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1
00:00:02,299 --> 00:00:03,438
- How's it going in there?
2
00:00:03,472 --> 00:00:05,060
- Give me some privacy.
3
00:00:05,095 --> 00:00:07,821
- Left a wide variety
of menstrual options for you.
4
00:00:07,856 --> 00:00:11,032
Pads are easiest, panty liners
if it's a light flow.
5
00:00:11,066 --> 00:00:12,895
And I've been hearing
a lot of good chatter lately
6
00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:15,036
in my moms' group
about the Diva cub.
7
00:00:15,070 --> 00:00:18,108
- I don't wanna bleed
into a tiny bucket, Dad.
8
00:00:18,142 --> 00:00:20,075
Just let me use a tampon
in peace.
9
00:00:20,110 --> 00:00:22,836
- You know, the ancient
Egyptians used a tampon.
10
00:00:22,871 --> 00:00:25,874
It was reed wrapped
in soft papyrus.
11
00:00:25,908 --> 00:00:27,841
These "pessarions"
as they were called
12
00:00:27,876 --> 00:00:29,533
were a luxury of
the upper class.
13
00:00:31,052 --> 00:00:33,088
The unrelenting Egyptian sun
combined with the--
14
00:00:33,123 --> 00:00:35,021
well, the less-than-absorbent
papyrus
15
00:00:35,056 --> 00:00:37,472
meant that you had to change
the thing once every hour.
16
00:00:37,506 --> 00:00:40,785
Well, if you could afford
to do that, let's just say
17
00:00:40,820 --> 00:00:43,581
you probably owned
yourself a boatload of Jews.
18
00:00:43,616 --> 00:00:47,068
- Stop, please.
It's done, okay?
19
00:00:47,102 --> 00:00:50,036
Let's never talk
about this again.
20
00:00:50,864 --> 00:00:52,590
- Hey.
21
00:00:54,316 --> 00:00:57,906
Oh, sweetie, did you leave
the applicator in?
22
00:00:58,734 --> 00:01:00,909
You did, didn't ya?
23
00:01:00,943 --> 00:01:03,429
Gonna have to work out a better
system than this, darling,
24
00:01:03,463 --> 00:01:05,086
'cause it's only the beginning.
25
00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:06,846
I mean, what's gonna happen
when we need to discuss
26
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:08,330
your upcoming
sexual awakening?
27
00:01:08,365 --> 00:01:11,264
I mean, your fertile years,
they are upon us.
28
00:01:11,299 --> 00:01:13,024
- Dad.
- What?
29
00:01:13,059 --> 00:01:14,716
Very treacherous road
and, boy,
30
00:01:14,750 --> 00:01:16,821
I'm not wearing
the proper shoes for it.
31
00:01:16,856 --> 00:01:19,030
- Is there a woman
I can talk to?
32
00:01:19,065 --> 00:01:20,584
- Oh, I wish.
33
00:01:20,618 --> 00:01:24,243
I wish I knew some sex-positive
woman with enough knowledge--
34
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:27,211
Oh, shit, I do.
35
00:01:27,246 --> 00:01:30,801
- So if you have any questions
about anal sex
36
00:01:30,835 --> 00:01:34,874
or oral sex
or any sex, you just ask.
37
00:01:34,908 --> 00:01:37,463
- So, you've had all the sex?
38
00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:39,603
- All that can be had.
39
00:01:39,637 --> 00:01:41,191
But that's who I am.
40
00:01:41,225 --> 00:01:44,435
There are asexual people out
there who are just as satisfied
41
00:01:44,470 --> 00:01:46,886
with their lives
as I am with mine.
42
00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:50,579
You know what, I just want you
to know the important thing is
43
00:01:50,614 --> 00:01:53,582
sex doesn't have to be
bad or scary,
44
00:01:53,617 --> 00:01:55,619
and it should...
45
00:01:55,653 --> 00:01:57,103
always feel good.
46
00:01:57,138 --> 00:01:59,623
Oh, I can see that
you're getting overwhelmed.
47
00:01:59,657 --> 00:02:01,694
We are getting ahead
of ourselves.
48
00:02:01,728 --> 00:02:03,868
Look, I brought you something.
49
00:02:04,490 --> 00:02:06,181
This is very basic.
50
00:02:06,216 --> 00:02:09,288
It just has three settings,
but for my money,
51
00:02:09,322 --> 00:02:12,083
number two hits the sweet spot.
52
00:02:12,118 --> 00:02:15,466
So we're just gonna put this
right over on the shelf,
53
00:02:15,501 --> 00:02:18,262
and one day,
when you are ready,
54
00:02:18,297 --> 00:02:23,578
it will be waiting for you
to begin your own exploration.
55
00:02:23,612 --> 00:02:26,132
Okay?
56
00:02:29,204 --> 00:02:30,826
- What happened to
"I haven't dated
57
00:02:30,861 --> 00:02:32,518
since I became
a single father"?
58
00:02:32,552 --> 00:02:34,209
- Who's dating?
59
00:02:34,244 --> 00:02:36,556
After Lucy's first
little visit there,
60
00:02:36,591 --> 00:02:39,490
she would stop by every time
she was in town, and you know--
61
00:02:39,525 --> 00:02:41,527
- We formed an ecosystem.
- Yeah.
