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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,497 2 00:00:02,497 --> 00:00:03,832 Okay, how do I look? 3 00:00:03,832 --> 00:00:06,835 Like a vision, an angel descended from heaven-- 4 00:00:06,835 --> 00:00:08,904 in short, meow! 5 00:00:08,904 --> 00:00:10,739 Whatever it is you want, no. 6 00:00:10,739 --> 00:00:12,708 I want nothing but to wish you well 7 00:00:12,708 --> 00:00:14,743 on your other-realm egghead retreat. 8 00:00:14,743 --> 00:00:17,012 You just want to get rid of me so you can have 9 00:00:17,012 --> 00:00:18,747 one of your wild bachelor weekends. 10 00:00:18,747 --> 00:00:20,082 Of all the times for Hilda 11 00:00:20,082 --> 00:00:22,050 to be picking coffee beans in Honduras. 12 00:00:22,050 --> 00:00:24,186 You don't have to worry about me partying. 13 00:00:24,186 --> 00:00:25,721 I'll be having a quiet weekend 14 00:00:25,721 --> 00:00:27,522 curled up with Memoirs of a Geisha. 15 00:00:27,522 --> 00:00:28,523 I appreciate that. 16 00:00:28,523 --> 00:00:30,092 The last thing I want to do is 17 00:00:30,092 --> 00:00:32,661 stress out about you while I'm at Genius-palooza. 18 00:00:32,661 --> 00:00:35,097 Hurry up and get out of here so I can start missing you. 19 00:00:35,097 --> 00:00:36,431 ( closet doorbell rings ) 20 00:00:36,431 --> 00:00:37,599 Who could that be? 21 00:00:37,599 --> 00:00:39,334 I'm not expecting anyone... 22 00:00:39,334 --> 00:00:41,069 so soon. 23 00:00:41,069 --> 00:00:42,270 Mrs. Saberhagen? 24 00:00:42,270 --> 00:00:44,639 We've got your order here for 50 folding chairs 25 00:00:44,639 --> 00:00:46,942 deluxe fajita bar, three gallons of guacamole 26 00:00:46,942 --> 00:00:48,110 and... one pinata. 27 00:00:48,110 --> 00:00:50,245 You must be having one heck of a party. 28 00:00:50,245 --> 00:00:51,713 Fiesta! 29 00:00:51,713 --> 00:00:54,316 The fiesta's over, gato stupido. 30 00:00:54,316 --> 00:00:56,585 Can't I at least keep the pinata? 31 00:00:56,585 --> 00:00:57,786 You are the pinata. 32 00:00:57,786 --> 00:00:59,788 ( whimpering ) 33 00:00:59,788 --> 00:01:02,991 You mean a stomach full of candy? 34 00:01:02,991 --> 00:01:05,093 Oh Henry, show me the nougat! 35 00:01:05,093 --> 00:01:07,855 36 00:01:07,855 --> 00:01:11,855 ♪ Life's changing around me, and I'm gonna make it mine ♪ 37 00:01:14,662 --> 00:01:18,662 ♪ I'm reaching out and living by my rules... ♪ 38 00:01:21,202 --> 00:01:24,372 ♪ Time's moving way too fast ♪ 39 00:01:24,372 --> 00:01:28,372 ♪ I wanna make it last... ♪ 40 00:01:30,545 --> 00:01:34,048 ♪ 'Cause I'm out on my own now ♪ 41 00:01:34,048 --> 00:01:38,048 ♪ And I like the way it feels. ♪ 42 00:01:39,954 --> 00:01:43,954 43 00:01:44,955 --> 00:01:46,423 And that brings us 44 00:01:46,423 --> 00:01:48,358 to the very crux of existentialism. 45 00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:52,358 Now, can anyone... prove to me that this chair exists? 46 00:01:53,597 --> 00:01:54,598 Ms. Spellman? 47 00:01:54,598 --> 00:01:56,633 According to Descartes 48 00:01:56,633 --> 00:01:57,067 the fact that I perceive the chair 49 00:01:57,067 --> 00:01:58,468 and the fact that I perceive myself 50 00:01:58,468 --> 00:01:59,603 based on the fact that you perceive me... 51 00:01:59,603 --> 00:02:01,838 Anyone else? 52 00:02:01,838 --> 00:02:03,473 Mr. Goodman, prove to me 53 00:02:03,473 --> 00:02:05,108 that this chair exists. 54 00:02:05,108 --> 00:02:06,243 What chair? 55 00:02:06,243 --> 00:02:07,310 Brilliant. 56 00:02:07,310 --> 00:02:09,412 Class, take note 57 00:02:09,412 --> 00:02:12,148 of Mr. Goodman's unconventional perspective 58 00:02:12,148 --> 00:02:14,117 on the so-called... obvious. 59 00:02:14,117 --> 00:02:15,285 Dismissed. 60 00:02:15,285 --> 00:02:15,752 61 00:02:15,752 --> 00:02:18,088 Great, now the other kids are going to beat me up. 62 00:02:18,088 --> 00:02:19,589 Miles, this isn't grade school. 63 00:02:19,589 --> 00:02:22,459 "Grade school"? Try K through 12. 64 00:02:22,459 --> 00:02:23,460 Hey, Goodman... 65 00:02:23,460 --> 00:02:25,295 I think I can take the girl. 66 00:02:25,295 --> 00:02:26,363 I got your back. 67 00:02:26,363 --> 00:02:28,131 Great job in Philosophy. 68 00:02:28,131 --> 00:02:30,033 "What chair?"-- Brilliant. 69 00:02:30,033 --> 00:02:31,635 Oh, thanks. 70 00:02:31,635 --> 00:02:33,637 I wonder if it'll work with, "What homework?" 71 00:02:33,637 --> 00:02:37,107 You know, technically, there really was a chair in there. 72 00:02:37,107 --> 00:02:39,709 It was brown. You could see it. 73 00:02:39,709 --> 00:02:41,111 Forget it. 74 00:02:41,111 --> 00:02:43,346 We just wanted to say that we're blown away 75 00:02:43,346 --> 00:02:45,749 by your intellect and your whole take on life. 76 00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:48,585 You seem like the kind of guy who's open to new ideas. 