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00:00:02,813 --> 00:00:04,146
Well, Mommy Margaret just topped
2
00:00:04,248 --> 00:00:06,351
her stovetop scrubbing record.
3
00:00:06,395 --> 00:00:08,762
Another speed-cleaning
challenge in the books.
4
00:00:08,831 --> 00:00:11,165
And all during the twins' nap time.
5
00:00:11,267 --> 00:00:12,903
Ahh! So blessed!
6
00:00:12,969 --> 00:00:15,286
Now let's go and arrange some flowers.
7
00:00:15,372 --> 00:00:16,567
Why are you watching that?
8
00:00:16,614 --> 00:00:19,106
I need ideas for the mommy vlog
that I'm starting.
9
00:00:19,175 --> 00:00:20,774
Mommy Margaret is super-popular,
10
00:00:20,876 --> 00:00:22,276
but, to me, she just looks like
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00:00:22,378 --> 00:00:23,877
one of those moms who would murder a kid
12
00:00:23,980 --> 00:00:25,679
so that her daughter
could be head cheerleader.
13
00:00:25,748 --> 00:00:28,349
Maybe, but she has
millions of followers.
14
00:00:28,417 --> 00:00:30,317
That's how you get advertisers.
15
00:00:30,386 --> 00:00:32,953
So if you want to be
a successful mommy vlogger,
16
00:00:33,022 --> 00:00:35,289
you better start smiling
and acting positive.
17
00:00:35,391 --> 00:00:36,790
I love being a mom!
18
00:00:36,859 --> 00:00:38,459
I've always hated the words "thank you,"
19
00:00:38,527 --> 00:00:39,960
and now I never hear them!
20
00:00:40,062 --> 00:00:41,228
So blessed!
21
00:00:41,297 --> 00:00:43,197
Now, keep that positive attitude going
22
00:00:43,299 --> 00:00:45,132
because I need an SAT tutor.
23
00:00:45,201 --> 00:00:47,768
Absolutely not! We can't
afford it, you Westport turd!
24
00:00:47,870 --> 00:00:49,236
All the kids in town get one.
25
00:00:49,305 --> 00:00:51,772
It's not fair that I have to
work harder than everybody else.
26
00:00:51,841 --> 00:00:53,874
It's not fair that some
kids spend their entire childhood
27
00:00:53,943 --> 00:00:56,410
fighting off a killer clown,
but that's life!
28
00:00:56,479 --> 00:00:58,746
When will you stop using "It"
as a cautionary tale?
29
00:00:58,848 --> 00:01:01,181
Never! No tutor.
30
00:01:02,218 --> 00:01:05,452
I'll still let you on my yacht,
because you're my mother...
31
00:01:05,554 --> 00:01:07,755
but you will never get to drive.
32
00:01:12,261 --> 00:01:13,861
I'm happy to help you with
your assignment if you want.
33
00:01:13,929 --> 00:01:15,663
Ah, no, thanks.
It's my first college paper,
34
00:01:15,765 --> 00:01:17,331
and I'm writing it completely on my own.
35
00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:19,333
Okay.
36
00:01:20,536 --> 00:01:23,237
But in college, the papers
are pretty straightforward.
37
00:01:23,306 --> 00:01:25,172
Professors aren't impressed
by puffy stickers.
38
00:01:25,241 --> 00:01:27,775
I have to think of a new ending now!
39
00:01:32,181 --> 00:01:34,248
I admire her ambition,
40
00:01:34,350 --> 00:01:35,649
but if my own daughter
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00:01:35,751 --> 00:01:38,018
fails her first assignment
at the school I teach at
42
00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:39,286
and pulled strings to get her into,
43
00:01:39,388 --> 00:01:40,754
it's not gonna make me look good.
44
00:01:40,823 --> 00:01:42,990
I stopped worrying how Taylor
made me look when she decided
45
00:01:43,092 --> 00:01:45,926
to potty-train herself in the
toilet display at Home Depot.
46
00:01:46,028 --> 00:01:47,094
Hmm.
47
00:01:48,064 --> 00:01:51,098
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
48
00:01:56,706 --> 00:01:58,572
How am I supposed to
figure out my mommy vlog
49
00:01:58,674 --> 00:02:00,607
if the two of you
are home sick with mono?
50
00:02:00,710 --> 00:02:02,943
Franklin, when is your mother coming
back from her spiritual retreat?
51
00:02:03,045 --> 00:02:04,745
Their leader, Bob, says
when they've been contacted
52
00:02:04,847 --> 00:02:07,181
by extraterrestrials
or when they run out of ramen.
53
00:02:10,186 --> 00:02:11,485
"Attached are this week's
54
00:02:11,587 --> 00:02:13,053
school assignments
for Anna-Kat and Franklin.
55
00:02:13,155 --> 00:02:15,522
Please see that they're
completed. Principal Ablin."
56
00:02:15,624 --> 00:02:18,125
Can't delete that fast enough.
57
00:02:18,227 --> 00:02:20,394
I'm going to Stewart and Kingston's.
58
00:02:20,496 --> 00:02:21,962
It's teacher-conference day
at the high school,
59
00:02:22,064 --> 00:02:24,031
so Oliver and Cooper are here
if you need anything.
60
00:02:24,133 --> 00:02:25,399
But what about our schoolwork?
61
00:02:25,501 --> 00:02:28,802
Fine. I'll put on educational TV.
62
00:02:31,173 --> 00:02:33,507
"90 Day Fiancé" is educational?
63
00:02:33,609 --> 00:02:34,842
It's on The Learning Channel.
64
00:02:34,944 --> 00:02:37,244
"Learning" is in the title.
