All language subtitles for Two Guys and a Girl S04E22 The Internet Episode.DVDRip.NonHI.cc.en.SHOUT

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,145 --> 00:00:13,712 I REALIZE THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN LISTENING TO YOU. 2 00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:17,983 WELL... LET ME FINISH. 3 00:00:18,019 --> 00:00:21,120 I KEPT THINKING THAT IF I LEFT YOU ALONE, 4 00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:23,755 IT'D BE LIKE GIVING UP ON US. 5 00:00:23,790 --> 00:00:26,525 THE ONLY CHANCE WE HAVE 6 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,805 IS IF I DO, IN FACT, LEAVE YOU ALONE 7 00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:32,731 DON'T CHANGE YOUR WHOLE LIFE BECAUSE OF A 3-DAY RELATIONSHIP. 8 00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:33,910 WHAT IF IT DOESN'T WORK? 9 00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:35,445 THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ME AND YOU... 10 00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:37,236 I'M WILLING TO BET ON A HUNCH. 11 00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:40,839 WELL, I CAN'T TOO THAT. 12 00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:44,654 W-WHAT'S GOING ON OUT THERE? 13 00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:45,955 ASHLEY'S MOVING DAY, 14 00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:48,847 ALSO KNOWN AS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE. 15 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,349 NOT SO ROUGH! 16 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:51,583 THAT'S AN ARMOIRE, 17 00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:53,952 OR DIDN'T THEY HAVE NICE FURNITURE IN PRISON? 18 00:00:57,024 --> 00:00:59,002 I KNOW. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. 19 00:00:59,026 --> 00:01:01,593 BUT EVEN IF YOU COULD GET HER INTO THE ARMOIRE, 20 00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:03,128 YOU'D NEVER GET AWAY WITH IT. 21 00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:06,865 HEY, YOU REMEMBER THAT CHAMPAGNE 22 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:09,501 THAT ASHLEY GOT US WHEN SHE MOVED IN? 23 00:01:09,537 --> 00:01:11,681 YEAH, WE CAN FINALLY OPEN IT. 24 00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:13,505 YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT? GOOD RIDDANCE. 25 00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:15,774 IF SHE'S GONNA RUN AWAY FROM HER FEELINGS FOR ME, 26 00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:17,042 THEN SO BE IT. 27 00:01:17,078 --> 00:01:18,343 Ashley: YOU'RE A MOVER. 28 00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:20,339 WHY DON'T YOU START WITH YOUR ASS? 29 00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:27,219 I THINK I'M GONNA MAKE THE MOVER SOME MIMOSAS. 30 00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:30,089 THE RECALL OF SOME NOVELTY CONDOMS. 31 00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:33,525 THE MANUFACTURERS OF THE GLOW-IN-THE-DARK CONDOM 32 00:01:33,561 --> 00:01:36,361 "THE LIGHT SABER" HAVE ISSUED AN ALERT. 33 00:01:36,397 --> 00:01:40,299 THE LIGHT SABER HAS BEEN PROVEN TO BE ONLY 50% EFFECTIVE. 34 00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:42,867 APPARENTLY, THE DYES THAT THEY USED 35 00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:46,138 TO MAKE THE CONDOM GLOW ALSO MAKE THEM POROUS. 36 00:01:46,173 --> 00:01:49,441 LIGHT SABER? 37 00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:52,611 HEY, IRENE, I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU. 38 00:01:52,646 --> 00:01:54,213 TURN OFF THE LIGHT. 39 00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:55,514 OKAY. 40 00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:09,595 OH, HELP ME, OBI-WAN KENOBI! 41 00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:12,964 YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE! 42 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:17,169 I HOPE IRENE IS ON THE GLOW-IN-THE-DARK PILL. 43 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:22,641 HEY, I KNOW YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN WORKING REALLY HARD, 44 00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:26,578 SO I BROUGHT YOU SOME LEMONADE AND YOU SOME DEODORANT. 45 00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:27,779 HEY, ASH? 46 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:30,749 ANYTHING I CAN DO TO HELP YOU MOVE? 47 00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:32,729 OH, JOHNNY, THAT IS SO SWEET. 