77 00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:49,819 Definitely. You should see 78 00:02:49,819 --> 00:02:52,222 the bizarre electronic equipment he has in his room 79 00:02:52,222 --> 00:02:54,558 and he claims he can communicate with... no one. 80 00:02:54,558 --> 00:02:57,260 Jason and I just joined a group you might be interested in. 81 00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:59,930 It's dedicated to the exploration of alternate realities 82 00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:01,865 and the search for truth in the universe. 83 00:03:01,865 --> 00:03:03,667 Wow, sounds like it's right up your alley. 84 00:03:03,667 --> 00:03:05,769 We have open meetings every Friday night 85 00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:07,470 and we'd love it if you came by. 86 00:03:07,470 --> 00:03:08,505 No, thanks. I'm not... 87 00:03:08,505 --> 00:03:09,506 He'll be there. 88 00:03:09,506 --> 00:03:11,474 Great. Bye. 89 00:03:11,474 --> 00:03:13,109 90 00:03:13,109 --> 00:03:14,277 Since when are you my mother? 91 00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:15,211 I'm not going to that group 92 00:03:15,211 --> 00:03:17,247 and I'm not calling you and Dad when I get there. 93 00:03:17,247 --> 00:03:18,248 You know, you never go out. 94 00:03:18,248 --> 00:03:20,317 Do you have any social life at all? 95 00:03:20,317 --> 00:03:23,286 This is it. I'm making eye contact and everything. 96 00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:23,853 You're always talking 97 00:03:23,853 --> 00:03:25,555 about alternate realities and junk like that. 98 00:03:25,555 --> 00:03:26,556 It puts most people to sleep 99 00:03:26,556 --> 00:03:28,124 but those two think you're a god. 100 00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:29,259 In case you haven't noticed, 101 00:03:29,259 --> 00:03:31,561 I don't feel real comfortable around large groups of people. 102 00:03:31,561 --> 00:03:33,196 What do you consider a large group? 103 00:03:33,196 --> 00:03:35,231 Anyone more than me. 104 00:03:35,231 --> 00:03:36,066 ( doorbell rings ) 105 00:03:36,066 --> 00:03:37,067 Come on in. 106 00:03:37,067 --> 00:03:38,835 Money's on the coffee table. 107 00:03:38,835 --> 00:03:39,669 108 00:03:39,669 --> 00:03:40,937 Hello. 109 00:03:40,937 --> 00:03:43,673 Canton Gardens. 110 00:03:43,673 --> 00:03:45,008 ( TV playing ) 111 00:03:45,008 --> 00:03:47,611 I'm stealing all your furniture. 112 00:03:47,611 --> 00:03:51,611 113 00:03:52,382 --> 00:03:53,650 Thank you... 114 00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:54,985 for the lousy tip. 115 00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:56,086 116 00:03:56,086 --> 00:03:59,389 That idiot forgot the fortune cookies. 117 00:03:59,389 --> 00:04:03,326 I did not forget the fortune cookies! 118 00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:04,361 What did you say? 119 00:04:04,361 --> 00:04:05,929 Uh... 120 00:04:05,929 --> 00:04:08,164 meow? 121 00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:09,532 Hey, maybe we should invite Miles 122 00:04:09,532 --> 00:04:10,834 to come to the movies with us. 123 00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:11,835 Do we have to? 124 00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:13,803 We're meeting normal people tonight. 125 00:04:13,803 --> 00:04:15,438 What if I promise he won't use 126 00:04:15,438 --> 00:04:17,907 the words "Roswell," "Bigfoot" or "Klingon"? 127 00:04:17,907 --> 00:04:20,443 We still have to deal with his latest conspiracy theory-- 128 00:04:20,443 --> 00:04:23,813 "The moon landing was a total hoax." 129 00:04:23,813 --> 00:04:25,615 Look, I happen to know there's a whole group of people 130 00:04:25,615 --> 00:04:28,485 that are very interested in what Miles thinks 131 00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:32,485 and not just psychiatrists. 132 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:40,930 Miles: Come in, Sabrina. 133 00:04:40,930 --> 00:04:42,799 Thanks for the secret knock. 134 00:04:42,799 --> 00:04:44,567 Oh, no problem, and don't worry, I wasn't followed. 135 00:04:44,567 --> 00:04:45,335 New toy? 136 00:04:45,335 --> 00:04:48,038 Been saving for this baby since I was 15. 137 00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:49,939 This is the Argonaut XR-9-- 138 00:04:49,939 --> 00:04:52,208 eight-inch parabolic primary mirror 139 00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:54,044 800-millimeter focal length 140 00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:56,579 so powerful, pointing it at the moon is like being there 141 00:04:56,579 --> 00:04:58,114 which is a lot more than I can say 142 00:04:58,114 --> 00:04:59,215 for Mr. Neil Armstrong. 143 00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:00,650 Now, how about taking a break 144 00:05:00,650 --> 00:05:02,152 and coming with us to the movies? 145 00:05:02,152 --> 00:05:03,153 No, thanks. 