
00:01:52,244 --> 00:01:53,706
How about that?
15
00:01:57,971 --> 00:02:00,273
This might be a good time to tell you...
16
00:02:01,011 --> 00:02:02,473
I don't like jazz.
17
00:02:06,803 --> 00:02:09,170
Why would you say something like that?
18
00:02:09,490 --> 00:02:11,465
I don't know, you can't follow it...
19
00:02:11,539 --> 00:02:13,393
and there's no melody.
20
00:02:13,458 --> 00:02:15,630
And it's just like... It's all over the place.
21
00:02:15,699 --> 00:02:18,895
Carrie, you gotta stop trying
to make it be something else...
22
00:02:19,058 --> 00:02:21,065
and appreciate it for what it is.
23
00:02:21,394 --> 00:02:22,921
Damn, I wish I had my bass.
24
00:02:25,042 --> 00:02:26,951
Come here, you be the bass.
25
00:02:27,697 --> 00:02:30,512
Don't I have to be
in the musician's union or something?
26
00:02:30,929 --> 00:02:32,358
You play all those instruments?
27
00:02:32,433 --> 00:02:35,978
"Play" is a little strong.
I learn a few notes, I get bored, I move on.
28
00:02:36,913 --> 00:02:38,636
Listen to the bass.
29
00:02:39,824 --> 00:02:41,318
The beauty of jazz...
30
00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:43,436
is that it can go anywhere.
31
00:02:44,272 --> 00:02:45,963
It can go from here...
32
00:02:47,472 --> 00:02:48,749
to here...
33
00:02:50,896 --> 00:02:52,205
to here...
34
00:02:55,119 --> 00:02:58,348
It was right about that time
that I started to appreciate...
35
00:02:58,415 --> 00:03:01,033
a little type of music we call jazz.
36
00:03:04,270 --> 00:03:06,212
So what did you do last night?
37
00:03:06,702 --> 00:03:08,393
I listened to jazz.
38
00:03:11,150 --> 00:03:13,222
What is so funny about jazz?
39
00:03:14,286 --> 00:03:15,879
Okay, here it is.
40
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,139
Last night, with Ray...
41
00:03:20,397 --> 00:03:21,608
I had...
42
00:03:24,237 --> 00:03:26,986
the most intense orgasm of my entire life.
43
00:03:28,653 --> 00:03:30,987
I did my laundry. Continue.
44
00:03:31,117 --> 00:03:34,761
It doesn't make sense, I barely know him.
We've only been on two dates.
45
00:03:34,828 --> 00:03:36,388
And yet you had sex with him.
46
00:03:36,460 --> 00:03:39,209
Can everyone please let Carrie
talk about the sex?
47
00:03:39,628 --> 00:03:42,245
The mind-blowing sex. Now...
48
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:45,771
I realize that this next statement...
49
00:03:46,251 --> 00:03:48,422
makes me a bit of a freak, but...
50
00:03:50,251 --> 00:03:52,804
I usually have to be in love with someone...
51
00:03:53,035 --> 00:03:54,791
to have that kind of orgasm.
52
00:03:55,019 --> 00:03:59,012
- You might want to see someone about that.
- What the hell is going on?
53
00:03:59,082 --> 00:04:00,511
Maybe Ray is the one.
54
00:04:00,746 --> 00:04:02,437
Your clitoris seems to think so.
55
00:04:02,602 --> 00:04:04,129
It was probably just a fluke.
56
00:04:04,330 --> 00:04:06,152
I'm going back tomorrow to find out.
57
00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:08,451
I, on the other hand, am on strike.
58
00:04:08,681 --> 00:04:09,925
What does that mean?
59
00:04:10,249 --> 00:04:12,354
It means I'm not having any more sex.
60
00:04:12,425 --> 00:04:14,564
That's not a strike, honey, that's a slump.
61
00:04:14,634 --> 00:04:18,146
No, it might have started as a slump,
but I'm in control of it now.