48 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:35,521 YEAH, THE SOONER YOU'RE OUT, THE SOONER WE'RE IN. 49 00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:37,700 OF COURSE, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO PAINT. 50 00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:41,059 BOY, HOW SOME PEOPLE LIVE. 51 00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:43,695 WHY ARE YOU GUYS MOVING BACK IN HERE ANYWAY? 52 00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:46,143 ISN'T IT ABOUT TIME YOU LOADED UP THE TRUCK 53 00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:47,399 AND MOVED TO BEVERLY? 54 00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:48,733 TELL HER, HONEY. 55 00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:52,271 T-THERE'S NOTHING TO TELL. JUST A COUPLE DAYS LATE. 56 00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:53,505 WHAT?! 57 00:02:53,541 --> 00:02:56,007 I KNOCKED HER UP. 58 00:02:56,043 --> 00:02:58,544 ANYWAY, NOTHING HAS BEEN CONFIRMED YET. 59 00:02:58,579 --> 00:03:01,246 ARE YOU SURE THAT YOU'RE LATE? 60 00:03:01,282 --> 00:03:03,281 BECAUSE YOU AND I ARE... 61 00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:08,053 YOU KNOW... SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMERS. 62 00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:11,056 YOU DON'T HAVE TO USE EUPHEMISMS IN FRONT OF HIM. 63 00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:14,059 HE'S COMFORTABLE WITH TALKING ABOUT "THE VISIT." 64 00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:16,794 WOW, YOU'RE PREGNANT, TOO. 65 00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:18,997 NO, I AM DEFINITELY NOT PREGNANT 66 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:21,299 BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO START A RESIDENCY 67 00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:23,034 3,000 MILES AWAY AT STANFORD, 68 00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:26,104 AND IF I WERE PREGNANT, THAT WOULD COMPLICATE THINGS. 69 00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:27,439 THEREFORE, I'M NOT. 70 00:03:27,474 --> 00:03:30,008 THAT'LL BE A GOOD STORY TO TELL YOUR ILLEGITIMATE BABY. 71 00:03:34,681 --> 00:03:36,214 BESIDES, I'M ON THE PILL, 72 00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:38,916 EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT ENTIRELY COMMITTED TO IT. 73 00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:41,686 W-WELL, HAVE YOU TALKED TO PETE ABOUT THIS? 74 00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:43,899 NO, I'M NOT GOING TO TALK TO PETE 75 00:03:43,923 --> 00:03:45,457 BECAUSE I'M NOT PREGNANT. 76 00:03:45,492 --> 00:03:47,092 IF YOU WERE, IT'D BE GREAT. 77 00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:49,461 YOUR KID COULD LOOK DOWN ON OUR KID, 78 00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:52,230 AND OUR KID COULD WALK YOUR KID TO THERAPY. 79 00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:57,835 ASH, I DON'T KNOW IF I'M READY FOR BEING PREGNANT. 80 00:03:57,871 --> 00:04:01,806 YOU KNOW, I JUST STARTED A JOB THAT I ABSOLUTELY LOVE. 81 00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:04,309 ON THE OTHER HAND, I WOULDN'T HAVE TO WORK. 82 00:04:04,344 --> 00:04:06,789 WELL, ALL THIS TALK IS KIND OF POINTLESS 83 00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:08,279 UNTIL YOU KNOW FOR SURE. 84 00:04:08,315 --> 00:04:10,715 YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. THANK YOU. 85 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:11,949 UHH! OOH! 86 00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:13,318 WHAT IS IT? 87 00:04:13,353 --> 00:04:16,654 THE BABY... I THINK I JUST FELT IT KICK. 88 00:04:16,689 --> 00:04:18,890 PETE, I NEED A FAVOR. 89 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:22,227 COULD YOU ASK IRENE FOR A CUP OF URINE? 90 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,794 WHY? 91 00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:25,796 ARE WE OUT? 92 00:04:29,236 --> 00:04:30,835 WHAT'S GOING ON? 93 00:04:30,870 --> 00:04:35,206 I NEED A SAMPLE TO FIND OUT IF SHE'S PREGNANT. 94 00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:36,508 WHAT?! 95 00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:39,044 OH, MY GOD, BERG, THIS IS BAD. THIS IS REALLY BAD. 96 00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:41,157 IT DOESN'T GET WORSE THAN THIS. 97 00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:42,847 HO-HO-HO! I DON'T KNOW. 98 00:04:42,882 --> 00:04:45,850 I'M NOT THE ONE GOING TO GET THE PEE-PEE. 99 00:04:45,885 --> 00:04:47,785 HURRY UP. 100 00:04:47,820 --> 00:04:51,122 OKAY, UM, "A"... EEW, NO WAY! 101 00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:55,193 "B"... USE YOUR OWN CUP! 102 00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:58,430 FINE, THEN YOU FORCED ME TO GO TO PLAN "B." 103 00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,798 AVOID THE BATHROOM! 