All language subtitles for DC.Showcase.Constantine.The.House.of.Mystery.2022.eng

[theme music playing]

[Constantine] There was no hope
after the apocalypse war.

The world was a stinking charnel house

with bodies rotting in the streets.

And we'd won the bloody thing.

Everyone lost someone, me included.

And because the world
was ending from the damage done to it,

time wouldn't heal those wounds.

But between thoughts of snuffing it,
I had an idea.

What if there was a way to make

all of it never have happened
in the first place?

My plan needed The Flash
and his speed to recreate a flash point,

to rewrite the past.

I'd guide him with magic

to change events
and keep Darkseid from ever finding us.

And for my past sins,

I decided to make sure
I paid this bill myself,

no matter the price.

It was the first truly
noble thing I'd ever done in my life.

And, oh, how it would cost me.

What the shite is this about?

Not bad.

Not the stairs then.

Keep it together, Johnny.

[door creaking]

[all] Surprise!

What's all this, then?

It's not every day
a wanker like you turns 50.

Well, certainly not one
with as many demons

that want to kill you.

[Zatanna chuckles] Stop that, Jason.

Zee?

Tonight is about friends,

family, and having made it
through it all.

And beer. It's also about beer.

John, did you eat
the pickled eggs at the pub again?

I keep telling you,
they don't change them.

No, no, no, It's not that. It's just...

I thought you were dead.

[laughs] Of course not.

And don't scare the kids
before bedtime with your stories.

Kids?

[Jack and Della] Daddy!

She won't let me play with her.

Because he's a baby
that breaks my awesome creations.

I told you to treat each other
fair and be nice.

Della, let him play,
and Jack, don't break stuff.

Now give us a kiss and off to bed.

[coughing]

What's the matter?
Zee, some water here.

You too? Come here.

[both coughing]

Jack!

Jason, call the doctor!

[coughing]

[all coughing]

[all retching]

For God's sake! No, no!

Someone help! Help me. Help!

[gasps]

[panting] Zee? You're okay?

Ritchie, if you're taking the piss,

I'll curse you with a ball sack fungus
that won't ever get sorted.

[Della] Oh, it's not a joke, Daddy.

It's what you deserve.

[snarling]

Happy birthday, John.

[scratching]

Did you get lost
in your own home again, John?

Of course not. Where's my pint?

Hey, hey, hey, who is the dead geezer

we soul cast
to do his comedy act for us?

Edwin Tiggley.

John was so sure it would work.

Screwed that spell up royal.

He came back to us
as a rotting corpse.

Worst part was he couldn't
do his pa-pa-pa punch line without lips.

[laughs] Come on.
That made it funnier.

-[all laughing]
-[Gary] It's just a mouth full of teeth.

Oh, that's good, mate.

[Jason] You know what to do
with a bad hand, John?

Get rid of it.

[grunting]

Come on, folks, let's give him a hand.

[growling]

[scratching]

Who's there? Show yourself.

[chanting in other language]

[chuckles] Most people use a match.

Oh, no. Nothing like that.
Just trying something out, you know?

Practice makes perfect.

You think so?

Show me.

You always were the smart one, Zee.

Just a minute.

Bloody buttons.

-Kids asleep, then?
-What are you talking about?

We don't have kids.

We don't?

You said you weren't sure.

Have you changed your mind?

I think so. Yeah.

Yes.

Well then, this night
is going to be extra special.

I'm all in. One hundred percent.

Are you sure we don't have kids now?

Name of Jack, maybe Delli?

Delli? Very sure.

Come on, John.

I could use some attention.

Right? 'Course.

Ready to go.

But the thing of it is I'm fairly sure

you introduced me to our kids
not too long ago.

Why can't your mind be still?

[scratching]

Stairs it is then.

Okay, Mr. Lamp,

how about we introduce you
to Mr. Window!

[glass shattering]

Cheeky.

I'll have you now.

