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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,150 --> 00:00:06,980 Previously on Kidding... 2 00:00:07,060 --> 00:00:09,110 Maddy! Piano time! 3 00:00:09,190 --> 00:00:11,400 I'll take her. 4 00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:13,230 Did you hand-fuck my husband? 5 00:00:13,310 --> 00:00:14,480 So what's your second-favorite instrument? 6 00:00:15,810 --> 00:00:17,560 ToyCo has been begging us 7 00:00:17,650 --> 00:00:19,230 for a talking Jeff doll. 8 00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:21,110 This year, we're finally gonna give it to them. 9 00:00:21,190 --> 00:00:22,360 We're talking the hottest 10 00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:24,400 Christmas gift of the season. 11 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:25,810 In six weeks, 12 00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:27,610 I'm gonna be dead. 13 00:00:27,690 --> 00:00:28,900 Vivian's not doing well. 14 00:00:28,980 --> 00:00:32,520 My name is Viva Lost Pages. 15 00:00:32,610 --> 00:00:34,020 What's one more Jeff? 16 00:00:34,110 --> 00:00:35,610 There's a difference between Mr. Pickles-san 17 00:00:35,690 --> 00:00:38,020 of Japan, or Monsieur Cornichon du France, 18 00:00:38,110 --> 00:00:40,230 or Herr Gherkin von Deutschland. 19 00:00:48,810 --> 00:00:51,810 Sayonara. 20 00:00:57,690 --> 00:00:58,730 Katto! 21 00:01:08,310 --> 00:01:10,190 Arigatou. Arigatou. 22 00:01:17,980 --> 00:01:19,770 Hai, arigatou gozaimasu. 23 00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:27,940 Kintsugi. 24 00:01:34,610 --> 00:01:36,980 Pickles-san... 25 00:02:06,730 --> 00:02:08,480 Whoa. 26 00:02:14,650 --> 00:02:16,230 I see. 27 00:02:25,110 --> 00:02:26,110 - Whoa. - Ah. 28 00:02:26,190 --> 00:02:27,560 I'm gonna need a tutorial. 29 00:02:27,650 --> 00:02:29,150 First, what you need to do 30 00:02:29,230 --> 00:02:30,940 is just tap the icon. 31 00:02:31,020 --> 00:02:33,190 Put in the name of the person you want to FaceTime. 32 00:02:33,270 --> 00:02:35,310 This is gonna be awesome. 33 00:02:56,150 --> 00:02:57,650 Whoa. 34 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:00,860 Whoa. 35 00:03:01,230 --> 00:03:02,610 Whoa. 36 00:03:02,690 --> 00:03:04,440 Whoa. 37 00:03:05,940 --> 00:03:07,360 This is my friend Vivian. 38 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:09,560 She wasn't healthy enough to make the trip. 39 00:03:09,650 --> 00:03:10,860 She wanted to see the ocean. 40 00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:11,860 Hello, Vivian. 41 00:03:11,940 --> 00:03:13,440 Welcome to Los Angeles. 42 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:14,480 Whoa. 43 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:15,770 Whoa. 44 00:03:15,860 --> 00:03:17,770 Whoa. 45 00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:25,860 The ocean makes the sunset look so special, 46 00:03:25,940 --> 00:03:28,940 but you make it spectacular. 47 00:03:29,020 --> 00:03:31,690 The sun is getting jealous. 48 00:03:38,900 --> 00:03:40,310 You're welcome. 49 00:03:44,270 --> 00:03:46,110 Dolphins! Dolphins. 50 00:03:46,190 --> 00:03:47,610 Do you see the dolphin? 51 00:03:47,690 --> 00:03:48,650 There's a dolphin. 52 00:03:55,900 --> 00:03:57,610 Hey. 53 00:03:59,980 --> 00:04:04,270 We need to talk before he gets here. 54 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:06,900 Okay. 55 00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:09,560 You first. 56 00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:12,230 I've been thinking about this a lot, 57 00:04:12,310 --> 00:04:15,980 and I feel that... 58 00:04:16,060 --> 00:04:18,520 if it would make you happier, 59 00:04:18,610 --> 00:04:21,770 for M-Maddy to take piano again, 60 00:04:21,860 --> 00:04:23,860 then she should take piano, and I'll just deal with it. 61 00:04:23,940 --> 00:04:25,110 Oh. 62 00:04:25,190 --> 00:04:26,360 She seemed happier. 63 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,480 I don't think that's true. 64 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,900 Plus, she's getting so good at clarinet. 65 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:33,270 - I am? - Yes, honey. 