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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,556 --> 00:00:15,558 (THUNDER) 2 00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:21,147 (DAVIN SIGHS AND MUTTERS) Jesus Christ. 3 00:00:22,565 --> 00:00:25,317 ♪ You are my sunshine 4 00:00:25,484 --> 00:00:28,154 ♪ My only sunshine 5 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:33,784 ♪ You make me happy when skies are grey 6 00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:39,790 ♪ You'll never know, dear, how much I love you 7 00:00:39,957 --> 00:00:43,586 ♪ Please don't take my sunshine away 8 00:00:43,753 --> 00:00:45,546 (DAVIN YAWNS) 9 00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:51,135 ♪ The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping 10 00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:56,682 ♪ I dreamt I held you in my arms 11 00:00:56,849 --> 00:01:02,688 ♪ And when I woke, dear, I was mistaken 12 00:01:02,855 --> 00:01:08,069 ♪ And I hung my head and I cried 13 00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:13,824 ♪ You are my sunshine, my only sunshine 14 00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:19,747 ♪ You make me happy when skies are grey 15 00:01:19,914 --> 00:01:25,753 ♪ You'll never know, dear, how much I love you 16 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:30,925 ♪ Please don't take my sunshine away J“ 17 00:01:47,066 --> 00:01:49,735 (SNORTS AND SIGHS) 18 00:01:59,662 --> 00:02:02,331 (DAVIN) Oh, my God. Why is it so cold? 19 00:02:03,582 --> 00:02:05,960 (FIONAN) Get in here. 20 00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:08,420 (DAVIN) Oh, warmth. 21 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,924 (MOBILE PHONE RINGS) 22 00:02:13,676 --> 00:02:15,469 Clementina. Oh, go on. Answer it. 23 00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:20,391 No. Don't tell me it's not working out already. 24 00:02:20,558 --> 00:02:22,560 - Beep. - But she's lovely, Davin. 25 00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:24,770 You've only been seeing her two months. 26 00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:28,107 Two months and a week on top of that, so that's nine weeks. 27 00:02:28,274 --> 00:02:30,276 What was it this time? 28 00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:33,946 - Her left eye... - Oh, God. 29 00:02:34,113 --> 00:02:37,366 This is serious - becomes slightly lazy when she laughs. 30 00:02:37,533 --> 00:02:39,577 - And that's it? - That is a valid reason. 31 00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:41,787 What about the last girl, Clare? 32 00:02:41,954 --> 00:02:44,373 - Gummy Anna? Purple, purple gums. - Yeah. 33 00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:47,209 - That's right. - Hey, how are you doing? 34 00:02:47,376 --> 00:02:48,919 - Mm-hm. - It's me, Anna. 35 00:02:49,086 --> 00:02:52,798 And, er, remember the Galway girl, um, how were her gums? 36 00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:55,718 Her gums are actually fine, but what was wrong with her 37 00:02:55,885 --> 00:02:59,555 was her endless humming. But not songs. No songs. 38 00:02:59,722 --> 00:03:04,143 Just endless, mindless, tuneless humming. 39 00:03:04,310 --> 00:03:06,520 (HUMS) 40 00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,272 (CHUCKLES) 41 00:03:08,439 --> 00:03:12,151 - Reading, driving, walking. - (HUMS) 42 00:03:13,903 --> 00:03:15,279 These things are signs. 43 00:03:15,446 --> 00:03:18,282 No, they're not. They're normal, human characteristics. 44 00:03:18,449 --> 00:03:22,077 You are going to end up on your own, alone forever. 45 00:03:22,244 --> 00:03:24,246 Don't you want to find someone to love? 46 00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:27,416 Jesus, Fionan, who are you, my fucking mother? 47 00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:29,627 When I find someone, I'll let you know. 48 00:03:32,296 --> 00:03:34,298 Okay. 49 00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:42,640 - How's the wedding plans going? - Do you really want to know? 50 00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:44,850 - Yeah. - I'd like to talk about it. 51 00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:47,019 Still a bit stressed? 52 00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:50,272 Each detail leads to the next detail 53 00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:53,984 and each decision is as important as the last. It's exhausting. 54 00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:56,946 - You're a strange, strange man. - I know. 55 00:03:57,112 --> 00:04:00,741 Oh. I shouldn't be showing you this, but if I can't show my best man, 56 00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,534 - who can I show? - What is that? 57 00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:04,787 (FIONAN GROANS) 58 00:04:14,505 --> 00:04:17,424 - She looks beautiful. - I am marrying this woman. 59 00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:20,844 Mm. 60 00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:23,013 Congratulations, buddy. 61 00:04:24,265 --> 00:04:27,017 (FIONAN) I haven't shown her yet, so it's a surprise. 62 00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:29,478 - Please don't give the game away. - No, absolutely. I tell you what. 63 00:04:29,645 --> 00:04:31,730 I'm pressed for time, 'cause we've got to go through 64 00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:35,276 - the name cards and the menu fonts. - Here it is. 65 00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:44,493 (GUFFAWS) 66 00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:49,623 - Did... Did you make this? - I'm a theatre set designer. 67 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,001 Okay, that is an enormous relief. 68 00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:55,337 - So what do you think, Linda? - What I think? 69 00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,633 - Wow, Fionan. - Actually, it's Fion-awwwn. 70 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,386 Oh, I'm sorry. Fion-awn. 71 00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:05,931 - One more time, Linda. Fion-awwwn. - Fion-awn. 72 00:05:06,098 --> 00:05:07,599 Fion-awwwn. 73 00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,810 - Fion-awn. Fion-awn. - Fion-awwwn. 74 00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:12,146 - Awwwn - Awn 75 00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:14,356 - Awn. Fion-awn. - Fion-awwwn. 76 00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:18,235 - Fion-awwwn. - Thank you. 77 00:05:18,402 --> 00:05:20,821 - So sorry I'm late, guys. - Hi. 78 00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:23,365 - Work is mental. Hi! - Don't worry. 79 00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:26,118 (CHUCKLES) Hey! AW! 80 00:05:27,286 --> 00:05:31,332 - Linda, what is it? - No, no, no. Fion-awwwn. 81 00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:34,126 - Surprise. - No. 82 00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:36,295 Yes. Look. 83 00:05:36,462 --> 00:05:38,339 This is us. 84 00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:41,842 This is where we enter. The speeches take place over there. 85 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:44,595 I don't know what to say. It's so cute. 86 00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:46,347 (MOBILE PHONE RINGS) 87 00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:48,390 - Oh. - It's the florist. 88 00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:50,059 Oh, do you want me to...? 89 00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:51,727 No, I'll... Hello? 90 00:05:52,978 --> 00:05:55,356 Look at this, Linda. It's so intricate. 91 00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,149 Isn't it? 92 00:05:57,316 --> 00:05:59,985 Also a little mad. I know. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) 93 00:06:00,152 --> 00:06:05,616 He is certainly not your average groom-to-be, not your usual guy. 94 00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:08,160 - In what way? - Most guys don't give a shit 95 00:06:08,327 --> 00:06:10,913 about details. Usually they just nod and smile 96 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:14,375 and scrub up for the day. Very few of them make a doll's house. 97 00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,169 - Oh, it's a diorama. - Yeah, that's the word. 98 00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:20,756 - And he is so metro. - Metro? 99 00:06:20,923 --> 00:06:23,258 Metrose...politan. Metropolitan. 100 00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:26,011 Usually, the only plans men care about are 101 00:06:26,178 --> 00:06:27,763 the ones they make for their stag weekend. 102 00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:30,933 - No, Fionan's not going on a stag. - That makes sense. 103 00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:36,814 That was the florist, Linda, saying the bouquets 104 00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,899 - do not have to be ranunculus. - Oh. 105 00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,609 Did you have a conversation about ranunculus? 106 00:06:40,776 --> 00:06:42,736 I um... 107 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,863 Ranunculus. 108 00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:46,907 (FIONAN) I'm worried about Linda. (RUTH) Oh? 109 00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:49,952 Are you listening to me? I have problems with Linda. 110 00:06:50,119 --> 00:06:52,329 - (We should fire her.) - What? 111 00:06:52,496 --> 00:06:53,997 We are a month from the wedding. 112 00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:58,210 A wedding that's going to look like it took place in McDonald's. 113 00:06:58,377 --> 00:07:00,170 Sit down. 114 00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:02,339 Sit down. 115 00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:05,384 Our wedding day is about me and you, 116 00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:10,722 not about...place-card fonts, or...thematic coherence. 117 00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:12,724 The theme is us. 118 00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:15,769 We've got to focus on why we're marrying each other. 119 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,729 Focus on the why. 120 00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,815 I'm so sorry. 121 00:07:19,982 --> 00:07:22,651 I'm going nuts trying to make sure it's the best day in your life 122 00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:26,864 because...l already know it's going to be the best day in mine. 123 00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:29,616 You don't have to try and make it perfect. 124 00:07:30,826 --> 00:07:33,495 It'll already be the happiest day of my life. 125 00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:40,127 But for me, the section of the book concerning Levin and agrarian reform 126 00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:42,838 engages the heart just as much, 127 00:07:43,005 --> 00:07:48,469 because we stand rooted to the earth for far longer than we ever are... 128 00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:51,680 ...in love. 129 00:07:52,890 --> 00:07:54,892 So we'll leave that there. 130 00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:57,269 - Thanks, folks. - Hi. 131 00:07:57,436 --> 00:08:01,064 - Hello. - So I was just passing through. 132 00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:03,817 Passing through? Okay. 133 00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:08,405 Okay. I need you to organise a stag for Fionan. 134 00:08:08,572 --> 00:08:10,949 (CHUCKLES) Fionan is not a stag guy. 135 00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:14,620 That is why I need you to organise a stag for Fionan. 136 00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:20,042 - Why do you want that? - He's too caught up in all of the-- 137 00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:21,919 The wedding. 138 00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:25,422 - Okay, yes. Yes. - Yes. 139 00:08:25,589 --> 00:08:27,799 Have you any ideas what we could do or...? 140 00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:34,848 You go walking and hiking and like scaling mountains and stuff. 141 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,100 Yeah, I've still got the compass you gave me. 142 00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:39,645 Oh, you still have that? 143 00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:42,189 - It's a great compass. - Yeah. 144 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,817 Okay, well, I will float that. 145 00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:49,571 - Thank you, Davin. You know, it is Fionan, so don't 146 00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:53,116 - get your hopes up. - I am marrying him, Davin. 147 00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:55,202 - Yeah. - (RUTH CHUCKLES) 148 00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:58,622 But get him up a mountain. Seriously, get him up a mountain. 149 00:08:58,789 --> 00:09:01,375 - Yes, sir. - Okay. (CHUCKLES) 150 00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:04,127 Thank you. Hey, I'll see you on Sunday. 151 00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:06,296 - You will. - Okay. 152 00:09:09,925 --> 00:09:12,511 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS) 153 00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:21,103 Hello! How are you? 154 00:09:21,270 --> 00:09:23,730 Oh, lovely. Thank you very much. 155 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,567 (INDISTINCT GREETINGS) 156 00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:29,319 - Hi, everyone. How are you doing? - Hey, Davin. 157 00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:31,697 - All right? - Yeah, yeah, good. 158 00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:33,991 Cheers, guys. Cheers. 