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Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org
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Advertise your product or brand here
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3
00:00:34,944 --> 00:00:36,445
I don't know
what the fuck is going on
4
00:00:36,447 --> 00:00:38,213
in this country, man!
5
00:00:38,215 --> 00:00:40,549
Every day I turn on the TV,
6
00:00:40,551 --> 00:00:44,420
and I see these fucking freaks
marching for their rights!
7
00:00:46,357 --> 00:00:48,123
What about our rights?
8
00:00:49,894 --> 00:00:52,295
This is our time
to show the world
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00:00:52,297 --> 00:00:54,331
that we are not
just an online movement!
10
00:00:56,234 --> 00:00:57,400
We're growing physically!
11
00:00:57,402 --> 00:01:00,103
This is our time
to assert ourselves
12
00:01:00,105 --> 00:01:02,138
as the true voice of America!
13
00:01:02,140 --> 00:01:04,307
Yeah!
14
00:01:04,309 --> 00:01:05,575
Yes, let's do that!
15
00:01:05,577 --> 00:01:08,244
Now, you may have noticed
16
00:01:08,246 --> 00:01:10,447
that our friend Aryan Grande
17
00:01:10,449 --> 00:01:12,182
has brought in a new recruit.
18
00:01:12,184 --> 00:01:14,951
FucktheJews82.
Welcome, brother!
19
00:01:14,953 --> 00:01:16,855
Yeah!
20
00:01:17,923 --> 00:01:19,989
Hi. Heil. Heil, everybody.
21
00:01:19,991 --> 00:01:21,925
White power. Obviously.
22
00:01:21,927 --> 00:01:24,961
Been a big fan of you guys
for a while.
23
00:01:24,963 --> 00:01:26,129
Since World War II, really.
24
00:01:26,131 --> 00:01:30,233
That's when you made your
big entrance, on the scene.
25
00:01:30,235 --> 00:01:33,572
And, uh... Yeah.
Just, um, in closing...
26
00:01:34,673 --> 00:01:36,973
- Fuck the Jews!
- Yeah!
27
00:01:36,975 --> 00:01:39,010
Welcome!
28
00:01:41,012 --> 00:01:42,178
Let's fucking party!
29
00:01:51,957 --> 00:01:54,524
So you guys are, like, pretty
active on social media, right?
30
00:01:54,526 --> 00:01:55,659
Yeah.
31
00:01:55,661 --> 00:01:57,695
How many times a day would you
say you tweet on average?
32
00:01:57,697 --> 00:02:00,296
- Hey, FTJ!
- Yo!
33
00:02:00,298 --> 00:02:02,633
You said you wanted
a swastika tattoo.
34
00:02:02,635 --> 00:02:03,969
Now's your chance.
35
00:02:05,070 --> 00:02:07,538
Yeah, you know, I've been
thinking about it. I'm cool.
36
00:02:07,540 --> 00:02:10,208
Come on, man.
We all got 'em!
37
00:02:17,449 --> 00:02:19,115
You guys want me to get
a swastika tattoo?
38
00:02:19,117 --> 00:02:20,518
Yeah!
39
00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:22,320
I will get a swastika tattoo.
40
00:02:23,021 --> 00:02:25,591
Um... Yeah.
41
00:02:28,193 --> 00:02:30,362
Hey, take over, man.
I got to take a piss.
42
00:02:32,063 --> 00:02:33,997
Super cool, guys.
Thank you for this.
43
00:02:33,999 --> 00:02:35,167
This is really exciting.
44
00:02:36,334 --> 00:02:38,536
All right, here we go!
45
00:02:40,005 --> 00:02:42,172
Ooh, right! Yeah!
46
00:02:42,174 --> 00:02:43,641
That hurt?
47
00:02:43,643 --> 00:02:45,645
On many levels. Yes.
48
00:02:47,413 --> 00:02:48,481
Fuck!
49
00:02:49,315 --> 00:02:51,484
Hey! This you?
50
00:02:52,618 --> 00:02:54,320
You're a journalist?
51
00:02:55,321 --> 00:02:56,587
Yeah!
52
00:02:56,589 --> 00:02:59,222
We all got to be fucking
journalists in this day and age,
53
00:02:59,224 --> 00:03:02,158
mainstream media not covering
our side of the story!
54
00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:04,194
His name is Fred Flarsky.
55
00:03:04,196 --> 00:03:05,763
He writes for
the Brooklyn Advocate.
56
00:03:05,765 --> 00:03:08,432
- He's a fucking Jew!
- What?
57
00:03:08,434 --> 00:03:11,070
Look, look, look.
Okay, okay, okay. Hey!
58
00:03:13,407 --> 00:03:14,272
What are you doing here?
59
00:03:14,274 --> 00:03:15,740
You're here to fucking
embarrass us, huh?
60
00:03:15,742 --> 00:03:17,709
- Who sent you?
- No one sent me!
61
00:03:17,711 --> 00:03:19,478
It's okay. I'm... I'm...
62
00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:22,214
He's been recording us
the whole time!
63
00:03:22,216 --> 00:03:24,716
Fucking shit, man!
You infiltrated our group!
64
00:03:24,718 --> 00:03:26,618
You're gonna fucking die!
65
00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:27,519
How do you
turn this thing off?
66
00:03:27,521 --> 00:03:29,356
The fucking red button,
right there, man!
67
00:03:36,430 --> 00:03:38,131
Holy shit!
68
00:03:44,571 --> 00:03:48,073
Yeah!
69
00:03:48,075 --> 00:03:50,410
Not only did I escape...
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00:03:51,812 --> 00:03:53,845
I held onto my phone!
71
00:03:53,847 --> 00:03:56,116
Yes! Ow!
72
00:03:58,519 --> 00:04:00,285
I trusted you, man!
73
00:04:00,287 --> 00:04:01,853
Yeah, well...
74
00:04:01,855 --> 00:04:04,525
Jews win this round,
motherfucker!
75
00:04:05,292 --> 00:04:07,559
Peace! Ow.
76
00:04:07,561 --> 00:04:09,160
Tonight on Wembley News,
77
00:04:09,162 --> 00:04:11,396
we take an in-depth look
at Charlotte Field,
78
00:04:11,398 --> 00:04:14,199
a Rhodes Scholar,
a Pulitzer winner,
79
00:04:14,201 --> 00:04:16,869
and protege
of President Chambers,
80
00:04:16,871 --> 00:04:18,770
who tapped Field two years ago
81
00:04:18,772 --> 00:04:21,239
to be the youngest
secretary of state
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00:04:21,241 --> 00:04:22,641
in the history of this nation.
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00:04:22,643 --> 00:04:25,110
And honestly,
looking hotter than usual.
84
00:04:25,112 --> 00:04:26,879
Now, people are gonna say
that's sexist,
85
00:04:26,881 --> 00:04:28,881
but, she's just hot!
86
00:04:28,883 --> 00:04:30,382
You know,
when we talk about women in this way,
87
00:04:30,384 --> 00:04:32,117
it is because
we respect them so much,
88
00:04:32,119 --> 00:04:33,552
and we start with their body.
89
00:04:33,554 --> 00:04:35,255
You two are terrible.
90
00:04:39,192 --> 00:04:41,061
- Good night, Steven.
- Good night, Madam Secretary.
91
00:04:45,399 --> 00:04:47,332
Sorry for the late call,
Mr. Foreign Minister.
92
00:04:47,334 --> 00:04:48,433
Long day.
93
00:04:48,435 --> 00:04:49,902
Three bilaterals.
94
00:04:49,904 --> 00:04:52,671
Listen, we're not going to be
able to do it.
95
00:04:52,673 --> 00:04:54,907
There's just not enough
traction around this thing.
96
00:04:54,909 --> 00:04:57,910
I believe in it, it's just...
I don't have Congress support.
97
00:04:57,912 --> 00:04:59,611
I don't have
the American people's support.
98
00:04:59,613 --> 00:05:01,681
I know you and I
don't like it, Chuck,
99
00:05:01,683 --> 00:05:03,415
but you know who likes it?
100
00:05:03,417 --> 00:05:06,652
88% of college-educated
Americans over 45.
101
00:05:06,654 --> 00:05:08,219
Likely voters.
102
00:05:08,221 --> 00:05:10,490
That's Gallup.
We have to make this happen.
103
00:05:45,661 --> 00:05:48,895
Well, I wouldn't call
the president inexperienced.
104
00:05:48,897 --> 00:05:50,464
I mean,
he did play a president
105
00:05:50,466 --> 00:05:54,300
on a very popular television
show for over a decade.
106
00:05:54,302 --> 00:05:56,536
You don't get
six Golden Globe nominations
107
00:05:56,538 --> 00:05:58,639
without being
pretty convincing.
108
00:05:58,641 --> 00:06:01,207
Um, I do think I'm funny.
109
00:06:01,209 --> 00:06:02,976
I'm sorry, I thought
this interview was about
110
00:06:02,978 --> 00:06:05,445
promoting democracy
in Eastern Europe.
111
00:06:05,447 --> 00:06:07,246
All right, next one's BBC.
112
00:06:07,248 --> 00:06:08,615
Would you be asking
a male cabinet member
113
00:06:08,617 --> 00:06:10,284
what products they use
in their hair?
114
00:06:10,886 --> 00:06:12,552
I'm just kidding.
115
00:06:12,554 --> 00:06:14,955
No, it's olive oil
and mayonnaise.
116
00:06:14,957 --> 00:06:17,424
I know. So cheap.
So much shine.
117
00:06:20,429 --> 00:06:22,362
Good morning, Mr. President.
118
00:06:22,364 --> 00:06:23,866
Good morning,
Mr. President.
119
00:06:25,434 --> 00:06:27,801
Good morning, Mr. President.
120
00:06:27,803 --> 00:06:29,736
Good morning, Mr. President.
121
00:06:29,738 --> 00:06:31,338
Oh, hey, Charlotte.
122
00:06:31,340 --> 00:06:34,408
You caught me
watching my show.
123
00:06:34,410 --> 00:06:37,344
Mr. President. We still
recommend Option C.
124
00:06:37,346 --> 00:06:40,347
I am not nuking a tsunami!
125
00:06:40,349 --> 00:06:42,482
Oh, here it is.
126
00:06:42,484 --> 00:06:43,984
Not now...
127
00:06:43,986 --> 00:06:45,686
Not today.
128
00:06:45,688 --> 00:06:47,320
Not in my house.
129
00:06:47,322 --> 00:06:49,556
Yes! I love that!
130
00:06:49,558 --> 00:06:51,425
Oh, me too.
131
00:06:51,427 --> 00:06:53,493
Anyway, that's not why
I called you here.
132
00:06:55,631 --> 00:06:56,865
Charlotte.
133
00:06:57,433 --> 00:06:58,465
Yes, sir?
134
00:06:58,467 --> 00:07:01,468
I will not be
seeking reelection.
135
00:07:01,470 --> 00:07:02,769
Really?
136
00:07:02,771 --> 00:07:04,538
Look, I know it's crazy,
137
00:07:04,540 --> 00:07:06,573
because I'm only halfway
through my first term.
138
00:07:06,575 --> 00:07:09,643
And you're incredibly
popular, sir.
139
00:07:09,645 --> 00:07:11,745
And I want to use
that popularity
140
00:07:11,747 --> 00:07:15,282
to transition into something
141
00:07:15,284 --> 00:07:17,619
more prestigious
than the presidency.
142
00:07:18,854 --> 00:07:21,588
I wanna make it in the movies.
143
00:07:21,590 --> 00:07:24,758
You're going to leave
144
00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:27,494
the Presidency
to go be in movies?
145
00:07:27,496 --> 00:07:29,730
- I know. It's gonna be tough.
- Ah...
146
00:07:29,732 --> 00:07:32,399
Only like, 10 guys
have made that jump
147
00:07:32,401 --> 00:07:34,334
from TV to film.
148
00:07:34,336 --> 00:07:36,837
Woody Harrelson,
George Clooney...
149
00:07:36,839 --> 00:07:38,538
Might be... Might be just two.
150
00:07:38,540 --> 00:07:41,909
I... Mr. President, have you
151
00:07:41,911 --> 00:07:45,779
given any consideration
as to whom you might endorse?
152
00:07:45,781 --> 00:07:47,849
I'm sure you're probably
thinking of McNichol
153
00:07:47,851 --> 00:07:51,451
or Crowly. Strong choices.
154
00:07:51,453 --> 00:07:55,291
So strange, because I was
considering a run in 2024.
155
00:07:56,060 --> 00:07:57,594
And I've been vetted.
156
00:07:58,328 --> 00:08:00,062
So that's all done.
157
00:08:00,064 --> 00:08:03,500
And I can't stop thinking
about what...
158
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,737
What it would do
for your legacy
159
00:08:07,872 --> 00:08:09,907
to endorse the first
female president.
160
00:08:11,809 --> 00:08:13,476
I mean... Wow.
161
00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:14,912
That's a legacy.
162
00:08:18,448 --> 00:08:19,681
- Charlotte?
- Hmm?
163
00:08:19,683 --> 00:08:21,950
I would like to endorse you
164
00:08:21,952 --> 00:08:24,554
to be the next president
of the United States.
165
00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:30,358
I mean, if you think that's
a good idea, sir, I trust you.
166
00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:33,028
I'd... I'd be honored.
167
00:08:33,030 --> 00:08:36,965
I'm gonna be pulling
for Team Charlotte. Right?
168
00:08:36,967 --> 00:08:38,903
Because you've been
a great secretary.
169
00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:40,803
...of state.
170
00:08:40,805 --> 00:08:43,105
Whatever. It's a cool job.
171
00:08:43,107 --> 00:08:45,473
And, um, you've done it well.
172
00:08:45,475 --> 00:08:47,976
- Thank you, sir.
- So stay focused.
173
00:08:47,978 --> 00:08:49,511
Don't make
any major screw-ups.
174
00:08:49,513 --> 00:08:50,779
Don't kill any hookers.
175
00:08:50,781 --> 00:08:52,080
Probably not a problem for you.
176
00:08:52,082 --> 00:08:53,682
I don't know what you're into.
Whatever.
177
00:08:53,684 --> 00:08:55,551
And before you know it...
178
00:08:58,589 --> 00:08:59,721
I like the sound of that.
179
00:09:06,597 --> 00:09:08,130
Thank you, sir.
180
00:09:15,573 --> 00:09:16,638
Oh, and here we see
181
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:18,440
Secretary of State
Charlotte Field.
182
00:09:18,442 --> 00:09:19,675
Good morning.
183
00:09:20,978 --> 00:09:22,345
Yes!
184
00:09:26,417 --> 00:09:29,117
So the headline is,
"You're in great shape."
185
00:09:29,119 --> 00:09:31,787
- Ninety-two, that's good.
- Really good.
186
00:09:31,789 --> 00:09:33,488
- Yeah.
- And now, keep in mind
187
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:36,024
that these are numbers
for a female candidate.
188
00:09:36,026 --> 00:09:39,428
If you were a man, you'd be
in the 192nd percentile.
189
00:09:39,430 --> 00:09:41,597
- Well, that seems about right.
- Yeah.
190
00:09:41,599 --> 00:09:43,699
'Cause the man... Okay.
191
00:09:43,701 --> 00:09:46,735
Um, your sense of humor is 82,
192
00:09:46,737 --> 00:09:49,004
which is solid. It's solid.
193
00:09:49,006 --> 00:09:51,106
But, you know, we wouldn't
mind seeing those numbers
194
00:09:51,108 --> 00:09:53,475
go up a few points, or more.
195
00:09:53,477 --> 00:09:55,677
So, I'm going to get
some writing samples from
196
00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:57,213
- some funny speech writers.
- Great.
197
00:09:57,215 --> 00:10:00,549
I am really interested
in knowing how people feel
198
00:10:00,551 --> 00:10:02,484
- about my accomplishments.
- Yeah.
199
00:10:02,486 --> 00:10:04,119
Right. You know, so we don't
200
00:10:04,121 --> 00:10:08,124
drill down
on specific policies.
201
00:10:08,126 --> 00:10:11,227
And that's only because
people don't seem to care.
202
00:10:11,229 --> 00:10:12,628
That's interesting.
203
00:10:12,630 --> 00:10:15,999
With that said, if you could
broker some deal
204
00:10:16,001 --> 00:10:17,533
that gets you
out there talking
205
00:10:17,535 --> 00:10:18,902
about a thing that you feel
206
00:10:18,904 --> 00:10:21,037
really strongly about,
that would be great.
207
00:10:21,039 --> 00:10:21,971
Well, that's perfect.
208
00:10:21,973 --> 00:10:24,074
I mean, we've been
looking for an opening
209
00:10:24,076 --> 00:10:26,011
to start a conversation
about the environment.
210
00:10:26,811 --> 00:10:29,479
All right.
211
00:10:29,481 --> 00:10:32,249
Romantically, if I may...
212
00:10:32,251 --> 00:10:35,252
Remember the stir online
213
00:10:35,254 --> 00:10:37,854
when the Canadian
Prime Minister and you
214
00:10:37,856 --> 00:10:39,756
were seated next to each other
215
00:10:39,758 --> 00:10:41,258
at The Global Business Forum?
216
00:10:41,260 --> 00:10:42,659
Mmm-hmm.
217
00:10:42,661 --> 00:10:44,794
A relationship like that
218
00:10:44,796 --> 00:10:47,565
would push you
into the high 90s.
219
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,633
High 90s? Wow.
220
00:10:50,635 --> 00:10:51,971
That brings us to...
221
00:10:55,707 --> 00:10:57,640
What's wrong
with my wave?
222
00:10:57,642 --> 00:10:59,642
Um, I think people feel that
223
00:10:59,644 --> 00:11:02,679
that level of elbow movement
is, um...
224
00:11:02,681 --> 00:11:04,181
It stresses people out.
225
00:11:04,183 --> 00:11:07,184
You know what? It's just
an area for improvement.
226
00:11:07,186 --> 00:11:08,953
Okay, fine,
I'll work on the wave.
227
00:11:13,192 --> 00:11:14,825
- Hey.
- Hey, Fred.
228
00:11:14,827 --> 00:11:17,529
You're gonna love this.
I almost died.
229
00:11:17,964 --> 00:11:19,562
You got a second?
230
00:11:19,564 --> 00:11:22,232
- Yeah.
- Come on.
231
00:11:22,234 --> 00:11:24,734
I actually have
some really great news.
232
00:11:24,736 --> 00:11:26,904
- Really? Cool.
- Yes.
233
00:11:26,906 --> 00:11:29,239
We were just bought
by Wembley Media.
234
00:11:29,241 --> 00:11:31,208
- What?
- Yeah.
235
00:11:31,210 --> 00:11:32,109
Are you fucking kidding me?
236
00:11:32,111 --> 00:11:33,576
I knew you'd have
a harsh reaction...
237
00:11:33,578 --> 00:11:34,745
A harsh reaction?
238
00:11:34,747 --> 00:11:36,180
- Fred, this is a good thing.
- How?
239
00:11:36,182 --> 00:11:37,781
The fucker
represents everything
240
00:11:37,783 --> 00:11:39,249
that we've been fighting
against since day one!
241
00:11:39,251 --> 00:11:42,152
The whole point of this paper is
to fight giant media conglomerates.
242
00:11:42,154 --> 00:11:43,954
Now we've been bought
by a giant media conglomerate.
243
00:11:43,956 --> 00:11:46,223
- I do see the irony.
- Irony?
244
00:11:46,225 --> 00:11:48,892
He's gonna turn this place
into a propaganda machine.
245
00:11:48,894 --> 00:11:50,761
Not the good kind,
that's right!
246
00:11:50,763 --> 00:11:52,562
The bad kind, that's wrong!
247
00:11:52,564 --> 00:11:53,931
Well, we're out of options.
248
00:11:53,933 --> 00:11:55,666
We've been running
as long as we can
249
00:11:55,668 --> 00:11:58,068
on ads for weed doctors
and escorts.
250
00:11:58,070 --> 00:12:00,170
Let's get penis enlargement
ads, too.
251
00:12:00,172 --> 00:12:01,638
No one likes their dick.
252
00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:03,607
- Come on, Fred.
- This Wembley guy,
253
00:12:03,609 --> 00:12:06,143
he ran fake stories
to help get Chambers elected.
254
00:12:06,145 --> 00:12:07,111
No, they couldn't prove that.
255
00:12:07,113 --> 00:12:09,313
We proved it! I wrote
three articles about it!
256
00:12:09,315 --> 00:12:11,215
- You published them!
- I did.
257
00:12:11,217 --> 00:12:13,917
The shit that comes out
of this fucking guy's mouth...
258
00:12:13,919 --> 00:12:16,620
He said hurricanes were
caused by gay marriage.
259
00:12:16,622 --> 00:12:18,222
I don't even get
how that fucking works.
260
00:12:18,224 --> 00:12:19,823
I don't even get
the math on that one.
261
00:12:19,825 --> 00:12:21,892
- Fred, it's done, all right?
- It's done?
262
00:12:21,894 --> 00:12:25,362
They're upstairs finalizing
the deal right now.
263
00:12:25,364 --> 00:12:28,132
Look, we have to cut
two-thirds of our staff.
264
00:12:28,134 --> 00:12:30,167
- Two-thirds?
- Yeah.
265
00:12:30,169 --> 00:12:32,603
But we wanna keep you on.
They wanna keep you on.
266
00:12:32,605 --> 00:12:34,004
It's just...
267
00:12:34,006 --> 00:12:35,907
You just have to
tone it down a little bit.
268
00:12:35,909 --> 00:12:37,376
I don't know how I can
tone things down
269
00:12:37,378 --> 00:12:39,044
any more than
I'm toning them down.
270
00:12:39,046 --> 00:12:41,046
Okay, Fred.
You're a great writer.
271
00:12:41,048 --> 00:12:42,213
- Thank you.
- All right, you're funny,
272
00:12:42,215 --> 00:12:43,915
you take risks,
you connect with people.
273
00:12:43,917 --> 00:12:45,183
I'm sensing a twist in this.
274
00:12:45,185 --> 00:12:47,187
You have a distinct,
authentic voice, but...
275
00:12:48,321 --> 00:12:50,188
Sometimes you're
a little too much.
276
00:12:50,190 --> 00:12:51,222
I don't think I am too much!
277
00:12:51,224 --> 00:12:53,725
I actually think I'm
the perfect right portion.
278
00:12:53,727 --> 00:12:55,226
Look, you have your job.
279
00:12:55,228 --> 00:12:58,063
Okay, focus on that and just
toe the line a little bit.
280
00:12:58,065 --> 00:12:59,664
You know what? I quit.
281
00:12:59,666 --> 00:13:00,799
Oh, come on, Fred.
282
00:13:00,801 --> 00:13:02,801
You should quit, too.
Everyone should fucking quit.
283
00:13:02,803 --> 00:13:04,736
No, I'm not gonna quit,
I need my job.
284
00:13:04,738 --> 00:13:06,838
I need my fucking job, too.
I'm broke, man!
285
00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:08,240
But I can't work for that guy.
286
00:13:08,242 --> 00:13:10,642
At least let me fire you
so you can get unemployment.
287
00:13:10,644 --> 00:13:12,710
No fucking way!
288
00:13:12,712 --> 00:13:14,846
I want him to know
that I quit.
289
00:13:14,848 --> 00:13:17,183
He's never gonna know it,
he's never heard of you.
290
00:13:17,185 --> 00:13:19,751
You're gonna destroy your life to
spite a guy who's never heard of you?
291
00:13:19,753 --> 00:13:21,320
Yes! You said it best!
292
00:13:21,322 --> 00:13:22,488
That's exactly
what I'm doing.
293
00:13:22,490 --> 00:13:25,291
You're making bad decisions
and it's bumming me out, man.
294
00:13:25,293 --> 00:13:26,758
Well, that makes
two of us.
295
00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:30,329
Fuck this.
Journalism died today, people.
296
00:13:30,331 --> 00:13:33,299
Yes, hello, this is, uh,
Fred Flarsky.
297
00:13:33,301 --> 00:13:35,234
Um... I, uh,
298
00:13:35,236 --> 00:13:36,801
was just calling to say
that I was forced
299
00:13:36,803 --> 00:13:38,069
to quit my job recently,
300
00:13:38,071 --> 00:13:39,771
making me
something of a free agent.
301
00:13:39,773 --> 00:13:41,340
And I know in the past, uh,
302
00:13:41,342 --> 00:13:44,043
you said I'm not exactly what
The Times was looking for,
303
00:13:44,045 --> 00:13:46,711
but I was just calling
to see if anything's changed.
304
00:13:46,713 --> 00:13:48,847
Uh, just give me a ring.
Thank you so much.
305
00:13:48,849 --> 00:13:51,052
Yo, Lance. It's Fred. Um...
306
00:13:52,786 --> 00:13:54,086
I lost my job
and I'm very sad.
307
00:13:54,088 --> 00:13:55,687
Can I come by?
308
00:14:01,028 --> 00:14:02,294
We need to
schedule a meeting
309
00:14:02,296 --> 00:14:04,296
and see what they have to say.
310
00:14:04,298 --> 00:14:05,832
Excuse me.
311
00:14:07,001 --> 00:14:09,801
Man, I can't believe
they did you like that.
312
00:14:09,803 --> 00:14:11,437
It's fucked up. I'm pissed.
313
00:14:11,439 --> 00:14:13,372
But you're gonna feel a lot
better, man, we're leaving.
314
00:14:13,374 --> 00:14:15,074
You can leave work right now?
315
00:14:15,076 --> 00:14:17,143
Yeah, I can fucking leave.
You see this corner office?
316
00:14:17,145 --> 00:14:18,410
That's a
"I can leave this bitch
317
00:14:18,412 --> 00:14:20,379
"whenever I want"
corner office.
318
00:14:20,381 --> 00:14:21,916
Come on, man. Everybody!
319
00:14:23,084 --> 00:14:24,816
This is my best friend,
320
00:14:24,818 --> 00:14:26,352
and he just
lost his job today.
321
00:14:26,354 --> 00:14:28,220
All right?
He's at rock bottom.
322
00:14:28,222 --> 00:14:30,422
- It's not that bad.
- He feels like shit.
323
00:14:30,424 --> 00:14:32,091
And I'm gonna
make him feel better.
324
00:14:32,093 --> 00:14:33,791
It's been a tradition
since we were in college,
325
00:14:33,793 --> 00:14:35,161
when one of us feels sad,
326
00:14:35,163 --> 00:14:36,896
the other one
has to get him fucked up.
327
00:14:36,898 --> 00:14:41,066
I'm talking Britney Spears,
mid-2000s bald head,
328
00:14:41,068 --> 00:14:43,335
almost dropping the baby
fucked up.
329
00:14:43,337 --> 00:14:45,437
No judgement. No judgement.
330
00:14:45,439 --> 00:14:47,806
I need my schedule cleared,
Zander.
331
00:14:47,808 --> 00:14:48,908
I don't want to do shit.