146 00:05:03,153 --> 00:05:04,220 I'm staying in tonight. 147 00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:05,822 Miles, you can't stay in every night. 148 00:05:05,822 --> 00:05:08,458 How's everyone going to know what a great guy you are if... 149 00:05:08,458 --> 00:05:10,894 Hey, can you point this thing at the men's weight room? 150 00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:12,896 Ah, apparently you can. 151 00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:14,564 Hello... 152 00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:16,499 The truth is I was thinking about going 153 00:05:16,499 --> 00:05:18,435 to that alternate reality group tonight 154 00:05:18,435 --> 00:05:20,103 but... I feel weird going alone. 155 00:05:20,103 --> 00:05:21,771 Oh, well, Roxie and I'll go with you. 156 00:05:21,771 --> 00:05:24,240 -Really? -Yeah. You know, we can go to the movies anytime 157 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:25,075 but how many times do you get 158 00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:26,843 to seek out universal truth? 159 00:05:26,843 --> 00:05:28,745 How are you going to get Roxie to come along? 160 00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:32,182 I'm going to lie. 161 00:05:32,182 --> 00:05:33,516 Mmm... 162 00:05:33,516 --> 00:05:35,819 All you have to do is talk for me 163 00:05:35,819 --> 00:05:38,021 and you get the chow mein, mmm? 164 00:05:38,021 --> 00:05:39,189 Mmm... 165 00:05:39,189 --> 00:05:40,190 Pork. 166 00:05:40,190 --> 00:05:41,691 ( whimpering ): Oh... 167 00:05:41,691 --> 00:05:43,560 the other white meat. 168 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:44,561 Fine! 169 00:05:44,561 --> 00:05:45,829 I'm talking, see?! 170 00:05:45,829 --> 00:05:47,597 Now give me my chow mein. 171 00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:49,399 I knew I wasn't crazy. 172 00:05:49,399 --> 00:05:51,234 You are a talking cat. 173 00:05:51,234 --> 00:05:53,570 You could make me a very wealthy man. 174 00:05:53,570 --> 00:05:55,305 I could quit this stupid job 175 00:05:55,305 --> 00:05:57,140 and move back home to Tokyo. 176 00:05:57,140 --> 00:05:58,475 Hold the phone. 177 00:05:58,475 --> 00:06:01,945 Why's a Japanese guy working in a Chinese restaurant? 178 00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:04,214 Why is a cat talking? 179 00:06:04,214 --> 00:06:07,917 Oh, that's right-- to make me rich. 180 00:06:07,917 --> 00:06:09,753 You're coming with me. 181 00:06:09,753 --> 00:06:13,753 Oh, I knew I should've ordered pizza. 182 00:06:15,191 --> 00:06:17,293 This isn't a movie theater. 183 00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:18,528 You lied to me. 184 00:06:18,528 --> 00:06:20,530 All in the name of truth. 185 00:06:20,530 --> 00:06:21,998 Okay... 186 00:06:21,998 --> 00:06:22,999 I see the Crab Nebula. 187 00:06:22,999 --> 00:06:24,300 I'm starting to feel at home. 188 00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:25,435 And I'm ready to go home. 189 00:06:25,435 --> 00:06:28,071 It looks like they're showing a movie in there. 190 00:06:28,071 --> 00:06:30,473 191 00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:32,342 Man: Human cells contain 192 00:06:32,342 --> 00:06:35,011 the very same primordial elements 193 00:06:35,011 --> 00:06:39,516 that compose all heavenly bodies throughout the universe. 194 00:06:39,516 --> 00:06:43,453 We are children of the stars. 195 00:06:43,453 --> 00:06:46,022 Yes. I've always maintained that. 196 00:06:46,022 --> 00:06:49,492 Join me, Jim Tom, on an epic journey 197 00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:53,492 to meet your mortal challenge and discover your cosmic soul. 198 00:06:55,365 --> 00:06:58,034 Or better yet, your cosmic Soul Train. 199 00:06:58,034 --> 00:06:59,936 Anyone feel like dancing? 200 00:06:59,936 --> 00:07:01,938 Miles, I am so glad you made it. 201 00:07:01,938 --> 00:07:03,873 Hey, Catherine, how's it going? 202 00:07:03,873 --> 00:07:05,241 You remember Sabrina? 203 00:07:05,241 --> 00:07:07,343 Philosophy class... girl in the front row... 204 00:07:07,343 --> 00:07:09,145 sees chairs that aren't really there. 205 00:07:09,145 --> 00:07:10,380 Doesn't ring a bell. 206 00:07:10,380 --> 00:07:11,181 And this is... 207 00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:12,315 Ida. 208 00:07:12,315 --> 00:07:14,217 Ida rather be anywhere else than here. 209 00:07:14,217 --> 00:07:15,919 What did you think of the video? 210 00:07:15,919 --> 00:07:19,489 I just caught the end, but it seemed to completely parallel my world view. 211 00:07:19,489 --> 00:07:21,224 Jim Tom is a brilliant thinker 212 00:07:21,224 --> 00:07:23,526 and we told him how insightful you are. 213 00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:24,894 He was very impressed. 