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1
00:00:07,977 --> 00:00:09,645
What time is it?
2
00:00:09,647 --> 00:00:13,449
7:30. How do blind
people pick out clothes?
3
00:00:13,451 --> 00:00:15,084
I'm guessing they wear
a lot of sweatpants.
4
00:00:15,086 --> 00:00:16,718
You're not still
serious about this.
5
00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:18,521
Of course I am.
It's a great plan.
6
00:00:18,523 --> 00:00:21,557
Tell me again how this will
rescue us from obscurity,
7
00:00:21,559 --> 00:00:22,891
because yesterday it sounded...
8
00:00:22,893 --> 00:00:24,459
Crazier than Shia
Labeouf's Twitter feed.
9
00:00:24,461 --> 00:00:27,295
Hold on.
10
00:00:27,297 --> 00:00:28,363
Morning, muffin.
11
00:00:28,365 --> 00:00:29,631
Hey, mom, I'm on the phone.
12
00:00:29,633 --> 00:00:31,366
Oh, happy Friday, Amy.
13
00:00:31,368 --> 00:00:32,935
I made you some chamomile tea.
14
00:00:32,937 --> 00:00:34,836
Your chart indicates
a major cosmic shift
15
00:00:34,838 --> 00:00:36,271
that might upset your tummy.
16
00:00:36,273 --> 00:00:38,273
Let's hope so, but I should go.
Amy's in crisis.
17
00:00:38,275 --> 00:00:40,375
- Oh, no, what happened?
- Her hamster died.
18
00:00:40,377 --> 00:00:43,311
- Oh, no.
- Yeah, she needs me. Bye.
19
00:00:43,313 --> 00:00:45,780
You know I'm creeped out
by rodents as pets.
20
00:00:45,782 --> 00:00:47,248
I know, it was the first
thing I could think of.
21
00:00:47,250 --> 00:00:49,551
Why can't I have
a normal mother?
22
00:00:49,553 --> 00:00:52,520
Rise and shine.
23
00:00:52,522 --> 00:00:54,289
You and me both.
24
00:00:54,291 --> 00:00:55,923
Anyway, you were
explaining this plan.
25
00:00:55,925 --> 00:00:57,192
Right, so...
26
00:00:57,194 --> 00:01:00,061
we live in Austin, a blue oasis
in the red sea of Texas.
27
00:01:00,063 --> 00:01:01,829
Yup. Haven't forgotten.
28
00:01:01,831 --> 00:01:04,699
And our high school is so
tolerant and accepting,
29
00:01:04,701 --> 00:01:07,034
the outcasts are the in crowd.
30
00:01:07,036 --> 00:01:08,836
- Just tell me the plan.
- I found a way in.
31
00:01:08,838 --> 00:01:11,305
Trust me.
They'll never see it coming.
32
00:01:13,409 --> 00:01:16,611
See? People are wondering
what happened to me.
33
00:01:16,613 --> 00:01:17,912
Me too.
34
00:01:17,914 --> 00:01:18,946
How are we gonna
explain to people
35
00:01:18,948 --> 00:01:20,114
you went blind last night?
36
00:01:20,116 --> 00:01:21,749
Brain tumor pressing
on my optic nerve,
37
00:01:21,751 --> 00:01:23,750
which I'll have removed to
make a triumphant return.
38
00:01:23,752 --> 00:01:25,284
Preferably at prom.
39
00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:27,220
Here. With a name like "Karma,"
40
00:01:27,222 --> 00:01:29,089
you should be more
cautious of your schemes.
41
00:01:29,091 --> 00:01:32,325
I'm just trying to get us into
Shane Harvey's party tomorrow.
42
00:01:32,327 --> 00:01:33,928
Why? We hate high
school during the day.
43
00:01:33,929 --> 00:01:35,729
I doubt we'd like it better at
night after it's been drinking.
44
00:01:35,731 --> 00:01:38,164
Heads-up!
45
00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:39,633
Damn it!
46
00:01:41,703 --> 00:01:44,370
Maybe people will believe your
other senses are heightened.
47
00:01:44,372 --> 00:01:46,872
I can't spend another Friday
night watching Netflix.
48
00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:48,073
I'm at the end of my queue.
49
00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:49,609
We gotta try something new.
50
00:01:49,611 --> 00:01:53,579
Ooh, there's this documentary
on child slavery in Bangladesh.
51
00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:55,515
Amy, we are teetering on the
edge of the social ladder.
52
00:01:55,517 --> 00:01:57,683
If we fall off in high school,
we'll never get back on,
53
00:01:57,685 --> 00:01:59,084
and then we'll grow into
54
00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:00,719
socially awkward weirdos
55
00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:02,121
who make their own
organic juices
56
00:02:02,123 --> 00:02:03,388
and sell them at
farmers' markets.
57
00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:06,291
- Like your parents?
- Correct.
58
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,026
I mean, epic high school parties
59
00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:10,462
are a critical rite of
passage for normal people.
60
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:12,564
Really? Because I just
read that kids these days
61
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,266
are chugging jugs
of hand sanitizer.
