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1
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[roars]
2
00:00:09,526 --> 00:00:11,563
[theme music playing]
3
00:00:36,312 --> 00:00:38,279
[man] Nobody tells
Harold Brownlow he can't
get what he wants.
4
00:00:38,314 --> 00:00:41,593
Those City Hall assholes
are a bunch of blowhards!
5
00:00:41,627 --> 00:00:43,284
[Mrs. Brownlow]
I don't understand why
6
00:00:43,319 --> 00:00:46,080
we can't get a cab
like normal people.
7
00:00:46,115 --> 00:00:48,186
-[hiccups]
-Hilary dear,
8
00:00:48,220 --> 00:00:51,223
you don't get as
rich as I am by giving
money away to cab drivers.
9
00:00:51,258 --> 00:00:52,880
[hiccups]
10
00:00:52,914 --> 00:00:56,125
Besides, our hotel is just at
the other end of this alley.
11
00:00:58,334 --> 00:01:00,577
You're such a cheapskate.
12
00:01:00,612 --> 00:01:02,372
Come on, woman.
13
00:01:03,408 --> 00:01:04,581
Whoa!
14
00:01:04,616 --> 00:01:05,789
Watch your step!
15
00:01:05,824 --> 00:01:07,826
[laughing]
16
00:01:07,860 --> 00:01:10,208
Harold,
I don't like this place.
17
00:01:10,242 --> 00:01:12,279
-It smells bad.
-[rats squeak]
18
00:01:12,313 --> 00:01:14,419
Jesus, it's a 100 yards.
19
00:01:14,453 --> 00:01:16,179
Hold your nose or something.
20
00:01:16,214 --> 00:01:18,492
-[grunts]
-Harold?
21
00:01:18,526 --> 00:01:19,631
Huh?
22
00:01:19,664 --> 00:01:21,184
[growling]
23
00:01:21,219 --> 00:01:24,394
Boy! You're a big
son of a bitch, ain't ya?
24
00:01:24,429 --> 00:01:25,602
[growls]
25
00:01:25,637 --> 00:01:27,535
Hilary. Call a cab.
26
00:01:28,605 --> 00:01:29,675
[gasps]
27
00:01:31,298 --> 00:01:33,231
[screams]
28
00:01:33,265 --> 00:01:35,336
Harold!
29
00:01:35,371 --> 00:01:37,097
-[roars]
-[screams]
30
00:01:39,823 --> 00:01:40,824
[groans]
31
00:01:40,859 --> 00:01:43,103
[screaming]
32
00:01:43,723 --> 00:01:45,312
[growls]
33
00:01:52,628 --> 00:01:54,700
[screams]
34
00:02:03,571 --> 00:02:05,884
[brakes squeal]
35
00:02:05,918 --> 00:02:08,162
["Burning Up"
by Tobruk playing]
36
00:02:09,577 --> 00:02:11,165
[thunder rumbles]
37
00:02:26,698 --> 00:02:29,804
♪ Is it all in my mind
38
00:02:29,839 --> 00:02:32,945
♪ I can feel the heat
39
00:02:32,980 --> 00:02:35,500
♪ I'm getting hotter
Than fire ♪
40
00:02:35,534 --> 00:02:37,985
♪ From my head down
To my feet ♪
41
00:02:38,019 --> 00:02:40,228
♪ 'Cause I'm burning up
42
00:02:40,263 --> 00:02:42,300
♪ Burnin' up
43
00:02:42,334 --> 00:02:45,268
♪ Burnin' up tonight
44
00:02:45,303 --> 00:02:48,375
-♪ Burnin' up
-♪ Burning up
45
00:02:48,409 --> 00:02:52,517
♪ Burnin' up, all right
46
00:02:52,551 --> 00:02:55,485
♪ I'm not feeling so well
47
00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:58,350
♪ I'm feeling
Hotter than hell ♪
48
00:02:58,385 --> 00:03:02,285
♪ I think I got a fever
49
00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:05,426
♪ I'm begging you
Please, girl ♪
50
00:03:05,461 --> 00:03:07,635
♪ I can't cool down
51
00:03:07,670 --> 00:03:10,673
♪ You're spinning me around,
And around ♪
52
00:03:10,707 --> 00:03:15,712
♪ And I can't fight
The ways to get to you ♪
53
00:03:15,747 --> 00:03:17,921
♪ 'Cause I'm burning up
54
00:03:17,956 --> 00:03:20,648
♪ Burnin' up
55
00:03:20,683 --> 00:03:24,307
♪ Burning up, tonight
56
00:03:24,341 --> 00:03:26,792
-♪ Burnin' up
-♪ Burning up
57
00:03:26,827 --> 00:03:29,278
♪ Burnin' up, all right
58
00:03:29,312 --> 00:03:31,314
♪ I'm burning up
59
00:03:31,349 --> 00:03:33,591
♪ Burnin' up
60
00:03:33,627 --> 00:03:35,007
♪ Burning up, tonight
61
00:03:36,664 --> 00:03:40,392
-♪ Burnin' up
-♪ Burning up
62
00:03:40,427 --> 00:03:42,843
♪ Burning up, all right
63
00:03:59,584 --> 00:04:01,689
[evil laughs]
64
00:04:03,588 --> 00:04:04,658
[all] Hoy-hoy!
65
00:04:04,692 --> 00:04:05,900
[yells]
66
00:04:05,935 --> 00:04:08,040
[helicopter whirring]
67
00:04:13,011 --> 00:04:15,393
[dramatic music playing]
68
00:04:19,051 --> 00:04:20,363
[revs engine]
69
00:04:20,398 --> 00:04:21,571
[muffled screams]
70
00:04:29,372 --> 00:04:30,442
[grunts]
71
00:04:32,513 --> 00:04:33,618
Eat this!
72
00:04:40,866 --> 00:04:41,832
[screams]
73
00:04:41,867 --> 00:04:43,490
[yells]
74
00:04:45,146 --> 00:04:46,493
Hi-ya!
75
00:04:47,735 --> 00:04:49,012
[engine powers down]
76
00:04:49,047 --> 00:04:50,600
Son of a bitch!
77
00:04:52,775 --> 00:04:54,397
-[yells]
-[grunts]
78
00:04:54,432 --> 00:04:56,019
Stay down!
79
00:04:56,054 --> 00:04:58,850
[computer] Automated defense
protocol initiated.
80
00:05:07,065 --> 00:05:08,618
[screams]
81
00:05:11,518 --> 00:05:12,726
[laughing]
82
00:05:14,693 --> 00:05:15,763
Yeah!
83
00:05:28,466 --> 00:05:29,570
Ya!
84
00:05:29,605 --> 00:05:31,710
[gunfire]
85
00:05:37,129 --> 00:05:38,648
[yells]
86
00:05:44,136 --> 00:05:45,828
Burn in hell, Ninjas!
87
00:05:51,074 --> 00:05:53,145
[screams]
88
00:05:56,770 --> 00:05:57,805
[grunts]
89
00:05:57,840 --> 00:05:59,738
[screaming]
90
00:06:00,567 --> 00:06:02,603
[screaming]
91
00:06:03,570 --> 00:06:05,054
No!
92
00:06:11,094 --> 00:06:12,820
Damn you, Akumu!
93
00:06:13,614 --> 00:06:14,822
Damn you!
94
00:06:15,513 --> 00:06:16,617
[gasps]
95
00:06:16,652 --> 00:06:18,654
[panting]
96
00:06:21,207 --> 00:06:23,486
[soft music playing]
97
00:06:26,903 --> 00:06:29,147
Okay. Let's do this.
98
00:06:31,736 --> 00:06:33,703
I'm here
with Governor Atkins
99
00:06:33,738 --> 00:06:35,981
outside Pompadour's
International circus
100
00:06:36,016 --> 00:06:38,743
as it prepares for a midnight
performance tomorrow night,
101
00:06:38,777 --> 00:06:40,227
in aid of the city's homeless
102
00:06:40,261 --> 00:06:42,609
and organized
by the governor himself.
103
00:06:42,643 --> 00:06:45,128
Good morning, Governor,
and thank you for joining us.
104
00:06:45,163 --> 00:06:47,959
[Governor Atkins]
My pleasure Dolly, as always.
105
00:06:47,993 --> 00:06:50,099
[Dolly] Governor, what do
you say to your critics
106
00:06:50,133 --> 00:06:52,653
who say this humanitarian
gesture of yours
107
00:06:52,688 --> 00:06:55,587
is simply a smokescreen
designed to mask
108
00:06:55,622 --> 00:06:58,659
some of your more
puritanical policies?
109
00:06:58,694 --> 00:07:02,525
[laughs] The tabloids can call
me a puritan if they so wish.
110
00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:03,975
-[clown] Ah-ha!
-[honks horn]
111
00:07:04,009 --> 00:07:05,252
but it's just
a reactionary insult
112
00:07:05,286 --> 00:07:07,047
due to my zero
tolerance stance
113
00:07:07,081 --> 00:07:08,980
-on anti-social behavior.
-[horn honks]
114
00:07:09,014 --> 00:07:12,190
I'm referring to the abuse
of alcohol in our society.
115
00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:14,468
-[horn honks]
-Someone has to put their head
116
00:07:14,503 --> 00:07:16,505
above the parapet, Dolly.
117
00:07:16,539 --> 00:07:18,507
Which is why under
my tenure as governor,
118
00:07:18,541 --> 00:07:21,579
I will be seeking to restrict
the opening times of bars
119
00:07:21,613 --> 00:07:24,582
and nightclubs together with
limits on the sale of alcohol.
120
00:07:24,616 --> 00:07:26,998
If that makes me
a Puritan, then so be it.
121
00:07:27,032 --> 00:07:28,689
Remember, only together,
122
00:07:28,724 --> 00:07:31,830
can we make this world
a better place.
123
00:07:31,865 --> 00:07:33,798
I'm ready when you are.
124
00:07:33,832 --> 00:07:35,040
[gun fires]
125
00:07:37,146 --> 00:07:38,665
Fuckin' clowns.
126
00:07:38,699 --> 00:07:39,873
All of 'em.
127
00:07:39,907 --> 00:07:41,219
[crackling]
128
00:07:49,538 --> 00:07:50,849
Hey!
129
00:07:50,884 --> 00:07:52,679
You been shooting
the appliances again?
130
00:07:52,713 --> 00:07:54,681
-[bird] Give us a kiss!
-Must be the roaches.
131
00:07:54,715 --> 00:07:56,096
They've started packing heat.
132
00:07:56,130 --> 00:07:58,236
Any damage and I'm
adding it to your rent!
133
00:07:58,270 --> 00:08:00,203
Which is now overdue,
by the way.
134
00:08:00,238 --> 00:08:01,895
You'll get your money, Gussman.
135
00:08:01,929 --> 00:08:03,621
Now get out of my face.
136
00:08:03,655 --> 00:08:05,657
You Goddamn pervert!
137
00:08:05,692 --> 00:08:07,590
[squawks] Give us a kiss!
138
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:14,804
[Stretch] Hey, hero.
139
00:08:14,839 --> 00:08:16,910
Spare some change
for an old vet?
140
00:08:16,944 --> 00:08:17,945
You again?
141
00:08:17,980 --> 00:08:19,568
Here's a quarter.
142
00:08:19,602 --> 00:08:21,501
Buy yourself some pants
and Binaca spray.
143
00:08:25,332 --> 00:08:26,816
This man bothering you, sir?
144
00:08:26,851 --> 00:08:28,715
Ha!
145
00:08:28,749 --> 00:08:29,785
Who's asking?
146
00:08:29,819 --> 00:08:31,096
Name's Koslowski, sir.
147
00:08:31,131 --> 00:08:32,719
Captain Schitt sent me
to meet you.
148
00:08:32,753 --> 00:08:33,996
I'm your new partner.
149
00:08:34,030 --> 00:08:35,307
Oh, Jesus.
150
00:08:38,863 --> 00:08:41,866
Do you have any words of wisdom
for a rookie like me, sir?
151
00:08:41,900 --> 00:08:43,661
Sure. Work hard.
Eat your greens.
152
00:08:43,695 --> 00:08:45,283
And never stick
your dick in a mangle.
153
00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:46,698
[Koslowski] Wait! What?
154
00:08:46,733 --> 00:08:47,941
[Steel] Yeah!
155
00:08:49,045 --> 00:08:51,082
[sirens blaring]
156
00:08:53,809 --> 00:08:56,294
Jesus H. Christ
on a hippity-hop.
157
00:08:56,328 --> 00:08:58,365
What the hell is
going on in this city?
158
00:08:58,399 --> 00:09:00,747
That's the twelfth disappearance
in as many weeks.
159
00:09:00,781 --> 00:09:03,335
At least this time
we have a witness, sir.
160
00:09:03,370 --> 00:09:05,130
If she ever comes round.
161
00:09:06,373 --> 00:09:07,857
Shit! Not again!
162
00:09:07,892 --> 00:09:11,067
Goddamn it!
Where the hell is Steel!?
163
00:09:11,102 --> 00:09:13,104
Um, I think he's
breaking in that
164
00:09:13,138 --> 00:09:14,933
new partner
you sent him, sir.
165
00:09:14,968 --> 00:09:17,004
Hmm. I wonder how
that's working out?
166
00:09:20,629 --> 00:09:22,769
Probably quite badly.
167
00:09:23,873 --> 00:09:26,117
[heavy metal playing]
168
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:31,018
[both screaming]
169
00:09:31,053 --> 00:09:32,606
[grunts]
170
00:09:51,660 --> 00:09:53,420
Son of a bitch!
171
00:09:53,454 --> 00:09:55,802
Can I just say it's
a real honor to work
with you, sir.
172
00:09:55,836 --> 00:09:57,873
Okay, let's get one thing
straight, kid.
173
00:10:01,014 --> 00:10:02,429
I don't like you.
174
00:10:02,463 --> 00:10:05,190
-[screams]
-[yells]
175
00:10:05,225 --> 00:10:06,675
Who the fuck is this guy?
176
00:10:06,709 --> 00:10:08,297
And before you start,
177
00:10:08,331 --> 00:10:10,264
it's not because you're
a rookie or any of that crap.
178
00:10:10,299 --> 00:10:12,335
[screams]
179
00:10:12,370 --> 00:10:15,235
The fact is
I don't much like anybody.
180
00:10:17,824 --> 00:10:18,859
[panics]
181
00:10:18,894 --> 00:10:21,275
I know what you're thinking.
182
00:10:21,310 --> 00:10:23,761
You're thinking that
this tough exterior
183
00:10:23,795 --> 00:10:25,107
is just my way of...
184
00:10:25,141 --> 00:10:27,281
breaking in a new partner
185
00:10:32,114 --> 00:10:34,116
and that after a while,
the bickering
186
00:10:34,150 --> 00:10:36,049
and mutual dislike
of each other
187
00:10:36,083 --> 00:10:38,189
will turn into admiration,
188
00:10:38,223 --> 00:10:40,847
and who knows,
maybe even respect.
189
00:10:42,780 --> 00:10:44,126
[grunts]
190
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:46,335
Well, I got news
for you, Butthorn.
191
00:10:47,785 --> 00:10:49,856
That ain't gonna happen,
you hear me?
192
00:10:51,961 --> 00:10:53,653
Sweet baby Jesus!
193
00:10:56,379 --> 00:10:58,830
I'm a maverick, renegade,
194
00:10:58,865 --> 00:11:00,038
-loose cannon...
-Look out!
195
00:11:00,073 --> 00:11:02,075
...lone wolf cop on the edge.
196
00:11:02,109 --> 00:11:04,180
Who doesn't play by the rules
197
00:11:07,390 --> 00:11:08,978
and I work alone!
198
00:11:09,013 --> 00:11:11,049
-Got it?
-Uh-huh.
199
00:11:14,121 --> 00:11:15,433
Oh, and it's
probably a good idea
200
00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:17,677
-to get your affairs in order.
-Huh!
201
00:11:23,337 --> 00:11:25,167
Say goodbye to loved ones
and so forth.
202
00:11:25,201 --> 00:11:26,789
[screams]
203
00:11:29,827 --> 00:11:32,139
My partners don't exactly
have a long shelf life
204
00:11:32,174 --> 00:11:33,796
if you know what I mean.
205
00:11:34,521 --> 00:11:36,212
[laughs]
206
00:11:36,247 --> 00:11:37,420
Oh!
207
00:11:39,284 --> 00:11:40,458
Don't do drugs.
208
00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:42,287
[screaming]
209
00:11:42,322 --> 00:11:43,910
[horn honks]
210
00:11:47,016 --> 00:11:48,777
What the hell is
wrong with you?
211
00:11:48,811 --> 00:11:50,330
Anyway, enjoy the ride!
212
00:11:56,405 --> 00:11:57,440
[screams]
213
00:11:58,787 --> 00:12:00,098
[brakes squeal]
214
00:12:00,133 --> 00:12:01,168
Yeah!
215
00:12:01,203 --> 00:12:02,963
[sirens blare]
216
00:12:02,998 --> 00:12:04,240
So. We clear?
217
00:12:05,241 --> 00:12:06,277
Uh-huh!
218
00:12:06,311 --> 00:12:09,073
Steel!
219
00:12:09,107 --> 00:12:11,109
What the hell
were you thinking?!
220
00:12:11,144 --> 00:12:13,353
Do you have any idea
how much damage you caused?
221
00:12:13,387 --> 00:12:15,079
More than a little
but less than a lot?
222
00:12:15,113 --> 00:12:16,494
Have you read this?!
223
00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:18,082
"Beleaguered Police Captain
Jack Schitt
224
00:12:18,116 --> 00:12:20,084
about as much use as
a chocolate condom!"
225
00:12:20,118 --> 00:12:22,189
That's harsh.
And a little racist.
226
00:12:22,224 --> 00:12:24,122
You're lucky I don't
assign you to desk duties!
227
00:12:24,157 --> 00:12:26,228
Come on, Captain.
The last time I picked up a pen
228
00:12:26,262 --> 00:12:28,023
it was to stab a
rapist in the nut sack!
229
00:12:28,057 --> 00:12:30,370
I mean it, Steel!
You're this close to being gone.
230
00:12:30,404 --> 00:12:32,786
-On what grounds?!
