All language subtitles for Joe.vs.Carole.S01E06.1080p.WEBRip.x265-RARBG_English

- Hey.
Hey, man, yo, I'm here.

Where you at?
It's Travis.

Travis Maldonado.

What do you mean
it's not happening?

Wait--dude, I came all
the way down here from Texas.

I don't have--
hello?

God. Fuck!

Every fairy tale
starts out sad--

parents dead,
evil stepmothers,

kids orphaned without
a shot in the world.

And then
the fairy godmother shows up,

or the dwarves or some
old guy who makes clocks.

Hey, kid...

lookin' for work?

- And nothing
is ever the same again.

Go from being a regular kid

to standing at
the foot of Neverland.

Hey. Come on.

And before you know it,
you're Peter fuckin' Pan.

Whoo!

What the f...

Son of a goddamn--Amber!

Get everybody
in the fuckin' gift shop now!

- And in local news,
the primaries

for the Governor's race
are heating up

- with less than two months...
- Shut that shit off!

- Latest SoonerPoll--

- You motherfuckers think
you can pull a fast one on me?

Well, I got news for you--

I see everything!

Hey, Rink, how was your nap?

Hey, Cowie and Saff,
still filling the meat buckets?

Should've had
the goddamn tigers

in their lockout cages
already.

Take it easy, Joe.

I was up all night
feedin' the cubs.

- Cry me a fuckin' river.
It's your job!

I got two guys at home
fucking me up the ass.

I don't need y'all to join in.

- Joe, you've been comin' down
on us a lot lately, man.

- Yeah, man,
we're working hard.

- Be fair.
- Fair!

I got the Baskins tryin'
to take every penny I got.

You think that's fuckin' fair?

- If you're so worried
about money,

why'd you spend so much
on the security cameras?

God damn it.

I gotta find out
who I can trust around here!

- You know you can
trust us, Joe.

Oh, really?

- It ain't our fault
your reality show didn't sell.

No.

That's 'cause of
the animal rights Nazis.

And so help me God,
if I find out

any one of you are in cahoots
with them bastards...

- What are you
talking about, man?

- We're all on your side here.
- Then show it!

I got a whale from Vegas

comin' down here and lookin'
for a place to house his cats.

That's the kind of money
we need!

Okay?

It's put up or shut up time.

And if y'all do
how you been doing,

I don't give a flyin' fuck

who you are,
I will fire all your asses!

All right, thank you, Sidney.

Okay, conference call with Joe
is set for tomorrow morning.

Wow. Hell has frozen over.

I'm excited to talk
to Mr. Exotic.

- Oh, God,
this can't end soon enough.

- Mr. and Mrs. Baskin, this
is Congresswoman Vivian Ross.

- How do you do?
- My pleasure.

- Carole?
- Yes, hello.

It's so nice to meet you.

Thank you so much
for sponsoring our bill.

- The Big Cat Public Safety Act.
It's a good name.

- Ah.
- My wife is very creative.

- I didn't realize
you were a dog person.

- Oh, is that an issue?

No, of course not.

- Well,
I'm happy to report

we're bringing your legislation
to my sub-committee.

- Oh, my gosh,
that's great news, great news.

- Oh, wow, so then we can
bring it to the House floor?

Oh, not so fast.

There are
a couple of hurdles first,

including your testimony
before my committee.

Ah, okay, well,

as long as you're there to whip
up votes, I will do my part.

- Fair warning, my fellow
members are gonna grill you,

so you have to know your stuff.

You're going to have
to show them why this bill

makes sense for them
and their constituents.

- Can do.
Ready to be grilled.

You're doing great stuff.

And to think, I always thought
cat people were a little weird.

What's going on?

Waiting for Mr. Moneybags.

Wanna give him the red
carpet treatment, you know?

This is a biggie for us.

I want everyone
to be on point today.

What can I do to help?

- You just keep bein' you.
That's all I need.

- Jeff Lowe.

Damn nice
to finally meet you in person.

And this must be your...

- Wife.
- Right.

- This is Lauren.
- Hi.

- Welcome to
our little slice of paradise.

It always smell like this?

- Where the fuck
did you get a camel?