66 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:34,860 I just think she may have 67 00:04:34,940 --> 00:04:36,020 liked piano better, 68 00:04:36,110 --> 00:04:39,190 and if her heart is set on piano, 69 00:04:39,270 --> 00:04:41,440 then you just... you can't change someone's heart. 70 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:42,400 I think 71 00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:44,560 piano was just a phase. 72 00:04:44,650 --> 00:04:45,810 You do? 73 00:04:45,900 --> 00:04:46,610 It was? 74 00:04:46,690 --> 00:04:47,730 Yes, sweetheart. 75 00:04:47,810 --> 00:04:49,190 I think she was confused. 76 00:04:49,270 --> 00:04:52,020 She was born a clarinet player. 77 00:04:52,110 --> 00:04:54,270 Piano's just this weird choice she made. 78 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:57,770 She was never really committed to piano. 79 00:04:57,860 --> 00:04:59,270 She... she probably wishes 80 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:01,400 she never took piano in the first place. 81 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:02,940 Was I not good at piano? 82 00:05:03,020 --> 00:05:03,900 It was awful. 83 00:05:03,980 --> 00:05:04,900 Dee Dee, from now on, 84 00:05:04,980 --> 00:05:06,270 we are strictly 85 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:07,690 a clarinet family. 86 00:05:07,770 --> 00:05:10,060 I am committed 87 00:05:10,150 --> 00:05:12,310 to making this a clarinet family. 88 00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:18,690 You guys need to be more supportive of my dreams. 89 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:25,310 Konnichiwa. 90 00:05:26,650 --> 00:05:28,520 Konnichiwa. 91 00:05:28,610 --> 00:05:29,900 Pikurusu-san desu. 92 00:05:29,980 --> 00:05:30,980 Maddy? 93 00:05:31,060 --> 00:05:32,980 This is Mr. Pickles-san. 94 00:05:33,060 --> 00:05:35,730 He's gonna follow Uncle Jeff around for a few weeks 95 00:05:35,810 --> 00:05:37,940 and then bring back what he learned to Japan. 96 00:05:38,020 --> 00:05:38,980 And occasionally babysit. 97 00:05:43,270 --> 00:05:46,230 Oh, I'm... I'm sorry Jeff couldn't host you. 98 00:05:46,310 --> 00:05:47,860 His living situation isn't optimal 99 00:05:47,940 --> 00:05:49,060 to board guests right now. 100 00:05:49,150 --> 00:05:52,480 My... English I... Mm... 101 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:55,270 Not amazing. 102 00:05:59,730 --> 00:06:00,810 Sado-Shimi. 103 00:06:08,940 --> 00:06:10,810 Sado-Shimi? 104 00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:11,940 Sou. Sado-shimi. 105 00:06:12,020 --> 00:06:12,940 Thank you. 106 00:06:13,020 --> 00:06:13,980 Thank you. 107 00:06:14,060 --> 00:06:15,480 Arigatou. 108 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:24,270 I have a message, all right, 109 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:26,730 but I don't know if they're gonna like it. 110 00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:44,650 We're ready to record whenever you're ready. 111 00:06:44,730 --> 00:06:47,520 Okay. 112 00:06:54,650 --> 00:06:57,060 All of history 113 00:06:57,150 --> 00:07:00,060 travels on the human voice. 114 00:07:00,150 --> 00:07:03,730 Amplified, it can shear a man in half, 115 00:07:03,810 --> 00:07:06,730 sentence 2 million Polish Jews to Dachau, 116 00:07:06,810 --> 00:07:07,980 or spread the Book of Matthew 117 00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:10,940 from Mount Zion to a Roman river. 118 00:07:11,020 --> 00:07:13,230 Thousands of malleable minds 119 00:07:13,310 --> 00:07:15,150 will rip this doll off the shelf, 120 00:07:15,230 --> 00:07:16,230 and I don't know if they'll see it 121 00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:19,270 as a god or gremlin. 122 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:22,650 But... 123 00:07:22,730 --> 00:07:24,650 I won't drop nightshade into children's ears. 124 00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:29,440 Um, so, I don't think we're allowed 125 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:31,270 to stray from the approved script. 126 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:33,270 I'd like to, 127 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:35,110 if that's all right. 