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1
00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:58,037
Percy?
2
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:00,149
Clarissa.
3
00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:04,035
Est-ce que je suis la seule?
4
00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:07,519
La seule, mon coeur.
5
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:10,590
Percy?
6
00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:14,511
Eldest pour tumours?
7
00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:20,917
Toujours... et toujours...
cherie, Garissa.
8
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,958
Get him! Come on, come on! Hurry up!
9
00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:36,714
OK! OK, sweetheart,
10
00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:38,514
Hold n right there.
11
00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:40,597
The name's... Jeffcott.
12
00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:46,159
Worldwide mvestigations, Okay?
13
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:50,720
Are you, uh... Percy Edwin Anthony?
14
00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:53,031
Pas obligatoirement.
15
00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:58,030
Vous ne me peux pas duper. Et je parle
le Francais aussi bien que vous, mate.
16
00:01:58,120 --> 00:01:59,918
(fest pas vraie.
17
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:02,912
Je suis un detectif." privvy...
18
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:06,431
...etje bosse pour la votre femme, right?
19
00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:14,116
Mm. I mean... merde alors!
20
00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:16,993
Nice little bit of fruitcake you
got there. Congratulaiions.
21
00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:20,232
- Alright, lads! In you get!
- What the...
22
00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:32,309
Call the next case' please.
23
00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:36,839
Anthony vs Anthony.
24
00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:40,915
Mlud. My client' Mrs Moira
Luella Anthony...
25
00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:45,639
...petitions for divorce on the grounds
of adultery by her husband...
26
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:47,711
...Mr P. E. Anthony...
27
00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:50,559
...on various dates during
the past year...
28
00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:53,354
...with Mrs Clarissa Cloughampton.
29
00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:56,189
Well, actually it's pronounced "Clatton".
30
00:02:56,240 --> 00:03:00,279
Oh, excuse me... Mrs Clarissa Clatton.
31
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:01,270
It's quite amght.
32
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:03,870
Miss Doris Sedgewickm,
33
00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:06,794
.,.Olivia, Lady Buxtehude...
34
00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:10,032
...Mrs Agnes Barnes MuHins...
35
00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:12,959
...Miss PhiHppa Barnes MuHins...
36
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:14,833
...Miss Shirley Bernstein...
37
00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:16,359
...Miss Annabella McAllister.
38
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:17,959
...Miss Esmerelda Jones...
39
00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:19,678
...Miss Karmasutra Gupta...
40
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,791
- ...Miss Maureen Sugden...
- Cooee!
41
00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:23,399
- ...The Countess of Meihlone...
- Percy!
42
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:26,394
Oh! Sorry, me lord.
43
00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:28,113
Miss Barbara Crocketl...
44
00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:31,318
...Miss Ulla Bergstrom...
45
00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:33,750
...Madame Genevieve Beausoleil...
46
00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:36,594
...Her Highness, the Renee of Badawar...
47
00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:39,912
...Senora IsabeHa Covarrubius.
48
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,360
Percy Edwin Anthony.
49
00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:47,395
Percy Edwin Anthony'?
50
00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:55,712
Oh! THAT Percy!
51
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,157
THAT Percy!
52
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:04,196
That lewd, promiscuous, disgusting...
Mcky little swine!
53
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:09,430
"God knows I've tried hard"
54
00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:12,398
"To just say no"
55
00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:17,355
"But your devil eyes excne me"
56
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:22,395
"And suddenly, I can'! let go"
57
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:27,832
"God knows I need you'
58
00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:32,634
"I can't pretend"
59
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:37,197
"When your burnin' arms enfok! me'
60
00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:45,435
"My heart jUSt starts to melt again."
61
00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:49,757
I don't think the judge likes me.
62
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:53,553
- I don't think he does, Percy.
- Prqudiced, I would say.
63
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,159
Definitely prejudiced.
64
00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:59,200
Can't imagine iiim showing me any... what's
the legal word for it? Clemency.
65
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:00,639
Not a monkey's, 0k! chap.
66
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:01,671
And don't forget...
67
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:05,759
...he's now the Secretary of the Society for
the Retention of Capitzfl Punishment.
68
00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:09,156
They can't hang me, Manny! Not for putting
it aboui! Not these days.
69
00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:13,711
What doesn't hetp, otd sport, is that one of the
co-respondents is the judge's niece.
70
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:15,115
Oh, my God!
71
00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:18,359
Well, it's worse than that, really.
He only calls her his nlece.
72
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:21,119
He keeps her in a pad off the
Old Brampton Road.
73
00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,191
Ewwww! That's disgustmg!
74
00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:25,273
- Which one?
- Sedgewick.
75
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,880
- Doris.
- Sedgewickfi Doris!
76
00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:30,631
She said I was the only one!
77
00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:33,430
That hurts. That REALLY hurts.
78
00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:34,794
I'm sure, squire.
79
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:37,720
Perhaps you understand how
your lady wife feels?
80
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:41,276
But recenfly I was trying to make
amends. Honesfly! I was!
81
00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:46,795
During the lasi few months, apart from Clarissa,
I've only been unfaithful io my wife once.
82
00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:48,190
Who was this with?
83
00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:53,396
The Ada Lampkin Formation
Dancing Team.
84
00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:56,313
Just the ladies, Manny!
85
00:05:56,360 --> 00:06:01,878
"God knows I've tried hard"
86
00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:06,234
"To just say no"
87
00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:10,757
"But your devil eyes excne me"
88
00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:16,992
"And suddenly, I can'! let go"
89
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:21,398
"God knows I'M miss you'
90
00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:25,591
".005 I 93M 5W"
91
00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:31,037
"Butwhile I'm lost and lonely"
92
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:38,158
"I'll dream about you every night and day,"
93
00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:40,869
Oh, yes...
94
00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:42,957
mthe ladies' man, isn't it?
95
00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:44,395
Too laie for that now.
96
00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:48,191
Short hairand an MCC tie ain't
gonna do you no good.
97
00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:49,954
Your numbefs up' my son.
98
00:06:50,280 --> 00:06:53,750
You is about 10 pay your penance for
your permissive ways, you is.
99
00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:57,117
"Some of us were meant to bring
joy into the Hfe of others."
100
00:06:57,840 --> 00:06:58,671
Wordsworih.
101
00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:02,073
"...and some of us is randy pricks."
102
00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:03,589
D.H. Lawrence.
103
00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:06,838
Have you come to express the indignation
of the girls in biue, madam?
104
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,553
Or i0 escort me into Court?
105
00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:12,157
Wouldn't go in to no Court if I was you.
106
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:17,431
- Scarper... if I was you.
- How? If you was me.
107
00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:21,753
It's not impossime.
108
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,760
- Well, um"?
-2-1-7.
109
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:29,196
Well, er". 2... 1-7.
110
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:35,240
It would seem an opportune time to improve
relations between police and pubhc.
111
00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:38,033
Promise not to blow my whistle?
112
00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:57,832
Oh!
113
00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:04,359
Oh, Percy!
114
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,193
Oh, 2-1-7!
115
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:10,991
- Iris' please.
- Oh, Iris!
116
00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:13,353
Will you think of me, Perce?
117
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:16,990
Forever and ever, Ins.
118
00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:21,354
I think you're the top of the
mHk, you is, Perce.
119
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:22,310
Hhink...
120
00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:24,836
mthe zip's caught - in your knickers.
121
00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:25,637
Ooooh!
122
00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:31,590
"Where's Percy?"
123
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:34,070
That is the question everyone is asking.
124
00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,271
Ever since he disappeared during that...
125
00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:39,039
.,.sensalional divorce case of
a few weeks ago...
126
00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:40,713
...Percy has been mxssing.
127
00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:41,591
Nobody's seen hxm.
128
00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:43,278
Nobody knows where he is.
129
00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:44,879
Our reporter investigates.
130
00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:46,394
Well, I have with me a man who's...
131
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:49,193
...investigated the very same
Percy once before.
132
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:52,836
- Now sir, the, er, name is, um...?
- The name's, er... Jeffcotl.
133
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:57,515
- Er... Jeff'?
- No, no, no, no, no. lfs one word: "Jeffcott".
134
00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:00,272
Worldwide mvesngations.
135
00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:01,799
Universal Private Eye.
136
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:02,756
Now, look. I'm very sorry, sir...
137
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:06,191
3A, 14 Prince Consort Gardens, Haflesden.
138
00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:09,517
- Look' I'm }ust simpw trying to...
- Catch the No. 11 bus to Willesden Green.
139
00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:12,234
You get off there, you turn left and you
see a Httle alleyway.
140
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:13,509
You g0 up there, you go upstairs...
141
00:09:13,560 --> 00:09:16,598
...and my secretary Maisie, she's the best
knee-trembler in Kensal Rise,
142
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:19,274
...if your knowledge of this man actually gives us any theory at all?
143
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:21,432
Well, weH, you see, this guy...
144
00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:24,558
...This guy, he figures he's gonna finish
upon an alimony rap.
145
00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:27,599
Like, that's a lot of G's for
the rest of his natural
146
00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:29,677
So he figures, he figures' "no way!".
147
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:31,229
"No way!!!"
148
00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:35,117
So he' so he takes it on the lam
out the country. That's aH.
149
00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:40,315
Oh, excuse me. I beg
your pardon' sir.
150
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:42,391
It's alright. It's alright.
It's alright.
151
00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:44,710
Don'tfuss. Don't fuss, I'm alright.
Thank you very much.
152
00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:47,679
Now, I'm going to try and grab a quick word
with Sir Emmanuel Whitbread...
153
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:49,996
...surgeon extraordinary, and the man
who performed the first...
154
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,759
...and only, penis transplant
in medical histow.
155
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,872
Sir Emmanuel is, of course, now the director
of the Whttbread Institute...
156
00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:57,240
.,.for Sexual inadequacy.
157
00:09:57,280 --> 00:10:00,671
I can see him at the door, and I'm just
going to tn] and grab a quick word.
158
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,070
Sir Emmanuel, would you be kind enougn
to answer a few questions?
159
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,555
Could you teH us exactly what
has happened to Percy'?
160
00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:10,077
Do you think the unprecedented publicity
has been too much for him, or...
161
00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:11,793
mcould he really be suffering
from something?
162
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,234
Just a quick word' Sir Emmanuel?
163
00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:15,754
There's a great deal of interest in this
matter, as you probabry realise.
164
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:19,031
I'll teH you what he's suffering from, old boy-
foHe de grandeur, that's what!
165
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:20,792
He's grown too big for his breeches.
166
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:22,911
He's too cocksure by half!
167
00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:23,955
Thank you, Sir Emmanuel.
168
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,276
And so the question remains unanswered.
169
00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:28,078
Is this the end of the story'?
170
00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:30,794
Have we seen Percy's last stand?
171
00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:34,636
Well, we may never know, because
Percy just seems to have vanished...
172
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:35,960
...off the face of the earth.
173
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:06,272
"Danclng wllh you, here In the soft moonlight."
174
00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:12,435
"Pmk champagne, too. here m the candle glow..."
175
00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:21,035
"...is all that I need.
So why not cuddle up close?"
176
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:28,637
"Just you and me, the sea and pink champagne..."
177
00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,594
Friday, March 12th.
178
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,357
Fiflieth day at sea.
179
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:38,915
So far, I have managed to avoid aH...
180
00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:43,600
...shipping lanes and aircrafl flightpaihs.
181
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:49,918
I... am... alone.
182
00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:55,913
And experiencing a calm of spinl
I haven't known since... ooh...
183
00:11:57,960 --> 00:11:59,234
...before my accident.
184
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,869
"Do you let it hang low,
do you swing it to and fro?"
185
00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:03,075
"Do you tie i1 in a knot?"
186
00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:04,269
"Do you tie i1 in a bow?"
187
00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:06,510
"Do you get a funny feeHng, when
you bash it on the ceiling?"
188
00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:08,716
"Oh, y0u'H never be a sailor if
you let it hang low."
189
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:09,079
'hoy!
190
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:37,519
Testing, testing.
191
00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:43,559
"A thin musHn shift dung, enticingw, to the
contours of her young body,"
192
00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:46,872
"Lying in fokis across her
boyishly flat belly..."
193
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:51,591
"...and drawn taut across the swell of
her, firm, brown breasts."
194
00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:54,510
"He could see the rosy pink nipples..."
195
00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:57,673
"...like rose buds about to explode."
196
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:03,430
Nothing. Huh!
197
00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:05,274
You're finished, old squire!
198
00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:06,951
Knaokered!
199
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,233
Not a shadow of your former self.
200
00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:49,795
Oh, Bollingers!
201
00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:55,598
The B-52 army transport which exploded over the
Pacific at 04:32 hours, Caiifornia tirne...
202
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,394
...was en route to Honolulu, on a
routine suppiies mission.
203
00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:00,511
No explanation for the explosion...
204
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:03,200
...which resulted in the totar
destruction of the aircraft...
205
00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:04,998
mend ihe tragic loss of its crew...
206
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,514
...is possible at this time.
207
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:10,111
But' sabotage is not, repeat,
not suspected.
208
00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:11,150
That is all.
209
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:17,518
Some of us have reason to believe
that the prane was carrying...
210
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:20,592
...highly toxic, chemical warfare material.
211
00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:22,672
Will you confirm or deny this?
212
00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:24,154
Sorry, Frank - I've given you
all I have.
213
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:28,232
- Il was PX-123, wasn't it?
- No comment.
214
00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:33,357
If it was PX-123, whafH the effect be of aH
thal gunk floating about in the sea'?
215
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:37,719
No comment! No comment!
No comment!!!
216
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:40,713
And that's our positive information
at this moment in time.
217
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:45,112
Well, Dr Klein, you're head of the
Department of Chemical Warfare.
218
00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:48,676
Whal WILL be the effect of all that gunk
floating around in the sea?
219
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:51,350
Dr Klein?
220
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:55,397
Er." did you say something, General?
221
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:57,551
I asked you a question, dammit!
222
00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:02,231
Whal happens if PX-123 gets into the
domestic water supply?
223
00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:04,875
Well".
224
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:06,951
...I'll level with you, General.
225
00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:10,193
I'm damned if I know.
226
00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:11,714
Testing, testing.
227
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:16,072
"Beneath the frayed denim of
her Levi shorts..."
228
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,513
"mhe could see the swell of
her tight buttocks."
229
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,757
"...even prettier up close."
230
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:31,752
"Her complexion was flawless
and creamy smooth."
231
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:35,310
"A softness in her lips, as though they
were made to be kissed..."
232
00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:39,712
"Under the blouse, her well-formed
breasts pointed at him."
233
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:42,079
Dr Klein?