214 00:07:24,894 --> 00:07:25,628 With me? 215 00:07:25,628 --> 00:07:26,629 Oh, yes. 216 00:07:26,629 --> 00:07:29,098 Come and meet some of the others. 217 00:07:29,098 --> 00:07:31,134 How perfect are they together? 218 00:07:31,134 --> 00:07:32,569 Roxie: It's like someone took Ken and Barbie 219 00:07:32,569 --> 00:07:34,370 and dunked them in the freak machine. 220 00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:35,605 What's with you, Roxie? 221 00:07:35,605 --> 00:07:37,207 I mean, maybe these people aren't exactly like us 222 00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:39,042 but that doesn't make them freaks. 223 00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:40,043 Man: Greetings. 224 00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,744 My Jim Tom crystal was picking up 225 00:07:41,744 --> 00:07:43,446 powerful vibrations from you. 226 00:07:43,446 --> 00:07:45,248 Permission to touch your aura? 227 00:07:45,248 --> 00:07:46,916 Uh, let's just be friends. 228 00:07:46,916 --> 00:07:48,117 I'm Sabrina and this is... 229 00:07:48,117 --> 00:07:50,119 Someone who was told she was going to the movies. 230 00:07:50,119 --> 00:07:51,454 And you are? 231 00:07:51,454 --> 00:07:53,790 Name's Chuck, but names aren't important here. 232 00:07:53,790 --> 00:07:57,026 What counts is on the inside. 233 00:07:57,026 --> 00:07:59,529 Don't worry, I have pepper spray in my bag. 234 00:07:59,529 --> 00:08:01,965 So, what's the deal with this Jim Tom guy? 235 00:08:01,965 --> 00:08:03,466 Does he have an uncle in the pillow business? 236 00:08:03,466 --> 00:08:04,868 Oh, Jim Tom feels 237 00:08:04,868 --> 00:08:07,170 that the closer we are to Earth 238 00:08:07,170 --> 00:08:09,539 them more freely we can absorb its knowledge. 239 00:08:09,539 --> 00:08:11,107 Oh, so you learn through your butt? 240 00:08:11,107 --> 00:08:12,108 ( laughing ) 241 00:08:12,108 --> 00:08:14,611 Yeah, Jim Tom appreciates humor. 242 00:08:14,611 --> 00:08:17,247 He's an open, nurturing man. 243 00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:19,515 All he asks is that we-we maintain 244 00:08:19,515 --> 00:08:22,852 a respectful distance from... his forbidden zone. 245 00:08:22,852 --> 00:08:23,887 Both: Excuse me? 246 00:08:23,887 --> 00:08:25,121 That. 247 00:08:25,121 --> 00:08:26,522 It's his inner space. 248 00:08:26,522 --> 00:08:28,558 It leads to a place of mystery 249 00:08:28,558 --> 00:08:30,260 a place of magic. 250 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:31,060 I'm ready for that movie. 251 00:08:31,060 --> 00:08:35,698 -How about you? -Absolutely. 252 00:08:35,698 --> 00:08:36,866 About time! 253 00:08:36,866 --> 00:08:38,201 Where were you? 254 00:08:38,201 --> 00:08:40,603 Leaving messages for every talent agency 255 00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:42,272 from here to Hollywood sign. 256 00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:45,375 You are going to make me filthy rich. 257 00:08:45,375 --> 00:08:47,443 You'll headline in Vegas 258 00:08:47,443 --> 00:08:49,612 and have your own TV show 259 00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:53,116 where you dispense justice with attitude! 260 00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:55,251 Your little moneymaking scheme is over. 261 00:08:55,251 --> 00:08:57,220 At any moment, my friends are going 262 00:08:57,220 --> 00:08:58,054 to crash through that curtain 263 00:08:58,054 --> 00:08:59,255 to rescue me. 264 00:08:59,255 --> 00:09:02,492 Just watch. 265 00:09:02,492 --> 00:09:06,195 I took a shot. 266 00:09:06,195 --> 00:09:07,196 Hey, Rox. 267 00:09:07,196 --> 00:09:08,264 Hey, Miles wasn't 268 00:09:08,264 --> 00:09:09,532 in Philosophy today. 269 00:09:09,532 --> 00:09:10,700 Have you seen him? 270 00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:12,235 He came in after you left for class 271 00:09:12,235 --> 00:09:14,537 changed clothes and headed back to Jim Tom's house. 272 00:09:14,537 --> 00:09:16,339 He's been there three days in a row. 273 00:09:16,339 --> 00:09:18,541 That's what usually happens when you join a cult. 274 00:09:18,541 --> 00:09:19,842 Roxie, it's not a cult. 275 00:09:19,842 --> 00:09:21,711 It's just a... group of lost souls 276 00:09:21,711 --> 00:09:22,979 who worship one guy and don't question 277 00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:25,281 anything he says. 278 00:09:25,281 --> 00:09:29,018 Maybe I should go check on Miles. 279 00:09:29,018 --> 00:09:30,887 Jim Tom changed my life. 280 00:09:30,887 --> 00:09:32,922 Before him ( door closing ) 281 00:09:32,922 --> 00:09:35,892 my life was about material things-- 282 00:09:35,892 --> 00:09:38,194 my helicopter, my winery-- 283 00:09:38,194 --> 00:09:40,196 but I traded all that 284 00:09:40,196 --> 00:09:44,196 for Jim Tom's gift of enlightenment. 285 00:09:48,638 --> 00:09:52,638 ( chuckling ) 286 00:09:54,177 --> 00:09:55,378 Oh, Lordy. 287 00:09:55,378 --> 00:09:56,346 Oh, brother. 