All language subtitles for Shoresy.S01E05.WEBRip.x264-ION10

: Hockey brings
people together.

- Loyal to the soil, b'ys,
loyal to the soil!

- Everybody always drops
their stick in a brawl,

you should never drop your stick
in a brawl, it's so dumb.

- Sticks are unbelievable.
- You just hold onto your stick

and then wheel around slashing
guys who are fighting your guys.

It's so dumb.

- Hey, just like spear 'em
in the nuts or golf 'em

in the ankle or like, slash 'em
in their bare hands.

If they break a digit,
they're out four to six.

- What the fuck?
- What?

What do you mean, what?

- What do you mean,
what the fuck?

- What?
- Huh?

- What do I mean?
- Yeah.

What do you mean?

- What?
- Do you mean what the fuck

regarding the brawl
or what the fuck regarding

everyone in here
eating ice cream?

- The... the ice cream
first, actually.

- What is this?
- This?

- Yeah.
- This is the gayest shit

I've ever seen.

- Stick?
- Sticks are unreal.

- Fuck you, Shoresy.
- For what?

- For pulling my fucking hair!
- Settle down.

- So he can talk to me,
but I can't talk to him?

I was talking to everyone!

Well, there, he was for sure

- talking to me.
- Don't talk to him.

- What am I supposed to do?!
He pulled my hair!

- Cry here or go cry
in your car, tit fucker.

- He can't talk to me.
- I was talking to everybody.

Where were you guys?

- Get here in time instead
of standing on your dicks.

- He might actually be
capable of that, eh, big boy?

Now, the brawl.

- Only caught the ass end
of 'er, b'ys,

but I never seen one
so bad as that.

- Well, there's brawls
and there's warm-up brawls.

And I think the distinction
is important, b'y.

- We're looking
at suspensions here.

- Well, they're not gonna sussy
us with only two games left.

They might, my guy.

- We'll get fined
up the ass for sure.

- Why'd you start a brawl?
- If you can't win, don't play.

- What happened
to never lose again?

- And what happened
to bums in seats?

Ooh!

- The league will throw
this game out.

- I told you the program
right from the start

of the very beginning. Sanger?

- Run 'em up, fill 'em in.
- Couldn't run 'em up.

Got a dip?

I hate going to the league.

- When was the last time
you went?

- I used to go all the time
with my mom.

- See, who fucking cares.
Used to be brawls like this

all the time in this league.

- There's brawls and then
there's warm-up brawls,

and I think
the distinction's important.

- Yes, sir.
- The league can give

their balls a tug.

Got it pretty bad, eh, Fish?

You too, eh, Sommerfeld?

Whitey got it the worst.

- Keep your finger
out of there, me son.

The Jims look ravishing.

- Hey, Jim.
- Yeah.

- Jim?
- Pardon?

- Jim?
- I think exfoliating

is just as important
as moisturizing,

but we'll talk about that later.

- The Jims are such
fucking beauties.

- Unbelievable.
- Can you believe it?

- Best combo.
- They're such a fucking--

Way to play your roles.

Your jobs are to make room
for the studs out there.

Get in front of shots.
I see three guys

who did their jobs tonight.
Eh, Shoresy?

Uh, by the look of it, yeah.

- Nat, North Bay
came at us tonight.

If it isn't enough that
the brawl was in our tunnel,

take some photos of these guys
to the league.

Pretty clear to me which team
should get the sussy.

- Sanguinet.
- Sanguinet!

Aren't you impressed
with him right now?

It's the perfect example

of how he's adapting
to his role.

- He's taking it seriously.
- Boys.

You've already had sticks.

Just because there
wasn't a game,

doesn't mean there
shouldn't be a game stick.

Shoresy, I think
it goes to Fish.

- I think, if you could
divide a stick,

then the Jims should
each get a third.

How would we divvy it up?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- You're gonna be
the stick inspector

pretty soon, eh big boy?

- Unless you wanna
break it up in a bowl.

- Sticks are unbelievable.
- No, no, there's just

- one to a stick, old man.
- So, we're all getting

our full stick then?