104 00:05:00,833 --> 00:05:03,401 I'M RIGGING THE TOILET. 105 00:05:03,437 --> 00:05:05,136 YOU CAN DO IT, SHARON. 106 00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:07,772 HAVING A CAREER AND BEING A MOTHER 107 00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:09,307 ARE NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE. 108 00:05:09,342 --> 00:05:11,709 YOU JUST WON'T EXCEL AT EITHER. 109 00:05:11,744 --> 00:05:13,611 YEAH, WELL, I HEARD PREGNANCY 110 00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:15,713 MAKES YOUR FEET GROW HALF A SIZE. 111 00:05:15,748 --> 00:05:16,948 LOOK AT THESE BOATS! 112 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:21,052 GOD... MY BODY WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. 113 00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:25,022 AND THEIR BODIES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. 114 00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:28,793 BUT THEIR BOOBS GET BIGGER. 115 00:05:28,828 --> 00:05:33,898 YEAH, BUT YOU HAVE TO GET IN LINE BEHIND THE BABY. 116 00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:38,281 ALL RIGHT, THAT'S WORK. I GOTTA GO. 117 00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:40,683 BEFORE YOU DRIVE YOURSELF NUTS, GO OVER THERE, 118 00:05:40,707 --> 00:05:42,651 TELL HER THE TRUTH, AND FIND OUT. 119 00:05:42,675 --> 00:05:45,343 SHE'LL THINK IT'S SOME DESPERATE STUNT TO GET HER BACK! 120 00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:47,712 I'M NOT GOTTA START SOME BIG DRAMA WITH IRENE 121 00:05:47,747 --> 00:05:50,047 UNTIL I'M IS SURE THERE SOME BIG DRAMA WITH IRENE. 122 00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:52,950 WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO IF SHE IS PREGNANT? 123 00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:54,452 PETE, I LOVE HER, OKAY? 124 00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:56,665 AND IF SHE IS AND SHE WANTS ME, 125 00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:58,701 I'M GONNA DO THE RIGHT THING. 126 00:05:58,725 --> 00:06:00,225 OF COURSE, IF SHE ISN'T, 127 00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:02,472 I'LL HIGH-FIVE EVERYONE IN BOSTON! 128 00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:05,230 LISTEN, EITHER WAY IT TURNS OUT, 129 00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:06,564 GOOD LUCK, OKAY? 130 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:07,932 THANKS, MAN. 131 00:06:07,967 --> 00:06:09,267 YOU GOT IT. 132 00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:11,969 MAN, AM I GLAD I'M NOT YOU! 133 00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:15,273 THIS IS SO WEIRD. 134 00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:20,211 I MEAN, WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF BOTH OF US BEING PREGNANT? 135 00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:22,380 WELL, NOT VERY LIKELY. 136 00:06:22,415 --> 00:06:26,151 THAT'S ANOTHER REASON I'M SURE IT'S ONLY YOU. 137 00:06:26,186 --> 00:06:27,785 WILL YOU TAKE A TEST WITH ME? 138 00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:30,855 OKAY, FINE, BUT I GOTTA STOP AND GET A BIGGER BRA. 139 00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:33,625 I DO NOT KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THESE BABIES. 140 00:06:36,696 --> 00:06:38,196 COME ON, IRENE! 141 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:41,199 OPEN UP! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! 142 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,268 FINE, HAVE IT YOUR WAY! 143 00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:45,970 AND... LEFT HAND! 144 00:06:46,005 --> 00:06:49,106 HEY, ROGER. 145 00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:52,743 WOW. SOME WHERE THERE'S A NAKED G.I. JOE DOLL. 146 00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,851 I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'M IN THE ARMY RESERVES. 147 00:07:00,887 --> 00:07:02,487 WHAT DO THEY USE YOU FOR... 148 00:07:02,522 --> 00:07:04,667 TO DELIVER MAGAZINES TO THE FRONT? 149 00:07:04,691 --> 00:07:07,758 BERG, YOU PROMISED ME YOU WOULD LEAVE ME ALONE. 150 00:07:07,794 --> 00:07:10,195 IRENE, JUST LET ME BREAK HIS NECK. 151 00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:11,762 IT'LL TAKE TWO SECONDS. 