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_
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So there's not a lot to do in Flatch,
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00:00:11,742 --> 00:00:12,912
like, entertainment wise,
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so we make videos.
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Almost.
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Oh! Oh, oh, oh!
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Go!
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Wow!
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Wait, wait. This is our best one.
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Look.
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Hey, followers.
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Today we're about to bear mace
Shrub in the face.
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Three, two, one!
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[BLEEP]!
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- Oh, God!
- Does it hurt?
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Oh, it burns, it burns.
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Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
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Ow! [BLEEP]
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Sync and corrections by btsix
yts-subs.dev
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00:00:45,283 --> 00:00:46,789
If you're old, you might not know this,
22
00:00:46,873 --> 00:00:48,749
but reunion videos
are very popular online.
23
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Yes, yes.
24
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So we landed a whale.
25
00:00:51,126 --> 00:00:54,114
Okay, Julius from Father Joe's
old religious boy band,
26
00:00:54,198 --> 00:00:55,638
A-Men, is in town.
27
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He's playing a show in Pockton.
28
00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:57,724
Yeah, and we're gonna get him here,
29
00:00:57,808 --> 00:01:00,226
and we're gonna film
that reunion with Father Joe.
30
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:02,795
I'm an influencer. That's a fact, okay?
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00:01:02,879 --> 00:01:05,690
But in terms of, you know, numbers,
32
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we've technically never gotten
over 25 views on a video,
33
00:01:09,533 --> 00:01:11,784
but if we get our numbers up,
34
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we could become, like,
legit mega influencers,
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AKA, loads of free stuff.
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00:01:16,130 --> 00:01:17,623
Like, I follow this one girl,
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00:01:17,707 --> 00:01:20,735
and sometimes cases of chips
will just show up at her house.
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00:01:20,819 --> 00:01:23,053
You know, like flavors that
aren't even out yet,
39
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like "hot vanilla crunch."
40
00:01:25,473 --> 00:01:27,943
I like to start
my mornings off with a run.
41
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You know? It's a great way to enjoy
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00:01:30,103 --> 00:01:32,488
some peace and quiet.
43
00:01:32,572 --> 00:01:34,231
Most of the rest of my days
44
00:01:34,315 --> 00:01:36,826
are spent listening to people complain.
45
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Not that I'm complaining.
46
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Yeah, that's my job.
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Heavy is the neck that
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wears the minister's collar.
49
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Do you think you own the sidewalk?
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Sometimes the complaints
bleed into the run.
51
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Dude, I cannot believe you actually got
52
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Julius to come here.
53
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Like, what did you even say?
54
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Nothing.
55
00:01:59,024 --> 00:02:01,167
Persuasion is one of my skills.
56
00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:02,926
I can also suck my stomach in weird
57
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so it looks like E.T.'s face.
58
00:02:05,697 --> 00:02:06,614
What?
59
00:02:06,698 --> 00:02:08,174
This only has, like, three greens.
60
00:02:08,258 --> 00:02:09,767
What a rip-off.
61
00:02:09,851 --> 00:02:11,589
So I'm actually pretty much an expert
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on what musicians like
when they're on tour.
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I read most of an article about it.
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All green M&M's is a big one.
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Probably where the term
green room comes from.
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This is serious.
67
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We have a celebrity coming, okay?
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My job is to keep him happy.
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Happy Julius equals happy reunion video
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equals hot vanilla crunch Doritos.
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Simple math.
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00:02:34,897 --> 00:02:37,332
I did see that Julius is
playing Pockton,
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00:02:37,416 --> 00:02:39,317
and in fact, I'm going to interview him
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for my book about A-Men.
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00:02:41,178 --> 00:02:42,578
I started it a long time ago,
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but I put it aside
to get my life together,
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00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:46,600
and now that that's done,
78
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time to do the darn thing.
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00:02:49,261 --> 00:02:52,939
My working title is The A-Men Bible.
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Who am I kidding?
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That's the title.
82
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Hey, Nadine.
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Oh, hi, Cheryl.
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You're standing between me
and my seaweed chips.
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- Oh, sorry.
- Thanks.
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00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:03,783
- Bye, lovebug.
- Bye.
87
00:03:03,867 --> 00:03:05,101
I got a good feeling about this.
88
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,011
Don't, don't jinx it, Dylan.
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- God...
- Sorry. Scoot past you.
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00:03:09,206 --> 00:03:10,365
What was that about?
91
00:03:10,449 --> 00:03:11,850
Dylan and I have a really small window
92
00:03:11,934 --> 00:03:13,067
to make baby number two if we want to be
93
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on track for three kids
by the time I turn 26.
94
00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:19,040
Wait.
