All language subtitles for Last Week Tonight 912 ENG

[ROCK MUSIC]

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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> John: WELCOME, WELCOME,

WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT!"

I'M JOHN OLIVER.

THANK YOU SO MUCH

FOR JOINING US.

IT HAS BEEN A BUSY WEEK.

FINLAND AND SWEDEN APPLIED TO

JOIN NATO, GEORGE W. BUSH

BASICALLY ADMITTED TO WAR CRIMES

BY ACCIDENT, AND MONKEYPOX CASES

WERE REPORTED IN MULTIPLE

COUNTRIES, TO WHICH WE ALL

COLLECTIVELY SAID, "NOT NOW!"

BUT WE'RE GOING TO START WITH

THE MIDTERM ELECTIONS.

ON TUESDAY, ALL THESE STATES

HELD THEIR PRIMARIES, RESULTING

IN, AMONG OTHER THINGS, MADISON

CAWTHORN LOSING HIS, MEANING

HE'S NOW OFFICIALLY SET A RECORD

FOR SHORTEST TERM TO EVER BE

SERVED BY A LITTLE BITCH.

ALTHOUGH PERHAPS THE MOST

CONSEQUENTIAL NEWS CAME OUT OF

THE KEY SWING STATE OF

PENNSYLVANIA.

THEIR REPUBLICAN SENATE RACE

SEEMS HEADED FOR A RECOUNT AFTER

DAVID MCCORMICK AND OPRAH'S

WORST GIVEAWAY WOUND UP

IN A NEAR-TIE.

AND THEIR GUBERNATORIAL RACE

SAW THIS ALARMING RESULT.

>> IN THE RACE FOR PENNSYLVANIA

GOVERNOR, A TRUMP FAVORITE WON

THE REPUBLICAN NOMINATION.

FAR RIGHT STATE SENATOR DOUG

MASTRIANO ENTHUSIASTICALLY

PROMOTED THE LIE THAT WIDESPREAD

ELECTION FRAUD LED TO THE FORMER

PRESIDENT'S 2020 DEFEAT.

HE ALSO MARCHED ON THE CAPITAL

ON JANUARY 6TH, THOUGH MASTRIANO

SAYS HE NEVER BROKE THE LAW.

>> John: YEAH, HE MARCHED ON THE

CAPITOL ON JANUARY 6TH,

SOMETHING WHICH HAS BECOME

A WEIRD POINT OF PRIDE FOR

REPUBLICANS.

IT'S LIKE HEARING SOMEONE BRAG

THAT THEY WERE ON THE BOAT

THE NIGHT NATALIE WOOD DIED.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S MORE

TROUBLING -- THAT YOU THINK THAT

MAKES YOU SOUND GOOD OR THAT

SOME PEOPLE MIGHT ACTUALLY AGREE

WITH YOU.

BUT MASTRIANO WENT BEYOND

MARCHING.

AS STATE SENATOR, HE HELD

A HEARING AMPLIFYING

TRUMP'S ELECTION CONSPIRACIES,

FEATURING SPECIAL GUEST

RUDY GIULIANI.

AND HE'S MADE IT CLEAR THAT HE'S

ACUTELY AWARE OF HOW MUCH POWER

HE'D HAVE AS GOVERNOR OVER THE

NEXT ELECTION.

>> I COULD DECERTIFY EVERY

MACHINE IN THE STATE WITH THE

STROKE OF A PEN VIA MY SECRETARY

OF STATE.

I ALREADY HAVE THE SECRETARY OF

STATE PICKED OUT.

IT'S A WORLD-CLASS PERSON THAT

KNOWS VOTING INTEGRITY BETTER

THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THE NATION,

I THINK, AND I ALREADY HAVE A

TEAM THAT'S GONNA BE BUILT

AROUND THAT INDIVIDUAL.

>> John: WOW, THAT'S OMINOUS.

I DON'T KNOW WHO HE'S GOT IN

MIND, BUT I DO KNOW THAT THERE'S

NO WAY THEY'RE A WORLD-CLASS

PERSON.

BECAUSE, ONE, ANYONE MASTRIANO

LIKES IS IMMEDIATELY SUSPICIOUS,

AND TWO, THE ONLY TRULY

"WORLD-CLASS" PEOPLE ON THE

PLANET ARE DOLLY PARTON AND...

END OF LIST.

AND EVEN IF MASTRIANO DIDN'T

SEEM HELL-BENT ON THROWING

ELECTIONS TO TRUMP,

HE WOULD BE A NIGHTMARE.

HE'S PROMISED TO ESTABLISH

PENNSYLVANIA AS A SECOND

AMENDMENT SANCTUARY

AND SUPPORTS A TOTAL BAN ON

ABORTION WITH NO EXCEPTIONS FOR

RAPE, INCEST, OR SITUATIONS

WHERE THE MOTHER MIGHT DIE.

WHICH ISN'T REALLY A SURPRISE,

AS HE TENDS TO WEAR HIS FAITH ON

HIS SLEEVE, AND SOMETIMES EVEN

AROUND HIS NECK, WITH AN ARRAY

OF MESSAGE TIES, INCLUDING THIS

BURGUNDY DISASTER THAT SAYS,

"GAVE PROOF

THROUGH THE NIGHT, IN GOD WE

TRUST," WHICH IS...

NOT HOW THAT SONG GOES.

THIS CHAOTIC NIGHTMARE WITH

WORDS LIKE "PRAISE GOD" AND

"PRAISE HIM" IN A DESIGN I CAN

ONLY DESCRIBE AS "BIBLICAL XEROX

MISTAKE."

AND THIS ONE THAT SAYS, "WITH

GOD, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE,"

WHICH I'M GUESSING COMES FROM

THE JC PENNEY "YOUTH MINISTER

DUI HEARING" SECTION.

AND MASTRIANO HAS FLIRTED WITH

THE EXTREME FRINGES OF HIS

PARTY.

JUST RECENTLY, HE WAS ADVERTISED

AS A SPEAKER FOR A CONFERENCE

ORGANIZED BY FRANCINE AND ALLEN

FOSDICK, SELF-DESCRIBED PROPHETS

WHO HAVE LONG PROMOTED QANON.