- Hell, Jeff,
we got 50 species of animals,

over 200 big cats,
livin' their best life

in cages as clean
as a nun's wet spot.

Plus I got state of the art
security now too.

I got a hundred cameras
all around the park.

You know why I do all that?

- I'm pretty sure
you're gonna tell me.

- 'Cause ain't nobody
gonna love on your cats

the way I'm gonna.

This park is my whole life.

Hey.

So was the one I used to own,

before those animal rights
pricks shut it down.

- Don't get me started
on those motherfuckers.

- I heard they came
for you too.

- Yeah, they still are.
That bitch Carole Baskin?

Got a hard-on for me.

She's the worst of the bunch.

- Seriously, I think Carole
comes when she thinks

about putting me
out of business.

Now, Joe, Joe.

Promise me that you'll never use
the words "Carole Baskin"

and "come" again
in the same sentence.

- Yeah, there ain't
enough Viagra in the world.

- What you got there?
- Look at these.

Oh, my God.

- I love the condoms
with you on them.

- Take as many as you want,
on the house.

- That's okay,
the last thing I want to see

before I hit this
is your face.

Will you guys hang tight?

This Baskin root canal

shouldn't take more
than a few minutes.

- Hey, you give that bitch hell,
all right, Joe?

For all of us, all right?

- Okay, so,
once everyone signs off

on the final terms of payment,
my office will handle the rest,

unless you have any objections.

Are you kidding?

We're only too happy
to finally put this to bed.

Okay, good.

Hi, this is Sidney Pierce
representing the Baskins.

- Hi, this is Joe,
representing my own goddamn self

'cause I can't afford a fuckin'
lawyer anymore thanks to you.

- Okay, well,
Mr. Schreibvogel,

I'm assuming that you received
the final schedule of payments.

- Yeah, I got them,
but I can't make

these payments
during the winter.

And why's that?

Because this ain't Tampa.

I work a seasonal business.
How many kids you know

like walkin' around a zoo
freezin' their asses off?

So what are you proposing?

- How about you show some
humanity and cut me a break?

I'm doin' everything
I can here.

Um, one second please.

Carole?

Can't do it.

I'm not here to make friends.

I have to do
what's best for the cats.

- I'm afraid that's not
going to work for us, Joe.

- Why don't you come out
and tell the truth, Carole,

that you won't stop
till you take my zoo from me.

Ain't that the big
fuckin' end game here?

Joe, this is Howard.

This isn't a negotiation.
You have no leverage here.

- You know, this is all such
a big goddamn waste of time.

This is so far from
fuckin' being acceptable.

So why don't you
take those payments

and why don't you shove them
right up your lily white asses?

- I'm sorry,
who's speaking please?

If you're not an official part
of these proceedings,

we're going to have
to terminate the call--

Jeff Lowe.

I'm Joe's new partner.

And you, Howard?

You can go fuck yourself.

And while you're at it,
you can fuck your cunt wife.

Partner?

What, do you wanna bet

that Howard and Carole
shit their diapers?

- Only thing that would've
made that better

if I could've seen the bitch's
face when you said it.

That was goddamn inspired.

- Yeah, well, what can I say?
Someone's gotta teach

those assholes they can't
fuck around with us anymore.

- Fuckin' A.
- Fuckin' A.

- Okay.
So how does this work?

I've never had
a partner before.

- Well...

The way I see it,
you got a zoo with no money.

I got money, but no zoo.
Seems like a win-win to me.

- Yeah, but any money
you put in the zoo

is gonna end up
in the Baskins' pocket.

- Right, okay, but what if,
on paper, it's not yours?

- I tried that.
Signed it over to my mom.

Carole got the court
to undo it.

Damn, she and her husband
are like goddamn legal ninjas.

- Wait, wait, hold on a second,
you transferred it?

Oh, Joe, God damn it, man,
you can't do it like that.

- Yeah, I mean,
I know that now.

The Baskins
aren't the only ones

with good lawyers, okay,
so follow me here.

We're gonna dissolve this zoo.

And we're going to form
a new entity

under my name, all right?