Son of a bitch.

Illusion tricks, eh?
I perfected that shite, mate.

Let's see who's winding me up.

Remember how you got here.

Come back to bed, John.

[screaming]

So the manager asks,
"What's the act called?"

And the Dad says, "The Aristocrats."

[laughter]

-That was truly disgusting.
-And you secretly loved it.

And where do you think you're going?

The loo.

One in, one out, you know?

[knocking at door]

[Ritchie] Um, fall in, Johnny?

Out in a minute, wanker.

This had better be worth it.

Now remember how you got here.

So that's it then.

Lock me in The House of Mystery
and throw away the key.

You have no idea
what you've set in motion.

Changing the Earth's past
has created not a ripple,

but a tidal wave of disturbance.

So, my spell had worked.

And Spectre, near-God wanker that he is,

took it upon himself to rap my knuckles.

You will no longer be allowed

to meddle with powers
you do not comprehend.

Wait, wait, wait.

What now, human?

I didn't know it was against the rules.

No matter.

What I'm saying is that
others should understand

the high price they'll pay
if they do what I did.

Announce my sentence.

It'll be like putting out a warning cone

on a dangerous street
for us puny mortals.

John Constantine,

for changing
your planet's past and future,

you are sentenced to spend eternity

in The House of Mystery.

And, of course, I said something cheeky
to piss him off.

If you ever give up
this almost-God thing,

you'd be a fantastic town-crier.

You know, hear ye, hear ye!

Your outfit sucks!

Where'd you learn to use the crapper?

Bugger off.

[snarling]

[footsteps approaching]

After learning the truth,

the memory wipe and confusion spells
didn't work for long.

[grunts]

This led to me being murdered.

[groans]

You'd think that would have
been the end of it?

You'd be wrong.

The Spectre's vengeance spell
kept resetting me back to square one.

So I got to experience death
at the hands of my friends,

and loved ones over and over again.

[snarling]

[grunting]

[snarling]

Got to the point
where the comical deaths

were a nice change of pace.

Go to sleep, you little wanker!

[grunting]

No telly for you!

[panting]

[growling]

Victory! Yes!

[chomping]

And since The House of Mystery

is free from the bondings
of normal time,

the days turned into months.

Then years.

Then decades.

[thuds]

And finally centuries.

For me, time was nothing more

than a blood soaked blur.

And just when I thought

things couldn't possibly
get any worse...

...you showed up.

[snarling]

Nice to see you, John.

I stand by my decision.

As I said, the world was shite
and none of us had very much to lose.

[hissing]

[Nergal] Oh, I'll show you
how much you have to lose.

[chuckles]

Not ready yet, huh?

If the poker isn't cherry red,

I find the victim
doesn't get the full effect.

Anything worth doing
is worth doing right, eh, Nergal?

Indeed.

When I heard the Spectre's announcement
that you would spend eternity

under glorified house arrest,

I couldn't abide by that.

I own your soul.

I should be the one
to mete out your punishment.

Mom always said, "Fair's fair."

You seem content
with your decision.

Perhaps you think an eternity of torture

is worth what you
and your friends received.

Well, challenge accepted.

[tremoring]

What's this?

Did you think you were the only one
who wanted to torture me?

Constantine, now I have you!

What are you doing here?

I'm about to torture
this wretch for eternity.

Wrong.

I'll be doing the torturing.

I own his soul. See?

You sold your eternal soul, twice?

'Course not.

I, Ashox, second of the fallen,

come to claim this human's soul.

I sold it three times.

Over your dead body.

I own his true soul contract.

I will violently disagree.

I demand you both leave this place.

Or what, you pompous ass?

Precedence. I claim precedence.

[chanting in other language]

-How dare you?
-I will simply break the chains.

Don't do that.

[grunting]

Can't you see the spell
is fueled by our own rage?

Right you are, Ashox.

