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1
00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:12,311
WHAT A TERRIBLE DATE.
2
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:13,390
THANKS FOR COMING
TO MY RESCUE, MICHAEL.
3
00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:14,746
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
4
00:00:14,781 --> 00:00:16,259
LOOK, I'M JUST GLAD THAT
I COULD REPAY YOU, MOM.
5
00:00:16,283 --> 00:00:18,462
NOW WE'RE EVEN FROM
WHEN I WET THE BED
6
00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:20,663
AT JASON GILLIOTI'S SLEEPOVER.
7
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:23,055
WHAT HAPPENED TO
ALL THE GENTLEMEN?
8
00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:24,468
YOU KNOW WHAT? THE
PROBLEM WITH GENTLEMEN
9
00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:26,732
IS THAT THEY TEND TO
MEET OTHER GENTLEMEN.
10
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:32,631
HOLY MAY/DECEMBER!
11
00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:38,837
SO... HOW YOU BEEN?
12
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:40,339
PRETTY DAMN GOOD.
13
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:41,684
ALL RIGHT, CUT THE RIBBON, BERG.
14
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,786
WHO IS SHE AND WHAT'S SHE
DOING IN YOUR APARTMENT?
15
00:00:43,810 --> 00:00:45,322
WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW?
16
00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:47,246
I THINK I HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW.
17
00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:48,747
WELL, FILE A COMPLAINT
18
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:50,994
WITH THE "I BLEW MY SHOT
WITH BERG" COMMITTEE
19
00:00:51,018 --> 00:00:53,285
AND WE'LL REVIEW IT.
20
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,198
IN THE MEANTIME,
THERE'S A LADY INSIDE
21
00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,382
WHO THINKS I HAVE THE
CUTEST LITTLE TUSHIE.
22
00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:14,106
OH, HI, PETE.
23
00:01:14,141 --> 00:01:16,608
OH, HEY, MRS. BERGEN. HI.
24
00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:18,310
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
25
00:01:18,345 --> 00:01:20,505
HUH? I'M, UH, JUST
LOOKING FOR THE STAPLER.
26
00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:30,155
I SPLIT MY PANTS.
27
00:01:30,190 --> 00:01:31,434
WELL, DON'T YOU
HAVE ANOTHER PAIR?
28
00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:32,557
YEAH, YEAH.
29
00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:35,494
I SPLIT THOSE, TOO.
30
00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:36,628
OH, WELL, COME OVER HERE.
31
00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:38,274
I HAVE A TRAVEL KIT.
I'LL SEW THEM FOR YOU.
32
00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:40,477
OH, REALLY? OH, GREAT.
THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
33
00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:41,933
BUT COULD YOU HURRY UP?
34
00:01:41,968 --> 00:01:44,536
'CAUSE CAPTAIN SHAW'S
WAITING IN THE FIRE TRUCK.
35
00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:45,603
THANKS.
36
00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:49,574
TAKE THEM OFF, PETER.
37
00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:53,611
OH, RIGHT. SORRY,
SORRY, SORRY, SORRY.
38
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:54,891
SO HOW'D IT HAPPEN, ANYWAY?
39
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,192
IT'S MY OWN FAULT, REALLY.
40
00:01:56,216 --> 00:01:57,693
YOU KNOW, WHEN I
WAS DATING MARTI,
41
00:01:57,717 --> 00:02:01,753
I HAD THEM TAKEN IN
TO SHOW OFF MY BUTT.
42
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,055
SO WHAT HAPPENED TO MARTI?
43
00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:04,356
WELL, SHE RAN AWAY,
44
00:02:04,391 --> 00:02:06,672
AND MY PANTS WERE TOO
TIGHT TO RUN AFTER HER.
45
00:02:08,395 --> 00:02:10,862
LISTEN, MRS. BERGEN, I
REALLY, REALLY APPRECIATE THIS.
46
00:02:10,897 --> 00:02:12,497
IT'S MY PLEASURE.
47
00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:15,434
SO, WAS IT TOUGH
GETTING OVER MARTI?
48
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,447
SORT OF, SORT OF. YOU
KNOW, THEY SAY IT TAKES
49
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:18,848
HALF THE LENGTH
OF THE RELATIONSHIP
50
00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:20,205
TO PUT IT BEHIND YOU,
51
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:22,974
SO, YOU KNOW, BY THURSDAY
NEXT WEEK I'LL BE FINE.
52
00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:33,585
WOW.
53
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:35,887
I'D HATE TO FOLLOW
YOU UP THE LADDER.
54
00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:42,794
PETE SPLIT HIS PANTS.
55
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:46,198
OOH, IS THAT THE LAST
OF THE MARTI-BUTT PANTS?
56
00:02:46,233 --> 00:02:48,733
NO, I STILL HAVE THE CORDS.