This way, if the Baskins
wanna come after us,

they're gonna have to file
a new lawsuit

and they're gonna get tied up
in court for years

and years to come
and they're gonna have to spend

every last goddamn cent
they have.

- Like the sound of that.
- I knew you would.

One condition though, Joe.

You gotta keep
running this place.

I got other businesses
I gotta attend to.

So I stay in charge?

- Yeah, you stay in charge,
will you?

We'll even give you,
like, a fancy title

like creative director.

No, entertainment director.

Sure.

- I like
entertainment director.

Whatever.

Doesn't matter, right?
The point is,

nothing's gonna change, okay?

The Baskins are not gonna
be able to touch you.

Every dime that I give you
will go back into this zoo

to make it better
than ever before, mm?

- Shit, Jeff,
where you been all my life?

- Can't believe those two
are banding together now.

They're desperate.

- It's like the Joker
and Penguin have joined forces

to wreak havoc
on New York City.

Gotham.

- What?

I just saw Sidney leave.

Does that mean
you guys are done?

Not as done as we hoped.

Aw.

You know what?

No.

We're gonna take Joe down
with all the others.

Let's do this.

If we're gonna pass this bill
in Washington,

we need to be prepared.

Bring in the binders, please!

- If you're not careful,
you're gonna crack that thing.

Joe left something for you.

You take it.

Wait, what?

You're gonna turn down
a free Xbox?

- Ain't nothing free
at this zoo.

- Okay, come on, can we just
open it and play it please?

Look, if you're bored,

why don't you go shoot
some Tannerite?

I'm not bored.

Everybody has shit to do here
except for me.

- You say that
like it's a bad thing.

Fuck it.

There you go.

Problem solved.

Wakey-wakey.

- Ah!
Shit!

What the hell, man?

- Dude!
Did you piss yourself?

You totally, totally
pissed yourself!

- Screw you, man.
I wouldn't piss myself!

I was just tryin' to rest
for like ten minutes

while Joe was takin' a shit.

- Oh, dude, I'm sorry.
I was just messin' around.

Are you mad at me?

It's not like
I pulled the trigger.

Ah...

I know you didn't mean anything
by it, you knucklehead.

Don't you got
something better to do?

Not really.

Hey, you okay?

- Y--yeah.

No, it's just
my ride crapped out.

I was hoping
you could fix it for me.

You're lucky I like you, kid.

Grab my toolbox
and some rags.

Wait, what?

- Well, I ain't gonna do it
on my own.

I don't know how to do it.

- Well, grab my toolbox
and I'll show you.

Help me roll it in.

All right,
make sure that's tight.

You don't want that carburetor
bouncing around.

Got it.

I think that's as tight
as it'll go.

- All right,
well, let's start it up then.

- Holy shit!
We did it.

Whoo!

Legends!

Whoo!

- Congressman Longstreet's
record on animal rights?

- He supports the Lacey Act,
but he was quoted

in "The New York Times"
as saying that animal rights

are property rights.

Very good.

How many committee members
own cats?

Six.

By party?

Three Dem, two Repub.

That's only five.

- Trick question,
Representative DeMartino

- is an independent.

Oh, I thought I had you
on that one.

Very good.
I think you're ready.

- No, no, we gotta go again.
- No, Carole.

You've been cramming at work,
cramming at home.

- No, that sucked.
We gotta go again.

- Have to go again.
- You need to work smart.

All right?
Take a break, relaxes the mind.

- Howard,
I cannot take a break.

Not now, please.

- Okay.
- No. Don't do that.

- Just five minutes,
then we'll get back to it.

- Oh, no, no.

- There are 17 binders here--
- May I have this dance?

- May I have...
- No. I'm not a dancer.

- Can't refuse the Howard.
- Okay, five minutes.

You're still working.

- What?
I'm sorry, I can't help it!

Oh, the door.

- Ah, and she escapes.
- Oh, dear, the door.

Slides. Slides.

- No one can accuse you
of being underprepared.

Those Congress people
have no idea what's coming.

- Yeah, a high school dropout
in a cat bra.

- Mom?
You got this.

- No, seriously,
what am I doing?

I can't even stop Joe Exotic.

I think I'm gonna get a bill
through Congress?

