Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,100 --> 00:00:03,579
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
2
00:00:03,580 --> 00:00:05,019
Ask around, look on the Internet.
3
00:00:05,020 --> 00:00:08,240
I'm telling you, they've already
got punctureless tires,
4
00:00:08,250 --> 00:00:10,500
and they've been hiding it
from us since the 1920s.
5
00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:12,580
Did you ever see one of
those Keystone Kops movies
6
00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:13,849
where they're chasing bootleggers?
7
00:00:13,850 --> 00:00:17,940
40 cops hanging off of one
truck, never a blowout.
8
00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:19,280
Never.
9
00:00:19,300 --> 00:00:22,390
Okay, who gave the Michelin
Man an energy drink
10
00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:23,983
first thing in the morning?
11
00:00:23,990 --> 00:00:27,236
That drink was in the fridge,
and it had my name on it, Dan.
12
00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:30,155
Community property, baby.
I left half in there for you.
13
00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:32,430
Actually, I drank the other half.
14
00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:34,493
It's cute you think there's rules.
15
00:00:35,390 --> 00:00:36,560
Hey, everyone.
16
00:00:36,580 --> 00:00:38,030
Yes, yes, it is me.
17
00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:40,070
The guy from the Olinsky
Hardware commercial
18
00:00:40,090 --> 00:00:41,220
you all know and love,
19
00:00:41,230 --> 00:00:43,711
playing on the pumps at the Stop 'N Gas!
20
00:00:45,010 --> 00:00:47,570
Oh, my God. It's really you?
21
00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:49,920
Here, just make it out to Darlene...
22
00:00:49,930 --> 00:00:52,320
- Ah.
- ... the woman who is so sad
23
00:00:52,330 --> 00:00:54,597
- that you're so excited about this.
- Mm.
24
00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:56,620
For your information, the gas pump ads
25
00:00:56,630 --> 00:00:58,150
have been a great promotion for us.
26
00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:01,186
We've increased our sales by 25%.
27
00:01:01,190 --> 00:01:04,010
Oh, man. I could use
that at The Lunch Box.
28
00:01:04,020 --> 00:01:07,040
Now that football season's over
and basketball season's going,
29
00:01:07,060 --> 00:01:09,320
everybody's hanging out
at The Drink and Dribble.
30
00:01:09,330 --> 00:01:11,947
Oh, yeah. That's where The
Squat and Gobble used to be.
31
00:01:11,950 --> 00:01:14,140
I miss the old Squat and Gobble.
32
00:01:14,150 --> 00:01:15,469
That place would still be going
33
00:01:15,470 --> 00:01:17,119
if they'd have had chairs in the joint.
34
00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:20,340
Hey, Jackie, I can make you
a gas pump commercial
35
00:01:20,350 --> 00:01:21,370
like mine, no problem.
36
00:01:21,380 --> 00:01:22,589
We can shoot the whole
thing on my phone.
37
00:01:22,590 --> 00:01:24,501
Really? Could I come
up with the concept?
38
00:01:24,510 --> 00:01:27,280
Sure, yeah. It just has
to be under 15 seconds
39
00:01:27,290 --> 00:01:29,882
or you get cut off by the
Sasquatch eating a Slim Jim.
40
00:01:31,060 --> 00:01:32,210
Excuse me.
41
00:01:32,220 --> 00:01:34,600
I was just upstairs grabbing
more stuff to take to Aldo's,
42
00:01:34,620 --> 00:01:37,190
and why is there a dining room
set on my side of the bedroom?
43
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:38,840
Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
44
00:01:38,860 --> 00:01:41,640
Now that Darlene and
Becky are moving out,
45
00:01:41,660 --> 00:01:43,950
I-I thought I'd bring some
more of my stuff over
46
00:01:43,970 --> 00:01:46,065
and downgrade to a smaller storage unit.
47
00:01:46,070 --> 00:01:50,510
Interesting how Louise is
slowly taking over the house.
48
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:51,987
She's my wife.
49
00:01:51,990 --> 00:01:54,907
What exactly are you doing over here?
50
00:01:54,910 --> 00:01:59,119
I'm the wise elder everybody
comes to for answers.
51
00:02:00,540 --> 00:02:04,416
Look, Louise is too nice
to say this, but I'm not.
52
00:02:04,420 --> 00:02:06,140
She's not trying to take over anything.
53
00:02:06,150 --> 00:02:07,990
She's just trying to
carve out some space
54
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:11,660
in a house overrun with
40-year-old step-grown-ups.
55
00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:13,967
She just wants some
privacy with her husband.
56
00:02:13,970 --> 00:02:15,600
Well, we're all on the same page.
57
00:02:15,620 --> 00:02:17,280
None of us want to accidentally see
58
00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:19,390
what you two need privacy for.