95
00:03:19,124 --> 00:03:21,488
Did you just have sex
in the historical society?
96
00:03:21,572 --> 00:03:24,230
Cheryl, I really prefer
to say "making love."
97
00:03:24,314 --> 00:03:25,546
Okay? Now excuse me.
98
00:03:25,630 --> 00:03:27,597
Gotta go lay in a weird position.
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There he is!
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Hello, Julius.
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Sick bike.
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Okay. Where's the dying kid?
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You told him I was dying?
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00:03:50,461 --> 00:03:51,481
What the hell, dude?
105
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It was the only way to get him here
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without ruining the surprise reunion.
107
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Just play along until we get the video.
108
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Let's get to it!
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00:03:58,313 --> 00:04:00,340
Okay, Julius.
110
00:04:00,424 --> 00:04:02,842
Please help yourself to anything here.
111
00:04:02,926 --> 00:04:04,160
We have M&M's.
112
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All green, obviously.
113
00:04:05,837 --> 00:04:07,955
Not an idiot. Pineapple soda.
114
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:10,642
Oh, and this is a special edition
115
00:04:10,726 --> 00:04:13,461
Minions 2 Jell-O pudding.
116
00:04:13,545 --> 00:04:14,871
Can I just get a water?
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00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,556
Of course.
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Sparkling or tap?
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Definitely sparkling.
120
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Is tap okay?
121
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Yeah, not a great start.
122
00:04:25,214 --> 00:04:27,558
I mean,
we don't even drink the water.
123
00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:29,134
I know you got
a million questions for me,
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so hit me.
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00:04:30,311 --> 00:04:31,620
What do you want to know?
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00:04:31,704 --> 00:04:33,229
This is your moment.
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00:04:35,632 --> 00:04:36,625
He just...
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00:04:36,709 --> 00:04:38,235
He must be so nervous.
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He's definitely not so dumb
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00:04:40,154 --> 00:04:41,221
that he can't think
of a single question.
131
00:04:41,305 --> 00:04:42,314
Yeah, how about this?
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00:04:42,398 --> 00:04:44,074
What's your favorite song of mine?
133
00:04:44,158 --> 00:04:46,151
Um, song?
134
00:04:46,235 --> 00:04:48,153
Oh, that's a toughy.
135
00:04:48,237 --> 00:04:51,290
Probably all of them?
136
00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:53,658
- You want to sing one?
- No, that...
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00:04:53,742 --> 00:04:55,568
Come on, get up, get up.
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00:05:00,824 --> 00:05:01,592
Boom.
139
00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:04,260
Gotta do the move.
140
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:10,100
Boom, boom, boom, boom.
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00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:12,327
♪ Yahweh ♪
142
00:05:12,411 --> 00:05:13,753
♪ Yahweh ♪
143
00:05:13,837 --> 00:05:15,680
♪ Or the highway ♪
144
00:05:15,764 --> 00:05:17,165
Do the move. Do the move.
145
00:05:17,249 --> 00:05:18,108
Yeah.
146
00:05:18,192 --> 00:05:20,519
♪ Yahweh ♪
147
00:05:20,603 --> 00:05:24,022
- ♪ Yahweh ♪
- ♪ Yahweh ♪
148
00:05:24,106 --> 00:05:25,674
♪ Or the highway ♪
149
00:05:25,758 --> 00:05:27,117
Do the choreography.
150
00:05:27,201 --> 00:05:28,510
♪ Highway ♪
151
00:05:28,594 --> 00:05:30,258
♪ Yahweh ♪
152
00:05:30,342 --> 00:05:31,365
I'm gonna kill her.
153
00:05:31,449 --> 00:05:33,031
♪ Yahweh ♪
154
00:05:33,115 --> 00:05:35,017
Okay, you guys, I'm sorry to interrupt,
155
00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:37,536
but we actually have to head
over to the church
156
00:05:37,620 --> 00:05:38,945
for another big surprise.
157
00:05:39,029 --> 00:05:40,798
Look, this better not be
another dying kid,
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'cause I only agreed to one.
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No, sir.
160
00:05:43,367 --> 00:05:44,860
You were very clear in your email.
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00:05:44,944 --> 00:05:45,618
Great.
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00:05:45,702 --> 00:05:47,380
Who's driving?
163
00:05:56,364 --> 00:05:59,299
The gardening club's big
meatloaf dinner fundraiser is tonight.
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The ladies are...
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very particular.
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00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:05,138
Father Joe.
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00:06:05,222 --> 00:06:08,826
Did you remember to change out
those buffet warmers, for electric?
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00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:10,068
I did, June.
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00:06:10,152 --> 00:06:11,903
Oh. Okay.