159 00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:39,997 (LAUGHTER AND CHATTER) 160 00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:42,040 That is the thing about walking that people don't get. 161 00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:45,460 - It's tough. It's pretty wild. - But you're still just walking. 162 00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:49,464 You are still walking, Fionan, but you're also climbing for bits of it. 163 00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:53,302 - Do you kill your food? - No, no, I bring energy bars. 164 00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:55,971 - And bananas. - In Iceland, Uli and her family 165 00:09:56,138 --> 00:09:58,724 bring hunting tools when they hike. 166 00:09:58,890 --> 00:10:00,809 They can source snacks and things. 167 00:10:00,976 --> 00:10:03,186 - Snacks? - Like reindeers and salmons? 168 00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:06,273 - Yes, that is what we kill. - Good. 169 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,400 What about you, Fionan, what do you do for exercise? 170 00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:12,904 - I walk to work and back daily. - Oh, punishing. 171 00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:16,033 He also gets lots of exercise arguing with our wedding planner. 172 00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:18,535 Lively collaboration. 173 00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,790 Actually, speaking of walking... 174 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:29,379 Men, Simon, the Kevinses, how do you feel about a little walking holiday 175 00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:32,132 to drag Fionan here away from the wedding planner 176 00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:34,509 and out into the fresh air? 177 00:10:34,676 --> 00:10:36,511 Like a stag? 178 00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:39,848 Rugged gentlemen, alone up a mountain, sounds great. 179 00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:43,101 - I'd find a way to enjoy that. - Great, brilliant. Simon? 180 00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:47,189 - Uli knows I'm good in the wild. - You're not good in the wild. 181 00:10:47,356 --> 00:10:51,276 - Fionan? - Yeah, no. No way. No stags so... 182 00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:53,654 Fionan, have you ever even been on a stag? 183 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,615 - No. - So not even a weekend walk? 184 00:10:56,782 --> 00:10:59,785 I don't enjoy being in exclusively male company for long periods. 185 00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:03,664 There's something forced about it and false, all that banter... 186 00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:06,708 I mean, under what other circumstances would we five 187 00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:09,836 ever agree to be in a tent in the shitting rain 188 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:13,632 in mid-November all for the sake of some needless ritual? 189 00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:15,801 So er, so what about hens in general? 190 00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:19,638 Or my hen, is that just some stupid needless ritual? 191 00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:23,934 Oh, no, babe, but I would happily go on your hen night. 192 00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:28,105 You want to go on my hen? 193 00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:33,777 (CLEARS THROAT) Okay, Fionan, one of my favourite things to do 194 00:11:33,944 --> 00:11:37,489 is have sex with a man and even for me that's a bit too gay. 195 00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:39,866 (CHUCKLES) 196 00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:43,161 No, come on, guys. Leave him alone. Fionan has got his principles. 197 00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:46,957 Maybe a walking holiday's just a bit too rough and tumble for him. 198 00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:49,501 Okay, Davin. 199 00:11:49,668 --> 00:11:51,336 Yeah, okay, fine. 200 00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:53,004 Yeah, stag it is. 201 00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:54,965 Yay, stag. 202 00:11:55,132 --> 00:11:57,884 - The stag! - (ALL CHUCKLE) 203 00:11:59,678 --> 00:12:02,055 - (MOUTHS) - (KEVIN) Well done, bro. 204 00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:07,310 Is this something that we need? 205 00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:16,278 The spoon, so you just eat. 206 00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:29,791 Argh! 207 00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:33,003 - No? - No. 208 00:12:44,181 --> 00:12:45,807 Ooh. 209 00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:49,728 - Is this our tent? - That is a tent, eh? Look at this. 210 00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:51,897 (ALL CHAT) 211 00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:54,065 (MUMBLES) 212 00:12:57,194 --> 00:12:59,863 (ZIP CLOSES) 213 00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:02,157 - Should we... Should we...buy it? - Yes. 214 00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:04,117 - Let's go for it. - Let's do it. 215 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:07,329 Okay. Let's buy it. Let's pay up and get out of here. 216 00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:10,081 - Careful, are you okay? - Yeah. 217 00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:11,958 - You're fine? - I'm fine. 218 00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,419 (FIONAN) Okay. (GRUNTS) It's stuck. 219 00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:16,797 - No. Just give it a tug. - Unstick it. It's a zip. 220 00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,590 - It's caught. - Give me a go. 221 00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:22,385 - Don't force it. - Gently. 222 00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:24,179 Just prise it. 223 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:28,308 (KEVIN) Oh! (DAVIN) We are stuck in a tent. 224 00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:31,061 (ALL TALK AT ONCE) 225 00:13:31,228 --> 00:13:33,605 - Okay, try that one. - Got a can opener? 226 00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:35,816 One, two, three. 227 00:13:36,775 --> 00:13:38,360 Wait, wait, wait, careful. 228 00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:42,322 - (ALL) Hello? - We're in the forest display! 229 00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:45,158 - Is there another exit? - Stop pushing. 230 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,327 (ALL) Help! 231 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:48,995 (ALL) Hello? 232 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,664 Oh, Jesus Christ. 233 00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:53,208 Don't panic! Don't panic! Okay?! 234 00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:56,127 - Get me out of here. - Get off of me! 235 00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:59,172 - Hello? - (ALL) Whoa! Ah! 236 00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:02,467 (ALL MUTTER) 237 00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:05,220 - What are you doing? - We're trying to buy a tent. 238 00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:07,973 (DAVIN) Simon, you're crushing me to death! 239 00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:10,517 Simon! 240 00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,812 Yes, it's lovely. We'll take it. 241 00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:18,108 - (FIONAN) Are you ready? - I'm ready. 242 00:14:19,568 --> 00:14:21,945 - Woof. - (SQUEALS) 243 00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:23,488 Grrr! 244 00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:26,449 Oh, don't tie me up with your rope, Mr Stag Man! 245 00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:28,368 I love it! I want it all off! 246 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,745 If I'd known you were so into this, I'd have tracked 247 00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:32,956 and shot a squirrel or something. 248 00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:35,125 Hey, now you're going on a stag. 249 00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:38,628 - Yeah, baby. - You have to invite The Machine. 250 00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:42,173 - What? - Well, he's my brother. 251 00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:45,510 - He's gonna be your brother, too. - My brother-in-law! 252 00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:48,722 That's what stags are for, getting to know each other better. 253 00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:50,265 I already know him. 254 00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:52,309 - Properly. - Properly I know him. 255 00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:56,897 You guys haven't bonded. I know that he can be a bit full-on, 256 00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:59,941 but The Machine is a good man. 257 00:15:00,984 --> 00:15:03,028 You have to invite him. 258 00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:05,071 (DAVIN) No. (FIONAN) Yes. 259 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,908 (DAVIN) No, no. (FIONAN) Yes. 260 00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:09,492 - This is the brother who... - Yes. 261 00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:11,620 - With the... and the... - Yup. Mm-hm. 262 00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:13,997 No.No.No. 263 00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:16,666 - We are doomed. - We'll call off the stag. 264 00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:20,712 We can't. She'll know why. There is no exit strategy here. 265 00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:22,923 - The Machine. - The Machine! 266 00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:26,593 You have no idea what it's like to spend five minutes with this man 267 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:30,597 over drinks on Christmas Eve, let alone a whole weekend up a mountain! 268 00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:34,601 He is insane and as far as I'm concerned, it is all your fault. 269 00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:37,145 - Why is it my fault? - For suggesting the idea. 270 00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:39,314 In the first place, like an imbecile. 271 00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:41,775 - I didn't... I... - You should never dabble 272 00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:43,777 in social conventions that were not designed for you. 273 00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:46,988 Jesus, Fionan, I'm at work. I'm actually about to give a lecture. 274 00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,494 - You fix it. - Okay, yeah, I'll fix it. 275 00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:56,706 I'll call him. I'll say it's kind of a literary walk. 276 00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,667 - No, religious. - Yeah, religious. 277 00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:00,335 A religious pilgrimage. 278 00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:04,047 A religious abstinent pilgrimage to various shrines. 279 00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:08,802 A silent, religious abstinent pilgrimage to various shrines. 280 00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:11,972 - Ancient shrines. - Say the weather forecast is bad. 281 00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:14,349 - Terrible weather. - Tell him the Kevins are gay. 282 00:16:14,516 --> 00:16:17,894 - Make them trannies. - Vestite or sexual? 283 00:16:18,061 --> 00:16:20,563 - Vestite. Do it now. Make the call. - Now? 284 00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:23,066 - I can't work until it's done. - Yeah, okay, I can't either. 285 00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:25,902 - Give me your phone. - What do you mean? Why? 286 00:16:26,069 --> 00:16:28,655 No, but why can't we do it on your phone? 287 00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:30,615 Because you're the best man. 288 00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:33,827 (SOFTLY) Shit. 289 00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:35,620 Okay. 290 00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,251 - (RINGING TONE) - It's ringing. 291 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,591 - (BLEEPING) - Voicemail. 292 00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:53,805 Leave a message for The Machine on the machine! 293 00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:59,060 Hi. This is Davin. I'm a friend of Fionan's who's marrying your sister. 294 00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:02,022 This weekend we are going... 295 00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:06,026 We are embarking on a silent walking retreat 296 00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:09,821 with some transsexual friends of ours in the rain 297 00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:12,574 and we wanted to let you know that. 298 00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:16,703 Er...you can call me back if you want, but it will be just as I say, 299 00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:19,706 wet and silent and boring and weird. 300 00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:21,875 Okay, bye-bye- 301 00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:26,171 Keep me posted. Remember, this is all your fault. 