65
00:02:43,586 --> 00:02:45,018
Things have gotten really tight in here
66
00:02:45,121 --> 00:02:47,488
since you had your post-summer,
pre-autumn wardrobe delivered.
67
00:02:47,590 --> 00:02:49,323
I need my linen pastels, bromigo.
68
00:02:49,425 --> 00:02:52,326
- We've outgrown my room.
- I'm glad you said something.
69
00:02:52,428 --> 00:02:54,862
In order to psychologically
prepare myself each night,
70
00:02:54,964 --> 00:02:56,363
I either pretend I'm on "Survivor"
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00:02:56,456 --> 00:02:58,056
or in a sad Bolivian prison.
72
00:03:00,603 --> 00:03:03,537
You want us to live in your basement?
73
00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:05,606
Oh, it'll need a little fixing up,
74
00:03:05,708 --> 00:03:09,009
but it's got an open floor plan,
privacy, and...
75
00:03:09,111 --> 00:03:11,011
A lot of exposed nails.
76
00:03:11,113 --> 00:03:12,379
Don't be so negative.
77
00:03:12,481 --> 00:03:14,615
Most people don't ever get to
make use of their tetanus shot.
78
00:03:18,988 --> 00:03:21,088
Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye!
79
00:03:21,190 --> 00:03:23,190
Vote Greg Otto for City Council!
80
00:03:23,292 --> 00:03:24,625
Hang on, Doris.
81
00:03:24,727 --> 00:03:26,026
Whatever it is you're selling,
82
00:03:26,128 --> 00:03:28,429
total stranger who is definitely
not my husband,
83
00:03:28,531 --> 00:03:30,257
I'm not buying it, sir!
84
00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:31,598
- Good day!
- I need to collect more
85
00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:33,567
signatures to get on the ballot
for City Council.
86
00:03:33,669 --> 00:03:35,669
I'm dressed like this
to remind voters of my platform
87
00:03:35,771 --> 00:03:37,204
to save Bissell's field from developers.
88
00:03:37,306 --> 00:03:39,139
Well, how many signatures
do you have so far today?
89
00:03:39,241 --> 00:03:41,175
None, but some people promised
they'd sign on the way out.
90
00:03:41,277 --> 00:03:45,078
Well, let me be your first
signature of the day.
91
00:03:45,181 --> 00:03:46,180
Oh!
92
00:03:47,416 --> 00:03:48,382
Have fun.
93
00:03:48,484 --> 00:03:49,683
Thanks.
94
00:03:49,785 --> 00:03:50,918
"Go home and change.
95
00:03:51,020 --> 00:03:53,454
You look like the Quaker Oats guy."
96
00:03:53,556 --> 00:03:56,423
I can't figure out what to
talk about on my mommy vlog.
97
00:03:56,525 --> 00:03:57,891
Well, what do other vloggers do?
98
00:03:57,993 --> 00:03:59,293
It's mostly parenting hacks.
99
00:03:59,395 --> 00:04:00,894
Like, there's this woman,
Patient Prudence,
100
00:04:00,963 --> 00:04:03,063
who's actually not very patient,
and I think her husband's gay,
101
00:04:03,165 --> 00:04:05,098
but she's got great snack ideas.
102
00:04:05,201 --> 00:04:06,900
Oh, I know her. Her videos are awesome.
103
00:04:06,969 --> 00:04:08,469
Why do you watch a mommy vlogger?
104
00:04:08,537 --> 00:04:09,903
Oh, I tuned in for her giant cans,
105
00:04:09,972 --> 00:04:12,372
but I actually don't hate
her dessert recipes.
106
00:04:12,441 --> 00:04:14,174
Katie, face me out!
107
00:04:14,243 --> 00:04:17,077
You know it's rude to eavesdrop
on your customers?
108
00:04:17,179 --> 00:04:19,780
I have to do something to break
the boredom of this stupid job,
109
00:04:19,849 --> 00:04:21,882
which my parents make me do
to get my trust fund.
110
00:04:21,951 --> 00:04:24,718
I mean, why couldn't I work
at one of their other companies?
111
00:04:24,787 --> 00:04:27,387
They made my brother
vice president of their bank
112
00:04:27,456 --> 00:04:30,724
all because he went to "college"
and has a "work ethic"
113
00:04:30,793 --> 00:04:32,659
and isn't addicted to "OxyContin."
114
00:04:32,761 --> 00:04:34,094
I mean, working sucks,
115
00:04:34,163 --> 00:04:36,129
and I am the unluckiest person
in the world.
116
00:04:36,198 --> 00:04:39,733
No! You are the most spoiled
person in the world.
117
00:04:39,802 --> 00:04:42,241
- Whatever.
- Yeah, you need a good ass-kicking, dude.
118
00:04:42,266 --> 00:04:43,240
- Mm-hmm.
- Hey.
119
00:04:43,305 --> 00:04:46,032
Any time you wanna scrap,
Edna from "The Incredibles,"
120
00:04:46,087 --> 00:04:47,116
you know where to find me.
121
00:04:47,141 --> 00:04:49,209
That family could not have survived
122
00:04:49,278 --> 00:04:50,911
without her intricate costuming!
123
00:04:51,013 --> 00:04:53,280
Hang on, Doris.
124
00:04:53,349 --> 00:04:54,915
Hello? Principal Ablin?
125
00:04:54,984 --> 00:04:56,567
- Busted!
- Excuse me?
126
00:04:56,645 --> 00:04:58,685
I'm busting you via telephone
because you deleted
127
00:04:58,787 --> 00:05:01,154
Anna-Kat and Franklin's
school assignments e-mail.