152 00:07:11,798 --> 00:07:13,898 THAT'S OKAY. I CAN HANDLE THIS. 153 00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:15,600 NOW, YOU JUST GO PLAY WAR. 154 00:07:15,635 --> 00:07:18,035 HEY, BERG... SLEEP TIGHT, 155 00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:21,172 BUT SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN. 156 00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:23,241 CCKK! 157 00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:32,717 I SLEEP IN PETE'S ROOM! 158 00:07:32,752 --> 00:07:34,419 WHAT DO YOU WANT? 159 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,854 DID YOU CATCH THE NEWS TODAY? 160 00:07:36,889 --> 00:07:38,923 WELL, I CAUGHT THE EX-BOYFRIEND REPORT... 161 00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:40,191 PARTLY IRRITATING TODAY 162 00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:42,827 WITH A GOOD CHANCE OF ANNOYING FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK. 163 00:07:42,862 --> 00:07:45,463 JUST WAIT A SECOND. YOU DON'T HAVE CABLE, RIGHT? 164 00:07:45,498 --> 00:07:48,132 I DID UNTIL I FOUND OUT I WAS GETTING IT FREE. 165 00:07:48,167 --> 00:07:50,167 THEN I HAD IT DISCONNECTED. 166 00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,281 WELL, I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE TO KNOW 167 00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,684 THAT THE HISTORY CHANNEL IS AIRING A SPECIAL 168 00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:56,140 ON THE SINKING OF THE TITANIC. 169 00:07:56,175 --> 00:07:57,775 I LOVE THE TITANIC. 170 00:07:57,810 --> 00:08:01,279 YOU KNOW, I DIED ON THAT SHIP IN A PAST LIFE. 171 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,481 I WAS A BARONESS FROM AUSTRIA 172 00:08:03,516 --> 00:08:07,585 WHO WAS WRESTLED FROM MY RIGHTFUL SEAT ON THE LIFEBOAT 173 00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:10,255 BY A HABERDASHER NAMED PETERSON. 174 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:12,557 I REMEMBER YOU SAYING THAT ONCE, 175 00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:15,025 AND SOMEHOW, IT JUST STUCK WITH ME. 176 00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:18,829 ANYWAY, I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE TO WATCH IT AT MY PLACE. 177 00:08:18,865 --> 00:08:21,899 HEY, MAYBE YOU'LL SEE SOME OF YOUR OLD FRIENDS. 178 00:08:21,934 --> 00:08:24,769 THIS IS JUST A PLOY TO GET ME TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU. 179 00:08:24,804 --> 00:08:27,639 NO, I WON'T EVEN BE THERE. I WON'T EVEN BE THERE. 180 00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:30,608 SIT DOWN, ENJOY THE SHOW, HAVE A SNACK, 181 00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:33,144 RELIEVE YOURSELF, AND YOU'RE OUT. 182 00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:42,487 WE GOT HER UNDER CONTROL, FELLAS! 183 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:43,655 IS EVERYBODY OUT? 184 00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,534 TWO UNACCOUNTED FOR, SIR. 185 00:08:45,558 --> 00:08:48,192 OKAY, WE'VE GOT MEN INSIDE THIS BUILDING. 186 00:08:48,227 --> 00:08:49,960 I'LL GO. 187 00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:51,763 IT'S TOO DANGEROUS. 188 00:08:51,798 --> 00:08:54,666 YOU'RE DUE TO RETIRE NEXT WEEK. 189 00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,101 I KNOW. I HATE MY WIFE. 190 00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:59,937 THAT BUILDING'S NOT GONNA HOLD, AND I LOST DONNELLY. 191 00:08:59,972 --> 00:09:02,307 JOHNNY'S INSIDE? I'M GOING BACK IN. 192 00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:03,441 OKAY, DUNVILLE. 193 00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:04,575 GODSPEED. 194 00:09:04,611 --> 00:09:05,655 THANKS. 195 00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:07,478 NOW THAT'S A HERO. 196 00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:10,615 YOU DON'T SEE COURAGE LIKE THAT EVERY DAY. 197 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:23,961 I-I HAD... I HAD A PEBBLE IN MY BOOT. 198 00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:28,232 JOHNNY! 199 00:09:28,267 --> 00:09:30,802 JOHNNY! 200 00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:33,103 JOHNNY! 201 00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:35,473 OH, HEY, A QUARTER. 202 00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:39,243 OW! OW! OW! 203 00:09:39,278 --> 00:09:41,078 IT'S HOT! OW! 204 00:09:41,113 --> 00:09:42,580 OW! 205 00:09:42,615 --> 00:09:44,882 JOHNNY! 206 00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:47,251 PETE? I'M IN HERE! 207 00:09:47,286 --> 00:09:50,020 JOHNNY, ARE YOU HURT? 208 00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:51,222 A LITTLE. 209 00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,624 I THOUGHT YOU GUYS LEFT WITHOUT ME. 210 00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:55,326 WE CAN'T. 211 00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:58,529 YOU HAVE THE KEYS TO THE TRUCK. 