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00:06:11,987 --> 00:06:13,405
Okay, now.
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00:06:13,489 --> 00:06:15,315
Joe?
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00:06:15,399 --> 00:06:17,334
What are you doing here?
173
00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:20,213
You guys should, like, hug and reunite.
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00:06:24,316 --> 00:06:27,509
Excuse me, I just have to...
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00:06:28,837 --> 00:06:30,572
Probably just shock.
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He's so happy.
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00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:33,676
Uh-oh, oh, oh, we got a runner.
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00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:35,020
We got a runner.
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00:06:42,144 --> 00:06:43,360
Hey, buddy.
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00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:45,103
We kind of lost you back there.
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00:06:45,187 --> 00:06:46,346
How're you doing?
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00:06:46,430 --> 00:06:49,701
Kelly, you just can't spring
something like that on me.
183
00:06:50,526 --> 00:06:53,853
My relationship with A-Men
is complicated.
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00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:56,022
I had a pretty big ego back then,
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and it didn't end great.
186
00:06:57,875 --> 00:06:59,126
It was bad.
187
00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:02,068
It was at the religious music
awards, the Goddys,
188
00:07:02,152 --> 00:07:03,918
and, for some reason, that was the night
189
00:07:04,002 --> 00:07:05,424
that Joe decided to tell the band
190
00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:07,275
that he was going solo.
191
00:07:07,359 --> 00:07:09,111
I thought they'd be happy for me.
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Solo Joe.
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00:07:10,671 --> 00:07:12,515
I wasn't thinking straight.
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It's hard to keep your ego in check
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00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:16,834
when your face
is on posters next to Jesus.
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00:07:16,918 --> 00:07:17,969
Right.
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00:07:18,053 --> 00:07:19,358
When we won our Goddy,
198
00:07:19,442 --> 00:07:20,805
things only got worse.
199
00:07:20,889 --> 00:07:23,404
Joe hogged the mic
for the entire speech.
200
00:07:23,488 --> 00:07:26,287
And you could just see Julius fuming.
201
00:07:26,371 --> 00:07:28,427
Finally, he lunges at the mic,
202
00:07:28,511 --> 00:07:30,407
and they start wrestling,
and Joe rips off
203
00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:32,641
one of Julius' shirt sleeves.
204
00:07:32,725 --> 00:07:34,453
Joe's shirt was already sleeveless.
205
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,372
By the end, they were just
rolling around on the ground.
206
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,001
I mean, it was crazy.
207
00:07:38,085 --> 00:07:39,565
I was there.
208
00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:42,253
After that, we went our separate ways.
209
00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:44,347
But...
210
00:07:44,431 --> 00:07:45,763
Julius,
211
00:07:47,136 --> 00:07:48,785
he loved the band.
212
00:07:49,379 --> 00:07:52,074
I took away the one good thing he had.
213
00:07:52,158 --> 00:07:53,968
Look at it this way, you know?
214
00:07:54,052 --> 00:07:56,343
This could be your chance
to clear the air.
215
00:07:56,427 --> 00:07:57,576
You know?
216
00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:03,033
That's actually
a very good point, Kelly.
217
00:08:03,117 --> 00:08:04,442
Thank you for listening.
218
00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:06,944
No problem, of course.
219
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:09,117
You know, and when you do talk to him,
220
00:08:09,201 --> 00:08:12,049
definitely don't be scared
to, you know, shed a few tears.
221
00:08:14,584 --> 00:08:15,911
Let's get you up.
222
00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:17,720
Oh, okay.
223
00:08:24,138 --> 00:08:26,056
- Meatloaf dinner, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
224
00:08:26,140 --> 00:08:27,406
That's pretty cool.
225
00:08:27,490 --> 00:08:29,543
But you know what's really cool?
226
00:08:29,627 --> 00:08:31,030
Spaghetti dinner.
227
00:08:31,114 --> 00:08:34,530
If you have the right sauce.
228
00:08:40,638 --> 00:08:41,738
Tomato Julius.
229
00:08:41,822 --> 00:08:44,649
Certified organic
farm-to-jar perfection.
230
00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:45,892
Music? Sure, I love it.
231
00:08:45,976 --> 00:08:47,026
But sauce?
232
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:48,368
That's my jam.
233
00:08:51,424 --> 00:08:53,122
Oh, what the hey!
234
00:08:53,206 --> 00:08:55,569
Meatballs are just
tiny meatloaves anyway.
235
00:08:55,653 --> 00:08:56,678
Spaghetti dinner it is.
236
00:08:56,762 --> 00:08:58,495
Now that's a smart tomato.
237
00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:00,423
It's so lovely of you to come visit
238
00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:01,983
your old friend, Joe.
