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_
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_
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So it's actually a pretty
big day, so gotta fuel up.
4
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Today's actually gonna be
our first Saturday apart
5
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from each other since, like, 2004
6
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because I got a job.
7
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Um, yeah. I'm working at
8
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Dylan's dad's car dealership,
which is crazy.
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- I'm so pumped up though.
- Yeah.
10
00:00:28,228 --> 00:00:30,414
I've got a ton of plans
today too, so it's no big deal
11
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that Shrub can't be around, you know?
12
00:00:32,065 --> 00:00:34,318
I can finally cross some stuff
off my to-do list,
13
00:00:34,402 --> 00:00:36,953
which I would show you guys,
but it's a private list.
14
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:40,357
Uh, and, you know, just know
that it's really long, so...
15
00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:44,594
I guess I'm just, like,
hoping for new friendships?
16
00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:46,697
Also to mess with
people's radio presets.
17
00:00:46,781 --> 00:00:49,166
Because I think that's... Kelly?
18
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:55,472
Not cool, Kelly!
Smaller bites today, maybe?
19
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,557
It's fine, okay? I can Heimlich myself.
20
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Sync and corrections by btsix
yts-subs.dev
21
00:01:01,141 --> 00:01:03,213
I just don't know
where to go after peace be with you.
22
00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:05,315
Dot, dot, dot. You got the three dots?
23
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Yeah. It's called an ellipsis.
24
00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:11,688
On Saturdays, Joe dictates
his sermon and I type it up.
25
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But today he was dealing
with some major writer's block,
26
00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:17,160
making that expression my dog makes
27
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when she feels constipated.
28
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And honestly, it's real uncomfortable.
29
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Hmm.
30
00:01:25,119 --> 00:01:26,836
I could do Footprints on the Beach.
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I think we both know
you're better than that.
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Ugh! Okay, you know what?
33
00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:32,042
I'm gonna go out for a bit, all right?
34
00:01:32,126 --> 00:01:33,577
I'm gonna head to the driving range.
35
00:01:33,661 --> 00:01:35,553
Hitting balls always helps me
clear my head.
36
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- You gonna play hooky?
- Only for a few hours.
37
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Come on.
38
00:01:38,987 --> 00:01:40,484
If anybody asks, you just cover for me.
39
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You say I'm, uh, doing, like,
a hospice thing.
40
00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:44,021
Too sad?
41
00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:45,155
Oh, you decide.
42
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:46,857
Welcome to Parney Motors.
43
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I'm gonna give you a tour.
44
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:53,083
Um, right here we got the uh,
sort of office car situation.
45
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Uh, we got a vending machine
back there, a couple trophies,
46
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a gumball machine
with a bunch of candies.
47
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:04,141
Um, over here,
we have the beverage station,
48
00:02:04,225 --> 00:02:07,244
unlimited sugar packets, which is dope.
49
00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:10,180
Um, over there,
I don't know, but I'm guessing
50
00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:12,749
that's where me and the boys
are gonna chillax.
51
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:15,752
Um, let's see what else.
We've got pamphlets over there.
52
00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:17,020
- Hey, man.
- Hey, Dylan.
53
00:02:17,104 --> 00:02:18,188
- Good to see you.
- Good to see you too.
54
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- Glad the job worked out.
- Yeah.
55
00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:21,425
Well, let me show you the detailing bay.
56
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This area's sort of
for customers and uh, suits.
57
00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:26,863
- Oh.
- It's my dad's rule.
58
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:27,998
- It's not mine.
- Yeah.
59
00:02:28,082 --> 00:02:30,334
- I was wondering.
- Yeah.
60
00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:32,620
But I'd love to catch up
with you later though.
61
00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:37,174
Kelly, what the heck?
62
00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:39,242
Hey, Father Joe. I can't talk for long.
63
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- I have a really busy day.
- Yeah, me too.
64
00:02:41,841 --> 00:02:43,213
I'm headed to the driving range.
65
00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:45,415
I've got some serious
sermon brainstorming to do.
66
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,551
Okay, look at you, Tiger Woods.
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I could come along if you wanted.
68
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I think I can use some time alone.
69
00:02:51,105 --> 00:02:52,923
Me too. You read my mind.
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- Don't...
- Oh.
71
00:02:58,712 --> 00:02:59,938
Mugs are earned.
