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1
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Ugly... cheesy...
2
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That is so last year.
3
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Stupid pet catalog.
4
00:00:10,410 --> 00:00:12,545
Five bucks for a squeaker mouse
5
00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:14,814
and it's not even a good faux fur.
6
00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:16,983
These people don't know diddly about cats.
7
00:00:16,984 --> 00:00:18,417
Do they have a section on muzzles?
8
00:00:18,418 --> 00:00:21,687
No. Why would a cat need a...
9
00:00:22,457 --> 00:00:23,923
Aren't you the witty one.
10
00:00:27,662 --> 00:00:29,829
Hello?
11
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Oh, Hilda, that is so juicy.
12
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I understand-- you're sequestered
13
00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:35,701
and you can't discuss the case.
14
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Call me the minute you break.
15
00:00:39,106 --> 00:00:40,840
First day on other realm jury duty
16
00:00:40,841 --> 00:00:43,175
and Hilda's already
on trial, and it's a biggy.
17
00:00:43,176 --> 00:00:45,611
Is it that shady ring
of magic carpet cleaners?
18
00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:48,447
No. The defendant
is the other realm's biggest
19
00:00:48,448 --> 00:00:51,384
and sleaziest supplier
of black market hot tubs.
20
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:52,852
Lou Packard.
21
00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:53,853
You know him?
22
00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:55,354
We've broken bread.
23
00:00:55,355 --> 00:00:58,024
Lou taught me
all about the world of commerce
24
00:00:58,025 --> 00:00:59,492
how to move merchandise.
25
00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:01,227
Wait a minute.
26
00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:04,430
You two were actually in business together?
27
00:01:04,431 --> 00:01:07,300
If Thailand could talk.
28
00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:08,501
I'll tell you something
29
00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:09,502
if Lou's convicted
30
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:10,770
and turned into a feline
31
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:12,705
he'll be appalled by the outerwear
32
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:13,706
in this catalog.
33
00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:16,242
I mean, what cat with any self-respect
34
00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:18,511
would be caught dead wearing this?
35
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The joke's on you.
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I said a cat with self-respect.
37
00:01:24,808 --> 00:01:27,908
Sync by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
38
00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:31,988
♪ Life's changing around me,
and I'm gonna make it mine ♪
39
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:38,094
♪ I'm reaching out and living
by my rules... ♪
40
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:43,803
♪ Time's moving way too fast ♪
41
00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:47,804
♪ I wanna make it last... ♪
42
00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:53,446
♪ 'Cause I'm out on my own now ♪
43
00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:57,447
♪ And I like the way it feels. ♪
44
00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:12,932
I knew we should have shoved our way
45
00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:13,900
up to the front.
46
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:15,201
Why? He's handing out English papers
47
00:02:15,202 --> 00:02:17,370
not Macy Gray tickets.
Exactly.
48
00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:18,671
I kicked butt on that paper.
49
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:20,873
I want to collect my "A"
and slide into the weekend
50
00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:23,075
basking in the afterglow
of a job well done.
51
00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:24,644
Beats my weekend plans:
52
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,846
helping my mother pick
out her new toilet seat
53
00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:28,781
and recovering from the "F"
I'm about to get.
54
00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:29,982
You really think you failed?
55
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,384
No, but this way if I did
56
00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:33,152
I won't be disappointed.
57
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,121
I'm going shopping this weekend, too.
58
00:02:35,122 --> 00:02:37,223
The Apocalypse Fest and Parking Lot Sale.
59
00:02:37,224 --> 00:02:39,392
Killer deals. Everything is priced to move.
60
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:42,294
Miles, you're up. Look alive.
61
00:02:42,295 --> 00:02:45,431
Professor Carlin, I don't mean
to lay a guilt trip on you
62
00:02:45,432 --> 00:02:47,133
but a bad grade could put
63
00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:50,369
a dark cloud over my entire
apocalypse weekend.
64
00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:51,837
Bring me back a hat?
65
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:53,773
I always do, sir.
66
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:55,508
Professor Carlin, I just want to say
67
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:56,575
what a pleasure it is
68
00:02:56,576 --> 00:02:58,544
to explore American literature with you.
69
00:02:58,545 --> 00:03:00,513
I mean, as Mark Twain once said...
70
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,381
This bites the big one!
71
00:03:02,382 --> 00:03:04,717
Ah, yes-- Becky Thatcher in Tom Sawyer.
72
00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:07,987
She was a real potty mouth.
73
00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:11,357
Sabrina, are you all right?
74
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:12,558
No, I'm not all right.
75
00:03:12,559 --> 00:03:15,261
I got a "C"! A "C"!