-Listening to hair metal
231
00:12:32,821 --> 00:12:34,788
in that souped-up
penis extension of yours
232
00:12:34,823 --> 00:12:36,479
and really shitty driving!
233
00:12:36,514 --> 00:12:38,896
What the hell happened to you?
You used to be one of us!
234
00:12:38,930 --> 00:12:40,967
Out there kicking ass
and taking names!
235
00:12:41,001 --> 00:12:42,209
Now you just sit
behind that desk
236
00:12:42,244 --> 00:12:43,555
sticking pencils up your ass!
237
00:12:43,590 --> 00:12:45,419
I do not stick
pencils up my ass!
238
00:12:45,454 --> 00:12:47,421
And Koslowski!?
I mean, come on!
239
00:12:47,456 --> 00:12:49,147
How many partners is that!?
240
00:12:49,182 --> 00:12:51,011
The kid just wasn't
ready for the mean streets!
241
00:12:51,046 --> 00:12:52,530
Steel, he shot himself.
242
00:12:52,564 --> 00:12:54,359
Damn rookies!
243
00:12:54,394 --> 00:12:56,189
This lone wolf bullshit of
yours has gone on long enough.
244
00:12:56,223 --> 00:12:59,330
You will work with a partner
even if it kills me!
245
00:12:59,364 --> 00:13:01,194
-Shit.
-The whole precinct
246
00:13:01,228 --> 00:13:02,989
threatened to walk out
if I tried to partner you
247
00:13:03,023 --> 00:13:04,991
with any more of them so
I've had to go further afield.
248
00:13:05,025 --> 00:13:06,544
You have a choice,
a Swedish female recruit
249
00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:08,615
from the cultural
exchange program,
250
00:13:08,649 --> 00:13:11,204
a hyperactive monkey
called Mr. Giggles,
251
00:13:11,238 --> 00:13:14,310
or the office cheese plant!
Your call!
252
00:13:14,345 --> 00:13:15,933
[Steel] This is fuckin' stupid.
253
00:13:15,967 --> 00:13:17,348
Okay, I'll work
with a partner
254
00:13:17,382 --> 00:13:19,177
if you go one round
of "face or balls".
255
00:13:19,212 --> 00:13:21,386
Damn it, Steel! I don't have
time for this shit!
256
00:13:21,421 --> 00:13:22,905
Face or Balls.
257
00:13:22,940 --> 00:13:24,113
Okay.
258
00:13:24,148 --> 00:13:25,874
It'll have to be face.
259
00:13:25,908 --> 00:13:28,014
My wife is starting to wonder
why my balls are blue.
260
00:13:29,118 --> 00:13:30,119
[grunts]
261
00:13:30,154 --> 00:13:31,983
-[groans]
-Yeah!
262
00:13:32,018 --> 00:13:34,020
Okay, Steel.
Pick a partner!
263
00:13:34,054 --> 00:13:36,574
I guess I'll go for
the Swedish broad.
264
00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:38,507
You can send her in now.
265
00:13:38,540 --> 00:13:41,165
[romantic music playing]
266
00:13:50,208 --> 00:13:51,554
Hi, welcome to the team.
267
00:13:51,589 --> 00:13:53,591
No Chuck, that's Gloria,
my new secretary.
268
00:13:53,625 --> 00:13:55,351
That's your new partner.
269
00:13:55,386 --> 00:13:56,490
Oh!
270
00:13:56,525 --> 00:13:58,354
-[mumbles]
-Huh?
271
00:13:58,389 --> 00:13:59,665
I work alone!
272
00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:02,289
Steel, say hello
to Officer Ingrid Klutz.
273
00:14:02,324 --> 00:14:03,877
Is the monkey
still an option?
274
00:14:03,912 --> 00:14:04,913
Nope.
275
00:14:04,947 --> 00:14:06,397
[phone ringing]
276
00:14:06,431 --> 00:14:07,536
Hello?
277
00:14:08,226 --> 00:14:09,296
Yes.
278
00:14:09,331 --> 00:14:10,297
Yes.
279
00:14:10,332 --> 00:14:12,575
Yeah? Well, fuck you, too!
280
00:14:12,610 --> 00:14:14,267
That was the hospital.
281
00:14:14,301 --> 00:14:15,647
Billionaire industrialist,
Harold Brownlow
282
00:14:15,682 --> 00:14:17,339
disappeared last night
283
00:14:17,373 --> 00:14:18,650
and his wife was chased
not oncoming traffic.
284
00:14:18,685 --> 00:14:20,583
Seems she's
regained consciousness.
285
00:14:20,618 --> 00:14:22,309
This is serious, Steel.
286
00:14:22,344 --> 00:14:23,586
Brownlow was a personal
friend of the governor.
287
00:14:23,621 --> 00:14:25,312
That guy's a Goddamn lizard!
288
00:14:25,347 --> 00:14:26,693
Damn it, Steel!
289
00:14:26,727 --> 00:14:28,246
I am not in the mood
for your another one
290
00:14:28,281 --> 00:14:29,972
of your paranoid
conspiracy theories
291
00:14:30,007 --> 00:14:31,905
about how the world is being
run by shape shifting
292
00:14:31,940 --> 00:14:33,424
Illuminati lizards
from another dimension!
293
00:14:33,458 --> 00:14:34,701
Do you hear me?!
294
00:14:34,735 --> 00:14:36,358
You'll be sorry.
Mark my words.
295
00:14:36,392 --> 00:14:37,946
Get your ass over
to the hospital
296
00:14:37,980 --> 00:14:39,223
and get the wife's story.
297
00:14:39,257 --> 00:14:40,569
We need to find
whoever did this
298
00:14:40,603 --> 00:14:42,398
or the governor's
gonna have my ass!
299
00:14:42,433 --> 00:14:45,229
Don't worry, Captain,
your ass is safe in my hands.
300
00:14:45,263 --> 00:14:46,437
No, wait a second--
301
00:14:46,471 --> 00:14:48,059
Get out of here!
302
00:14:50,199 --> 00:14:51,718
[Steel] I'd open a window
if I were you.
303
00:14:51,752 --> 00:14:53,685
One more thing, Steel.
304
00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:55,204
Hmm?
305
00:14:55,239 --> 00:14:56,688
Do these pants
make my ass look big?
306
00:14:56,723 --> 00:14:58,276
[groans]
307
00:14:59,381 --> 00:15:01,314
Hey, what are you doing?
308
00:15:01,348 --> 00:15:03,937
I'm a very important person!
309
00:15:03,972 --> 00:15:05,283
[crying]
310
00:15:05,318 --> 00:15:07,976
[Steel] This place
is a fucking freak show.
311
00:15:08,010 --> 00:15:09,598
Ah, Officer Steel.
312
00:15:09,632 --> 00:15:11,358
I've been meaning to find you.
313
00:15:11,393 --> 00:15:13,050
You missed our session again.
314
00:15:13,084 --> 00:15:14,637
[Steel] Blow it out
your ass, Chump knuckles!
315
00:15:14,672 --> 00:15:18,124
You can't keep avoiding me,
Officer Steel!
316
00:15:18,158 --> 00:15:20,126
Okay, let's get
one thing straight.
317
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:21,713
I don't like you.
And before you start,
318
00:15:21,748 --> 00:15:24,371
it's not because you're a woman
or any of that horse shit.
319
00:15:24,406 --> 00:15:26,235
The fact is
I don't much like anybody.
320
00:15:26,270 --> 00:15:28,168
I know what your thinking,
you're thinking that
321
00:15:28,203 --> 00:15:30,274
-this tough exterior...
-[brakes squealing]
322
00:15:30,308 --> 00:15:31,758
...is just my way in
breaking in a new partner
323
00:15:31,792 --> 00:15:33,380
and after a while,
the bickering...
324
00:15:35,486 --> 00:15:38,385
[woman over PA]
Dr. Rosenpenis to Proctology.
325
00:15:38,420 --> 00:15:40,594
Calling Doctor Rosenpenis.
326
00:15:42,079 --> 00:15:43,563
Hi, I'm Chuck Steel.
327
00:15:43,597 --> 00:15:45,358
This is my partner
Ingrid Klutz.
328
00:15:45,392 --> 00:15:47,774
Work partner!
No way would I touch that!
329
00:15:47,808 --> 00:15:49,258
Hell no.
330
00:15:49,293 --> 00:15:52,227
Um, I'm here to see
Mrs. Brownlow.
331
00:15:52,261 --> 00:15:53,573
Room seven.
332
00:15:53,607 --> 00:15:54,988
Across the hall.
333
00:15:55,023 --> 00:15:56,540
Say, Sweet cakes,
334
00:15:56,576 --> 00:15:58,474
how about when I'm done here
we go out somewhere?
335
00:15:58,509 --> 00:16:00,442
I know a great
Monster Truck festival.
336
00:16:00,476 --> 00:16:01,650
I'm busy.
337
00:16:01,684 --> 00:16:02,996
What about Monday?
338
00:16:03,031 --> 00:16:04,342
I'm filing my tax return.
339
00:16:04,377 --> 00:16:05,516
Tuesday?
340
00:16:05,550 --> 00:16:06,793
I'm burying my dog.
341
00:16:06,827 --> 00:16:08,312
Wednesday?
342
00:16:08,346 --> 00:16:10,555
Wednesdays,
I stick pins in my ass.
343
00:16:10,590 --> 00:16:12,695
You're trying to tell me
something aren't you?
344
00:16:12,730 --> 00:16:15,215
-[Mrs. Brownlow screams]
-[all gasps]
345
00:16:15,250 --> 00:16:17,321
Call for back up, lesbian!
346
00:16:22,671 --> 00:16:24,569
[groans]
347
00:16:24,604 --> 00:16:26,088
[Mrs. Brownlow] Help!
348
00:16:27,124 --> 00:16:28,539
Freeze, fudge sucker!
349
00:16:28,573 --> 00:16:30,334
-Huh?
-Huh?
350
00:16:31,473 --> 00:16:33,716
Die, harlot of darkness! Die!
351
00:16:34,545 --> 00:16:36,788
[screams]
352
00:16:36,823 --> 00:16:38,100
[grunts]
353
00:16:38,721 --> 00:16:41,586
[mumbles]
354
00:16:41,621 --> 00:16:43,036
[screams]
355
00:16:43,071 --> 00:16:44,727
You're busted, slime ball!
356
00:16:44,762 --> 00:16:47,316
[muffled]
Uh, somebody's used this.
357
00:16:47,351 --> 00:16:50,423
Well, thanks for
the speedy back up, Igor!
358
00:16:50,457 --> 00:16:52,114
[mumbles]
359
00:16:52,149 --> 00:16:54,220
[camera shutters]
360
00:16:54,254 --> 00:16:56,325
[electricity zaps]
361
00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:57,809
Okay, old man, start talking!
362
00:16:57,844 --> 00:16:59,777
You have made
a terrible mistake.
363
00:16:59,811 --> 00:17:01,537
That lady must be destroyed!
364
00:17:01,572 --> 00:17:04,608
According to immigration,
you are one Abraham Van Rental.
365
00:17:04,644 --> 00:17:06,300
That your real name?
366
00:17:06,335 --> 00:17:07,785
She has been bitten.
367
00:17:07,819 --> 00:17:09,787
In a few hours, her
transformation will be complete
368
00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:12,513
and she will be consumed
with an unholy bloodlust.
369
00:17:12,548 --> 00:17:14,102
Okay...
370
00:17:14,136 --> 00:17:16,621
Tell me, you've heard
of vampires, no?
371
00:17:16,656 --> 00:17:17,829
Sure.
372
00:17:17,864 --> 00:17:19,555
But have you ever heard of...
373
00:17:19,589 --> 00:17:21,799
Trampires?!
374
00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:23,455
You mean like a woman
who tears out your heart
375
00:17:23,490 --> 00:17:24,836
and sucks you dry?
376
00:17:24,871 --> 00:17:26,355
Um, no.
377
00:17:26,390 --> 00:17:28,116
I mean tramps in
the sense of hobos,
378
00:17:28,150 --> 00:17:30,083
derelicts, stinky
street folk, you know.
379
00:17:30,118 --> 00:17:32,189
Not tramps as in harlots
or ladies of the night,
380
00:17:32,223 --> 00:17:34,225
although they, too,
can be affected.
381
00:17:34,260 --> 00:17:35,709
Anyway, I digress...
where was I?
382
00:17:35,744 --> 00:17:36,848
Trampires?
383
00:17:36,883 --> 00:17:38,091
Ah, yes.
384
00:17:38,126 --> 00:17:39,886
Trampires are an aberration.
385
00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:41,715
Half vampire, half tramp.
386
00:17:41,750 --> 00:17:43,890
Although in this country,
I think you call them bums,
387
00:17:43,924 --> 00:17:45,788
but Bumires doesn't
make any sense.
388
00:17:45,823 --> 00:17:47,756
We wouldn't want that now.
389
00:17:47,790 --> 00:17:51,518
Many centuries ago
in Transylvania,
390
00:17:51,553 --> 00:17:53,624
vampires ruled over the land.
391
00:17:53,658 --> 00:17:55,695
They were the
aristocracy of the time
392
00:17:55,729 --> 00:17:58,732
and they fed off the blood of
the peasants without question.
393
00:17:58,767 --> 00:18:01,632
But, around 1400 AD
394
00:18:01,666 --> 00:18:03,875
everything got a bit PC
395
00:18:03,910 --> 00:18:06,913
and their way of life
was deemed unacceptable.
396
00:18:06,947 --> 00:18:09,364
-[glass shatters]
-Ooh!
397
00:18:09,398 --> 00:18:11,228
[explosion]
398
00:18:11,262 --> 00:18:13,195
They were driven out
and destined to spend eternity
399
00:18:13,230 --> 00:18:15,473
wandering the land
as reviled outcasts...
400
00:18:15,508 --> 00:18:17,199
Up yours!
401
00:18:17,234 --> 00:18:18,718
...condemned to
a life of darkness
402
00:18:18,752 --> 00:18:21,307
and of eating half-eaten
burgers out of bins.
403
00:18:21,341 --> 00:18:23,757
When this happened,
they got really depressed
404
00:18:23,792 --> 00:18:25,587
and took to drinking heavily.
405
00:18:25,621 --> 00:18:27,278
[burps]
406
00:18:27,313 --> 00:18:29,591
Over the years, this
constant binge drinking,
407
00:18:29,625 --> 00:18:31,386
especially on weekends,
408
00:18:31,420 --> 00:18:32,904
caused their
metabolism to mutate
409
00:18:32,939 --> 00:18:35,148
until their craving for blood
410
00:18:35,183 --> 00:18:37,737
and their craving for cheap
booze became entwined.
411
00:18:39,325 --> 00:18:42,431
Thus, the Trampire was born!
412
00:18:42,466 --> 00:18:44,261
Are you on drugs?
413
00:18:44,295 --> 00:18:45,503
I can prove it to you.
414
00:18:45,538 --> 00:18:47,160
Tell me,
am I right in saying
415
00:18:47,195 --> 00:18:48,886
that before each of
the victims disappeared
416
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:51,406
they had recently attended
a party or social gathering
417
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:54,202
which would have
involved a large amount
of alcohol consumption?
418
00:18:54,236 --> 00:18:55,375
Go on.
419
00:18:55,410 --> 00:18:56,963
It is the same in every case.
420
00:18:56,997 --> 00:18:59,448
The Trampires are only
attracted to victims
421
00:18:59,483 --> 00:19:01,554
who are completely
ripped to the tits.
422
00:19:03,521 --> 00:19:04,867
You don't believe me!
423
00:19:04,902 --> 00:19:06,490
-[cell door slams]
-Wait!
424
00:19:06,524 --> 00:19:07,663
[man] Fruit cake.
425
00:19:07,698 --> 00:19:09,389
Where are you going?
Come back!
426
00:19:09,424 --> 00:19:10,839
The Trampires are real!
427
00:19:10,873 --> 00:19:12,599
They are out there!
428
00:19:12,634 --> 00:19:15,223
And with every new victim,
their ranks grow ever stronger!
429
00:19:15,257 --> 00:19:16,810
[convict] I believe you.
430
00:19:18,985 --> 00:19:20,987
-[farts]
-Oops.
431
00:19:21,021 --> 00:19:22,437
Sorry.
432
00:19:25,681 --> 00:19:27,235
[glass shatters]
433
00:19:27,269 --> 00:19:29,478
[Steel] See you
on the gun range, Igor.
434
00:19:29,513 --> 00:19:31,480
Ah, Steel, There you are.
435
00:19:31,515 --> 00:19:33,241
I hear you have
a suspect in custody?
436
00:19:33,275 --> 00:19:34,759
Yeah. Old guy.
437
00:19:34,794 --> 00:19:36,658
Looks like Sherlock Holmes'
retarded brother.
438
00:19:36,692 --> 00:19:38,384
Speedy work!
On another matter,
439
00:19:38,418 --> 00:19:40,386
how's the anger management
therapy going?
440
00:19:40,420 --> 00:19:41,870
Oh, you know.
Pretty good.
441
00:19:41,904 --> 00:19:43,837
Been dealing with a lot
of feelings and stuff.
442
00:19:43,872 --> 00:19:45,494
You know, emotions and shit?
443
00:19:45,529 --> 00:19:46,978
Cut the crap, Steel!
444
00:19:47,013 --> 00:19:48,842
I know you haven't been
to a single session!
445
00:19:48,877 --> 00:19:50,844
I've been busy. I'm in
the middle of alphabetizing
446
00:19:50,879 --> 00:19:52,570
my cock rock collection.
447
00:19:52,605 --> 00:19:53,916
I don't need any more
"cops on the edge"
448
00:19:53,951 --> 00:19:55,642
in this precinct, Steel!
449
00:19:55,677 --> 00:19:56,954
So you'd better start
revealing your inner child
450
00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:58,300
to this lady, or--
451
00:19:58,335 --> 00:19:59,612
Let me guess,
it's my ass?
452
00:19:59,646 --> 00:20:00,958
No, it's your badge
and your gun!
453
00:20:00,992 --> 00:20:03,995
You can shove
your ass up your ass!
454
00:20:04,030 --> 00:20:05,618
It doesn't even
make any sense!
