All language subtitles for sabrina.the.teenage.witch.s05e22.Finally!.eng

Hey! Want a fresh cup of The Guatemalan?

Obviously, you prefer the Venezuelan.

Girl, why don't you go talk to him?

I can't just go and introduce myself to a guy I don't even know.

What if he's not interested in me?

Well, you'll never know unless you go say hello!

Or hola, you know, your choice.

I can't do it!

Just bring me something with a lot of chocolate and leave me alone.

Some people in here are so pathetic.

What can we do? Hilda is our boss.

But once we graduate we'll never have to see her again.

Well, you might have to, she's your aunt.

I'm talking about our single customers.

I wish there was some way we could bring them together,

you're a nice guy, you're a nice girl,

now go get a blood test and a mortgage.

You know, I've heard of these parties where singles get paired off for 5 minutes at a time

and if they click, they exchange phone numbers, and if they don't, they move on to the next person.

Five minute dates? That is so unromantic!

But what a time saver!

Ew, ew, ew!

Are you people trying to disgust me?

Aunt Hilda, Josh and I want to turn the coffee house into a singles meeting place.

Great!

Then maybe I'll finally meet someone, dump this joint and never have to see this people again.

Well, I might have to see you again, you're my niece.

Aunt Hilda, the mixers wouldn't be for you, they would be for the college kids.

Everything is for kids!

Movies, fashion, penne pasta.

What is so wrong with an egg noodle?

We'll charge $5 a head and you'll get half.

Wait, we're charging for this?

Absolutely! People are desperate for love

and they are willing to pay big bucks for it.

Great idea, Josh!

Now all you need is a big white hat and a purple El Dorado.

Don't be so cynical, Sabrina!

In a cold and alienating world, it's a wonderful thing to bring people together.

I'll play hostess and do stand up for 60% of the gross.

I'll give you 65 to take the night off.

Deal!

You know, Josh, I like the idea of helping out our single customers

but I'm not sure about charging 5 bucks.

Are you kidding me?

These schmoes spend double that to sit alone in a cold, dark cineplex.

At least here, they have a shot at looking at someone besides Helen Hunt.

I'm sold.

And whatever money we make, we'll put towards a nice dinner for the two of us.

You had me at Helen Hunt.

Poor thing, she'll never get up the courage to make a move.

Girl needs a guy who catches their eye, make her less shy when he walks by.

- Hey, Sabrina!
- Harvey!

I was in the neighbourhood and decided to drop by.

Oh, I'm glad you did! It's great to see you!

So, you want to sit down and catch up?

Hi.

I don't usually do things like this,

but I'm Pam and I think you're cute.

Thanks! I'm Harvey and I think you're cute too.

You want to go out and get something to eat?

I'd love to!

Then afterwards we can check up one of the new Helen Hunt movies.

See you, Sabrina.

They're lucky. Next week that would've cost them five bucks.

Hilda, I just opened our Visa bill.

How could you spend $3000 on WW2 memorabilia?

What are you talking about? You know I'm a Boer War kind of girl.

Well, if these aren't your Visa charges, and they aren't your Visa charges,

then whose are they?

Mushi, mushi!

The name on the card is Zelda Spellman.

Hai. Oshoroshi ni kan gao ni mo.

Oso wari mas. Domo arigato, mister Lobato!

Just what do you think you're doing?

I know the kimono is a little gauche, but it's so damn silky.

I'm talking about my credit card!

Oh, that. Just making a little impulse buy.

The future Mrs. Miyoshi Saberhagen ships in two weeks.

You bought a mail order bride?

Dummy! What are you going to do when a Japanese woman shows up

and sees that her No.1 American husband is a cat!

When she sees the engagement ring you bought her with your Discovery card,

she won't care! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Can't you believe the nerve of that mangy little furball?

Stealing from us and then flaunting it!

When was the last time actual toast came out of that thing?

It's for you, from the Other Realm Department of Justice.

Justice? That can't be good.

Oh, you're looking fine.

I was feeling fine until you showed up.

What do you want, Harry?

A date for New Years. And to read this.

Hilda Spellman, as a gesture of amnesty

the outgoing president of the Witches Council pardons you

and everyone else involved in the Witch Water scandal.

