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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,171 --> 00:00:07,757 We're going backwards. 2 00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,175 Felt better a week ago. 3 00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:10,343 - Okay, hear me out. 4 00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:12,470 Maybe we're working too hard. 5 00:00:12,554 --> 00:00:15,724 Maybe we need to rest our brains. 6 00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:17,684 DJ's texting you. 7 00:00:17,767 --> 00:00:20,353 - How do you know? - I can read it from here. 8 00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:21,771 Your text setting is enormous. 9 00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,523 It's like the top row of an eye exam. 10 00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:27,068 - Oh, God, it's another message about ancestry.com. 11 00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:28,778 Ever since she decided to have a kid, 12 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,822 DJ's obsessed with our family heritage. 13 00:00:30,905 --> 00:00:32,365 - Oh, I did that, and I found out 14 00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:34,451 I had a second cousin who lived an hour away 15 00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:36,453 who did not wanna get coffee. 16 00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:38,705 - Huh, it appears I'm a descendant 17 00:00:38,788 --> 00:00:41,249 of a person in the Salem witch trials. 18 00:00:41,332 --> 00:00:43,793 Betty Parris. 19 00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:46,546 - Wait, could we use this for the show? 20 00:00:46,629 --> 00:00:47,922 Like, maybe this is the through line 21 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,132 we've been looking for. 22 00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:50,800 - Oh, maybe. 23 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:54,929 Um, something about how her story mirrors mine. 24 00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:56,139 - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. - Umm, 25 00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:57,640 beautiful, brilliant woman 26 00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,809 blazing her own path in a male-dominated world. 27 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,519 - Yes! - Unfairly persecuted. 28 00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:03,438 - Found guilty in the court of public opinion. 29 00:01:03,521 --> 00:01:05,064 Burned at the stake. - Yes, exactly! 30 00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:06,608 Oh, this is good. This is good. 31 00:01:06,691 --> 00:01:09,527 Um...oh, oh, I know. I know how it could start. 32 00:01:09,611 --> 00:01:10,820 - Ooh, shoot. 33 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:13,364 - What? 34 00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:16,034 - Okay, it turns out Betty Parris was actually 35 00:01:16,117 --> 00:01:18,495 one of the Salem witch trial accusers. 36 00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:21,414 She and Abigail Williams kinda kicked the whole thing off. 37 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:23,708 Lotta innocent women dead. 38 00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:24,876 Her fault. 39 00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:27,462 Mm. - Mm. 40 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,509 Well, I don't need 41 00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:34,052 a stupid through line for my show. 42 00:01:34,135 --> 00:01:35,804 - Not at all. Literally dumb. 43 00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:38,431 - Not my department, and I know you hate puppets, 44 00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:39,849 but I was thinking that... - I know. 45 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,726 I know. 46 00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:47,816 Babe, hi. 47 00:01:47,899 --> 00:01:49,275 Oh, I am in such a rut. 48 00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:51,528 I need you. 49 00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:52,779 Yeah. 50 00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:54,072 How quickly can you get to Memphis? 51 00:01:55,907 --> 00:01:59,160 - ♪ Doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo ♪ 52 00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:02,831 ♪ Run run run, run run run ♪ 53 00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:06,334 ♪ Doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo ♪ 54 00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:09,337 ♪ Run run run, run run run ♪ 55 00:02:09,420 --> 00:02:11,297 ♪ Oh, load up your mama ♪ 56 00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:14,592 ♪ We'll ride on out to the line ♪ 57 00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:16,886 ♪ ♪ 58 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:17,971 ♪ Run ♪ 59 00:02:18,054 --> 00:02:20,223 ♪ ♪ 60 00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:21,891 ♪ Run ♪ 61 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:29,065 ♪ ♪ 62 00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,151 Hi! 63 00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:33,611 Thank you for the ride, 64 00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:36,239 and remember, love can be an addiction, too, 65 00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:37,407 so set boundaries. 66 00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:39,909 It'll be good for you and her. 67 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,536 I love you so much. Bye! 68 00:02:41,619 --> 00:02:43,580 Thank you! - Kiki! 69 00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:45,540 - Yay. 70 00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:50,712 - ♪ Run ♪ 71 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:54,465 - What else? 72 00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:56,259 Oh, I got a haircut. 73 00:02:56,342 --> 00:02:58,094 But it kinda grew out, so you can't really tell. 74 00:02:58,177 --> 00:02:59,721 - It's cute. - Thank you. 75 00:02:59,804 --> 00:03:01,097 And there's this really weird smell 76 00:03:01,180 --> 00:03:02,140 in Vegas right now. 77 00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:03,600 No one knows what it is, 78 00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:06,019 but I think it's feet. - Feet? 79 00:03:06,102 --> 00:03:07,687 - All those shoes people leave behind? 80 00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,647 When I'm at my table, girls will literally take off 81 00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:11,482 their high heels, and they will never, ever come back for them. 82 00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:12,984 - No, it's true. The Palmetto lost and found 83 00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:15,194 is full of Jessica Simpson-brand shoes. 84 00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:17,906 I go a lot 'cause I keep losing my retainer. 85 00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:19,782 But don't worry. I always find it. 86 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:21,618 - Anyway, I'm just happy to be here. 87 00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:24,412 I've always wanted to visit, and I love Memphis music. 88 00:03:24,495 --> 00:03:26,331 - Wait, really? Like what? Like... like Elvis? 89 00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:29,876 - No, like Three 6 Mafia, Pooh Shiesty, Project Pat, 90 00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:32,962 Young Dolph, Yo Gotti, NLE Choppa. 