- Only one guy
gets the game stick.

- But the Jims just said
they'd break it up into a bowl.

- Bit mauzy on the PC
of it all, b'ys,

but I think it's fine Ziigwan
calling our ice creams gay

since she herself is gay.

Now, the sight of three Jims
splittin' an ice cream cone?

Well, b'y, can't fault no one
for making assumptions on that.

So, no sharing sticks?

Game stick goes to one guy.

- Well, I'm not gonna
give him a full stick,

'cause he didn't play
a full game,

I'll just give him
what's left of my stick.

Yeah, so...

Fish, looks like you got it
worse than anybody.

You're the last guy who can
afford an inch there,

since you're so fucking ugly.
Like, I mean, if I didn't
see you on a date

with Maxime Lauzon
at the Laughing Buddha,

I'd think you were
the ugliest guy here,

but you got her,
so you musn't be.

Yeah, so, Fish gets
the game stick.

- Clap him in, boys.

- Nat!
- Ugh.

He's not gonna talk
to you anymore, bro.

- You can't talk
to him either, though.

- Take my pay for the fines.
- Pardon?

- If there's fines,
just use my pay.

I forfeit it all to you.

- No, no, no, no.
You're quitting?

- Dude, you've already been
fired, you're gonna quit now?

- Exactly.
I've already been fired

and if I quit,
it only gets worse, so.

- I'm gonna win these guys over.
- Oh, are you?

- Well, if Fish and Phillips
and Whitey can do it.

- This is going to require
some... precision.

- Well, it's a good thing
they call me Marksman Michaels.

Good luck, bro.

That same night
at Mr. Prime Rib,

Michaels' ex-sweetie
jerked Sanger to completion

under the table with her foot.

Where's Frankie?

Hey.

What happened before the game?

- Phil and--
- Huh?

Phil rolled up on them

- with a bunch of his buddies.
- Who?

- The guy from--
- Huh?

- The guy from the Coulson
you potty kissed.

- Well, I'll give him
a stick tap

for coming back
after a smooch.

Uh... Seat taken?

Who are you talking to?

You.

Have a seat.

Thanks.

But next time, don't say it

like you're Forrest Gump
on the bus

on his first day
of fucking school, eh?

- Those dudes are coming back.
- What dudes?

- Shut the fuck up, Michaels.
- They said as much, b'ys.

"This isn't over."

- We should get ahead of this.
We should go to them.

- Look at you, Sanguinet.
- Tonight?

- Fuck no.
- Settle down.

- Well, we can't risk anyone
getting hurt for the Soo,

need everyone healthy.
Two Ws left.

- Can get hurt, just can't get
no one injured is all.

- Well, yeah, it's like, are you
hurt or are ya injured?

- Yeah so... need everybody
healthy for the Soo.

Soo are so fucking good.

- Ma'am.
- Look who's back,

the Sudbury Lemon-Citrus
Standard Poodles.

- You ever seen a Schnoodle?
- Put your jibbs in.

- Have some fucking self-respect.
- Thanks for the Martoonie, hon.

- Bro. If you leave that spitter
on the table--

- It's not even on the table!
It's in my hand.

- Well, it's up your ass
if I see it on the table!

Holy! So dumb.

Boy, she's a firecracker.

- You ever had Ritz-Bitz?

- Well, boys, you know,
you could outsource--

- Michaels, shut the fuck--
- Wait.

- What do you mean?
- Like, farm it out.

- What is this, another line
from Greenbow, Alabama?

- Well, no, but if you can't
take care of the guys yourself,

you know, there's dudes
in Sudbury that can take care
of this shit.

- You sure you wanna
go down this road?

- I just wanna help the team.
- You must.

What are you gonna do, me son?

- Well... my ex-sweetie
is a Policetti.

- A what?
- Yeah, and her brothers

are the infamous
Sudbury Policettis.

- Her brothers are super weird.
- Yeah, no on goes near them.

- Well, the word "Police"
is right in their last name,

which is a good place to start
the conversation.

Bad dudes.

