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00:00:01,702 --> 00:00:05,073
NARRATOR:
Kids, sometimes in life
you see someone
2
00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:06,674
and you just instantly know
3
00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:08,042
this is the person for you.
4
00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:09,477
It can happen anywhere.
5
00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:12,913
Even the waiting room
of a tattoo removal clinic.
6
00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:14,548
And that's what happened
when I met...
7
00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,551
...Stella.
8
00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:24,225
Ah, the butterfly
tramp stamp.
9
00:00:24,292 --> 00:00:25,859
My bread and butter.
10
00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:27,561
So I'm guessing that
the real story
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00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:29,330
involves a bad breakup
and some booze.
12
00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:30,698
Unless it's a gang tattoo,
13
00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:33,167
in which case, I think it's
time to find a new gang.
14
00:00:33,234 --> 00:00:34,635
No, I just thought
it would be cool
15
00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:35,736
to get a caterpillar tattoo,
16
00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:37,671
and then a few weeks went by,
and all of a sudden...
17
00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,440
(laughing)
18
00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:41,742
Well, I can get rid of it
in ten one-hour sessions,
19
00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:44,345
but, I should warn you,
laser surgery's very painful.
20
00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:45,913
Well, I think you'll find
21
00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,715
I have a very high
tolerance for pain.
22
00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:50,084
Just last night, I sat through
the worst movie ever made.
23
00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:51,452
Oh, Plan 9 From Outer Space?
24
00:00:51,519 --> 00:00:55,623
No, the worst movie--
Manos: Hands of Fate.
25
00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:57,258
Uh, I'm a doctor,
went to medical school.
26
00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:58,992
It's Plan 9.
If you don't believe me,
27
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,394
it's playing down
at the Pamela Theater.
28
00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:02,430
Uh-huh.
I don't believe you, Doctor.
29
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:05,133
Well, what are you
doing tonight?
30
00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:09,837
Hello.
31
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,472
Hey, Ted.
Hey.
32
00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:13,274
Hey, put that away.
Tonight's on me.
33
00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:14,808
Oh, no, no, don't...
34
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:15,876
Come on, I insist.
35
00:01:15,943 --> 00:01:17,478
That's so nice. Thank you.
36
00:01:17,545 --> 00:01:19,079
Hey, guys,
this is my friend Ted.
37
00:01:19,147 --> 00:01:20,214
He wants to pay.
38
00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:22,316
Oh, wow.
Oh, yay.
Wow, thank you.
39
00:01:22,383 --> 00:01:24,785
One, two, three, four.
40
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:30,291
Is something wrong?
41
00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:32,260
No, it's just, um...
42
00:01:32,326 --> 00:01:33,961
I'm just a little
embarrassed.
43
00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:35,596
I thought this
was a date.
44
00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:37,265
But it's no big deal.
45
00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:39,467
Don't worry
about it.
46
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:40,834
What's wrong?
47
00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:44,305
Ted's embarrassed-- he
thought this was a date.
48
00:01:44,372 --> 00:01:46,707
Ted thought this
was a date.
49
00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:49,009
Stella, did you know Ted
thought this was a date?
50
00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:50,844
What? I'm not allowed
to date a patient.
51
00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:52,012
It's an AMA rule.
52
00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:53,113
She's not allowed
to date patients.
53
00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:54,182
It's an AMA rule.
54
00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:55,283
She's not allowed
to date patients.
55
00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:56,817
It's an AMA rule.
56
00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:57,951
She's not
allowed to date...
57
00:01:58,018 --> 00:01:59,920
Yeah, I got it.
58
00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:01,155
MAN:
We all got it.
59
00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:02,923
Ted's a schmuck.
60
00:02:02,990 --> 00:02:04,825
(laughter)
61
00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:19,139
(laughing)
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00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:21,242
And you bought
all the tickets.
Yeah, yeah.
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00:02:21,309 --> 00:02:23,344
Hey, you were right.
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00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:26,547
Worst moviegoing
experience ever.