If you all manage to think nice thoughts

about butterflies, kittens,

shite like that,
the chains drop right off.

I will kill you.

[yelling]

Well, that's not a nice thought.

I really have to thank you lot.

I could have never gotten
out of here without you.

See, Spectre's much too powerful
for the mere mortal like myself.

So I got him to tell you where I was.

So you three arseholes
could break me out.

-He tricked us!
-You're such a fool.

Why didn't you begin
torturing him immediately?

I was savoring the moment.

But who are you calling a fool,

trapped right next to me?

If the dunce cap fits, Nergal.

Enough talk!

[roaring, screaming]

Cheers, wankers.
See you never.

Taking a stroll
in the world between worlds.

Not bad, Johnny boy.

Uh-oh.

You were supposed to be
imprisoned for eternity.

I guess eternity is not
what it used to be.

-Apparently not.
-Well, off I go then.

Don't you have anyone else
to bother, anyone at all?

At the moment,
you are my most troublesome issue.

What now?

Wipe my memory
until I'm a piece of fruit,

or continue using Zee

and the rest of my friends
to rip me apart.

You mistake me, human.

I meant you no ill intent.

What, turning the love
of my life into a succubus,

my best mates into demons?

Seems ill to me.

I put you in a place
where you could spend eternity

with those closest to you
in an endless, perfect dream.

You think yourself
unworthy of happiness.

You are unwilling or unable

to confine your failures
in the past to the past.

-Even when those who died forgave you.
-Bloody hell!

I did it... to myself.

All of it.

I turned Zee into a monster
along with everyone else.

I'm broken.

Now, at last, you finally see.

I accept my punishment, Spectre.

No more tricks.

I'll stay put, forever.

I tried to shield you
from the consequences

of changing the past,

but that window is now closed.

You know, you God-like beings
can be a real pain in my arse.

Just tell me what you want!

I? Nothing.

It is the universe
that demands restitution.

The universe is a living thing.

The wonders within exist for all of us.

It's glorious. It is!

I can see everything.

I understand now.

It's... [gasps] Wait!

You were selfish.

You caused the universe harm
by breaking its rules.

And now, the universe
will exact its price.

No, not this. Spectre, help me!

Don't let this happen.

Use your power, Spectre. Kill me!

Kill me!

Woe to you, John Constantine.

[theme music playing]

[theme music playing]

[birds screeching]

[waves splashing]

[creature laughing maniacally]

An ironic reversal, you must admit.

Release me and I'll restore you
to your proper place

in the food chain, rodent.

Tempting,

but I promised my brood
a feast of cat flesh.

[all laughing maniacally]

[grunts]

[metal rod snaps]

Captured again, Tuftan?
How many times have I saved your tail?

[scoffs]

Fewer than I've saved
your hairless hide.

[metal clangs]

[rodents exclaiming]

What is that animal doing here?

Staging a breakout.

[growling]

[grunts]

I doubt you have
enough bullets to stop them.

Don't worry. I have an escape plan.

[Kamandi grunts]

[creatures screaming]

[groans]

[horse whinnies]

[scoffs]

-This does not count as a rescue.
-Take them all.

[carriage rattling]

Ben.

-Who is this?
-He was our escape plan.

Tuftan, meet Ben Boxer.

I thought you were
the last jabbering man.

[scoffs] Man? Not exactly.

[Kamandi] This whole city
used to be filled with humans.

Families, mothers, fathers.

My grandfather worked
for a secret organization.

When the Disaster struck,

he sealed us in a protected chamber
called Command D.

And yeah, that's how I got my name.

He and I were the last survivors.

We stretched the supplies
as long as we could.

We had a few books, some info reels.

He taught me all he could. Until...

He was my only companion,
my only friend.

His final words were,
"You are the last boy on Earth, Kamandi.

For the sake of humanity...

you must survive."

If we're going where I think we are,
I doubt any of us will survive.

The ape cult.
No one returns from this place.