59
00:02:20,070 --> 00:02:24,144
But I-I can't find a decent house
in this city that I can afford.
60
00:02:24,150 --> 00:02:25,570
Wait, you're a Conner.
61
00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:27,820
You're supposed to buy
something you can't afford
62
00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:30,480
and then wake up every
night for the next 30 years
63
00:02:30,500 --> 00:02:31,750
with your heart racing.
64
00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:33,860
Huh. It ain't my heart. That's GERD.
65
00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:37,190
I'm just gonna have to
start looking further out.
66
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,650
Maybe it's time to let go
of that dream of a place
67
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,870
overlooking the Lanford salvage yard.
68
00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:44,260
Hey, I'm a part of this, too.
69
00:02:44,270 --> 00:02:46,280
I know house prices are lower
70
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:48,230
the farther away you get from Chicago,
71
00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,000
but how far can you go?
72
00:02:50,010 --> 00:02:52,214
Eventually, it's just,
like, Missouri, right?
73
00:02:52,220 --> 00:02:55,780
Whoa. I can't have Becky
moving any further out.
74
00:02:55,790 --> 00:02:57,700
She's already late three times a week
75
00:02:57,710 --> 00:02:59,722
and she only lives a few blocks away.
76
00:02:59,730 --> 00:03:01,724
That reminds me.
I'm gonna be late today.
77
00:03:01,730 --> 00:03:05,227
See? This is what I'm
talking about. I just...
78
00:03:05,230 --> 00:03:07,390
I feel overwhelmed over there.
79
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:10,899
It's like I'm trying to brush
the ocean back with a broom.
80
00:03:10,900 --> 00:03:12,780
Yeah, you're the wise elder.
81
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,194
I'm sure you'll figure it out.
82
00:03:56,530 --> 00:03:58,829
That's not good. Nobody knocks
on our door in the afternoon
83
00:03:58,830 --> 00:04:01,575
unless they expect to find us home.
84
00:04:01,580 --> 00:04:04,680
It's Blansky, the cemetery guy.
85
00:04:04,700 --> 00:04:06,480
He must smell death around us.
86
00:04:06,490 --> 00:04:09,249
Does anybody have a cough they
haven't been able to shake?
87
00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:12,420
Hey, Don! How's it going?
88
00:04:12,430 --> 00:04:13,440
I'm okay.
89
00:04:13,460 --> 00:04:15,714
Hey, how come I never see
you around these days?
90
00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,883
You're at the cemetery.
91
00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:20,594
That's what I mean.
Stop eating so healthy.
92
00:04:22,570 --> 00:04:24,360
Uh...
93
00:04:24,380 --> 00:04:26,190
I haven't had the pleasure.
94
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:29,200
Hi, Don. I'm Louise, Dan's wife.
95
00:04:29,210 --> 00:04:32,314
And he doesn't die
till I'm done with him.
96
00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:34,600
Oh, well, hello.
97
00:04:34,620 --> 00:04:36,485
Somebody made a deal with the devil.
98
00:04:36,490 --> 00:04:39,571
Uh, but I'm actually here
for another reason.
99
00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:43,320
I heard through my realtor that
Darlene was looking for a house?
100
00:04:43,330 --> 00:04:44,810
Yeah, stop right there, Don.
101
00:04:44,820 --> 00:04:47,380
Don't try to convince me
that a crypt is a tiny house.
102
00:04:47,390 --> 00:04:49,280
Ah, I've got something better.
103
00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:51,560
You know my funeral
home down on Pulaski?
104
00:04:51,580 --> 00:04:53,520
Well, business is so good,
105
00:04:53,530 --> 00:04:55,087
I'm moving into a bigger space.
106
00:04:55,090 --> 00:04:56,980
Mm, well, don't expand too fast.
107
00:04:56,990 --> 00:04:59,260
Who knows? People around here
could start wearing masks
108
00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:01,130
and eating right.
109
00:05:01,140 --> 00:05:03,554
Anyway, it's a small Victorian,
110
00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:05,130
and it only became a funeral home
111
00:05:05,140 --> 00:05:07,474
when my grandfather opened
the cemetery in the 1920s.
112
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:09,170
I've been in that place.
113
00:05:09,180 --> 00:05:11,645
Did some drywall work for
your dad. It's beautiful.
114
00:05:11,650 --> 00:05:14,070
Look, we really appreciate
you stopping by
115
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,480
- and making our day weird, Don.
- Mm-hmm.
116
00:05:16,490 --> 00:05:20,000
But Darlene and I really aren't in
the market for a funeral home,
117
00:05:20,010 --> 00:05:22,120
but if you hear of a
converted slaughterhouse,
118
00:05:22,140 --> 00:05:23,657
give us a ring. Bye-bye.