302 00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:32,302 Okay. 303 00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:34,304 Dostoevsky. 304 00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:39,100 - (CHEERING) - on! 305 00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:40,769 Hi, girls! 306 00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:42,353 Hey. 307 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,230 We need to go, okay? 308 00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,191 24 missed calls. 309 00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:48,151 - My God. - Yeah. Let's go. 310 00:17:48,318 --> 00:17:49,861 Let's go, okay? 311 00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:52,030 Davin, come here. 312 00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:54,824 - Where is The Machine? - Oh, yeah. 313 00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:56,910 We've been playing phone tag, but he's got the details. 314 00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:59,579 - He's making his own way down. - He's making his own way down? 315 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,539 He's making his own way down. 316 00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:05,043 Okay. He's making his own way down. 317 00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:06,920 - Have fun! - Okay, you too! 318 00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:08,588 - Bye. - Bye, have fun. Bye. 319 00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:10,715 Bye! 320 00:18:10,882 --> 00:18:12,675 Let's go! 321 00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:14,677 (HUMS HAPPILY) 322 00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:16,846 - Okay, okay. - (PHONE RINGS) 323 00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:31,111 This is actually going to be fun. 324 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,405 (CHUCKLES) Bye! 325 00:18:35,406 --> 00:18:39,244 Okay, just one call. I'm so sorry. One second. 326 00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:46,709 The Machine, hi. 327 00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:50,713 Listen, I'm just checking that you do know about this stag. 328 00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:53,716 Oh, yeah. Did he call you back? 329 00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:55,969 No? 330 00:18:56,136 --> 00:19:00,431 Well, I can give you the address. Yeah, I'll text it to you right now. 331 00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:02,809 (FIONAN) Guys, I just want to say, 332 00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:05,019 I know I was really reluctant about the idea of a stag. 333 00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:07,355 but I think this is going to be brilliant 334 00:19:07,522 --> 00:19:10,692 and I'd just like to thank my best man and best friend Davin 335 00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:12,652 for putting it all together, okay? 336 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,949 Well, now that we're all here, I can tell you that 337 00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:20,201 we dodged a serious bullet today. 338 00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:23,997 - Yes, we did. - You know Ruth's brother? 339 00:19:24,164 --> 00:19:26,207 - The Machine knows about this? - Yeah. 340 00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:28,251 - The Machine? - You don't want to know. 341 00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,420 - Yes, I do. - Davin here took one for the team. 342 00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:35,091 And after an elaborate subterfuge and 28 missed calls 343 00:19:35,258 --> 00:19:37,302 and 24 messages... 344 00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:40,054 - Oh, play one. Play a voice mail. - Dare I? 345 00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:42,599 I've never actually heard this guy's voice, 346 00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:45,643 but the stories would make your shit turn white. 347 00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:47,187 This is genius. 348 00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:50,815 Okay, Gavin, or whatever your little name is, it's The Machine. 349 00:19:50,982 --> 00:19:55,403 I'm sitting here with an enormous, raging stag boner on me right now. 350 00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:58,740 You hear me knocking, let me in. First thought right out of the gate. 351 00:19:58,907 --> 00:20:04,954 We are going To Africaaaaaaaaaa! 352 00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:07,040 Activities, harness wedgies, 353 00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:10,043 six men, three bed sheets, a pound of chicken fat 354 00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:13,922 and we don't shave his balls, we shave his asshole! 355 00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:16,007 Put a little lipstick on the ring piece. 356 00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:18,176 Might be a job for those trannies you mentioned. 357 00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:20,720 Think global here, Facebook, Twitter, 358 00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:23,556 anything that will allow it for five minutes and boom, 359 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:26,601 the whole world's looking at Fionan's dolled-up kicker. 360 00:20:26,768 --> 00:20:31,648 Are you with me? It is insane that you have not called me back yet. 361 00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:35,944 I've done 22 tours of duty, my man. I'm gonna get nuclear on you. 362 00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:40,823 Davin, Davin, Davin. Just give it to me, Davin. 363 00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:42,992 What the fuck did you just... 364 00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:46,246 Yeah. 365 00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:47,747 - Is that-- - The Machine! 366 00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:50,416 - Konnichiwa, fuck sticks. - Hello. 367 00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:54,504 I'll deal with you in a minute. Which dick slice is your commander? 368 00:20:54,671 --> 00:20:56,547 - What? - Who's the point man? 369 00:20:56,714 --> 00:20:59,133 - Is that a sports thing? - Your best man, groom job. 370 00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,261 This is him. 371 00:21:02,553 --> 00:21:05,014 - Kevin? - Davin. 372 00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:07,600 - Gavin? - No, Davin. 373 00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:09,894 - No, Gavin. - No, Davin with a D. 374 00:21:10,061 --> 00:21:12,647 - No, Gavin with a G. - Oh, okay. 375 00:21:12,814 --> 00:21:15,400 So Muggins here has to drop everything in his life 376 00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:17,443 and drive 220 miles on the fly, 377 00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:20,738 because this little cum sock can't answer a fucking telephone! 378 00:21:20,905 --> 00:21:23,908 - Because... No, because... - Why aren't you standing? 379 00:21:24,075 --> 00:21:25,827 Be... 380 00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:30,999 - Listen, The Machine-- - And the kicker, my sister. 381 00:21:31,165 --> 00:21:33,167 That is to say the fucking bride-to-be 382 00:21:33,334 --> 00:21:36,921 has to call me her own self to fill me in on this little circle jerk! 383 00:21:37,088 --> 00:21:39,090 - Wait a second, because-- - Do you have any idea 384 00:21:39,257 --> 00:21:42,969 how many rules of stag protocol you have ass-mangled in that one move? 385 00:21:43,136 --> 00:21:45,888 That is a heinous dereliction of best-man duty! 386 00:21:46,055 --> 00:21:49,100 Yo-se, the brother-in-law es-se, comprendez? 387 00:21:49,267 --> 00:21:52,729 - Okay, okay. - I ought to pluck every pubic hair 388 00:21:52,895 --> 00:21:55,898 on your girly ass from your balls to your brow right here 389 00:21:56,065 --> 00:21:57,734 in this place with my teeth! 390 00:21:57,900 --> 00:22:02,739 Oh, er, I actually tried to call you. 391 00:22:02,905 --> 00:22:04,991 - Where's your phone, soldier? - What? 392 00:22:05,158 --> 00:22:07,368 Give me your goddamn phone, shit bird. 393 00:22:14,042 --> 00:22:16,044 Sorry, just a sec. 394 00:22:17,378 --> 00:22:19,380 There you go. 395 00:22:22,091 --> 00:22:23,760 - When did this take place? - Just now. 396 00:22:23,926 --> 00:22:26,512 - Why did this take place? - The phone's a really bad phone 397 00:22:26,679 --> 00:22:28,890 and I've been having a bit of difficulty with it 398 00:22:29,057 --> 00:22:33,561 and I really got just so frustrated at it, I erm... I erm... 399 00:22:33,728 --> 00:22:35,938 I fucked it in a jug of water! 400 00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:40,193 His phone's been on the blink. 401 00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:43,821 I had to call Fionan, because I couldn't get through to Davin. 402 00:22:43,988 --> 00:22:46,491 He's been quite un-contactable. 403 00:22:52,497 --> 00:22:54,874 Look at your fucking face, Gay-vin. 404 00:22:59,045 --> 00:23:01,798 You must be spitting feathers. Let me hose that down, 405 00:23:01,964 --> 00:23:06,552 because... At ease, folks! I am here now and that is the main thing. 406 00:23:06,719 --> 00:23:09,305 Reporting for duty. (CHUCKLES) 407 00:23:10,473 --> 00:23:12,558 - Come here, Fionan! - Argh! Argh! 408 00:23:12,725 --> 00:23:15,311 - That really hurts, The Machine! - Good to see you. 409 00:23:15,478 --> 00:23:17,814 - Yeah, thanks for coming down. - No problem! 410 00:23:17,980 --> 00:23:20,733 - God! - Sound off. Who have we got here? 411 00:23:21,734 --> 00:23:24,070 - Who's this little choir boy? - Er, Simon. 412 00:23:24,237 --> 00:23:26,030 (LISPS) Hi Th-imon! 413 00:23:26,197 --> 00:23:27,865 Why do I know you? 414 00:23:28,032 --> 00:23:30,410 The Machine, this is my brother Kevin. 415 00:23:30,576 --> 00:23:33,162 Oh, that makes us huggers! Get in here, bro! 416 00:23:33,329 --> 00:23:36,499 Ha-ha! Good to see you. Get down there. What the fuck is that? 417 00:23:37,708 --> 00:23:40,878 Er, yes, The Machine. This is Kevin's... 418 00:23:41,045 --> 00:23:43,256 Dad? 419 00:23:43,423 --> 00:23:46,092 - This is also Kevin. - You're both called Kevin? 420 00:23:46,259 --> 00:23:47,760 - That's right. - That's ridiculous. 421 00:23:47,927 --> 00:23:49,762 - What do you call each other? - Kevin. 422 00:23:49,929 --> 00:23:52,598 Insane. Okay, big Kevin, little Kevin. 423 00:23:52,765 --> 00:23:57,353 - Look, I'm actually not that big. - Noted. Enormous Kevin. Tiny Kevin. 424 00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:00,815 Okay, housekeeping done. Budge up, budge up, budge up. 425 00:24:00,982 --> 00:24:03,568 Chief bridesmaid, hit me with the itinerary. 426 00:24:03,734 --> 00:24:06,404 (SNIFFS) Have it downloaded before I make party. 427 00:24:06,571 --> 00:24:09,574 I mean, I'm good, but even I couldn't decipher 428 00:24:09,740 --> 00:24:11,576 the code in your voice message. 429 00:24:11,742 --> 00:24:14,662 Religious walking retreat I presume is the pub crawl from hell. 430 00:24:14,829 --> 00:24:17,331 Am I right? That I got, but the tranny twist, 431 00:24:17,498 --> 00:24:20,960 I was all like, what the fuck are we talking here? Bangkok? 432 00:24:21,127 --> 00:24:24,589 Saigon? And then I cracked it. 433 00:24:24,755 --> 00:24:27,592 Fellas, are we going to Cardiff? 434 00:24:31,471 --> 00:24:34,140 Look at you parched little lizards. Bar Wench! 435 00:24:34,307 --> 00:24:37,351 A tray of shot glasses and a bottle yesterday! 436 00:24:37,518 --> 00:24:41,063 This little single-cell organism is getting fucking married! 437 00:24:41,230 --> 00:24:43,232 To my sister. 438 00:24:44,567 --> 00:24:47,403 - What the fuck are we going to do? - There's nothing we can do. 439 00:24:47,570 --> 00:24:49,697 - What the fuck can we do? - I'm letting you know now 440 00:24:49,864 --> 00:24:52,492 I'm leaving first thing in the morning. I'll make my excuses. 441 00:24:52,658 --> 00:24:54,744 - Fuck you! - I didn't sign up for this. 442 00:24:54,911 --> 00:24:58,956 Go fuck. Had I known that he was even a possibility? 443 00:24:59,123 --> 00:25:02,335 - Come on, Simon! - Fuck you! This is your shit. 444 00:25:02,502 --> 00:25:05,087 Fionan is getting married. Like it or not, you were on his stag. 445 00:25:05,254 --> 00:25:08,633 - Show some loyalty for fuck's sake. - Also you have to drive us home. 446 00:25:08,799 --> 00:25:10,426 Thanks, Bernard. Good man. 447 00:25:10,593 --> 00:25:13,012 - He's coming. - Well, I'm going to bed. 448 00:25:13,179 --> 00:25:16,516 (KEVIN) Erm, me, too. (THE MACHINE) Whoa, whoa, whoa! 449 00:25:16,682 --> 00:25:19,977 - Park it, sisters, mandatory shots. - Oh. 450 00:25:20,144 --> 00:25:22,730 We were just on our way to bed before you arrived. 451 00:25:22,897 --> 00:25:25,066 We've a long day of walking tomorrow. 452 00:25:25,233 --> 00:25:27,235 Walking whence? From pub to pub? 453 00:25:27,401 --> 00:25:30,071 No, walking. Walking like proper hiking. 454 00:25:30,238 --> 00:25:33,115 - No, incorrect. - Actually we are, The Machine. 455 00:25:33,282 --> 00:25:37,411 Walking and camping and, er, praying, mountain praying. 456 00:25:37,578 --> 00:25:41,624 Just a lot of... Got a lot of stuff. And camping. 457 00:25:41,791 --> 00:25:44,293 - Okay. - I just wanted to, you know, 458 00:25:44,460 --> 00:25:46,420 get out in the wild. 459 00:25:46,587 --> 00:25:48,798 What the... 460 00:25:48,965 --> 00:25:54,136 You rampant homosexualists. 461 00:25:54,303 --> 00:25:56,097 Wow. 462 00:25:56,264 --> 00:26:00,851 Okay, The Machine, Kevin and Kevin here are literally gay. 463 00:26:01,018 --> 00:26:03,062 So they have an excuse, but suddenly you three little geeks 464 00:26:03,229 --> 00:26:05,439 - want to start chewing cock? - Okay. 465 00:26:06,732 --> 00:26:10,861 I'm sorry about the confusion. Clearly this isn't your thing. 466 00:26:11,028 --> 00:26:14,490 So, erm, I can offer to pay for your petrol. 