AND WHILE, IN THE PAST, HIS

SPOKESPERSON HAS TRIED TO

DISTANCE HIM FROM THOSE PEOPLE,

SAYING HE "STRONGLY CONDEMNS

THE QANON CONSPIRACY THEORY,"

HE NOT ONLY TURNED UP

TO THE EVENT BUT WAS PRESENTED

ONSTAGE WITH AN UNUSUAL GIFT.

>> WE JUST THANK YOU FOR BEING

A PART OF THIS CONFERENCE,

BEING A PART OF ALL OF

OUR LIVES, AND REALLY MAKING

A DIFFERENCE AND SETTING

A PRECEDENT FOR PENNSYLVANIA,

BUT NOT ONLY PENNSYLVANIA,

FOR OUR COUNTRY.

THANK YOU, BOTH OF YOU, SO MUCH.

AMEN.

>> OH, YEAH.

WHERE'S GOLIATH?

>> John: YOU KNOW,

IT'S GENUINELY HARD TO PICK THE

WILDEST PART OF THAT --

FROM THE PLASTIC EAGLE

THAT SEEMS TO BE

TELEPATHICALLY SCREAMING

"I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS,"

TO THIS GENTLEMAN'S ALL-AMERICAN

FLAG ELEGANZA, TO THE FACT

MASTRIANO WAS GIVEN A FULL-SIZED

SWORD AS A GIFT, A TOKEN OF

APPRECIATION THAT SCREAMS

"HAVE FUN GETTING

THIS TO YOUR CAR."

ANYWAY, THE FACT IS, MASTRIANO

IS NOW THE REPUBLICAN NOMINEE

AND WILL BE RUNNING THIS FALL

AGAINST DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE

JOSH SHAPIRO, WHO'S CURRENTLY

THE STATE'S A.G.

HE ACTUALLY RAN UNOPPOSED,

SO HE DIDN'T HAVE TO CAMPAIGN.

BUT HE CHOSE TO GET INVOLVED IN

THE REPUBLICAN RACE ANYWAY BY

RUNNING ADS CLEARLY DESIGNED TO

BOOST MASTRIANO AMONG THE

CONSERVATIVE BASE.

>> IF MASTRIANO WINS, IT'S A WIN

FOR WHAT DONALD TRUMP STANDS

FOR.

>> THIS STATEWIDE AD IS PAID FOR

BY SHAPIRO FOR PENNSYLVANIA,

GAMBLING THAT BY BOOSTING A MORE

RIGHT-WING CANDIDATE IN A SWING

STATE, DEMOCRATS COME OUT ON TOP

THIS NOVEMBER.

>> John: WELL,

THAT IS FUCKING RISKY.

BECAUSE LOOK, I GET THE TACTIC

BEHIND WANTING TO CHOOSE AN

OPPONENT THAT YOU THINK YOU HAVE

A BETTER CHANCE OF BEATING.

BUT AS HAS BEEN MADE PAINFULLY

CLEAR OVER THE LAST DECADE, THE

MOST EXTREME REPUBLICAN ISN'T

NECESSARILY THE LEAST ELECTABLE.

SO I REALLY HOPE DEMOCRATS KNOW

WHAT THEY'RE DOING WITH

MASTRIANO, BUT THEY'D BE MAKING

A HUGE MISTAKE IN

UNDERESTIMATING HIM.

BECAUSE, IF I MAY QUOTE MY OWN

FAVORITE TIE, "ALL THINGS ARE

POSSIBLE, AND MOST OF THOSE

POSSIBILITIES ARE VERY BAD."

AND NOW THIS.

>> Announcer: -- SOME THINGS

THEY SAY IN TEXAS.

>> THERE'S A SAYING IN TEXAS

WHEN YOUR BIRD HUNTING, SHORTED

EVERYTHING, TAKE CREDIT FOR

ANYTHING THAT FALLS.

>> AS WE SAY IN TEXAS WHILE

USING NUTCRACKER IF YOU'VE GOT

ACCESS TO A SLEDGEHAMMER.

>> THE ONLY THING YOU FIND IN

TEXAS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD

IS YELLOW STRIPES AND DEAD

ARMADILLOS.

>> EVERY RAT YOU SEE, THERE'S 50

YOU DON'T.

>> LIKE WE SAY IN TEXAS, AND GET

IT.

>> IN TEXAS WE HAVE A DEAL

CALLED DON'T LET YOUR ALLIGATOR

MOUTH OVERLOAD YOUR HUMMINGBIRD

REAR END.

>> I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHAT THAT

MEANS.

>> HOGS GET SLAUGHTERED.

IF HE WERE BACON, HE WOULDN'T

SIZZLE.

>> IT WAS A HORNSWAGGLE.

>> CLOSE THE BARN DOOR BEFORE

THE COW GETS OUT.

>> AS WE SAY IN TEXAS THAT AIN'T

NO POLAR BEAR.

>> AS WE LOOK AT THIS IN TEXAS,

ALL HAT, NO CATTLE.

>> ALL HAT, NO CATTLE.

>> ALL HAT, NO CATTLE.

>> WHAT THE TEXANS CALL ALL

CATTLE, NO HAT.

>> NO.

>> John: MOVING ON.

OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CONCERNS

SANDWICHES.

SPECIFICALLY, SUBWAY SANDWICHES,

DAD'S ATTEMPT AT DINNER.

IT CAN SEEM LIKE SUBWAY'S IN THE

NEWS PRETTY OFTEN, AND IT'S

RARELY FOR ANYTHING GOOD.

>> FAST-FOOD CHAIN SUBWAY BEING

SUED FOR FRAUD ACCUSED OF

SELLING TUNA THAT ISN'T ACTUALLY

TUNA.

>> IRELAND'S SUPREME COURT SAYS

SUBWAY'S BREAD CAN'T LEGALLY BE

CALLED BREAD BECAUSE IT CONTAINS

TOO MUCH SUGAR.

>> SUBWAY CUSTOMERS ARE FILING

LAWSUITS AGAINST THE GLOBAL

SANDWICH CHAIN SAYING ITS

FOOTLONG SANDWICHES AREN'T

REALLY A FOOT LONG.