57
00:02:48,768 --> 00:02:50,335
Man: LET'S MOVE IT, ALICE!
58
00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:52,182
THAT'S CAPTAIN SHAW,
AND HE SOUNDS MAD.
59
00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:53,805
OKAY, YOU PUT THESE ON.
60
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,007
I'LL TELL HIM YOU'LL
BE OUT IN A MINUTE.
61
00:02:56,042 --> 00:02:58,343
DONVILLE, GET
YOUR BUTT OUT HERE!
62
00:02:58,378 --> 00:03:00,345
GET THE LARD OUT OF... UH, WHOA.
63
00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:05,550
I'M SORRY.
64
00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:09,354
FORGIVE THE SALTY
LANGUAGE. I WAS LOOKING FOR...
65
00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:13,291
OH, I-I'M CAPTAIN SHAW.
66
00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:15,594
IT'S NICE TO MEET
YOU, CAPTAIN. I'M SUSAN.
67
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,596
YOU DON'T HAVE
TO CALL ME CAPTAIN.
68
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,063
CALL ME... FELIX.
69
00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:22,234
FELIX. HA HA.
70
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:28,873
MOM, WHY DIDN'T
YOU NAME ME FELIX?
71
00:03:28,908 --> 00:03:30,587
PETE WILL BE OUT IN A MINUTE.
72
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:32,177
OH, NO HURRY. WHERE'S THE FIRE?
73
00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:36,148
SO DO YOU LIVE HERE IN TOWN,
74
00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:39,717
OR ARE YOU JUST VISITING
WITH YOUR HUSBAND?
75
00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:41,598
OH, NO, I DON'T HAVE A HUSBAND.
76
00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:42,954
I HAVE AN EX,
77
00:03:42,989 --> 00:03:45,357
AT LEAST UNTIL HE,
UH, STARTS HIS CAR.
78
00:03:48,328 --> 00:03:49,794
ACTUALLY, WE'RE DIVORCED.
79
00:03:49,829 --> 00:03:53,598
OH, THAT'S NICE. IT'S
NOT NICE, OF COURSE.
80
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:56,301
MY WIFE DIED.
81
00:03:56,336 --> 00:03:59,404
OH, I'M SO SORRY. RECENTLY?
82
00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:00,938
I THINK SO.
83
00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:04,610
HEY, FELIX, YOU WANT
TO TAKE MY MOM OUT?
84
00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:05,922
MICHAEL!
85
00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:07,790
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU...
HE SEEMS LIKE A NICE GUY.
86
00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:09,192
COME ON. DON'T BE SHY.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, HUH?
87
00:04:09,216 --> 00:04:10,449
ACTUALLY, MY ELKS LODGE
88
00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:11,983
IS HAVING A MIXER THIS SATURDAY,
89
00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:14,853
IF ANYBODY HASN'T
ALREADY ASKED YOU.
90
00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:17,822
OOH.
91
00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:22,160
WELL, IF YOU DON'T
GO... HA HA... I WILL.
92
00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:24,396
SO YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GO.
93
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,568
HEY, BABY.
94
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:32,137
SWEETIE, SWEETIE, SWEETIE,
SWEETIE, COME HERE.
95
00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:35,240
TELL ME WHAT YOU
NOTICE DIFFERENT.
96
00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:36,508
A NEW SWEATER.
97
00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:40,779
NO, I BOUGHT THIS
YESTERDAY. OKAY.
98
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:43,582
BUT I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT...
99
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:46,084
IT IS IN THE KITCHEN.
100
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:49,087
DID YOU COOK DINNER?
101
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:52,056
NO, SWEETIE, OF COURSE NOT,
102
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:54,726
BUT IF I DID, I'D
WASH THE DISHES
103
00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:58,096
IN THIS FABULOUS NEW DISHWASHER.
104
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,098
NO, WHAT? I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
105
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:01,733
WHY DO WE NEED A DISHWASHER?
106
00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:03,935
JUST LAST CHRISTMAS,
I GOT YOU THE SPONGE
107
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:08,106
WHERE YOU PUT THE
SOAP IN THE HANDLE.
108
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:11,209
WE HAVE $25,000 FROM
THE INSURANCE MONEY.
109
00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:12,322
SO DID YOU TELL HIM?
110
00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:13,757
NOT A GOOD TIME. TELL ME WHAT?
111
00:05:13,781 --> 00:05:16,348
I'VE GOT A GREAT
STOCK TIP FOR YOU.
112
00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:18,082
OKAY, SORRY, NOT OUR THING.
113
00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:19,584
JUST... JUST HEAR HER OUT.
114
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:21,331
I MEAN, WHY CAN'T WE MAKE
OUR MONEY WORK FOR US?
115
00:05:21,355 --> 00:05:22,788
WHY CAN'T WE MAKE
116
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:26,291
THE SOAP-HANDLE MIRACLE
SPONGE WORK FOR US?
