All language subtitles for How.I.Met.Your.Mother.S03E13.1080p.WEBRip.x265-RARBG

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian Download
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt-PT Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese Download
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,702 --> 00:00:05,073 NARRATOR: Kids, sometimes in life you see someone 2 00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:06,674 and you just instantly know 3 00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:08,042 this is the person for you. 4 00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:09,477 It can happen anywhere. 5 00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:12,913 Even the waiting room of a tattoo removal clinic. 6 00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:14,548 And that's what happened when I met... 7 00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,551 ...Stella. 8 00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:24,225 Ah, the butterfly tramp stamp. 9 00:00:24,292 --> 00:00:25,859 My bread and butter. 10 00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:27,561 So I'm guessing that the real story 11 00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:29,330 involves a bad breakup and some booze. 12 00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:30,698 Unless it's a gang tattoo, 13 00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:33,167 in which case, I think it's time to find a new gang. 14 00:00:33,234 --> 00:00:34,635 No, I just thought it would be cool 15 00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:35,736 to get a caterpillar tattoo, 16 00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:37,671 and then a few weeks went by, and all of a sudden... 17 00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,440 (laughing) 18 00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:41,742 Well, I can get rid of it in ten one-hour sessions, 19 00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:44,345 but, I should warn you, laser surgery's very painful. 20 00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:45,913 Well, I think you'll find 21 00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,715 I have a very high tolerance for pain. 22 00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:50,084 Just last night, I sat through the worst movie ever made. 23 00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:51,452 Oh, Plan 9 From Outer Space? 24 00:00:51,519 --> 00:00:55,623 No, the worst movie-- Manos: Hands of Fate. 25 00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:57,258 Uh, I'm a doctor, went to medical school. 26 00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:58,992 It's Plan 9. If you don't believe me, 27 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,394 it's playing down at the Pamela Theater. 28 00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:02,430 Uh-huh. I don't believe you, Doctor. 29 00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:05,133 Well, what are you doing tonight? 30 00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:09,837 Hello. 31 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,472 Hey, Ted. Hey. 32 00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:13,274 Hey, put that away. Tonight's on me. 33 00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:14,808 Oh, no, no, don't... 34 00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:15,876 Come on, I insist. 35 00:01:15,943 --> 00:01:17,478 That's so nice. Thank you. 36 00:01:17,545 --> 00:01:19,079 Hey, guys, this is my friend Ted. 37 00:01:19,147 --> 00:01:20,214 He wants to pay. 38 00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:22,316 Oh, wow. Oh, yay. Wow, thank you. 39 00:01:22,383 --> 00:01:24,785 One, two, three, four. 40 00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:30,291 Is something wrong? 41 00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:32,260 No, it's just, um... 42 00:01:32,326 --> 00:01:33,961 I'm just a little embarrassed. 43 00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:35,596 I thought this was a date. 44 00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:37,265 But it's no big deal. 45 00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:39,467 Don't worry about it. 46 00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:40,834 What's wrong? 47 00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:44,305 Ted's embarrassed-- he thought this was a date. 48 00:01:44,372 --> 00:01:46,707 Ted thought this was a date. 49 00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:49,009 Stella, did you know Ted thought this was a date? 50 00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:50,844 What? I'm not allowed to date a patient. 51 00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:52,012 It's an AMA rule. 52 00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:53,113 She's not allowed to date patients. 53 00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:54,182 It's an AMA rule. 54 00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:55,283 She's not allowed to date patients. 55 00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:56,817 It's an AMA rule. 56 00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:57,951 She's not allowed to date... 57 00:01:58,018 --> 00:01:59,920 Yeah, I got it. 58 00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:01,155 MAN: We all got it. 59 00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:02,923 Ted's a schmuck. 60 00:02:02,990 --> 00:02:04,825 (laughter) 61 00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:19,139 (laughing) 62 00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:21,242 And you bought all the tickets. Yeah, yeah. 63 00:02:21,309 --> 00:02:23,344 Hey, you were right. 64 00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:26,547 Worst moviegoing experience ever. 65 00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:28,716 Of course, it had nothing to do with the movie. 