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1
00:00:21,744 --> 00:00:22,814
Watch this.
2
00:00:24,616 --> 00:00:25,725
You wanna maybe go...?
3
00:00:25,808 --> 00:00:27,709
Oh, wait, let me think. Uh, how about...
4
00:00:27,792 --> 00:00:28,737
No thanks, Fargas.
5
00:00:31,262 --> 00:00:32,908
Falls for it every time.
6
00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:35,661
Hey, Shrub and Kelly.
7
00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,116
Beth.
8
00:00:37,199 --> 00:00:39,657
Wow, look at you two together.
9
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:42,234
We're buying decorations
for Beth's birthday party tomorrow.
10
00:00:42,317 --> 00:00:43,818
It's a royal family theme.
11
00:00:43,901 --> 00:00:44,712
Pip-pip.
12
00:00:44,795 --> 00:00:45,795
Oh.
13
00:00:46,385 --> 00:00:47,743
Happy birthday.
14
00:00:48,282 --> 00:00:49,549
It's not today.
15
00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:52,161
I don't think.
16
00:00:52,564 --> 00:00:54,084
Beth's parents full-on think
the government's out
17
00:00:54,167 --> 00:00:55,420
to get them, okay? So they, like,
18
00:00:55,503 --> 00:00:58,126
don't pay their taxes
and they hoard soup
19
00:00:58,209 --> 00:00:59,762
and all their kids were, like,
born in their barn
20
00:00:59,845 --> 00:01:01,599
with no birth certificate.
21
00:01:01,682 --> 00:01:03,370
Also, she was, like, homeschooled,
22
00:01:03,453 --> 00:01:06,361
so she, like, knows things
like how to use a crossbow
23
00:01:06,444 --> 00:01:08,635
and the history of the royal family.
24
00:01:08,718 --> 00:01:11,238
And, like, didn't know who
Oprah was until two years ago.
25
00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:14,474
Well, like, ha... happy birthday
whenever it is.
26
00:01:16,277 --> 00:01:18,900
Invite Shrub to your party,
Beth, this is pathetic.
27
00:01:18,983 --> 00:01:20,815
Oh, I didn't think you'd wanna come.
28
00:01:20,898 --> 00:01:22,274
It's mostly just girls and Mickey.
29
00:01:22,357 --> 00:01:24,979
I really actually don't even
know if I'm free, so...
30
00:01:25,062 --> 00:01:26,516
- He's free.
- Shut up.
31
00:01:26,599 --> 00:01:28,589
Well, it's from 2:00 to 4:00
32
00:01:28,672 --> 00:01:30,556
and everyone's gonna wear a hat
33
00:01:30,639 --> 00:01:33,260
because royals always wear hats
at parties.
34
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:35,345
You're gonna take turns reading
from "Harry Potter"?
35
00:01:36,450 --> 00:01:37,831
Who's Harry Potter?
36
00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:43,646
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.yts-subs.dev
37
00:01:43,729 --> 00:01:44,850
Okay?
38
00:01:44,933 --> 00:01:46,052
No, no way.
39
00:01:46,135 --> 00:01:47,916
Why? It's a party and a hat in one.
40
00:01:47,999 --> 00:01:49,225
You can put a bunch
of ginger ale right here,
41
00:01:49,308 --> 00:01:52,399
bag of pop rocks here.
Boom, party of one, mind blown.
42
00:01:52,482 --> 00:01:54,269
No, I need like a crown or something.
43
00:01:54,352 --> 00:01:56,239
Like something better
than whatever freaking sad hat
44
00:01:56,322 --> 00:01:58,010
Mickey's gonna wear to this party.
45
00:01:58,093 --> 00:02:00,147
Also, I need to get Beth
a super dope gift.
46
00:02:00,230 --> 00:02:01,451
Well, you can't get her
a decent education,
47
00:02:01,534 --> 00:02:03,120
'cause, yeah, that ship has sailed.
48
00:02:03,203 --> 00:02:04,490
Oh, there's a craft store in Dayton.
49
00:02:04,573 --> 00:02:05,501
I have to go there.
50
00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:06,828
What's the name of that taxi guy?
51
00:02:06,911 --> 00:02:07,910
- Dick?
- Yes.
52
00:02:07,993 --> 00:02:11,048
He shut down. He had
a suspended license and a stolen car.
53
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,384
- Why don't you have a car?
- Why don't you have a car?
54
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,244
So Shrub doesn't even have his license.
55
00:02:15,327 --> 00:02:16,804
He's failed the test like three times.
56
00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:19,075
The last time he took the test,
57
00:02:19,158 --> 00:02:21,381
uh, he ran over this huge squirrel
58
00:02:21,464 --> 00:02:23,718
and it, like, totally scarred him.