332
00:14:48,910 --> 00:14:51,143
I'm going off-grid
till tomorrow.
333
00:14:51,145 --> 00:14:52,213
Matter of fact...
334
00:14:53,314 --> 00:14:55,247
Everybody's got the day off.
335
00:14:55,249 --> 00:14:57,751
Everybody's got the day off.
Y'all got the day off.
336
00:14:57,753 --> 00:14:58,852
Everybody, go home.
337
00:14:58,854 --> 00:15:01,521
I'm so appreciative
of all of you guys' hard work.
338
00:15:01,523 --> 00:15:03,256
I love
every single one of you.
339
00:15:03,258 --> 00:15:04,324
Except you, Ted!
340
00:15:04,326 --> 00:15:07,427
Bagel Friday
is for everybody, Ted!
341
00:15:07,429 --> 00:15:09,529
You don't think we know
you taking the bagels?
342
00:15:09,531 --> 00:15:10,897
Yeah, Ted, not cool.
343
00:15:10,899 --> 00:15:11,831
- Zander.
- Yeah?
344
00:15:11,833 --> 00:15:14,067
I need two cans
of the Pamplemousse LaCroix.
345
00:15:14,069 --> 00:15:15,302
Uh-huh.
- I need that filled
346
00:15:15,304 --> 00:15:17,837
with Johnnie Walker Blue
and CBD oil.
347
00:15:17,839 --> 00:15:19,007
Do you want one?
348
00:15:20,375 --> 00:15:22,042
I got fucked, man.
349
00:15:22,044 --> 00:15:24,778
Yeah, you got fucked
like a stepmom on Pornhub.
350
00:15:24,780 --> 00:15:25,946
Well, it happens to everybody.
351
00:15:25,948 --> 00:15:27,881
I've been unemployed before,
it sucks.
352
00:15:27,883 --> 00:15:29,149
But I didn't ask
for any handouts.
353
00:15:29,151 --> 00:15:31,952
I picked myself up by
my bootstraps and got to it.
354
00:15:31,954 --> 00:15:33,386
Where are we going right now?
355
00:15:33,388 --> 00:15:35,188
Best day ever, Fred.
Don't worry about it.
356
00:15:35,190 --> 00:15:37,357
I've got this dope afternoon
planned for us.
357
00:15:37,359 --> 00:15:39,159
First we're going to finish
these Pamplemousse's.
358
00:15:39,161 --> 00:15:40,126
Play at the park.
359
00:15:40,128 --> 00:15:42,162
After that we're going to
go to Peter Luger's,
360
00:15:42,164 --> 00:15:43,330
get you a nice fat steak,
361
00:15:43,332 --> 00:15:46,032
and then finish it off with
a World Wildlife Fund benefit.
362
00:15:46,034 --> 00:15:47,400
I don't know if I
want to go to some
363
00:15:47,402 --> 00:15:48,969
fancy rich person party.
364
00:15:48,971 --> 00:15:50,303
What... Oh, come on, man,
365
00:15:50,305 --> 00:15:51,905
don't be so judgmental,
all right?
366
00:15:51,907 --> 00:15:54,307
It's free booze and
there'll be pandas and shit.
367
00:15:54,309 --> 00:15:56,843
- People love pandas and shit.
- I don't know.
368
00:15:56,845 --> 00:15:58,078
All right, fine, Fred.
369
00:15:58,080 --> 00:15:59,480
Then just do nothing.
All right?
370
00:15:59,482 --> 00:16:01,415
Go home, do nothing.
371
00:16:01,417 --> 00:16:03,986
And don't kick it with your
best friend and Boyz II Men.
372
00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:06,354
Say what?
373
00:16:06,356 --> 00:16:08,088
Oh, yeah.
374
00:16:08,090 --> 00:16:09,557
Boyz II Men is bringing
their timeless blend
375
00:16:09,559 --> 00:16:12,826
of R&B, hip-hop and
new jack swing to the party.
376
00:16:12,828 --> 00:16:14,828
I thought you would
like to be there.
377
00:16:14,830 --> 00:16:16,530
Bo-bo-bo-Boyz II Men?
378
00:16:20,703 --> 00:16:21,602
That's what I'm talking about,
man. Let's do this shit.
379
00:16:21,604 --> 00:16:23,571
Okay, let's have fun.
What a fun day.
380
00:16:25,541 --> 00:16:29,175
I am so hungry,
it's insane.
381
00:16:29,177 --> 00:16:30,411
Why didn't you
PowerBar me?
382
00:16:30,413 --> 00:16:31,911
I tried,
you pushed my hand away.
383
00:16:31,913 --> 00:16:33,079
Oh.
384
00:16:33,081 --> 00:16:36,082
Skewered foods. I can't eat
skewered foods gracefully.
385
00:16:36,084 --> 00:16:37,485
I look like
a fucking caveman.
386
00:16:37,487 --> 00:16:39,253
Yeah, and there are
cameras everywhere.
387
00:16:39,255 --> 00:16:41,087
That's really gonna hurt
your elegance score.
388
00:16:41,089 --> 00:16:42,158
That's my best score.
389
00:16:46,562 --> 00:16:48,496
Fuck! It's all
skewered foods.
390
00:16:48,498 --> 00:16:50,164
I'm gonna take the chicken
off the skewers.
391
00:16:50,166 --> 00:16:52,098
- Take it off...
- Quickly. Quickly.
392
00:16:52,100 --> 00:16:54,067
Why do they make this
so difficult...
393
00:16:54,069 --> 00:16:56,404
Oh. I'm sorry, sir.
I apologize.
394
00:16:56,406 --> 00:16:58,972
- Jesus fucking Christ.
- Can't do things...
395
00:16:58,974 --> 00:17:00,940
Just make a fucking...
Make a wall. Make a wall.
396
00:17:00,942 --> 00:17:02,811
- Yup. Yes.
- Do you have it?
397
00:17:05,981 --> 00:17:07,581
Good. Good, good,
good, good.
398
00:17:07,583 --> 00:17:09,385
Oh, my God,
it's really good chicken.
399
00:17:11,020 --> 00:17:12,586
James Steward is approaching.
James Steward is approaching.
400
00:17:12,588 --> 00:17:13,654
What?
401
00:17:13,656 --> 00:17:15,423
Okay, he's about
nine feet away.
402
00:17:15,425 --> 00:17:17,459
His dick is probably
about seven feet away.
403
00:17:17,461 --> 00:17:19,227
- Maggie!
- Six feet away.
404
00:17:19,229 --> 00:17:21,098
Five feet away.
Spit, spit, spit, spit, spit.
405
00:17:22,466 --> 00:17:24,499
- James!
- Bonsoir.
406
00:17:24,501 --> 00:17:26,335
- Hi.
- Good evening.
407
00:17:26,337 --> 00:17:28,003
I am so sorry I missed you
408
00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:29,671
when I was at the White House
a few weeks ago.
409
00:17:29,673 --> 00:17:32,607
Oh, are you so "sorry," James?
410
00:17:32,609 --> 00:17:34,142
You're never gonna
411
00:17:34,144 --> 00:17:35,477
stop making that joke,
are you?
412
00:17:35,479 --> 00:17:37,612
No. I'm not.
413
00:17:37,614 --> 00:17:39,081
Well, I... Oh, hello.
414
00:17:39,083 --> 00:17:40,382
- Hi.
- Oh, yes.
415
00:17:40,384 --> 00:17:42,186
Thank you.
416
00:17:43,554 --> 00:17:45,589
- One more. One more.
- One more.
417
00:17:46,690 --> 00:17:49,057
Merci. Thank you.
418
00:17:49,059 --> 00:17:50,227
What do you say
we get out of here?
419
00:17:51,595 --> 00:17:54,363
Grab a drink somewhere
a bit more private.
420
00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:57,699
- Yes...
- Yeah?
421
00:17:57,701 --> 00:17:59,968
Oh, my God!
422
00:17:59,970 --> 00:18:01,703
Make some noise out there!
Make some noise!
423
00:18:01,705 --> 00:18:04,005
Yeah! Check it out, y'all!
424
00:18:04,007 --> 00:18:06,141
One question,
what's the name of the group?
425
00:18:06,143 --> 00:18:07,409
Boyz II Men!
426
00:18:07,411 --> 00:18:08,276
What's the name
of the group, y'all?
427
00:18:08,278 --> 00:18:09,611
Boyz II Men!
428
00:18:31,502 --> 00:18:33,603
Yeah...
I told you this would be dope.
429
00:18:33,605 --> 00:18:36,672
Yeah, uh...
This is really cheering me up.
430
00:18:36,674 --> 00:18:38,106
Wow.
431
00:18:47,719 --> 00:18:49,151
I'm super underdressed.
432
00:18:49,153 --> 00:18:50,452
Stop complaining,
all right?
433
00:18:50,454 --> 00:18:52,387
You think
you feel outta place?
434
00:18:52,389 --> 00:18:53,556
This is one of
the brightest rooms
435
00:18:53,558 --> 00:18:55,591
I've ever been in,
in my life.
436
00:18:55,593 --> 00:18:57,394
Bright?
What do you mean, bright?
437
00:18:57,995 --> 00:18:59,227
Like white.
438
00:18:59,229 --> 00:19:01,296
- Oh, "bright" is white?
- Yeah, man.
439
00:19:01,298 --> 00:19:03,365
It's only me,
the waiters and Boyz II Men.
440
00:19:03,367 --> 00:19:05,233
I've already had three people
tell me they love my music.
441
00:19:11,175 --> 00:19:12,408
Duty calls.
442
00:19:12,410 --> 00:19:14,777
I'll take a snow check
on that dance.
443
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:17,379
- Canadian for "rain check."
- Okay.
444
00:19:17,381 --> 00:19:19,417
Okay.
445
00:19:26,391 --> 00:19:28,524
Man, you're pounding 'em
kinda hard, don't you think?
446
00:19:28,526 --> 00:19:30,593
I got fired today, man.
447
00:19:30,595 --> 00:19:31,962
You told me you quit.
448
00:19:33,364 --> 00:19:35,465
I was forced to quit
because of...
449
00:19:35,467 --> 00:19:36,599
Yeah, okay, man.
450
00:19:36,601 --> 00:19:37,968
Lie to me some more.
451
00:19:39,805 --> 00:19:41,072
You good?
452
00:19:46,345 --> 00:19:48,514
Shit. Is the secretary
of state looking at us?
453
00:19:50,449 --> 00:19:51,650
Oh, she's looking at you?
454
00:19:53,652 --> 00:19:55,019
Fred.
455
00:19:58,156 --> 00:20:00,292
Fred. What the hell?
What was that?
456
00:20:01,327 --> 00:20:03,195
Damn. Hey, what was that?
457
00:20:04,463 --> 00:20:07,464
I... Kinda...
I kinda know her. Okay?
458
00:20:07,466 --> 00:20:09,399
- You kinda know her?
- Yeah.
459
00:20:09,401 --> 00:20:11,134
Nobody kinda knows
Charlotte Field, all right?
460
00:20:11,136 --> 00:20:12,536
It's like kinda knowing
a mermaid, dude.
461
00:20:12,538 --> 00:20:13,670
You tell people that shit.
462
00:20:13,672 --> 00:20:15,339
- That's exceptional.
- Okay.
463
00:20:15,341 --> 00:20:16,640
I'll tell you a story.
464
00:20:16,642 --> 00:20:20,377
So, I'm like 13,
she's like 16.
465
00:20:20,379 --> 00:20:21,714
She's my babysitter.
466
00:20:27,286 --> 00:20:29,820
She's like, perfect.
She's very nice to me,
467
00:20:29,822 --> 00:20:31,355
which goes a long way with me.
468
00:20:31,357 --> 00:20:32,789
So, we're at her house...
469
00:20:32,791 --> 00:20:34,725
She's practicing a speech
that she's writing.
470
00:20:34,727 --> 00:20:36,693
She's running for
Student Council president.
471
00:20:36,695 --> 00:20:37,996
Did you know
that every year,
472
00:20:37,998 --> 00:20:40,831
the school throws away over
500 tons of recyclable garbage?
473
00:20:40,833 --> 00:20:43,667
- And no one cares.
- I know, it's total bullshit.
474
00:20:43,669 --> 00:20:45,269
But how do you get idiots
to care about shit
475
00:20:45,271 --> 00:20:48,372
- they don't care about?
- They'll just care
476
00:20:48,374 --> 00:20:50,407
because it's the right thing
to care about.
477
00:20:50,409 --> 00:20:53,410
You're more inspiring than George
Bush and Dan Quayle combined.
478
00:20:53,412 --> 00:20:55,178
Well, that's not too hard.
479
00:20:56,615 --> 00:20:58,348
Well, she was amazing,
and she was smart,
480
00:20:58,350 --> 00:20:59,683
and she seemed to
kinda like me,
481
00:20:59,685 --> 00:21:01,451
and I felt like
we were having a moment.
482
00:21:01,453 --> 00:21:03,620
You know what I mean?
Like a romantic moment.
483
00:21:03,622 --> 00:21:04,688
Oh, shit.
484
00:21:04,690 --> 00:21:06,290
So I did something,
485
00:21:06,292 --> 00:21:08,392
that in retrospect
was highly inappropriate.
486
00:21:08,394 --> 00:21:09,695
I kissed her.
487
00:21:10,362 --> 00:21:11,695
I looked down...
488
00:21:11,697 --> 00:21:13,865
I got a fucking
13-year-old boner, man!
489
00:21:13,867 --> 00:21:16,700
- Oh!
- Hard... But not big.
490
00:21:16,702 --> 00:21:19,503
But hard. And pronounced,
"13-year-old boner."
491
00:21:19,505 --> 00:21:20,504
Sorry.
492
00:21:20,506 --> 00:21:22,474
And she looks at it.
She sees it. And she goes...
493
00:21:23,242 --> 00:21:24,308
It's okay.
494
00:21:24,310 --> 00:21:25,810
And then,
495
00:21:25,812 --> 00:21:27,678
her boyfriend comes
into the room,
496
00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:29,379
who was in the other room
watching Blossom!
497
00:21:29,381 --> 00:21:30,447
Hey, babe.
498
00:21:30,449 --> 00:21:32,316
Points out my fucking
little boner.
499
00:21:32,318 --> 00:21:34,719
- He makes a joke!
- Whoa!
500
00:21:34,721 --> 00:21:36,255
And they left.
501
00:21:36,890 --> 00:21:38,424
I'm sorry.
502
00:21:40,459 --> 00:21:43,529
And I'm left
standing there alone...
503
00:21:44,363 --> 00:21:45,329
...in the kitchen,
504
00:21:45,331 --> 00:21:48,332
with my little, hard
13-year-old fucking boner.
505
00:21:48,334 --> 00:21:50,500
- Hard as a rock.
- And on top of that,
506
00:21:50,502 --> 00:21:52,169
she didn't win
the fucking election.
507
00:21:52,171 --> 00:21:54,872
Bill Sterling won because
he ran on a two-prom platform.
508
00:21:54,874 --> 00:21:57,909
- Two-prom!
- Two-proms! Back-to-back!
509
00:21:57,911 --> 00:22:00,278
She didn't stand
a fucking chance.
510
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:01,412
No, man.
511
00:22:01,414 --> 00:22:03,448
I think you're skimming over
the best part of that story.
512
00:22:03,450 --> 00:22:05,183
What's the best part
of that story?
513
00:22:05,185 --> 00:22:06,952
She says your boner was okay.
514
00:22:06,954 --> 00:22:08,754
She said, "It's okay,"
like she was trying
515
00:22:08,756 --> 00:22:10,589
to not make me
fucking feel bad.
516
00:22:10,591 --> 00:22:12,591
Fred, you see
a fucked-up story,
517
00:22:12,593 --> 00:22:16,327
when I see a beautiful story
about a girl that you liked,
518
00:22:16,329 --> 00:22:19,464
liking your boner
in all of its okay-ness.
519
00:22:19,466 --> 00:22:21,533
You need
to talk to her tonight.
520
00:22:21,535 --> 00:22:22,801
She probably doesn't remember
who I am,
521
00:22:22,803 --> 00:22:24,503
and if she does remember
who I am,
522
00:22:24,505 --> 00:22:25,671
the last thing she wants is
523
00:22:25,673 --> 00:22:27,773
my 13-year-old-boner-having
fucking ass walking up to her.
524
00:22:27,775 --> 00:22:28,841
- Look...
- Excuse me.
525
00:22:28,843 --> 00:22:29,875
Whoa.
526
00:22:29,877 --> 00:22:31,543
Secretary Field would
like to speak with you.
527
00:22:31,545 --> 00:22:32,778
With me?
528
00:22:32,780 --> 00:22:34,212
With him, right?
529
00:22:34,214 --> 00:22:35,981
- Yeah.
- Right now?
530
00:22:35,983 --> 00:22:37,583
Uh, do you know why?
531
00:22:37,585 --> 00:22:38,686
This way.
532
00:22:39,787 --> 00:22:40,953
This is good.
533
00:22:40,955 --> 00:22:42,388
What are you
nervous about?
534
00:22:42,390 --> 00:22:44,657
What the fuck?
Everything I just said!
535
00:22:54,300 --> 00:22:56,267
Oh, my God, dude,
there she is.
536
00:23:04,812 --> 00:23:06,645
What are you gonna
say to her?
537
00:23:06,647 --> 00:23:08,247
I don't know.
538
00:23:08,249 --> 00:23:09,615
Should open with a neg.
539
00:23:09,617 --> 00:23:10,916
Tell her she's too tall.
540
00:23:10,918 --> 00:23:12,818
I'm not gonna neg
the secretary of state.
541
00:23:12,820 --> 00:23:14,755
- It was so nice to see you.
- You as well.
542
00:23:16,891 --> 00:23:19,692
Give me the signal
when you need me.
543
00:23:19,694 --> 00:23:21,827
- Hi.
- Hi.
544
00:23:21,829 --> 00:23:23,262
A man brought me here.
545
00:23:23,264 --> 00:23:24,797
Yes, sorry about that.
546
00:23:24,799 --> 00:23:25,831
- Um...
- No, not at all.
547
00:23:25,833 --> 00:23:28,701
I can't shake this feeling
that we know each other.
548
00:23:28,703 --> 00:23:30,335
- We do. Yeah.
- We do?
549
00:23:30,337 --> 00:23:31,737
- We do know each other.
- Okay, so I'm not crazy.
550
00:23:31,739 --> 00:23:35,340
- Uh, I'm Fred.
- Fred... I was shorter,
551
00:23:35,342 --> 00:23:36,775
- but other than that...
- Flarsky?
552
00:23:36,777 --> 00:23:37,843
Yeah! Holy fuck!
553
00:23:37,845 --> 00:23:39,545
I can't believe it.
You remember.
554
00:23:39,547 --> 00:23:41,814
Oh, my God,
look at you!
555
00:23:41,816 --> 00:23:43,015
Look at me, yes.
556
00:23:43,017 --> 00:23:44,283
What are you doing here?
557
00:23:44,285 --> 00:23:46,785
My friend, Lance...
That's Lance.
558
00:23:46,787 --> 00:23:47,820
Hey, how you doing?
559
00:23:47,822 --> 00:23:50,489
He, uh, he just brought me
here to see Boyz II Men.
560
00:23:50,491 --> 00:23:51,623
I just met them.
561
00:23:51,625 --> 00:23:53,459
- You met the Men?
- Yeah.
562
00:23:53,461 --> 00:23:55,061
- What was it like?
- Don't tell anybody,
563
00:23:55,063 --> 00:23:56,562
but it was
the highlight of my life.
564
00:23:56,564 --> 00:23:57,696
Oh, I totally get that.
565
00:23:57,698 --> 00:23:58,697
And I've met
the Dalai Lama.
566
00:23:58,699 --> 00:24:01,366
Fuck him. How many hits
does he have? None.
567
00:24:01,368 --> 00:24:03,302
Don't actually fuck him.
568
00:24:03,304 --> 00:24:04,436
- He's a wonderful man.
- Yeah.
569
00:24:04,438 --> 00:24:05,871
What are you doing
these days?
570
00:24:05,873 --> 00:24:07,742
I bet it's
something amazing.
571
00:24:09,477 --> 00:24:10,743
- It's pretty amazing.
- Yeah.
572
00:24:10,745 --> 00:24:11,810
Uh, yeah,
573
00:24:11,812 --> 00:24:14,413
but it's still in its, uh,
gestation period, I guess.
574
00:24:14,415 --> 00:24:15,581
I don't need to get into it.
575
00:24:15,583 --> 00:24:16,684
What about you,
what have you been up to?
576
00:24:17,651 --> 00:24:18,817
You're the secretary...
I'm joking.
577
00:24:18,819 --> 00:24:19,953
I know what
you've been up to.
578
00:24:19,955 --> 00:24:21,155
- Yeah.
- You're very, um...
579
00:24:21,157 --> 00:24:23,523
You know, I just, I... I just
wanna say it's, like, amazing
580
00:24:23,525 --> 00:24:24,591
to see what you've done
with your life.
581
00:24:24,593 --> 00:24:25,725
A lot of people say
they're gonna do
582
00:24:25,727 --> 00:24:27,827
all this incredible stuff
and they don't do anything,
583
00:24:27,829 --> 00:24:30,465
but you actually did it all,
so, congrats.
584
00:24:31,834 --> 00:24:33,800
Well, I'm trying.
585
00:24:33,802 --> 00:24:35,337
I think you've done it.
586
00:24:37,006 --> 00:24:38,306
Oh!
587
00:24:39,474 --> 00:24:40,775
Parker Wembley.
588
00:24:40,777 --> 00:24:42,042
I hate this guy.
589
00:24:42,044 --> 00:24:44,677
Parker Wembley, the guy
who buys and sells newspapers
590
00:24:44,679 --> 00:24:46,781
and thinks that hurricanes
are caused by gay marriage?
591
00:24:46,783 --> 00:24:47,848
You know him?
592
00:24:47,850 --> 00:24:49,049
He's coming over here.
593
00:24:49,051 --> 00:24:50,818
- Is he behind me?
- Yeah.
594
00:24:50,820 --> 00:24:54,420
- Finally. Secretary Field.
- Parker, how are you?
595
00:24:54,422 --> 00:24:56,589
You are looking
particularly gorgeous tonight.
596
00:24:56,591 --> 00:24:57,892
Thank you.
597
00:24:57,894 --> 00:25:00,060
I... I've been trying
to set a meeting with you
598
00:25:00,062 --> 00:25:02,663
for some months now,
and, uh...
599
00:25:02,665 --> 00:25:04,430
I mean, have you been
avoiding me?
600
00:25:04,432 --> 00:25:07,433
No! No.
601
00:25:07,435 --> 00:25:09,571
Not successfully.
602
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:13,606
Who's your friend?
603
00:25:13,608 --> 00:25:15,475
- Fred.
- Hey, Fred!
604
00:25:15,477 --> 00:25:16,543
- Yes, hi.
- How are you?
605
00:25:16,545 --> 00:25:18,511
And, uh, what is it
that you do?
606
00:25:18,513 --> 00:25:20,547
I'm a journalist,
actually. Yeah.
607
00:25:20,549 --> 00:25:22,382
- Ooh, a journalist.
- Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
608
00:25:22,384 --> 00:25:24,785
Will I have read
anything that you've written?
609
00:25:24,787 --> 00:25:27,588
Probably not recently 'cause
I'm unemployed at the moment.
610
00:25:27,590 --> 00:25:29,489
Oh, I am so sorry
to hear that.
611
00:25:29,491 --> 00:25:30,758
Not your fault.
612
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:32,693
Excuse me, Secretary Field,
we need a word.
613
00:25:32,695 --> 00:25:34,762
- Oh, okay.
- So we will have that meeting.
614
00:25:34,764 --> 00:25:35,830
- Right?
- Yes.
615
00:25:35,832 --> 00:25:37,565
Okay, good. Fred.
616
00:25:37,567 --> 00:25:38,732
- Yes?
- Best of luck.
617
00:25:38,734 --> 00:25:39,800
Oh, why, thanks.
618
00:25:39,802 --> 00:25:40,868
Things will turn around
for you.
619
00:25:40,870 --> 00:25:41,769
So nice of you.
620
00:25:41,771 --> 00:25:43,573
Darkest before the dawn
and all that.
621
00:25:45,107 --> 00:25:47,575
- I actually... I do have to...
- Yeah.
622
00:25:47,577 --> 00:25:48,943
You probably have a lot
of things to do.
623
00:25:48,945 --> 00:25:50,010
Better than this.
624
00:25:50,012 --> 00:25:51,145
It's really nice
to see you again.
625
00:25:51,147 --> 00:25:54,682
Oh. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Great.
626
00:25:54,684 --> 00:25:57,718
Oh, you're backless.
Wasn't expecting that.
627
00:25:57,720 --> 00:25:59,587
- Have fun at the party.
- You too.
628
00:25:59,589 --> 00:26:00,723
Great to see you.
629
00:26:03,793 --> 00:26:06,760
I see you. I see you. Yeah.
630
00:26:09,198 --> 00:26:11,634
So I said,
"You want..."
631
00:26:13,135 --> 00:26:14,535
Hey. Hey.
What's that look in your eye?
632
00:26:14,537 --> 00:26:15,603
What are you
about to go do?
633
00:26:15,605 --> 00:26:17,438
Tonight is
about the animals, dude.
634
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:19,440
Fuck the animals!
They're fucking gone, man.
635
00:26:19,442 --> 00:26:21,141
Too late
for the fucking animals.
636
00:26:22,979 --> 00:26:24,645
Hey!
637
00:26:24,647 --> 00:26:26,146
- Oh, Fred?
- Yeah, look.
638
00:26:26,148 --> 00:26:28,482
- What's the problem?
- I'll tell you the problem.
639
00:26:28,484 --> 00:26:30,017
- What?
- You're the problem, man!
640
00:26:30,019 --> 00:26:32,586
You're everything that's wrong
with this fucking country.
641
00:26:32,588 --> 00:26:35,823
'Cause you're an old,
rich, white piece of shit
642
00:26:35,825 --> 00:26:38,559
and your media conglomerate
is ruining this planet!
643
00:26:38,561 --> 00:26:40,494
- Enough.
- I'm done anyway.
644
00:26:40,496 --> 00:26:42,163
I had more time with you
than I thought I would,
645
00:26:42,165 --> 00:26:43,798
so joke's on you.
Excuse me, thank you.
646
00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:45,467
Whoa, shit!
647
00:26:47,905 --> 00:26:49,138
God!
648
00:26:50,674 --> 00:26:51,840
Cracker down!
649
00:26:51,842 --> 00:26:53,242
Oh, my God.
650
00:26:53,244 --> 00:26:54,578
Looks like it hurt.
651
00:26:55,213 --> 00:26:57,078
Boyz II Men, back up.
652
00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:58,546
You all right? You good?
653
00:26:58,548 --> 00:26:59,714
- You all right?