66 00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:31,018 I am so sorry that you thought that was a date. 67 00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:32,353 No, it's fine. 68 00:02:32,420 --> 00:02:34,655 I got to hang out with you on girls' night out. 69 00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:36,824 All right, so if you're not allowed to date a patient, 70 00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:39,560 I'll just... I'll wait until these ten session are up 71 00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:41,128 and then I'll ask you out then. 72 00:02:41,195 --> 00:02:43,096 Well, then, fair warning: 73 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,732 I'm going to say no. 74 00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:46,934 Really? I'm getting mixed signals from you. 75 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,170 I feel like you've been staring at my ass for quite some time. 76 00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:52,973 What, you're married? No. 77 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:53,974 Boyfriend? No. 78 00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:55,142 Lesbian? No. 79 00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:57,177 Only date black guys? No. 80 00:02:57,245 --> 00:03:00,314 And yet you can say with absolute confidence 81 00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:03,183 that ten weeks from now, if I ask you out on a date, 82 00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:04,385 your answer will be... 83 00:03:04,452 --> 00:03:05,986 No. 84 00:03:06,053 --> 00:03:07,988 No... Hmm. 85 00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:09,690 What could she mean 86 00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:12,260 when she says no? 87 00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:13,761 I don't know, 88 00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:14,995 it is totally cryptic. 89 00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:17,097 This is far from over. 90 00:03:17,164 --> 00:03:18,566 We're talking ten weeks from now. 91 00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:20,468 Who knows what she'll want then? 92 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:21,569 Do you know what you're going to want 93 00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:22,636 for lunch ten weeks from now? 94 00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,938 Sloppy Joe, shrimp cocktail and a milk shake. 95 00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:27,775 Ted, do you know how long it takes a woman 96 00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:29,810 to decide whether or not she's going to sleep with a guy? 97 00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,078 8.3 seconds. 98 00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:32,112 After that, 99 00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:33,180 her decision is made. 100 00:03:33,247 --> 00:03:34,315 She will not change her mind. 101 00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:35,483 That's ridiculous. 102 00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:36,584 Is it? 103 00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,952 Describe your first 8.3 seconds with Stella. 104 00:03:40,388 --> 00:03:41,722 Lower back butterfly tattoo-- 105 00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:43,757 you're up. 106 00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:46,327 (patients snickering) 107 00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:47,595 (all groaning) 108 00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:49,397 So we got off to a rocky start. 109 00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:51,465 That may be a problem for some guys, 110 00:03:51,532 --> 00:03:53,166 but I get better over time. Right? 111 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,135 I'm not some Top 40 song-- 112 00:03:55,202 --> 00:03:56,604 easily digestible. 113 00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,038 I'm complex. 114 00:03:58,105 --> 00:04:01,108 I require time and multiple listens. 115 00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:02,810 I'm "Stairway to Heaven." 116 00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:06,847 Wow, Roger Daltrey just rolled over in his grave. 117 00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:10,951 That's not the right guy, is it? 118 00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:15,088 He's not even dead, is he? 119 00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:16,524 I think that's great, Ted. 120 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,359 You can do whatever you set your mind to. 121 00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:20,227 In fact, you've inspired me. 122 00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:22,630 I'm going to stop biting my nails. 123 00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,532 But, baby, you love biting your nails. 124 00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,467 I know, but I'm doing this for Ted. 125 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,502 Hmm. 126 00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:30,871 God, this is really hard. 127 00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:33,407 Give me ten sessions, 128 00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:35,008 I'm going to turn that "no" into a "yes." 129 00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:36,009 Really, Ted? Mm-hmm. 130 00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:37,044 You think so? Mmm. 131 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,780 Well, tell me, how did the rest of that session go? 132 00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:42,182 This is going to hurt a little. 133 00:04:42,249 --> 00:04:44,217 Yeah, well, I can handle pain. 134 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,887 This one time I was playing tennis, and... 135 00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:48,822 (high-pitched screaming) 136 00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:54,161 Yeah, but tattoo removal really hurts. 137 00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:56,430 Everyone probably sounds like that. 138 00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:57,798 Doctor, are you all right? 139 00:04:57,865 --> 00:04:59,567 I heard a woman screaming in here. 140 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,669 Oh. 141 00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:08,476 (laughing) 142 00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:10,978 Here's to nine more great sessions. 