62
00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:17,602
Cute boys are chugging
hand sanitizer
63
00:02:17,604 --> 00:02:20,305
and then lowering
their standards.
64
00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:21,739
Okay, horndog.
65
00:02:21,741 --> 00:02:23,774
Need I remind you that cute boys
make you so nervous, you barf?
66
00:02:23,776 --> 00:02:27,478
I have overcome
that affliction.
67
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:28,479
You two are gonna have to move.
68
00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:29,780
You're sitting in my light.
69
00:02:29,782 --> 00:02:31,382
The sun is your light?
70
00:02:31,384 --> 00:02:33,717
Sorry, Kim Jong-Un,
this ain't North Korea.
71
00:02:33,719 --> 00:02:35,118
Any other school in Texas
72
00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:36,820
and you wouldn't dare
talk to me like that.
73
00:02:36,822 --> 00:02:39,490
But no, my stupid daddy had to
sign up for Christian mingle
74
00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:40,957
and fall for a weather girl.
75
00:02:40,959 --> 00:02:43,426
My mom is a meteorologist.
76
00:02:43,428 --> 00:02:45,461
Whatever, she's the
reason I'm here
77
00:02:45,463 --> 00:02:49,365
at this Kumbaya socialist
freak show of a high school.
78
00:02:49,367 --> 00:02:51,801
The one perk is I can work
on my base tan at lunch.
79
00:02:51,803 --> 00:02:53,570
Lisbeth.
Spread out the blanket.
80
00:02:53,572 --> 00:02:55,371
It's Elizabeth.
81
00:02:55,373 --> 00:02:57,073
Lauren, I'm not thrilled our
parents are engaged either,
82
00:02:57,075 --> 00:02:59,242
but don't piss me off.
83
00:02:59,244 --> 00:03:01,077
I have access to
your toothbrush.
84
00:03:01,079 --> 00:03:04,980
How dare you threaten
me in my own home?
85
00:03:04,982 --> 00:03:07,116
It was my home first.
86
00:03:07,118 --> 00:03:09,985
You've got five seconds
to hop in your canoe
87
00:03:09,987 --> 00:03:12,755
and paddle back to
the isle of lesbos,
88
00:03:12,757 --> 00:03:14,623
so I can get my vitamin D.
89
00:03:14,625 --> 00:03:17,093
Is that a real place?
And if so, can we come?
90
00:03:17,095 --> 00:03:19,628
This is none of your
business, Anderson Cooper.
91
00:03:19,630 --> 00:03:22,698
Bullying the gays.
Someone reeks of the late '90s.
92
00:03:22,700 --> 00:03:25,500
No, I think she's doing some
sort of performance art piece.
93
00:03:25,502 --> 00:03:27,536
- We applaud your commitment.
- Oh, brava.
94
00:03:27,538 --> 00:03:29,304
Austin.
95
00:03:29,306 --> 00:03:33,875
Anyplace else in Texas and
I would own you bitches.
96
00:03:33,877 --> 00:03:36,278
Leila, Lisbeth!
97
00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:38,813
Ladies, my apologies for
that hairball of hate.
98
00:03:38,815 --> 00:03:39,980
Yeah, last week I took
her parking spot,
99
00:03:39,982 --> 00:03:42,015
and she called me a communist.
100
00:03:42,017 --> 00:03:44,719
You can't take it personally.
Hi. I'm Liam.
101
00:03:44,721 --> 00:03:46,920
Shane.
102
00:03:46,922 --> 00:03:49,490
And you are...
103
00:03:49,492 --> 00:03:51,825
I-I...
104
00:03:56,131 --> 00:03:58,466
I'm Amy.
105
00:03:58,468 --> 00:03:59,468
That was Karma.
106
00:03:59,469 --> 00:04:01,434
She's got really...
107
00:04:01,436 --> 00:04:02,636
bad cramps.
108
00:04:02,638 --> 00:04:04,404
Well, if she feels up to it,
109
00:04:04,406 --> 00:04:06,406
you two should totally
come to my party tomorrow.
110
00:04:06,408 --> 00:04:07,408
Okay, thanks.
111
00:04:07,409 --> 00:04:09,209
Sometimes she passes
out when she vomits,
112
00:04:09,211 --> 00:04:11,678
so I should go spot her.
113
00:04:13,815 --> 00:04:16,784
You know how I've always
wanted lesbian friends?
114
00:04:16,786 --> 00:04:18,718
They're perfect.
115
00:04:32,466 --> 00:04:34,701
I didn't realize it would
be this intimidating.
116
00:04:34,703 --> 00:04:38,004
Everyone's so much sluttier
than they are at school.
117
00:04:38,006 --> 00:04:41,007
Seriously, this place must
be dripping with HPV.
118
00:04:41,009 --> 00:04:44,110
Can we go?
119
00:04:44,112 --> 00:04:46,045
We just need to relax.
120
00:04:46,047 --> 00:04:48,247
You know what'll help? Alcohol.
121
00:04:48,249 --> 00:04:50,216
I'm not getting drunk
around these people.