62
00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:43,460
- Beth needed
a maternal figure,
63
00:02:43,494 --> 00:02:46,980
I longed for a sense of family
that didn't feel like a trap,
64
00:02:47,015 --> 00:02:49,983
and Jim was pent up with years
65
00:02:50,018 --> 00:02:52,917
of incredible untapped
sexual energy.
66
00:02:52,952 --> 00:02:54,988
- Oh, well, hey now, please
don't sell yourself short,
67
00:02:55,023 --> 00:02:57,577
because it was your prowess
that ignited that cannon.
68
00:02:57,612 --> 00:02:59,096
It was.
69
00:02:59,130 --> 00:03:02,133
- It's not flattery, Jim,
ask around the sex club.
70
00:03:02,168 --> 00:03:05,240
Your powerful orgasms have
quite the reputation.
71
00:03:05,275 --> 00:03:07,208
- Sex club?
- It's nothing weird.
72
00:03:07,242 --> 00:03:09,520
Look, Lucy and I,
we're platonic exes
73
00:03:09,555 --> 00:03:11,246
who occasionally
have sex in public,
74
00:03:11,281 --> 00:03:13,869
and sometimes we raise
a daughter together.
75
00:03:13,904 --> 00:03:16,872
- It really is that simple.
- Is it, Lucy?
76
00:03:16,907 --> 00:03:19,427
- Can I remind you please,
that, earlier today,
77
00:03:19,461 --> 00:03:22,982
you yelled "boo" right
into my face when I suggested
78
00:03:23,016 --> 00:03:24,708
the possibility
of a future together?
79
00:03:24,742 --> 00:03:26,848
I mean, something changed?
80
00:03:26,882 --> 00:03:29,126
- Look how sweaty
and frazzled she is.
81
00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:33,026
She clearly ran here
to confess her love for you.
82
00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:35,270
- Holy shit.
83
00:03:35,305 --> 00:03:36,478
That's not true, is it?
84
00:03:37,721 --> 00:03:39,999
I just listened
to you two go on
85
00:03:40,033 --> 00:03:41,621
about your
hole filling sessions
86
00:03:41,656 --> 00:03:45,073
like a couple of goddamn weekly
pickup basketball games.
87
00:03:45,107 --> 00:03:48,490
I'm not exactly in the mood
to profess my love.
88
00:03:48,525 --> 00:03:49,940
- You love me?
89
00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:54,324
- Speech, speech, speech.
90
00:03:54,358 --> 00:03:56,774
- I know you mean well,
but that is not gonna help
91
00:03:56,809 --> 00:03:58,293
untangle this clusterfuck.
92
00:03:58,328 --> 00:04:01,089
- You're right,
I am so sorry.
93
00:04:01,123 --> 00:04:02,953
This is so great.
I'm gonna leave you two
94
00:04:02,987 --> 00:04:06,819
to enjoy this beautiful moment
in private.
95
00:04:06,853 --> 00:04:09,753
Oh, oh, oh, you know, I thought
I had all the Jim out of me,
96
00:04:09,787 --> 00:04:11,582
but it's like a lava lamp
just broke in there.
97
00:04:11,617 --> 00:04:12,825
Excuse me.
98
00:04:12,859 --> 00:04:15,310
I just need
to use the restroom.
99
00:04:15,345 --> 00:04:16,725
- I'm gonna go now.
100
00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:18,624
- Whoa, whoa!
101
00:04:18,658 --> 00:04:20,764
Jules, wait, Jules,
hey, come on.
102
00:04:20,798 --> 00:04:23,353
- Why can't we just
have one normal chapter
103
00:04:23,387 --> 00:04:24,630
in our love story?
104
00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:26,701
- 'Cause I'm not
a normal man, Jules,
105
00:04:26,735 --> 00:04:27,943
and you are not
a normal woman.
106
00:04:27,978 --> 00:04:29,290
You are exceptional.
107
00:04:29,324 --> 00:04:30,981
Now I want you to trust me,
please.
108
00:04:31,015 --> 00:04:32,603
There is nothing going on
between Lucy and I.
109
00:04:32,638 --> 00:04:34,018
Watch this.
110
00:04:34,053 --> 00:04:37,263
Lucy, we can never, ever
have sex again!
111
00:04:37,298 --> 00:04:38,678
- Totally fine!
112
00:04:38,713 --> 00:04:40,646
And I like the way things
are trending out there.
113
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,199
- Now, please, please,
114
00:04:42,233 --> 00:04:43,959
I'll make whatever commitment
you want me to make.
115
00:04:43,994 --> 00:04:45,409
Gimme that speech
116
00:04:45,444 --> 00:04:47,031
you were itching to deliver
on my doorstep.
117
00:04:47,066 --> 00:04:48,688
I have never been on
the receiving end
118
00:04:48,723 --> 00:04:51,208
of a declaration
of love before.
119
00:05:02,599 --> 00:05:04,670
Wanna do this thing or not?
120
00:05:05,291 --> 00:05:07,120
- I feel like there had to be
more to it than that
121
00:05:07,155 --> 00:05:09,088
because we are
the Sid and Nancy of baseball,
122
00:05:09,122 --> 00:05:10,710
we are reuniting, I mean,
there's a story there--
123
00:05:10,745 --> 00:05:13,817
- I am being so cool right now,
all things considered!
124
00:05:13,851 --> 00:05:15,405
- You really are.
You really are.
125
00:05:15,439 --> 00:05:17,372
And of course I would love
to give things another shot.