- I'm okay!
654
00:26:59,716 --> 00:27:00,782
He's okay!
655
00:27:00,784 --> 00:27:01,919
How is he standing?
656
00:27:08,525 --> 00:27:10,627
- Oh!
- Ouch!
657
00:27:16,500 --> 00:27:17,565
This is so creative.
658
00:27:19,903 --> 00:27:21,137
Ha-ha!
659
00:27:21,139 --> 00:27:22,706
- What was that?
- Thank you, Tom.
660
00:27:23,207 --> 00:27:25,540
God, that was crazy.
661
00:27:25,542 --> 00:27:26,908
I mean,
now that we know he's okay,
662
00:27:26,910 --> 00:27:29,577
it was all so hilarious.
663
00:27:29,579 --> 00:27:32,181
And so what is
the relationship exactly?
664
00:27:32,183 --> 00:27:33,815
- Was he your super?
- No,
665
00:27:33,817 --> 00:27:35,750
we grew up
next door to each other.
666
00:27:35,752 --> 00:27:37,019
Yeah.
667
00:27:37,021 --> 00:27:39,889
Fuck,
I used to babysit for him.
668
00:27:39,891 --> 00:27:42,124
- You babysat for him?
- I did.
669
00:27:42,126 --> 00:27:44,793
Wow. Time has not been kind.
670
00:27:44,795 --> 00:27:45,794
He was
such a strange little kid.
671
00:27:45,796 --> 00:27:48,998
But he was really funny.
And he was super smart.
672
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:51,067
He did have this chip
on his shoulder, though.
673
00:27:51,069 --> 00:27:53,102
He's actually
not a bad writer.
674
00:27:53,104 --> 00:27:54,536
Wait, you've read
his stuff?
675
00:27:54,538 --> 00:27:55,737
Yeah, Brooklyn Advocate.
676
00:27:55,739 --> 00:27:58,040
Oh, God, of course,
you read that, Tom.
677
00:27:58,042 --> 00:27:59,809
Didn't that paper
just get sold off?
678
00:27:59,811 --> 00:28:01,177
Wembley Media
just bought them.
679
00:28:01,179 --> 00:28:03,745
Oh, that makes total sense.
680
00:28:03,747 --> 00:28:05,948
That's why he was
such a dick to Wembley.
681
00:28:05,950 --> 00:28:09,954
So the rest of the schedule
for the day is pretty packed.
682
00:28:20,264 --> 00:28:21,596
- Hi.
- Hey.
683
00:28:21,598 --> 00:28:24,300
Did you like
any of those writing samples?
684
00:28:24,302 --> 00:28:27,169
Yeah, McKenzie is good.
Bess is solid.
685
00:28:27,171 --> 00:28:31,707
And, um,
Fred's stuff isn't too bad.
686
00:28:31,709 --> 00:28:33,676
Wait, not the...
687
00:28:33,678 --> 00:28:36,145
The homeless person
that fell down the stairs?
688
00:28:36,147 --> 00:28:38,748
Yeah. He has a real voice.
689
00:28:38,750 --> 00:28:41,350
And he knows me.
I mean, he knew me.
690
00:28:41,352 --> 00:28:43,019
And that's probably
a good thing
691
00:28:43,021 --> 00:28:45,921
if he's going to be
writing for me.
692
00:28:45,923 --> 00:28:47,957
Bringing someone like that
onto the team,
693
00:28:47,959 --> 00:28:50,659
I have to say,
feels a little reckless.
694
00:28:50,661 --> 00:28:54,130
His writing is really good.
And it's funny.
695
00:28:54,132 --> 00:28:56,165
I think he can get that
number up by a few points.
696
00:28:56,167 --> 00:28:57,869
And if he doesn't,
we fire him.
697
00:28:58,736 --> 00:28:59,802
Okay.
698
00:28:59,804 --> 00:29:00,805
Okay.
699
00:29:01,339 --> 00:29:02,807
Fred Flarsky it is.
700
00:29:03,242 --> 00:29:04,610
Thanks.
701
00:29:09,782 --> 00:29:10,783
All right, bye.
702
00:29:17,222 --> 00:29:18,855
Unknown!
703
00:29:18,857 --> 00:29:20,657
I don't give a fuck.
Answer that shit.
704
00:29:20,659 --> 00:29:22,025
- What?
- Answer it!
705
00:29:22,027 --> 00:29:23,660
What if it's The Man
trying to get at me?
706
00:29:23,662 --> 00:29:25,363
No, it's the universe
trying to talk to you.
707
00:29:25,365 --> 00:29:26,630
Really?
708
00:29:26,632 --> 00:29:28,098
- Gang.
- Gang.
709
00:29:28,100 --> 00:29:29,866
Do that shit, man.
Fred, don't fuck with me.
710
00:29:29,868 --> 00:29:31,402
All right. Hello. Gang.
711
00:29:31,404 --> 00:29:33,236
- Mr. Flarsky?
- What?
712
00:29:33,238 --> 00:29:34,771
Wait, slow down. What?
713
00:29:34,773 --> 00:29:36,673
- You're unknown. Pardon?
- Oh, my God. Mr. Flarsky.
714
00:29:36,675 --> 00:29:38,775
- Hello?
- Go on.
715
00:29:38,777 --> 00:29:42,380
This is Maggie Millikin
from Secretary Field's office.
716
00:29:42,382 --> 00:29:44,681
Hello, Maggie,
who works for Secretary Field.
717
00:29:44,683 --> 00:29:46,350
- Whoo!
- Hello?
718
00:29:46,352 --> 00:29:47,651
That's good!
Talk to her.
719
00:29:47,653 --> 00:29:50,321
- Hello?
- How can I help you?
720
00:29:50,323 --> 00:29:52,290
The secretary would like
to meet with you immediately.
721
00:29:52,292 --> 00:29:53,657
We will send a car over.
722
00:29:53,659 --> 00:29:55,359
Can you give me
the most convenient address?
723
00:29:55,361 --> 00:29:57,195
- What is she saying?
- Secretary would like
724
00:29:57,197 --> 00:29:58,296
to meet with me immediately
725
00:29:58,298 --> 00:29:59,332
and they're going
to send a car?
726
00:30:01,733 --> 00:30:04,402
Mr. Lou's Deli in Brooklyn.
727
00:30:04,404 --> 00:30:06,837
- I'm sure you can find it.
- I will google it.
728
00:30:06,839 --> 00:30:08,872
Mr. Lou's in Brooklyn.
Stay right there.
729
00:30:08,874 --> 00:30:09,940
Okay.
730
00:30:09,942 --> 00:30:12,109
Uh, I'll see you soon.
731
00:30:12,111 --> 00:30:14,380
Oh,
I feel so scared.
732
00:30:15,181 --> 00:30:16,314
Do I look okay?
733
00:30:16,316 --> 00:30:17,781
Do I look funny?
734
00:30:17,783 --> 00:30:19,015
- Why are these pockets here?
- It's okay.
735
00:30:19,017 --> 00:30:20,284
God fucking damn it!
736
00:30:20,286 --> 00:30:22,153
Why am I wearing
these fucking stupid pants?
737
00:30:22,155 --> 00:30:23,387
They're too tapered!
738
00:30:23,389 --> 00:30:25,822
Who wears these silly-looking,
fucking tapered cargo pants
739
00:30:25,824 --> 00:30:27,958
and see the fucking
secretary of state?
740
00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:29,460
You can't think like this.
You have to be positive.
741
00:30:29,462 --> 00:30:30,961
- Mr. Flarsky?
- Oh, shit.
742
00:30:30,963 --> 00:30:32,098
Mr. Flarsky.
743
00:30:34,700 --> 00:30:35,799
Wish me luck, man.
744
00:30:35,801 --> 00:30:37,335
Yeah, you don't need luck, man.
She said it was okay.
745
00:30:37,337 --> 00:30:38,402
Luck is for losers.
746
00:30:38,404 --> 00:30:40,404
You've got destiny
on your side.
747
00:30:40,406 --> 00:30:43,207
You're good. Fred.
748
00:30:43,209 --> 00:30:44,743
You buy the body.
749
00:30:45,378 --> 00:30:46,645
That doesn't mean anything.
750
00:30:49,082 --> 00:30:50,747
Fred, put your
seat belt on.
751
00:30:50,749 --> 00:30:53,219
Take care of my friend.
All right?
752
00:30:54,287 --> 00:30:56,487
- I look normal?
- You look cool.
753
00:30:56,489 --> 00:30:57,890
I love you, Fred!
754
00:30:58,458 --> 00:31:00,326
Nut boys for life!
755
00:31:16,409 --> 00:31:19,377
Empty your pockets
and take off your backpack.
756
00:31:19,379 --> 00:31:20,746
Empty my pockets?
757
00:31:22,882 --> 00:31:24,285
All right. That's...
758
00:31:25,386 --> 00:31:26,820
Let's see how this goes.
759
00:31:29,924 --> 00:31:31,957
Not a regular cop, I assume.
760
00:31:31,959 --> 00:31:35,327
Got bigger fish to fry than
just normal cop shit, right?
761
00:31:35,329 --> 00:31:37,364
So, uh, okay. Let's do it.
762
00:31:39,133 --> 00:31:42,868
That's prescription.
For anxiety. Uh...
763
00:31:42,870 --> 00:31:46,438
This is if you can't dance for
a long time and you want to.
764
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:49,107
That's prescription as well,
for, uh, lack of energy.
765
00:31:49,109 --> 00:31:50,375
That's energy powder.
766
00:31:50,377 --> 00:31:53,981
These are to wrap
the anxiety medication in
767
00:31:54,848 --> 00:31:57,916
when inhaling it medicinally.
768
00:31:57,918 --> 00:32:00,385
That's if you want to vaporize
the anxiety medicine,
769
00:32:00,387 --> 00:32:02,056
which I have
a prescription for.
770
00:32:03,057 --> 00:32:04,391
And that's a blunt.
771
00:32:10,431 --> 00:32:11,765
Ooh.
772
00:32:13,434 --> 00:32:14,435
Hi.
773
00:32:20,174 --> 00:32:21,242
Wow.
774
00:32:23,410 --> 00:32:24,876
Will you sign this, please?
775
00:32:24,878 --> 00:32:27,079
- What is it?
- It's an NDA.
776
00:32:27,081 --> 00:32:28,146
A non-disclosure agreement?
777
00:32:28,148 --> 00:32:30,450
- That's right.
- Okay.
778
00:32:30,452 --> 00:32:32,117
- Oh, my God.
- Fred.
779
00:32:32,119 --> 00:32:33,919
- Yeah.
- Hey, nice to see you again.
780
00:32:33,921 --> 00:32:35,254
- Hi, you too.
- Come on in.
781
00:32:35,256 --> 00:32:36,255
Take a seat.
782
00:32:36,257 --> 00:32:38,458
Good to see you were
not injured from that fall.
783
00:32:38,460 --> 00:32:40,292
Oh, yeah, you know what?
784
00:32:40,294 --> 00:32:41,893
I actually think
the brim of my hat
785
00:32:41,895 --> 00:32:43,463
kind of protected
my face ultimately.
786
00:32:43,465 --> 00:32:45,864
So, thank God I was
underdressed in the end, right?
787
00:32:45,866 --> 00:32:47,833
Well, as long as you're good.
788
00:32:47,835 --> 00:32:49,234
- I'm okay.
- Yeah. Great.
789
00:32:49,236 --> 00:32:50,304
Uh...
790
00:32:52,106 --> 00:32:53,539
Why am I here?
791
00:32:53,541 --> 00:32:55,140
What I'm about to
share with you
792
00:32:55,142 --> 00:32:57,276
is, obviously,
highly confidential.
793
00:32:57,278 --> 00:32:58,378
Oh, yeah.
794
00:32:58,380 --> 00:32:59,813
Keep it
on the down low.
795
00:33:01,316 --> 00:33:03,984
President Chambers will not
be seeking reelection.
796
00:33:04,286 --> 00:33:05,351
Really?
797
00:33:05,353 --> 00:33:07,019
Yes.
798
00:33:07,021 --> 00:33:11,023
That's fucking sick!
That's awesome.
799
00:33:11,025 --> 00:33:14,126
Are you telling each American
individually the good news?
800
00:33:14,128 --> 00:33:15,193
I mean, but seriously.
801
00:33:15,195 --> 00:33:16,362
Did he just realize
he sucks at it
802
00:33:16,364 --> 00:33:18,096
and decide
not to do it anymore?
803
00:33:18,098 --> 00:33:22,034
He just wants to move
into film and make movies.
804
00:33:22,036 --> 00:33:23,503
- Really?
- Yeah.
805
00:33:23,505 --> 00:33:25,405
That's cool. That's a tough
transition to make.
806
00:33:25,407 --> 00:33:28,241
Not many actors have made
the leap from TV to film.
807
00:33:28,243 --> 00:33:29,975
You got George Clooney,
you got Woody Harrelson...
808
00:33:29,977 --> 00:33:31,043
Jennifer Aniston.
809
00:33:31,045 --> 00:33:32,645
Mmm, did she though?
810
00:33:32,647 --> 00:33:34,347
You don't think Jennifer
Aniston's a movie star?
811
00:33:34,349 --> 00:33:35,415
Just 'cause
you star in movies
812
00:33:35,417 --> 00:33:36,482
doesn't mean
you're a movie star.
813
00:33:36,484 --> 00:33:38,618
The point is...
814
00:33:38,620 --> 00:33:41,423
He's going to endorse me
for president in 2020.
815
00:33:41,922 --> 00:33:42,988
Wow.
816
00:33:42,990 --> 00:33:44,324
- I know.
- Mazel tov.
817
00:33:44,326 --> 00:33:45,459
So.
818
00:33:45,461 --> 00:33:47,528
We're headed to
an environmental summit
819
00:33:47,530 --> 00:33:48,961
hosted by King Gustav
820
00:33:48,963 --> 00:33:50,597
and the Swedish Royal Family.
821
00:33:50,599 --> 00:33:52,899
At the summit,
I'll be announcing
822
00:33:52,901 --> 00:33:55,001
that the world's
three largest polluters
823
00:33:55,003 --> 00:33:56,370
have signed on
to the most comprehensive
824
00:33:56,372 --> 00:33:58,372
and exciting
environmental deal ever.
825
00:33:58,374 --> 00:33:59,640
You know,
after I have some dairy,
826
00:33:59,642 --> 00:34:01,508
I'm one of the world's
three largest polluters.
827
00:34:01,510 --> 00:34:02,676
Excuse me?
828
00:34:02,678 --> 00:34:05,079
We'll address
rising sea levels,
829
00:34:05,081 --> 00:34:06,680
combat deforestation
830
00:34:06,682 --> 00:34:09,016
and protect
the world's pollinators.
831
00:34:09,018 --> 00:34:12,119
I'm calling it the Global
Rehabilitation Initiative.
832
00:34:12,121 --> 00:34:13,387
Internally,
we're referring to it
833
00:34:13,389 --> 00:34:14,688
as "Bees, Trees and the Seas."
834
00:34:14,690 --> 00:34:16,223
Soon after that,
835
00:34:16,225 --> 00:34:18,559
I hope to announce that
100 countries have signed on.
836
00:34:18,561 --> 00:34:21,061
- Wow.
- At which point...
837
00:34:21,063 --> 00:34:23,430
I will resign
as secretary of state.
838
00:34:23,432 --> 00:34:26,433
Using this initiative
as a springboard,
839
00:34:26,435 --> 00:34:28,635
I will announce
my presidential run in 2020.
840
00:34:28,637 --> 00:34:30,239
- Cool.
- So...
841
00:34:32,141 --> 00:34:34,708
I need some writers
to punch up my speeches.
842
00:34:34,710 --> 00:34:37,044
I read your work
and I really like it.
843
00:34:37,046 --> 00:34:38,245
That's... Wow.
844
00:34:38,247 --> 00:34:39,947
You mentioned
you were between jobs.
845
00:34:39,949 --> 00:34:40,914
So it's a really good fit.
846
00:34:40,916 --> 00:34:43,484
It's so nice of you
to think of me at all,
847
00:34:43,486 --> 00:34:45,986
honestly, with everything
going on in your head.
848
00:34:45,988 --> 00:34:47,287
I look forward
to working with you.
849
00:34:47,289 --> 00:34:48,290
Thank you.
850
00:34:50,426 --> 00:34:53,295
Um... So, uh,
when do you need to know by?
851
00:34:54,563 --> 00:34:56,697
What?
I don't understand.
852
00:34:56,699 --> 00:34:58,733
When do you need to know if
I'm going to take your, uh,
853
00:34:58,735 --> 00:35:00,302
your punch-up job?
854
00:35:01,705 --> 00:35:03,170
Right now.
855
00:35:03,172 --> 00:35:05,740
Oh. Uh...
Then I guess,
856
00:35:05,742 --> 00:35:08,442
maybe... Maybe, uh, no?
857
00:35:08,444 --> 00:35:10,712
Maybe no, I don't know.
I don't know!
858
00:35:10,714 --> 00:35:11,813
You know what,
Madam Secretary,
859
00:35:11,815 --> 00:35:13,748
he's not interested.
We tried, it didn't work out.
860
00:35:13,750 --> 00:35:16,519
So I can give you
some writing samples...
861
00:35:21,524 --> 00:35:23,524
What don't you know?
862
00:35:23,526 --> 00:35:26,059
This whole Seas, Bees
and Trees thing.
863
00:35:26,061 --> 00:35:27,695
Is it actually
going to do something?
864
00:35:27,697 --> 00:35:29,363
Or is it going to be
one of those things
865
00:35:29,365 --> 00:35:31,398
that maybe only sounds like
it's gonna do something,
866
00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:33,133
but doesn't
actually do something?
867
00:35:33,135 --> 00:35:35,670
I only wanna come work for you
868
00:35:35,672 --> 00:35:37,237
if it's actually
gonna do something.
869
00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:38,540
It will do something.
870
00:35:38,542 --> 00:35:40,407
This is a perfect document.
871
00:35:40,409 --> 00:35:42,710
They all start out that way
and then they get watered down.
872
00:35:42,712 --> 00:35:43,645
Fred.
873
00:35:43,647 --> 00:35:46,113
Not only does this
initiative sound good,
874
00:35:46,115 --> 00:35:46,980
it's going to do good.
875
00:35:46,982 --> 00:35:49,349
It's gonna save
the fucking planet.
876
00:35:49,351 --> 00:35:51,519
Not to mention,
pay your rent.
877
00:35:51,521 --> 00:35:52,787
So, are you in?
878
00:35:52,789 --> 00:35:55,425
Or do you have something
more important to do?
879
00:35:56,426 --> 00:35:58,093
Than save the planet with you?
880
00:35:59,796 --> 00:36:02,430
No, I don't.
I'm in.
881
00:36:02,432 --> 00:36:04,264
Phew!
882
00:36:04,266 --> 00:36:05,535
Let's save the planet.
883
00:36:06,202 --> 00:36:07,168
That was...
884
00:36:07,170 --> 00:36:09,272
What just happened?
She's good.
885
00:36:34,832 --> 00:36:35,800
Uh, hey.
886
00:36:37,735 --> 00:36:39,735
I had some jokes, uh,
I was gonna run by you,
887
00:36:39,737 --> 00:36:41,171
maybe, if you have a second.
888
00:36:44,475 --> 00:36:47,077
What are you...
What are you looking at?
889
00:36:51,482 --> 00:36:52,548
- Jesus!
- Oh, my God!
890
00:36:52,550 --> 00:36:54,783
Why would you just barge
in here while I'm sleeping?
891
00:36:54,785 --> 00:36:56,318
- You were sleeping?
- Yes!
892
00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:58,086
I was micro napping.
893
00:36:58,088 --> 00:36:59,855
- That's what you call that?
- Yes.
894
00:36:59,857 --> 00:37:01,524
Sorry, I didn't realize
you were sleeping.
895
00:37:01,526 --> 00:37:03,092
You were standing
and your eyes were open.
896
00:37:03,094 --> 00:37:04,159
Do you need something?
897
00:37:04,161 --> 00:37:05,261
I have some jokes
that I wrote
898
00:37:05,263 --> 00:37:07,263
that I was gonna run by you
if you have a second.
899
00:37:07,265 --> 00:37:08,731
Yeah, that was actually
a really good nap.
900
00:37:08,733 --> 00:37:10,766
Great. Seemed very restful.
901
00:37:10,768 --> 00:37:11,769
Okay.
902
00:37:14,672 --> 00:37:15,604
Whoa.
903
00:37:15,606 --> 00:37:19,208
I feel like these jokes
are a little angry.
904
00:37:19,210 --> 00:37:21,510
Oh. I thought maybe
they were, like, emphatic?
905
00:37:21,512 --> 00:37:23,412
"With every
fracking drill thrust,
906
00:37:23,414 --> 00:37:26,248
"we are literally
butt-fucking Mother Earth"?
907
00:37:26,250 --> 00:37:27,416
It can be normal fucking.
908
00:37:27,418 --> 00:37:28,784
It doesn't have to be
in the butt.
909
00:37:28,786 --> 00:37:29,852
I can take that part out.
910
00:37:29,854 --> 00:37:31,420
Yeah, listen, Fred.
911
00:37:31,422 --> 00:37:32,821
If I'm angry,
I'm hysterical.
912
00:37:32,823 --> 00:37:34,423
If I'm emotional,
I'm weak.
913
00:37:34,425 --> 00:37:36,158
If I so much as
raise my voice, I'm a bitch.
914
00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:37,426
My job's hard.
915
00:37:37,428 --> 00:37:39,395
Not as hard as mine.
916
00:37:39,397 --> 00:37:41,196
I think maybe, like,
part of the problem
917
00:37:41,198 --> 00:37:43,465
is that, like, a lot of humor
is based on,
918
00:37:43,467 --> 00:37:45,601
like, personal experiences.
919
00:37:45,603 --> 00:37:46,502
I was thinking, you know,
920
00:37:46,504 --> 00:37:48,470
you cared a lot
about the environment
921
00:37:48,472 --> 00:37:49,638
- since high school.
- Mmm-hmm.
922
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:53,375
So maybe include
some stories about that.
923
00:37:53,377 --> 00:37:54,745
- High school?
- Yeah.
924
00:37:56,314 --> 00:37:57,580
You think that's funny?
925
00:37:57,582 --> 00:37:58,681
I think it's a good area.
926
00:37:58,683 --> 00:38:00,749
Nostalgia,
pop culture references.
927
00:38:00,751 --> 00:38:01,851
People love that.
928
00:38:01,853 --> 00:38:03,686
Jimmy Fallon's made
an entire career off of that.
929
00:38:03,688 --> 00:38:05,855
When I think about school,
I just think about studying.
930
00:38:05,857 --> 00:38:07,456
No, you did
so much more than that.
931
00:38:07,458 --> 00:38:10,159
I think your whole 1991
platform was pretty on-point
932
00:38:10,161 --> 00:38:11,493
when you were running
for Student Council.
933
00:38:11,495 --> 00:38:14,330
I remember you said,
"Everyone at this school
934
00:38:14,332 --> 00:38:16,532
"pretends to care
about the underdog,
935
00:38:16,534 --> 00:38:17,701
"but the planet Earth is
936
00:38:17,703 --> 00:38:18,902
"the biggest underdog
of them all."
937
00:38:18,904 --> 00:38:20,202
Something like that.
938
00:38:20,204 --> 00:38:21,303
I said that?
939
00:38:21,305 --> 00:38:22,706
Yeah, you did say that.
940
00:38:22,708 --> 00:38:24,607
You were in the kitchen,
making pizza.
941
00:38:24,609 --> 00:38:27,409
We were making signs
for your election.
942
00:38:27,411 --> 00:38:29,647
And you were
wearing that shirt.
943
00:38:29,649 --> 00:38:31,615
I don't know if it was
a strawberry or a flower,
944
00:38:31,617 --> 00:38:32,852
it always confused me.
945
00:38:33,385 --> 00:38:34,451
It was both.
946
00:38:34,453 --> 00:38:36,386
Oh, there you go.
947
00:38:36,388 --> 00:38:38,221
That's all I remember
about that night, though.
948
00:38:38,223 --> 00:38:39,757
Uh, that's where my memories
949
00:38:39,759 --> 00:38:43,259
concerning that evening
expire.
950
00:38:43,261 --> 00:38:45,730
I learned a lot
from that election.
951
00:38:45,732 --> 00:38:47,297
Yeah, that kids are
probably more likely
952
00:38:47,299 --> 00:38:48,699
to vote for two proms
953
00:38:48,701 --> 00:38:51,201
than a very elaborate
recycling program.
954
00:38:51,203 --> 00:38:52,803
Not only kids.
955
00:38:52,805 --> 00:38:55,740
Yeah, that's true.
956
00:38:55,742 --> 00:38:59,577
Did you know he asked me out
to one of those proms?
957
00:38:59,579 --> 00:39:00,745
- Bill Sterling?
- Yeah.
958
00:39:00,747 --> 00:39:01,912
After he beat you?
959
00:39:01,914 --> 00:39:04,249
- Yup.
- Prom one or prom two?
960
00:39:05,585 --> 00:39:06,584
Oh!
961
00:39:06,586 --> 00:39:09,419
What a fuckhead!
You're way better than prom two.
962
00:39:10,523 --> 00:39:13,223
I went to zero proms,
by the way, for the record.
963
00:39:13,225 --> 00:39:15,325
I think you're the smart one
in this situation.
964
00:39:15,327 --> 00:39:17,428
Yes, that's why
I didn't go to prom.
965
00:39:17,430 --> 00:39:20,667
'Cause I was too smart. Uh...
966
00:39:22,802 --> 00:39:25,736
Cool. I'll get to work on
that speech stuff.
967
00:39:25,738 --> 00:39:26,739
Great.
968
00:39:27,272 --> 00:39:28,338
Hey, Fred.
969
00:39:28,340 --> 00:39:30,306
Yeah.
970
00:39:30,308 --> 00:39:32,610
You know, if you want to try
some non-joke stuff,
971
00:39:32,612 --> 00:39:33,544
just go ahead.
972
00:39:33,546 --> 00:39:36,547
Really? Like the main part
of the speech?
973
00:39:36,549 --> 00:39:38,584
Yeah. Just write.
974
00:39:39,786 --> 00:39:41,454
Cool. Awesome. Thanks.
975
00:39:42,021 --> 00:39:43,186
If you take another nap,
976
00:39:43,188 --> 00:39:45,589
you should put on, like,
a bicycle helmet or something.
977
00:39:45,591 --> 00:39:47,491
'Cause you're gonna tip over,
there's turbulence.
978
00:39:47,493 --> 00:39:49,260
That's actually
a really good idea.
979
00:39:49,262 --> 00:39:50,394
It is. I want you
to be careful.
980
00:39:50,396 --> 00:39:51,529
- Yeah.
- We need you.
981
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:09,447
- Ambassador.
- Welcome to Sweden.