143 00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:12,580 (laughter continues) 144 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,551 NARRATOR: And so the weeks went by. 145 00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:20,087 The second session I told her about how I spent a summer 146 00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:21,822 working with inner-city kids. 147 00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:25,292 The third session we both spoke nothing but French. 148 00:05:25,359 --> 00:05:28,195 The fourth session I made her laugh so hard 149 00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:30,030 she fell out of her chair. 150 00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:31,765 (laughing) 151 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,402 So by the time the fifth session came around... 152 00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:35,603 Still no. 153 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,271 Still no. 154 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,507 What's up with that? 155 00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:41,108 I mean, I juggled. 156 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,543 You juggled? 157 00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:44,978 I thought you were trying to impress her. 158 00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:46,346 You do magic. 159 00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:48,081 How is juggling any lamer than magic? 160 00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:49,483 Magic's not lame. 161 00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:50,984 I don't get it. I mean... 162 00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:52,420 Is this lame? 163 00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:54,722 (screams) Oh, Barney, no, no. 164 00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:57,324 We said no fireballs at the table. 165 00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:58,959 What the hell is wrong with you? 166 00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,193 There's alcohol in here. 167 00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:01,228 Barney... I... 168 00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:02,430 We've talked about this. 169 00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:03,497 It's a fire code violation. 170 00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:05,666 Yeah, but Ted provoked me. 171 00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,100 No, no, you are on a time-out. 172 00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:08,068 Go sit over there. 173 00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:09,703 But... Go! 174 00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:14,241 Anyway... I don't get it. 175 00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:15,776 She should be into me by now. 176 00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:17,511 You know, you can do this, Ted. 177 00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,212 I said that I would stop biting my nails, 178 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:21,148 and kablam-ey. 179 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,716 It's just a challenge. 180 00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:24,151 It can't be easy to woo someone 181 00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,954 while you're sticking your naked butt in their face. 182 00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:28,656 Works for baboons. 183 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:33,160 It's called "presenting." 184 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,695 I got four sessions left. 185 00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:36,864 Ther-There's got to be an angle I'm not seeing. 186 00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:39,132 You can't turn a "no" into a "yes," Ted. 187 00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:40,167 Can't be done. 188 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,301 I don't know, Barney. 189 00:06:41,368 --> 00:06:43,203 I mean, sometimes persistence pays off. 190 00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:44,171 I said "yes" eventually. 191 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:45,539 No, you didn't. 192 00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,074 You were like, "No, we can't, we're friends. 193 00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:49,042 It would mess up the dynamic of the group." 194 00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:50,444 To Ted. 195 00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:51,845 Oh, right. 196 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:52,880 Wait a second. 197 00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:54,582 Wait a second, I got the angle. 198 00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:56,383 Sir, please don't yell at me, 199 00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:57,384 because when people yell at me, 200 00:06:57,451 --> 00:06:59,620 I have a tendency to start crying. 201 00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:01,755 Please don't do it. 202 00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:03,423 Abby, I've told you before. Please. 203 00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:05,092 When they're rude to you, hang up the phone. 204 00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:07,027 ...how difficult it is for me to... Go on, 205 00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:08,395 you can do this, hang up. 206 00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:09,797 Abby, 207 00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:10,698 hang it up. 208 00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:14,134 I am too busy to waste my time... 209 00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:17,137 I'm sorry, I just wish 210 00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:19,540 that some of the patients would be nicer to you. 211 00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:21,208 The receptionist. 212 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,209 That's my way in. 213 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,310 I like this. 214 00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:25,012 Seduce the receptionist. 215 00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:26,379 That's a great plan. 216 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:27,715 That's not the plan. 217 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,316 And how would that help me with Stella? 