126
00:05:17,407 --> 00:05:19,340
You know, in the past,
we never worked out
127
00:05:19,374 --> 00:05:21,963
because I always made you
take care of me, ugh.
128
00:05:21,997 --> 00:05:24,103
I just really wanna take care
of you now.
129
00:05:24,137 --> 00:05:25,898
- Well, that's a little better.
130
00:05:25,932 --> 00:05:27,658
Little more of that,
little more of this,
131
00:05:27,693 --> 00:05:29,557
and the three of us might make
it out of this thing alive.
132
00:05:29,591 --> 00:05:32,042
- Well, four of us,
'cause my daughter, Beth,
133
00:05:32,076 --> 00:05:33,526
is due here
any minute for the weekend.
134
00:05:33,561 --> 00:05:35,735
Boy, I cannot wait
for my two favorite people
135
00:05:35,770 --> 00:05:37,185
to finally meet each other.
136
00:05:37,219 --> 00:05:38,980
- Yeah, we don't have to rush
right into that.
137
00:05:39,014 --> 00:05:40,291
- Kinda do,
because we're coming out
138
00:05:40,326 --> 00:05:41,914
of a little bit
of a rough patch.
139
00:05:41,948 --> 00:05:43,364
I need to prove to her
that I have a life
140
00:05:43,398 --> 00:05:45,435
independent of just being
her father,
141
00:05:45,469 --> 00:05:48,610
so, well, I need her to
sign off on the relationship.
142
00:05:48,645 --> 00:05:50,509
- What now?
- Hey, Dad.
143
00:05:50,543 --> 00:05:52,165
- Beth, hey.
Hey, darling.
144
00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,754
I'd like for you
to meet Julia--
145
00:05:54,789 --> 00:05:56,998
- Oh, Beth!
- Lucy!
146
00:05:57,032 --> 00:05:59,034
Hi, oh, my God!
147
00:05:59,069 --> 00:06:00,760
- You're so beautiful.
- Hi.
148
00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:04,315
- Oh, I'm so proud of you.
- Oh, I missed you so much.
149
00:06:04,350 --> 00:06:06,904
When did you get in?
- Oh, just a few hours ago.
150
00:06:06,939 --> 00:06:09,942
Look at you, you're so radiant.
I'm so proud of you.
151
00:06:09,976 --> 00:06:12,565
- Oh, my God, I have so much
to catch you up on.
152
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:13,877
So much I have to tell you.
153
00:06:13,911 --> 00:06:15,016
Can you, like,
do brunch tomorrow?
154
00:06:15,050 --> 00:06:16,604
Can you do brunch?
- I wish.
155
00:06:16,638 --> 00:06:18,157
I'm just in and out.
- No!
156
00:06:18,191 --> 00:06:19,986
No, can you stay
a little bit longer?
157
00:06:20,021 --> 00:06:21,885
You can't talk?
158
00:06:21,919 --> 00:06:23,265
- I can...
159
00:06:24,094 --> 00:06:25,578
Have brunch tomorrow.
160
00:06:25,613 --> 00:06:27,200
- Who are you?
161
00:06:27,235 --> 00:06:30,514
- This is Julia James,
who I told you about so often.
162
00:06:31,964 --> 00:06:33,172
- O-okay.
163
00:06:34,138 --> 00:06:36,900
- And Beth Brockmire's
lukewarm "okay"
164
00:06:36,934 --> 00:06:39,385
puts brunch on the table!
165
00:06:39,420 --> 00:06:41,456
Yeah!
166
00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:46,116
- Give it up for Envy!
167
00:06:50,431 --> 00:06:53,019
All right, everyone,
enjoy your brunch,
168
00:06:53,054 --> 00:06:57,576
and don't forget--
it's bottomless mimosas.
169
00:06:59,025 --> 00:07:00,441
- You use cash?
170
00:07:00,475 --> 00:07:02,028
You know you can pay
for everything
171
00:07:02,063 --> 00:07:03,927
with your phone now,
right?
172
00:07:03,961 --> 00:07:05,273
- I know, I just think
there's something
173
00:07:05,307 --> 00:07:06,895
more honest
about a fistful of singles.
174
00:07:06,930 --> 00:07:08,863
- You know, we could
have just gone to
175
00:07:08,897 --> 00:07:10,416
a normal brunch place.
176
00:07:10,451 --> 00:07:14,178
This place is a little,
uh, 2010s.
177
00:07:14,213 --> 00:07:17,837
- Yeah, I asked Limon
what a good place would be
178
00:07:17,872 --> 00:07:20,668
that would be memorable,
and, uh--
179
00:07:21,703 --> 00:07:23,187
- Oh.
180
00:07:23,222 --> 00:07:28,434
- So tell me about, uh, school.
What grade are you in?
181
00:07:28,469 --> 00:07:30,540
- Uh, 15th, I guess.
182
00:07:30,574 --> 00:07:32,645
If you wanna call it that.
183
00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:33,888
Yeah.
184
00:07:33,922 --> 00:07:36,442
- And what are your
favorite subjects.
185
00:07:36,477 --> 00:07:38,686
Do you like--
- Why are we doing this?
186
00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:41,412
- I just--we're just--two girls
187
00:07:41,447 --> 00:07:44,174
having a super fun girls'
bonding brunch.
188
00:07:44,208 --> 00:07:46,521
Excuse me,
I'm a little dry here!
189
00:07:46,556 --> 00:07:49,559
- Why do I need to bond
with you?