212 00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:03,434 LISTEN, I'M GONNA GET YOU OUT OF HERE, ALL RIGHT? 213 00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:04,535 YOU'RE NOT GONNA DIE! 214 00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:05,903 YEAH? GOOD. 215 00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:08,706 CAN'T DIE ON THE DAY I FOUND OUT SHARON'S PREGNANT. 216 00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:10,274 WHAT?! OH, GOD! 217 00:10:10,309 --> 00:10:13,043 I'M SORRY. CONGRATULATIONS. 218 00:10:13,079 --> 00:10:17,181 WELL, IT'S NOT FOR SURE YET, BUT I GOT A POWERFUL SEED. 219 00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:20,284 SEEMS TO BE A LOT OF THAT GOING AROUND IN THE BUILDING. 220 00:10:20,319 --> 00:10:23,020 SO, ASHLEY TOLD YOU SHE FORGOT TO TAKE HER PILL? 221 00:10:23,055 --> 00:10:24,321 OW!! 222 00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:26,257 WHAT?! 223 00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,693 SHE'S NOT PREGNANT. HOW DO YOU KNOW? 224 00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:31,128 'CAUSE SHE SAID SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BE. 225 00:10:31,163 --> 00:10:32,430 OOH! A NICKEL! 226 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:35,199 JOHNNY, I WOULDN'T... AAAH! 227 00:10:35,234 --> 00:10:37,802 OH, MAN, IT BURNS! 228 00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:50,515 YEAH... I'LL USE THIS. 229 00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:53,685 PETE HASN'T MADE JELL-O IN AGES. 230 00:10:55,888 --> 00:10:57,722 COMING! 231 00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:04,829 OOH! AHH! 232 00:11:04,864 --> 00:11:07,198 HEY, HAS THE TITANIC THING STARTED? 233 00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:09,967 NO, BUT THERE'S TWO PITCHERS OF ICED TEA IN THE FRIDGE, 234 00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:11,681 AND THE BATHROOM'S RIGHT OVER THERE. 235 00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:13,571 I KNOW WHERE YOUR BATHROOM IS. 236 00:11:13,607 --> 00:11:15,707 AND IF YOU DON'T WANT THE TEA, THERE'S COFFEE, 237 00:11:15,742 --> 00:11:17,575 LEMONADE, JUICE, LOTS OF, UH, JUICE. 238 00:11:17,611 --> 00:11:19,410 AND THE BATHROOM? RIGHT OVER THERE. 239 00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:20,745 YOU ALREADY SAID THAT. 240 00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:22,480 AND I SET OUT A BOWL OF WARM WATER 241 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,616 IN CASE YOU WANT TO SOAK YOUR CUTICLES. 242 00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:26,362 IT'S ABOUT TO START. YOU SAID YOU'D LEAVE. 243 00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:28,319 RIGHT. BEFORE I DO, 244 00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:31,856 LET ME TURN ON MY SERENITY FOUNTAIN. 245 00:11:34,093 --> 00:11:36,193 ISN'T THAT NICE? 246 00:11:42,068 --> 00:11:45,169 I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY PUT THE PREGNANCY-TEST KITS 247 00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:46,804 RIGHT NEXT TO THE TAMPONS. 248 00:11:46,839 --> 00:11:50,808 IT'S LIKE THEIR CRUEL LITTLE JOKE. 249 00:11:50,843 --> 00:11:54,011 SO... WHICH WAY ARE YOU LEANING? 250 00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:56,947 YOU WANT THE ONE WITH THE BABY ON THE BOX 251 00:11:56,983 --> 00:11:59,417 OR THE DANCING LADY WITH A LIFE? 252 00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:02,320 I DON'T KNOW. SOMETHING IN BETWEEN. 253 00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:03,854 GIMME THE SUNSET. 254 00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:06,123 OH, GOSH, THE SUNSET'S $50. 255 00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:09,294 OH, WELL, HERE'S ONE THAT'S $5, 256 00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,529 AND IT'S... 30% ACCURATE. 257 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:14,198 YEAH, YOU KNOW, GIMME THE $50 ONE. 258 00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:17,368 THAT OUGHT TO WIPE THE GRIN OFF JOHNNY'S FACE. 259 00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:18,636 HEY, UM, ASH? 260 00:12:18,672 --> 00:12:22,072 ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO TAKE A TEST? 261 00:12:22,108 --> 00:12:24,809 I'M TELLING YOU, I'M NOT PREGNANT. 262 00:12:24,844 --> 00:12:26,411 I'M JUST STARVING. 263 00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:28,691 THAT'S THE THIRD CANDY BAR YOU'VE HAD. 264 00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:31,749 WELL, IT HELPS GET THE TASTE OF PICKLES OUT OF MY MOUTH. 265 00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:34,652 OH, HI! OH, WHAT A CUTE LITTLE GIRL! 266 00:12:34,688 --> 00:12:36,020 WHAT'S YOUR NAME? 267 00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:38,956 OH... ISABELLA. 