288 00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:57,880 Miles, step away from the little man 289 00:09:57,880 --> 00:09:58,881 and come with me. 290 00:09:58,881 --> 00:10:00,550 Hey, Sabrina, what are you doing here? 291 00:10:00,550 --> 00:10:02,752 I'm a little worried. I haven't seen you in a few days. 292 00:10:02,752 --> 00:10:03,820 I'm doing great. 293 00:10:03,820 --> 00:10:06,189 I'm meeting wonderful, intelligent people 294 00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:08,424 and I'm learning so much from Jim Tom. 295 00:10:08,424 --> 00:10:10,360 He has incredible powers. 296 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:11,661 Well, so did Spiderman 297 00:10:11,661 --> 00:10:13,997 but he didn't ask people to give up their helicopters. 298 00:10:13,997 --> 00:10:15,098 No, real stuff. 299 00:10:15,098 --> 00:10:17,033 He has the psychic ability 300 00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:19,802 to communicate with plants and insects 301 00:10:19,802 --> 00:10:21,104 and also-- 302 00:10:21,104 --> 00:10:23,339 usually you have to be a full-fledged traveler 303 00:10:23,339 --> 00:10:26,476 before you hear this-- he's a witch. 304 00:10:26,476 --> 00:10:27,510 A what? 305 00:10:27,510 --> 00:10:28,678 Tom: A witch. 306 00:10:28,678 --> 00:10:30,213 I don't believe we've met. 307 00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:31,581 This is Sabrina. 308 00:10:31,581 --> 00:10:33,383 Sabrina, I'm Jim Tom. 309 00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:36,719 Glad to have you aboard on this special journey. 310 00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:40,719 311 00:10:41,190 --> 00:10:44,251 Welcome, traveler. 312 00:10:44,251 --> 00:10:48,251 313 00:10:53,768 --> 00:10:56,037 Miles, do you really believe that Jim Tom is a witch? 314 00:10:56,037 --> 00:10:59,540 I know it sounds weird, but I've seen the man do amazing things-- 315 00:10:59,540 --> 00:11:01,809 appear out of thin air, make stuff vanish. 316 00:11:01,809 --> 00:11:03,144 But witches aren't supposed to go around 317 00:11:03,144 --> 00:11:04,845 announcing they're witches. 318 00:11:04,845 --> 00:11:06,747 And you would know that... how? 319 00:11:06,747 --> 00:11:08,716 Well... if I was a witch 320 00:11:08,716 --> 00:11:10,551 you know, I-I... I would... 321 00:11:10,551 --> 00:11:13,487 I wouldn't be blabbing it all over town. 322 00:11:13,487 --> 00:11:14,255 323 00:11:14,255 --> 00:11:17,325 Look at that. Don't you wish you could levitate? 324 00:11:17,325 --> 00:11:18,693 Interesting technique. 325 00:11:18,693 --> 00:11:20,161 Got to go. 326 00:11:20,161 --> 00:11:24,765 327 00:11:24,765 --> 00:11:28,765 Then the hooker says, "Pi to the sixth quadrant." 328 00:11:29,136 --> 00:11:30,404 ( cheering ) 329 00:11:30,404 --> 00:11:32,106 Hi, Aunt Zelda. 330 00:11:32,106 --> 00:11:33,441 Oh. Sabrina. 331 00:11:33,441 --> 00:11:36,010 Who would have guessed that geniuses knew the wave? 332 00:11:36,010 --> 00:11:38,246 Oh, we eggheads love to let it all hang out. 333 00:11:38,246 --> 00:11:40,514 I wish you could have been at Isaac Newton's last night. 334 00:11:40,514 --> 00:11:43,150 The things that man can do with an apple. 335 00:11:43,150 --> 00:11:45,620 Anyway, Aunt Zelda, I just came by to ask you a question. 336 00:11:45,620 --> 00:11:47,521 Have you ever heard of a guy named Jim Tom? 337 00:11:47,521 --> 00:11:48,756 No. Who is he? 338 00:11:48,756 --> 00:11:51,025 He's the leader of a cult that Miles just joined. 339 00:11:51,025 --> 00:11:52,426 Why did Miles join a cult? 340 00:11:52,426 --> 00:11:53,561 I told him to. 341 00:11:53,561 --> 00:11:55,429 But that's beside the point. 342 00:11:55,429 --> 00:11:58,032 Anyway, Jim Tom is claiming he's a witch. 343 00:11:58,032 --> 00:11:59,967 Ooh, I'd hate to think one of our own 344 00:11:59,967 --> 00:12:01,769 is using his powers for evil. 345 00:12:01,769 --> 00:12:03,671 ( cheering ) 346 00:12:03,671 --> 00:12:06,307 Well, is there any way for me to tell if he's really a witch? 347 00:12:06,307 --> 00:12:08,342 Well, you'll have to perform the knuckle test. 348 00:12:08,342 --> 00:12:10,111 Oh, of course, the knuckle test. 349 00:12:10,111 --> 00:12:11,646 What's the knuckle test? 350 00:12:11,646 --> 00:12:14,548 You steal a hair from his left pinkie knuckle. 351 00:12:14,548 --> 00:12:16,817 If the hair curls, he's not a witch. 352 00:12:16,817 --> 00:12:18,386 Is there any other way? 353 00:12:18,386 --> 00:12:20,187 Be thankful-- when I was a girl 354 00:12:20,187 --> 00:12:22,189 you had to go in through the nose. 355 00:12:22,189 --> 00:12:23,324 Ew! 356 00:12:23,324 --> 00:12:24,525 ( cheering ) 357 00:12:24,525 --> 00:12:26,694 358 00:12:26,694 --> 00:12:28,596 Oh, so this is the inner space. 