All language subtitles for Snowy.Bing.Bongs.Across.The.North.Star.Combat.Zone.2017.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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John Wilkes Booth I love you,
will you marry me?

Darling, I can't, you know I can't,
but we'll always have Chattanooga.

Cut!

- Tallie, you were so great!
- Thank you so much, what a treat!

How's the show going, Ms Medel?

Why do we do it?

Why do we do this, day in and day out?

Is it for the hand slappies?

No, it's not for the hand slappies.

Is it for the lavish gifts? The swag?

The piles and piles of bowls

of piping hot buckwheat cereal?

The very same buckwheat cereal
the Harvey Bizney studio is so famous for?

- What flavor are we today, Joe?
- Plain.

Plain today, plain tomorrow,
but on Friday we have cinnamon raisin.

Hi. My name's Jim.
I've been working at the studio

making oatmeal for the past three years.

I try to put in just the right amount
of oats and not too much sugar

so the actors don't crash after breakfast.

I also do a good Austin Powers
impression, "Yeah, baby".

Here are the latest clippings, Ms Medel.

It's for the press, right?

Another full spread in the
Ketchikan Daily News? No...

We're back in five!

Custom screen savers, unlimited free rides
on the Great American Scream Machine,

the love of children I don't even
know, head massages, scalp massages,

cooling cloths soaked in rosewater draped
on my face by children I don't even know.

Is it for our legacies?

So that people don't forget our
names after we're dead and gone,

six feet under the ground, ashes
to ashes, perished from this Earth.

I'm just taking out the trash.

No.

No, it's not about that.
For me it's really only ever been

about one thing.

The lean.

It's always been about the lean, baby.

Sunita Mani?

Yeah, so thanks for coming in.

Uh, you're reading
for the part of Ponygirl?

Yes. I'm the pony.

Okay. Um, yeah so just say your name
and your height into the camera.

Okay, great.

Hi, I'm Saytahaha and I'm 5 foot 7 inches.

- Yeah, uh, could you spell that?
- Sure.

No. I can't. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, this is... I just have trouble
pronouncing my name.

It's okay.

It's not usually such a problem
but I'm having trouble.

If you want we can just
go right into sides.

Right.

- Could we just start over?
- Yeah.

Hi, I'm reading for the part of Ponygirl

and my name is Saysdfklsdjflksdjf.
I'm five foot seven inches.

You know,
you can just go straight into sides.

Ask me to say strawberry.

Say strawberry.

Strawberry.

- And let's go right into the sides.
- Okay.

Um, I'm Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Okay.

Relax! It'll be okay.

Compliment them!

I like your hat!

Talk about something else,
maybe it will slip off the tongue.

You guys...

I think we got off on the wrong foot.

Just...

wish we could loosen up a little bit,
I think I'm just so nervous.

Let's get to know one another, right?

Any cool vacation spots
you're going to this summer?

I like Aruba 'cause I'm Suanaha Maaa-

I'm Damian Watson
and I'm majoring in marine biology.

I'm Jonah Polanski and
I'm majoring in gastro-economics.

I'm Sasahahahahahaha. And I'm majoring
in dance, minoring in politics.

Uh, North is this way.

Hey, I'm Max.

I'm Shanasha.

Shanasha.

Su, su, suninaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Damaged goods.

Oh! I'm so sorry, let me get that for you.

Oh, thank you so much dear.
So sweet of you.

My pleasure.

No.

You must be the kindest woman
that I've ever run across.

Do you have two hearts?

Last time I checked I only had one but...

No. You must have two hearts
or you wouldn't be so kind.

You've got two hearts.
One up here and one down there.

Well, Dr Smarnarff, that explains
all the beating I've heard all my life.

All this time I just
thought it was Africa.

Africa?

Africa inside of me.

Eleanore, I'm a talent scout.
Do you know what that means?

Eleanore, I'm a talent scout
and you have that special something.

You have two hearts.

Also your right wrist is inflamed.

It looks the early stages
of carpal tunnel syndrome.

Do you use that hand excessively?

Typing on a computer or playing piano?

I mean, I type about as
much as the next person.

I can play a piano or two,
I'm no Beethoven.

Curious.

Also I masturbate 3-5 times a day

on top of my right hand to
achieve a greater orgasm.

But I'm not gonna tell my doctor that.
I don't want to give him a boner.

No! No boner, no doctor, no boner, no,
no boner, no, no, no, no boner. No boner.

As far as I'm concerned
every doctor should have

their genitalia cut right off
so there is no risk of a boner.

No doctor boner.

No, Dr Smarnarff,
I can't think of anything

I do excessively with my right hand.

Is it one bum wrist
that begets two hearts?

Or is it two hearts that
beget one bum wrist?

You're gonna make it.

Does anybody have any questions?

Any questions at all?

Thanks for sticking around.
It's a good crowd!