119
00:05:23,660 --> 00:05:25,617
Don't rule it out.
120
00:05:25,620 --> 00:05:28,700
It's like me. It's adorable,
well-maintained,
121
00:05:28,710 --> 00:05:31,080
and won't be on the market for long.
122
00:05:35,010 --> 00:05:37,140
Take care of yourself,
guy. But not too good!
123
00:05:39,140 --> 00:05:41,330
Listen, he wouldn't be
sniffing around here
124
00:05:41,340 --> 00:05:42,580
if he had a ton of buyers.
125
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:44,640
You may be able to get
this place for a song.
126
00:05:44,660 --> 00:05:46,920
Yeah, because it's full of ghosts!
127
00:05:46,940 --> 00:05:49,410
I'm not raising my kid
in a funeral home.
128
00:05:49,420 --> 00:05:52,352
Look, it's not my dream house
either, but Dad's right.
129
00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:56,023
It's close by, and I-I don't believe
in spirits lingering in a house.
130
00:05:56,030 --> 00:05:59,350
Do you believe in adult
children lingering in a house?
131
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:00,920
'Cause that's what I'm trying to fix.
132
00:06:00,930 --> 00:06:02,112
Go look at the place.
133
00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:07,240
Okay, so all I did was stand
behind the counter at my store
134
00:06:07,260 --> 00:06:10,760
and say, "Hi, I'm Ben Olinsky
from Olinsky's Hardware.
135
00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:12,590
Come on down for everything
you might need
136
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:14,750
for your home, car, or RV.
137
00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:17,070
And I don't know why
we call it 'hardware,'
138
00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:20,040
because when you come
in, I make it easy."
139
00:06:20,050 --> 00:06:22,150
Huh? Just do something like that.
140
00:06:22,170 --> 00:06:24,760
It's just simple with a touch of genius.
141
00:06:24,770 --> 00:06:27,879
Okay, here's something
that won't put you to sleep
142
00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:28,972
with the pump in your hand.
143
00:06:28,980 --> 00:06:33,936
All right. We're gonna start
on a regular metal lunch box,
144
00:06:33,940 --> 00:06:35,960
and a hand comes in, opens it up,
145
00:06:35,980 --> 00:06:39,107
and the entire Lunch
Box restaurant is inside
146
00:06:39,110 --> 00:06:40,640
with all the customers and everything.
147
00:06:40,660 --> 00:06:44,196
And then the camera swoops
over to a bowl of stew,
148
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:46,200
and I'm in the stew
149
00:06:46,210 --> 00:06:49,240
and I'm swimming across
it like Esther Williams.
150
00:06:49,250 --> 00:06:52,720
And then a big spoon comes
in and scoops me up,
151
00:06:52,740 --> 00:06:55,080
but before it throws me
into the giant mouth,
152
00:06:55,090 --> 00:06:58,510
I say, "Hey, hungry.
Don't bite my head off.
153
00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:00,400
Come on down to The Lunch Box.
154
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,798
We'll feed you happy!"
155
00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:07,177
I love it.
156
00:07:07,180 --> 00:07:09,137
I do, too. I love it. I love it, too.
157
00:07:09,140 --> 00:07:11,098
- I just have one question.
- Yes?
158
00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:13,266
Do you have $2 million?
159
00:07:13,270 --> 00:07:15,727
What? You told me you could do
the whole thing on your phone.
160
00:07:15,730 --> 00:07:16,770
No, look.
161
00:07:16,780 --> 00:07:19,500
Come on. This is what I can shoot, okay?
162
00:07:20,450 --> 00:07:21,480
Uh...
163
00:07:21,500 --> 00:07:23,860
"Hi, I'm Jackie Harris
from The Lunch Box.
164
00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:26,488
Come on down for some heartwarming stew.
165
00:07:26,490 --> 00:07:28,550
I don't know why we
call it 'The Lunch Box.'
166
00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:30,080
We should call it 'The Hunch Box,'
167
00:07:30,100 --> 00:07:32,440
'cause I've got a hunch you'll love it."
168
00:07:32,450 --> 00:07:34,980
See, and I'm not even gonna charge
you anything for the writing.
169
00:07:36,750 --> 00:07:39,418
I should charge you for
having to listen to that.
170
00:07:39,420 --> 00:07:41,586
Hey, come on. This started as a favor.
171
00:07:41,590 --> 00:07:43,200
I know, but you're at an advantage.
172
00:07:43,210 --> 00:07:45,370
People need hardware.
They don't need stew.
173
00:07:45,380 --> 00:07:47,000
I've got to move people into the place
174
00:07:47,020 --> 00:07:48,590
and I've got to do it now!