128 00:07:35,190 --> 00:07:37,980 Of course. What do you want to say? 129 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,060 Allahu akbar! 130 00:07:43,150 --> 00:07:45,480 Allahu akbar? 131 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:47,900 No, I don't like those words. 132 00:07:47,980 --> 00:07:50,270 They scare the dirt off of me. 133 00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:52,150 Well, maybe they'll be less scary 134 00:07:52,230 --> 00:07:54,110 if we explain what they mean. 135 00:07:54,190 --> 00:07:55,560 Allahu akbar is an expression 136 00:07:55,650 --> 00:07:57,440 that means a lot of different things. 137 00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:59,440 Mainly, it's used as a greeting, 138 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,730 like we say "Hello," "good-bye." 139 00:08:02,810 --> 00:08:05,560 Or... "aloha"? 140 00:08:05,650 --> 00:08:08,060 That's right, Uke-Larry. 141 00:08:08,150 --> 00:08:09,810 So if we went to Hawaii, 142 00:08:09,900 --> 00:08:13,020 we could say, "Aloha-u akbar." 143 00:08:13,110 --> 00:08:15,650 Um... Sure. 144 00:08:15,730 --> 00:08:17,690 Allahu akbar. 145 00:08:17,770 --> 00:08:20,650 Forced to leave their homes at gunpoint 146 00:08:20,730 --> 00:08:23,230 and march on foot with whatever they could carry. 147 00:08:23,310 --> 00:08:25,310 It led to the deaths of over 20,000 148 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:27,940 Indigenous Americans. 149 00:08:28,020 --> 00:08:29,860 "Indigenous"? 150 00:08:29,940 --> 00:08:31,520 Indigenous. 151 00:08:31,610 --> 00:08:33,730 That means they were here first. 152 00:08:33,810 --> 00:08:36,520 The Cherokees called this the Trail of Tears. 153 00:08:36,610 --> 00:08:38,480 Oops. 154 00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,230 That's right, Oops. 155 00:08:40,310 --> 00:08:42,770 Even governments make mistakes. 156 00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:47,730 Disconnect the teleprompters. 157 00:08:47,810 --> 00:08:49,730 I did. That's just him talking. 158 00:08:49,810 --> 00:08:52,520 Grace and I wrote him a powerful scene 159 00:08:52,610 --> 00:08:54,190 in which Snagglehorse goes apple-picking, 160 00:08:54,270 --> 00:08:57,060 and he wrote, "Despair is an eagle." 161 00:08:57,150 --> 00:08:59,190 What does that mean? 162 00:09:01,190 --> 00:09:04,270 Without a diverse group of meaningful relationships, 163 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:06,150 we can't see certain populations 164 00:09:06,230 --> 00:09:07,730 as actual people, 165 00:09:07,810 --> 00:09:10,650 and we subconsciously tune them out. 166 00:09:10,730 --> 00:09:12,480 And your depression is something 167 00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:14,610 you should never be afraid to talk about 168 00:09:14,690 --> 00:09:16,060 with the people you love, 169 00:09:16,150 --> 00:09:18,060 because if they really love you... 170 00:09:18,150 --> 00:09:20,230 They'd tell you that Ronald McDonald 171 00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:23,060 wants to walk our black youth into a food desert 172 00:09:23,150 --> 00:09:25,400 and leave them there without their pants on, 173 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:27,520 because he wants to charge you for water 174 00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:29,360 and he wants to charge you to pee. 175 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:33,690 Don't expect compliments from an insecure person. 176 00:09:33,770 --> 00:09:35,310 Too many people think this country's 177 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:37,230 a stone-cold gray corpse, 178 00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:38,650 but it's not. 179 00:09:38,730 --> 00:09:41,060 It's a living, breathing organism. 180 00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:45,690 And we've got to keep kicking it 181 00:09:45,770 --> 00:09:47,980 to make sure it's alive. 182 00:09:48,060 --> 00:09:49,690 Yee-haw! 183 00:09:49,770 --> 00:09:51,980 For every 90 minutes of footage we shoot, 184 00:09:52,060 --> 00:09:53,860 only 12 are borderline usable, 185 00:09:53,940 --> 00:09:55,690 and that's before we cut out 186 00:09:55,770 --> 00:09:57,650 the veiled Marxism and songs about genocide. 