- Come on.
- Are you serious?

This is what you
have been working for.

- I know, I just never thought
it would actually happen.

Yes, you did.

You always thought
that you could do things

that other people
said you couldn't.

You have sacrificed so much
for this chance, okay?

And it's all gonna be worth it
when you win.

- I wasn't the only one
who sacrificed.

Why don't you come with me?

What?

- To Washington, I think
you should come with me.

What about Valerie?

I mean, she's been
helping you prep.

- Valerie is magical,
but Valerie...

Is not my daughter.

You really want me to come?

Well, I can't bring Howard.

Howard is a distraction.
Howard will just make me dance.

- Yeah?

You and me, Wash?
Ah!

I'm gonna be a dad?

- I'm gonna be a dad?

- Are you fuckin' kidding me?
Are you fuckin' kidding me?

- John, what the hell's
goin' on in there?

Quit clowning around.
I can see you on my phone.

Sorry about that, Joe.

Just get back to work now!

No.

What the...

John, what are you doing?

- You got a lot of nerve,
flippin' me off!

Amber's pregnant.

So, what do I care?

I'm the father.

Now, look,

I know you might
find this hard to hear,

and you and I been
through a lot.

But you gotta know the truth.

Look.

You screwed up.

It happens.

- Send her to the clinic--
- Excuse me?

- And you and me,
we'll figure this out.

You don't fuckin' get it, man.

- Don't tell me you have
feelings for that whore.

- Don't talk about her
like that.

Hey, what's goin' on?

- This between me and John
and my ex-employee.

That's right,
your ass is fuckin' fired.

Yeah, I figured.

- And if you're looking
for a recommendation,

here it is:

fuck you and your goddamn twat

- that you rode in on!
- Yeah?

Guess what?

I'm goin' with her.

John, what are you doing?

- You really gonna
walk away from me?

I'm the only one
who ever loved you.

You don't love people.

You collect them.

Just like those goddamn cats.

Bullshit!

You're gonna
throw away everything

over some used up
piece of trash?

- I told you not to fuckin'
talk about her like that!

- Okay, let's everyone
just calm down.

Fuck him. Fuck him.

Let's go.

I got news for you.

That baby is gonna
grow up to be

a worthless piece of shit
just like both of you!

- Take it easy.
Dude, take it easy.

John! John!

John!
John!

Hey, hey!

Rink, I'm sorry, man.

I'm okay, buddy.

Take care of yourself.

Shit.

Hey, Joe,
if you're not up for it,

you can always give
these folks a raincheck.

I don't cancel shows.

Yeah?

Hey, folks,
who's ready to see some tigers?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, we're ready.

Yeah, we got
some of the greatest--

we got great--we...

You know, people ask me why

I spend so much time
with cats.

Pretty simple.

Cats don't want
to rip your heart out

and then stomp all over it.

Sometimes it seems like
there ain't no such thing

as loyalty anymore,
know what I mean?

The people you care about
the most,

well, they're the ones
that can break you...

and leave you for dead.

I ain't gonna lie.

It's hard for me
to be up here right now.

But you paid
your hard-earned money,

brought your families here.

Just didn't want
to let you down.

We're with you, Joe!

- You been through
hard times, too, I bet.

You all know what it's like
to hurt, don't you?

- I'm barely holding on
to my farm!

- Yeah, I knew
I wasn't the only one.

We're all hurtin'
in this country.

Sometimes it feels like
people don't care.

That we're all alone.

But I'll tell you what.

It's you all
that keep me going,

and I'm gonna keep you going.

I think I should run
for governor.

I mean it!

- What do you know
about politics?

Shit, Trump did it.

Do you even vote?

- What's that got to do
with anything?

And what the hell are you
even doing here with Rink?

- I was helpin' him
fix the tractor.

I'm actually getting
pretty good at it.

- I gotta ask you, Joe,
this governor thing,

is this because--
is this 'cause of John?

What?

- Just call him, man.
Make peace.

- You know, fuck John and that
skinny-ass home-wrecker.

He don't give a shit about me,
but the people out there,

they love me.

And they need someone
to fight for them.

- All right,
but running for governor

ain't just words, Joe,
you know?