268 00:12:38,991 --> 00:12:41,270 OH, LOOK HOW SHE CLINGS TO HER MOMMY. 269 00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:42,627 SHE DOES THAT ALL DAY. 270 00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:46,331 ALL DAY... MY GOD. HOW DO YOU PRY HER OFF? 271 00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:48,444 WELL, I THINK SHE'S BEAUTIFUL. 272 00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:50,201 THANK YOU. ONCE YOU HAVE KIDS, 273 00:12:50,236 --> 00:12:52,403 YOU CAN'T IMAGINE YOUR LIFE WITHOUT THEM. 274 00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,372 I'M HAVING A BABY! 275 00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:55,707 CONGRATULATIONS! 276 00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:57,886 I HOPE SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE ISABELLA! 277 00:12:57,910 --> 00:12:59,377 WHAT IF IT'S A BOY? 278 00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:00,532 IT'S A GIRL. 279 00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:06,751 HELLO? 280 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,419 WHAT? 281 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:11,055 WE'LL BE RIGHT THERE. THAT WAS THE PARAMEDICS. 282 00:13:11,090 --> 00:13:13,458 PETE AND JOHNNY GOT CAUGHT IN A FIRE. 283 00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:15,404 THEY'RE AT THE HOSPITAL. LET'S GO. 284 00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:17,495 OKAY, YOU GO GET THE CAR, 285 00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:21,098 AND I'M GONNA GET SOME PRETZELS. 286 00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:25,536 HEY, HEY, HEY, HO! WHERE YOU GOING?! 287 00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:27,717 I DRANK TWO QUARTS OF TEA. 288 00:13:27,741 --> 00:13:29,752 I REALLY NEED TO USE MY BATHROOM. 289 00:13:29,776 --> 00:13:31,242 USE THE BATHROOM IN MY APARTMENT! 290 00:13:31,277 --> 00:13:33,356 SOME NUMBNUT PUT A BOWL IN THE TOILET. 291 00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:37,615 OH, MY GOD, WHAT DID I PUT IN THE DISHWASHER? 292 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:40,017 BERG, WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? 293 00:13:40,052 --> 00:13:42,219 OKAY, OKAY, ALL RIGHT, LOOK, 294 00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:46,323 DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE USED THOSE GLOW-IN-THE-DARK CONDOMS? 295 00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:47,324 YEAH? 296 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,394 IT TURNS OUT A MAGIC SHOP 297 00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:52,764 ISN'T THE BEST PLACE TO BUY CONTRACEPTION. 298 00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:55,065 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 299 00:13:55,101 --> 00:13:58,168 WELL, THEY'RE SORT OF DEFECTIVE. 300 00:13:58,204 --> 00:14:00,872 WHAT?! HOW DEFECTIVE?! 301 00:14:00,907 --> 00:14:03,775 THEY SHOULD HAVE CALLED THEM "WHIFFLE CONDOM." 302 00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:07,077 WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG TO TELL ME?! 303 00:14:07,113 --> 00:14:09,414 WELL, I HOPING I WOULDN'T HAVE TO. 304 00:14:09,449 --> 00:14:12,850 I DIDN'T WANT TO UPSET YOU. I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU WORRY. 305 00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:15,953 SO THAT'S WHY YOU WERE TRYING TO TAKE MY TINKLE? 306 00:14:18,157 --> 00:14:20,658 YEAH. 307 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:25,095 THAT'S THE SWEETEST THING ANYONE'S EVER DONE FOR ME. 308 00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:28,866 LISTEN, IRENE, IF YOU ARE PREGNANT, 309 00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:31,769 I WANT YOU TO KNOW SOMETHING. 310 00:14:31,805 --> 00:14:33,905 I WANT TO MARRY YOU. 311 00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:37,809 BERG... YOU ARE THE MANI THOUGHT YOU WERE, 312 00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:40,912 AND MAYBE I COULD LEARN TO START TRUSTING YOU AGAIN. 313 00:14:40,947 --> 00:14:43,380 AND THIS WOULD BE SUCH A SPECIAL MOMENT 314 00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:46,116 IF I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM SO BAD! 315 00:14:46,152 --> 00:14:47,384 IRENE! WAIT! 316 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:48,486 WHAT? 317 00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:50,354 SAVE ME A LITTLE. 