Original subtitles

I was this close to offering myself up to the Witchfinder General

at a trial that starts in 12 hours. Wiiiitch!

I'm getting executed in the morning and I want to look my best.

I'm heading to... Ipswich.

Got talking to a merchant who's heading that way.

Thomasine!

Go and get him.

Gideon!

Someone's given you a second chance.

What are you going to do, Master Gideon?

We're going to save her, Myers.

We're going to save her life.

Oh, I feel good. Unencumbered.

There's a lightness to me. This horse doesn't think so.

The trial starts in two hours and it keeps slowing down.

Yes, it's cos you keep squeezing your thighs.

It thinks you want to stop.

Squeezing means go! No, it does not mean go. It means stop.

You're just wrong, Myers.

I'm serious. Relax your thighs.

Will you stop whingeing?!

When you relax your thighs!

They're like pincers cutting into him.

HORSE NEIGHS

Not you as well.

So you off to Ipswich market?

Yes. What's in the sacks?

Just produce. Oh, what kind of produce?

How wonderful to have such an inquisitive mind.

Oh, look, there's Ipswich. That's Ipswich?

Oh, it's not what I imagined.

See those woods with trees swishing in the breeze?

That's known as the Swish.

And over that hill is the River Ip.

This is simply where the Ip meets the Swish,

so the Saxons called it Ipswich.

Oh. And the trees were here in Saxon times?

It's funny how they look quite new.

Now, your father's address?

Oh, it's Coptandle Lane.

Oh, yes. You know it?

I know it well. It's not far.

Great. Well, I'll just get off here then.

No, no. I said I'll take you and I shall.

Nah, the walk will do me good.

Honestly, I'm fine. I said no. THEY CHUCKLE

It's fine!

I said no.

Looking for this?

What is this?

We're on the way to your father's. On Coptandle Lane? Yes.

Which I just made up. Ah.

This isn't Ipswich, is it?

I have a witch! Help!

Someone alert the Witchfinder General!

You! Washing boy! Go, quickly!

Give him the sword.

How did you get here?

Give...him...the sword.

I...don't...think...so.

Thomasine...

..give ME the sword.

En garde, sir.

You look ridiculous, Buzzy.

The name is Gideon Bannister.

Why does he call you Buzzy? Is it cos your dad's a beekeeper?

Stay out of it, you. A beekeeper? The man's obsessed with them.

You don't know about his beard of bees?

Wearing a swarm on his face to amuse children?

People don't do that. Father does.

At every social occasion.

Every summer.

When I went up to Cambridge with the sons of physicians and clerics,

I was not Gideon Bannister, son of Edward Bannister of Harwich.

I was Buzzy Bannister, the bee beard boy.

You're lucky it wasn't butterflies.

Hm?

That was father's obsession.

Always in the lepidopterarium.

On hot days, he'd stand there, arms out like Christ,

waiting for his precious butterflies to land on him.

I never lived it down at school.

They called me Flapper.

I didn't know.

Well...why would you,

when I just made it up to distract you?

Rule number one of fencing - never drop your guard.

Good rule.

Sorry about that. He was just winding me up.

I just thought I'd clip him... Yeah, with a spade.

Shall we...?

Yeah. Yeah.

That's her!

All right, pal?

Get off me! Get off!

Come on! I'll speak to Matthew Hopkins. I'll get you out of this.

Gideon! Gideon!

Wet stockings.

Are you taking me to see him?

I said, are you taking me to see him?

Hello? Hello.

So you can hear me? Yes.

Are you taking me to see him?

I am asking - staggering, by the way -

if you are taking me to see Matthew Hopkins.

You do know who he is?

MAN LAUGHS

Everyone knows the Witchfinder General.

I have to say, you timed it well. Trial starts in one hour

and a few of our witches died in jail overnight.

Important to get the numbers.

I just wanted to have a very quick word about my one. About your witch?

Well, this was the issue I had hoped to... Thomasine Gooch.

Used sorcery to kill a pig.

Sworn depositions here, too. Looks good. No, they all help.

I had expected at least half a dozen to be brought by John Stern,

but there's no sign...

How did you get this pouch?

It belongs to John Stern.

John Stern's dead, sir.

Eee-eee-eee-eeeh!