You gotta build
a whole campaign,

and that takes
political know-how.

- You know, you're right.
I wouldn't know where to start.

I know.

I'm gonna put an ad
on Craigslist.

- So you'll have ten minutes
for prepared remarks.

Then questions, five minutes
per representative.

- Mm-hmm. Got it.

- There's cameras,
but don't be nervous.

It's just C-SPAN.

- Ready?
- Yeah. Thanks.

Oh, my God, this is insane.

- I know.

I have to get a photo.

Yes, but play it cool.

Okay.

Carole Baskin?

How the hell are ya?

Forgive me.
We haven't officially met.

Doc Antle.

- Yes, I know who you are.
- Good.

You know, when I heard
about this bill,

I just knew I had to give
the committee a chance

to hear the other side.

You know, balance the scales,
so to speak.

Who is this lovely young lady?

- This is my daughter.
- Oh.

- And she has come to watch me
castrate your business.

- Is that ri--

Well, I love that confidence.

Well, you break a leg.

But you should know
that I've known Joe Exotic

for quite a long time

and consider him
a protégé of sorts,

so I'm gonna enjoy
watching you choke.

You call me if you're
ever lookin' for work.

Aren't I too old for you?

Whoa! Feisty.

Just like her mom, huh?

Wink at my kid one more time.

- Sit down.
- Okay.

I was just offering a job.
No need to get upset.

Oh, God, I need a shower.

Mom, take no prisoners.

Got it.

Mrs. Baskin,

this committee has many
urgent issues to address.

Why is this the one
that demands our attention now?

- It is imperative
that we pass this bill now

because as we sit here,
there are currently

twice as many tigers
living in captivity

as there are in the wild.

And these are cubs
that are brought into the world

exclusively for profit
and exploitation.

Think about it,
Congressman Rutledge.

These are babies.

And we're allowing them to live

in unregulated
and inhumane facilities.

And this is not just
a moral issue.

It is, of course,
a public safety issue.

500-pound carnivores
are dangerous animals

who will defend themselves
to the death.

Did you know, in many states,

it is easier
to purchase a tiger

than it is to purchase a puppy?

Since 1990, there have been

more than 400 incidents
of violence

involving big cats
in private homes,

resulting in 24 deaths,
5 of them children.

Just recently, an employee
in a zoo in Oklahoma

had his arm ripped off
by a tiger.

What would you do

if a tiger got loose
in your district?

And what would you say
to your constituents

when they asked what you'd done
to protect them?

- Thank you for your
testimony today, Mrs. Baskin.

We've all learned a lot.

- Thank you
for the opportunity.

Thank you.

In my professional opinion,

it's pretty late in the game
to enter the primary.

That being said, you're unlike
any other candidate running.

I'd love to start
by hearing your positions.

Doggy, mostly.

Oh, that's funny.

But no, I mean your...

- Look, Josh, nobody cares
about my positions.

They connect to me 'cause
I'm exactly who I say I am.

I told him this is crazy.

- Ain't nothing wrong
with crazy.

Look, the only way
you find out who you are,

put yourself out there
and say "fuck it."

So let's cut to the chase.

Do you think I could
win this thing or what?

- Well, I have
a 77-county strategy,

which I could really tailor
to your particular strengths.

You hear that, Rink?

He thinks I could
really pull this off.

Just curious.

How many winning campaigns
have you run?

Well...

zero.

But I haven't had
any losing ones either.

- What?
You've never run a campaign?

- How do you, like,
make your money?

- I work at Walmart.

I know I don't have
a lot of experience,

but I was a poli-sci major
in college,

I study politics
in all my free time,

and growing up
as a gay kid in Oklahoma,

there was one person
I looked up to

who wasn't afraid
of being out and proud.

And that's you, Joe.

So if you're willing
to take a chance on me,

I'm willing to ride with you.

Well, I...

I think we've heard
all we need to.

Where do we start?

Ladies and gentleman,
I've tried drugs,

I've had some of the kinkiest
sex you can imagine,

and I'm broke as shit.

But I took a bare piece of land

and turned it into the largest
privately-owned zoo

in America.

And I'll fix up Oklahoma
the same way.