59
00:02:23,801 --> 00:02:25,088
And the testing guy.
60
00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:27,940
Oh, my God.
61
00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:29,760
- That's brilliant.
- Ow!
62
00:02:35,959 --> 00:02:38,180
So you'd like to start a taxi service?
63
00:02:38,263 --> 00:02:40,251
High end rideshare company.
64
00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:41,867
Father, what you don't
understand about me
65
00:02:41,950 --> 00:02:44,460
is that I come from a long line
of business tycoons.
66
00:02:44,543 --> 00:02:46,698
My dad has his Christmas tree farm,
67
00:02:46,781 --> 00:02:48,368
his corn maze, and his mom
68
00:02:48,451 --> 00:02:50,271
ran a super successful black market
69
00:02:50,354 --> 00:02:51,708
cigarette ring in prison.
70
00:02:51,791 --> 00:02:53,344
It's in my blood.
71
00:02:53,427 --> 00:02:56,517
I'm like an idiot savant,
but with business ideas.
72
00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,370
Like, here, give me an item
in this room.
73
00:02:59,205 --> 00:03:00,497
Um, this stapler.
74
00:03:01,343 --> 00:03:02,897
Mm...
75
00:03:02,980 --> 00:03:03,965
Pass. Give me another.
76
00:03:04,048 --> 00:03:05,234
This paperweight.
77
00:03:05,317 --> 00:03:06,871
- Pass, another one.
- Why don't you just...
78
00:03:06,954 --> 00:03:08,007
tell me about your idea?
79
00:03:08,090 --> 00:03:10,646
Okay, thank you. So, Flatch's lack
80
00:03:10,729 --> 00:03:12,315
of transportation options
81
00:03:12,398 --> 00:03:15,354
is a need that is waiting
to be exploited, by me.
82
00:03:15,437 --> 00:03:17,493
All that's missing is a vehicle
to exploit with.
83
00:03:17,576 --> 00:03:19,530
And you know no one else with a car?
84
00:03:19,613 --> 00:03:24,163
Shrub's nan has a car, but a stray cat
gave birth in it last week,
85
00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:27,111
and so it's out of commish
until we get a wet vac.
86
00:03:27,194 --> 00:03:30,336
I'm just... I'm not sure I'm comfortable
lending you my car, Kelly.
87
00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:32,963
All right, I guess I have to go
back to selling my body once again.
88
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,214
You were a prostitute?
89
00:03:34,297 --> 00:03:35,596
Negatory.
90
00:03:35,679 --> 00:03:38,552
Medical center paid me to try
out their blood pressure cuffs.
91
00:03:39,352 --> 00:03:42,246
Okay, fine, you can use my car
for two hours a day,
92
00:03:42,329 --> 00:03:44,510
but no food inside, no going over 40,
93
00:03:44,593 --> 00:03:46,352
and if I need it, you have
to bring it right back.
94
00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:47,686
And you'll pay me for that?
95
00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,354
I will not.
96
00:03:52,344 --> 00:03:54,400
Hey, Nadine, do you know
if the copier's broken?
97
00:03:54,483 --> 00:03:56,871
Um, do I look like a copier technician?
98
00:03:56,954 --> 00:03:58,655
Oh, I don't know what one looks like.
99
00:03:58,738 --> 00:03:59,962
Okay, well, it's not me, Cheryl.
100
00:04:00,045 --> 00:04:03,101
Oh, gosh, with the lack
of stories to report on in Flatch,
101
00:04:03,184 --> 00:04:05,829
I guess this broken copier
is just gonna be my lead, huh?
102
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:06,991
Okay, well, I'm sorry.
103
00:04:07,074 --> 00:04:09,530
I'm in a historical society
crisis right now.
104
00:04:09,613 --> 00:04:12,043
Someone stole
the "Welcome to Flatch" sign.
105
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,642
Oh, well, do tell.
106
00:04:15,725 --> 00:04:17,613
Okay, well, it happens every year
107
00:04:17,696 --> 00:04:18,848
during "Pockton days."
108
00:04:18,931 --> 00:04:20,689
Someone from Pockton comes over,
109
00:04:20,772 --> 00:04:22,288
they steal the town's sign,
110
00:04:22,371 --> 00:04:24,359
and I bet they think they're so funny,
111
00:04:24,442 --> 00:04:26,892
- but you know what's not funny?
- No.
112
00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:30,258
Going to prison for stealing
federal property.
113
00:04:33,761 --> 00:04:35,967
I think we have a crime.
114
00:04:37,064 --> 00:04:39,361
The Pockton rivalry,
it's been going on for centuries,
115
00:04:39,444 --> 00:04:41,311
ever since Colonel Robert Flatch
116
00:04:41,394 --> 00:04:43,495
fought in the area in the 1800s
117
00:04:43,578 --> 00:04:47,287
and then sold Pockton
for a few apple seeds and an orphan.