76
00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:24,070
Big deal. You got a "C."
77
00:03:24,071 --> 00:03:25,204
It's not like it's the first one
78
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,872
you've ever gotten.
79
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:27,973
Oh, my God, it is.
80
00:03:27,974 --> 00:03:30,743
Roxie, this paper is my future.
81
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:32,078
Getting a "C" is like being told
82
00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:34,346
"Nice try. Now go hose
down the Slurpee machine."
83
00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:36,382
Hey, I got a "C," and I have no intention
84
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,684
of hawking big gulps
for the rest of my life.
85
00:03:38,685 --> 00:03:39,286
I got a "D"
86
00:03:39,287 --> 00:03:42,421
and a... giant question mark.
87
00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:43,422
I'm sorry, guys.
88
00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:45,024
You know how I am about my grades.
89
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:46,258
Psycho.
Psycho.
90
00:03:46,259 --> 00:03:48,160
Hey, I worked really hard on this paper.
91
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:49,962
I just don't get what the problem is.
92
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:51,163
The problem is Carlin.
93
00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:52,998
He doesn't want to spoil his reputation
94
00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:54,533
as the toughest teacher at Adams.
95
00:03:54,534 --> 00:03:56,802
Not to mention he's a pawn
of the establishment.
96
00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:58,704
No connection between Huckleberry Finn
97
00:03:58,705 --> 00:04:01,440
and the rise of the military-industrial
complex? Please.
98
00:04:01,441 --> 00:04:04,310
Mystery solved about his grade.
99
00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:06,879
You're going to obsess
about this, aren't you?
100
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,748
No. Obsessing is what Miles does.
101
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,082
I prefer confrontation.
102
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,550
You hate confrontation.
103
00:04:11,551 --> 00:04:12,651
Good point.
104
00:04:12,652 --> 00:04:15,387
Would you go ask Carlin
why he gave me a "C"?
105
00:04:15,388 --> 00:04:18,023
Fine. I'll do it, but you owe me.
106
00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:27,600
Professor Carlin?
107
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,201
Oh, hello, Sabrina.
108
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:30,970
I don't mean to be
disrespectful or anything
109
00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:32,838
but I just wanted to talk to you
about the grade you gave me
110
00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:33,707
on the Huck Finn paper.
111
00:04:33,708 --> 00:04:36,308
I think it is bogus and totally ridiculous.
112
00:04:36,309 --> 00:04:37,910
Well, I like students who aren't afraid
113
00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:39,912
to express their opinion.
Keep up the good work.
114
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:42,081
Professor Carlin, it
was a well-constructed essay.
115
00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:43,315
My footnotes were awesome.
116
00:04:43,316 --> 00:04:44,583
I triple-checked for typos.
117
00:04:44,584 --> 00:04:46,252
I even included that bonus paragraph
118
00:04:46,253 --> 00:04:48,020
"Factoids of The Mighty Mississippi."
119
00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:51,657
Look, Sabrina, the mechanics
of your paper were good
120
00:04:51,658 --> 00:04:55,361
but your thesis lacked depth,
originality and punch.
121
00:04:55,362 --> 00:04:56,862
It was oozing with punch.
122
00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:59,765
If you want to argue
that Huckleberry Finn is
123
00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:02,668
about hypocrisy in society,
I'm all for that
124
00:05:02,669 --> 00:05:05,070
but you need specifics to back it up:
125
00:05:05,071 --> 00:05:07,873
how did Huck's upbringing impact
his relationship with Jim
126
00:05:07,874 --> 00:05:08,809
as they rode down the river?
127
00:05:08,810 --> 00:05:10,676
Why did I have to say "river"?
128
00:05:10,677 --> 00:05:12,845
Still, I don't think I deserved a "C."
129
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:15,147
Well, just work harder
on your next assignments
130
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,849
and eventually you'll get that "P."
131
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:18,784
I mean, "B."
132
00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:21,187
I'm going to try the third floor.
133
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:24,690
"B"? I want an "A"!
134
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:28,260
Oops.
135
00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:35,768
Hilda, Lou Packard has swindled
hundreds of gullible women
136
00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:37,670
out of their life savings.
137
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:40,506
Yes, I'm sure he has a very nice smile.
138
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:44,176
No, I will not go to your bank
and make a withdrawal.
139
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,178
Call me later.
140
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:46,513
I can't believe it.
141
00:05:46,514 --> 00:05:49,481
Hilda is developing a crush on Lou Packard.
142
00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:51,550
What on earth?
143
00:05:52,053 --> 00:05:54,720
What is all of this?