128
00:05:01,257 --> 00:05:03,390
- How did you know I did that?
- Franklin called and told me.
129
00:05:03,459 --> 00:05:05,192
Why does Franklin have your number?
130
00:05:05,294 --> 00:05:07,060
Franklin and I have a standing
weekly phone call.
131
00:05:07,162 --> 00:05:08,695
Sometimes it's a video chat.
132
00:05:08,764 --> 00:05:11,265
He has a filter that makes him
look like a potato.
133
00:05:11,367 --> 00:05:14,101
We laugh and laugh.
134
00:05:14,169 --> 00:05:15,769
Anyway, I've re-sent the assignments.
135
00:05:15,871 --> 00:05:17,337
Make sure they do them.
136
00:05:17,485 --> 00:05:19,137
Great.
137
00:05:19,242 --> 00:05:20,775
I have to make sure that the kids
138
00:05:20,831 --> 00:05:22,398
do all their schoolwork
while they're home sick.
139
00:05:22,455 --> 00:05:24,188
Well, you were looking
for something to do with them
140
00:05:24,213 --> 00:05:25,345
for your mommy vlog.
141
00:05:25,447 --> 00:05:27,381
Homeschooling is perfect.
142
00:05:27,449 --> 00:05:30,751
Huh. I could put on a fake smile
and pretend to like something.
143
00:05:30,819 --> 00:05:32,719
I sat through all the kids'
recitals without killing myself.
144
00:05:32,821 --> 00:05:34,888
That's basically having
your teaching credentials.
145
00:05:34,957 --> 00:05:37,624
The first thing you should teach
your mouthy little phone friend
146
00:05:37,726 --> 00:05:38,926
is some manners.
147
00:05:39,028 --> 00:05:40,727
Hey! Come closer.
148
00:05:40,796 --> 00:05:42,963
Someone needs to spank you.
149
00:05:43,065 --> 00:05:44,298
I bet you'd like that, wouldn't you?
150
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:46,633
- Oh, maybe I would!
- Maybe I'd like it, too.
151
00:05:46,735 --> 00:05:49,202
Maybe I'd like it a lot.
152
00:05:56,512 --> 00:05:58,812
- What the hell was that?
- I don't know.
153
00:05:58,914 --> 00:06:02,749
I-It's a razor-thin line for me
between heated and horned up.
154
00:06:06,059 --> 00:06:07,058
Hello, Internet!
155
00:06:07,135 --> 00:06:08,868
Welcome to "Can-Do Katie's Classroom."
156
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:10,253
Today we are homeschooling.
157
00:06:10,330 --> 00:06:12,463
Students, please turn to page two
158
00:06:12,509 --> 00:06:14,175
in your life-science packets.
159
00:06:14,286 --> 00:06:15,385
We're hungry.
160
00:06:15,454 --> 00:06:17,786
We usually have a snack
right before science class,
161
00:06:17,872 --> 00:06:21,178
and Franklin is
dangerously close to a BSE.
162
00:06:21,271 --> 00:06:22,705
A blood-sugar emergency.
163
00:06:22,761 --> 00:06:24,861
It starts with crankiness
and ends with me throwing elbows
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00:06:24,930 --> 00:06:26,396
and shouting un-Christian words.
165
00:06:29,335 --> 00:06:33,036
Hey! I need cooperation for my
first "Can-Do Katie" vlog, okay?
166
00:06:33,138 --> 00:06:35,772
So stop busting my hump
and do what I say.
167
00:06:38,344 --> 00:06:40,377
Now, where were we?
168
00:06:40,479 --> 00:06:41,678
Snack time!
169
00:06:41,780 --> 00:06:44,448
If I don't have a Go-Gurt
in my hands in two seconds,
170
00:06:44,550 --> 00:06:45,716
I'm gonna flip out.
171
00:06:46,552 --> 00:06:48,919
Okay, so, any good teacher
knows how to compromise.
172
00:06:48,988 --> 00:06:52,055
Let's combine snack time
with class time.
173
00:06:55,561 --> 00:06:58,295
You happy?! Don't ruin this
for me, you little [bleep].
174
00:06:58,397 --> 00:07:00,964
Ooh! An un-Christian word.
175
00:07:01,033 --> 00:07:03,166
Sounds like we could all use a snack.
176
00:07:04,903 --> 00:07:07,270
And... we're back!
So, I thought it would be fun
177
00:07:07,373 --> 00:07:10,507
to use baking
to teach the kids geometry.
178
00:07:10,576 --> 00:07:12,075
So smart!
179
00:07:12,144 --> 00:07:15,379
Franklin, can you tell me
the sum of the internal angles
180
00:07:15,447 --> 00:07:17,347
of the triangle-shaped cookie?
181
00:07:17,449 --> 00:07:18,715
180 degrees.
182
00:07:18,817 --> 00:07:20,817
Okay!
183
00:07:20,919 --> 00:07:22,686
As a reward, you get to eat the cookie.
184
00:07:24,657 --> 00:07:26,023
Wait! Mom! He's allergic
185
00:07:26,091 --> 00:07:28,025
to every ingredient in that cookie!
186
00:07:28,127 --> 00:07:29,192
How am I supposed to know that?
187
00:07:29,294 --> 00:07:30,894
You're the teacher.
188
00:07:30,996 --> 00:07:32,529
Don't you have my medical records?
189
00:07:35,801 --> 00:07:38,602
Heart or butt.
Your choice, but make it fast.
190
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:43,874
How's homeschool going?
191
00:07:43,976 --> 00:07:47,044
Dude, I had to stick two
allergy shots into Franklin.