72
00:03:00,022 --> 00:03:02,733
All right, people. Time to get to work.
73
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Phones in the box.
74
00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:11,691
Can't have any texting in the bay.
75
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You need to stay alert, focused.
76
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No more accidents.
77
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Last guy was swiping on Tinder
and fell face first
78
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into the nozzle of an industrial vac.
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00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:24,829
They can do a lot with prosthetics,
80
00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:27,415
but at the end of the day,
he really misses his nose.
81
00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:29,986
So as far as I can tell,
82
00:03:30,070 --> 00:03:33,192
detailing means cleaning, which sucks,
83
00:03:33,276 --> 00:03:36,166
but I'm really trying to
get in good with these guys.
84
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Especially Dave.
85
00:03:39,186 --> 00:03:41,012
Hey, working hard or hardly working,
86
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am I right, uh, fellas?
87
00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:53,183
So where the hell are all the gophers?
88
00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:55,419
Or is Caddyshack
just like totally fiction?
89
00:03:55,503 --> 00:03:58,155
Oh, no. This is so fun.
90
00:03:58,239 --> 00:04:01,488
Yeah, Kelly is, as always, a hoot.
91
00:04:01,572 --> 00:04:02,659
Here's the thing.
92
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:05,028
I need to take this time
to destress and focus,
93
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#Selfcare, et cetera.
94
00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:08,975
And I still don't have my sermon yet,
95
00:04:09,059 --> 00:04:12,002
and that's kind of literally
my only job.
96
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Shoe!
97
00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:17,925
Shoe!
98
00:04:19,193 --> 00:04:20,961
Shoe!
99
00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,718
- Don't screw up!
- Cheese and crackers!
100
00:04:27,802 --> 00:04:29,419
Kelly!
101
00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:32,923
I just... I need some
peace and quiet, okay?
102
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Please respect that.
103
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Fine, I'll just go find some used balls.
104
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That's what she said.
105
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Hi, hi. You up for some lunch?
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No, I'm busy.
107
00:04:48,189 --> 00:04:50,574
- Oh, what you workin' on?
- Joe's sermon.
108
00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:54,082
Makin' some grammatical changes
and spicin' it up
109
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so people don't fall asleep
and choke on their drool.
110
00:04:56,660 --> 00:04:57,948
Oh, I usually...
111
00:04:58,032 --> 00:05:00,446
Well, you know, I... I used
to do that for his sermons.
112
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I can take a look.
113
00:05:01,599 --> 00:05:04,621
No, I got it. It's my job, so...
114
00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:07,584
Oh, sorta my job too, because
I'm a professional writer.
115
00:05:07,668 --> 00:05:09,059
Editing just gets me so jazzed up.
116
00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:11,061
Cheryl, you need to back
the hell up right now.
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- I am backed up.
- This is stupid.
118
00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:16,033
Joe's out playing golf
and we're both fighting over
119
00:05:16,117 --> 00:05:18,468
who gets to do his work for him.
120
00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:20,771
This is some patriarchy [BLEEP].
121
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We should play hooky too.
122
00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:25,475
'Cause I'm not gonna let you
see the sermon, so...
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00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:28,578
Yeah, no, I don't wanna.
Let's play hooky.
124
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Ladies' day.
125
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Don't do that.
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Oh.
127
00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:44,094
Oh, I-I-I didn't touch anything.
128
00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:45,429
I don't know why that just did that.
129
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You gotta really get in there, Shrub.
130
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:48,516
- Okay.
- Yeah.
131
00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:52,469
Nice.
132
00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:55,005
Wait, what? Hey, hey, hey, hey, guys.
133
00:05:56,323 --> 00:05:59,042
Hey! Hey, guys!
134
00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:01,529
Turn it off!
135
00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:05,248
Very funny, guys. Very funny.
136
00:06:05,332 --> 00:06:07,451
Traditional hazing.
137
00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:10,119
Can't wait to see what you guys
did to my sandwich.
138
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,989
You don't mess with a man's sandwich.
139
00:06:12,073 --> 00:06:14,157
Sometimes, that's all that he has.
140
00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:16,126
We did try and flush his hat
down the toilet, though.
141
00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:18,128
He just put it right back on.
142
00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:20,230
That kid's either all right
or all wrong.
143
00:06:20,314 --> 00:06:21,682
Still deciding.
144
00:06:26,554 --> 00:06:28,038
Kelly!