- Well, other than being
enforcers, I mean,

just the fucking
look of them is like--

- Yeah, they look a bit
like they've maybe touched

- an animal's junk before.
- Now, b'ys, if they're as bad

as he says they are,
why don't we stay where we're to

- and leave them where they're at?
- Well, no, they like me.

Well, I mean, other than
the fact I had to kind of

walk gingerly when I was
dating Mercedes, but...

- Yeah, she's the one
who gave Sanguinet a squeezer

off the side of our party island
in Wasaga Beach.

Wasaga's unbelievable.

Okay, but guys...

They will be
at the Caruso Club tonight.

- Let's go.
- Who, me?

- No.
- Me?

No.

- No.
- Me?

No.

Sanguinet.

I don't think I've seen you
since last summer.

No, it was Mister Prime Rib.

- Mercedes.
- Hey, dude.

- How are you?
- What are you doing later?

- We've got a problem
and we need your help.

- I know, but
he's your problem now.

- I was so loyal to you,
Mercedes.

I know, dude. Way too loyal.

It's like you were stuck to me.

Why do you think I called you
"birthmark Michaels"?

- We've gotta win the last
two games of the season.

Some dudes are messing with
our studs away from the rink.

- Hm.
- So, we need--

- The Policettis?
- Yeah.

- Yeah,
they ain't giving it away.

- Well, we have money.
- Pff, no, you don't.

Hold on.

Fuck.

- Okay, we'll help you.
- How much?

- There will be
no exchange of cash.

Then what?

- Only an exchange of goods.
- So?

- My brothers want
season tickets.

- But there's only two games
left in the season?

- Yeah, but they want
to be seated

amongst the season-ticket
holders.

- That's a pretty big place--

Shoulder to shoulder.

Why do they want that?

- Because... my brothers are
fucking weird. Look at them.

Yeah, they are, alright.

- Looks like they're holding
something in their mouth
that tastes awful.

Nobody wants to be around them.
They just wanna feel

like they're a part
of something, you know?

You help them out,
they'll help you out.

- Okay, well we can talk to Nat,
and then we'll--

- Done!
- Ah. Grazie.

Thank you, Mercedes.

Oh, um, I also want Sanguinet.

- You look like a skank, Nat.
- Well, what the fuck, Danis?

Aki always says,
"Clean yourself up,"

and you always say,
"You look like a skank."

- Ziig looks like a skank.
- Good afternoon, Aki.

- You're unfit for that outfit.
What do you think, Nina?

- It stinks.
- But Miigs is cute.

Thank you, Danis.

- Ziig looks like
a straight ho though.

- Don't forget Nat.
- I thought this was

- a happy medium.
- Then you're sadly stupid.

- Ziig, your makeup looks
like somebody farted it
onto your face.

- Thank you, Aki.
- What do you think, Nina?

Hot garbage.

- Ladies.
- That's a stretch.

- I'll start by saying--

- Sorry, we got the dumbest
sluts in the league?

- You've got dumb,
ugly sluts, Nat.

- Yeah, we did,
but we beefed up and,

not sure if you heard,
we beat Timmins.

- Congratulations.
Winning one game

doesn't make your sluts
less dumb and ugly.

- You're the worst team
in the history of the NOSHO.

Fuck's sakes.

- The porta-potty
of the league.

- What do you think, Nina?
- A dog's breakfast.

- And what the fuck is
the Sudbury Blueberry Bulldogs?

Troubleshooting, Danis.

- The Sudbury Cabbage Patch
Lollipop Kids

would sound tougher.

- Ziig, here's my advice.
- Okay.

Be more like Miig.

- Ladies, respectfully,
how's this shaking down?

- There's been a brawl--
- There's brawls

and then there's warm-up brawls.

And I think
the distinction's important.

- Your sluts started
the first warm-up brawl

NOSHO has seen
in a real long time.

- Danis, we--
- Do you know how long, Nat?

- No.
- It would have been

two full seasons if it weren't
for the Sudbury Finding Nemos.

- We didn't start it!
- North Bay's whole fucking team

was on the ice,
they came into our tunnel!