359 00:12:28,596 --> 00:12:31,132 I guess the cult business pays pretty well. 360 00:12:31,132 --> 00:12:34,368 I'll join you right after I cleanse my soul. 361 00:12:34,368 --> 00:12:36,504 Time to be a fly on the wall. 362 00:12:36,504 --> 00:12:40,504 ( buzzing ) 363 00:12:43,411 --> 00:12:44,912 Must have garbage. 364 00:12:44,912 --> 00:12:48,015 No. Got to focus. 365 00:12:48,015 --> 00:12:52,019 ( phone ringing ) 366 00:12:52,019 --> 00:12:54,555 Yello. Jim Tom. 367 00:12:54,555 --> 00:12:56,524 Hey, Harry. 368 00:12:56,524 --> 00:12:58,859 Yeah, it's been a very fruitful week. 369 00:12:58,859 --> 00:13:00,661 Uh-huh. 370 00:13:00,661 --> 00:13:03,097 I have seen my early retirement package 371 00:13:03,097 --> 00:13:05,232 and his name is Miles Goodman. 372 00:13:05,232 --> 00:13:06,701 Okay, well, we know he's a crook. 373 00:13:06,701 --> 00:13:08,269 Now let's find out if he's a witch. 374 00:13:08,269 --> 00:13:10,137 Hey, how about you and I taking a cruise 375 00:13:10,137 --> 00:13:12,106 down to the Bahamas for a little R and R? 376 00:13:12,106 --> 00:13:13,441 Ow! 377 00:13:13,441 --> 00:13:15,843 ( buzzing ) 378 00:13:15,843 --> 00:13:19,146 It's official-- he's not a witch. 379 00:13:19,146 --> 00:13:22,249 And he's got eczema. 380 00:13:22,249 --> 00:13:23,451 Uh-oh. 381 00:13:23,451 --> 00:13:25,686 Got to fly. 382 00:13:25,686 --> 00:13:27,455 Darn! 383 00:13:27,455 --> 00:13:29,457 384 00:13:29,457 --> 00:13:33,457 Huh. Close call. 385 00:13:34,061 --> 00:13:38,833 Whoo! That would have been a nightmare to shave. 386 00:13:38,833 --> 00:13:40,101 Oh, hi, Chuck. 387 00:13:40,101 --> 00:13:42,570 Sorry to rain on your psychic parade 388 00:13:42,570 --> 00:13:43,804 but have you seen Miles? 389 00:13:43,804 --> 00:13:46,374 He went home to get something for Jim Tom. 390 00:13:46,374 --> 00:13:48,409 Well, what are you people eating? 391 00:13:48,409 --> 00:13:49,944 Mung beans and rice. 392 00:13:49,944 --> 00:13:51,045 Woman: Jim Tom said 393 00:13:51,045 --> 00:13:52,480 that pure living starts 394 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:54,281 with a strict vegetarian diet. 395 00:13:54,281 --> 00:13:57,284 So he's a witch and a nutritionist? 396 00:13:57,284 --> 00:13:58,285 397 00:13:58,285 --> 00:13:59,587 All: Greetings, traveler! 398 00:13:59,587 --> 00:14:03,491 Oh, greetings... fellow travelers. 399 00:14:03,491 --> 00:14:04,892 Sabrina, you're back. 400 00:14:04,892 --> 00:14:07,795 Yeah. Who could miss "mung beans and rice" night? 401 00:14:07,795 --> 00:14:09,330 What are you doing with your telescope? 402 00:14:09,330 --> 00:14:10,965 Sabrina, it's not my telescope 403 00:14:10,965 --> 00:14:12,666 any more than this is my planet 404 00:14:12,666 --> 00:14:14,435 or these are my hands. 405 00:14:14,435 --> 00:14:17,705 Jim Tom tells us possession should not take over our lives. 406 00:14:17,705 --> 00:14:21,705 The Jim Tom Teachings. Chapter seven, verse 12-- travelers? 407 00:14:22,243 --> 00:14:24,745 All: "You've got enough; give up your stuff." 408 00:14:24,745 --> 00:14:26,881 That's it? Those are his pearls of wisdom? 409 00:14:26,881 --> 00:14:28,549 Look, Miles, everyone... 410 00:14:28,549 --> 00:14:30,484 Okay, I've got something to tell you 411 00:14:30,484 --> 00:14:32,186 and I'll try to be delicate. 412 00:14:32,186 --> 00:14:34,255 Jim Tom is a big fat liar. 413 00:14:34,255 --> 00:14:35,790 He's a fake, a phony, a con 414 00:14:35,790 --> 00:14:38,526 a cheater, a chiseler, a bamboozler, a swindler... 415 00:14:38,526 --> 00:14:41,228 -He's bunco, bogus... -Sabrina, stop. 416 00:14:41,228 --> 00:14:44,198 Jim Tom already warned us our friends would say that about him. 417 00:14:44,198 --> 00:14:46,066 Because it's true-- I overheard him talking 418 00:14:46,066 --> 00:14:47,301 in his stupid inner space. 419 00:14:47,301 --> 00:14:49,136 Easy there-- we don't go around 420 00:14:49,136 --> 00:14:52,773 insulting your forbidden zone. 421 00:14:52,773 --> 00:14:55,042 Jim Tom is planning to take all your money. 422 00:14:55,042 --> 00:14:56,377 That's ridiculous. 423 00:14:56,377 --> 00:14:59,146 All Jim Tom is trying to do is give us a better life 424 00:14:59,146 --> 00:15:00,981 and lead us to true happiness. 425 00:15:00,981 --> 00:15:02,216 But you were happy before. 426 00:15:02,216 --> 00:15:04,452 Remember? You were so excited to just look at the moon. 427 00:15:04,452 --> 00:15:07,087 And then you told me to get involved on this planet 428 00:15:07,087 --> 00:15:08,656 and now, for the first time in my life 429 00:15:08,656 --> 00:15:10,925 I feel connected with myself, with other people 430 00:15:10,925 --> 00:15:12,126 and with the universe. 431 00:15:12,126 --> 00:15:14,462 Sabrina, thanks to you, I feel whole. 432 00:15:14,462 --> 00:15:17,965 Yeah? Well... get over it. 433 00:15:17,965 --> 00:15:19,500 434 00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:20,835 ( knocking on door ) 435 00:15:20,835 --> 00:15:22,269 Who is it? 436 00:15:22,269 --> 00:15:25,840 Delivery. Canton Gardens. 