91 00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,631 Really? Hello! 92 00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:36,132 Oh, Deborah, that's 24. I'm sorry. 93 00:03:36,215 --> 00:03:38,176 - Yes, I can count. 94 00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:39,969 - Hm. - Ugh! 95 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,220 Damn it. 96 00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:42,513 I need this to get back 97 00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,015 into my pre-show rhythm. 98 00:03:44,098 --> 00:03:47,310 Come on, bust, bust, bust, bust, bust, bust. 99 00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:49,312 - Ava wins. - Shh. 100 00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:53,232 Oh, Deborah's suing me. 101 00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:54,859 - Stop trying to cheer me up. 102 00:03:57,987 --> 00:03:59,113 ♪ ♪ 103 00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:02,700 - ♪ If push ♪ 104 00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:04,786 ♪ Comes to a shove ♪ 105 00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:07,288 ♪ ♪ 106 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:11,834 ♪ You've got to keep your head ♪ 107 00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:14,796 ♪ Above the water ♪ 108 00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,464 - Um, not to add more to your plate, 109 00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:19,300 but you should know that Axel is here. 110 00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:21,094 - Axel Axel? - Yes. 111 00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:22,553 Apparently, his restraining order lapsed 112 00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:23,846 a couple years ago. - Sorry, 113 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:25,431 but who is Axel Axel? 114 00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:27,433 - One of Deborah's stalkers. - One of? 115 00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:29,269 How many stalkers do you have? 116 00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:30,937 - Living? 12. 117 00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:32,563 - Mm, 11. 118 00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:34,023 Donna died. 119 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,817 - Oh, she did? 120 00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:37,527 Oh, she was sweet. 121 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,070 What an athlete. 122 00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:42,782 She scaled that 30-foot pergola like it was nothing. 123 00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:46,828 I mean, seriously, 124 00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:51,666 my little sister steals my husband. 125 00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:56,004 She used to just steal my dolls. 126 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,591 But seriously, that... 127 00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:04,178 that was the worst feeling in the world. 128 00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:06,806 And I once bombed so bad at a USO show, 129 00:05:06,889 --> 00:05:08,558 they put me on the No Fly List. 130 00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:11,769 - So for tomorrow, we have requests 131 00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:13,062 for two radio interviews. 132 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,439 One's with "Gonzo and the Bean." 133 00:05:14,522 --> 00:05:16,399 - Let's do the other one. 134 00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:19,861 Wait a second. Where's... where's Axel? 135 00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:23,114 Where's Axel? 136 00:05:26,242 --> 00:05:27,869 Is that him? 137 00:05:27,952 --> 00:05:29,454 Is he leaving? 138 00:05:29,537 --> 00:05:31,372 Hey, Axel. 139 00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:33,207 Wait. Ax... Axel! 140 00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:35,084 Axel! Hey, hey! 141 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,377 Hey, hey, Axel, Axel, Axel. 142 00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:37,920 - Oh, wow! Hi! - Hey. 143 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,797 Hi. - Deborah. 144 00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:41,674 Hi. 145 00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:43,259 - How you doing? 146 00:05:43,342 --> 00:05:46,220 - I'm doing better. Thank you for asking. 147 00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:47,889 Got my own apartment. 148 00:05:47,972 --> 00:05:49,807 Just started working at Best Buy. 149 00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:52,935 - Good, good, good, good. So, um... 150 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,729 did you... did you see the show? 151 00:05:54,812 --> 00:05:56,314 - Yeah, yeah. 152 00:05:56,397 --> 00:05:57,899 It was good. 153 00:05:57,982 --> 00:05:59,650 It was different. - Yeah, it's a whole... 154 00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:02,570 it's a whole different thing, so... 155 00:06:02,653 --> 00:06:03,863 what'd you think? 156 00:06:03,946 --> 00:06:07,867 - I mean, you're always great to watch. 157 00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:14,624 I don't know, it just wasn't the Deborah Vance I'm used to. 158 00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:16,209 - Oh, you mean the Deborah Vance that you sent 159 00:06:16,292 --> 00:06:17,835 a Ziploc bag full of pubic hair to? 160 00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:19,837 I don't do that anymore. 161 00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:25,134 There were some funny jokes, but... but... 162 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,886 it just... 163 00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:28,805 it was kind of a bummer, 164 00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:31,766 and I didn't really expect that from you. 165 00:06:31,849 --> 00:06:35,895 I miss the Deborah who takes everyone down. 166 00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:39,982 - Yeah. Huh. 167 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:42,819 Well, nice to see you, Axel. 168 00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:45,321 - Oh, quick question while I have you. 169 00:06:45,404 --> 00:06:47,990 Do you know if Chelsea Handler still lives 170 00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:50,618 in Brentwood, California? 171 00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:52,495 - No, I don't, 172 00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:54,247 and I wouldn't tell you even if I did. 173 00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:56,749 - You know, she never visits Chuy's grave. 174 00:06:56,833 --> 00:07:00,086 Goodbye, Axel. 175 00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:02,630 - Oof, it's so scary having a stalker. 176 00:07:02,713 --> 00:07:04,298 - Oh, you kinda get used to it. 177 00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:06,509 - Someone obsessed with you who could just show up 178 00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:07,510 at any moment. 179 00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:08,928 - Ava! - Oh! 180 00:07:09,011 --> 00:07:10,805 Mom. 181 00:07:10,888 --> 00:07:13,099 - What are you doing here? - Well, you said the tour 182 00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:14,767 was in Memphis for a couple nights, 183 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:17,228 and you said... you said it would be fun if I visited. 