I don't care
if you're Republican,

a Democrat,

a pot smoker, or a meth head.

I've never shrunk from a fight,
and I will fight for you.

I am Joe Maldonado,

and I am running for Governor
of the great state of Oklahoma.

It's just a mock up, but...

what do you think?

Well, Josh, that's gotta be

one of the most boring
pieces of shit

I ever seen in my life.

Will you look at me?

Is there anything about me
that screams boring?

Put some tiger stripes
in there.

Put my name in purple
or hot pink.

We gotta grab this audience
by the nut sack.

Okay.

And hey, one more thing.

When it's done,
I want you to slap that bad boy

all over Wynnewood

so my ex John can see
what a fuckin' mistake he made.

- Got it?
- Copy that.

In the meantime, I'd like
to get your numbers up.

How's it looking?

Flash poll has us at 8%.

- Damn.
That's kind of a great start.

- It's 8% of registered
Libertarians.

It's only a few hundred people.

But we can make up ground.

There's a parade this afternoon
in Pauls Valley.

That's a good opportunity.

- Hey. Joe.

Can I talk to you for a sec?
I need to--

Need to, uh...

what's going on here?

- I'm running for governor,
Jeff.

I'm gonna clean this state up.

- I--I thought you were supposed
to be running the zoo.

This campaign's gonna be

the best thing
to ever happen to this zoo.

More people know my name,

more people gonna
be coming here.

You got the best
entertainment director

money can buy.

Yeah, yeah, I'll bet.

Wanna come outside?

There's somebody
I want you to meet.

Sure.

- Un-fucking-believable.

Jesus Christ.

Joe, meet Allen Glover.

We used to work together,
and if it's all right with you,

I'd like to bring him on,
help out around here.

- And do what?
Scare little kids?

Well, I guess
if he's good enough for you,

welcome aboard.

All righty then.

I got some babies to kiss.
Take it easy.

- The fuck kind of freak show
you bring me to?

- There you are.
What are you doing?

Watching porn?

You wish.

Actually, I'm thinking
about taking a class

and learning
how to put engines together.

What for?

- I don't know,
I just, like, think

it'd be fun
to try something new.

You know? Fuck it, right?

There's a class coming up
real soon, so--

- Uh-huh.
You gotta put that on hold.

I need you right now.

- For what?
- For what?

I'm running for governor.
I need my husband.

We got a parade
to get ready for.

- Come on!
- Okay.

- You know, as a private
big cat owner myself,

I feel it's important
to correct

some of the ugly allegations

that have been lobbed
against us.

Carole Baskin told us that
we should make sweeping laws

based on the actions
of a few bad apples.

Well, let me ask you.

Would Mrs. Baskin take

every citizen's
driver's license away

because a few people
drank too much

and got behind the wheel?

I think we can all agree that
that would be insane.

My fellow cat owners and I
love our animals,

and we believe in conservation.

But the only way
to get the general public

to save the tigers
is to give them a chance

to interact
and fall in love with them.

But those are just words, so...

let me show you what I mean.

Ladies and gentleman,

meet Sheba.

Six weeks old

and the innocent subject
of all this fighting.

Mrs. DeMartino, would you like
to say hello to Sheba?

There we go.

There we go.

There we are.

- So cute.

- Now, don't be shy.
You can say hello.

She won't bite.

Now, look how happy
that little cub is.

What is wrong with this?

Nothing.

- We can try
and get it through committee

in a year or two.

- I just don't--
I don't understand.

- My mom did everything right.
- Yeah.

Sometimes it's not about
who's right.

There are other factors.

Like what?

- With some members,
it's a gut instinct--

who they connect with.

- What, and they connected
with him?

Enough of them did.

- Did any of your colleagues
actually think

that she was wrong?

See, that's not fair.

It's politics.

Fairness doesn't get
a seat at the table.

It was hard
for me to understand

the first time too.

Carole.

Chin up.

The fuck?

Hey, Joe, the gate's locked.

Yeah.

Well, can you open it for me?

On my way.

Hey.

Hey, since when do we lock
the gate around here?

- Since I needed
to clamp down on security.

You know we can't
trust nobody no more.