122
00:04:50,218 --> 00:04:54,854
Be right back.
123
00:04:54,856 --> 00:04:59,225
Everyone's wearing
too many clothes.
124
00:04:59,227 --> 00:05:00,392
Better.
125
00:05:00,394 --> 00:05:03,796
Why aren't you dancing?
126
00:05:03,798 --> 00:05:05,864
Nice house.
What's the square footage?
127
00:05:05,866 --> 00:05:07,999
I don't remember
inviting you, Lauren.
128
00:05:08,001 --> 00:05:09,401
You should be thanking
us for being here.
129
00:05:09,403 --> 00:05:10,902
Look at all these bowwows.
130
00:05:10,904 --> 00:05:11,904
The man said shoo.
131
00:05:11,905 --> 00:05:13,238
I'm sure somewhere there's
132
00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:14,840
a young republican sock
hop where you're missed.
133
00:05:14,842 --> 00:05:19,777
Joke's on you. I'm not
wearing any socks today.
134
00:05:19,779 --> 00:05:21,846
I got a blister at practice, and
coach told me to let it breathe.
135
00:05:21,848 --> 00:05:23,548
Please stop talking
about your feet.
136
00:05:23,550 --> 00:05:24,982
And we're not leaving.
137
00:05:24,984 --> 00:05:26,217
We're the front-runners for
homecoming king and queen.
138
00:05:26,219 --> 00:05:27,652
People expect us to
make an appearance.
139
00:05:27,654 --> 00:05:30,321
No one here cares about that
outdated patriarchal tradition.
140
00:05:30,323 --> 00:05:33,257
Sure they do.
They're just pretending not to.
141
00:05:33,259 --> 00:05:35,326
You see, there is a natural
order to high school,
142
00:05:35,328 --> 00:05:37,862
and all of this is
against nature.
143
00:05:37,864 --> 00:05:39,930
But I'm here now, and I'm
gonna set things straight.
144
00:05:39,932 --> 00:05:40,932
Pun intended.
145
00:05:40,933 --> 00:05:44,534
Tommy, let's go.
146
00:05:44,536 --> 00:05:47,537
There's a bouncy castle? No way.
147
00:05:49,607 --> 00:05:51,375
She can't do that, can she?
148
00:05:51,377 --> 00:05:53,344
She's delusional.
Don't let her get to you.
149
00:05:53,346 --> 00:05:56,613
Shhp.
150
00:05:56,615 --> 00:05:59,449
Thanks.
151
00:06:02,020 --> 00:06:06,089
I am so sorry.
152
00:06:08,794 --> 00:06:10,260
- I know.
- It was crazy.
153
00:06:10,262 --> 00:06:11,762
Hey, you made it.
154
00:06:11,764 --> 00:06:14,498
Hey. Great party. So much fun.
155
00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:15,965
Thanks.
156
00:06:15,967 --> 00:06:18,402
My friend's getting us beers.
She'll be right back.
157
00:06:18,404 --> 00:06:19,836
And she's much better
at small talk.
158
00:06:19,838 --> 00:06:24,474
Your friend, right. Wink, wink.
Nudge, nudge.
159
00:06:24,476 --> 00:06:26,476
Just tell me who went
under the covers first.
160
00:06:26,478 --> 00:06:27,911
Excuse me?
161
00:06:27,913 --> 00:06:29,445
I won't blab. Gay scout's honor.
162
00:06:29,447 --> 00:06:31,915
I just really want
us to be friends.
163
00:06:31,917 --> 00:06:33,816
I've been craving lesbian
energy in my life.
164
00:06:33,818 --> 00:06:37,220
Look, I'm oddly flattered,
but I'm not gay.
165
00:06:39,724 --> 00:06:41,724
I'm just gonna flip on this
closet light for a sec,
166
00:06:41,726 --> 00:06:42,726
so we can talk, okay?
167
00:06:42,727 --> 00:06:44,360
You're gay.
168
00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:46,829
And it's okay. There's no shame.
169
00:06:46,831 --> 00:06:49,832
I promise, not
ashamed of anything.
170
00:06:49,834 --> 00:06:51,267
I was you once,
171
00:06:51,269 --> 00:06:54,137
so terrified of rejection, it
took me forever to come out.
172
00:06:54,139 --> 00:06:57,640
But once I did, fourth grade
got so much better. Trust me.
173
00:06:57,642 --> 00:07:01,343
Thanks again for the party.
I need to not be here anymore.
174
00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:06,749
I feel like such an ass.
175
00:07:06,751 --> 00:07:08,784
You're not the one who
puked all over the floor.
176
00:07:08,786 --> 00:07:10,619
No, but I am the one who
dumped two beers on you
177
00:07:10,621 --> 00:07:14,056
and now your top is see-through.
178
00:07:14,058 --> 00:07:16,191
Could you just pretend
like you didn't see those?
179
00:07:16,193 --> 00:07:18,193
Yeah, if you insist.
180
00:07:18,195 --> 00:07:19,662
But it's not gonna be easy.