982
00:40:09,449 --> 00:40:10,748
Nice to see you again.
983
00:40:10,750 --> 00:40:11,751
Yeah, you too.
984
00:40:13,886 --> 00:40:15,453
I look forward to seeing you
tonight at dinner.
985
00:40:15,455 --> 00:40:16,554
Yes.
986
00:40:16,556 --> 00:40:17,922
Uh, Madam Secretary,
987
00:40:17,924 --> 00:40:19,290
I have some ideas
I wanna throw by you.
988
00:40:19,292 --> 00:40:20,491
Yeah, soon, Fred.
989
00:40:20,493 --> 00:40:21,726
Tom, do you have the schedule?
990
00:40:21,728 --> 00:40:23,429
- Yes, of course, ma'am.
- All right.
991
00:40:26,499 --> 00:40:27,700
In the back, Flarsky!
992
00:40:29,368 --> 00:40:30,768
Then at 8:15, you have
a fitting for tonight's gala.
993
00:40:30,770 --> 00:40:33,704
Then at 8:45, a call with
Iraqi Prime Minister Masum,
994
00:40:33,706 --> 00:40:35,773
9:15, a call
to Brazilian President Temer
995
00:40:35,775 --> 00:40:36,941
about deforestation issues.
996
00:40:36,943 --> 00:40:40,344
2:15, you have a call with
U.K. Foreign Secretary Green
997
00:40:40,346 --> 00:40:42,546
to discuss your tour
of Scotland in a few weeks.
998
00:40:42,548 --> 00:40:44,715
2:25, then you have
a call with New York Times
999
00:40:44,717 --> 00:40:46,951
to comment on POTUS'
latest Instagram attack
1000
00:40:46,953 --> 00:40:49,321
on Prime Minister Bharath
of Kashtar.
1001
00:40:49,323 --> 00:40:50,388
At 5:45,
we're meeting with the head
1002
00:40:50,390 --> 00:40:51,456
of Sweden's
Diplomatic Protocol,
1003
00:40:51,458 --> 00:40:54,392
Ingrid Minervudottir,
to discuss tonight's schedule.
1004
00:40:54,394 --> 00:40:55,694
Okay. And then after that?
1005
00:40:55,696 --> 00:40:56,996
Also, Parker Wembley
keeps trying to get
1006
00:40:56,998 --> 00:40:58,497
- some face time with you.
- Oh, God.
1007
00:40:58,499 --> 00:41:00,732
Parker can wait.
Okay, Fred. Go.
1008
00:41:00,734 --> 00:41:02,036
Yeah, sure. Um...
1009
00:41:02,703 --> 00:41:04,836
So, uh, you know,
1010
00:41:04,838 --> 00:41:06,671
based on what we were
talking about last night,
1011
00:41:06,673 --> 00:41:09,541
I just took a stab at
the whole speech, basically.
1012
00:41:09,543 --> 00:41:11,476
That's good.
1013
00:41:11,478 --> 00:41:14,046
- Thank you.
- This part isn't.
1014
00:41:14,048 --> 00:41:16,615
Okay, well, you said you
didn't want to sound too angry.
1015
00:41:16,617 --> 00:41:19,051
I also don't want to sound
like I have a head injury.
1016
00:41:19,053 --> 00:41:20,752
Okay. Uh,
I'll go change it.
1017
00:41:20,754 --> 00:41:22,121
Great. Thanks.
1018
00:41:22,123 --> 00:41:24,356
Okay, here we go.
1019
00:41:24,358 --> 00:41:25,757
So...
1020
00:41:25,759 --> 00:41:27,361
All right.
1021
00:41:28,428 --> 00:41:29,528
Fred.
1022
00:41:29,530 --> 00:41:30,963
Yeah?
1023
00:41:30,965 --> 00:41:33,500
Do you have any grown-up
clothes to wear tonight?
1024
00:41:37,604 --> 00:41:38,603
I was gonna...
I was thinking
1025
00:41:38,605 --> 00:41:40,873
of zipping this up
all the way, like to here.
1026
00:41:40,875 --> 00:41:41,808
That's kind of
a little more...
1027
00:41:41,810 --> 00:41:43,441
It's, like,
slightly more buttoned up.
1028
00:41:43,443 --> 00:41:44,476
You know what,
Madam Secretary,
1029
00:41:44,478 --> 00:41:48,513
I would be delighted
to dress Fred for tonight.
1030
00:41:48,515 --> 00:41:49,782
Thank you, Maggie.
I'd be thrilled
1031
00:41:49,784 --> 00:41:52,018
to have you dress me
for tonight's event.
1032
00:41:52,020 --> 00:41:53,119
What a fun adventure.
1033
00:41:53,121 --> 00:41:55,453
Get a little makeover.
All right, have a good one.
1034
00:41:55,455 --> 00:41:56,656
Thank you, Fred.
1035
00:41:56,658 --> 00:41:57,556
Why, thank you.
1036
00:41:57,558 --> 00:41:58,858
...and then
it's saying hello,
1037
00:41:58,860 --> 00:41:59,992
you'll sit down,
we'll have dinner,
1038
00:41:59,994 --> 00:42:01,393
- I'll pull you up...
- Where's Flarsky?
1039
00:42:01,395 --> 00:42:02,494
Why are we waiting?
1040
00:42:02,496 --> 00:42:04,096
What, is he doing his hair?
1041
00:42:04,098 --> 00:42:05,700
Um...
1042
00:42:06,100 --> 00:42:07,867
Oh.
1043
00:42:07,869 --> 00:42:10,504
What the...
1044
00:42:14,676 --> 00:42:15,975
What the fuck
are you wearing?
1045
00:42:15,977 --> 00:42:18,010
She bought me
this shit. Okay?
1046
00:42:18,012 --> 00:42:19,812
It's a traditional
Swedish suit.
1047
00:42:19,814 --> 00:42:22,615
I don't see another
fucking Swede up in here
1048
00:42:22,617 --> 00:42:23,916
dressed like this.
1049
00:42:23,918 --> 00:42:26,118
It's all I could do
on such short notice.
1050
00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:28,788
You just take the jacket off,
it's going to make it better.
1051
00:42:28,790 --> 00:42:32,359
It's just... Make it look...
Oh, my God.
1052
00:42:34,963 --> 00:42:36,796
Better with
the jacket on? Great.
1053
00:42:36,798 --> 00:42:38,798
Razzing the new guy, I get it.
Fuck you, Maggie.
1054
00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:39,932
Calm the Smurf down.
1055
00:42:39,934 --> 00:42:41,002
Bring a fucking suit
next time.
1056
00:42:47,008 --> 00:42:48,074
Do you like the speech?
1057
00:42:48,076 --> 00:42:49,242
Yes, the speech is good.
1058
00:42:49,244 --> 00:42:51,744
Oh, you're going to have to
stay way back there, Fred.
1059
00:42:51,746 --> 00:42:53,512
Just stay back, Flarsky.
Okay? She's got to focus.
1060
00:42:53,514 --> 00:42:54,580
On what?
1061
00:42:54,582 --> 00:42:55,781
Getting India and China
to agree
1062
00:42:55,783 --> 00:42:56,849
to be a part
of this initiative.
1063
00:42:56,851 --> 00:42:59,185
They haven't even agreed
to be a part of it yet?
1064
00:42:59,187 --> 00:43:01,621
They will, we just have to
sort out a few details.
1065
00:43:01,623 --> 00:43:02,722
We just wrote
a whole speech
1066
00:43:02,724 --> 00:43:03,890
about how
they're on-board already.
1067
00:43:03,892 --> 00:43:05,093
Don't worry, Fred.
1068
00:43:06,094 --> 00:43:07,860
You just stay here
and make sure
1069
00:43:07,862 --> 00:43:11,064
nobody from Candy Land
needs their car parked, okay?
1070
00:43:11,066 --> 00:43:12,466
I don't know
why you needed a writer.
1071
00:43:12,468 --> 00:43:13,634
Those are sick burns.
1072
00:43:15,037 --> 00:43:17,537
Secretary of State
Charlotte Field
1073
00:43:17,539 --> 00:43:19,575
of the United States
of America.
1074
00:43:21,944 --> 00:43:23,810
Your Majesty.
Your Highness.
1075
00:43:23,812 --> 00:43:25,147
- Your Highness.
- Pleasure.
1076
00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:32,588
Oh.
1077
00:43:34,823 --> 00:43:37,191
No, thank you.
I'm working right now.
1078
00:43:37,193 --> 00:43:38,827
And you know you are, too.
1079
00:43:40,230 --> 00:43:41,362
I do know that.
1080
00:43:41,364 --> 00:43:43,764
But you dressed me like
Cap'n Crunch's Grindr date,
1081
00:43:43,766 --> 00:43:46,067
so I'm going to drink
to make you uncomfortable.
1082
00:43:46,069 --> 00:43:48,771
Honestly, Fred, your entire
life makes me uncomfortable.
1083
00:43:51,674 --> 00:43:53,107
Oh no, fuck me.
1084
00:43:55,611 --> 00:43:57,245
Yes.
1085
00:43:57,247 --> 00:44:00,847
We both shop in the same
mystical village, I see.
1086
00:44:00,849 --> 00:44:03,251
Yes, you look great.
1087
00:44:03,253 --> 00:44:04,618
- Congratulations.
- Skal.
1088
00:44:04,620 --> 00:44:06,187
Skal. Skal to you, too.
1089
00:44:06,189 --> 00:44:09,092
Yes.
1090
00:44:11,194 --> 00:44:12,195
Jesus.
1091
00:44:14,797 --> 00:44:17,798
Hey, we're making
a few revisions to the speech.
1092
00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:18,799
What?
1093
00:44:18,801 --> 00:44:20,969
So we're losing the "Seas" part,
so go cut that,
1094
00:44:20,971 --> 00:44:22,937
and then brainstorm
a couple of other funny lines
1095
00:44:22,939 --> 00:44:24,038
for the "Trees" section, okay?
1096
00:44:24,040 --> 00:44:25,273
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
1097
00:44:25,275 --> 00:44:27,942
Losing the Seas part, why?
1098
00:44:27,944 --> 00:44:29,344
Because India wouldn't go
for it. So we had to pivot.
1099
00:44:29,346 --> 00:44:32,113
That's not a pivot,
that's a third of the whole fucking shit.
1100
00:44:32,115 --> 00:44:34,581
Are you kidding me?
That's it, it's just gone?
1101
00:44:34,583 --> 00:44:35,682
Yeah, it's gone.
1102
00:44:35,684 --> 00:44:36,650
And there's nothing
we can do?
1103
00:44:36,652 --> 00:44:37,751
No. And you don't
have to worry about it.
1104
00:44:37,753 --> 00:44:41,789
Just go over to the computer.
Start typey-typing.
1105
00:44:41,791 --> 00:44:42,792
Well, no.
1106
00:44:43,793 --> 00:44:45,293
I'm not gonna do that.
1107
00:44:45,295 --> 00:44:47,195
So you quit,
resignation accepted.
1108
00:44:47,197 --> 00:44:48,763
I will rewrite the speech.
1109
00:44:48,765 --> 00:44:49,864
Oh, the fuck you will!
1110
00:44:49,866 --> 00:44:50,967
What the fuck?
1111
00:45:00,777 --> 00:45:02,212
- You don't...
- Let go!
1112
00:45:10,286 --> 00:45:11,386
Look out. Excuse me!
1113
00:45:11,388 --> 00:45:13,087
Stop running!
Stop running! Stop running!
1114
00:45:13,089 --> 00:45:14,188
Fred, stop running!
1115
00:45:16,860 --> 00:45:17,861
Fred...
1116
00:45:22,932 --> 00:45:23,998
Why did you do that?
1117
00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:25,933
Because I will not
have you damage
1118
00:45:25,935 --> 00:45:27,268
the integrity of my writing!
1119
00:45:27,270 --> 00:45:29,270
The integrity of your writing?
1120
00:45:29,272 --> 00:45:31,807
You're a punch-up writer,
you're not Maya Angelou!
1121
00:45:31,809 --> 00:45:33,308
What is going on?
1122
00:45:33,310 --> 00:45:35,010
What's going on
with you, bruh?
1123
00:45:35,012 --> 00:45:36,045
Did you just
call me "bruh"?
1124
00:45:36,047 --> 00:45:38,814
- She's the secretary of state.
- Is he high?
1125
00:45:38,816 --> 00:45:41,016
He is wasted,
but he's also just stupid.
1126
00:45:41,018 --> 00:45:42,686
Meet me in the conference
room, I'll handle this.
1127
00:45:45,389 --> 00:45:46,922
What's the deal, Fred?
1128
00:45:46,924 --> 00:45:49,725
What's the deal?
What's the deal? What are...
1129
00:45:49,727 --> 00:45:51,693
The only reason I'm here
is 'cause you told me
1130
00:45:51,695 --> 00:45:52,995
you cared about this shit,
1131
00:45:52,997 --> 00:45:55,264
and in the time I come
out here to have a smoke,
1132
00:45:55,266 --> 00:45:58,100
you fucking got rid of a massive
element of the whole thing.
1133
00:45:58,102 --> 00:46:01,404
I got two out of three.
I only lost one.
1134
00:46:01,406 --> 00:46:04,640
That one was the seas.
1135
00:46:04,642 --> 00:46:07,076
It covers 75% of the planet!
1136
00:46:07,078 --> 00:46:09,011
- It's a pretty big one!
- Bring down your voice.
1137
00:46:09,013 --> 00:46:10,112
You know why I'm upset?
1138
00:46:10,114 --> 00:46:12,214
This is exactly what I thought
was going to happen.
1139
00:46:12,216 --> 00:46:14,350
And I even said it.
I said it in your office.
1140
00:46:14,352 --> 00:46:17,119
I don't want to write
for some bullshit politician.
1141
00:46:17,121 --> 00:46:18,388
I wanted to write for you.
1142
00:46:18,390 --> 00:46:20,122
Because I thought you cared
about this shit.
1143
00:46:20,124 --> 00:46:22,925
Until you're running the game,
you have to play the game.
1144
00:46:22,927 --> 00:46:24,860
Well, then, by the time
you win the game,
1145
00:46:24,862 --> 00:46:27,996
you don't know who's scoring
touchdowns on whose nets,
1146
00:46:27,998 --> 00:46:29,865
and you don't know
who's hitting home runs
1147
00:46:29,867 --> 00:46:31,334
in whose fucking end zones!
1148
00:46:31,336 --> 00:46:32,901
- What are you talking about?
- I don't know sports.
1149
00:46:32,903 --> 00:46:34,136
Let me try it with food.
1150
00:46:34,138 --> 00:46:36,406
You wanna open a restaurant.
But all you got is chopsticks.
1151
00:46:36,408 --> 00:46:39,108
No! I don't have time
for this, okay?
1152
00:46:39,110 --> 00:46:41,810
If you want to quit,
then just fucking quit.
1153
00:46:41,812 --> 00:46:43,679
- I don't give a shit.
- Yeah, you don't give a shit.
1154
00:46:43,681 --> 00:46:44,713
- No, I don't.
- You used to fucking give a shit,
1155
00:46:44,715 --> 00:46:46,949
but now you don't
give a shit about anything.
1156
00:46:46,951 --> 00:46:48,684
You cared more about
recycling in high school
1157
00:46:48,686 --> 00:46:50,788
than you do this shit and it's
very disappointing to me.
1158
00:46:51,989 --> 00:46:54,290
Fuck this.
I've got a speech to give.
1159
00:46:54,292 --> 00:46:55,458
Oh, yeah, good luck
giving it,
1160
00:46:55,460 --> 00:46:56,792
it's on my computer
in the snow.
1161
00:46:56,794 --> 00:46:58,294
I have copies, you idiot.
1162
00:46:58,296 --> 00:47:00,664
You just threw your computer
in the snow, that's it.
1163
00:47:01,765 --> 00:47:04,034
Oh, no! Shit!
1164
00:47:05,203 --> 00:47:07,270
Oh, God damn it!
1165
00:47:07,272 --> 00:47:10,005
It's soaked!
I need a bowl of rice!
1166
00:47:10,007 --> 00:47:11,742
I need a big bowl of rice!
1167
00:47:13,078 --> 00:47:16,312
God damn it! Why didn't I
back this thing up?
1168
00:47:16,314 --> 00:47:17,882
All my shit's on here.
1169
00:47:28,226 --> 00:47:29,727
Fred. Look.
1170
00:47:33,431 --> 00:47:34,633
Wow.
1171
00:47:38,503 --> 00:47:40,671
I've never seen
anything like that.
1172
00:47:43,041 --> 00:47:44,042
No, I...
1173
00:47:44,976 --> 00:47:47,012
I've seen pictures of it,
but I never...
1174
00:47:48,213 --> 00:47:49,214
...actually...
1175
00:47:51,149 --> 00:47:53,252
I never saw it.
1176
00:47:54,220 --> 00:47:55,855
Are you crying right now?
1177
00:47:56,788 --> 00:47:57,789
It's pretty.
1178
00:48:02,295 --> 00:48:03,296
Yeah.
1179
00:48:05,865 --> 00:48:06,866
Fred?
1180
00:48:07,300 --> 00:48:08,301
Yeah?
1181
00:48:09,802 --> 00:48:12,036
If you ever pull
some shit like that again,
1182
00:48:12,038 --> 00:48:13,372
I'll have you thrown in Gitmo.
1183
00:48:15,875 --> 00:48:17,743
Yes, Madam Secretary.
I'm sorry.
1184
00:48:19,478 --> 00:48:21,981
You better hope this fucking
speech goes over well.
1185
00:48:24,784 --> 00:48:28,986
I've often gravitated
toward the underdog.
1186
00:48:28,988 --> 00:48:33,424
The band of misfits who fight
back against the bullies.
1187
00:48:33,426 --> 00:48:36,295
In high school, I would talk
about the underdog a lot.
1188
00:48:38,030 --> 00:48:40,831
And I would often find myself
on a soapbox,
1189
00:48:40,833 --> 00:48:44,237
rambling on and on about
the injustices of the world.
1190
00:48:47,306 --> 00:48:49,873
Which makes you
extremely popular,
1191
00:48:49,875 --> 00:48:52,376
especially when everybody
would rather be watching
1192
00:48:52,378 --> 00:48:54,445
Beverly Hills, 90210.
1193
00:48:58,484 --> 00:49:01,151
But that is why I am happy
to announce
1194
00:49:01,153 --> 00:49:04,421
an initiative that would make
my 16-year-old self proud.
1195
00:49:04,423 --> 00:49:06,924
In what is now being dubbed
"The Underdog Speech,"
1196
00:49:06,926 --> 00:49:09,193
the secretary of state
opened up about her childhood
1197
00:49:09,195 --> 00:49:10,495
and passion
for the environment
1198
00:49:10,497 --> 00:49:13,097
by announcing
a bold new initiative...
1199
00:49:13,099 --> 00:49:16,200
...turns out she has always
been an Andrea Zuckerman
1200
00:49:16,202 --> 00:49:18,371
in the body of a Kelly Taylor.
1201
00:49:20,239 --> 00:49:22,041
- Hey.
- Hi.
1202
00:49:23,209 --> 00:49:24,908
Oh, wow, you shaved your neck.
1203
00:49:24,910 --> 00:49:26,176
I did. I cleaned it up.
1204
00:49:26,178 --> 00:49:28,380
Got my whole back.
Went all the way down.
1205
00:49:28,382 --> 00:49:29,547
Looks good.
1206
00:49:29,549 --> 00:49:31,383
Trying to make a good
impression, I guess, anyway...
1207
00:49:31,385 --> 00:49:33,451
I, uh...
1208
00:49:33,453 --> 00:49:36,954
I just wanted to apologize
to you, again,
1209
00:49:36,956 --> 00:49:40,291
for acting a little crazy,
you know.
1210
00:49:40,293 --> 00:49:41,959
I'm gonna...
1211
00:49:41,961 --> 00:49:43,193
I'm going to really try
to tone it down
1212
00:49:43,195 --> 00:49:46,866
and not, you know, make you
risk global, uh, humiliation.
1213
00:49:47,233 --> 00:49:48,335
Good. Great.
1214
00:49:48,968 --> 00:49:50,100
Also.
1215
00:49:50,102 --> 00:49:51,636
I googled speech writing
1216
00:49:51,638 --> 00:49:53,438
and it was
actually very informative.
1217
00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:54,406
What I learned
1218
00:49:54,408 --> 00:49:55,707
was that in order to write
better for you,
1219
00:49:55,709 --> 00:49:59,143
I should kinda get to know you
better and get in your head,
1220
00:49:59,145 --> 00:50:00,278
and everything
I already know about you,
1221
00:50:00,280 --> 00:50:01,479
I kinda used
on the first speech.
1222
00:50:01,481 --> 00:50:02,946
So, what I did
1223
00:50:02,948 --> 00:50:04,349
was I wrote a ton of questions
1224
00:50:04,351 --> 00:50:06,116
that will maybe help me
capture your voice,
1225
00:50:06,118 --> 00:50:07,419
if you have a minute.
1226
00:50:07,421 --> 00:50:09,287
I actually have seven.
1227
00:50:09,289 --> 00:50:11,456
Seven. Okay, great.
Yeah. I'll take it.
1228
00:50:11,458 --> 00:50:12,956
- All right.
- Seven minutes in heaven.
1229
00:50:12,958 --> 00:50:14,293
Um...
1230
00:50:14,295 --> 00:50:16,262
- Okay.
- So. Ah... I guess...
1231
00:50:16,264 --> 00:50:17,430
Just like...
What are you into?
1232
00:50:17,432 --> 00:50:18,631
What kind of shit you into?
1233
00:50:18,633 --> 00:50:20,499
Well, this is
pretty much it.
1234
00:50:20,501 --> 00:50:22,301
I mean,
secretary of state stuff.
1235
00:50:22,303 --> 00:50:24,603
Do you have any hobbies?
Anything? Do you watch TV?
1236
00:50:24,605 --> 00:50:26,238
Do you watch Game of Thrones
or anything like that?
1237
00:50:26,240 --> 00:50:27,939
Oh, I'm fully aware
of what happened
1238
00:50:27,941 --> 00:50:29,442
in every season
of Game of Thrones.
1239
00:50:29,444 --> 00:50:31,277
Because you watch it?
1240
00:50:31,279 --> 00:50:33,412
Because I read synopses
on every episode.
1241
00:50:33,414 --> 00:50:35,081
That can't actually work.
1242
00:50:35,083 --> 00:50:36,981
I couldn't believe
when Khaleesi's dragon
1243
00:50:36,983 --> 00:50:38,353
came back as a White Walker.
1244
00:50:39,020 --> 00:50:40,319
Whoa!
1245
00:50:40,321 --> 00:50:41,420
- See?
- What about movies?
1246
00:50:41,422 --> 00:50:42,688
Do you watch movies?
1247
00:50:42,690 --> 00:50:44,956
Synopses of all
the award contenders.
1248
00:50:44,958 --> 00:50:46,292
You used to love movies!
1249
00:50:46,294 --> 00:50:48,394
You made me watch
Encino Man 30 times.
1250
00:50:48,396 --> 00:50:51,030
"Wheeze a little juice!"
1251
00:50:51,032 --> 00:50:53,099
You still do the
worst Pauly Shore impression
1252
00:50:53,101 --> 00:50:54,934
in the history of mankind.
1253
00:50:54,936 --> 00:50:57,370
I can't believe you're
still doing "The Weasel"
1254
00:50:57,372 --> 00:50:59,004
and you haven't seen
any of the Marvel Universe.
1255
00:50:59,006 --> 00:51:01,943
Those movies are sick.
You're like frozen in time.
1256
00:51:02,543 --> 00:51:04,210
I am Encino Man.
1257
00:51:05,213 --> 00:51:08,047
All right, what is your
favorite book as a kid?
1258
00:51:08,049 --> 00:51:10,082
The Velveteen Rabbit. You?
1259
00:51:10,084 --> 00:51:11,417
Fear and Loathing
in Las Vegas.
1260
00:51:11,419 --> 00:51:13,586
- Oh, that explains a lot.
- Yeah.
1261
00:51:15,490 --> 00:51:17,990
I'm so sorry
for what we've done to you.
1262
00:51:17,992 --> 00:51:19,558
Best drug experience?
1263
00:51:19,560 --> 00:51:21,494
I could get summoned
at any moment
1264
00:51:21,496 --> 00:51:22,995
to deal with
an international crisis,
1265
00:51:22,997 --> 00:51:24,330
I can't do that on acid.
1266
00:51:24,332 --> 00:51:25,598
What about Molly?
1267
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:26,732
Who's Molly?
1268
00:51:28,336 --> 00:51:30,035
Secretary of State
Charlotte Field
1269
00:51:30,037 --> 00:51:33,139
continues on her impressive
20-country world tour
1270
00:51:33,141 --> 00:51:34,540
to garner more support
1271
00:51:34,542 --> 00:51:36,275
for her ambitious
environmental initiative.
1272
00:51:36,277 --> 00:51:38,110
And all in a private jet,
no less.
1273
00:51:38,112 --> 00:51:39,612
You know what would
save the environment?
1274
00:51:39,614 --> 00:51:41,414
Charlotte Field
grounding her ass.
1275
00:51:41,416 --> 00:51:43,015
I know where I'd like
to ground her ass.
1276
00:51:43,017 --> 00:51:45,351
Oh, I walked
right into that one.
1277
00:51:45,353 --> 00:51:47,553
Must Have Been Love
by Roxette.
1278
00:51:47,555 --> 00:51:50,089
- Oh! That's just fucking hot.
- Right?
1279
00:51:50,091 --> 00:51:51,557
- I got a new one.
- What?
1280
00:51:51,559 --> 00:51:52,992
I got to change
my favorite song.
1281
00:51:52,994 --> 00:51:54,627
- You have too many.
- I've done it a few times.
1282
00:51:54,629 --> 00:51:57,664
Broccoli by DRAM,
featuring Lil Yachty.
1283
00:51:57,666 --> 00:51:59,231
All those words
1284
00:51:59,233 --> 00:52:01,133
- are the name of a song?
- Yeah.
1285
00:52:01,135 --> 00:52:02,134
I don't
really think I have one.
1286
00:52:02,136 --> 00:52:04,403
You gotta have one.
Everyone has one.
1287
00:52:04,405 --> 00:52:06,372
Well, I don't embarrass
that easily.
1288
00:52:06,374 --> 00:52:08,274
Yeah, I hear that.
I don't either, really.
1289
00:52:08,276 --> 00:52:10,376
- Yes, you do.
- No, I don't!
1290
00:52:10,378 --> 00:52:13,312
Oh, my God. Okay.
1291
00:52:13,314 --> 00:52:15,551
What's your favorite
sexual position?
1292
00:52:17,218 --> 00:52:19,385
I mean, you know, front.
1293
00:52:19,387 --> 00:52:21,086
- Normal. Front facing normal.
- Oh, my God.