467 00:26:14,657 --> 00:26:16,450 Ten-hut, Private Gay-vin! 468 00:26:16,617 --> 00:26:18,828 You just narrowly survived your own court-martial 469 00:26:18,995 --> 00:26:20,997 and now you say that I go AWOL on duty. 470 00:26:21,163 --> 00:26:23,749 You have got the balls of a baboon, boy. 471 00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:26,002 Yes, it is alarmingly shit, 472 00:26:26,168 --> 00:26:28,796 but if that's what fun bags wants to do, 473 00:26:28,963 --> 00:26:33,634 to get out in the wild, then, fellas, I'm in. 474 00:26:33,801 --> 00:26:36,387 Hey. 475 00:26:36,554 --> 00:26:38,514 I'm all in. 476 00:26:38,681 --> 00:26:40,975 - Okay, good. - Yeah. 477 00:26:41,142 --> 00:26:42,518 - Brilliant. - So you little gerbils, 478 00:26:42,685 --> 00:26:45,354 snuggle down in the sawdust and I'll see you at the crack. 479 00:26:45,521 --> 00:26:49,817 This is a doozy of a stag town. Disappear from mine eyes. 480 00:27:18,512 --> 00:27:20,723 - Morning! - Shhh! 481 00:27:23,434 --> 00:27:25,436 (WHISPERS) Let's go. 482 00:27:35,154 --> 00:27:37,156 (WHISPERS) Jesus. 483 00:27:37,323 --> 00:27:39,325 (THE MACHINE) Earthlings! 484 00:27:40,368 --> 00:27:43,120 - (SIMON) Balls. - ? Que' pasa? 485 00:27:43,287 --> 00:27:45,122 The Machine, there you are. 486 00:27:45,289 --> 00:27:47,875 And there you all are. 487 00:27:48,042 --> 00:27:50,628 Five little Hobbits heading out from the shire. 488 00:27:51,837 --> 00:27:54,048 This way. 489 00:27:54,215 --> 00:27:56,175 The Machine, you don't have any gear! 490 00:28:01,597 --> 00:28:04,433 That is not a recognised bridle path! 491 00:28:17,613 --> 00:28:19,615 Watch for splinters. Oh. 492 00:28:19,782 --> 00:28:21,742 (CHATTERING) 493 00:28:37,967 --> 00:28:40,970 (KEVIN) No signal. Wow. We're out there. 494 00:28:41,137 --> 00:28:43,723 (SIMON) Me neither. Rural. 495 00:28:43,889 --> 00:28:45,558 Me neither, that's my only compass. 496 00:28:45,725 --> 00:28:47,560 Well, at least you have a phone, Fionan. 497 00:28:47,727 --> 00:28:50,104 At least it isn't dead from some idiot dropping it in a pint. 498 00:28:50,271 --> 00:28:52,231 And you'd rather I'd have let what was unfolding unfold. 499 00:28:52,398 --> 00:28:55,568 Let's put our phones in this Ziploc so that we are free of the urge 500 00:28:55,735 --> 00:28:58,612 - to keep checking all the time. - Is that wise? 501 00:28:58,779 --> 00:29:01,782 Yeah, let's go offline for, like, two whole days. 502 00:29:01,949 --> 00:29:05,828 Two whole days? I'm not sure that's wise. 503 00:29:05,995 --> 00:29:09,165 - Come on. Come on, Simon. - (ALL) Come on, Simon. 504 00:29:09,331 --> 00:29:11,208 (ALL CHEER) 505 00:29:11,375 --> 00:29:14,754 Anyway, I've got this here compass to keep us on track. 506 00:29:20,843 --> 00:29:23,220 Plop. 507 00:29:23,387 --> 00:29:26,265 Oh, Jesus. No, no, no. Oh, Jesus. No, no, no! 508 00:29:26,432 --> 00:29:29,059 That was incredibly rude and annoying and also we need that. 509 00:29:29,226 --> 00:29:31,896 - We don't need it. Boom. - We need a compass to find the way. 510 00:29:32,062 --> 00:29:34,440 We need to get lost. You put that compass in the bag 511 00:29:34,607 --> 00:29:39,278 and Susan here will be like, "Let's take the compass!" Unacceptable. 512 00:29:39,445 --> 00:29:42,865 The compass dies... phew-uck! We're reborn. 513 00:29:43,032 --> 00:29:47,161 - But it's dangerous! - Of courth ith dangerouth, Thimon! 514 00:29:47,328 --> 00:29:49,413 We are going off-piste. 515 00:29:49,580 --> 00:29:53,042 That compass was handmade, you fucking oaf! 516 00:29:53,209 --> 00:29:54,710 Well, if that's your beef, I'll buy you a new one. 517 00:29:54,877 --> 00:30:00,883 No, you imbecile! it had sentimental value! it was given to me by... 518 00:30:01,050 --> 00:30:02,676 By someone! 519 00:30:02,843 --> 00:30:04,887 Oh, your old geography teacher, Mr Kennedy. 520 00:30:06,222 --> 00:30:08,057 Your husband... I'm sorry, your ex-husband. 521 00:30:08,224 --> 00:30:11,685 - Jesus, can you please-- - You do not need that compass. 522 00:30:11,852 --> 00:30:14,438 You need to roam free. 523 00:30:16,941 --> 00:30:18,567 All in. 524 00:30:21,695 --> 00:30:23,906 I don't even have a lisp. 525 00:30:35,334 --> 00:30:38,963 (THE MACHINE SINGS) ♪ One life, one need 526 00:30:39,129 --> 00:30:41,340 ♪ In the night 527 00:30:41,507 --> 00:30:45,928 ♪ One love, we get to share it 528 00:30:46,095 --> 00:30:52,560 J" Leaves you, baby, if you do not care for it... J" 529 00:30:52,726 --> 00:30:54,937 (HUMS) 530 00:30:55,104 --> 00:30:57,273 - Jesus, this song - I know. 531 00:30:57,439 --> 00:30:59,108 - Not digging the tunes? - Nope. 532 00:30:59,275 --> 00:31:02,736 - Why not? - I can't abide U2. 533 00:31:07,032 --> 00:31:09,118 - Lies. - Excuse me. 534 00:31:09,285 --> 00:31:11,954 - You actually do like U2. - Actually I don't. 535 00:31:12,121 --> 00:31:14,373 You don't like their music, or you don't like Bono? 536 00:31:14,540 --> 00:31:16,917 That would be a firm negative in both cases. 537 00:31:17,084 --> 00:31:22,172 All right, fingers on buzzers. Yes or no, "With Or Without you"? 538 00:31:22,339 --> 00:31:25,009 - Without you. - "New Year's Day"? 539 00:31:25,175 --> 00:31:27,177 - No. - "Mysterious Ways"? 540 00:31:27,344 --> 00:31:28,804 - Negative. - "Bad"? 541 00:31:28,971 --> 00:31:30,472 - Very bad. - "Pride"? 542 00:31:30,639 --> 00:31:32,182 - Shame. - "Vertigo"? 543 00:31:32,349 --> 00:31:34,476 - Vertig-no. - "Streets"? 544 00:31:34,643 --> 00:31:37,479 The Machine, if it's by U2, I'm not going to like it. 545 00:31:37,646 --> 00:31:39,398 - Have you seen them live? - Once. 546 00:31:39,565 --> 00:31:41,609 - You didn't cry? - I left. 547 00:31:41,775 --> 00:31:43,319 - No! - He left. 548 00:31:45,362 --> 00:31:47,948 - You are Irish, right? - What's that got to do with it? 549 00:31:48,115 --> 00:31:50,492 Ah-ah-ah-ah, Private Gav, fight your own war. 550 00:31:51,702 --> 00:31:56,790 You know, Cyborg, one day, at some point in your life, 551 00:31:56,957 --> 00:31:59,627 you are going to find yourself listening to a U2 song 552 00:32:01,003 --> 00:32:03,756 with tears pouring down your cheeks 553 00:32:03,923 --> 00:32:06,926 and on that day, for it will come, my friend... 554 00:32:08,052 --> 00:32:10,220 I want you to remember this face. 555 00:32:11,597 --> 00:32:13,807 - What the fuck is wrong with him? - Chill out. 556 00:32:13,974 --> 00:32:15,976 This face. 557 00:32:17,394 --> 00:32:19,396 I'm going to be there, Cyborg. 558 00:32:22,942 --> 00:32:24,443 - Well, I'm going back. - I'm going back. 559 00:32:24,610 --> 00:32:26,987 - No, no, you're not. - Simon, Davin, come on. 560 00:32:27,154 --> 00:32:29,156 Go, go. 561 00:32:30,991 --> 00:32:32,993 Go. 562 00:32:34,787 --> 00:32:36,956 (KEVIN) I was reading this thing in "The Guardian" 563 00:32:37,122 --> 00:32:39,500 about the difference between mushrooms and toadstools. 564 00:32:39,667 --> 00:32:42,836 Apparently, there's only one toadstool that isn't poisonous 565 00:32:43,003 --> 00:32:46,173 and it either is red, or it isn't red. 566 00:32:46,340 --> 00:32:47,925 I can't remember. 567 00:32:48,092 --> 00:32:51,261 (DAVIN) Fionan, have you told them your story about Bikram yoga? 568 00:32:51,428 --> 00:32:54,682 (FIONAN) I had a panic attack and they asked me to leave. 569 00:32:54,848 --> 00:32:56,850 (SIMON) Why did you even do bikram if you're not obese? 570 00:32:57,017 --> 00:32:59,019 (FIONAN) I'm not obese because I did bikram. 571 00:32:59,186 --> 00:33:01,188 (SIMON) You did it one time and you had a panic attack. 572 00:33:01,355 --> 00:33:03,357 (FIONAN) Once was enough. 573 00:33:07,653 --> 00:33:10,239 "There's been a lot of talk about this next song." 574 00:33:10,406 --> 00:33:15,285 - That's a grave. - "This song is not a rebel song." 575 00:33:15,452 --> 00:33:19,790 This song is "Sunday, Bloody Sunday." 576 00:33:19,957 --> 00:33:21,875 - (SNIGGERING) - We got a concert. 577 00:33:22,042 --> 00:33:24,461 Simon, I'll make a deal with you. 578 00:33:25,462 --> 00:33:27,423 When you design a website that has the same 579 00:33:27,589 --> 00:33:29,967 raw, emotional power as a U2 song, 580 00:33:30,134 --> 00:33:34,638 then you can climb up here and shout out the HTML code. Send. 581 00:33:34,805 --> 00:33:38,726 I do more than design websites and I don't even write HTML code. 582 00:33:38,892 --> 00:33:42,229 That, like U2, stopped being important about 20 years ago. 583 00:33:42,396 --> 00:33:44,273 In fact, like U2, it's now something 584 00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:47,609 that can be replicated by a piece of software. 585 00:33:47,776 --> 00:33:49,278 Brain or heart? 586 00:33:49,445 --> 00:33:51,488 - What? - Pick an organ, brain or heart? 587 00:33:51,655 --> 00:33:53,949 (SIGHS) I get one? 588 00:33:54,116 --> 00:33:56,577 - You get one. - Brain. 589 00:33:56,744 --> 00:33:59,413 Okay, do you prefer machines to humans? 590 00:34:01,248 --> 00:34:03,042 Sometimes, yes. 591 00:34:03,208 --> 00:34:05,210 What do you drive? 592 00:34:05,377 --> 00:34:10,591 I drive a 2012 BMW X5. 593 00:34:10,758 --> 00:34:12,593 Show me the keys. 594 00:34:16,055 --> 00:34:17,890 Throw them up. 595 00:34:18,057 --> 00:34:20,434 When you've finished desecrating that famine memorial 596 00:34:20,601 --> 00:34:22,603 and you come down, I will let you inspect them. 597 00:34:22,770 --> 00:34:24,605 Are you afraid I will laugh at how you throw? 598 00:34:24,772 --> 00:34:27,232 If that's what you're worried about let me assure you 599 00:34:27,399 --> 00:34:29,234 that is 1,000% what I'm going to do. 600 00:34:31,570 --> 00:34:33,280 No, don't throw them, Simon... 601 00:34:33,447 --> 00:34:35,240 Argh! 602 00:34:38,077 --> 00:34:41,914 (CLINKING) 603 00:34:42,081 --> 00:34:44,458 - (LAUGHS) - Are you kidding me?! 604 00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:48,879 Oh, Jesus! They're gone! 605 00:34:49,046 --> 00:34:51,673 - They're gone! They're gone! - Well done, Simon. 606 00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:54,760 - Why didn't you catch them? - You threw them like an idiot. 607 00:34:57,554 --> 00:34:59,348 What does your brain say you should do? 608 00:35:03,644 --> 00:35:05,604 My heart agrees with you. 609 00:35:05,771 --> 00:35:07,106 (GRUNTING) 610 00:35:07,272 --> 00:35:09,650 (DAVIN) That's a big rock to start with. 611 00:35:11,401 --> 00:35:13,403 (GRUNTING) 612 00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:49,815 Okay, maybe we should just pitch camp here for the night. 613 00:35:51,316 --> 00:35:52,818 Yeah, let's stop for the night. 614 00:35:52,985 --> 00:35:57,406 I saw a nice little lake over there if anyone wants to clean up. 615 00:35:57,573 --> 00:36:01,451 - We are extremely filthy. - You guys go. I'll pitch the tent. 616 00:36:01,618 --> 00:36:04,788 I'll pitch the tent, Fionan. A bit more experience in that area. 617 00:36:04,955 --> 00:36:07,708 - So you go on with them. - I can pitch a tent, FYI. 618 00:36:07,875 --> 00:36:11,211 I know you can, but we're losing the light and we need to get it up fast. 619 00:36:11,378 --> 00:36:13,463 - So I'm happy to take it. - I can pitch it just as fast. 620 00:36:13,630 --> 00:36:15,757 I have a number of the relevant proficiency badges from the scouts. 621 00:36:15,924 --> 00:36:17,551 A number of what? 622 00:36:17,718 --> 00:36:20,888 Proficiency badges. Proficiency badges, erm, okay. 623 00:36:21,054 --> 00:36:24,016 - (CHUCKLES) - Just hand it over. Give it to me. 624 00:36:24,975 --> 00:36:26,435 Okay. 625 00:36:26,602 --> 00:36:28,812 - Lads. - No, let's have this one play out. 626 00:36:28,979 --> 00:36:30,606 Okay, I'm going to take it. 627 00:36:30,772 --> 00:36:32,649 - It's going to be like that, is it? - It appears to be like that. 628 00:36:32,816 --> 00:36:35,319 - You're being a bit of a child now. - Bun, you're the child here. 629 00:36:35,485 --> 00:36:37,905 What? Why? Just give it to me. 630 00:36:38,071 --> 00:36:40,073 - Bun? - Davin's nickname. 631 00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:42,242 (ARGUING IN THE BACKGROUND) 632 00:36:42,409 --> 00:36:46,038 In primary school, someone threw a bun at his head in the canteen 633 00:36:46,205 --> 00:36:48,081 and it stuck. 634 00:36:48,248 --> 00:36:51,793 The nickname, that is. And the bun. 635 00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:53,712 Just give it to me. Oh my God, is that an eagle? 636 00:36:54,796 --> 00:36:57,382 - That was so easy. Too easy. - Fine, you can co-pitch it. 637 00:36:57,549 --> 00:36:59,134 - But I hold the plans. - I don't need plans. 638 00:36:59,301 --> 00:37:02,221 Why don't you go get the little ground pegs? 639 00:37:03,513 --> 00:37:05,682 Bun... 640 00:37:07,517 --> 00:37:09,353 Hey. 641 00:37:09,519 --> 00:37:11,521 (CHUCKLES) 642 00:37:14,942 --> 00:37:16,944 Ah, freezing. 643 00:37:19,529 --> 00:37:21,531 (KEVIN) Your sister's great. 644 00:37:21,698 --> 00:37:24,701 I love, Ruth. My brother is a lucky man. 645 00:37:24,868 --> 00:37:27,537 (MACHINE) He didn't just get lucky, Tiny Kevin. 646 00:37:27,704 --> 00:37:31,041 It's more like he broke the whole fucking casino. 647 00:37:31,208 --> 00:37:33,168 You boys looking forward to the big day? 648 00:37:33,335 --> 00:37:35,545 Actually, I won't be there on the big day. 649 00:37:35,712 --> 00:37:38,382 - I thought you two were coupled up. - Six years. 650 00:37:38,548 --> 00:37:40,133 Explain. 651 00:37:40,300 --> 00:37:42,678 - It's my dad. - What's he got to do with it? 652 00:37:42,844 --> 00:37:46,974 He's never really been able to get his head around the whole gay thing. 653 00:37:47,140 --> 00:37:49,351 Continue. 654 00:37:49,518 --> 00:37:51,561 He's never really been able to accept 655 00:37:51,728 --> 00:37:55,148 my homosexuality and my partner, which is Kevin. 656 00:37:55,315 --> 00:37:56,650 And? 657 00:37:56,817 --> 00:38:01,113 My dad's an old man from a previous generation. It's different times. 658 00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:02,739 And? 659 00:38:02,906 --> 00:38:06,535 He says he won't be coming to the wedding if I'm at the wedding. 660 00:38:06,702 --> 00:38:09,121 - He doesn't approve of me. - And? 661 00:38:09,288 --> 00:38:11,290 I've never met him. 662 00:38:11,456 --> 00:38:14,418 It's a really tricky situation for Fionan. 663 00:38:14,584 --> 00:38:18,046 I mean, I've lived with this, but it's his wedding. 664 00:38:18,213 --> 00:38:22,050 I mean, if my dad doesn't go, does my mum go on her own? It's... 665 00:38:22,217 --> 00:38:23,802 It's a nightmare for Fionan. 