145
00:06:28,122 --> 00:06:29,639
Kelly, look out!
146
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:30,774
Ooh!
147
00:06:33,494 --> 00:06:35,596
Kelly!
148
00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:40,517
Oh, geez!
149
00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:41,952
Kelly, I am so sorry!
150
00:06:42,036 --> 00:06:43,153
Where does it hurt?
151
00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:45,610
Shooting pains all up and down.
152
00:06:45,694 --> 00:06:47,490
And yeah, big deal,
I didn't shave my legs,
153
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,359
'cause it's not Tuesday... ow!
154
00:06:49,443 --> 00:06:51,127
I don't see any marks!
155
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:52,329
Oh, geez!
156
00:06:52,413 --> 00:06:53,563
I didn't touch anything.
157
00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:55,365
Kelly says she hates drama,
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00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:57,133
but I one time called her a drama queen,
159
00:06:57,217 --> 00:07:00,337
and she didn't talk to me
for two days, so...
160
00:07:00,421 --> 00:07:02,105
do the math.
161
00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:08,211
Oh, um, do you need a wheelchair?
162
00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:09,679
There's no time!
163
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,015
Well, good. Thank you.
164
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:13,133
Okay.
165
00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,490
Are you not able to bend?
166
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:22,492
Just bend your knees to sit down?
167
00:07:22,576 --> 00:07:25,068
- I don't trust them right now.
- Your knees?
168
00:07:25,152 --> 00:07:27,430
The most serious injuries
are the ones you cannot see.
169
00:07:27,514 --> 00:07:29,332
Like, they're called medical mysteries.
170
00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:33,136
So, yeah,
there's no visible mark on my leg, yet,
171
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:34,704
but I feel pain all over.
172
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:37,185
The human body is designed
to betray you.
173
00:07:37,269 --> 00:07:39,175
Like, this is way more
than a bruise, dude.
174
00:07:45,698 --> 00:07:47,317
I did not need this today.
175
00:07:47,401 --> 00:07:48,551
This will teach Shrub to abandon me
176
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,186
on a Saturday of all days.
177
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:51,354
Okay, just calm down.
178
00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:52,589
Have you tried calling him?
179
00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:54,791
Uh, duh! He's in my emergency contacts,
180
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:56,426
so of course, I've tried calling him.
181
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:57,661
I've texted him.
182
00:07:57,745 --> 00:07:59,529
I even sent him the poop emoji,
183
00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:01,364
which is our code
for [BLEEP] going down.
184
00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:03,400
Nothing. I'm totally alone.
185
00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:04,968
No offense.
186
00:08:05,052 --> 00:08:07,704
Is there anyone who could
come be with you right now,
187
00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:09,439
like maybe your mom or your dad?
188
00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:13,143
I don't want to be a burden.
189
00:08:13,227 --> 00:08:14,344
Well, it's just that, you know,
190
00:08:14,428 --> 00:08:16,579
I haven't exactly
finished my sermon, so...
191
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:19,983
I thought that was you,
Father Joe, out in the wild.
192
00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:22,385
Don't mean to bother you.
Just want to let you know
193
00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:24,788
you seem to be parked
in a red zone out there.
194
00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:26,289
Ah, geez!
195
00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:28,358
Thanks. I'll go move it.
196
00:08:28,442 --> 00:08:31,845
Ugh! Ow! Ah-ha-ha!
197
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,220
Ugh.
198
00:08:42,179 --> 00:08:44,398
- Guys givin' you a hard time?
- Not really.
199
00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:46,467
I can take it.
200
00:08:46,551 --> 00:08:47,635
Kinda.
201
00:08:47,719 --> 00:08:49,303
You just gotta prove yourself.
202
00:08:49,387 --> 00:08:50,738
Then they'll leave you alone.
203
00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:52,607
I can see that you are an artist, Shrub.
204
00:08:52,691 --> 00:08:53,841
Really?
205
00:08:53,925 --> 00:08:56,177
Wait, did you see my wall art
by the urinal?
206
00:08:56,261 --> 00:08:57,378
What? No.
207
00:08:57,462 --> 00:08:58,613
I saw you vacuum the word "boobs"
208
00:08:58,697 --> 00:09:00,414
into that Camry carpet.
209
00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:02,316
That is something I can work with.
210
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:03,518
Hell, yeah.