[Tuftan] Many such cults have sprung up
since the fall.

We are to be sacrificed.

Now comes Golgan,
Keeper of the Ancient Days.

Welcome, fortunate candidates.

Long ago, the Earth
was shaken by the Great Disaster.

Mountains fell, seas boiled.

It would have been
the end of everything.

But a blessed being came from the skies.

The Mighty One

used his great powers to save the Earth

from total destruction,

quenching the fire
and mending its cracks.

But the effort was too great.

He fell, vowing one day to return.

But it has been an age... Ages.

Perhaps he returns in a new guise,

unknown even to himself.

Long have we searched for candidates

who show the great traits
of the Mighty One.

Some of you,
we have brought from far-off lands.

Others have trained a lifetime
to prove worthy.

I, Zuma, shall overcome the trials.

[growls]

And what of those who fail?

They are forever honored.

Let the first trial begin.

[door creaks]

It is said the Mighty One

could walk
on the very clouds themselves.

May you do the same.

We're supposed to jump across that?

-[sword unsheathes]
-[grunts]

Zuma needs no prodding.

[grunts]

Who dares follow?

[hesitates] We're fine to wait here.

No. We're burrowers, not--

[screaming]

None can pounce like a tiger.

[shouts]

[groans]

Tuftan, hang in there.

[grunts]

[low growl]

[grunting]

Come on. One at a time. Come on.

The human cheats. He defiles the ritual.

I don't care about your stupid ritual.
I just want us to survive.

You won't, man freak.
Zuma will make sure of that.

-Looks bad.
-Nonsense. It's perfectly--

[bone cracks]

Fractured.

-[scoffs] Then leave him. He has failed.
-I won't abandon him.

The monkey is right.

You'll have a better chance
without my dead weight.

-Can we eat him now?
-No. And you're coming with us.

[Tuftan grimaces]

What's this trial?

Simply walk down the corridor
and open the door.

That's easy.

-[gunshots]
-[screams]

Great claws.

It is written no weapon
could penetrate his armor.

No element could pierce his hide.

[scoffs] This looks like a job for
a man of steel.

[exclaims] What are you?

An experiment.

[gunshots firing]

-Not above cheating now, Zuma?
-Zuma saves his strength.

[swishing]

[scoffs] Water? I don't rust easily.

That steam. Acid. Ben, look out.

[groans loudly]

-I can stop it.
-You are insane.

Some acids burn metal faster than skin.

[groans]

[door creaks]

[water splashing]

It is written

no creature could stand
against the Mighty One.

He tamed monsters
far greater than himself.

Now, face the final trial. The beast!

[chittering]

Tuftan, Ben, find cover.

[chitters loudly]

[static]

[shouts]

Zuma, we need to work together.
You create a distraction, I'll try to--

Here is your distraction.

[grunts]

[low growl]

While the beast is eating you,

Zuma will strike the final blow.

[grunts]

Zuma shall kill the beast.
I am the Mighty One.

[groans]

You would save Zuma?

Grandfather taught me compassion
for all living things. Even monsters.

[chitters]

[static]

[grunts]

[static]

Yeah. Yes. "Click-clack" to you, too.

All hail the Mighty One.

Go forth and claim your prize.

[footsteps approaching]

I knew it. It could only have been him.

Others sought his superficial traits,
which matter least,

but you demonstrated the true qualities
of the Mighty One.

Wisdom, sacrifice,

and that rarest,
greatest quality of all,

mercy for your enemy.

All hail the Mighty One.

All hail the Mighty One.

-All hail the Mighty One.
-Now don the suit, great hero.

Take the mantle of the Mighty One.

Wait. No. I am not the Mighty One.

But now I know without a doubt
that he's real.

And if he's out there,
I'll never rest until I find Superman.

This is where we part ways, my friends.
Click-Clack can't carry us all.

You share his heart.

Look for an orphan like yourself.