118
00:04:47,789 --> 00:04:49,231
Then he settled in Flatch.
119
00:04:51,566 --> 00:04:53,110
They're just very jealous.
120
00:04:58,778 --> 00:05:01,718
Huh, so you're starting
a cab company, huh?
121
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:04,640
It's not a cab. A rideshare experience.
122
00:05:04,723 --> 00:05:07,307
Oh, don't those usually use apps?
123
00:05:07,958 --> 00:05:09,726
Like I know anyone
who could make an app.
124
00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:12,255
I could, but no biggie. Next time.
125
00:05:12,928 --> 00:05:14,393
Ooh, I got to get to the Post Office
126
00:05:14,476 --> 00:05:16,460
to pick up my custom hat
that just arrived from Etsy.
127
00:05:16,543 --> 00:05:17,433
Seriously?
128
00:05:17,516 --> 00:05:19,235
Why does everyone care about a party
129
00:05:19,318 --> 00:05:21,417
for the most boring girl in the world?
130
00:05:21,500 --> 00:05:25,451
Beth is a complicated
and fascinating creature.
131
00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:27,764
I knew it. You are into her.
132
00:05:27,847 --> 00:05:30,492
No need for worry, my bro.
We're just friends.
133
00:05:30,575 --> 00:05:32,624
Did I let her give me a gel pedicure?
134
00:05:33,525 --> 00:05:35,193
Yes, I did.
135
00:05:36,152 --> 00:05:38,588
I am utterly smitten with Beth.
136
00:05:40,795 --> 00:05:44,417
It was Mickey's idea to do
the hats and the pedicure.
137
00:05:45,164 --> 00:05:47,389
I always wanted a gay best friend.
138
00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:53,740
Very exciting day. First day of Kuber.
139
00:05:53,823 --> 00:05:56,523
Okay, remember,
Beth's party starts at 2:00
140
00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:58,347
and I need a present and my art supplies
141
00:05:58,430 --> 00:06:00,452
so I can make this sick hat.
142
00:06:00,535 --> 00:06:02,321
I call it King Trucker.
143
00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,598
Relax, I'll get you to Dayton.
144
00:06:05,377 --> 00:06:08,100
Man, it almost feels like you like Beth
more than your own cousin.
145
00:06:12,955 --> 00:06:14,413
First official ride call.
146
00:06:14,496 --> 00:06:16,851
Less drawing,
more customer service, okay?
147
00:06:17,349 --> 00:06:19,070
I need you on the switchboard.
148
00:06:21,573 --> 00:06:23,832
- Welcome to Kuber.
- Welcome to Kuber.
149
00:06:23,915 --> 00:06:24,915
Hi.
150
00:06:25,869 --> 00:06:28,472
Oh, I am so glad that you guys are here.
151
00:06:29,186 --> 00:06:30,111
Where to, miss?
152
00:06:30,194 --> 00:06:31,349
Pockton, please.
153
00:06:32,167 --> 00:06:34,273
Why the hell would you ever
wanna go to that hell hole?
154
00:06:34,356 --> 00:06:35,568
They're our sworn mortal enemies.
155
00:06:35,651 --> 00:06:37,191
- Yeah.
- Oh, come on.
156
00:06:37,274 --> 00:06:39,149
- This is so silly.
- Yeah?
157
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,784
How about tell that
to our uncle Nugget, okay?
158
00:06:41,867 --> 00:06:44,925
Last time he crossed town lines
just to borrow a lawnmower
159
00:06:45,008 --> 00:06:47,479
- he came back missing two fingers.
- Yeah, and his pants.
160
00:06:47,562 --> 00:06:50,084
To be fair, he didn't have
pants on when he left,
161
00:06:50,167 --> 00:06:51,654
but that's not the point.
162
00:06:52,164 --> 00:06:56,229
Oh, you want gum? Cheese cube? Water?
163
00:06:56,312 --> 00:06:57,933
Oh, no thanks.
164
00:06:58,016 --> 00:06:59,035
You sure?
165
00:06:59,118 --> 00:07:00,745
I... I can waterfall you from here.
166
00:07:00,828 --> 00:07:02,072
I got perfect aim. Check it.
167
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:07,218
I haven't been in this car
in a long time.
168
00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:09,638
Oh, yeah, bet you and Father Joe
169
00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:11,848
had a lot of, uh, adventures
in that backseat, huh?
170
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:13,183
Stop, that's offensive.
171
00:07:13,917 --> 00:07:16,102
Please do not let that affect
your Yelp review.
172
00:07:18,679 --> 00:07:19,939
Okay, here we are.