117
00:05:26,327 --> 00:05:28,438
I'M TELLING YOU, THIS STOCK
IS GOING TO SKYROCKET.
118
00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:29,828
WHEN I WAS AT THE HOSPITAL,
119
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:33,097
I MET THE CEO OF A COMPANY
CALLED SYSTEMS INDUSTRIES.
120
00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:35,634
THEY'RE GOING TO MERGE
WITH ALKA CHEMICALS.
121
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:38,136
WHAT, HE JUST
TOLD YOU LIKE THAT?
122
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,282
WELL, HE KIND OF YELLED IT OUT
123
00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:42,541
WHEN THEY ZAPPED
HIM WITH THE PADDLES.
124
00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:43,620
HOW MUCH IS IT PER SHARE?
125
00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:44,710
$24.
126
00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:48,325
ALL RIGHT, WE'LL TAKE ONE.
127
00:05:48,349 --> 00:05:49,815
HA HA HA!
128
00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:54,553
ONE SHARE?
129
00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:57,522
SO, UM, CAN YOU
DO THAT RIGHT AWAY
130
00:05:57,558 --> 00:06:00,625
OR DO YOU HAVE TO MOVE
SOME STUFF AROUND OVERSEAS?
131
00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:03,662
WE'LL TAKE ONE.
132
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:06,064
MAYBE IF IT DOES ALL RIGHT,
WE'LL BUY ANOTHER ONE.
133
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:08,967
I'LL CALL MY BROKER RIGHT NOW.
134
00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:10,246
COME ON, ASH, LET'S GET GOING.
135
00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:11,681
JOHNNY'S ABOUT
TO OPEN HIS WALLET,
136
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,865
AND HE DOESN'T WANT US
TO SEE THE COMBINATION.
137
00:06:21,415 --> 00:06:22,848
HEY, IRENE.
138
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:25,049
I SEE YOU DIDN'T CATCH
THE WEATHER FORECAST.
139
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:28,186
THEY'RE CALLING FOR WINTER.
140
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,622
WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?
141
00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:33,091
WHAT DOES IT LOOK
LIKE? IT'S A STAKEOUT.
142
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:34,893
HENCE THE CAMOUFLAGE.
143
00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:43,079
YOUR NEW WOMAN
HASN'T LEFT ALL NIGHT.
144
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:45,236
WELL, CAN YOU BLAME
HER? IT'S 20° OUT.
145
00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:46,383
WHY DON'T YOU WAIT IN THE HALL?
146
00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:47,851
OH, AND MISS HER
SNEAKING OUT THE WINDOW?
147
00:06:47,875 --> 00:06:50,575
YEAH, CLEARLY, YOU'VE NEVER
STALKED SOMEONE, SO SHH.
148
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:54,546
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
149
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:57,081
I'M STARTING TO
FEEL BAD ABOUT THIS.
150
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:59,785
THAT WOMAN THAT SPENT THE NIGHT?
151
00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,653
THAT'S MY MOTHER.
152
00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:02,888
OKAY, THAT'S DISGUSTING.
153
00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:07,826
NO, I WAS JUST TRYING
TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS.
154
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:09,728
WELL, NICE TRY.
155
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,831
OKAY, ALL RIGHT, LOOK, CUT...
156
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:14,143
LET'S CUT THE BULL, ALL RIGHT?
157
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:16,334
LOOK, I...
158
00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:17,947
GOD, IRENE, I WANT
US TO BE TOGETHER,
159
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:19,838
AND I THINK... I THINK THAT...
160
00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:22,206
I THINK THAT YOU DO, TOO.
161
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:25,276
WELL, YOU KNOW I DO.
I'VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT.
162
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:27,946
MY STOMACH'S IN MY HEART,
MY HEART'S IN MY THROAT,
163
00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:29,213
MY SNOT'S FROZEN SOLID.
164
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:35,434
KISS ME.
165
00:07:39,426 --> 00:07:40,426
OH.
166
00:07:40,461 --> 00:07:42,494
OH, BERG, I AM SO HAPPY!
167
00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:43,529
ME, TOO.
168
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:44,574
OKAY, LET'S GO MEET YOUR MOM.
169
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:46,478
I HOPE SHE LIKES TO BE TICKLED.
170
00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:50,869
I'M SORRY. WHAT?
171
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:52,971
GOSH, I SHOULD
PROBABLY BRING A GIFT.
172
00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:56,541
ALL RIGHT, IRENE, I REALLY
DON'T THINK THAT RIGHT NOW
173
00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:57,587
IS A GOOD TIME TO MEET MOM.
174
00:07:57,611 --> 00:07:58,611
WHY?
175
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,078
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW...
176
00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:01,958
OKAY, LET'S JUST GO UPSTAIRS
AND SAY A QUICK HOWDY-DO.