1294
00:52:21,088 --> 00:52:22,656
- What kinda question is that?
- That's all it took.
1295
00:52:22,658 --> 00:52:23,623
Look at you.
1296
00:52:23,625 --> 00:52:25,725
Well, what's your favorite
sexual position?
1297
00:52:25,727 --> 00:52:27,761
- Don't be gross, Fred. Hi.
- Yeah, see?
1298
00:52:27,763 --> 00:52:29,964
What's your favorite
sexual position?
1299
00:52:30,666 --> 00:52:32,468
It's too complicated
to explain.
1300
00:52:33,635 --> 00:52:35,404
- Really?
- I told you mine.
1301
00:52:36,104 --> 00:52:38,104
Oh, God, okay.
1302
00:52:38,106 --> 00:52:40,575
I just got back
from a trip to New Delhi.
1303
00:52:40,577 --> 00:52:42,543
- Yeah?
- I got called into a meeting
1304
00:52:42,545 --> 00:52:45,145
with the Joint Chiefs,
and I was a little nervous.
1305
00:52:45,147 --> 00:52:47,280
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1306
00:52:47,282 --> 00:52:51,318
And my stomach was a little
weird from all the curry.
1307
00:52:51,320 --> 00:52:52,388
Oh, no.
1308
00:52:53,088 --> 00:52:54,056
Delhi belly.
1309
00:52:56,326 --> 00:53:00,293
Well, we were in a motorcade
and we couldn't stop.
1310
00:53:00,295 --> 00:53:01,631
- Oh, no.
- Mmm-hmm.
1311
00:53:02,432 --> 00:53:03,698
God...
1312
00:53:03,700 --> 00:53:07,702
I ruined a really nice
Dolce & Gabbana bag.
1313
00:53:07,704 --> 00:53:10,136
- You puked in it?
- Nope.
1314
00:53:10,138 --> 00:53:13,341
Oh, no!
In a moving vehicle?
1315
00:53:16,178 --> 00:53:18,412
Do you actually understand
what's happening right now?
1316
00:53:18,414 --> 00:53:20,815
Yes, I speak Russian.
1317
00:53:20,817 --> 00:53:23,284
The Russian
Samuel L. Jackson guy is dope.
1318
00:53:23,286 --> 00:53:25,655
Do svidanya,
motherfuckers!
1319
00:53:30,159 --> 00:53:32,493
Oh, my God, they just
shot the pirate guy!
1320
00:53:32,495 --> 00:53:33,728
But he's keeping
the team together.
1321
00:53:33,730 --> 00:53:34,795
I know.
1322
00:53:34,797 --> 00:53:36,197
I don't think
I can handle that.
1323
00:53:36,199 --> 00:53:37,265
- Oh, it's okay.
- No,
1324
00:53:37,267 --> 00:53:39,400
I really liked him
in the movie.
1325
00:53:39,402 --> 00:53:40,668
Don't worry,
just keep watching.
1326
00:53:40,670 --> 00:53:43,404
You know,
the Philippines gets a bad rap.
1327
00:53:43,406 --> 00:53:45,239
Because it's pretty nice here.
1328
00:53:45,241 --> 00:53:47,642
You'd never know civil war
was about to break out.
1329
00:53:47,644 --> 00:53:49,110
This is good.
1330
00:53:49,112 --> 00:53:50,278
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
1331
00:53:50,280 --> 00:53:55,316
Hey. What if we use
this line to start with?
1332
00:53:55,318 --> 00:53:56,584
Yeah, "I'm going to
start this speech
1333
00:53:56,586 --> 00:53:58,185
"by saying the same thing
I said to my boss
1334
00:53:58,187 --> 00:54:00,655
"at Blockbuster Video
when I was 16.
1335
00:54:00,657 --> 00:54:01,856
"I quit."
1336
00:54:01,858 --> 00:54:04,292
- That's not bad.
- I love that.
1337
00:54:04,294 --> 00:54:06,260
This is really fucking good.
1338
00:54:06,262 --> 00:54:08,429
Look at you, you get me, Fred.
1339
00:54:08,431 --> 00:54:10,631
I totally get you.
1340
00:54:15,772 --> 00:54:17,505
I couldn't be happier
that out of all the shit
1341
00:54:17,507 --> 00:54:19,307
I played you
from the last decade,
1342
00:54:19,309 --> 00:54:20,875
that what you've liked
the most is 2 Chainz.
1343
00:54:20,877 --> 00:54:23,277
- It's catchy.
- It's awesome.
1344
00:54:27,885 --> 00:54:30,753
So, are you, like, dating
the prime minister of Canada?
1345
00:54:33,256 --> 00:54:34,789
- No. No.
- No.
1346
00:54:34,791 --> 00:54:36,591
I feel like I read...
Did I read that
1347
00:54:36,593 --> 00:54:38,559
in some shitty tabloid
that you guys were dating?
1348
00:54:38,561 --> 00:54:41,395
- Maybe it's not true.
- No, I'm sure you did. It's...
1349
00:54:41,397 --> 00:54:44,231
They like to write about it,
but no. I...
1350
00:54:44,233 --> 00:54:47,234
We're not, we... We flirt.
1351
00:54:47,236 --> 00:54:48,636
- Yeah. Okay.
- Kind of.
1352
00:54:48,638 --> 00:54:51,341
It's weird.
We made out once.
1353
00:54:52,208 --> 00:54:53,276
Dope.
1354
00:54:53,610 --> 00:54:54,810
You asked.
1355
00:54:54,812 --> 00:54:56,879
No, hey! I've hooked up with
1356
00:54:56,881 --> 00:54:59,314
my fair share
of world leaders, too.
1357
00:54:59,316 --> 00:55:01,385
I 69'd Fidel Castro once.
1358
00:55:02,319 --> 00:55:03,587
You thought
his beard was big.
1359
00:55:04,321 --> 00:55:05,387
Um...
1360
00:55:05,389 --> 00:55:08,423
But how does that work
with you? Do you, like...
1361
00:55:08,425 --> 00:55:10,359
Do you, like, date?
1362
00:55:10,361 --> 00:55:14,164
Uh... Yeah. I date.
1363
00:55:14,866 --> 00:55:16,799
Generally, you know,
1364
00:55:16,801 --> 00:55:19,334
with people who have
similar lifestyles to me.
1365
00:55:19,336 --> 00:55:20,839
People who travel a lot.
1366
00:55:22,774 --> 00:55:26,443
It's hard to keep
those things alive. I...
1367
00:55:27,779 --> 00:55:30,212
I mean, who wants to
follow me around the world
1368
00:55:30,214 --> 00:55:32,550
and hope I have five minutes
to be affectionate?
1369
00:55:33,450 --> 00:55:34,817
- Yeah.
- And honestly,
1370
00:55:34,819 --> 00:55:36,586
guys don't really
want to date women
1371
00:55:36,588 --> 00:55:37,887
who are more powerful
than them.
1372
00:55:37,889 --> 00:55:39,490
They think they do, but...
1373
00:55:40,759 --> 00:55:42,592
It's a dick shriveller.
1374
00:55:42,594 --> 00:55:44,694
- Uff.
- Mmm-hmm.
1375
00:55:44,696 --> 00:55:46,929
Dick Shriveller is my favorite
Batman villain though.
1376
00:55:46,931 --> 00:55:48,633
So...
1377
00:55:50,334 --> 00:55:52,267
You gonna ask
why I'm still single?
1378
00:55:52,269 --> 00:55:54,771
No, I get it.
1379
00:55:54,773 --> 00:55:56,875
- It makes sense.
- Yeah. It adds up.
1380
00:56:06,618 --> 00:56:07,750
We're right in front
of the window.
1381
00:56:09,754 --> 00:56:11,354
What the fuck is happening?
1382
00:56:11,356 --> 00:56:12,989
Insurgents are fighting
the army.
1383
00:56:12,991 --> 00:56:14,891
- Are we in danger?
- Yes! Yes!
1384
00:56:14,893 --> 00:56:16,559
Madam Secretary,
we need to leave now!
1385
00:56:16,561 --> 00:56:17,894
Fuck!
1386
00:56:17,896 --> 00:56:19,263
This way!
1387
00:56:20,632 --> 00:56:22,632
All right, guys, come with me.
1388
00:56:22,634 --> 00:56:24,234
Come on.
1389
00:56:48,593 --> 00:56:49,726
Secretary Field, this way!
1390
00:56:49,728 --> 00:56:51,696
I got her, secure them!
1391
00:56:52,697 --> 00:56:53,765
This way.
1392
00:56:57,302 --> 00:56:58,470
You'll be safe in here.
1393
00:56:59,771 --> 00:57:01,804
Oh, fuck! Are you okay?
1394
00:57:01,806 --> 00:57:02,805
Yeah, I'm okay. Are you okay?
1395
00:57:02,807 --> 00:57:04,807
I'm okay. Yeah.
We're okay. Okay.
1396
00:57:04,809 --> 00:57:08,811
- Okay.
- Okay. Okay. Holy shit!
1397
00:57:08,813 --> 00:57:12,048
Oh,
we could have just died.
1398
00:57:12,050 --> 00:57:14,851
Oh, my God, I'm freaking out
a bit right now.
1399
00:57:14,853 --> 00:57:15,918
I'm having a hard time
1400
00:57:15,920 --> 00:57:17,054
catching my breath
a little bit.
1401
00:57:17,056 --> 00:57:18,123
You don't seem like you're
freaking out very much.
1402
00:57:18,125 --> 00:57:21,458
I am! I'm employing
a Navy SEAL breathing technique,
1403
00:57:21,460 --> 00:57:22,726
for dealing with panicking.
1404
00:57:22,728 --> 00:57:24,962
It's just gonna take about
90 seconds to work.
1405
00:57:24,964 --> 00:57:27,931
90 seconds? I need more than
fucking 90 seconds!
1406
00:57:27,933 --> 00:57:29,666
I need 90 fucking years!
1407
00:57:29,668 --> 00:57:32,369
I'm fucked up for life
from this shit, yo!
1408
00:57:32,371 --> 00:57:35,106
I have so many regrets,
did so many terrible things!
1409
00:57:35,108 --> 00:57:38,542
When I was 12, I peed on a dog
to impress an older kid.
1410
00:57:38,544 --> 00:57:40,846
The dog didn't like it.
The older kid didn't either!
1411
00:57:41,714 --> 00:57:42,780
It was just pointless.
1412
00:57:42,782 --> 00:57:44,548
What the fuck?
1413
00:57:44,550 --> 00:57:46,619
Holy shit! Fuck!
1414
00:57:47,720 --> 00:57:49,921
Is there more? Is there
gonna be more?
1415
00:57:49,923 --> 00:57:51,122
- Fred.
- Is there more?
1416
00:57:51,124 --> 00:57:52,523
You're gonna
have to calm down.
1417
00:57:52,525 --> 00:57:53,757
I don't think I can.
1418
00:57:53,759 --> 00:57:55,559
Sit down with me.
1419
00:57:55,561 --> 00:57:56,693
And breathe.
1420
00:57:56,695 --> 00:57:59,063
Four seconds in.
1421
00:57:59,065 --> 00:58:00,131
Four seconds out.
1422
00:58:00,133 --> 00:58:01,966
Four seconds in.
1423
00:58:01,968 --> 00:58:03,634
One, two, three, four...
1424
00:58:03,636 --> 00:58:06,503
- Four seconds out.
- One, two...
1425
00:58:06,505 --> 00:58:09,373
- Four seconds in.
- One, two, three, four...
1426
00:58:09,375 --> 00:58:10,875
You don't have to count
while you're doing this.
1427
00:58:10,877 --> 00:58:12,010
...four. It helps me.
1428
00:58:12,012 --> 00:58:15,712
- One, two, three, four...
- There you go.
1429
00:58:15,714 --> 00:58:18,049
One, two, three, four.
1430
00:58:18,051 --> 00:58:19,953
One, two, three, four.
1431
00:58:20,821 --> 00:58:22,621
One, two, three, four.
1432
00:58:23,824 --> 00:58:25,859
- You got it.
- That actually works.
1433
00:58:26,893 --> 00:58:28,427
Those guys are good.
1434
00:58:32,999 --> 00:58:34,699
We did almost just die,
though.
1435
00:58:34,701 --> 00:58:35,767
We actually did almost die.
1436
00:58:35,769 --> 00:58:37,434
- Yeah.
- Oh, thank God.
1437
00:58:37,436 --> 00:58:38,569
That actually
makes me feel better.
1438
00:58:38,571 --> 00:58:39,704
Means I didn't overreact.
1439
00:58:39,706 --> 00:58:42,441
Oh, God, no, you completely
overreacted.
1440
00:58:43,509 --> 00:58:44,678
Yeah, maybe.
1441
00:58:47,180 --> 00:58:48,982
I can think of worse ways
to go
1442
00:58:50,050 --> 00:58:51,718
than here with you.
1443
00:58:53,053 --> 00:58:54,953
Honestly, this has been like,
1444
00:58:54,955 --> 00:58:57,757
the best few weeks
of my entire life.
1445
00:59:01,127 --> 00:59:02,459
You don't have to say it
back to me.
1446
00:59:02,461 --> 00:59:03,728
I know it's not true for you.
1447
00:59:03,730 --> 00:59:05,763
I saw you sing with
Bruce Springsteen last year,
1448
00:59:05,765 --> 00:59:07,131
at that benefit concert.
That was probably
1449
00:59:07,133 --> 00:59:08,600
a way better week.
1450
00:59:08,602 --> 00:59:11,435
Just as an example.
1451
00:59:11,437 --> 00:59:13,872
Well, this is
a pretty close second.
1452
00:59:13,874 --> 00:59:15,974
Really? To The Boss?
1453
00:59:15,976 --> 00:59:17,041
Yeah.
1454
00:59:17,043 --> 00:59:19,378
Wow. That's nice.
1455
00:59:26,019 --> 00:59:27,387
Uh...
1456
00:59:33,059 --> 00:59:36,127
I feel like maybe you want me
to kiss you right now,
1457
00:59:36,129 --> 00:59:38,096
but I don't want to make
the same stupid mistake
1458
00:59:38,098 --> 00:59:39,531
I made 25 years ago.
1459
00:59:39,533 --> 00:59:41,402
Wouldn't be a stupid mistake.
1460
00:59:42,103 --> 00:59:43,704
Wait... Really?
1461
00:59:50,244 --> 00:59:51,844
We've secured the location.
1462
00:59:51,846 --> 00:59:54,715
But we need to move you.
The helicopter is standing by.
1463
00:59:55,816 --> 00:59:57,518
Thank you, Agent M.
1464
01:00:02,089 --> 01:00:03,489
Holy shit.
1465
01:00:03,491 --> 01:00:04,556
That helicopter was way louder
1466
01:00:04,558 --> 01:00:05,958
than I thought
it was gonna be.
1467
01:00:05,960 --> 01:00:07,929
- Fred, enough. Enough.
- I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
1468
01:00:08,796 --> 01:00:09,895
We're safe here though?
1469
01:00:09,897 --> 01:00:11,563
- Yes!
- Oh, my God, Fred!
1470
01:00:11,565 --> 01:00:12,631
This way.
1471
01:00:12,633 --> 01:00:13,868
This place
looks really nice.
1472
01:00:17,805 --> 01:00:19,272
Fred, I need you
to come work
1473
01:00:19,274 --> 01:00:21,106
on that speech with me,
right now.
1474
01:00:21,108 --> 01:00:23,178
- Right now?
- Yeah. Right now.
1475
01:00:24,045 --> 01:00:25,147
Okay.
1476
01:00:31,519 --> 01:00:32,685
Hang on, get my pants off.
1477
01:00:32,687 --> 01:00:34,021
Okay, I gotta, too. Shit.
1478
01:00:35,523 --> 01:00:36,922
- We're doing it?
- Yeah!
1479
01:00:36,924 --> 01:00:37,990
- Do it faster.
- Let's do it.
1480
01:00:37,992 --> 01:00:38,993
They're coming off!
1481
01:00:40,962 --> 01:00:42,964
Fucking tapered pants. Shit!
1482
01:00:44,299 --> 01:00:45,499
Fuck!
1483
01:00:47,002 --> 01:00:48,667
Okay, just leave
it! Just leave it! Leave it!
1484
01:00:48,669 --> 01:00:50,136
- Okay.
- Okay. Yeah.
1485
01:00:50,138 --> 01:00:51,204
Should I go in, then?
1486
01:00:51,206 --> 01:00:52,871
Yeah, enter.
1487
01:00:52,873 --> 01:00:56,142
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, no!
1488
01:00:56,144 --> 01:00:58,278
- I'm gonna come really soon.
- Me too.
1489
01:00:58,280 --> 01:00:59,745
- Really?
- Yeah!
1490
01:00:59,747 --> 01:01:00,813
- Oh, God!
- Oh!
1491
01:01:00,815 --> 01:01:02,215
Oh, boy!
1492
01:01:05,053 --> 01:01:07,988
- Oh, God! Okay.
- Oh, my God!
1493
01:01:07,990 --> 01:01:09,889
- I'm coming out.
- Okay, come on.
1494
01:01:09,891 --> 01:01:15,694
Oh, God. Oh! Oh! Oh, fuck!
1495
01:01:15,696 --> 01:01:18,934
Wow. Oh, my God,
I'm sorry.
1496
01:01:19,835 --> 01:01:21,034
I don't know
what happened.
1497
01:01:21,036 --> 01:01:23,236
I usually last
way longer than that.
1498
01:01:23,238 --> 01:01:24,638
- You know?
- Not me.
1499
01:01:25,673 --> 01:01:26,605
That was weird.
1500
01:01:26,607 --> 01:01:27,807
We both said, "Oh, boy"
when we came...
1501
01:01:27,809 --> 01:01:29,776
- Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
- ...at the same time.
1502
01:01:29,778 --> 01:01:31,311
- That's never happened before.
- I've never said that.
1503
01:01:31,313 --> 01:01:34,580
- Yeah.
- Super strange.
1504
01:01:34,582 --> 01:01:36,282
- Oh!
- Should we do that again?
1505
01:01:36,284 --> 01:01:37,951
Yeah, my hands are shaking,
I need a minute.
1506
01:01:42,656 --> 01:01:44,290
Hmm.
1507
01:01:44,292 --> 01:01:47,227
Who's this little guy?
1508
01:01:47,229 --> 01:01:49,129
I was a writing an article
about neo-Nazis
1509
01:01:49,131 --> 01:01:50,864
and I had to get a bottom half
1510
01:01:50,866 --> 01:01:52,298
of a swastika
tattooed on me...
1511
01:01:52,300 --> 01:01:54,134
- Oh, my God.
- ...so they wouldn't kill me
1512
01:01:54,136 --> 01:01:56,136
and I didn't want that,
1513
01:01:56,138 --> 01:01:59,272
so I added little shoes and
I made him a little stick man
1514
01:01:59,274 --> 01:02:02,743
and I named him
Adolf Stickler.
1515
01:02:02,745 --> 01:02:04,812
You'd never know
he had little swastika legs.
1516
01:02:04,814 --> 01:02:06,280
- No.
- He's so happy about it.
1517
01:02:06,282 --> 01:02:07,348
I know, they just
look like pants.
1518
01:02:07,350 --> 01:02:09,984
You'd never know he was born
in the fires of hatred.
1519
01:02:13,389 --> 01:02:15,191
Man, I am hungry.
1520
01:02:17,827 --> 01:02:19,326
What time is it?
1521
01:02:19,328 --> 01:02:21,998
I couldn't tell you
what fucking day it is.
1522
01:02:23,132 --> 01:02:26,100
And where...
Where are we right now?
1523
01:02:26,102 --> 01:02:27,401
I don't have a clue.
1524
01:02:27,403 --> 01:02:28,669
You don't know?
1525
01:02:28,671 --> 01:02:29,870
No. They just
dropped us here.
1526
01:02:29,872 --> 01:02:32,141
They just took us here
on the helicopter.
1527
01:02:54,230 --> 01:02:55,296
Good morning,
Mr. Flarsky.
1528
01:02:55,298 --> 01:02:56,666
Jesus!
1529
01:02:58,734 --> 01:03:00,069
You scared me, man.
1530
01:03:05,808 --> 01:03:08,410
Could you maybe not tell
anybody about this?
1531
01:03:08,412 --> 01:03:10,213
They wouldn't
believe me anyway.
1532
01:03:11,848 --> 01:03:12,915
Fair enough.
1533
01:03:13,983 --> 01:03:15,319
Good luck, man.
1534
01:03:17,287 --> 01:03:18,355
Thank you.
1535
01:03:27,364 --> 01:03:29,763
These helicopters are scary.
1536
01:03:29,765 --> 01:03:32,902
It's gonna be fine, Fred.
Just breathe.
1537
01:03:35,905 --> 01:03:38,373
One, two, three, four.
1538
01:03:38,375 --> 01:03:40,377
One, two, three, four.
1539
01:03:52,489 --> 01:03:54,389
I feel so happy right now!
1540
01:03:54,391 --> 01:03:56,124
Like,
I'm beginning to realize,
1541
01:03:56,126 --> 01:03:57,858
I may have never been happy.
1542
01:03:57,860 --> 01:04:00,362
This might be the first time
I ever felt happy.
1543
01:04:00,364 --> 01:04:01,829
And it feels good.
1544
01:04:01,831 --> 01:04:04,832
This is like, the best shit
that's ever happened.
1545
01:04:04,834 --> 01:04:06,767
There's like this crazy big
banquet thing tonight,
1546
01:04:06,769 --> 01:04:08,370
and she gave me
like a tuxedo to wear.
1547
01:04:08,372 --> 01:04:09,437
And it's not like a date,
1548
01:04:09,439 --> 01:04:11,039
but it kinda
feels like a date.
1549
01:04:11,041 --> 01:04:13,741
How do I not fuck this up?
Seems impossible.
1550
01:04:13,743 --> 01:04:15,977
Dude, you just need to give
yourself affirmation, man.
1551
01:04:15,979 --> 01:04:17,778
You need to...
1552
01:04:17,780 --> 01:04:19,849
You need to say that
you're worthy of love, man.
1553
01:04:20,817 --> 01:04:22,118
I am worthy of love.
1554
01:04:22,120 --> 01:04:23,785
All right, now you gotta
say it 10,000
1555
01:04:23,787 --> 01:04:25,288
more times,
until you believe it.
1556
01:04:25,290 --> 01:04:26,755
Okay, look, I gotta go.
1557
01:04:26,757 --> 01:04:29,091
I have no fucking clue
how to tie a bow tie.
1558
01:04:29,093 --> 01:04:30,759
All right, man. Hey!
1559
01:04:30,761 --> 01:04:31,762
Be bold!
1560
01:04:48,179 --> 01:04:49,512
Hi.
1561
01:04:49,514 --> 01:04:52,181
You look really pretty.
1562
01:04:52,183 --> 01:04:53,418
Thank you.
1563
01:04:54,319 --> 01:04:57,386
You look really pretty, too.
1564
01:04:57,388 --> 01:04:58,454
Thank you.
1565
01:04:58,456 --> 01:04:59,889
Thanks for the suit.
1566
01:04:59,891 --> 01:05:01,023
We should probably head in.
1567
01:05:01,025 --> 01:05:02,126
- Shall we?
- Yeah.
1568
01:05:05,563 --> 01:05:08,331
Wow. This is awesome.
1569
01:05:08,333 --> 01:05:09,999
It's cool being
in Argentina.
1570
01:05:10,001 --> 01:05:11,400
I think the guys
who killed my grandparents
1571
01:05:11,402 --> 01:05:13,204
are hiding here somewhere.
1572
01:05:13,938 --> 01:05:15,039
Shit, they got a band.
1573
01:05:17,041 --> 01:05:20,476
Do you wanna, uh, dance maybe?
Or grab a drink?
1574
01:05:20,478 --> 01:05:22,011
So there are representatives
1575
01:05:22,013 --> 01:05:23,879
from over 75 countries
here tonight.
1576
01:05:23,881 --> 01:05:25,414
She has three hours
to get out there,
1577
01:05:25,416 --> 01:05:26,449
- shake her money maker...
- Yeah.
1578
01:05:26,451 --> 01:05:28,184
...and get as many
commitments as possible.
1579
01:05:28,186 --> 01:05:29,852
- This is a work event.
- Of course, yeah. I get it.
1580
01:05:29,854 --> 01:05:33,122
We could, uh, maybe at the end
of the night, have a drink.
1581
01:05:33,124 --> 01:05:35,258
Yeah, if you have time.
Cool.
1582
01:05:35,260 --> 01:05:37,326
- We'll see.
- Yeah.
1583
01:05:37,328 --> 01:05:39,130
All right. Okay.
1584
01:05:43,134 --> 01:05:44,469
I know what's going on.
1585
01:05:47,839 --> 01:05:50,273
- What do you mean?
- You know what I mean.
1586
01:05:50,275 --> 01:05:51,340
There's nothing going on.
1587
01:05:51,342 --> 01:05:53,510
Don't fucking bullshit me,
Fred.
1588
01:05:53,512 --> 01:05:56,212
'Cause my EQ is through
the goddamn roof.
1589
01:05:56,214 --> 01:05:59,282
And I understand and intuit
the nuances of social dynamics
1590
01:05:59,284 --> 01:06:00,249
like you wouldn't believe.
1591
01:06:00,251 --> 01:06:03,185
The two of you are having sex
with each other.
1592
01:06:03,187 --> 01:06:05,021
There's no way you could
discern something like that.
1593
01:06:05,023 --> 01:06:06,257
Charlotte told me.
1594
01:06:07,025 --> 01:06:07,957
Really?
1595
01:06:07,959 --> 01:06:10,026
No, but you just did,
you fucking idiot.
1596
01:06:10,028 --> 01:06:13,029
Fuck! Shit!
That was fucking very clever.
1597
01:06:13,031 --> 01:06:14,196
Jesus, well,
you know what, yes.
1598
01:06:14,198 --> 01:06:16,232
Okay. We're sexing
one another down.
1599
01:06:16,234 --> 01:06:17,133
- So?
- Ew.
1600
01:06:17,135 --> 01:06:18,502
Honestly, it's probably
weirder to me
1601
01:06:18,504 --> 01:06:19,636
- than it is to you.
- Look,
1602
01:06:19,638 --> 01:06:20,803
I can't believe
I have to say this,
1603
01:06:20,805 --> 01:06:24,042
but just so you know, there's
no way the two of you work.
1604
01:06:25,243 --> 01:06:26,976
Why would you say that?
You don't know that.
1605
01:06:26,978 --> 01:06:29,045
The public will never accept
the two of you together,
1606
01:06:29,047 --> 01:06:30,414
so neither will she.
1607
01:06:30,416 --> 01:06:32,014
Honestly, Fred,
it doesn't matter
1608
01:06:32,016 --> 01:06:32,982
if you get it or you don't,
1609
01:06:32,984 --> 01:06:34,651
'cause the truth is,
she is going to realize it
1610
01:06:34,653 --> 01:06:35,918
for the both of you,
1611
01:06:35,920 --> 01:06:38,020
then you'll have
your heart broken.