211
00:09:03,602 --> 00:09:05,620
But I don't just apprentice anyone.
212
00:09:05,704 --> 00:09:07,321
You have to be willing to do the work.
213
00:09:07,405 --> 00:09:08,723
Okay.
214
00:09:08,807 --> 00:09:09,824
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
215
00:09:09,908 --> 00:09:11,559
What about the guy that fell
216
00:09:11,643 --> 00:09:12,693
and doesn't have a nose anymore?
217
00:09:12,777 --> 00:09:14,362
- Shh.
- Oh, God.
218
00:09:14,446 --> 00:09:16,264
- Relax.
- I don't like this.
219
00:09:16,348 --> 00:09:17,415
I do not like this.
220
00:09:19,784 --> 00:09:22,470
Now vacuum the crumbs.
221
00:09:22,554 --> 00:09:24,705
Yeah, but I don't see the crumbs.
222
00:09:24,789 --> 00:09:27,341
You have to feel them.
223
00:09:27,425 --> 00:09:28,576
Oh, my God.
224
00:09:28,660 --> 00:09:30,611
Take a deep breath.
225
00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:36,184
Long enough to say the word
"Linda" in your head.
226
00:09:36,268 --> 00:09:38,186
Linda.
227
00:09:38,270 --> 00:09:39,664
Yes.
228
00:09:40,505 --> 00:09:42,323
- You got this.
- Ah!
229
00:09:43,642 --> 00:09:45,426
Linda is a great boss.
230
00:09:45,510 --> 00:09:47,995
Other than Father Joe,
basically zero other adults
231
00:09:48,079 --> 00:09:51,132
have ever believed
I could do anything, ever.
232
00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:53,701
Plus I'm used to having strong
women tell me what to do.
233
00:09:53,785 --> 00:09:55,970
I mean, even Beth had
a quiet command of the room.
234
00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:58,573
Linda, she kinda reminds me
of my Nan a little bit,
235
00:09:58,657 --> 00:10:01,375
but like, way more mobile.
236
00:10:01,459 --> 00:10:02,710
Broader shoulders.
237
00:10:02,794 --> 00:10:05,396
Oh!
238
00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:08,649
I have not been day drinking in ages.
239
00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:10,885
All right, Sandra Dee. Calm down.
240
00:10:10,969 --> 00:10:13,588
Part of playing hooky is
not making a big deal about it.
241
00:10:13,672 --> 00:10:15,990
Hi. Can we get two chardonnays?
242
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:18,910
Oh, with ice, please, if you've got it.
243
00:10:21,379 --> 00:10:22,835
- Ice?
- To keep it cold.
244
00:10:22,919 --> 00:10:23,920
Ice?
245
00:10:24,004 --> 00:10:27,293
_
246
00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:33,874
_
247
00:10:36,795 --> 00:10:39,099
Hold my phone.
I need to update my followers.
248
00:10:39,183 --> 00:10:42,416
Grotesque injuries equal crazy views.
249
00:10:42,500 --> 00:10:45,186
Okay, hold it up.
250
00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:46,254
Okay.
251
00:10:46,338 --> 00:10:48,256
Ugh!
252
00:10:48,340 --> 00:10:49,357
What's up, homies?
253
00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:52,388
Just currently living
that emergency room life.
254
00:10:52,472 --> 00:10:56,831
If I don't make it out of here,
I love every single one of you.
255
00:10:56,915 --> 00:10:58,824
Except, you know who you are.
256
00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:01,769
So basically, I took a ball
to the kneecap at close range.
257
00:11:01,853 --> 00:11:04,472
It was, like, fwho.
And I was, like, aaah!
258
00:11:06,691 --> 00:11:08,075
Kay, let me see.
259
00:11:08,159 --> 00:11:11,979
Her injury seems to be getting worse?
260
00:11:12,063 --> 00:11:13,314
I don't even know how that's possible.
261
00:11:13,398 --> 00:11:14,611
I mean, to be perfectly frank,
262
00:11:14,695 --> 00:11:17,418
I think it, uh, isn't very serious.
263
00:11:17,502 --> 00:11:19,454
I mean, we have been here
for an eternity.
264
00:11:19,538 --> 00:11:21,136
You know, hooky in small doses is fine,
265
00:11:21,220 --> 00:11:23,057
but this is downright irresponsible.
266
00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:25,076
Father Joe, I need help
going to the bathroom.