Oh...

HOPKINS SNIFFS

Oh, John.

Dear, dear John.

A fine man. A truly good friend.

I shall miss you very much.

Still, we move on.

Do you want to know how he died?

No, I don't think so.

Unless, of course, she killed John Stern.

LAUGHTER

Oh! No.

Oh, this is fantastic.

No, that was a theory, but... Oh, the court will adore this.

And, of course, I shall need a new associate.

I wonder if this is why you came here.

Well, it was originally... After all, you bring me a witch

by way of a calling card, like a dog with a dead bird in its mouth,

but not just any dead bird - the bird, with sorcery,

killed my cherished right-hand man, my dear, dear friend...

John. ..John!

Because that kind of prize deserves rewarding.

Come.

Naturally, you will need some finer clothes.

A better cloak, wider hat.

Important to create the right image.

What are you? A 38 chest?

Susan!

Your residence shall be this one across the way.

I like to keep a few homes dotted around the East of England,

depending where work takes us...

You, there!

Morning, Matthew.

Yes, it's Mr Hopkins now,

and you're moving out, so you have the time it takes me

to load this pistol to leave the premises.

Thank you!

That's Mrs Stern, John's mother.

Don't worry, they won't be long.

It's a lovely place.

Similar to mine here.

Oh, Mary!

I don't know if you've had much of a look around.

I've loaded it!

The previous owner did a tremendous job of it...

Ah!

..but he didn't want to give it up, truth be told.

Good.

..witches?

Sorry? They were witches? Oh, yes, yes

I was paid a small fortune to prosecute their case

and I ended up with this house into the bargain.

Ah, Susan, fetch my angora cloak and my other hat.

There's a good girl.

Susan is very good.

We thought at one time she was a witch.

I undertook an investigation and it turned out...she wasn't one,

so now she is my assistant.

Yeah, a similar situation to the woman I brought.

She seemed a witch initially, but then she might not be.

I notice you have said that for a third time,

even though I pointedly ignored the first two.

Why is that, I wonder?

Just that we have spent some days together.

Her hooks are in you.

Womankind is persuasive and wily.

Witness how Eve convinced Adam to eat that fateful apple.

Some scholars believe Adam didn't even like apples.

God had only intended for her to be the first woman,

but due to some sort of mix-up,

also appears to have created the first slag.

I just think in this case, there may be one or two grey areas.

Hmm. Our problem is your grey areas.

They reflect on me, especially if I'd given you the cloak

and the hat and the house and all that money,

renowned across half of England.

So is there a grey area...

..or is she a witch?

A Will Gooch for you, sir.

Gooch?

Gooch, as in...? Thomasine's dad.

How did you find out about this?

There's a Mr Hebble been putting the word about that she's been accused

and so I came down the trials and somebody says they got her,

so I thought, "Well, I have to speak up."

You wish to speak as a character witness?

My word's going to count for a lot, isn't it?

I mean, you only get one father. Yeah.

Unless you're Jesus, because, you know, he was raised by Joseph as is,

but, actually, God is his dad.

I mean, I suppose Jesus must have thought that, like,

God was...like, a friend of his mum's that just stared at him a lot

and got-got sad at birthdays...

You know, I'm no expert on much, but you ask me anything about Thomasine,

absolutely any... Not shoe size, though,

cos I'm not good on shoe sizes, but anything else...

Can I just stop you there?

Shall I see him out? If you would.

Come on, pal. All right.

I have you, she has her father.

A weight off the old mind, I imagine.

But to the case.

You mentioned a grey area.

It's more of a...

..grey speckle, if I'm honest.

I am 95% sure she's a witch.

98%.

I like to round up.

100%.

LAUGHTER

Well, God knows we needed a witch of the calibre he brought.

Another two died in the jail overnight.

You arrange a big trial and these wretches can't even muster

the good grace to stay alive for the damn thing.

Oh, I must introduce you to Lord Salisbury.

He will be the judge today.

You wouldn't want to take him on at backgammon,

but he'll always do the right thing in a witch trial.

LAUGHTER

God, I love a trial.

The thick must of an English court, the stench of theatre.

I presume you've noticed my clack?

Pardon me, your...? Clack.

I've had a copper panel added to each heel

so that it sounds that bit louder.