62
00:04:18,313 --> 00:04:21,891
I've made the conscious decision
not to have sex until conditions improve.
63
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:24,349
How many people
will be affected by this strike?
64
00:04:24,617 --> 00:04:27,878
So far, just the one, but I'm optimistic.
65
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:32,797
The thing is,
I can't go on any more bad dates.
66
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,814
I would rather be home alone
than out with some guy...
67
00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:38,051
who sells socks on the Internet.
68
00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:40,770
I'm dating someone.
69
00:04:41,415 --> 00:04:43,302
Someone I actually like.
70
00:04:44,967 --> 00:04:46,079
Maria.
71
00:04:49,575 --> 00:04:52,193
My Maria, from the gallery?
72
00:04:52,263 --> 00:04:54,532
She's my Maria now, we're having a...
73
00:04:55,078 --> 00:04:56,223
relationship.
74
00:04:57,286 --> 00:04:59,773
Yes, ladies, I'm a lesbian.
75
00:05:01,542 --> 00:05:02,948
Wait a second.
76
00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:06,234
- You're in a relationship?
- Yes.
77
00:05:07,717 --> 00:05:10,587
And she just walked in.
Please get those looks off your faces.
78
00:05:17,733 --> 00:05:19,555
- Hello.
- You know Charlotte.
79
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:20,568
Sure.
80
00:05:20,644 --> 00:05:22,368
And this is Carrie and Miranda.
81
00:05:22,436 --> 00:05:24,028
- Hi!
- It's so nice to meet you.
82
00:05:24,900 --> 00:05:26,689
I see you told them.
83
00:05:28,451 --> 00:05:29,825
How does that work?
84
00:05:30,083 --> 00:05:32,287
You go to bed,
you wake up the next morning...
85
00:05:32,355 --> 00:05:33,729
and you're a lesbian?
86
00:05:33,796 --> 00:05:37,723
- I forgot to tell you, I'm a fire hydrant.
- I'm a shoe.
87
00:05:37,794 --> 00:05:40,664
I always wanted to be one, and now I am.
88
00:05:40,738 --> 00:05:43,673
I don't think she's a lesbian,
I think she just ran out of men.
89
00:05:43,747 --> 00:05:46,168
Then you go on strike, you don't eat pussy.
90
00:05:47,362 --> 00:05:50,231
Did you just say "eat pussy"?
91
00:05:50,370 --> 00:05:52,410
I did, but just for emphasis.
92
00:05:54,946 --> 00:05:59,102
You know, the truly amazing thing is,
I had the news tonight.
93
00:05:59,169 --> 00:06:03,446
- I had the most intense...
- "Mind-blowing," I believe was the word.
94
00:06:03,521 --> 00:06:05,179
...orgasm of my life...
95
00:06:05,249 --> 00:06:07,965
and Samantha still managed to up-sex me.
96
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:16,767
They met at my gallery. I introduced them.
97
00:06:16,832 --> 00:06:18,326
You're a pimp.
98
00:06:19,392 --> 00:06:23,647
Later that night, inspired by Samantha's
willingness to explore new territory...
99
00:06:23,712 --> 00:06:26,843
Charlotte felt it was time
to conquer some old territory.
100
00:06:27,295 --> 00:06:28,277
The bed...
101
00:06:28,351 --> 00:06:31,700
where she and Trey
had so much trouble as man and wife.
102
00:06:32,062 --> 00:06:33,175
Here we are.
103
00:06:33,919 --> 00:06:34,901
Yep.
104
00:06:36,510 --> 00:06:38,397
Should we have a glass of wine first?
105
00:06:38,494 --> 00:06:41,396
- I'm fine, unless you...
- No, I'm okay.
106
00:06:47,038 --> 00:06:48,696
If you don't feel ready...
107
00:06:59,869 --> 00:07:03,611
Just because she was on strike
didn't mean she had to do without.