144
00:05:55,489 --> 00:05:57,723
Salem, what did you do, rob a Petco?
145
00:05:57,724 --> 00:05:58,891
Petco? Please.
146
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:02,892
These are all custom-designed
Salem Saberhagen originals.
147
00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:07,099
"Anti-tick shampoo with jojoba"?
148
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:10,069
Zellie, witness the rebirth
of animal retail.
149
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:11,904
My new business...
150
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,974
Cat-opia!
151
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:16,095
"Furniture, apparel, cuisine
152
00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:20,613
pour le chat a la mode."
153
00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:23,048
"For the cat with ice cream on top"?
154
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:25,885
The gals in accounting came up with that.
155
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,620
Salem, you can't open a store.
156
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:29,755
You're no good with the general public
157
00:06:29,756 --> 00:06:31,090
and you have no thumbs.
158
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,658
Not a factor, baby doll.
159
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:35,261
This is strictly an Internet operation
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00:06:35,262 --> 00:06:36,662
catering to the millions
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00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:38,831
of felines with discretionary income.
162
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,366
I hate to burst your bubble
163
00:06:40,367 --> 00:06:43,002
but not many cats know
how to work a computer.
164
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:47,503
Please! Show me a cat
that can't work a mouse.
165
00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:53,779
I've got a much better
vibe about this paper.
166
00:06:53,780 --> 00:06:55,214
I'm feeling very confident.
167
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:56,315
Then why did you chew off
168
00:06:56,316 --> 00:06:57,483
nine of your fingernails?
169
00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:58,484
I need the fiber.
170
00:06:58,485 --> 00:07:00,185
There's nothing to be nervous about.
171
00:07:00,186 --> 00:07:02,121
I told you guys what Professor Carlin said
172
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:03,522
about supporting our arguments.
173
00:07:03,523 --> 00:07:05,224
We all worked very hard on our papers
174
00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:07,593
and I'm sure it'll be
reflected in our grades.
175
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,228
But don't go by me.
176
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:12,766
I can't believe this.
177
00:07:12,767 --> 00:07:13,866
We did everything he wanted
178
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:14,867
and we all got Cs.
179
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:16,835
This is awesome! I shot up to average.
180
00:07:16,836 --> 00:07:19,104
In a month, I could be wrecking the curve.
181
00:07:19,874 --> 00:07:20,973
This is insane.
182
00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:23,609
I mean, I supported my thesis
25 different ways.
183
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,544
This paper is filthy with subtext.
184
00:07:25,545 --> 00:07:27,112
Spellman, when are you going to realize?
185
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,014
it doesn't matter how hard
you work for Carlin--
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00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:31,951
"C" is the best grade anyone
ever gets in his class.
187
00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:37,456
Hilda, I don't care
how dreamy Lou's eyes are
188
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:41,160
love notes don't usually
contain the words "or else."
189
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:42,828
Oh, honey, I've got to go.
190
00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:44,030
Hi, Sabrina.
191
00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:45,965
How'd you do on your English paper?
192
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,766
I got a freakin' "C," okay?!
193
00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:49,301
You're kidding.
194
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,270
I thought it was a wonderful paper.
195
00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:52,972
I loved the way you identified
196
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,907
Hawthorne's symbolic use of color--
197
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:57,009
Dimmesdale's white lofty brow
198
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,577
Chillingworth's black heart
199
00:07:58,578 --> 00:08:00,813
and Hester Prynne's scarlet letter.
200
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,648
All leading to Sabrina's big fat "C."
201
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:04,883
You know, maybe I'm just
not cut out for college.
202
00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:06,952
Maybe I should drop out, join a road crew
203
00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:08,787
and pick up trash along the highway.
204
00:08:08,788 --> 00:08:10,889
I could meet interesting
felons, work outdoors
205
00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:13,859
plus I'm one of the few people
who looks really good in orange.
206
00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:15,627
Honey, you're not picking up trash.
207
00:08:15,628 --> 00:08:17,162
You're going to stay in school
208
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:18,597
and finish your education.
209
00:08:18,598 --> 00:08:20,165
You know, I used to love English.
210
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:21,834
It was always my favorite language.
211
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,969
But now I don't care
if I read another novel
212
00:08:23,970 --> 00:08:25,037
as long as I live.
213
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:27,406
Oh, honey, I know plenty of tough graders
214
00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:28,874
but turning students off
215
00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:32,211
to learning really cracks my corn.
216
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:34,346
I'm going to give Professor Carlin
a piece of my mind.
217
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:35,081
No, please, don't.
218
00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:36,315
Look, I don't want Carlin singling me out
219
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:38,117
because I cried to my auntie.