218 00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:30,951 Who? 219 00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:32,953 Here's the plan. 220 00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:35,222 (whistles) 221 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,257 Hi. Here. 222 00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:38,526 I stopped-- 223 00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:43,997 Hi, I stopped for coffee 224 00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:45,866 and I... and I thought I'd grab you something. 225 00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:48,101 Oh, wow, thank you, that's so nice. 226 00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:49,102 You're like a knight. 227 00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:51,739 I should call you Sir Ted. 228 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:52,640 What? 229 00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:53,941 Nothing. Nothing. 230 00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:56,409 (laughing nervously): It's really stupid. 231 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,311 Um, Dr. Zinman, Ted's here. 232 00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:00,247 Thanks. Thanks, Abby. 233 00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:05,318 And now we wait. 234 00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:06,720 And sure enough, 235 00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:09,456 by session seven, she saw me in a whole new light. 236 00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:12,259 Okay, I'm about to break my big rule here. 237 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,460 Break it. 238 00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:15,529 Okay. 239 00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:16,797 Abby goes bowling 240 00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:18,532 with her church group every Wednesday night... 241 00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:21,902 Mm-hmm. ...and she really wanted to invite you, but she's too shy. 242 00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:24,037 (clicks tongue) 243 00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:25,238 Abby is...? 244 00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:28,075 My receptionist. 245 00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,810 You really made quite an impression on her 246 00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:31,178 with the coffee the other day. 247 00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:33,280 I mean, she has really not stopped talking about you. 248 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,616 Oh, Abby. 249 00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:37,818 I thought you said "Alan." 250 00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:40,854 But you just said, "Abby is...?" 251 00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:42,389 Right. 252 00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:44,592 Right, I thought I said "Alan." 253 00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:46,159 Who's Alan? 254 00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:48,696 Who's Abby? 255 00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:50,964 My receptionist. 256 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:54,001 Exactly. 257 00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:57,738 What is happening? 258 00:08:57,805 --> 00:08:59,239 (groaning): Ted. 259 00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:01,575 You just got to be yourself, no more gimmicks. 260 00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:03,644 You're right, no more gimmicks. 261 00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:04,912 One more gimmick. 262 00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:06,614 TED: You know what's on her shelf? 263 00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:09,016 That self-help book The Power of Me. 264 00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,051 (all groaning) I know, I know, but I thought 265 00:09:11,118 --> 00:09:13,987 if I read it, maybe we'd have something new to talk about. 266 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,623 (all groaning) 267 00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:16,924 It's actually a great book. 268 00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:19,292 It taught me the power of complete memory. 269 00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:20,560 Can I borrow your copy? 270 00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:22,630 I left it somewhere. 271 00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,097 I forget. 272 00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:28,168 Hi. 273 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:29,603 Ted Mosby for Dr. Zinman. 274 00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:33,841 Hi, Ted. I'll let her know. 275 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,611 Telepathically? 276 00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:39,279 (laughing): That's funny. 277 00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:40,313 That's funny, smart, and great. 278 00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:44,785 I am so sorry that I am late. 279 00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:46,453 I have, like, two minutes for lunch everyday. 280 00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:47,888 It's crazy. Yeah, I understand. 281 00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:50,724 I was just, uh, checking out the old bookshelf here. 282 00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,626 I see you've read The Power of Me. 283 00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:54,995 It's funny... What? Oh, no. 284 00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:57,898 No, no, no, no, no, I would never read that piece of crap. 285 00:09:57,965 --> 00:10:00,033 Some patient left it here. 286 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:00,934 Oh, thank God. 287 00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:02,335 (chuckling): I couldn't agree more. 288 00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:03,704 That's total crap. 289 00:10:03,771 --> 00:10:05,305 I see people reading that on the subway 290 00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:07,574 and I just want to shout, "Get a life, people!" 