108
00:07:05,916 --> 00:07:09,298
That's how Miranda discovered
the perfect relationship.
109
00:07:10,492 --> 00:07:13,175
Jon Stewart and chocolate �clairs.
110
00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:17,497
...be here today and she is,
from what I understand, in love with me.
111
00:07:18,555 --> 00:07:19,537
That night...
112
00:07:19,611 --> 00:07:23,026
Charlotte and Trey enjoyed a sweet ending
to their evening as well.
113
00:07:24,475 --> 00:07:25,849
Not bad.
114
00:07:27,963 --> 00:07:30,002
It was almost mind-blowing.
115
00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:32,243
Charlotte was relieved.
116
00:07:32,602 --> 00:07:35,187
Now that they had fixed their problem
in the bedroom...
117
00:07:35,258 --> 00:07:38,292
she was ready to move back
into the other rooms as well.
118
00:07:39,130 --> 00:07:40,340
So...
119
00:07:41,593 --> 00:07:43,382
what are you thinking?
120
00:07:44,250 --> 00:07:47,795
I'm thinking I've never seen
my John Thomas so hard.
121
00:07:48,665 --> 00:07:52,593
I swear, at times
I felt like it was gonna rocket right off.
122
00:07:54,297 --> 00:07:56,119
What were you thinking?
123
00:07:57,624 --> 00:07:59,479
I don't know.
124
00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:03,217
Should I...
125
00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:08,850
Do you...
126
00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:14,293
- Are we ready to...
- Go again?
127
00:08:18,135 --> 00:08:20,469
Houston, we don't have a problem.
128
00:08:21,975 --> 00:08:25,357
Three, two, one, blastoff!
129
00:08:29,302 --> 00:08:31,538
- Who is it?
- It's Ray.
130
00:08:32,469 --> 00:08:33,964
Hi, come on up.
131
00:08:34,901 --> 00:08:35,949
Shit.
132
00:08:40,949 --> 00:08:44,810
So, did you and the girls
run down the street talking about me?
133
00:08:45,205 --> 00:08:47,179
- Maybe.
- How many blocks?
134
00:08:48,724 --> 00:08:50,666
Two, okay, nine.
135
00:08:51,252 --> 00:08:53,074
Honestly, I'm a little hurt.
136
00:08:53,140 --> 00:08:57,580
After all the hours I've spent listening
to you people talk about your relationships.
137
00:08:58,260 --> 00:08:59,438
You do that?
138
00:08:59,508 --> 00:09:01,100
I make the courtesy call.
139
00:09:01,171 --> 00:09:03,692
"Do you think you love him?
Blah, blah, blah."
140
00:09:04,563 --> 00:09:07,280
You just caught us a little off guard
with the lesbian thing.
141
00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:09,736
That's just a label, like Gucci or Versace.
142
00:09:09,811 --> 00:09:10,956
Or Birkenstock.
143
00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:13,193
This is not about being gay or straight.
144
00:09:13,715 --> 00:09:15,569
Maria is an incredible woman.
145
00:09:15,858 --> 00:09:18,094
She's got passion, and talent...
146
00:09:18,162 --> 00:09:20,267
- intelligence...
- A vagina.
147
00:09:20,978 --> 00:09:23,596
- Vagina schmagina.
- "Schmagina"?
148
00:09:24,178 --> 00:09:26,283
Is that what the lesbians are calling it?
149
00:09:26,673 --> 00:09:29,007
For your information,
we haven't even had sex yet.
150
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:30,151
Wow.
151
00:09:30,225 --> 00:09:32,080
You really are in a relationship.
152
00:09:32,145 --> 00:09:35,560
I am. Life is not all about sex.
153
00:09:35,985 --> 00:09:37,839
Try telling that to her schmagina.
154
00:09:38,481 --> 00:09:41,066
I want a bourbon,
and I want to go down on you.
155
00:09:41,936 --> 00:09:44,075
Not necessarily in that order.