181
00:07:19,664 --> 00:07:22,097
Where have you been, Pooh Bear?
182
00:07:22,099 --> 00:07:24,566
- Who's this bitch?
- Whoa, Brandi, you're drunk.
183
00:07:24,568 --> 00:07:27,702
He's mine, so keep those
nipples to yourself.
184
00:07:27,704 --> 00:07:29,403
That was my goal from the
beginning, I promise.
185
00:07:29,405 --> 00:07:31,005
Look, I am not your boyfriend.
186
00:07:31,007 --> 00:07:33,775
We're just good friends who
occasionally have sex,
187
00:07:33,777 --> 00:07:37,211
but if that's too confusing for
you, then we have to stop.
188
00:07:37,213 --> 00:07:39,881
Fine.
189
00:07:39,883 --> 00:07:40,883
Hey, watch it!
190
00:07:40,884 --> 00:07:45,653
I'll leave my window unlocked.
191
00:07:45,655 --> 00:07:47,355
What?
192
00:07:47,357 --> 00:07:48,755
Nothing.
193
00:07:48,757 --> 00:07:50,591
Look, I'm not a douche
bag, all right?
194
00:07:50,593 --> 00:07:52,526
I'm always clear about
my ground rules.
195
00:07:52,528 --> 00:07:54,528
And girls, they always agree
to them, and then they get...
196
00:07:54,530 --> 00:07:56,864
Clingy?
197
00:07:56,866 --> 00:07:58,732
Women are genetically wired
to mate and start a family.
198
00:07:58,734 --> 00:08:00,233
In fact, if we weren't,
199
00:08:00,235 --> 00:08:05,005
our entire species would've
died out, so have some respect.
200
00:08:05,007 --> 00:08:06,640
It's handy having a
lesbian around here
201
00:08:06,642 --> 00:08:09,843
- to explain these things to me.
- Uh, what?
202
00:08:09,845 --> 00:08:13,346
Karma, we're leaving.
203
00:08:13,348 --> 00:08:16,182
Someone likes 'em bossy.
204
00:08:16,184 --> 00:08:18,751
- Liam thinks I'm a lesbian.
- Who cares?
205
00:08:18,753 --> 00:08:22,055
Let's just go home, put on
PJs, and watch House Hunters.
206
00:08:22,057 --> 00:08:23,556
May I have your attention?
207
00:08:23,558 --> 00:08:26,759
Two friends of ours
are scared tonight.
208
00:08:26,761 --> 00:08:28,361
They're hiding in
this teeny, tiny,
209
00:08:28,363 --> 00:08:30,397
dark, little closet,
afraid to come out,
210
00:08:30,399 --> 00:08:31,631
afraid we'll reject them.
211
00:08:35,637 --> 00:08:37,504
Here at Hester High, we
do things differently.
212
00:08:37,506 --> 00:08:39,771
We accept everyone. Can I
get an "Amen," Brenda?
213
00:08:39,773 --> 00:08:41,573
Amen.
214
00:08:41,575 --> 00:08:43,042
But how do we prove to them
215
00:08:43,044 --> 00:08:44,684
that we're not your
typical high school...
216
00:08:45,245 --> 00:08:47,946
That we accept them,
that they're safe?
217
00:08:47,948 --> 00:08:50,181
There's only one way
I can think of.
218
00:08:50,183 --> 00:08:52,551
Let's elect them
homecoming queens!
219
00:08:54,087 --> 00:08:55,754
All hail the queens!
220
00:08:55,756 --> 00:08:58,924
All hail the queens!
All hail the queens!
221
00:08:58,926 --> 00:09:00,458
All hail the queens!
222
00:09:00,460 --> 00:09:02,226
I told you we
shouldn't have come.
223
00:09:02,228 --> 00:09:04,663
All hail the queens!
All hail the queens!
224
00:09:05,677 --> 00:09:08,777
We'll just walk in and
tell them we're not gay.
225
00:09:08,779 --> 00:09:12,615
Thank God the voting age is 18.
Teenagers are idiots.
226
00:09:12,617 --> 00:09:15,651
I don't know. Maybe we should
see how this plays out.
227
00:09:15,653 --> 00:09:17,018
You're kidding, right?
228
00:09:17,020 --> 00:09:19,020
They think we're lesbians.
It's ridiculous.
229
00:09:19,022 --> 00:09:21,289
I don't even like looking
at my own vagina.
230
00:09:21,291 --> 00:09:23,291
Amy, we were invited to the
hottest party of the year.
231
00:09:23,293 --> 00:09:25,226
We've been nominated
for homecoming queen.
232
00:09:25,228 --> 00:09:27,629
You have to admit this
is working for us.
233
00:09:27,631 --> 00:09:29,964
Small problem, we're not gay.
234
00:09:29,966 --> 00:09:32,267
Everyone has a lesbian
phase in college.
235
00:09:32,269 --> 00:09:33,668
We're just moving ours up.
236
00:09:33,670 --> 00:09:36,771
What about Liam?
He thinks we're a couple.