175
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:50,429
All right. All right, all right.
176
00:07:50,430 --> 00:07:52,349
- I'm... I'm... I'm about ready to...
- Listen...
177
00:07:52,350 --> 00:07:53,860
Okay, just...
178
00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:58,850
Do you have anything that's
just a little less grand?
179
00:07:58,870 --> 00:08:00,210
Yes, of course.
180
00:08:00,220 --> 00:08:04,680
Okay, now, it's Mount Ve-stew-vius,
181
00:08:04,700 --> 00:08:07,960
and instead of lava
coming down, it's stew,
182
00:08:07,980 --> 00:08:11,820
and people are running towards
it with bowls and spoons.
183
00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:15,000
So, what do you think?
184
00:08:16,250 --> 00:08:17,497
Huh.
185
00:08:18,310 --> 00:08:21,700
I think I can't see what you're seeing
186
00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:25,213
until I take whatever you're taking.
187
00:08:28,060 --> 00:08:31,060
Look at all the character in this place.
188
00:08:31,070 --> 00:08:32,512
Stained glass windows.
189
00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:33,972
Pressed tin.
190
00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:37,684
This is the original oak floor.
191
00:08:37,690 --> 00:08:40,562
- This place is actually really nice.
- Mm-hmm.
192
00:08:40,570 --> 00:08:43,398
It's a shame that the dead
people never get to see this.
193
00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,070
Well, feel free to look around.
194
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:46,818
We still have some stuff to box up.
195
00:08:46,820 --> 00:08:48,195
Oh.
196
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:49,860
Probably another offer.
197
00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:51,760
W...
198
00:08:51,780 --> 00:08:54,076
Mom, I'm working right now.
199
00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:55,570
Well, if you want me to come over,
200
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:57,220
then make the fish sticks.
201
00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:03,293
Wow, this place is way better
than anything I've seen.
202
00:09:04,780 --> 00:09:08,131
Holy cow. This place has an elevator!
203
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:17,850
What's he still doing here?
204
00:09:17,860 --> 00:09:20,820
Is this what happens
when the check bounces?
205
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:23,140
Oh, no! The door's closing by itself!
206
00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:25,840
That's what elevators do.
207
00:09:26,910 --> 00:09:29,820
So, what do you think so far?
208
00:09:29,830 --> 00:09:33,340
I... probably would want to
make some small changes,
209
00:09:33,350 --> 00:09:35,367
starting with the body in the elevator.
210
00:09:35,370 --> 00:09:37,920
Okay, there's no body in there, okay?
211
00:09:37,930 --> 00:09:40,497
That's where I'm storing my jazz albums.
212
00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:42,049
Listen, let me save everyone
some time, okay?
213
00:09:42,050 --> 00:09:43,680
No one's interested,
214
00:09:43,700 --> 00:09:45,418
and I'm in over my head
at the other place,
215
00:09:45,420 --> 00:09:46,920
so here's the deal.
216
00:09:46,930 --> 00:09:48,340
No money down.
217
00:09:48,350 --> 00:09:49,760
You take over the mortgage.
218
00:09:49,780 --> 00:09:51,716
$500 a month, and it's yours.
219
00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:54,620
500 bucks?!
220
00:09:54,630 --> 00:09:56,160
That is so cheap!
221
00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:58,431
I wouldn't even have to pay rent, right?
222
00:09:58,440 --> 00:09:59,920
Sure, but then you get the basement
223
00:09:59,930 --> 00:10:01,850
with the rest of the stiffs.
224
00:10:01,860 --> 00:10:03,050
Make up your mind.
225
00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:05,188
The offer's only good until
the fire next Tuesday.
226
00:10:05,189 --> 00:10:07,880
I... Oh, I got to pick up hamburgers.
227
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:09,470
My mom burned the fish sticks.
228
00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:12,112
Would you lock up when
you finish? Thank you.
229
00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:14,080
Oh, you put them in the oven.
230
00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:15,809
You turn the oven on
high. How hard is that?
231
00:10:15,810 --> 00:10:17,742
I do it all day long.
232
00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:23,540
Oh, this is a great idea.
233
00:10:23,550 --> 00:10:25,020
This is where they let the kids play
234
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,002
so they don't have to
deal with the funeral.
235
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:30,040
Oh, wow. You had one of these.
236
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,780
Hey, look. I fit.
237
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,750
And my feet touch the floor.
238
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:38,500
Oh.
239
00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:40,974
I don't think this is a playroom.
240
00:10:40,980 --> 00:10:42,350
Then what is it?
241
00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:44,920
"Look for Mommy in the Clouds."
242
00:10:44,940 --> 00:10:46,340
"Daddy Will See You Later."