177
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,247
YES, WE COULD,
178
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:05,027
BUT YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS ARE.
179
00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:06,496
I MEAN, YOU DON'T WANT
TO RUSH THAT, RIGHT?
180
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:08,587
HEY, WHY DON'T YOU
TAKE THE WEEKEND?
181
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:09,899
YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE RIGHT.
182
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:12,223
I AM GOING TO MAKE THIS SPECIAL.
183
00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:13,436
THIS IS ONE BOYFRIEND'S MOTHER
184
00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:15,404
WHO IS NOT GOING TO
BAN ME FROM THE HOUSE.
185
00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:17,496
HA HA.
186
00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:18,663
HEY, GIRLFRIEND.
187
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:21,432
HEY, BOYFRIEND.
188
00:08:21,468 --> 00:08:22,846
I'M JUST GOING TO GET
RID OF THAT RIGHT THERE.
189
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:24,102
OH, OKAY.
190
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:42,888
OH, NO, MRS. BERGEN.
191
00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:45,056
YOU CAN'T USE THOSE
TO ZIP UP YOUR DRESS.
192
00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:47,859
NO, WE USE THAT TO GET
THE HAIR OUT OF THE SINK.
193
00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:50,662
AAH!
194
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:53,064
PETE, YOU'RE MY
SAVIOR. CAN YOU HELP ME?
195
00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:56,234
MY ZIPPER'S STUCK.
196
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:57,269
YES.
197
00:08:57,303 --> 00:08:59,404
I-I-I WILL ZIP THAT.
198
00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:08,680
AH. OKAY, THERE WE GO.
199
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:11,650
ALL ZIPPED, ZIPPED,
ZIPPED, ZIP-A-DEE-DOO-DAH.
200
00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:12,651
THANK YOU.
201
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:14,485
WELL, I'M LOOKING FORWARD
202
00:09:14,521 --> 00:09:15,832
TO THE MIXER AT THE ELKS LODGE.
203
00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:17,355
WHO WOULDN'T BE?
204
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:18,890
AND YOUR CAPTAIN SHAW
205
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:20,966
SEEMS TO BE A
VERY, VERY NICE MAN.
206
00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:22,594
HE'S A TERRIFIC GUY.
207
00:09:22,629 --> 00:09:23,695
OH, MY GOD.
208
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:26,865
WHAT IF HE WANTS
ME TO WEAR ANTLERS?
209
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,132
THEN WE CAN, YOU KNOW,
210
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:30,535
STRAP YOU TO THE HOOD OF
THE CAR AND DRIVE YOU HOME.
211
00:09:33,707 --> 00:09:35,351
HEY, LOOK, I KNOW IT'S HARD
212
00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:37,186
GETTING BACK INTO
THE DATING WORLD,
213
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:39,578
BUT I PROMISE, EVENTUALLY
YOU'RE GOING TO MEET SOMEBODY
214
00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:43,081
WHO'S GOING TO MAKE YOU
LAUGH AND FEEL HAPPY AGAIN.
215
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,215
THANKS.
216
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:45,349
AND YOU WILL, TOO.
217
00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:46,696
OH, YEAH, RIGHT, AND
HAVE SOMEONE ELSE
218
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,353
STOMP ALL OVER MY
HEART? I DON'T THINK SO.
219
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:51,990
DON'T TALK LIKE THAT.
YOU'RE A WONDERFUL MAN.
220
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:53,191
YOU'RE JUST BEING NICE.
221
00:09:53,226 --> 00:09:54,292
I'M NOT.
222
00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:56,027
YOU JUST NEED SOMEONE
WHO APPRECIATES
223
00:09:56,063 --> 00:09:59,497
HOW BRIGHT AND SENSITIVE
AND FUNNY YOU ARE.
224
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:02,100
WHATEVER WOMAN GETS
YOU WILL BE VERY LUCKY.
225
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:07,039
OH, MY GOD!
226
00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:11,076
OH... MY GOD!
227
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,978
WHAT WAS I THINKING?
I-I-I-I'M AN IDIOT.
228
00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:16,280
I'M AN IDIOT, IDIOT,
IDIOT, IDIOT, IDIOT.
229
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:19,317
HEY, LOOK WHAT I FOUND...
AND HE BROUGHT ME CANDY.
230
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:20,986
THEY'RE NOT FOR YOU.
231
00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:23,287
OH, JEEZ, WHAT A PISTOL.
232
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:25,056
HA HA HA HA!
233
00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:27,558
UH, I GOT TO GO. I'M LATE
FOR SOMETHING. GOOD NIGHT.
234
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:30,829
THESE ARE FOR YOU.
235
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:32,097
THANK YOU, FELIX.
236
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,132
LOOK AT YOU TWO.