173
00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:21,937
What? Where's the town?
174
00:07:22,437 --> 00:07:23,735
It's like a half a mile that way.
175
00:07:24,469 --> 00:07:25,739
This is as far as I'll go.
176
00:07:26,175 --> 00:07:28,096
Too many enemies across the line, okay?
177
00:07:28,179 --> 00:07:29,697
Oh, for heaven's sake.
178
00:07:29,780 --> 00:07:33,364
That'll be $20, minus your $1
first rider discount.
179
00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:35,081
Also, I have no change.
180
00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:47,638
Already headed to our second call.
181
00:07:48,049 --> 00:07:49,703
Minus snacks, we're up 10 bucks.
182
00:07:50,245 --> 00:07:51,374
That's what you call a success.
183
00:07:51,457 --> 00:07:54,516
Okay, reminder, the party
starts in two hours.
184
00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:57,737
I'm sorry, are you not enjoying
that blueberry frozen drink
185
00:07:57,820 --> 00:08:00,542
purchased with my earnings?
Perhaps you wanna speak to HR?
186
00:08:00,625 --> 00:08:02,190
Shut up, you are not the boss of me.
187
00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:03,692
I am.
188
00:08:07,589 --> 00:08:09,666
So, Big Mandy,
how's your day been going?
189
00:08:09,749 --> 00:08:11,714
I prefer not to talk to drivers.
190
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,436
Understood. Customer's always right.
191
00:08:15,103 --> 00:08:17,205
Here. Put this in.
192
00:08:23,654 --> 00:08:25,380
♪ Let's go, girls. ♪
193
00:08:25,463 --> 00:08:28,050
Yeah, turn this up!
194
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,069
♪ I'm going out tonight ♪
195
00:08:30,152 --> 00:08:31,787
♪ I'm feeling all right ♪
196
00:08:31,870 --> 00:08:35,682
♪ I'm gonna let it all hang out ♪
197
00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:37,643
People know I'm a winner.
198
00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:40,979
Arm wrestling, karaoke contests,
199
00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:43,444
making fruit preserves
at the competitive level.
200
00:08:43,527 --> 00:08:45,180
I know I'm [BLEEP].
201
00:08:45,263 --> 00:08:46,523
They know I'm [BLEEP].
202
00:08:46,606 --> 00:08:49,022
I know they know I'm [BLEEP].
203
00:08:49,105 --> 00:08:50,892
And that can be intimidating.
204
00:08:50,975 --> 00:08:52,866
But, see, they don't know
everything about me.
205
00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:55,909
They don't know how I bawl
at baby panda videos,
206
00:08:55,992 --> 00:08:59,748
or how I read to the old folks
at the library on Tuesdays.
207
00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:02,609
But just the romantic [BLEEP],
'cause that's my jam.
208
00:09:02,692 --> 00:09:04,169
I'm super emotional.
209
00:09:04,803 --> 00:09:06,780
Especially when you cross me.
210
00:09:07,656 --> 00:09:10,742
And then I get super emotional
all over your sorry ass.
211
00:09:27,314 --> 00:09:29,094
Why, hello there.
212
00:09:30,420 --> 00:09:31,736
What can I do you for?
213
00:09:31,819 --> 00:09:33,884
I am doing an investigative piece
214
00:09:33,967 --> 00:09:35,575
about the missing Flatch sign.
215
00:09:36,332 --> 00:09:37,788
Oh, hold up, you're, um...
216
00:09:38,388 --> 00:09:40,980
You're the new editor
of The Flatch Patriot, right?
217
00:09:41,643 --> 00:09:44,017
I am. Um, Cheryl Peterson.
218
00:09:44,100 --> 00:09:47,287
Jimmy Jameson.
Publisher, Pockton Gazette.
219
00:09:47,370 --> 00:09:49,881
Oh, well, so nice to meet
a fellow news hound.
220
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:52,549
Mm-hmm, so you're saying
your sign, it went missing?
221
00:09:52,632 --> 00:09:55,005
Oh, I know, it sounds so silly.
222
00:09:55,088 --> 00:09:58,473
I mean, a rivalry between
two small towns? Why?
223
00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:00,851
Right? Well, I doubt it was stolen.
224
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:04,622
It's probably just some Flatch
kids getting into trouble,
225
00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:05,605
per usual.
226
00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:09,282
Actually, my sources say that
it happens every single year,
227
00:10:09,365 --> 00:10:10,694
and it is someone in Pockton.
228
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:15,073
If someone from Pockton,
theoretically, stole your sign,
229
00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:19,244
I'd say you need to look far and wide...
230
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:20,829
mm-hmm...
231
00:10:20,912 --> 00:10:26,417
in, but outside, to find it.