220
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,485
I'm not going in as your aunt.
221
00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:41,120
I'm going in as an educator.
222
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:43,122
I'll be professional and discrete.
223
00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:45,057
You know how good I am with people.
224
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:47,026
Oh, Professor, so sorry to hear
225
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:50,262
your wife left you.
226
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:51,597
She did?
227
00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:57,536
Excuse me.
228
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:58,304
Are you Professor Carlin?
229
00:08:58,305 --> 00:09:00,572
Yes, I am.
230
00:09:00,573 --> 00:09:04,410
I'm afraid I've already
hired my graduate T.A.
231
00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:07,012
Oh, you thought I was a graduate...
232
00:09:07,013 --> 00:09:08,247
Aren't you sweet.
233
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:09,948
That depends on who you ask.
234
00:09:09,949 --> 00:09:10,517
And you would be?
235
00:09:10,518 --> 00:09:13,052
Single... I mean, Zelda.
236
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,420
I mean, Professor Zelda Spellman.
237
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:17,056
Hi, Zelda. I'm Arthur.
238
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,390
It's a pleasure to finally
make your acquaintance.
239
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:20,559
I've been hearing wonderful
things about you. -Really?
240
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:21,994
They say the quality
of the science department's
241
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:24,430
gone up 12 notches since you came aboard.
242
00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:27,900
Well, I do have a passion for physics.
243
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,369
I try to use it to inspire my students.
244
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:31,637
That's very admirable.
245
00:09:31,638 --> 00:09:34,039
Thank you.
246
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:36,608
You're welcome.
247
00:09:36,609 --> 00:09:40,479
So, uh, not that you need a reason
248
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,781
but what brings you here?
249
00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:45,317
Oh, yes. My niece Sabrina.
250
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:48,053
Ooh, I wasn't supposed to say that.
251
00:09:48,054 --> 00:09:50,355
Oh, look, just between us,
she's feeling very frustrated
252
00:09:50,356 --> 00:09:51,423
about her Hawthorne paper
253
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:53,959
which I read and thought was quite good.
254
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:56,895
It was good but not great.
255
00:09:56,896 --> 00:09:58,530
A great paper would have explored
256
00:09:58,531 --> 00:09:59,998
Hawthorne's frequent use of mirrors
257
00:09:59,999 --> 00:10:01,300
to reveal the characters in her thoughts
258
00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:05,301
and the emotional tension between them.
259
00:10:06,706 --> 00:10:09,007
I'm surprised that wasn't obvious to you.
260
00:10:09,008 --> 00:10:11,944
Well, I just skimmed it, really.
261
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:13,579
But the issue is bigger
262
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:15,013
than this one paper.
263
00:10:15,014 --> 00:10:17,249
I'm afraid that by being
so tough on your students
264
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:19,518
you're destroying their morale.
265
00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:22,187
Zelda, I know I'm not
the world's easiest teacher
266
00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:25,290
but I feel my role is to raise
the bar and show these kids
267
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,526
that they're capable of doing better.
268
00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:28,027
That's what's going to prepare them
269
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:29,428
for the demands of the real world.
270
00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:30,029
It's true.
271
00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:31,930
It's very competitive out there.
272
00:10:31,931 --> 00:10:34,500
Things were so much simpler
when I went to school.
273
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:37,636
We went to class during the day,
studied at night
274
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:40,305
and fought the Ottoman
Empire on the weekends.
275
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,875
Rival football team.
276
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,376
Football fan, are you?
277
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:48,877
Well, I certainly could be.
278
00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:50,649
So, did you talk to Carlin?
279
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,751
Oh! We chatted some.
280
00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:54,319
Well, what did he say?
281
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,155
Oh, this and that.
282
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,556
What this? What that?
283
00:10:57,557 --> 00:10:59,057
Well, he said that if you work harder
284
00:10:59,058 --> 00:11:00,459
you'll get a better grade
285
00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:02,461
and something about mirrors
286
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:03,862
that I didn't quite understand.
287
00:11:03,863 --> 00:11:04,197
That's all you got out of it
288
00:11:04,198 --> 00:11:05,364
that I should work harder?
289
00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:07,166
That's the gist of hit. Got to go.
290
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,400
Whoa, whoa. I get the feeling
291
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:10,102
there's something you're not telling me.
292
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:11,570
Oh, all right.
293
00:11:11,571 --> 00:11:13,572
Professor Carlin and I have a date tonight.
294
00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:15,607
A date? You went in there
to bolster student morale
295
00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:17,209
and you came out dating the enemy?