192
00:07:47,112 --> 00:07:50,681
Both times I did, he said,
"Yeah, that's the good stuff."
193
00:07:52,518 --> 00:07:54,351
You two are really moving
into the basement, huh?
194
00:07:54,453 --> 00:07:55,819
It's gonna be good for you, Cooper.
195
00:07:55,888 --> 00:07:57,287
It's about time you slummed it.
196
00:07:57,356 --> 00:07:58,955
Hey! I've slummed it.
197
00:07:59,024 --> 00:08:00,724
I once had to bake my own bread.
198
00:08:00,793 --> 00:08:02,159
We were summering in Umbria.
199
00:08:02,227 --> 00:08:03,927
My family owns a small vineyard there,
200
00:08:04,029 --> 00:08:06,329
just a few dozen acres of Sangiovese.
201
00:08:06,432 --> 00:08:08,999
What was I talking about again?
202
00:08:09,101 --> 00:08:12,102
Oh, yeah! I made artisanal focaccia!
203
00:08:12,204 --> 00:08:13,737
Hmm!
204
00:08:13,839 --> 00:08:14,871
Oh, good news, Mom.
205
00:08:14,940 --> 00:08:17,808
I found an SAT tutor
for only 100 bucks an hour.
206
00:08:17,876 --> 00:08:20,544
Hmm. You're new to this family
every day, it seems.
207
00:08:20,646 --> 00:08:22,012
This is going to shock you,
208
00:08:22,081 --> 00:08:25,549
but some parents support
their children's dreams.
209
00:08:25,617 --> 00:08:29,086
Your anger only makes me stronger!
210
00:08:29,188 --> 00:08:31,321
Guess what! I got an "A" on my paper!
211
00:08:31,423 --> 00:08:33,090
You did? Really?
212
00:08:33,158 --> 00:08:36,259
You got an "A" on a college
paper about "Dora the Explorer"?
213
00:08:36,328 --> 00:08:37,828
Sí.
214
00:08:37,896 --> 00:08:39,963
That means "yes" in Spanish.
215
00:08:40,032 --> 00:08:42,232
It was on great thinkers
of the 20th century.
216
00:08:42,334 --> 00:08:44,034
The T.A. said it was
one of the best papers.
217
00:08:44,136 --> 00:08:45,402
Good job, Taylor.
218
00:08:45,504 --> 00:08:46,603
Hola.
219
00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:49,706
What is with your college?
220
00:08:49,808 --> 00:08:51,742
Are people also writing
PhD dissertations
221
00:08:51,844 --> 00:08:53,310
on "SpongeBob SquarePants"?
222
00:08:53,378 --> 00:08:55,679
This is troubling. I don't
recognize the T.A.'s name.
223
00:08:55,781 --> 00:08:56,813
Excuse me.
224
00:08:59,118 --> 00:09:01,218
Oh, damn! He's fine!
225
00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:02,486
He's an 8 at best.
226
00:09:02,554 --> 00:09:04,187
I'm just saying he's cute,
Taylor's cute.
227
00:09:04,289 --> 00:09:06,056
He probably thinks
he has a good shot at her
228
00:09:06,158 --> 00:09:07,657
if he gives her a good grade.
229
00:09:08,694 --> 00:09:11,261
Maybe an 8 1/2. I'm just
now taking in his smile.
230
00:09:11,330 --> 00:09:12,896
- Oh, yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
231
00:09:18,670 --> 00:09:20,270
Uh... hello?
232
00:09:20,339 --> 00:09:21,872
Hey! You must be Ms. Otto.
233
00:09:21,940 --> 00:09:23,406
I am. Who are you?
234
00:09:23,509 --> 00:09:25,509
Oh, Cooper Bradford hired us
to remodel the basement.
235
00:09:25,577 --> 00:09:27,477
- Since when?
- We've been here for the last 3 nights.
236
00:09:27,546 --> 00:09:28,545
I haven't heard a thing.
237
00:09:28,647 --> 00:09:30,714
- We soundproofed it.
- Oh! Good!
238
00:09:30,783 --> 00:09:32,048
So you won't hear their screams
239
00:09:32,151 --> 00:09:34,184
when I go downstairs and throttle them.
240
00:09:35,687 --> 00:09:38,889
Oliver, Cooper! Just talked
to your friends upstairs!
241
00:09:38,991 --> 00:09:40,390
And you are in a lot
242
00:09:40,459 --> 00:09:43,894
- of troub-le...
- Oh... my God!
243
00:09:45,297 --> 00:09:47,764
I am underdressed for my basement.
244
00:09:47,866 --> 00:09:49,166
How great is this place?
245
00:09:49,234 --> 00:09:51,401
The whole reason I agreed
to let you live down here
246
00:09:51,503 --> 00:09:53,470
was because the basement was crap.
247
00:09:53,572 --> 00:09:55,872
You're supposed to be growing as people.
248
00:09:55,941 --> 00:09:58,175
Yeah, we were planning on it,
but then Oliver reminded me
249
00:09:58,277 --> 00:09:59,509
- that I'm really rich.
- Mm-hmm.
250
00:09:59,578 --> 00:10:01,378
Cooper, that is not how the Ottos live.
251
00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:02,612
We work for what we have,
252
00:10:02,714 --> 00:10:04,414
and that's why we appreciate it more.
253
00:10:04,483 --> 00:10:06,116
Well, I didn't work
for these cashmere pillows,
254
00:10:06,218 --> 00:10:07,751
and I'm appreciating
the hell out of them.
255
00:10:07,820 --> 00:10:09,686
That is because you are corrupted!
256
00:10:09,788 --> 00:10:12,422
Oh. My.