That's fantastic! I've been pardoned!

I knew buying his wife that spa weekend would pay off.

And the bottom line is you're no longer required to feed, clothe and house Salem Saberhagen.

The feline felon will be assigned a new halfway house.

Salem won't be living with us anymore?

Hilda, have you forgotten?

He's a hardened criminal who led a bloody insurrection to try to take over the world.

Everyone makes a mistake now and then.

I suppose if you really want to keep him…

Zelda, my fancy fleece has lumps, and so does my litter box.

Hilda, roll up your sleeves and start scooping.

Book him, Dan-o.

Zelda, he's gone!

We'll never see Salem again!

Free at last!

Thank God Almighty! We're free at last!

Hey, what's that for?

Josh and I are throwing a singles party at the coffee house.

I'm sure you think it's stupid.

I haven't been on a date in 5 months, I can live with stupid.

Well, there's no motivation like desperation.

Ok, so, I'm watching Deep Space 9, and there was this cool episode…

…about the bork!

Well, she wasn't your type anyway.

Yeah, I usually strike out with the normal, human ones.

Let's face it, I'm never going to meet a girl!

Yes, you are! Lots of them!

Why should I pay $5 to get rejected when I do it so well for free?

For every girl who says no, you're that much closer to the one who'll say yes.

Dating is a numbers game!

So, getting rejected by 20 girls in one night is a good thing.

Yeah, and for only five bucks, it's a bargain!

I never realized what a pack rat Salem was!

It't amazing, he saved everything,

wrapping paper, aluminium foil,

my Cartier watch!

He needed something to go with your Ferragamo handbag.

Zely, are you sure I did the right thing with Salem?

Yes, absolutely, he was evil, selfish and disgusting.

Yes, good bye and good riddance.

But, honestly, how cute was he when he wore this little outfit?

I loved his Shirley Temple phase.

Remember how he put that one and sing The Good Ship Lollypop?

That cat can really shuffle off to Buffalo.

I do hope he lands some place nice.

Well, who are you?

Salem Saberhagen, aka The Fist, aka Mr Yuli.

That must be the new parolee Harry said he was sending over.

You are correct, Madame!

Now, if you'd kindly show me to my quarters,

I'd like to freshen up before gorging on a nice ceviche appetizer.

Oh, of course you would, yes!

- He seemed nice.
- Yes.

Uh-oh!

Something tells me this isn't the Good Ship Lollypop.

Welcome to Dick and Doris prison labour camp.

My name is Snake and I'll be your dungeon master.

Now get sewing or you're going to be my lunch!

But I don't know how to sew!

Just give me a minute to thread my bobbin!

This is going great!

I mean, how could would it be if everyone here got dates and the singles night really took off?

Very cool. And very profitable!

Sabrina, you and I have discovered a beautiful way to create meaningful, lasting relationships.

Switch!

- I'm Steve.
- Hi, I'm Erika.

I know you, you're in my biology lab!

I've been trying to get up the nerve to talk to you all semester.

I wanted to talk to you too!

Let's find out if we're soulmates in the next 4 minutes and 20 seconds.

Hey, I think we've got a budding romance here.

Yeah, I think we do.

I mean, they do!

Well, right, yeah, them.

Why don't I make sure we have enough sugar packets?

Yeah, and I'll refill the coffee pot… as soon as it's empty.

Time!

My name is Miles. Thus far we've only know each other as roommates,

but I'm open to other avenues.

Make a U-turn, this road is closed.

I didn't pay five bucks to get chatted up by Miles!

I want to meet that cute guy over there!

That's my friend Brett.

He should be at your table in another four bells.

Well, the girl knows what she wants.

We might have a few seconds together before the next bell.

I need you to sum up your entire being in four words. Go.

Not interested in you.

Four words on the dot.

Can I get a bell, please?

Well, I call this evening a total success.

I bet more than a dozen numbers were exchanged.

Yeah, Roxy met my friend Brett, Miles met my friend Holly,

and I met a lot of dead presidents.

So, where do you want Mr Lincoln and his pals to take us to dinner?

Well, I know Roxie is a little bit nervous about her first date with Brett,

so maybe the 4 of us and the Lincolns can go some place together.

Sounds good to me!

And all Abes are up for anything, as long as we don't wind up at the theatre.