Where you going anyway?

- Oh, I was going
to the night class.

Remember? I told you.

Yeah, I thought we decided

that you weren't gonna do that
right now.

Well, you decided.

I didn't think
it was such a big deal.

- Oh, you didn't, huh?
- It's just a class, Joe.

- Look, I'm under a shit-load
of pressure right now.

I'm running
for fucking governor.

- I know.
Well, that--that's your thing.

You know? What's mine?

To be there for me.

- I am, okay?
I can do both.

- Look, why don't you
just come on home?

I'll get us a pizza.

You can pack a nice fat bowl
and relax.

How does that sound?

No.

- You want something stronger?
- No!

I don't want to do
that shit anymore!

- What the fuck do you want?
- Something to do!

Everybody's got a purpose here
except for me!

I want a purpose!

A purpose?

I gave you a place

where no one's gonna
fucking hurt you!

So you just wanna leave me,
huh?

Just like John?

- What are you
talking about, Joe?

I don't want to leave you.
I just want something.

- Don't play fucking stupid
with me!

- Is that lock on the gate
to keep people out,

or to keep us in?

I told you I needed you.

But if you want to go,

go!

Just go!

You didn't have anybody to look
after you before, did you?

Nobody gave a fucking shit
about you,

and you think now,

things are gonna be different
for some fucking reason?

Let me get one thing straight.

You step outside that gate,
there ain't no coming back.

You can fuck off forever.

So...

you leaving or what?

No.

Good.

Here, let me.

One day,
I believe you'll see this

as a necessary step
on the path to victory.

You just gotta keep at it.

Yeah. That's what I thought.

I always told Jamie,
"You knock on the door.

If they don't let you in,
you knock the door down."

Exactly.

Well, that's how you got
to the halls of Congress

in the first place--

by being strong,
determined, prepared.

And they hated me for it.

They sided with the jackass

in the safari hat
who has a harem.

- Yeah, well,
they made a mistake.

I don't know.

I just don't see why
it would go any differently

the next time.

Or ever.

They didn't vote
against the bill

'cause they didn't like
the bill.

They voted against the bill
'cause they didn't like me.

I'm not fun. I'm not...wild.

I'm--I'm stiff.

You don't know why
you don't like me,

but you just don't.

I'm...

I'm a blonde woman
with strong convictions

and a sturdy Midwestern accent.

We all know how that goes down.

- All right, you got
knocked down this time.

But I also know
one of the things

Jamie admires about you
the most

is that you don't
stay down for long.

Looking good.

There's my future first husband
of Oklahoma.

Smile.

Come on, smile.

Yeah, that's it.

I'm gonna put this right up
on my Facebook page.

- You know,
the thing no one tells you

about Neverland is,

after all the flying
and fighting pirates

and hanging with fairies...

Then what?

All those lost boys?

Well, there's a reason
they were lost.

But maybe it isn't
the reason you think.

- Maybe it's 'cause,
eventually,

they wanted
to leave Neverland.

But they just couldn't find
a way out.

Hey.

- Oh, hey, Travis, I'm just
getting some work done, okay?

Sure.

You won't even notice me.

- Travis, can you not play
with that thing in here please?

I'm just having some fun.

Please just put it down.

Serious--man, it's not funny,
all right?

Put it down.

Relax.

It can't fire
unless there's a clip in it.

- How about when Shaq came by
to see those tigers, man?

Remember, and he came back
just to hang out with Travis.

Some crazy shit, man.

Shaq loved Travis.

- Mm-hmm.

How about the time Travis asked

if he could jump over me
on his ATV?

What the heck?

That kid was so stupid.

Damn, that kid sure had
a glow about him.

Hey! Do you mind?

We're grievin' over here!

What?

I said we're grievin'!

Fuckin' crybabies.

It was an accident, right?

- We all want fairy tales
to end happy.

The evil queen dies.

The girl gets the prince.

The kid with the big nose
becomes a real boy.

But the truth is,

the real world
is full of poisoned apples

and dragons.

In the real world,
you gotta fend for yourself.

And there ain't no
fairy godmother to save you.

No!

No!

No!

Happily ever after, my ass.