234
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:47,040
- What is it, Dr Fainlveather?
- I think you should take a look at this.
235
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,557
- It's PX-123
quorum]
236
00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:51,631
I DO wish you wouldn't do that.
237
00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:54,229
My God, i! IS PX-123!
238
00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:56,597
You didn't object too much
to it last night.
239
00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:59,320
Concentration one per
hundred thousand.
240
00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:01,715
I just don't like it in the
lab - that's all.
241
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,274
- Now will you please cut that out!
- Alright.
242
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:07,595
- What sample is it from?
- This one,
243
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:09,994
- This one?
- Mmm-hmm.
244
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:12,549
Ahoy! \t's travelling, huh?
245
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:14,638
Alright. Mark up a posinve.
246
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:15,636
Yes, sir.
247
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:20,836
Colorado River, Colorado.
248
00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:25,631
Latitude 109 degrees.
Longitude 36 degrees.
249
00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:28,076
Doctor, what does this mean?
250
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:30,153
It means, Dr Faxrweather...
251
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:33,359
...that any day now, PX-123...
252
00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:37,560
...will be in the domestic water supply
of every country in the world.
253
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:41,193
Dr Klein! Will you please stop that!
254
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:43,271
There is a time and place
for everything.
255
00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:45,677
Alright - when?
What time?
256
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,998
- I don't object to the stationery store.
- Good!
257
00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:52,596
Well? Anything to report?
258
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:56,350
Oh, er, it's nothing positive, General-
we're stiH groping.
259
00:16:59,280 --> 00:16:59,917
Hoping.
260
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:31,150
Oh, wow!
261
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:35,397
Dolphins!
262
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:41,759
Focus, focus...
263
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,713
What's the matter with the... thing?
264
00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:58,919
Well, move in!
265
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:11,790
Maureen!
266
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:17,597
"Miss Annabella McAllistair.
Miss Esmeralda Jones."
267
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:18,158
I think.
268
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:23,229
"Miss Karmasutra Gupta.
Miss Ambrosine Fitz-Fonesque."
269
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:27,510
"Miss Maureen Sugden.
The Countess of Methlone."
270
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:31,070
"Miss Barbara Crockett.
Miss UHa Bergstrom."
271
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:34,232
'Madame Genevieve BeausoleH."
272
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:37,272
"Her Highness, the Renee of Badawar."
273
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:41,191
- "Senora lsabelta... "
- Forgotten all about them.
274
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:43,994
0h, myGod!
275
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:47,917
And I'd forgotten all about you!
276
00:18:56,800 --> 00:19:00,111
I've got some bonza news' good people.
277
00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:05,349
All the little anlmals in here have been on
an exclusive diet of lettuce leaves...
278
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:10,270
...heavHy impregnated with PX-123,
for fourteen days now.
279
00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:15,355
And, as you can see, with absomtely no
ill effect whatsoever.
280
00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:19,078
Personally speaking, I have never
known such healthy bunnies.
281
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:23,631
And believe you me, General-
I know my bunnies.
282
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:28,114
Don't V? Good morning, Hilda.
Good morning, Fred.
283
00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:29,713
Male and female, of course.
284
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,275
Bucks and does, Doctor."
285
00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:36,831
...as we used to call them back in the old days of
the Australian Zoological lnstilute.
286
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:40,319
But, you know, General - that's one
thing that's faxing me,
287
00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:44,752
Take... take httle Hilda and Fred here.
They're the champions.
288
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:48,596
They're usually in llke Flynn at
the drop of a lettuce leaf.
289
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:54,278
At it all the time - the little buggers never
stop playing "slnklhe sausage".
290
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:57,592
Or "carrot" - in this particular instance.
291
00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:59,677
Well, maybe it isn'! the
screwing season?
292
00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:04,198
Please watch your bnguage, General.
There are does present.
293
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:06,273
There are does that do...
294
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:08,034
...and does that don't,
295
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,117
Speak for yourself, Doctor,
296
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,990
From my clinical experience, GeneraL.
297
00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:14,599
Mwith bunnies...
298
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:17,918
...every season is the screwing season.
299
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:26,309
Even art books!
300
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:29,874
Manefs "Olympia".
301
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:33,760
Alright, it's erotic... but it's a masterpiece,
for God's sake!
302
00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:38,079
Supposed to stir the soul,
not the bloody loins.
303
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,835
You... Httle bastard.
304
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:44,593
Whal do you mean, "they're all impotent"?
305
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:49,874
I mean, in a word' General - that not one
of the poor tittle buggers can do it.
306
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:51,670
Do what?
307
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,436
Must I be expHcit, General?
308
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:55,840
Dip the wick.
309
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:57,917
Sink the sausage.
310
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,629
Hay hospitals.
Cars and garages.
311
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:03,029
Ships and harbours.
Bunnies and burrows.
312
00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:06,431
What's the mailer with you, General?
Can't you understand plain AustraHan?
313
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:10,878
And you dragged me away from the
White House just to tell me that?
314
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:12,314
Where the heH is Klein?!
315
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:13,510
This is his rabbit!
316
00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:14,675
L-I mean, his pigeon.
317
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:15,716
Dr Klein.
318
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,192
Dr Klein!
Dr Klein!
319
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,074
Dr Kleinl?
320
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:27,875
What's the matter'?
321
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:29,110
I don't know,
322
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:31,352
Don't you find me attractive?
323
00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:34,589
You must be}oking.
I'm crazy for you!
324
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:37,076
Well, in the lab you can't keep
your hands off me!
325
00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:38,554
What's wrong with here?
326
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,116
Are you aHergic to the
carbon paper?
327
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:42,796
I don't know,
328
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:46,193
Honestly, this has never
happened to me before.
329
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:50,277
' H" "W: ~ 0m
330
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:53,799
Dr Klei... Oh,
there you are, Dr Klein!
331
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:54,198
Oh!!!
332
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:59,560
I felt you had to know, Dr Klein, that
all my male bunnles are...
333
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:01,958
Him-potent.
334
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:05,517
See this little doe, here?
335
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:06,718
Yes,
336
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:09,991
It's weeks since she had
a decent buck.
337
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:13,074
Dr Anderson...
338
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:16,677
...I have news for you!
339
00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:28,034
"Here I am"
340
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:30,596
"Just aching for you'
341
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:33,358
"Pkease, take me soon"
342
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:36,549
"Can't wait much longer"
343
00:22:37,360 --> 00:22:39,795
"You are the one"
344
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:40,677
Never!
345
00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:42,711
- "The one I love"
- Never!
346
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:45,791
- "The love inside"
- Never!
347
00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:48,751
"Is growmg stronger"
348
00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:52,151
"Can't you see?"
349
00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:55,955
"Open your eyes'
350
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:58,710
"You're missing me"
351
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:02,398
"You're mxssing love"
352
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:06,076
Wait.
353
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:08,596
Wait!
354
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:11,559
I'm commg!
355
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:13,515
I'm commg!
356
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:16,230
I must get... to the
nearest pon.
357
00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:19,432
"You've missed so much"
358
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:22,951
"My love, my peace, my heart"
359
00:23:23,120 --> 00:23:25,191
Ladies and gentlemen of the press...
360
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:26,669
...will you please be seated.
361
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:32,917
This same buHetin is being
simultaneously issued to the press...
362
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:34,993
...in every capilal city m the wofld.
363
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:38,434
Due to the poHution of domestic
water suppHes.
364
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:42,313
The entire male population oflhe world...
365
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:45,115
...is impotent.
366
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:47,999
- Thank God!
- Thank God?!
367
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,310
I thought it was only me!
368
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:53,831
Tout les hommes du monde - et, par
consequences, ce qui plus importam...
369
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:57,191
...tous les hommes de France -
sont impuissants!
370
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:03,672
Radio Fusione e Televisione ltaliana.
371
00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:09,511
Tutti gli uomimi nel mondo...
sono impotente!
372
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:19,195
Tovarischi. Moy bolshe n1
tselny muschini.
373
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:24,914
Excuse I.
374
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,709
I think we've heard quite enough
Maddie and hoohah from...
375
00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:30,718
...all those unsavoury little foreign
persons, don't you?
376
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:34,436
I think I can speak for every whmesome
Australian housewife...
377
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:38,235
...when I say how thrHled to bits we
are by this wonderful news.
378
00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:43,634
Which omy goes to prove, I think, that Dame Nature
herseW, MUST be an Austrafian.
379
00:24:44,360 --> 00:24:45,759
My husband. Norm...
380
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,269
...never tampered with me
on our honeymoon.
381
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:50,358
And, thanks to thxs happy acmdent...
382
00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:54,998
...my joy can now be shared by
millions of young brides...
383
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:58,152
mwho were absomtely dreading the
popmation explosxon.
384
00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:00,914
I'm proud to say that my husband, Norm...
385
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,514
...shares my views on marital hygiene.
386
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:06,952
He's rarely spoken to me of
unsavoury matters...
387
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:09,714
...and since the birth of my youngest son, Kenny."
388
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:12,360
...it's a pomt he's very seldom raised...
389
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,071
...and xs most unHkely to raise agam.
390
00:25:58,120 --> 00:25:58,996
Buenas tardes.
391
00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:04,190
Gracias.
392
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:15,918
For heavens sake! Just a flaming minule!
393
00:26:16,120 --> 00:26:18,396
I'm just as anxious as you
are, you know!
394
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:21,035
Or do you want to go on without me,
and I'll meet you there'?
395
00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:26,310
'Cause as long as you stand there
in that state, I can't get my trousers on!
396
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:29,796
Thank you.
397
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:38,400
"Tonight is gonna be the night"
398
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:42,675
"When I can stay awake aH the time"
399
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:45,273
"I met can'twin"
400
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:49,509
"So now Vm givin' in
to aH \ feel"
401
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:54,517
"I'm in a nervous state"
402
00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:58,270
'Findin' it hard to conceal"
403
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:03,996
"Tonight is going to be the night"
404
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:07,670
"And it's gonna be }ust out of sight"
405
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:10,755
"I've 1ust had to behave"
406
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:15,033
"But now I've gotta see my famHy"
407
00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:26,070
Buenas tardes.
408
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:39,951
Buenas tardes, senor.
409
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:46,556
Una... Fundador. porfavor.
410
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:52,876
Senor?
411
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:54,639
Where can I get a woman?
412
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:55,751
Por favor.
413
00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:57,314
No entiendo.
414
00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:59,278
Just a minute. Uno minuto, uh..,
415
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:00,877
Senor.
416
00:28:02,360 --> 00:28:07,355
Puede... dirigirme... al bordelo... mas." cercano?
417
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:11,871
Comom?
418
00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:23,436
Um... Pu... puede... dirigerme...erm...
al bordelo... mas... cercano? Comprender?
419
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:28,436
A bordelo, eh'? A Jig-iig-jig-jig?
420
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:30,393
You know? Bang bang!
421
00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:32,239
Comprender yet?
422
00:28:32,360 --> 00:28:37,196
Cochine Inglese!
No tienes compasion!
423
00:28:37,360 --> 00:28:39,954
Does it amuse you to insuh
our manhood?
424
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:46,031
Yo! Pablo Peralta de la una
leccion en cortesia!
425
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:48,037
Sorry... t-tum right where?
426
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:50,595
- Gah!
- Easy, Pablo. Easy.
427
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:51,835
I'll handle this.
428
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:57,075
Whai are you playing at?
429
00:28:57,120 --> 00:28:59,270
What are you trying to do,
you Moody fooW
430
00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:01,351
- Get your head stoved in?
- You're English!
431
00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:04,637
Yes. Barraclough. Foreign Correspondent.
432
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:07,878
- English newspapers?
- No! Don't panic, old son.
433
00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:12,592
They haverft used anything of mine since a
U-boat scuttled itself in the harbour.
434
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:15,237
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
435
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:22,350
You know you really upset old Pablo
with that... Httle }oke of yours.
436
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:26,998
I've been at sea - on my tod for months.
Almost a year.
437
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:30,272
I've sailed 500 miles out of my way
to get to this dump.
438
00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:34,229
And I did it for one reason, and one reason omy -
and that's to get myself a goodm
439
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:35,594
Shhhhhh!
440
00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:39,519
Will you please stop domg that!
441
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:45,759
Do you mean to say you've been
a1 sea for a whole year?
442
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:48,076
That is exactly what I mean.
443
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:50,631
That explains my tensxon.
444
00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:55,197
My... impatience. Explains
my shaking hands...
445
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:58,790
...my perspiring brow...
my fevered loins.
446
00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:00,433
What'? No pods of call?
447
00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:01,789
No pods of call, no.
448
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:03,359
Whal about your radio?
449
00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:04,949
I have no radio.
450
00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:07,595
What about water?
451
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:10,957
I drank only champagne.
452
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:15,635
Stay there.
453
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:19,190
Oh, I don't suppose you have any...
pesetas you can let me have'?
454
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:21,550
I-I'll pay you back later, of course.
455
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:23,358
No foreign currency, I'm afraid.
456
00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:26,839
I was hoping to find a brothel
that takes Diners Card.
457
00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:31,113
Oh, well... carfl be helped'
458
00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:32,752
Pablo?
459
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:34,030
I want my camera!
460
00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:35,190
Dame mi maquina.
461
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:36,311
No,
462
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:40,434
Give me my camera, or I'll puke allover
your nice clean bar agaln.
463
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:42,558
You give me the money that
you owe me.
464
00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:43,431
I gwe you camera.
465
00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:46,831
Look - if you give me my camera, I'M
double the money I owe you.
466
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:09,557
Whal do you want, eh?
467
00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:12,516
My dearest Senora Lopez.
468
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:14,917
A word in your shell-like.
469
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:28,554
O00, hahaha! The good
Lord is merciful!
470
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:30,637
Welcome to the mouth of the Amazon.
471
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:33,957
And to this house of }oy,
of course. Venga!
472
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:36,797
Todas las chicas!
473
00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:39,640
- Ah, you like, eh?
- Oh yes!
474
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:41,432
- Isn't she beautiful? Sexy?
- Yes.
475
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:43,392
- Look, look!
- Very much, yes!
476
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:45,750
Their hair's like silk.
477
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:48,880
And not expensive - no, no, no.
478
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:51,150
Look at her. Look at her -
look at her legs.
479
00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:55,111
And the bosom, mmm!
480
00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:59,120
And everything, is everything
the best in my house.
481
00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:02,398
Don't you think so'? So young,
so pretty, so innocent,
482
00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:06,000
And, perhaps, a little bit of...
483
00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:07,832
" 0h!
. No?
484
00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:09,790
Ladies.
485
00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:10,797
Percy.