1612
01:06:38,022 --> 01:06:39,356
And that could be
kinda fun to watch.
1613
01:06:39,358 --> 01:06:41,059
Ambassador Plenipotentiary...
1614
01:06:58,211 --> 01:06:59,446
Madam Secretary!
1615
01:07:00,547 --> 01:07:02,079
Excuse me.
1616
01:07:02,081 --> 01:07:03,214
- Ah!
- Parker.
1617
01:07:03,216 --> 01:07:05,283
Nope. Nope. Uh...
1618
01:07:07,153 --> 01:07:10,521
You know, we still have not
found time to sit down.
1619
01:07:10,523 --> 01:07:11,689
You know,
it's not gonna happen.
1620
01:07:11,691 --> 01:07:13,324
I'm not gonna find time.
1621
01:07:13,326 --> 01:07:15,926
I will get my way on this.
1622
01:07:15,928 --> 01:07:17,261
I don't even know
what you mean by "this,"
1623
01:07:17,263 --> 01:07:19,697
but please have at it.
It's all yours.
1624
01:07:19,699 --> 01:07:21,132
- May I have a word?
- Can you excuse me?
1625
01:07:21,134 --> 01:07:22,367
We're in the middle
of a conversation here.
1626
01:07:22,369 --> 01:07:25,036
- Of course. Yes.
- Oh, my God. You are a...
1627
01:07:25,038 --> 01:07:27,538
You look
absolutely wonderful.
1628
01:07:27,540 --> 01:07:29,440
Oh.
1629
01:07:30,677 --> 01:07:32,176
I have to say,
I have been
1630
01:07:32,178 --> 01:07:34,412
so impressed
by your initiative.
1631
01:07:34,414 --> 01:07:36,180
Does this mean
I can add Canada
1632
01:07:36,182 --> 01:07:38,182
to the list of countries
taking part?
1633
01:07:38,184 --> 01:07:40,351
On one condition.
1634
01:07:40,353 --> 01:07:41,252
Let me guess.
1635
01:07:41,254 --> 01:07:43,988
You want fewer restrictions
on lumber.
1636
01:07:43,990 --> 01:07:45,325
I don't care about lumber.
1637
01:07:46,626 --> 01:07:48,161
I just want to dance.
1638
01:07:51,598 --> 01:07:52,663
Sure.
1639
01:08:16,322 --> 01:08:17,390
Whoa!
1640
01:08:18,591 --> 01:08:20,093
Wow.
1641
01:08:21,461 --> 01:08:22,693
You know
when you see something,
1642
01:08:22,695 --> 01:08:26,030
and it just looks right.
1643
01:08:26,032 --> 01:08:28,099
Like a Kangol hat
on Samuel L. Jackson.
1644
01:08:28,101 --> 01:08:29,102
Mmm-hmm.
1645
01:08:38,746 --> 01:08:40,447
I'm worthy of love.
1646
01:08:42,148 --> 01:08:43,483
I'm worthy of love.
1647
01:08:46,119 --> 01:08:47,420
What the fuck
are you saying?
1648
01:08:48,321 --> 01:08:49,322
Nothing.
1649
01:09:22,524 --> 01:09:23,525
Bonjour, ma'am.
1650
01:09:56,558 --> 01:09:57,559
Excuse me.
1651
01:09:59,628 --> 01:10:01,161
Agent E, look alive.
1652
01:10:16,745 --> 01:10:18,112
- Hi.
- Hey.
1653
01:10:18,880 --> 01:10:20,515
I hear you have
a crush on me.
1654
01:10:21,883 --> 01:10:23,251
I do.
1655
01:10:24,819 --> 01:10:26,621
Kinda have
a crush on you, too.
1656
01:10:28,323 --> 01:10:29,491
Well, that's cool.
1657
01:10:32,761 --> 01:10:34,861
Hey, I know I asked earlier.
1658
01:10:34,863 --> 01:10:36,429
But, uh...
1659
01:10:40,135 --> 01:10:41,469
Do you want to dance with me?
1660
01:10:44,306 --> 01:10:45,307
It's a dope song.
1661
01:10:46,474 --> 01:10:47,707
Really fucking good song.
1662
01:10:47,709 --> 01:10:48,841
Maybe the best song
ever written.
1663
01:10:48,843 --> 01:10:49,844
Yeah.
1664
01:12:37,988 --> 01:12:39,621
I want you to
fuck me from behind
1665
01:12:39,623 --> 01:12:40,791
and slap my ass really hard.
1666
01:12:43,460 --> 01:12:44,659
What?
1667
01:12:44,661 --> 01:12:45,994
What?
1668
01:12:45,996 --> 01:12:48,262
Nothing. What,
did I say "what"?
1669
01:12:48,264 --> 01:12:49,564
Am I being too bossy?
1670
01:12:49,566 --> 01:12:52,332
No. No. No. No. Not at all.
No. No.
1671
01:12:52,334 --> 01:12:53,868
I am. I am.
I'm your boss all day,
1672
01:12:53,870 --> 01:12:54,736
and now I'm bossing you
in bed.
1673
01:12:54,738 --> 01:12:56,270
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it that way.
1674
01:12:56,272 --> 01:12:57,472
No. Not at all.
1675
01:12:57,474 --> 01:12:59,340
My brain, honestly, just went
into shock a little bit...
1676
01:12:59,342 --> 01:13:00,475
Yeah, but you hesitated.
1677
01:13:00,477 --> 01:13:03,511
No, it's just not how
I imagined you liking things.
1678
01:13:03,513 --> 01:13:06,614
You know what? We'll do exactly
what you were imagining.
1679
01:13:06,616 --> 01:13:08,616
And then you turn me around
and slap me on my ass
1680
01:13:08,618 --> 01:13:09,853
and then choke me
a little bit.
1681
01:13:10,620 --> 01:13:11,621
Oh, my God.
1682
01:13:19,362 --> 01:13:20,430
Whoa.
1683
01:13:30,440 --> 01:13:31,441
Frederick.
1684
01:13:32,042 --> 01:13:33,276
Margaret.
1685
01:13:38,048 --> 01:13:39,848
Hey, you forgot this...
Oh, fuck!
1686
01:13:39,850 --> 01:13:41,616
- Gross!
- Um...
1687
01:13:41,618 --> 01:13:42,951
I thought you guys
hated each other.
1688
01:13:42,953 --> 01:13:45,053
- We do hate each other.
- We do. Big time.
1689
01:13:45,055 --> 01:13:46,989
- We are also fucking.
- Ugh.
1690
01:13:46,991 --> 01:13:48,091
How long
have you been fucking?
1691
01:13:48,093 --> 01:13:49,425
That was probably 20 minutes.
1692
01:13:49,427 --> 01:13:50,493
Not right now!
1693
01:13:50,495 --> 01:13:52,695
- Oh.
- A lot of questions. Um, I...
1694
01:13:52,697 --> 01:13:53,863
I would say
anywhere between
1695
01:13:53,865 --> 01:13:55,731
two and five...
Three and a half times.
1696
01:13:55,733 --> 01:13:57,566
I would say on my end, five.
1697
01:13:57,568 --> 01:13:59,035
Three and a half sounds right.
1698
01:13:59,037 --> 01:14:01,403
I don't know how you're tallying that shit.
That's sick.
1699
01:14:01,405 --> 01:14:03,839
Okay, first of all,
there's a woman present.
1700
01:14:03,841 --> 01:14:05,474
There's a woman
in there, too?
1701
01:14:05,476 --> 01:14:07,376
- Excuse me.
- Easy.
1702
01:14:07,378 --> 01:14:08,577
- And I got it.
- Sorry.
1703
01:14:08,579 --> 01:14:09,945
- Again.
- Sorry, I'm...
1704
01:14:09,947 --> 01:14:11,814
A woman is present
and that woman is me.
1705
01:14:11,816 --> 01:14:13,415
- You?
- We're talking about her.
1706
01:14:13,417 --> 01:14:15,351
Trust me, I know, Fred.
1707
01:14:15,353 --> 01:14:16,418
Tom, I got this.
1708
01:14:16,420 --> 01:14:17,853
- Ugh!
- I'm gonna say goodnight.
1709
01:14:17,855 --> 01:14:19,055
You tuck that in.
Goodnight to you.
1710
01:14:19,057 --> 01:14:19,922
And I will take my leave.
1711
01:14:19,924 --> 01:14:22,959
No. No way.
I'm not touching that shit.
1712
01:14:22,961 --> 01:14:25,427
- It's not the worst instinct.
- Guys, just...
1713
01:14:25,429 --> 01:14:26,495
Those hands
have been places.
1714
01:14:26,497 --> 01:14:27,998
Goodnight.
1715
01:14:28,000 --> 01:14:30,499
With France's commitment,
U.S. Secretary of State
1716
01:14:30,501 --> 01:14:33,870
Charlotte Field's noble
Rehabilitation Initiative
1717
01:14:33,872 --> 01:14:35,906
has secured the support
of 100 countries.
1718
01:14:38,010 --> 01:14:39,276
The president
wants to talk to you.
1719
01:14:39,278 --> 01:14:42,411
We've set up the tent in the next
room, Madam Secretary.
1720
01:14:42,413 --> 01:14:43,681
Tell him hi.
1721
01:14:48,120 --> 01:14:50,753
Mr. President. Bonjour.
1722
01:14:50,755 --> 01:14:52,022
Charlie, bonjour.
1723
01:14:52,024 --> 01:14:55,591
Hey, what's this I hear about
an environmental treaty thing?
1724
01:14:55,593 --> 01:14:57,393
Oh, it's the Global
1725
01:14:57,395 --> 01:14:59,495
Rehabilitation Initiative,
sir.
1726
01:14:59,497 --> 01:15:01,998
It's been on your desk for the
last three weeks.
1727
01:15:02,000 --> 01:15:04,100
Yeah, well,
we ran it up the flagpole
1728
01:15:04,102 --> 01:15:06,535
and it's ruffling
some feathers.
1729
01:15:06,537 --> 01:15:08,671
Sir, you are the flagpole.
1730
01:15:08,673 --> 01:15:12,108
There are actually quite a few
flagpoles in this joint.
1731
01:15:12,110 --> 01:15:13,877
We need you to revise it.
1732
01:15:13,879 --> 01:15:14,880
Sir?
1733
01:15:15,781 --> 01:15:17,883
We need you to kill the trees.
1734
01:15:21,887 --> 01:15:23,119
Why would he do that?
1735
01:15:23,121 --> 01:15:26,156
Because he's funded by a
bunch of fucking rich assholes
1736
01:15:26,158 --> 01:15:27,791
and I probably pissed
one of them off.
1737
01:15:27,793 --> 01:15:29,491
Can I just say
the optics of this
1738
01:15:29,493 --> 01:15:31,194
are actually
not that different?
1739
01:15:31,196 --> 01:15:32,996
The initiative still has
the same name.
1740
01:15:32,998 --> 01:15:34,764
It sounds
very impressive,
1741
01:15:34,766 --> 01:15:36,900
which is ultimately
all that matters.
1742
01:15:36,902 --> 01:15:39,603
I actually cared about this.
1743
01:15:39,605 --> 01:15:41,171
Now what am I
fucking left with? Bees?
1744
01:15:41,173 --> 01:15:42,504
I don't even like bees.
1745
01:15:42,506 --> 01:15:43,773
Do you have to
listen to him?
1746
01:15:43,775 --> 01:15:46,943
Yes. I have to listen to him.
1747
01:15:46,945 --> 01:15:49,779
Because unless he endorses me,
I won't win.
1748
01:15:49,781 --> 01:15:52,716
And this whole fucking show
would have been for nothing.
1749
01:15:52,718 --> 01:15:54,784
Well, maybe you don't need
his endorsement to win.
1750
01:15:54,786 --> 01:15:56,152
You know?
People are digging your shit.
1751
01:15:56,154 --> 01:15:57,821
And your numbers are good.
1752
01:15:57,823 --> 01:16:00,023
You know what, Fred?
She needs a little alone time.
1753
01:16:00,025 --> 01:16:01,558
Right, she probably just needs
a friend right now.
1754
01:16:01,560 --> 01:16:02,626
Time to go, buddy.
1755
01:16:02,628 --> 01:16:04,494
Oh, my God.
1756
01:16:04,496 --> 01:16:07,734
Maggie, just give me a second
alone with Fred, please.
1757
01:16:22,582 --> 01:16:24,982
I don't wanna
do this job anymore.
1758
01:16:24,984 --> 01:16:26,052
I fuckin' hate it.
1759
01:16:26,953 --> 01:16:29,120
I mean, what's the point?
1760
01:16:29,122 --> 01:16:32,425
Every time I do something,
it just gets undone.
1761
01:16:32,992 --> 01:16:34,225
I'm sorry.
1762
01:16:34,227 --> 01:16:36,027
I just wanna be
a normal person
1763
01:16:36,029 --> 01:16:37,795
and not give a fuck
about anything
1764
01:16:37,797 --> 01:16:39,830
just like
the rest of the world.
1765
01:16:39,832 --> 01:16:41,899
Yeah, most people don't
give a shit about anything.
1766
01:16:41,901 --> 01:16:43,603
I bet it's really nice.
1767
01:16:44,771 --> 01:16:46,604
That's what I want.
1768
01:16:46,606 --> 01:16:48,708
I don't know
how to give that to you.
1769
01:16:52,145 --> 01:16:53,713
Let's get fucked up.
1770
01:16:54,113 --> 01:16:55,180
Fucked up?
1771
01:16:55,182 --> 01:16:57,648
- Yeah.
- Like a few beers fucked up
1772
01:16:57,650 --> 01:16:59,917
or more than that fucked up?
1773
01:16:59,919 --> 01:17:01,888
Like super fucked up.
1774
01:17:07,727 --> 01:17:10,195
I want to smoke
a Molly with you.
1775
01:17:11,631 --> 01:17:12,799
What?
1776
01:17:13,566 --> 01:17:15,300
That's not, um...
1777
01:17:15,302 --> 01:17:16,968
That's not
how you take it, but...
1778
01:17:16,970 --> 01:17:17,868
How do you take it?
1779
01:17:17,870 --> 01:17:19,737
It's a pill.
You take it in your mouth.
1780
01:17:19,739 --> 01:17:21,273
But I don't know
if you wanna do it.
1781
01:17:21,275 --> 01:17:22,606
Why not?
1782
01:17:22,608 --> 01:17:24,542
I just don't know
if it's a good idea.
1783
01:17:24,544 --> 01:17:27,914
As your boss, I'm ordering you
to get me a Molly.
1784
01:17:28,848 --> 01:17:30,017
Oh, man.
1785
01:18:00,047 --> 01:18:01,213
You good?
1786
01:18:01,215 --> 01:18:03,181
I don't feel anything.
1787
01:18:03,183 --> 01:18:05,183
You don't feel it?
1788
01:18:05,185 --> 01:18:06,985
No, I don't feel
a fucking thing.
1789
01:18:06,987 --> 01:18:09,790
Ooh! Wow.
1790
01:18:10,257 --> 01:18:12,791
...Was right.
1791
01:18:12,793 --> 01:18:16,694
Holy fuck...
1792
01:18:16,696 --> 01:18:18,030
No!
1793
01:18:18,032 --> 01:18:20,365
My jaw feels
really weird.
1794
01:18:20,367 --> 01:18:21,699
Yeah, that's the drugs.
1795
01:18:21,701 --> 01:18:23,301
Drugs love a jaw.
1796
01:18:23,303 --> 01:18:25,737
- I want more.
- No, no, no, no.
1797
01:18:25,739 --> 01:18:27,139
Maybe in like an hour.
1798
01:18:27,141 --> 01:18:28,843
We should do it now.
1799
01:18:57,705 --> 01:18:59,906
Yes, motherfuckers!
1800
01:18:59,908 --> 01:19:01,841
I could do this forever!
1801
01:19:01,843 --> 01:19:03,242
We're gonna.
1802
01:19:03,244 --> 01:19:05,745
I know I've been like...
1803
01:19:05,747 --> 01:19:07,980
I've been, like, playing it
pretty cool.
1804
01:19:07,982 --> 01:19:09,982
Like I've probably been
a little hard to read,
1805
01:19:09,984 --> 01:19:11,651
and I've been acting
kinda, like, aloof,
1806
01:19:11,653 --> 01:19:13,319
maybe like I don't
care that much.
1807
01:19:13,321 --> 01:19:16,756
But I don't wanna do that
anymore. I really like you.
1808
01:19:16,758 --> 01:19:19,058
You haven't been
playing it cool at all.
1809
01:19:19,060 --> 01:19:21,727
You just followed me
into the bathroom.
1810
01:19:21,729 --> 01:19:22,962
Yeah, to talk.
1811
01:19:22,964 --> 01:19:25,098
- I really like you, too!
- Really?
1812
01:19:25,100 --> 01:19:26,732
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
1813
01:19:28,703 --> 01:19:31,370
- Madam Secretary!
- Yeah! Whoa!
1814
01:19:31,372 --> 01:19:33,206
Madam Secretary!
Listen to me!
1815
01:19:33,208 --> 01:19:35,341
Dance with me,
Steven! Dance!
1816
01:19:35,343 --> 01:19:36,443
We have a situation.
1817
01:19:36,445 --> 01:19:37,812
Huh?
1818
01:19:46,154 --> 01:19:48,020
Yo.
1819
01:19:48,022 --> 01:19:51,057
How much longer is this
Molly stuff gonna last?
1820
01:19:51,059 --> 01:19:52,825
We just re-upped.
1821
01:19:52,827 --> 01:19:55,027
You kept saying you wanted
to take more, so we did.
1822
01:19:55,029 --> 01:19:58,099
So we have another
maybe four or five hours.
1823
01:19:59,268 --> 01:20:01,401
Yeah. Why?
1824
01:20:01,403 --> 01:20:03,237
I'm in so much trouble.
1825
01:20:03,239 --> 01:20:04,304
What's happening?
1826
01:20:04,306 --> 01:20:05,905
I'm gonna be
in so much trouble.
1827
01:20:05,907 --> 01:20:08,109
What's happening?
Are they outta water?
1828
01:20:08,977 --> 01:20:10,143
One of our U2s went down
1829
01:20:10,145 --> 01:20:13,045
while performing a standard
fly-over in Kashtari airspace.
1830
01:20:13,047 --> 01:20:14,147
The pilot was able to eject,
1831
01:20:14,149 --> 01:20:17,151
but it appears he was taken
by the Kashtari military.
1832
01:20:17,153 --> 01:20:18,851
Thank you, General.
1833
01:20:18,853 --> 01:20:20,354
Prime Minister Bharath
is refusing
1834
01:20:20,356 --> 01:20:22,855
to return the pilot
to United States custody.
1835
01:20:22,857 --> 01:20:24,824
He's personally hurt
by the many insults
1836
01:20:24,826 --> 01:20:26,326
hurled at him by POTUS.
1837
01:20:26,328 --> 01:20:28,228
Good job. All right.
1838
01:20:30,999 --> 01:20:32,301
It's gonna be okay
in there, right?
1839
01:20:33,269 --> 01:20:34,702
That's up to you, ma'am.
1840
01:20:35,937 --> 01:20:38,340
Oh, God.
You got this.
1841
01:20:55,425 --> 01:20:57,959
I can hold onto your sunglasses for
you, if you'd like.
1842
01:20:57,961 --> 01:21:02,999
Oh, no. I have alopecia.
In both eyes.
1843
01:21:09,372 --> 01:21:10,837
Hello.
1844
01:21:10,839 --> 01:21:11,805
Secretary Field!
1845
01:21:11,807 --> 01:21:12,907
Oh, my God!
1846
01:21:12,909 --> 01:21:15,776
Hello, Bharath? Hey.
1847
01:21:15,778 --> 01:21:19,147
I hear we have
a situation here?
1848
01:21:19,149 --> 01:21:22,252
One that we both
probably want resolved.
1849
01:21:24,087 --> 01:21:26,521
Very quickly...
1850
01:21:26,523 --> 01:21:29,123
You're not going to bully me
this time, Madam Secretary.
1851
01:21:29,125 --> 01:21:30,825
Your man will stay here
1852
01:21:30,827 --> 01:21:33,795
until your president
personally apologizes to me.
1853
01:21:33,797 --> 01:21:34,798
Over Instagram.
1854
01:21:35,999 --> 01:21:38,969
- He won't do that.
- Yeah, no. Yes...
1855
01:21:40,070 --> 01:21:42,270
- Yo.
- Yes?
1856
01:21:42,272 --> 01:21:43,838
Can I level with you?
1857
01:21:43,840 --> 01:21:45,373
Can I fill you in
on something?
1858
01:21:45,375 --> 01:21:46,407
Go ahead.
1859
01:21:46,409 --> 01:21:48,076
Me and Charlotte,
we're fucked up right now.
1860
01:21:48,078 --> 01:21:49,010
We're on drugs.
1861
01:21:49,012 --> 01:21:50,545
First of all, I don't
wanna talk about that.
1862
01:21:50,547 --> 01:21:52,247
Why? We can't talk
about the drugs.
1863
01:21:52,249 --> 01:21:53,581
Do you know
we're on drugs?
1864
01:21:53,583 --> 01:21:56,119
I don't wanna talk
about that in this room.
1865
01:21:57,320 --> 01:21:58,488
What's happening?
1866
01:21:59,956 --> 01:22:01,022
We're on drugs
right now.
1867
01:22:03,093 --> 01:22:04,859
That's funny.
That's a funny joke!
1868
01:22:04,861 --> 01:22:06,828
What's a joke?
We're on fucking drugs...
1869
01:22:08,064 --> 01:22:09,197
Are we going somewhere?
1870
01:22:11,034 --> 01:22:12,934
What is that?
1871
01:22:12,936 --> 01:22:15,203
What is happening?
We're on drugs right now.
1872
01:22:15,205 --> 01:22:17,905
So you're admitting that
the United States government
1873
01:22:17,907 --> 01:22:20,141
ordered these planes
to spy on my country?
1874
01:22:20,143 --> 01:22:21,209
No.
1875
01:22:22,379 --> 01:22:25,480
No! No! Of course not!
1876
01:22:25,482 --> 01:22:27,583
That's what it sounded like.
Face it.
1877
01:22:27,585 --> 01:22:28,816
You have no leverage here.
1878
01:22:28,818 --> 01:22:32,086
Match his aggression, Madam.
It's the only way out of this.
1879
01:22:32,088 --> 01:22:34,556
I don't know, he seems
really fucking pissed off.
1880
01:22:34,558 --> 01:22:36,057
Get more fucking pissed.
1881
01:22:36,059 --> 01:22:37,461
Let him know
who's really in charge.
1882
01:22:42,365 --> 01:22:44,067
Oh, my God,
that really hurt.
1883
01:22:45,302 --> 01:22:47,068
I gotta be honest,
I'm not...
1884
01:22:47,070 --> 01:22:50,271
I'm not feeling
all this aggression stuff.
1885
01:22:50,273 --> 01:22:53,941
I'm into more of,
like, a chilled vibe.
1886
01:22:53,943 --> 01:22:56,580
You know, just feeling...
1887
01:22:57,515 --> 01:22:59,450
God, are those Gauloises?
1888
01:23:00,451 --> 01:23:02,052
Just, I'm so...
1889
01:23:03,354 --> 01:23:05,822
I'm just gonna bum one.
1890
01:23:07,924 --> 01:23:09,223
Just give me one sec.
1891
01:23:09,225 --> 01:23:10,295
Don't worry.
1892
01:23:18,470 --> 01:23:19,536
Bharath.
1893
01:23:19,538 --> 01:23:21,273
- Hello?
- Listen.
1894
01:23:22,541 --> 01:23:24,476
Mmm. Mmm.
1895
01:23:26,177 --> 01:23:30,981
You and I are in
the same boat, my friend.
1896
01:23:31,550 --> 01:23:33,216
How is that the case?
1897
01:23:33,218 --> 01:23:34,617
We both have to
deal with my boss
1898
01:23:34,619 --> 01:23:38,020
and we both think
he is an asshole.
1899
01:23:38,022 --> 01:23:40,089
You also think
he's an asshole?
1900
01:23:40,091 --> 01:23:41,591
Oh, my God,
he's such an asshole.
1901
01:23:41,593 --> 01:23:43,460
His stupid fucking TV show
1902
01:23:43,462 --> 01:23:45,395
was like,
good for three episodes
1903
01:23:45,397 --> 01:23:47,263
and then it just didn't make
any sense.
1904
01:23:47,265 --> 01:23:49,401
Fuck,
it feels good to say that.
1905
01:23:52,437 --> 01:23:53,438
Listen.
1906
01:23:55,607 --> 01:23:59,676
You need to keep this
on the real DL.
1907
01:23:59,678 --> 01:24:03,113
We both know
that the U.S. does not
1908
01:24:03,115 --> 01:24:06,249
negotiate with terrorists.
1909
01:24:06,251 --> 01:24:11,654
But, we do negotiate
with homies.
1910
01:24:11,656 --> 01:24:14,290
So if you give us
our guy back,
1911
01:24:14,292 --> 01:24:18,428
I'm gonna hook you up
with a sweet aid package.
1912
01:24:18,430 --> 01:24:21,464
So not only do you not have to
keep a guy hostage,
1913
01:24:21,466 --> 01:24:25,235
which is a pretty
shitty thing to do.
1914
01:24:25,237 --> 01:24:27,036
I mean, I've done it myself.
1915
01:24:27,038 --> 01:24:29,107
Don't tell anybody,
super classified.
1916
01:24:30,108 --> 01:24:31,708
It sucks, I hate it.
1917
01:24:31,710 --> 01:24:37,013
Yeah. So,
why don't we instead
1918
01:24:37,015 --> 01:24:40,683
save a ton of lives?
1919
01:24:40,685 --> 01:24:44,087
I mean, that's pretty
fucking awesome, right?
1920
01:24:44,089 --> 01:24:45,690
I think this is
a really good idea.
1921
01:24:49,161 --> 01:24:50,328
What do you say?
1922
01:24:53,064 --> 01:24:54,499
Ma'am.
1923
01:24:59,371 --> 01:25:01,571
Hostage saved, motherfuckers!
1924
01:25:01,573 --> 01:25:04,307
Yeah, yeah!
1925
01:25:04,309 --> 01:25:07,277
- She did it! She did it!
- She did it!
1926
01:25:07,279 --> 01:25:10,013
I'm here with Secretary
of State Charlotte Field.
1927
01:25:10,015 --> 01:25:12,449
Who, after a tense and
complicated negotiation
1928
01:25:12,451 --> 01:25:14,384
with Kashtar,
has secured the release
1929
01:25:14,386 --> 01:25:17,420
of the pilot of the U.S.
spy plane that went down
1930
01:25:17,422 --> 01:25:19,556
over Kashtari airspace.