It means as I approach, I can be heard from some way away.

Clack, clack, clack. "Could that be him?"

Clack, clack, clack. "It's getting closer!"

Clack, clack, clack - and suddenly there I am,

swishing my cloak as I sweep into the room.

It just adds that bit of drama.

I do something similar with an egg. Right? Um...

You'd have to see it live.

Well, I look forward to that.

You, boy! Have a fresh egg laid at once.

Oh, a fresh one.

Myers.

Mmm. Hm.

How's the cotignac?

Slightly bitter, but that's not for the reasons you think.

I think they just skimp on the sugar round here.

Look, an innocent lady has nothing to worry about at trial.

Even if it's one-sided?

Or feels a bit David and Goliath?

And David won, remember?

He had a slingshot.

She has nothing.

No, not true, Myers.

The Good Lord has sent a guardian angel as a character witness

who will speak on her behalf.

She's got her father, which means she walks free

and I keep this job.

BELL TOLLS Right, let us convict some witches!

HOPKINS CHUCKLES

I've heard that grey ones can run about 11mph,

so that's about one mile every seven minutes.

You know, a lot of people forget about that.

Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating.

Guard just told me how quickly geese run. Don't know why.

Not as fast as I'm going to run when I get out...

New cloak?

This? No! God, no. No, no.

This has been the family aeons.

Funnily enough, my great-uncle used to wear it hare coursing,

but since he coursed his last hare, I became the...

Mr Hopkins gave it to me.

But you did get him to let me go?

Yeah, bit of a topsy-turvy few minutes, actually.

Good chat with Matthew. Had a very good chat with Matthew.

He pointed out that, although you are currently innocent,

and there will continue to be a presumption of that innocence,

the best way to prove that innocence would be...

For the court to decide.

..for the court to decide. Exactly.

She's got it.

HE SIGHS

All right?

Is she going to hit me? You going to hit me?

She just stares.

HE SIGHS

They're not mistreating you or anything, are they?

Nah, I think they save that for the hanging.

Come, now.

You're talking as if it's a foregone conclusion. Isn't it?

The day's not done.

Bugger me!

OK. She'll see you now.

She? Thomasine.

Your daughter.

Why would I want to see my daughter?

You've come here to testify for her.

No, against her.

They said there's a reward.

20 shillings for any testimony leading to the conviction

of a witch or sorceress.

You horrible prick of a cock of a dick of a knob of a man!

You're her father!

You're getting settled in Ipswich,

then you're going to come and get her.

Ipswich? Well, I don't what her mother chose to tell her, but...

You wrote her letters.

Letters?

Where did you just go?

What are you doing?! Get off of them!

Are these your father's letters that your mother read to you?

Well, I can't read them.

"Sold some meat today."

He writes beautifully.

Mum never did get to the end of that one.

Would you read it to me?

Nah, it's private. Please.

"Can't wait for you to come here and stay with me.

"I think they'd like you.

"And even if they don't, I like you.

"You're a good person, Thomasine.

"People might try to change you,

"but that's because there's something wrong with them,

"not because there's anything wrong with you.

"Remember that.

"There's something infectious about you.

"Not like dysentery.

"Although it's important to be hygienic, Thomasine.

"I mean more like an honesty that makes other people

"want to be honest as well.

"And I've had a new delivery of sausages..." Ha!

"..which are selling well.

"Yours, William Gooch.

"(Dad.)"

Funny that.

You know, he came from nothing.

And then there's people like you who live in your big houses,

cotignac, and you could never say anything as decent

as that in a million months.

DOOR OPENS

Mr Bannister, hate to have to drag you away

from the killer of my dear, dear...

John. ..John, John Stern,

but I have found you some shoes that clack.

I didn't kill John Stern!

Hm, I wonder who I should believe.

Let me have a little think.

Oh, yes - the man!

So this was your plan all along?

To pin the man's death on me.

And to think that I thought, deep down, you were a good person!

Yeah, well, I'm not, am I?

I'm a bad person!

And, no, I don't care!

I do bad things to people.

I'm not nice like you!

I like dark clothes!

I like men who pound their fists on the table

and make the cups jump up a little bit!

Well, good luck sleeping tonight.

I don't need it.