486
00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:14,791
They're all - what you say'?
- up for grabs.
487
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:20,751
See... haha. Now you
choose, por favor.
488
00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:22,556
Choose.
489
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:26,071
Yes,
490
00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:30,717
- Difficult.
- Very.
491
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:33,235
- However.
- Si?
492
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:36,838
Av. Chiquita!
493
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:38,229
Chiquita?
494
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:39,310
Que pasa?
495
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:44,356
Get your arse up those stairs and
don't argue. Vamos!
496
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:50,596
Now, where were we'?
497
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,639
- The mirror room?
- Ah, si! Chiquita?!
498
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:55,717
Numero siete!
499
00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:01,031
It's a wasie of my time and
your money.
500
00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:01,673
Sorry if I interrupted your."
chess game or something.
501
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:10,077
I've been at sea, you see?
502
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:11,836
And, well...
503
00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:14,392
...naturally one gets a little, um...
504
00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:16,511
...il's only natural, really.
505
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:19,678
I mean - all thatfresh air.
506
00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:23,114
Hurry up, huh? Just
get on with it.
507
00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:26,273
Sorry. Won't be a jiffy.
508
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:30,711
Well, er... Miss.
509
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:37,996
Oh! What a Whopper!
510
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:41,837
Hooray!
511
00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:44,110
Silencio!
512
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:45,876
Silencio!
513
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:48,398
Get back, you scum, you!
514
00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:50,871
Give Percy a little bit of privacy.
515
00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:55,711
Thank you.
516
00:34:57,240 --> 00:34:58,310
Thank you so much.
517
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:03,589
And... I'm sorry again about
the inconvenience.
518
00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:06,318
I didn't mean to come at
the wrong time.
519
00:35:07,240 --> 00:35:12,440
You say sorry... my lovely? I'm sorry.
520
00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:16,750
I mean, next time - no
come so soon, uh?
521
00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:21,996
[Bmmeq
522
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:29,951
- How was it?
- Wooh!
523
00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:32,037
Fantastica!
524
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:35,711
Well, Chiquita?
525
00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:38,639
He want to see you next, Dolores!
526
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:43,070
Woweel! Yippeel!
527
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:46,672
Ah! Dolores,
528
00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:50,793
What's a girl like you doing
in a place like this?
529
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:55,393
Stand still!
530
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:00,437
Mmmm!
531
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:12,035
Dirty, rotten, filthy...
lucky swine.
532
00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:13,195
[Bmmeq
533
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:15,550
Asain?
534
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:23,597
That's what a nice girl like me hasn't
been doing in a place like ihis.
535
00:36:24,240 --> 00:36:26,800
Could you manage Maria next?
536
00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:28,191
Maria?
537
00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:32,280
Maria! Vamos! Pronto! Get!
538
00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:37,639
[Bmmeq
539
00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:40,515
Ah, Maria! This should be good!
540
00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:45,672
He's going through ihe card.
The bastard!
541
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:51,797
Oh! I forgot to ask...
do you take Diners Card...?
542
00:36:52,240 --> 00:36:53,435
Oooooh!
543
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:55,795
American Express?
544
00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:01,631
Barclaycard or Fones Trust Houses.
Access?
545
00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:06,070
- Harrods?
- Oh, Si. Si. Yes!
546
00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:08,151
Really?! Harrods?!
547
00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:10,236
Well, who'd have thought it!
548
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:20,671
Who? Barraclough'? Hah. I don't beHeve it!
549
00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:22,837
It's that piss artist' Barraclough.
550
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:25,275
Wants to know if we'll accept a
call from South America.
551
00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:27,357
- I don't believe it.
- Huh! Straight up!
552
00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:29,791
What's the Spanish for
"get stuffed", then?
553
00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:30,791
No, hang on.
554
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:33,517
Hello, Millie? Mr Simmonds here.
555
00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:35,750
Put that reverse-charge call through
to me here, love, wiH you'?
556
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:37,513
Bloody nerve of it.
557
00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:40,395
Barraclough?
558
00:37:40,720 --> 00:37:42,518
Lxsten, you drunken bum...
559
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:45,319
...if I ever hear of you passing
yourself off as a reporter for this...
560
00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:47,789
...newspaper again I'll have
you hung by your...
561
00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:49,875
What's that again?
562
00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:52,951
You found a man who can... what?!
563
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:55,037
Yes, and I've got pictures
of him doing it!
564
00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:57,071
His name's Percy Edwin Anthony...
565
00:37:57,080 --> 00:37:59,151
mend he came here out of the blue
a couple of hours ago.
566
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:01,953
And ever since, he's been
up at Signora Lopez'.
567
00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:07,200
And when I say he's up there,
I mean... he's". "up" there!
568
00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:10,796
What's that name again?
Not yours, you bum!
569
00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:12,191
Percy?
570
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:14,315
Edwin Anthony?
571
00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:15,634
Holy cow!
572
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:17,315
Percy!
573
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:23,913
Well, I'll say...
574
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:25,519
Chico.
575
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:34,550
Uh I'd just like to say,
thank you very much.
576
00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:41,429
Sorry if I seemed a little...
over-indulgent, like.
577
00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:45,158
Just that I've been at sea, you see?
578
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:50,349
Hadn't actuaHy had a good...
done the deed since...
579
00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:53,791
...PC 2-1-7 in the back of a van
overlooking Portland Bill.
580
00:38:54,240 --> 00:38:58,950
Well... it's been very nice...
very nice indeed.
581
00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:04,671
- Oh, almost forgot there. How much?
- How much?
582
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:06,957
Money. What about the money?
583
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:10,556
Oh, forgive me! But of course.
584
00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:31,994
I am sorry it cannot be more.
585
00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:35,036
These are hard nmes, senor,
586
00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:39,713
Come again soon!
587
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:50,152
Hooray!
588
00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:52,237
Thank you. Thank you.
589
00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:04,230
You know, given halfa chance I think
you could starl a revolulion.
590
00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:07,598
No... we're not that good... are we?
591
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:09,677
Is anybody that good?
592
00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:13,718
Perhaps they }ust had a thing about
an Englishmarfs thing.
593
00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:15,795
Or...
594
00:40:16,920 --> 00:40:19,594
...maybe we caught them at
a funny time of year.
595
00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:22,037
Humidity, or... somethmg.
596
00:40:23,240 --> 00:40:26,073
Anyway... calmed you down, hasn't it?
597
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:28,154
It was nice.
598
00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:29,112
Hey.
599
00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:34,398
That Maria. Wasn't she something?!
600
00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:44,520
So sweet. Lovely smile
and eyes. Firm, big...
601
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:48,714
"Oh, I know I'm gonna
miss ihe sand in my hair."
602
00:40:48,720 --> 00:40:51,519
"Roll In the tide and the salt in the all"
603
00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:54,074
"Deep inside, it's true"
604
00:40:54,120 --> 00:40:56,031
"I'm a home-lovin' man"
605
00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:58,680
"Comin' home to you'
606
00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:03,113
"I know I'm gonna miss
the wind in my eyes"
607
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:05,959
"The shimmer of light
when the seaguH flies"
608
00:41:06,240 --> 00:41:08,231
"Though I've traveHed far"
609
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:10,597
"I'm a home-lovin' man"
610
00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:13,632
"And home xs where you are"
611
00:41:22,280 --> 00:41:25,398
This has just arrived, Prime Minister.
From the Admirahy.
612
00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:27,993
Ee, what'? Whatjust arrived?
613
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:29,276
Percy's progress.
614
00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:34,037
Oh... yes. Where is the filthy, rotten,
lucky, I mean, er...
615
00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:36,310
...where is he at, Catchpole?
616
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:38,670
Well, I can't understand longitude
and latitude, Prime Minister.
617
00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:39,875
I'm not a nautical man.
618
00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:40,273
What?
619
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:43,432
You spend enough time down at that
pub nearthe Naval College.
620
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:46,279
- God amighty, the apathy
and indifference!
621
00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:48,709
I only use that pub to get
your sandwiches, sir.
622
00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:52,193
- But you forgot the mustard.
- I did not!
623
00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:53,156
Nor the pickled onion.
624
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:54,798
Oh, good, good - let's have 'em.
Come on, come on.
625
00:41:57,200 --> 00:41:58,873
Good, that aH looks nice.
626
00:42:00,240 --> 00:42:04,074
Now then, about this, er, Percy feHer.
He mustn'! be lost.
627
00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:07,636
You must tell that to the Air Force
and to your Naval cronies.
628
00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:08,590
Catchpole...
629
00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:10,551
...that lad is Crown property...
630
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:13,956
...and I don't want him sea-poked by the
Americans or the Moody French.
631
00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:18,836
We might be a poor relation of the Common
Market. We might be a fifth-rate nation.
632
00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:21,349
We might not have much
of an Empire left.
633
00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:27,351
But by God, there's only one erection
in the whole universe...
634
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:30,434
and it's got a GB plaie on it.
635
00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:32,675
Sir.
636
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:40,150
- Catchpole?
- Yes, Prime Minisler.
637
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:43,995
This is French Moody mustard,
you ponce!
638
00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:50,039
I want tt known that my suicide was
not a last desperate act...
639
00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:52,390
...born out of despair and loneliness.
640
00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:55,839
And the fact that my Bollinger '69
has run out.
641
00:42:56,960 --> 00:43:00,237
No! It is an act of faith.
642
00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:02,319
Faith in a better wofld,
643
00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:05,313
Where a man can hold his head up high.
644
00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:08,795
And, only... his head.
645
00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:14,759
There you are. That should do the trick.
646
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:17,998
That should close the file on
Percy Edwin Anthony...
647
00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:19,589
...once and for all.
648
00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:30,039
Meanwhile...
649
00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:31,395
...I can g0 ashore...
650
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:35,111
...to some deseried, oui-of-season
Devon resort...
651
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:38,913
...steal away under cover of darkness...
652
00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:41,198
...and start a new life...
653
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:43,870
...in welcome obscurity.
654
00:43:47,720 --> 00:43:49,552
Percy Edwm Anthony...
655
00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:52,920
...we hereby commit your
body to the deep.
656
00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:56,235
Ta ta, Perce,
657
00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:04,191
Eventually, I could seek out
Clanssa, I suppose.
658
00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:07,791
Trouble is, I can't see Clarissa
living in obscurity.
659
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:20,919
My wife certaimy went to
a lot of trouble.
660
00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:31,838
Are you Percy Edwin Anthony?
661
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:33,274
Not necessarily.
662
00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:37,877
Are you sure you're not
Percy Edwin Anthony?
663
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:39,559
Don'tthink I know you, do V?
664
00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:42,797
- Oh, yes, you bloody do.
- Do I?
665
00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:46,236
Don't remember. Been away' you see.
Been at sea.
666
00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:14,994
We wam Percy!
We wam Percy!
667
00:45:15,040 --> 00:45:16,314
Just look at that bloody crowd.
668
00:45:16,360 --> 00:45:19,352
Have I ever had a turn out like this?
Have I? Have I heH!
669
00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:21,516
Not even at Durham Miners' Gala.
670
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:23,995
I don't know what's happened
to the old values...
671
00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:26,270
...that made this once-proud country.
672
00:45:26,520 --> 00:45:30,150
I mean, in them days, Catchpole, this kind of admation...
673
00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:33,949
...used to be reserved for monarchs
or prime ministers.
674
00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:38,836
Or your war won or Everest cHmbed,
a four minute mile or a golden disc,
675
00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:41,715
I don't know. What's he
everdone? Nothing!
676
00:45:41,760 --> 00:45:44,718
Just happens to have the only eight inches
in the country, that's aH.
677
00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:46,553
- Nine, sir.
- What?
678
00:45:46,920 --> 00:45:48,638
Well, speak up' lad. Don't mumble.
679
00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:51,195
According to Whitbread, the
surgeon, sir - it's nine.
680
00:45:51,520 --> 00:45:54,034
Or even nine and a half.
Depending upon humidity.
681
00:45:54,640 --> 00:45:55,357
Good God!
682
00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:09,234
We want Percy! We wam Percy!
We want Percy!
683
00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:22,038
On behaWof Her Majesty the Queer�-
684
00:46:22,040 --> 00:46:23,758
We'd better get him out of here!
685
00:46:25,160 --> 00:46:26,673
I bought you these.
686
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:30,750
To welcome you back
to your home...
687
00:46:35,400 --> 00:46:40,554
Calm down! Calm down!
Calm down!
688
00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:44,590
- Get ihe mounted horses!
- Yes, sir! Right, sir!
689
00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:46,677
The mounted horses, sxr!
690
00:46:46,720 --> 00:46:47,357
Rxght, sxr!
691
00:46:47,360 --> 00:46:50,000
What about ihe pound in your
effing pocket now, mate?
692
00:46:56,720 --> 00:46:59,872
Look, chaps' would somebody please
tell me what on earth's going on here.
693
00:46:59,920 --> 00:47:02,275
Put me in the picture? Clue me in,
as it were? Alright?
694
00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:04,038
You know who I am, surely?
695
00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:07,077
I'm Henry Snope, lad.
696
00:47:07,240 --> 00:47:08,560
Whai am I supposed to say?
697
00:47:08,600 --> 00:47:10,398
"You are Henry Snope, and l...'
698
00:47:10,400 --> 00:47:13,756
"...claim the five pounds and a night out
with Miss Daiw Queen."
699
00:47:13,960 --> 00:47:16,076
Mr Snope is... the Prime Minister.
700
00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:18,999
I've been Prime Minister for the
last six bloody months, lad.
701
00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:23,432
God almighty. Apathy, indifference...
What's happening to this once-proud nation?
702
00:47:23,640 --> 00:47:24,914
I'm terribly sorry, Mr...
703
00:47:25,240 --> 00:47:26,071
It's not our fault.
704
00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:30,153
We inherited a legacy of four years' Tory
misrule, didn'! we? You forget that.
705
00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:33,512
And I'm Chafles Bleeker.
Head of the Special Branch.
706
00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:36,439
- Top security.
- I haven't done anything!
707
00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:38,990
Oh, yes, you have, mate.
Oh, yes, you have.
708
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:40,911
Honesfly, lnsp... Sir!
709
00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:42,832
L-I've been away, you see?
710
00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:44,911
I've been rather out of the picture.
711
00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:47,716
I haven't stayed on top of things.
712
00:47:49,520 --> 00:47:50,635
On the contrary.
713
00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:52,719
You're the only bleeder who has!
714
00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:07,669
About a year ago, an aircraft of the United
States Army Air Force took 0ft."
715
00:48:07,840 --> 00:48:10,275
mfrom an airbase in San Diego, Cafifomia.