1931
01:25:19,558 --> 01:25:21,624
- I know, right.
- Crazy.
1932
01:25:21,626 --> 01:25:22,693
And this is all
in the midst
1933
01:25:22,695 --> 01:25:25,295
of the success of
your environmental initiative,
1934
01:25:25,297 --> 01:25:28,732
which I understand has secured
the support of 100 countries.
1935
01:25:28,734 --> 01:25:30,300
- Yes, um...
- Ooh, sore subject.
1936
01:25:30,302 --> 01:25:32,036
I'm very happy
to announce that
1937
01:25:32,038 --> 01:25:34,773
not only do I have the support
of those 100 countries,
1938
01:25:34,775 --> 01:25:37,475
but the president himself
called me personally
1939
01:25:37,477 --> 01:25:39,578
just to tell me how psyched
he is about this initiative...
1940
01:25:39,580 --> 01:25:42,547
- Did he call? Did he call?
- That didn't happen.
1941
01:25:42,549 --> 01:25:43,782
...don't change a word,
1942
01:25:43,784 --> 01:25:46,718
especially the part, uh,
with the trees.
1943
01:25:46,720 --> 01:25:48,352
- That's a lie.
- So, all in all,
1944
01:25:48,354 --> 01:25:49,453
I'm just... Well,
1945
01:25:49,455 --> 01:25:52,389
I kinda feel like I'm just
kinda crushing it right now.
1946
01:25:52,391 --> 01:25:54,695
Thank you so much. So...
Thank you.
1947
01:25:55,394 --> 01:25:56,461
Thank you.
1948
01:25:56,463 --> 01:25:58,797
The incredible
Charlotte Field.
1949
01:25:58,799 --> 01:26:01,131
Who clearly still feels
the effects
1950
01:26:01,133 --> 01:26:04,436
of the intense all-night
hostage situation.
1951
01:26:16,750 --> 01:26:19,618
After negotiating the release
of Lieutenant Gary Smith...
1952
01:26:19,620 --> 01:26:21,553
Charlotte Field's popularity
continues to skyrocket...
1953
01:26:21,555 --> 01:26:23,287
In the newest Gallup poll,
68%...
1954
01:26:23,289 --> 01:26:26,591
...are women mentally unfit
to hold the presidency?
1955
01:26:26,593 --> 01:26:28,426
Here to chat about it
is Chris Brown,
1956
01:26:28,428 --> 01:26:30,795
Jeremy Piven,
and Brett Ratner.
1957
01:26:30,797 --> 01:26:33,598
In the wake of her successful
hostage negotiation,
1958
01:26:33,600 --> 01:26:35,800
Charlotte Field's poll numbers
keep going up.
1959
01:26:35,802 --> 01:26:37,167
I'd like to apologize
1960
01:26:37,169 --> 01:26:38,403
to Charlotte,
and anyone out there
1961
01:26:38,405 --> 01:26:41,642
who was upset yesterday when
I called her Booby-McBoobson.
1962
01:26:43,443 --> 01:26:44,645
Give me
the president's office.
1963
01:26:45,512 --> 01:26:47,579
Yep?
1964
01:26:47,581 --> 01:26:49,214
Can I talk to you
for a second?
1965
01:26:49,216 --> 01:26:50,715
Of course.
1966
01:26:50,717 --> 01:26:52,684
We got some new polling that
I thought I'd share with you.
1967
01:26:52,686 --> 01:26:53,818
All right.
1968
01:26:53,820 --> 01:26:55,387
It feels like
everything
1969
01:26:55,389 --> 01:26:56,621
is kinda falling into place
for us.
1970
01:26:56,623 --> 01:26:58,256
So we thought
we'd dig a little deeper
1971
01:26:58,258 --> 01:26:59,658
and make sure
there are no surprises.
1972
01:26:59,660 --> 01:27:01,393
- Why are you acting so weird?
- It's good.
1973
01:27:01,395 --> 01:27:03,297
We got some really
helpful feedback.
1974
01:27:04,531 --> 01:27:06,264
From the public.
1975
01:27:06,266 --> 01:27:09,534
So we asked
a thousand constituents
1976
01:27:09,536 --> 01:27:11,269
how they would feel
1977
01:27:11,271 --> 01:27:14,339
- if, say, Princess Di...
- Hmm.
1978
01:27:14,341 --> 01:27:15,709
...if she were to
start dating
1979
01:27:16,610 --> 01:27:17,611
Guy Fieri.
1980
01:27:19,313 --> 01:27:21,212
I don't even know
who that is.
1981
01:27:21,214 --> 01:27:22,714
They
don't like that.
1982
01:27:22,716 --> 01:27:25,317
- Yeah.
- Or Kate Middleton
1983
01:27:25,319 --> 01:27:27,519
were to start dating
Danny DeVito.
1984
01:27:27,521 --> 01:27:28,620
I see where you're
going with this.
1985
01:27:28,622 --> 01:27:29,921
Pretty negative reaction.
1986
01:27:29,923 --> 01:27:32,591
Or if Jennifer Lawrence
1987
01:27:32,593 --> 01:27:35,762
were to start dating this
potato in a teal windbreaker.
1988
01:27:36,830 --> 01:27:38,730
They would be very upset.
1989
01:27:38,732 --> 01:27:40,231
You did a lot of work,
1990
01:27:40,233 --> 01:27:42,200
- and I...
- Well, but, can I just finish?
1991
01:27:42,202 --> 01:27:44,436
No, that's, like, a lot of...
I get it.
1992
01:27:44,438 --> 01:27:46,338
Madam Secretary.
I have no desire
1993
01:27:46,340 --> 01:27:48,373
- to limit your romantic life.
- Good.
1994
01:27:48,375 --> 01:27:51,209
But the optics of you and Fred
1995
01:27:51,211 --> 01:27:53,679
will make a presidential run
very challenging.
1996
01:27:53,681 --> 01:27:54,915
Fred is a journalist.
1997
01:27:54,917 --> 01:27:57,249
Who's written some
extremely fucked-up stuff.
1998
01:27:57,251 --> 01:28:00,254
No. That's exposed some
really fucked-up stuff.
1999
01:28:01,389 --> 01:28:03,623
And I just want to know
for myself,
2000
01:28:03,625 --> 01:28:06,626
you're comfortable with putting
everything on the line for a hookup?
2001
01:28:06,628 --> 01:28:08,361
Oh, my God.
2002
01:28:08,363 --> 01:28:09,528
Why are we having
this conversation?
2003
01:28:09,530 --> 01:28:10,864
This is insane.
2004
01:28:10,866 --> 01:28:13,766
I don't have to explain myself
to you.
2005
01:28:13,768 --> 01:28:15,501
I'm sorry. I really don't
understand this.
2006
01:28:15,503 --> 01:28:16,903
And I fucking love you,
Charlotte.
2007
01:28:16,905 --> 01:28:17,904
I want you to be happy.
2008
01:28:17,906 --> 01:28:19,505
But more than that,
I want you to be in charge.
2009
01:28:19,507 --> 01:28:21,440
And I want you
to be president.
2010
01:28:21,442 --> 01:28:23,578
For the sake of the future
of our country.
2011
01:28:27,582 --> 01:28:29,250
Look, there's another option.
2012
01:28:30,618 --> 01:28:31,918
There's a guy who works
for the Secret Service
2013
01:28:31,920 --> 01:28:35,989
whose job it is to handle
the mistresses...
2014
01:28:35,991 --> 01:28:37,556
Maggie. You're gonna
have to stop.
2015
01:28:37,558 --> 01:28:39,793
And there are a series
of tunnels in the White House
2016
01:28:39,795 --> 01:28:41,396
- that Woodrow Wilson...
- That's enough.
2017
01:28:43,666 --> 01:28:45,398
Fred is not an idea
2018
01:28:45,400 --> 01:28:47,834
that I'm floating by you
for your approval.
2019
01:28:47,836 --> 01:28:49,872
And you're getting very close
to crossing a line.
2020
01:28:55,611 --> 01:28:56,910
Okay. Got it.
2021
01:28:56,912 --> 01:28:58,346
Goodnight, Madam Secretary.
2022
01:29:04,285 --> 01:29:06,385
When I grow up,
I want to be Charlotte Field.
2023
01:29:06,387 --> 01:29:07,754
Because she's smart and pretty
2024
01:29:07,756 --> 01:29:09,388
and she's going to be
president.
2025
01:29:17,633 --> 01:29:20,467
I will be that
little girl's president.
2026
01:29:20,469 --> 01:29:23,704
Thank you,
and God bless America.
2027
01:29:23,706 --> 01:29:26,873
Massive applause.
Massive cheering.
2028
01:29:26,875 --> 01:29:29,009
At that point, I think
the stage would descend,
2029
01:29:29,011 --> 01:29:32,813
right, and then Lil Uzi Vert
or Charli XCX
2030
01:29:32,815 --> 01:29:35,281
would join hands
with the Harlem Boys Choir...
2031
01:29:35,283 --> 01:29:36,950
Well, I said we'll figure
that out later.
2032
01:29:38,854 --> 01:29:40,387
Uh, Madam Secretary,
2033
01:29:40,389 --> 01:29:41,757
the president would like to
see you right now.
2034
01:29:42,491 --> 01:29:43,625
Shit.
2035
01:29:44,660 --> 01:29:45,726
Damn it!
2036
01:29:45,728 --> 01:29:46,995
The nation is at war!
2037
01:29:47,896 --> 01:29:49,096
I find myself torn.
2038
01:29:49,098 --> 01:29:53,700
Torn between my personal love
and my love of country...
2039
01:29:53,702 --> 01:29:55,368
Sir, is this a good time?
2040
01:29:55,370 --> 01:29:58,405
Oh, hi, Charlotte.
No, I'm just running lines.
2041
01:29:58,407 --> 01:29:59,439
- Oh.
- All right.
2042
01:29:59,441 --> 01:30:01,243
Clear the room. Everybody,
just Charlotte, please.
2043
01:30:04,680 --> 01:30:05,681
Thanks.
2044
01:30:08,984 --> 01:30:10,619
Is everything okay, sir?
2045
01:30:11,687 --> 01:30:13,890
Oh, look who it is.
2046
01:30:14,624 --> 01:30:17,425
She's here at last.
2047
01:30:17,427 --> 01:30:19,861
You gotta love that
secret door. Sit down.
2048
01:30:24,334 --> 01:30:25,833
This feels like an ambush.
2049
01:30:25,835 --> 01:30:27,869
Well, in the
entertainment world,
2050
01:30:27,871 --> 01:30:30,037
we call this a surprise
walk-on.
2051
01:30:30,039 --> 01:30:31,472
You see, Charlotte,
2052
01:30:31,474 --> 01:30:34,041
we have a number of
business interests
2053
01:30:34,043 --> 01:30:36,911
and that, you know,
may be gravely affected
2054
01:30:36,913 --> 01:30:38,880
by this agreement of yours.
2055
01:30:38,882 --> 01:30:41,382
Yeah. Uh, aside from
getting into film,
2056
01:30:41,384 --> 01:30:44,018
I'm looking to use
my connections as president
2057
01:30:44,020 --> 01:30:46,054
to expand
my investment portfolio.
2058
01:30:46,056 --> 01:30:48,723
Sort of like an Ashton Kutcher
type thing, you know.
2059
01:30:48,725 --> 01:30:51,659
I mean, that guy is killing
with acting and investing...
2060
01:30:51,661 --> 01:30:54,495
I think what the president
is trying to say,
2061
01:30:54,497 --> 01:30:57,398
is that the server farm
we want to build in Alaska
2062
01:30:57,400 --> 01:31:00,835
is sitting on 10 miles of land
which will now be
2063
01:31:00,837 --> 01:31:02,739
protected by your initiative.
2064
01:31:03,540 --> 01:31:04,806
Move your server farm.
2065
01:31:04,808 --> 01:31:06,674
We want to
build it in Alaska.
2066
01:31:06,676 --> 01:31:08,442
There's plenty of room
for expansion.
2067
01:31:08,444 --> 01:31:11,412
Charlotte. I'm surprised
that it's come to this.
2068
01:31:11,414 --> 01:31:13,115
You're usually so agreeable.
2069
01:31:13,117 --> 01:31:15,550
But I watched you
undermine me
2070
01:31:15,552 --> 01:31:17,585
on TV the other day.
2071
01:31:17,587 --> 01:31:19,654
TV of all places.
2072
01:31:19,656 --> 01:31:21,689
That's my medium. All right?
2073
01:31:21,691 --> 01:31:25,393
You used TV against me!
2074
01:31:25,395 --> 01:31:27,863
That was your first mistake.
2075
01:31:27,865 --> 01:31:30,799
Look, I'm about to give you
the easiest ultimatum
2076
01:31:30,801 --> 01:31:32,870
that you're ever,
ever gonna receive.
2077
01:31:34,671 --> 01:31:36,404
Drop the tree thing.
2078
01:31:36,406 --> 01:31:38,841
- Or?
- Or...
2079
01:31:38,843 --> 01:31:44,847
We will release the content
of your friend's hard drive.
2080
01:31:44,849 --> 01:31:47,582
We found
a lot of interesting stuff
2081
01:31:47,584 --> 01:31:49,184
when we hacked
into his webcam.
2082
01:31:49,186 --> 01:31:51,454
Now here is a little taster.
2083
01:31:54,657 --> 01:31:57,759
Yo, Charlotte, it's Fred.
2084
01:31:57,761 --> 01:31:59,594
Uh, you want
to come to my room
2085
01:31:59,596 --> 01:32:01,763
and have sex with me
really fast?
2086
01:32:01,765 --> 01:32:04,867
Oh no, don't worry. I'll find
ways to kill time today.
2087
01:32:04,869 --> 01:32:06,668
It's cool. Just let me know
when you're back.
2088
01:32:06,670 --> 01:32:07,738
Great.
2089
01:32:12,142 --> 01:32:13,909
...important to me.
2090
01:32:13,911 --> 01:32:16,544
That's a good speech.
2091
01:32:16,546 --> 01:32:18,546
The band of misfits
fight back...
2092
01:32:18,548 --> 01:32:20,450
- Nice dress.
- ...against the bullies.
2093
01:32:21,785 --> 01:32:22,985
Never giving up.
2094
01:32:22,987 --> 01:32:24,119
Never laying down.
2095
01:32:27,191 --> 01:32:28,690
In high school,
2096
01:32:28,692 --> 01:32:29,960
I would talk about
the underdog a lot.
2097
01:32:32,229 --> 01:32:34,964
And I would often find myself
on a soapbox
2098
01:32:34,966 --> 01:32:37,700
rambling on and on
about the injustices
2099
01:32:37,702 --> 01:32:38,870
of the world.
2100
01:32:41,039 --> 01:32:42,772
Which makes you
extremely popular...
2101
01:32:44,509 --> 01:32:46,075
...especially when everybody
would rather be watching
2102
01:32:46,077 --> 01:32:47,844
Beverly Hills, 90210.
2103
01:32:55,687 --> 01:32:57,687
Oh, wow.
2104
01:33:02,694 --> 01:33:04,496
Oh, boy!
2105
01:33:07,532 --> 01:33:11,601
Oh, no... Yucky.
2106
01:33:13,905 --> 01:33:14,971
Oh, boy!
2107
01:33:14,973 --> 01:33:16,675
What the fuck?
2108
01:33:18,009 --> 01:33:22,979
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry this happened.
2109
01:33:22,981 --> 01:33:24,714
- You don't have to be sorry.
- What do we do?
2110
01:33:24,716 --> 01:33:26,716
This is what everyone
was afraid was gonna happen,
2111
01:33:26,718 --> 01:33:27,784
because of me.
2112
01:33:27,786 --> 01:33:29,219
And now it's happening
because of me.
2113
01:33:29,221 --> 01:33:30,520
- Do I get a publicist?
- No.
2114
01:33:30,522 --> 01:33:31,754
- Do I do a publicity tour?
- Stop.
2115
01:33:31,756 --> 01:33:32,922
Do we have
a press conference?
2116
01:33:32,924 --> 01:33:35,894
Fred, listen to me.
I took the deal.
2117
01:33:37,529 --> 01:33:38,594
What?
2118
01:33:38,596 --> 01:33:39,929
We scratched the tree thing
2119
01:33:39,931 --> 01:33:42,532
and I have a real shot
at becoming president.
2120
01:33:42,534 --> 01:33:47,637
And some billionaire
motherfucker
2121
01:33:47,639 --> 01:33:51,574
gets to blackmail you?
Using me?
2122
01:33:51,576 --> 01:33:53,843
Doing something
that everybody does?
2123
01:33:53,845 --> 01:33:55,845
Out of a policy
that you cared about,
2124
01:33:55,847 --> 01:33:57,314
since you were
in middle school.
2125
01:33:57,316 --> 01:33:59,048
Since I've known you,
you've cared about this.
2126
01:33:59,050 --> 01:34:00,650
And now you're just gonna
get rid of it?
2127
01:34:00,652 --> 01:34:04,854
I'm trying to compromise here
for a bigger goal.
2128
01:34:04,856 --> 01:34:05,989
Well, I don't think
you should right now.
2129
01:34:05,991 --> 01:34:07,091
Oh, my God!
2130
01:34:07,093 --> 01:34:08,691
Of course
you don't think I should.
2131
01:34:08,693 --> 01:34:10,693
You never compromise
for anything in your life,
2132
01:34:10,695 --> 01:34:12,329
which gives you
the perfect excuse to fail.
2133
01:34:12,331 --> 01:34:15,232
Well, it's better than
maybe bending over backwards
2134
01:34:15,234 --> 01:34:16,699
for anyone who asked,
2135
01:34:16,701 --> 01:34:18,135
to the point that
you don't even know
2136
01:34:18,137 --> 01:34:19,736
why the fuck you're doing
this shit anymore!
2137
01:34:19,738 --> 01:34:21,338
In my world,
in order to achieve
2138
01:34:21,340 --> 01:34:23,273
what I'm trying to achieve,
I have to compromise.
2139
01:34:23,275 --> 01:34:24,341
Oh, why,
because you're a woman?
2140
01:34:24,343 --> 01:34:25,742
Yeah, motherfucker.
2141
01:34:25,744 --> 01:34:26,977
Okay, that makes sense.
2142
01:34:26,979 --> 01:34:29,579
And because I'm not giving up
everything I've ever wanted
2143
01:34:29,581 --> 01:34:31,881
just because it doesn't
live up to your moral code.
2144
01:34:31,883 --> 01:34:34,151
I don't care if this tape
comes out. I really don't.
2145
01:34:34,153 --> 01:34:36,186
- Oh, my God, Fred.
- I'll be okay.
2146
01:34:36,188 --> 01:34:38,057
You don't have to
do this for me.
2147
01:34:40,092 --> 01:34:41,961
You're not doing this for me.
2148
01:34:43,162 --> 01:34:44,694
Obviously.
2149
01:34:44,696 --> 01:34:48,631
Look, you and I both know
2150
01:34:48,633 --> 01:34:50,600
the woman who stands
beside the guy
2151
01:34:50,602 --> 01:34:52,936
that's coming on his face
gets way more scrutiny
2152
01:34:52,938 --> 01:34:55,940
than the guy who's actually
coming on his face.
2153
01:34:55,942 --> 01:34:57,708
Don't know if that's
happened enough
2154
01:34:57,710 --> 01:34:59,277
for there to be, like,
a precedent for it.
2155
01:34:59,279 --> 01:35:01,980
So, who knows? Maybe that
won't be the case this time.
2156
01:35:01,982 --> 01:35:03,782
Who knows? Maybe people
will think it's romantic.
2157
01:35:03,784 --> 01:35:05,316
I'm jerking...
I'm jerking off to you.
2158
01:35:05,318 --> 01:35:06,951
You don't know how people
are gonna react.
2159
01:35:06,953 --> 01:35:08,955
I'm not taking that risk.
2160
01:35:12,926 --> 01:35:13,994
I can't do it.
2161
01:35:15,395 --> 01:35:16,863
Okay.
2162
01:35:22,936 --> 01:35:26,807
So the video doesn't come out,
what happens to us?
2163
01:35:32,145 --> 01:35:36,314
I was talking to Maggie,
and she knows
2164
01:35:36,316 --> 01:35:38,783
this consultant who could
scrub your history.
2165
01:35:38,785 --> 01:35:40,318
We could make sure
nothing else like this
2166
01:35:40,320 --> 01:35:42,689
pops up and surprises us.
2167
01:35:43,223 --> 01:35:45,824
And then we just...
We work on your image,
2168
01:35:45,826 --> 01:35:47,759
and we figure out
how we want to
2169
01:35:47,761 --> 01:35:50,228
present ourselves
as a couple to the public.
2170
01:35:50,230 --> 01:35:51,364
That's all.
2171
01:35:56,670 --> 01:35:58,803
- Okay.
- Okay.
2172
01:35:58,805 --> 01:35:59,971
How long...
How long will it take,
2173
01:35:59,973 --> 01:36:02,941
do you think, to create
2174
01:36:02,943 --> 01:36:05,844
an image of me that we can
present to the public?
2175
01:36:05,846 --> 01:36:09,415
Just through the first couple
months of the campaign.
2176
01:36:09,417 --> 01:36:11,983
You think? But you don't
know that, right?
2177
01:36:11,985 --> 01:36:13,284
It could take longer
than that.
2178
01:36:13,286 --> 01:36:15,687
In a couple of months,
you could find that it's not a good moment
2179
01:36:15,689 --> 01:36:18,223
to introduce
a new boyfriend, right?
2180
01:36:18,225 --> 01:36:20,426
And then we'd have to wait
a couple more months.
2181
01:36:20,428 --> 01:36:23,029
I don't know how long
it's gonna take, Fred.
2182
01:36:23,897 --> 01:36:26,164
And then meanwhile,
2183
01:36:26,166 --> 01:36:28,068
you're pretending
not to date me.
2184
01:36:29,236 --> 01:36:32,103
And you're scrubbing
my Internet history?
2185
01:36:32,105 --> 01:36:33,872
So my articles are gone.
2186
01:36:33,874 --> 01:36:35,807
And you, like, sneak me around
2187
01:36:35,809 --> 01:36:37,775
like I'm Marilyn Monroe
and you're JFK?
2188
01:36:37,777 --> 01:36:38,943
Is that what
we're talking about?
2189
01:36:38,945 --> 01:36:42,080
I just want to be clear,
that's what we're talking about.
2190
01:36:42,082 --> 01:36:44,418
And we have to do that
because I'm...
2191
01:36:45,952 --> 01:36:47,120
...not right.
2192
01:36:48,955 --> 01:36:51,723
And then once we present us
to the world,
2193
01:36:51,725 --> 01:36:56,264
we present a version of me
that isn't... actually me?
2194
01:36:59,966 --> 01:37:01,034
Yeah.
2195
01:37:10,411 --> 01:37:11,845
I can't do it.
2196
01:37:13,980 --> 01:37:16,081
I wish
2197
01:37:16,083 --> 01:37:19,188
that I was the type of person
that could, but I can't.
2198
01:37:28,363 --> 01:37:29,964
You don't have to do it.
2199
01:37:51,086 --> 01:37:53,086
Don't know what the fuck
I was thinking.
2200
01:37:53,088 --> 01:37:57,023
Why the fuck
I thought someone like her
2201
01:37:57,025 --> 01:37:58,857
and someone like me
could work?
2202
01:37:58,859 --> 01:38:01,995
She's a fucking politician.
Like, I don't even know her.
2203
01:38:01,997 --> 01:38:04,564
Like, I don't know who she is.
2204
01:38:04,566 --> 01:38:07,534
She has no moral compass.
2205
01:38:07,536 --> 01:38:10,203
She's working with fucking
Democrats one day,
2206
01:38:10,205 --> 01:38:11,838
Republicans the next
fucking day.
2207
01:38:11,840 --> 01:38:12,906
I mean, what's wrong
with working
2208
01:38:12,908 --> 01:38:14,274
with Democrats
and Republicans?
2209
01:38:14,276 --> 01:38:16,009
That's...
That's the whole country.
2210
01:38:16,011 --> 01:38:19,212
Uh, yeah,
except fuck Republicans,
2211
01:38:19,214 --> 01:38:20,880
I guess is the problem
with that.
2212
01:38:20,882 --> 01:38:24,284
Speaking as an American,
shouldn't you see both sides?
2213
01:38:24,286 --> 01:38:27,087
Yeah. I see
one side's fucking wrong.
2214
01:38:27,089 --> 01:38:29,589
What's the problem here?
2215
01:38:29,591 --> 01:38:31,258
I'm a Republican.
2216
01:38:31,260 --> 01:38:33,026
You're fucking joking
right now.
2217
01:38:33,028 --> 01:38:36,229
Member of the GOP!
Yeah, you know me.
2218
01:38:36,231 --> 01:38:37,564
You're a Republican.
2219
01:38:37,566 --> 01:38:38,465
Yeah, I'm a Republican!
2220
01:38:38,467 --> 01:38:40,934
The shit has worked out
so far for me.
2221
01:38:40,936 --> 01:38:42,502
What the fuck, man?
2222
01:38:42,504 --> 01:38:44,037
All that shit
you're always saying to me!
2223
01:38:44,039 --> 01:38:45,238
- Yeah.
- Pull yourself up
2224
01:38:45,240 --> 01:38:47,907
by your bootstraps. And being
in charge of your own destiny.
2225
01:38:47,909 --> 01:38:50,143
- Republican shit.
- Oh, and it worked on me.
2226
01:38:50,145 --> 01:38:51,878
And it works
on a lot of people.
2227
01:38:51,880 --> 01:38:53,046
Oh, that's fucking sick.
2228
01:38:53,048 --> 01:38:54,147
That's right.
2229
01:38:54,149 --> 01:38:55,515
Ugh! That's gross!
2230
01:38:55,517 --> 01:38:57,450
That Republican shit,
you put it in my brain
2231
01:38:57,452 --> 01:38:59,552
and it made me feel good.
That's fucked up, man!
2232
01:38:59,554 --> 01:39:01,021
Come on. See, this is what
I'm talking about,
2233
01:39:01,023 --> 01:39:02,122
your negative way of thinking.
2234
01:39:02,124 --> 01:39:03,390
I don't even know you!
2235
01:39:03,392 --> 01:39:04,257
- What do you mean?
- Ugh!
2236
01:39:04,259 --> 01:39:05,859
I'm the same dude
from two minutes ago.
2237
01:39:05,861 --> 01:39:06,926
Your best friend.
2238
01:39:06,928 --> 01:39:08,161
Why'd you never tell me this?
2239
01:39:08,163 --> 01:39:10,297
'Cause I knew you'd act exactly
how you're acting right now.
2240
01:39:10,299 --> 01:39:11,965
Wait a minute.
2241
01:39:11,967 --> 01:39:14,467
You're always talking about how, like,
the universe has a plan for all of us...