- Should I show them
the pictures of the sluts?

- How can you say
we started a brawl in warm-up

when they had
their whole team on the ice
and we only had one guy?

Who was the guy?

The North Bay Norsemen could be
the North Bay Backdoor

Hair Pull Shit Head
Sucker Punch Snake Weasels.

If Shoresy's on the other team,
we know who started it.

- And once the papers get it,
it's ugly for us.

- It's a shit stain.
- A giant skid mark.

What do you think, Nina?

- It's a Canada's Wonderland
diaper disposal.

- But how your mother would have
loved it, Nathalie.

- She was...

That was a woman.

- Do you remember
what she said to me

when I accused your sluts
of taking steroids?

"Lick my twat, leather face."

- Remember her quote
in the Timmins paper

after their fans
graffitied your bus?

- "I've painted
toilet bowls better."

- Do you remember what she said
to us when we suspended eight

of your players for going into
the stands in Sault Ste. Marie?

"You suck so much Soo dick,

their pubes are
in your moustache."

- We know why you're fighting
for this, Nat.

We know why you're rallying.

She'd be proud.

- I see yous have got bums
back in seats!

- Quarter full.
- Hockey brings people together.

I'd say an eighth, but...

Too bad you started a brawl.

If you can't win, don't play.

- That Shoresy's a rat's pimply,
puckered asshole.

But we can't lay blame
on the Bulldogs

when only one of yous
was on the ice.

- I think it's safe to say
we're all a little tired

of the Soo
being at the top. Aki?

- I'm a bit fatigued.
What do you think, Nina?

It's crap.

We're gonna give you the win

on the account of North Bay
starting the brawl.

- Thank you, Danis.
- Nice manners, Miigs.

- See? That's why we like
your sister so much, Ziig.

Get your fucking shoulders back.

- You better believe
we're fining you 5.

That's 2500 for
the N'Swakamok Friendship

Centre downtown as usual.
Good, Nat?

Good enough.

- Now, show us those pictures
of your sluts.

- Any of the new ones
good-looking?

Sanguinet's by far the cutest.

What about that Dolo?

- I've seen a video of him
singing a rap.

Ah, it's just rappin', Ak.

Picture the rope, eh?

Aren't you a dyke?

: Two minutes,
unsportsmanlike conduct!

- For what?!
- For what?

- Just fucking around, Shoresy.
I know I submarined him.

- You guys are playing
like fucking idiots tonight.

- I'm still fired up from
the donny the other night.

I dumped an entire
Coke Zero on Keller.

- Are you kidding me?
- No, bud. I soaked him.

- No, I meant about
drinking Coke Zero.

You watching
your calories, Susan?

- There were like
100 people hanging out

in front of the rink
after smoking ciggies.

- What are you talking about,
ciggies?

You sound like
a fucking narc, Liam.

Yeah, they're meeting there

before game one against the Soo.

- You seri, dog?
- There's a Facebook group.

We have a booster club?

- Yeah, we're calling it
the bluester club.

Oh my God.

- Since you're
the Blueberry Bulldogs.

- Yeah, I know, Liam,
you fucking cadet.

Fucking nerd.

- That is the goofiest shit
I have ever heard.

- Members in the triple digits,
bud, and I'm one of the admins.

- Oh my God, close the door.
That is fucking awful, Liam.

- I heard the admins get a ton
of ass, Liam. Is that true?

- Gentlemen, I'd like
to offer my deepest

and sincerest apologies
for being a turkey.

This is Greg. He'd like
to apologize for being an ass.

And this is Jason, he'd like
to apologize for acting coocoo.

Will you accept our apologies?

- Yup.
- Yes, b'y.

- Thank you,
it won't happen again.

Angelo Policetti and
his brother Luca Policetti

are headed to the arena now.

They rented a limousine
for the occasion.

The Policetti brothers
would like to give you
a ride to your game.

Gentlemen.

We'll escort you there.

Let's go, Bulldogs,
let's go, woo-woo!

Let's go, Bulldogs,
let's go, woo-woo!

