Original subtitles

I had personal thoughts about what the problem was

It's rage, fear,

helplessness and disgust, all mixed up

It had probably gone TOO FAR

I was afraid. Very afraid

I can't breathe. My fingers are shaking

It feels like there are needles piercing my skull

I don't like people

I don't understand anyone

Since that moment

I knew he had been born disconnected

Thank you

He's gone, but it doesn't matter since we're not together anymore

and I'll have him alone

Don't ask how it happened, it happened and that's that

Besides, I'm quite happy

- Shit, the toast - Can I help you somehow?

In any case, I see you're taking care of yourself and you're in shape

I do what I can

- Why don't we go out for dinner? - Alright, at ten

I'm four years and eleven months old

When I was born they knew something was wrong as soon as I crowned

Right away they put a plastic tube in my mouth and the doctor said

"Anoxia. Bad luck"

Then the bubbles began to burst around my nose

Since that moment I knew I had been born disconnected

Today I went to the park and hit a boy

When we got home Mother tried to hide that she was crying and I threw up

I don't like people. I don't understand anyone

Shit, it's happening again. It hasn't happened for two nights

I don't know what it is, it's like a stabbing coming from my stomach

I've been feeling it for a long time, rising towards my head

and then it feels like I'm breaking from the inside

I feel like I'm going to explode

It's rage, fear, helplessness and disgust, all mixed up

I can understand that you're worried. I've gone over Juan's case history

Honestly, I don't know what to say. It's a difficult case to diagnose

There are clearly signs of autism which show-

- Excuse me, what's autism? - Well,

autism is a state of disconnection with the surrounding world

whose causes aren't very clear, scientifically speaking

In general, autists are patients in a world of their own

Their thoughts, loves and hatreds follow their own rules

Behind a mask of indifference with the world and people around them

they can hide the strongest emotions and act them out unexpectedly

Though they may have a clear view of reality, it tends to be distorted

and there is a near total blockage in their communication with others

Thus their behavior is eccentric, though in most cases they appear normal

Sometimes they behave as if they were deaf, not reacting to loud noises,

but they can be very sensitive to apparently meaningless stimuli,

a soft noise, eye contact, a gesture.

- It's complicated - I don't understand

Yes, it's. how should I put this,

a psychosis that manifests early on and so can be confused with mental retardation

but mental deficiencies aren't necessarily the case.

Their inner world is very complicated. Autistic children play alone

They like things that move, typically. Juan likes fish, doesn't he?

Yes, that's true

Another surprising thing is that they seem not to fear real dangers,

and at the same time interpret love or caring as aggression

Their relationships with people and objects are on their terms

- Are they all like that? - It varies

What do you do when they get upset?

That depends. There are techniques, tranquilizers

- What sort of techniques? - Like I said, it varies case by case

Getting back to Juan. Since he's been with us he's been better, right?

Yes, I suppose so

You can be assured we're doing everything humanly possible

Do you think. that one day he could-

No. Honestly, no. I'm sorry to be so frank, but I feel that it's my duty

He must always be cared for by someone

He's not responsible for his actions nor will he ever be

I understand

You must accept and overcome it

There are excellent professionals perfectly capable of making sure

that people like Juan lead a happy life

You mean the people in the other building? The inpatients?

- You think they're happy there? - Naturally, I'm sure of it

You have to trust us Clara

Just as you're an expert in certain technology,

well, we're specialists in the technology of human matters

In any case, my son will live with me

I understand your position perfectly Clara. It's only natural but-

Look Anna, I appreciate your interest and acknowledge your expertise,

but he needs me to be happy

It's a lovely day, isn't it? One other thing.

he needs caring, but be careful not to go overboard. To put it another way:

you must ration your affection, understand?

Goodnight, son

I don't know, it's some sort of block

I start to think of my son and can't go on

I don't know, maybe it's fear

Gynecologically speaking you're fine, there's no danger of becoming pregnant

If you're not done in five minutes I'm taking a taxi

You only think about your boats. Come on Luis!

Wait a minute!

Let me finish this!

It'll be perfect

Juan? Juan!

Come on, we're going to eat cake

Here

Want some?

- Here Ana - No thanks

- Do you want some orange squash? - Sure

Here are the matches Luisa

Ready Juan?

Go on, go on

Go on Juan, you know how to do it

Of course

I don't understand

You know what, we'll continue this tomorrow

Juan! Juan, what are you doing?

It's a complete mess. Damn robot!

Look at the state you're in! Don't you realize?