666 00:38:25,220 --> 00:38:27,597 Yeah, Fionan needs to man up 667 00:38:27,764 --> 00:38:30,600 and bring it to the old boy. End of story. 668 00:38:34,438 --> 00:38:36,440 (PANTS) How do you want your steaks? 669 00:38:36,606 --> 00:38:38,650 Fiona-la-cakes. 670 00:38:38,817 --> 00:38:41,737 I was talking to the Kevs here about the wedding plans. 671 00:38:42,738 --> 00:38:44,948 I'm cooking my own if anyone wants theirs done by me. 672 00:38:45,115 --> 00:38:47,326 Why don't we ask them who they'd prefer to have cook their steaks? 673 00:38:47,492 --> 00:38:49,870 Me who did a course in barbecue science, or... 674 00:38:50,037 --> 00:38:52,247 Neither of you two clowns are going near my meat. 675 00:38:53,248 --> 00:38:56,084 - I'd rather eat it raw. - You're not getting in there. 676 00:38:56,251 --> 00:38:58,837 That's liquid ice. 677 00:38:59,004 --> 00:39:01,381 No sneaky boners. 678 00:39:01,548 --> 00:39:03,633 And I'm looking at you, Photoshop. 679 00:39:13,852 --> 00:39:15,187 (SIMON) He's gone. 680 00:39:19,816 --> 00:39:22,569 Yeah! Whoo! 681 00:39:22,736 --> 00:39:26,281 - No, he's back. - Come on, boys! Ha-ha! 682 00:39:35,582 --> 00:39:39,211 - Where's Adobe Illustrator? - You mean Simon? He's gone to bed. 683 00:39:39,378 --> 00:39:42,631 - (CHUCKLES) That's cheating. - No, leave him alone honestly. 684 00:39:42,798 --> 00:39:44,424 It's the same rules for every man. 685 00:39:44,591 --> 00:39:46,635 He's going through a hard time at the moment. 686 00:39:46,802 --> 00:39:49,262 - How so? - His business is struggling. 687 00:39:49,429 --> 00:39:51,807 - I didn't know that. - I had a look at his situation. 688 00:39:51,973 --> 00:39:54,434 - It's not great. - Not great how? 689 00:39:54,601 --> 00:39:58,855 They're in deep shit. Poor guy can't sleep. He's taking Valium and Xanax. 690 00:39:59,022 --> 00:40:01,650 - They're worried about the house. - Did you know that? 691 00:40:01,817 --> 00:40:04,861 - No. - Come here. 692 00:40:05,028 --> 00:40:07,781 - The Machine, seriously. - The Machine, just leave it. 693 00:40:10,492 --> 00:40:13,954 - The Machine! He's going. - Go back to the fire. 694 00:40:14,121 --> 00:40:16,957 It's just me and you now. 695 00:40:17,124 --> 00:40:18,959 How are you doing? 696 00:40:19,126 --> 00:40:21,503 - Grand. - So what do you owe? 697 00:40:21,670 --> 00:40:24,840 - Owe? What are you talking about? - Your company's debt. 698 00:40:25,006 --> 00:40:27,509 - What have you been telling him? - It was Big Kevin! 699 00:40:27,676 --> 00:40:29,469 Look me in the eye and just tell me what you owe. 700 00:40:29,636 --> 00:40:31,430 - I'm not telling you what I owe. - Why not? 701 00:40:31,596 --> 00:40:32,931 Why would I tell you what I owe? 702 00:40:33,098 --> 00:40:35,058 Why wouldn't you tell me what you owe? Give me a number. 703 00:40:35,225 --> 00:40:36,560 - No. No. - Do it. Do it. 704 00:40:36,726 --> 00:40:38,728 Higher or lower than three mil? 705 00:40:38,895 --> 00:40:40,856 What? 706 00:40:41,982 --> 00:40:43,775 - Lower? - 2.5. 707 00:40:43,942 --> 00:40:45,944 - Lower. - Two? 708 00:40:46,111 --> 00:40:48,321 - Lower. - 1.5 mil? 709 00:40:48,488 --> 00:40:49,906 - Lower. - You're in a for a mil? 710 00:40:50,073 --> 00:40:53,535 - No, you're still a way off. - Okay, what, lower than a mil? 711 00:40:53,702 --> 00:40:55,912 - What, 800? - No. 712 00:40:56,079 --> 00:40:57,873 700? 713 00:40:58,039 --> 00:40:59,666 - 650? - (Oh, my God.) 714 00:40:59,833 --> 00:41:02,210 Six? 550? 715 00:41:02,377 --> 00:41:04,379 Five? 450? 716 00:41:04,546 --> 00:41:06,548 - Four? 375? - No! 717 00:41:06,715 --> 00:41:10,343 Look, okay, I owe just under 250,000 euro 718 00:41:10,510 --> 00:41:12,554 and that's with everything leveraged to the hilt! 719 00:41:12,721 --> 00:41:14,764 I'm finished, okay? Are you happy now? 720 00:41:15,724 --> 00:41:17,726 Okay. 721 00:41:17,893 --> 00:41:20,103 That wasn't so hard, was it? 722 00:41:20,270 --> 00:41:22,939 Honestly, I know how you feel. 723 00:41:24,316 --> 00:41:26,985 - You do? - Believe me. 724 00:41:27,152 --> 00:41:29,154 So how much do you owe? 725 00:41:30,363 --> 00:41:33,200 Like half a million or something nuts? 726 00:41:33,366 --> 00:41:35,577 North of that. 727 00:41:35,744 --> 00:41:37,370 800,000? 728 00:41:37,537 --> 00:41:39,539 Due north? 729 00:41:43,418 --> 00:41:46,004 - A million? - Keep travelling north. 730 00:41:47,923 --> 00:41:50,300 - A million and a half? - Northward. 731 00:41:51,635 --> 00:41:54,304 - One and three quarter million? - North. 732 00:41:55,430 --> 00:41:57,057 TWO 733 00:41:57,224 --> 00:41:59,184 - 2 million. - Bingo. 734 00:41:59,351 --> 00:42:01,937 My money, all of my money... 735 00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:04,981 I don't have any money. 736 00:42:05,148 --> 00:42:06,608 (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) 737 00:42:06,775 --> 00:42:08,568 Oh... 738 00:42:08,735 --> 00:42:11,988 - Oh, my God. - Isn't that insane? 739 00:42:13,615 --> 00:42:15,575 Do you want a beaker of whisky? 740 00:42:15,742 --> 00:42:17,536 (CHUCKLES) I do. 741 00:42:17,702 --> 00:42:19,329 You do. Of course you do. 742 00:42:19,496 --> 00:42:21,873 - Just go out and join the lads. - All right. 743 00:42:27,671 --> 00:42:29,548 Coming. 744 00:42:29,714 --> 00:42:34,803 Yes, so, erm... Yeah, it turned out to be... It was... It was... 745 00:42:34,970 --> 00:42:37,556 - Yeah, yeah. - (BIG KEVIN) Hey, Simon. 746 00:42:37,722 --> 00:42:39,599 Hey! 747 00:42:43,270 --> 00:42:44,938 There you go, Facebook. 748 00:42:45,105 --> 00:42:47,107 Right. 749 00:42:52,153 --> 00:42:54,239 (THE MACHINE) You know, fellas... 750 00:42:56,241 --> 00:42:58,243 You couldn't put a price on this. 751 00:43:02,664 --> 00:43:05,250 (GLUGGING OF WHISKY BOTTLE) 752 00:43:05,417 --> 00:43:07,210 (THE MACHINE SIGHS) 753 00:43:07,794 --> 00:43:09,796 (VIGOROUS RUBBING) 754 00:43:13,508 --> 00:43:15,510 (SOFTLY) Oh, boy. 755 00:43:18,888 --> 00:43:20,890 (THE MACHINE GROANS) 756 00:43:21,057 --> 00:43:23,143 (DAVIN) Oh, my sweet God, no. 757 00:43:23,310 --> 00:43:25,645 (ALL MUTTER) 758 00:43:25,812 --> 00:43:28,982 - You are not masturbating in here. - Why not? I can't sleep. 759 00:43:29,149 --> 00:43:32,027 Because it's disgusting is why. Just eugh. 760 00:43:32,193 --> 00:43:34,321 If I don't pull one through, I'm not getting to sleep. 761 00:43:34,487 --> 00:43:36,865 - No way. - Not here. 762 00:43:37,032 --> 00:43:40,660 Okay, look, two options. A, I crack one off nice and quick, 763 00:43:40,827 --> 00:43:44,122 just a straight-up very functional little number into a sock 764 00:43:44,289 --> 00:43:46,082 or what not and we all get to sleep. 765 00:43:46,249 --> 00:43:49,878 B, I fall asleep and my mind supplies me with fantasies 766 00:43:50,045 --> 00:43:52,631 that require me to grind against the nearest object, 767 00:43:52,797 --> 00:43:55,008 in which case that is you, but we're almost family now, 768 00:43:55,175 --> 00:43:58,094 so that's, you know... A or B, you call it. 769 00:44:00,138 --> 00:44:02,140 Outside, surely. 770 00:44:02,307 --> 00:44:04,893 Outside is the compromise here. 771 00:44:05,060 --> 00:44:07,812 I have a little hash if you can't sleep. 772 00:44:07,979 --> 00:44:09,773 I find that usually does the trick. 773 00:44:10,815 --> 00:44:12,651 It's not a neither nor, is it? 774 00:44:12,817 --> 00:44:14,319 (ALL) Outside. 775 00:44:14,486 --> 00:44:15,987 (SIGHS) Two minutes. 776 00:44:19,240 --> 00:44:21,242 - He's an animal. - He can hear you. 777 00:44:21,409 --> 00:44:24,079 It doesn't matter. He'll be flattered to hear that. 778 00:44:25,455 --> 00:44:27,457 (THE MACHINE) I am flattered, hugely. 779 00:44:30,168 --> 00:44:32,170 (VIGOROUS RUBBING) 780 00:44:32,337 --> 00:44:34,339 (THE MACHINE GROANS) 781 00:44:34,506 --> 00:44:36,508 Oh, yeah. 782 00:44:36,675 --> 00:44:38,677 Oh, sweet mystery. 783 00:44:38,843 --> 00:44:40,679 Oh, my lad). 784 00:44:40,845 --> 00:44:43,431 Oh, don't neglect the balls here. 785 00:44:43,598 --> 00:44:47,435 (SIMON) Jesus Christ! (THE MACHINE) Oh, my God! Oh! 786 00:44:47,602 --> 00:44:51,231 - Come on. (GROANS) - Further away! Further away! 787 00:44:51,398 --> 00:44:53,400 Jesus! 788 00:44:55,694 --> 00:44:57,737 (OWL HOOTS) 789 00:44:57,904 --> 00:44:59,531 (SNORING) 790 00:44:59,698 --> 00:45:01,908 (FOOTSTEPS) 791 00:45:11,376 --> 00:45:12,836 (THE MACHINE) Fire. 792 00:45:13,002 --> 00:45:15,130 (ALL SHOUTING) Fire! 793 00:45:15,296 --> 00:45:17,215 (YELLING) 794 00:45:17,382 --> 00:45:19,426 (ALL SCREAM) 795 00:45:20,677 --> 00:45:25,557 Argh! It's on my ass! It's on my ass! Fuck! 796 00:45:25,724 --> 00:45:28,685 - Is everyone okay? - Oh, my God, did you see that? 797 00:45:28,852 --> 00:45:32,313 See it? We were inside the tent, The Machine! 798 00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:35,024 - Inside the fire! - That was so beautiful. 799 00:45:35,191 --> 00:45:38,361 - It was like voodoo magic. - Okay, what the fuck did you do? 800 00:45:38,528 --> 00:45:41,531 Yeah, I suppose a hot rock must have landed on it. 801 00:45:41,698 --> 00:45:45,535 Little fucker, didn't see it. But there's a nodge left, Big Kevin. 802 00:45:45,702 --> 00:45:47,746 Enough for a few more, so that's a result. 803 00:45:47,912 --> 00:45:50,123 A result? We nearly fucking died, The Machine! 804 00:45:50,290 --> 00:45:53,334 Perfectly aware of that, Slick, and I will grant you that 805 00:45:53,501 --> 00:45:58,715 from a certain perspective that I had an involvement in it, 806 00:45:58,882 --> 00:46:01,468 but let's move on. Now, lodgings. 807 00:46:01,634 --> 00:46:03,344 You just destroyed our property. 808 00:46:03,511 --> 00:46:05,305 Officially it belonged to the Girl Guides. 809 00:46:05,472 --> 00:46:07,348 - He can't just do that! - Do what? 810 00:46:07,515 --> 00:46:10,101 Act like that! Like, like, like... 811 00:46:10,268 --> 00:46:11,936 - Like what? - We nearly died. 812 00:46:12,103 --> 00:46:15,148 Fionan, you're repeating yourself a tiny bit. You want to grab a seat? 813 00:46:15,315 --> 00:46:18,151 I would fucking kill you right now if I could. 814 00:46:18,318 --> 00:46:21,196 I hate you so much. We all do. We hate you! 815 00:46:21,362 --> 00:46:23,948 - You're ruining this whole thing! - What is this whole thing? 816 00:46:24,115 --> 00:46:25,950 A stag! 817 00:46:26,117 --> 00:46:28,369 Finally. 818 00:46:30,497 --> 00:46:33,249 Finally... What? 819 00:46:33,416 --> 00:46:35,668 Oh, my God. Look at it. 820 00:46:44,427 --> 00:46:46,805 (THE MACHINE) Okay, this is just a bit freaky, 821 00:46:46,971 --> 00:46:49,557 but that looks like a pair of boobs. 822 00:46:49,724 --> 00:46:52,393 Those bright stars, that's your nipples right there. 823 00:46:52,560 --> 00:46:56,189 - Big beautiful boobs. - (SIMON) Go to sleep. 824 00:46:56,356 --> 00:46:58,358 (FIONAN GRUNTS) 825 00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:10,537 - How did you do that? - I got up early. Couldn't sleep. 826 00:47:12,247 --> 00:47:14,374 Thinking about our heritage 827 00:47:14,541 --> 00:47:17,544 and what it means to me, I had to rebuild this thing. 828 00:47:17,710 --> 00:47:21,047 You didn't source some fabric and stitch us a new tent, did you? 829 00:47:21,214 --> 00:47:25,093 No, Bilbo Baggins, I did not. We should get moving. 830 00:47:28,388 --> 00:47:29,973 Mordor awaits. 831 00:47:34,561 --> 00:47:36,396 (SIGHS) 832 00:47:36,563 --> 00:47:39,732 (FIONAN) but it doesn't make any sense. (DAVIN) What do you mean? 833 00:47:39,899 --> 00:47:42,026 (FIONAN) But it's spelt see-gees. 834 00:47:42,193 --> 00:47:45,655 - (DAVIN) Segue! - But it doesn't make... Why is it? 835 00:47:45,822 --> 00:47:49,075 It's S-E-G-U-E, so I call it see-gee. 836 00:47:49,242 --> 00:47:53,121 (DAVIN) Sometimes things are different to the way they're spelt. 837 00:47:53,288 --> 00:47:57,792 Oh, my giddy aunt. That, my friends, is a fucking bull. 838 00:47:57,959 --> 00:48:00,086 - Erm... - Oh... 839 00:48:00,253 --> 00:48:02,255 (ALL) No! 840 00:48:03,298 --> 00:48:05,300 Oh, I can't watch. 841 00:48:05,466 --> 00:48:07,468 - Oh, Jesus. - (MOOING) 842 00:48:08,720 --> 00:48:10,722 Do not look me in the eye, Mr Bull. 843 00:48:14,559 --> 00:48:16,769 - He made it. - Of course he made it. 844 00:48:18,980 --> 00:48:20,982 Come on! 845 00:48:21,149 --> 00:48:23,151 Okay. 846 00:48:23,318 --> 00:48:25,320 Let's go through the woods. 847 00:48:27,238 --> 00:48:28,573 (FIONAN) Ow, ow, ow. 848 00:48:28,740 --> 00:48:30,950 (SIMON) This is what happens when we turn off our phones. 849 00:48:31,117 --> 00:48:33,870 (DAVIN) Oh, Jesus, Kevin! Savage! 850 00:48:34,037 --> 00:48:36,956 (FIONAN) I told you, nature is bullshit. (GRUNTS) 851 00:48:42,587 --> 00:48:45,173 (THE MACHINE) Okay, okay, okay. 852 00:48:45,340 --> 00:48:49,469 Now, this, I will grant you, is a slightly different proposition. 853 00:48:49,636 --> 00:48:52,013 (LOW BUZZ OF ELECTRICITY) 854 00:48:52,180 --> 00:48:55,058 Does anyone want to touch it to see what we're dealing with volts wise? 855 00:48:55,224 --> 00:48:57,602 (ALL) No. 856 00:48:57,769 --> 00:49:00,146 - Can you feel anything? - I can hear it. 857 00:49:01,147 --> 00:49:03,191 - Ah! Oh, fuck! - Oh, whoa! 858 00:49:04,192 --> 00:49:07,278 Whoo! How was it for you, Enormous Kevin? 859 00:49:07,445 --> 00:49:10,031 It's unbelievably electric. 860 00:49:10,198 --> 00:49:12,200 Well, we can't get under it. 861 00:49:13,201 --> 00:49:15,870 - And we can't get over it. - Wait, now. 862 00:49:18,247 --> 00:49:20,917 It's a straight-up vault, boys. I'm telling you. 863 00:49:21,084 --> 00:49:23,086 Let's see. 864 00:49:26,714 --> 00:49:28,716 (GASPS) 865 00:49:28,883 --> 00:49:31,803 We can do this. Stand back, lads. Watch yourselves. 866 00:49:31,970 --> 00:49:34,931 What you need is you need a bit of a run-up into it. 867 00:49:36,641 --> 00:49:38,434 You've got to commit. 868 00:49:38,601 --> 00:49:42,230 You've got to come at a pace with a bit of zip. 869 00:49:42,397 --> 00:49:44,190 It's physics. 