239
00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:05,169
I'm not here for Joe.
240
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:06,712
I'm here 'cause that kid's dying.
241
00:09:09,047 --> 00:09:10,982
Great, now June thinks I'm dying,
242
00:09:11,066 --> 00:09:14,043
which means the whole town
is gonna think I'm dying
243
00:09:14,127 --> 00:09:16,136
in about 10 minutes.
244
00:09:16,220 --> 00:09:18,321
Word travels fast in Flatch.
245
00:09:19,908 --> 00:09:21,884
- Oh! Oh...
- Sorry.
246
00:09:21,968 --> 00:09:22,810
Hey, hey, hey.
247
00:09:22,894 --> 00:09:24,329
Remember to do push-ups later, okay?
248
00:09:24,413 --> 00:09:25,722
'cause we want to keep
the blood flowing.
249
00:09:25,806 --> 00:09:27,147
And be home by five, sharp.
250
00:09:27,231 --> 00:09:28,391
Five sharp. Got it.
251
00:09:28,475 --> 00:09:30,393
Bye, okay, thanks, champ. Bye.
252
00:09:30,477 --> 00:09:33,487
Could you maybe not use
the communal restroom
253
00:09:33,571 --> 00:09:34,800
to make love?
254
00:09:34,884 --> 00:09:36,733
I mean, I could go to Dylan,
255
00:09:36,817 --> 00:09:38,659
but I maintain a career here.
256
00:09:38,743 --> 00:09:40,160
It's called having it all.
257
00:09:40,244 --> 00:09:42,746
Okay, maybe just hide it better?
258
00:09:42,830 --> 00:09:44,574
Well, I'm sorry that
I don't want to end up
259
00:09:44,658 --> 00:09:46,425
with only two kids,
a husband who loves me,
260
00:09:46,509 --> 00:09:48,713
an amazing career,
and a geriatric uterus.
261
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:51,189
Think about it. I would rather be dead.
262
00:09:51,273 --> 00:09:52,065
Honestly.
263
00:09:52,149 --> 00:09:53,276
No offence.
264
00:09:55,255 --> 00:09:57,722
I just wanted to apologize
265
00:09:57,806 --> 00:10:00,606
for letting my head get too big
266
00:10:00,690 --> 00:10:02,163
and for the fight.
267
00:10:02,247 --> 00:10:03,760
And the shirt?
268
00:10:03,844 --> 00:10:06,095
You ruined my best shirt.
269
00:10:06,179 --> 00:10:07,739
Yes, and the shirt.
270
00:10:07,823 --> 00:10:09,766
But really for leaving
the band like that.
271
00:10:09,850 --> 00:10:11,709
I just... I feel so guilty.
272
00:10:11,793 --> 00:10:13,668
I robbed you of so much.
273
00:10:16,706 --> 00:10:18,826
Joe, come on, man. Robbed me?
274
00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:20,443
My life's great.
275
00:10:20,527 --> 00:10:21,961
I mean, sure, I hated you at the time,
276
00:10:22,045 --> 00:10:24,113
but I have zero regrets.
277
00:10:24,197 --> 00:10:26,540
I got my solo career, kids,
278
00:10:26,624 --> 00:10:28,669
gorgeous wife, I mean,
you should see her.
279
00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:31,625
Even more gorgeous tomato farm. Okay?
280
00:10:31,709 --> 00:10:33,633
I should be thanking you.
I have two boats!
281
00:10:34,708 --> 00:10:36,385
Really? Two boats?
282
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:37,735
Yeah, you gotta have two
283
00:10:37,819 --> 00:10:39,576
in case one breaks, right?
284
00:10:39,660 --> 00:10:41,981
It's kinda hard to hear
what you guys are saying.
285
00:10:42,065 --> 00:10:43,966
Could you speak up?
286
00:10:44,050 --> 00:10:46,562
Kelly, can you just give us a moment?
287
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,254
Okay.
288
00:10:50,401 --> 00:10:51,824
So what about you?
289
00:10:51,908 --> 00:10:53,918
You gotta be still performing, right?
290
00:10:54,002 --> 00:10:55,420
No, no.
291
00:10:55,504 --> 00:10:56,588
Fans?
292
00:10:56,672 --> 00:10:59,424
Yeah, I'm actually
the minister of this church.
293
00:10:59,508 --> 00:11:01,575
Oh, you know what? I did hear that.
294
00:11:01,659 --> 00:11:04,153
You know, you must really
love this place.
295
00:11:04,237 --> 00:11:05,597
I took a peek at your office,
296
00:11:05,681 --> 00:11:08,507
and that thing is smaller
than some of my closets.
297
00:11:08,591 --> 00:11:09,992
Yeah.