187 00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:00,940 Whoo... hoo! 188 00:10:01,020 --> 00:10:02,400 The show was right there 189 00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:05,400 beneath the surface the whole time 190 00:10:08,690 --> 00:10:10,270 I thought it was an end, 191 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,110 but it was just a rust 192 00:10:12,190 --> 00:10:14,110 oxidized over the beginning. 193 00:10:18,310 --> 00:10:21,110 Sorry. I forgot my eyeballs. 194 00:10:28,310 --> 00:10:31,190 Thank you. 195 00:10:31,270 --> 00:10:33,110 Allahu akbar. 196 00:10:35,230 --> 00:10:36,730 Good night. 197 00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:44,860 He can do whatever he wants. 198 00:10:44,940 --> 00:10:46,900 Say whatever he wants. 199 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,190 Maybe I want to look in a lens 200 00:10:49,270 --> 00:10:50,730 and scream a little. 201 00:10:52,310 --> 00:10:54,730 Not that they'd let me near a camera. 202 00:10:54,810 --> 00:10:57,560 Sometimes, I... I'm Soap Scum's 203 00:10:57,650 --> 00:10:59,810 limp right hand, and even then, 204 00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:02,650 it's obscured by a shower curtain 205 00:11:02,730 --> 00:11:05,690 that... I created in my dorm room. 206 00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:11,560 The true artist... 207 00:11:11,650 --> 00:11:13,310 is both victim and warrior. 208 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:15,110 You speak English? 209 00:11:15,190 --> 00:11:16,730 I'm not speaking English. 210 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:32,650 Oh. 211 00:11:39,860 --> 00:11:41,690 What makes your puppets special 212 00:11:41,770 --> 00:11:44,440 is the life you put inside of them, 213 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:46,060 not the people hiding behind them. 214 00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:58,980 What's your real name, Pickles-san? 215 00:11:59,060 --> 00:12:01,940 Mm, who I was doesn't matter. 216 00:12:02,020 --> 00:12:03,770 I'm Pickles-san now, 217 00:12:03,860 --> 00:12:06,150 always and forever. 218 00:12:06,230 --> 00:12:08,980 Maybe we both like to hide. 219 00:12:09,060 --> 00:12:13,020 I hide from myself all the time. 220 00:12:13,110 --> 00:12:16,360 I think that's why I married Scott. 221 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:18,400 He's... 222 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:20,150 I didn't want to know myself, 223 00:12:20,230 --> 00:12:23,650 so I chose a man who could never know me. 224 00:12:23,730 --> 00:12:28,270 He's the one who wanted kids. 225 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:29,980 I only exist 226 00:12:30,060 --> 00:12:31,310 for other people: 227 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:34,020 Maddy and Scott and Jeff 228 00:12:34,110 --> 00:12:35,730 and my dad and... 229 00:12:38,650 --> 00:12:41,190 It's easy to exist for them, 230 00:12:41,270 --> 00:12:45,690 because I don't know how to exist for myself. 231 00:12:45,770 --> 00:12:50,270 I don't know how to want. 232 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:52,610 I'd rather bleed in front of a doll 233 00:12:52,690 --> 00:12:56,190 than live in front of my family. 234 00:12:59,110 --> 00:13:01,900 That's how I grew up. 235 00:13:01,980 --> 00:13:06,270 We are a family who loves from afar. 236 00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:08,900 But loving others from afar means 237 00:13:08,980 --> 00:13:11,810 what they give you in return is always at a distance. 238 00:13:11,900 --> 00:13:15,860 I'm better from afar. 239 00:13:15,940 --> 00:13:18,310 I'm all scars up close. 240 00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:23,440 You know of kintsugi? 241 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:24,810 Hm? 242 00:13:24,900 --> 00:13:26,810 It is the practice of making art 243 00:13:26,900 --> 00:13:28,190 by breaking something special 244 00:13:28,270 --> 00:13:31,190 and gluing it back together with gold. 245 00:13:31,270 --> 00:13:33,110 Your scars 246 00:13:33,190 --> 00:13:35,480 do not mean you are broken. 