237
00:09:36,773 --> 00:09:38,673
Straight guys love lesbians.
Just watch any porno.
238
00:09:38,675 --> 00:09:41,676
And last night, I swear
he flirted with me.
239
00:09:41,678 --> 00:09:43,610
Okay, when we get to school,
240
00:09:43,612 --> 00:09:45,012
we're going straight
to the nurse's office.
241
00:09:45,014 --> 00:09:46,446
I think you might
have head trauma.
242
00:09:46,448 --> 00:09:49,449
Why is that so hard to believe?
243
00:09:49,451 --> 00:09:53,520
Because Liam Booker can
have any girl in school.
244
00:09:55,624 --> 00:09:59,426
Why would he want me? Thanks.
245
00:10:01,496 --> 00:10:03,463
Karma, for the millionth
time, I'm sorry.
246
00:10:03,465 --> 00:10:04,631
I shouldn't have said that.
247
00:10:04,633 --> 00:10:05,932
I just don't want
you to get hurt.
248
00:10:05,934 --> 00:10:07,801
When you thought that
your yo-yo routine
249
00:10:07,803 --> 00:10:10,136
could get you on America's Got
Talent, did I try and stop you?
250
00:10:10,138 --> 00:10:12,571
No, you let me make a fool of
myself on national television.
251
00:10:12,573 --> 00:10:14,240
My moms and I baked
these for you two.
252
00:10:14,242 --> 00:10:16,075
They're gluten-free.
253
00:10:16,077 --> 00:10:17,643
You got my vote.
254
00:10:17,645 --> 00:10:18,945
Maybe I want to get hurt.
255
00:10:18,947 --> 00:10:20,980
Maybe I want to feel something
other than boredom.
256
00:10:20,982 --> 00:10:24,016
Well, I'm sorry if spending
time with me is so boring.
257
00:10:24,018 --> 00:10:25,383
Hey, are you two
free this afternoon?
258
00:10:25,385 --> 00:10:27,252
Photo shoot in the art quad
for the school's Tumblr.
259
00:10:27,254 --> 00:10:28,254
Don't do that!
260
00:10:28,255 --> 00:10:30,189
Do not make this about you!
261
00:10:30,191 --> 00:10:33,258
Right, because God forbid it's
not about you for one second.
262
00:10:33,260 --> 00:10:35,627
I kind of need to know
now, so I can tell Ivy...
263
00:10:35,629 --> 00:10:37,529
What are you talking about?
264
00:10:37,531 --> 00:10:38,897
Photo shoot this afternoon.
265
00:10:38,899 --> 00:10:43,100
Right now you two are all
the school can talk about.
266
00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:47,538
- Look, we're not...
- Going to deny our public.
267
00:10:47,540 --> 00:10:48,840
Are we, sugar bear?
268
00:10:48,842 --> 00:10:50,507
What are you doing?
269
00:10:50,509 --> 00:10:52,576
She hates it when I call
her that. We'll be there.
270
00:10:52,578 --> 00:10:56,480
I'll see you at lunch.
Made your favorite. Tuna salad.
271
00:11:00,085 --> 00:11:03,619
They're here, they're queer,
they need your votes.
272
00:11:06,058 --> 00:11:07,590
Nice work, minions.
273
00:11:07,592 --> 00:11:09,726
- Anything to help the gays.
- Yeah.
274
00:11:09,728 --> 00:11:12,295
Anyone else think the
lipstick one is kind of sexy?
275
00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:14,530
Typical male, determined
to prove your virility
276
00:11:14,532 --> 00:11:16,632
- by turning a lesbian straight.
- Ugh!
277
00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:19,970
Hey, guys, look at
Lauren spinning out.
278
00:11:19,972 --> 00:11:23,038
Don't stare. It's rude.
279
00:11:24,775 --> 00:11:26,141
What the hell are you doing?
280
00:11:26,143 --> 00:11:28,878
Talk to you later.
281
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:30,645
You guys make a
really cute couple.
282
00:11:30,647 --> 00:11:33,048
Thanks, and congrats
on the twins.
283
00:11:33,050 --> 00:11:35,017
I'm seizing an opportunity.
284
00:11:35,019 --> 00:11:36,986
Last week a total of three
people in this school
285
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:38,988
knew our names, and one of
them was Irma the Lunch Lady.
286
00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:40,455
Today everyone loves us.
287
00:11:40,457 --> 00:11:44,625
You have to admit,
this feels awesome.
288
00:11:46,828 --> 00:11:49,297
I have been getting a lot
of free baked goods.
289
00:11:49,299 --> 00:11:51,232
Let's just go with it.
See what happens.
290
00:11:51,234 --> 00:11:53,067
You know I'm a terrible liar.
291
00:11:53,069 --> 00:11:56,137
Don't think of it as lying.
Think of it as...
292
00:11:56,139 --> 00:11:58,940
a gift to your oldest
and dearest friend.
293
00:11:58,942 --> 00:12:00,441
The one who never told anyone
294
00:12:00,443 --> 00:12:01,742
that you got pubes
in second grade.