298
00:11:10,076 --> 00:11:11,321
You married?
299
00:11:12,429 --> 00:11:13,420
No.
300
00:11:13,504 --> 00:11:14,922
Girlfriend, right?
301
00:11:15,006 --> 00:11:15,950
Fiancée?
302
00:11:16,917 --> 00:11:17,834
Nope.
303
00:11:17,918 --> 00:11:19,621
You got, like, a dog or anything?
304
00:11:25,322 --> 00:11:27,601
Well, he seems to be doing well.
305
00:11:27,685 --> 00:11:29,120
Very well.
306
00:11:29,204 --> 00:11:31,399
Way better than I am, actually.
307
00:11:31,483 --> 00:11:34,200
That's a load off.
308
00:11:34,284 --> 00:11:35,862
Phew.
309
00:11:42,033 --> 00:11:43,359
Okay, Shrub.
310
00:11:43,443 --> 00:11:45,194
- You can let go now.
- Sorry.
311
00:11:45,278 --> 00:11:46,787
So what do you want to do next?
312
00:11:46,871 --> 00:11:48,020
You wanna learn some choreography?
313
00:11:48,104 --> 00:11:51,142
Um, no, I'm pretty wiped.
314
00:11:51,226 --> 00:11:53,608
A side effect of dying, I guess.
315
00:11:53,692 --> 00:11:54,461
Right.
316
00:11:54,545 --> 00:11:56,841
Hey listen, if this
kid's spent, that's fine.
317
00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:58,279
I mean, I'm pretty exhausted too,
318
00:11:58,363 --> 00:11:59,638
so you got a place I can take a nap?
319
00:12:02,571 --> 00:12:04,063
Okay.
320
00:12:04,147 --> 00:12:05,613
- You stuck?
- Help me.
321
00:12:08,889 --> 00:12:10,749
It's like no one cares that I'm dying.
322
00:12:11,572 --> 00:12:13,831
Everyone's just going
about their business.
323
00:12:13,915 --> 00:12:15,833
The mailman saw me staring right at him.
324
00:12:15,917 --> 00:12:17,651
Nothing.
325
00:12:17,735 --> 00:12:19,078
I mean, it's been hours.
326
00:12:19,162 --> 00:12:21,063
Everyone knows by now.
327
00:12:21,147 --> 00:12:23,774
I have not gotten a single call or text.
328
00:12:23,858 --> 00:12:24,750
Nothing.
329
00:12:24,834 --> 00:12:26,419
Not even stupid Mickey.
330
00:12:26,503 --> 00:12:28,404
Hey, when Julius wakes up
and comes downstairs,
331
00:12:28,488 --> 00:12:29,755
I'm gonna need you to hit him
with the bear mace.
332
00:12:29,839 --> 00:12:30,764
Cool?
333
00:12:32,434 --> 00:12:33,333
Kelly, I think I know
334
00:12:33,417 --> 00:12:34,879
why no one cares that I'm dying.
335
00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:36,630
Because you're not dying?
336
00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:38,120
Yeah, but they don't know that, Kelly.
337
00:12:38,204 --> 00:12:40,416
So everyone technically
should be freaking out,
338
00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:41,859
and they're not, and you know why?
339
00:12:41,943 --> 00:12:44,011
Because I totally wasted my life.
340
00:12:44,095 --> 00:12:45,512
- That's ridiculous.
- No, I have.
341
00:12:45,596 --> 00:12:46,965
I have completely wasted it.
342
00:12:47,050 --> 00:12:48,685
I should have tried to meet my father.
343
00:12:48,770 --> 00:12:50,447
I should told my nana I loved her more.
344
00:12:50,531 --> 00:12:51,856
I should have made things
work with Beth,
345
00:12:51,940 --> 00:12:53,024
my one true love.
346
00:12:53,108 --> 00:12:55,550
Obviously my biggest regret...
347
00:12:56,854 --> 00:12:59,171
I never went down the Devil's Backbone.
348
00:13:00,132 --> 00:13:01,699
The Devil's Backbone is this, like,
349
00:13:01,783 --> 00:13:03,793
super scary drop-off
that kids would go down
350
00:13:03,877 --> 00:13:06,889
on their scooters back
when scooters were a thing,
351
00:13:06,973 --> 00:13:08,465
and, like, if you did it, like,
352
00:13:08,549 --> 00:13:11,468
you were an instant legend,
353
00:13:11,552 --> 00:13:12,942
but...
354
00:13:13,962 --> 00:13:15,713
every time I went up,
I just chickened out,
355
00:13:15,797 --> 00:13:18,315
so now that is my legacy.
356
00:13:29,194 --> 00:13:31,537
There's only one answer
to a meaningless life.