232
00:10:30,975 --> 00:10:32,257
Is that a riddle?
233
00:10:33,252 --> 00:10:34,259
Is it?
234
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:35,999
Okay.
235
00:10:36,082 --> 00:10:38,306
Yeah, I see what you're doing.
236
00:10:38,389 --> 00:10:39,476
- Yeah.
- You are playing
237
00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:41,099
right into this rivalry, huh?
238
00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:43,384
Why would I bother competing
against a sad rag
239
00:10:43,467 --> 00:10:45,604
with a circulation of 508
240
00:10:45,687 --> 00:10:48,064
when I've won Best Regional Weekly...
241
00:10:50,548 --> 00:10:52,194
four years in a row now?
242
00:10:52,855 --> 00:10:54,905
Okey dokey, thank you
so much for your help.
243
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,806
Mm-hmm, any time, Cheryl.
244
00:10:58,970 --> 00:11:00,852
I'm actually at 534 now.
245
00:11:01,330 --> 00:11:02,704
You got to get your facts straight.
246
00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:04,068
It's a newspaper.
247
00:11:07,153 --> 00:11:09,603
All righty, ma'am. That will be $15.
248
00:11:10,010 --> 00:11:12,437
I'm gonna do you a solid
and pay you in a tattoo.
249
00:11:12,859 --> 00:11:15,217
I'm doing an intro pricing at $50 a pop.
250
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,552
- Ah, I prefer cash.
- Yeah.
251
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:18,980
I'm running a small business here.
252
00:11:19,063 --> 00:11:22,641
Yeah, same here. I just paid
my tattoo kit off in full.
253
00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:24,607
Come on in, pick a design.
254
00:11:24,690 --> 00:11:26,169
- Yeah, no thanks.
- Yeah, we're, um,
255
00:11:26,252 --> 00:11:27,806
on a schedule right now, so...
256
00:11:27,889 --> 00:11:30,121
Yeah, well, some...
Let's do it another time?
257
00:11:30,204 --> 00:11:30,755
Yeah.
258
00:11:30,838 --> 00:11:32,345
You don't think I'd be any good at it?
259
00:11:32,428 --> 00:11:33,360
- I don't... are you se...?
- No.
260
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:35,895
- I bet you're so good at it.
- I bet you're really good.
261
00:11:35,978 --> 00:11:37,684
All right, come on, let's go.
262
00:11:45,266 --> 00:11:46,266
Mm.
263
00:11:47,127 --> 00:11:48,948
These are really unique.
264
00:11:49,031 --> 00:11:50,084
I know, right?
265
00:11:51,577 --> 00:11:53,468
Why don't you just, uh,
266
00:11:53,551 --> 00:11:54,795
pick that rose?
267
00:11:54,878 --> 00:11:55,962
Hmm?
268
00:11:56,045 --> 00:11:57,532
No, that's, uh...
269
00:11:57,615 --> 00:11:59,469
that's Zayn Malik from One Direction.
270
00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:03,143
My tattoo art is heavily influenced
271
00:12:03,226 --> 00:12:06,543
by Keith Haring, Basquiat,
272
00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:10,255
and that little elephant
they taught to paint.
273
00:12:11,677 --> 00:12:13,049
With a little brush.
274
00:12:13,681 --> 00:12:15,769
- You like The Rock?
- Yeah.
275
00:12:15,852 --> 00:12:19,973
I got a design of him riding
Jimmy Fallon like a bull.
276
00:12:20,056 --> 00:12:20,949
We can do that.
277
00:12:21,032 --> 00:12:23,297
Yeah, sure, that one
would definitely take
278
00:12:23,380 --> 00:12:24,507
like a really long time, though,
279
00:12:24,590 --> 00:12:26,518
- so maybe something smaller?
- Yeah, we don't really have...
280
00:12:26,601 --> 00:12:28,565
- Yeah.
- No, no, no, ten minutes, tops.
281
00:12:30,724 --> 00:12:32,945
As a female running a small business,
282
00:12:33,028 --> 00:12:35,562
I've, like, an obligation to support
283
00:12:35,645 --> 00:12:38,363
other female-run small businesses.
284
00:12:40,661 --> 00:12:43,621
And when a female-run tattoo
removal shop opens,
285
00:12:44,542 --> 00:12:46,124
I'm gonna support them too.
286
00:12:46,647 --> 00:12:48,033
Just drop me off here.
287
00:12:48,116 --> 00:12:50,037
I'll... I'll take the bus to Dayton.
288
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:52,375
I'm gonna remember you
abandoning the business
289
00:12:52,458 --> 00:12:53,725
just as it was taking off, okay?
290
00:12:53,808 --> 00:12:55,391
- Oh.
- No stock options for you.