Thank you so much.

Any questions?

First of all congratulations on
Bing Bong fever sweeping the nation.

We've all got it, right, guys?

- Thank you!
- Stop!

It's all because of you guys
and I hope I die from it.

But I wanted to get
your perspective on this,

what do you guys think of
all the bing bong tribute acts,

the bootleg bing bongs that have
been sprouting up across the country?

That's a great questions. You know,

they say imitation is
the best form of flattery.

It's something like that.
And I think, that that's not fair.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much! What a great question.

I have a question and a remark.

Oh, wonderful, thank you.

The dance seemed to make several
claims about the femininity of snow

that were successful sometimes.

And the question is, I keep
trying to use the bathroom

but I don't know if there's
someone there or there's a key?

Oh that's actually part of the piece.

You have to imagine what it
would be like if you were us.

The desperation of not being
able to access something?

Can you imagine not being allowed
access to your own genitals?

- Sure.
- You know, welcome to my world.

Okay, I get it now, thank you.

Hi. Big fan. What is your inspiration?

- Thank you so much for that question.
- That was a great question.

I don't know if you've ever heard
of a poet called Maya Angelou.

She's got this gorgeous poem
called Phenomenal Woman.

- I'm listening.
- It goes a little something like this...

My titties are shaking, they
shake shake shake, Phenomenal Woman.

I got hit by a volley ball.

- Do you mean a beach ball?
- A beach ball.

Thank you so much,
that was a great question.

Great question,
that was a really great question.

Yeah, I'm a student here and I'm
gonna hopefully graduate in May

and I guess I don't really know
what to do when I graduate.

So I was wondering, what
should I do when I graduate?

That's a great question.

This reminds me of a poem by a poet

who you may or may not have
heard of. Her name is Maya Angelou.

It's called Phenomenal Woman.
It goes a little something like this:

My pussy is wet, it is wet.
Phenomenal Woman.

Do we have another question?

Hi, I noticed that when you were
traversing to the North Star Combat Zone,

you guys were heading east but everybody
knows that the Den of Beach Balls

is directly due south of Cassiopeia

so I'm just curious about
your navigational system.

Let me answer that question
with another question.

We swam together.
On the swim team.

- What?
- And you didn't know his name?

No. I mean I knew his name at the time

but so much time has passed,
I'm not a young chicken anymore.

I was chilled to my core.
Because he looked so fine.

You know the first time
you see Taye Diggs?

The first time you see him.
You know when you first see him?

You made a choice, baby.

Are you eating your crystals?

I am. I just wanted to check
the saline content of this one.

Interesting. Tallie, hold still,
I'm just trying to get this braid.

You? I? This is your idea.

So, I am only going to
sit as long as I can take it.

Well that's what I'm asking,
if you do sit

could you please just be stationary.

Hmm. Minerals are supposed
to be like a grounding, you know,

they're a grounding quality, you know.

When you hold a rock, you think,
I have the ground in my hand.

But if it's a salty rock, and
you want it in your mouth,

what does that mean?

Bing Bongs, back in five.

Just like that, okay.

Okay, here we go.

I guess we're back on.

Paris. London. What's next?
How are you feeling?

What's that? You can just lean
into the microphone a little.

Alright, sure. What are you wearing?
Everyone wants to know.

Okay. Well. Um, one more question.

The nominations came out this
morning, any care to comment?

Ladies. Oh, God. Okay, speak up.

Sorry, your publicist
promised me five minutes,

this has been about thirty seconds...

Hey, guys, welcome
back, I'm Ron Medel

and you're listening and watching to

"Absolutely My Favorite"
on Bikini Television.

We've been doing the ultimate
super badass countdown all day long.

And we've heard from the top five so far.

We have number five by
Gralf Markinson and the Glack Tarks.

Zelchin flarf belbin barkin tarf.
Number four...

Thank you so much for coming,

you're only five minutes late,
just kidding, who cares?

We're gonna go to wardrobe,
wardrobe equals Peggy.

Don't look at Peggy's eyes,
look at her face.

Okay? I know it seems similar but
they're actually radically different.

Wanna give it up to our sponsors
Pizza by the Dozen.

Pizza by the Dozen, because
you can't just buy one pizza,

you have to do one less than 13.

Go for Belinda.

Okay.

Sorry, someone just passed away
on set. Right this way.

Remember if you want pizza and you
want more than 11 and less then 13,

Pizza by the Dozen, it's
the only way you can do it.

Okay, so now let's get settled
and let's get placed into place,

because today, this moment
absolutely my favorite...

See you later, don't fuck up!

Number one, crawling down the
chart, making it's way around the tree,

ran into a little bit of an obstacle
but negotiating it,

still there, stronger than ever,

can't deny it any longer,
ladies and gentlemen,

give it up for Cocoon Central Dance Team!