237
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:35,100
I'M GOING TO GO CALL MY FRIENDS.
238
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:36,601
I GOT A NEW DAD.
239
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:46,644
MMM.
240
00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:47,879
WELL...
241
00:10:47,914 --> 00:10:51,516
GUESS I'D BETTER LOAD
UP THAT DISHWASHER.
242
00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:53,985
EW.
243
00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:55,387
OH, WOW, LOOK AT THAT.
244
00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:57,222
THAT STOCK THAT
ASHLEY TOLD US ABOUT
245
00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:59,357
HAS REALLY GONE DOWN.
246
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:05,330
DAMN IT, THESE
DISHES ARE SLIPPERY.
247
00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:07,510
THANK GOD YOU WERE TOO CHICKEN
TO BUY MORE THAN ONE SHARE.
248
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:09,134
IF IT WERE UP TO
ME, I WOULD HAVE
249
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,102
PUT ALL OUR MONEY
INTO THAT THING.
250
00:11:11,138 --> 00:11:14,906
HA.
251
00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:17,375
YEAH, THAT WOULD
HAVE BEEN PRETTY DUMB.
252
00:11:17,411 --> 00:11:19,677
DODGED A BULLET THERE.
253
00:11:19,712 --> 00:11:21,224
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I
HAVE TO GO TO THE STORE
254
00:11:21,248 --> 00:11:22,325
TO GET SOME COFFEE
FOR THE MORNING.
255
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:23,859
IS THERE ANYTHING
ELSE THAT WE NEED?
256
00:11:23,883 --> 00:11:26,817
NO, JUST COFFEE.
257
00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:28,693
AND GET THAT CHEAP
KIND. THAT'S MY FAVORITE.
258
00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:39,730
ASHLEY, WHEN YOU GET HOME,
WILL YOU GET DOWN HERE?
259
00:11:39,766 --> 00:11:41,199
IT'S JOHNNY.
260
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,124
BOY, I HOPE THIS IS AN ANEURYSM.
261
00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:57,882
OH, PETE, YOU'RE WORKING
OVERTIME AGAIN? HA HA.
262
00:11:57,917 --> 00:11:59,162
YOU'VE BEEN HERE FOR TWO DAYS.
263
00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:01,786
FIRE'S BEEN AROUND
FOR 10 BILLION YEARS.
264
00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:06,991
I GOT A LOT OF
CATCHING UP TO DO.
265
00:12:07,026 --> 00:12:08,326
SO WHAT DO YOU HEAR
266
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:13,598
MRS. BERGEN? GEE, YOU KNOW,
I HAVEN'T REALLY SEEN HER.
267
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:16,301
I HAD TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.
268
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:20,238
YOU KNOW, BECAUSE IT WAS
FELIX THIS AND FELIX THAT.
269
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:22,474
I MEAN, I LIKE YOU, SIR,
270
00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:23,841
BUT HOW MUCH CAN A GUY TAKE?
271
00:12:23,876 --> 00:12:26,244
YOU KNOW, THERE'S
SOMETHING ABOUT THAT GIRL.
272
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:28,257
SHE MAKES ME FEEL YOUNG AGAIN.
273
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:30,482
HA HA HA HA!
274
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:31,517
WHOA! ENOUGH SAID.
275
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:34,586
WHOO-HOO! HA HA HA!
276
00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:36,632
IF ANYBODY ASKS FOR
ME, I'LL BE IN THE OFFICE
277
00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:39,957
GOING A FEW ROUNDS
WITH THE OLD AB-ROLLER.
278
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:42,994
MAKE ME A MEATBALL
SANDWICH, WILL YOU, PETE?
279
00:12:43,029 --> 00:12:46,797
OR THERE'LL BE
LESS OF YOU TO LOVE.
280
00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:50,602
OH, MY GOD.
281
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:54,083
I'LL HAVE ONE OF THOSE.
282
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:57,742
SUSAN... MRS. BERGEN, HEY.
283
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,722
UH, LISTEN, I'LL GET THE
CAPTAIN, IF YOU'D LIKE.
284
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:00,746
HE'S IN HIS OFFICE.
285
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,191
NO, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
286
00:13:02,215 --> 00:13:06,651
PETE, I KNOW WHY YOU
HAVEN'T BEEN HOME.
287
00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:09,086
YEAH, YEAH, I WAS JUST
RAKING IN THE OLD OVERTIME.
288
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,821
NO, YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ME.
289
00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:14,659
NO, NO, NO, NO, IT'S NOT
THAT I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU,
290
00:13:14,694 --> 00:13:16,814
IT'S JUST THAT I WISH
I WAS NEVER BORN.
291
00:13:19,866 --> 00:13:22,300
I'M REALLY EMBARRASSED
ABOUT THE OTHER NIGHT.