156
00:09:44,272 --> 00:09:45,701
The truth is...
157
00:09:45,776 --> 00:09:48,263
I really want it to be special the first time.
158
00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:51,429
I'm sure that it will be special.
159
00:09:53,391 --> 00:09:56,325
I'm sure it will be special, because...
160
00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:58,312
Is Ray there?
161
00:09:58,991 --> 00:10:01,260
No, Samantha, I'm listening.
162
00:10:02,159 --> 00:10:03,206
I'm listening.
163
00:10:04,302 --> 00:10:06,669
The next day,
I thought about what Samantha said.
164
00:10:06,734 --> 00:10:10,029
She wasn't having sex
because she wanted to have a relationship...
165
00:10:10,094 --> 00:10:13,989
and I was having mind-blowing sex
hoping to turn it into a relationship.
166
00:10:14,062 --> 00:10:15,338
So there you have it.
167
00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:17,446
We've got a relationship without sex...
168
00:10:17,518 --> 00:10:19,274
and sex without a relationship.
169
00:10:19,342 --> 00:10:21,513
Which had a better shot at survival?
170
00:10:21,837 --> 00:10:25,731
I couldn't help but wonder,
what comes first, the chicken or the sex?
171
00:10:26,957 --> 00:10:29,891
That night I decided to really talk to Ray.
172
00:10:30,061 --> 00:10:33,192
I figured we needed
to catch the relationship up to the sex.
173
00:10:33,676 --> 00:10:35,302
That was the plan.
174
00:10:36,012 --> 00:10:38,882
Wait a minute.
175
00:10:39,308 --> 00:10:42,439
I asked you a question.
Where did you go to school?
176
00:10:43,211 --> 00:10:44,160
All over.
177
00:10:46,732 --> 00:10:49,481
Freckles on the legs,
nothing wrong with that.
178
00:10:50,027 --> 00:10:52,580
It was my best relationship ever.
179
00:10:54,763 --> 00:10:56,902
Meanwhile, over at Casa de Lesbo...
180
00:10:56,971 --> 00:10:58,793
That coq au vin was amazing.
181
00:10:59,594 --> 00:11:02,910
You can paint,
you can cook, you can do everything.
182
00:11:07,305 --> 00:11:08,254
But...
183
00:11:08,714 --> 00:11:12,543
you brought the most incredible dessert.
184
00:11:14,058 --> 00:11:15,367
Want a bite?
185
00:11:20,392 --> 00:11:23,174
Samantha decided
if she was going to be gay...
186
00:11:23,241 --> 00:11:25,128
she'd be gay all the way.
187
00:11:31,048 --> 00:11:33,186
I might not be much in the kitchen...
188
00:11:34,056 --> 00:11:36,609
but I'm more than enough in the bedroom.
189
00:11:48,167 --> 00:11:49,377
Baby.
190
00:11:49,446 --> 00:11:50,875
Samantha.
191
00:11:52,326 --> 00:11:54,747
It's not really working for me.
192
00:11:55,782 --> 00:11:59,459
It was a phrase
Samantha had never heard in bed before.
193
00:11:59,878 --> 00:12:03,587
Honey, I've never gotten any complaints
from the men.
194
00:12:06,085 --> 00:12:07,711
Men.
195
00:12:09,093 --> 00:12:12,605
I want you to look at me.
196
00:12:14,469 --> 00:12:16,356
Connect with me.
197
00:12:18,212 --> 00:12:20,634
This is lovemaking.
198
00:12:20,964 --> 00:12:22,818
It's not a porno flick.
199
00:12:23,940 --> 00:12:26,842
I want to show you. I'm gonna lay down.
200
00:12:27,012 --> 00:12:29,346
And I want you to look at my boceta.
201
00:12:31,235 --> 00:12:33,853
It's a Portuguese word for "pussy."
202
00:12:42,338 --> 00:12:45,305
Meanwhile, Miranda,
still off sex and on chocolate...