716
00:48:11,320 --> 00:48:14,995
- You mean, I'm the only one?
- The only one.
717
00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:18,072
- But, in the whole world?
- In the whole, wide world.
718
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:21,035
I can't spell it out any dearer, lad.
719
00:48:21,200 --> 00:48:23,635
- Well, I'll be...
- You wlll, male.
720
00:48:24,040 --> 00:48:26,554
- And frequemly.
- Why?
721
00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:29,070
- Why only me?
- The drinking waler.
722
00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:32,875
There you were, bobbing about
on the Pacific Ocean...
723
00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:34,877
mquaffing your Bollinger '62.
724
00:48:34,960 --> 00:48:36,951
- '69.
- 0h, really!
725
00:48:37,240 --> 00:48:38,355
Now, I'm...
726
00:48:38,400 --> 00:48:41,040
All right, Catchpole. We know
you know your vinlages.
727
00:48:41,400 --> 00:48:43,710
We know you're always quaffing
champagne out of the...
728
00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:47,111
...b0ots of Bentleys at National
bloody Hunt meetings.
729
00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:49,357
I drank nothing else but, Right?
730
00:48:49,680 --> 00:48:52,274
We were mixing that filthy waier with our scotch...
731
00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:55,159
...and castrating ourselves in the process.
732
00:48:55,280 --> 00:48:59,069
- So, nobody... well... none of you have...
- Er, no.
733
00:48:59,160 --> 00:49:00,912
- None of us.
- Not for a long time.
734
00:49:00,960 --> 00:49:04,032
- Seems even longer.
- Getting longer with each passing day.
735
00:49:04,040 --> 00:49:05,792
Women. Are women affected?
736
00:49:05,840 --> 00:49:06,511
None of them.
737
00:49:06,640 --> 00:49:10,599
- The desire's stilt as strong as ever.
- Getting stronger every day.
738
00:49:10,760 --> 00:49:12,398
All over the wofld,
739
00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:16,311
In every corner of this
great planet earth.
740
00:49:16,680 --> 00:49:22,119
From the frozen wastes of Siberia to the
uncharied regions of the Orinoco.
741
00:49:22,400 --> 00:49:24,994
There xs a woman, wanting it.
742
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:27,077
And, there is a man.
743
00:49:27,360 --> 00:49:28,634
Unable to give her it.
744
00:49:28,880 --> 00:49:29,870
Except me.
745
00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:32,716
Oh, er, except you.
746
00:49:33,040 --> 00:49:38,718
We want Percy! We wam Percy!
We want Percy!
747
00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:41,952
We want to love you!
748
00:49:55,160 --> 00:50:02,430
We want Percy! We wam Percy!
749
00:50:07,040 --> 00:50:07,996
Woo-hooH
750
00:50:10,120 --> 00:50:10,871
50W-
751
00:50:11,400 --> 00:50:13,357
Never mind the far reaches
of the Orinoco.
752
00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:15,590
Just let me provide for
half the King's Road.
753
00:50:15,640 --> 00:50:18,280
- Don't be disgusting! You filthy...
- I've been a1 sea, haven't I?
754
00:50:18,320 --> 00:50:20,231
All that fresh air, Does
somelhing to you.
755
00:50:20,280 --> 00:50:22,635
Pull yourself together,
you horrible rascal!
756
00:50:22,640 --> 00:50:25,075
Bat as much as an eyelid and
I'll have you, lad!
757
00:50:25,120 --> 00:50:27,839
Steady, Bleeker, steady.
Simmer down, simmer down.
758
00:50:28,440 --> 00:50:29,430
Sorry, sir.
759
00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:31,558
Bit over the top' was I, sir?
760
00:50:31,760 --> 00:50:33,114
I'm a celebrity!
761
00:50:33,400 --> 00:50:36,995
I mean, now, shouldn't one,
as a celebrity, make a...
762
00:50:37,080 --> 00:50:40,277
mgesture to those legions
of little Percy hoppers?
763
00:50:40,560 --> 00:50:42,198
You aren't making a gesture
to anyone, lad.
764
00:50:42,320 --> 00:50:43,833
You're far too imporiant for that.
765
00:50:43,920 --> 00:50:46,116
You've got the only one
in the country!
766
00:50:46,240 --> 00:50:50,791
And ifs not being wasted on shameful,
sensual pleasures of the flesh.
767
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:53,390
My God! Whal have you got
in mind for it?
768
00:50:53,520 --> 00:50:57,434
Er, the details of that have not
yet been finalised.
769
00:50:57,520 --> 00:51:00,990
But for the moment you can say
"fareweH desire", "goodbye nookie".
770
00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:02,274
You're going under wraps, lad.
771
00:51:02,920 --> 00:51:05,719
This is a matter for the United Nations.
772
00:51:05,840 --> 00:51:07,797
Well, I don'! agree, thank you very much!
773
00:51:08,000 --> 00:51:10,071
In fact, I think I'll just be on my way.
774
00:51:10,080 --> 00:51:13,072
I can still leave, can't I'?
Thls is still a free country?
775
00:51:13,280 --> 00:51:15,157
I'm the Prime bloody Minister, lad!
776
00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:17,238
Of course it's a free country!
777
00:51:17,800 --> 00:51:22,351
That is one quality I have retained
for this once-proud nation.
778
00:51:22,560 --> 00:51:26,030
Good, good. WeH, good - I'm glad
to hear it. Right then."
779
00:51:26,440 --> 00:51:27,350
...I'll be on my way, then.
780
00:51:27,360 --> 00:51:30,113
This is the legacy of four
years' Tory misrule...
781
00:51:33,280 --> 00:51:36,113
Oh! I rather gathered you were leaving...
782
00:51:36,320 --> 00:51:37,116
...old spun?
783
00:52:03,560 --> 00:52:04,755
Let me give you a hand.
784
00:52:05,240 --> 00:52:06,833
Or two.
785
00:52:07,160 --> 00:52:10,198
Oh! Ooh.
786
00:52:10,560 --> 00:52:12,278
Oh!
787
00:52:12,560 --> 00:52:14,756
- Thank you.
- It was my measure.
788
00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:18,196
- Should we do it again? Slowly?
- 0h, yes.
789
00:52:18,840 --> 00:52:20,672
My name's Maggxe.
790
00:52:20,880 --> 00:52:22,234
Oh! I neafly forgot.
791
00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:24,869
Stick it up! I mean stick them up!
Er." whatever they say.
792
00:52:24,960 --> 00:52:27,395
- Please. Maggie... don't wave
it around like that.
793
00:52:27,440 --> 00:52:29,909
I'm sorry, but I'm not
missing this chance.
794
00:52:30,040 --> 00:52:32,680
Hands up! Trousers down.
795
00:52:34,200 --> 00:52:36,714
I can't do them both.
Not at the same time.
796
00:52:36,800 --> 00:52:39,519
Alright, then. Trousers down.
797
00:52:40,760 --> 00:52:42,512
The army's outside.
798
00:52:42,640 --> 00:52:44,597
I'm supposed to be under wraps.
799
00:52:44,720 --> 00:52:47,394
- HI get shot!
- You'll get shot if you don't,
800
00:52:47,680 --> 00:52:48,556
Nright, alright.
801
00:52:49,360 --> 00:52:50,634
Arright, r surrender.
802
00:52:52,080 --> 00:52:53,036
I surrender.
803
00:52:55,040 --> 00:52:56,519
Ru just...
804
00:52:57,160 --> 00:52:58,275
...tum the shower off.
805
00:52:58,680 --> 00:53:01,433
Well, hurry up. We haven't got aH night!
806
00:53:01,760 --> 00:53:02,875
Worse luck!
807
00:53:07,760 --> 00:53:09,034
Percy?
808
00:53:09,160 --> 00:53:10,559
Percy!
809
00:53:11,840 --> 00:53:14,514
Hello! I'm Angie.
810
00:53:14,680 --> 00:53:16,193
Oh, my God! They're everywhere!
811
00:53:16,760 --> 00:53:18,273
Crawling out the plumbing,
812
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:20,675
Now hsten... Angie. Be a good gm.
813
00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:24,038
Ah, yes, but, uh... I'm not a good girl.
814
00:53:24,200 --> 00:53:27,397
- I was Miss Teenage Lust, 1973.
- Oh!
815
00:53:27,760 --> 00:53:29,034
Congratwations.
816
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:33,160
It's just that... the United Nations
wouldrft hke n.
817
00:53:34,080 --> 00:53:36,435
United Nations isn't going to get n.
818
00:53:36,760 --> 00:53:37,352
I am.
819
00:53:37,440 --> 00:53:38,919
Oh! Look!
820
00:53:41,880 --> 00:53:42,551
[Bmmeq
821
00:53:42,640 --> 00:53:44,392
There's no need to be shy.
822
00:53:47,680 --> 00:53:48,351
[Bmmeq
823
00:53:48,400 --> 00:53:51,836
- Oi! Hands off- he's mine.
- Get lost! I saw him first.
824
00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:54,315
Girls, girls, girls!
Piease, don't fight.
825
00:53:54,520 --> 00:53:57,114
Remember. Two's company...
826
00:53:57,560 --> 00:53:58,959
...but three's a ball.
827
00:53:59,160 --> 00:54:01,390
A threesome! Fantasflc!
828
00:54:01,440 --> 00:54:03,511
- Bags I first!
- No, me! Me!
829
00:54:03,520 --> 00:54:06,160
Girls, girls! Look". I'll choose.
830
00:54:08,800 --> 00:54:10,438
Grab 'em, men!!!
831
00:54:14,920 --> 00:54:17,275
[SCREAMS OF PROTEST
832
00:54:20,200 --> 00:54:22,032
We were only playmg a Httle game.
833
00:54:22,080 --> 00:54:25,038
You play all the games you
want to, old son.
834
00:54:25,360 --> 00:54:29,399
The sporting equipment
belongs to the world.
835
00:54:29,440 --> 00:54:31,113
Let's hope I can make n go round.
836
00:54:31,200 --> 00:54:34,955
Oowwl!
837
00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:42,157
This is Heathrow Airport, London.
838
00:54:42,200 --> 00:54:44,760
And an international research team
has just arrived.
839
00:54:44,800 --> 00:54:47,838
Headed by the prominent toxologist,
Dr Kermit Klein.
840
00:54:48,160 --> 00:54:51,278
Accompanying Dr Klein is
Dr Candice Fairweather.
841
00:54:51,320 --> 00:54:55,154
And the highly respected Australian
zoologist, DrAhderson.
842
00:54:55,280 --> 00:54:57,510
Now, they're here in London to find an antidote...
843
00:54:57,520 --> 00:55:00,114
...which wiH cure the effects of PX-123.
844
00:55:01,960 --> 00:55:02,836
Where am I?
845
00:55:03,160 --> 00:55:04,514
They always says that!
846
00:55:05,280 --> 00:55:06,600
Who always says that'?
847
00:55:07,160 --> 00:55:08,673
People what's brought 'ere.
848
00:55:10,440 --> 00:55:11,839
How did I get here?
849
00:55:12,200 --> 00:55:13,599
Drugged, I suppose.
850
00:55:14,160 --> 00:55:15,833
Brought 'ere under cover of darkness,
851
00:55:16,200 --> 00:55:17,713
Drugged like all the rest of 'em.
852
00:55:19,360 --> 00:55:22,159
- You wam some cocoa?
- Oh, yes, please,
853
00:55:23,160 --> 00:55:24,070
Corporal.
854
00:55:26,800 --> 00:55:28,598
Yes, please' Corporal.
855
00:55:29,320 --> 00:55:30,674
Yes, please' Corporal.
856
00:55:31,000 --> 00:55:32,752
You can call me Brian.
857
00:55:36,640 --> 00:55:38,995
- Brian?
- Yes, mate?
858
00:55:39,880 --> 00:55:40,950
Where am I?
859
00:55:41,800 --> 00:55:44,155
In a Government establishment.
860
00:55:44,960 --> 00:55:47,349
Unknown. Unspecified.
861
00:55:47,600 --> 00:55:49,432
And top, top secret.
862
00:55:50,360 --> 00:55:54,240
It's about, three mHe south of
Godalming, on the 5-2130.
863
00:55:55,080 --> 00:55:55,751
Oh.
864
00:55:58,040 --> 00:55:59,314
Um."
865
00:56:00,920 --> 00:56:01,751
...Brian?
866
00:56:02,400 --> 00:56:03,276
What...
867
00:56:03,920 --> 00:56:06,116
...sort of place". is this?
868
00:56:07,560 --> 00:56:10,120
- Well, it's a son of a cushy nick.
- Nick?
869
00:56:10,640 --> 00:56:12,199
Yeah. VIP nick,
870
00:56:12,800 --> 00:56:16,031
They bring you 'ere to give you a false
sense of security an' comfort...
871
00:56:16,080 --> 00:56:17,639
...prior to interrogation an' torture.
872
00:56:20,080 --> 00:56:22,959
Mind, I don't think you're down
for that - torture.
873
00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:23,956
It ain't on me schedule.
874
00:56:47,560 --> 00:56:48,675
This way' mease.
875
00:56:50,920 --> 00:56:53,275
This is the person you asked for, sir.
876
00:57:02,360 --> 00:57:04,397
You are Jeffcott?
877
00:57:04,560 --> 00:57:06,517
Yeah, yeah. That's me, yeah.
878
00:57:07,400 --> 00:57:09,869
I'm sorry we kept you at
the door so long,
879
00:57:09,920 --> 00:57:13,436
But the footmen are playing
the gardeners a1 cricket.
880
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:19,119
That's okay, mate. I mean, uh...
that's perfectly alright, sir.
881
00:57:20,280 --> 00:57:23,159
That wiH be all' Miss Hanson.
882
00:57:30,400 --> 00:57:31,799
You know who I am?
883
00:57:32,040 --> 00:57:35,158
L, uh." I sort of recognise the face, sir.
884
00:57:35,960 --> 00:57:39,032
I've got a trained, photographic mind.
885
00:57:39,440 --> 00:57:42,910
Well, my picture was in the Express
only this morning.
886
00:57:43,040 --> 00:57:44,519
Well, I've remembered it ever since.
887
00:57:44,560 --> 00:57:45,834
I mean, you have to m my busmess.
888
00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:48,833
Then you will know that I am... Mammoman!
889
00:57:51,880 --> 00:57:53,393
The world's richest man?
890
00:57:53,680 --> 00:57:56,513
Well, a biHion isn't what it used to be' Jeff.
891
00:57:56,560 --> 00:58:00,076
No, ifs, uh, Jeficott, sir. It's aH one word.
892
00:58:00,280 --> 00:58:02,874
- Jeffcott.