870 00:49:45,942 --> 00:49:48,319 (SOFTLY) Okay. 871 00:49:48,486 --> 00:49:50,113 Yup. 872 00:49:50,279 --> 00:49:52,281 No! 873 00:49:52,448 --> 00:49:54,826 - Oh, Jesus! Argh! - (ALL) Oh! 874 00:49:54,993 --> 00:49:56,995 - Oh, my God. - Argh! 875 00:49:57,161 --> 00:50:00,999 - The Machine, are you okay? - One of us has to help him. Go. 876 00:50:01,165 --> 00:50:03,918 - It's on my face! - Okay, let's... 877 00:50:04,085 --> 00:50:06,754 - Okay, come on. - Argh! 878 00:50:06,921 --> 00:50:09,507 Argh! (YELLS) 879 00:50:09,674 --> 00:50:13,011 Argh! Argh! Argh! Ah-ah-ah-ah! 880 00:50:13,177 --> 00:50:18,558 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! (GASPS) 881 00:50:19,517 --> 00:50:21,936 Oh. 882 00:50:22,103 --> 00:50:24,105 - Oh, God. - Are you all right? 883 00:50:27,191 --> 00:50:30,028 - I didn't make it, boys. - No. 884 00:50:30,194 --> 00:50:32,405 No. 885 00:50:32,572 --> 00:50:36,034 I'll follow. You go on. You go. Go. 886 00:50:36,200 --> 00:50:38,578 (DAVIN) Yeah, but it isn't meaningless. It seems to me 887 00:50:38,745 --> 00:50:41,122 that it takes me liking something in order for you to like it. 888 00:50:41,289 --> 00:50:43,291 And then you have to like it and you have to like it more than me. 889 00:50:43,458 --> 00:50:45,835 You have to beat me at liking it. It's ridiculous. 890 00:50:46,002 --> 00:50:48,046 (FIONAN) It is. I'll give you that. (DAVIN) You should think about it. 891 00:50:48,212 --> 00:50:50,089 (FIONAN) Okay, I will. Give me an example. 892 00:50:50,256 --> 00:50:51,674 - An example? - An example. 893 00:50:51,841 --> 00:50:54,052 (DAVIN) Example, okay. "The Sopranos". 894 00:50:54,218 --> 00:50:57,388 (FIONAN) You saw the show first. It doesn't mean you own it. 895 00:50:57,555 --> 00:51:00,224 (DAVIN) I'm not saying I own it. I'm saying that your opinion of it 896 00:51:00,391 --> 00:51:03,269 was informed entirely, I think, by what my opinion was 897 00:51:03,436 --> 00:51:06,189 and just to be clear, I'm not saying I saw it first. 898 00:51:06,355 --> 00:51:09,358 You didn't decide you liked it until I decided that I liked it. 899 00:51:09,525 --> 00:51:11,152 (DAVIN) I thought the first few episodes-- 900 00:51:11,319 --> 00:51:12,945 (DAVIN) That show emerged fully formed-- 901 00:51:13,112 --> 00:51:14,739 (FIONAN) According to you. Give me another example. 902 00:51:14,906 --> 00:51:17,116 (DAVIN) Another example is the example of risotto. 903 00:51:17,283 --> 00:51:20,620 Okay, for a long time, I thought I was allergic to Arborio rice. 904 00:51:20,787 --> 00:51:23,372 - I thought they were little nuts. - I can't even comment on that. 905 00:51:23,539 --> 00:51:24,999 Let's talk about "Mulholland Drive". 906 00:51:25,166 --> 00:51:26,501 Let's talk about "Mulholland Drive". 907 00:51:26,667 --> 00:51:29,045 You can simultaneously love and hate that film. That's the whole point. 908 00:51:29,212 --> 00:51:30,880 - Listen to yourself. - I am listening to myself. 909 00:51:31,047 --> 00:51:33,424 What about Vespas? I get a Vespa. You get a Vespa. 910 00:51:33,591 --> 00:51:35,593 Right, bad news, Davin, other people in the world own Vespas. 911 00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:38,137 I got to Goa. You got to Goa. You love Goa. You're moving to Goa. 912 00:51:38,304 --> 00:51:40,515 You own an Indian province? When did that happen? 913 00:51:40,681 --> 00:51:42,391 Do you know what? I think I'm going to hate something 914 00:51:42,558 --> 00:51:44,393 that I actually like just to see if you start liking it. 915 00:51:44,560 --> 00:51:46,979 And I'm going to pretend to hate it. You'll have to continue pretending 916 00:51:47,146 --> 00:51:49,816 - to like the thing that you hate. - Sorry, what? 917 00:51:49,982 --> 00:51:52,193 I don't know. I'm cold. 918 00:51:55,696 --> 00:51:57,532 Risotto. 919 00:52:08,584 --> 00:52:10,545 (DISTANT BIRD CRIES) 920 00:52:15,466 --> 00:52:17,844 - What is it? - It's a bothy. 921 00:52:18,010 --> 00:52:20,012 It's an old communal shelter. 922 00:52:20,179 --> 00:52:22,932 We'll build a shelter inside the shelter. 923 00:52:44,162 --> 00:52:46,205 (CHATTERING AND LAUGHING) 924 00:52:46,372 --> 00:52:51,794 (THE MACHINE) I got electrocuted in my mouth, in the tongue. 925 00:52:51,961 --> 00:52:53,963 That shit was sore. 926 00:52:55,423 --> 00:52:57,800 Glad to be of service. 927 00:52:57,967 --> 00:52:59,969 (CHUCKLING) 928 00:53:06,267 --> 00:53:09,020 (THE MACHINE SIGHS AND GROANS) 929 00:53:10,980 --> 00:53:13,566 (THE MACHINE) Yeah. 930 00:53:13,733 --> 00:53:15,943 - Bun, yeah? - Yeah. 931 00:53:16,110 --> 00:53:19,614 Yeah, stupid nickname. I can see why you'd like it. 932 00:53:19,780 --> 00:53:21,824 Not that many Buns in the world. 933 00:53:21,991 --> 00:53:24,368 - No. - Ruth dated a Bun. 934 00:53:25,953 --> 00:53:29,123 A long time ago. It was brief. 935 00:53:29,290 --> 00:53:32,460 After she broke up with him, she came to me. 936 00:53:32,627 --> 00:53:35,379 This fella Bun was really cut up. 937 00:53:35,546 --> 00:53:39,842 She felt guilty about it, wanted to know if she could make it better. 938 00:53:40,009 --> 00:53:42,011 What could I say? 939 00:53:44,555 --> 00:53:47,600 It takes a man a long time to get over that kind of thing. 940 00:53:48,809 --> 00:53:52,188 Yeah, not that many Buns in the world. 941 00:53:58,986 --> 00:54:00,988 That's what I call a best man. 942 00:54:34,105 --> 00:54:35,481 (WHISPERS) 943 00:54:35,648 --> 00:54:41,195 Do you know, it wouldn't be a stag without some element of boldness. 944 00:54:41,362 --> 00:54:44,115 I have to be honest and say that I didn't think 945 00:54:44,282 --> 00:54:47,910 there would be a right time, but er... 946 00:54:49,495 --> 00:54:51,289 (ALL) on! 947 00:54:51,455 --> 00:54:53,582 - What is that? - MDMA. 948 00:54:53,749 --> 00:54:55,376 What, like the bank? 949 00:54:55,543 --> 00:54:58,546 Um, this is a drug, like ecstasy. 950 00:54:59,505 --> 00:55:03,134 - I've never really done that shit. - I think you'd like it. 951 00:55:03,301 --> 00:55:07,722 It can connect people to their softer, more feminine side. 952 00:55:12,601 --> 00:55:14,729 Go on, The Machine. Go on. 953 00:55:14,895 --> 00:55:17,273 (ALL) Come on. 954 00:55:19,150 --> 00:55:21,277 (ALL) Yeah! 955 00:55:21,444 --> 00:55:23,362 - I don't feel anything. - (LAUGHTER) 956 00:55:23,529 --> 00:55:25,489 It's in the post. 957 00:55:27,366 --> 00:55:30,036 Funny taste in it. It's like sherbet dip. 958 00:55:45,926 --> 00:55:48,137 - I feel like a blanket. - We don't have any blankets. 959 00:55:48,304 --> 00:55:52,266 No, I actually feel like a blanket, like I resemble a blanket. 960 00:55:52,433 --> 00:55:55,311 All furry. Do you want me to lie on you? 961 00:55:55,478 --> 00:55:58,397 That's really kind of you...but no. 962 00:55:58,564 --> 00:56:00,066 Okay. 963 00:56:00,232 --> 00:56:04,737 So what's your story, The Machine? 964 00:56:04,904 --> 00:56:07,615 - Like do you have a family? - I did. 965 00:56:08,574 --> 00:56:09,992 Oh, I'm sorry. 966 00:56:10,159 --> 00:56:12,661 No, they're totally alive, or whatever. 967 00:56:12,828 --> 00:56:14,663 I didn't know you were having problems. 968 00:56:14,830 --> 00:56:18,084 - I know you didn't. - Anything I can do. 969 00:56:19,251 --> 00:56:22,630 The first thing you can do is not mention a word of this to Ruth. 970 00:56:23,631 --> 00:56:25,466 I don't want her going up the aisle thinking 971 00:56:25,633 --> 00:56:27,385 I've just been fucked back down it. 972 00:56:27,551 --> 00:56:29,428 Yeah, sure, The Machine. 973 00:56:29,595 --> 00:56:33,724 Oh, Jesus, I've got to turn it around before your big day. 974 00:56:33,891 --> 00:56:35,893 Somehow, I mean... 975 00:56:36,852 --> 00:56:39,438 I can't pitch up solo. Just... 976 00:56:39,605 --> 00:56:41,315 So what happened, The Machine? 977 00:56:41,482 --> 00:56:46,946 Well, as I'm sure most of you overheard the other night, 978 00:56:47,113 --> 00:56:53,369 right now financially I am up shit creek with a turd for a paddle. 979 00:56:53,536 --> 00:56:57,456 - Two million. - I was under some serious pressure. 980 00:56:58,791 --> 00:57:04,422 And the drinking, well, it was... it was on an upward trajectory. 981 00:57:04,588 --> 00:57:06,966 I was invited to the races in Deauville 982 00:57:07,133 --> 00:57:09,510 in France on a bit of a corporate. 983 00:57:09,677 --> 00:57:14,306 I had two horses come in and we were poured back onto the plane 984 00:57:14,473 --> 00:57:17,560 from Paris. I needed to go to the toilet, like badly, 985 00:57:17,726 --> 00:57:21,522 and the seatbelt light wasn't going off and the stewardess is all like, 986 00:57:21,689 --> 00:57:24,275 "Le turbulence! Le seatbelt! Le turbulence!" 987 00:57:24,442 --> 00:57:27,403 And I'm like, "Je piss maintenant! Je piss!" 988 00:57:27,570 --> 00:57:32,783 "Le turbulence!" So I just kind of get up and, you know, go. 989 00:57:32,950 --> 00:57:34,285 What do you mean "go"? 990 00:57:34,452 --> 00:57:37,580 I did a Gerry Depardieu on it, if you know what I'm talking about. 991 00:57:37,746 --> 00:57:40,416 You urinated into a bottle on an aeroplane? 992 00:57:40,583 --> 00:57:42,460 Depardieu had a bottle? 993 00:57:45,254 --> 00:57:47,631 (ALL LAUGH UPROARIOUSLY) 994 00:57:49,175 --> 00:57:52,178 I got arrested, thrown off the aeroplane. 995 00:57:52,344 --> 00:57:55,473 I got thrown into the fucking clink for 24 hours. 996 00:57:55,639 --> 00:57:59,059 I had to get back to Ireland by land and sea and when I got back home, 997 00:57:59,226 --> 00:58:03,189 Rachel had changed the locks. Now I can't see the kids. 998 00:58:07,943 --> 00:58:12,072 Okay, so, er, what did you say to her? 999 00:58:12,239 --> 00:58:15,868 "Rachel, why are you being such a dick about this? 1000 00:58:16,035 --> 00:58:19,663 "You've got a massive stick up your hole about this one issue. 1001 00:58:19,830 --> 00:58:23,209 "I love the shit out of you and you know that, yeah?" 1002 00:58:24,960 --> 00:58:27,171 What were the exact words you used? 1003 00:58:27,338 --> 00:58:31,008 That's verbatim 'cause I wrote it down so I would totally nail it. 1004 00:58:32,301 --> 00:58:33,928 Did you apologise? 1005 00:58:34,094 --> 00:58:37,264 I don't think I busted out an actual apology per se, 1006 00:58:37,431 --> 00:58:40,893 but she...should know that I am... 1007 00:58:42,811 --> 00:58:47,066 totally...filled with regret or whatever. 1008 00:58:47,233 --> 00:58:48,692 (GASPS) 1009 00:58:48,859 --> 00:58:50,653 You can't say the words, can you? 1010 00:58:50,819 --> 00:58:53,906 - What? - Sorry, you can't say sorry. 1011 00:58:54,073 --> 00:58:55,908 - That's ridiculous. - Say it, then. 1012 00:58:56,075 --> 00:58:57,785 - No. - Why not? 1013 00:58:57,952 --> 00:59:00,329 - 'Cause I'm not feeling it. - Hey, I know. 1014 00:59:00,496 --> 00:59:05,376 Davin...you stand up and be his lawfully-wedded wife. 1015 00:59:05,543 --> 00:59:08,003 - Absolutely not. - Shut this shit down, Kevin. 1016 00:59:08,170 --> 00:59:10,756 You have one week to turn this thing around. 1017 00:59:10,923 --> 00:59:12,716 Bun, get up. 1018 00:59:12,883 --> 00:59:15,469 Come on, Bun. 1019 00:59:15,636 --> 00:59:19,181 Okay, now, look at your beautiful wife 1020 00:59:19,348 --> 00:59:22,768 and tell her that you are sorry and mean it. 1021 00:59:24,311 --> 00:59:26,897 - Okay. - That's Gavin. 1022 00:59:27,064 --> 00:59:28,399 - Davin. - Bun. 1023 00:59:28,566 --> 00:59:30,526 Just pretend. 1024 00:59:31,860 --> 00:59:34,697 - This is very gay. - You have one week. Be a man. 1025 00:59:38,659 --> 00:59:40,661 Yeah, okay. 1026 00:59:40,828 --> 00:59:42,830 (CLEARS THROAT) 1027 00:59:44,081 --> 00:59:46,292 Rachel... 1028 00:59:47,876 --> 00:59:50,462 - Why are you being such a dick? - No, no, no. 1029 00:59:51,964 --> 00:59:53,799 Okay. (CLEARS THROAT) 1030 00:59:53,966 --> 00:59:55,968 (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 1031 00:59:56,969 --> 00:59:58,762 Yeah, okay. 1032 00:59:58,929 --> 01:00:00,264 Rachel... 1033 01:00:03,225 --> 01:00:06,186 - The seatbelt light-- - No, say it. 1034 01:00:07,354 --> 01:00:09,356 Come on. 1035 01:00:22,119 --> 01:00:24,121 Mistakes were made. 1036 01:00:42,931 --> 01:00:44,850 There has to be music! 1037 01:00:45,017 --> 01:00:47,019 I need it in my earholes. 1038 01:00:47,186 --> 01:00:50,648 Please, just someone sing me anything. Just something, anything! 1039 01:00:50,814 --> 01:00:53,233 He's right. What are we doing, taking this stuff without music? 1040 01:00:53,400 --> 01:00:55,402 It's highly irresponsible. 1041 01:00:58,322 --> 01:01:02,368 ♪ Ho, row, the rattlin' bog, the bog down in the valley-oh 1042 01:01:02,534 --> 01:01:06,163 ♪ Ho, row, the rattlin' bog, the bog down in the valley-oh 1043 01:01:06,330 --> 01:01:08,165 J" Now, in that bog, there was a tree 1044 01:01:08,332 --> 01:01:10,376 ♪ A rare tree, a rattlin' tree 1045 01:01:10,542 --> 01:01:12,670 J" The tree in the bog and the bog down in the valley-oh! 1046 01:01:12,836 --> 01:01:14,880 - Hey! - ♪ Ho, row, the rattlin' bog-- ♪ 1047 01:01:15,047 --> 01:01:19,259 ♪ Frére Jacques, frére Jacques 1048 01:01:19,426 --> 01:01:23,472 ♪ Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous? 1049 01:01:23,639 --> 01:01:27,476 - ♪ Frére Jacques, frére Jacques - ♪ Sonnez Ies matinee 1050 01:01:27,643 --> 01:01:31,271 - ♪ Sonnez Ies matinee - ♪ Frére Jacques, frére Jacques 1051 01:01:31,438 --> 01:01:35,275 - ♪ Frére Jacques, frére Jacques - ♪ Sonnez Ies matinee 1052 01:01:35,442 --> 01:01:39,446 - ♪ Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous? - ♪ Frére Jacques, frére Jacques 1053 01:01:39,613 --> 01:01:44,034 J" Ding, dang, dong, ding, dang, dong J" 1054 01:01:44,201 --> 01:01:47,621 ♪ The Camptown ladies sing this song, doo-da, doo-da 1055 01:01:47,788 --> 01:01:50,999 ♪ The Camptown racetrack's five miles long, oh, doo-da-day 1056 01:01:51,166 --> 01:01:54,420 J" Going to run all night, going to run all day 1057 01:01:54,586 --> 01:01:58,632 J" I bet my money on a bob-tailed nag, somebody bet on the bay J" 1058 01:01:58,799 --> 01:02:00,926 (ALL CHEER) 1059 01:02:02,136 --> 01:02:05,305 - Davin, don't be pussy. Your turn. - No, I can't sing. 1060 01:02:05,472 --> 01:02:06,932 - Come on! - Come on, Gav! 1061 01:02:08,434 --> 01:02:10,644 Er, okay. (CLEARS THROAT) 1062 01:02:14,148 --> 01:02:18,569 ♪ On Raglan Road 1063 01:02:18,736 --> 01:02:25,075 J" On an autumn day I saw her first 1064 01:02:25,242 --> 01:02:30,873 J" And knew that her dark hair 1065 01:02:31,039 --> 01:02:35,252 J" Would weave a snare 1066 01:02:35,419 --> 01:02:41,425 J" That I might one day rue 1067 01:02:42,426 --> 01:02:48,390 J" I saw the danger yet I walked 1068 01:02:48,557 --> 01:02:54,396 ♪ Along the enchanted way 1069 01:02:55,856 --> 01:02:59,610 J" And I said let grief 1070 01:02:59,777 --> 01:03:02,946 ♪ Be a fallen leaf 1071 01:03:03,113 --> 01:03:07,993 ♪ At the dawning of the day 1072 01:03:09,203 --> 01:03:13,791 J" On Grafton Street 1073 01:03:13,957 --> 01:03:16,835 J" In November 1074 01:03:17,002 --> 01:03:22,466 ♪ We tripped lightly along the ledge 1075 01:03:23,801 --> 01:03:26,553 ♪ Of a deep ravine 1076 01:03:26,720 --> 01:03:30,849 ♪ Where can be seen 1077 01:03:31,016 --> 01:03:37,481 J" The worth of passions pledged 1078 01:03:38,899 --> 01:03:41,568 J" The Queen of Hearts 1079 01:03:41,735 --> 01:03:45,864 J" Still making tarts 1080 01:03:46,824 --> 01:03:51,912 J" And I'm not making 1081 01:03:52,079 --> 01:03:54,081 ♪ Hay 1082 01:03:54,248 --> 01:03:59,711 ♪ Well, I loved too much 1083 01:03:59,878 --> 01:04:03,340 J" And such by such 1084 01:04:03,507 --> 01:04:06,385 J" ls happiness 1085 01:04:06,552 --> 01:04:09,930 J" Thrown away 1086 01:04:11,515 --> 01:04:15,644 ♪ On a quiet street 1087 01:04:17,521 --> 01:04:21,149 J" Where old ghosts meet 1088 01:04:21,316 --> 01:04:26,780 J" I watch her walking now 1089 01:04:28,115 --> 01:04:31,034 J" Away from me 1090 01:04:31,201 --> 01:04:35,873 J" So hurriedly 1091 01:04:36,832 --> 01:04:39,835 J" My reason... J“ 1092 01:04:45,007 --> 01:04:47,009 (CLEARS THROAT) 1093 01:04:48,468 --> 01:04:50,679 I can't remember the rest. (SNIVELS) 1094 01:04:51,638 --> 01:04:53,056 That was deadly, Bun. 1095 01:05:12,326 --> 01:05:13,744 What are you doing? 