>> THESE ARE THE SHOCKING

PICTURES THAT STARTED

EVERYTHING.

THEY WERE POSTED ON A SOCIAL

MEDIA SITE AND ONE SHOWS A MAN

PUTTING HIS GENITALS ON WHAT

APPEARS TO BE SUBWAY BREAD DOUGH

WITH THE CAPTION, "I WILL BE

YOUR SANDWICH ARTIST TODAY."

>> John: LOOK, BLURRED OR NOT,

THAT PENIS ISN'T EVEN THE MOST

OFFENSIVE PART OF THAT PHOTO.

LOOK AT THE BREAD.

IT LOOKS LIKE A CHILD'S DRAWING

OF ED SHEERAN.

AND THE SAD THING IS, YOU KNOW,

JUST BY TOUCHING THE BREAD WITH

THAT PENIS, THE PENIS IS RUINED

FOREVER.

HE'S GOT NO CHOICE BUT TO JUST

THROW IT IN THE TRASH.

BUT OF COURSE, WHEN YOU HEAR

"P.R. NIGHTMARE FOR SUBWAY,"

YOUR HEAD IMMEDIATELY GOES TO

THIS MAN, JARED.

HE WAS THE FACE OF SUBWAY

FOR 15 YEARS AFTER CLAIMING

HE LOST 200 POUNDS,

THANKS IN PART TO EATING

SUBWAY EVERY DAY.

HE EVEN FEATURED IN NEWS PUFF

PIECES LIKE THIS, THAT PLAY A

LOT DIFFERENTLY IN HINDSIGHT.

>> JARED TAKES HIS PANTS ON THE

ROAD 200 DAYS A YEAR, SPEAKING

TO KIDS ABOUT NUTRITION.

>> EVERYBODY NEEDS TO MAKE SURE

THEY MAKE REALLY, REALLY GOOD

HEALTHY DECISIONS EVERY DAY, SO

THEY NEVER, EVER PUT THEMSELVES

IN A POSITION TO HAVE TO WEAR

JARED'S OLD PAIR OF PANTS.

>> John: YEAH, YOU HEARD HIM,

KIDS!

STAY OUT OF JARED'S PANTS.

NOTHING GOOD HAPPENS IN THERE.

SUBWAY'S CLEARLY BEEN ON THE

RECEIVING END OF A LOT OF

TERRIBLE STORIES, AND TO DEAL

WITH EACH ONE JUST QUICKLY:

JARED'S A MONSTER AND SUBWAY

SHOULD'VE ALWAYS BEEN SUSPICIOUS

OF A MAN WILLING TO EAT THEIR

TERRIBLE PRODUCT EVERY DAY.

NOT-QUITE A FOOTLONG?

THAT IS A BULLSHIT LAWSUIT,

DIDN'T GO ANYWHERE.

DOUGH-DONG?

THAT DID HAPPEN, AND IT'S

OBJECTIVELY FUNNY.

IRELAND'S COURT RULING THAT

SUBWAY'S BREAD CAN'T BE CALLED

BREAD?

THE COMPANY INSISTS, "SUBWAY'S

BREAD IS, OF COURSE, BREAD."

AND IF YOU'RE CURIOUS ABOUT THE

TUNA, YOU CAN JUST VISIT

SubwayTunaFacts.com, A REAL

WEBSITE THE COMPANY FELT IT HAD

TO LAUNCH TO DEBUNK TUNA MYTHS.

ALTHOUGH THE MOMENT YOU'VE DONE

THAT, IT DOES FEEL LIKE YOU'RE

ALREADY LOSING THE ARGUMENT.

BUT EVEN PUTTING ALL THOSE

STORIES ASIDE, SUBWAY'S STILL

WORTH LOOKING AT TONIGHT FOR A

NUMBER OF REASONS, STARTING WITH

THE FACT THAT IT'S A LOT BIGGER

THAN YOU MIGHT THINK.

SUBWAY'S ACTUALLY THE BIGGEST

RESTAURANT CHAIN IN THE U.S. BY

NUMBER OF LOCATIONS, AND FOR

AWHILE, THEY HAD THE MOST

LOCATIONS OF ANY RESTAURANT

WORLDWIDE, BEATING BOTH

STARBUCKS AND McDONALD'S.

BUT IN RECENT YEARS,

THINGS HAVE TAKEN A TURN.

THOUSANDS OF ITS RESTAURANTS

HAVE CLOSED, AND SOME

FRANCHISEES -- THE PEOPLE WHO

OWN AND OPERATE THEIR

RESTAURANTS -- ARE GETTING

RESTLESS.

HERE IN THE U.S., 100 OF THEM

GOT TOGETHER AND WROTE AN OPEN

LETTER LAST YEAR, STATING THAT

"FOR MANY OF US, THIS DREAM HAS

TURNED INTO A NIGHTMARE."

AND OVERSEAS, FRANCHISEES HAVE

GIVEN INTERVIEWS LIKE THIS.

>> ARE FRANCHISEES FRIGHTENED?

>> PEOPLE ARE TERRIFIED.

I FEEL THREATENED, BECAUSE I'M

SCARED IF THEY TARGET US.

>> FRANCHISEES CLAIM MANY WANT

TO GET OUT, BUT SAY THEY CAN'T

BECAUSE HEAD OFFICE WON'T

APPROVE IT UNLESS EXPENSIVE

REFURBISHMENTS ARE DONE.

>> WE WANT TO ESCAPE, BUT THEY

MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR US TO

SELL.

>> John: HOLY SHIT.

YOU KNOW IT'S SERIOUS WHEN THEY

USE A VOICE MODULATOR THAT CAN

ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS

"AUTOTUNED ANDRE THE GIANT."

AND REMEMBER, THIS IS ABOUT

A RESTAURANT THAT SELLS

HAM SANDWICHES.

WHAT'S THE WORST SUBWAY COULD DO

TO THAT MAN?

MAKE HIM EAT ONE?