295
00:12:01,744 --> 00:12:02,944
Shh.
296
00:12:02,946 --> 00:12:04,344
Come on, we're getting
a photo shoot.
297
00:12:04,346 --> 00:12:08,415
You know how long I've
been perfecting my smize.
298
00:12:11,153 --> 00:12:15,355
It'll pop more when I'm
wearing my fake eyelashes.
299
00:12:15,357 --> 00:12:17,524
I guess that makes
me the butch one.
300
00:12:17,526 --> 00:12:19,059
Great. We're agreed.
301
00:12:19,061 --> 00:12:21,541
Now I've gotta go put these on.
It'll take me at least an hour.
302
00:12:25,934 --> 00:12:28,468
♪ There's ♪
303
00:12:28,470 --> 00:12:30,069
♪ Gasoline in your heart ♪
304
00:12:30,071 --> 00:12:31,571
That is really trippy.
305
00:12:31,573 --> 00:12:33,506
What does it mean?
306
00:12:33,508 --> 00:12:38,511
It's art. It means whatever
you think it means.
307
00:12:38,513 --> 00:12:42,081
Well, I think the
horse represents you.
308
00:12:42,083 --> 00:12:44,551
And it's bound in barbed wire,
309
00:12:44,553 --> 00:12:46,518
so I'm gonna guess
you've been hurt.
310
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:49,155
I mean, these horseshoes
clearly represent the walls
311
00:12:49,157 --> 00:12:50,656
you've built up to
keep everyone out,
312
00:12:50,658 --> 00:12:52,791
so you never get hurt again.
313
00:12:52,793 --> 00:12:53,826
Interesting theory.
314
00:12:53,828 --> 00:12:56,295
What, you got all of
that out of this?
315
00:12:56,297 --> 00:12:57,997
Your art says a lot.
316
00:12:57,999 --> 00:13:01,067
It's really good.
317
00:13:01,069 --> 00:13:05,938
♪ I can never ever show you ♪
318
00:13:05,940 --> 00:13:11,743
♪ But there's always nighttime ♪
319
00:13:11,745 --> 00:13:13,378
♪ I wish it wasn't just ♪
320
00:13:13,380 --> 00:13:14,680
Where is she?
321
00:13:14,682 --> 00:13:16,247
Karma would be late
to her own funeral.
322
00:13:16,249 --> 00:13:20,051
Drives me bonkers,
but I love her.
323
00:13:28,604 --> 00:13:30,484
His lips are the perfect
blend of soft and firm.
324
00:13:30,486 --> 00:13:32,952
They're like two tiny
Tempur-Pedics on his face.
325
00:13:32,954 --> 00:13:35,855
And his eyes, it's like
they're peering into my soul.
326
00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:38,458
You said the same thing
about Ryan Seacrest.
327
00:13:38,460 --> 00:13:39,993
Well, this is different.
328
00:13:39,995 --> 00:13:41,761
Liam's parents are rich, but
he drives a beat-up biodiesel,
329
00:13:41,763 --> 00:13:43,363
which means he's socially aware.
330
00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:45,598
His best friends are a
gay guy and a feminist,
331
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:48,168
which means he's tolerant and
accepting of strong women.
332
00:13:48,170 --> 00:13:50,036
And he's an artist,
333
00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:51,871
which means that deep
down inside he's wounded.
334
00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:54,774
If only he were a
vampire, he'd be perfect.
335
00:13:54,776 --> 00:13:57,243
Now shut up. Gym class
was torture enough.
336
00:13:57,245 --> 00:14:00,580
Okay, I don't know what
crawled up your butt today,
337
00:14:00,582 --> 00:14:02,749
but I hope it crawls
back out by our speech
338
00:14:02,751 --> 00:14:03,751
at homecoming assembly.
339
00:14:03,752 --> 00:14:05,018
Yeah, I'm not going to that.
340
00:14:05,020 --> 00:14:06,920
What are you talking about?
341
00:14:06,922 --> 00:14:08,688
I'm done pretending
I'm a lesbian,
342
00:14:08,690 --> 00:14:10,089
and I'm not gonna do it anymore.
343
00:14:10,091 --> 00:14:12,858
But being gay is the best thing
that ever happened to us.
344
00:14:12,860 --> 00:14:15,228
No, it's the best thing
that's ever happened to you.
345
00:14:15,230 --> 00:14:18,130
You got your popularity
and your photo spread
346
00:14:18,132 --> 00:14:19,298
and your kiss with Liam.
347
00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:20,499
I never wanted any of this.
348
00:14:20,501 --> 00:14:22,668
Then why did you
go along with it?
349
00:14:22,670 --> 00:14:25,104
Because you're my best friend
and I wanted you to be happy.
350
00:14:25,106 --> 00:14:26,905
Well, it worked. I'm happy.
351
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:29,508
Well, I'm not!
352
00:14:31,011 --> 00:14:33,379
Can't we just forget these
past few days ever happened
353
00:14:33,381 --> 00:14:35,448
and just go back to
the way things were?