1096 01:05:17,748 --> 01:05:20,459 - We passed a lake. - Way back. 1097 01:05:20,626 --> 01:05:22,628 More of a pond, really. 1098 01:05:30,928 --> 01:05:33,805 - Where's he going? - He's going for a swim. 1099 01:05:37,225 --> 01:05:39,227 I need water on my body. 1100 01:05:56,620 --> 01:05:58,997 - Fuck it. - This is so fucking insane. 1101 01:05:59,164 --> 01:06:01,792 Why don't we walk there in our clothes and then take them off? 1102 01:06:01,959 --> 01:06:03,961 Because, Fionan... 1103 01:06:06,505 --> 01:06:08,340 (CHUCKLES) 1104 01:06:08,507 --> 01:06:10,509 (SIGHS) 1105 01:06:10,676 --> 01:06:12,511 Oh. 1106 01:06:16,014 --> 01:06:18,016 Wait for me! 1107 01:06:18,183 --> 01:06:20,435 (CHEERING AND WHOOPING) 1108 01:06:22,062 --> 01:06:24,272 (YELLING EXCITEDLY) 1109 01:06:24,439 --> 01:06:26,692 (ALL WHOOPING) 1110 01:06:26,858 --> 01:06:28,485 Whoo! 1111 01:06:28,652 --> 01:06:32,614 (ALL LAUGH AND WHOOP) 1112 01:06:37,619 --> 01:06:40,414 (ALL YELL HAPPILY) 1113 01:06:40,580 --> 01:06:42,582 Whoo! 1114 01:06:46,461 --> 01:06:48,463 (YELLING HAPPILY) 1115 01:06:53,552 --> 01:06:56,138 (ALL PANTING) 1116 01:06:57,264 --> 01:06:59,516 - This isn't familiar to me. - I could have sworn it was here. 1117 01:06:59,683 --> 01:07:01,601 - Yeah, me, too. - Well, it isn't. 1118 01:07:01,768 --> 01:07:04,229 - Oh, God, I'm high. - Where's The Machine? 1119 01:07:04,396 --> 01:07:06,273 Maybe he's down at the lake. 1120 01:07:06,440 --> 01:07:08,817 - What are we going to do? - Find the Machine. 1121 01:07:08,984 --> 01:07:10,402 He's at the lake! 1122 01:07:10,569 --> 01:07:13,238 Find The Machine, find the lake. 1123 01:07:13,405 --> 01:07:15,615 The Machine! 1124 01:07:15,782 --> 01:07:17,784 (MUTTER SOFTLY) 1125 01:07:19,327 --> 01:07:23,457 (ALL) The Machine! The Machine! The Machine! 1126 01:07:30,130 --> 01:07:33,091 Shit. What do we do? 1127 01:07:33,258 --> 01:07:35,385 - Okay, we just need to go back. - (ALL) Okay. 1128 01:07:35,552 --> 01:07:37,763 (SIMON) Wait! 1129 01:07:37,929 --> 01:07:40,140 - Which way is back? - It's this way. 1130 01:07:40,307 --> 01:07:41,892 - It's this way. - It's this way. 1131 01:07:42,059 --> 01:07:44,144 - Come on, which way is back? - Okay, it's this way. 1132 01:07:44,311 --> 01:07:45,937 - I don't think it's that way! - Which way? 1133 01:07:46,104 --> 01:07:47,981 - Some other way like this way! - I came from this way! 1134 01:07:48,148 --> 01:07:49,649 You came from that way. I was behind you. 1135 01:07:49,816 --> 01:07:52,319 - Davin, you were behind me! - So which way did you come in? 1136 01:07:52,486 --> 01:07:55,238 I don't know. Possibly that way. No, that way. 1137 01:07:56,198 --> 01:07:59,034 Look, come on. Okay, we're going to go this way. 1138 01:07:59,201 --> 01:08:01,036 - You're winging it, Kevin! - Shut up, Fionan! 1139 01:08:01,203 --> 01:08:03,580 Oh, my God. 1140 01:08:03,747 --> 01:08:05,499 - No, it's this way. - It's this way! 1141 01:08:15,050 --> 01:08:17,260 - (ALL PANT) - Oh, God. 1142 01:08:17,427 --> 01:08:19,012 (STRANGE ANIMAL-LIKE CRY) 1143 01:08:19,179 --> 01:08:21,181 - What the fuck was that? - Um... 1144 01:08:21,348 --> 01:08:23,558 Guys, we're lost. Look at the moon. 1145 01:08:24,601 --> 01:08:27,354 Does the moon move? Is it a reliable instrument? 1146 01:08:27,521 --> 01:08:28,939 Yes. 1147 01:08:29,106 --> 01:08:31,817 - The moon is not reliable. - I don't know. 1148 01:08:31,983 --> 01:08:34,736 - Then why did you say yes? - Because I don't know. 1149 01:08:34,903 --> 01:08:37,489 We were just here. This is where we were! 1150 01:08:37,656 --> 01:08:40,826 No, we weren't. We were just somewhere that looks like this. 1151 01:08:40,992 --> 01:08:43,662 Maybe we should just shelter here until daylight. 1152 01:08:43,829 --> 01:08:46,832 - We are naked. - I am aware of that! 1153 01:08:46,998 --> 01:08:49,000 (STRANGE ANIMAL-LIKE CRY) 1154 01:08:50,293 --> 01:08:51,753 I'm fucking freezing. 1155 01:08:51,920 --> 01:08:54,339 I think we should keep moving and stay warm. 1156 01:08:54,506 --> 01:08:56,341 Let's do the Emperor Penguin. 1157 01:08:56,508 --> 01:08:58,468 - Yes. - Go in front of me! 1158 01:08:58,635 --> 01:09:00,637 - Go in front of me! - Right, okay. 1159 01:09:00,804 --> 01:09:02,806 Close up, go! 1160 01:09:02,973 --> 01:09:04,975 (ALL MUTTER) 1161 01:09:05,142 --> 01:09:07,144 (ALL PANT AND SHIVER) 1162 01:09:09,437 --> 01:09:11,648 - Keep alternating! - Okay, okay. 1163 01:09:45,974 --> 01:09:49,394 (FIONAN) Enough. Oh, I got like eight minutes sleep. 1164 01:09:49,561 --> 01:09:53,023 I simply cannot be dealing with this madness any longer. 1165 01:09:54,191 --> 01:09:56,276 Oh, God, where did you get to? 1166 01:09:56,443 --> 01:09:59,404 - Well, good morning, Fionan. - Did you kill an animal? 1167 01:09:59,571 --> 01:10:02,449 I did not, but I may have borrowed some of its clothes. 1168 01:10:02,616 --> 01:10:04,534 You're a fucking lunatic. 1169 01:10:04,701 --> 01:10:07,996 I've just decided that your Indian name is Sulks Like A Baby. 1170 01:10:08,163 --> 01:10:10,498 - How long have you been up there? - Since daybreak. 1171 01:10:10,665 --> 01:10:13,335 Gentlemen, we are in it now! 1172 01:10:13,501 --> 01:10:16,087 The bothy is nowhere to be seen. 1173 01:10:16,254 --> 01:10:19,216 - Why are you happy? - Just playing it as it lays hombre. 1174 01:10:19,382 --> 01:10:22,844 What does that even mean? Look! Look at what you've done to us! 1175 01:10:23,011 --> 01:10:25,263 We could have died of pneumonia last night! 1176 01:10:25,430 --> 01:10:28,183 But you didn't. I see you improvised a shelter, which is good. 1177 01:10:28,350 --> 01:10:29,684 Because you got us lost! 1178 01:10:29,851 --> 01:10:31,478 We all got lost, Sulks Like A Baby. 1179 01:10:31,645 --> 01:10:33,855 - Fionan, it's fine. - No, it's not fine. 1180 01:10:34,022 --> 01:10:36,399 I have to deal with this nut job for the rest of my fucking life. 1181 01:10:36,566 --> 01:10:38,777 Hey, hey, calm down. Just leave him alone. 1182 01:10:38,944 --> 01:10:42,530 - I beg your pardon! - JUST...leave him alone. 1183 01:10:42,697 --> 01:10:45,075 Let me get this straight, you're mates now? 1184 01:10:45,242 --> 01:10:47,410 I think we need to accept we are where we are 1185 01:10:47,577 --> 01:10:49,788 and we've all contributed a little bit to that. 1186 01:10:49,955 --> 01:10:52,332 So let's ease up on the theatrics and move on. 1187 01:10:52,499 --> 01:10:56,253 Jesus, Davin. You're a joke! You're a total fucking pussy! 1188 01:10:56,419 --> 01:10:58,129 He never wanted you here, right? 1189 01:10:58,296 --> 01:11:01,299 He screened your calls. I'm sorry, it's true! 1190 01:11:01,466 --> 01:11:05,011 I'm sorry. That is true, but it was per your insistence 1191 01:11:05,178 --> 01:11:07,847 and it was your decision, so can we leave that now? 1192 01:11:08,014 --> 01:11:11,476 No! We can't leave it now, because the other problem we have here is 1193 01:11:11,643 --> 01:11:14,854 - you're fucking full of bullshit! - What are you talking about? 1194 01:11:15,021 --> 01:11:17,357 I think you're overtired. You need to sit down. 1195 01:11:17,524 --> 01:11:20,652 - Breathe, try not to speak. - Typical! 1196 01:11:20,819 --> 01:11:24,948 - Whatever. - You're so fucking superior! 1197 01:11:25,115 --> 01:11:28,451 You have to retain the upper hand no matter what! It's so relentless! 1198 01:11:28,618 --> 01:11:30,537 You act like you understand something 1199 01:11:30,704 --> 01:11:32,664 nobody else can possibly understand! 1200 01:11:32,831 --> 01:11:36,459 Always a little ahead of us all! Jesus, the size of your ego! 1201 01:11:36,626 --> 01:11:39,838 I mean, he's never even been in love! 1202 01:11:40,005 --> 01:11:41,339 - Fionan! - At ease, Tiny Kevin. 1203 01:11:41,506 --> 01:11:43,508 You don't know what you're talking about, Fionan. 1204 01:11:43,675 --> 01:11:46,511 Six months, Davin, your longest ever relationship. 1205 01:11:46,678 --> 01:11:48,263 You had so many chances! 1206 01:11:48,430 --> 01:11:50,765 - Six fucking months! - That is none of your business! 1207 01:11:50,932 --> 01:11:53,435 What kind of man never lets himself fall in love? 1208 01:11:53,601 --> 01:11:59,024 Even that Neanderthal man is in love whereas you always beat a retreat. 1209 01:12:00,525 --> 01:12:02,527 You let yourself experience nothing. 1210 01:12:02,694 --> 01:12:05,196 You haven't the faintest idea what it feels like 1211 01:12:05,363 --> 01:12:08,450 because you've never had the balls to be in love! 1212 01:12:08,616 --> 01:12:11,202 - You're such a fucking idiot. - I beg your pardon. 1213 01:12:11,369 --> 01:12:14,664 - You're wrong. I was in love. - Oh, which one, Una? Clare? 1214 01:12:14,831 --> 01:12:16,583 - Fucking little Brenda? - No, no. 1215 01:12:16,750 --> 01:12:21,338 The one...about Christmas six years ago. 1216 01:12:23,089 --> 01:12:25,091 - Six years ago? - Yeah. 1217 01:12:27,135 --> 01:12:29,137 Christmas? 1218 01:12:34,267 --> 01:12:36,269 Ruth? 1219 01:12:38,021 --> 01:12:40,023 You're so fucking stupid sometimes. 1220 01:12:40,982 --> 01:12:42,567 Are you telling me Ruth broke your heart? 1221 01:12:42,734 --> 01:12:45,487 No, actually, she fucking smashed it to smithereens. 1222 01:12:47,280 --> 01:12:49,074 I was a mess. 1223 01:12:50,075 --> 01:12:52,452 I was a pitiful mess. 1224 01:12:52,619 --> 01:12:54,621 My heart... (SOBS) 1225 01:12:55,622 --> 01:12:58,208 My heart was... (SOBS) 1226 01:12:58,375 --> 01:13:03,171 And you just cruise in there and sweep her away, simple as that. 1227 01:13:03,338 --> 01:13:06,800 - I didn't know. - Of course you didn't fucking know! 1228 01:13:07,801 --> 01:13:11,221 - You told me you broke up with her. - Yeah, well, there you have it! 1229 01:13:13,139 --> 01:13:14,766 Right. Did you know? 1230 01:13:14,933 --> 01:13:16,267 Yeah. 1231 01:13:18,103 --> 01:13:19,896 And you actually hid it from me? 1232 01:13:20,063 --> 01:13:22,190 - Why didn't you tell me? - The damage was done. 1233 01:13:22,357 --> 01:13:24,192 What the fuck does that mean? Why didn't you tell me? 1234 01:13:24,359 --> 01:13:26,569 - Because you started seeing her. - That was a year later! 1235 01:13:26,736 --> 01:13:28,780 Maybe I didn't feel I could tell you any of that shit. 1236 01:13:28,947 --> 01:13:31,616 Jesus! Are we actually friends at all? 1237 01:13:31,783 --> 01:13:34,786 What the fuck is going on? I mean... Wait, okay. 1238 01:13:34,953 --> 01:13:36,955 Okay, oh, Jesus, Davin. 1239 01:13:40,166 --> 01:13:42,210 Are you still in love with her? 1240 01:13:45,588 --> 01:13:47,590 Oh, Jesus. 1241 01:13:54,973 --> 01:13:56,808 Oh. 1242 01:13:56,975 --> 01:13:58,643 - Ow! - (ALL) Oh. 1243 01:13:58,810 --> 01:14:00,770 Aow! Fuck! 1244 01:14:00,937 --> 01:14:04,065 This is my fucking stag! 1245 01:14:04,232 --> 01:14:08,361 This is my fucking stag and you tell me that you're in love with Ruth! 1246 01:14:08,528 --> 01:14:10,155 The love of my life! 1247 01:14:10,321 --> 01:14:13,491 And now! Now! After all these years! 1248 01:14:13,658 --> 01:14:18,371 You decide that this... this is the best time to tell me! 1249 01:14:19,414 --> 01:14:22,000 - You! - Get off me, you fuck... 1250 01:14:22,167 --> 01:14:24,836 - Ah! NO! Ah' - Ah! 1251 01:14:25,003 --> 01:14:26,588 - OW! Ow! - Stop, 1252 01:14:28,214 --> 01:14:29,841 (SNIGGERS) 1253 01:14:30,008 --> 01:14:33,178 (BOTH GRUNT AND PANT) 1254 01:14:33,344 --> 01:14:35,346 (FIONAN SOBS) 1255 01:14:35,513 --> 01:14:39,350 Just stop it! Just stop now! Oh! Oh! 1256 01:14:39,517 --> 01:14:42,729 Christ! One of my lenses has rolled back into the back of my eye! 1257 01:14:42,896 --> 01:14:45,273 Good! Kevin, will you be my best man? 1258 01:14:45,440 --> 01:14:48,610 Yeah, will you, Kevin? Because there's no fucking way I'm doing it! 1259 01:14:48,776 --> 01:14:50,987 - Guys, you're being ridiculous! - You are being ridiculous. 1260 01:14:51,154 --> 01:14:52,530 The Machine, what do we do now? 1261 01:14:52,697 --> 01:14:55,074 It's pretty clear what Fionan and Davin need to do. 1262 01:14:55,241 --> 01:14:58,119 - Never see each other again! - Davin, grow a set of balls! 1263 01:14:58,286 --> 01:15:00,163 Ask your friend to forgive you for being such an idiot! 1264 01:15:00,330 --> 01:15:02,290 And then we can go, because it's getting really cold. 1265 01:15:02,457 --> 01:15:05,543 - Apologise now! Say sorry! - No! 1266 01:15:05,710 --> 01:15:07,045 - Fionan! - No. 1267 01:15:07,212 --> 01:15:10,006 - Apologise for what? - Jesus Christ, Davin. 1268 01:15:10,173 --> 01:15:12,383 - Fuck off! - Shake hands! Shake hands! 1269 01:15:13,635 --> 01:15:15,637 (GRUNTS) 1270 01:15:18,431 --> 01:15:21,267 Gentlemen, we're on the move. 1271 01:15:21,434 --> 01:15:22,894 Follow me. 1272 01:15:41,996 --> 01:15:43,831 Right, well, we can't all go. 1273 01:15:43,998 --> 01:15:45,792 I'm naked. Simon has ivy. 1274 01:15:45,959 --> 01:15:49,128 I have one tiny piece of ivy over my balls. Worse than being naked. 1275 01:15:49,295 --> 01:15:52,757 - I am simply not going. - Right, you lads, stay here. 1276 01:16:07,438 --> 01:16:09,023 What is he doing? 