247 00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:37,110 They are proof you are healed. 248 00:13:37,190 --> 00:13:40,150 Breaking is healing. 249 00:13:40,230 --> 00:13:42,480 Kintsugi. 250 00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:46,520 Kintsugi. 251 00:13:58,150 --> 00:13:59,690 I don't want you to think that I chose somebody 252 00:13:59,770 --> 00:14:01,230 who wouldn't be alive very long 253 00:14:01,310 --> 00:14:04,980 because I thought we were gonna get back together. 254 00:14:05,060 --> 00:14:07,060 I didn't think that. 255 00:14:07,150 --> 00:14:08,400 Usually, when your husband 256 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:09,730 starts dating a younger woman, 257 00:14:09,810 --> 00:14:13,400 it reminds you of your mortality. 258 00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:15,020 Not this time. 259 00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,980 I'm sorry if my actions hurt you in any way. 260 00:14:22,860 --> 00:14:23,900 Hey, I found my next relationship 261 00:14:23,980 --> 00:14:25,650 in a hospital hallway. 262 00:14:25,730 --> 00:14:27,520 Maybe I led by example. 263 00:14:27,610 --> 00:14:29,440 When I first saw Peter, 264 00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:31,560 it was like watching the "Challenger" explode, 265 00:14:31,650 --> 00:14:34,230 but you knew what you needed, 266 00:14:34,310 --> 00:14:36,980 and he put so much color back in your cheeks. 267 00:14:37,060 --> 00:14:39,400 Thank him for me. 268 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:43,060 Jeff, you know, nine times out of ten, when someone 269 00:14:43,150 --> 00:14:44,360 walks through that doorway, they've just gotten 270 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,270 the worst news that they will ever get 271 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:51,150 in their life. 272 00:14:51,230 --> 00:14:54,690 So it would be best for her 273 00:14:54,770 --> 00:14:57,190 if you could find a way to convey that 274 00:14:57,270 --> 00:14:59,520 her struggle 275 00:14:59,610 --> 00:15:01,730 is your struggle. 276 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,860 We still have to deal with Thursday. 277 00:15:09,060 --> 00:15:11,730 I'd like you to come over to Dee Dee's, 278 00:15:11,810 --> 00:15:14,360 bring Peter. 279 00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:15,810 You open to that? 280 00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:18,110 - Yeah. - Mm. 281 00:15:18,190 --> 00:15:20,560 That was easier than I thought it would be. 282 00:15:29,230 --> 00:15:32,110 Whatever you need, I'm here for you. 283 00:15:34,650 --> 00:15:37,730 The... second line of treatment pushed 284 00:15:37,810 --> 00:15:39,360 my white blood cell count 285 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:42,690 past the point of remission. 286 00:15:45,190 --> 00:15:47,270 I'm in remission. 287 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,400 I love you so much. 288 00:15:53,940 --> 00:15:55,230 Oh, my God. 289 00:15:55,310 --> 00:15:57,900 I have so many credit cards to pay off. 290 00:16:06,150 --> 00:16:07,770 I am so, so happy 291 00:16:07,860 --> 00:16:09,810 to hear the good news about your health. 292 00:16:09,900 --> 00:16:13,190 Thank you. I'm... Vivian, by the way. 293 00:16:13,270 --> 00:16:14,770 I'm Seb. 294 00:16:17,230 --> 00:16:18,860 ♪ "How Would They Know" by Margaret Lewis playing ♪ 295 00:16:18,940 --> 00:16:21,400 ♪ You say ♪ 296 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:24,940 ♪ Scarlet's my name ♪ 297 00:16:25,020 --> 00:16:26,190 Arigatou. 298 00:16:26,270 --> 00:16:27,560 Put that back. No, no, 299 00:16:27,650 --> 00:16:29,110 we don't do that. 300 00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:33,650 Oh, man! 301 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:39,110 I think it's a miracle. 302 00:16:39,190 --> 00:16:41,400 If she's okay, Jeff's okay. 303 00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:44,560 If Jeff's okay, everything's normal again. 304 00:16:44,650 --> 00:16:47,060 You think your sister 305 00:16:47,150 --> 00:16:49,190 would let us watch the National Dog Show? 306 00:16:49,270 --> 00:16:50,810 I didn't know you followed the Natties. 