437 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:29,076 438 00:15:29,076 --> 00:15:31,312 Hmm, food in one hand; cat in the other. 439 00:15:31,312 --> 00:15:32,513 You give me a discount 440 00:15:32,513 --> 00:15:34,748 or I report you to the health department. 441 00:15:34,748 --> 00:15:36,817 This isn't just any cat. 442 00:15:36,817 --> 00:15:38,018 It's a talking cat. 443 00:15:38,018 --> 00:15:39,453 He's going to make me rich. 444 00:15:39,453 --> 00:15:41,689 Tell him, cat. 445 00:15:41,689 --> 00:15:44,492 I'll get my wallet. 446 00:15:44,492 --> 00:15:48,596 447 00:15:48,596 --> 00:15:50,564 You really irritate me. 448 00:15:50,564 --> 00:15:52,366 You embarrass me, Simon. 449 00:15:52,366 --> 00:15:54,034 The name's Salem, you idiot. 450 00:15:54,034 --> 00:15:55,903 If you're going to hold me hostage 451 00:15:55,903 --> 00:15:57,738 you could at least show me some respect 452 00:15:57,738 --> 00:15:59,874 and call me by my real... meow. 453 00:15:59,874 --> 00:16:02,943 Meow. Aw, geez. 454 00:16:02,943 --> 00:16:04,678 This is a miracle. 455 00:16:04,678 --> 00:16:06,981 A divine sign from a higher power. 456 00:16:06,981 --> 00:16:08,282 I must own it. 457 00:16:08,282 --> 00:16:10,818 I'm not for sale. Make an offer. 458 00:16:10,818 --> 00:16:14,455 $10,000, and that includes the takeout. 459 00:16:14,455 --> 00:16:16,056 Sold. 460 00:16:16,056 --> 00:16:17,324 ( gasps ) 461 00:16:17,324 --> 00:16:19,260 Okay, Chuck, let's go with your argument. 462 00:16:19,260 --> 00:16:21,495 Let's say that anyone who levitates is a witch. 463 00:16:21,495 --> 00:16:22,963 Well, magicians levitate 464 00:16:22,963 --> 00:16:25,299 and David Copperfield is a magician, ergo... 465 00:16:25,299 --> 00:16:26,800 David Copperfield is a witch! 466 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:29,503 No! No, no, no. 467 00:16:29,503 --> 00:16:31,171 Okay, let's start again. 468 00:16:31,171 --> 00:16:33,374 Okay, if a person pulls a rabbit out of a hat 469 00:16:33,374 --> 00:16:34,775 we call this person a...? 470 00:16:34,775 --> 00:16:36,744 -A witch! -No! 471 00:16:36,744 --> 00:16:40,314 Sabrina, I think it would be a good idea if you left now. 472 00:16:40,314 --> 00:16:41,815 ( sighs ) 473 00:16:41,815 --> 00:16:43,984 ( explosion ) 474 00:16:43,984 --> 00:16:47,855 Fellow travelers, I have a special treat for you. 475 00:16:47,855 --> 00:16:49,690 Tonight I have proof 476 00:16:49,690 --> 00:16:51,625 the mortal challenge has been met. 477 00:16:51,625 --> 00:16:54,762 I present to you a genuine cosmic soul 478 00:16:54,762 --> 00:16:57,364 an ancient, gifted prophet who has chosen to visit us 479 00:16:57,364 --> 00:16:59,567 in a unique form. 480 00:16:59,567 --> 00:17:01,135 ( travelers gasping ) 481 00:17:01,135 --> 00:17:01,936 Salem? 482 00:17:01,936 --> 00:17:03,837 Stealthy messenger from beyond 483 00:17:03,837 --> 00:17:05,839 revered by witches and pharaohs 484 00:17:05,839 --> 00:17:09,009 please... share with us your wisdom. 485 00:17:09,009 --> 00:17:11,512 Birds fly, dogs walk, but this cat no longer talks. 486 00:17:11,512 --> 00:17:15,512 Anytime you're ready, cosmic soul. 487 00:17:18,919 --> 00:17:22,623 Anytime now. 488 00:17:22,623 --> 00:17:25,993 Talk amongst yourselves. 489 00:17:25,993 --> 00:17:28,762 I think this little charade proves my point. 490 00:17:28,762 --> 00:17:31,231 Of course the cat's not going to speak. 491 00:17:31,231 --> 00:17:33,334 He's picking up on your negative energy. 492 00:17:33,334 --> 00:17:36,437 A prophet can't reveal himself to a nonbeliever. 493 00:17:36,437 --> 00:17:40,674 Okay, I didn't want to have to resort to this. Look. 494 00:17:40,674 --> 00:17:42,509 Jim Tom: You backstabbing little vermin eater. 495 00:17:42,509 --> 00:17:44,678 I shelled out ten grand for you. 496 00:17:44,678 --> 00:17:47,681 If I tell you to talk, you had better talk. 497 00:17:47,681 --> 00:17:49,984 Those idiots aren't going to keep falling 498 00:17:49,984 --> 00:17:51,585 for that levitation trick. 499 00:17:51,585 --> 00:17:52,786 Idiots? 500 00:17:52,786 --> 00:17:54,989 He can't be talking about us. 501 00:17:54,989 --> 00:17:56,824 Sure, I can string Chuck along. 502 00:17:56,824 --> 00:17:58,592 He's got oatmeal for brains. 503 00:17:58,592 --> 00:17:59,860 I've got to find a new angle 504 00:17:59,860 --> 00:18:03,464 to keep the rest of those losers sucked in. 505 00:18:03,464 --> 00:18:06,800 Sabrina was right-- Jim Tom is a hoax. 506 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:09,970 Look, his inner space, it's not a spiritual haven-- 507 00:18:09,970 --> 00:18:11,472 it's a bachelor pad. 508 00:18:11,472 --> 00:18:13,440 That's my mobile wet bar. 509 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,309 That's my faux tiger skin. 510 00:18:15,309 --> 00:18:17,011 That's my couch! 511 00:18:17,011 --> 00:18:19,947 He said he was going to donate it to an orphanage. 512 00:18:19,947 --> 00:18:22,650 Which one, Our Lady Of Saint Hefner? 