AND IF YOUR FRANCHISEES ARE

GIVING INTERVIEWS LIKE THEY'RE

IN WITNESS PROTECTION AND THE

PUBLIC IS CONSTANTLY DEBATING IF

YOUR BREAD IS BREAD, YOUR TUNA

IS TUNA, AND WHETHER OR NOT YOUR

SANDWICHES ARE FILLED WITH

DICKS, SOMETHING HAS CLEARLY

GONE VERY WRONG.

SO TONIGHT, LET'S TALK ABOUT

SUBWAY: WHERE IT CAME FROM,

WHAT ITS BUSINESS MODEL IS,

AND WHY THERE ARE

SO FUCKING MANY OF THEM.

AND LET'S START WITH A LITTLE

HISTORY.

SUBWAY WAS FOUNDED AS A SINGLE

SUB SHOP CALLED PETE'S SUPER

SUBMARINES BACK IN 1965 BY FRED

DELUCA, WHO RAN THE COMPANY

UNTIL HIS DEATH IN 2015.

AND TO GIVE YOU A SENSE OF WHAT

KIND OF MANAGER HE WAS.

THE COMPANY ONCE DISTRIBUTED A

LITERALLY NOT SAFE FOR WORK

CALENDAR TO ITS EMPLOYEES,

FEATURING PHOTOS OF SHIRTLESS

SUBWAY EXECUTIVES,

INCLUDING FRED AS MR. JANUARY.

AND I HAVE A LOT TO SAY

ABOUT THIS,

THE LEAST IMPORTANT OF WHICH IS,

WHY IS THIS GUY IN A BATHROOM?

THE THEME IS CLEARLY

"BUSINESS BUT MAKE IT NIPPLES"

NOT "POLAROIDS OF UNCLE DALE

BEFORE A SCRUB DOWN."

ANYWAY, FROM THE VERY BEGINNING,

DELUCA WAS ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED

WITH EXPANSION.

EVEN THOUGH THE BUSINESS DIDN'T

MAKE A PROFIT FOR 15 YEARS,

HE KEPT OPENING SUBWAYS ANYWAY,

IN ORDER TO, AS HE LATER SAID,

"CREATE THE IMAGE OF SUCCESS"

SO IT REALLY SEEMS THAT SUBWAY'S

BUSINESS STRATEGY WAS BASICALLY,

"FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT,"

WHICH APPARENTLY, OUR LAWYERS

SAY I CANNOT SUGGEST ALSO

APPLIES TO THEIR TUNA,

SO I WON'T.

I WILL NOT SUGGEST THAT.

THE POINT IS, DELUCA HAD AN

INSATIABLE DESIRE FOR GROWTH.

WHICH MAY BE WHY, IN THE

MID-'70s, SUBWAY MOVED TO THE

FRANCHISE MODEL.

THE BENEFIT FOR THE COMPANY

BEING THAT THEY COULD HAVE MORE

LOCATIONS THAT WAY,

AND THE BENEFIT FOR

FRANCHISEES, THEORETICALLY,

BEING THAT THEY COULD SELL AN

ESTABLISHED PRODUCT WITH BRAND

RECOGNITION WITH THE PROMISE OF

BEING THEIR OWN BOSS.

AND THERE'S ACTUALLY ONE OTHER

KEY DRAW ABOUT SUBWAY

SPECIFICALLY, AND THAT IS

JUST HOW SIMPLE IT IS TO

OPEN ONE.

>> SUBWAY'S EXTREME UBIQUITY ALL

COMES DOWN TO THEIR STREAMLINED

SETUP.

NO DEEP FRYERS, NO GAS GRILLS,

SO THEY CAN BUILD PRETTY MUCH

ANYWHERE.

GOT A PLUG?

THAT'S PRACTICALLY ALL IT TAKES

TO OPEN A SUBWAY.

>> John: IT'S TRUE.

YOU REALLY DON'T NEED THAT MUCH

TO OPEN A SUBWAY,

ALTHOUGH I'M NOT SURE

HOW REASSURING IT IS

THAT ALL YOU NEED IS A PLUG.

AFTER ALL, IT'S A RESTAURANT

SERVING HUMAN FOOD,

NOT AN AIR MATTRESS.

BUT SUBWAY'S START-UP COSTS

HAVE INDEED BEEN SIGNIFICANTLY

LOWER THAN MANY OF ITS

COMPETITORS.

IT USUALLY COSTS BETWEEN AROUND

$200,000 AND $500,000 TO OPEN

A SUBWAY, COMPARED WITH

A McDONALD'S, WHICH CAN COST

BETWEEN 1.3 MILLION

AND NEARLY 2.5 MILLION.

AND THAT MIGHT HELP EXPLAIN

WHY SUBWAY OWNERS TEND TO BE

INDIVIDUALS AND FAMILIES,

MANY OF THEM IMMIGRANTS, UNLIKE

CHAINS SUCH AS McDONALD'S, WHERE

MANY RESTAURANTS ARE OPERATED BY

INVESTMENT FIRMS.

BUT THAT LOW ENTRY FEE COMES

WITH SOME SIGNIFICANT CATCHES.

FIRST: SUBWAYS BRING IN A LOT

LESS MONEY THAN OTHER CHAINS.

AN AVERAGE ONE GENERATES AROUND

$400,000 A YEAR

COMPARED TO THE AVERAGE

JIMMY JOHNS WHICH BRINGS IN MORE

THAN DOUBLE THAT OR AN AVERAGE

McDONALD'S, WHICH GENERATES OVER

$3 MILLION.

BUT ON TOP OF THAT, SUBWAY

FRANCHISEES ALSO HAVE TO PAY A

LOT MORE BACK TO THEIR COMPANY.

BECAUSE WHILE McDONALD'S ASKS

ITS RESTAURANTS TO PAY THEM

EIGHT PERCENT OF GROSS SALES,

SUBWAY DEMANDS 12.5%.

SPECIFICALLY, AN 8% ROYALTY FEE

AND ANOTHER 4.5% THAT GOES

TOWARD ADVERTISING.

THOSE ARE SOME OF THE HIGHEST

FEES OF ANY CHAIN.

ALTHOUGH I WILL SAY, SUBWAY PUTS

THOSE AD FEES TO HEAVY USE.