357
00:13:33,833 --> 00:13:36,309
Devil's Backbone.
358
00:13:36,393 --> 00:13:37,735
You dropping in?
359
00:13:37,819 --> 00:13:39,837
Yeah.
360
00:13:49,998 --> 00:13:51,658
You can go ahead of me.
361
00:13:51,742 --> 00:13:53,600
Okay.
362
00:14:00,860 --> 00:14:03,009
Go ahead. It's easy.
363
00:14:07,091 --> 00:14:09,342
Bro, you're laming up The Backbone.
364
00:14:09,426 --> 00:14:10,601
Just go, you baby.
365
00:14:10,685 --> 00:14:12,345
Shut up, Levi. Nobody cares.
366
00:14:12,429 --> 00:14:15,524
- Shut up. I have a process.
- Hey, Shrub, you okay?
367
00:14:15,608 --> 00:14:17,459
Yeah, I'm fine.
368
00:14:17,543 --> 00:14:19,202
I'm just a man who's completely
369
00:14:19,286 --> 00:14:20,520
done nothing with his life.
370
00:14:20,604 --> 00:14:21,463
- Yeah, I'm great.
- Okay.
371
00:14:21,547 --> 00:14:23,306
I can see my tombstone now.
372
00:14:23,390 --> 00:14:25,116
Here lies Shrub Mallet.
373
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:26,418
Big-ass failure.
374
00:14:26,502 --> 00:14:28,286
And, like, a super cool skull
375
00:14:28,370 --> 00:14:30,536
with flames coming
out of the eyes, I don't know.
376
00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,957
Is it expensive
to get pictures on there?
377
00:14:33,041 --> 00:14:34,701
So I'm in the middle of a run,
378
00:14:34,785 --> 00:14:36,645
and I got that
spaghetti dinner in an hour,
379
00:14:36,729 --> 00:14:38,054
so if you're okay, I can, you know...
380
00:14:38,138 --> 00:14:40,631
Wow, wow.
381
00:14:40,715 --> 00:14:41,875
This is bad.
382
00:14:41,959 --> 00:14:43,968
You're literally paid
to care about people,
383
00:14:44,052 --> 00:14:46,336
and even you don't even care
that I'm dying. Great.
384
00:14:46,420 --> 00:14:47,564
Dying?
385
00:14:47,648 --> 00:14:48,973
Nobody told me you're dying.
386
00:14:49,057 --> 00:14:50,473
Exactly!
387
00:14:51,993 --> 00:14:54,393
I'm not actually dying, I'm just...
388
00:14:55,247 --> 00:14:57,240
Do you ever just,
like, feel like you missed
389
00:14:57,324 --> 00:14:59,817
your chance to matter?
390
00:14:59,901 --> 00:15:01,578
Not you, obviously,
'cause you're just, like,
391
00:15:01,662 --> 00:15:03,822
God's soldier or whatever, but...
392
00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:06,531
No, actually, I know what you mean.
393
00:15:08,410 --> 00:15:10,661
If I would have stuck with A-Men,
394
00:15:10,745 --> 00:15:13,590
maybe things would
have been different for me.
395
00:15:13,674 --> 00:15:16,667
I could have had a house, you know?
396
00:15:16,751 --> 00:15:18,109
A wife.
397
00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:21,672
She would have worked at the newspaper.
398
00:15:21,756 --> 00:15:22,898
We could have kids.
399
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:27,243
I would have had a recording
studio in the basement.
400
00:15:28,327 --> 00:15:30,747
Dave Matthews would have
stopped by just to jam.
401
00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:33,351
At least one boat.
402
00:15:33,435 --> 00:15:35,601
A French Bulldog named Sausage.
403
00:15:35,685 --> 00:15:38,163
Or Bacon, as long
as it's a breakfast meat.
404
00:15:38,952 --> 00:15:40,726
You make your choices.
405
00:15:42,777 --> 00:15:43,836
Now I'm here.
406
00:15:45,189 --> 00:15:46,262
Yeah.
407
00:15:47,722 --> 00:15:49,299
You totally blew it.
408
00:15:50,452 --> 00:15:51,536
Oh, huh,
409
00:15:51,620 --> 00:15:52,462
oh, my God.
410
00:15:52,546 --> 00:15:54,130
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- Oh, my God.
411
00:15:54,214 --> 00:15:55,538
Did you just see that?
412
00:15:56,383 --> 00:15:58,209
I did. Whoa.
413
00:15:58,293 --> 00:15:59,561
Did I do a backflip?
414
00:15:59,645 --> 00:16:00,711
I can't even...
415
00:16:00,795 --> 00:16:02,437
I blacked out. I don't even remember.