291 00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:09,309 Ted, I found your book. 292 00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:10,377 What? 293 00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:11,378 Your book The Power of Me. 294 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,046 I think you accidentally dropped it in the garbage. 295 00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,214 What? No, that's... that's not mine. 296 00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,615 I've never seen that before in my life. 297 00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:17,651 No, you were reading it in the lobby. 298 00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:19,386 Wha-- no, you have me confused with someone else. 299 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:20,220 No, no, look right here. 300 00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:22,656 "From the personal library of Ted Mosby." 301 00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:24,391 That's you. 302 00:10:26,894 --> 00:10:29,096 Ted, I hate to say this, 303 00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:32,065 but I think it's "nail the receptionist" time. 304 00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,767 I'm not gonna nail the receptionist. 305 00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:35,736 Ted, every little boy wants to grow up 306 00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:37,504 to nail the doctor or the lawyer. 307 00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:40,140 Somebody's gotta nail the receptionist. 308 00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:41,909 No. I like Stella. 309 00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,610 Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, Ted. 310 00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:46,446 Your little Stella is not so perfect. 311 00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:47,280 What do you mean? 312 00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:48,849 I went down there 313 00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:51,118 and checked her out for myself. 314 00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:52,252 Yeah. 315 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,788 And while I was down there, 316 00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:57,057 I discovered that she had a secret, 317 00:10:57,124 --> 00:11:01,194 a terrible... terrible secret. 318 00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:02,362 What? 319 00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:03,663 What is it? 320 00:11:05,565 --> 00:11:07,434 Hold on, I gotta pee. 321 00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,275 Okay, I'm back. 322 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:16,944 What's going on at work? 323 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,478 What's the big secret?! 324 00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:19,813 Oh. Oh, right. 325 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,715 Hi, I'd like to see Dr. Zinman, please. 326 00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:22,816 Sure, what's it regarding? 327 00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:24,217 Oh, I just want to see her. 328 00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:26,353 Want to look at her, see what she looks like. 329 00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:28,388 I-I don't understand. 330 00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:29,857 I'm sorry, did I accidentally 331 00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:31,691 oprima numero dos when I called? 332 00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:33,593 Do you speak English? 333 00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:35,796 I want to see her! 334 00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:37,564 Sir, please don't yell at me 335 00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:38,799 because when people yell at me, 336 00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,633 I have a tendency to start crying. 337 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:41,668 What are your credentials?! 338 00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:42,870 Please don't do that. Please. 339 00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:44,204 I want to know who am I speaking with! 340 00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:47,007 BARNEY: At first she seemed great, beautiful, smart, 341 00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:48,909 way out of your league. 342 00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:50,477 But then, I overheard this conversation. 343 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,045 ...my grandfather's name-- I was the last-born so... 344 00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:54,114 Oh, Abby, did my hypnotherapist call yet? 345 00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:55,248 No. 346 00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:56,349 (sighs) 347 00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:59,186 When am I going to kick this folliculaphilia? 348 00:12:05,592 --> 00:12:07,360 Folliculaphilia? 349 00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:09,562 Folliculaphilia. 350 00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:10,964 What is that? 351 00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:13,400 Ted, your perfect woman 352 00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:17,204 can only be attracted to men with mustaches. 353 00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:22,509 That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. 354 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:23,844 That's not real. 355 00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:26,446 You're right, Ted. I'm just making that up. 356 00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:28,949 I know that you are because there's no such thing. 357 00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:32,452 I got it a little bit. 358 00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:40,627 Hi. Uh, Ted Mosby for Dr. Zinman. 359 00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:42,495 Oh, hi, Ted. Love the 'stache. 