296
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:20,179
Sweetheart, he's not Saddam Hussein.
297
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,380
He's a man of strong convictions
298
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:23,582
trying to get the best out of his students.
299
00:11:23,583 --> 00:11:25,884
I'm convinced that if you
really apply yourself
300
00:11:25,885 --> 00:11:28,253
your hard work will pay off.
301
00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:28,655
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
302
00:11:28,656 --> 00:11:32,191
Thanks for nothing, Aunt Sellout.
303
00:11:33,459 --> 00:11:34,027
This is incredible.
304
00:11:34,028 --> 00:11:35,160
I can't believe I got an "A"
305
00:11:35,161 --> 00:11:36,153
on the Hemingway paper.
306
00:11:36,153 --> 00:11:37,030
That's the first "A"
307
00:11:37,031 --> 00:11:39,231
Professor Carlin's given out this decade.
308
00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:39,966
You know, I didn't believe it
309
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:40,600
but I guess it's true--
310
00:11:40,601 --> 00:11:42,034
if you really apply yourself
311
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,203
your hard work will be rewarded.
312
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:45,071
So, what time are you picking me up
313
00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:46,605
for our date tonight?
314
00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:47,273
The sooner the better.
315
00:11:47,274 --> 00:11:49,308
Looks like you're not the only one
316
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:51,009
who's applying herself.
317
00:11:51,010 --> 00:11:53,478
What does that mean?
318
00:11:53,479 --> 00:11:54,380
Your aunt's doing all the work
319
00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:56,949
and you're the one getting rewarded.
320
00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:59,184
Congratulations on your "A."
321
00:12:11,631 --> 00:12:13,632
Stop staring at me.
322
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:14,967
I can't help it.
323
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:15,501
I never thought
324
00:12:15,501 --> 00:12:16,336
that you would be the one
325
00:12:16,337 --> 00:12:19,338
to rip apart the moral fabric of academia.
326
00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:21,006
What can I say? I'm good with my hands.
327
00:12:22,108 --> 00:12:23,375
For the hundredth time
328
00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:24,676
my "A" had nothing to do
329
00:12:24,677 --> 00:12:26,812
with my aunt dating Professor Carlin.
330
00:12:26,813 --> 00:12:28,981
Miles, would you just lay off of her?
331
00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:30,449
We should admire Sabrina.
332
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:31,717
Thank you, Roxie.
333
00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:33,619
She was just using her
wits and her aunt's body
334
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:35,487
to get the grade she couldn't
earn on her own.
335
00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:36,655
I did earn it.
336
00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:38,824
That "A" was a huge accomplishment for me.
337
00:12:38,825 --> 00:12:41,460
Of course-- another milestone
in your insatiable quest
338
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,695
to climb the ladder of corruption and evil.
339
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:48,000
Hey, I'm on your side.
340
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:50,636
Remember me when you reach the top.
341
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:55,507
"Through his juxtaposition
of the ravages of war
342
00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:57,009
"to the beauty of the landscape
343
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,777
"Hemingway reveals his personal code
344
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,113
in a world fraught
with cruelty and suffering."
345
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:01,648
This is a darn good paper.
346
00:13:01,649 --> 00:13:03,448
I earned that "A."
347
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,317
Or maybe this is an average paper
348
00:13:05,318 --> 00:13:07,219
and I earned the eternal contempt
349
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,954
of my friends and classmates.
350
00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:10,322
I need another opinion.
351
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:12,491
Where am I going to find someone
352
00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:15,460
who's impartial and objective
with a strong ethical sense?
353
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,663
Greetings, little lady.
354
00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:20,499
May I please speak
to the feline of the house?
355
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:21,833
What are you doing?
356
00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:25,137
Branching out from the Internet
to direct sales.
357
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:28,840
I need your opinion on my new products.
358
00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:31,677
"Saberhagen's Miracle Worm Elixir?
359
00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:34,212
Eliminates worms, blemishes
and limp-whisker syndrome."
360
00:13:34,213 --> 00:13:35,447
What's in this?
361
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:37,349
Like I'd tell you.
362
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:38,684
Patent Pending.
363
00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:39,785
Salem, I don't have time
364
00:13:39,786 --> 00:13:41,053
for your snake oil Hucksterism.
365
00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:42,954
I got to figure out whether
I earned that "A"
366
00:13:42,955 --> 00:13:44,656
or if Professor Carlin just gave it to me
367
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:45,924
'cause he's dating Aunt Zelda.
368
00:13:45,925 --> 00:13:47,292
Dating?
369
00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:49,594
For the past week,
he's been chasing her around the house
370
00:13:49,595 --> 00:13:50,629
like an animal in heat.