184 00:07:17,311 --> 00:07:19,480 - Those were two different conversations, 185 00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:20,857 but hi. 186 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:23,067 - Oh, honey. Oh, it's so good to see you. 187 00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:25,194 - Hi, I'm Kiki. - Hi. 188 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:28,406 - Oh, uh... uh, Kiki, this is my mom, Nina. 189 00:07:28,489 --> 00:07:29,615 Mom, this is my friend Kiki. 190 00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:30,950 - A friend! 191 00:07:31,033 --> 00:07:32,660 Oh, Kiki, it's so nice to meet you. 192 00:07:32,743 --> 00:07:34,287 Ava's never mentioned you. 193 00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:35,496 - I did, actually. 194 00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:37,039 - No, it's okay. 195 00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:38,666 I'm kinda hard to describe anyway. 196 00:07:38,749 --> 00:07:40,209 Kinda have to experience it. 197 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,752 I love your hair. - Oh, thanks. 198 00:07:41,836 --> 00:07:43,129 Well, they're extensions. 199 00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:44,964 No, I... I know that. 200 00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:47,884 - Well, hello. - Hi. Oh, Deborah. 201 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:49,886 - Hi. - It's so good to see you. 202 00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:52,263 - Hi. How are you? This is fun. 203 00:07:52,346 --> 00:07:55,183 I didn't know that you were coming to visit. 204 00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:57,518 No one did. No one did. 205 00:07:57,602 --> 00:08:00,855 So, uh, Mom, Kiki and I were gonna go to a bar, 206 00:08:00,938 --> 00:08:04,233 but I guess we can get you settled at the hotel. 207 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:07,445 - Oh, no. No, let's go out. 208 00:08:07,528 --> 00:08:08,738 We can all go, right? 209 00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:10,364 - Um, no, Deborah doesn't wanna go... 210 00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:11,699 - Oh, I need to. 211 00:08:11,782 --> 00:08:13,576 My own stalker just ran away from me. 212 00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:14,911 I could use a couple of drinks. 213 00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:17,246 Whoo! Girls' night out! 214 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,707 - Yeah, that's what girls' night out is: 215 00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:22,501 just two friends, someone's mom, and their boss. 216 00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:24,128 - I'm someone's mom too, actually. 217 00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:26,881 - So am I. - Well, moms' night out then. 218 00:08:26,964 --> 00:08:28,090 Plus Ava. - Whoo! 219 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,508 - There you go. Whoo! 220 00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:31,302 Whoo-hoo! 221 00:08:31,385 --> 00:08:38,476 ♪ ♪ 222 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:41,771 - Whoo! 223 00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:44,106 - Why aren't you and your daughter's father together? 224 00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,776 - We were for a little bit, but we just annoy each other, 225 00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:48,236 so I couldn't live with him. 226 00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:50,279 I... but I love him. I love him as a co-parent. 227 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:51,739 - Well, how do your parents feel 228 00:08:51,822 --> 00:08:53,324 about you not being married? 229 00:08:53,407 --> 00:08:55,576 I mean, aren't Asian families very traditional? 230 00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:57,078 - Mom. - No, it's cool. 231 00:08:57,161 --> 00:08:59,121 I love nosy people. Uh, yeah, obviously, 232 00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:00,623 they're not in love with the fact 233 00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:02,625 that we're not married, but, you know, 234 00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:04,293 they're happy that we got Luna. 235 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:05,920 Was it hard raising an only child? 236 00:09:06,003 --> 00:09:08,172 Because Luna keeps asking me for a little sister, 237 00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:09,257 and I don't know! 238 00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:11,133 - Oh, no, no. It was fine. 239 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,761 And-and Ava was more than enough to handle. 240 00:09:13,844 --> 00:09:15,346 And she turned out great. - Yeah. 241 00:09:15,429 --> 00:09:16,931 - But only because I worked very hard 242 00:09:17,014 --> 00:09:18,641 to make sure she was never lonely. 243 00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:20,935 - Actually, I was so lonely, I used to draw faces 244 00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:22,395 on our pillows and talk to them. 245 00:09:22,478 --> 00:09:25,314 - Oh, yeah. She ruined so many pillows. 246 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,900 But it gave her a great sense of humor, I guess. 247 00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:29,902 - Oh, I don't think Luna's gonna be funny. 248 00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:31,654 She's really comfortable with herself. 249 00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:33,990 - Okay, okay. 250 00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:35,324 - Thank you. - Oh, Deborah, thank you. 251 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,659 - You didn't get anything? 252 00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:37,994 - I couldn't carry it all. 253 00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:39,245 - Two vodka rocks? 254 00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:40,663 - Those are for me. Thank you. 255 00:09:40,746 --> 00:09:42,456 - Oh, my God. - Whoo! 256 00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:43,833 - Thank you, thank you. - So, Deborah, 257 00:09:43,916 --> 00:09:45,918 how's the big show going? 258 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,837 - Eh, not great. 259 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,338 - No, it's great. It's great. 260 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,507 - Yeah, you're being too hard on yourself. 261 00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,634 I mean, the show doesn't need to be a laugh a minute. 262 00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:56,387 - It's not about laughs. It's-it's a feeling, you know? 263 00:09:56,470 --> 00:09:58,055 I can tell when the audience isn't fully with me, 264 00:09:58,139 --> 00:09:59,307 and they're not. 265 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:01,392 You haven't been up there 4 million times. 266 00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:02,685 You can't hear it the way I can. 267 00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:05,438 - I relate to that so much, Deborah. 268 00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:06,856 When I'm doing a pitch, 269 00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:08,816 I can always tell when they're not gonna buy. 270 00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:10,443 - Uh, what? 271 00:10:10,526 --> 00:10:12,236 - Oh, my God, I forgot. - A pitch? 