I'm going to go out and celebrate,

and I'm going to sleep with a woman for money!

And I'm going to underpay her too, with small denomination coins

that she has to pick off the table herself!

DOOR OPENS Thanks, mate.

Well, if the father won't, then that only leaves you.

Done my bit and it fell on deaf ears.

I have made vigorous representations to Mr Hopkins on her behalf,

but to no avail.

I have pleaded with her father to testify and he would not.

Myers, you must understand, we cannot always get what we want

in this bloody life of ours.

You have been praying to God to remove your cataracts

for the last decade.

No, all I've been praying for is a sign that I'm godly.

Yes, and he's ignored you.

Well, maybe he's not ignored me.

Maybe he's saying he doesn't like this.

You've changed your tune. So have you.

I thought we agreed, this is not what God wants.

Since when have you worried about what's right?

All you're after is a little pat on the head. Good doggie.

You are gagging for a choir of angels to visit you.

Well, Edith said she heard...

Edith is full of shit!

You think God is wasting a choir of angels on Edith?

Or you for that matter?

Wake up!

Ugh!

Aaargh!

CROWD CHATTER

Mr Bannister, the introduction?

Ladies and gentlemen, pray silence for the Witchfinder General,

Mr Matthew Hopkins.

DISTANT CLACKING

CLACKING APPROACHES

Got a fucking move on.

Heard that.

And this must be Thomasine Gooch.

How does she plead?

Not guilty. Hm.

Clever girl.

Prosecution ready to proceed, Mr Hopkins?

Oh, it's not me who will be prosecuting, your honour.

CROWD MURMUR

Yes, I was rather hoping to take the next case, Mary Higgins.

She bewitches ducks and geese.

I mean, basically, all the waterfowl in Suffolk, she controls.

Yes, you'll be doing her as well.

Fantastic. That's great.

So hold the Bible in one hand and raise the other one.

The other Bible?

Nope, the other hand. Do you see another Bible?

Raise the Bible?

Hold the Bible, raise your hand.

The one without the Bible.

Then say, "I swear by Almighty..." I swear by...

Wait till I've finished saying it before you start saying it.

"I swear by Almighty God to say the truth, the whole truth

"and nothing but the truth, so help me, God."

Yeah, but you don't really need the first one.

You just need to say, "The whole truth and nothing but the truth."

But it is, "The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth,

"so help me, God." But if you tell the whole truth,

then it stands to reason that you're telling the truth.

I mean, you can't tell the whole truth and then go,

"Oh, yeah, I'd best tell the truth as well," because you've already

told the truth when you've told the whole truth.

Can we...? Yeah, I'm just saying...

What was it I was saying?

Hold the Bible in one hand, raise the other one, then say,

"I swear by Almighty God to tell the truth, the whole truth

"and nothing but the truth, so help me, God."

Then I'm under oath. Yes, you are.

But doesn't that make YOU under oath?

CROWD MURMUR

Fine.

I'm under oath before Almighty God.

I think you'll find there's very little to unearth here.

Do I pretend not to hear

if an old lady asks me to help with a particularly heavy bag?

Yeah, quite often. Do do that.

Do I laugh when I see a very tall lady

walking along with a very short man?

Yeah, I'll allow myself a snigger.

Do I think that Mr Hopkins's shoes are too loud?

A little, maybe, but I'm a big boy.

Do you think I'm a witch?

CROWD MURMUR

Come, now. How is what he thinks of any relevance?

He knows me better than anyone here and he's under oath.

Do you think I'm a witch?

I think we've rather gone beyond that, don't you?

Do you think I'm a witch? Ask me a harder one.

Because I don't think you do think I'm a witch.

You keep saying how disgusted you are by witches,

but I don't think you're disgusted by me. I wouldn't bet on it, love.

That night in the woods, I woke up and found your head on my chest.

I was trying to leech a modicum of warmth for the day ahead.

And when I said that you had no honour, you were upset.

Thomasine, listen...

Thomasine! You started calling me Thomasine.

It was always Gooch and now you've started calling me Thomasine.

It was a shorthand! Thomasine's longer!

Well, that depends on how much

you elongate the "oo" in Gooch, doesn't it?