Don't you realize what would happen? Some day you'll tear the house down

I can't have a single moment's peace with you here

What's wrong?

No answer

Well, do something. I don't know what, but something

- Like what? - What do you mean, what?

No one could take this

- I'm going to call- - No telephones

How long has it been since we've had a night to ourselves?

We're going dancing. We should have fun once in a while

Look, I'm really worried. We'd better go home

Alright

- To you - No, to us

- Would you like another drink? - Yes

No, I'll get it

Hello?

We're on our way

- What else did she say? - Nothing, that was it

- It's really not a big deal - Sure, they're just not used to it

I leave him with you one time and this is what happens

He broke everything, even your father's boat collection

I don't give a damn about his precious fucking collection!

And I don't give a damn about him either! He's useless and pathetic,

unable to do anything for himself, even fucking taking care of his grandson!

- You're not being fair - Have you ever considered

what your life would've been like without that idiot at your side? Have you!

My problem is you, not him

Let's go son

- Juan! What's wrong, what happened? - It was him

- Who? - Him

- Who? - Him!

- Who did? - Him!

Let's go son

Hello?

Yes, it's me. Who's calling?

What?

Of course Carmen, I'm sorry. What time is it?

This damned alarm

Thanks Carmen, I'll be there in twenty minutes

I don't know what to do anymore, he spends the day agitated, breaking things

Two orders of chicken and fries, and two cokes

- You should take a vacation - And what do I do with him?

- You leave him at the center - No, that place is for the mentally ill

Clara, I don't mean to offend, but you know Juan is precisely that,

a young schizophrenic. And to tell the truth,

- you're starting to worry me even more - Why me?

I don't know, you're always smoking. I'd say you're entering a neurotic state

Alright, clear it up for me. What do normal, neurotic, and psychotic mean?

Look, in every case the perception of reality is very different

It's possible that at times something like psychotic lucidity could occur,

understand? When he does these things

he's trying to get affection, to draw your attention

You mean he acts with premeditation? He thinks?

At times he thinks with a certain lucidity and according to his own logic

Another difference between the normal, neurotic and the psychotic

is the amount of anguish present and the manner of defending against it

In this sense, psychosis is the last defense against intolerable anguish,

the only way to continue living

What would you do?

Electroshock, of course, and inpatient treatment for a time

No, not that. Not one or the other

Alright, let's eat

- Come in - Hello

- Take a seat, if you would - Thank you

- I'm at your service - Well, let's see

I've been going over the matter

It's a bit delicate. I feel that we're friends and don't want to hurt you

Let me get to the point

For some time, we've been noticing major errors in your monthly reports

That's a risk we can't have. I hope you understand

On the other hand, you're an efficient worker. I believe in you

I know you're experiencing hard times and personal matters are affecting your work

I suggested something with the administration which was approved

To avoid any major problems you will take three months off. Paid, naturally

But I don't want to stop working

It. it would help me find my equilibrium

- I've always believed tha- - It's not about what you believe,

it's about risks, risks we can't take

Believe me, it's the best solution I can offer

I understand

Many things have happened since the electroshock sessions

I have a hard time remembering everything clearly

The room was white. Everything was clean and orderly

The doctor barely looked at me. His gestures were calm

Of what he told Mother, I only remember random words,

"Only solution" , "clean" , "efficient"

I also remember the sound of the oxygen tanks and the clear plastic mask

While the nurse gave me a mouth guard she smiled,

but it looked more like a yawn to me

Then she pushed the button marked shock

A beam of ice went through my head and my body tensed,

then nothing

They repeated the operation every other day for a long time,

every morning the same until Mother said "Enough"