272 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:13,529 - I forgot to tell you. 273 00:10:13,612 --> 00:10:15,197 I got a job. I'm a Vibamins rep. 274 00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:18,367 I'm selling all-natural health and beauty supplements. 275 00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:20,036 - Well, that's interesting. Good for you. 276 00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:22,038 - Thank you. Uh, you could do it too, Ava. 277 00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:24,332 You could find people on the road to work for you. 278 00:10:24,415 --> 00:10:25,916 - Work for me? - Mm-hmm. 279 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,918 - Hold on. Is this an MLM? 280 00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:29,211 - A what? No, no, no, no. 281 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:30,880 No, it's an effervescent vitamin tablet... 282 00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:32,882 - No, no, no, like, the more people you recruit, 283 00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:33,883 the more money you make? 284 00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:36,469 - Yeah, well, of course. 285 00:10:36,552 --> 00:10:37,511 What? 286 00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:39,180 - Mom, that's a pyramid scheme. 287 00:10:39,263 --> 00:10:40,806 - No! That's impossible. 288 00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,767 It's on Facebook. - Oh, my God. 289 00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:44,560 Mom! - What? What are you saying? 290 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,729 What did I say? - Hey, Deborah... 291 00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,064 Deborah and I are gonna take a lap. 292 00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:49,732 - Mm. - Be right back. 293 00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,360 - It's women-owned, Ava. 294 00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:53,569 It's an innocent thing. 295 00:10:53,652 --> 00:10:54,862 I'm making a lot of money, 296 00:10:54,945 --> 00:10:56,405 and so is the whole neighborhood. 297 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:59,658 Hazel Smith who lives next door is so excited. 298 00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:02,870 Her husband's a little upset about the $30,000, 299 00:11:02,953 --> 00:11:04,538 but she's really thrilled. 300 00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:06,040 ♪ ♪ 301 00:11:06,123 --> 00:11:08,209 - I mean, sure, I have the money, 302 00:11:08,292 --> 00:11:09,752 but I... I don't wanna go to space. 303 00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:11,921 - Ugh, no. I never wanna go to space. 304 00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:13,589 I do not wanna feel like a grain of sand. 305 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,591 - No. - No. 306 00:11:15,674 --> 00:11:18,302 ♪ ♪ 307 00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:20,221 Deborah? - Mm? 308 00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:23,140 - There is a guy staring at you. 309 00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:25,017 - People stare at me all the time... I'm famous. 310 00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:26,143 - No, no, no, no, no. 311 00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:27,895 These are "fuck me" eyes, 312 00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:30,398 not "I've seen you on 'The View'" eyes. 313 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,527 - Oh, God. You're insane. 314 00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:36,070 He could be my son. 315 00:11:36,153 --> 00:11:37,697 - Never know. Why don't you go say hi? 316 00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:40,032 Follow the fun. - Absolutely not. 317 00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,285 What? 318 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:45,746 What? 319 00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:47,623 Have fun. 320 00:11:47,706 --> 00:11:49,458 - No. - Bye. 321 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:51,836 ♪ ♪ 322 00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:53,963 - Hi. - Oh, Christ. 323 00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:56,424 - Hi. - Hey. 324 00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:58,217 - Where'd your mom go? 325 00:11:58,300 --> 00:11:59,677 - Oh, she got upset that I thought 326 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,470 she's in a pyramid scheme, which she is... 327 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,597 - Yeah, she is. - She went to go ride the bull. 328 00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:06,225 Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! 329 00:12:06,308 --> 00:12:08,561 Whoo-hoo! Yeah! 330 00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:11,021 - Huh. - This whole thing is so weird. 331 00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:13,399 - Well, it's nice that she wanted to visit. 332 00:12:13,482 --> 00:12:14,859 - I guess. 333 00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:17,445 But sometimes it's hard to have, like, casual fun 334 00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:18,821 when we never talk about the real stuff 335 00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:20,656 that could actually make us close. 336 00:12:20,739 --> 00:12:23,075 But that'll never happen. 337 00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:26,203 - Well, I don't know. Maybe it could. 338 00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:27,830 Like, it's just the two of you now, 339 00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:29,957 and she did come all this way. 340 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:32,960 This could be a good time for a fresh start. 341 00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:34,378 - Yeah. 342 00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:37,173 Maybe you're right. 343 00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:39,216 - She's certainly showing new sides of herself. 344 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:41,552 - Whoo-hoo! Ava! 345 00:12:41,635 --> 00:12:43,304 Whoo! 346 00:12:43,387 --> 00:12:44,847 Whoo! Whoo! 347 00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:46,307 - Oh! - Ooh. 348 00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:47,725 - Whoo, Ava! Kiki! 349 00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:49,226 - Oh, she's... - Oh, she's good. Yeah, yeah. 350 00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:51,562 - Whoo! 351 00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:53,189 - Where's Deborah? - Oh, she's about 352 00:12:53,272 --> 00:12:56,358 to get her titties sucked by a 40-year-old. 353 00:12:59,820 --> 00:13:01,906 I didn't know attractive people could be so funny. 354 00:13:01,989 --> 00:13:03,449 - Oh, we can. - Oh, yeah? 355 00:13:03,532 --> 00:13:04,742 - Yes, yes. No, it's a myth 356 00:13:04,825 --> 00:13:06,202 that we want ugly people to believe 357 00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:08,454 just to keep the peace. 