360 00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:44,631 You look like a young Tom Selleck, 361 00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:46,233 only a million times handsomer. 362 00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:51,538 Dr. Zinman, Magnum's here to see you. 363 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:52,772 Just kidding. 364 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,975 Stupid. 365 00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:57,845 Sorry I'm late. Typical two-minute lunch. 366 00:12:57,911 --> 00:13:00,480 So we are very close to getting... 367 00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:03,383 (laughing) 368 00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:06,419 (cackling) 369 00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:09,022 Why? Just why? 370 00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:11,825 Y-you don't remember? 371 00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:13,760 I'll bet anyone ten bucks 372 00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:16,496 I can get Ted to grow a mustache. 373 00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:19,032 Uh... okay. 374 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,435 You sabotaged my next to last chance with Stella 375 00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:23,971 for ten dollars? 376 00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:27,574 I know. I would've done it for free. 377 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,442 But, no. You owe me ten bucks. 378 00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:33,780 This is awful. My-my tenth session is next week. 379 00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:35,748 I'm gonna ask her out, and she's gonna say 380 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:39,352 the most demoralizing syllable in the English language-- no. 381 00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:41,421 You know what? Just forget it. 382 00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:42,522 I'm not even gonna ask her. 383 00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:44,457 No, you have to. She likes you. 384 00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:45,859 She said so herself. 385 00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:47,260 (clearing throat) I mean... 386 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,429 Oh, my God, you went and saw her, too. 387 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,531 I swear to you, I did not. 388 00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:59,806 My wife's always getting on me about my dry elbows. 389 00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:01,574 So good to be in a relationship. 390 00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:02,876 Anyone special in your life? 391 00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:04,677 Or maybe just someone you're interested in? 392 00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:07,480 Interes-ted in? 393 00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:11,885 You know, we should really get this mole checked out. 394 00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:12,986 It's just a little irregular. 395 00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:16,723 MARSHALL: Irregular? Oh, my God. 396 00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:18,191 This is it. It's all over. 397 00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:19,492 One of my patients has this 398 00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,461 little butterfly tattoo at the bottom of his back. 399 00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:24,431 Can you stop talking about your other patients?! 400 00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:26,499 I'm dying here, woman! 401 00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,835 There you go. Look, even if it is something, 402 00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:31,138 it's easily treatable, so try to relax. 403 00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,405 Okay. 404 00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:34,074 Hey, what was it you were saying before 405 00:14:34,141 --> 00:14:35,708 about the guy with the butterfly tattoo? 406 00:14:35,775 --> 00:14:38,111 Oh, that... that's nothing. 407 00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:39,546 It's just a little crush. 408 00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:42,815 So I will be calling you with your results. 409 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,151 Oh. Okay. Thank you. 410 00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:48,255 Oh, sir, your book! 411 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:50,690 No. 412 00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:51,658 Yes. 413 00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:54,594 She said "crush"? 414 00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:57,164 And she was talking about me? 415 00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,899 NARRATOR: That last session was the least painful of all. 416 00:14:59,967 --> 00:15:02,936 I savored every searing blast of that laser. 417 00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:04,437 All done. 418 00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:07,807 The moment I'd waited ten weeks for had arrived. 419 00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:09,509 Stella... 420 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:14,314 ...now that I'm no longer your patient, 421 00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:16,383 would you like to have dinner with me? 422 00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:21,788 Ted, you're a really nice guy... 423 00:15:21,854 --> 00:15:23,790 Oh, no. 424 00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:26,226 It has been so great getting to know you. 425 00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:27,927 I am gonna kill Marshall. 426 00:15:27,995 --> 00:15:29,462 I've had so much fun these last ten weeks. 427 00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:32,432 Oh, my God, this is worse than the laser. 428 00:15:32,499 --> 00:15:34,267 I have a daughter. 429 00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:36,769 What? 430 00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:38,338 Her name's Lucy. She's eight. 