I will find the Mighty One
and he will make the Earth whole again.

Take care of each other.
I know we'll meet again.

Out there, alone. He is a fool.

He is. But I wouldn't bet against him.

I dared not tell him
that he was written off as well.

I'm afraid Kamandi's greatest challenge
is yet to come.

And should he fail,

it will mean the end of everything.

[theme music playing]

[gunfire]

[barking]

[barking]

[whimpers]

[metal creaks]

[creature groans]

[yells]

[static]

Come on.

[grunts]

[gasps, coughs]

That's one hell of a kiss, ma'am.

I thought for sure
we all just made promotion.

It was just an obstructed airway.
This technique clears it.

Perhaps you Americans are not
as medically advanced as you believe.

-Thanks.
-[whining]

I'm gonna need some answers.

You're going to have to be
more specific, Captain Storm.

Why are we running missions
for Chinese intelligence?

What attacked and destroyed my boat?

How are we standing on an island that
by every chart ever drawn doesn't exist?

And are you gonna answer
any one of these goddamn questions?

No.

Johnny gonna be okay?

We're in the shit, Captain.

Radio is unsalvageable,
munitions are light,

sea rations are-- Well, lost at sea.

The only way any of us
is going to be okay

is to complete the mission,

find my people's science station
and secure their research.

Top secret research
so important it could end the war.

-How did you know that?
-You just told me.

There's a transport plane
at the station,

and hopefully enough fuel
to get us back to your fleet.

It's a long hike and we don't want
to be moving here at night.

So tell your men
we need to head out now.

They're Cloud's men.

I'm just a skipper
of a 50-ton pile of beach scrap.

[birds chirping in distance]

Really, Agent Long,
I want to thank you for saving my life.

I don't know what you did but...
Well, thanks.

[snickering, clearing throat]

[chittering]

[low growl]

[Pooch barking]

Control your animal or I will.

What is it, Pooch?

Sweet holy mother!

[grunting]

-[screeching]
-[gunfire]

[panting]

That was... That was a...

That was a mistake.

-[rustling]
-[dinosaurs chittering]

[dinosaur growling]

[barking]

Losers, take them out.

[grunting]

[grunts]

Storm!

Gung-ho.

Fall back!

Go!

[dinosaurs snarling]

[chittering]

[grunts]

[whimpering]

-Why are we here?
-[shushes]

No! No more of this secret agent crap.

Were we sent here so the Allies could
use these things against the enemy?

-Is that it?
-Don't be absurd.

Absurd is running from
a swarm of hungry dinosaurs.

You think too small.

The plan is to weaponize
the incalculable power

which ripped them from their time
and delivered them here.

-And you're being reckless.
-I'm being reckless?

-[rustling]
-No sudden movements.

[footsteps thudding]

What the hell are you doing?

[shushes]

[sniffing]

[sniffing]

[roaring]

[loud thud]

[breathing heavily]

[Fan] You made it.

You're welcome.

I was doing just fine
until you tried to blow me up.

Mm-hmm.

Where is everyone?

-What is this?
-It's a laceration.

A wound in time and space,

emitting energy a 100 times greater than

the atomic bomb
your scientists are developing.

Once we've harnessed it,
this war...

All war, will be history.

A 100 times?

With a weapon like that
we will all be history.

Extinct! Like the creatures
on this island.

No. Whichever side doesn't get
this weapon will be extinct.

Nobody's getting it, Fan.
We're gonna destroy it.

You can't. Anything you fire at,
it will end up on the other side.

Wherever and whenever that is.

Johnny, I have orders.

-My country needs me--
-[Pooch barking]

-[Gunner] Pooch!
-Gunner!

[Henry] Cap.

Are we glad to see you.

-The others?
-We got separated.

[rustling]

-[Pooch barking]
-[Gunner screaming]

-Come on. Come on!
-[Pooch yelping]

Pooch.

Wait. Wait a--

No, kid. No.