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00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:28,716
Of course, it had nothing
to do with the movie.
66
00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:31,018
I am so sorry that you
thought that was a date.
67
00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:32,353
No, it's fine.
68
00:02:32,420 --> 00:02:34,655
I got to hang out with you
on girls' night out.
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00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:36,824
All right, so if you're not
allowed to date a patient,
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00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:39,560
I'll just... I'll wait until
these ten session are up
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00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:41,128
and then I'll ask you out then.
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00:02:41,195 --> 00:02:43,096
Well, then,
fair warning:
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00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,732
I'm going to say no.
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00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:46,934
Really? I'm getting mixed
signals from you.
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00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,170
I feel like you've been staring
at my ass for quite some time.
76
00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:52,973
What, you're married?
No.
77
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:53,974
Boyfriend?
No.
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00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:55,142
Lesbian?
No.
79
00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:57,177
Only date black guys?
No.
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00:02:57,245 --> 00:03:00,314
And yet you can say
with absolute confidence
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00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:03,183
that ten weeks from now,
if I ask you out on a date,
82
00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:04,385
your answer will be...
83
00:03:04,452 --> 00:03:05,986
No.
84
00:03:06,053 --> 00:03:07,988
No... Hmm.
85
00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:09,690
What could
she mean
86
00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:12,260
when she says no?
87
00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:13,761
I don't know,
88
00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:14,995
it is totally cryptic.
89
00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:17,097
This is far from over.
90
00:03:17,164 --> 00:03:18,566
We're talking ten weeks
from now.
91
00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:20,468
Who knows what
she'll want then?
92
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:21,569
Do you know what
you're going to want
93
00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:22,636
for lunch ten weeks from now?
94
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,938
Sloppy Joe, shrimp cocktail
and a milk shake.
95
00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:27,775
Ted, do you know how long
it takes a woman
96
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:29,810
to decide whether or not
she's going to sleep with a guy?
97
00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,078
8.3 seconds.
98
00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:32,112
After that,
99
00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:33,180
her decision is made.
100
00:03:33,247 --> 00:03:34,315
She will not change her mind.
101
00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:35,483
That's ridiculous.
102
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:36,584
Is it?
103
00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,952
Describe your first
8.3 seconds with Stella.
104
00:03:40,388 --> 00:03:41,722
Lower back butterfly tattoo--
105
00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:43,757
you're up.
106
00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:46,327
(patients snickering)
107
00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:47,595
(all groaning)
108
00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:49,397
So we got off
to a rocky start.
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00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:51,465
That may be a problem
for some guys,
110
00:03:51,532 --> 00:03:53,166
but I get better over time.
Right?
111
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,135
I'm not some Top 40 song--
112
00:03:55,202 --> 00:03:56,604
easily digestible.
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00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,038
I'm complex.
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00:03:58,105 --> 00:04:01,108
I require time
and multiple listens.
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00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:02,810
I'm "Stairway to Heaven."
116
00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:06,847
Wow, Roger Daltrey just
rolled over in his grave.
117
00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:10,951
That's not the
right guy, is it?
118
00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:15,088
He's not even
dead, is he?
119
00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:16,524
I think that's great, Ted.
120
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,359
You can do whatever
you set your mind to.
121
00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:20,227
In fact, you've
inspired me.
122
00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:22,630
I'm going to stop
biting my nails.
123
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,532
But, baby, you love
biting your nails.
124
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,467
I know, but I'm
doing this for Ted.
125
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,502
Hmm.
126
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:30,871
God, this is
really hard.
127
00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:33,407
Give me ten sessions,
128
00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:35,008
I'm going to turn that "no"
into a "yes."
129
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:36,009
Really, Ted?
Mm-hmm.
130
00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:37,044
You think so?
Mmm.
131
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,780
Well, tell me, how did
the rest of that session go?
132
00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:42,182
This is going
to hurt a little.
133
00:04:42,249 --> 00:04:44,217
Yeah, well,
I can handle pain.
134
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,887
This one time
I was playing tennis, and...