Let's go, Bulldogs,
let's go, woo-woo!

Boys.

Atta boy, Michaels.

- Hockey brings people together.
- Settle down.

Let's go, Bulldogs,
let's go, woo-woo!

- Hey, what's your
love language?

You like coffee so much,
why don't you let me take you

to Salute for some blended
caramel "segnatos".

- They don't serve it
how I like.

- Hey, you ever had a Cadbury
Cream Egg cafe au lait?

- You seem pretty chill
for a guy about to play the Soo.

- The who?
- The Soo are so fucking good.

- What, fucking,
did Roberta Bondar join up
or something?

Huh?

- How's Nat handling
the pressure?

- What pressure?
- You finally got bums in seats,

but you've announced
you're folding if you lose.

- Well, good thing
we'll never lose again.

- You got the Soo back-to-back.

Well, we're in our barn.

Smile.

Why do you have your tooth in?

- Well, I'd figure
I'd run into ya.

You should leave it out.

- Never mind.
- Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

I think I know
what that is.

- What what is?
- That's a chink in the armour.

- If I can't write
that expression anymore,

I'm pretty sure
you can't say it.

- Hey, why don't I go home
and dip us

some fruit
in chocolate for later?

- Sensing some blood
in the water, eh?

- I hope you know I've been
watching YouTube tutorials

- on how to rub your feet good.
- You going in for the kill?

- Oh, you give me a moment,
I'll make it last a lifetime,

I swear to God,
I'd be so good to ya.

- Hey, Laura.
- Yeah?

- I'm gonna shoot my fucking
shot with you one of these days.

- Break a leg!
- You better fucking look out,

it's gonna be you and me
and a whole table of dim sum.

- Doesn't that sound good?
- Shoresy! Come here.

- Now just what is
the meaning of this, me son?

- Hey, how do you like
your present

from the Blueberry Festival.
Just what you always wanted, eh?

- A little exercise.
- Do they know it's Senior

- Whale Shit hockey?
- Senior Triple A.

-Whale shit all the same.
- Hey, you got a dip?

B'ys, no one's gonna use this.

- I don't know,
I might get a few reps

- on these bad--
- Shut the fuck up, Michaels.

- What?
- Check out the Soo's roster.

- Oh, fuck, what studs they get
back from Europe now?

- Who the fuck are these guys?
- Their affiliates.

- The Soo sent us
their call-ups?

- That, and their goons.
Saving the studs for playoffs.

Didn't even bring
their good tendy.

- Good w!
- Fuckin' A.

But since we're never
losing again,

may as well start
getting the boys inspired.

- Long-term strategy.
- Got a little twinkle

in your eye there, Sanger,
what are you thinkin'?

- Oldie, but a goodie.
- What's the plan?

Us... against the world.

They're fucking affiliate
players, they're call-ups!

- Has anything ever made you
so mad as that?

- That's how much the Soo
Cyclones respect you guys.

- May as well have sent us
their sisters.

- That's how seriously
the Soo Cyclones take you guys.

- They think they're coming in
here to push us around

and take an easy two points?

- This is a 60-mile float
down a lazy river

for these guys, boys.
What the fuck is that?

- Not in our barn!
- We're gonna show these guys

that nothing comes easy
in the Sudbury Arena anymore.

And guess how we're doing it?

- What have you got, Sanger?
What have you got?!

- Jim! You ready?
- Yeah.

- Good, cause you're
fucking going!

- Jim, you ready?
- Ready!

- Good, cause you're
fucking going!

- Jim, you ready?
- Ready.

- Good, 'cause you're going!

- Dolo, got your legs on ya?
- Brr!

- You're going!

Hitch, you feeling
the puck tonight?

Yes, b'y!

- Good, 'cause you're
fucking going!

And between the pipes,

we've got the guy
who never misses.

That's why they call him
Marksman Michaels,

- are you ready?!
- I'm ready, Sanger!

Let's fucking go, boys!

- We're gonna show
these cocky Soo fucks

what happens when you disrespect
this team, in this city,

at this barn on a mother-fucking
Sudbury Saturday night!