[chomping]

[roaring]

[yelling]

-I can draw it away from camp.
-Henry, no!

Henry? Henry's not here.

On the track, I'm Mile-A-Minute Jones.

Fastest anything alive.

Hey, ugly!

Sarge, find the armory.

-We need something heavy.
-On it.

[engine whirring]

[Storm] You're down a gunner.

Off the plane, Bill.
This is a one-man mission.

No time to explain.

You want to save Jones
by bombing the Lizard King

back to the Stone Age.

And if that doesn't do it,
you're going to go kamikaze.

See, the problem with you
making that one-way trip is that

you got a unit out there that needs you.

-I got this.
-We don't have time to argue.

Johnny, I was born a Loser
and I'm gonna die a Loser.

At least, let it be for something.

[gun cocking]

Don't look so shocked.

We're all soldiers here, Sergeant.

[roaring]

Shit!

[engine revving]

Here, kid!

[grunts in frustration] Let me guess.
Made in China. Plan B it is.

[engine revving]

[mechanism whirring]

Yeah, that's about right.

[loud rumbling]

[both grunting]

[whizzing]

[grunts]

What the hell is this?

-She killed the researchers.
-What?

My orders were to...

contain all knowledge of the anomaly.

That's why we're here?

-Your mission was to murder your people?
-And yours.

Everyone on the island.

Why are you looking at me like that?
I am following orders.

Securing a weapon of unimagined power

to vanquish our enemies

and lead my people to everlasting glory.

-You would do the same.
-You're wrong.

That thing can be destroyed...

from the inside.

Did you find the heavy artillery?

[Sarge] There's some 100 pound GP.
It's probably from the plane.

I guess it was a two-man job after all.

No, you need a marine. I'm in.

I came from nothing, Captain.
Ran away and never looked back.

-If I go--
-He's coming, too.

Well, you ain't got
lead in your pants yet.

Let's go, soldier.

You do this, you lose everything.

That's what we do.

[dinosaurs chittering]

[grunts]

[theme music playing]

[theme song playing]

[singing]
Blue Beetle

Blue Beetle, Blue Beetle

When you need some help
He'll save the day

Blue Beetle fights evil

Blue Beetle
With a strobe-light gun, he's on the way

Friends, everyone but the villains

Our hero
Flying his trusty bug

When not fighting crime
He's chillin'

But always willing
To step on a thug

Blue Beetle
Blue Beetle, Blue Beetle

When you need some help
He'll save the day

Blue Beetle's on the way
To save the day

[car horns honking]

[suction cups puckering]

-[switch clicks]
-[flame roars]

[Squid 2] Where in the name
of Neptune is it?

[Squid 1] The Boss said
we don't stop lookin' until we find it.

[Squid 2] You can stop looking.

I've found it!
The famous Colossal Star diamond!

Now, let's get out of here.

You're not going anywhere, Octo-morons!

[Squid 1] Blue Beetle!

Sorry, Squid Gang,
that diamond's bigger than your head,

and has a lot more brains.

[Squid 2] This diamond
means everything to us.

We must have it! You won't stop us.

Well, I'm not here
to leave mints on the pillows.

[Squids grunting, laughing]

[Squid 3] Got it.

Haven't lost a game of "keep away" yet.

[Squid grunts]

[Squid 4]
There's always a first time, Bug Head.

-[Squid 1] Woo-hoo!
-[Squid 2] Feels great!

[Squid 1] Sayonara, sucker!

Never seen the Squids so emotional.
What could have them so worked up?

[man] That is the question.

Sufferin' scarabs!

It's you, Question.

Don't do that.

Nothing surprises quite like
an unexpected question.

Look, Question, I'd love to hear more
of your weird criminal theories

on how moral truths exist independently
of human knowledge, or whatever,

but right now, I need to get
that diamond back from the Squids.

[The Question] Getting it back doesn't
get you the answers you need.