358 00:13:08,537 --> 00:13:09,955 - People don't like you to have both. 359 00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:12,416 - Well, I like that you have both. 360 00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:15,794 - Well, I like that you have one. 361 00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:17,713 - Well, which one's that? 362 00:13:17,796 --> 00:13:19,089 - I'm not gonna tell you yet. 363 00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:20,508 Oh, no? 364 00:13:20,591 --> 00:13:23,636 - Okay. Okay. 365 00:13:23,719 --> 00:13:26,889 So what do you do? 366 00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:32,228 You really don't know? 367 00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:35,022 - No. Should I? 368 00:13:35,105 --> 00:13:38,275 - No. 369 00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,280 Why are you talking to me? 370 00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:46,575 - Oh, wow, uh... 371 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:50,246 ♪ ♪ 372 00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:51,956 I think you're attractive. 373 00:13:52,039 --> 00:13:53,624 - Oh, God. 374 00:13:53,707 --> 00:13:55,709 What, what? 375 00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:57,253 You have a fetish for older women? 376 00:13:57,336 --> 00:14:00,381 ♪ ♪ 377 00:14:00,464 --> 00:14:01,423 - I guess I do. 378 00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:03,717 I like older women. 379 00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:05,803 That a bad thing? 380 00:14:05,886 --> 00:14:08,264 Huh? - I don't wanna think about it. 381 00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:12,101 ♪ ♪ 382 00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:13,561 Wow. 383 00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:15,437 Bold. 384 00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:18,941 - You just asked me if I had a fetish for older women. 385 00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:20,359 So I think you're bold. 386 00:14:20,442 --> 00:14:21,777 - Well, I guess we're both bold. 387 00:14:21,860 --> 00:14:23,112 - I guess we're both bold. 388 00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:27,157 - You wanna come back to my place? 389 00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:30,619 ♪ ♪ 390 00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:35,457 - ♪ They don't know ♪ 391 00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:38,377 ♪ And they don't know nobody's business ♪ 392 00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:41,463 ♪ ♪ 393 00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:44,383 So it's a different driver every time? 394 00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:47,678 ♪ ♪ 395 00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:50,097 Yeah. 396 00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:52,641 It's just like a taxi. 397 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,184 You'll never see him again. 398 00:14:54,268 --> 00:15:01,317 ♪ ♪ 399 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:08,907 See, they're hard, 400 00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:10,075 those cards. 401 00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:11,744 Like, whatever happened to keys? 402 00:15:11,827 --> 00:15:13,996 I don't understand. 403 00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:15,789 The bed. 404 00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:20,336 All right. We should order a movie. 405 00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:22,296 Do they... wait, do they have "Pretty Woman"? 406 00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:24,506 - Mom, no. It's late and you're drunk. 407 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:25,716 I don't wanna start a movie. 408 00:15:25,799 --> 00:15:28,761 I am not drunk. 409 00:15:28,844 --> 00:15:31,680 All right. 410 00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:33,182 Hey, um, Mom, 411 00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:35,434 what about tomorrow morning, we get some breakfast? 412 00:15:35,517 --> 00:15:37,770 I read about this place, Mary's Pancake House. 413 00:15:37,853 --> 00:15:41,565 We could, you know, catch up and talk for real. 414 00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:43,400 - Oh, yeah. I love that idea. 415 00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:46,070 Okay, great. 416 00:15:46,153 --> 00:15:48,614 They do! They do have "Pretty Woman"! 417 00:15:48,697 --> 00:15:51,283 I'm hitting play. 418 00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:54,745 Oh, God. 419 00:15:54,828 --> 00:15:58,040 He is so ha... handsome. 420 00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:04,713 - So I moved down too. 421 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,590 Got a job at FedEx. 422 00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:10,260 Benefits are good. 423 00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:11,720 Get to see my kids every week. 424 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:14,390 That's nice. 425 00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:18,811 Thank you. 426 00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:21,563 Mmm. 427 00:16:24,274 --> 00:16:25,567 Ah, beer. 428 00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:27,611 I remember you. 429 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:32,408 - How'd you get this scar? 430 00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:34,993 Oh. 431 00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:36,870 When I was a kid, 432 00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:38,163 there was a bully in our neighborhood 433 00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:39,456 who was chasing my little sister 434 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,166 on his bike. 435 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:42,710 So I tackled him. 436 00:16:42,793 --> 00:16:44,420 You tackled him? 437 00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:45,587 - That's sweet. 438 00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:46,964 You guys close? 439 00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,385 - We were. 440 00:16:54,012 --> 00:16:57,141 Then she ran off with my husband. 441 00:16:57,224 --> 00:17:00,185 - Jesus Christ, you're kidding? 442 00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:01,395 - Mm-mm. 443 00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:03,480 - That's fucking crazy. 444 00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:05,733 How could they do that to you? 445 00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:10,863 - Truth be told, it wasn't entirely their fault. 446 00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:13,031 I think they both felt neglected because I cared 447 00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:15,576 more about my career than I did about them. 448 00:17:15,659 --> 00:17:17,578 - Ah. 449 00:17:19,955 --> 00:17:22,750 - Let's not talk about that. 450 00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:24,877 - Yeah. 451 00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:28,756 You want a massage? 452 00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:31,383 - Let's leave that to the professionals. 453 00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:45,773 Wow. 454 00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:47,608 - Are you too tired? 455 00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:52,821 - No. 456 00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:11,548 - This is crazy. 457 00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:14,343 - Go with it. 458 00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:17,012 Okay. 459 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,640 Mmm. 460 00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:36,240 Mm, oh. 461 00:18:36,323 --> 00:18:38,325 Come back later, please. 462 00:18:38,408 --> 00:18:39,827 Mom? 463 00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:41,870 - I'm just getting back from breakfast, and here, 464 00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:44,248 I got your favorite, chocolate chip pancakes. 