455
00:20:05,652 --> 00:20:07,723
I'm in charge!
I don't need to make sense!
456
00:20:07,758 --> 00:20:09,415
Face or Balls?
457
00:20:09,449 --> 00:20:10,450
Jeez.
458
00:20:10,485 --> 00:20:11,727
Okay. Balls.
459
00:20:11,762 --> 00:20:13,281
I can't take
any more head shots.
460
00:20:13,315 --> 00:20:14,558
My neurologist said
I have an aneurysm
461
00:20:14,592 --> 00:20:15,904
the size of a tennis ball.
462
00:20:15,938 --> 00:20:17,354
Yeah!
463
00:20:17,388 --> 00:20:18,976
Jesus!
464
00:20:19,010 --> 00:20:21,012
I think I split my ball bag!
465
00:20:24,015 --> 00:20:29,228
[screaming]
466
00:20:39,686 --> 00:20:42,068
Hmm, so you said
you feel like--
467
00:20:42,102 --> 00:20:47,246
[screams]
468
00:20:48,764 --> 00:20:49,938
[glass shatters]
469
00:20:49,972 --> 00:20:54,943
[continues screaming]
470
00:20:57,808 --> 00:20:59,361
Hmm, so you said
you feel like this
471
00:20:59,396 --> 00:21:01,881
every waking minute
of every day?
472
00:21:01,915 --> 00:21:03,400
Pretty much, yeah.
473
00:21:03,434 --> 00:21:04,573
Is that it?
474
00:21:04,608 --> 00:21:05,988
Please relax,
Officer Steel.
475
00:21:06,023 --> 00:21:07,956
If these sessions
are to be of any use,
476
00:21:07,990 --> 00:21:10,683
I require the patient
to be a willing participant.
477
00:21:10,717 --> 00:21:12,029
I'm here aren't I?
478
00:21:12,063 --> 00:21:13,858
Under duress, I suspect.
479
00:21:13,893 --> 00:21:15,481
Look, do you want
o do this or not?
480
00:21:15,515 --> 00:21:16,827
'Cause I got better
things to do, lady.
481
00:21:16,861 --> 00:21:18,691
Believe it or not,
I'm here to help.
482
00:21:18,725 --> 00:21:20,693
Oh, is that right? Well, I've
seen what your kind of help
483
00:21:20,727 --> 00:21:22,557
is doing to the rest
of this department!
484
00:21:22,591 --> 00:21:24,559
We've got Maloney
so "emotionally liberated"
485
00:21:24,593 --> 00:21:26,112
that if some
street punk shot him,
486
00:21:26,146 --> 00:21:27,734
he'd probably apologize
for bleeding so much!
487
00:21:27,769 --> 00:21:29,840
Martinez is so in touch
with his inner child
488
00:21:29,874 --> 00:21:31,945
that he won't go anywhere
without a diaper
489
00:21:31,980 --> 00:21:34,327
and Sanchez is so in tune
with his sexual identity
490
00:21:34,362 --> 00:21:36,916
that he's taken to wearing
a gimp mask on stakeouts!
491
00:21:36,950 --> 00:21:38,573
And as for the Captain,
492
00:21:38,607 --> 00:21:40,402
that's really starting
to scare me!
493
00:21:40,437 --> 00:21:42,680
I'm sorry if you don't like
my methods, Officer Steel,
494
00:21:42,715 --> 00:21:44,993
but I also have a job to do.
495
00:21:45,027 --> 00:21:47,513
And that job is bringing
emotionally scarred
496
00:21:47,547 --> 00:21:48,997
police officers like yourself
497
00:21:49,031 --> 00:21:51,413
back from the brink
of self destruction.
498
00:21:51,448 --> 00:21:52,759
Well, I like being
on the "brink"!
499
00:21:52,794 --> 00:21:54,761
In fact, I'm thinking
of buying a house there.
500
00:21:54,796 --> 00:21:56,487
It's a little farther
from the "edge"
501
00:21:56,522 --> 00:21:58,109
than I would have liked
but I can always commute!
502
00:21:58,144 --> 00:22:00,457
This conversation
is getting us nowhere.
503
00:22:00,491 --> 00:22:03,356
Let's start over, shall we?
504
00:22:03,391 --> 00:22:05,013
Tell me about your wife.
505
00:22:05,047 --> 00:22:06,359
Huh?
506
00:22:06,394 --> 00:22:07,498
There's nothing to tell.
507
00:22:07,533 --> 00:22:09,086
I had a wife and now I don't!
508
00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:11,399
That's it. Can I go now?
509
00:22:11,433 --> 00:22:12,607
What happened to her?
510
00:22:12,641 --> 00:22:13,884
She was killed. Okay?
511
00:22:13,918 --> 00:22:15,644
She's gone.
512
00:22:15,679 --> 00:22:17,819
She was murdered by
a piece of shit Ninja warlord
513
00:22:17,853 --> 00:22:19,821
by the name of Akumu.
514
00:22:19,855 --> 00:22:22,099
What happened to this Akumu?
515
00:22:22,133 --> 00:22:23,859
Didn't you try to find him?
516
00:22:23,894 --> 00:22:25,551
What are you saying?
517
00:22:25,585 --> 00:22:27,035
You saying I don't know
how to do my job? Huh?
518
00:22:27,069 --> 00:22:28,657
No. I'm simply--
519
00:22:28,692 --> 00:22:30,452
You saying I didn't
love my wife? Are you?
520
00:22:30,487 --> 00:22:32,109
I think we should leave
things there for today.
521
00:22:32,143 --> 00:22:33,800
I can see you're
becoming agitated.
522
00:22:33,835 --> 00:22:35,457
This ain't agitated, lady,
523
00:22:35,492 --> 00:22:38,667
believe me you don't
want to see me agitated.
524
00:22:38,702 --> 00:22:41,429
You know, there's no shame
in having emotions
525
00:22:41,463 --> 00:22:42,809
other than rage.
526
00:22:42,844 --> 00:22:45,053
I hope you'll come
to see that eventually.
527
00:22:45,087 --> 00:22:47,020
Don't hold your breath,
sugar tits.
528
00:22:47,055 --> 00:22:50,369
I'll have a fire in my belly
till I'm dust in the wind.
529
00:22:53,441 --> 00:22:54,994
What a prick!
530
00:22:57,859 --> 00:23:00,068
["Night Moves"
by Marilyn Martin playing]
531
00:23:14,945 --> 00:23:16,671
[laughing]
532
00:23:21,503 --> 00:23:22,746
[growls]
533
00:23:26,715 --> 00:23:28,027
♪ Slippin' away
534
00:23:28,061 --> 00:23:29,615
[growls]
535
00:23:29,649 --> 00:23:31,513
[reporter]
Every police officer--
536
00:23:32,756 --> 00:23:33,826
[laughs]
537
00:23:33,860 --> 00:23:35,586
♪ He pulled the shades
538
00:23:35,621 --> 00:23:36,932
♪ Locking out the neon lights
539
00:23:36,967 --> 00:23:38,589
[growls]
540
00:23:39,866 --> 00:23:41,040
[crying]
541
00:23:41,074 --> 00:23:42,766
♪ The room was dark
542
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:44,630
[reporter] Police are
searching right now...
543
00:23:44,664 --> 00:23:46,494
♪ Our shadows danced
In perfect time♪
544
00:23:46,528 --> 00:23:48,496
[applause]
545
00:23:48,530 --> 00:23:50,498
♪ But I held on
546
00:23:50,532 --> 00:23:53,190
♪ To what was
For this moment mine ♪
547
00:23:55,641 --> 00:23:58,575
♪ We're on the edge
548
00:23:58,609 --> 00:24:01,094
-♪ Reachin' the point
-[screams]
549
00:24:01,129 --> 00:24:03,165
♪ Of no return
550
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:05,720
♪ Caught in a web
551
00:24:05,754 --> 00:24:07,618
♪ Daring to touch
552
00:24:08,308 --> 00:24:09,620
Shut up!
553
00:24:12,658 --> 00:24:14,211
[screaming]
554
00:24:15,661 --> 00:24:17,525
[man screams]
555
00:24:17,559 --> 00:24:18,629
♪ You know I'm not afraid
Of your night moves ♪
556
00:24:18,664 --> 00:24:20,010
[grunts]
557
00:24:23,082 --> 00:24:24,911
[screams]
558
00:24:24,946 --> 00:24:26,292
♪ You know I'm not afraid
Of your night moves ♪
559
00:24:26,326 --> 00:24:28,294
[grunts]
560
00:24:28,328 --> 00:24:30,089
[siren blares]
561
00:24:30,123 --> 00:24:32,781
♪ Dangerous games we play
562
00:24:32,816 --> 00:24:34,507
[camera shutters]
563
00:24:34,542 --> 00:24:37,614
♪ You know I'm not afraid
564
00:24:39,961 --> 00:24:40,927
[crying]
565
00:24:40,962 --> 00:24:42,308
♪ Secret ways
566
00:24:42,342 --> 00:24:44,828
♪ Always having to pretend
567
00:24:44,862 --> 00:24:46,830
[sucking]
568
00:24:46,864 --> 00:24:48,901
♪ We play the game
569
00:24:48,935 --> 00:24:50,143
[crying]
570
00:24:50,178 --> 00:24:52,491
♪ Outraged innocence
571
00:24:54,838 --> 00:24:56,287
♪ We're on the edge
572
00:24:56,322 --> 00:24:57,979
[roars]
573
00:24:58,013 --> 00:25:00,913
♪ Reachin' the point
Of no return ♪
574
00:25:00,947 --> 00:25:03,018
♪ Daring to touch
575
00:25:03,053 --> 00:25:05,711
♪ Is it the love
Of the danger ♪
576
00:25:05,745 --> 00:25:09,266
♪ Or the danger of the love
577
00:25:13,719 --> 00:25:15,755
[woman screams]
578
00:25:18,033 --> 00:25:23,073
♪ You know I'm not afraid
Of your night moves ♪
579
00:25:25,627 --> 00:25:28,906
♪ Dangerous games we play
580
00:25:28,941 --> 00:25:32,116
♪ But you know I'm not afraid
581
00:25:52,102 --> 00:25:53,137
Oops.
582
00:25:58,108 --> 00:25:59,247
Huh?
583
00:26:01,180 --> 00:26:02,284
[thuds]
584
00:26:07,738 --> 00:26:09,119
[ringing]
585
00:26:09,982 --> 00:26:11,155
Steel here.
586
00:26:11,190 --> 00:26:13,019
Steel, the shit
just hit the fan!
587
00:26:13,054 --> 00:26:14,227
There's been 12 more attacks
588
00:26:14,262 --> 00:26:16,057
in the space of four minutes.
589
00:26:16,091 --> 00:26:17,990
Plus, that guy
you arrested has escaped.
590
00:26:18,024 --> 00:26:19,992
-Maloney?
-Maloney.
591
00:26:20,026 --> 00:26:22,028
That guy is about
as useful as yesterday's piss!
592
00:26:22,063 --> 00:26:24,065
We think he might be
heading back to the hospital.
593
00:26:24,099 --> 00:26:25,653
Get over there now.
594
00:26:25,687 --> 00:26:27,171
Anything happens
to the Brownlow woman
595
00:26:27,206 --> 00:26:28,725
and the Governor
is gonna wall mount my ass
596
00:26:28,759 --> 00:26:29,829
in his hunting lodge!
597
00:26:29,864 --> 00:26:32,418
Lizard.
598
00:26:32,452 --> 00:26:34,938
Sometimes I worry about
that man's state of mind.
599
00:26:34,972 --> 00:26:36,974
Sir, your tits are crooked.
600
00:26:37,009 --> 00:26:39,149
Oh, thanks.
601
00:26:39,183 --> 00:26:41,254
[tense music playing]
602
00:26:55,165 --> 00:26:57,201
[flat line beeps]
603
00:26:59,341 --> 00:27:01,896
[Van Rental]
Now you're going to get it.
604
00:27:03,829 --> 00:27:07,246
[demonic voice] Who dares
to enter my dwelling place?
605
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:11,043
It is I, foul wench,
Abraham Van Rental.
606
00:27:11,077 --> 00:27:13,735
I have returned to
send your cursed soul
607
00:27:13,770 --> 00:27:16,186
back to the boiling hell
from whence it came.
608
00:27:16,220 --> 00:27:18,188
Puny human fool!
609
00:27:18,222 --> 00:27:21,018
You shall never be
rid of my kind!
610
00:27:21,053 --> 00:27:23,987
As long as people
keep getting shit-faced
611
00:27:24,021 --> 00:27:27,266
they will be the prey
of the Trampire!
612
00:27:29,268 --> 00:27:32,340
Talking of which,
I'm dying of thirst.
613
00:27:32,374 --> 00:27:34,825
Have you been drinking today?
614
00:27:34,860 --> 00:27:37,379
Well I--I had a glass of wine
at lunchtime but that's all.
615
00:27:37,414 --> 00:27:40,279
[gasps]
That will have to suffice.
616
00:27:40,313 --> 00:27:41,798
Come to me.
617
00:27:41,832 --> 00:27:43,282
I thirst.
618
00:27:43,316 --> 00:27:45,664
You cannot mesmerize me!
I'm British!
619
00:27:48,908 --> 00:27:50,876
I am yours, succubus.
620
00:27:54,534 --> 00:27:55,846
[screams]
621
00:27:57,952 --> 00:28:00,161
[gasps] Oh, thank God!
622
00:28:00,195 --> 00:28:02,059
That crazy man is back!
623
00:28:02,094 --> 00:28:04,199
I--I think he's
trying to molest her!
624
00:28:04,234 --> 00:28:06,305
Okay, step back.
I'll handle this.
625
00:28:09,757 --> 00:28:10,861
Freeze!
626
00:28:12,794 --> 00:28:14,313
Damn you!
627
00:28:14,347 --> 00:28:16,902
I was about to get some.
628
00:28:16,936 --> 00:28:18,179
Ugh.
629
00:28:18,213 --> 00:28:19,732
No, It's not
what it looks like.
630
00:28:19,767 --> 00:28:21,251
-She is a--
-A Trampire. Yeah, I know.
631
00:28:21,285 --> 00:28:22,424
You believe me?
632
00:28:22,459 --> 00:28:24,150
I don't know
what I believe.
633
00:28:24,185 --> 00:28:25,427
All I know is there's
some weird shit going down
634
00:28:25,462 --> 00:28:27,084
and I can't explain it.
635
00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:30,156
So for now, everyone
stay calm and nobody move.
636
00:28:30,191 --> 00:28:32,952
Is that supposed
to be funny?
637
00:28:32,987 --> 00:28:34,126
We are too late.
638
00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:35,506
She has already turned.
639
00:28:35,541 --> 00:28:37,094
There is nothing
we can do for her now.
640
00:28:37,129 --> 00:28:39,407
Come closer, pretty one,
641
00:28:39,441 --> 00:28:44,550
so that I may feast
on your exquisite veins.
642
00:28:44,584 --> 00:28:46,138
No thanks.
I gave at the office.
643
00:28:46,172 --> 00:28:48,865
You will pay
for your insolence!
644
00:28:48,899 --> 00:28:50,176
The check's in the mail.
645
00:28:50,211 --> 00:28:52,351
Let's get some
light in here.
646
00:28:52,385 --> 00:28:53,766
[screams] No!
647
00:28:53,801 --> 00:28:54,940
What the hell?
648
00:28:54,974 --> 00:28:56,493
[growls]
649
00:28:59,323 --> 00:29:00,531
[screaming]
650
00:29:00,566 --> 00:29:01,809
Huh?
651
00:29:01,843 --> 00:29:03,293
Die, hell-bitch, die!
652
00:29:03,327 --> 00:29:04,984
Uh, okay, Doc, take it easy.
653
00:29:05,019 --> 00:29:08,125
The Master will
make you pay for this!
654
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:10,576
-He is coming soon!
-Huh?
655
00:29:10,610 --> 00:29:14,373
You shall all pay
with your souls!
656
00:29:17,307 --> 00:29:19,274
Wait! Close the curtains!
657
00:29:21,345 --> 00:29:22,933
[Van Rental] Oh, shit.
658
00:29:31,424 --> 00:29:33,150
Oh, flaps.
659
00:29:33,185 --> 00:29:34,324
What's wrong?
660
00:29:34,358 --> 00:29:35,912
She spoke of the Master.
661
00:29:35,946 --> 00:29:38,017
This could be worse
than I thought.
662
00:29:40,986 --> 00:29:44,023
Well, she ain't gonna
tell us anything now.
663
00:29:44,058 --> 00:29:45,991
-[screeches]
-[screams]
664
00:29:46,025 --> 00:29:47,475
-Huh?
-Agh!
665
00:29:47,509 --> 00:29:49,132
Get it off me!
It's biting my nose!
666
00:29:49,166 --> 00:29:50,547
Get it off me!
667
00:29:52,514 --> 00:29:54,102
Help me!
668
00:29:55,103 --> 00:29:56,449
Hold still!
669
00:29:57,623 --> 00:29:59,349
[grunts]
670
00:29:59,383 --> 00:30:00,557
Take it off!
671
00:30:01,869 --> 00:30:04,078
[screams]
672
00:30:04,112 --> 00:30:06,390
Oh, God!
673
00:30:06,425 --> 00:30:08,530
Help me! Help me,
you great lummox!
674
00:30:09,497 --> 00:30:10,878
[screams]
675
00:30:10,912 --> 00:30:12,224
Now, this might hurt a little.
676
00:30:14,951 --> 00:30:16,021
Sorry.
677
00:30:16,953 --> 00:30:18,195
[screeches]
678
00:30:19,679 --> 00:30:21,060
-Huh?
-[Van Rental] Argh!
679
00:30:21,095 --> 00:30:22,475
Not the hair! Not the hair!
680
00:30:24,615 --> 00:30:26,617
[screams] Get it away from me!
681
00:30:26,652 --> 00:30:29,034
[zaps]
682
00:30:33,038 --> 00:30:34,142
Huh?
683
00:30:34,177 --> 00:30:35,454
Mummy!
684
00:30:36,455 --> 00:30:37,559
[grunts]
685
00:30:37,594 --> 00:30:39,872
[laughing]
686
00:30:39,907 --> 00:30:41,149
Huh?