243
00:10:46,350 --> 00:10:49,441
"We're Gone, But We Haven't
Stopped Loving You."
244
00:10:49,450 --> 00:10:50,775
Oh, man.
245
00:10:51,490 --> 00:10:54,090
This is the room where
they try to console kids
246
00:10:54,110 --> 00:10:55,780
who are overwhelmed by grief.
247
00:10:55,790 --> 00:10:59,390
We've been so creeped
out by all the body stuff
248
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:02,150
that we forgot about all
the grief and suffering
249
00:11:02,170 --> 00:11:04,456
that families have felt in this house.
250
00:11:06,630 --> 00:11:08,418
What's "Charlotte's Web" doing here?
251
00:11:08,420 --> 00:11:10,128
Charlotte dies.
252
00:11:10,140 --> 00:11:12,280
Charlotte dies?
253
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:15,600
Finish a book, Becky.
254
00:11:16,220 --> 00:11:18,637
This is the book I'm
reading to Beverly Rose.
255
00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:22,640
We have the drive home to come up
with a new ending to the story.
256
00:11:22,650 --> 00:11:25,960
How about, "Charlotte is priced
out of the real estate market,
257
00:11:25,980 --> 00:11:27,860
and she has to go live in her dad's web,
258
00:11:27,870 --> 00:11:30,106
like the 8-legged loser that she is."
259
00:11:35,900 --> 00:11:37,800
- That's great stew.
- You bet it is.
260
00:11:37,820 --> 00:11:39,209
Why don't you come down
and see for yourself?
261
00:11:39,210 --> 00:11:40,939
We'll be here. At The Lunch Box.
262
00:11:40,940 --> 00:11:41,940
- Cut.
- No.
263
00:11:41,950 --> 00:11:43,379
- What? That was perfect.
- No, I don't know.
264
00:11:43,380 --> 00:11:45,080
I-I don't know. I don't know.
265
00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:47,332
I-I feel a little stiff or something.
266
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:49,340
- Oh.
- I want to come across as warm
267
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:52,080
- and inviting.
- Okay. All right. No problem.
268
00:11:52,620 --> 00:11:53,880
Let's try again.
269
00:11:53,890 --> 00:11:55,800
- Okay.
- Ready?
270
00:11:55,810 --> 00:11:58,885
Uh... yeah.
271
00:11:58,890 --> 00:11:59,970
Action.
272
00:12:03,910 --> 00:12:04,920
Mmm!
273
00:12:04,930 --> 00:12:07,560
I say, how's that stew
treating you, Sugar Lump?
274
00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:12,649
I do declare, there's a
hair in this here stew.
275
00:12:12,650 --> 00:12:13,859
- Okay.
- All right, cut.
276
00:12:13,860 --> 00:12:15,735
- Guys, come on. What are we doing?
- Oh.
277
00:12:15,740 --> 00:12:19,322
Uh, we're looking for a
little thing called "tone."
278
00:12:19,330 --> 00:12:22,380
What you had was good. I am telling you,
279
00:12:22,390 --> 00:12:24,286
- simple sells at the pump.
- Yeah.
280
00:12:24,290 --> 00:12:25,760
But it's not good enough.
281
00:12:25,780 --> 00:12:28,665
I mean, I'm killing myself
trying to increase sales,
282
00:12:28,670 --> 00:12:30,910
and if we only have 15 seconds
to grab an audience,
283
00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:33,919
- then it has to be perfect, right?
- Yes, yes.
284
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,220
- All right.
- My God!
285
00:12:36,300 --> 00:12:38,099
I want you to be happy with it,
286
00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:39,350
- so here we go.
- Yeah.
287
00:12:39,370 --> 00:12:40,385
Ready?
288
00:12:40,390 --> 00:12:42,420
Um...
289
00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:44,040
yeah.
290
00:12:44,050 --> 00:12:45,056
Action.
291
00:12:49,470 --> 00:12:51,560
- That's great stew.
- You bet your ass it is,
292
00:12:51,580 --> 00:12:52,749
and if you're the hundredth person
293
00:12:52,750 --> 00:12:55,200
that comes through that door
and says, "I want stew,"
294
00:12:55,220 --> 00:12:57,444
you're getting a date with
this feisty young thing.
295
00:12:57,450 --> 00:12:59,279
You're pimping me for stew?
296
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:02,198
It's advertising 101. Bait and switch.
297
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:03,742
Right? Come in for the hot girl,
298
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,560
you get the hot stew. What the...
299
00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:10,332
All right, look. It's your decision,
300
00:13:10,340 --> 00:13:13,190
but it is kind of feeling like
you've blurred the line
301
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:16,421
between diner food
and human trafficking.