BECAUSE THEY ARE THE REASON YOU

CAN'T TURN ON YOUR TV WITHOUT

BEING BOMBARDED BY COMMERCIALS

FEATURING STEPH CURRY,

TOM BRADY, AND MEGAN RAPINOE

PRETENDING THEY'RE ALL STANDING

IN THE SAME PLACE AND WILLING

TO PUT SLOPPY BREAD CANNONS

INTO THEIR GOD BODS.

AND IT'S NOT JUST ADS.

SUBWAY HAS DONE A SIGNIFICANT

AMOUNT OF PRODUCT PLACEMENT

IN SHOWS AND MOVIES LIKE

"THE BIGGEST LOSER,"

"TO ALL THE BOYS I'VE LOVED

BEFORE," AND "CHUCK."

I WAS EVEN PART OF ONE OF THEM

YEARS AGO, IN AN EPISODE OF

"COMMUNITY," WHICH I HAVE ZERO

MEMORY OF FILMING.

BUT UNLIKE MY FORGETTABLE DAYS

AS A CORPORATE SANDWICH VESSEL,

SOME OF THAT PLACEMENT IS PRETTY

HARD TO MISS, LIKE IN THIS

INCREDIBLE SCENE

FROM "HAWAII 5-0."

>> THIS SUBWAY SANDWICH,

SO ONO.

>> OKAY, SO YOU'RE EATING THESE

TO LOSE WEIGHT?

IS THAT -- IS THAT RIGHT?

>> IT WORKED FOR JARED,

AND THAT BOY WAS LARGE.

BUT THE BEST THING ABOUT IT,

THEY MAKE IT ANY WAY

YOU WANT IT.

CHECK THIS ONE.

SWEET ONION CHICKEN TERIYAKI

WITH JALAPEÑOS AND BANANA

PEPPERS.

NOW, YOU PUT THAT WITH THIS,

TURKEY BLT, BAM!

THAT'S SOME SERIOUS CULINARY

FUSION.

>> John: YOU KNOW, THAT SCENE

REMINDS ME OF AN OLD HOLLYWOOD

SAYING.

EVERY AD EXEC WANTS TO BE

A TELEVISION WRITER AND EVERY

TELEVISION WRITER

IS DEAD INSIDE.

BUT INCREDIBLY, EVEN THAT IS

SUBTLE NEXT TO THE PRODUCT

PLACEMENT SUBWAY ENGAGES IN

OVERSEAS.

PARTICULARLY IN KOREAN DRAMAS,

WHERE EVERY PLOT POINT SEEMS TO

OCCUR AT A SUBWAY.

HERE'S TWO CHARACTERS HAVING

A MEETING AT ONE.

HERE'S A GROUP OF MEN

CELEBRATING THE FACT --

REAL PLOT POINT, BY THE WAY --

THEIR FRIEND JUST WOKE UP

FROM A COMA, AND THEN

THERE'S THIS SCENE, WHICH IS --

I SWEAR I'M NOT

MAKING THIS UP -- ABOUT A GHOST

MAGICALLY EATING A SUBWAY

SANDWICH.

SUBWAY EVEN RELEASED ITS OWN

MINI-DRAMA ON YOUTUBE CALLED

"SOMEWAY," AND I'M GOING TO SHOW

YOU A SCENE FROM IT NOW,

AND I WARN YOU.

IT IS BREATHTAKING.

>> HAN WOO-RIM!

[BOTH SPEAKING KOREAN]

♪ ♪

>> John: IT'S GOOD.

I MEAN IT'S REALLY GOOD.

AND NOT THAT YOU NEED IT,

BUT HERE'S SOME CONTEXT.

THAT CHARACTER WAS DATING THIS

GUY WHO WORKS AT SUBWAY,

AND EVERY DAY SHE ORDERED

THE PLANT-BASED SANDWICH

BECAUSE HE RECOMMENDED

IT TO HER, UNTIL ONE DAY, THIS

GUY, WHO -- WAIT FOR IT --

ALSO WORKS AT SUBWAY,

RECOMMENDED THE STEAK

AND CHEESE SANDWICH FOR HER

TO MIX IT UP.

THE SANDWICHES WERE A METAPHOR,

YOU SEE?

NOW, SHE HAD A DECISION TO MAKE:

STAY WITH HER USUAL OR GO WITH

A NEW FLAVOR?

WHICH WILL SHE CHOOSE?

PLANT OR STEAK?

TRIED AND TRUE

OR NEW AND EXCITING?

OBVIOUSLY, SHE CHOSE THE STEAK,

WHICH IS WHY WE GOT THAT KISS

IN FRONT OF A SUBWAY FRANCHISE.

IT'S ART, AND IT'S CINEMA,

AND IT'S SANDWICHES.

THE POINT IS, SUBWAY ADVERTISES

A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT, AND ITS

FRANCHISEES BENEFIT FROM THAT

BRAND-BUILDING.

BUT IN RETURN, SUBWAY EXPECTS

THEM TO WORK VERY HARD,

SOMETHING MADE PAINFULLY CLEAR

IN THIS VIDEO CREATED BY A

REGIONAL OFFICE, WHICH TAKES A

BIT OF A TURN HALFWAY THROUGH.

>> WHEN YOU BUY A FRANCHISE,

YOU ENTER INTO A FAMILY,

THE SUBWAY FAMILY.

WE MUST OWN WHAT IS OURS

TO OWN.

WE MUST LEAD WHAT IS OURS

TO LEAD.

WHETHER YOU SELL SANDWICHES,

DEVELOP STORES, OR EVALUATE

OPERATIONS, WE MUST DO OUR PART

TO THE BEST OF OUR ABILITY.

WHY?

BECAUSE IN THIS FAMILY, PEOPLE

MATTER, SO WE DON'T LET PEOPLE

DOWN BY BEING LAZY.

WE DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT EACH

OTHER'S WORK.

WE DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR

OURSELVES, AND WE CERTAINLY

DON'T GIVE UP.

>> John: OH, MY GOD.

IT'S A SANDWICH CULT.