It gets me the diamond,
that's what I need.

But the answer to this mystery
is this question.

"Why did they want it
in the first place?"

[Blue Beetle] A ginormous diamond
worth $5 million?

[The Question] That ginormous diamond
might have more value than money.

You always read way more into things

-than are actually there.
-[belt button beeps]

[The Question] Ah-ha!

Oh, did you find a blue button,

because one fell off my glove.

A cap from an eight-ounce bottle

of the infamous,
over-caffeinated beverage...

Zortz.

Zortz Cola. I thought
they stopped making that stuff.

Zortz Co. went bankrupt
when the FDA discovered

they'd lied about the amount of caffeine

and other nearly-toxic chemicals
the drink contained.

How "nearly toxic?"

I mean, [chuckles nervously]
I'll still be able to have kids, right?

That is a question for your urologist.

[Blue Beetle] Okay, if Zortz Co.
is out of business,

what's one of their bottlecaps doing
in a freshly-cleaned hotel room?

There are three places in Hub City,
that still sell the outdated soda.

So, we go to those markets
and find out who bought the soda,

and that person could have the diamond.

Dang it! I hate it
when your weird theories are right.

[The Question] We can evade reality,

but we cannot evade the consequences
of evading reality.

So, like, what do you squares want?

'Cause most people
just come here for the Zortz.

Groovy stuff, man.

I notice you have one of those new
closed-circuit TV security systems.

We'd like to know
exactly who is buying Zortz.

Like, everyone, Daddy-O.

It's the ginchiest.

-[fizzes]
-[bottle cap clatters]

Zortz is out of production for a reason.

Water is the only drink
anyone should consume.

We need to see those videotapes.

You're not the fuzz,

why don't you make like Dizzy Gillespie
and scat!

The question isn't
who is going to let me...

[grunts]

it's who is going to stop me?

I...like, see your point, Clyde.

[tape fast forwarding]

-There.
-Where?

Yeah!

He dropped a penny
in the leave-a-penny jar.

That's what you call a stand-up cat.

Let's get that penny jar
back to The Bug.

Hey! It's "leave a penny, take a penny."

A penny. Not all the pennies, man.

I'll send you a check!

[The Question] Here it is.

The Squid's penny.

Well... [scoffs]
How do you know it's the right penny?

It's the only one without fingerprints.
Squids wear gloves.

And it's much shinier
than the other pennies to boot,

but what is this substance?

Let's get a chemical breakdown
of whatever this coating is.

[computer trilling]

[computer beeps]

Cerium oxide?

That's a high-grade polishing agent.

Very expensive.

It's used to polish mirrors
for sophisticated telescopic equipment.

I know. Kord Industries used it

on the telescopic amplifier
we sold to the military.

I mean...they sold to the military,

which I read about in the paper.

[The Question]
That amplifier was stolen last week,

right out from under their noses.

It's not your fault. There's no way you,
aka Ted Kord,

could've known the military would've
been so careless with your invention.

No, no, I'm not... Ted Kord.

[stammers] Well, I mean who is Ted Kord.
[chuckles nervously]

You, sir, that is not...

If this diamond theft has something
to do with the telescopic amplifier,

that you, as Ted Kord, invented--

-I'm not Ted Kord.
-...we need to find it.

That's something I can help with.

Every Kord product has a brilliantly
designed homing beacon created by...

[sighs] me, Ted Kord.

Boss, you're gonna be thrilled!
We got you the diamond!

[laughs evilly] A few more adjustments,

and my magnificent aura oscillator

will be ready
for its final crowning glory!

Sorry to drop in unannounced...

Doctor Spectro.

Yes, it is I,

Doctor Spectro,

the emperor of emotions,
the finagler of feelings.

You societal leeches can make it
easier on yourselves

and hand that diamond over.

No way!
This diamond belongs to Doctor Spectro!

Spectro uses emotional manipulation
to control people.