354
00:14:35,450 --> 00:14:38,583
Just the two of us?
355
00:14:38,585 --> 00:14:42,320
What if I don't want to go back?
356
00:14:42,322 --> 00:14:46,058
Then good luck finding
a new girlfriend.
357
00:14:55,534 --> 00:14:58,403
Hey. Can I join you?
358
00:14:58,405 --> 00:15:01,438
Yeah. Sure.
359
00:15:03,509 --> 00:15:05,743
So where's your girlfriend?
360
00:15:05,745 --> 00:15:09,046
- We broke up.
- Ouch. Oh. I'm sorry.
361
00:15:09,048 --> 00:15:11,983
I hope that wasn't
'cause of yesterday.
362
00:15:11,985 --> 00:15:16,420
- You know, when we...
- Oh. Oh, no. No.
363
00:15:16,422 --> 00:15:18,189
You want to talk about it?
364
00:15:18,191 --> 00:15:21,858
- Not particularly.
- Okay.
365
00:15:21,860 --> 00:15:23,126
So there's this art exhibition
366
00:15:23,128 --> 00:15:24,795
that I heard about
on South Congress.
367
00:15:24,797 --> 00:15:27,230
There's this homeless guy that
makes totem poles with his feet.
368
00:15:27,232 --> 00:15:29,767
We're just different people.
We always have been.
369
00:15:29,769 --> 00:15:31,368
And if I'm being honest,
I think we've been
370
00:15:31,370 --> 00:15:33,236
holding on to a relationship
that we've both outgrown.
371
00:15:33,238 --> 00:15:35,572
Do you know that I haven't had
peanut butter in a decade
372
00:15:35,574 --> 00:15:37,007
because she has an allergy?
373
00:15:37,009 --> 00:15:38,742
Wow, that sounds horrible.
374
00:15:38,744 --> 00:15:42,179
Here. Take a bite of freedom.
375
00:15:43,614 --> 00:15:46,283
Mmm.
376
00:15:46,285 --> 00:15:49,319
I mean, it wasn't all bad.
377
00:15:49,321 --> 00:15:51,221
She was the only person I could
watch Dance Mom marathons with
378
00:15:51,223 --> 00:15:53,756
because she only talks
at commercials.
379
00:15:53,758 --> 00:15:54,925
And every year for my birthday,
380
00:15:54,927 --> 00:15:56,359
she does these little
scavenger hunts.
381
00:15:56,361 --> 00:15:58,528
Oh, and last year
when my gam-gam died,
382
00:15:58,530 --> 00:16:02,998
she was the only person
who could make me laugh.
383
00:16:05,603 --> 00:16:06,669
If you'll excuse me,
384
00:16:06,671 --> 00:16:09,205
I have to go.
385
00:16:09,207 --> 00:16:12,675
♪ Get on your knees ♪
386
00:16:12,677 --> 00:16:17,747
♪ And I thought you ♪
♪ can leave it all ♪
387
00:16:17,749 --> 00:16:19,114
♪ In your mind ♪
388
00:16:19,116 --> 00:16:20,616
♪ It is ♪
389
00:16:20,618 --> 00:16:23,152
♪ So tired ♪
390
00:16:23,154 --> 00:16:25,921
Don't jump.
391
00:16:25,923 --> 00:16:27,689
Don't flatter yourself.
392
00:16:27,691 --> 00:16:30,926
How'd you find me?
393
00:16:30,928 --> 00:16:33,963
I knew that you would find the
tallest place at this school,
394
00:16:33,965 --> 00:16:35,831
'cause you know I'm
scared of heights,
395
00:16:35,833 --> 00:16:38,133
but here I am,
396
00:16:38,135 --> 00:16:40,535
facing my fears to apologize.
397
00:16:44,374 --> 00:16:46,875
You were right.
398
00:16:46,877 --> 00:16:48,943
I have been selfish.
399
00:16:48,945 --> 00:16:52,113
I dragged you into my stupid
plan against your will.
400
00:16:54,583 --> 00:16:56,251
Don't stop when
it's getting good.
401
00:16:56,253 --> 00:16:59,153
I'm not as strong
as you are, Amy.
402
00:16:59,155 --> 00:17:01,489
I care way too much about what
those people down there think.
403
00:17:01,491 --> 00:17:04,092
And in this school, you have
to stand out to fit in,
404
00:17:04,094 --> 00:17:07,227
and I'm so ordinary.
405
00:17:08,998 --> 00:17:10,197
You are not.
406
00:17:10,199 --> 00:17:12,199
Please.
407
00:17:12,201 --> 00:17:16,036
Being gay finally
made me interesting.
408
00:17:16,038 --> 00:17:17,671
But if the price of
that is losing you,
409
00:17:17,673 --> 00:17:21,008
then it's not worth it.
410
00:17:21,010 --> 00:17:23,744
You're the Fey to my Poehler.
411
00:17:23,746 --> 00:17:27,414
The Rihanna to my Katy Perry.
412
00:17:27,416 --> 00:17:30,017
The Lucy to my Ethel.