AND IT'S ONE THAT SHOULD

PROBABLY THINK TWICE

ABOUT THREATENING THEIR

SO-CALLED FAMILY MEMBERS FOR

BEING LAZY WHEN THEY COULDN'T

EVEN PUT IN THE EFFORT TO

PROOF-READ THEIR OWN COPY,

BECAUSE THIS IS NOT HOW YOU

SPELL "BUY" AS IN "TO BUY A

FRANCHISE," AND THEY'VE LEFT OUT

THE WORD "TO" IN THIS SENTENCE.

BUT TO WHOEVER MADE THAT VIDEO,

DON'T WORRY.

AFTER ALL, IT'S ONLY TWO LITTLE

MISTAKES.

THERE'S NO NEED TO "FELL SORRY

FOR YOURSELF."

AND THE THING IS, THERE IS ONLY

SO MUCH A FRANCHISE OWNER CAN DO

TO INCREASE THEIR EARNINGS, AS

THEY'RE LARGELY AT THE MERCY OF

DECISIONS THEIR PARENT COMPANY

MAKES.

SO IF SUBWAY DECIDES TO CHANGE

THE MENU OR REDESIGN THE STORES,

FRANCHISEES MAY BE ON THE HOOK

FOR THOSE COSTS.

ALSO, IF THE COMPANY ANNOUNCES

A PROMOTION OR A DISCOUNT,

STORES MAY HAVE TO GO ALONG WITH

IT, EVEN IF IT'S A MONEY LOSER

FOR THEM.

AND IT GETS EVEN WORSE.

BECAUSE THOSE ALREADY

RIDICULOUSLY TIGHT MARGINS HAVE

BEEN EXACERBATED BY SUBWAY'S

LONGTIME OBSESSION WITH

EXPANSION.

FOR DECADES, FRANCHISEES HAVE

COMPLAINED ABOUT SUBWAY ALLOWING

LOCATIONS TO OPEN NEAR EACH

OTHER AND CANNIBALIZING THEIR

BUSINESS.

IN FACT, HERE'S THE HEAD OF

A FRANCHISEE ASSOCIATION

DISCUSSING THE PROBLEM BACK

IN THE '90s.

>> WHAT THEY TELL YOU WHEN YOU

BUY THAT FRANCHISE IS,

"DON'T WORRY.

WE WOULDN'T PUT ANOTHER

FRANCHISE TOO CLOSE TO YOU.

WHY WOULD WE DO THAT?

WHY WOULD WE WANT TO HURT YOU

LIKE THAT?

YOU'RE ONE OF OUR PARTNERS."

REALITY IS, THEY'RE GOING TO DO

WHATEVER THEY CAN DO THAT'S NOT

WRITTEN IN BLACK AND WHITE,

AND THEY DO IT.

>> John: OKAY, FIRST, THAT IS

SOME DRAMATIC CAMERAWORK.

BUT ALSO, POWER BANGS

IS COMPLETELY RIGHT THERE.

IN FACT, TO THIS DAY, SUBWAY

FRANCHISEES ARE TOLD THAT "YOU

WILL NOT RECEIVE AN EXCLUSIVE

TERRITORY," AND THEIR CONTRACT

STATES, "WE AND OUR AFFILIATES

HAVE UNLIMITED RIGHTS TO COMPETE

WITH YOU."

MEANING A SUBWAY COULD OPEN

RIGHT NEXT TO YOURS AND CUT YOUR

SALES IN HALF.

AND NONE OF THIS REALLY AFFECTS

SUBWAY CORPORATE.

THEY STILL GET THEIR

ROYALTY FEES ON ANY SALE,

PLUS A $15,000 FRANCHISE FEE

FOR EVERY NEW STORE THAT'S

OPENED.

THAT IS WHY THESE STORES ARE

FUCKING EVERYWHERE.

THERE ARE LITERALLY TEN SUBWAYS

IN A ONE-MILE RADIUS OF WHERE

I'M SITTING RIGHT NOW.

YOU COULD GO TO ALL TEN STORES,

ORDER A FOOTLONG AT EACH, AND BE

BACK HERE IN LESS THAN AN HOUR.

AND THE REASON I KNOW THAT IS

I DID THAT, AND FRANKLY,

I'M INSTANTLY REGRETTING

MY DECISION.

BECAUSE NOW THIS ENTIRE STUDIO

IS ABOUT TO SMELL LIKE A SUBWAY,

WHICH, AS WE ALL KNOW IS THE

EXACT SMELL OF "WHAT IF BREAD

COULD FART?"

AND ALL OF THIS WAS BY DESIGN.

FRED DELUCA EVEN ONCE ATTEMPTED

TO CONVINCE A JOURNALIST THAT

MORE SUBWAY LOCATIONS RAISES

EVERYONE'S REVENUES BY

REFERENCING A GRAPH HIS

24-YEAR-OLD SON MADE, WHICH AN

ECONOMIST LATER REVIEWED,

SAYING, "IN MY VIEW, THIS TELLS

US ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

IF THIS IS TRUE, THEN WHY NOT

HAVE 15 SUBWAYS ON THE SAME

BLOCK?

WOULDN'T THEY ALL BE DOING

SPLENDIDLY?

THE ANSWER IS OBVIOUSLY NOT."

AND THAT IS A LOT OF SASS COMING

FROM AN ECONOMIST.

"THE ANSWER IS OBVIOUSLY NOT"

IS MUCH LIKE SUBWAY'S SPICY

ITALIAN SUB -- NOT ACTUALLY

SPICY IN THE LEAST BUT, GIVEN

THE SOURCE, ABOUT AS SPICY

AS YOU'RE GOING TO GET.

AND ENCROACHING ON THEIR OWN

TERRITORY ISN'T THE ONLY WAY

SUBWAY HAS ANGERED FRANCHISEES.

BECAUSE THEIR CORPORATE

STRUCTURE HAS LONG INVOLVED

SOMETHING CALLED BUSINESS

DEVELOPMENT AGENTS.