203
00:12:45,378 --> 00:12:48,673
couldn't bring herself to order
the seven �clairs she really wanted.
204
00:12:48,738 --> 00:12:50,494
So she asked for just one.
205
00:12:50,690 --> 00:12:53,243
One cake, please.
206
00:12:53,761 --> 00:12:56,445
- Which do you recommend?
- I'd go with the Louvre.
207
00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:59,065
Monsieur Payard's signature chocolate cake.
208
00:13:00,385 --> 00:13:01,497
Sold.
209
00:13:01,665 --> 00:13:03,770
Okay, that'll be $74.50.
210
00:13:03,937 --> 00:13:06,392
As in 74 dollars and 50 cents?
211
00:13:06,529 --> 00:13:07,576
Yes.
212
00:13:07,937 --> 00:13:10,719
Miranda decided
she didn't need a cake that badly...
213
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:16,858
especially when she could make one
for under $5.
214
00:13:17,632 --> 00:13:20,534
Every once in a while,
a girl has to indulge herself.
215
00:13:43,517 --> 00:13:45,241
I'm on the mallard!
216
00:13:45,470 --> 00:13:46,615
Sorry.
217
00:14:35,354 --> 00:14:37,393
He still hasn't asked me to move back in.
218
00:14:37,466 --> 00:14:39,833
We make love all over the apartment.
In the morning...
219
00:14:39,898 --> 00:14:42,800
I get in a cab and go home
like a Park Avenue hooker!
220
00:14:42,874 --> 00:14:45,045
- Can't you bring it up?
- No!
221
00:14:45,113 --> 00:14:47,928
We finally got the penis working,
I don't want to scare it.
222
00:14:47,993 --> 00:14:50,098
Why can't I have the relationship
and the sex?
223
00:14:50,169 --> 00:14:52,176
- Why is it one or the other?
- You got me.
224
00:14:52,249 --> 00:14:54,867
I wanna order. Where's the lesbian du jour?
225
00:14:55,384 --> 00:14:59,824
Listen, you guys, when she gets here,
we have to talk about her relationship.
226
00:14:59,896 --> 00:15:02,285
She was mad
we didn't take it seriously last time.
227
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,709
Please. She isn't having a relationship,
she's just doing this to bug us.
228
00:15:05,784 --> 00:15:08,533
I don't know. They haven't even had sex yet.
229
00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:11,285
She said she wants it to be special.
230
00:15:11,351 --> 00:15:12,595
- Really?
- Yeah.
231
00:15:14,423 --> 00:15:18,197
Then we should be supportive. This is the
healthiest thing she's done in ages.
232
00:15:18,263 --> 00:15:20,684
Does anybody want to split
the chocolate pudding?
233
00:15:21,334 --> 00:15:22,643
Morning, ladies.
234
00:15:22,710 --> 00:15:24,434
- Morning.
- Hi!
235
00:15:27,638 --> 00:15:31,184
Tell us about your relationship.
How is everything going with Maria?
236
00:15:32,245 --> 00:15:35,344
Did you know
that when a vagina gets engorged...
237
00:15:35,414 --> 00:15:37,453
it expands to the size of a fist?
238
00:15:37,525 --> 00:15:39,435
It's like a fabulous cave.
239
00:15:39,541 --> 00:15:40,948
I guess they've had sex.
240
00:15:41,013 --> 00:15:44,275
- Apparently so.
- And we have three holes down there.
241
00:15:44,437 --> 00:15:46,673
Okay, stop talking about your relationship.
242
00:15:46,741 --> 00:15:49,839
But it's fascinating!
There are places a dick just can't go.
243
00:15:49,909 --> 00:15:52,210
Some dicks manage just fine.
244
00:15:52,276 --> 00:15:54,415
Please, Maria has 10 dicks.
245
00:15:54,772 --> 00:15:56,780
For the record, you started this.