465 00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:45,666 They're so good. 466 00:18:45,749 --> 00:18:47,417 - Wait. You went without me? 467 00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:49,253 The whole point was for us to go together. 468 00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:51,171 Why didn't you wake me up? I set my alarm. 469 00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:53,882 - I turned it off. You looked so tired. 470 00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:56,510 - I looked tired while I was sleeping? 471 00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:59,221 - Yeah, plus I know how much you love sleeping in. 472 00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:01,723 You were addicted to it when you were a teenager. 473 00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:03,100 - I was clinically depressed. 474 00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:04,393 - No, you weren't! 475 00:19:04,476 --> 00:19:06,895 That was an iron deficiency 476 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,397 because you went vegetarian. 477 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,274 Happy people eat steak, Ava. 478 00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:12,359 Bridget, down the street, she's a happy girl. 479 00:19:12,442 --> 00:19:16,071 She plays field hockey and eats two steaks a week. 480 00:19:16,154 --> 00:19:18,240 - Okay. - Okay, good. 481 00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:20,450 Um, so will... will you listen 482 00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:22,578 to my practice pitch to Deborah? 483 00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:24,955 - Pitch to Deborah? Mom, no. 484 00:19:25,038 --> 00:19:26,665 Deborah's not interested in Vibamins. 485 00:19:26,748 --> 00:19:28,000 She was just being nice. 486 00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:29,126 - She said it was interesting. 487 00:19:29,209 --> 00:19:30,335 Aren't you always telling me 488 00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:31,378 to believe women? 489 00:19:31,461 --> 00:19:33,922 It's exhausting, but we do. 490 00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:37,009 Okay, uh, will you help me move the desk? 491 00:19:37,092 --> 00:19:39,428 Maybe I-I'll stand over here. 492 00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:41,763 Okay, Deborah. 493 00:19:43,682 --> 00:19:48,145 You're someone who knows how important self-care is. 494 00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:51,815 This is our best-selling collagen balm. 495 00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:54,735 It is five times the daily recommended intake 496 00:19:54,818 --> 00:19:59,573 of collagen, plus there is turmeric and seaweed in it. 497 00:19:59,656 --> 00:20:01,575 - Why? - I don't know, Ava. 498 00:20:01,658 --> 00:20:03,785 I'm a saleswoman, not a scientist. 499 00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:07,289 Shoot, um, could... could you hand me a bottle of water? 500 00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:09,541 I should have that ready to go next time. 501 00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:10,959 Okay. All right. 502 00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:13,420 So in three to five minutes, 503 00:20:13,503 --> 00:20:17,925 you have a delicious raspberry... 504 00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:18,926 - Oh! - Oh, no! 505 00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:20,135 - Mom! - Oh, shoot! Oh! 506 00:20:20,218 --> 00:20:22,054 - Fuck. - Oh, God, oh, God, okay. 507 00:20:22,137 --> 00:20:24,473 - This is the notebook we use for Deborah's show. 508 00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:26,808 It's all our work! - You gave me sparkling water! 509 00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:29,186 - So it's my fault? You're not even gonna apologize 510 00:20:29,269 --> 00:20:30,812 for getting it all over the notebook? 511 00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:32,314 - How was I supposed to know this was sparkling? 512 00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:34,608 - It's Perrier! It's always sparkling! 513 00:20:34,691 --> 00:20:37,527 It's famously sparkling water! - Well, I don't sit around 514 00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:39,988 in fancy hotels drinking fancy water. 515 00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:41,657 - I can't believe you won't just say you're sorry. 516 00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:43,325 - Okay! I'm sorry! 517 00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:44,993 But that's just a notebook! 518 00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,287 I mean, if it's good enough, you'll remember it. 519 00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:49,164 - That's not how it works. - Look... oh, wait, here. 520 00:20:49,247 --> 00:20:51,375 Here's some papers. - No, not those! 521 00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:53,168 - Wait. What is this? 522 00:20:53,251 --> 00:20:56,672 Wait, Ava, "Vance v. Daniels"? 523 00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:02,469 - Um, Deborah... 524 00:21:02,552 --> 00:21:04,012 is suing me. 525 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,931 - Ava. 526 00:21:06,014 --> 00:21:07,516 What did you do? 527 00:21:07,599 --> 00:21:09,309 What did I do? 528 00:21:09,393 --> 00:21:11,728 Why do you assume I'm the one who did something wrong? 529 00:21:11,812 --> 00:21:14,356 - Because that's usually the case. 530 00:21:14,439 --> 00:21:15,899 Oh, my God. 531 00:21:15,983 --> 00:21:17,567 Is she gonna come after me? 532 00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:20,362 - It has nothing to do with you, Mom. 533 00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:21,863 - Oh. - What are you doing? 534 00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:24,783 - No, I'm-I'm calling your cousin Randall. 535 00:21:24,866 --> 00:21:26,451 He went to Suffolk Law. 536 00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:27,494 - Randall? 537 00:21:27,577 --> 00:21:28,704 He took two night classes 538 00:21:28,787 --> 00:21:30,163 in paralegal studies. 539 00:21:30,247 --> 00:21:31,957 He can't help us. - Hi, sweetie. 540 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,501 It's Auntie... yeah, it's your Auntie Nina. 541 00:21:35,502 --> 00:21:37,379 Terrible! - Mom. 542 00:21:40,507 --> 00:21:44,094 ♪ ♪ 543 00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:02,237 - Hello, boys. 544 00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:03,947 - Uh... 545 00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:09,369 - You're sitting on my fur. 546 00:22:09,453 --> 00:22:11,413 - Oh, oh, shit. Sorry. 547 00:22:11,496 --> 00:22:13,165 - That's quite all right. 548 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:23,925 Have a nice day. 549 00:22:27,512 --> 00:22:30,265 Holy shit. 550 00:22:30,348 --> 00:22:32,601 Do you know who that was? - No. 551 00:22:32,684 --> 00:22:33,894 - That's Deborah Vance. 552 00:22:33,977 --> 00:22:36,021 We have her spice rack. 553 00:22:36,104 --> 00:22:37,397 Oh, my God. 554 00:22:37,481 --> 00:22:39,608 I-I gotta go call my mom. 555 00:22:50,077 --> 00:22:51,495 - You're leaving already? 556 00:22:51,578 --> 00:22:53,330 - Oh, well, you know, 557 00:22:53,413 --> 00:22:56,666 I like to get to the airport four hours ahead of time. 558 00:22:56,750 --> 00:22:59,628 And I was hoping to get a nap on the plane, 559 00:22:59,711 --> 00:23:02,214 but I don't think that's gonna happen now 560 00:23:02,297 --> 00:23:05,092 'cause I'm gonna be worrying about this lawsuit. 