687
00:30:45,567 --> 00:30:47,638
I love you.
688
00:30:50,641 --> 00:30:52,885
[screams]
689
00:30:54,128 --> 00:30:56,233
-[grunts]
-[laughing]
690
00:30:59,340 --> 00:31:01,135
Come on, you little bastard!
691
00:31:01,169 --> 00:31:02,274
I'll tan your ass!
692
00:31:02,308 --> 00:31:04,138
[grunting]
693
00:31:07,072 --> 00:31:08,107
[screams]
694
00:31:08,142 --> 00:31:10,109
-Huh?
-[laughs]
695
00:31:10,144 --> 00:31:11,455
[Van Rental] I'm stuck!
696
00:31:11,490 --> 00:31:13,354
Yo! Bat thing!
697
00:31:14,355 --> 00:31:15,666
Come on.
698
00:31:15,701 --> 00:31:17,841
[laughing]
699
00:31:21,707 --> 00:31:22,950
Eat lead!
700
00:31:24,296 --> 00:31:26,229
[bat screams]
701
00:31:26,263 --> 00:31:27,678
Do you like that, huh?
702
00:31:27,713 --> 00:31:30,164
[grunts]
703
00:31:30,198 --> 00:31:32,028
-Is that what you want?
-[screams]
704
00:31:32,062 --> 00:31:33,408
[Van Rental grunting]
705
00:31:33,443 --> 00:31:35,272
[panting] It's not
what it looks like.
706
00:31:35,307 --> 00:31:37,240
[Van Rental]
Somebody get some help!
707
00:31:37,274 --> 00:31:39,725
[Schitt] What the fuck!
708
00:31:39,759 --> 00:31:41,106
Damn it, Steel!
709
00:31:41,140 --> 00:31:42,176
That was our only witness!
710
00:31:42,210 --> 00:31:43,556
What in the hell happened?!
711
00:31:43,591 --> 00:31:45,489
Well, Captain, first she
turned into a Trampire
712
00:31:45,524 --> 00:31:47,112
so we opened the drapes.
713
00:31:47,146 --> 00:31:48,423
Then she turned into
a bat and bit my nose
714
00:31:48,458 --> 00:31:50,460
so I killed her with a pencil.
715
00:31:50,494 --> 00:31:53,049
What?! And how could
you lose another partner
for Christ's sake!
716
00:31:53,083 --> 00:31:55,568
I just got my ass chewed out
by the Swedish ambassador!
717
00:31:55,603 --> 00:31:57,363
And he had a beard!
718
00:31:57,398 --> 00:31:59,572
Now that wasn't my fault.
She was a real clumsy broad.
719
00:31:59,607 --> 00:32:01,402
And what the hell
is it with your nose, Steel?
720
00:32:01,436 --> 00:32:03,369
You look like
Karl Malden on steroids!
721
00:32:03,404 --> 00:32:05,371
He has been bitten
by one of them!
722
00:32:05,406 --> 00:32:07,684
Soon, the poison will work
its way through his body.
723
00:32:07,718 --> 00:32:11,101
By midnight tonight he will have
become a creature of darkness
724
00:32:11,136 --> 00:32:12,378
whose only goal is to attack
725
00:32:12,413 --> 00:32:14,518
drunk people
coming out of bars!
726
00:32:14,553 --> 00:32:16,279
Who the fuck is this guy?
727
00:32:16,313 --> 00:32:17,625
Look, it's a long story,
Captain.
728
00:32:17,659 --> 00:32:19,109
Just give me till midnight.
729
00:32:19,144 --> 00:32:20,559
If I haven't found
this psycho by then,
730
00:32:20,593 --> 00:32:22,078
you can personally drive
a stake through my heart.
731
00:32:22,112 --> 00:32:24,114
-Liver.
-What?
732
00:32:24,149 --> 00:32:26,323
To kill a Trampire,
you must pierce the liver,
not the heart.
733
00:32:26,358 --> 00:32:27,428
Whatever.
734
00:32:27,462 --> 00:32:29,188
So what do you say, Captain?
735
00:32:29,223 --> 00:32:30,983
It's tempting, but I'm
sorry, Steel, not this time.
736
00:32:31,018 --> 00:32:32,709
You're off the case,
as of now.
737
00:32:32,743 --> 00:32:35,022
I'm putting you on security
detail at the circus tonight!
738
00:32:35,056 --> 00:32:36,195
To hell with that!
739
00:32:36,230 --> 00:32:37,610
I ain't no Goddamn clown!
740
00:32:37,645 --> 00:32:39,198
Steel, you're lucky
to get that!
741
00:32:39,233 --> 00:32:41,062
I've just got
your psych report.
742
00:32:41,097 --> 00:32:43,237
Dr. Cular says you've got too
many unresolved anger issues
743
00:32:43,271 --> 00:32:44,686
because of what happened
to your wife.
744
00:32:44,721 --> 00:32:47,517
How many times do
I have to tell you people?
745
00:32:47,551 --> 00:32:51,245
I DO NOT have a
Goddamned anger problem!
746
00:32:51,279 --> 00:32:52,453
[grunts]
747
00:32:53,419 --> 00:32:54,731
Damn it, Steel!
748
00:32:54,765 --> 00:32:56,595
You're the best
Goddamn cop on the force
749
00:32:56,629 --> 00:32:59,149
but when are you going to
realize it's not 1985 anymore!
750
00:32:59,184 --> 00:33:00,461
It's 1986!
751
00:33:00,495 --> 00:33:02,187
Now where was I?
752
00:33:02,221 --> 00:33:03,705
You were about to go
one round of "Face or Balls".
753
00:33:03,740 --> 00:33:05,224
I was?
754
00:33:05,259 --> 00:33:06,432
Sure you were.
You heard him, right?
755
00:33:06,467 --> 00:33:07,468
Um...
756
00:33:07,502 --> 00:33:08,538
Yes.
757
00:33:08,572 --> 00:33:10,057
Uh, okay.
758
00:33:10,091 --> 00:33:11,575
It'll have to be face
this time.
759
00:33:11,610 --> 00:33:13,750
My prostate's pulsing
like a son of a bitch.
760
00:33:13,784 --> 00:33:15,303
[groans]
761
00:33:15,338 --> 00:33:17,029
You're gonna have
to tell me the rules
762
00:33:17,064 --> 00:33:18,720
to this game one day, Steel,
763
00:33:18,755 --> 00:33:20,688
'cause I'm sure I said face.
764
00:33:20,722 --> 00:33:22,034
Oh, sorry.
765
00:33:22,069 --> 00:33:23,691
[grunts]
766
00:33:23,725 --> 00:33:25,348
-[thuds]
-[glass shatters]
767
00:33:25,382 --> 00:33:26,797
Well, that should
buy us a few hours.
768
00:33:26,832 --> 00:33:28,420
Let's go.
I have a plan.
769
00:33:30,491 --> 00:33:31,768
[monkey screeches]
770
00:33:31,802 --> 00:33:33,459
Okay, Giggles, you're up!
771
00:33:35,496 --> 00:33:37,049
Let's get one thing straight.
772
00:33:37,084 --> 00:33:38,637
I don't like you.
773
00:33:38,671 --> 00:33:40,294
And before you start,
it's not because
774
00:33:40,328 --> 00:33:42,296
you're a Goddamn monkey
or any of that crap.
775
00:33:42,330 --> 00:33:44,160
The fact is
I don't much like anybody.
776
00:33:44,194 --> 00:33:45,506
I know what your thinking.
777
00:33:45,540 --> 00:33:47,163
Your thinking
this tough exterior
778
00:33:47,197 --> 00:33:49,130
is just my way of breaking
in a new partner.
779
00:33:49,165 --> 00:33:50,476
And then after a while
the bickering
780
00:33:50,511 --> 00:33:52,409
and mutual dislike
of each other...
781
00:33:52,444 --> 00:33:54,480
[rock music playing]
782
00:33:56,241 --> 00:33:58,519
This is your plan?
Get shit-faced?
783
00:33:58,553 --> 00:33:59,692
Bait, dear boy.
784
00:33:59,727 --> 00:34:01,591
If we can consume
enough alcohol
785
00:34:01,625 --> 00:34:04,076
then we might be able to lure
the Trampires out of hiding.
786
00:34:04,111 --> 00:34:06,734
At least,
that's usually how it works.
787
00:34:06,768 --> 00:34:08,356
What are you talking about?
788
00:34:08,391 --> 00:34:11,187
Ancient scrolls tell
of a mythical Trampire
789
00:34:11,221 --> 00:34:12,636
known as The Master.
790
00:34:12,670 --> 00:34:14,844
He is prophesied to
be able to hold his drink
791
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:16,675
a lot better than the others.
792
00:34:16,708 --> 00:34:18,815
The scrolls also state that
this "Leader of Trampires"
793
00:34:18,849 --> 00:34:20,851
will attempt to bring
about the "Lock-in"
794
00:34:20,886 --> 00:34:22,646
an ancient curse
that will turn the skies
795
00:34:22,681 --> 00:34:24,199
to an eternal night
796
00:34:24,234 --> 00:34:26,616
and transform water
into cheap cider.
797
00:34:26,650 --> 00:34:29,722
The resultant darkness will
cause mass depression amongst
the peoples of the world
798
00:34:29,757 --> 00:34:32,587
and nearly everyone
will start drinking heavily,
799
00:34:32,621 --> 00:34:35,452
creating a never-ending food
supply for the Trampires.
800
00:34:35,487 --> 00:34:38,386
The sober world
we know shall be no more!
801
00:34:38,420 --> 00:34:40,112
Jesus.
802
00:34:40,147 --> 00:34:42,252
There is also a legend
that tells of the chosen one,
803
00:34:42,286 --> 00:34:44,496
a man who will defeat
the Trampires once and for all.
804
00:34:44,530 --> 00:34:46,911
But personally I think
that bit is bullshit.
805
00:34:46,946 --> 00:34:49,121
So how do we
find this Master?
806
00:34:49,156 --> 00:34:51,158
Bait, dear boy, bait.
807
00:34:52,262 --> 00:34:54,368
[heavy metal music playing]
808
00:34:55,610 --> 00:34:56,748
[belches]
809
00:34:56,784 --> 00:34:58,199
[hiccups]
810
00:34:58,958 --> 00:35:01,202
[keys jingle]
811
00:35:02,790 --> 00:35:04,171
Hello?
812
00:35:04,205 --> 00:35:06,173
Steel, you here?
813
00:35:08,485 --> 00:35:09,762
[bird squawks]
814
00:35:09,797 --> 00:35:11,523
Don't be a chicken,
Mr. Butterworth.
815
00:35:20,808 --> 00:35:22,396
Huh.
816
00:35:22,430 --> 00:35:24,881
I'll get my money one way
or another, you bum.
817
00:35:29,334 --> 00:35:30,438
Oh, shit!
818
00:35:40,483 --> 00:35:41,932
Oh, boy!
819
00:35:41,967 --> 00:35:44,383
Am I gonna have some
fun with this!
820
00:35:47,869 --> 00:35:49,181
[laughs]
821
00:35:50,389 --> 00:35:51,804
Mr. Butterworth!
822
00:35:51,839 --> 00:35:53,875
-[growls]
-Oh, my God!
823
00:35:53,910 --> 00:35:55,670
Wait! No!
824
00:35:57,396 --> 00:35:59,743
[Steel] So, so how'd you
get into this game, Doc?
825
00:35:59,778 --> 00:36:00,951
Hunting Trampires, I mean.
826
00:36:00,986 --> 00:36:02,608
[urinating]
827
00:36:02,643 --> 00:36:04,886
It's been a family
business for centuries.
828
00:36:04,921 --> 00:36:06,888
My father hunted Trampires,
829
00:36:06,923 --> 00:36:11,893
as did his father before him,
and his father before him--
830
00:36:11,928 --> 00:36:13,723
And his father before him.
831
00:36:13,757 --> 00:36:15,000
Yeah, I get the picture.
832
00:36:15,034 --> 00:36:16,933
No, his father was a plumber.
833
00:36:18,417 --> 00:36:20,626
So what about you,
834
00:36:20,661 --> 00:36:22,904
is there a Mrs. Steel?
835
00:36:22,939 --> 00:36:24,734
I don't want to talk about it.
836
00:36:24,768 --> 00:36:26,287
Okay.
837
00:36:27,702 --> 00:36:29,842
God, I loved that woman!
838
00:36:29,877 --> 00:36:31,672
What happened?
839
00:36:31,706 --> 00:36:33,846
Oh, uh, she died.
840
00:36:33,881 --> 00:36:36,021
-What?!
-Murdered by a Ninja asshole
841
00:36:36,055 --> 00:36:37,781
by the name of Akumu.
842
00:36:37,816 --> 00:36:39,335
[hiccups] What a bummer!
843
00:36:39,369 --> 00:36:40,888
Damn straight!
844
00:36:40,922 --> 00:36:42,476
Damn you, Akumu!
845
00:36:42,510 --> 00:36:44,512
-[pulls zipper up]
-Damn you!
846
00:36:44,547 --> 00:36:46,652
Can I just say,
847
00:36:46,687 --> 00:36:49,621
you have the biggest penis
I've ever seen on a man.
848
00:36:49,655 --> 00:36:50,932
[Steel] I know.
849
00:36:54,591 --> 00:36:55,661
Huh?
850
00:36:55,696 --> 00:36:57,491
[screeches]
851
00:36:57,525 --> 00:36:58,906
You Mother fu...
852
00:37:00,770 --> 00:37:02,392
[Giggles screeches]
853
00:37:02,427 --> 00:37:07,535
We're going to walk the streets
looking for tramps.
854
00:37:07,570 --> 00:37:09,641
Whatever floats
your boat, buddy.
855
00:37:09,675 --> 00:37:11,677
-[Giggles screeches]
-Ah!
856
00:37:11,712 --> 00:37:14,335
Clowns.
857
00:37:14,370 --> 00:37:16,682
["Streets In Paradise"
by Vixen playing]
858
00:37:26,934 --> 00:37:30,386
♪ Pretty people, pretty cars
859
00:37:30,420 --> 00:37:32,905
♪ Livin' in the lap of luxury
860
00:37:32,940 --> 00:37:34,528
-Hey!
-Sorry!
861
00:37:38,946 --> 00:37:41,845
♪ But this precious fantasy
862
00:37:41,880 --> 00:37:44,986
♪ Seems so close
When it's so far from me ♪
863
00:37:45,021 --> 00:37:46,298
[groans]
864
00:37:46,333 --> 00:37:47,472
[laughs]
865
00:37:47,506 --> 00:37:48,921
-[blows land]
-[man screams]
866
00:37:48,956 --> 00:37:50,647
Ow! Ah!
867
00:37:50,682 --> 00:37:51,821
[Steel] Don't so drugs!
868
00:37:51,855 --> 00:37:53,892
♪ Tell me
869
00:37:53,926 --> 00:37:56,550
♪ Where to get in line
870
00:37:56,584 --> 00:37:57,620
Yeah.
871
00:37:57,654 --> 00:37:58,724
♪ Show me
872
00:37:58,759 --> 00:38:01,555
[screams]
873
00:38:01,589 --> 00:38:03,557
Why would you do that?
874
00:38:03,591 --> 00:38:04,972
Sorry!
875
00:38:05,006 --> 00:38:07,733
[both laugh]
876
00:38:07,768 --> 00:38:10,115
♪ On the streets in paradise
877
00:38:10,149 --> 00:38:12,669
♪ When you're not
The chosen few ♪
878
00:38:12,704 --> 00:38:16,052
♪ It's hot as hell
And cold as ice ♪
879
00:38:16,086 --> 00:38:18,019
There he is! Get him!
880
00:38:18,054 --> 00:38:20,677
Leave me alone!
881
00:38:20,712 --> 00:38:23,611
♪ Livin' on the streets
In paradise ♪
882
00:38:26,925 --> 00:38:28,064
♪ Come on
883
00:38:28,098 --> 00:38:30,411
[all scream]
884
00:38:30,446 --> 00:38:31,861
Fuck it!
885
00:38:31,895 --> 00:38:33,518
It's no good.
886
00:38:33,552 --> 00:38:35,692
My hangover's kicking in
and we ain't found squat.
887
00:38:37,453 --> 00:38:39,420
There is one thing we can try
888
00:38:39,455 --> 00:38:41,733
but you're not
going to like it.
889
00:38:41,767 --> 00:38:42,975
Fifty bucks
890
00:38:43,010 --> 00:38:45,357
and the monkey can watch.
891
00:38:48,912 --> 00:38:51,018
Thank you,
fair lady of the night.
892
00:38:51,052 --> 00:38:54,021
You guys are into
some kinky shit.
893
00:38:56,782 --> 00:38:58,715
Goddamn perverts everywhere.
894
00:38:58,750 --> 00:39:00,717
You can come out now.
She's gone.
895
00:39:00,752 --> 00:39:03,064
[romantic music playing]
896
00:39:04,790 --> 00:39:07,655
I am seriously not
happy about this!
897
00:39:07,690 --> 00:39:10,417
Statistically, the Trampires
attack drunken couples
898
00:39:10,451 --> 00:39:12,039
more than any other
demographic.
899
00:39:12,073 --> 00:39:13,937
I still don't see why
I had to wear the dress?
900
00:39:13,972 --> 00:39:16,112
Well, I couldn't pull that off.
Not with my legs.
901
00:39:16,146 --> 00:39:18,114
Besides, there's no
time to argue.
902
00:39:18,148 --> 00:39:19,564
Time is
running out for you.
903
00:39:19,598 --> 00:39:20,841
So now what?
904
00:39:20,875 --> 00:39:22,912
Now we walk. And we wait.
905
00:39:22,946 --> 00:39:24,672
[yells]
906
00:39:24,707 --> 00:39:28,089
Bloody hell! That worked
quicker than I anticipated.
907
00:39:28,124 --> 00:39:29,815
Back, servant of twilight!
Back!
908
00:39:29,850 --> 00:39:31,921
[screams]
909
00:39:31,955 --> 00:39:33,785
Quickly! We must not
lose sight of him.
910
00:39:33,819 --> 00:39:35,200
He may lead us to the nest!