- If you like.
893
00:58:04,720 --> 00:58:09,749
Now, this Percy person.
This Percy Edwin Anthony.
894
00:58:09,920 --> 00:58:12,753
You know him, I believe?
I believe you know his ways?
895
00:58:12,800 --> 00:58:15,360
You... sought him out once
before, didn't you?
896
00:58:15,760 --> 00:58:16,955
Once before.
897
00:58:17,640 --> 00:58:19,039
And once again.
898
00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:22,274
That is the point of this exercise, isn't it?
899
00:58:24,440 --> 00:58:28,354
Now, I am aware that he is a
"guest" of the Government.
900
00:58:28,400 --> 00:58:30,437
Under lock and key, no doubt.
901
00:58:30,560 --> 00:58:33,916
But, uh... people can be bought.
902
00:58:34,160 --> 00:58:36,310
People can co-operate, can't they?
903
00:58:36,880 --> 00:58:40,555
I've always found that, Mr Jeffcott.
Haven't you?
904
00:58:41,200 --> 00:58:45,114
It's just a question of the
right word, in the right ear.
905
00:58:45,600 --> 00:58:49,309
Or ihe right amount of readies
in the right pockel.
906
00:58:49,400 --> 00:58:51,391
- Right?
- What?
907
00:58:52,280 --> 00:58:53,953
Oh, yes sir, yes.
908
00:58:54,560 --> 00:58:57,234
And you are such a stupefying
idiot you couldn'l...
909
00:58:57,240 --> 00:59:00,073
...possibly be connected with
Mammonian, could you'?
910
00:59:00,360 --> 00:59:02,749
Well, yeah. I mean, no - no, sir.
911
00:59:03,360 --> 00:59:06,830
Oh, now wok, sir. This... this isn't
my line of business, sir.
912
00:59:07,840 --> 00:59:09,592
I mean, I'm more for the old adultery, you know?
913
00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:11,637
Rather than corruption m high places.
914
00:59:11,760 --> 00:59:13,831
I mean, if you want somebody
followed, sir - I'm your man bul...
915
00:59:18,200 --> 00:59:19,110
Whal was that, sir?
916
00:59:19,120 --> 00:59:22,954
That would be the gamekeepers
shooting the young campers.
917
00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:27,797
Take a dim view of trespassers
and poachers.
918
00:59:27,880 --> 00:59:30,838
People who do not follow
my instructions.
919
00:59:35,320 --> 00:59:37,994
Now, where were we, Mr... Jeficott?
920
00:59:39,200 --> 00:59:41,157
Corruption in high places, sir.
921
00:59:47,520 --> 00:59:49,716
We, therefore, add our support...
922
00:59:49,840 --> 00:59:52,150
...to the motion tabled by our esteemed colleague...
923
00:59:52,160 --> 00:59:54,629
...the delegate of the People's RepubHc of Cuba.
924
00:59:55,720 --> 01:00:00,430
That each nation here assembled shall choose,
from among its citizens, one woman.
925
01:00:01,280 --> 01:00:03,840
That woman to perform for her nation...
926
01:00:04,040 --> 01:00:06,429
mthis task of such selflessness...
927
01:00:06,440 --> 01:00:09,717
...such heroism and nobHity of purpose.
928
01:00:09,720 --> 01:00:13,236
Inlo the hands of these women of all
nations, fellow delegates."
929
01:00:13,360 --> 01:00:17,797
...we now do solemmy entrust
the future of aH mankind.
930
01:00:29,880 --> 01:00:34,033
- What's that all about, Hervey?
- The Chinese are asking for two women to our one.
931
01:00:34,600 --> 01:00:35,920
Wouldn't you know it.
932
01:00:43,160 --> 01:00:43,877
There he is,
933
01:00:46,600 --> 01:00:47,670
There we are, old sport.
934
01:00:48,000 --> 01:00:49,911
Sorry about all ihat Top Secret bullshit.
935
01:00:50,240 --> 01:00:51,992
All that "goxng by the book" nonsense.
936
01:00:52,040 --> 01:00:53,235
Pardon me, sir.
937
01:00:53,400 --> 01:00:55,755
But I mayed it by the book
aH me natural, sir.
938
01:00:55,800 --> 01:00:59,714
- Oh, do pipe down, Bleeker!
- Are we still on the 2301?
939
01:00:59,800 --> 01:01:01,199
Haven'! an eanmy. Why?
940
01:01:01,440 --> 01:01:02,999
Maureen works near here,
941
01:01:03,600 --> 01:01:04,749
Maureen Sugden.
942
01:01:04,880 --> 01:01:06,837
Works a petrol pump. Just near here.
943
01:01:07,600 --> 01:01:09,637
I used to know her. You know...?
944
01:01:09,800 --> 01:01:11,074
Quite regulafly.
945
01:01:11,280 --> 01:01:13,157
UsuaHy behind the oar wash.
946
01:01:13,400 --> 01:01:14,913
Couldn't stop for something, could we?
947
01:01:15,080 --> 01:01:16,115
Your windscreeds filthy.
948
01:01:16,120 --> 01:01:18,873
Now Percy, please...
We've been through all this.
949
01:01:19,200 --> 01:01:21,350
- Your body is Crown property...
- The sheer Moody irony of it!
950
01:01:21,400 --> 01:01:24,279
I'm the only Moody one who can,
only I bloody can't!
951
01:01:24,720 --> 01:01:27,030
Wish I'd had a glass of that blasted waler.
952
01:01:27,200 --> 01:01:30,238
Try and puH yoursefi together,
you wretched Httle man.
953
01:01:30,240 --> 01:01:31,753
I'm quite together, thank you.
954
01:01:31,800 --> 01:01:34,872
Hean and pulse quite normal.
Perfectly in control.
955
01:01:39,960 --> 01:01:43,191
- Maureen!
- Percy!
956
01:01:43,400 --> 01:01:46,995
- Maureen!
- Oh, Perce! Perce...!
957
01:01:47,160 --> 01:01:47,956
No!
958
01:01:48,120 --> 01:01:49,519
Whatever it is - no!
959
01:01:49,560 --> 01:01:54,316
I just don't want to know. I'm tired of being
a guinea pig. Of being a." freak!
960
01:01:54,360 --> 01:01:56,397
I'm not doing anything for anybody.
961
01:01:56,400 --> 01:01:59,153
But it's for the sake of humanity!
For mankind!
962
01:01:59,200 --> 01:02:01,714
More than that - it's for England.
963
01:02:01,760 --> 01:02:03,398
I don't give a monkey's about England.
964
01:02:03,440 --> 01:02:04,669
- For your Queen?
- No.
965
01:02:04,720 --> 01:02:06,393
- For the flag?
- I said no. And that's final,
966
01:02:06,440 --> 01:02:08,397
For God's sake' lad. AH we're
asking you to do is...
967
01:02:08,440 --> 01:02:11,239
...to make love to the choicest
bloody females in the landl!
968
01:02:27,240 --> 01:02:33,714
"... The field of green. Red white and rm,
what does it mean to you?"
969
01:02:33,800 --> 01:02:37,350
"Surely you're proud? Shout it out loud.
Britons awake!"
970
01:02:37,360 --> 01:02:41,991
Ladies and gentlemen, we present...
live from London!
971
01:02:42,560 --> 01:02:47,077
The United Kingdom finalists, for the
Miss Conception International Contest.
972
01:02:47,120 --> 01:02:48,030
Let's hear it!
973
01:02:58,560 --> 01:03:01,996
Thank you. Thank you and God Mess yer,
ladies and gentlemen.
974
01:03:02,120 --> 01:03:04,839
Now tonight, we are assembled
here, to choose...
975
01:03:04,840 --> 01:03:07,673
...from among contestants from aH
over the British lsles...
976
01:03:07,800 --> 01:03:13,079
...ihe lady who is going to be Miss Conception
International, Uniied Kingdom.
977
01:03:13,160 --> 01:03:17,950
All right. Without any funher ado,
shall we join the ladies? Yes'? Yes!
978
01:03:26,560 --> 01:03:28,870
Oh! Whal a fantastic sight. Eh, fellas?
979
01:03:28,960 --> 01:03:30,792
I bet that exceeds your wildest dreams!
980
01:03:30,800 --> 01:03:32,837
I know most of you have been
having some, er...
981
01:03:34,200 --> 01:03:36,237
...fantastic dreams lately!
982
01:03:36,280 --> 01:03:38,874
Now, it's all up lo all of you,
and, of course...
983
01:03:38,920 --> 01:03:41,639
...our panel of distinguished judges
at the from, here...
984
01:03:41,800 --> 01:03:47,239
to choose who is going to be Miss Conception
lnternalional, United Kingdom.
985
01:03:47,280 --> 01:03:50,671
Who is going to be your own,
your very own, Miss Conception?
986
01:03:50,960 --> 01:03:53,918
Which girl is going to wm the prize...
987
01:03:54,040 --> 01:03:57,396
...to make her the envy of every woman
in this whole world?
988
01:03:57,440 --> 01:03:59,431
Whoa! Look at the knockers on that tot!
989
01:03:59,440 --> 01:04:02,353
Who is going to get her hands on Percy?
990
01:04:04,880 --> 01:04:10,034
No, but, seriously folks. Also, the wonderful
knowledge for both of them...
991
01:04:10,280 --> 01:04:13,875
...when they reatise, that they're
saving the whole world...
992
01:04:14,160 --> 01:04:15,958
...from extinction.
993
01:04:16,200 --> 01:04:18,953
Ladies and gentlemen - our first contestant!
994
01:04:27,240 --> 01:04:29,516
And to think I get paid for this
as well! What a }ob, right'?
995
01:04:29,560 --> 01:04:31,995
Now then, me darlin'... um...
what is your name please?
996
01:04:32,040 --> 01:04:32,632
Patricia.
997
01:04:32,680 --> 01:04:34,557
Could you come a little closer
to the microphone, miss?
998
01:04:34,680 --> 01:04:35,875
Patricia Birchwood.
999
01:04:35,920 --> 01:04:38,912
Ah... Patricia Birchwood, isn't
that a lovely name, now.
1000
01:04:38,920 --> 01:04:40,831
Now, Patricia - let's see where
you're from, shaH we'?
1001
01:04:41,920 --> 01:04:43,991
Oh, yes! Bristol City, fellas!
1002
01:04:45,720 --> 01:04:48,678
No... but seriousw, Patricia.
Up till now...
1003
01:04:48,720 --> 01:04:51,189
...you've really come through this
competition with flying coiours.
1004
01:04:51,360 --> 01:04:53,556
I mean, you've had the." um... physicaL.
1005
01:04:53,640 --> 01:04:56,553
...and the sexual arousal and
the fecundity test.
1006
01:04:56,560 --> 01:05:00,030
- And also the erogeniousm
- Erogenous!
1007
01:05:00,120 --> 01:05:02,430
What's that? Oh, weH, hello there, Professor, yes.
1008
01:05:02,520 --> 01:05:04,079
Ladies and gentlemen, thank
you very much indeed.
1009
01:05:04,080 --> 01:05:05,150
A-roger." uh... uh__.
1010
01:05:05,240 --> 01:05:06,196
Erogenous!
1011
01:05:06,280 --> 01:05:07,918
Ladies and genflemen -
down here, the Professor.
1012
01:05:08,000 --> 01:05:09,673
A wonderful, wonderful man.
1013
01:05:09,720 --> 01:05:11,518
And a wonderfw brain.
Professor, please...
1014
01:05:11,520 --> 01:05:14,558
...please, Professor. Would you ask
your first question, please?
1015
01:05:14,720 --> 01:05:15,551
Miss Birchwood?
1016
01:05:15,640 --> 01:05:21,352
Would you kindly tell me all you know
of the three laws of thermodynamics.
1017
01:05:22,000 --> 01:05:24,310
Let me see, now.
Yes.
1018
01:05:24,360 --> 01:05:26,112
The First Law of Thermodynamics...
1019
01:05:26,200 --> 01:05:29,113
wheat and mechanlcal energy
are mutually converlible.
1020
01:05:29,360 --> 01:05:31,317
And the Second Law of Thermodynamics...
1021
01:05:31,680 --> 01:05:35,514
Wheat cannot flow continuousw, from
a colder to a hotter body...
1022
01:05:35,600 --> 01:05:37,193
...in a sew-sustained process.
1023
01:05:37,560 --> 01:05:39,551
And the Third Law of Thermodynamics...
1024
01:05:39,840 --> 01:05:41,751
the absomte zero temperature...
1025
01:05:41,800 --> 01:05:44,269
273 degrees centigrade...
1026
01:05:44,360 --> 01:05:45,759
...can never be reached,
1027
01:05:45,840 --> 01:05:47,353
Absowtely correct!
1028
01:05:53,040 --> 01:05:55,509
Wasn't she wonderful? Isn't
she really wonderful?
1029
01:05:55,560 --> 01:05:57,756
Um... excuse me.
1030
01:05:58,080 --> 01:06:00,993
Now then, me darlin'.
Just think carefuHy, now.
1031
01:06:01,280 --> 01:06:03,032
Ii you do win this competition...
1032
01:06:03,600 --> 01:06:06,558
mwhal would you really, I mean, what
would you really want'?
1033
01:06:06,800 --> 01:06:08,029
Are you joking?
1034
01:06:08,200 --> 01:06:10,111
Whal I really want is a good fu...
1035
01:06:13,320 --> 01:06:14,913
Thank you. Thank you
very much indeed.
1036
01:06:15,000 --> 01:06:17,958
Promiscuous, permissive little tart!
1037
01:06:18,280 --> 01:06:22,160
No moral decency. Flauntihg their
wherewithal tike that.
1038
01:06:22,240 --> 01:06:25,995
Mmmm... cop Miss DarHngton!
1039
01:06:26,400 --> 01:06:29,358
Oh, Percy, Percy, love! Percy!
1040
01:06:29,440 --> 01:06:31,431
Shhh, shhhh, shhhh!
1041
01:06:31,600 --> 01:06:32,954
Not so loud!
1042
01:06:33,800 --> 01:06:34,790
How'd you get here?
1043
01:06:34,840 --> 01:06:37,912
I saw you, Perce. I foflowed
you on me moped.
1044
01:06:38,000 --> 01:06:39,434
Course, they wouldn't let me in,
1045
01:06:39,640 --> 01:06:41,551
So I shinned up the drainpipe.
1046
01:06:42,320 --> 01:06:44,072
But I'm twenty floors up, Maureen!
1047
01:06:44,120 --> 01:06:46,031
Oh, love will find a way!
1048
01:06:46,120 --> 01:06:47,554
Oh, Maureen!