371
00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:52,464
Speaking of which
372
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:54,700
can I interest you in a home spaying kit?
373
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:55,967
"An animal in heat"?
374
00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:59,237
$12.99, and you get a full refund
375
00:13:59,238 --> 00:14:01,907
should you inadvertently have kittens.
376
00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:12,751
Professor Carlin, do you have a minute?
377
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:13,985
Uh, maybe later, Sabrina.
378
00:14:13,986 --> 00:14:15,187
I have a class if...
379
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,022
I could just get this door open.
380
00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:18,123
I'll be quick.
381
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:20,058
I just wanted to talk
to you about this thing
382
00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:21,159
between you and my aunt.
383
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:24,863
Ah, yes, the exquisite Zelda.
384
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:25,665
Hey, you never told me
385
00:14:25,666 --> 00:14:26,698
your aunt was a vision of loveliness.
386
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:29,000
Not unlike the young Lady Chatterley.
387
00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:31,436
Funny, I don't know
how that didn't come up in class.
388
00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:33,171
Listen, can I ask you about my grade?
389
00:14:33,172 --> 00:14:35,440
You must be quite pleased
about finally getting that "A."
390
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:36,608
I'm outraged.
391
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:37,943
It's one thing to work hard for an "A"
392
00:14:37,944 --> 00:14:39,211
but it's another to be handed one
393
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:40,612
you may not deserve because your aunt
394
00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:41,880
is dating your English professor.
395
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,315
I don't like what you're implying.
396
00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:45,083
Okay, maybe you didn't do it on purpose
397
00:14:45,084 --> 00:14:47,219
but if you were easier
on me than everyone else
398
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,253
that's just not right.
399
00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:49,855
I don't understand-- first you complain
400
00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:51,790
my grades are too hard--
now they're too soft.
401
00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:52,958
I just want what's fair.
402
00:14:52,959 --> 00:14:54,860
I would really like it
if you would reread my essay
403
00:14:54,861 --> 00:14:56,094
and give me the grade I deserve.
404
00:14:56,095 --> 00:14:57,095
All right, fine.
405
00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:58,363
If it will make you happy
406
00:14:58,364 --> 00:15:00,432
I'll take it home and have
a look at it tonight.
407
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:02,033
What is with the doors in this building?
408
00:15:04,971 --> 00:15:06,204
Thank you.
409
00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:09,341
No, Hilda, even if he is proven innocent.
410
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:10,342
I have no intention
411
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:12,477
of double-dating in a hot tub
412
00:15:12,478 --> 00:15:15,113
with you, Lou and his brother Stu.
413
00:15:15,114 --> 00:15:17,115
Oh, what now?
414
00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:20,819
Hey, foxy mama, what are you doing later?
415
00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:22,587
I knock off at 5:00.
416
00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:24,523
I'm going to knock you off right now.
417
00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:25,724
Hilda, I've got to go.
418
00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:28,093
Salem, Arthur's going
to be here any minute.
419
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,595
I can't have you driving
around the living room on a forklift.
420
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:33,799
Sorry, but one of my boys called in sick.
421
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,867
Oh, feast your eyes on this baby.
422
00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:38,437
I know I'm going to be sorry I asked this
423
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:39,638
but what is that?
424
00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:41,139
Meet the Relax-a-Cat
425
00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:43,675
the one-stop feline pleasure center.
426
00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:45,911
Let me demonstrate.
427
00:15:47,814 --> 00:15:49,781
Oh, go work it, baby.
428
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,049
That's disgusting.
429
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:53,552
Arthur's here.
430
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:54,719
Floor show's over.
431
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:55,720
In a minute.
432
00:15:55,721 --> 00:15:57,055
This is the best part.
433
00:15:57,056 --> 00:16:00,725
No, this is the best part.
434
00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:07,966
Mmm... peanut butter?
435
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,968
Interesting.
436
00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:14,140
Hi.
437
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:17,008
Hello. You look absolutely ravishing.
438
00:16:17,009 --> 00:16:18,210
Thank you.
439
00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:21,246
I've always depended
on the compliments of strangers.
440
00:16:21,247 --> 00:16:23,815
I believe the correct
Tennessee William's quote
441
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,584
is "the kindness of strangers."
442
00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:27,452
I was making a joke.
443
00:16:27,453 --> 00:16:29,688
Oh, well, I'll get my bag.
444
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:31,523
We'll be on our way.
445
00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:35,794
Hey, Zelda, what is all this junk?
446
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,696
Just a few odds and ends.
447
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:39,498
Shouldn't we be going?