135
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:48,822
(high-pitched screaming)
136
00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:54,161
Yeah, but tattoo
removal really hurts.
137
00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:56,430
Everyone probably
sounds like that.
138
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:57,798
Doctor,
are you all right?
139
00:04:57,865 --> 00:04:59,567
I heard a woman
screaming in here.
140
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,669
Oh.
141
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:08,476
(laughing)
142
00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:10,978
Here's to nine more
great sessions.
143
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:12,580
(laughter continues)
144
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,551
NARRATOR:
And so the weeks went by.
145
00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:20,087
The second session I told her
about how I spent a summer
146
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:21,822
working with inner-city kids.
147
00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:25,292
The third session we both spoke
nothing but French.
148
00:05:25,359 --> 00:05:28,195
The fourth session
I made her laugh so hard
149
00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:30,030
she fell out of her chair.
150
00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:31,765
(laughing)
151
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,402
So by the time the fifth
session came around...
152
00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:35,603
Still no.
153
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,271
Still no.
154
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,507
What's up with that?
155
00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:41,108
I mean, I juggled.
156
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,543
You juggled?
157
00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:44,978
I thought you were
trying to impress her.
158
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:46,346
You do magic.
159
00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:48,081
How is juggling
any lamer than magic?
160
00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:49,483
Magic's not lame.
161
00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:50,984
I don't get it.
I mean...
162
00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:52,420
Is this lame?
163
00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:54,722
(screams)
Oh, Barney,
no, no.
164
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:57,324
We said no fireballs
at the table.
165
00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:58,959
What the hell is wrong with you?
166
00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,193
There's alcohol in here.
167
00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:01,228
Barney...
I...
168
00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:02,430
We've talked about this.
169
00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:03,497
It's a fire code violation.
170
00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:05,666
Yeah, but Ted provoked me.
171
00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,100
No, no, you are
on a time-out.
172
00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:08,068
Go sit over there.
173
00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:09,703
But...
Go!
174
00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:14,241
Anyway... I don't get it.
175
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:15,776
She should be
into me by now.
176
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:17,511
You know, you
can do this, Ted.
177
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,212
I said that I would
stop biting my nails,
178
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:21,148
and kablam-ey.
179
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,716
It's just a challenge.
180
00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:24,151
It can't be easy
to woo someone
181
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,954
while you're sticking your
naked butt in their face.
182
00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:28,656
Works for baboons.
183
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:33,160
It's called "presenting."
184
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,695
I got four sessions left.
185
00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:36,864
Ther-There's got to be
an angle I'm not seeing.
186
00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:39,132
You can't turn a "no"
into a "yes," Ted.
187
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:40,167
Can't be done.
188
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,301
I don't know, Barney.
189
00:06:41,368 --> 00:06:43,203
I mean, sometimes
persistence pays off.
190
00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:44,171
I said "yes" eventually.
191
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:45,539
No, you didn't.
192
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,074
You were like, "No, we
can't, we're friends.
193
00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:49,042
It would mess up the
dynamic of the group."
194
00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:50,444
To Ted.
195
00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:51,845
Oh, right.
196
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:52,880
Wait a second.
197
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:54,582
Wait a second,
I got the angle.
198
00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:56,383
Sir, please don't
yell at me,
199
00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:57,384
because when people yell at me,
200
00:06:57,451 --> 00:06:59,620
I have a tendency
to start crying.
201
00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:01,755
Please don't do it.
202
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:03,423
Abby, I've told you before.
Please.
203
00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:05,092
When they're rude to you,
hang up the phone.
204
00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:07,027
...how difficult it is
for me to...
Go on,
205
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:08,395
you can do this,
hang up.
206
00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:09,797
Abby,
207
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:10,698
hang it up.
208
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:14,134
I am too busy
to waste my time...
209
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:17,137
I'm sorry, I just wish
210
00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:19,540
that some of the patients
would be nicer to you.
211
00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:21,208
The receptionist.
212
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,209
That's my way in.
213
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,310
I like this.
214
00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:25,012
Seduce the receptionist.