1049
01:06:47,600 --> 01:06:49,830
Oh, you always loved me -
didn't you, Perce'?
1050
01:06:49,880 --> 01:06:51,279
Of course I did.
1051
01:06:51,520 --> 01:06:53,955
Why else wouk! I use the 2301?
1052
01:06:54,240 --> 01:06:55,992
Ifs much quicker up the A3.
1053
01:06:56,000 --> 01:06:56,432
Oh!
1054
01:06:56,600 --> 01:06:57,078
[Bmmeq
1055
01:06:57,120 --> 01:06:59,760
I didn't know whether you would love
me as a real woman...
1056
01:06:59,800 --> 01:07:03,714
morjust because l give you Green Shield Stamps,
Even when you didn't top up.
1057
01:07:03,880 --> 01:07:05,234
I've always been grateful.
1058
01:07:05,360 --> 01:07:08,079
You must have furnished your flat
on my Stamps, Perce.
1059
01:07:08,160 --> 01:07:09,912
And I furnished my head, Maureen.
1060
01:07:12,560 --> 01:07:14,597
Undo my bra, love!
1061
01:07:14,840 --> 01:07:15,796
He's at it again!
1062
01:07:15,880 --> 01:07:18,759
Anthony - you horrible, wretched creature!
Unrrand her!
1063
01:07:18,800 --> 01:07:20,837
For God's sake, Bleeker!
1064
01:07:21,640 --> 01:07:25,270
She's an old friend. One old friend
isn't go to do any harm,
1065
01:07:25,320 --> 01:07:27,231
Take your hands ofi me!
1066
01:07:27,280 --> 01:07:28,714
You eunuchs!
1067
01:07:28,960 --> 01:07:30,792
Leave me, you eunuchs!
1068
01:07:30,920 --> 01:07:33,799
Gawd preserve us -whal are you, eh?
1069
01:07:34,280 --> 01:07:37,591
The world has selected its finest
for your pleasure.
1070
01:07:37,800 --> 01:07:40,440
The creme de la creme of
the Earth's crumpet...
1071
01:07:40,760 --> 01:07:46,199
...is compeling for the unique privHege
of your nine bleedin' inches.
1072
01:07:48,000 --> 01:07:51,152
In my day, !ad... it was twelve!!!
1073
01:07:58,960 --> 01:08:03,272
We wam Percy! We wam Percy!
We wam Percy! We wam Percy!
1074
01:08:03,320 --> 01:08:06,950
And here they come - looking absomtely
stunning in their naflonm costumes.
1075
01:08:07,040 --> 01:08:10,635
And first out of the coach is going to be the
very, very beautiful Miss India.
1076
01:08:10,720 --> 01:08:12,711
Resmendent in her national sari.
1077
01:08:12,880 --> 01:08:15,793
And here's the very' very lovely
Miss West Germany.
1078
01:08:15,880 --> 01:08:17,712
The beautiful Miss Hungary.
1079
01:08:17,880 --> 01:08:20,440
And here comes the uttefly
amazing Miss Greece.
1080
01:08:20,800 --> 01:08:22,154
There you are, viewers - what a sight.
1081
01:08:22,360 --> 01:08:24,556
Whal a bevy of... talented ladies.
1082
01:08:25,200 --> 01:08:28,431
And following up at the end there,
obviously Miss Brixton.
1083
01:08:28,840 --> 01:08:30,558
I've said it before and I'll say it again.
1084
01:08:30,720 --> 01:08:34,031
There's absolutely no substitute for
superlative craftsmanship.
1085
01:08:34,320 --> 01:08:37,870
Ooh! No substitute at all!
1086
01:08:38,360 --> 01:08:41,239
Here we are, ducky. Just shp into thxs.
1087
01:08:45,320 --> 01:08:48,438
Bleurgh! Do I have to wear this?
1088
01:08:48,520 --> 01:08:51,273
What difference does it make'?
You'll be having i1 ofi in a minule.
1089
01:08:51,560 --> 01:08:53,437
Oh! What have I said?
1090
01:08:54,520 --> 01:08:57,876
- Well, doctor'?
- Oh! No, no. Fine, fine.
1091
01:08:58,200 --> 01:09:01,033
Pulse is a Httle faster than normal.
But, then, wouldn'l yours be?
1092
01:09:01,720 --> 01:09:05,714
Don't worry. There's a fuHy equipped
medical team standing by...
1093
01:09:05,960 --> 01:09:09,669
...and coumless volunteers for
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
1094
01:09:09,880 --> 01:09:11,518
Get everyone out of here, Catchpole.
1095
01:09:11,760 --> 01:09:13,194
Cenainly, sir.
1096
01:09:14,280 --> 01:09:16,237
Ooh! You beast!
1097
01:09:16,720 --> 01:09:17,278
Well!
1098
01:09:18,680 --> 01:09:21,638
No need to teH you how
xmportant this is.
1099
01:09:21,840 --> 01:09:23,513
England expects.
1100
01:09:26,000 --> 01:09:28,276
The eyes and the ears of the
world will be upon us.
1101
01:09:28,520 --> 01:09:30,272
Or... upon you, of course.
1102
01:09:30,320 --> 01:09:32,834
It's not being... not being televised, is it?
1103
01:09:32,920 --> 01:09:34,149
Of course not!
1104
01:09:34,680 --> 01:09:37,638
Well, er... not public-wise.
1105
01:09:38,120 --> 01:09:44,639
I mean." I have to have film for...
for my diary... For, for the records!
1106
01:09:45,960 --> 01:09:47,758
History, lad!
1107
01:09:48,960 --> 01:09:50,871
I'm terrified now.
1108
01:09:51,160 --> 01:09:53,674
You know'? Doing it for mankind.
1109
01:09:53,800 --> 01:09:54,756
It's a heavy thought.
1110
01:09:54,840 --> 01:09:59,073
Oh, it's just pre-match tension, old son.
I mean, butterflies in the stomach.
1111
01:09:59,160 --> 01:10:02,152
The butterflies are a bit... lower down, in my case.
1112
01:10:03,560 --> 01:10:06,439
For God's sake, Percy, lad. Percy!
1113
01:10:06,720 --> 01:10:09,030
You're doing it for England!
1114
01:10:09,200 --> 01:10:13,831
They're the finest eugenicaHy selected
specimens of the world's womanhood...
1115
01:10:13,840 --> 01:10:17,674
...n0t one with an IQ of less than 150,
is coming in here...
1116
01:10:17,760 --> 01:10:19,990
...and you're going to give her one!
1117
01:10:20,080 --> 01:10:21,593
For England!
1118
01:10:22,280 --> 01:10:23,873
Think of it like that, lad.
1119
01:10:24,200 --> 01:10:27,989
The gold medaHst for sexual bloody intercourse.
1120
01:10:29,280 --> 01:10:30,918
I'll try, Prime Minister.
1121
01:10:32,200 --> 01:10:33,873
I'll try to nse to the occasion.
1122
01:11:36,120 --> 01:11:36,996
God!
1123
01:11:37,200 --> 01:11:39,077
How long has this been going on?
1124
01:11:39,120 --> 01:11:40,793
Since first thing this morning.
1125
01:11:40,800 --> 01:11:43,155
Look at the lime scallywags!
1126
01:11:43,200 --> 01:11:46,830
They haven't actuaHy copulated yet,
but they're getting affectionate.
1127
01:11:46,920 --> 01:11:48,718
They're getting warm!
1128
01:11:49,400 --> 01:11:51,152
Which serum did you use?
1129
01:11:51,320 --> 01:11:55,518
Don't get over-excited please, Doclor -
you're hurting my arm.
1130
01:11:55,560 --> 01:11:58,119
Anderson - which serum did you use?
1131
01:11:58,120 --> 01:11:58,951
This one.
1132
01:11:59,160 --> 01:12:03,279
8357/5/8432'
1133
01:12:04,240 --> 01:12:07,073
Anderson, you're domg a grand job.
1134
01:12:07,120 --> 01:12:10,351
You don't propose using that on
human subject, do you, Doctor?
1135
01:12:10,400 --> 01:12:12,073
That is exactly what I mtend.
1136
01:12:12,160 --> 01:12:14,993
But il hasn't been clinlcally tested.
Ll may nol be safe!
1137
01:12:15,040 --> 01:12:19,352
What I am about to do now,
I do for aH womankmd.
1138
01:12:55,160 --> 01:13:00,439
You are beautiful. And I want
to make love to you.
1139
01:13:00,600 --> 01:13:05,595
Of course. But first... let's eat.
1140
01:13:05,680 --> 01:13:08,035
Oy vey. No gefilte fisch?
1141
01:13:48,320 --> 01:13:51,517
- Who's he?
- That's my husband.
1142
01:13:51,600 --> 01:13:53,989
- He likes to watch.
- Excusez-moi.
1143
01:13:59,560 --> 01:14:01,597
Dr Fairweather. Where are we going?
1144
01:14:02,400 --> 01:14:04,152
Dr Fairweather. What are you doing'?
1145
01:14:05,320 --> 01:14:07,197
Dr Fairweather. Please!
1146
01:14:07,280 --> 01:14:09,794
I insist on knowing. Where are you taking me?
1147
01:14:09,880 --> 01:14:10,950
Anywhere!
1148
01:14:11,080 --> 01:14:12,150
In here!
1149
01:14:20,640 --> 01:14:22,278
"Are you ready?"
1150
01:14:23,560 --> 01:14:24,834
"Really ready?"
1151
01:14:24,960 --> 01:14:29,318
"Cause I'm coming. I'm coming for you!"
1152
01:14:30,120 --> 01:14:34,910
"I'm an American child,
and I'm ready for you."
1153
01:14:34,920 --> 01:14:39,312
"I'm gonna drive you wHd.
I know you want me to."
1154
01:14:39,400 --> 01:14:41,755
"I'm an American dream."
1155
01:14:43,400 --> 01:14:47,075
Right on, man! Let's groove it...
1156
01:14:47,760 --> 01:14:50,718
...and improve it.
1157
01:14:50,800 --> 01:14:52,598
Yeah! Wild!
1158
01:14:52,640 --> 01:14:54,790
White is beautiful...
1159
01:14:55,040 --> 01:14:56,633
[Bmmeq
1160
01:14:57,280 --> 01:15:00,033
But it worked straight off wilh
the rabbits! I promise.
1161
01:15:00,120 --> 01:15:03,795
But listen, Dr Fairweather - this is the
fourth you've made me take.
1162
01:15:03,840 --> 01:15:05,160
Maybe they're not safe?
1163
01:15:05,720 --> 01:15:09,236
"Safe", did you say, Dr Klein'? "Safe"?
1164
01:15:09,720 --> 01:15:13,714
Did Louis Pasteur lhink of safety when
he shot himself full of bacilli?
1165
01:15:13,760 --> 01:15:17,390
Did Marie Curie think of safety when she
exposed herself to radiation?
1166
01:15:17,440 --> 01:15:20,637
Did Paul Erlich think of safeiy when
he gave himself the dap?
1167
01:15:24,440 --> 01:15:25,669
All right.
1168
01:15:27,000 --> 01:15:30,834
I only hope it works out better for me
than it did for poor old Paul.
1169
01:16:10,240 --> 01:16:12,231
- Oh, hallo.
- Hallo, Sheila.
1170
01:16:12,360 --> 01:16:15,512
- My name's Marlene.
- G'day, Marlene.
1171
01:16:29,160 --> 01:16:34,712
Confucius, he say: "Three in a bed is
betterlhan two in a paddy field".
1172
01:16:34,880 --> 01:16:36,791
No! No! Stop! Siop!
1173
01:16:37,040 --> 01:16:41,398
Enough! Enough! Please!
Please! No, please!
1174
01:16:41,520 --> 01:16:44,399
You... horrible little specimen.
1175
01:16:45,160 --> 01:16:45,956
Take 'em away.
1176
01:16:46,400 --> 01:16:50,314
Take them away! That's it!
That's it! Enough!
1177
01:16:53,720 --> 01:16:56,030
This is how the wofld ends, gentlemen.
1178
01:16:56,960 --> 01:16:58,109
Not wnh a bang...
1179
01:16:58,880 --> 01:16:59,836
...but with a whimper.
1180
01:16:59,960 --> 01:17:04,670
The Percy Crisis. With two-thirds of the world's
female representatives still to come...
1181
01:17:04,760 --> 01:17:08,071
...Percy has gone into a state of post-coital coHapse,
1182
01:17:08,240 --> 01:17:12,598
The event, Motherhood International, organised
jointly by tne United Nations...
1183
01:17:12,640 --> 01:17:15,393
...was only in its second day,
although a spokesman...
1184
01:17:15,440 --> 01:17:18,239
"promised an early resumption of
normal service.
1185
01:17:18,440 --> 01:17:22,149
One of the many offers of help which have
poured in from the medical profession."
1186
01:17:22,160 --> 01:17:24,754
...has come from Sir Emmanuel Whitbread...
1187
01:17:24,880 --> 01:17:29,590
mine eminent surgeon who performed the historic
operation on Percy some years ago.
1188
01:17:29,680 --> 01:17:33,878
Look. ls there anything wrong with the lad,
or is he just being bloody-minded?
1189
01:17:33,960 --> 01:17:36,873
Well, there's nothing organically wrong with hlm.
In the broad sense, I mean.
1190
01:17:36,880 --> 01:17:39,235
You might caH it... "too much of a good thing".
1191
01:17:39,520 --> 01:17:42,080
One might say he hasn't got the
courage of his own erection.
1192
01:17:42,200 --> 01:17:44,316
Can he be... er... treated?
1193
01:17:44,560 --> 01:17:48,155
Of course. But to do so I shouk! have to
remove him from his presenl surroundings.
1194
01:17:48,200 --> 01:17:50,237
- Remove him?
- In secrecy, of course.
1195
01:17:50,320 --> 01:17:51,390
With respect, sir.
1196
01:17:51,680 --> 01:17:56,277
Have you any idea how many people are waiting
outside to get their hands on this litiie bugger?
1197
01:17:56,440 --> 01:17:57,919
And all for different reasons.
1198
01:17:58,280 --> 01:18:02,319
Yesterday we spotted an Orthodox Jewish
lot who want to circumcise him.
1199
01:18:03,040 --> 01:18:04,872
Well, that's rather outside my fieki.
1200
01:18:05,720 --> 01:18:07,233
Well, I must be leaving, gentlemen.
1201
01:18:10,240 --> 01:18:13,278
If I may bowdlerise a popular expression...
1202
01:18:13,520 --> 01:18:16,239
mthe balls, gentlemen, are back
in your court.