291
00:12:55,474 --> 00:12:57,944
- Aw.
- You just lost out on billions, bro.
292
00:12:58,482 --> 00:13:01,366
- Billions.
- Billions. Yeah, well, guess what.
293
00:13:01,449 --> 00:13:03,950
I'm done with you, Jackie Chan.
294
00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:06,953
It's Jackie Chain from Dragon Lord.
295
00:13:08,524 --> 00:13:10,411
That... those are teeny little feet,
296
00:13:10,494 --> 00:13:11,749
doing a backflip.
297
00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:18,740
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
298
00:13:21,282 --> 00:13:22,502
Fargas?
299
00:13:22,585 --> 00:13:24,071
No, Far... Far... Fargas.
300
00:13:24,154 --> 00:13:25,475
Fargas, no!
301
00:13:25,558 --> 00:13:28,041
No! Fargas! No!
302
00:13:28,664 --> 00:13:29,684
Damn it!
303
00:13:41,498 --> 00:13:43,215
You understand you're gonna
have to start back
304
00:13:43,298 --> 00:13:44,626
in the training program now.
305
00:13:44,709 --> 00:13:45,709
Shut up.
306
00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:48,588
Oh, my God, Kelly.
307
00:13:48,671 --> 00:13:51,894
Look at this cringey music
Father Joe jams to.
308
00:13:51,977 --> 00:13:53,664
A-Men?
309
00:13:53,747 --> 00:13:55,794
It's like some cheesy church [BLEEP].
310
00:13:55,877 --> 00:13:57,706
That's him, with the Bieber hair.
311
00:13:57,789 --> 00:13:58,922
- That's Father Joe!
- Oh, my God.
312
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,700
- Put it in! Put it in!
- Shut up!
313
00:14:00,783 --> 00:14:02,676
Oh, my God, what?
314
00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:11,199
Yes, it's true,
I was in a very successful
315
00:14:11,282 --> 00:14:13,504
spiritual boy band in the late '90s.
316
00:14:13,587 --> 00:14:14,963
We were huge in Germany.
317
00:14:16,521 --> 00:14:18,079
- ♪ Got you in my car ♪
- Yeah, that's me.
318
00:14:18,162 --> 00:14:20,183
- ♪ Riding in the hood ♪
- Right there.
319
00:14:20,266 --> 00:14:22,871
Lead singer, and I also did
all the choreography.
320
00:14:22,954 --> 00:14:24,325
But of course, it was the Big Guy
321
00:14:24,408 --> 00:14:27,367
who was the lead,
but you know what I mean?
322
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:30,560
Yeah, we, uh... we did
a mega church tour.
323
00:14:30,643 --> 00:14:34,290
We were very popular
on the sweet 16 party circuit.
324
00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:36,617
Then I decided to go on my own.
325
00:14:36,700 --> 00:14:38,521
Tiger Beat said
that I was gonna be as big
326
00:14:38,604 --> 00:14:40,090
as Cosmopolitan Yogurt.
327
00:14:40,173 --> 00:14:43,449
It was a yogurt created
by the magazine Cosmopolitan.
328
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:47,472
Yeah.
329
00:14:47,555 --> 00:14:48,641
Bad miscalculation.
330
00:14:48,724 --> 00:14:50,515
♪ Heaven's our destination ♪
331
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:53,643
- ♪ D-W-I, yeah, up there ♪
- ♪ Whoo! ♪
332
00:14:58,834 --> 00:15:00,942
Get out. Farr and Wyde?
333
00:15:02,550 --> 00:15:04,438
"In, but outside."
334
00:15:04,856 --> 00:15:07,240
In, but outside.
335
00:15:10,807 --> 00:15:12,026
Inn.
336
00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:14,240
Come on. Oh.
337
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:20,253
Farr and Wyde, Inn, but outside.
338
00:15:24,375 --> 00:15:25,591
Yes!
339
00:15:26,533 --> 00:15:27,686
Okay.
340
00:15:30,941 --> 00:15:33,363
Excuse me. Oh, watch your head.
341
00:15:38,457 --> 00:15:41,045
Dude, just...
keep her from opening presents
342
00:15:41,128 --> 00:15:43,049
- until I get there, okay?
- Get off the phone!
343
00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:46,423
Ugh, Mickey said they're eating
Yorkshire pudding
344
00:15:46,506 --> 00:15:48,351
and I don't even know what
that is, but the pudding part
345
00:15:48,434 --> 00:15:49,796
means that they're already
at dessert, so thank you.
346
00:15:49,879 --> 00:15:51,700
There's my dad.
347
00:15:51,783 --> 00:15:53,286
No, no, I beg you, please.
348
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:55,246
- No. God!
- Hi, Dad!
349
00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:56,610
You need a lift?