The following months were strange

I couldn't stop drooling, and since I could barely move

I used a wheelchair Grandmother brought

On Sundays, everyone would come for dinner

Mother would do what she could, but she'd become nervous every Sunday

She'd talk about me a lot, one pointless thing after another

until the soccer game would begin and Grandmother would demand silence

Then I would hide behind the fish tank

It's the best spot, since once you hear the fish breathing

you can forget about them and all their shit

One day I was so sick I started to feel an absolute certainty in myself

It was so hard not to drool that I began to accept the idea of my helplessness

AII the electricity they had put in my head had disconnected me permanently

and was becoming my friend

I felt the electrons smash against the walls of my brain, harder every day,

emitting a hum that gave me a sense of happiness I had never felt before

It was a sound like the breathing of the fish, but more metallic

It was pleasant. I understood they were they only thing I possessed,

they belonged only to me, they were locked inside my skull

Knowing that was fantastic,

it was knowledge that no one could take me back to the world of people

That made me feel good, it started giving me strength

Suddenly I knew what I had to do, and I had gathered enough energy to try

I went to the bathroom and found the bottle of liquid soap

I drank it. I liked its strange taste

With the second drink I began to feel much better

The spasms they started in my stomach were a new sensation, a pleasant one

The more I drank, the further I was from people. It was like floating in space

For an instant I thought of Mother, she was very beautiful,

then I remember nothing. I thought I had disconnected myself forever

Much later I learned that wasn't the case. I must have made a mistake

In any case, it wasn't useless. Mother changed

Since then, she becomes more like me every day

She's realized there's nothing to be done

Now she lets no one in, and every day she makes sure the doors are locked

Her gestures grow more mechanical, and she takes my injections too

We eat only when we're hungry, always canned food

The last of the vegetables rotted a long time ago. I'm fine with this

I like her not having friends and always being with me

I also like to watch her sleep

She looks like a stuffed doll I had when I was small

I loved it very much, but one day I cut it apart with a knife

When I saw it was broken I cried. That's the last time I remember crying,

and that was a long time ago

Shit, again. I can't breathe, my fingers are shaking

I have to stop the humming, I feel like a needle is piercing my skull

Something is breaking inside. I feel myself urinating. That calms me down

The humming finally stops. The smell of urine reaches my nose

It's a strong smell that I enjoy

I recognize it right away since it's been happening since I was born

That smell was my first and only friend

I think Mother likes it now too, since she never changes the sheets anymore,

not mine or hers. Now she loves only me, that's why she's pushed away the others

That's the best thing I've achieved

Every time someone came I inevitably felt the needle of ice in my head

It was rage, fear, helplessness and disgust, all mixed up

I want to be alone with Mother forever, just me and her

and the electrons in my head

like we are now, surrounded by machines that don't talk

or smile, or say pointless things, they only make pleasant sounds

The sound I like best now is the fan, it excites me. It's fascinating

Soon I'll be thirteen, but I'm sure this time there will be no party or cake,

no one to bother us

It'll just be her, me and my electrons, and it will be very different

Hello?

What day is it?

No, I don't want to see anyone

Clara, you have to open up, it's your mother

- Hello mother, what do you want? - Hello, can I come in?

I brought you things. A dress for you, let me find it. Also a puzzle for Juan

Mother, Juan doesn't do puzzles anymore. And please don't yell, he's sleeping

- I'll go see him, he'll like it - No, leave him alone!

He had a hard time falling asleep last night. This way

- And Dad? - He's well. He sends his love

- What are these things for? - What?

Oh, the plastic

So Juan doesn't get everything dirty. I'm sick of cleaning

Sick of cleaning?

I can see you've haven't cleaned much recently. You're becoming very messy

- Mother, please- - Don't worry, I'll take care of it

No thanks, I don't smoke and I wouldn't advise anyone to do so

it's been clearly proven to cause cancer

So she still refuses to go outside

Clear evidence of neurosis,

probably a psychotic reaction via hysterical mechanisms

- Could you explain? - The events are clear

She's identifying with her son without realizing it

She ignores the outside world, revolves around her own emotions

It's dangerous

I don't know what, but we have to do something. Tell me what I can do

Firstly, answer madness and passion with coldness

Coldness, compassion, intelligence and serenity

Forget compassion, I'm not a UNICEF member

I warned her when she still had time

I prescribed her a tranquilizer, do you know if she takes it?

I already told you, the only way in there is by knocking the door down,

which I will if things don't get better

Psychotics need help to confront reality

and to learn the rules of the social game,

rules that no matter how clear she is reluctant to follow,

she's always tended to solve things her own way

Now her behavior is openly asocial, abnormal

- What does that have to do with it? - I don't know, but look what happened

- I wonder why she didn't marry - That's her business and no one else's

But perhaps things would have been different

Juan would still be who he is and the same problem would exist

That's where it is. He's someone who wants nothing to do with others

That's the problem and no one can do a thing

- Scientifically- - We've already tried things that way

- Look, I don't have much time- - But Clara's your friend!

So what do you want me to do, call her?