1203
01:18:33,160 --> 01:18:37,393
Fear not! They'll have to let me have him.
1204
01:18:48,680 --> 01:18:55,950
"What do I see?
The face of an angel."
1205
01:18:56,040 --> 01:19:00,352
"Staring a1 me. Staring at me."
1206
01:19:00,400 --> 01:19:01,834
Ah! Thank you, Jeficott.
1207
01:19:01,880 --> 01:19:04,076
- In you get, Moiher.
- Mother!
1208
01:19:04,080 --> 01:19:05,514
Get in, you fool!
1209
01:19:06,880 --> 01:19:09,269
Menopausal amnesia.
1210
01:19:26,680 --> 01:19:29,035
You lose him, Harris, and I'll have you!
1211
01:19:29,040 --> 01:19:31,759
- More than your life's worth' lad.
- Yes, sir.
1212
01:19:31,960 --> 01:19:33,075
I won't lose him, sir.
1213
01:19:33,680 --> 01:19:35,079
More than my life's worth, sir.
1214
01:19:39,720 --> 01:19:40,630
Mummy'?
1215
01:19:44,440 --> 01:19:46,875
How long do I have
to stay like this?
1216
01:19:47,440 --> 01:19:49,750
Oh! Hold tighi, Moiher.
1217
01:19:51,720 --> 01:19:53,358
The sods trying to shake us off!
1218
01:20:33,080 --> 01:20:35,310
I know I'm always asking thxs...
1219
01:20:35,640 --> 01:20:37,631
...but what the hell's going on?
1220
01:20:37,680 --> 01:20:40,274
Not now' there's a good chap.
I'm baking for a street.
1221
01:20:42,160 --> 01:20:43,195
Ah, there it is.
1222
01:20:48,680 --> 01:20:50,239
Look at that Moody fool!
1223
01:20:54,640 --> 01:20:57,439
Watch what you're doing, Harris.
You almost hit that van.
1224
01:21:03,880 --> 01:21:05,075
Drive on, man!
1225
01:21:06,120 --> 01:21:08,396
- Drive on, sir?
- That's what I said,
1226
01:21:10,000 --> 01:21:12,560
Whal are all those people gawping at?
1227
01:21:13,040 --> 01:21:14,792
I don't think they are people, sir.
1228
01:21:15,560 --> 01:21:17,198
I think ihey're sides of beef.
1229
01:21:17,400 --> 01:21:18,037
What?!
1230
01:21:20,760 --> 01:21:22,319
That's a pxg!
1231
01:21:24,440 --> 01:21:27,990
Well, why won't you tell me what's
going on, and where we're going?
1232
01:21:28,080 --> 01:21:28,831
And why?
1233
01:21:28,880 --> 01:21:30,996
And who's responsible for all...
1234
01:21:31,000 --> 01:21:33,879
Oh, shut up, me boy! You wanted oui, didrfi you?
1235
01:21:34,240 --> 01:21:36,231
Oh, yes. It aH got too much.
1236
01:21:36,400 --> 01:21:39,279
Well, you are out. And it won't
be too much any longer.
1237
01:21:39,560 --> 01:21:40,755
No more pressure.
1238
01:21:40,920 --> 01:21:42,354
No more responsibihty.
1239
01:21:42,600 --> 01:21:44,318
No more sexual gymnastics.
1240
01:21:44,520 --> 01:21:45,555
It's aH over, me boy.
1241
01:21:45,720 --> 01:21:48,075
Hey! You're not going to cut it off againfi!
1242
01:21:49,320 --> 01:21:52,119
Well... hah! The thought had crossed my mihd.
1243
01:22:38,600 --> 01:22:39,351
Hey!
1244
01:22:39,880 --> 01:22:41,075
I know this one.
1245
01:22:41,800 --> 01:22:43,154
Manefs "Olympia".
1246
01:22:45,360 --> 01:22:47,271
Used to make rne randy on the boat.
1247
01:22:47,760 --> 01:22:49,194
The real onels in the Louvre, you know?
1248
01:22:49,560 --> 01:22:50,880
No,
1249
01:22:51,320 --> 01:22:53,880
The real one is the one you are making at.
1250
01:22:54,280 --> 01:22:58,751
The one in the Louvre is an
exceptionaHyfine 00W, mark you.
1251
01:22:58,960 --> 01:23:00,189
That's reassunng.
1252
01:23:01,240 --> 01:23:02,753
Er, thank you' Miss Hanson.
1253
01:23:05,720 --> 01:23:07,279
Well, I'm happy to meet you, sxr.
1254
01:23:07,720 --> 01:23:11,156
Well, I'm... happy to meet you, sir.
I suppose.
1255
01:23:11,400 --> 01:23:14,597
0h, Percy... this is
Mr Stavros Mammonian.
1256
01:23:15,360 --> 01:23:16,680
Oh, well, I never!
1257
01:23:16,920 --> 01:23:18,149
You know who I am?
1258
01:23:18,920 --> 01:23:22,356
Well, I know you have a few oil tankers
and a few wives...
1259
01:23:22,360 --> 01:23:24,431
...and are not shon of the odd drachma.
1260
01:23:24,600 --> 01:23:26,238
Obviously bright.
1261
01:23:26,960 --> 01:23:30,157
Fine... fine build.Yes.
1262
01:23:30,440 --> 01:23:33,910
Sfighfly round shoulders.
Probably smokes too much.
1263
01:23:33,960 --> 01:23:37,749
Otherwise a.. weH, a healthy
young specimen
1264
01:23:37,760 --> 01:23:39,910
You shall be well recompensed, Whilbread.
1265
01:23:39,960 --> 01:23:41,314
Oh, I hope so, sir.
1266
01:23:41,600 --> 01:23:45,434
It wasn't easy but I... I pulled it orf.
1267
01:23:45,520 --> 01:23:50,310
Under the circumstances, I do hope that
that is a figure of speech.
1268
01:23:50,600 --> 01:23:54,070
Why am I always the last to know
every flaming thing'?
1269
01:23:54,360 --> 01:23:56,033
Whal do you mean, "well recompensed"?
1270
01:23:56,080 --> 01:23:57,673
I will teH you why, young man.
1271
01:23:57,960 --> 01:24:01,078
I am, as you see, an unweH man.
1272
01:24:01,160 --> 01:24:05,199
I have had many wives, as you say.
But, alas, no chHdren.
1273
01:24:06,360 --> 01:24:10,991
Therefore there is nobody in a direct line
to inherit Mammonian Shipping.
1274
01:24:11,200 --> 01:24:12,713
So it's down to that again?
1275
01:24:12,840 --> 01:24:14,797
"Percy and His Magic Penis"!
1276
01:24:15,280 --> 01:24:18,875
"Is it a man'? Is it a bird?
No, it's Super Stud!"
1277
01:24:19,000 --> 01:24:20,513
You said you'd get me out, yes!
1278
01:24:20,800 --> 01:24:22,996
Out the Moody frying pan,
into the fire.
1279
01:24:23,040 --> 01:24:25,190
And ifs his old lady's fire I've got 10 light!
1280
01:24:25,200 --> 01:24:27,271
Don't be outraged, young man.
1281
01:24:27,440 --> 01:24:30,319
The kings of ancient Greece
did it all the time.
1282
01:24:30,520 --> 01:24:34,195
- Ye Gods!
- Yes, them 100.
1283
01:24:34,680 --> 01:24:36,273
You've abducted me,
1284
01:24:36,520 --> 01:24:38,352
Stolen Crown property.
1285
01:24:39,360 --> 01:24:40,270
How much is he paying you?
1286
01:24:40,320 --> 01:24:42,789
The recompense includes
yourseW, young man.
1287
01:24:42,800 --> 01:24:44,313
And n was generous.
1288
01:24:45,040 --> 01:24:47,600
You can start a new life in the sun.
1289
01:24:47,800 --> 01:24:49,677
A villa in Acapulco, with...
1290
01:24:49,840 --> 01:24:52,992
...tHed floors and dusky sewing girls.
1291
01:24:53,280 --> 01:24:56,432
Come over to lunch with me on Sundays,
and we'll compare polo ponies.
1292
01:24:56,520 --> 01:25:00,593
Look... I just can'! manage it.
1293
01:25:00,720 --> 01:25:02,677
You can have too much
of a good thing.
1294
01:25:03,560 --> 01:25:07,030
And I...
had too much of a good thing.
1295
01:25:07,440 --> 01:25:09,716
Which has lefl me with not
much of a thing!
1296
01:25:10,640 --> 01:25:13,792
It'll all come back to you, I promise -
with rest.
1297
01:25:14,200 --> 01:25:15,873
And a lot of chicken noodle soup.
1298
01:25:16,320 --> 01:25:17,958
Honestly, Doc...
1299
01:25:18,040 --> 01:25:22,113
- ...I can't look a woman in the face.
- H will be only one time.
1300
01:25:23,200 --> 01:25:25,191
I'm sorry. lfsmst not on.
1301
01:25:25,280 --> 01:25:27,510
Think of it as a gift. For me.
1302
01:25:27,640 --> 01:25:29,711
For the man who has everything.
1303
01:25:30,200 --> 01:25:32,714
- No!
- Not even for me?
1304
01:25:33,280 --> 01:25:35,510
Oh, this is my wife - Ciarissa.
1305
01:25:35,600 --> 01:25:38,319
Clarissa... the famous Percy.
1306
01:25:42,360 --> 01:25:43,509
Percy.
1307
01:25:45,440 --> 01:25:49,070
- Oh, but of course. You two
already know each other.
1308
01:25:49,080 --> 01:25:50,639
Oh, a long time ago.
1309
01:25:52,040 --> 01:25:53,872
But I think he's changed.
1310
01:25:54,880 --> 01:25:56,917
Now let me take a closer look.
1311
01:25:59,720 --> 01:26:03,270
- Ma chere.
- No, he... he hasn't changed.
1312
01:26:03,560 --> 01:26:05,312
Oh, (Harissa.
1313
01:26:06,440 --> 01:26:07,760
000m!
1314
01:26:07,960 --> 01:26:09,917
- Oooh...
- Good heavens!
1315
01:26:11,160 --> 01:26:12,514
Don't drop a stitch.
1316
01:26:12,520 --> 01:26:13,191
0h, God...
1317
01:26:13,400 --> 01:26:14,276
Clarissa!
1318
01:26:15,400 --> 01:26:18,199
In God's name, what did
you do that for?
1319
01:26:18,520 --> 01:26:20,272
Just for old times' sake.
1320
01:26:22,040 --> 01:26:23,599
Now, the home news.
1321
01:26:23,840 --> 01:26:28,277
Since the discovery of PX-123
in the workfs water supply...
1322
01:26:28,440 --> 01:26:31,398
...and the subsequent effect of
"erectus interruptus".
1323
01:26:31,720 --> 01:26:35,111
The number of suicides fell
sHghlly last month.
1324
01:26:35,160 --> 01:26:38,596
According to figures issued
there is a drop.
1325
01:26:39,400 --> 01:26:40,834
Yes, Anderson?
1326
01:26:41,080 --> 01:26:43,674
Oh, take a dekko... there.
1327
01:26:43,840 --> 01:26:47,959
Rabbits! So what's new, Anderson?
We ail know you have a thing about rabbits.
1328
01:26:48,000 --> 01:26:50,037
Dr Fairweather.
1329
01:26:54,240 --> 01:26:57,756
- My God! They're at it...
- ... like rabbits.
1330
01:26:57,920 --> 01:26:59,672
Which serum did you use?
1331
01:26:59,720 --> 01:27:02,838
I don't think it's a question of
the serum, Dr Fairweather.
1332
01:27:02,840 --> 01:27:05,195
I think it was only a matter of time.
1333
01:27:05,520 --> 01:27:10,276
Once we purified the water supply,
Dame Nature put the clock back.
1334
01:27:10,880 --> 01:27:13,076
In fact, I'm certain of it."
1335
01:27:13,120 --> 01:27:17,159
...Dr Fairweather, because I've
just noticed something.
1336
01:27:17,400 --> 01:27:18,993
Whai, Dr Anderson?
1337
01:27:19,120 --> 01:27:23,193
You're a very attractrve woman, Dr Fairweather.
1338
01:27:23,520 --> 01:27:25,557
I never noticed it before...
1339
01:27:25,800 --> 01:27:27,154
"but you're lovely.
1340
01:27:28,080 --> 01:27:31,232
I like you better than my bunntes.
1341
01:27:33,920 --> 01:27:35,399
Dr Klein!
1342
01:27:35,800 --> 01:27:39,430
I must tell Dr Klein!
1343
01:27:42,280 --> 01:27:45,750
I only wanted to play a
little botanical game...
1344
01:27:46,040 --> 01:27:48,714
..."Gladdies in Vases"!
1345
01:27:51,080 --> 01:27:53,833
Dr Klein!
1346
01:27:54,040 --> 01:27:55,553
Dr Klein!
1347
01:27:55,960 --> 01:27:57,280
Don't do that!
1348
01:27:57,360 --> 01:27:59,112
There is a time and place for everything!
1349
01:27:59,160 --> 01:28:02,596
It's no good - I can't go on.
I can't live in a world without lust!
1350
01:28:02,640 --> 01:28:03,835
Dr Klein.
1351
01:28:03,880 --> 01:28:06,190
Dr. AndersoN's rabbits are doing it!
1352
01:28:06,200 --> 01:28:09,750
Come with me, my love... maybe,
in the laboratory in the sky...
1353
01:28:09,760 --> 01:28:12,354
His rabbits are cohabitmg!
1354
01:28:12,840 --> 01:28:13,875
Take my hand.
1355
01:28:14,280 --> 01:28:17,636
Don't be afraid - ifs but one giant step,
1356
01:28:18,080 --> 01:28:19,275
Alright.
1357
01:28:19,640 --> 01:28:21,119
But' Dr Klein.
1358
01:28:21,760 --> 01:28:24,912
- Whal is it, Dr Fairweather?
- Will you kiss me goodbye?
1359
01:28:25,880 --> 01:28:26,870
Deming!
1360
01:28:27,160 --> 01:28:28,116
Deming!
1361
01:28:28,720 --> 01:28:30,916
Hold me' Dr Klem,
1362
01:28:30,960 --> 01:28:32,234
Kiss me!
1363
01:28:34,720 --> 01:28:35,391
Oh!
1364
01:28:40,240 --> 01:28:41,639
Dr Fairweathefl?
1365
01:28:42,240 --> 01:28:45,232
Dr Klein...?
1366
01:28:45,680 --> 01:28:48,035
Something is happening.
1367
01:28:50,640 --> 01:28:54,599
Something is definitely happening!