302
00:13:16,430 --> 00:13:17,756
Okay.
303
00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,480
I don't need your moral
judgment. You don't get it.
304
00:13:20,490 --> 00:13:23,800
I'm carrying this whole
thing on my back, all right?
305
00:13:23,820 --> 00:13:25,600
We all don't get to coast through life
306
00:13:25,610 --> 00:13:27,515
because Daddy handed us a business.
307
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:29,960
Hey, wait a second. I don't
know what your problem is.
308
00:13:29,970 --> 00:13:33,355
- I am here to help you out.
- Then stop getting in my way.
309
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:35,449
Oh, well, you know what? That's
the first thing you've pitched
310
00:13:35,450 --> 00:13:38,019
- that I can do.
- Oh, great.
311
00:13:38,020 --> 00:13:41,654
That's just great.
312
00:13:41,660 --> 00:13:44,491
I mean, am I crazy?!
313
00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:47,060
You're always crazy,
but this is loco grande.
314
00:13:47,070 --> 00:13:48,820
No, you don't understand.
315
00:13:48,830 --> 00:13:49,860
Something's gonna break,
316
00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:52,082
and it's either gonna
be me or this business.
317
00:13:52,090 --> 00:13:53,360
No, I understand.
318
00:13:53,370 --> 00:13:55,269
I mean, of everyone in the
family, you're my role model
319
00:13:55,270 --> 00:13:56,339
for what you can accomplish
320
00:13:56,340 --> 00:13:57,629
with the dignity of a hard day's work.
321
00:13:57,630 --> 00:14:00,632
Well, thank you. All right, now...
322
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,600
get on the counter and dance.
323
00:14:04,050 --> 00:14:05,678
Where the hell are you going?
324
00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:07,340
Oh!
325
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:10,689
So what'd you guys think of the house?
326
00:14:10,690 --> 00:14:12,602
Can I call the moving company?
327
00:14:12,610 --> 00:14:16,189
Well, it's beautiful.
328
00:14:16,190 --> 00:14:20,240
They kept the original Victorian
feel inside the house, too,
329
00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:22,080
and Blansky offered Darlene the place
330
00:14:22,090 --> 00:14:26,241
for $500 a month, no money down.
331
00:14:26,250 --> 00:14:27,492
But...
332
00:14:28,140 --> 00:14:31,130
"But"? I'm not hearing the "but."
333
00:14:31,140 --> 00:14:32,440
It's too sad.
334
00:14:32,460 --> 00:14:34,150
That's a house with decades
335
00:14:34,170 --> 00:14:36,040
of grief and sorrow baked into it.
336
00:14:36,050 --> 00:14:38,010
Honey, people have died
and people have mourned
337
00:14:38,020 --> 00:14:39,420
in any house you're gonna buy.
338
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:43,080
You throw a coat of paint on
it, put your stuff in there,
339
00:14:43,090 --> 00:14:45,385
I'm sure it'll feel
completely different.
340
00:14:45,390 --> 00:14:46,929
All right, I didn't really
want to do this,
341
00:14:46,930 --> 00:14:49,499
but I found a couple
places out in Rockford.
342
00:14:49,500 --> 00:14:51,808
They seem nice, and
they're in my price range.
343
00:14:51,810 --> 00:14:53,840
Rockford? That's over an hour away.
344
00:14:53,850 --> 00:14:55,603
We're never gonna see you guys.
345
00:14:55,610 --> 00:14:57,897
Yeah, I don't want to live
all the way out there.
346
00:14:57,900 --> 00:15:00,200
You know, for a barnacle,
you have a lot of demands.
347
00:15:01,170 --> 00:15:03,319
Dad, an hour is not that far away.
348
00:15:04,300 --> 00:15:06,650
Chicago is only an hour away.
349
00:15:06,660 --> 00:15:08,241
When you lived there,
350
00:15:08,250 --> 00:15:10,452
I missed five years of
my grandkids' lives.
351
00:15:10,460 --> 00:15:12,640
Don't make me feel guilty about moving.
352
00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:14,870
I worked really hard to
get myself to a place
353
00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:17,010
where I can buy a house.
I need to do this now.
354
00:15:17,020 --> 00:15:19,127
Your life. Your decision.
355
00:15:20,380 --> 00:15:22,172
- Mm.
- Mommy,
356
00:15:22,180 --> 00:15:24,790
Louise read me the rest
of "Charlotte's Web"
357
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,780
while you were gone.
358
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:27,927
Oh.
359
00:15:28,660 --> 00:15:30,940
I'm sorry, honey.
360
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,891
I know it's sad that she died.
361
00:15:32,900 --> 00:15:35,059
She died?
362
00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:38,130
Not in the version that I read her.