267
00:11:29,332 --> 00:11:30,600
It's number two.
268
00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:36,904
Oh, I should find my phone
and text that to Kelly.
269
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:39,837
She loves baby animals
taking on the big scary world.
270
00:11:39,921 --> 00:11:41,609
- Hey, kid.
- Hey.
271
00:11:41,693 --> 00:11:43,578
We're gonna watch
Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?
272
00:11:43,662 --> 00:11:45,480
It's what we do on our lunch break.
273
00:11:45,564 --> 00:11:47,050
Yeah, no, I get it.
274
00:11:47,134 --> 00:11:48,850
Uh, let me just get outta your hair.
275
00:11:48,934 --> 00:11:50,877
No, you can join us if you want.
276
00:11:52,237 --> 00:11:53,260
- Really?
- Yeah.
277
00:11:53,344 --> 00:11:54,722
Yeah? Oh.
278
00:11:54,806 --> 00:11:56,257
Okay, yeah. Totally.
279
00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:59,347
Hey, I was just checkin' to see
if you wanted to grab some Arby's.
280
00:12:02,581 --> 00:12:03,932
Roast beef on me.
281
00:12:05,417 --> 00:12:06,767
Uh, yeah, right, Dylan.
282
00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:09,603
I would rather buff my own
balls than get lunch with you.
283
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:12,731
Oh, and by the way,
no suits allowed, dude.
284
00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:14,525
Did it hurt my feelings?
285
00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:16,144
- All right.
- That's that.
286
00:12:16,228 --> 00:12:17,308
Kinda.
287
00:12:17,392 --> 00:12:18,979
It was more surprising than anything.
288
00:12:19,063 --> 00:12:20,372
I was just trying to be nice.
289
00:12:20,456 --> 00:12:21,744
Hey, Dylan, Dylan. So sorry about that.
290
00:12:21,828 --> 00:12:23,236
I've just got to keep up appearances,
291
00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:24,231
you know what I mean?
292
00:12:24,315 --> 00:12:26,121
It's just, like, really
not cool to be seen with you,
293
00:12:26,205 --> 00:12:29,142
which is the opposite thing
of high school, I know.
294
00:12:29,226 --> 00:12:32,344
World's crazy, but um,
I'll see you later, okay?
295
00:12:37,694 --> 00:12:40,701
I gotta say, the ice was a good call.
296
00:12:40,785 --> 00:12:42,637
- Thank you.
- Well, hey there.
297
00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:45,438
You know, I couldn't help but notice,
298
00:12:45,522 --> 00:12:47,475
even from all the way over there,
299
00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:50,837
that your eyes are intoxicating.
300
00:12:52,097 --> 00:12:53,313
I know.
301
00:12:53,397 --> 00:12:55,699
Oh, who here has tried colored contacts?
302
00:13:00,672 --> 00:13:03,858
Well, I need to use
the little girls' room,
303
00:13:03,942 --> 00:13:07,379
but, uh, will you watch my wine?
304
00:13:10,982 --> 00:13:14,154
That lady is layin' it on thick.
305
00:13:14,238 --> 00:13:16,540
I haven't been hit on like that
in a while.
306
00:13:17,622 --> 00:13:20,808
Oh, my gosh. I didn't even notice!
307
00:13:20,892 --> 00:13:23,638
Yeah, I can barely navigate
heterosexual flirting.
308
00:13:23,722 --> 00:13:25,446
No, when she comes back,
I'm gonna be your wingman...
309
00:13:25,530 --> 00:13:27,291
Your wingperson...
It's a wing woman... what?
310
00:13:27,375 --> 00:13:29,417
That's... no, that's not necessary.
311
00:13:29,501 --> 00:13:31,018
No, listen, I used to do this
312
00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:33,103
for my friends
in Minneapolis all the time.
313
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:34,714
Consider the deal sealed.
314
00:13:38,468 --> 00:13:40,069
If you're ordering a pizza,
I'll take the...
315
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,487
No, I'm trying to reach Mandy,
316
00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:42,930
but she's not answering.
317
00:13:43,014 --> 00:13:44,907
I warmed up the doctor for you.
318
00:13:45,264 --> 00:13:46,834
Oh, thanks, but I'm here for her.
319
00:13:47,347 --> 00:13:50,120
Oh, so nice of you
to take the entire day off
320
00:13:50,204 --> 00:13:52,581
before the real work happens
tomorrow on Sunday.