215
00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:26,379
That's a great plan.
216
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:27,715
That's not the plan.
217
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,316
And how would that help me
with Stella?
218
00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:30,951
Who?
219
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:32,953
Here's the plan.
220
00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:35,222
(whistles)
221
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,257
Hi. Here.
222
00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:38,526
I stopped--
223
00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:43,997
Hi, I stopped for coffee
224
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:45,866
and I... and I thought
I'd grab you something.
225
00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:48,101
Oh, wow, thank you,
that's so nice.
226
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:49,102
You're like a knight.
227
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:51,739
I should call you Sir Ted.
228
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:52,640
What?
229
00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:53,941
Nothing. Nothing.
230
00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:56,409
(laughing nervously):
It's really stupid.
231
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,311
Um, Dr. Zinman, Ted's here.
232
00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:00,247
Thanks. Thanks, Abby.
233
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:05,318
And now we wait.
234
00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:06,720
And sure enough,
235
00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:09,456
by session seven, she saw me
in a whole new light.
236
00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:12,259
Okay, I'm about
to break my big rule here.
237
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,460
Break it.
238
00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:15,529
Okay.
239
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:16,797
Abby goes bowling
240
00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:18,532
with her church group
every Wednesday night...
241
00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:21,902
Mm-hmm.
...and she really wanted to
invite you, but she's too shy.
242
00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:24,037
(clicks tongue)
243
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:25,238
Abby is...?
244
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:28,075
My receptionist.
245
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,810
You really made
quite an impression on her
246
00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:31,178
with the coffee the other day.
247
00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:33,280
I mean, she has really
not stopped talking about you.
248
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,616
Oh, Abby.
249
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:37,818
I thought you said "Alan."
250
00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:40,854
But you just said, "Abby is...?"
251
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:42,389
Right.
252
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:44,592
Right, I thought I said "Alan."
253
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:46,159
Who's Alan?
254
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:48,696
Who's Abby?
255
00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:50,964
My receptionist.
256
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:54,001
Exactly.
257
00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:57,738
What is happening?
258
00:08:57,805 --> 00:08:59,239
(groaning):
Ted.
259
00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:01,575
You just got to be
yourself, no more gimmicks.
260
00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:03,644
You're right, no
more gimmicks.
261
00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:04,912
One more gimmick.
262
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:06,614
TED:
You know what's on her shelf?
263
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:09,016
That self-help book
The Power of Me.
264
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,051
(all groaning)
I know, I know,
but I thought
265
00:09:11,118 --> 00:09:13,987
if I read it, maybe we'd have
something new to talk about.
266
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,623
(all groaning)
267
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:16,924
It's actually a great book.
268
00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:19,292
It taught me the power
of complete memory.
269
00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:20,560
Can I borrow your copy?
270
00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:22,630
I left it somewhere.
271
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,097
I forget.
272
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:28,168
Hi.
273
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:29,603
Ted Mosby for Dr. Zinman.
274
00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:33,841
Hi, Ted.
I'll let her know.
275
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,611
Telepathically?
276
00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:39,279
(laughing):
That's funny.
277
00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:40,313
That's funny, smart, and great.
278
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:44,785
I am so sorry
that I am late.
279
00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:46,453
I have, like, two minutes
for lunch everyday.
280
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:47,888
It's crazy.
Yeah, I understand.
281
00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:50,724
I was just, uh, checking
out the old bookshelf here.
282
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,626
I see you've read
The Power of Me.
283
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:54,995
It's funny...
What? Oh, no.
284
00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:57,898
No, no, no, no, no, I would
never read that piece of crap.
285
00:09:57,965 --> 00:10:00,033
Some patient
left it here.
286
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:00,934
Oh, thank God.
287
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:02,335
(chuckling):
I couldn't agree more.
288
00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:03,704
That's total crap.
289
00:10:03,771 --> 00:10:05,305
I see people reading that
on the subway
290
00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:07,574
and I just want to shout,
"Get a life, people!"
291
00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:09,309
Ted, I found your book.