350
00:15:56,693 --> 00:15:58,624
I'm running a rideshare company now.
351
00:15:59,267 --> 00:16:00,960
You mean like a taxi?
352
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:03,481
Uh, upscale chauffeured experience.
353
00:16:04,041 --> 00:16:05,465
Dads ride for free.
354
00:16:06,041 --> 00:16:07,175
Nah, I'm good.
355
00:16:08,216 --> 00:16:10,386
- I got a tattoo.
- What'd you get?
356
00:16:10,888 --> 00:16:12,748
- Jackie Chan.
- Yeah?
357
00:16:12,831 --> 00:16:14,392
From Armor of God?
358
00:16:14,475 --> 00:16:15,539
Dragon Lord.
359
00:16:16,469 --> 00:16:17,852
Oh, Kell.
360
00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:21,106
Ah, that's an actual person,
wants an actual ride.
361
00:16:21,189 --> 00:16:23,163
Wish I could stay.
362
00:16:23,246 --> 00:16:24,692
You know how it is running a business.
363
00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:26,945
Um, where are you?
364
00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:28,404
Be safe.
365
00:16:33,132 --> 00:16:35,788
Dude, I cannot believe
you got our sign back.
366
00:16:35,871 --> 00:16:37,191
I know!
367
00:16:37,274 --> 00:16:39,996
I have so much adrenaline
coursing through my body.
368
00:16:40,079 --> 00:16:42,837
- Oh, my.
- I could... I could knit a coat.
369
00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:45,040
- Pockton's gonna be so pissed.
- Oh, my God.
370
00:16:45,123 --> 00:16:47,717
Like, this took the rivalry
to a whole new level.
371
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:48,964
They could come after us.
372
00:16:49,866 --> 00:16:51,606
That would be awesome. Group fight!
373
00:16:51,689 --> 00:16:52,989
Um, I don't know about you,
374
00:16:53,072 --> 00:16:54,930
but I think it's time
for some celebratory tunes.
375
00:17:01,755 --> 00:17:03,064
Is this A-Men?
376
00:17:03,861 --> 00:17:05,715
I was the, uh, president,
377
00:17:05,798 --> 00:17:08,567
uh, of the first and...
378
00:17:08,650 --> 00:17:10,947
well, the only A-Men Fan Club.
379
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:12,562
That's how Joe and I met.
380
00:17:12,645 --> 00:17:15,100
Oh, but, um, I wanna be clear.
Uh, we didn't date back then.
381
00:17:15,183 --> 00:17:16,837
That would've been
a huge conflict of interest.
382
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:20,707
No, we... we ran into each other
five years later at a car wash.
383
00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:23,163
He did that little thing
that he does with his hip,
384
00:17:23,246 --> 00:17:24,627
you know.
385
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:27,088
He ran his hands through
his hair and I just...
386
00:17:29,001 --> 00:17:30,047
Goner.
387
00:17:33,884 --> 00:17:36,309
Cheryl. Are you, uh...
388
00:17:36,392 --> 00:17:37,720
Are you okay?
389
00:17:40,801 --> 00:17:42,420
Yeah, I'm gonna get the...
390
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:46,120
Do you, uh... Do you need help?
391
00:17:49,257 --> 00:17:50,697
Uh-uh, uh-uh.
392
00:17:50,780 --> 00:17:52,317
No, I got it! I got it.
393
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:53,737
Sorry.
394
00:17:53,820 --> 00:17:55,046
Ooh!
395
00:17:59,759 --> 00:18:01,133
Hi, I need my car.
396
00:18:01,216 --> 00:18:03,120
No! No!
397
00:18:05,130 --> 00:18:07,950
Father, just so you know,
your selfish need
398
00:18:08,033 --> 00:18:10,725
to visit a parishioner has kept me
from the woman that I love.
399
00:18:10,808 --> 00:18:12,755
Oh, I didn't know you had a girlfriend.
400
00:18:12,838 --> 00:18:14,841
- Yeah, well, I do.
- He doesn't, okay?
401
00:18:14,924 --> 00:18:17,038
He lusts after Beth
and she doesn't know he exists.
402
00:18:17,121 --> 00:18:18,458
- Shut up.
- Well, then you need
403
00:18:18,541 --> 00:18:19,977
to show her that you exist,
404
00:18:20,060 --> 00:18:22,147
take your light from
underneath your bushel.
405
00:18:22,230 --> 00:18:24,071
Yeah. Wait, is that your...
406
00:18:24,154 --> 00:18:25,991
He doesn't mean your wenis, doofus.
407
00:18:26,074 --> 00:18:27,481
Shut up, I knew that.