448
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:43,468
"The Ultimate Kitty Colon Cleanser."
449
00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:44,903
I'm thinking of starting
450
00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:46,671
a little business on the side.
451
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:49,040
I like to dabble in different fun things.
452
00:16:49,041 --> 00:16:51,109
A cat colon cleansing company?
453
00:16:51,110 --> 00:16:53,345
You have to admit, you don't
see anyone else doing it.
454
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:55,113
"Kitty Culottes"?
455
00:16:55,114 --> 00:16:56,147
"Feline Footwear"?
456
00:16:56,148 --> 00:16:58,216
Zelda, you shouldn't be wasting your time
457
00:16:58,217 --> 00:16:59,217
with this nonsense.
458
00:16:59,218 --> 00:17:00,285
It's my time.
459
00:17:00,286 --> 00:17:01,586
I can do what I want with it.
460
00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:02,988
Why are you always telling me
461
00:17:02,989 --> 00:17:04,489
what I should and shouldn't do?
462
00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:06,625
It's just... I hate dabblers.
463
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:09,027
You also hate wines that aren't from France
464
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,695
restaurants without Maitre d's
465
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:12,197
movies without subtitles...
466
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:13,198
That's not true.
467
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:14,900
I enjoyed Bonfire of the Vanities.
468
00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:16,134
Of course, that was after
469
00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:18,036
a bottle of excellent French burgundy.
470
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,672
As usual, you're missing the entire point.
471
00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:22,307
You criticize everything.
472
00:17:22,308 --> 00:17:23,808
Zelda, all I was trying to say was
473
00:17:23,809 --> 00:17:25,844
it's the dabblers
and dilettantes of the world
474
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:26,878
who lower the bar
475
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,613
and undermine the work of serious thinkers.
476
00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:29,915
And it's the narrow-minded
477
00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:31,383
judgmental blowhards of the world
478
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:32,517
who stifle creativity.
479
00:17:32,518 --> 00:17:33,452
I hate those people, too.
480
00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:34,786
I was talking about you.
481
00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:35,987
Is that another joke?
482
00:17:35,988 --> 00:17:38,223
Do you see me laughing?
483
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:41,893
Hey, Salem, you left
your sample case at my house
484
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:44,296
and there's an awful odor coming from it.
485
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:47,399
Yeah, that worm elixir has
a shelf life of one hour.
486
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,068
But I got a new idea
that'll go through the roof.
487
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,436
Flea-nut Butter.
488
00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:53,271
Actually that doesn't sound too bad
489
00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:54,639
but I just might be giddy
490
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:57,309
because of my moral victory
with Professor Carlin.
491
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,477
I might be getting a lower grade. Woo-hoo!
492
00:17:59,478 --> 00:18:00,879
You pompous jerk!
493
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:02,714
You frivolous little dilettante.
494
00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:04,382
You should really be happy now.
495
00:18:04,383 --> 00:18:06,785
Sounds like Zelda's going
to score you an "F."
496
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:07,886
Woo-hoo!
497
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:09,955
Oh, no.
498
00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:10,956
I have had it
499
00:18:10,957 --> 00:18:12,757
with your nit-picking perfectionism
500
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:14,459
always demanding that I do better.
501
00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:16,828
Hello! Physically impossible.
502
00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:18,463
I was trying to inspire you.
503
00:18:18,464 --> 00:18:20,632
But obviously, you're a hopeless case.
504
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:21,833
You infuriate me.
505
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:22,834
You disgust me.
506
00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:23,902
You repulse me.
507
00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:25,904
Are we going to kiss now?
No.
508
00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:26,905
Just checking.
509
00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:27,906
Hi, guys.
510
00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:29,007
Care for some dried fruit?
511
00:18:29,008 --> 00:18:30,442
No, thank you. I was just leaving.
512
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,043
Oh, come on. The figs are really yummy.
513
00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:33,044
Yummy?
514
00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:34,346
You call yourself a college student?
515
00:18:34,347 --> 00:18:35,513
You sound like a five-year-old.
516
00:18:35,514 --> 00:18:37,582
How dare you insult my niece?
517
00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:39,484
No, no, no. He was right to insult me.
518
00:18:39,485 --> 00:18:41,052
I'd like to substitute "yummy"
519
00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:42,754
with "gastronomically pleasing."
520
00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:43,822
Don't pander to him.
521
00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:45,757
If you want to say
"yummy," you say "yummy."
522
00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:48,593
If you want to call him a big
dummy, you go right ahead.
523
00:18:48,594 --> 00:18:49,694
But I don't want to.
524
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:50,695
Well, I do.