190
00:07:49,593 --> 00:07:52,354
- I don't know, why do you
need to bond with Lucy?
191
00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:56,704
- Well, I mean, Lucy,
she's a feminist pioneer,
192
00:07:56,738 --> 00:08:01,260
she's a sex educator,
she's an entrepreneur.
193
00:08:01,294 --> 00:08:05,022
- I actually tried that mojito
flavored lube she invented
194
00:08:05,057 --> 00:08:08,060
and...couldn't get a buzz.
195
00:08:08,094 --> 00:08:09,682
- Are you and my dad
getting back together?
196
00:08:09,717 --> 00:08:12,133
- Is that something
you'd be okay with?
197
00:08:12,167 --> 00:08:13,928
- That's what this is?
198
00:08:13,962 --> 00:08:15,446
You need my stamp of approval?
199
00:08:15,481 --> 00:08:17,414
God,
we're two different people,
200
00:08:17,448 --> 00:08:19,312
with two completely
different lives.
201
00:08:19,347 --> 00:08:21,038
When is he gonna
start seeing that?
202
00:08:21,073 --> 00:08:22,315
- Aren't you being
a little dramatic?
203
00:08:22,350 --> 00:08:23,903
I mean,
there are worse things.
204
00:08:23,938 --> 00:08:25,974
I'm sure the people of
The Disputed Lands would kill
205
00:08:26,009 --> 00:08:27,355
for their biggest
problem to be
206
00:08:27,389 --> 00:08:28,701
that their daddies
love them too much.
207
00:08:28,736 --> 00:08:30,254
- You know,
my dad always talked about
208
00:08:30,289 --> 00:08:31,980
how great you were,
but I don't know.
209
00:08:32,015 --> 00:08:33,223
From where I'm sitting,
210
00:08:33,257 --> 00:08:34,707
you're just a washed up
alcoholic
211
00:08:34,742 --> 00:08:36,778
who blew up a magician.
- He blew himself up.
212
00:08:36,813 --> 00:08:40,817
- So because you dated my dad
for a couple months,
213
00:08:40,851 --> 00:08:44,579
like, 15 years ago, you think
you have all of the answers?
214
00:08:44,614 --> 00:08:46,547
- I don't know if I have
all the answers,
215
00:08:46,581 --> 00:08:49,032
but I'm pretty sure I can solve
your most pressing problem.
216
00:08:49,066 --> 00:08:50,999
- Yeah?
- How 'bout trying to not be
217
00:08:51,034 --> 00:08:54,589
such a bitch all the time?
218
00:08:54,624 --> 00:08:55,763
Help me?
219
00:08:55,797 --> 00:08:58,041
- Limon, I really want
this place to feel
220
00:08:58,075 --> 00:09:00,284
like a home
for all three of us.
221
00:09:00,319 --> 00:09:01,872
- That's very thoughtful,
Jim.
222
00:09:01,907 --> 00:09:04,012
- Probably need to make it more
female-friendly in here.
223
00:09:04,047 --> 00:09:07,084
Tell you what, why don't you
get me a case of Chardonnay,
224
00:09:07,119 --> 00:09:09,570
some magazines about
awful, terrible,
225
00:09:09,604 --> 00:09:12,642
horrible, stupid people,
and two more throw pillows
226
00:09:12,676 --> 00:09:14,885
than the common sense amount
for each room.
227
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:17,025
- That's very sexist, Jim.
228
00:09:17,060 --> 00:09:19,441
- Yeah, well,
so is your mother, Limon.
229
00:09:24,619 --> 00:09:25,724
- Occupied.
230
00:09:25,758 --> 00:09:27,070
- It's Beth.
231
00:09:27,104 --> 00:09:28,658
- Walk away Beth.
232
00:09:28,692 --> 00:09:30,625
You were talking shit
back there
233
00:09:30,660 --> 00:09:32,731
like someone who's never been
in a fight before,
234
00:09:32,765 --> 00:09:35,078
and unless you wanna
rectify that right now,
235
00:09:35,112 --> 00:09:37,287
a face-to-face is unwise.
236
00:09:38,115 --> 00:09:40,255
- I really have to pee,
though, please.
237
00:09:44,294 --> 00:09:46,779
Huh, whoa, okay.
Thank God.
238
00:09:52,958 --> 00:09:54,097
- Look, I'm not going
anywhere
239
00:09:54,131 --> 00:09:55,546
and your dad's
not gonna change,
240
00:09:55,581 --> 00:09:57,756
so how's about we just tell him
we fuckin' bonded
241
00:09:57,790 --> 00:09:59,067
and call it a day.
242
00:09:59,102 --> 00:10:00,448
- Yeah, sounds great.
243
00:10:00,482 --> 00:10:01,863
Anything to end
this nightmare brunch.
244
00:10:01,898 --> 00:10:03,347
- Great.
245
00:10:04,694 --> 00:10:07,213
- And how do you know if I've
never been in a fight before?
246
00:10:07,248 --> 00:10:08,456
- You're a talker,
just like he is.
247
00:10:08,490 --> 00:10:10,631
I'm a fighter.
Fighters always know.
248
00:10:13,185 --> 00:10:15,083
- Hey, let me hit that.
249
00:10:15,705 --> 00:10:17,223
Please.
250
00:10:18,846 --> 00:10:20,399
- Good call.