911
00:39:35,234 --> 00:39:37,651
Jesus. How do you
walk in these things?!
912
00:39:40,757 --> 00:39:41,862
[growls]
913
00:39:44,036 --> 00:39:45,969
[roars]
914
00:39:46,004 --> 00:39:47,730
Give me your truck!
915
00:39:47,764 --> 00:39:49,041
Bite me!
916
00:39:49,076 --> 00:39:52,597
[man screams] He bit me!
917
00:39:52,631 --> 00:39:54,392
[Van Rental] He's getting away!
918
00:39:55,047 --> 00:39:56,083
Come on!
919
00:39:57,498 --> 00:39:59,431
[Giggles screeching]
920
00:40:02,883 --> 00:40:04,091
Fucking shoes!
921
00:40:04,125 --> 00:40:05,644
[grunts]
922
00:40:05,679 --> 00:40:07,819
[Van Rental] Come on.
Don't dilly dally
923
00:40:09,614 --> 00:40:10,787
Give me my clothes.
924
00:40:10,822 --> 00:40:12,789
I need to change
out of this shit.
925
00:40:12,824 --> 00:40:14,860
[Van Rental] Oh, uh,
I'm afraid I dropped them
in the alley.
926
00:40:14,895 --> 00:40:16,517
[Steel] You asshole!
927
00:40:19,071 --> 00:40:21,660
[dramatic music playing]
928
00:40:29,219 --> 00:40:32,153
[Van Rental] I think we might be
on to something here, you know.
929
00:40:33,154 --> 00:40:34,880
[thunder rumbles]
930
00:40:34,915 --> 00:40:39,022
If I'm not mistaken, this could
well be the Trampires lair.
931
00:40:40,783 --> 00:40:43,164
[Steel]
Gee. You reckon?
932
00:40:43,199 --> 00:40:45,132
[door opens]
933
00:40:45,166 --> 00:40:47,617
[heavy metal playing]
934
00:41:01,804 --> 00:41:03,115
What the hell?
935
00:41:05,186 --> 00:41:07,499
[indistinct chatter]
936
00:41:09,708 --> 00:41:12,055
It looks like freshman
week at Betty Ford's.
937
00:41:12,090 --> 00:41:13,919
[Van Rental]
This is definitely the nest.
938
00:41:13,954 --> 00:41:16,059
But there's more
of them than usual.
939
00:41:20,063 --> 00:41:22,031
[Steel] Look.
It's Harold Brownlow.
940
00:41:22,065 --> 00:41:23,619
He looks like shit.
941
00:41:23,653 --> 00:41:25,690
[Van Rental] It is too
late for him I'm afraid.
942
00:41:25,724 --> 00:41:27,174
He is one of them now.
943
00:41:29,728 --> 00:41:31,523
[all growl]
944
00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:45,813
What the hell?
945
00:41:45,848 --> 00:41:47,332
-You know her?
-Sure.
946
00:41:47,366 --> 00:41:49,023
She's the department shrink!
947
00:41:49,058 --> 00:41:51,129
It looks like she's
much more than that.
948
00:41:51,163 --> 00:41:54,719
It looks like
she is The Master.
949
00:41:54,753 --> 00:41:56,824
But she can't be!
I've seen her in daylight.
950
00:41:56,859 --> 00:41:58,170
She didn't even
break a sweat.
951
00:41:58,205 --> 00:41:59,862
The scrolls tell us
that the Master
952
00:41:59,896 --> 00:42:01,691
is stronger
than the others.
953
00:42:01,726 --> 00:42:03,279
To kill him, or her,
954
00:42:03,313 --> 00:42:05,937
you must use three methods
within a 15 minute window.
955
00:42:05,971 --> 00:42:07,973
For example, a stake
through the liver
956
00:42:08,008 --> 00:42:09,699
in broad daylight
whilst hosing him
957
00:42:09,734 --> 00:42:12,564
or her down with Holy coffee.
958
00:42:12,599 --> 00:42:15,153
Are you making this
shit up as you go?!
959
00:42:15,187 --> 00:42:16,568
[grunts]
960
00:42:16,603 --> 00:42:17,983
-[music stops]
-[growls]
961
00:42:18,018 --> 00:42:20,296
Thank you, my brothers.
962
00:42:20,330 --> 00:42:23,713
It warms the blood to see
so many of you here tonight.
963
00:42:23,748 --> 00:42:25,750
It has been a long road
964
00:42:25,784 --> 00:42:28,718
but our journey's
nearly at an end.
965
00:42:28,753 --> 00:42:32,377
The task of sabotaging
the LAPD is now complete.
966
00:42:32,411 --> 00:42:36,726
Their heads are now so full
of meaningless psychobabble
967
00:42:36,761 --> 00:42:39,349
that when it comes
to the final battle,
968
00:42:39,384 --> 00:42:43,008
they will be unable
to protect the Puritan.
969
00:42:43,043 --> 00:42:45,839
[cheering]
970
00:42:45,873 --> 00:42:47,392
Believe it or not,
971
00:42:47,426 --> 00:42:50,395
some of the poor saps
even began cross dressing!
972
00:42:50,429 --> 00:42:52,742
[all laughing]
973
00:42:55,020 --> 00:42:57,160
Not a Goddamn word.
974
00:42:57,195 --> 00:43:00,370
Tonight, we will drink
the blood of the Puritan,
975
00:43:00,405 --> 00:43:02,407
the Lock In
will come to pass
976
00:43:02,441 --> 00:43:05,099
and we shall
reign over the humans
977
00:43:05,134 --> 00:43:07,895
and reclaim the glory of
our forefathers.
978
00:43:07,930 --> 00:43:09,932
[crowd cheers]
979
00:43:09,966 --> 00:43:11,727
So who's this Puritan guy?
980
00:43:11,761 --> 00:43:13,867
The scrolls speak
of a sworn enemy of
981
00:43:13,901 --> 00:43:15,903
the Trampires
called the Puritan
982
00:43:15,938 --> 00:43:17,733
a man of great social standing
983
00:43:17,767 --> 00:43:19,804
who threatens
their way of life.
984
00:43:19,838 --> 00:43:21,668
If memory serves me correctly,
985
00:43:21,702 --> 00:43:23,186
he must be sacrificed
at midnight,
986
00:43:23,221 --> 00:43:26,086
in a public arena,
to bring about the Lock In.
987
00:43:26,120 --> 00:43:28,778
They've been calling
Governor Atkins a Puritan
on the news a lot
988
00:43:28,813 --> 00:43:31,022
he's been clamping down
on liquor licenses.
989
00:43:31,056 --> 00:43:32,886
If there's less drunk
people on the streets,
990
00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:35,164
the Trampires food supply
would dwindle.
991
00:43:35,198 --> 00:43:36,855
That's bound
to piss them right off.
992
00:43:36,890 --> 00:43:39,202
Atkins is attending
a charity event tonight.
993
00:43:39,237 --> 00:43:41,204
They're going to
hit him at the circus.
994
00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:43,241
-Oh, shit.
-What is it?
995
00:43:43,275 --> 00:43:44,449
My wife is...
996
00:43:44,483 --> 00:43:45,726
What?
997
00:43:45,761 --> 00:43:47,107
...um, dead.
My wife is dead.
998
00:43:47,141 --> 00:43:48,453
Killed by Ninjas.
999
00:43:48,487 --> 00:43:49,937
I know. You said.
1000
00:43:49,972 --> 00:43:52,112
Let us pack up
our cardboard coffins
1001
00:43:52,146 --> 00:43:54,459
for the final time,
my brothers.
1002
00:43:54,493 --> 00:43:58,325
Our destiny awaits us
at the strike of midnight!
1003
00:43:58,359 --> 00:44:00,292
-[crowd cheers]
-They're gonna leave.
1004
00:44:00,327 --> 00:44:01,984
We gotta do something!
1005
00:44:02,018 --> 00:44:04,745
Will you keep still.
They're gonna see us.
1006
00:44:04,780 --> 00:44:06,851
Um, Chuck, I fear
we may have
1007
00:44:06,885 --> 00:44:08,749
a situation developing.
1008
00:44:09,992 --> 00:44:11,096
Huh?
1009
00:44:12,270 --> 00:44:13,789
Help me.
1010
00:44:13,823 --> 00:44:15,756
Get him off me!
1011
00:44:15,791 --> 00:44:18,000
[Steel] Will you keep still?!
I'm trying to get a grip!
1012
00:44:18,034 --> 00:44:20,105
[Van Rental]
He's all sweaty.
1013
00:44:20,140 --> 00:44:22,763
I can feel his helmet
through my britches!
1014
00:44:22,798 --> 00:44:24,731
[Steel]
Quit squirming, will you?
1015
00:44:24,765 --> 00:44:26,422
[Van Rental]
Pull him off!
1016
00:44:26,456 --> 00:44:28,389
[Steel] I don't think he needs
any help in that department.
1017
00:44:28,424 --> 00:44:30,737
[Van Rental] Will you
just shoot the bastard?
1018
00:44:30,771 --> 00:44:31,772
[Steel] Eat this!
1019
00:44:31,807 --> 00:44:33,360
[gun fires]
1020
00:44:35,086 --> 00:44:36,881
I think they
might've heard that.
1021
00:44:37,847 --> 00:44:38,952
[growls]
1022
00:44:38,986 --> 00:44:40,401
[both scream]
1023
00:44:41,368 --> 00:44:42,403
[grunts]
1024
00:44:42,438 --> 00:44:44,889
[moaning, grumbles]
1025
00:44:48,237 --> 00:44:50,446
Okay, you hell bastards!
Let's dance!
1026
00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:53,311
[Dr. Cular] Officer Steel,
what a pleasant surprise.
1027
00:44:53,345 --> 00:44:55,278
Nice outfit.
1028
00:44:55,313 --> 00:44:57,833
Looks like my sessions with you
have had an affect after all.
1029
00:44:57,867 --> 00:44:59,213
This old thing?
1030
00:44:59,248 --> 00:45:01,940
Unhand me, you
malodorous mendicants!
1031
00:45:01,975 --> 00:45:04,287
As for you,
you interfering little shit!
1032
00:45:04,322 --> 00:45:06,807
Your forefathers have
caused me no end of hassle
1033
00:45:06,842 --> 00:45:08,533
over the centuries!
1034
00:45:08,567 --> 00:45:11,225
How does it feel to know you
will be the last of your kind!
1035
00:45:11,260 --> 00:45:13,503
Ah! That's what
you think, homunculus!
1036
00:45:13,538 --> 00:45:16,334
Why even as we speak,
my 15 year old grandson
Algernon
1037
00:45:16,368 --> 00:45:18,439
is in training
to take over my mantle.
1038
00:45:18,474 --> 00:45:20,545
If he can just
stop masturbating long enough.
1039
00:45:20,579 --> 00:45:22,789
Cease your prattling, fool!
1040
00:45:22,823 --> 00:45:25,239
Give it up, lady,
We know about your plan
to kill the governor.
1041
00:45:25,274 --> 00:45:26,896
You'll never get away with it.
1042
00:45:26,931 --> 00:45:28,898
Oh, I will, Officer Steel.
1043
00:45:28,933 --> 00:45:30,451
It is my destiny.
1044
00:45:30,486 --> 00:45:32,281
It's your destiny
to be locked in a rubber room
1045
00:45:32,315 --> 00:45:34,524
with a box of crayons,
you crazy bitch!
1046
00:45:34,559 --> 00:45:37,493
Well you're not exactly playing
with a full deck now are you?
1047
00:45:37,527 --> 00:45:40,323
Not since your
wife left you.
1048
00:45:40,358 --> 00:45:41,877
Huh?!
1049
00:45:41,911 --> 00:45:45,294
I thought your wife
was killed by ninjas?
1050
00:45:45,328 --> 00:45:47,503
He fed you that story,
too, did he?
1051
00:45:47,537 --> 00:45:49,505
The elusive ninja master Akumu,
1052
00:45:49,539 --> 00:45:53,233
arch nemesis of the legend
that is Chuck Steel!
1053
00:45:53,267 --> 00:45:55,338
[all laugh]
1054
00:45:55,373 --> 00:45:57,306
All lies I'm afraid.
1055
00:45:57,340 --> 00:45:59,342
The truth is a little more
1056
00:45:59,377 --> 00:46:01,137
human, shall we say.
1057
00:46:01,172 --> 00:46:03,312
Where the hell
did you get that?
1058
00:46:03,346 --> 00:46:06,211
Oh, it's amazing how helpful
your landlord could be
1059
00:46:06,246 --> 00:46:08,351
with my teeth clamped
round his throat.
1060
00:46:09,490 --> 00:46:11,596
-"Dear Chuck...
-Oh, God, no!
1061
00:46:11,630 --> 00:46:13,529
[Dr. Cular] ...I know this
might come as a surprise,
1062
00:46:13,563 --> 00:46:15,255
but I'm leaving you.
1063
00:46:15,289 --> 00:46:17,395
You're a misogynistic,
Neanderthal, asshole
1064
00:46:17,429 --> 00:46:20,329
with stupid hair
and a laughably oversized chin
1065
00:46:20,363 --> 00:46:22,469
that looks like
a loaf of bread.
1066
00:46:22,503 --> 00:46:24,126
I've met someone else.
1067
00:46:24,160 --> 00:46:25,610
His name is Barney.
1068
00:46:25,644 --> 00:46:27,992
He works at a world
renowned travelling circus
1069
00:46:28,026 --> 00:46:30,339
as their premier
clown in residence."
1070
00:46:30,373 --> 00:46:32,513
Shut up, damn it!
Shut up!
1071
00:46:32,548 --> 00:46:35,137
He's a giant in the
world of physical comedy,
1072
00:46:35,171 --> 00:46:39,210
an expert unicyclist
and a better lover
than you could ever be.
1073
00:46:39,244 --> 00:46:41,488
Please, no more.
1074
00:46:41,522 --> 00:46:43,835
[all laughing]
1075
00:46:45,906 --> 00:46:47,977
P.S. Don't try to find me
1076
00:46:48,012 --> 00:46:50,359
or Barney will set
the lions on you."
1077
00:46:51,153 --> 00:46:53,293
[laughing]
1078
00:46:53,327 --> 00:46:55,295
[Trampire] His wife
left him for a clown!
1079
00:46:55,329 --> 00:46:57,504
Please, God, make it stop!
1080
00:46:57,538 --> 00:47:00,265
Oh, you poor bastard.
1081
00:47:00,300 --> 00:47:03,337
I swear to God, I am going
to kill every last one of you
1082
00:47:03,372 --> 00:47:06,030
dirty stinking mother f...
1083
00:47:08,653 --> 00:47:10,068
Fuckers!
1084
00:47:10,103 --> 00:47:11,483
[Trampire] Night-night.
1085
00:47:13,623 --> 00:47:16,316
Steel!
1086
00:47:16,350 --> 00:47:17,627
Huh?
1087
00:47:19,664 --> 00:47:21,942
Hello. [hiccups]
1088
00:47:25,221 --> 00:47:28,259
[Dr. Cular] Welcome back
to the land of the living,
Officer Steel.
1089
00:47:28,293 --> 00:47:30,640
While you were out,
we force fed your friend
1090
00:47:30,675 --> 00:47:32,401
three bottles of cheap whisky
1091
00:47:32,435 --> 00:47:34,472
and he is now
completely hammered.
1092
00:47:34,506 --> 00:47:36,992
Let's go to a club. [hiccups]
1093
00:47:37,026 --> 00:47:39,166
And since your nose
is no longer swollen,
1094
00:47:39,201 --> 00:47:42,066
we know that the toxins
are now in your system.
1095
00:47:42,100 --> 00:47:44,931
Soon the cravings will begin
and your friend
1096
00:47:44,965 --> 00:47:47,002
will look more appealing
to you than a trolley dash
1097
00:47:47,036 --> 00:47:48,589
in a liquor store.
1098
00:47:48,624 --> 00:47:50,591
You will feast on his blood
1099
00:47:50,626 --> 00:47:52,662
and your transformation
will be complete.
1100
00:47:52,697 --> 00:47:55,562
Son of a bitch!
1101
00:47:55,596 --> 00:47:57,564
-But I'm not a monster.
-[oinks]
1102
00:47:57,598 --> 00:48:00,084
You're probably going to need
some therapy after this
1103
00:48:00,118 --> 00:48:02,638
so I've left my business
card with Steve here.
1104
00:48:06,090 --> 00:48:07,229
Call me.
1105
00:48:07,263 --> 00:48:09,369
Anytime.[laughs]
1106
00:48:11,336 --> 00:48:13,235
[laughs]
1107
00:48:14,339 --> 00:48:15,651
I like him.
1108
00:48:15,685 --> 00:48:16,997
He's silly.
1109
00:48:17,032 --> 00:48:18,067
[blow raspberry]
1110
00:48:18,102 --> 00:48:19,034
Hmm.
1111
00:48:19,068 --> 00:48:20,552
[turns radio off]
1112
00:48:20,587 --> 00:48:22,589
I was enjoying that.
1113
00:48:22,623 --> 00:48:24,108
[door opens]
1114
00:48:26,213 --> 00:48:27,456
[laughs]
1115
00:48:32,599 --> 00:48:34,670
[pig squeals]
1116
00:48:45,370 --> 00:48:47,062
[pig burps]
1117
00:48:47,096 --> 00:48:48,477
Psst. Chuck.
1118
00:48:48,511 --> 00:48:50,617
Fear not. I'm not
actually that drunk.
1119
00:48:50,651 --> 00:48:53,516
As part of my training
I learned to pass
alcohol through my system
1120
00:48:53,551 --> 00:48:56,347
so fast that
it has minimal effect.
1121
00:48:56,381 --> 00:48:58,280
The only downside is
the cost of the dry cleaning.
1122
00:48:58,314 --> 00:49:00,420
Ugh.
1123
00:49:00,454 --> 00:49:02,008
Leave me. Get away.
1124
00:49:02,042 --> 00:49:03,561
Listen, Doc,
you have to kill me.
1125
00:49:03,595 --> 00:49:05,528
I'm going to turn into one
of them any time now.
1126
00:49:05,563 --> 00:49:07,427
Come on, old boy.
Snap out of it.