525
00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:53,031
Dummy, dummy, dummy, dummy, dummy!
526
00:18:53,032 --> 00:18:54,466
Nanny-nanny-nanny goat.
527
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:58,303
And on that mature note, I bid you adieu.
528
00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:02,474
Wait! Wait!
529
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:04,542
She doesn't know what she's saying!
530
00:19:04,543 --> 00:19:06,311
She's not my real aunt!
531
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:08,246
I am so getting an "F."
532
00:19:10,282 --> 00:19:11,783
So, we're into bribes now.
533
00:19:11,784 --> 00:19:13,885
That is so Godfather.
534
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:15,086
I like it.
535
00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:17,122
It might be my last chance
to salvage a decent grade.
536
00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:18,857
You really think pork
pate and a hard salami
537
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:19,858
is going to help you?
538
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:20,925
And what's that stuff?
539
00:19:20,926 --> 00:19:22,594
Flea-nut butter.
540
00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:23,995
I'm desperate.
541
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,200
Good morning, Professor Carlin.
542
00:19:29,201 --> 00:19:30,201
Hello, Sabrina.
543
00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:32,137
I just wanted to bring you some things
544
00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:34,039
to apologize for the whole dilettante
545
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,540
aunt debacle.
546
00:19:35,541 --> 00:19:37,008
"Debacle"? It's a good word.
547
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,877
Definitely a step up from "yummy."
548
00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:40,679
You know, who was I to argue
549
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,681
with your whole grading method?
550
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:45,250
Some naive college student, that's who.
551
00:19:45,251 --> 00:19:47,419
So, I say let bygones be bygones.
552
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:51,456
You know, we go back to the original
grade, start fresh. Pate?
553
00:19:51,457 --> 00:19:52,657
No, thanks.
554
00:19:52,658 --> 00:19:55,126
Sabrina, I reread your paper,
and you were right.
555
00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:56,861
The grade I gave you wasn't fair.
556
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:57,996
So I changed it.
557
00:19:57,997 --> 00:20:00,365
Why did I open my big mouth?
558
00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:01,900
A-plus? Are you drunk?
559
00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:03,134
When I went through it again
560
00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:05,303
I discovered nuances
I'd missed on the first read.
561
00:20:05,304 --> 00:20:06,671
You did a truly superior job.
562
00:20:06,672 --> 00:20:07,972
You deserved a better grade.
563
00:20:07,973 --> 00:20:09,908
Even though my aunt called you pompous?
564
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:13,011
Well, I can be a bit pompous sometimes.
565
00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:15,747
I'm afraid I owe Zelda an apology.
566
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:18,116
You know, Professor Carlin,
I just want to point out
567
00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:20,452
that you have a lot of bright,
motivated students.
568
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:21,486
And I think it's great
569
00:20:21,487 --> 00:20:22,854
that you want to raise the bar
570
00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:24,789
but sometimes you have to meet us halfway.
571
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:26,091
Point taken.
572
00:20:26,092 --> 00:20:28,359
Miss Spellman, you've a lot of gumption.
573
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:30,929
"Gumption"? Is that the best
word you can come up with?
574
00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:32,097
Yes, it was.
575
00:20:32,098 --> 00:20:34,032
And I'm fine with that; great word.
576
00:20:43,175 --> 00:20:44,809
Great to see you again, Lou.
577
00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:46,644
The years have been good to you.
578
00:20:46,645 --> 00:20:47,812
You, too.
579
00:20:47,813 --> 00:20:51,216
We got some memories, don't we, Saberhagen?
580
00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:53,351
We'll always have Bangkok.
581
00:20:53,352 --> 00:20:57,288
Hmm, you know, I thought
I was a goner this time.
582
00:20:57,289 --> 00:20:59,057
Thank God for that ditzy blond
583
00:20:59,058 --> 00:21:01,526
who kept winking at me from the jury box.
584
00:21:01,527 --> 00:21:02,961
That's my Hildy.
585
00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:05,764
So, let's get down to business.
586
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:07,065
Ready to buy me out
587
00:21:07,066 --> 00:21:09,567
make a fortune cleaning cat colons?
588
00:21:09,568 --> 00:21:10,702
I've done worse.
589
00:21:10,703 --> 00:21:12,637
Yeah. To me.
590
00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:18,143
Schnapps?
591
00:21:18,144 --> 00:21:19,144
Please.
592
00:21:23,482 --> 00:21:25,950
To us.
593
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,220
Oh...
594
00:21:29,221 --> 00:21:30,222
I got the good jet.
595
00:21:31,246 --> 00:21:35,746
Sync by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
42377
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