408
00:18:28,980 --> 00:18:31,285
So I told Luanne
409
00:18:31,368 --> 00:18:33,958
if she insisted on growing her ferns
410
00:18:34,041 --> 00:18:35,867
so close to my property line,
411
00:18:35,950 --> 00:18:38,601
it would be her job to trim them.
412
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:40,577
- I see.
- And she hasn't.
413
00:18:40,660 --> 00:18:43,077
And don't get me started
on her invasive sumac.
414
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:45,046
Oh, we won't.
415
00:18:45,129 --> 00:18:47,127
It's like living in The Jungle Book.
416
00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:48,667
June, I thought you said
this was an emergency.
417
00:18:48,750 --> 00:18:51,612
I wrote her a note
and left it on her door,
418
00:18:51,695 --> 00:18:53,257
and she won't respond.
419
00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:55,735
Let me take care of this.
I'm gonna talk to Luanne.
420
00:18:55,818 --> 00:18:57,472
Thank you, Father.
421
00:18:57,555 --> 00:18:59,208
More ginger snaps?
422
00:18:59,291 --> 00:19:01,299
I got the recipe from Brenda Haskell.
423
00:19:01,382 --> 00:19:02,937
Guess what the secret ingredient is.
424
00:19:03,020 --> 00:19:05,961
- Old man thumb.
- Oh, my God, nobody cares
425
00:19:06,044 --> 00:19:07,792
about your ferns or your cookies
426
00:19:07,875 --> 00:19:08,928
or your gimpy leg
427
00:19:09,011 --> 00:19:10,282
that swells when it rains, June.
428
00:19:10,365 --> 00:19:12,234
Well, you would if it were your leg.
429
00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:15,641
Also this is mine now.
430
00:19:15,724 --> 00:19:17,344
I... I can't let him go alone.
431
00:19:17,427 --> 00:19:19,549
Yeah, I'm gonna come with you.
Please, please, please.
432
00:19:19,632 --> 00:19:22,422
But, Father, you haven't
guessed the ingredient yet.
433
00:19:29,187 --> 00:19:30,670
Okay, five minutes to spare.
434
00:19:36,420 --> 00:19:41,227
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
435
00:19:41,310 --> 00:19:43,062
My bro.
436
00:19:43,145 --> 00:19:45,100
You missed the soiree of the century.
437
00:19:45,183 --> 00:19:46,647
Hey!
438
00:19:46,730 --> 00:19:48,147
Jackie Chan!
439
00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:50,076
I need another ride.
440
00:19:50,159 --> 00:19:51,897
I can't hear you. No one's in the car.
441
00:19:51,980 --> 00:19:54,657
I need another ride.
442
00:19:54,740 --> 00:19:55,788
- What's wrong?
- Hey!
443
00:19:55,871 --> 00:19:57,617
Kelly's gonna get another crappy tattoo.
444
00:19:57,700 --> 00:20:00,447
You got to be kidding me.
Are you serious?
445
00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:03,938
Squirrel!
446
00:20:12,938 --> 00:20:14,050
What is that?
447
00:20:15,677 --> 00:20:18,481
So Kelly had to buy Beth's dad
a new mailbox
448
00:20:18,564 --> 00:20:21,838
and also replace the bumper
on Father Joe's car.
449
00:20:22,491 --> 00:20:25,367
She's working that part off
by mowing the church lawn.
450
00:20:25,987 --> 00:20:28,687
Levi, does that look like
a straight line to you?
451
00:20:28,770 --> 00:20:31,689
Are we gonna need some more
performance reviews, people?
452
00:20:33,513 --> 00:20:35,316
What do people have? Grass.
453
00:20:35,399 --> 00:20:36,981
What do they need? Someone to cut it.
454
00:20:37,064 --> 00:20:39,341
What do I have? Business sense.
455
00:20:39,424 --> 00:20:42,448
Welcome to Mallet's Mowers,
yard and field maintenance.
456
00:20:42,531 --> 00:20:44,769
But we're only open
from 4:00 to 5:00 p.m.
457
00:20:44,852 --> 00:20:46,196
After school.
458
00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:48,537
We don't provide the lawnmower.
That's on the customer.
459
00:20:48,620 --> 00:20:50,592
Also, we shut down in the summer.
460
00:20:50,675 --> 00:20:51,892
Too hot.
461
00:20:51,975 --> 00:20:53,090
Check it out.
462
00:20:53,546 --> 00:20:55,173
I stole June's cookies and her napkin
463
00:20:55,256 --> 00:20:56,922
and made this.
464
00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:09,890
No!
465
00:21:12,724 --> 00:21:13,966
No.
466
00:21:14,989 --> 00:21:16,668
Those aren't yours.
467
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:26,534
No!
468
00:21:27,379 --> 00:21:28,391
God.
469
00:21:28,474 --> 00:21:33,250
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