1127
00:49:07,461 --> 00:49:09,015
That's easy for you to say.
1128
00:49:09,049 --> 00:49:10,775
My reputation
is shot to shit.
1129
00:49:10,809 --> 00:49:13,571
Being the best Goddamn cop
on the force is what I do.
1130
00:49:13,605 --> 00:49:15,987
It's who I am.
Without that I'm nothing.
1131
00:49:16,022 --> 00:49:17,402
Nonsense, my boy.
1132
00:49:17,437 --> 00:49:19,232
Here drink some of this.
1133
00:49:19,266 --> 00:49:21,372
-What is it?
-A secret elixir
1134
00:49:21,406 --> 00:49:23,443
that helps stave off
the symptoms for a while.
1135
00:49:23,477 --> 00:49:25,514
Why didn't you
mention this before?
1136
00:49:25,548 --> 00:49:27,516
It is only to be consumed
in an emergency
1137
00:49:27,550 --> 00:49:29,449
as it only works
once I'm afraid.
1138
00:49:29,483 --> 00:49:33,177
It's made up of a mixture of
tomato juice and Alka-Seltzer.
1139
00:49:33,211 --> 00:49:35,282
Oh, and pulverized
giraffe sphincters.
1140
00:49:35,317 --> 00:49:36,525
[growls]
1141
00:49:36,559 --> 00:49:37,664
Oh, bugger.
1142
00:49:39,286 --> 00:49:41,461
[growls]
1143
00:49:41,495 --> 00:49:43,152
Put 'em up, you bounder!
1144
00:49:49,641 --> 00:49:51,195
[screams]
1145
00:49:54,577 --> 00:49:56,269
[screams]
1146
00:50:03,345 --> 00:50:04,760
[roars]
1147
00:50:16,634 --> 00:50:18,808
-[screams]
-[roars]
1148
00:50:24,504 --> 00:50:26,575
Steve, you fucking prick!
1149
00:50:26,609 --> 00:50:28,370
[explosion]
1150
00:50:28,404 --> 00:50:30,544
[screams]
1151
00:50:30,579 --> 00:50:33,202
I'm starting to get agitated!
1152
00:50:38,690 --> 00:50:40,209
[growls]
1153
00:50:43,109 --> 00:50:45,180
-How do you feel?
-Okay, I think.
1154
00:50:45,214 --> 00:50:47,492
Good. The elixir
has bought us a few hours.
1155
00:50:47,527 --> 00:50:50,219
We need to get to the circus
before the show starts.
1156
00:50:50,254 --> 00:50:52,808
Yo! Giggles,
let's blow this shitbox!
1157
00:50:52,842 --> 00:50:55,500
You know, when he isn't
throwing his turds around,
1158
00:50:55,535 --> 00:50:57,882
he's a damn good partner.
1159
00:50:57,916 --> 00:50:59,332
[Giggles screams]
1160
00:50:59,366 --> 00:51:00,609
Giggles!
1161
00:51:03,474 --> 00:51:04,509
No!
1162
00:51:05,338 --> 00:51:07,374
[roars]
1163
00:51:10,170 --> 00:51:11,171
Ah!
1164
00:51:11,206 --> 00:51:12,276
[grunts]
1165
00:51:12,310 --> 00:51:13,587
[Van Rental]
I need help!
1166
00:51:17,453 --> 00:51:18,661
No!
1167
00:51:23,390 --> 00:51:25,565
Chuck! Get to the circus!
1168
00:51:25,599 --> 00:51:27,291
Save the Puritan!
1169
00:51:27,325 --> 00:51:29,362
But first. I'd change into
something less slutty
1170
00:51:29,396 --> 00:51:30,639
if I were you!
1171
00:51:30,673 --> 00:51:31,881
God damn it!
1172
00:51:31,916 --> 00:51:33,711
[grunts]
1173
00:51:35,540 --> 00:51:36,852
[pig squeals]
1174
00:51:36,886 --> 00:51:38,681
Oh, I can see my hotel!
1175
00:51:41,960 --> 00:51:43,203
[elevator bell rings]
1176
00:51:49,347 --> 00:51:50,555
What the hell?
1177
00:51:53,972 --> 00:51:55,629
[Schitt] "If you're reading
this then I'm guessing
1178
00:51:55,664 --> 00:51:57,631
there's a higher
than average chance
1179
00:51:57,666 --> 00:51:59,495
that Mr. Giggles is fubarred.
1180
00:51:59,530 --> 00:52:01,635
So, in an effort to get ahead
of the game with this situation
1181
00:52:01,670 --> 00:52:05,501
here's your new partner,
you psychotic son of a bitch.
1182
00:52:05,536 --> 00:52:07,331
[Steel]
Oh, not this shit again.
1183
00:52:07,365 --> 00:52:09,195
This is your
last chance, Steel.
1184
00:52:09,229 --> 00:52:11,818
Fuck this up and I swear
your ass is history!
1185
00:52:11,852 --> 00:52:14,821
P.S. If you're coming back
to the office, can you pick
up some milk? We're all out."
1186
00:52:14,855 --> 00:52:16,926
Son of a bitch!
1187
00:52:16,961 --> 00:52:18,238
[beeps]
1188
00:52:18,273 --> 00:52:20,482
[whirring]
1189
00:52:22,311 --> 00:52:24,382
[suspenseful music playing]
1190
00:52:26,212 --> 00:52:26,936
Huh?
1191
00:52:26,971 --> 00:52:28,352
what the hell?
1192
00:52:28,386 --> 00:52:29,698
That was here
when I moved in.
1193
00:52:29,732 --> 00:52:31,562
Where's my rent?
1194
00:52:31,596 --> 00:52:33,598
Listen to me, Gussman, you've
been bitten by a Trampire.
1195
00:52:33,633 --> 00:52:35,911
Pretty soon all you'll
want to do is drink
the blood of drunk people
1196
00:52:35,945 --> 00:52:38,914
and spend the daylight hours
hiding in a cardboard box
on Shit Street.
1197
00:52:38,948 --> 00:52:40,640
Now if you let me
get my crossbow
1198
00:52:40,674 --> 00:52:43,401
and get out of this skirt,
there's still time to fix this.
1199
00:52:43,436 --> 00:52:45,265
You Goddamn pervert!
1200
00:52:47,854 --> 00:52:49,200
No!
1201
00:52:51,271 --> 00:52:52,548
[grunts]
1202
00:52:59,659 --> 00:53:00,660
Oh, shit.
1203
00:53:00,694 --> 00:53:02,696
-[roars]
-[screams]
1204
00:53:06,493 --> 00:53:08,633
[growls]
1205
00:53:08,668 --> 00:53:10,704
-[rumbling]
-[gasps]
1206
00:53:17,263 --> 00:53:18,505
Huh?
1207
00:53:18,540 --> 00:53:20,404
This is coming out
of your deposit!
1208
00:53:20,438 --> 00:53:21,819
Deposit this!
1209
00:53:25,961 --> 00:53:28,308
[garbled, screams]
1210
00:53:30,034 --> 00:53:31,725
There's never anything on TV!
1211
00:53:34,072 --> 00:53:36,454
[alarm blares]
1212
00:53:36,489 --> 00:53:37,835
Oh, shit!
1213
00:53:37,869 --> 00:53:39,940
[computer]
Destructive sequence initiated.
1214
00:53:45,049 --> 00:53:46,292
Huh?
1215
00:53:47,293 --> 00:53:48,432
[grunts]
1216
00:53:48,466 --> 00:53:49,467
Huh?
1217
00:53:49,502 --> 00:53:51,297
[squawks]
1218
00:53:51,331 --> 00:53:52,746
You gotta be shitting me!
1219
00:53:52,781 --> 00:53:54,748
Give us a kiss!
Give us a kiss!
1220
00:53:57,648 --> 00:53:58,718
[engine starts]
1221
00:53:58,752 --> 00:53:59,995
Huh?
1222
00:54:00,029 --> 00:54:01,721
Give us a kiss!
Give us a kiss!
1223
00:54:02,929 --> 00:54:04,689
Fuck you, Butterworth!
1224
00:54:05,552 --> 00:54:06,519
Huh.
1225
00:54:06,553 --> 00:54:08,659
[alarm blares]
1226
00:54:08,693 --> 00:54:10,454
-[computer] Seven, six...
-Give us a kiss!
1227
00:54:11,731 --> 00:54:13,422
[motorcycle stalls]
1228
00:54:13,457 --> 00:54:14,458
Huh?
1229
00:54:14,492 --> 00:54:15,907
Oh, give me a fucking break!
1230
00:54:15,942 --> 00:54:18,427
[computer] Three, two, one...
1231
00:54:18,462 --> 00:54:19,428
Have a nice day.
1232
00:54:19,463 --> 00:54:20,947
[explosion]
1233
00:54:22,397 --> 00:54:23,743
[Steel screams]
1234
00:54:26,504 --> 00:54:28,748
Whoa!
1235
00:54:31,371 --> 00:54:32,579
[grunts]
1236
00:54:35,996 --> 00:54:37,619
[groans]
1237
00:54:38,758 --> 00:54:41,001
[slow music playing]
1238
00:54:57,432 --> 00:54:59,882
Okay, let's get
one thing straight.
1239
00:55:00,780 --> 00:55:02,540
I don't like you.
1240
00:55:14,552 --> 00:55:15,622
[laughs]
1241
00:55:16,761 --> 00:55:17,866
[gasps]
1242
00:55:17,900 --> 00:55:19,350
Huh?
1243
00:55:19,385 --> 00:55:20,938
I peed my pants!
1244
00:55:26,875 --> 00:55:29,740
Easy there, son,
you've had quite a knock.
1245
00:55:29,774 --> 00:55:31,431
Where am I?
1246
00:55:31,466 --> 00:55:32,708
Who are you people?
1247
00:55:32,743 --> 00:55:33,916
Name's Dora.
1248
00:55:33,951 --> 00:55:35,815
This here's Bum Central.
1249
00:55:35,849 --> 00:55:37,713
It's not much but it's home.
1250
00:55:40,095 --> 00:55:41,648
Ooh.
1251
00:55:49,000 --> 00:55:50,450
How did I get here?
1252
00:55:50,485 --> 00:55:51,762
Stretch over there,
1253
00:55:51,796 --> 00:55:53,798
he's been watching me
for awhile now.
1254
00:55:53,833 --> 00:55:55,524
I know you, don't I?
1255
00:55:55,559 --> 00:55:56,939
Howdy, son.
1256
00:55:58,665 --> 00:55:59,839
Why do they call you Stretch?
1257
00:55:59,873 --> 00:56:01,565
Huh? Oh.
1258
00:56:01,599 --> 00:56:03,636
'Cause I hide all my loose
change in my foreskin.
1259
00:56:05,776 --> 00:56:07,812
[coins jingle]
1260
00:56:07,847 --> 00:56:10,884
Just don't ask where
he keeps his wallet.
1261
00:56:10,919 --> 00:56:12,507
[Stretch] I heard that!
1262
00:56:13,956 --> 00:56:15,924
[indistinctive chatter]
1263
00:56:15,958 --> 00:56:17,719
Is that my stuff?
1264
00:56:17,753 --> 00:56:19,652
What are they doing?
1265
00:56:19,686 --> 00:56:21,101
[Dora] Wooden-tipped bullets.
1266
00:56:21,136 --> 00:56:22,689
They are making
a few modifications.
1267
00:56:22,724 --> 00:56:24,519
I hope you don't mind.
1268
00:56:26,210 --> 00:56:28,523
Here we found this, too.
1269
00:56:36,807 --> 00:56:38,878
From someone special, huh?
1270
00:56:38,912 --> 00:56:41,087
It's all I have left
of my wife.
1271
00:56:41,121 --> 00:56:42,191
I'm sorry.
1272
00:56:42,226 --> 00:56:43,469
Did she die?
1273
00:56:43,503 --> 00:56:44,677
Nah.
1274
00:56:44,711 --> 00:56:46,955
She left me for
a circus clown.
1275
00:56:52,063 --> 00:56:53,651
What's their problem?
1276
00:56:53,686 --> 00:56:55,101
They know you've been bit.
1277
00:56:55,135 --> 00:56:57,586
Wondering how come
you ain't turned yet.
1278
00:56:57,621 --> 00:56:59,761
A friend of mine gave me, uh...
1279
00:56:59,795 --> 00:57:01,625
Wait a second. You know?
1280
00:57:01,659 --> 00:57:03,454
About the Trampires?
1281
00:57:03,489 --> 00:57:06,043
Come with me, son,
you need to see something.
1282
00:57:07,147 --> 00:57:09,426
[creaks]
1283
00:57:13,706 --> 00:57:15,086
[Dora] This way.
1284
00:57:18,193 --> 00:57:20,229
[glass clatters]
1285
00:57:21,161 --> 00:57:23,025
Look, in the mural.
1286
00:57:23,060 --> 00:57:24,579
It's you.
1287
00:57:30,723 --> 00:57:33,277
[Schitt] This lone wolf
bullshit of yours
has gone on long enough.
1288
00:57:33,311 --> 00:57:35,659
-[Steel] Giggles!
-[Giggles screeches]
1289
00:57:35,693 --> 00:57:38,593
[Mrs. Brownlow] The Master
will make you pay for this.
1290
00:57:38,627 --> 00:57:40,664
He is coming.
1291
00:57:41,906 --> 00:57:45,220
[Ingrid] I love you.
1292
00:57:45,254 --> 00:57:46,946
-[gun fires]
-[Steel] No!
1293
00:57:46,980 --> 00:57:49,707
[Van Rental] I can feel
his helmet through my britches!
1294
00:57:49,742 --> 00:57:51,502
[Schitt] This is your
last chance, Steel.
1295
00:57:51,537 --> 00:57:53,573
Fuck this up,
I swear your ass is history!
1296
00:57:56,162 --> 00:57:57,474
Huh?
1297
00:58:00,028 --> 00:58:02,064
[chair squeaking]
1298
00:58:04,170 --> 00:58:06,103
[Steel]
What the fuck is that?
1299
00:58:06,137 --> 00:58:07,587
[Dora] We call him
The Wise One.
1300
00:58:07,622 --> 00:58:09,313
He's been down here
for 30 years,
1301
00:58:09,347 --> 00:58:11,142
ever since he was fired
from Goldman Sachs
1302
00:58:11,177 --> 00:58:13,179
for taking a shit
in the elevator.
1303
00:58:13,213 --> 00:58:14,767
Is it him?
1304
00:58:17,045 --> 00:58:19,599
Is one of you gonna tell me
what the fuck is going on here?
1305
00:58:19,634 --> 00:58:21,981
[The Wise One]
The legend speaks of a man
1306
00:58:22,015 --> 00:58:24,224
who will fall from the skies
1307
00:58:24,259 --> 00:58:28,746
with the tools that can bring
about the Trampires
destruction.
1308
00:58:40,965 --> 00:58:42,553
Oh, my God!
1309
00:58:42,588 --> 00:58:45,694
You are the chosen one,
1310
00:58:45,729 --> 00:58:48,697
my friend.
1311
00:58:48,732 --> 00:58:50,803
We're going to
the circus, fudge suckers!
1312
00:58:50,837 --> 00:58:52,218
[Stretch]
Mind your fucking language!
1313
00:58:54,358 --> 00:58:57,119
And here we see
Governor Atkins arriving
1314
00:58:57,154 --> 00:58:58,949
at tonight's charity event.
1315
00:58:58,983 --> 00:59:02,228
Indeed this whole midnight show
was the governor's idea
1316
00:59:02,262 --> 00:59:06,370
as a way as a way to highlight
the plight of the homeless
on our streets.
1317
00:59:06,404 --> 00:59:08,890
He truly is
a man of the people.
1318
00:59:17,105 --> 00:59:18,796
[indistinct chatter]
1319
00:59:18,831 --> 00:59:20,591
Who's here again?
1320
00:59:20,626 --> 00:59:22,662
Some of these poor
bastards aren't gonna
1321
00:59:22,697 --> 00:59:23,905
make it through tonight.
1322
00:59:23,939 --> 00:59:25,872
Son, some of these
poor bastards
1323
00:59:25,907 --> 00:59:27,564
weren't gonna make it
through to breakfast.
1324
00:59:31,326 --> 00:59:33,604
[The Wise One]
The prophecy begins.
1325
00:59:35,882 --> 00:59:37,297
[revs engine]
1326
00:59:40,231 --> 00:59:42,199
[rumbles]
1327
00:59:42,233 --> 00:59:43,925
[cracks]
1328
00:59:46,755 --> 00:59:47,860
Huh?
1329
00:59:50,690 --> 00:59:53,175
[gasps]
1330
00:59:53,210 --> 00:59:56,282
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
1331
01:00:04,117 --> 01:00:06,085
Wait! Wait! Come back!
1332
01:00:06,119 --> 01:00:08,121
There's been
a terrible mistake!
1333
01:00:12,747 --> 01:00:14,334
Oh. [sighs]
1334
01:00:14,369 --> 01:00:16,233
-[screams]
-[gasps]
1335
01:00:16,267 --> 01:00:17,337
Huh?
1336
01:00:17,372 --> 01:00:20,099
Uh, where the fuck is everyone?
1337
01:00:21,100 --> 01:00:23,309
We gonna rumble or what?
1338
01:00:24,344 --> 01:00:25,725
Shit.
1339
01:00:25,760 --> 01:00:28,245
[fanfare music playing]
1340
01:00:36,771 --> 01:00:40,119
[Schitt] Hey, Governor!
[chuckles]
1341
01:00:40,153 --> 01:00:41,983
[heckler 1]
Sit down, you fat fuck!
1342
01:00:42,017 --> 01:00:43,950
This is Mother Hen
calling all stations.
1343
01:00:43,985 --> 01:00:46,401
-Check in.
-All clear on my end.
1344
01:00:46,435 --> 01:00:48,817
Back passage
ready for action.
1345
01:00:48,852 --> 01:00:51,268
I bought a balloon
1346
01:00:51,302 --> 01:00:53,339
[suspenseful music playing]
1347
01:00:55,237 --> 01:00:58,309
Nobody teabags
Abraham Van Rental!