431 00:15:38,405 --> 00:15:42,442 Work and being with her, that's pretty much my life. 432 00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:44,044 My social calendar 433 00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:45,545 is movie night with the girls once a month 434 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:46,679 when I can get a sitter. 435 00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:49,316 I mean, I've been to one party in the past year-- 436 00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:51,618 St. Paddy's Day-- it was awful, I left early. 437 00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:53,820 But, really, my only free time 438 00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,888 is the two minutes I get for lunch, so... 439 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,224 this is why I don't date. 440 00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:00,160 Ted, I only have time 441 00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:02,695 for one most important person in my life, and that's Lucy. 442 00:16:04,131 --> 00:16:05,765 Anyway, it's been fun. 443 00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:08,368 Next time, think before you ink. 444 00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:10,737 But if you ever do wake up with, like, 445 00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:15,342 a dolphin tattoo on your ankle, just give me a call. 446 00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:21,381 There it is-- 447 00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:22,649 she's a mom. 448 00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:24,784 It's just not gonna happen. 449 00:16:24,851 --> 00:16:26,819 Sorry, dude. 450 00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:28,355 Have a shrimp. 451 00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:29,589 I'm good. 452 00:16:31,058 --> 00:16:32,325 I guess I got no one but myself to blame. 453 00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:33,826 She told me right from the start 454 00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:37,064 she was gonna say no and sure enough... 455 00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,232 Wait a minute. 456 00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:45,338 Hi. Hi. 457 00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:47,006 You didn't actually say no. 458 00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:48,741 What do you mean? 459 00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:50,477 All this time you were, uh, you were supposed to say no, 460 00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:52,712 but you didn't-- I checked the transcript. 461 00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:54,047 (laughs) 462 00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:55,315 So, here's what I'm proposing. 463 00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:57,350 Uh... You only have two minutes, right? 464 00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:58,118 Right. 465 00:16:58,185 --> 00:17:00,019 Okay. You want to, uh... 466 00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:01,721 go on a two-minute date with me? 467 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:06,025 Last two-minute date I had gave me a daughter. 468 00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:08,828 Um... Okay. 469 00:17:08,895 --> 00:17:12,399 Great. 470 00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:14,567 And... go. 471 00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:16,569 Taxi! 472 00:17:17,837 --> 00:17:19,072 Hello! 473 00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:20,507 Ted, I seriously only have two minutes... 474 00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:21,508 I know. 475 00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,112 That's like 120 seconds. 476 00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:26,879 380 West 22nd, please. 477 00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:28,581 And step on it. We're in a hurry. 478 00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:30,250 380 West 22nd? That's... 479 00:17:33,019 --> 00:17:33,986 Ha-ha! 480 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,054 Right this way. 481 00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:36,756 (laughing): Thank you, sir. 482 00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:39,259 You know, I have always wanted to try this place. 483 00:17:39,326 --> 00:17:40,993 House salad. Oh. 484 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,562 So, college? 485 00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:43,730 Stanford. 486 00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:44,864 Uh-huh. Wesleyan. 487 00:17:44,931 --> 00:17:46,399 Oh, good. Do you know Adam Lazar? 488 00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:48,568 No. Scott Crable? Mm-mm. 489 00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:50,470 Eggplant parmesan. 490 00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:52,239 Thanks. Oh, already cut up. Nice. 491 00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:53,606 Could we get the check please. 492 00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:55,041 We're trying to make a movie in 15 seconds. 493 00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:56,509 Of course. Okay, great. 494 00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,010 Uh, how do you want to do this? 495 00:17:58,077 --> 00:17:59,112 You had the eggplant parm. 496 00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:00,713 I only really had water so... 497 00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:02,682 I'm kidding. Oh. 498 00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:04,016 Okay. Let's go. 499 00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,186 Taxi! You nervous? 500 00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:07,654 A little bit. You can't tell at all. 501 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:08,788 Oh, good. Yeah. 502 00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:10,257 Hello! 503 00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:18,698 384 West 22nd. 504 00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:21,401 15 seconds. The movie's started. 505 00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:23,170 Nah, previews. We'll be fine. 506 00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:28,175 Ah! Just in time. It hasn't started yet. 507 00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:29,376 So, what are we seeing? 