257
00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:14,124
I don't know what they
had to kill to make this,
258
00:10:14,226 --> 00:10:15,759
but it was worth it.
259
00:10:18,397 --> 00:10:20,964
I am not cool with this.
260
00:10:24,837 --> 00:10:26,570
This is mine now.
261
00:10:28,473 --> 00:10:30,373
- Did you see the basement?
- Yes!
262
00:10:30,475 --> 00:10:31,541
I think it's outrageous.
263
00:10:31,610 --> 00:10:33,243
I think it sets a bad example
for our son,
264
00:10:33,312 --> 00:10:35,745
and I think I might use their
sauna when they're not around.
265
00:10:39,685 --> 00:10:42,319
Honey, we have to talk to you
about something.
266
00:10:42,421 --> 00:10:43,720
You're in college now, honey.
267
00:10:43,789 --> 00:10:45,355
Oh, crap. A double "honey."
268
00:10:45,424 --> 00:10:47,789
It's just your mother and I
are a little skeptical
269
00:10:47,916 --> 00:10:49,844
that your T.A., Andre, gave you that "A"
270
00:10:49,930 --> 00:10:51,328
because he felt like
it was a good paper.
271
00:10:51,430 --> 00:10:52,662
Why else would he give me an "A"?
272
00:10:52,731 --> 00:10:55,330
Well, when I was in college,
I also had a pervy T.A.
273
00:10:55,401 --> 00:10:57,259
who gave me good grades
because I was cute.
274
00:10:57,376 --> 00:10:58,439
Unfortunately, your mom is right.
275
00:10:58,525 --> 00:10:59,705
I gave her a better grade
than she deserved
276
00:10:59,798 --> 00:11:01,095
because I wanted to go out with her.
277
00:11:01,188 --> 00:11:03,271
He changed a "B" to an "A"
because of these D's.
278
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:04,462
I can't believe this!
279
00:11:04,546 --> 00:11:06,265
You don't think I'm capable
of getting an "A,"
280
00:11:06,327 --> 00:11:08,511
even though I worked really hard
and wrote a great paper!
281
00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:11,815
This is so insulting!
Now please leave my room... honey!
282
00:11:11,917 --> 00:11:13,550
Huh.
283
00:11:13,652 --> 00:11:15,852
Now that I hear it, it is patronizing.
284
00:11:20,025 --> 00:11:22,492
Photosynthesis is when plants turn...
285
00:11:22,594 --> 00:11:25,095
carbon dioxide into oxygen.
286
00:11:25,163 --> 00:11:27,964
And which continent
has the Sahara Desert?
287
00:11:28,066 --> 00:11:30,033
Anna-Kat?
288
00:11:30,135 --> 00:11:31,868
That's right!
289
00:11:31,970 --> 00:11:34,804
And you carry the 1,
and you're on your way!
290
00:11:34,907 --> 00:11:36,006
Easy!
291
00:11:37,309 --> 00:11:39,209
This is Can-Do Katie
292
00:11:39,278 --> 00:11:42,579
reminding you that you're
a mommy and you can do it!
293
00:11:43,782 --> 00:11:46,383
What do you think? So good, right?
294
00:11:46,451 --> 00:11:49,653
It's not you at all.
I don't know if I like it.
295
00:11:49,755 --> 00:11:50,987
Well, you know who does like it?
296
00:11:51,089 --> 00:11:53,857
Gentle Ginny of
"Gentle Ginny's Bubble Bath."
297
00:11:53,959 --> 00:11:57,060
She reached out and wants
to sponsor my mommy vlog.
298
00:11:57,129 --> 00:11:58,228
Why can't you just be yourself?
299
00:11:58,330 --> 00:11:59,663
Nobody's interested in the real me.
300
00:11:59,765 --> 00:12:01,364
They want perky and positive.
301
00:12:01,433 --> 00:12:03,266
My brand is more cranky and vengeful.
302
00:12:03,335 --> 00:12:05,001
- It's not for everyone.
- I like it.
303
00:12:05,070 --> 00:12:07,570
Well, that's because your brand
is taking abuse with a smile.
304
00:12:07,673 --> 00:12:09,139
That's why we work, baby.
305
00:12:09,241 --> 00:12:10,473
How'd it go with the signatures?
306
00:12:10,575 --> 00:12:11,775
Oh, I only got seven so far...
307
00:12:11,843 --> 00:12:13,343
six from people in the Historical Guild
308
00:12:13,445 --> 00:12:14,811
and one from a "Harry Azcrac."
309
00:12:17,182 --> 00:12:18,320
Classic.
310
00:12:18,410 --> 00:12:19,319
What?
311
00:12:19,451 --> 00:12:20,550
Oh, sweetie.
312
00:12:25,082 --> 00:12:27,187
Hello, fellow mommies! Today...
313
00:12:28,193 --> 00:12:30,627
Guys, I told you I don't
want to have to edit around
314
00:12:30,729 --> 00:12:31,962
you goofing off anymore!
315
00:12:33,465 --> 00:12:35,966
All right. Let's try this again.
316
00:12:41,606 --> 00:12:44,774
Hello, fellow mommies! Today...
317
00:12:45,777 --> 00:12:47,978
Are you seriously passing
a note right in front of me?!
318
00:12:49,047 --> 00:12:50,313
Ugh!
319
00:12:50,415 --> 00:12:52,515
"I know she's your mom,
but our teacher blows chunks."
320
00:12:54,152 --> 00:12:57,487
Teachers should be paid
a billion dollars a day.
321
00:12:57,556 --> 00:12:59,055
And you know who should be paid more?