416
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,557
There he is.
417
00:16:13,039 --> 00:16:14,540
Surprise, Shrub.
418
00:16:14,827 --> 00:16:16,578
Yeah, Shrub!
419
00:16:16,662 --> 00:16:18,671
If you're sick,
everyone loves you.
420
00:16:18,755 --> 00:16:20,156
This is no longer a fundraiser
421
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:21,474
for the garden club.
422
00:16:21,558 --> 00:16:24,160
We used a melon baller
on all the meatloaf
423
00:16:24,244 --> 00:16:27,361
and made it into a spaghetti
fundraiser for you
424
00:16:28,262 --> 00:16:29,316
Wow.
425
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:30,483
Wait, really?
426
00:16:30,567 --> 00:16:32,485
- Yeah, really?
- Yep, mm-hmm, yeah.
427
00:16:32,569 --> 00:16:34,624
Wait, so, like, everyone does care?
428
00:16:34,708 --> 00:16:36,384
Of course we care.
429
00:16:36,468 --> 00:16:38,100
We won't have any zinnias next year,
430
00:16:38,184 --> 00:16:40,767
but hopefully we'll still have a Shrub.
431
00:16:48,694 --> 00:16:51,596
Um, okay, um...
432
00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:55,520
so quick announcement, um...
433
00:16:56,202 --> 00:16:57,793
Actually, hold on.
434
00:17:02,115 --> 00:17:04,173
Wow, um,
435
00:17:05,269 --> 00:17:07,278
these past 24 hours
436
00:17:07,362 --> 00:17:09,631
have taught me
437
00:17:09,715 --> 00:17:12,634
just a lot about
438
00:17:12,719 --> 00:17:14,970
just about my legacy here
439
00:17:15,054 --> 00:17:16,287
on planet Earth.
440
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:19,233
Today I went down the Devil's Backbone.
441
00:17:19,317 --> 00:17:20,884
- Whoo!
- Yes.
442
00:17:20,968 --> 00:17:21,977
That's right!
443
00:17:22,061 --> 00:17:24,296
Yeah, you've got
to face your fears, people.
444
00:17:24,380 --> 00:17:26,716
So, like, now, I'm a legend.
445
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,397
I guess I just... I had never realized
446
00:17:29,481 --> 00:17:31,463
how quickly you can go
447
00:17:31,547 --> 00:17:35,970
from being no one to, like,
definitely someone.
448
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,732
And it's never too late.
449
00:17:38,816 --> 00:17:41,309
And the best part of this whole thing:
450
00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:42,978
I learned all of that,
451
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:46,240
and I'm not even dying, you guys.
452
00:17:46,324 --> 00:17:47,964
- What?
- Like, at all.
453
00:17:48,048 --> 00:17:50,427
Big misunderstanding.
454
00:17:50,511 --> 00:17:52,171
Yes, yeah.
455
00:17:52,255 --> 00:17:54,173
Yeah, it's a win-win.
456
00:17:54,257 --> 00:17:55,865
That's awesome, guys.
457
00:17:55,949 --> 00:17:58,616
Thank you so much for this. Let's eat.
458
00:17:58,700 --> 00:18:00,328
Well, I'm happy he's going to live,
459
00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:02,923
but truthfully, I'm happier
I'm getting my zinnias.
460
00:18:03,007 --> 00:18:04,464
Hey, hey.
461
00:18:04,548 --> 00:18:06,093
You didn't think
I'd miss a spaghetti party
462
00:18:06,177 --> 00:18:07,416
with my own sauce, did you?
463
00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:08,929
Hey, I'm still so sorry...
464
00:18:12,850 --> 00:18:14,260
Reunion!
465
00:18:15,111 --> 00:18:17,012
Sing a song!
466
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,031
Sing a song!
467
00:18:19,115 --> 00:18:22,034
Sing a song! Sing a song!
468
00:18:22,118 --> 00:18:23,927
Sing a song!
469
00:18:24,011 --> 00:18:26,002
Okay, okay, I get it, I get it, stop.
470
00:18:26,086 --> 00:18:28,374
Come on, Joe, let's sing for them, man.
471
00:18:28,458 --> 00:18:30,525
Oh, I would, but I don't have
any instruments.
472
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:32,044
No, I got the backing tracks right here.
473
00:18:32,128 --> 00:18:33,453
I keep them in the cloud
474
00:18:33,537 --> 00:18:35,196
so I can do karaoke in all my mansions.
475
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,197
You don't know nothing about that.
476
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:37,365
- No.
- Come on.
477
00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:38,959
Make some noise for A-Men.
478
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:47,634
Father Joe, y'all, it's Father Joe.