292
00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:10,377
What?
293
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:11,378
Your book
The Power of Me.
294
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,046
I think you accidentally
dropped it in the garbage.
295
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,214
What? No, that's...
that's not mine.
296
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,615
I've never seen that before
in my life.
297
00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:17,651
No, you were reading it
in the lobby.
298
00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:19,386
Wha-- no, you have me confused
with someone else.
299
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:20,220
No, no, look
right here.
300
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:22,656
"From the personal library
of Ted Mosby."
301
00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:24,391
That's you.
302
00:10:26,894 --> 00:10:29,096
Ted, I hate to say this,
303
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:32,065
but I think it's "nail
the receptionist" time.
304
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,767
I'm not gonna nail
the receptionist.
305
00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:35,736
Ted, every little boy
wants to grow up
306
00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:37,504
to nail the doctor
or the lawyer.
307
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:40,140
Somebody's gotta nail
the receptionist.
308
00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:41,909
No. I like Stella.
309
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,610
Okay, I'm gonna stop you
right there, Ted.
310
00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:46,446
Your little Stella
is not so perfect.
311
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:47,280
What do you mean?
312
00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:48,849
I went down there
313
00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:51,118
and checked her out for myself.
314
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:52,252
Yeah.
315
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,788
And while I
was down there,
316
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:57,057
I discovered that
she had a secret,
317
00:10:57,124 --> 00:11:01,194
a terrible... terrible secret.
318
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:02,362
What?
319
00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:03,663
What is it?
320
00:11:05,565 --> 00:11:07,434
Hold on, I gotta pee.
321
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,275
Okay, I'm back.
322
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:16,944
What's going on at work?
323
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,478
What's the big secret?!
324
00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:19,813
Oh. Oh, right.
325
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,715
Hi, I'd like
to see Dr. Zinman, please.
326
00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:22,816
Sure, what's it regarding?
327
00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:24,217
Oh, I just want to see her.
328
00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:26,353
Want to look at her,
see what she looks like.
329
00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:28,388
I-I don't understand.
330
00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:29,857
I'm sorry, did I accidentally
331
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:31,691
oprima numero dos
when I called?
332
00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:33,593
Do you speak English?
333
00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:35,796
I want to see her!
334
00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:37,564
Sir, please don't
yell at me
335
00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:38,799
because when people yell at me,
336
00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,633
I have a tendency
to start crying.
337
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:41,668
What are your credentials?!
338
00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:42,870
Please don't do that. Please.
339
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:44,204
I want to know
who am I speaking with!
340
00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:47,007
BARNEY:
At first she seemed great,
beautiful, smart,
341
00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:48,909
way out of your league.
342
00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:50,477
But then, I overheard
this conversation.
343
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,045
...my grandfather's name--
I was the last-born so...
344
00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:54,114
Oh, Abby, did my
hypnotherapist call yet?
345
00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:55,248
No.
346
00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:56,349
(sighs)
347
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:59,186
When am I going to kick
this folliculaphilia?
348
00:12:05,592 --> 00:12:07,360
Folliculaphilia?
349
00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:09,562
Folliculaphilia.
350
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:10,964
What is that?
351
00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:13,400
Ted, your perfect woman
352
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:17,204
can only be attracted
to men with mustaches.
353
00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:22,509
That is the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.
354
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:23,844
That's not real.
355
00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:26,446
You're right, Ted.
I'm just making that up.
356
00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:28,949
I know that you are
because there's no such thing.
357
00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:32,452
I got it a little bit.
358
00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:40,627
Hi. Uh, Ted Mosby
for Dr. Zinman.
359
00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:42,495
Oh, hi, Ted.
Love the 'stache.
360
00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:44,631
You look like a young
Tom Selleck,
361
00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:46,233
only a million times handsomer.
362
00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:51,538
Dr. Zinman,
Magnum's here to see you.
363
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:52,772
Just kidding.
364
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,975
Stupid.
365
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:57,845
Sorry I'm late.
Typical two-minute lunch.