508 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:30,710 Manos: Hands of Fate. 509 00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:31,744 The whole thing? 510 00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:33,280 Only the important parts. 511 00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:41,754 Worst movie ever. 512 00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:44,424 Yeah, I almost walked out, like, five times. 513 00:18:44,491 --> 00:18:46,293 How we doing on time? Taxi! 514 00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:47,427 We got a little time. 515 00:18:47,494 --> 00:18:48,928 Okay. Do you want to walk it? 516 00:18:48,995 --> 00:18:49,929 Why not? 517 00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:51,097 Hello! 518 00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:53,633 Good-bye! 519 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:54,934 So what grade's your daughter in? 520 00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:56,002 Third grade. 521 00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:57,136 Ah! That's a good year. 522 00:18:57,204 --> 00:18:58,671 Yeah, she's wonderful. 523 00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:01,107 I just wish that I could get her to quit smoking, you know? 524 00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:02,575 What? I'm kidding. 525 00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:05,812 Oh. Look, coffee and dessert? 526 00:19:05,878 --> 00:19:07,880 You know, this neighborhood just keeps on changing. 527 00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:09,682 This used to be a cute, little Italian restaurant. 528 00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:10,783 I know. New York. 529 00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:13,052 It's a living organism, an ever-changing tapestry. 530 00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:14,787 Ooh, look at the time. 531 00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:15,922 Let's go. 532 00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,390 Mmm, the cheesecake's amazing. 533 00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:19,726 Flowers? 534 00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:20,827 I'm allergic. 535 00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:24,130 Okay. See? We're getting to know each other. 536 00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:26,699 Stella, I had a lovely-- 537 00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:28,568 Doggy bag? 538 00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:30,837 Stella, I had a lovely time. 539 00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:32,138 Me, too, Ted. 540 00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:33,906 And... date. 541 00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:35,408 (chuckles) Huh? 542 00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:36,876 That wasn't so bad, right? 543 00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:39,312 No lengthy, awkward silences. 544 00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:40,980 Dessert ran a little long, so... 545 00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:43,182 I had to cut the good-night kiss. 546 00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:46,953 I think I can be late just once. 547 00:19:57,964 --> 00:19:59,299 Ted... 548 00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:02,134 Look, I would love to have a second date, I would. 549 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:05,137 But I understand that you really don't have time right now, 550 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,707 but if you ever do, will you give me a call? 551 00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:08,975 Yes. 552 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:09,942 Okay. 553 00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:15,214 And that, kids, is how you turn a "no" 554 00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:16,583 into a "yes." 555 00:20:21,187 --> 00:20:23,122 All my friends told me, "Abby, be strong. 556 00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:24,257 He doesn't deserve another chance." 557 00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:25,392 No, no, no. But I forgive you! 558 00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:27,560 No, no, no, no! 559 00:20:31,298 --> 00:20:32,765 He seemed so nice, but then he just kept 560 00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:34,200 toying with my emotions. 561 00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:36,035 Wow. 562 00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:38,004 This Ted guy sounds like a real jerk. 563 00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:40,139 You know your problem? 564 00:20:40,206 --> 00:20:41,674 You're too sweet. 565 00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,876 Aren't you going to see the doctor about that mole? 566 00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:45,177 Oh, yeah. 567 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:46,713 Turns out it's just a Raisinet. 568 00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:49,882 Hey, how would you like 569 00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:52,352 me to take you out to a fancy restaurant 570 00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,554 and then go on a shopping spree? 571 00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:56,856 Treat you the way you should be treated. 572 00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:59,292 Would that make you forget about that Ted monster? 573 00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:01,127 My mom was wrong. 574 00:21:01,193 --> 00:21:02,895 There are nice guys in New York. 575 00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:06,098 We just have to go by my hotel room first. 576 00:21:06,165 --> 00:21:07,634 My bed was broken. 577 00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:09,135 I just have to make sure they fixed it. 578 00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:10,703 Well, then if it's fixed, 579 00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:13,005 can we can have sex on it and then go shopping. 580 00:21:15,241 --> 00:21:16,509 I like you. 37116

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.