292
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,669
I WAS COMPLETELY OUT OF
LINE. PLEASE ACCEPT MY APOLOGY.
293
00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:26,937
YOU DON'T OWE ME AN
APOLOGY. I OWE YOU ONE.
294
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,206
NO, NO, IT WAS ME.
295
00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:31,108
BELIEVE ME, I HAD NO
BUSINESS TRYING TO KISS YOU.
296
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,777
SO WHY DID YOU?
297
00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:37,815
I DON'T KNOW, YOU
KNOW? YOU JUST...
298
00:13:37,850 --> 00:13:38,861
GOD, YOU LOOKED SO BEAUTIFUL
299
00:13:38,885 --> 00:13:41,653
AND... AND YOU SMELLED SO NICE.
300
00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:43,466
YOU KNOW, NOT
THAT I'M IN THE HABIT
301
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:46,057
OF SMELLING MY FRIENDS' MOMS,
302
00:13:46,092 --> 00:13:47,503
ALTHOUGH I ALWAYS
LIKED THE SMELL
303
00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:51,496
OF MY FRIEND RICKY PECK'S
MOM. SHE SMELLED LIKE LASAGNA.
304
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:53,097
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE THE FIRST MAN
305
00:13:56,703 --> 00:13:58,181
YEAH, WELL, YOU'RE
THE FIRST WOMAN
306
00:13:58,205 --> 00:14:01,539
TO GET MY PANTS OFF SINCE MARTI.
307
00:14:01,575 --> 00:14:03,408
NOW, SEE, YOU MAKE ME LAUGH.
308
00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:09,314
I WANTED YOU TO KISS
ME, BUT I WAS SCARED.
309
00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:13,084
UM, OKAY.
310
00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:16,421
I'VE BEEN REALLY BAD AT
READING SIGNALS LATELY.
311
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:19,190
SO IS THIS A GOOD ONE?
312
00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:20,358
VERY.
313
00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:28,933
14. THAT'S A RECORD.
314
00:14:28,968 --> 00:14:31,569
SUSAN, HI.
315
00:14:31,605 --> 00:14:32,737
HEY, THERE HE IS.
316
00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:34,049
YOU WANTED TO SEE
HIM, AND THERE HE IS.
317
00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:36,974
SO YOU TOOK ME UP ON THE
TOUR OF THE STATION, HUH?
318
00:14:37,009 --> 00:14:39,544
YES. YES.
319
00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:41,212
UH, UH, LET'S SEE.
320
00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:44,382
THIS IS THE KITCHEN.
I'LL BET YOU KNEW THAT.
321
00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:45,994
THIS IS THE GARAGE, OF COURSE,
322
00:14:46,018 --> 00:14:48,486
AND THAT'S THE
POLE. IT'S FOR DOWN.
323
00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:54,825
WE USE THE STAIRS. IT'S FOR UP.
324
00:14:54,861 --> 00:14:55,993
THIS IS THE TRUCK.
325
00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:07,538
THERE YOU ARE.
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
326
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:11,175
HOW DARE YOU TALK TO
ME LIKE I'M YOUR WIFE?
327
00:15:11,210 --> 00:15:15,346
HAVE YOU SEEN THE
BUSINESS SECTION?
328
00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:17,548
HUH. OUR STOCK IS DOWN $1.
329
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:20,485
NOT $1. $2... THAT'S TWICE THAT.
330
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:24,088
TWO TIMES ONE... THAT'S
TWO, AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.
331
00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:25,601
HERE, JOHNNY, HERE IS YOUR $2.
332
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:29,093
YOUR RETIREMENT
FUND IS NOW INTACT.
333
00:15:29,128 --> 00:15:30,561
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
334
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:37,134
I SANK EVERYTHING WE
HAD INTO THAT STOCK.
335
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:38,436
HUH.
336
00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:40,738
WELL, I'M NO ECONOMIST,
BUT THAT WAS STUPID.
337
00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:43,240
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?
338
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,343
I WANTED TO SHOW SHARON
THAT I'M A GOOD PROVIDER.
339
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:47,478
I WANTED TO PUT A BIG PILE
OF MONEY IN FRONT OF HER
340
00:15:47,514 --> 00:15:50,348
AND SAY, "HERE, HERE'S A BIG
PILE OF MONEY I MADE FOR YOU."
341
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:51,749
WELL, THE GOOD NEWS IS
342
00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:55,252
NOW SHE CAN'T TAKE ANYTHING
FROM YOU IN THE DIVORCE.
343
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,655
NO, WAIT, IT'S...
344
00:15:57,691 --> 00:16:00,057
I HAVE A PLAN. I
WANT YOU TO KILL ME.
345
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,394
OOH, I'D LOVE TO,
346
00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:06,230
BUT FIRST, WHY DON'T YOU
CHECK THE FINANCIAL CHANNEL?