321
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,648
Well, I'm not taking the day off.
322
00:13:54,732 --> 00:13:56,835
And uh, my sermon is already done,
323
00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:58,379
so I don't know
what you're talkin' about.
324
00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:00,089
He hit me with a projectile.
325
00:14:02,934 --> 00:14:04,452
Peace be with you.
326
00:14:04,536 --> 00:14:05,727
Also with you.
327
00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:11,459
- Hey, hey, Kelly?
- Mm?
328
00:14:11,543 --> 00:14:14,533
Um, if anyone asks,
329
00:14:14,617 --> 00:14:17,665
you don't really have to give them
all the details of today, okay?
330
00:14:17,749 --> 00:14:21,425
Like, no one needs to know
I was on the other end of that ball.
331
00:14:21,509 --> 00:14:23,471
Or that I was even playing golf at all.
332
00:14:23,555 --> 00:14:25,192
- Oh.
- I mean, none of that.
333
00:14:25,276 --> 00:14:27,149
So, you want me to lie for you.
334
00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:28,543
But you wouldn't let me write
335
00:14:28,627 --> 00:14:30,629
that I was a stunt woman
on the intake form.
336
00:14:30,713 --> 00:14:32,002
Wow.
337
00:14:32,086 --> 00:14:33,861
No, it's not a lie.
338
00:14:33,945 --> 00:14:35,750
It's an omission of truth.
339
00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:37,753
I think you're getting a parking ticket.
340
00:14:37,837 --> 00:14:39,971
No. No!
341
00:14:41,206 --> 00:14:43,048
No! No!
342
00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:47,615
Shrub, I got a job for you.
It's an important one.
343
00:14:47,699 --> 00:14:48,804
But I think you're ready for it.
344
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,806
Locked and loaded. Ride or die.
345
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:53,376
God and glory. Let's go.
346
00:14:54,502 --> 00:14:56,445
Classic Mazda SUV.
347
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:59,114
Didn't look like much at first,
but this thing was tricked out.
348
00:14:59,198 --> 00:15:00,926
Leather steering wheel,
349
00:15:01,010 --> 00:15:03,037
so you know I busted out that horsehair.
350
00:15:03,121 --> 00:15:05,400
Before today, I hadn't cleaned anything
351
00:15:05,484 --> 00:15:09,358
that wasn't my own body
or, like, a dish.
352
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:12,065
But Linda taught me
that everything can be
353
00:15:12,149 --> 00:15:13,663
just a little bit cleaner.
354
00:15:14,689 --> 00:15:16,816
Also, I figured out a way
to ride the buffer around.
355
00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:21,670
Did you know that Mandy is
an accomplished tattoo artist?
356
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,172
Oh, really?
357
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,174
Well, this is kind of embarrassing,
358
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:28,969
but I have a tattoo of a little
bundt cake on my ankle.
359
00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:31,936
Oh, I love bundt cake.
Sliding Doors moment.
360
00:15:32,020 --> 00:15:32,739
Mm.
361
00:15:32,823 --> 00:15:34,817
That's... that's not how that works.
362
00:15:34,901 --> 00:15:36,118
Do you enjoy baking?
363
00:15:36,202 --> 00:15:37,686
- I do not.
- Yes.
364
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,088
Me too.
365
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:41,557
Okay, right here, right now,
366
00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:42,992
favorite recipe blog.
367
00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:45,694
On the count of three. One, two.
368
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:46,929
- Muffin...
- To Worry About!
369
00:15:47,013 --> 00:15:48,764
- Yes! Oh, I love that!
- No way.
370
00:15:48,848 --> 00:15:50,434
Ooh, woo-hoo!
371
00:15:50,518 --> 00:15:51,754
This is hilarious.
372
00:15:51,838 --> 00:15:54,770
Honestly, Maureen is not my type.
373
00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:57,239
My type plays it cool,
374
00:15:57,323 --> 00:15:58,901
has a little meat on their bones,
375
00:15:58,985 --> 00:16:02,011
and owns zero cardigans
if they're a woman,
376
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:04,363
lots of cardigans if they're a man.
377
00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:06,866
It's really important.
378
00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:11,380
- Great job, son.
- Thanks, Mom.
379
00:16:11,464 --> 00:16:13,522
- Oh, no, that's not...