561 00:23:05,175 --> 00:23:06,718 And you know, I can barely sleep at home 562 00:23:06,802 --> 00:23:10,138 because Mr. Cream Pie does zoomies all night. 563 00:23:13,892 --> 00:23:16,895 - Mom, don't worry about me. 564 00:23:16,978 --> 00:23:18,647 I... 565 00:23:18,730 --> 00:23:21,817 I have an amazing lawyer who's doing it pro bono. 566 00:23:21,900 --> 00:23:22,859 Yeah, she's... 567 00:23:22,943 --> 00:23:25,737 I mean, he is really confident 568 00:23:25,821 --> 00:23:26,988 he can get it dismissed. 569 00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:29,241 - Oh, really? 570 00:23:29,324 --> 00:23:31,660 Oh, good. 571 00:23:31,743 --> 00:23:33,036 Oh, good, good. 572 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:34,621 Somebody knows what they're doing? 573 00:23:34,704 --> 00:23:36,039 - Yes. It's okay. 574 00:23:36,123 --> 00:23:39,000 He's tall too. 575 00:23:43,213 --> 00:23:44,631 - Here. 576 00:23:44,714 --> 00:23:46,341 Don't forget your Vibamins. 577 00:23:46,424 --> 00:23:48,760 - Oh, no. Those are for you. 578 00:23:48,844 --> 00:23:50,887 You probably don't want them. 579 00:23:52,055 --> 00:23:54,850 I just have all this time 580 00:23:54,933 --> 00:23:56,768 on my hands now. 581 00:23:58,645 --> 00:24:02,357 And I was hoping that you would just be proud of me 582 00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:03,817 for doing something. 583 00:24:06,486 --> 00:24:10,282 - I am proud of you, Mom. 584 00:24:10,365 --> 00:24:12,868 You're... 585 00:24:12,951 --> 00:24:13,994 a girlboss. 586 00:24:14,077 --> 00:24:15,370 - Oh, oh. 587 00:24:15,453 --> 00:24:18,290 They... they put that on a T-shirt 588 00:24:18,373 --> 00:24:21,001 if you hit your volume quota. 589 00:24:21,084 --> 00:24:22,210 - I bet. 590 00:24:24,462 --> 00:24:26,923 - Hey, if you're willing to get to the airport 591 00:24:27,007 --> 00:24:29,634 only three hours ahead of time, we could finish "Pretty Woman." 592 00:24:29,718 --> 00:24:32,721 - Really? Oh, good. Oh, good. 593 00:24:32,804 --> 00:24:34,389 Oh, good. 594 00:24:36,892 --> 00:24:41,229 You know, this is how your father and I met. 595 00:24:41,313 --> 00:24:43,356 You were a prostitute? 596 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,942 - Hell yeah. - Ava. 597 00:24:46,026 --> 00:24:48,987 I was there with my girlfriend, Joyce Petracelli, 598 00:24:49,070 --> 00:24:51,323 and he was there with Joyce's brother, 599 00:24:51,406 --> 00:24:53,450 and so we ended up sitting together. 600 00:24:53,533 --> 00:24:55,243 - Oh. Did he like the movie? 601 00:24:55,327 --> 00:24:56,620 Oh, he fell asleep. 602 00:24:56,703 --> 00:24:57,913 - How much is this, Marie? 603 00:24:57,996 --> 00:25:00,081 - Yeah, that sounds like him. 604 00:25:00,165 --> 00:25:02,751 - Oh, I do miss him falling asleep everywhere. 605 00:25:02,834 --> 00:25:05,253 - Look, I got money to spend in here. 606 00:25:05,337 --> 00:25:07,714 - He was really good at it. - Yeah. 607 00:25:07,797 --> 00:25:10,508 - You're obviously in the wrong place. 608 00:25:10,592 --> 00:25:11,927 Please leave. 609 00:25:16,223 --> 00:25:17,182 - Sorry I'm late. 610 00:25:17,265 --> 00:25:18,600 Did I miss Kiki? 611 00:25:18,683 --> 00:25:20,435 - Yeah, she went home. - Oh. 612 00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:22,187 - Where's your mom? 613 00:25:22,270 --> 00:25:23,980 She out getting her belly button pierced? 614 00:25:24,064 --> 00:25:26,191 Maybe. 615 00:25:26,274 --> 00:25:28,068 - Did you guys have a good time? 616 00:25:28,151 --> 00:25:30,779 - Uh, not really. 617 00:25:30,862 --> 00:25:34,199 It was mostly just yelling and watching "Pretty Woman." 618 00:25:34,282 --> 00:25:35,283 - Ah.. 619 00:25:40,038 --> 00:25:42,123 - Did you have nice time? 620 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:47,003 - I did. - Okay, pop off, slut. 621 00:25:47,087 --> 00:25:48,880 - Ladies and gentlemen... - Oh, nope, sorry. 622 00:25:48,964 --> 00:25:50,548 That's not... - Deborah Vance! 623 00:25:53,218 --> 00:25:55,637 - Whoo! 624 00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:57,389 Go, girl! 625 00:26:00,684 --> 00:26:03,645 You... you laugh. 626 00:26:03,728 --> 00:26:06,648 My sister stole my husband. 627 00:26:09,818 --> 00:26:12,821 I thought it was bad enough when she just stole my dolls. 628 00:26:16,741 --> 00:26:21,830 That... that was truly the worst feeling in the world. 629 00:26:21,913 --> 00:26:23,957 And I... 630 00:26:31,089 --> 00:26:32,549 Actually, no, it wasn't. 631 00:26:32,632 --> 00:26:34,676 It actually wasn't the worst feeling in the world. 632 00:26:34,759 --> 00:26:38,221 The worst feeling in the world was losing a late-night show. 633 00:26:46,855 --> 00:26:49,524 I'm serious! 634 00:26:49,607 --> 00:26:51,818 That was absolutely the worst. 635 00:26:51,901 --> 00:26:53,695 I mean, I had the opportunity to host 636 00:26:53,778 --> 00:26:57,157 my own late-night TV talk show. 637 00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:01,703 I would've been the first woman ever to do that. 638 00:27:01,786 --> 00:27:04,539 But it never aired. 639 00:27:04,622 --> 00:27:07,751 And that had been my dream, 640 00:27:07,834 --> 00:27:10,086 and I was so close. 641 00:27:11,629 --> 00:27:14,883 I got over my husband, but I never got over that. 642 00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:19,679 No joke. I-I-I was a wreck. 643 00:27:19,763 --> 00:27:21,556 At one point, my little girl came up to me 644 00:27:21,639 --> 00:27:23,683 and she asked if it was her fault. 645 00:27:23,767 --> 00:27:26,311 And I said, "No, honey. 646 00:27:26,394 --> 00:27:28,897 "Of course not. I mean, the network loved you. 647 00:27:28,980 --> 00:27:30,857 It just"... 648 00:27:30,940 --> 00:27:33,068 And she said... was like, 649 00:27:33,151 --> 00:27:35,779 "No, I mean when you and Daddy got divorced." 650 00:27:46,623 --> 00:27:47,916 Oh, that! 651 00:27:53,546 --> 00:27:56,174 Hey, sir, how 'bout you? 652 00:27:56,257 --> 00:27:59,469 What is the worst thing that's ever happened to you? 653 00:27:59,552 --> 00:28:03,223 - Um, I guess it's when my mom died of cancer. 654 00:28:04,432 --> 00:28:06,810 - Cancer. That is a sad one. 655 00:28:06,893 --> 00:28:08,770 And I'm sorry. 656 00:28:08,853 --> 00:28:11,439 But let me ask you a question. 657 00:28:11,523 --> 00:28:14,234 If you had one wish, 658 00:28:14,317 --> 00:28:18,613 would you rather bring your mom back to life... 659 00:28:18,696 --> 00:28:20,615 or host a late-night talk show? 660 00:28:22,867 --> 00:28:25,120 - I would bring my mom back to life. 661 00:28:25,203 --> 00:28:27,163 - See, I can't relate to that! 662 00:28:29,749 --> 00:28:31,459 Are you crazy? 663 00:28:33,086 --> 00:28:36,673 We're talking 11:30 time slot here. 664 00:28:36,756 --> 00:28:39,300 Syndication. 665 00:28:41,719 --> 00:28:44,639 Deborah Vance, everybody! 666 00:28:44,722 --> 00:28:46,808 - That was amazing. - Yeah, that was it. 667 00:28:46,891 --> 00:28:49,144 That was it, I've been doing this woe-is-me shit, 668 00:28:49,227 --> 00:28:50,770 and... and I need to balance it. 669 00:28:50,854 --> 00:28:52,439 I need to make more fun of myself. 670 00:28:52,522 --> 00:28:53,982 - Okay, but the whole point 671 00:28:54,065 --> 00:28:56,025 was to stop making yourself the butt of the joke. 672 00:28:56,109 --> 00:28:57,485 - No, but I was never the butt of the joke. 673 00:28:57,569 --> 00:28:59,487 It was a caricature of myself that was. 674 00:28:59,571 --> 00:29:01,322 - Yeah, but you shouldn't be the punching bag. 675 00:29:01,406 --> 00:29:03,032 I mean, you were mistreated. - No, I know. 676 00:29:03,116 --> 00:29:04,576 I've still got plenty of that stuff. 677 00:29:04,659 --> 00:29:05,952 No, no, no, but listen, 678 00:29:06,035 --> 00:29:07,996 I have to admit what I did wrong too. 679 00:29:08,079 --> 00:29:09,289 You said it yourself. 