347
00:16:06,265 --> 00:16:08,700
THE MERGER WENT THROUGH.
YOU DOUBLED YOUR MONEY.
348
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:11,035
W-WHAT? I... YOU SAID...
349
00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:13,938
WAIT A SECOND. ARE YOU...
ARE YOU SCREWING WITH ME?
350
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:17,342
I WAS BEFORE, AND IT WAS FUN,
351
00:16:17,377 --> 00:16:19,777
BUT NOW I'M NOT.
352
00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:21,123
YOU'RE A RICH MAN, JOHNNY,
353
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:22,847
AND ALL THANKS TO WHO?
354
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:24,615
YOU!
355
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:28,919
YOU! YOU!
356
00:16:28,955 --> 00:16:32,690
♪ HAPPY DANCE, HAPPY DANCE ♪
357
00:16:32,726 --> 00:16:34,959
♪ JOHNNY'S DOING
THE HAPPY DANCE ♪
358
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,706
OH, OH, WHY THE HAPPY DANCE?
359
00:16:36,730 --> 00:16:38,763
JOHNNY'S STOCK WENT UP.
360
00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:40,197
OH, BOY.
361
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:42,473
NOW WE CAN SEND OUR
KIDS TO PUBLIC SCHOOL.
362
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,748
NO, JUST... OKAY, JUST
RUN ALONG, ASHLEY.
363
00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:49,306
WHY DON'T YOU TELL
HER ABOUT THE MONEY?
364
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:52,243
THAT WAS PIE IN THE
SKY FANTASY MONEY.
365
00:16:52,278 --> 00:16:54,038
NO, NO, SHE'S NOT
TOUCHING ANY OF THIS.
366
00:17:04,758 --> 00:17:07,458
YOU GOING TO A
WEDDING... I HOPE?
367
00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:10,928
NO, I JUST WANTED
TO LOOK MY VERY BEST
368
00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:12,029
WHEN I MET YOUR MOM.
369
00:17:17,837 --> 00:17:18,881
OKAY, WELL, I'LL JUST WAIT.
370
00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:19,915
OH, YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
371
00:17:19,939 --> 00:17:22,106
SHE IS GOING TO BE GONE ALL DAY,
372
00:17:22,141 --> 00:17:23,753
AND, YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD
GO HANG UP THAT DRESS.
373
00:17:23,777 --> 00:17:25,910
YOU DON'T WANT TO DE-POOF THAT.
374
00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:28,613
OH, ALL RIGHT.
375
00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:30,247
WELL, MAYBE SOME
OTHER TIME, THEN.
376
00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:33,317
YEAH. HUH? YEAH.
377
00:17:33,352 --> 00:17:34,652
HI, HONEY.
378
00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:49,434
CLUMSY ME.
379
00:17:50,637 --> 00:17:55,239
JEEZ, I WAS JUST ABOUT
TO INTRODUCE YOU.
380
00:17:55,274 --> 00:17:56,541
OH, MY GOD.
381
00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,342
YOU'RE EMBARRASSED BY ME.
382
00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:01,345
WHAT? NO, HOW... HEY,
HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT?
383
00:18:01,380 --> 00:18:03,392
LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS
IN YOUR APARTMENT.
384
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,716
OH, YOU ARE.
385
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,852
THAT'S WHY YOU NEVER
TOLD ANYONE ABOUT US.
386
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:10,621
I KEPT IT A SECRET BECAUSE
I DIDN'T WANT PETE TO KNOW,
387
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:14,826
BUT YOU KEPT IT A SECRET
BECAUSE YOU'RE ASHAMED OF ME.
388
00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:18,663
NO, IRENE, THAT'S... NO,
THAT'S... THAT'S JUST...
389
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:20,230
HOLY SMOKES! WHAT?
390
00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:24,413
BERG, IF YOU CAN'T EVEN
INTRODUCE ME TO YOUR MOTHER,
391
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:27,004
THEN I REALLY DON'T SEE
MUCH OF A FUTURE FOR US.
392
00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:28,906
OH, COME ON. HEY.
393
00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:42,787
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
394
00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:44,199
OH, HONEY, I NEED TO GO HOME.
395
00:18:44,223 --> 00:18:45,534
I NEED TO BE ALONE FOR A WHILE.
396
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:47,302
WHAT? I THOUGHT THE
REASON THAT YOU CAME HERE
397
00:18:47,326 --> 00:18:48,571
WAS 'CAUSE YOU DIDN'T
WANT TO BE ALONE.
398
00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:51,729
LOOK, IF IT'S BECAUSE
THINGS DIDN'T WORK OUT
399
00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:53,430
WITH CAPTAIN SHAW,
DON'T GIVE UP, OKAY?
400
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:54,866
'CAUSE YOU'RE GOING
TO MEET SOMEONE.