251
00:10:23,436 --> 00:10:25,542
I like to drink
on the toilet, too.
252
00:10:26,405 --> 00:10:28,683
- Why do you even wanna
get back with my dad?
253
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:32,963
I mean, in all the stories
he told, he was awful.
254
00:10:33,688 --> 00:10:36,380
Come on,
I actually wanna know.
255
00:10:37,105 --> 00:10:38,451
- He sees me.
256
00:10:40,350 --> 00:10:43,664
My schemes, my stubbornness,
257
00:10:43,698 --> 00:10:45,527
the drinking, the rage,
258
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:48,185
and he doesn't just
see these as flaws.
259
00:10:48,220 --> 00:10:50,463
He actually
finds them delightful.
260
00:10:52,224 --> 00:10:55,399
He's the only one
who's ever loved all of me.
261
00:10:59,507 --> 00:11:01,405
- That's kinda sweet.
262
00:11:09,413 --> 00:11:11,933
- We never even got
a food order in.
263
00:11:11,968 --> 00:11:14,695
- By food do you mean booze?
264
00:11:14,729 --> 00:11:16,904
- It's how I eat
three meals a day.
265
00:11:16,938 --> 00:11:20,666
- All right.
- Okay, okay.
266
00:11:20,701 --> 00:11:23,531
Mmm.
267
00:11:27,017 --> 00:11:28,639
Okay, Dolly!
268
00:11:30,089 --> 00:11:31,815
Can I have
another mimosa please?
269
00:11:31,850 --> 00:11:33,230
- You got it, sugar.
270
00:11:33,265 --> 00:11:35,750
- Hey, what do you say
we get some real drinks,
271
00:11:35,785 --> 00:11:39,029
and turn this brunch
into a "drunch."
272
00:11:39,064 --> 00:11:41,480
- A Long Island ice tea,
please.
273
00:11:41,514 --> 00:11:43,827
- Nope, she won't--
she won't have that.
274
00:11:43,862 --> 00:11:45,656
Hold on.
275
00:11:45,691 --> 00:11:50,316
- Okay, uh, do you guys
do Jagerbombs?
276
00:11:50,351 --> 00:11:52,525
- Okay, you just give me
five minutes,
277
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:55,321
and bring me a scotch
while I deal with this.
278
00:11:55,356 --> 00:11:56,840
- Okay.
- Yeah?
279
00:11:58,428 --> 00:11:59,740
- Are you cutting me off?
280
00:11:59,774 --> 00:12:01,155
- What is going on?
281
00:12:01,811 --> 00:12:04,365
You walk into a bar with
the name Brockmire,
282
00:12:04,399 --> 00:12:06,574
people expect a certain level
of professionalism.
283
00:12:06,608 --> 00:12:08,334
Instead it's amateur hour.
284
00:12:08,369 --> 00:12:10,716
- Well, I don't know,
I never got to meet
285
00:12:10,751 --> 00:12:12,787
Jim Brockmire,
legendary drunk.
286
00:12:12,822 --> 00:12:16,791
All I had was my dad,
who's a teetotaling hawk
287
00:12:16,826 --> 00:12:19,760
who would sniff my breath
anytime I came home after dark.
288
00:12:19,794 --> 00:12:22,245
- Did nobody ever teach you
how to drink?
289
00:12:22,279 --> 00:12:24,212
- Especially not someone
who could pick it all up
290
00:12:24,247 --> 00:12:25,904
on their corporate
credit card.
291
00:12:25,938 --> 00:12:27,250
- Credit card?
Don't you know
292
00:12:27,284 --> 00:12:29,424
you can pay for everything
on your phone now?
293
00:12:29,459 --> 00:12:31,047
Okay, baseball, baseball,
294
00:12:31,081 --> 00:12:33,981
baseball, baseball--this is now
officially a business meeting.
295
00:12:34,015 --> 00:12:35,983
so let's reach for
that top shelf.
296
00:12:36,017 --> 00:12:37,294
- Yeah?
- Yes, okay.
297
00:12:37,329 --> 00:12:39,538
- Here's the thing.
- Mm-hmm.
298
00:12:39,572 --> 00:12:42,506
- The alcohol you drink
is who you wanna be.
299
00:12:42,541 --> 00:12:44,474
When you order
a Long Island ice tea,
300
00:12:44,508 --> 00:12:46,648
you're telling the world,
"I'm gonna suck your dick,
301
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:48,927
but then I'm gonna puke all
over it afterwards," all right?
302
00:12:48,961 --> 00:12:50,376
Now, I used to drink
white wine
303
00:12:50,411 --> 00:12:52,482
'cause I wanted to be day drunk
all night long.
304
00:12:52,516 --> 00:12:53,759
Now I drink whiskey
305
00:12:53,794 --> 00:12:56,003
'cause I just prefer
to be mean and numb.
306
00:12:56,037 --> 00:12:57,625
- That sounds sad.
307
00:12:57,659 --> 00:13:00,593
I want something fun,
like, vodka?
308
00:13:00,628 --> 00:13:04,011
- Vodka's too clean.
It's like for girls on diets
309
00:13:04,045 --> 00:13:07,359
and doctors getting drunk
in hospital parking lots.
310
00:13:07,393 --> 00:13:09,602
You seem like a gin girl.
311
00:13:09,637 --> 00:13:13,848
Yeah, comes on strong,
great finish, distinct,
312
00:13:13,883 --> 00:13:15,919
not for everybody.