318 00:14:53,993 --> 00:14:56,026 OH, PETE! I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE NOT HURT! 319 00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:57,528 NOT HURT?! 320 00:14:57,564 --> 00:15:00,230 I'VE GOT "IN GOD WE TRUST" BURNED INTO MY HAND! 321 00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:01,844 I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU. 322 00:15:01,868 --> 00:15:03,233 I WAS FINE. 323 00:15:03,269 --> 00:15:04,635 DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN! 324 00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:06,849 I WILL NOT RAISE A CHILD ON MY OWN! 325 00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:08,405 SHAR, ARE YOU? 326 00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:10,842 NO, NO, NO, I HAVEN'T TAKEN THE TEST, 327 00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:13,197 BUT I'M STARTING TO HOPE THAT I AM. 328 00:15:14,514 --> 00:15:17,414 ASHLEY? 329 00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:20,651 IS THERE SOMETHING THAT YOU NEED TO TELL ME? 330 00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:23,387 OH... YEAH. 331 00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:26,090 SHARON MIGHT BE PREGNANT. 332 00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:30,294 NO, NO... SOMETHING ABOUT YOU? 333 00:15:30,329 --> 00:15:33,764 AM I GONNA BE THE FATHER OF SATAN'S SPAWN? 334 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,399 WELL, I DON'T KNOW. 335 00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:37,234 I DIDN'T TAKE THE TEST YET, EITHER. 336 00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:39,971 ALL RIGHT, WELL, LOOK, 337 00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:42,773 I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU ARE, 338 00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:44,987 THEN I'M GONNA DO THE RIGHT THING. 339 00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:47,111 YOU'LL MARRY ME? 340 00:15:47,146 --> 00:15:51,415 NO! I'LL GET AN ATTORNEY AND FIGHT FOR CUSTODY. 341 00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:55,219 I JUST WANT TO BE THERE FOR YOU AND THE BABY. 342 00:15:55,254 --> 00:15:58,288 PETE, WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS. I AM GOING TO CALIFORNIA. 343 00:15:58,324 --> 00:16:00,658 BEING PREGNANT DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING. 344 00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:03,995 YEAH, I WANNA HEAR YOU SAY THAT WHEN THE BABY'S CROWNING. 345 00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:06,597 THERE IS NO POINT IN ARGUING ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW. 346 00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:08,711 YOU GO IN THERE AND TAKE YOUR TEST. 347 00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:11,055 I'LL GO TO THE CHAPEL AND PRAY I'M STERILE. 348 00:16:19,779 --> 00:16:21,846 HI. HEY. 349 00:16:21,881 --> 00:16:24,081 I WANT YOU TO KNOW I BROKE UP WITH ROGER. 350 00:16:24,116 --> 00:16:25,816 REALLY? YEAH. 351 00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:27,385 I COULDN'T DATE HIM 352 00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:29,720 KNOWING MY HEART TRULY BELONGED TO SOMEONE ELSE. 353 00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:32,656 OH... I ALSO TOOK A PREGNANCY TEST. 354 00:16:32,692 --> 00:16:35,860 I MIGHT HAVE LED WITH THAT ONE. 355 00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:38,362 BERG, I KNOW I'VE PUT YOU THROUGH A LOT, 356 00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:39,830 BUT IN DOING SO, 357 00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:42,366 I'VE SEEN WHAT AN EXCELLENT PARTNER YOU'D MAKE, 358 00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:45,536 AND I CONSIDER MYSELF A VERY LUCKY... 359 00:16:45,571 --> 00:16:47,471 YEAH! LUCKY! 360 00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,973 GET TO THE POINT. 361 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:55,279 THAT BEING SAID... NO, I'M NOT WITH CHILD. 362 00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,850 OH, GOD. OH, MY GOD. 363 00:16:59,886 --> 00:17:01,084 THANK GOD! 364 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,153 THANK GOD!! 365 00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:06,690 YOU'RE HAPPY TOO, RIGHT? 366 00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:08,859 OH, MY GOD, YES! THANK YOU! 367 00:17:08,895 --> 00:17:12,129 NOW, HOW DO YOU CELEBRATE NOT BEING PREGNANT? 368 00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:15,866 NO! NO! 369 00:17:15,902 --> 00:17:17,334 WHAT? COME ON! 370 00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:21,204 I JUST GOT SOME "SILENCE OF THE LAMBSKINS." 371 00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:33,484 WELL? 372 00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:36,754 OH. WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? 