366
00:12:57,911 --> 00:13:00,480
So we are very close
to getting...
367
00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:03,383
(laughing)
368
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:06,419
(cackling)
369
00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:09,022
Why? Just why?
370
00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:11,825
Y-you don't remember?
371
00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:13,760
I'll bet anyone ten bucks
372
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:16,496
I can get Ted
to grow a mustache.
373
00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:19,032
Uh... okay.
374
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,435
You sabotaged my next to last
chance with Stella
375
00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:23,971
for ten dollars?
376
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:27,574
I know.
I would've done it for free.
377
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,442
But, no. You owe me ten bucks.
378
00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:33,780
This is awful. My-my tenth
session is next week.
379
00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:35,748
I'm gonna ask her out,
and she's gonna say
380
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:39,352
the most demoralizing syllable
in the English language-- no.
381
00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:41,421
You know what?
Just forget it.
382
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:42,522
I'm not even gonna ask her.
383
00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:44,457
No, you have to.
She likes you.
384
00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:45,859
She said so herself.
385
00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:47,260
(clearing throat)
I mean...
386
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,429
Oh, my God,
you went and saw her, too.
387
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,531
I swear to you, I did not.
388
00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:59,806
My wife's always getting
on me about my dry elbows.
389
00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:01,574
So good to be in
a relationship.
390
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:02,876
Anyone special
in your life?
391
00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:04,677
Or maybe just someone
you're interested in?
392
00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:07,480
Interes-ted in?
393
00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:11,885
You know, we should really
get this mole checked out.
394
00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:12,986
It's just a little irregular.
395
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:16,723
MARSHALL:
Irregular? Oh, my God.
396
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:18,191
This is it. It's all over.
397
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:19,492
One of my patients has this
398
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,461
little butterfly tattoo
at the bottom of his back.
399
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:24,431
Can you stop talking about
your other patients?!
400
00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:26,499
I'm dying here, woman!
401
00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,835
There you go. Look,
even if it is something,
402
00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:31,138
it's easily treatable,
so try to relax.
403
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,405
Okay.
404
00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:34,074
Hey, what was it
you were saying before
405
00:14:34,141 --> 00:14:35,708
about the guy
with the butterfly tattoo?
406
00:14:35,775 --> 00:14:38,111
Oh, that... that's nothing.
407
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:39,546
It's just a little crush.
408
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:42,815
So I will be calling
you with your results.
409
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,151
Oh. Okay. Thank you.
410
00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:48,255
Oh, sir, your book!
411
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:50,690
No.
412
00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:51,658
Yes.
413
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:54,594
She said "crush"?
414
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:57,164
And she was talking about me?
415
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,899
NARRATOR:
That last session
was the least painful of all.
416
00:14:59,967 --> 00:15:02,936
I savored every searing blast
of that laser.
417
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:04,437
All done.
418
00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:07,807
The moment I'd waited
ten weeks for had arrived.
419
00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:09,509
Stella...
420
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:14,314
...now that I'm
no longer your patient,
421
00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:16,383
would you like
to have dinner with me?
422
00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:21,788
Ted, you're a really nice guy...
423
00:15:21,854 --> 00:15:23,790
Oh, no.
424
00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:26,226
It has been so great
getting to know you.
425
00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:27,927
I am gonna kill Marshall.
426
00:15:27,995 --> 00:15:29,462
I've had so much fun
these last ten weeks.
427
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:32,432
Oh, my God, this is worse
than the laser.
428
00:15:32,499 --> 00:15:34,267
I have a daughter.
429
00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:36,769
What?
430
00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:38,338
Her name's Lucy.
She's eight.
431
00:15:38,405 --> 00:15:42,442
Work and being with her,
that's pretty much my life.
432
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:44,044
My social calendar
433
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:45,545
is movie night with the girls
once a month
434
00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:46,679
when I can get a sitter.
435
00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:49,316
I mean, I've been to one party
in the past year--
436
00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:51,618
St. Paddy's Day--
it was awful, I left early.