513 00:18:22,650 --> 00:18:25,319 Jim Tom also said we had to become vegetarians. 514 00:18:25,319 --> 00:18:28,088 So why is he eating Mongolian Beef? 515 00:18:28,088 --> 00:18:29,523 Brother! We've been had! 516 00:18:29,523 --> 00:18:32,292 This stinks! 517 00:18:32,292 --> 00:18:33,927 Are you okay? 518 00:18:33,927 --> 00:18:37,927 I can't believe I got conned like this. 519 00:18:39,667 --> 00:18:43,971 ( powerful wind whistling ) 520 00:18:43,971 --> 00:18:46,240 How did you get in here? 521 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:50,210 Well, if you were a witch, you'd know. 522 00:18:50,210 --> 00:18:53,113 And next time you're going to impersonate one, please 523 00:18:53,113 --> 00:18:54,515 do something original. 524 00:18:54,515 --> 00:18:58,515 ( roaring ) 525 00:19:00,821 --> 00:19:02,156 Everybody's on to you. 526 00:19:02,156 --> 00:19:04,158 All your cosmic travelers have left 527 00:19:04,158 --> 00:19:07,094 because they know what kind of person you really are-- 528 00:19:07,094 --> 00:19:08,862 a charlatan and a thief. 529 00:19:08,862 --> 00:19:11,198 You know, you and I could make a lot of money together. 530 00:19:11,198 --> 00:19:12,633 Maybe I didn't make myself clear. 531 00:19:12,633 --> 00:19:14,435 You're out of the cult business, Jim Tom. 532 00:19:14,435 --> 00:19:16,236 But I have no other skills. 533 00:19:16,236 --> 00:19:18,505 ( thunder crashing ) 534 00:19:18,505 --> 00:19:20,874 I'll get some. 535 00:19:20,874 --> 00:19:24,874 536 00:19:25,546 --> 00:19:28,916 Tail of rat, wing of bat, allow this cat to chit and chat. 537 00:19:28,916 --> 00:19:32,720 Oh! Sabrina, you saved my life! 538 00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:34,354 Jim Tom said he was going to do 539 00:19:34,354 --> 00:19:36,457 unspeakable things to me if I didn't talk. 540 00:19:36,457 --> 00:19:39,359 ( sobbing ): He... he... 541 00:19:39,359 --> 00:19:43,359 ( stops sobbing ): He took the Mongolian beef! 542 00:19:44,198 --> 00:19:46,033 Hey. 543 00:19:46,033 --> 00:19:47,501 Hey, Miles. 544 00:19:47,501 --> 00:19:49,403 Oh, you got back my telescope. 545 00:19:49,403 --> 00:19:51,772 -Thanks, Sabrina. -No problem. 546 00:19:51,772 --> 00:19:54,041 I'm sorry I pushed you to get involved with Jim Tom. 547 00:19:54,041 --> 00:19:55,776 You didn't force me to join that group. 548 00:19:55,776 --> 00:19:57,244 And it wasn't all bad. 549 00:19:57,244 --> 00:19:59,947 I might have temporarily lost my mind, but... 550 00:19:59,947 --> 00:20:01,515 I gained a few friends. 551 00:20:01,515 --> 00:20:02,316 Really? 552 00:20:02,316 --> 00:20:04,017 Yeah. After we left Jim Tom's 553 00:20:04,017 --> 00:20:07,020 all the ex-travelers went out for chicken and waffles. 554 00:20:07,020 --> 00:20:09,156 Well, at least it's better than mung beans. 555 00:20:09,156 --> 00:20:12,025 Sabrina, I've got to tell you, the way you went in there 556 00:20:12,025 --> 00:20:16,130 and put yourself on the line for me was... incredible. 557 00:20:16,130 --> 00:20:17,431 You're a really good friend. 558 00:20:17,431 --> 00:20:18,899 Thanks, Miles. 559 00:20:18,899 --> 00:20:21,535 And if you ever get involved with people 560 00:20:21,535 --> 00:20:23,804 who claim to be from another realm 561 00:20:23,804 --> 00:20:26,206 I'll be the first to bust the thing wide open. 562 00:20:26,206 --> 00:20:30,206 Hopefully, you won't have to go in through the nose. 563 00:20:31,411 --> 00:20:32,813 Private joke. 564 00:20:32,813 --> 00:20:36,813 565 00:20:39,353 --> 00:20:40,554 Zelda: I'm back. 566 00:20:40,554 --> 00:20:44,324 Oh! Sabrina please don't tell Zelda what happened. 567 00:20:44,324 --> 00:20:46,126 She'll never let me stay alone again. 568 00:20:46,126 --> 00:20:48,362 Exactly, she'll make you stay with me-- my lips are sealed. 569 00:20:48,362 --> 00:20:49,630 Hey. 570 00:20:49,630 --> 00:20:51,565 Hey. So how was the rest of genius camp? 571 00:20:51,565 --> 00:20:54,101 Well... Da Vinci was a dream 572 00:20:54,101 --> 00:20:55,469 Kierkegaard was a lech 573 00:20:55,469 --> 00:20:58,772 and Einstein short-sheeted my bed. 574 00:20:58,772 --> 00:21:00,607 How was your weekend, Salem? 575 00:21:00,607 --> 00:21:03,210 Very quiet, nothing out of the ordinary. 576 00:21:03,210 --> 00:21:04,745 -Right, Sabrina? -Right. 577 00:21:04,745 --> 00:21:06,947 ( doorbell rings ) Pizza guy. I'll get the money. 578 00:21:06,947 --> 00:21:08,615 Oh. I'll get the door. 579 00:21:08,615 --> 00:21:12,615 580 00:21:13,620 --> 00:21:15,189 That'll be $18.50. 581 00:21:15,189 --> 00:21:17,958 Just put it right over there. 582 00:21:17,958 --> 00:21:20,127 583 00:21:20,127 --> 00:21:20,961 ( growls ) 584 00:21:20,961 --> 00:21:22,763 You! 585 00:21:22,763 --> 00:21:23,463 You! 586 00:21:23,463 --> 00:21:25,532 You! 587 00:21:25,532 --> 00:21:26,366 No charge. 588 00:21:26,366 --> None 38167

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