1368
01:28:54,720 --> 01:28:57,189
Oh, Dr Klein.
1369
01:28:57,960 --> 01:28:58,711
Oh!
1370
01:28:59,520 --> 01:29:01,591
Dr Klein.
1371
01:29:02,920 --> 01:29:08,040
Dr Klein. Oh, Dr Klein!
1372
01:29:10,360 --> 01:29:11,555
You are the mosi...
1373
01:29:11,760 --> 01:29:16,231
mselfish, inconsiderate, egocentric, Wing, adulterous...
1374
01:29:16,240 --> 01:29:19,153
Oh, Clarissa! I've only every been
adulterous with my wife.
1375
01:29:19,320 --> 01:29:21,118
I've always been faithful to you.
1376
01:29:21,600 --> 01:29:22,715
In principle.
1377
01:29:22,880 --> 01:29:24,791
You've made an an out of infideliiy."
1378
01:29:24,960 --> 01:29:26,837
.,.you wretched specimen of manhood.
1379
01:29:26,880 --> 01:29:30,794
I may be wretched, but I am - in fact - the omy
specimen of manhood around.
1380
01:29:30,880 --> 01:29:33,110
Well, I wouldn't iouch you with a ten-foot pole,
1381
01:29:33,160 --> 01:29:35,117
I've already been touched
by a ten-foot Pole...
1382
01:29:35,200 --> 01:29:36,838
wand a six-foot Swede...
1383
01:29:36,880 --> 01:29:39,030
- ...and a three-foot-six Cambodian.
- You...
1384
01:29:39,040 --> 01:29:41,953
Darling, please - I only love you.
1385
01:29:41,960 --> 01:29:45,874
Honestly! Darling, that vase is
an antique. Priceless.
1386
01:29:45,920 --> 01:29:48,753
Don't harm it - it's the only one
m the world. Just like me!
1387
01:29:48,840 --> 01:29:50,353
You shouldn't harm me, either.
1388
01:29:50,720 --> 01:29:53,519
Oh, please. Look...
1389
01:29:54,720 --> 01:29:57,439
...I know - I was unbearame.
Ifs just that...
1390
01:29:57,800 --> 01:29:59,916
...suocess went to my crotch.
1391
01:30:00,280 --> 01:30:03,079
God, I missed you... you little bastard, you.
1392
01:30:03,160 --> 01:30:04,389
Missed the fights'?
1393
01:30:05,360 --> 01:30:06,509
Missed the lot.
1394
01:30:06,800 --> 01:30:07,995
I mxssed you, too.
1395
01:30:08,280 --> 01:30:13,400
Honestly. Whlle I was at sea, you figured very
strongly in almost all my sexual fanlasies.
1396
01:30:13,440 --> 01:30:14,430
- Really?
- Mmm.
1397
01:30:18,800 --> 01:30:21,633
- Yes, darling?
- Nothing.
1398
01:30:21,920 --> 01:30:26,915
"Sometimes it's hard to hide
true love and true devotion"
1399
01:30:27,360 --> 01:30:32,799
"When there's no star to guide
us through the night"
1400
01:30:34,040 --> 01:30:39,035
"So, darling, cuddle up, and the
warmih of my emotion"
1401
01:30:39,880 --> 01:30:42,349
"Will keep you safe until the day arrives"
1402
01:30:42,360 --> 01:30:44,749
Laddie! What the devil are you doing?
1403
01:30:44,800 --> 01:30:46,359
Huddfin' together for warmlh, sir.
1404
01:30:46,560 --> 01:30:48,278
I learnt that in combat tratnin',
1405
01:30:48,440 --> 01:30:50,750
Not with cwilians, you're not!
1406
01:30:50,840 --> 01:30:52,638
Well, I think it might be wise, sir.
1407
01:30:52,880 --> 01:30:56,350
I saw this film, once - about these two
blokes and Stewan Granger.
1408
01:30:56,600 --> 01:30:59,114
Lost in the desolate waste
of the frozen north,
1409
01:30:59,440 --> 01:31:02,398
In constant fear of frostbite
and maraudin' wowes.
1410
01:31:02,800 --> 01:31:04,518
Huddfin' together helped them, sir.
1411
01:31:04,960 --> 01:31:07,395
Start that wretched motor, will you?!
1412
01:31:08,000 --> 01:31:08,876
Yes, sir.
1413
01:31:16,720 --> 01:31:18,074
Think it's a bit cow,
1414
01:31:21,320 --> 01:31:25,109
Really! That marathon look il
oul of me, Clarissa.
1415
01:31:25,560 --> 01:31:28,598
"Un embarras du riohesse".
That's what I'm suffering from.
1416
01:31:29,640 --> 01:31:32,632
It's just going to take a little
time to get it started.
1417
01:31:33,200 --> 01:31:34,270
Don't worry, darling.
1418
01:31:35,160 --> 01:31:37,310
I'll start it for you, hmm?
1419
01:31:42,560 --> 01:31:44,358
We made it, sir!
1420
01:31:44,440 --> 01:31:45,953
Hallelujah!
1421
01:31:46,040 --> 01:31:49,078
Get cracking, lad. Look lively.
Chop, chop!
1422
01:31:49,080 --> 01:31:50,309
Yes, sir!
1423
01:31:50,840 --> 01:31:52,558
Backwards, you fool!
1424
01:31:55,640 --> 01:31:59,270
Come on. Move, can't you? Move!
1425
01:32:00,800 --> 01:32:01,631
Mammonian!
1426
01:32:05,920 --> 01:32:08,150
- Percy?
- (Marissa?
1427
01:32:09,240 --> 01:32:10,719
Am I the only one?
1428
01:32:12,640 --> 01:32:14,392
The only one, my darling.
1429
01:32:16,400 --> 01:32:17,196
Percy?
1430
01:32:18,240 --> 01:32:19,674
And this is forever'?
1431
01:32:21,680 --> 01:32:27,119
Forever... and forever...
dearesl Clarissa.
1432
01:32:27,440 --> 01:32:30,239
And forever, and forever.
1433
01:32:33,280 --> 01:32:35,669
Oh, no! Not again!
1434
01:32:35,720 --> 01:32:36,949
Come on, Perce boy!
1435
01:32:38,040 --> 01:32:39,314
Back to the grind.
1436
01:32:40,080 --> 01:32:42,151
Excuse me, madam. Duty caHs.
1437
01:33:01,360 --> 01:33:03,112
Shit! Hmph!
1438
01:33:03,840 --> 01:33:04,989
Merde alors!
1439
01:33:06,600 --> 01:33:09,353
But how has the tragedy of PX-123...
1440
01:33:09,440 --> 01:33:11,795
...affected the ordinary man and
woman in the street?
1441
01:33:11,840 --> 01:33:14,354
I've come here, to a typical bus queue, to ask...
1442
01:33:14,400 --> 01:33:17,119
...ordinary people about neafly twelve
months of celibacy.
1443
01:33:17,200 --> 01:33:20,397
Madam. I hope you don't mind my asking,
but how has impotency affected you'?
1444
01:33:20,440 --> 01:33:23,319
- I always use saccharin - it's far less fattening.
- Thank you.
1445
01:33:23,360 --> 01:33:26,910
Um, sir - do you mind me asking how impotency
has affected you at aH in your life?
1446
01:33:27,040 --> 01:33:29,600
I don't know, maie.
I haven't had a bit in a year.
1447
01:33:29,640 --> 01:33:31,551
Thank you very much. Ah, here's
two gentlemen. Sirs...
1448
01:33:31,560 --> 01:33:34,359
...I wonder how this tragedy has
affected your private lives?
1449
01:33:34,640 --> 01:33:36,870
Well, personally, it's brought
us closer iogether.
1450
01:33:36,880 --> 01:33:38,314
Oh, yes... wild thing!
1451
01:33:38,320 --> 01:33:39,276
Thank you very much.
1452
01:33:39,360 --> 01:33:42,432
We interrupt this programme for
an important announcement.
1453
01:33:42,440 --> 01:33:43,157
Very sorry, Father!
1454
01:33:43,160 --> 01:33:46,949
Here' speaking from Number 10
Downing Street is the Prime Minisier.
1455
01:33:47,000 --> 01:33:49,037
The Right Honorable Henry Snope,
1456
01:33:49,360 --> 01:33:51,112
Get stuffed!
1457
01:33:52,880 --> 01:33:55,269
I've got to get out of HERE!!!
1458
01:33:55,320 --> 01:33:59,632
...And so, it seems, that whHe our scientists
were trying and failing...
1459
01:33:59,720 --> 01:34:05,750
to find the solution, Mother Nature was
preparing her own miraculous antidote...
1460
01:34:05,880 --> 01:34:06,517
...time.
1461
01:34:07,240 --> 01:34:13,270
We now know that the terribte effects of
PX-123 are only temporary.
1462
01:34:14,520 --> 01:34:18,639
Reports are pouring in from all over the world.
1463
01:34:18,680 --> 01:34:24,676
Suggesting that mankind is once more in fuH
command of his God-given powers!
1464
01:34:24,720 --> 01:34:28,156
So, therefore, let me say with
Shakespeare's Henry the Fifth...
1465
01:34:28,160 --> 01:34:30,959
..."Once more into the breach, dear friends."
1466
01:34:31,000 --> 01:34:36,234
Into the breach! The whole nation!
No, no, no - eh, eh, no!!
1467
01:34:41,680 --> 01:34:42,112
Wait!
1468
01:34:55,720 --> 01:34:58,917
- Going up'?
- Certainly am!
1469
01:34:59,400 --> 01:35:00,071
Up!
1470
01:35:00,160 --> 01:35:04,233
"My God, this feelings like
a l0ng lost friend"
1471
01:35:04,240 --> 01:35:08,393
"I thought it was gone, gone -
but it's here again"
1472
01:35:08,520 --> 01:35:12,753
"And I... am'! gonna waste the time"
1473
01:35:16,320 --> 01:35:19,517
"Do you remember?'
1474
01:35:19,720 --> 01:35:24,556
"Lying awake each night. You
thought we gonna be"
1475
01:35:24,600 --> 01:35:28,434
"Watching Tl/ for the rest of our lives"
1476
01:35:30,560 --> 01:35:32,392
"Well, I'm happy to report"
1477
01:35:32,440 --> 01:35:35,114
"We're doin' nothin' of the sort!"
1478
01:35:36,680 --> 01:35:39,354
"I got that old feelin' back inside again"
1479
01:35:39,520 --> 01:35:44,515
"I thought it was gone, gone - so
I can't explain this change"
1480
01:35:45,040 --> 01:35:49,511
"It's hard cos it's kinda strange"
1481
01:36:11,200 --> 01:36:15,512
This is all right. Oh! Miss Hanson?
1482
01:36:18,400 --> 01:36:19,629
Miss Hanson?
1483
01:36:22,360 --> 01:36:24,670
I've got something to show you, Miss Hanson.
1484
01:36:27,400 --> 01:36:29,869
Get your clothes off!
1485
01:36:30,080 --> 01:36:32,720
I thought you were never gomg to ask!
1486
01:36:37,440 --> 01:36:38,669
Miss Hanson?
1487
01:36:43,680 --> 01:36:46,957
Miss Hanson? Miss Hanson?
1488
01:36:49,320 --> 01:36:50,549
Miss Hanson?
1489
01:36:53,600 --> 01:36:54,670
Miss Hanson?
1490
01:36:57,760 --> 01:36:59,512
Ah! Miss Hanson?
1491
01:37:00,080 --> 01:37:03,391
Miss Hanson!
Was it something I said?
1492
01:37:06,840 --> 01:37:09,036
Oh, Miss Hanson! Darling!
1493
01:37:10,840 --> 01:37:14,196
UP, please'
Down, boy!
1494
01:37:14,240 --> 01:37:14,672
Bitch!
1495
01:37:14,760 --> 01:37:17,195
No, no - Miss Hanson. Don't go!
1496
01:37:17,360 --> 01:37:21,194
There's two million sex-starved men in
London, and I had to pick a transvestiiei
1497
01:37:22,440 --> 01:37:24,078
Oh! Excuse me' madam.
1498
01:37:44,520 --> 01:37:46,079
- Do you mind?
- No, that's all right.
1499
01:37:48,520 --> 01:37:50,636
Did you notice that young lady, Harris?
1500
01:37:50,760 --> 01:37:52,353
I noticed she 'ad a lovely body, sir.
1501
01:37:52,360 --> 01:37:54,112
Firm breasts, slim thighs.
1502
01:37:54,360 --> 01:37:58,433
Finely chiseHed bones and a flush on 'er cheeks
which highlighted 'er basic sensuality.
1503
01:37:59,280 --> 01:38:00,679
Butthafs all I noticed' sxr.
1504
01:38:00,760 --> 01:38:02,319
I noticed all that, too!
1505
01:38:02,640 --> 01:38:03,835
Yes, sir!
1506
01:38:04,920 --> 01:38:08,038
I have a strange, unaccustomed
feeling upon me!
1507
01:38:08,040 --> 01:38:10,270
- So do I, sir.
- Yes, sir.
1508
01:38:10,280 --> 01:38:12,351
"I GOT THIS FEELING"
1509
01:38:15,640 --> 01:38:16,630
Welcome.
1510
01:38:18,920 --> 01:38:19,637
Come on!
1511
01:38:39,640 --> 01:38:41,074
Thank you, Constable.
1512
01:38:41,600 --> 01:38:43,273
Many, many thanks.
1513
01:38:43,440 --> 01:38:46,114
That's all right, madam.
Madam?
1514
01:38:46,360 --> 01:38:48,192
- Percy!
- 2-1-7!
1515
01:38:48,200 --> 01:38:49,759
- Hello Perce, me old darlin'.
- Hello!
1516
01:38:49,960 --> 01:38:51,359
Whal you doin' in drag, then?
1517
01:38:51,400 --> 01:38:53,869
That's a long, long, long story, 2-1-7.
1518
01:38:54,000 --> 01:38:57,118
That's all righl. It's a long way from
here lo Portland Bill.
1519
01:38:58,440 --> 01:39:00,431
As you say, 2-1-7.
1520
01:39:00,840 --> 01:39:02,558
- Do us a favour, love?
- What?
1521
01:39:02,920 --> 01:39:04,797
Take that bleedin' dress off!
1522
01:39:07,240 --> 01:39:07,832
Whoops!
1523
01:39:20,280 --> 01:39:25,036
"God knows I've missed you'
1524
01:39:25,120 --> 01:39:35,120
"I can't pretend. When your
burning arms enfold me... "
1525
01:39:38,920 --> 01:39:42,629
Bye, Percy! Come again soon!
115943
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