THESE ARE INDIVIDUALS -- OFTEN

FRANCHISE OWNERS THEMSELVES --

WHO CONTROL A CERTAIN AREA

AND ARE TASKED WITH FINDING

AND APPROVING NEW PEOPLE TO OPEN

STORES, GETTING A CUT OF

ROYALTIES FOR DOING THAT.

THEY'RE ALSO IN CHARGE OF

OVERSEEING INSPECTIONS OF STORES

IN THEIR AREA.

AND FOR MANY YEARS, FRANCHISEES

HAVE COMPLAINED ABOUT

DEVELOPMENT AGENTS BEING

EXCEPTIONALLY HARSH WITH THOSE

INSPECTIONS, WITH ONE SAYING HE

WAS ONCE MARKED UP FOR SLICING

HIS VEGETABLES

IN A "CHOPPY" MANNER.

WHICH SEEMS PRETTY PETTY.

HOW ELSE WOULD YOU DO IT?

AND THERE'S AN INCENTIVE FOR

DEVELOPMENT AGENTS TO BE OVERLY

HARSH, BECAUSE IF A STORE GETS

MULTIPLE VIOLATIONS, THAT

FRANCHISEE'S AGREEMENT CAN BE

TERMINATED AND THE STORE CAN BE

RE-SOLD, SOMETIMES TO THE

BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT AGENT

THEMSELVES AT A DISCOUNTED

PRICE.

ONE FORMER INSPECTOR EVEN

DESCRIBED A DEVELOPMENT AGENT

TELLING HER THE EXACT STORE

OWNERS THAT HE WANTED TO FAIL,

ADDING, "I WAS KIND OF

HIS HIT MAN."

YOU KNOW,

NORMAL SANDWICH STUFF.

NOW, I HAVE TO TELL YOU.

SUBWAY INSISTS IT'S

TRANSITIONING AWAY FROM USING

DEVELOPMENT AGENTS

IN THE U.S. AND FROM HAVING THEM

BE THE ONES OVERSEEING

INSPECTIONS.

BUT EVEN SO, YOU MIGHT WELL BE

WONDERING, GIVEN EVERYTHING

YOU'VE SEEN SO FAR, "WHY ON

EARTH WOULD ANYONE WANT TO OPEN

A SUBWAY WHEN IT HAS SOME OF

THE HIGHEST ROYALTIES, SOME OF

THE LOWEST SALES, AND A NEW

STORE COULD CONCEIVABLY OPEN

RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO YOU?"

WELL, CRUCIALLY, POTENTIAL

OWNERS OFTEN DON'T FULLY KNOW

WHAT THEY'RE SIGNING UP FOR.

HERE'S ONE SUBWAY FRANCHISEE

INADVERTENTLY MAKING THIS POINT.

>> I BOUGHT MY ORIGINAL STORE

FROM A GUY WHO WAS INVOLVED WITH

SUBWAY, HAD BEEN INVOLVED FOR

ABOUT FIVE YEARS BEFORE ME.

AND THAT STORE, LITTLE DID I

KNOW, WAS THE LOWEST VOLUME

STORE IN THE MARKET.

WHEN I WENT TO MY FIRST OWNERS

MEETING, HIM AND HIS BUDDY SAID,

"HEY, LOLLIPOP," AND I SAID,

"WHY ARE THEY CALLING ME

LOLLIPOP?"

AND THEY SAID, "WELL, WE NEEDED

A SUCKER TO BUY COLUMBUS,"

WHICH WAS THE SUBWAY, RIGHT?

OUT OF 91 STORES IN THE MARKET,

IT WAS 91ST.

>> John: YEAH, THAT'S NOT GREAT.

IS IT?

IDEALLY YOU WOULD HAVE THAT KIND

OF INFORMATION BEFORE

YOU INVESTED.

IT'S HARD TO TELL HOW SUCCESSFUL

A SUBWAY IS JUST FROM LOOKING AT

IT, ESPECIALLY BECAUSE FROM THE

OUTSIDE, THEY ALL LOOK LIKE

"THE WORST ONE."

CURRENTLY THERE IS NO EASY WAY

TO FIND OUT WHAT YOU MIGHT EARN

BEFORE YOU OPEN A NEW SUBWAY,

FOR TWO REASONS.

FIRST, THE COMPANY

WON'T TELL YOU.

GENERALLY, WHEN IT COMES TO

FRANCHISES, THE FTC REQUIRES

THAT YOU ARE PROVIDED WITH

WHAT'S CALLED A FRANCHISE

DISCLOSURE DOCUMENT, GIVING YOU

INFORMATION BEFORE YOU INVEST.

BUT IT DOESN'T REQUIRE COMPANIES

TO INCLUDE ANY DETAILS ABOUT HOW

STORES DO FINANCIALLY.

NOW, SOME COMPANIES DO PROVIDE

THIS, BUT IT'S VOLUNTARY.

FIREHOUSE SUBS, FOR INSTANCE,

HAS 17 PAGES DEDICATED TO

FINANCIAL PERFORMANCE,

BURGER KING'S INCLUDES 11 PAGES,

BUT SUBWAY HAS JUST TWO

PARAGRAPHS IN WHICH THEY SAY,

"WE DO NOT MAKE ANY

REPRESENTATIONS ABOUT A

FRANCHISEE'S FUTURE FINANCIAL

PERFORMANCE OR THE PAST

FINANCIAL PERFORMANCE OF

FRANCHISED OUTLETS."

INSTEAD, FRED DELUCA ENCOURAGED

POTENTIAL OWNERS TO SIMPLY DO

THIS.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT WE REALLY WANT

PEOPLE TO DO IS GO FIND OUT

FROM OTHER FRANCHISEES

RATHER THAN RELYING ON

WHAT WE MIGHT TELL YOU.

IT'S MUCH BETTER EXPERIENCE TO

TALK TO 10, 20 FRANCHISEES.

SOME WILL BE DOING VERY WELL,

SOME WON'T DO VERY WELL, AND YOU

CAN THEN SIZE UP THE BUSINESS.

>> John: YEAH, OR YOU COULD

JUST TELL THEM INSTEAD OF MAKING

THEM GO TO 20 DIFFERENT SUBWAY

STORES.