363
00:15:38,140 --> 00:15:42,233
I-In our version, she goes on
the road with her rock band.
364
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:44,319
Oh, right!
365
00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:48,220
She dyed her hair purple,
366
00:15:49,020 --> 00:15:52,110
because when you're in a band,
you have to have weird hair.
367
00:15:54,740 --> 00:15:56,660
Okay.
368
00:15:59,510 --> 00:16:01,628
I love this age!
369
00:16:01,630 --> 00:16:03,922
Yeah, but they're not stupid forever.
370
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,320
St. Patrick's Day was a week ago.
371
00:16:11,340 --> 00:16:12,689
Why are you still dressed like that?
372
00:16:12,690 --> 00:16:14,560
Oh, that pub a couple blocks away
373
00:16:14,570 --> 00:16:16,935
is selling green hot dogs for a dollar.
374
00:16:16,940 --> 00:16:21,980
All right, you ready to attack those
weenies, you big LepreConner?
375
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,609
- Jackie.
- Ben. We need to talk.
376
00:16:24,610 --> 00:16:26,580
Boy, do I know that tone.
377
00:16:26,590 --> 00:16:29,447
Robin, it's time for you
to fight the Joker alone.
378
00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:32,640
So, Ben, I'm really sorry.
379
00:16:32,650 --> 00:16:33,999
I shouldn't have said
that about your dad.
380
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,371
That was way over the line,
'cause I know how hard you work.
381
00:16:36,380 --> 00:16:38,831
Thank you, Jackie. Apology accepted.
382
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:40,660
What's going on with you?
383
00:16:40,670 --> 00:16:43,070
Oh, just, here's the deal.
384
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:46,900
I never wanted anything so
bad as having The Lunch Box,
385
00:16:46,910 --> 00:16:49,169
but first I was doing it with
Roseanne and then Becky,
386
00:16:49,170 --> 00:16:52,590
and now I'm doing it all alone,
and it's 85 hours a week,
387
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:55,880
and even when I'm not there,
I'm just always stressed about it.
388
00:16:55,900 --> 00:16:59,050
Last week, in the middle of
me and Neville making love...
389
00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:01,070
- Mm.
- ... I shouted, "Oh, God!
390
00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:03,565
My lemon meringue is expired!"
391
00:17:05,780 --> 00:17:07,029
I just want to raise the profits
392
00:17:07,030 --> 00:17:09,580
so I can sell the place
and have my life back.
393
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:12,079
Well, hey, when I first
got the hardware store,
394
00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:14,742
I was tearing my hair out. I hated it.
395
00:17:14,750 --> 00:17:16,119
So how did you cope with it?
396
00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:18,640
Well, I found shortcuts.
397
00:17:18,660 --> 00:17:20,420
Do you have payroll software?
398
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:23,418
Do you have an inventory tracking
program on your computer?
399
00:17:24,980 --> 00:17:26,780
- I don't think so.
- Yeah.
400
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,591
I guess I would know if I did, right?
401
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:31,843
Yeah. I learned everything
from Roseanne,
402
00:17:31,850 --> 00:17:33,460
so I've got a big stack of napkins
403
00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:35,640
with all my financial
stuff scribbled on it.
404
00:17:35,650 --> 00:17:39,060
What I'm hearing is, you want
me to update that system.
405
00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:40,184
Yeah.
406
00:17:40,190 --> 00:17:42,639
Yeah, you're working way
harder than you have to,
407
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:44,540
and I can help you
set all that stuff up.
408
00:17:44,550 --> 00:17:48,526
I might even be able to get you down
to a relaxing 60 hours a week.
409
00:17:48,530 --> 00:17:50,370
Oh, my God!
410
00:17:50,380 --> 00:17:52,710
- That would be fantastic.
- Yeah.
411
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:57,930
'Cause I love The Lunch Box.
I got so many memories there.
412
00:17:57,950 --> 00:17:59,940
You know, that's the family business,
413
00:17:59,950 --> 00:18:02,040
and where would I get money, anyway,
414
00:18:02,060 --> 00:18:03,600
if I wanted to start a new business?
415
00:18:03,620 --> 00:18:06,420
My mom's getting old, and
I'm running out of time
416
00:18:06,430 --> 00:18:08,713
- to swindle her again.
- Ha ha.
417
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,100
Mm.
418
00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:12,900
Any time you feel like
it's all too much,
419
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:14,886
you just give me a call, day or night.
420
00:18:14,890 --> 00:18:17,388
Really? Day or night?
421
00:18:17,390 --> 00:18:19,130
Mm...
422
00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:23,130
Let's say day or...
423
00:18:23,140 --> 00:18:25,730
later in the day.
424
00:18:31,530 --> 00:18:34,447
Sorry we're late.