322
00:12:59,157 --> 00:13:02,058
Moms! Because it is a horrible job.
323
00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:04,561
Name one other job that you have
to take your annoying employees
324
00:13:04,663 --> 00:13:06,796
on vacation with you.
325
00:13:06,898 --> 00:13:09,933
I mean, come on!
Motherhood is the worst!
326
00:13:10,035 --> 00:13:12,402
It's best described
as having a bowling ball
327
00:13:12,504 --> 00:13:13,770
being ripped out of your hoo-ha
328
00:13:13,872 --> 00:13:15,438
and then getting hit
over the head with it
329
00:13:15,540 --> 00:13:17,874
for the rest of your life!
330
00:13:17,976 --> 00:13:19,776
Hoo! That felt good!
331
00:13:19,878 --> 00:13:21,878
Okay. Now that I got that out,
332
00:13:21,980 --> 00:13:23,947
I've got to delete it and start over.
333
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:32,155
I don't think she meant to
post that. Should we tell her?
334
00:13:32,257 --> 00:13:33,590
If there's anything
I've learned from Bob,
335
00:13:33,692 --> 00:13:35,091
the leader of my mom's church...
336
00:13:35,193 --> 00:13:37,761
don't interfere with fate
and let sleeping dogs lie.
337
00:13:37,823 --> 00:13:40,657
He trained them to attack anyone
who tried to leave the compound.
338
00:13:48,211 --> 00:13:50,278
I just heard from Gentle Ginny.
339
00:13:50,332 --> 00:13:52,899
She doesn't want to sponsor
my vlog anymore.
340
00:13:52,968 --> 00:13:56,740
Apparently, instead of deleting
my meltdown, I posted it.
341
00:13:56,997 --> 00:13:59,097
Well, at least you were being you,
342
00:13:59,185 --> 00:14:00,640
and if they don't like it, screw 'em.
343
00:14:06,181 --> 00:14:09,315
Oh, hey. You're that schmuck
who stands outside
344
00:14:09,384 --> 00:14:12,285
Stewart and Kingston's dressed
like the, uh, Quaker Oats guy.
345
00:14:12,387 --> 00:14:14,120
It's a Revolutionary War uniform!
346
00:14:14,222 --> 00:14:15,855
How is that better?
347
00:14:15,957 --> 00:14:17,624
Hey, Walker. Thanks for coming by.
348
00:14:17,692 --> 00:14:19,926
Okay, but don't forget
our deal... I do this for you,
349
00:14:19,995 --> 00:14:21,594
you don't rat me out to the manager.
350
00:14:21,663 --> 00:14:23,229
I don't need him telling my parents
351
00:14:23,298 --> 00:14:25,999
that I sneak four peach muffins a day.
352
00:14:26,068 --> 00:14:27,700
Hmm. I promised them I wouldn't steal
353
00:14:27,769 --> 00:14:30,570
or sit outside
that girl's house anymore.
354
00:14:31,573 --> 00:14:33,606
- Why is he here?
- I want him to talk to the boys
355
00:14:33,708 --> 00:14:35,909
and teach them a lesson about values.
356
00:14:36,011 --> 00:14:38,278
Come on, Walker.
357
00:14:38,346 --> 00:14:39,979
You sure you don't want
interior-design ideas
358
00:14:40,048 --> 00:14:42,315
to make your house look
less terrible? I'm kidding.
359
00:14:42,384 --> 00:14:44,317
Although this house is terrible.
360
00:14:48,390 --> 00:14:50,590
Cooper, Oliver,
I want you to meet Walker.
361
00:14:50,659 --> 00:14:52,392
He is a 40-something trust-fund kid
362
00:14:52,461 --> 00:14:54,227
with no ambition and no life skills
363
00:14:54,296 --> 00:14:57,263
because he's been handed
everything without earning it.
364
00:14:57,332 --> 00:14:59,566
Strong intro. 'Sup, fellas?
365
00:14:59,668 --> 00:15:01,134
Oliver, who's this?
366
00:15:01,203 --> 00:15:03,036
- My SAT tutor.
- I said no tutor!
367
00:15:03,105 --> 00:15:04,304
I thought you didn't want
to pay for one.
368
00:15:04,372 --> 00:15:06,372
And now you don't have to.
Cooper's gonna cover it.
369
00:15:06,441 --> 00:15:08,575
You can't just keep using money
that's not yours.
370
00:15:08,677 --> 00:15:09,976
And it's not yours, either.
371
00:15:10,045 --> 00:15:12,045
If you keep sponging
off your mom and dad,
372
00:15:12,114 --> 00:15:14,280
then Walker here is your future.
373
00:15:14,349 --> 00:15:15,615
And it's rough, bud.
374
00:15:15,717 --> 00:15:17,817
Walker? Is that you?
375
00:15:17,886 --> 00:15:19,586
You know him?
376
00:15:19,654 --> 00:15:21,621
I tutored him for six years
when he was in high school.
377
00:15:21,690 --> 00:15:24,190
I developed a tic
and a dependency on Xanax.
378
00:15:24,292 --> 00:15:25,792
Oh, hey, Roberta!
379
00:15:25,894 --> 00:15:28,194
I'm sorry about your face
and drug addiction.
380
00:15:28,296 --> 00:15:30,630
Wait. You're Walker Montgomery, right?
381
00:15:30,699 --> 00:15:32,132
I think our parents know each other.
382
00:15:32,234 --> 00:15:34,467
Yeah, um, actually...
383
00:15:34,569 --> 00:15:37,203
they are yachting together
in the Mediterranean right now.
384
00:15:37,272 --> 00:15:39,572
Corsica is so awesome this time of year.