479
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:06,561
♪ A-Men. A-Men! ♪
480
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:08,063
♪ D-W-I! ♪
481
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,489
♪ Come on, girl. ♪
482
00:19:09,573 --> 00:19:12,067
♪ Got you in my car ♪
483
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,944
♪ Riding in the hood ♪
484
00:19:15,028 --> 00:19:17,147
♪ Don't know where we are going ♪
485
00:19:17,231 --> 00:19:19,817
♪ But it's somewhere pretty good ♪
486
00:19:19,901 --> 00:19:22,336
♪ The big man's got a plan ♪
487
00:19:22,420 --> 00:19:24,786
♪ We just going for the ride ♪
488
00:19:24,870 --> 00:19:27,916
♪ So hang on to me baby ♪
489
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,546
♪ And let him slip inside ♪
490
00:19:30,630 --> 00:19:33,275
♪ Baby, I know you love me ♪
491
00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:35,386
♪ And I love you too ♪
492
00:19:35,470 --> 00:19:36,442
Better love me!
493
00:19:36,526 --> 00:19:39,002
♪ So go ahead and let him touch you ♪
494
00:19:39,086 --> 00:19:39,945
♪ It's all good ♪
495
00:19:40,029 --> 00:19:41,505
All good. Let him touch you!
496
00:19:41,589 --> 00:19:44,358
♪ Honk the horn on them! ♪
497
00:19:44,442 --> 00:19:45,359
Uh-uh.
498
00:19:45,443 --> 00:19:46,935
♪ Start the engine on them. ♪
499
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:49,437
♪ Whoo. Yeah. ♪
500
00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:51,515
♪ A-Men. ♪
501
00:19:51,599 --> 00:19:52,774
♪ Come on! ♪
502
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,351
♪ Get the holy way. ♪
503
00:19:54,435 --> 00:19:56,870
♪ In the name of the Father,
the Son, and the Holy Spirit. ♪
504
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,784
♪ D-W-I ♪!
505
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:05,304
♪ Heaven's our destination ♪
506
00:20:05,388 --> 00:20:06,955
♪ D-W-I ♪
507
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,790
♪ Yeah! Up there ♪
508
00:20:14,303 --> 00:20:16,886
So I decided
not to video the performance.
509
00:20:16,970 --> 00:20:18,041
It would have gotten a ton of views,
510
00:20:18,125 --> 00:20:19,634
but I learned something this week.
511
00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:21,712
You know, sometimes
you just gotta be present,
512
00:20:21,796 --> 00:20:23,155
or else you end up experiencing
your whole life
513
00:20:23,239 --> 00:20:25,140
just through your phone.
514
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,234
Also, my battery died.
515
00:20:27,318 --> 00:20:29,236
Thank you, Flatch! We love you!
516
00:20:34,933 --> 00:20:37,503
It was awesome to perform again.
517
00:20:37,587 --> 00:20:39,004
But you know what?
518
00:20:39,088 --> 00:20:40,906
I don't want Julius's life.
519
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:42,657
I like this one.
520
00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:45,660
I like being in a town
that cares about zinnias
521
00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:47,786
and fake dying kids.
522
00:20:47,870 --> 00:20:50,015
Also, Cheryl did some digging,
and it turns out
523
00:20:50,099 --> 00:20:53,168
that Julius' two boats are kayaks.
524
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:56,855
That's, like, half a boat at best.
525
00:20:56,939 --> 00:20:59,201
I'm not saying that
makes me feel any better,
526
00:21:00,242 --> 00:21:02,075
but it doesn't make me feel any worse.
527
00:21:04,418 --> 00:21:05,864
Hey, we're going live!
528
00:21:05,948 --> 00:21:07,496
No, no, no, hold on, hold on, hold on.
529
00:21:08,596 --> 00:21:10,444
Not only is this video gonna blow up,
530
00:21:10,528 --> 00:21:12,020
but Julius just gave us 20 bucks
531
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,780
just so Shrub would wear
a Tomato Julius shirt.
532
00:21:13,864 --> 00:21:15,873
Plus we get to keep the shirt.
533
00:21:22,039 --> 00:21:23,364
Whoo!
534
00:21:23,448 --> 00:21:24,365
Oh!
535
00:21:25,660 --> 00:21:26,885
Oh, my God, wait.
536
00:21:26,969 --> 00:21:29,775
We have 52 views and counting, dude.
537
00:21:29,859 --> 00:21:31,390
Wait, that's our best one yet.
538
00:21:31,474 --> 00:21:34,042
Awesome. [BLEEP], [BLEEP]. I'm good.
539
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:36,000
Agh. Agh.
540
00:21:36,084 --> 00:21:38,084
Sync and corrections by btsix
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