Traffic was a nightmare.
425
00:18:34,450 --> 00:18:37,575
So are you girls moving to Rockford?
426
00:18:37,580 --> 00:18:40,680
Maybe. The house was built in the '70s,
427
00:18:40,690 --> 00:18:42,690
so it's got that cottage cheese ceiling,
428
00:18:42,700 --> 00:18:46,550
but that goes perfectly with
the gigantic vanity mirror bulbs
429
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:48,279
in the bathroom, which, by the way,
430
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:51,120
really light up that
avocado-colored toilet.
431
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,590
But it's cheap, so I love it.
432
00:18:56,940 --> 00:18:59,470
You know, I've been thinking.
433
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,683
There might be another
way to tackle this.
434
00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:04,039
You're not gonna get another opportunity
435
00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:05,103
like that funeral home.
436
00:19:05,110 --> 00:19:07,380
The only thing you don't
like about that house
437
00:19:07,390 --> 00:19:08,439
is the house.
438
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:09,780
Right.
439
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:12,180
Well, when you're buying a house,
440
00:19:12,190 --> 00:19:16,114
the house is the important
part of the house.
441
00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:18,960
What if you guys tore
down the death palace
442
00:19:18,970 --> 00:19:21,990
and then your father
built you a new place
443
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:23,496
on the same property?
444
00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:24,780
Who? What?
445
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:29,000
You know, Darlene was gonna
get a loan to buy a house,
446
00:19:29,010 --> 00:19:30,760
but now with Blansky's offer,
447
00:19:30,780 --> 00:19:33,940
you could spend that money
on construction materials
448
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:37,885
that you could use to build a new house.
449
00:19:37,890 --> 00:19:40,450
I'm sorry, you said "you."
450
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:44,058
Were you talking to a much
younger man behind me?
451
00:19:44,060 --> 00:19:47,979
Are you too feeble to build
a house anymore, old man?
452
00:19:47,980 --> 00:19:50,850
Oh, you are a dangerous rapscallion.
453
00:19:50,860 --> 00:19:53,192
Of course I can build a house.
454
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:55,660
Can you really?
455
00:19:55,670 --> 00:19:57,569
'Cause if you die in a room
while you're building it,
456
00:19:57,570 --> 00:19:59,282
we're back to square one.
457
00:20:00,140 --> 00:20:01,325
I can build it.
458
00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:05,300
Oh, my God. I'm getting
a brand-new house!
459
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:06,748
Thank you!
460
00:20:06,750 --> 00:20:09,220
- Oh, this is amazing!
- Oh.
461
00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:10,540
And thank you!
462
00:20:10,550 --> 00:20:13,700
I know how much you want
our dad all to yourself,
463
00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:17,216
and after you get that, please
remember you asked for it.
464
00:20:17,220 --> 00:20:20,449
Let's go call Blansky before
he breaks out the gasoline
465
00:20:20,450 --> 00:20:21,763
and oily rags.
466
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:24,329
- Oh, you're awful good to me.
- Oh.
467
00:20:24,330 --> 00:20:25,859
Someday you're gonna have to tell me
468
00:20:25,860 --> 00:20:26,999
what you're getting out of it.
469
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,060
Mm.
470
00:20:28,070 --> 00:20:30,820
Well, when I figure it
out, I'll let you know.
471
00:20:31,450 --> 00:20:32,600
And don't worry.
472
00:20:32,620 --> 00:20:34,700
I'll... I'll help you out
with the house.
473
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:37,600
Oh, it'll be so nice. I can see it now.
474
00:20:37,620 --> 00:20:41,240
You up on a ladder with your
cutoff shorts and tool belt.
475
00:20:41,250 --> 00:20:44,640
Me looking lovingly up at you,
476
00:20:44,650 --> 00:20:46,400
trapped under a piece of drywall,
477
00:20:46,420 --> 00:20:49,680
clutching my chest from
a massive heart attack.
478
00:20:49,700 --> 00:20:51,280
It'll be great.
479
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:57,632
She's gonna blow!
480
00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,051
It's Mount Ve-stew-vius.
481
00:21:00,060 --> 00:21:02,000
Everybody grab a spoon and a bowl
482
00:21:02,020 --> 00:21:04,847
and dig into a hearty
meal at a great price!
483
00:21:08,010 --> 00:21:09,360
Wait.
484
00:21:13,570 --> 00:21:16,280
Or nowadays, you can just come
on down to The Lunch Box,
485
00:21:16,300 --> 00:21:18,470
where happy hour stew deals are erupting
486
00:21:18,490 --> 00:21:22,240
between 5:00 and 7:00 every day!
487
00:21:27,530 --> 00:21:32,530
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
36880
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.