1348
01:00:59,448 --> 01:01:02,797
[squeals]
1349
01:01:02,831 --> 01:01:05,040
[screams]
1350
01:01:06,766 --> 01:01:08,837
[screams]
1351
01:01:08,872 --> 01:01:10,770
[squeals]
1352
01:01:10,805 --> 01:01:12,807
[panicking]
1353
01:01:12,841 --> 01:01:14,429
I haven't thought
this through!
1354
01:01:15,499 --> 01:01:16,845
[squeals]
1355
01:01:19,434 --> 01:01:20,780
Oh, shit!
1356
01:01:22,471 --> 01:01:24,819
Feel my shaft,
ungodly swine!
1357
01:01:25,923 --> 01:01:27,269
[squeals]
1358
01:01:29,858 --> 01:01:31,342
-[stabbing]
-[squeals]
1359
01:01:31,377 --> 01:01:33,206
Where is a pig's liver anyway?
1360
01:01:33,241 --> 01:01:35,899
Will you just fucking die?!
1361
01:01:35,933 --> 01:01:37,279
[squeals]
1362
01:01:37,314 --> 01:01:38,902
[screams]
1363
01:01:47,496 --> 01:01:48,912
[squeals]
1364
01:02:05,100 --> 01:02:06,861
Smoky bacon!
1365
01:02:06,895 --> 01:02:09,173
[firecrackers explode]
1366
01:02:10,036 --> 01:02:11,417
[all gasp]
1367
01:02:13,937 --> 01:02:15,076
[honks]
1368
01:02:18,044 --> 01:02:20,115
[all screaming]
1369
01:02:22,566 --> 01:02:24,775
[growling, moaning]
1370
01:02:28,330 --> 01:02:30,332
-[Lucy] Who are these guys?
-[Circus Master]
And now, ladies and gentlemen.
1371
01:02:30,367 --> 01:02:31,955
[Barney]
Keep your nut down, darling.
1372
01:02:31,989 --> 01:02:35,821
The world famous Coco
and his Bunch of Clowns!
1373
01:02:35,855 --> 01:02:38,133
[applause]
1374
01:02:47,039 --> 01:02:49,006
[Van Rental] You bastards!
1375
01:02:51,008 --> 01:02:51,975
[grunts]
1376
01:02:52,009 --> 01:02:53,908
Ah. There's the rabble.
1377
01:02:55,219 --> 01:02:57,014
[horn honks]
1378
01:02:57,049 --> 01:02:58,533
We're not going
to make it in time!
1379
01:02:58,567 --> 01:03:00,811
I need to get hold
of Jack somehow.
1380
01:03:02,295 --> 01:03:03,365
I got a phone!
1381
01:03:03,400 --> 01:03:05,505
[phone rings]
1382
01:03:07,611 --> 01:03:09,026
Schitt here.
1383
01:03:09,061 --> 01:03:10,614
Captain, it's Steel.
Listen to me.
1384
01:03:10,648 --> 01:03:12,858
You've got to get the
governor away from the circus!
1385
01:03:12,892 --> 01:03:14,929
What the hell are you
talking about, Steel?
1386
01:03:14,963 --> 01:03:16,309
Is the cheese plant with you?
1387
01:03:16,344 --> 01:03:17,863
-He didn't make it.
-That's it Steel!
1388
01:03:17,897 --> 01:03:19,899
You're officially
on suspension as of now.
1389
01:03:19,934 --> 01:03:22,419
Now would you just shut up
a second, you big fruit!
1390
01:03:22,453 --> 01:03:24,041
The shrink who's been
messing with your head.
1391
01:03:24,076 --> 01:03:26,147
She's the leader
of a group of vampire bums
1392
01:03:26,181 --> 01:03:29,012
called Trampires
and she's heading your way
to kill the governor.
1393
01:03:29,046 --> 01:03:30,358
The shrink was right.
1394
01:03:30,392 --> 01:03:32,636
You've finally gone over
the edge, Steel!
1395
01:03:32,670 --> 01:03:34,949
Now if you don't mind
I'm trying to watch the
funny looking tramp clowns.
1396
01:03:34,983 --> 01:03:36,260
They've got pies
and everything.
1397
01:03:36,295 --> 01:03:37,883
What did you say?
1398
01:03:37,917 --> 01:03:39,332
-I said they've got pies and--
-No, the clowns!
1399
01:03:39,367 --> 01:03:40,920
What did you call them?
1400
01:03:40,955 --> 01:03:42,335
Tramps. You know,
more Charlie Chaplin
1401
01:03:42,370 --> 01:03:44,027
than Ronald McDonald.
1402
01:03:44,061 --> 01:03:45,580
Oh, my God!
1403
01:03:45,614 --> 01:03:47,478
You've got to get the
governor out of there, Captain!
1404
01:03:47,513 --> 01:03:48,997
-Captain!
-Steel?
1405
01:03:49,032 --> 01:03:50,550
Goddamn piece of shit!
1406
01:03:51,310 --> 01:03:52,414
Oh!
1407
01:03:57,350 --> 01:03:58,973
[hisses]
1408
01:04:00,319 --> 01:04:01,389
[gasps]
1409
01:04:08,189 --> 01:04:09,535
[Van Rental] You asshole!
1410
01:04:10,916 --> 01:04:13,056
[growls]
1411
01:04:20,028 --> 01:04:22,030
[vomits]
1412
01:04:22,065 --> 01:04:23,860
Is this a European circus?
1413
01:04:25,447 --> 01:04:26,621
[beeping]
1414
01:04:32,696 --> 01:04:34,456
[horns honking]
1415
01:04:36,665 --> 01:04:38,944
[tense music playing]
1416
01:04:50,024 --> 01:04:51,577
[Van Reporter]
Ooh, I've got the D.T.'s
1417
01:04:53,441 --> 01:04:55,029
[beeping]
1418
01:04:59,965 --> 01:05:01,069
[groans]
1419
01:05:03,451 --> 01:05:04,901
[beeps]
1420
01:05:07,627 --> 01:05:09,008
[audience gasps]
1421
01:05:09,043 --> 01:05:10,078
Oh, Bollocks!
1422
01:05:10,113 --> 01:05:11,045
Huh?
1423
01:05:11,079 --> 01:05:12,149
[air hisses]
1424
01:05:12,184 --> 01:05:14,048
Yep. Definitely French.
1425
01:05:16,636 --> 01:05:18,604
[growls]
1426
01:05:18,638 --> 01:05:20,054
[man] It's a dude!
1427
01:05:20,088 --> 01:05:22,263
Bring me the Puritan!
1428
01:05:22,297 --> 01:05:24,368
[all growl]
1429
01:05:25,231 --> 01:05:26,439
Huh?
1430
01:05:31,410 --> 01:05:33,446
-Cameras.
-[screaming]
1431
01:05:35,793 --> 01:05:37,036
[growls]
1432
01:05:40,039 --> 01:05:41,765
I'm ready for my
next session, Doc.
1433
01:05:41,799 --> 01:05:43,456
No!
1434
01:05:43,491 --> 01:05:44,664
[all gasps]
1435
01:05:44,699 --> 01:05:46,218
Yes!
1436
01:05:46,770 --> 01:05:49,014
[roars]
1437
01:05:49,704 --> 01:05:51,499
[yells]
1438
01:05:52,327 --> 01:05:54,157
[all screaming]
1439
01:05:55,537 --> 01:05:56,642
[roars]
1440
01:05:57,746 --> 01:06:00,059
-[grunts]
-Oh!
1441
01:06:11,657 --> 01:06:13,521
[moaning]
1442
01:06:13,555 --> 01:06:14,763
[grunts]
1443
01:06:21,080 --> 01:06:22,392
Fool!
1444
01:06:22,426 --> 01:06:25,050
We cannot be stopped
by just one man!
1445
01:06:25,084 --> 01:06:27,604
That's okay.
I don't work alone!
1446
01:06:27,638 --> 01:06:30,262
[heavy metal music playing]
1447
01:06:38,753 --> 01:06:39,996
Fire!
1448
01:06:45,656 --> 01:06:47,106
[screams]
1449
01:06:49,108 --> 01:06:50,247
What?
1450
01:06:51,421 --> 01:06:53,388
[screams]
1451
01:07:00,602 --> 01:07:02,397
Sir, we have to get
you out of here now!
1452
01:07:02,432 --> 01:07:03,536
No shit!
1453
01:07:04,710 --> 01:07:06,781
[all screaming]
1454
01:07:10,750 --> 01:07:12,131
[yells]
1455
01:07:16,342 --> 01:07:18,172
[yells]
1456
01:07:18,206 --> 01:07:19,587
[explosion]
1457
01:07:26,697 --> 01:07:27,802
[growls]
1458
01:07:31,668 --> 01:07:32,841
[screams]
1459
01:07:35,603 --> 01:07:36,742
Out of my way!
1460
01:07:39,779 --> 01:07:41,402
[yells]
1461
01:07:49,306 --> 01:07:50,583
[growls]
1462
01:07:53,724 --> 01:07:54,760
[roars]
1463
01:07:54,794 --> 01:07:56,072
[grunts]
1464
01:08:01,387 --> 01:08:02,423
Huh?
1465
01:08:08,325 --> 01:08:09,809
Welcome to the party, Doc.
1466
01:08:09,844 --> 01:08:12,536
-I've got a splitting headache.
-Me, too!
1467
01:08:17,300 --> 01:08:18,370
Huh?
1468
01:08:21,407 --> 01:08:22,546
[screams]
1469
01:08:23,443 --> 01:08:24,790
[screams]
1470
01:08:32,798 --> 01:08:33,937
Is it safe?
1471
01:08:33,970 --> 01:08:37,353
[groaning]
1472
01:08:37,389 --> 01:08:39,425
Is it safe? Is it fuck!
1473
01:08:40,908 --> 01:08:42,394
[screams]
1474
01:08:44,568 --> 01:08:45,673
Huh?
1475
01:08:49,539 --> 01:08:50,885
Come on!
1476
01:08:55,613 --> 01:08:56,718
[grunts]
1477
01:08:56,753 --> 01:08:58,341
[laughs]
1478
01:09:16,737 --> 01:09:17,912
[gun fires]
1479
01:09:19,258 --> 01:09:21,191
[screams]
1480
01:09:25,402 --> 01:09:27,541
[screams]
1481
01:09:34,031 --> 01:09:35,273
Ooh.
1482
01:09:37,414 --> 01:09:38,691
Protect the governor!
1483
01:09:44,387 --> 01:09:45,629
Hang on.
1484
01:09:48,494 --> 01:09:49,633
[screams]
1485
01:09:49,667 --> 01:09:50,944
[explodes]
1486
01:09:53,291 --> 01:09:55,432
[panics]
1487
01:09:56,847 --> 01:09:58,434
[farts]
1488
01:10:00,610 --> 01:10:02,439
[crying]
1489
01:10:03,302 --> 01:10:04,545
[screams]
1490
01:10:09,481 --> 01:10:10,550
Ow!
1491
01:10:10,585 --> 01:10:11,621
[screams]
1492
01:10:11,655 --> 01:10:13,726
Oh, God. What have I done?
1493
01:10:16,695 --> 01:10:17,868
Maloney!
1494
01:10:22,321 --> 01:10:23,391
Fuck off!
1495
01:10:23,425 --> 01:10:24,460
[screams]
1496
01:10:30,847 --> 01:10:32,538
Hold on, Maloney!
1497
01:10:32,573 --> 01:10:34,782
Don't you die on me!
You big dumb son of a bitch.
1498
01:10:34,816 --> 01:10:36,784
Do me a favor, Captain.
1499
01:10:36,818 --> 01:10:38,544
Tell my wife...
1500
01:10:38,579 --> 01:10:40,477
tell her I never
really loved her.
1501
01:10:40,512 --> 01:10:43,653
I only married her
to get close to her sister.
1502
01:10:43,687 --> 01:10:45,585
Will you do that for me, sir?
1503
01:10:45,620 --> 01:10:47,588
You can tell her
yourself, Maloney.
1504
01:10:47,621 --> 01:10:49,659
I don't think so sir.
1505
01:10:49,693 --> 01:10:51,695
[groans, gasping]
1506
01:10:59,910 --> 01:11:01,014
[screams]
1507
01:11:02,534 --> 01:11:03,776
[screams]
1508
01:11:04,743 --> 01:11:05,985
[gasps]
1509
01:11:08,816 --> 01:11:09,989
Flaps!
1510
01:11:14,580 --> 01:11:15,650
[growls]
1511
01:11:15,684 --> 01:11:17,755
Harry? Is that you?
1512
01:11:22,692 --> 01:11:24,521
God, please don't let me die.
1513
01:11:26,040 --> 01:11:27,697
Tally ho!
1514
01:11:35,567 --> 01:11:36,637
[gasps]
1515
01:11:39,709 --> 01:11:40,848
[grunts]
1516
01:11:43,713 --> 01:11:44,886
[Van Rental] Bollocks.
1517
01:11:47,786 --> 01:11:49,788
[laughs]
1518
01:11:49,822 --> 01:11:51,996
Don't you know who I am?
1519
01:11:52,031 --> 01:11:53,585
He don't know jack shit!
1520
01:11:54,655 --> 01:11:55,794
He does now!
1521
01:11:55,827 --> 01:11:56,829
[all gasps]
1522
01:11:56,864 --> 01:11:59,487
[yells]
1523
01:12:06,701 --> 01:12:07,771
[screams]
1524
01:12:07,806 --> 01:12:09,877
Ah!
1525
01:12:09,911 --> 01:12:11,016
Huh?
1526
01:12:12,983 --> 01:12:14,571
Good to have you back, Captain.
1527
01:12:14,606 --> 01:12:15,952
Good to be back.
1528
01:12:15,986 --> 01:12:17,471
Those lace panties
were giving me thrush.
1529
01:12:17,505 --> 01:12:18,472
Huh?
1530
01:12:18,505 --> 01:12:20,508
[all cheering]
1531
01:12:20,543 --> 01:12:22,096
[gun fires]
1532
01:12:32,106 --> 01:12:33,659
What the hell is going on?
1533
01:12:33,693 --> 01:12:35,005
Who are these people?
1534
01:12:35,040 --> 01:12:37,180
We're the unwashed
masses, Mr. Governor.
1535
01:12:37,214 --> 01:12:39,458
And you owe us big time.
1536
01:12:39,493 --> 01:12:40,839
Ain't that right, Stretch?
1537
01:12:42,081 --> 01:12:43,773
Another one for the nest egg!
1538
01:12:43,807 --> 01:12:44,981
[laughs]
1539
01:12:45,014 --> 01:12:46,085
[grunts]
1540
01:12:47,085 --> 01:12:48,812
-[laughs]
-Ugh!
1541
01:12:48,847 --> 01:12:51,469
-[singing]
-[laughing]
1542
01:12:51,505 --> 01:12:53,369
Oh, Stretch.
1543
01:12:55,716 --> 01:12:56,682
Ta-da!
1544
01:12:56,717 --> 01:12:57,683
[screams]
1545
01:12:57,718 --> 01:12:58,788
[all gasps]
1546
01:12:58,822 --> 01:13:00,410
No!
1547
01:13:00,445 --> 01:13:01,755
[groans]
1548
01:13:02,930 --> 01:13:04,827
[all scream]
1549
01:13:07,866 --> 01:13:09,005
[screams]
1550
01:13:12,215 --> 01:13:14,112
She can't be still alive!
1551
01:13:14,148 --> 01:13:16,564
I emptied a clip of wood-tipped
bullets into her liver!
1552
01:13:16,599 --> 01:13:19,498
You have to use three methods
within a 15-minute window.
1553
01:13:19,532 --> 01:13:20,568
Remember?
1554
01:13:20,603 --> 01:13:22,708
[demonic voice] Join us!
1555
01:13:23,709 --> 01:13:24,814
[groans]
1556
01:13:24,848 --> 01:13:26,540
Steel?
1557
01:13:26,574 --> 01:13:27,886
Get the governor out of here!
I'll hold her off!
1558
01:13:27,920 --> 01:13:29,784
-Are you crazy?
-He's not crazy.
1559
01:13:29,818 --> 01:13:31,855
He's the best Goddamn cop
on the force.
1560
01:13:31,889 --> 01:13:33,650
He's also the chosen one.
1561
01:13:33,684 --> 01:13:36,446
Of course. That's why
you have such a big penis!
1562
01:13:37,585 --> 01:13:39,103
I'm just a cop!
1563
01:13:39,138 --> 01:13:41,727
Now get the hell out of here
and let me do my job.
1564
01:13:41,762 --> 01:13:42,901
Oh, no.
1565
01:13:42,934 --> 01:13:44,454
The elixir has worn off.
1566
01:13:44,489 --> 01:13:46,041
The transformation is upon you.
1567
01:13:47,699 --> 01:13:49,735
[growls]
1568
01:13:49,770 --> 01:13:51,910
[roars]
1569
01:13:51,943 --> 01:13:54,499
Oh, my... God!
1570
01:14:00,987 --> 01:14:03,023
That's got to be the grossest
thing I've ever seen.
1571
01:14:03,059 --> 01:14:04,681
And I've got hemorrhoids!
1572
01:14:04,716 --> 01:14:05,855
Go! Now!
1573
01:14:05,889 --> 01:14:07,201
You heard the man, Schitt!
1574
01:14:07,235 --> 01:14:08,789
Get me out of here!
1575
01:14:09,893 --> 01:14:11,791
[roars]
1576
01:14:11,826 --> 01:14:13,172
Hold on, Chuck!
1577
01:14:13,207 --> 01:14:15,243
There's still
time to save your soul!
1578
01:14:15,278 --> 01:14:16,900
Try to hold on to your...
[gasps]
1579
01:14:16,934 --> 01:14:18,592
[growls]
1580
01:14:18,626 --> 01:14:20,214
humanity.
1581
01:14:20,248 --> 01:14:21,974
Oh, rat's cocks!
1582
01:14:27,670 --> 01:14:28,740
[roars]
1583
01:14:35,954 --> 01:14:38,577
Sober up, Satan spawn!
1584
01:14:38,612 --> 01:14:40,061
[roars]
1585
01:14:40,096 --> 01:14:43,133
That's two out of three,
you sepulchral harlot!