2242
01:39:14,469 --> 01:39:15,435
Take it easy.
2243
01:39:15,437 --> 01:39:17,370
There's someone watching
over us at all times.
2244
01:39:17,372 --> 01:39:19,339
- Yeah.
- Does that mean...
2245
01:39:19,341 --> 01:39:20,476
I'm a man of Christian faith.
2246
01:39:21,076 --> 01:39:23,109
What the fuck!
2247
01:39:23,111 --> 01:39:24,612
Now, come on now!
We pray for you!
2248
01:39:24,614 --> 01:39:26,112
Don't pray for me! Keep it!
2249
01:39:26,114 --> 01:39:28,181
- Lord.
- Oh, stop it. Ignore him, God!
2250
01:39:28,183 --> 01:39:30,150
- He doesn't mean that.
- Don't pray for me!
2251
01:39:30,152 --> 01:39:31,318
You are trippin' right now.
2252
01:39:31,320 --> 01:39:32,385
I'm not fucking trippin'!
How could you be Christian?
2253
01:39:32,387 --> 01:39:37,090
I wear this cross, every day,
since you've known me!
2254
01:39:37,092 --> 01:39:38,259
What did you think it was for?
2255
01:39:38,261 --> 01:39:40,662
I thought it was...
2256
01:39:40,664 --> 01:39:42,229
...a cultural thing.
2257
01:39:42,231 --> 01:39:43,966
You mean like,
'cause I'm black?
2258
01:39:45,301 --> 01:39:46,437
That's what
I thought, yeah.
2259
01:39:47,103 --> 01:39:48,169
That might be.
2260
01:39:48,171 --> 01:39:50,405
But that don't mean
what you said ain't racist.
2261
01:39:50,407 --> 01:39:52,474
- You're right.
- Yeah, I know I'm right!
2262
01:39:52,476 --> 01:39:54,141
- Fuck.
- That's racist as shit!
2263
01:39:54,143 --> 01:39:57,244
All right, dude...
I love you, man.
2264
01:39:57,246 --> 01:40:00,247
But you're very judgmental.
They don't want politics
2265
01:40:00,249 --> 01:40:02,384
to get into this,
because you've never really
2266
01:40:02,386 --> 01:40:04,185
been good at looking at shit
2267
01:40:04,187 --> 01:40:06,053
from other people's
perspective, Fred.
2268
01:40:06,055 --> 01:40:07,489
- I know.
- It might explain
2269
01:40:07,491 --> 01:40:10,225
why you haven't been able to look
at this through Charlotte's eyes.
2270
01:40:10,227 --> 01:40:11,293
I'm sorry.
2271
01:40:11,295 --> 01:40:13,228
I'm sorry you couldn't be
who you are around me,
2272
01:40:13,230 --> 01:40:15,630
and you had to
hide your true self.
2273
01:40:15,632 --> 01:40:16,964
That's really fucked up.
2274
01:40:16,966 --> 01:40:18,032
That's all right, man.
2275
01:40:18,034 --> 01:40:21,969
But my love for the GOP
and the G-O-D
2276
01:40:21,971 --> 01:40:23,705
has nothing to do with us.
2277
01:40:23,707 --> 01:40:25,640
I'm racist.
You're a Republican.
2278
01:40:25,642 --> 01:40:28,075
I don't know
what the fuck's going on.
2279
01:40:29,446 --> 01:40:31,613
Polls suggested
I should get into yoga,
2280
01:40:31,615 --> 01:40:33,315
which I did and it turns out,
2281
01:40:33,317 --> 01:40:34,616
I don't really like yoga.
2282
01:40:34,618 --> 01:40:38,086
Don't you sometimes just wish
you could say,
2283
01:40:38,088 --> 01:40:39,287
"Fuck the polls"?
2284
01:40:39,289 --> 01:40:44,593
Well, polls say that people
find my laugh unattractive.
2285
01:40:44,595 --> 01:40:46,395
So I shouldn't laugh
in public.
2286
01:40:46,397 --> 01:40:47,529
That was a bit of a bummer,
2287
01:40:47,531 --> 01:40:50,031
because I really,
I like to laugh.
2288
01:40:50,033 --> 01:40:51,466
- A lot.
- Hmm.
2289
01:40:51,468 --> 01:40:53,602
Um, but we came up
with another laugh
2290
01:40:53,604 --> 01:40:55,337
that was better.
That's more, uh...
2291
01:40:55,339 --> 01:40:57,172
- Presidential, I guess.
- Hmm.
2292
01:40:58,709 --> 01:40:59,708
That's good.
2293
01:40:59,710 --> 01:41:01,343
It's a lot of teeth
and not too much sound.
2294
01:41:01,345 --> 01:41:04,012
- Yeah.
- Mmm.
2295
01:41:04,014 --> 01:41:06,181
So, um, after dinner,
2296
01:41:06,183 --> 01:41:07,749
how about we go
for a drink somewhere?
2297
01:41:07,751 --> 01:41:09,017
Ooh.
2298
01:41:09,019 --> 01:41:12,187
I know this great little place
that's not too far from here.
2299
01:41:12,189 --> 01:41:14,523
It's called Mini Bar.
2300
01:41:14,525 --> 01:41:18,727
It's quite exclusive, you need
a little key to access it.
2301
01:41:18,729 --> 01:41:23,031
And you get charged
as you remove the bottle.
2302
01:41:23,033 --> 01:41:24,633
- Hmm.
- It's actually more of
2303
01:41:24,635 --> 01:41:26,368
a small fridge than a bar.
2304
01:41:26,370 --> 01:41:28,236
- And it's in my room...
- No, I get it.
2305
01:41:28,238 --> 01:41:29,671
I'm inviting you
back to my room.
2306
01:41:29,673 --> 01:41:32,342
I...
2307
01:41:34,344 --> 01:41:36,411
- That was my real laugh.
- Mmm!
2308
01:41:36,413 --> 01:41:37,546
I don't know why
2309
01:41:37,548 --> 01:41:39,950
they told you
not to use that laugh.
2310
01:41:41,351 --> 01:41:42,486
It's...
2311
01:41:49,293 --> 01:41:51,193
Big day tomorrow,
Madam Secretary.
2312
01:41:53,564 --> 01:41:55,432
Yeah. Big day.
2313
01:42:15,453 --> 01:42:17,756
Okay. "Hey, it's Fred."
2314
01:42:41,179 --> 01:42:42,247
Hello?
2315
01:42:43,849 --> 01:42:45,449
Beep.
2316
01:42:45,451 --> 01:42:47,786
Oh, uh, guess I got
your voicemail. Um, hi.
2317
01:42:48,621 --> 01:42:50,854
It's Fred.
2318
01:42:50,856 --> 01:42:54,323
I guess I wanna start
by saying I'm really sorry.
2319
01:42:54,325 --> 01:42:56,426
You were right
about everything
2320
01:42:56,428 --> 01:42:58,531
and I was wrong
about everything.
2321
01:43:00,231 --> 01:43:04,601
And we should go along
with the plan.
2322
01:43:04,603 --> 01:43:08,239
I can be Marilyn.
I can be your Marilyn.
2323
01:43:09,207 --> 01:43:10,707
I'd rather be
your Lady Bird,
2324
01:43:10,709 --> 01:43:14,313
because, you know,
LBJ put a ring on that finger.
2325
01:43:16,247 --> 01:43:19,650
But I would do anything
to continue,
2326
01:43:19,652 --> 01:43:21,353
to be able to be with you.
2327
01:43:25,189 --> 01:43:26,358
Okay, bye.
2328
01:43:40,706 --> 01:43:42,439
So, we're losing
the trees, huh?
2329
01:43:42,441 --> 01:43:45,375
Yeah. POTUS talked me
out of it.
2330
01:43:45,377 --> 01:43:47,644
I know that meant
a lot to you. I'm so sorry.
2331
01:43:47,646 --> 01:43:49,513
Hmm, nothing we can do
about it.
2332
01:43:49,515 --> 01:43:50,914
We need his endorsement.
2333
01:43:50,916 --> 01:43:53,252
- Yep.
- Yep.
2334
01:43:55,921 --> 01:43:58,357
And I am sorry
about you and Fred.
2335
01:44:01,493 --> 01:44:04,661
You know,
he called last night.
2336
01:44:04,663 --> 01:44:06,797
He said he'd do it,
he'd go along with the plan.
2337
01:44:06,799 --> 01:44:10,200
Really? Wow.
2338
01:44:10,202 --> 01:44:12,304
That's a shock.
2339
01:44:13,739 --> 01:44:17,474
Um... Okay.
2340
01:44:17,476 --> 01:44:18,875
I'll... I'll start
to make arrangements.
2341
01:44:18,877 --> 01:44:19,878
No, Maggie.
2342
01:44:20,747 --> 01:44:22,347
There's nothing to do.
2343
01:44:22,349 --> 01:44:24,317
At the end of the day,
it was never gonna work.
2344
01:44:27,220 --> 01:44:30,388
Well, today is
such a good day,
2345
01:44:30,390 --> 01:44:32,357
and I am so excited.
2346
01:44:32,359 --> 01:44:33,825
We should be psyched.
2347
01:44:33,827 --> 01:44:36,427
So psyched.
2348
01:44:36,429 --> 01:44:38,563
All right,
I will see you out there.
2349
01:44:38,565 --> 01:44:39,633
All right.
2350
01:44:58,819 --> 01:45:00,186
Hey, man.
2351
01:45:00,855 --> 01:45:01,922
Can I get a beer?
2352
01:45:03,523 --> 01:45:06,691
- Thanks for coming.
- No problem, bro.
2353
01:45:06,693 --> 01:45:09,327
How you feelin' though?
2354
01:45:09,329 --> 01:45:11,362
Okay, you know,
you were right.
2355
01:45:11,364 --> 01:45:12,563
I called her.
2356
01:45:12,565 --> 01:45:14,399
I left a message.
She didn't call me back.
2357
01:45:14,401 --> 01:45:16,434
So... Whatever.
2358
01:45:16,436 --> 01:45:17,772
Sure you wanna watch this?
2359
01:45:18,739 --> 01:45:20,173
Yeah, I have to.
2360
01:45:22,442 --> 01:45:25,010
Madam Secretary,
I'd like to introduce you
2361
01:45:25,012 --> 01:45:25,944
to Lil Yachty.
2362
01:45:25,946 --> 01:45:27,846
He's going to be
performing after the speech.
2363
01:45:27,848 --> 01:45:29,380
Pleasure to meet you,
Mr. Yachty.
2364
01:45:29,382 --> 01:45:31,717
I'm a big-ass fan. I'm so
excited to vote for you.
2365
01:45:31,719 --> 01:45:33,788
- I'm sorry, it's game time.
- Okay.
2366
01:45:51,839 --> 01:45:53,539
Good morning!
2367
01:45:53,541 --> 01:45:56,510
Thank you, everyone,
for being here with me today.
2368
01:45:57,778 --> 01:45:59,377
Let me start
by saying something
2369
01:45:59,379 --> 01:46:01,747
I haven't said since I was 16
2370
01:46:01,749 --> 01:46:03,816
and worked
at Blockbuster Video.
2371
01:46:06,053 --> 01:46:07,351
I quit...
2372
01:46:07,353 --> 01:46:09,488
I helped write that joke.
2373
01:46:09,490 --> 01:46:10,689
Oh, yeah?
That's a good joke.
2374
01:46:10,691 --> 01:46:14,426
...as secretary of
state, in order to run
2375
01:46:14,428 --> 01:46:17,596
for president of
the United States of America.
2376
01:46:20,801 --> 01:46:22,737
God bless.
2377
01:46:25,573 --> 01:46:28,073
And I'm honored
2378
01:46:28,075 --> 01:46:31,810
to have the full support
of President Chambers,
2379
01:46:31,812 --> 01:46:34,513
a man I greatly admire.
2380
01:46:34,515 --> 01:46:37,883
A man who is
an extraordinary leader.
2381
01:46:37,885 --> 01:46:39,754
Man, you know
who you should date?
2382
01:46:40,955 --> 01:46:42,491
Taylor Swift.
2383
01:46:43,658 --> 01:46:45,658
Hell, yeah.
I could see that.
2384
01:46:45,660 --> 01:46:49,596
Why... Why do you think
I could date Taylor Swift?
2385
01:46:49,598 --> 01:46:51,397
Fred, you were dating
Charlotte Field.
2386
01:46:51,399 --> 01:46:52,899
That's the most powerful woman
on Earth!
2387
01:46:52,901 --> 01:46:54,434
Oh, I get it.
2388
01:46:54,436 --> 01:46:56,538
I don't know what me and
Taylor Swift have in common.
2389
01:46:57,773 --> 01:47:01,708
Y'all white. Ya ain't got
a care in the world.
2390
01:47:01,710 --> 01:47:02,942
That's true.
2391
01:47:02,944 --> 01:47:04,913
But this campaign
is not about me.
2392
01:47:05,614 --> 01:47:07,447
It's about you.
2393
01:47:07,449 --> 01:47:08,681
It's about us.
2394
01:47:09,885 --> 01:47:11,484
It's about how together,
2395
01:47:11,486 --> 01:47:15,555
we can build the future
our fellow Americans deserve.
2396
01:47:18,660 --> 01:47:21,628
I have dreamt
about this moment
2397
01:47:21,630 --> 01:47:23,863
ever since
I was a little girl
2398
01:47:23,865 --> 01:47:25,967
growing up
in the nation's capital.
2399
01:47:28,603 --> 01:47:32,139
And I know
that if that young girl
2400
01:47:32,141 --> 01:47:35,610
could see me
standing up here right now...
2401
01:47:40,916 --> 01:47:43,585
She would be so...
2402
01:47:46,822 --> 01:47:48,523
She would be...
2403
01:47:54,964 --> 01:47:56,098
What's happening?
2404
01:47:57,699 --> 01:48:01,336
She... She would be so
disappointed in me, actually.
2405
01:48:03,039 --> 01:48:06,573
Yeah, the truth is, that girl
2406
01:48:06,575 --> 01:48:07,774
would want me to be honest
2407
01:48:07,776 --> 01:48:10,443
and have integrity and not be
2408
01:48:10,445 --> 01:48:13,850
blackmailed by evil people
with evil agendas.
2409
01:48:16,085 --> 01:48:17,918
So instead, I'm just gonna...
2410
01:48:17,920 --> 01:48:21,055
I'm just gonna tell the truth,
and whatever happens, happens.
2411
01:48:21,057 --> 01:48:23,023
So here we go.
2412
01:48:23,025 --> 01:48:26,693
Parker Wembley
and our dumb-fuck president...
2413
01:48:26,695 --> 01:48:27,995
Whoo!
2414
01:48:27,997 --> 01:48:29,196
...are doing some
evil shit together.
2415
01:48:29,198 --> 01:48:30,931
And because
I just told you now,
2416
01:48:30,933 --> 01:48:34,534
they're going to release
a video of a guy I dated
2417
01:48:34,536 --> 01:48:36,871
jerking off all over himself.
2418
01:48:36,873 --> 01:48:37,872
Release the video.
2419
01:48:37,874 --> 01:48:39,940
Get the fucking thing online.
Get it online!
2420
01:48:39,942 --> 01:48:42,444
But don't slut shame me. I...
2421
01:48:43,746 --> 01:48:44,814
I like him.
2422
01:48:45,547 --> 01:48:47,114
I like him a lot.
2423
01:48:47,116 --> 01:48:49,118
Fred, you gotta go to her.
2424
01:48:51,220 --> 01:48:53,486
Go get her ass, man.
2425
01:48:53,488 --> 01:48:54,824
And he jerks off.
2426
01:48:57,159 --> 01:48:59,226
And so do all of you.
2427
01:48:59,228 --> 01:49:00,493
Hell, yeah!
2428
01:49:00,495 --> 01:49:02,697
So deal with it.
2429
01:49:02,699 --> 01:49:04,167
Deal with it, America.
2430
01:49:13,110 --> 01:49:15,143
Hey! I'm Fred!
2431
01:49:15,145 --> 01:49:16,811
Is that an XL?
2432
01:49:16,813 --> 01:49:18,079
I've got five stars in it,
2433
01:49:18,081 --> 01:49:19,581
if you could speed
this shit up, man!
2434
01:49:19,583 --> 01:49:20,916
We'll give you extra tip,
real tip.
2435
01:49:20,918 --> 01:49:22,250
Not Uber tip! Cash tip!
2436
01:49:22,252 --> 01:49:24,621
Get back! Get back!
2437
01:49:27,691 --> 01:49:29,793
- Where are we going?
- I don't know.
2438
01:49:33,730 --> 01:49:34,996
She's leaving?
Where is she going?
2439
01:49:34,998 --> 01:49:36,798
Shit, I don't know.
This isn't on the itinerary.
2440
01:49:36,800 --> 01:49:38,967
Tom, you have to think past
the itinerary!
2441
01:49:38,969 --> 01:49:39,901
I can't.
2442
01:49:39,903 --> 01:49:41,736
Fred, I just got
a Wembley news alert
2443
01:49:41,738 --> 01:49:43,939
- with your name on it.
- Don't open it!
2444
01:49:43,941 --> 01:49:46,641
Oh, yeah! Oh, boy!
2445
01:49:46,643 --> 01:49:48,043
Oh, Fred!
2446
01:49:48,045 --> 01:49:51,046
Oh, no. Oh, no.
2447
01:49:51,048 --> 01:49:52,247
Hey, it's all right, man.
2448
01:49:52,249 --> 01:49:53,915
You know,
we all got our things.
2449
01:49:53,917 --> 01:49:55,617
I don't bust a nut
on my face.
2450
01:49:55,619 --> 01:49:57,819
- But, like...
- It's not like a thing I do!
2451
01:49:58,989 --> 01:50:00,822
Do you think that'll,
like, go viral?
2452
01:50:00,824 --> 01:50:03,660
This is the news!
2453
01:50:04,262 --> 01:50:05,929
Oh, shit.
2454
01:50:13,870 --> 01:50:17,105
Excuse me. Move, damn it!
This man is in love.
2455
01:50:17,107 --> 01:50:18,974
Secretary Field
just drove away,
2456
01:50:18,976 --> 01:50:21,042
no comment
as to her destination.
2457
01:50:21,044 --> 01:50:23,179
We're gonna keep tracking
this story for you...
2458
01:50:23,181 --> 01:50:25,013
Yo, check it out.
It's the come-guy!
2459
01:50:25,015 --> 01:50:26,715
- Yeah, that's him!- Oh, sir,
2460
01:50:26,717 --> 01:50:27,916
just a couple of questions.
We're live right now.
2461
01:50:27,918 --> 01:50:31,052
No! I'm come-guy?
2462
01:50:31,054 --> 01:50:32,754
No comments at this time,
thank you! Thank you!
2463
01:50:32,756 --> 01:50:33,888
Thank you!
2464
01:50:33,890 --> 01:50:35,993
Do not touch him!
Do not touch him!
2465
01:50:50,741 --> 01:50:51,808
Hi.
2466
01:50:52,809 --> 01:50:53,977
Holy shit.
2467
01:50:56,080 --> 01:50:57,614
Did you see my speech?
2468
01:50:58,849 --> 01:51:01,585
Yeah. I think
everyone saw it.
2469
01:51:02,053 --> 01:51:03,054
Yeah.
2470
01:51:05,856 --> 01:51:07,791
You know,
your video's out there.
2471
01:51:08,692 --> 01:51:10,194
Yeah, I caught that.
2472
01:51:17,201 --> 01:51:19,170
Here's the deal.
I love you.
2473
01:51:20,938 --> 01:51:23,039
I know I do.
2474
01:51:23,041 --> 01:51:26,011
Because I've never been
so scared in my entire life.
2475
01:51:28,981 --> 01:51:33,684
And I once shared an elevator
with Saddam Hussein.
2476
01:51:35,020 --> 01:51:37,189
Just me and Saddam.
2477
01:51:40,259 --> 01:51:42,127
And this is way scarier.
2478
01:51:45,064 --> 01:51:46,597
I love you.
2479
01:51:49,735 --> 01:51:52,202
Okay, you're really gonna have
to say something right now.
2480
01:51:52,204 --> 01:51:53,806
'Cause I'm freaking out.
2481
01:51:56,674 --> 01:51:58,944
I've been in love with you
since I was 12 years old.
2482
01:52:20,065 --> 01:52:21,066
Oh.
2483
01:52:22,768 --> 01:52:23,834
Hello?
2484
01:52:23,836 --> 01:52:26,903
Hey, Fred, uh, there's
a million people out here
2485
01:52:26,905 --> 01:52:29,306
and they want to talk to the
candidate and the come-guy.
2486
01:52:29,308 --> 01:52:31,143
So, I figured they'd hit you.
2487
01:52:52,030 --> 01:52:53,365
Fred!
2488
01:52:54,333 --> 01:52:55,868
Fred!
2489
01:53:01,173 --> 01:53:04,107
A crazy day.
2490
01:53:04,109 --> 01:53:06,344
But I'm really glad
you're all here.
2491
01:53:06,346 --> 01:53:08,414
I'd like to introduce you
to someone.
2492
01:53:09,781 --> 01:53:10,849
This is Fred.
2493
01:53:11,484 --> 01:53:12,751
Hi, there.
2494
01:53:14,354 --> 01:53:16,354
My boyfriend.
2495
01:53:16,356 --> 01:53:17,723
Whoo!
2496
01:53:21,026 --> 01:53:22,959
You kind of
know him already,
2497
01:53:22,961 --> 01:53:25,061
but you'll get to
know him a lot more
2498
01:53:25,063 --> 01:53:26,366
in the next few months...
2499
01:53:27,567 --> 01:53:30,200
'Cause he's gonna be right by
my side on my campaign trail.
2500
01:53:40,846 --> 01:53:42,714
Wakanda Forever!
2501
01:53:50,924 --> 01:53:53,192
Charlotte! Charlotte!
2502
01:53:53,194 --> 01:53:55,795
Charlotte! Charlotte!
2503
01:53:56,963 --> 01:53:58,430
I started the chant!
2504
01:53:58,432 --> 01:54:00,367
I started that chant!
2505
01:54:04,104 --> 01:54:05,803
...that I will
faithfully execute
2506
01:54:05,805 --> 01:54:09,041
the office of the president
of the United States.
2507
01:54:09,043 --> 01:54:10,409
What a momentous day,
2508
01:54:10,411 --> 01:54:11,909
our first female president.
2509
01:54:11,911 --> 01:54:13,844
I never thought I'd see it.
2510
01:54:13,846 --> 01:54:15,547
Well, I mean, a lot of people
are gonna say
2511
01:54:15,549 --> 01:54:17,549
this is a historic moment
for women everywhere,
2512
01:54:17,551 --> 01:54:19,817
but do we really want
her finger on the button
2513
01:54:19,819 --> 01:54:21,153
when it's that time
of the month?
2514
01:54:21,155 --> 01:54:23,021
I wouldn't want
my wife making any decision
2515
01:54:23,023 --> 01:54:24,356
during that time
of the month.
2516
01:54:24,358 --> 01:54:26,191
You know what?
Fuck you guys. I quit.
2517
01:54:26,193 --> 01:54:27,792
Looks like it's someone's
time of the month.
2518
01:54:27,794 --> 01:54:29,328
- Oh!- Looks like Aunt Flow
2519
01:54:29,330 --> 01:54:31,196
is going to work down at
the Red River Casino... Oh!
2520
01:54:31,198 --> 01:54:32,431
Jesus Christ!
Quick, quick, cut!
2521
01:54:32,433 --> 01:54:36,801
Hi! I'm the First Mister of
the United States of America.
2522
01:54:36,803 --> 01:54:38,270
My name is Fred Field.
2523
01:54:38,272 --> 01:54:39,438
I took my wife's last name.
2524
01:54:39,440 --> 01:54:43,508
And, uh, I'm gonna give you
a tour of the White House.
2525
01:54:43,510 --> 01:54:46,478
We're starting with the
portraits of the first spouses.
2526
01:54:46,480 --> 01:54:48,347
Here we have
Mamie Eisenhower.
2527
01:54:48,349 --> 01:54:49,414
Jackie Kennedy.
2528
01:54:49,416 --> 01:54:52,251
We have the beautiful
Lady Bird Johnson's portrait.
2529
01:54:52,253 --> 01:54:54,987
And that leads us
into my portrait.
2530
01:54:54,989 --> 01:54:57,256
It was painted by
Todd McFarlane,
2531
01:54:57,258 --> 01:54:59,825
who created the Spawn comics,
of course.
2532
01:54:59,827 --> 01:55:01,495
The first versions
were a little over the top.
2533
01:55:03,230 --> 01:55:05,297
Hi, guys.
2534
01:55:05,299 --> 01:55:07,165
I used to think the best
way for me to change the world,
2535
01:55:07,167 --> 01:55:09,067
to make it a better place
was through journalism.
2536
01:55:09,069 --> 01:55:10,535
Then I realized
that's not at all the case.
2537
01:55:10,537 --> 01:55:14,139
Really, the best thing I could
be doing for the world
2538
01:55:14,141 --> 01:55:17,142
is just supporting
this amazing person
2539
01:55:17,144 --> 01:55:18,944
and just trying to
learn from her
2540
01:55:18,946 --> 01:55:20,479
and kinda just trying to be
2541
01:55:20,481 --> 01:55:23,015
the best first mister
I can be.
2542
01:55:23,017 --> 01:55:25,584
I actually got a tattoo
of the first mister insignia.
2543
01:55:25,586 --> 01:55:28,387
- He did.
- There we are.
2544
01:55:28,389 --> 01:55:29,554
You're wearing mittens.
2545
01:55:29,556 --> 01:55:30,956
Got little mittens on.
2546
01:55:30,958 --> 01:55:33,458
If you think of where this tattoo
started to where it ended up.
2547
01:55:33,460 --> 01:55:35,394
It really has
an amazing arc to it.
2548
01:55:35,396 --> 01:55:38,330
What are some of
the perks of your new roles?
2549
01:55:38,332 --> 01:55:41,634
Well, I finally get to enact
my vision for America.
2550
01:55:41,636 --> 01:55:43,869
I finally got to find out
who killed Kennedy.
2551
01:55:43,871 --> 01:55:45,103
- Oh, my God. Don't you dare.
- I won't say.
2552
01:55:45,105 --> 01:55:46,271
- Don't.
- I won't say.
2553
01:55:46,273 --> 01:55:47,372
Fred, I'm not
kidding around.
2554
01:55:47,374 --> 01:55:48,440
It's not who you think!
2555
01:55:48,442 --> 01:55:49,975
Don't do it.
2556
01:55:49,977 --> 01:55:51,045
It's pretty surprising.
2557
01:55:51,979 --> 01:55:53,478
He's my Mister.
2558
01:55:53,480 --> 01:55:56,116
I'm her Mister.
And she's my president.
2559
01:55:59,154 --> 01:56:04,154
Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org
2559
01:56:05,305 --> 01:57:05,223
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