- No, no, that's... Linda, sorry.
380
00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:15,224
Wait, what? No.
381
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,993
It's Dylan's car? Thanks for telling me.
382
00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:23,376
Oh, wait, w-w-w-w-w...
No, no, no, no, ah!
383
00:16:23,460 --> 00:16:25,734
Are you seriously kidding me
right now, Dylan?
384
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,169
I just did a counterclockwise rubdown
385
00:16:27,253 --> 00:16:29,538
of every single inch of this hood.
386
00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:33,576
Lin-da.
387
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:35,874
I'm sorry that I yelled at you.
388
00:16:35,958 --> 00:16:37,674
I'm just... it's insane to me
that these cars
389
00:16:37,758 --> 00:16:40,086
are going to get dirty again
when they leave here.
390
00:16:40,170 --> 00:16:41,294
No problem.
391
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:43,894
Parking here in a red zone.
392
00:16:43,978 --> 00:16:47,085
- I'm Father Joe, okay? I can't...
- That's one heck of a parking space there.
393
00:16:47,169 --> 00:16:48,824
No. Please, no, please.
394
00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:50,726
Okay, then...
395
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:52,712
- What are you do...
- Oh, my God.
396
00:16:52,796 --> 00:16:54,439
I cannot believe
that Shrub is missing this.
397
00:16:54,523 --> 00:16:56,416
It almost makes me forget about my leg.
398
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:58,767
You know what?
399
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,687
- It really hurts bad though.
- Come on!
400
00:17:03,734 --> 00:17:05,274
We have been waiting here
401
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,176
for four hours.
402
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,111
Four hours!
403
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:10,781
And we have got no updates!
404
00:17:10,865 --> 00:17:13,719
And we just sit there.
And she's in pain, okay?
405
00:17:13,803 --> 00:17:14,992
So I don't know what it's going to take
406
00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:17,286
to be seen by a doctor here,
but let me know!
407
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:18,705
Because I've had enough!
408
00:17:22,694 --> 00:17:24,763
Kelly? Nope.
409
00:17:25,710 --> 00:17:27,021
You're next.
410
00:17:27,970 --> 00:17:29,187
Excellent.
411
00:17:30,841 --> 00:17:31,842
So I said to him,
412
00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:33,877
this is false advertising.
413
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,872
This is not a snuggie. It's a slanket!
414
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:40,543
Maureen, you are a gem and a half.
415
00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:43,079
Well, the same could be said about you.
416
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,798
Mm.
417
00:17:46,071 --> 00:17:49,557
Look, I know you two
are a packaged deal.
418
00:17:49,641 --> 00:17:52,254
And frankly, I'm into it.
419
00:17:52,338 --> 00:17:53,889
So what do you say,
420
00:17:53,973 --> 00:17:56,025
we go get a room at the Red Roof
421
00:17:56,109 --> 00:17:58,478
and see where the afternoon takes us?
422
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:01,831
Oh, I'm not sure that sounds so...
423
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:06,002
That's going to be a hard no,
but we appreciate the offer.
424
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:08,237
Totally understand.
425
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:13,209
But, if you change your mind,
I am here every Saturday.
426
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:14,677
Not because I have no life,
427
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:18,247
but because I'm a sexually
frustrated alcoholic, so...
428
00:18:22,770 --> 00:18:25,921
Oh, I can't believe that just happened!
429
00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:28,235
Oh, my gosh, Mandy.
She thought we were a couple!
430
00:18:28,319 --> 00:18:30,469
I know!
431
00:18:30,553 --> 00:18:32,579
It kills me!
432
00:18:33,285 --> 00:18:36,490
You and I together!
433
00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:39,468
Even if we were the last
two people in Flatch,
434
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:43,139
I would still scoot
my ass over to [BLEEP] Pockton.
435
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:47,068
I know, right?
436
00:18:47,747 --> 00:18:49,282
Wait, what?
437
00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:53,949
Oh! That was cool.
438
00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:55,262
Hey, kid.
439
00:18:57,631 --> 00:18:58,856
You did good today.
440
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,223
Thanks.
441
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:03,993
We don't give the Dilbert
Y2K mug to just anybody.
442
00:19:04,077 --> 00:19:05,861
We always split the loose change
443
00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:06,996
we find in the car seats.
444
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:10,441
Here you go.
17 cents for a job well done.