680 00:29:09,372 --> 00:29:10,665 I have to hold myself accountable. 681 00:29:10,748 --> 00:29:12,000 - What? When did I say that? 682 00:29:12,083 --> 00:29:13,668 - In your stupid email. 683 00:29:13,751 --> 00:29:15,670 I am a bully who's been thinking of myself 684 00:29:15,753 --> 00:29:17,714 as the victim. I mean, people like me 685 00:29:17,797 --> 00:29:20,091 because I take everyone down, right? 686 00:29:20,175 --> 00:29:22,844 Well, I need to take myself down too, 687 00:29:22,927 --> 00:29:24,929 in a real way. 688 00:29:25,013 --> 00:29:27,223 - Right. Right. 689 00:29:27,307 --> 00:29:28,391 100%. - Yeah, no, no. 690 00:29:28,475 --> 00:29:29,476 Don't need that. Don't need that. 691 00:29:29,559 --> 00:29:30,685 No more, no more. 692 00:29:30,768 --> 00:29:32,353 If it's good, we'll remember it. 693 00:29:32,437 --> 00:29:35,315 You had the answer months ago. 694 00:29:35,398 --> 00:29:36,983 Why didn't you just tell me? 695 00:29:40,862 --> 00:29:42,280 - All right. 696 00:29:42,363 --> 00:29:43,531 - ♪ Ain't got no trouble in my life ♪ 697 00:29:43,615 --> 00:29:44,866 - Yeah, that premise thing... 698 00:29:44,949 --> 00:29:47,744 but I think... wait. But it's a little wordy. 699 00:29:47,827 --> 00:29:50,955 See, if you cut out... just end it there. 700 00:29:51,039 --> 00:29:52,165 How many women do you have 701 00:29:52,248 --> 00:29:53,625 to care about to be a feminist? 702 00:29:53,708 --> 00:29:56,044 I mean, what if I only care about one woman? 703 00:29:56,127 --> 00:29:57,337 Me! 704 00:29:57,420 --> 00:29:58,588 - ♪ I heat up ♪ 705 00:29:58,671 --> 00:29:59,881 - I wasn't a great mother. 706 00:29:59,964 --> 00:30:01,549 I missed my daughter's first steps. 707 00:30:01,633 --> 00:30:03,092 But I made it up to her. 708 00:30:03,176 --> 00:30:04,844 I was the reason she did 12 more. 709 00:30:04,928 --> 00:30:07,013 So then my doctor told me 710 00:30:07,096 --> 00:30:09,474 I have to choose between breastfeeding and formula. 711 00:30:09,557 --> 00:30:11,184 Do I want to bond with my baby, 712 00:30:11,267 --> 00:30:12,810 or do I want to keep my perfect breasts? 713 00:30:12,894 --> 00:30:14,229 So I turned to my husband and I said, 714 00:30:14,312 --> 00:30:15,438 "Go to the grocery store." 715 00:30:16,689 --> 00:30:18,650 - ♪ I got the music in me ♪ 716 00:30:18,733 --> 00:30:22,070 ♪ I got the music in me, yeah ♪ 717 00:30:22,153 --> 00:30:25,156 - Okay, so I really think we go into this part after... 718 00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:27,909 - No, no, I'm adding the parent-teacher story there. 719 00:30:27,992 --> 00:30:30,912 So one day, DJ had a parent-teacher conference, 720 00:30:30,995 --> 00:30:32,747 but I had a gig in D.C., 721 00:30:32,830 --> 00:30:36,376 so I sent Bill, my drag impersonator. 722 00:30:36,459 --> 00:30:38,586 Anyway, DJ was scarred for life, 723 00:30:38,670 --> 00:30:40,880 but I crushed at Liberty Hall. 724 00:30:40,964 --> 00:30:44,384 And then I can go into... into the Susan stuff. 725 00:30:44,467 --> 00:30:45,843 I erased her name. 726 00:30:45,927 --> 00:30:48,846 I've always been so competitive with other women. 727 00:30:48,930 --> 00:30:52,225 I mean, I once stole backup dancers from Cher. 728 00:30:52,308 --> 00:30:55,645 I'm a comedian! I don't use backup dancers. 729 00:30:55,728 --> 00:30:58,273 - Oh, oh, you can punch that with, "They were my"... 730 00:30:58,356 --> 00:31:00,942 - Backup backup dancers. 731 00:31:01,025 --> 00:31:02,443 - ♪ I got the music in me ♪ 732 00:31:02,527 --> 00:31:05,154 - So I was court-ordered to see a psychologist. 733 00:31:05,238 --> 00:31:08,199 After only two sessions, he knew what was wrong with me: 734 00:31:08,283 --> 00:31:10,285 I needed to have sex with him. 735 00:31:10,368 --> 00:31:12,620 Yeah, most people have an hour with their therapist. 736 00:31:12,704 --> 00:31:14,455 I got three minutes. 737 00:31:14,539 --> 00:31:15,832 - Or, "Ironically, 738 00:31:15,915 --> 00:31:17,959 he was the one therapist who never asked"... 739 00:31:18,042 --> 00:31:19,502 - And how did that make you feel? 740 00:31:19,586 --> 00:31:21,045 - And you could be like, "I didn't even know 741 00:31:21,129 --> 00:31:24,382 the tissue box was for crying." 742 00:31:24,465 --> 00:31:26,968 I didn't even know the tissue box was for crying. 743 00:31:27,051 --> 00:31:28,803 I thought it was for cleanup. 744 00:31:30,888 --> 00:31:33,099 - ♪ I got the music in me ♪ 745 00:31:33,182 --> 00:31:35,351 - I wear high heels that hurt my back, 746 00:31:35,435 --> 00:31:37,520 most of my meals are 75% lettuce, 747 00:31:37,604 --> 00:31:40,481 and I get skin treatments that make my face bleed. 748 00:31:40,565 --> 00:31:42,317 Not only do I not regret that, 749 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:44,986 I hate women who don't make the effort. 750 00:31:45,069 --> 00:31:46,571 I think they're quitters. 751 00:31:46,654 --> 00:31:48,781 You think it's brave showing your bare face 752 00:31:48,865 --> 00:31:50,241 and gray hair in society? 753 00:31:50,325 --> 00:31:52,368 Try signing a waiver that says you might die 754 00:31:52,452 --> 00:31:53,536 during elective surgery. 755 00:31:53,620 --> 00:31:55,371 Now that takes guts! 756 00:31:58,249 --> 00:32:02,003 - ♪ I got the music in me, yeah ♪ 757 00:32:02,086 --> 00:32:03,921 ♪ I got the music in me ♪ 758 00:32:04,005 --> 00:32:06,215 ♪ I got the music ♪ 759 00:32:06,299 --> 00:32:08,259 ♪ I got the music ♪ 760 00:32:08,343 --> 00:32:10,553 ♪ Pretty music ♪ 761 00:32:10,637 --> 00:32:13,306 - Thank you! - ♪ I got the music ♪ 762 00:32:13,389 --> 00:32:15,433 - Holy shit. That was amazing. - So good. 763 00:32:15,516 --> 00:32:17,352 - We got it. Marcus, you're gonna call Jimmy, 764 00:32:17,435 --> 00:32:18,686 you're gonna cancel the showcase. 765 00:32:18,770 --> 00:32:20,188 - Wait, wait. What? 766 00:32:20,271 --> 00:32:21,939 - This isn't a residency. This is bigger than Vegas. 767 00:32:22,023 --> 00:32:23,858 This is a special. We're gonna go to the networks 768 00:32:23,941 --> 00:32:24,942 and we're gonna sell it. 769 00:32:25,026 --> 00:32:26,361 We're going to LA, baby! 770 00:32:26,444 --> 00:32:27,820 - Fun. 771 00:32:27,904 --> 00:32:30,198 - ♪ I got the music in me ♪ 772 00:32:30,281 --> 00:32:32,283 ♪ I got the music in me ♪ 773 00:32:32,367 --> 00:32:36,037 ♪ I got the music in me ♪ 774 00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:40,124 ♪ I got the music in me, I got the music in me ♪ 775 00:32:40,208 --> 00:32:43,544 ♪ I got the music in me ♪ 776 00:32:43,628 --> 00:32:47,548 ♪ Don't let it get ya down, don't let it get ya down ♪ 777 00:32:47,632 --> 00:32:51,969 ♪ Don't let it get you down ♪ 778 00:32:52,053 --> 00:32:53,805 ♪ I got the music in me ♪ 779 00:32:53,888 --> 00:32:59,560 ♪ I got the music in me, I got the music in me ♪ 780 00:32:59,644 --> 00:33:02,730 ♪ Gonna fly like a bird on the wing ♪ 781 00:33:02,814 --> 00:33:05,400 ♪ Hold on to your hat, honey ♪ 782 00:33:05,483 --> 00:33:07,652 ♪ Sing, sing, sing, sing ♪ 783 00:33:07,735 --> 00:33:11,739 ♪ I got the music in me, I got the music in me ♪ 784 00:33:11,823 --> 00:33:15,410 ♪ I got the music in me ♪ 785 00:33:15,493 --> 00:33:19,455 ♪ Don't let it get you down, don't let it get you down ♪ 786 00:33:19,539 --> 00:33:23,251 ♪ Don't let it get you down ♪ 787 00:33:23,334 --> 00:33:27,338 ♪ I got the music in me, I got the music in me ♪ 788 00:33:27,422 --> 00:33:29,340 ♪ I got the music in me ♪ 789 00:33:29,424 --> 00:33:31,259 ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ 790 00:33:31,342 --> 00:33:35,263 ♪ Don't let it get you down, don't let it get you down ♪ 791 00:33:35,346 --> 00:33:39,392 ♪ Don't let it get you down ♪ 792 00:33:39,475 --> 00:33:42,729 ♪ I got the music in me ♪ 55493

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