246
00:15:57,396 --> 00:15:58,738
I am sorry...
247
00:15:58,804 --> 00:16:02,033
but a finger is not a dick.
248
00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:04,336
A finger is more like a third of a dick.
249
00:16:04,403 --> 00:16:07,185
So technically,
Maria only has three and a third dicks.
250
00:16:07,251 --> 00:16:09,837
I can tell you right now, this...
251
00:16:11,315 --> 00:16:13,835
is not the same as this.
252
00:16:14,290 --> 00:16:15,851
Okay, put that away.
253
00:16:16,370 --> 00:16:19,217
I'm just saying,
size has nothing to do with it.
254
00:16:19,602 --> 00:16:21,358
What's happening to you?
255
00:16:21,426 --> 00:16:23,433
I'm getting an education.
256
00:16:23,602 --> 00:16:26,122
Not only do I now know everything
there is to know...
257
00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:28,081
about the glorious boceta...
258
00:16:28,145 --> 00:16:29,803
That's Portuguese for "pussy."
259
00:16:29,873 --> 00:16:32,426
"Boceta, schmagina,
let's call the whole thing off."
260
00:16:32,497 --> 00:16:34,253
The most important thing...
261
00:16:34,321 --> 00:16:37,769
is that Maria has taught me
how to connect during sex.
262
00:16:38,097 --> 00:16:39,984
It's not just some animal act.
263
00:16:41,137 --> 00:16:44,136
It's about two people making love.
264
00:16:53,424 --> 00:16:54,438
Hi.
265
00:16:54,992 --> 00:16:57,228
I couldn't pick a shirt.
Red, blue, I didn't know.
266
00:16:57,295 --> 00:16:59,335
Come on in, I'm making margaritas.
267
00:17:00,815 --> 00:17:02,473
Look what I bought today.
268
00:17:03,182 --> 00:17:06,117
- My first jazz CD.
- No.
269
00:17:08,015 --> 00:17:10,349
You gotta hear that on vinyl.
270
00:17:12,430 --> 00:17:13,477
Wait, Ray.
271
00:17:15,917 --> 00:17:18,765
Stop. Don't play anything.
272
00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:22,474
Don't scat, don't chop, don't blend...
273
00:17:22,605 --> 00:17:23,587
Could we...
274
00:17:23,661 --> 00:17:25,930
Could we just sit and talk for a while?
275
00:17:27,053 --> 00:17:29,322
The "gotta talk" girl, gotta talk.
276
00:17:29,389 --> 00:17:31,658
"What are you thinking?
Where is this going?"
277
00:17:31,725 --> 00:17:33,667
I'm not that girl.
278
00:17:33,868 --> 00:17:36,388
I'm not any girl, I just want to talk.
279
00:17:37,804 --> 00:17:39,298
You know, talk.
280
00:17:40,236 --> 00:17:44,578
Like, where are you from?
You said something about the Jersey Shore.
281
00:17:44,652 --> 00:17:46,823
I spent a couple summers there.
282
00:17:47,563 --> 00:17:50,694
Worked on the boardwalk.
There was a skeet shooting place I went to.
283
00:17:50,763 --> 00:17:53,316
- On the Jersey Shore?
- Upstate New York, college.
284
00:17:53,387 --> 00:17:54,947
And, pull!
285
00:17:55,339 --> 00:17:58,186
Man, why no skeet in the city?
I love the skeet.
286
00:17:58,251 --> 00:18:00,902
I should open one in New York.
Maybe sell a club.
287
00:18:00,971 --> 00:18:03,392
When was the last time
you had canned corn?
288
00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:05,735
That sounds good right now. You hungry?
289
00:18:05,802 --> 00:18:08,191
No, because remember I met...
290
00:18:08,266 --> 00:18:11,527
I had a pot pie in Vegas once,
loaded with corn...
291
00:18:11,593 --> 00:18:12,771
As Ray talked...
292
00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:16,354
I realized he wasn't spontaneous
and unpredictable and thrilling.