Thomasine Gooooch. I think you enjoyed the journey

and I think there's a part of you that wishes we hadn't got here

and it had carried on a bit.

I think you're carrying on a bit at the moment.

Did you enjoy the journey?

Yes. Do you think I'm a witch?

If you can stand here now and tell me that you think I'm a witch,

I will change my plea to guilty.

So do you?

Do you think I'm a witch?

No more questions, your grace.

Your honour, I move that we strike that from record.

What? The key charge here concerns the inexplicable deaths

of a man called John Stern and a pig called...

..Richard.

You see, to me, it's very simple.

This is 1645.

We are at the cutting edge of human enlightenment.

If a thing appears odd and lacks a ready explanation,

most likely it is witchery.

Are we to believe this pig and John Stern died

of old age and misfortune?

Right, strike it all from the record.

What?!

CROWD MURMUR

No, no, I know what you're going to say...

Don't you ever criticise my shoes in public again.

Now, I want you to return to my study and collect the black cloth.

It's customary to wear it on your head

when passing a sentence of death.

Doesn't the judge usually do that?

Yes.

But I want you to do it!

THUD!

Case of Thomasine Gooch - accused of witchery.

BUZZING

Those who succumb to the lure of witchcraft

and use their sorcery to harm others commit a crime punishable by death.

To that end, I have now reached a judgment.

Your honour? Exhibit B. BUZZING

CLAMOUR

Easy, easy.

Calm yourselves.

My name is Gideon Bannister.

Some of you may know the name. Now, Mr... Oh, now they nod!

Well, Mr Hopkins says that which appears odd

or can't be explained must be witchcraft.

Really, is this not enough for you?

Can anyone explain this?

No! But - is it the work of Satan?

Of course it's the work of Satan! BUZZING

Wrong.

This is perfectly natural.

What you see isn't witchery,

it's just a swarm of bees.

Admittedly, about five times more than I expected,

bearding around the queen.

Bearding? You see, odd occurrences can be explained.

In this case, the queen is giving off a womanly odour

to attract male bees,

just as the smell of a bitch's vagina attracts local dogs...

HE COUGHS

One's gone in.

Ow. Ow! BUZZING

HE SCREAMS

Satan!

THEY SCREAM

MURMURING: Satan, Satan....

GUNSHOT

EARS RING

Oh, God...

Go.

Yeah. Oh, ah!

You're a witch. No. I know you're a witch!

No. I can tell. No!

Yeah, you are. You're a witch!

You made a pact with the devil.

Confess!

EARS RING

CHORAL RINGING

I hear them.

I can hear them.

Thank you, Lord!

I can hear them!

SCREAMING

Good idea, this - leave the back way.

How about some wine brought to my quarters?

And that witch with the freckles.

Tell the judge to pick one for himself, too.

A good day's work calls for...

Are you going to hit me?

Is she going to hit me?

THUD!

HE GRUNTS AND YELLS

BUZZING

I wouldn't worry.

My cousin once fell in nettles and her hands swelled up so much

you couldn't see her knuckles. HUMMING

There were more like big bags with fingers sticking out.

It was like having udders at the end of her arms.

Well, I wasn't worried. You said the swelling had gone down.

It has - nearly. Honestly, you can hardly tell. Mm.

The important thing is to avoid detection.

The whole of East England will be looking for you.

We could say I'm a travelling merchant and you're my bag carrier.

I'm not your bag carrier. I'll say you're my bag carrier...

I'll say you're MY bag carrier. Why would I be your bag carrier?

Why would I be YOUR bag carrier?

Then let's just walk quietly and take it all in.

The important thing is we get out of Anglia undetected.

What about Ipswich? I was going to see my dad.

Well, we can write to him.

He stopped writing after Mum died.

I reckon he'll start again.

HUMMING INTENSIFIES

How long do they hang around for?

Hm? BUZZING

Oh, the stragglers?

Anything up to an hour. Oh.

I can flick them off if they're bothering you.

No, I think they suit you. Hm.

Weird thing to say.

HUMMING CONTINUES

MUSIC: Vagabond by Beirut

# Now as the air grows cold

# The trees unfold

# And I am lost

# And not found now

# Now left the vagabonds

# A trail of stones

# Forward to find my way home

# Now as the air grows cold... #