437
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:53,820
But, really, my only free time
438
00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,888
is the two minutes
I get for lunch, so...
439
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,224
this is why I don't date.
440
00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:00,160
Ted, I only have time
441
00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:02,695
for one most important person
in my life, and that's Lucy.
442
00:16:04,131 --> 00:16:05,765
Anyway, it's been fun.
443
00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:08,368
Next time,
think before you ink.
444
00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:10,737
But if you ever do
wake up with, like,
445
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:15,342
a dolphin tattoo on your ankle,
just give me a call.
446
00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:21,381
There it is--
447
00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:22,649
she's a mom.
448
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:24,784
It's just not gonna happen.
449
00:16:24,851 --> 00:16:26,819
Sorry, dude.
450
00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:28,355
Have a shrimp.
451
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:29,589
I'm good.
452
00:16:31,058 --> 00:16:32,325
I guess I got no one
but myself to blame.
453
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:33,826
She told me
right from the start
454
00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:37,064
she was gonna say no
and sure enough...
455
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,232
Wait a minute.
456
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:45,338
Hi.
Hi.
457
00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:47,006
You didn't actually say no.
458
00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:48,741
What do you mean?
459
00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:50,477
All this time you were, uh,
you were supposed to say no,
460
00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:52,712
but you didn't--
I checked the transcript.
461
00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:54,047
(laughs)
462
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:55,315
So, here's what I'm proposing.
463
00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:57,350
Uh... You only have
two minutes, right?
464
00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:58,118
Right.
465
00:16:58,185 --> 00:17:00,019
Okay. You want to, uh...
466
00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:01,721
go on a two-minute date
with me?
467
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:06,025
Last two-minute date I
had gave me a daughter.
468
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:08,828
Um... Okay.
469
00:17:08,895 --> 00:17:12,399
Great.
470
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:14,567
And... go.
471
00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:16,569
Taxi!
472
00:17:17,837 --> 00:17:19,072
Hello!
473
00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:20,507
Ted, I seriously only
have two minutes...
474
00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:21,508
I know.
475
00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,112
That's like 120 seconds.
476
00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:26,879
380 West 22nd, please.
477
00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:28,581
And step on it.
We're in a hurry.
478
00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:30,250
380 West 22nd? That's...
479
00:17:33,019 --> 00:17:33,986
Ha-ha!
480
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,054
Right this way.
481
00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:36,756
(laughing):
Thank you, sir.
482
00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:39,259
You know, I have always
wanted to try this place.
483
00:17:39,326 --> 00:17:40,993
House salad.
Oh.
484
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,562
So, college?
485
00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:43,730
Stanford.
486
00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:44,864
Uh-huh. Wesleyan.
487
00:17:44,931 --> 00:17:46,399
Oh, good. Do you
know Adam Lazar?
488
00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:48,568
No. Scott Crable?
Mm-mm.
489
00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:50,470
Eggplant parmesan.
490
00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:52,239
Thanks.
Oh, already
cut up. Nice.
491
00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:53,606
Could we get
the check please.
492
00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:55,041
We're trying to make a movie
in 15 seconds.
493
00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:56,509
Of course.
Okay, great.
494
00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,010
Uh, how do you want
to do this?
495
00:17:58,077 --> 00:17:59,112
You had the eggplant parm.
496
00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:00,713
I only really
had water so...
497
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:02,682
I'm kidding.
Oh.
498
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:04,016
Okay. Let's go.
499
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,186
Taxi! You nervous?
500
00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:07,654
A little bit.
You can't tell at all.
501
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:08,788
Oh, good.
Yeah.
502
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:10,257
Hello!
503
00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:18,698
384 West 22nd.
504
00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:21,401
15 seconds.
The movie's started.
505
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:23,170
Nah, previews.
We'll be fine.
506
00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:28,175
Ah! Just in time.
It hasn't started yet.
507
00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:29,376
So, what are
we seeing?
508
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:30,710
Manos: Hands of Fate.
509
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:31,744
The whole thing?
510
00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:33,280
Only the important parts.