401
00:18:57,269 --> 00:19:01,105
ACTUALLY, I MAY HAVE.
402
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:05,242
YOU DID? WELL, THAT
THAT'S GREAT, RIGHT?
403
00:19:05,277 --> 00:19:06,711
NOT REALLY.
404
00:19:06,746 --> 00:19:08,591
IT'S KIND OF AN
AWKWARD SITUATION.
405
00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:10,459
I'M WORRIED ABOUT
WHAT PEOPLE MIGHT THINK.
406
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,884
I'M WORRIED ABOUT
WHAT YOU MIGHT THINK.
407
00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:14,485
NO.
408
00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:18,956
WELL, WHO IS IT?
409
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:20,758
NO, I'D RATHER NOT...
410
00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:22,137
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
THAT'S FINE. YOU KNOW WHAT?
411
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:25,262
YOU DON'T NEED TO
TELL ME, OKAY? THAT'S...
412
00:19:25,297 --> 00:19:26,631
IT'S NOT A WOMAN, IS IT?
413
00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:33,270
WELL... DOES THE
GUY MAKE YOU HAPPY?
414
00:19:33,305 --> 00:19:35,039
YES.
415
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:37,107
OKAY, WELL, THEN, WHO
CARES WHAT I THINK?
416
00:19:37,143 --> 00:19:39,510
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,
GROWING UP, YOU ALWAYS SAID,
417
00:19:39,546 --> 00:19:41,946
"WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY,
YOU JUST... YOU GO FOR IT."
418
00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:44,221
BUT, HONEY, I WAS TALKING
ABOUT THE FIGURE SKATING.
419
00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:49,319
THAT'S A BAD EXAMPLE, UM, BUT...
420
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:51,889
BUT GOOD ADVICE.
421
00:19:51,925 --> 00:19:53,558
CAN YOU WAIT HERE
FOR A SECOND, PLEASE?
422
00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:04,168
MOM, I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE
YOU TO WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY.
423
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,248
THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND IRENE.
IRENE, THIS IS MY MOM SUSAN.
424
00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:07,872
WE WERE LOVERS FOR SOME TIME.
425
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:10,775
AT FIRST, NOTHING
SERIOUS. JUST SEX.
426
00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:12,610
HA HA HA.
427
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:15,179
EXCEPT PETE. DON'T TELL PETE.
428
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,848
PETE? DON'T BE SILLY.
WHY WOULD I TELL PETE?
429
00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,249
TELL PETE WHAT?
430
00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:21,030
ABOUT THE SURPRISE PARTY
WE'RE PLANNING FOR YOU.
431
00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:23,988
OOPS.
432
00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:25,300
OH, WELL, THERE'S
ALWAYS NEXT YEAR.
433
00:20:25,324 --> 00:20:26,924
OOPS AGAIN.
434
00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:35,600
A-ARE YOU LEAVING?
435
00:20:35,635 --> 00:20:38,002
OH, NO, NO, NO. SHE
WAS GOING TO LEAVE
436
00:20:38,037 --> 00:20:39,281
BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT
I WOULDN'T APPROVE
437
00:20:39,305 --> 00:20:40,415
OF THE NEW MAN IN HER LIFE.
438
00:20:40,439 --> 00:20:42,106
OH, GOD, BERG...
439
00:20:42,141 --> 00:20:43,919
BUT, YOU KNOW, I
GAVE HER MY BLESSING.
440
00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:45,643
REALLY?
441
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:46,944
YEAH.
442
00:20:46,980 --> 00:20:49,513
THAT'S GREAT. THAT'S GREAT!
443
00:20:49,548 --> 00:20:52,382
YES, AND HE DIDN'T EVEN
WANT TO KNOW WHO IT IS.
444
00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:54,051
WAY TO GO, MRS. B.!
445
00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:08,899
I-I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER,
BUT I'M REALLY WORRIED.
446
00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:10,668
WHAT IF BERG FINDS OUT?
447
00:21:10,703 --> 00:21:11,769
PETE, I RAISED
448
00:21:11,804 --> 00:21:14,071
AN UNDERSTANDING
AND SENSITIVE SON.
449
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:17,508
AND THIS OTHER SON OF
YOURS, WILL HE TALK TO BERG?
450
00:21:17,543 --> 00:21:19,020
I'M NOT KEEPING A
SECRET FROM YOU.
451
00:21:19,044 --> 00:21:20,978
I'M NOT SAYING YOU ARE,
452
00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:25,048
BUT, UH, LET'S JUST SAY YOU ARE.
453
00:21:25,084 --> 00:21:27,485
HE'S TRYING TO TRICK ME
INTO ADMITTING SOMETHING.
454
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,598
PETE, PLEASE. I'M HIS MOTHER,
455
00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:31,702
AND, FRANKLY, HE'S
NOT THAT CLEVER.
30108
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