313
00:13:15,954 --> 00:13:17,265
- Gin it is.
314
00:13:17,300 --> 00:13:18,577
- Two Pimm's cups!
315
00:13:19,854 --> 00:13:21,545
Oh, wait,
can I just get the scotch?
316
00:13:25,170 --> 00:13:26,240
- ♪ I'm gonna show you
317
00:13:26,274 --> 00:13:28,276
♪ What a woman can do
318
00:13:28,311 --> 00:13:32,556
♪ Ooh
319
00:13:32,591 --> 00:13:37,423
♪ 'Cause I've got a fashion,
let me shine it on you ♪
320
00:13:37,458 --> 00:13:39,356
- Congrats on shutting
this place down,
321
00:13:39,391 --> 00:13:42,118
but can y'all please settle up
when you get a chance?
322
00:13:42,152 --> 00:13:43,464
- Mm, we just started bonding.
323
00:13:43,498 --> 00:13:45,017
I just need
a little bit more time.
324
00:13:45,052 --> 00:13:47,088
- Girl, I got places to be,
325
00:13:47,123 --> 00:13:48,779
and these shoes
are giving me corns.
326
00:13:48,814 --> 00:13:52,335
- Understood, we do not want
those corns to pop.
327
00:13:53,508 --> 00:13:55,165
Hey, Beth!
- Huh?
328
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:56,822
- What's the magic words?
329
00:13:56,857 --> 00:14:00,826
- Baseball, baseball, baseball,
baseball, baby!
330
00:14:00,861 --> 00:14:03,139
- We just would like this
business meeting to continue
331
00:14:03,173 --> 00:14:04,830
for another hour
332
00:14:04,865 --> 00:14:08,006
by renting this room
for 5K.
333
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:09,455
One hour.
334
00:14:09,490 --> 00:14:10,871
- ♪ I'm gonna give
you something ♪
335
00:14:10,905 --> 00:14:12,769
- Hm.
- ♪ That you never forget
336
00:14:12,803 --> 00:14:16,911
♪ You better take cover
'cause I'm coming for you ♪
337
00:14:16,946 --> 00:14:21,882
♪ On a high wire,
I'm a live wire ♪
338
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:26,645
- The hell are they, Limon?
They've been gone for hours.
339
00:14:26,679 --> 00:14:28,474
- They have
their privacy settings on.
340
00:14:28,509 --> 00:14:29,959
I can tell you they're safe.
341
00:14:29,993 --> 00:14:32,202
- Nobody's safe in this world.
Are you stupid?
342
00:14:32,237 --> 00:14:34,273
Are you a stupid, stupid robot?
343
00:14:34,308 --> 00:14:37,380
- Keep yelling at me, Jim.
It'll make you feel better.
344
00:14:37,414 --> 00:14:38,968
- I'm not yelling, Limon,
345
00:14:39,002 --> 00:14:40,659
and please don't tell me
what to do,
346
00:14:40,693 --> 00:14:42,592
you stupid little
piss-colored
347
00:14:42,626 --> 00:14:44,594
know-it-all piece of shit!
348
00:14:44,628 --> 00:14:46,285
- I'm sorry you feel that way.
349
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:50,772
- You're a smug little
smiling bastard, you know that?
350
00:14:51,359 --> 00:14:53,051
I'm sorry, Limon,
I'm a little on edge.
351
00:14:53,085 --> 00:14:54,742
I'm just kinda freaking out.
352
00:14:56,917 --> 00:14:58,401
Where are they?
353
00:14:59,367 --> 00:15:00,990
- You know what, Jules?
354
00:15:01,852 --> 00:15:03,406
I think you're pretty cool.
355
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:08,342
I give you permission
to date my dad, yes.
356
00:15:08,376 --> 00:15:10,585
Oh, but never tell me
what to do,
357
00:15:10,620 --> 00:15:13,209
because I do not need a mom,
and I am a grown woman.
358
00:15:13,243 --> 00:15:14,831
I can make my own
terrible decisions.
359
00:15:14,865 --> 00:15:16,937
- Speaking of,
how's film school?
360
00:15:16,971 --> 00:15:19,594
- Oh, so I'm working
on my first film, right,
361
00:15:19,629 --> 00:15:22,045
and it's this long form
found footage essay.
362
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:26,153
It's kind of like Adam Curtis'
"HyperNormalisation"
363
00:15:26,187 --> 00:15:30,019
except I use clips from
rom-coms from the early 2000s
364
00:15:30,053 --> 00:15:31,813
to show how love was sold
365
00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:34,195
at the start
of late stage capitalism.
366
00:15:34,230 --> 00:15:37,785
- So it's eight hours of, like,
socialism and Kate Hudson?
367
00:15:37,819 --> 00:15:41,133
That sounds awful,
never show that to me.
368
00:15:41,168 --> 00:15:42,997
- You sound just like my dad.
369
00:15:43,032 --> 00:15:44,378
- Hey, he's honest.
370
00:15:44,412 --> 00:15:45,862
- Mm-hmm.
371
00:15:45,896 --> 00:15:47,657
Yeah, I guess
that's something.
372
00:15:47,691 --> 00:15:50,832
I mean, he's smothering
and he's codependent,
373
00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:53,594
and he spent way more time
doing my hair
374
00:15:53,628 --> 00:15:55,699
than I would ever
admit to my therapist,
375
00:15:55,734 --> 00:15:59,496
but he keeps it straight
with me,
376
00:15:59,531 --> 00:16:01,153
even when it's hard.