385
00:15:39,674 --> 00:15:41,541
- So much better than Saint-Tropez.
- So much better.
386
00:15:41,643 --> 00:15:42,876
- Right?
- Walker!
387
00:15:42,978 --> 00:15:44,410
You are here to tell Cooper that relying
388
00:15:44,479 --> 00:15:46,412
on your parents' money turns you
into a shell of a human,
389
00:15:46,515 --> 00:15:47,680
like you are now.
390
00:15:47,749 --> 00:15:50,116
Yeah, sure, but first, uh,
the reason I'm here...
391
00:15:50,218 --> 00:15:52,685
Coops, could you tell your
parents to tell my parents
392
00:15:52,754 --> 00:15:54,454
that I have been working super hard
393
00:15:54,523 --> 00:15:56,756
at Stewart and Kingston's
and they should just let me stop
394
00:15:56,825 --> 00:15:58,224
working there to get my trust fund?
395
00:15:58,293 --> 00:15:59,592
- Sure thing, dude.
- Sweet.
396
00:15:59,661 --> 00:16:03,062
No! I brought you here to tell
them how pathetic you are!
397
00:16:03,165 --> 00:16:04,998
Mom, he's just being smart.
398
00:16:05,066 --> 00:16:07,167
He knows the trust-fund route
is the way to go,
399
00:16:07,235 --> 00:16:09,068
and he's doing everything he can
to keep it going.
400
00:16:09,171 --> 00:16:11,171
See? He's right. I am resourceful.
401
00:16:11,273 --> 00:16:12,705
And if this doesn't work,
402
00:16:12,807 --> 00:16:14,774
I'm planning on having myself kidnapped.
403
00:16:14,843 --> 00:16:16,809
This was a real eye-opener, Mom.
404
00:16:16,912 --> 00:16:18,111
Walker, out!
405
00:16:18,180 --> 00:16:20,180
Uh, not before I school these two chumps
406
00:16:20,282 --> 00:16:21,981
in "Seal Force Delta."
407
00:16:25,554 --> 00:16:26,886
You got a Xanax, Roberta?
408
00:16:32,494 --> 00:16:35,028
Did you give me an "A" on my
paper because you think I'm hot?
409
00:16:35,130 --> 00:16:36,829
- I'm sorry?
- If I didn't earn the grade
410
00:16:36,932 --> 00:16:38,498
fair and square,
I want to know about it.
411
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:39,966
Uh, Taylor.
412
00:16:40,068 --> 00:16:42,135
I-I can promise you that despite
413
00:16:42,204 --> 00:16:46,105
the improper formatting
and numerous misspellings...
414
00:16:46,208 --> 00:16:48,274
it appears autocorrect
was no match for you...
415
00:16:49,978 --> 00:16:52,412
...your unique take on the assignment
really did earn you an "A."
416
00:16:52,514 --> 00:16:54,113
And it had nothing to do with my looks?
417
00:16:54,216 --> 00:16:58,651
Listen. Everybody writes
about Gandhi or Einstein.
418
00:16:58,753 --> 00:17:01,955
Nonviolent resistance.
Smart at math. We get it.
419
00:17:02,023 --> 00:17:05,892
Okay, but choosing to write
about "Dora the Explorer,"
420
00:17:05,961 --> 00:17:07,493
that shows you're
an independent thinker.
421
00:17:07,596 --> 00:17:10,830
Yeah, you know, I always try
to live my life like Dora.
422
00:17:10,932 --> 00:17:13,132
Be adventurous, speak a little Spanish,
423
00:17:13,201 --> 00:17:14,667
and never, ever swipe.
424
00:17:14,769 --> 00:17:16,169
And always have a...
425
00:17:16,271 --> 00:17:17,704
♪ Backpack, backpack ♪
426
00:17:17,806 --> 00:17:19,539
Hey!
427
00:17:19,641 --> 00:17:22,342
You're unlike any student
I've ever had before.
428
00:17:22,444 --> 00:17:23,710
Hmm.
429
00:17:23,812 --> 00:17:27,714
Um, no one's ever disputed an "A."
430
00:17:27,782 --> 00:17:29,282
I didn't want it if I didn't earn it.
431
00:17:29,351 --> 00:17:31,317
Well, I'd never give you an "A" just
because I thought you were cute.
432
00:17:31,386 --> 00:17:33,052
I mean, it's not that
I don't think you're cute.
433
00:17:33,154 --> 00:17:35,088
You are very cute...
434
00:17:35,190 --> 00:17:38,424
is something that I would
never say as your T.A.
435
00:17:38,493 --> 00:17:40,526
I just thought I'd give you an example
436
00:17:40,629 --> 00:17:43,229
of something a T.A. shouldn't say.
437
00:17:43,331 --> 00:17:44,731
I'll see you around.
438
00:17:44,833 --> 00:17:47,066
Not if I see you first.
439
00:17:47,168 --> 00:17:49,302
And that's an example of something
no one should ever say.
440
00:17:59,381 --> 00:18:01,014
Walker, your phone's ringing.
441
00:18:03,551 --> 00:18:05,151
It says "Mommy"?
442
00:18:07,188 --> 00:18:08,588
Hi, hi, hi!
443
00:18:08,690 --> 00:18:11,190
What? What? Now?!
444
00:18:11,259 --> 00:18:15,161
Can't she wait an hour?!
I'm with my friends!
445
00:18:15,263 --> 00:18:17,997
You never understand!
446
00:18:18,099 --> 00:18:19,098
Fine.
447
00:18:20,735 --> 00:18:21,968
Gotta bail, dudes.
448
00:18:22,070 --> 00:18:23,936
I got to pick up Marsha from school.