307 00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:52,770 My nana bred two runners-up 308 00:16:52,860 --> 00:16:55,110 and one that just plain broke her heart. 309 00:16:55,190 --> 00:16:58,520 I midwifed the 2003 Best In Group terrier. 310 00:16:58,610 --> 00:17:00,810 I mean, I say that. Really, I was just 311 00:17:00,900 --> 00:17:02,520 passing through the kitchen at the wrong time. 312 00:17:02,610 --> 00:17:04,770 What about last year's spaniel surprise? 313 00:17:04,860 --> 00:17:06,900 Jaunty, yes. Jovial, yes. 314 00:17:06,980 --> 00:17:09,560 Champion? No, sir. 315 00:17:09,650 --> 00:17:11,770 I feel the schnauzers 316 00:17:11,860 --> 00:17:13,860 are under-coifed and overlooked. 317 00:17:13,940 --> 00:17:16,480 Ever since the Scandinavians started breeding them, 318 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:20,060 I've been thinking, "When is their moment?" 319 00:17:20,150 --> 00:17:21,860 Thank you. 320 00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:24,980 My dad used to have a drawer full of jigsaw puzzles. 321 00:17:25,060 --> 00:17:27,150 Now he has a drawer full of condoms. 322 00:17:27,230 --> 00:17:29,610 Mm, my mom thinks I'm drinking grape juice, 323 00:17:29,690 --> 00:17:31,110 but really, it's wine. 324 00:17:31,190 --> 00:17:33,440 I'm going to start the magic show. 325 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:34,730 Okay, honey. 326 00:17:34,810 --> 00:17:36,310 I said I'm going to start 327 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,650 the magic show. 328 00:17:38,730 --> 00:17:41,150 Whatever. 329 00:17:41,230 --> 00:17:43,440 Do you still say your prayers? 330 00:17:48,230 --> 00:17:51,480 But... but... wait. What do you say? 331 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:54,610 Most of America eats turkey today, 332 00:17:54,690 --> 00:17:57,060 but my family eats lasagna, too, 333 00:17:57,150 --> 00:17:59,770 because I'm Italian. Do you like it? 334 00:18:01,020 --> 00:18:02,190 Arigatou. 335 00:18:02,270 --> 00:18:04,980 You know, 336 00:18:05,060 --> 00:18:08,560 I had the best blowjob of my life 337 00:18:08,650 --> 00:18:11,270 on the bullet train to Kyoto. 338 00:18:13,610 --> 00:18:17,520 Sucky, sucky. Train, train. 339 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:20,860 - Hm? - Fellatio. 340 00:18:20,940 --> 00:18:21,980 Yes. 341 00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:24,770 Here's to fellatio. 342 00:18:24,860 --> 00:18:27,360 Blowjob. 343 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,150 Show me the charcoal under-rub 344 00:18:29,230 --> 00:18:32,270 of a Swedish show dog, and I will show you 345 00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:33,940 the infinite potential of canine husbandry. 346 00:18:34,020 --> 00:18:36,060 That's right, Schnauzer. Trot that circle. 347 00:18:36,150 --> 00:18:39,190 Alvin-Britches Dropbottom Delight 348 00:18:39,270 --> 00:18:41,690 did not come to play with you haughty bitches! 349 00:18:45,860 --> 00:18:49,560 Vivian keeps talking about us zip-lining through Honduras 350 00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:51,110 and seeing the fish rain. 351 00:18:51,190 --> 00:18:52,520 You will never forget the first time 352 00:18:52,610 --> 00:18:55,150 you get kamikaze'd by a red snapper. 353 00:18:55,230 --> 00:18:57,060 Sorry, Pickles-san. 354 00:18:57,150 --> 00:18:59,150 Deirdre spent a lot of time in Belize, 355 00:18:59,230 --> 00:19:00,610 working with local populations. 356 00:19:00,690 --> 00:19:01,980 Ah. I mean, I've only 357 00:19:02,060 --> 00:19:03,560 used my passport once. 358 00:19:03,650 --> 00:19:05,980 The pain meds are cheaper in Toronto. 359 00:19:06,060 --> 00:19:07,770 - Oh! - So when 360 00:19:07,860 --> 00:19:09,190 are you guys thinking of going? 361 00:19:09,270 --> 00:19:10,980 I was thinking midsummer, right, Viv? 362 00:19:11,060 --> 00:19:12,770 - Mm-hm. - Could I come? 363 00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:13,730 Will, sometimes, 364 00:19:13,810 --> 00:19:14,980 couples like 365 00:19:15,060 --> 00:19:16,650 to travel together. Alone. 