377
00:16:02,327 --> 00:16:04,639
Cheers, Dad.
378
00:16:04,674 --> 00:16:06,848
Oh, and just for the record
it's nine hours,
379
00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:08,229
and just for that
I'm gonna play it
380
00:16:08,264 --> 00:16:10,300
at your goddamn
rehearsal dinner.
381
00:16:10,335 --> 00:16:11,577
- You need to understand.
382
00:16:11,612 --> 00:16:12,889
- Hey, I know them.
383
00:16:12,923 --> 00:16:15,133
- What's happening
in The Disputed Lands
384
00:16:15,167 --> 00:16:16,617
is only natural.
385
00:16:16,651 --> 00:16:19,620
The desert takes
what it is owed.
386
00:16:19,654 --> 00:16:21,691
- So you know a death cult?
- Uh-huh.
387
00:16:21,725 --> 00:16:25,867
- Every loss of life
to natural disaster...
388
00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:28,663
is another offer
389
00:16:28,698 --> 00:16:30,389
of repentance.
390
00:16:30,424 --> 00:16:32,046
- Hey!
391
00:16:32,081 --> 00:16:34,980
My mom died
in a super typhoon,
392
00:16:35,015 --> 00:16:38,535
and you're saying
she's some kind of sacrifice?
393
00:16:39,571 --> 00:16:41,642
- I'm saying your mother
had it coming.
394
00:16:42,574 --> 00:16:44,610
We all have it coming.
395
00:16:56,243 --> 00:16:57,554
- Oh, shit.
396
00:16:59,832 --> 00:17:02,007
- Gotta work on
your exit strategy.
397
00:17:02,042 --> 00:17:03,422
- Okay.
398
00:17:04,699 --> 00:17:06,598
God, Jules, you know,
you're right.
399
00:17:06,632 --> 00:17:08,979
That felt so much better
than just talking.
400
00:17:09,014 --> 00:17:09,842
- Right?
401
00:17:11,775 --> 00:17:13,777
Jules, we should really
402
00:17:13,812 --> 00:17:15,400
do this again, right?
403
00:17:15,434 --> 00:17:16,849
Oh.
404
00:17:16,884 --> 00:17:20,267
- You know, my mom died, too,
when I was young.
405
00:17:20,301 --> 00:17:21,854
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
406
00:17:21,889 --> 00:17:23,960
I don't know if I have
any memories of her, though.
407
00:17:23,994 --> 00:17:25,720
And the ones that I have
are so faded,
408
00:17:25,755 --> 00:17:27,688
I don't even know
if they really happened.
409
00:17:27,722 --> 00:17:30,932
- Oh, no,
that's so sad for you.
410
00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:33,866
I'm so sorry 'cause, see,
411
00:17:33,901 --> 00:17:37,560
I feel like I remember
my mom,
412
00:17:37,594 --> 00:17:40,873
like, really well,
'cause my dad told me
413
00:17:40,908 --> 00:17:45,602
all these stories of them,
in their time together.
414
00:17:45,637 --> 00:17:48,743
He says I remind him of her
every day.
415
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:53,162
I know her.
I'm so sorry.
416
00:17:55,509 --> 00:17:56,820
Whoa.
417
00:17:58,443 --> 00:18:00,134
Whoa.
Ha ha ha.
418
00:18:00,169 --> 00:18:02,516
- Mama needs to nap.
419
00:18:10,351 --> 00:18:11,697
- Hi!
420
00:18:11,732 --> 00:18:14,217
- Um, where the hell
have you been?
421
00:18:14,252 --> 00:18:16,461
- Bonding.
422
00:18:16,495 --> 00:18:19,153
- Why are you wearing
fake tits?
423
00:18:19,188 --> 00:18:23,571
- Oh, right, this are,
it's a business expense.
424
00:18:24,262 --> 00:18:25,884
Very baseball, baseball.
- Baseball, baseball,
425
00:18:25,918 --> 00:18:27,368
baseball, baseball.
- Baseball, baseball.
426
00:18:27,403 --> 00:18:30,233
It's just--you heard us
say baseball, so that's--
427
00:18:30,268 --> 00:18:32,408
It's--
428
00:18:32,442 --> 00:18:34,375
Oh, wow.
429
00:18:34,410 --> 00:18:35,721
Oh, that's--
430
00:18:38,655 --> 00:18:40,001
- Mission accomplished.
431
00:18:43,177 --> 00:18:46,215
- Did you get a chance to...
clean the Lucy juice
432
00:18:46,249 --> 00:18:47,871
off the sheets?
433
00:18:47,906 --> 00:18:50,115
- The hell is the matter
with you?
434
00:18:50,150 --> 00:18:52,842
- Can somebody close the sun?
435
00:18:54,982 --> 00:18:58,192
- Beth, you okay?
Honey?
436
00:18:59,297 --> 00:19:00,643
Honey!
437
00:19:01,816 --> 00:19:03,404
The hell did ya do to her?
438
00:19:03,439 --> 00:19:06,511
- Going drink for drink with me
is always a bad idea.
439
00:19:06,545 --> 00:19:08,444
You know that.
440
00:19:08,478 --> 00:19:11,412
- Honey, what's the big deal?
441
00:19:11,447 --> 00:19:14,104
- Uh, the big deal is
I'm an alcoholic, okay?