1586
01:14:47,862 --> 01:14:49,485
Are we leaving or what?!
1587
01:14:51,003 --> 01:14:52,936
[all scream]
1588
01:15:03,706 --> 01:15:05,155
[growls]
1589
01:15:16,857 --> 01:15:20,067
You are making
a big mistake lady!
1590
01:15:20,101 --> 01:15:23,621
Foolish mortal!
1591
01:15:23,657 --> 01:15:25,590
That's where you're wrong!
1592
01:15:40,674 --> 01:15:43,159
[screams]
1593
01:15:43,193 --> 01:15:44,298
Huh?
1594
01:15:51,201 --> 01:15:52,858
[laughs]
1595
01:16:05,146 --> 01:16:07,321
[dramatic music playing]
1596
01:16:12,913 --> 01:16:14,362
What the hell
is happening now!?
1597
01:16:14,397 --> 01:16:15,880
You got me.
1598
01:16:15,916 --> 01:16:17,849
The scrolls never
mentioned this shit.
1599
01:16:18,401 --> 01:16:19,746
[zaps]
1600
01:16:37,696 --> 01:16:38,939
[roars]
1601
01:16:38,973 --> 01:16:40,941
I told you he was
a fucking lizard!
1602
01:16:44,254 --> 01:16:45,704
[screams]
1603
01:16:45,739 --> 01:16:47,603
[roars]
1604
01:16:48,844 --> 01:16:50,019
[groans]
1605
01:16:56,818 --> 01:16:58,441
[straining]
1606
01:16:58,475 --> 01:17:00,960
This is our world!
1607
01:17:00,995 --> 01:17:02,410
Never!
1608
01:17:02,445 --> 01:17:04,758
[screams]
1609
01:17:08,900 --> 01:17:10,626
[all scream]
1610
01:17:11,281 --> 01:17:12,420
[gasps]
1611
01:17:16,701 --> 01:17:18,116
[growls]
1612
01:17:18,150 --> 01:17:20,773
Chuck! We still have
to protect the Puritan!
1613
01:17:20,808 --> 01:17:23,224
Even if he is a giant lizard!
1614
01:17:36,755 --> 01:17:38,688
Harryhausen!
1615
01:17:38,723 --> 01:17:39,827
[grunts]
1616
01:17:43,762 --> 01:17:45,971
Will you keep still,
you greasy freak?!
1617
01:17:47,248 --> 01:17:49,837
[roars]
1618
01:17:55,014 --> 01:17:57,017
Mother Fucking lasers!?
1619
01:17:59,536 --> 01:18:01,297
Oh, give me a fucking break!
1620
01:18:02,263 --> 01:18:03,851
Have no fear!
1621
01:18:03,886 --> 01:18:05,922
The Chosen One is here!
1622
01:18:05,957 --> 01:18:07,371
Hello.
1623
01:18:10,168 --> 01:18:11,307
[screams]
1624
01:18:11,341 --> 01:18:13,723
[all gasp]
1625
01:18:13,758 --> 01:18:14,966
Shit!
1626
01:18:22,800 --> 01:18:23,802
[screams]
1627
01:18:23,837 --> 01:18:25,839
[roars]
1628
01:18:41,406 --> 01:18:43,788
Reminds me of
my wedding night.
1629
01:18:52,175 --> 01:18:53,556
[roars]
1630
01:18:53,590 --> 01:18:54,902
[grunts]
1631
01:18:59,355 --> 01:19:00,805
[screeches]
1632
01:19:05,361 --> 01:19:07,052
No! It cannot be!
1633
01:19:12,402 --> 01:19:13,782
[roars]
1634
01:19:16,821 --> 01:19:18,374
That's strike three, bitch!
1635
01:19:20,859 --> 01:19:22,550
[roars]
1636
01:19:25,001 --> 01:19:26,278
Time to die.
1637
01:19:27,832 --> 01:19:29,212
Huh? Maybe not!
1638
01:19:29,246 --> 01:19:30,420
[screams]
1639
01:19:30,455 --> 01:19:32,181
[roars]
1640
01:19:34,321 --> 01:19:35,943
Bingo!
1641
01:19:35,978 --> 01:19:37,773
[roars]
1642
01:19:40,844 --> 01:19:42,294
Chuck, catch!
1643
01:19:49,612 --> 01:19:51,476
Now I'm agitated!
1644
01:19:56,895 --> 01:19:58,068
[screams]
1645
01:20:01,589 --> 01:20:03,005
[groans]
1646
01:20:13,049 --> 01:20:14,602
[roars]
1647
01:20:18,123 --> 01:20:19,366
Come on!
1648
01:20:19,400 --> 01:20:22,058
[screeches]
1649
01:20:24,059 --> 01:20:25,130
[screams]
1650
01:20:28,582 --> 01:20:29,617
[grunts]
1651
01:20:31,309 --> 01:20:33,656
[screeches]
1652
01:20:33,690 --> 01:20:36,072
This Schitt's getting
too old for this shit!
1653
01:20:38,040 --> 01:20:39,489
Huh?
1654
01:20:39,523 --> 01:20:41,250
-Chuck?
-Lucy?
1655
01:20:41,284 --> 01:20:42,527
Awkward.
1656
01:20:42,561 --> 01:20:44,218
[roaring]
1657
01:20:47,325 --> 01:20:48,602
Oh, shit!
1658
01:20:48,636 --> 01:20:50,603
We need to talk.
1659
01:20:50,638 --> 01:20:52,192
[yells]
1660
01:21:03,272 --> 01:21:04,894
Whoa! Giant lizard!
1661
01:21:09,347 --> 01:21:10,589
Doc, are you okay?
1662
01:21:10,624 --> 01:21:12,522
Uh, I think so.
1663
01:21:12,557 --> 01:21:13,972
[screeches]
1664
01:21:18,389 --> 01:21:19,978
Now that the Mistress
is vanquished,
1665
01:21:20,013 --> 01:21:21,704
you can kill that asshole!
1666
01:21:21,737 --> 01:21:24,603
And how exactly do
you kill a big
fucking lizard, Doc?
1667
01:21:24,638 --> 01:21:26,502
With big fucking bullets!
1668
01:21:28,642 --> 01:21:30,126
Ooh, yeah!
1669
01:21:30,161 --> 01:21:33,164
Let's do this!
1670
01:21:33,198 --> 01:21:35,097
[Schitt] Chew on this,
you alien mother!
1671
01:21:38,100 --> 01:21:39,929
Hang on, Schitts!
1672
01:21:42,380 --> 01:21:44,002
[roars]
1673
01:21:45,348 --> 01:21:47,281
[screams]
1674
01:21:47,316 --> 01:21:48,627
[screams]
1675
01:21:52,252 --> 01:21:53,943
It's nothing personal.
1676
01:21:53,978 --> 01:21:57,567
I'm just trying to make
this world a better place!
1677
01:21:59,293 --> 01:22:00,294
[cocks gun]
1678
01:22:00,329 --> 01:22:02,434
[Steel] Yo! Fish lips!
1679
01:22:04,091 --> 01:22:05,679
I'm ready when you are!
1680
01:22:10,097 --> 01:22:11,719
[screeches]
1681
01:22:15,758 --> 01:22:16,724
Huh?
1682
01:22:16,759 --> 01:22:18,726
Bye-bye.
1683
01:22:18,761 --> 01:22:20,383
Oh, come on!
1684
01:22:23,697 --> 01:22:25,664
[laughs]
1685
01:22:25,699 --> 01:22:27,252
Oh, no, you don't.
1686
01:22:29,737 --> 01:22:31,360
Die!
1687
01:22:34,190 --> 01:22:35,226
[grunts]
1688
01:22:40,231 --> 01:22:42,233
Come here, you little shit!
1689
01:22:47,100 --> 01:22:49,481
[Steel]
You scaly son of a bitch!
1690
01:22:52,380 --> 01:22:54,175
It ends here, harridan!
1691
01:23:01,630 --> 01:23:03,806
[screeches]
1692
01:23:03,840 --> 01:23:05,808
Oh, yeah!
1693
01:23:05,842 --> 01:23:08,052
Eat my justice!
1694
01:23:08,085 --> 01:23:10,019
[screeches]
1695
01:23:12,193 --> 01:23:13,643
Liver let die!
1696
01:23:20,374 --> 01:23:22,204
I hate politics.
1697
01:23:28,244 --> 01:23:30,660
[rock music playing]
1698
01:23:41,188 --> 01:23:43,397
[helicopter whirring]
1699
01:23:43,432 --> 01:23:46,331
Authorities are baffled
by tonight's events
1700
01:23:46,366 --> 01:23:49,300
and are still unaware of the
location of Governor Atkins.
1701
01:23:49,334 --> 01:23:51,716
Rescue teams have failed
to locate a body...
1702
01:23:56,893 --> 01:23:58,343
Lucy.
1703
01:24:03,141 --> 01:24:05,281
[shoes squeaks]
1704
01:24:06,800 --> 01:24:07,835
Chuck?
1705
01:24:07,870 --> 01:24:09,182
Are you okay?
1706
01:24:09,216 --> 01:24:10,666
You look ...different.
1707
01:24:10,700 --> 01:24:13,462
Yeah. I guess when you
work with custard all day
1708
01:24:13,496 --> 01:24:14,463
something's got to give.
1709
01:24:14,496 --> 01:24:15,878
Oi! She's happy now!
1710
01:24:15,912 --> 01:24:17,673
So bugger off,
you lanky twat!
1711
01:24:17,707 --> 01:24:19,088
Button it, munchkin!
1712
01:24:19,123 --> 01:24:20,400
I know how
to treat her right!
1713
01:24:20,434 --> 01:24:21,815
I give her what she needs!
1714
01:24:21,849 --> 01:24:23,092
What, low shelving?
1715
01:24:23,127 --> 01:24:24,404
Up yours, Blondie!
1716
01:24:24,438 --> 01:24:26,094
For God's sake, stop it!
1717
01:24:26,130 --> 01:24:27,407
I can't take this!
1718
01:24:27,441 --> 01:24:29,547
Sorry. Just tell me one thing.
1719
01:24:29,581 --> 01:24:32,170
Did you really mean all those
things you said in your letter?
1720
01:24:32,205 --> 01:24:34,103
[Lucy]
What are you talking about?
1721
01:24:34,138 --> 01:24:35,346
I didn't leave any letter.
1722
01:24:35,380 --> 01:24:36,761
Ah, that may have been me.
1723
01:24:36,795 --> 01:24:38,210
Well, we couldn't just
leave without saying
1724
01:24:38,245 --> 01:24:39,833
goodbye now, could we?
[laughs]
1725
01:24:42,180 --> 01:24:43,768
Excuse me a second.
1726
01:24:46,840 --> 01:24:49,222
You want some of this
do you? Come on then.
1727
01:24:49,255 --> 01:24:50,740
Yeah! I'll do you from in 'ere!
1728
01:24:53,157 --> 01:24:54,227
[gasps]
1729
01:24:55,434 --> 01:24:56,469
Fuck you!
1730
01:24:56,505 --> 01:24:58,403
[screams]
1731
01:24:58,438 --> 01:24:59,853
-[glass shatters]
-[elephant trumpets]
1732
01:24:59,887 --> 01:25:02,200
Sorry. I had no idea
he had done that.
1733
01:25:02,235 --> 01:25:05,617
So does this mean I wasn't
a complete washout as a
husband?
1734
01:25:05,652 --> 01:25:07,619
Of course, you weren't.
1735
01:25:07,654 --> 01:25:09,552
You just never understood
what it meant to me
1736
01:25:09,587 --> 01:25:12,624
to make balloon animals
and pour custard down my pants.
1737
01:25:12,659 --> 01:25:14,557
And I couldn't expect you to.
1738
01:25:14,592 --> 01:25:16,180
I could've changed.
1739
01:25:16,214 --> 01:25:18,182
I started wearing bigger shoes
1740
01:25:20,460 --> 01:25:21,599
[rubber snaps]
1741
01:25:21,633 --> 01:25:23,670
Face it, Chuck, you work...
1742
01:25:23,704 --> 01:25:25,361
alone.
1743
01:25:26,466 --> 01:25:27,812
[nose honks]
1744
01:25:29,262 --> 01:25:31,333
[shoes squeak]
1745
01:25:43,862 --> 01:25:45,623
[indistinct chatter]
1746
01:25:50,421 --> 01:25:51,594
There he is!
1747
01:25:51,629 --> 01:25:52,906
That's the man!
1748
01:25:52,940 --> 01:25:54,563
He's the imposter!
1749
01:25:54,597 --> 01:25:55,736
Stop him!
1750
01:26:07,369 --> 01:26:09,543
[Giggles screeches]
1751
01:26:09,577 --> 01:26:10,786
[both scream]
1752
01:26:10,820 --> 01:26:12,477
[Koslowski] Ah!
He's gone nuts!
1753
01:26:12,512 --> 01:26:16,240
[Schitt] Steel!
1754
01:26:16,273 --> 01:26:18,621
I'll expect the paperwork
on my desk in the morning.
1755
01:26:18,656 --> 01:26:20,347
Go fuck yourself.
1756
01:26:26,629 --> 01:26:29,598
I could've fired him.
1757
01:26:29,632 --> 01:26:31,841
Well, that was
jolly good fun wasn't it?
1758
01:26:31,876 --> 01:26:33,636
Yeah, right.
1759
01:26:33,671 --> 01:26:35,638
There's bound to be more of
those lizards out there.
1760
01:26:35,673 --> 01:26:37,709
Also, I'm not sure
if I've mentioned this
1761
01:26:37,744 --> 01:26:39,677
but there is an equally
deadly force out there
1762
01:26:39,710 --> 01:26:40,987
that must be thwarted.
1763
01:26:41,023 --> 01:26:43,370
You have heard
of werewolves, no?
1764
01:26:44,371 --> 01:26:45,476
Sure.
1765
01:26:45,510 --> 01:26:46,925
But have you ever heard of...
1766
01:26:46,960 --> 01:26:49,618
werewolf prostitutes?
1767
01:26:50,860 --> 01:26:52,585
Or whorewolves, if you will.
1768
01:26:52,621 --> 01:26:54,243
They're bloody everywhere!
1769
01:26:56,038 --> 01:26:57,626
Face or balls!
1770
01:26:57,660 --> 01:26:58,972
Oh, flaps.
1771
01:26:59,005 --> 01:27:00,387
[groans]
1772
01:27:00,422 --> 01:27:01,699
Yeah!
1773
01:27:04,666 --> 01:27:08,637
["Knifes Edge"
by Bobby Barth playing]
1774
01:27:08,671 --> 01:27:11,260
♪ Spend forever tryin'
To figure it out ♪
1775
01:27:12,537 --> 01:27:14,850
♪ Tryin' to find an escape
1776
01:27:16,645 --> 01:27:19,820
♪ Working every little
Hustle you can to try ♪
1777
01:27:19,855 --> 01:27:22,719
♪ Get an even rate
1778
01:27:24,653 --> 01:27:28,553
♪ You believe
In all the promises ♪
1779
01:27:28,588 --> 01:27:31,073
♪ Where are you now?
1780
01:27:31,107 --> 01:27:33,869
♪ You're just livin'
1781
01:27:33,903 --> 01:27:35,940
♪ On the knife edge
1782
01:27:35,974 --> 01:27:39,392
♪ Oh, it somehow
Don't seem right ♪
1783
01:27:39,425 --> 01:27:44,673
♪ It's a high wire act
On the rough time ♪
1784
01:27:44,707 --> 01:27:47,400
♪ Survival through the night
1785
01:27:55,580 --> 01:27:59,343
♪ Spend whatever
Little money you have ♪
1786
01:27:59,377 --> 01:28:01,759
♪ Just stayin' alive
1787
01:28:03,692 --> 01:28:07,799
♪ Buy the key that
Unlocks the door you do ♪
1788
01:28:07,834 --> 01:28:09,939
♪ More than survive
1789
01:28:11,734 --> 01:28:14,599
♪ But you listen
To all the promises ♪
1790
01:28:14,634 --> 01:28:15,945
♪ Promises
1791
01:28:15,980 --> 01:28:18,568
♪ Where are you now?
1792
01:28:18,603 --> 01:28:20,880
♪ You're just livin'
1793
01:28:20,916 --> 01:28:23,056
♪ On the knife edge
1794
01:28:23,090 --> 01:28:27,371
♪ Oh, it somehow
Don't seem right ♪
1795
01:28:27,405 --> 01:28:31,754
♪ It's a high wire act
On the rough time ♪
1796
01:28:31,789 --> 01:28:34,550
♪ Survival through the night
1797
01:28:36,103 --> 01:28:40,142
♪ Now, nobody said
Life was gonna be easy ♪
1798
01:28:40,175 --> 01:28:43,663
♪ And nobody said it was fair
1799
01:28:43,697 --> 01:28:45,975
♪ I only know
1800
01:28:46,010 --> 01:28:48,046
♪ There's just one answer
1801
01:28:48,081 --> 01:28:50,463
♪ Just put the wind
1802
01:28:50,496 --> 01:28:53,776
♪ Put the wind in our hair
1803
01:29:13,589 --> 01:29:15,971
♪ You believe
In all the promises ♪
1804
01:29:17,697 --> 01:29:19,975
♪ Where are you now?
1805
01:29:28,052 --> 01:29:30,675
♪ You're just livin'
1806
01:29:30,710 --> 01:29:32,677
♪ On the knife edge
1807
01:29:32,712 --> 01:29:35,715
♪ Oh, it somehow
Don't seem right ♪
1808
01:29:36,992 --> 01:29:38,889
♪ It's a high wire act
1809
01:29:38,925 --> 01:29:41,065
♪ On the rough time
1810
01:29:41,099 --> 01:29:44,102
♪ Survival through the night
1811
01:29:49,487 --> 01:29:52,456
♪ Survival through the night
1812
01:29:57,771 --> 01:30:01,223
♪ Survival through the night
1813
01:30:01,257 --> 01:30:03,467
♪ Survival
1814
01:30:06,021 --> 01:30:08,817
♪ Survival through the night
1815
01:30:14,029 --> 01:30:16,169
♪ Survival through the night
1816
01:30:16,202 --> 01:30:19,483
♪ Survival
112729
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