I've already told you, she doesn't want to see or speak to anyone

She's stopped answering the phone

Look, there's a rule: either the psychiatrist wins or the patient loses

That's how it is in every civilized society

Yeah, I understand, and this is a civilized society

No matter how you feel about it

Mom, I've told you not to insist

You know perfectly well that he doesn't eat since those damned sessions

Come on, you have to eat. Go on, eat please

Leave him alone, he can't chew. I'll make him some baby food later

He has to eat the salad, that's why I bought it. And you too!

You only eat canned food, who taught you to live like that?

This place is like a madhouse. The house is full of tissues

My god, it's sickening

Shit and trash, you're going to end up starving

I don't know where you learned these habits

You and your brothers were brought up well, you should do the same for Juan

How long had it been since you cleaned the kitchen? At least a month

I told you he doesn't eat salad, so leave him alone!

And that is the last time you ever tell me what to do, understand?

Save your advice for your idiot sons and your salad for their stupid kids!

And now I'd like you to leave, mother. You've done all you can here

I'm going to tell you a story about a man and a star, alright?

There was once a strange star, prettier than the rest

It was called Mercury. It was never cold because it lived close to the sun

But it was very lonely, and it started to do strange things

One day, a lost astronaut arrived, tired,

his space suit torn, a suit like yours, you know?

And he told the star that he was looking for the moon. The star replied

that he would never find it, that it was too far

and that no matter how far he traveled it would stay as far

Understand?

But the astronaut convinced her

They spent many nights together and became good friends,

such good friends that they decided to go look for the moon together

Then what?

I don't know

- You do know - I don't

- Have you seen? - Seen what?

There in the sky, the moon. It's very big tonight

- Do you like it? - Yes, very much

Alright, let's go to sleep

And we'll go out tomorrow

We'll buy a new fish tank, just like the old one, alright?

- What are you laughing at? - No, nothing

He just reminds me of your friend, though I like him better

- What friend? - Yeah, look, they speak the same way

He's just like Ana

Can you imagine them in bed?

Just imagine,

her plugging in those cables and the guy saying "I can't, mental block" ,

her going crazy with the cables and he keeps saying he doesn't feel a thing

Hey, speaking of beds.

- how would you like to take a nap? - But it's night time

Alright, that's enough television for today. Bed time

- Good night, son - I want you to stay with me

- No, I can't tonight - I don't want to be alone

- What, are you getting spoiled? - Yes

Come on, bed time

Juan, I said bed time

Juan, bed time

Good night

Listen, what if you came to live at my house?

- What about Juan? - The three of us

We're all friends after all. And on some weekend

we could invite Ana and a friend, Frankenstein for example,

so she can have fun with that cable thing

We could go to the beach, how long has it been since you've gone to the beach?

I don't even remember what color the ocean is

Well then it's decided, all three of us will go. It'll do us good

I love you

I think I drank too much, my mouth is dry

- I'm getting some water, want anything? - Yeah, another glass of water,

or just bring the whole bottle

Juan!

I'm sorry that this happened, but I warned your friend beforehand

Nothing in the world is coincidence

For these children what's important, truly important, is a stable rhythm

The normality of the day guarantees their psychological stability

The landscape must be tranquil, relaxing,

no strong emotions, it's necessary to destroy their capacity for emotion

- But- - Quiet, I know what you're going to say

but we agreed that from now on you would trust me. You've already done enough

Today we can practically control their minds

Ana, that's robbing a person of life. They can't decide, can't act, can't feel

Do you know what you're saying? You're practically turning him into a vegetable

Look Clara, I thought you had understood but I see we're still in the same place

You have a right to live your life, don't you?

I think so

In the end you decide, but I don't think you have much of a choice

It's bad luck, unfair, a mistake a nature or the punishment of God, I don't care

but the facts are these: firstly, Juan exists and he's your son and secondly

can you tell me what you've been able to do for him on your own in over 13 years?

Can you?

- I'll tell you, nothing - I'm afraid

Afraid? Afraid of what?

- Of yourself? - I don't know.

Here, the income form. I've already filled it out, bring it back on Monday

Until then

change his medication

Give him this, here's the prescription

Give him one after lunch, and if he's upset, one after dinner

They're stronger than the old ones, but don't worry, they'll keep him calm

Keep an eye on the them, if he were to take more than ten it would be fatal

Clara

- Dinner's ready - I'm not hungry

You have to eat, you haven't had a bite in two days

- Where's Juan? - In your room, watching television

- Has David picked up everything? - Only the TVs and his things are left

He put them all in your room, there was no way to take them from him

Come, let's go

I'm tired. I'll take a shower, I'm not sleepy

It's very hot

Shit, even the cups are nervous today