293
00:18:17,929 --> 00:18:20,350
He was a guy with ADD.
294
00:18:21,448 --> 00:18:24,994
What kind of relationship could I have
with a guy I couldn't even talk to?
295
00:18:25,065 --> 00:18:26,177
Flaky crust.
296
00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:27,847
I'd have to end it.
297
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:29,726
You like pies?
298
00:18:33,896 --> 00:18:35,237
Wanna play me?
299
00:18:35,912 --> 00:18:37,318
Yeah.
300
00:18:37,384 --> 00:18:38,627
Eventually.
301
00:18:44,967 --> 00:18:46,690
Meanwhile, uptown...
302
00:18:47,623 --> 00:18:48,605
I was thinking.
303
00:18:48,678 --> 00:18:51,777
...Charlotte gave Trey one more chance
to ask her to move in.
304
00:18:52,166 --> 00:18:53,955
I'm just gonna say it.
305
00:18:55,430 --> 00:18:57,089
Next time I'm hard...
306
00:18:57,159 --> 00:18:59,940
would you consider
measuring my John Thomas?
307
00:19:00,326 --> 00:19:02,301
What? No!
308
00:19:03,077 --> 00:19:05,084
I understand, it's juvenile, I know.
309
00:19:05,157 --> 00:19:07,645
But I've just never seen it like this.
310
00:19:09,605 --> 00:19:11,361
I'm taking a shower.
311
00:19:12,741 --> 00:19:15,872
Charlotte was never a woman
who cared much about penises...
312
00:19:16,324 --> 00:19:18,812
and now a penis was running her life.
313
00:19:21,732 --> 00:19:23,008
Forget it.
314
00:19:29,636 --> 00:19:31,196
As Charlotte lathered up...
315
00:19:31,267 --> 00:19:33,503
she really started to get lathered up.
316
00:19:34,596 --> 00:19:36,384
Who did he think he was?
317
00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:39,098
He was her husband, and she was his wife.
318
00:19:39,203 --> 00:19:42,431
What the hell was going on
in this Upper East Side nightmare?
319
00:19:45,890 --> 00:19:48,508
I'm tired of being married to your penis!
320
00:19:48,834 --> 00:19:50,176
I am a person.
321
00:19:50,306 --> 00:19:52,194
This is supposed to be a relationship!
322
00:19:52,290 --> 00:19:54,362
And I am done walking on eggshells!
323
00:19:54,817 --> 00:19:57,338
"Don't talk about moving in
in front of the penis...
324
00:19:57,410 --> 00:19:58,936
"'cause it might go soft."
325
00:19:59,009 --> 00:20:01,726
"The penis likes this,"
and "The penis doesn't like that!"
326
00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:04,160
And "The penis wants to be measured!"
327
00:20:04,225 --> 00:20:06,494
- It was just a thought.
- Here's another thought!
328
00:20:06,561 --> 00:20:08,830
You can shove this marriage up your ass!
329
00:20:08,993 --> 00:20:10,040
Don't go.
330
00:20:10,113 --> 00:20:13,887
I'm going home to my own apartment,
where I have a lease.
331
00:20:14,657 --> 00:20:17,788
I hope that you and your penis
have a very lovely night!
332
00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:31,868
Meanwhile, Miranda
was getting fed up as well...
333
00:20:31,967 --> 00:20:33,145
with herself.
334
00:20:59,453 --> 00:21:01,624
Hi, it's me, leave a message.
335
00:21:01,821 --> 00:21:03,381
I know you're probably busy...
336
00:21:03,453 --> 00:21:05,722
having mind-blowing sex right now...
337
00:21:05,852 --> 00:21:09,627
but I feel that you need to know,
your good friend, Miranda Hobbes...
338
00:21:09,692 --> 00:21:12,441
has just taken a piece of cake
out of the garbage...
339
00:21:12,508 --> 00:21:13,785
and eaten it.