445
00:19:11,070 --> 00:19:12,485
- Oh.
- Welcome aboard.
446
00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:15,429
Nope, nope, nope.
447
00:19:17,570 --> 00:19:20,518
Oh, my God. That's just... that's crazy.
448
00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:22,845
Oh, my God.
449
00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:25,706
Wait, 158 missed calls
and texts from Kelly?
450
00:19:26,902 --> 00:19:29,118
Oh, my God,
that's the poop emoji, [BLEEP].
451
00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:30,953
I told her to go easy today.
452
00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:32,488
Yeah, I mean, I'm not surprised
453
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:34,262
that Kelly went to urgent care,
454
00:19:34,346 --> 00:19:36,993
but um, low key...
455
00:19:37,077 --> 00:19:39,270
Dude, today was, like, the best day.
456
00:19:39,354 --> 00:19:42,365
Like, I have new friends that
actually think that I'm cool,
457
00:19:42,449 --> 00:19:45,226
and people who, like,
appreciate my artistry.
458
00:19:45,918 --> 00:19:47,703
I mean, oh, man. I just...
459
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:50,068
I want to feel this fulfilled
every single day of my life.
460
00:19:50,881 --> 00:19:53,843
And I'm getting paid! Money!
461
00:19:54,828 --> 00:19:57,346
Uh, adult much?
462
00:20:00,111 --> 00:20:02,418
So it's like a really big bruise.
463
00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:04,202
Like, bruise isn't even
the right word for it.
464
00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:05,416
It's like a contusion.
465
00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:07,546
Well, she said
it could've been a contusion
466
00:20:07,630 --> 00:20:09,357
if I'd been hit just a little harder.
467
00:20:09,441 --> 00:20:12,627
Father Joe definitely didn't
need to hulk out like that,
468
00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:14,963
but no one's ever done that
for me before.
469
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:17,833
Shrub, on the other hand,
completely abandoned me.
470
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:20,949
Makes me wonder if he cares
more about me or him.
471
00:20:25,192 --> 00:20:27,181
Nope, I didn't finish my sermon.
472
00:20:27,265 --> 00:20:28,811
- Over there!
- But you know what?
473
00:20:29,402 --> 00:20:31,597
When Kelly was squeezing
my hand really hard
474
00:20:31,681 --> 00:20:32,748
in that doctor's office,
475
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:35,007
when she was getting
her temperature taken,
476
00:20:35,091 --> 00:20:38,316
I realized that self-care
477
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,856
meant other person care.
478
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:43,098
Maybe that's what being
a good person is...
479
00:20:43,182 --> 00:20:45,460
Being there for your people
in their time of need,
480
00:20:45,544 --> 00:20:46,835
even when it's not convenient.
481
00:20:46,919 --> 00:20:49,031
Just like it says in Ecclesiastes 4,
482
00:20:49,115 --> 00:20:52,701
sometimes we don't see God's
plan until it hits you hard,
483
00:20:52,785 --> 00:20:54,362
like a well-driven golf ball.
484
00:20:55,575 --> 00:20:58,090
I just wish I knew
what to write my sermon about.
485
00:20:58,174 --> 00:20:59,475
I guess I'm going to have to recycle
486
00:20:59,559 --> 00:21:01,843
my Earth Day material again.
487
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:04,746
I don't know, it was crazy,
'cause, like, when they flushed
488
00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:06,882
my hat down the toilet,
I was definitely pissed,
489
00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:08,583
but, like, at the same time
I was also, like...
490
00:21:08,667 --> 00:21:10,319
Today was like
the craziest day of my life.
491
00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:11,620
And I can't believe you missed it
492
00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:13,855
'cause you were like,
sniffing bleach or whatever.
493
00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:16,242
Wait, let's watch Father Joe
lose his [BLEEP] again.
494
00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:19,194
But for real, today, I was, like,
495
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:20,729
almost completely alone, okay?
496
00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:22,597
You can't let something
like work get in the way
497
00:21:22,681 --> 00:21:25,033
of your emergency contact
duties, you know?
498
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:26,268
Okay.
499
00:21:26,352 --> 00:21:27,469
This is where he loses it.
500
00:21:32,224 --> 00:21:34,443
Ah, damn it, Kelly!
501
00:21:34,527 --> 00:21:36,050
I said smaller bites!
502
00:21:36,134 --> 00:21:41,134
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