373 00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:40,791 IT MEANS WE'LL JUST HAVE TO TRY AGAIN AND AGAIN 374 00:17:40,827 --> 00:17:42,660 AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. 375 00:17:45,832 --> 00:17:47,731 ASHLEY? 376 00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:49,399 YES. 377 00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:58,609 YES, YOUR NAME IS ASHLEY? 378 00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:00,578 YES. 379 00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:03,046 OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. 380 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:06,216 WELL, Y-YOU'RE GONNA STAY, RIGHT? 381 00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:09,119 I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS. I CAN'T STAY. 382 00:18:09,154 --> 00:18:12,590 YOU GET BACK IN THERE AND THINK SOME MORE! 383 00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,736 PETE, MY PLANE LEAVES IN AN HOUR. 384 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,839 I WILL CALL YOU FROM CALIFORNIA. 385 00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:21,732 I CAN'T LET HER LEAVE! 386 00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,512 PETE, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? 387 00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:25,168 I DON'T KNOW, 388 00:18:25,204 --> 00:18:28,438 BUT I CAN'T LET THE DINGO TAKE MY BABY. 389 00:18:33,145 --> 00:18:34,445 Pete: AND AS A SPECIAL TREAT, 390 00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:36,581 HERE ARE THE ENDINGS YOU DIDN'T PICK. 391 00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:45,723 WELL? 392 00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:48,860 OH... 393 00:18:50,229 --> 00:18:51,328 ASHLEY? 394 00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:55,533 OH, THANK GOD! 395 00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:59,570 THANK GOD YOU'RE BARREN. 396 00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:01,005 I SAY WE GET DRUNK. 397 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:02,673 I GOT A PLANE TO CATCH. 398 00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:05,242 ASHLEY, HOLD UP. HOLD ON. GOSH. 399 00:19:05,277 --> 00:19:08,145 OH, WE'RE GONNA MISS YOU. AREN'T WE, JOHNNY? 400 00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:09,780 HUH? 401 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:13,250 OH, YEAH. YES. 402 00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:17,221 I ALSO TOOK A PREGNANCY TEST. 403 00:19:17,256 --> 00:19:19,724 I MIGHT HAVE LED WITH THAT ONE. 404 00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:21,959 BERG, I KNOW I'VE PUT YOU THROUGH A LOT, 405 00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,427 BUT IN DOING SO, 406 00:19:23,462 --> 00:19:25,563 I'VE SEEN WHAT AN EXCELLENT PARTNER YOU'D MAKE, 407 00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:28,733 AND I CONSIDER MYSELF A VERY LUCKY... 408 00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:29,901 YEAH! LUCKY! 409 00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:33,037 GET TO THE POINT. 410 00:19:33,072 --> 00:19:38,910 THAT BEING SAID... YES, I AM WITH CHILD. 411 00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:42,246 WOW. 412 00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:46,984 I KNOW. 413 00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:49,987 OKAY, UM... COME HERE. 414 00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:51,767 LISTEN, I WANT YOU TO KNOW 415 00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:53,769 THAT I'M GONNA BE THERE FOR YOU. 416 00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:56,861 OKAY? YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT A THING. 417 00:19:56,896 --> 00:19:58,696 I WILL BE A GREAT DADDY. 418 00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:01,032 THAT'S ALL FINE AND DANDY, 419 00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:02,466 BUT IT MIGHT BE ROGER'S! 420 00:20:16,248 --> 00:20:18,148 ASHLEY? 421 00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:21,085 OH, THANK GOD! 422 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:24,154 THANK GOD YOU'RE BARREN. 423 00:20:24,190 --> 00:20:26,591 SHARON? 424 00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:29,994 YES, DADDY? 425 00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:34,799 DADDY... I'M A DADDY. 426 00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:36,767 I'M GONNA HAVE A SON! 427 00:20:36,803 --> 00:20:40,071 IT'S A GIRL. 428 00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:41,839 CONGRATULATIONS, GUYS. 28132

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