340
00:21:14,076 --> 00:21:16,051
You'll probably need this information...
341
00:21:16,124 --> 00:21:18,873
when you check me
in to the Betty Crocker Clinic.
342
00:21:34,714 --> 00:21:36,623
That night Miranda realized...
343
00:21:36,698 --> 00:21:40,080
she'd been using chocolate
as a substitute for sex...
344
00:21:40,186 --> 00:21:42,706
and now she needed
a substitute for chocolate.
345
00:21:50,137 --> 00:21:52,308
The strike was officially over.
346
00:21:54,745 --> 00:21:56,152
That's perfect!
347
00:21:56,216 --> 00:22:00,144
Just when she thought she knew everything
there was to know about women...
348
00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:05,237
Samantha caused the very elusive...
349
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:06,993
female ejaculation.
350
00:22:07,064 --> 00:22:08,274
Was that good or bad?
351
00:22:08,343 --> 00:22:11,507
That was very good.
352
00:22:12,215 --> 00:22:15,085
Samantha got the relationship and the sex.
353
00:22:15,831 --> 00:22:18,798
In fact, a little more sex
than she'd expected.
354
00:22:21,878 --> 00:22:23,252
I want some water.
355
00:22:23,670 --> 00:22:25,132
You want some water?
356
00:22:26,710 --> 00:22:27,659
Be right back.
357
00:22:27,734 --> 00:22:29,938
The next morning,
I woke up with a new thought.
358
00:22:30,006 --> 00:22:31,916
Maybe Ray was like jazz.
359
00:22:31,989 --> 00:22:35,502
Instead of trying to make him be
something else, I needed to let go...
360
00:22:35,573 --> 00:22:37,460
and appreciate him for what he was.
361
00:22:37,686 --> 00:22:40,020
Truly mind-blowing sex.
362
00:23:01,811 --> 00:23:03,372
But unfortunately...
363
00:23:03,508 --> 00:23:06,158
I got the feeling
Ray had stopped playing me...
364
00:23:06,227 --> 00:23:08,562
and moved on to another instrument.
365
00:23:18,034 --> 00:23:19,463
Morning, ma'am.
366
00:23:19,890 --> 00:23:20,970
Morning.
367
00:23:23,026 --> 00:23:24,968
You left something at my...
368
00:23:27,026 --> 00:23:28,848
At the apartment.
369
00:23:33,297 --> 00:23:36,144
I want you to move back in...
370
00:23:36,656 --> 00:23:38,696
and get rid of this old apartment.
371
00:23:39,313 --> 00:23:41,680
And stay all night, every night.
372
00:23:42,257 --> 00:23:45,071
And wake up next to me every morning
and be my wife.
373
00:23:47,472 --> 00:23:49,228
- You do?
- Yeah.
374
00:23:50,864 --> 00:23:53,547
I talked it over with my penis
and we both agree.
375
00:23:55,919 --> 00:23:57,829
I don't want to lose you again.
376
00:23:59,855 --> 00:24:02,538
Charlotte York MacDougal...
377
00:24:03,823 --> 00:24:05,416
will you remarry me?
378
00:24:06,383 --> 00:24:08,041
Yes, Trey MacDougal...
379
00:24:08,942 --> 00:24:10,764
I will remarry you.
380
00:24:33,325 --> 00:24:36,707
Walking home from ADD,
"another dating disaster"...
381
00:24:36,780 --> 00:24:40,162
I worried that there's
a reason they call it "mind-blowing" sex.
382
00:24:40,364 --> 00:24:44,738
Maybe that kind of physical connection
obliterates the chance of an intellectual one.
383
00:24:44,907 --> 00:24:47,907
Or maybe it's possible to find both.
384
00:24:48,492 --> 00:24:52,136
That's what I was hoping,
because great sex is great...
385
00:24:52,203 --> 00:24:55,334
but I still like a song
with a melody I can sing to.
28913
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