I'm so excited about going out with Brett.

Thanks for double dating with us!

How many times do I have to tell you? We're not dating!

And how many times do I have to tell you that you should be?

Well, we tried it but it didn't work.

Then he tried but I just wanted to be friends.

Then I tried but he was dating Morgan.

Which he isn't anymore.

The man is coming over to take you to a kung fu movie.

Dead giveaway that he wants a serious relationship!

You think so?

What I think is that you two are perfect for each other.

I don't know what's holding either of you back.

- Hey, you're ready?
- Maybe I am!

Where's Brett?

Oh, he couldn't make it.

At the last second his buddy got him a box seat for the Red Sox game.

He told me to tell you he's sorry.

That makes two of us.

Wait a minute!

Ok, Brett cancels but he doesn't botter to call Roxie and tell her himself?

Like I said, he just got the tickets, he knew I was coming over here,

and I told him I'd give Roxie the message. Which I did.

Roxie, are you ok?

I'll be fine. Have a great time.

Ok, we better go.

You don't want to miss the beginning of a Bruce Lee movie,

the first ten minutes sets up the whole emotional arch.

Hold the phone!

When Brett told you he was cancelling to go to the game, what did you say?

Ah… who's pitching?

You didn't say anything about how rude he was, how insensitive,

how you could never be friends with someone who was so morally bankrupt?

I felt it was implied!

Come on! We don't want to miss that cartoon with the little dancing hot dog!

See if you can get what I'm implying.

You and I aren't going to the movies.

All right, let me get this straight, Sabrina,

you think my friend acted like a jerk and you're blaming me.

No, I'm blaming you because you don't even realise your friend acted like a jerk.

Ok, fine, Brett was a jerk! Are you happy?

No, you're just saying that because you don't want to keep arguing.

I can't argue with that.

You know, Josh, the scary thing about this is you're not who I thought you were.

Yes, I am, I just happen to have a jerky friend!

Miles, what do you think about a guy who doesn't care how a woman is treated?

What do you think about a woman who blames a guy for stuff another guy does?

You both need to relax.

This is a normal argument that eventually all couples have.

We're not a couple!

Then stop messing with my mind!

I'm going to pick up Holly for our date.

Aren't you guys supposed to be at the Bruce Lee movie?

We were until Johnny Blackheart here decided that

he didn't care if his friend treated my friend like dirt.

Oh, you're just not gonna let this go, are you?

Hang on a second!

You have extra tickets to the 1971 classic Tang Shan Da Xiong?

There you go. Enjoy.

On second thought, I'm coming with you.

Josh, we're not done here!

Oh yes, we are.

- Popcorn?
- No, thanks.

Argh, artificial butter flavour, yuck!

Sabrina was way out of line, wasn't she, Miles?

Hello? On a date!

Legend has it all this guys actually died during the filming of this scene.

Where does she get off blaming me for what happened with Roxie?

I didn't do anything wrong! I acted the way any other guy would have acted!

Yeah, like a jerk!

Ow! My popcorn bit me!

Shh! This is the scene where Bruce Lee

repositions the spleens of 12 lawyers from Tailand.

That's a real man.

I'm glad you think so.

I was going to reposition your spleens,

but I've learned that a real man should admit when he's behaved badly

and have the insides to urge his friends to be more sensitive.

I don't remember this in the movie, do you?

He's going to have to get back to you on that.

So.

So, here we are. Isn't this wonderful?

Divine.

Now that Salem's not around we can eat like civilized witches.

That's true. No more guarding our plates against that vulture.

Speaking of vulture, can you please pass the vulture?

Certainly.

Yes, this is such a treat.

Nobody begging for scraps, leaving whiskers on your creme brulee.

Parading around in your fishnet stockings.

God, I miss him!

Me too!

Hilda, do you think it would be wrong of us to…

Way ahead of you!

You're sure you don't want to give singles night another shot?

We booked a really hipe in!

Nobody wants to be at that stinking coffee house less than me.

Except me.

Josh and I haven't spoken in a week, I mean,

he hasn't even called to apologize!

This could kill the whole relationship!

You mean the relationship you don't have with the guy you're not dating?

Yeah, I don't want that to end.