That's how he--

That's how he got the Squids
to steal that diamond.

By artificially instilling
affection and loyalty.

So, you've encountered
Doctor Spectro before?

No, it just seemed obvious.

They do whatever I command.

And soon,
so will everyone on the planet!

He's going to use the giant diamond,
the perfect refracting element,

to make the telescopic amplifier
an emotional amplifier.

With that kind of power,
he could take over the world.

We aren't going to let him.

But we are.

Captain Atom and Nightshade?

But you're fellow
Charlton action heroes.

You Squids sit this one out.

I want to see the Nuclear Nemesis
and the Debutante of Darkness

battle these interlopers.

Don't worry, Doctor Spectro.
We'll incinerate this insect.

And punch this one
right where his face should be.

Spectro has them under his control,
just like the Squids. But how?

Unlike the Squids, they're
strong-willed, and individualistic.

Of course, he must've
imbued the soda with a chemical,

which heightens
his emotional-manipulating waves

creating the perfect substance
for mind control.

[both grunting]

[Blue Beetle grunting]

Snap out of it, Nightshade.

You hate Spectro more than you hate
an outdoor brunch in Palm Springs.

I used to think that.

[groans]

But now, I understand him.

He deserves love, devotion,
just as you deserve this!

[both grunt]

Now, ain't that a kick in the head.

[The Question grunts]

Captain Atom, resist Spectro's control.

I want to.

I don't know how his emotional rays
penetrated my nuclear forcefield.

That soda did this to you.
Use your energy ray

to change its molecular structure
and create an antidote.

I'll try.

[straining]

[groaning]

I hope this works.

Whoa, that was just
what the doctor ordered,

-and not Doctor Spectro!
-[growls]

A question for Nightshade...

How would you like
a nice, refreshing soda?

[grunts] Why, you faceless freak!

Blue Beetle? Sorry about the shakedown.

Let's make sure Spectro
gets it a lot worse.

Count on it.
Q, you and Cap take the Squids.

Shade and I will get Spectro.

Too late!

-[machine powers up]
-[laughs evilly]

[all grunting, straining]

[cries]

Waves of sadness bombarding me.

Everything about me is a lie.

I'm too depressed to fight.

-[all crying]
-[car tires screech, crashes]

What if jazz is, like,
the biggest sellout of all?

[cries]

[Doctor Spectro] Citizens of Hub City,

you are under the control
of Doctor Spectro!

Obey my will. It is your only hope.

[all crying]

Must fight it.

I'll never live for the sake
of another man's will!

What? Impossible!

No, objective reality.

-Emotion, sadness, anger, love...
-[growls menacingly]

they're not real,
just hormonal imbalances.

Once you subjugate emotion with reality,

which I do every day,
emotion becomes powerless.

Facts don't care about your feelings.
And the fact is...

I'm about to knock you out.

[grunts]

-[machine crashes]
-[gasps]

No!

-[machine powers down]
-[all groaning]

No! My super sad subjects,

my depressed darlings, they are no more.

Okay, Squids,
this is the end of the line.

Scratch everything off your to-do list
except jail.

[Squid 2] But we were under his spell.

[Squid 1] You can't blame us.

Q, I have to admit,
I underestimated you.

You're an incredible hero

and an even better friend.

Friendship isn't
objectively real, either.

You really are the worst.

[chuckles] Come on.

Let's get Spectro
into The Bug and off to jail.

[gasps] Sufferin' scarabs!

-He's gone!
-What?

That distortion, just like Nightshade's.

He must've slipped through reality
into a pocket dimension.

No, he can't. He must face justice.

He must be punished for his crimes.

Easy there, buddy.

Don't get swept away
by a hormonal imbalance.

[The Question]
No, it's objectively wrong.

[Blue Beetle] Come on, pal.
You're all keyed up.

You need to relax.

I'll take you out
for a nice, refreshing soda.

[theme music playing]