1277 01:16:11,526 --> 01:16:14,112 Eggs. genius. 1278 01:16:18,408 --> 01:16:20,410 He's having breakfast. 1279 01:16:23,663 --> 01:16:25,665 Mm. (CHUCKLES) 1280 01:16:25,832 --> 01:16:28,334 (DOG GROWLING) 1281 01:16:32,839 --> 01:16:35,592 - Easy, now. - (BARKS) 1282 01:16:35,758 --> 01:16:37,385 Easy boy- 1283 01:16:37,552 --> 01:16:39,929 Easy , easy , okay . okay. 1284 01:16:41,723 --> 01:16:43,725 Oh, my God. 1285 01:16:43,891 --> 01:16:45,893 Okay, okay. 1286 01:16:46,060 --> 01:16:48,062 - (GROWLS) - (ALL SHOUT) 1287 01:16:49,063 --> 01:16:50,607 (BARKING) 1288 01:16:50,773 --> 01:16:53,651 Apparently, if you forcibly insert your finger 1289 01:16:53,818 --> 01:16:56,195 into the dog's anus, it will stop attacking. 1290 01:16:56,362 --> 01:16:59,032 - God. - He's dead. 1291 01:16:59,198 --> 01:17:01,200 - Come on! - What...are you doing? 1292 01:17:01,367 --> 01:17:03,369 - Oh, my God. - Why is he doing that? 1293 01:17:04,370 --> 01:17:06,372 (BARKING) 1294 01:17:06,539 --> 01:17:08,333 (THE MACHINE) Easy, easy. 1295 01:17:08,499 --> 01:17:10,293 - Easy, easy. - (BARKING) 1296 01:17:10,460 --> 01:17:13,671 I just know that I'm not going to be any good at this. 1297 01:17:13,838 --> 01:17:15,340 (ALL YELL) 1298 01:17:15,506 --> 01:17:16,883 Easy! Throw me a weapon! 1299 01:17:19,844 --> 01:17:21,638 - What the... - I'm sorry! 1300 01:17:23,097 --> 01:17:25,725 (BARKING) 1301 01:17:25,892 --> 01:17:27,810 Haughey! 1302 01:17:31,564 --> 01:17:36,653 Nudey, crusty hippy bastards! I'll shoot the shit out of ye! 1303 01:17:36,819 --> 01:17:38,863 (ALL) Ah! 1304 01:17:43,785 --> 01:17:45,244 I don't want to die! 1305 01:17:45,411 --> 01:17:46,829 (LAUGHS) 1306 01:18:03,471 --> 01:18:06,224 I tell you one thing boys... (GASPS) 1307 01:18:06,391 --> 01:18:08,601 I am looking forward to this wedding. 1308 01:18:08,768 --> 01:18:10,770 (LAUGHTER) 1309 01:18:37,839 --> 01:18:39,841 (HORN BEEPS) 1310 01:18:43,177 --> 01:18:45,346 Oh, good, I think he's letting us on. 1311 01:18:45,513 --> 01:18:47,724 (DRIVER) Clear up the bus. 1312 01:18:49,225 --> 01:18:50,852 Hi. 1313 01:19:12,248 --> 01:19:14,167 (FARMER) Stay off my land! 1314 01:19:14,333 --> 01:19:15,960 Absolutely. 1315 01:19:18,963 --> 01:19:20,757 Good bye. 1316 01:19:27,638 --> 01:19:29,640 Yes! 1317 01:19:29,807 --> 01:19:32,393 Can you open this up, Simon? 1318 01:19:32,560 --> 01:19:34,562 (DAVIN SIGHS) 1319 01:19:36,689 --> 01:19:39,275 I don't have the keys. 1320 01:19:40,276 --> 01:19:41,986 (ALL GROAN) 1321 01:19:42,153 --> 01:19:44,906 (DAVIN) Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Jesus,Jesus. 1322 01:19:45,072 --> 01:19:47,074 Oh, my God. 1323 01:19:50,036 --> 01:19:52,038 Fuck it. 1324 01:19:52,205 --> 01:19:55,374 You know what, it's a car. It's a car. 1325 01:19:55,541 --> 01:19:58,127 It's just a fucking car. 1326 01:19:58,294 --> 01:20:00,671 It's just a fucking car. A car. 1327 01:20:01,798 --> 01:20:03,800 Simon... 1328 01:20:03,966 --> 01:20:06,260 It's just a fucking car. 1329 01:20:06,427 --> 01:20:08,387 Simon... 1330 01:20:08,554 --> 01:20:10,389 It's just a car. 1331 01:20:10,556 --> 01:20:12,934 (GROANS) Got there! 1332 01:20:13,100 --> 01:20:14,811 - (ALARM BLARES) - Ah! 1333 01:20:14,977 --> 01:20:16,312 Oh, fuck. 1334 01:20:16,479 --> 01:20:19,690 Oh, Jesus, no! Uli is going to destroy me! 1335 01:20:19,857 --> 01:20:22,235 - How do you turn the alarm off? - I don't know! 1336 01:20:22,401 --> 01:20:24,529 - (ALARM STOPS) - You're fucking kidding me. 1337 01:20:24,695 --> 01:20:27,365 You're out here destroying your Jeep with the fucking boulder 1338 01:20:27,532 --> 01:20:31,160 and I'm inside pinching a loaf! Why didn't you wait till I came out? 1339 01:20:31,327 --> 01:20:35,164 - Wait How did you do that? - Oh, yeah. Here you go, chief. 1340 01:20:35,331 --> 01:20:37,333 I found them the morning after. 1341 01:20:47,218 --> 01:20:48,553 You're mad. 1342 01:20:48,719 --> 01:20:50,888 Seriously, The Machine, you really are quite mad. 1343 01:20:52,598 --> 01:20:54,100 Yeah. 1344 01:20:54,267 --> 01:20:56,060 See you boys at the wedding. 1345 01:21:19,250 --> 01:21:21,377 Seven new messages. 1346 01:21:24,380 --> 01:21:26,966 Hey, Dad. 1347 01:21:27,133 --> 01:21:30,011 Yeah, it was... It was interesting. 1348 01:21:30,177 --> 01:21:32,179 Listen I just need to say something. 1349 01:21:32,346 --> 01:21:34,932 Erm, the two Kevins are coming to the wedding 1350 01:21:35,099 --> 01:21:37,101 and I'd really like you to come, too. 1351 01:21:38,519 --> 01:21:41,522 Yeah, I know that. Well, of course you're still invited. 1352 01:21:42,773 --> 01:21:46,903 Well, that's up to you, Dad, but that's what's going to happen, okay? 1353 01:21:47,069 --> 01:21:50,907 Okay. Well, look, have a think about it and I'll talk to you soon. 1354 01:21:51,073 --> 01:21:52,867 Okay, bye. 1355 01:21:58,122 --> 01:22:00,082 (SIGHS) 1356 01:22:33,366 --> 01:22:35,368 He's alive! (CHUCKLES) 1357 01:22:35,534 --> 01:22:37,161 - Hey! - Hey! 1358 01:22:37,328 --> 01:22:39,538 (RUTH) Thank you so much. 1359 01:22:39,705 --> 01:22:41,707 Hey, you! 1360 01:22:41,874 --> 01:22:43,876 Welcome back. 1361 01:22:46,253 --> 01:22:48,255 Don't forget the rings, yeah? 1362 01:22:52,426 --> 01:22:54,637 (KNOCKING) 1363 01:22:57,098 --> 01:22:59,850 Rach...please. 1364 01:23:05,940 --> 01:23:07,984 I'm sorry. 1365 01:23:11,153 --> 01:23:13,531 How hard was that? 1366 01:23:17,827 --> 01:23:19,829 Oh, God. 1367 01:23:55,197 --> 01:23:57,575 (CHATTERING AND TINKLING OF GLASS) 1368 01:23:57,742 --> 01:23:59,744 (CHEERING) 1369 01:24:00,119 --> 01:24:04,999 Hello, everybody. I'm Davin and I'm the best man. 1370 01:24:05,166 --> 01:24:06,959 (CHEERING) 1371 01:24:10,671 --> 01:24:12,673 I don't have any brothers. 1372 01:24:14,508 --> 01:24:17,261 - Or any sisters, for that matter. - (ALL) Aw! 1373 01:24:17,428 --> 01:24:20,890 So my friends have been my siblings 1374 01:24:22,183 --> 01:24:24,185 I love them like brothers and sisters. 1375 01:24:25,978 --> 01:24:29,523 And I've fought with them and laughed with them 1376 01:24:29,690 --> 01:24:34,111 and grown up with them and learned from them. 1377 01:24:34,278 --> 01:24:38,699 And no one more so than the man who is being married here today... 1378 01:24:40,367 --> 01:24:42,953 - Fionan. - Fion-awn 1379 01:24:43,120 --> 01:24:45,873 I've relied on him so much over the years 1380 01:24:46,040 --> 01:24:48,709 and he's always been there for me. 1381 01:24:48,876 --> 01:24:52,505 Even when I've expected far too much from him, 1382 01:24:52,671 --> 01:24:56,801 he's been able to see through my...idiot ways 1383 01:24:56,967 --> 01:25:02,598 and he's helped me to find the man that I'm supposed to be. 1384 01:25:02,765 --> 01:25:06,727 So I say congratulations, Ruth. You picked a doozy. 1385 01:25:06,894 --> 01:25:08,229 Yeah. 1386 01:25:08,395 --> 01:25:11,565 I'm so proud to call this man my best friend. 1387 01:25:12,525 --> 01:25:14,318 And... 1388 01:25:15,694 --> 01:25:17,279 with your permission... 1389 01:25:19,573 --> 01:25:20,908 my brother. 1390 01:25:24,662 --> 01:25:26,664 Marriages are not made in heaven. 1391 01:25:27,665 --> 01:25:30,960 They're made here on Earth, but you only have to take one look 1392 01:25:31,127 --> 01:25:33,504 at this amazing woman to know that for my friend Fionan, 1393 01:25:33,671 --> 01:25:35,881 this is as close to heaven as he's ever going to get. 1394 01:25:36,048 --> 01:25:37,550 (LAUGHTER) 1395 01:25:37,716 --> 01:25:41,554 So I ask you, ladies and gentlemen, to raise your glasses with me 1396 01:25:41,720 --> 01:25:45,266 to Fionan and Ruth, bride and groom. 1397 01:25:45,432 --> 01:25:47,434 (ALL) Fionan and Ruth. 1398 01:25:49,645 --> 01:25:52,022 (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) 1399 01:26:00,656 --> 01:26:03,325 - She looked absolutely gorgeous. - Thanks. 1400 01:26:03,492 --> 01:26:06,245 (KEVIN) Who's that man? 1401 01:26:07,997 --> 01:26:09,999 - Hi, Dad. - Hello there. 1402 01:26:12,877 --> 01:26:14,879 You must be Kevin. 1403 01:26:15,045 --> 01:26:18,257 - Mr Quinn. - Derry, please. 1404 01:26:18,424 --> 01:26:22,052 - May I get you a drink, Derry? - No, let me get you one. 1405 01:26:22,219 --> 01:26:26,640 - That's very kind of you. - Well, it is a free bar. 1406 01:26:29,351 --> 01:26:32,813 - I'll give you a hand, Derry. - Yeah, that's very kind of you. 1407 01:26:34,273 --> 01:26:36,942 - What would you like? - (LITTLE KEVIN) Thank you. 1408 01:26:39,695 --> 01:26:42,281 - Davin. - Hey there. 1409 01:26:42,448 --> 01:26:46,744 - Did you just call me Davin? - I did. I called you Davin. 1410 01:26:47,786 --> 01:26:50,039 So look, I've got something for you. 1411 01:26:50,998 --> 01:26:53,125 - You got me a present? - Oh, yeah. 1412 01:26:56,378 --> 01:26:58,380 Wow. 1413 01:27:02,676 --> 01:27:06,305 "May the best man win." 1414 01:27:13,145 --> 01:27:15,814 Can I have your attention, please? 1415 01:27:15,981 --> 01:27:17,441 (CHEERING) 1416 01:27:17,608 --> 01:27:19,985 This is a really special moment for me. 1417 01:27:20,945 --> 01:27:23,530 The most amazing day of my life. 1418 01:27:23,697 --> 01:27:28,285 And now my brother, The Machine, my oldest friend, 1419 01:27:28,452 --> 01:27:32,081 is giving us a present of a song. 1420 01:27:32,248 --> 01:27:34,250 Get up here. 1421 01:27:34,416 --> 01:27:36,418 (CHEERING) 1422 01:27:47,263 --> 01:27:48,597 Thank you. 1423 01:27:48,764 --> 01:27:51,350 Ladies and gentlemen, my name, 1424 01:27:51,517 --> 01:27:53,519 or my real name... 1425 01:27:54,603 --> 01:27:56,605 is Richard. 1426 01:27:56,772 --> 01:27:58,565 - (Richard? Is it?) - (Yeah.) 1427 01:27:58,732 --> 01:28:00,943 The reason I'm called The Machine is... 1428 01:28:03,654 --> 01:28:06,407 Well, maybe another time, yeah. 1429 01:28:06,573 --> 01:28:09,994 Ladies and gentlemen, this song is about the bride and groom 1430 01:28:10,160 --> 01:28:11,495 and about love. 1431 01:28:11,662 --> 01:28:14,540 But it's also a song about Ireland 1432 01:28:14,707 --> 01:28:16,917 and the men and women of Ireland. 1433 01:28:17,876 --> 01:28:21,714 In recent times, we've taken a hell of a beating. 1434 01:28:22,715 --> 01:28:27,219 What with the economy and Europe tearing us a new one. 1435 01:28:27,386 --> 01:28:31,015 And the Church being total assholes about everything. 1436 01:28:31,181 --> 01:28:32,516 (LAUGHTER) 1437 01:28:32,683 --> 01:28:35,853 But we've got to forgive ourselves, forgive each other 1438 01:28:36,020 --> 01:28:38,105 and learn to love ourselves again, 1439 01:28:38,272 --> 01:28:42,901 'cause the thing is we're Ireland 1440 01:28:43,068 --> 01:28:47,656 and that, my friends, is deadly. 1441 01:28:47,823 --> 01:28:49,158 (ALL) Whoo! 1442 01:28:49,325 --> 01:28:53,579 I also want to dedicate this to a bunch of Comancheros 1443 01:28:53,746 --> 01:28:56,332 I once had the honour of riding with 1444 01:28:56,498 --> 01:28:59,084 out on the edge of the world. 1445 01:28:59,251 --> 01:29:01,378 I love those hombres. 1446 01:29:09,720 --> 01:29:12,097 ♪ Is it getting better? 1447 01:29:14,767 --> 01:29:17,186 J" Do you feel the same? 1448 01:29:20,105 --> 01:29:24,902 ♪ Will it make it easier on you now 1449 01:29:25,069 --> 01:29:28,238 J" You got someone to blame 1450 01:29:28,405 --> 01:29:32,242 J" You say one love 1451 01:29:32,409 --> 01:29:35,245 ♪ One life 1452 01:29:35,412 --> 01:29:37,373 ♪ When it's one need 1453 01:29:37,539 --> 01:29:40,209 ♪ In the night 1454 01:29:40,376 --> 01:29:42,961 ♪ One love 1455 01:29:43,128 --> 01:29:45,714 J" We get to share it 1456 01:29:45,881 --> 01:29:51,345 J" Leaves you baby if you don't care for it 1457 01:29:51,512 --> 01:29:53,514 (CHEERING) 1458 01:30:02,314 --> 01:30:05,234 J" Did I disappoint you? 1459 01:30:07,277 --> 01:30:10,447 ♪ Or leave a bad taste in your mouth 1460 01:30:12,491 --> 01:30:15,452 J" You act like you never had love 1461 01:30:17,621 --> 01:30:21,041 J" And you want me to go without 1462 01:30:21,208 --> 01:30:24,837 J" Well, it's too late 1463 01:30:25,003 --> 01:30:27,423 J" Tonight 1464 01:30:27,589 --> 01:30:32,261 ♪ To drag the past out into the night 1465 01:30:33,303 --> 01:30:36,932 ♪ We're one, but we're not the same 1466 01:30:37,099 --> 01:30:40,060 ♪ We get to carry each other 1467 01:30:40,227 --> 01:30:44,481 ♪ Carry each other, one... 1468 01:30:44,648 --> 01:30:46,942 (CHEERING) 1469 01:30:54,825 --> 01:30:58,454 J" Have you come here for forgiveness? 1470 01:30:59,913 --> 01:31:03,375 J" Have you come to raise the dead? 1471 01:31:05,419 --> 01:31:08,589 J" Have you come hereto play Jesus? 1472 01:31:10,591 --> 01:31:14,428 ♪ To the lepers in your head? 1473 01:31:15,429 --> 01:31:17,806 ♪ Did I ask too much? 1474 01:31:17,973 --> 01:31:20,642 ♪ More than a lot 1475 01:31:20,809 --> 01:31:25,814 ♪ You gave me nothing, now it's all I've got 1476 01:31:25,981 --> 01:31:30,027 ♪ We're one, but we're not the same 1477 01:31:30,194 --> 01:31:32,571 ♪ Well, we hurt each other 1478 01:31:32,738 --> 01:31:36,116 ♪ Then we do it again, you say 1479 01:31:36,283 --> 01:31:38,285 ♪ Love is a temple 1480 01:31:38,452 --> 01:31:40,662 J” Love a higher law 1481 01:31:40,829 --> 01:31:43,415 ♪ Love is a temple 1482 01:31:43,582 --> 01:31:46,335 J” Love a higher law 1483 01:31:46,502 --> 01:31:51,590 ♪ You ask me to enter, but then you make me crawl 1484 01:31:51,757 --> 01:31:57,971 ♪ And I can't be holding on to what you've got 1485 01:31:58,138 --> 01:32:00,265 ♪ When all you've got is hurt 1486 01:32:00,432 --> 01:32:02,809 J” One love 1487 01:32:02,976 --> 01:32:05,354 J” One blood 1488 01:32:05,521 --> 01:32:09,358 ♪ One life, you've got to do what you should 1489 01:32:10,984 --> 01:32:15,989 ♪ One life with each other 1490 01:32:16,156 --> 01:32:20,160 a” Sisters, brothers 1491 01:32:21,411 --> 01:32:25,249 ♪ We're one life, but we're not the same 1492 01:32:25,415 --> 01:32:28,252 ♪ We get to carry each other 1493 01:32:28,418 --> 01:32:30,379 ♪ Carry each other 1494 01:32:30,546 --> 01:32:33,298 J” One 1495 01:32:36,426 --> 01:32:39,304 J” One 1496 01:32:42,724 --> 01:32:45,894 ♪ Oooh-oooh 1497 01:32:46,061 --> 01:32:48,105 J” Ooh 1498 01:32:48,272 --> 01:32:52,109 J” Maybe, maybe, maybe 1499 01:32:52,276 --> 01:32:56,113 ♪ Ah-ah-ah! 1500 01:32:57,447 --> 01:33:01,076 ♪ Ah-ah! 1501 01:33:02,911 --> 01:33:07,332 J” Ah-ah-ah-ah 1502 01:33:08,292 --> 01:33:11,128 J” Ah-ah J” 1503 01:34:10,520 --> 01:34:12,731 www.sdimedia.com 108945