The end of a relationship is always the most depressing part.

But it's gotta be really depressing to end something that never got a chance to begin.

All I know is he should be the first one to call and apologize.

He's the one who acted like a jerk when Brett stood you up.

Is that what this is about?

You're throwing away a great guy because of someone

that never ment anything to me?

It's the principle of the thing.

If you're going to date based on principle,

your choices are the Pope or St Francis of Assissi.

So I've got options.

I like your bungalow! I like saying bungalow.

Bungalow! Say it with me.

When will Salem be back?

Hard to say. He loves splashing around in the estuary, doesn't he?

Yes.

It's funny, he never liked playing in rackish water in our house.

What's that?

Um, the boiler. It's on the fritz again!

I think it needs to be disciplined.

Are you getting a weird feeling?

No, but there's something new I'd like to say.

Brakish water. Say with me: brakish water.

Sabrina, this is great!

How did you get the pop stars to play at singles night?

Well, they might have a hit series, but they're looking for love just like everyone else!

All right, everybody!

For the next round, the women will switch tables.

Let them do something for a change,

besides hold all those guys responsible for everything bad that happens in the world.

Maybe we wouldn't hold you responsible if you did the right thing in the first place.

How would we do the right thing if you blame us for stuff that isn't even our fault?

It is your fault, you're just to pigheaded to admit it.

What do you think, Popstars 125?

I think you both need some serious therapy.

Hey Sabrina, hey Josh.

Miles, what are you doing here on singles night?

Yeah, where's Holly?

It's over.

There's a surprise!

Another one of your flaky Emerson friends

dumps another one of my roomates and you don't even care!

How do you know I don't care? You didn't even give me a chance to react!

And stop poking me!

Actually, I broke up with Holly.

Huh?

Looks like I made another poke mark there.

Yeah, that happens when you point your finger at the wrong person.

Ok, Josh, maybe I jumped all over you

but I'm still upset about the Brett thing.

That's not much of an apology.

What are you talking about? You're the one that needs to apologize!

Again? Sabrina, how many times do I have to say I'm sorry?

Until the one time you really mean it.

Boy, for a couple trying to bring people together

you're setting a rotten example.

We're not a couple!

Where did you get those pumps?

Other Realm Shoe Pavilion. Do you like them?

Not particularly.

What are you doing?

Translating Morse code.

I've got it!

I'm in a basement prison cobbling shoes,

send help and ceviche.

Hilda, this is an Other Realm Prison Labour Camp!

Dick and Doris, shame on you!

- Zap 'em, Dick!
- Watch out, Zelda!

Nice work, super witch!

You too, hex kitten! Let's find Salem and get out of here.

That's it, I've had enough of you, Saberhagen.

I'm famished.

Everybody freeze!

Hilda! Zelda! Am I glad to see you!

Salem, are you all right?

Hilda, let's get out of here before Dick and Doris escape!

We'll send the authorities after these wretched men. Come on!

Wait a minute.

All right, everybody, wrap it up!

Night's over, we're closing!

Actually, it's just beginning! I'm sorry I only have two arms.

Popstars?

Well, at least someone had a good time this evening.

Yeah, Miles and the Popstars really seemed to get it off.

Yeah, they make an attractive… whatever.

So, how is it that Miles can get along with an entire harem

and you and I can't even be civil to each other?

Looks, Josh, I don't want to keep going on like this.

Me neither!

Just because I didn't like how you handled things with Brett

doesn't mean we shouldn't be friends.

I mean, we still have to work together so we should figure out a way to get along so…

Well, that's one way.

For what it's worth, if I ever had to cancel a date, I'd call you.

For what it's worth, I hope we have a date for you to not cancel.

Well, we never did go out for that dinner.

Well, maybe we can oct up with Miles and his harem.

These are the most comfortable shoes I've ever had.

- And stylish!
- Oh, cobbler!

Yes, ma'am!

I'd like five more pairs, one in every color.

Yeah, and how are you with matching belts?

I'll cobble whatever you want!

I'm just glad to be home.

And we're happy to have you home.

I'm sure you learned a lesson from your misbehaviour.

I'm sure I have.

I am Mrs Salem San.

Ok. Come in!

I bring gift.

Where is my husband?

Meow!

Nobody perfect!