449
00:18:25,273 --> 00:18:26,539
Is that your daughter?
450
00:18:26,641 --> 00:18:28,474
No, Marsha's my parents' show Poodle.
451
00:18:28,576 --> 00:18:29,842
She's at agility training
452
00:18:29,911 --> 00:18:31,844
and has a pedi-pedi appointment
right now.
453
00:18:31,913 --> 00:18:33,212
Can we at least finish the game first?
454
00:18:33,315 --> 00:18:34,647
Sorry, bruh.
455
00:18:34,716 --> 00:18:37,050
When my parents
say do something, I gotta do it.
456
00:18:37,152 --> 00:18:40,720
They control the money faucet.
You'll see one day, Coops.
457
00:18:44,659 --> 00:18:46,759
Cooper, I'm begging you. Don't.
458
00:18:46,845 --> 00:18:48,015
I don't want to be a prisoner
459
00:18:48,086 --> 00:18:49,663
- to my parents' money anymore.
- Don't do this!
460
00:18:49,727 --> 00:18:52,899
So I'm officially handing over
my credit cards to you.
461
00:18:53,001 --> 00:18:56,202
Wow! I'm proud of you, Cooper!
462
00:18:56,304 --> 00:18:58,204
He rips my heart out,
and you praise him?!
463
00:18:58,306 --> 00:19:00,173
I need to start learning
how to take care of myself.
464
00:19:00,241 --> 00:19:01,607
What about my SAT tutor?
465
00:19:01,710 --> 00:19:03,710
You're just gonna have to study
hard and do it on your own.
466
00:19:03,812 --> 00:19:06,379
I know you can. You're muy intelligente.
467
00:19:06,448 --> 00:19:08,881
This is madness. You've gone
through a lot of personal growth
468
00:19:08,950 --> 00:19:11,684
since you've moved in here,
and it disgusts me.
469
00:19:12,454 --> 00:19:14,854
I guess I'm one step closer
to becoming an Otto.
470
00:19:14,956 --> 00:19:18,891
I have never heard that line
said proudly before.
471
00:19:22,297 --> 00:19:25,198
Time to delete Can-Do Katie's
mommy vlog.
472
00:19:25,266 --> 00:19:26,999
Hey, wait. There's a lot
of comments on there.
473
00:19:27,102 --> 00:19:28,868
"Great video, Katie.
474
00:19:28,937 --> 00:19:30,837
Thank you for showing what it's
really like to be a mother."
475
00:19:30,939 --> 00:19:32,638
- Aww.
- "All the other mommy vlogs
476
00:19:32,741 --> 00:19:34,440
make me feel bad about myself."
477
00:19:34,542 --> 00:19:36,876
"Finally, the truth about motherhood!
478
00:19:36,978 --> 00:19:38,611
It's messy and frustrating."
479
00:19:38,713 --> 00:19:40,079
There's so many of them.
480
00:19:40,181 --> 00:19:43,383
So, I guess there are people
out there who like you for you.
481
00:19:44,285 --> 00:19:46,719
- I guess I'll keep my vlog.
- Hmm.
482
00:19:46,821 --> 00:19:49,389
But now, instead of "Can-Do Katie,"
483
00:19:49,491 --> 00:19:51,324
it'll be called...
484
00:19:52,527 --> 00:19:55,061
I got it. "A Real Mother."
485
00:19:55,163 --> 00:19:58,464
You know, when people say
"a real mother,"
486
00:19:58,566 --> 00:20:00,666
- it sort of insinuates...
- What?!
487
00:20:01,703 --> 00:20:03,069
Nothing. Works for you either way.
488
00:20:03,171 --> 00:20:04,637
Mm-hmm.
489
00:20:06,808 --> 00:20:08,174
"Harry Azcrac."
490
00:20:09,077 --> 00:20:09,981
I get it now.
491
00:20:10,078 --> 00:20:11,978
I knew you would.
492
00:20:15,044 --> 00:20:16,354
So, I talked to Andre today.
493
00:20:16,449 --> 00:20:18,464
He said I earned my "A" fair and square.
494
00:20:18,526 --> 00:20:20,484
We know. We both read your
paper, and it was really great.
495
00:20:20,550 --> 00:20:22,814
And just like Dad told me,
you were true to yourself,
496
00:20:22,915 --> 00:20:24,197
and it paid off.
497
00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:25,587
Good night.
498
00:20:25,689 --> 00:20:27,722
Everyone's doing great
being themselves, except me.
499
00:20:27,791 --> 00:20:29,257
I'm being myself, and I can't even get
500
00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:31,226
more than six City Council signatures.
501
00:20:31,328 --> 00:20:32,527
That's because it's politics,
502
00:20:32,629 --> 00:20:35,126
the one place where being
yourself is a negative.
503
00:20:35,188 --> 00:20:36,986
No one cares about this field
you want to save.
504
00:20:37,034 --> 00:20:39,234
If you want to get elected,
you have to act like someone
505
00:20:39,336 --> 00:20:41,336
in Westport that people can relate to.
506
00:20:41,438 --> 00:20:42,504
Who's someone they can relate to?
507
00:20:42,606 --> 00:20:44,773
A complete and total D-bag.
508
00:20:49,116 --> 00:20:50,882
Vote Greg Otto for City Council!
509
00:20:50,929 --> 00:20:51,962
What do I stand for?
510
00:20:52,049 --> 00:20:54,049
Green juice!
511
00:20:54,151 --> 00:20:55,536
Labradoodles!
512
00:20:57,835 --> 00:21:00,770
Refunds on bad facelifts! Eeh.
39406
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