442
00:19:14,139 --> 00:19:15,658
My greatest fear
in life is that,
443
00:19:15,692 --> 00:19:17,487
the awful gift
that my father gave me,
444
00:19:17,522 --> 00:19:18,971
I'm gonna pass it along to her.
445
00:19:19,006 --> 00:19:20,490
I mean, I've never seen her
like that before.
446
00:19:20,525 --> 00:19:22,768
It's frickin' terrifying.
- Okay.
447
00:19:22,803 --> 00:19:24,805
You asked me
to take her to brunch.
448
00:19:24,839 --> 00:19:26,151
And, to me,
brunch is just an excuse
449
00:19:26,186 --> 00:19:27,773
to publicly drink
in the mornings.
450
00:19:27,808 --> 00:19:30,500
But I will be very careful
with her and alcohol
451
00:19:30,535 --> 00:19:32,122
in the future.
452
00:19:32,157 --> 00:19:34,263
- All right, okay, look,
the important thing is
453
00:19:34,297 --> 00:19:37,438
you're both safe
and everybody's okay, I guess.
454
00:19:38,025 --> 00:19:39,440
- For the record,
I think the fight thing's
455
00:19:39,475 --> 00:19:41,787
gonna be really good for her.
456
00:19:41,822 --> 00:19:43,789
- I'm sorr--the fight thing?
What fight thing?
457
00:19:43,824 --> 00:19:46,827
- She punched a cult leader
in the balls.
458
00:19:46,861 --> 00:19:51,072
I was so proud of her.
I get parenting now.
459
00:19:51,728 --> 00:19:53,799
- Beth punched a cult leader
in the balls?
460
00:19:53,834 --> 00:19:56,043
- Relax, nobody got hurt.
461
00:19:56,077 --> 00:19:57,700
I had my sweet baby on me.
462
00:19:57,734 --> 00:19:59,633
- You flashed a gun
on a New York City street?
463
00:19:59,667 --> 00:20:01,393
- Prospect Park,
and I just shot one off
464
00:20:01,428 --> 00:20:03,050
in the air
to escape among the scatter.
465
00:20:03,084 --> 00:20:04,431
- Okay.
- You can take the girl
466
00:20:04,465 --> 00:20:06,122
out of Morristown--
- Get out, get out.
467
00:20:06,156 --> 00:20:07,710
- What?
- You know my daughter
468
00:20:07,744 --> 00:20:09,367
less than 24 hours,
you already got her
469
00:20:09,401 --> 00:20:11,921
into a drunken brawl
that ended in gunplay.
470
00:20:11,955 --> 00:20:13,785
Can't have anybody
around my family
471
00:20:13,819 --> 00:20:15,649
with this poor impulse control.
472
00:20:15,683 --> 00:20:17,375
Get outta here.
473
00:20:17,409 --> 00:20:20,895
- Uh, I've got 500 boxes
of tampons for Jim Brockmire.
474
00:20:20,930 --> 00:20:23,829
- Ah, Jesus Christ.
475
00:20:23,864 --> 00:20:26,004
- Why'd you order
500 boxes of tampons?
476
00:20:26,038 --> 00:20:27,730
And a case of Pamprins.
477
00:20:27,764 --> 00:20:29,214
- In a moment of weakness,
I thought
478
00:20:29,249 --> 00:20:30,664
we all might actually have
a life here together,
479
00:20:30,698 --> 00:20:31,665
but I was insane.
480
00:20:31,699 --> 00:20:33,598
- 500 boxes?
481
00:20:33,632 --> 00:20:35,910
I'm beating down
menopause's door.
482
00:20:35,945 --> 00:20:37,429
- Well, you know what,
you can take 'em with ya
483
00:20:37,464 --> 00:20:40,777
as a lovely parting gift.
Just get outta here, please.
484
00:20:40,812 --> 00:20:42,400
- You wanna be the hero
of this story?
485
00:20:42,434 --> 00:20:44,574
Well, while you're
on your high horse,
486
00:20:44,609 --> 00:20:45,920
answer me this.
487
00:20:45,955 --> 00:20:47,267
How'd all your memories
of Manila
488
00:20:47,301 --> 00:20:48,923
suddenly come
flooding back to you?
489
00:20:48,958 --> 00:20:50,442
You told me
you couldn't remember anything.
490
00:20:50,477 --> 00:20:53,100
Your goal, in those days,
was to drink to forget
491
00:20:53,134 --> 00:20:54,791
as soon as
you could remember to try.
492
00:20:54,826 --> 00:20:56,137
- What was I supposed to say?
"Sorry, Beth,
493
00:20:56,172 --> 00:20:57,829
"I don't remember your mother.
494
00:20:57,863 --> 00:20:59,658
I was black out drunk the night
you were conceived."
495
00:20:59,693 --> 00:21:01,522
'Cause I know,
that's great parenting advice.
496
00:21:01,557 --> 00:21:05,319
- Great parenting is not lying
to your daughter every day.
497
00:21:05,354 --> 00:21:07,804
You don't know shit
about that woman.
498
00:21:07,839 --> 00:21:09,427
So stop making up stories
499
00:21:09,461 --> 00:21:11,843
just so you can feel
like you're a good dad.
500
00:21:11,877 --> 00:21:14,294
- You know what, this was
a really big mistake.
501
00:21:14,328 --> 00:21:15,778
- Yeah, huge.
37394
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