413
00:17:33,022 --> 00:17:35,122
We both know you're the Lucy.
414
00:17:35,124 --> 00:17:40,260
And if you need to
stand out, then...
415
00:17:40,262 --> 00:17:41,461
I'm gonna help make that happen.
416
00:17:41,463 --> 00:17:45,564
Are you saying what I
think you're saying?
417
00:17:45,566 --> 00:17:47,967
Let's be lesbians.
418
00:17:49,270 --> 00:17:50,736
Oh, I'm so excited.
419
00:17:50,738 --> 00:17:53,439
But I can't move.
We might need a crane.
420
00:17:53,441 --> 00:17:56,175
I believe in tradition.
421
00:17:56,177 --> 00:17:58,710
What is society but a
patchwork of traditions
422
00:17:58,712 --> 00:18:01,580
that have been handed down from
those who have come before us?
423
00:18:01,582 --> 00:18:03,382
Yeah, like slavery!
424
00:18:03,384 --> 00:18:05,818
No, not like slavery.
425
00:18:05,820 --> 00:18:08,320
Like a man opening
a door for a lady.
426
00:18:08,322 --> 00:18:10,556
Like not talking with
your mouth full.
427
00:18:10,558 --> 00:18:12,558
Like being able to
put a nativity scene
428
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:15,727
in front of your church without
being sued by the ACLU.
429
00:18:15,729 --> 00:18:19,331
So, remember, a vote for me...
430
00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:22,667
I mean us, is a
vote for tradition.
431
00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:24,469
- Yeah.
- Okay, thank you.
432
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:28,439
Thank you, Lauren, for
that very stirring speech.
433
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:31,576
And now we'll hear from
Hester's very first
434
00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:34,579
same-gender candidates
for homecoming royalty.
435
00:18:34,581 --> 00:18:38,282
Karma Ashcroft and
Amy Raudenfeld.
436
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:41,752
Please clap.
437
00:18:47,826 --> 00:18:48,959
What an entrance.
438
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,961
I am such a proud papa.
439
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:53,530
Looks like you won't be getting
your lesbian after all.
440
00:18:53,532 --> 00:18:55,599
Yeah, we'll see.
441
00:18:55,601 --> 00:18:57,034
Can I just say something?
442
00:18:57,036 --> 00:18:58,535
I know that you all think
you're being all open-minded
443
00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:00,337
by electing these two
homecoming queens,
444
00:19:00,339 --> 00:19:02,338
but I think you all should know
they're not really lesbians.
445
00:19:02,340 --> 00:19:03,406
Lauren, give me the microphone.
446
00:19:03,408 --> 00:19:04,407
No, they're just
pretending to be
447
00:19:04,409 --> 00:19:05,841
so that all of you
will like them!
448
00:19:05,843 --> 00:19:07,377
I heard them talking about it in
the locker room this morning.
449
00:19:07,379 --> 00:19:10,046
They're mocking the
gay rights movement!
450
00:19:10,048 --> 00:19:11,048
Stop. Give me the mic.
451
00:19:12,984 --> 00:19:16,152
Karma, Amy, is this true?
452
00:19:21,524 --> 00:19:25,127
- We can explain.
- If we're faking it...
453
00:19:25,129 --> 00:19:29,164
would I do this?
454
00:19:38,342 --> 00:19:41,208
What's with the
confetti, Penelope?
455
00:19:41,210 --> 00:19:45,379
It dropped early. I'm so sorry.
456
00:19:45,381 --> 00:19:48,782
♪ I come home in the
♪ ♪ morning light ♪
457
00:19:48,784 --> 00:19:53,787
♪ My mother says, "When you ♪ ♪
gonna live your life right?" ♪
458
00:19:53,789 --> 00:19:56,157
♪ Oh, mother dear, we're ♪
♪ not the fortunate ones ♪
459
00:19:56,159 --> 00:19:58,591
♪ And girls, they ♪ ♪
want to have fun ♪
460
00:19:58,593 --> 00:20:00,326
Amy! Karma!
461
00:20:00,328 --> 00:20:03,263
♪ Oh, girls just ♪ ♪
want to have fun ♪
462
00:20:03,265 --> 00:20:05,932
♪ Girls, they wanna ♪
463
00:20:05,934 --> 00:20:08,734
♪ Wanna have fun, girls ♪
464
00:20:08,736 --> 00:20:10,537
Whoa.
465
00:20:10,539 --> 00:20:13,039
I know.
466
00:20:13,041 --> 00:20:15,475
Way to sell it.
467
00:20:19,613 --> 00:20:22,414
♪ They just wanna, ♪
♪ they just wanna ♪
468
00:20:22,416 --> 00:20:27,219
♪ They just wanna, ♪
♪ they just wanna ♪
469
00:20:32,525 --> 00:20:37,525
Synced by YesCool
www.addic7ed.com.
470
00:20:37,527 --> 00:20:42,527
Corrected by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
471
00:20:42,627 --> 00:20:47,627
http://subscene.com/u/659433
Improved by: @Ivandrofly
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