I GUESS, LUCKILY FOR THEM,

YOU CAN FIND 20 OF THEM

ON ANY ONE BLOCK IN AMERICA.

BUT IT'S REALLY THE PRINCIPLE

OF THE MATTER HERE.

BUT GETTING ACCURATE INFO CAN BE

VERY HARD TO DO.

FOR STARTERS, SOME FRANCHISEES

MAY BE RELUCTANT TO SPEAK

BECAUSE A FEW YEARS AGO

SUBWAY ADDED AN AGGRESSIVE

NON-DISPARAGEMENT CLAUSE IN

THEIR CONTRACT.

AND WHILE IT'S TRUE THAT THERE'S

A CARVE-OUT SAYING YOU'RE NOT

PROHIBITED FROM SHARING

INFORMATION IN GOOD FAITH WITH

ANY PROSPECTIVE FRANCHISEES, AS

ONE OF THEM TOLD CONGRESS A FEW

YEARS AGO, MANY ARE RELUCTANT TO

TRUST SOMEONE CALLING AND ASKING

QUESTIONS, AND FOR OBVIOUS

REASONS.

>> SO, PEOPLE ALWAYS TALK ABOUT

DOING DUE DILIGENCE IN THE

INDUSTRY BEFORE THEY BUY

A FRANCHISE.

WELL, ONE OF THOSE PARTS OF THE

DUE DILIGENCE IS CALLING

EXISTING OWNERS.

MOST FRANCHISE AGREEMENTS HAVE

THAT NON-DISPARAGEMENT CLAUSE

IN IT.

I CAN TELL YOU IF I'M IN ONE OF

MY STORES AND SOMEBODY CALLS ME

AND STARTS ASKING QUESTIONS AND

LET'S SAY I HAVE A NEGATIVE

EXPERIENCE, AM I GOING TO REALLY

SAY SO?

I DON'T KNOW WHO'S ON THE OTHER

END OF THE LINE.

>> John: EXACTLY.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO MIGHT BE

CALLING.

IT'S FRANKLY ALL THE MORE REASON

WHY YOU SHOULD JUST NEVER ANSWER

YOUR PHONE.

CALLING PEOPLE IS FOR DIVORCEES

AND SERIAL KILLERS.

I HAVEN'T ANSWERED MY PHONE

IN TEN YEARS NOW.

EITHER TEXT ME OR FORGET ME.

AND LOOK, LOTS OF THE PROBLEMS

YOU'VE SEEN TONIGHT EXIST IN

SOME FORM WITH ALMOST ALL

FRANCHISES.

BUT SUBWAY IN PARTICULAR SEEMS

LIKE THE ABSOLUTE WORST.

AND FOR YEARS, THEIR STORE

OWNERS HAVE BEGGED THEM TO BE

LESS RESTRICTIVE, WITH SOME EVEN

RELEASING THAT OPEN LETTER LAST

YEAR, COMPLAINING ABOUT MANY OF

THE THINGS THAT WE'VE MENTIONED

TONIGHT AND ALLEGING WHENEVER

THEY'VE SPOKEN OUT ABOUT ANY OF

THESE ISSUES TO THE MEDIA,

THEY'VE BEEN SILENCED BY CEASE

AND DESIST LETTERS, BIASED

ARBITRATIONS, AND FORCED

NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENTS.

BUT RATHER THAN LISTENING

TO THAT, SUBWAY'S MADE THINGS

EVEN WORSE FOR THEM.

THEY RECENTLY UPDATED THEIR

CONTRACT FOR NEW AND RENEWING

FRANCHISEES, WHICH, AMONG OTHER

THINGS, EXPANDS THE

NON-DISPARAGEMENT CLAUSE TO

INCLUDE SUBJECTING THE SUBWAY

BRAND TO RIDICULE,

WHICH, COME ON, SUBWAY.

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO MADE YOUR

NEW LOGO TWO ARROWS

69-ING EACH OTHER.

THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE

THE HOUSE HERE.

IT'S FRANKLY NO WONDER

ONE RESTAURANT INDUSTRY EXPERT

SAID, "NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT

MIND WOULD SIGN

THE NEW AGREEMENT."

SO WHAT CAN WE DO?

WELL, I KNOW YOUR INSTINCT MIGHT

BE TO NOW NEVER GO TO YOUR LOCAL

SUBWAY.

IT MAY HAVE BEEN YOUR INSTINCT

BEFORE THIS SEGMENT BEGAN, AND

HONESTLY, IT REMAINS A GOOD ONE!

BUT IT'S WORTH REMEMBERING, SOME

HAVE SPENT THEIR LIFE SAVINGS ON

THESE STORES, BELIEVING THE

PROMISE THEY COULD BE THEIR OWN

BOSS AND ARE NOW STUCK IN A

BUSINESS MODEL THAT WAS STACKED

AGAINST THEM FROM THE START.

AND TO PREVENT THAT HAPPENING TO

ANYONE ELSE, THERE ARE THINGS

THAT WE SHOULD ABSOLUTELY BE

DOING TO BETTER REGULATE

ALL FRANCHISES.

THE FTC SHOULD TIGHTEN UP THEIR

RULES ON THEM AND MAKE

DISCLOSING FINANCIAL PERFORMANCE

MANDATORY.

THAT WOULD FORCE COMPANIES TO

GIVE A MUCH FULLER PICTURE

TO ANY POTENTIAL

INVESTORS OF WHAT THEY'RE

GETTING INTO.

BUT UNTIL THAT HAPPENS OR

SUBWAY SPECIFICALLY DECIDES TO

PRESENT A MORE ACCURATE PICTURE

OF HOW THEY OPERATE, MAYBE WE

CAN TELL THEIR STORY FOR THEM

THROUGH THEIR FAVORITE MEDIUM.

I'M TALKING, OF COURSE, ABOUT

KOREAN SANDWICH DRAMAS.

PLEASE TAKE A LOOK.

[SPEAKING KOREAN]

♪ ♪

>> John: THAT'S OUR SHOW.

THANKS SO MUCH FOR WATCHING.

WE'RE OFF NEXT WEEK.

WE'LL BE BACK JUNE 5.

GOOD NIGHT.