511
00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:41,754
Worst movie ever.
512
00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:44,424
Yeah, I almost walked
out, like, five times.
513
00:18:44,491 --> 00:18:46,293
How we doing
on time? Taxi!
514
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:47,427
We got a little time.
515
00:18:47,494 --> 00:18:48,928
Okay. Do you want
to walk it?
516
00:18:48,995 --> 00:18:49,929
Why not?
517
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:51,097
Hello!
518
00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:53,633
Good-bye!
519
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:54,934
So what grade's
your daughter in?
520
00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:56,002
Third grade.
521
00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:57,136
Ah! That's a good year.
522
00:18:57,204 --> 00:18:58,671
Yeah, she's wonderful.
523
00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:01,107
I just wish that I
could get her to quit
smoking, you know?
524
00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:02,575
What?
I'm kidding.
525
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:05,812
Oh. Look,
coffee and dessert?
526
00:19:05,878 --> 00:19:07,880
You know, this neighborhood
just keeps on changing.
527
00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:09,682
This used to be a cute,
little Italian restaurant.
528
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:10,783
I know. New York.
529
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:13,052
It's a living organism,
an ever-changing tapestry.
530
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:14,787
Ooh, look at the time.
531
00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:15,922
Let's go.
532
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,390
Mmm, the cheesecake's
amazing.
533
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:19,726
Flowers?
534
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:20,827
I'm allergic.
535
00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:24,130
Okay. See? We're getting
to know each other.
536
00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:26,699
Stella, I had a lovely--
537
00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:28,568
Doggy bag?
538
00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:30,837
Stella, I had a
lovely time.
539
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:32,138
Me, too, Ted.
540
00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:33,906
And... date.
541
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:35,408
(chuckles)
Huh?
542
00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:36,876
That wasn't so
bad, right?
543
00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:39,312
No lengthy,
awkward silences.
544
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:40,980
Dessert ran a
little long, so...
545
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:43,182
I had to cut the
good-night kiss.
546
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:46,953
I think I can be late
just once.
547
00:19:57,964 --> 00:19:59,299
Ted...
548
00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:02,134
Look, I would love
to have a second date, I would.
549
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:05,137
But I understand that you really
don't have time right now,
550
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,707
but if you ever do,
will you give me a call?
551
00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:08,975
Yes.
552
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:09,942
Okay.
553
00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:15,214
And that, kids,
is how you turn a "no"
554
00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:16,583
into a "yes."
555
00:20:21,187 --> 00:20:23,122
All my friends told me,
"Abby, be strong.
556
00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:24,257
He doesn't deserve
another chance."
557
00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:25,392
No, no, no.
But I forgive you!
558
00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:27,560
No, no, no, no!
559
00:20:31,298 --> 00:20:32,765
He seemed so nice,
but then he just kept
560
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:34,200
toying with my emotions.
561
00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:36,035
Wow.
562
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:38,004
This Ted guy
sounds like a real jerk.
563
00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:40,139
You know your problem?
564
00:20:40,206 --> 00:20:41,674
You're too sweet.
565
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,876
Aren't you going to see
the doctor about that mole?
566
00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:45,177
Oh, yeah.
567
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:46,713
Turns out it's just
a Raisinet.
568
00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:49,882
Hey, how would you like
569
00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:52,352
me to take you out
to a fancy restaurant
570
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,554
and then go on a shopping spree?
571
00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:56,856
Treat you the way
you should be treated.
572
00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:59,292
Would that make you forget
about that Ted monster?
573
00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:01,127
My mom was wrong.
574
00:21:01,193 --> 00:21:02,895
There are nice guys in New York.
575
00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:06,098
We just have to go
by my hotel room first.
576
00:21:06,165 --> 00:21:07,634
My bed was broken.
577
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:09,135
I just have to make sure
they fixed it.
578
00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:10,703
Well, then if it's fixed,
579
00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:13,005
can we can have sex on it
and then go shopping.
580
00:21:15,241 --> 00:21:16,509
I like you.
37116
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