366 00:19:16,730 --> 00:19:18,560 No, no, no. The more, the merrier. 367 00:19:18,650 --> 00:19:19,860 I want to go. We have never 368 00:19:19,940 --> 00:19:22,480 taken a vacation as a family. 369 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:23,860 We should talk about this closer to June. 370 00:19:23,940 --> 00:19:25,360 I want to go to Costa Rica. 371 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,270 I guess all of us could go. 372 00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:29,650 Oh, whoa, I'm in... you know, if invited. 373 00:19:29,730 --> 00:19:30,730 And Scott could totally plan this. 374 00:19:30,810 --> 00:19:31,770 My husband is a corporate 375 00:19:31,860 --> 00:19:32,730 travel agent. This would 376 00:19:32,810 --> 00:19:34,060 be his Olympics. 377 00:19:34,150 --> 00:19:35,650 Logistics are my aphrodisiac. 378 00:19:35,730 --> 00:19:37,230 What if I pay for the whole trip? 379 00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:38,980 The Pickles take Honduras. 380 00:19:39,060 --> 00:19:39,980 You don't have to do that. 381 00:19:40,060 --> 00:19:41,400 Could we stay in another place 382 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:42,480 with chocolate-covered fruit? 383 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:43,610 Can I room with Grandpa? 384 00:19:43,690 --> 00:19:45,150 We make T-shirts for everybody. 385 00:19:45,230 --> 00:19:47,440 "Out of the Way: Pickles on Vacay." 386 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,020 I'll ask Derrell to plan tomorrow. 387 00:19:49,110 --> 00:19:49,810 Seb, this many people, 388 00:19:49,900 --> 00:19:51,190 different last names, 389 00:19:51,270 --> 00:19:52,810 hotel rooms? Let me handle this. 390 00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:54,610 I'm going alone. 391 00:19:58,810 --> 00:20:00,650 You're right. 392 00:20:00,730 --> 00:20:02,810 We don't have to take the whole family. 393 00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:07,310 It can just be us. 394 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,860 Um, no. I was gonna tell you later. 395 00:20:09,940 --> 00:20:11,310 I bought a ticket, and I'm going next week, 396 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,230 by myself. 397 00:20:20,270 --> 00:20:21,900 I'm sorry, Jeff. 398 00:20:24,110 --> 00:20:28,270 Just... everything that... 399 00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:30,900 ...changed when everything changed, 400 00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:32,900 and I get to start over. 401 00:20:32,980 --> 00:20:35,150 I look at you, 402 00:20:35,230 --> 00:20:37,690 and I see the man who saved my life. 403 00:20:39,150 --> 00:20:42,480 But I also see cancer 404 00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:45,400 and... death. 405 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:47,770 I look at you, you remind me of death. 406 00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:53,810 And I have this gift of time, and, 407 00:20:53,900 --> 00:20:56,810 you know, this... 408 00:20:56,900 --> 00:21:00,060 us... it made sense 409 00:21:00,150 --> 00:21:02,110 when time was running out. 410 00:21:05,610 --> 00:21:08,980 Now that I can... 411 00:21:09,060 --> 00:21:10,110 plan ahead, I'm sorry. 412 00:21:10,190 --> 00:21:11,560 Those plans don't involve you. 413 00:21:11,650 --> 00:21:13,770 I'm sorry. They can't. 414 00:21:19,730 --> 00:21:21,730 I understand. 415 00:21:23,060 --> 00:21:25,810 I'm... 416 00:21:25,900 --> 00:21:28,110 happy for you. 417 00:21:31,190 --> 00:21:34,400 Fuck you! 418 00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:36,150 Yeah, fuck you! 419 00:21:36,230 --> 00:21:37,310 Fuck you, cunt! 420 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:38,400 Yeah, fuck you! 421 00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:39,610 Fuck you. 422 00:21:39,690 --> 00:21:41,230 - Fuck you! - Fuck you! 423 00:21:41,310 --> 00:21:42,270 Fuck you! 424 00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:43,770 Fuck you, fuck you, 425 00:21:43,860 --> 00:21:45,020 fuck you, fuck you! 426 00:21:45,110 --> 00:21:46,360 Fuck you! 427 00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:49,190 Fuck you! There's no chemo for dengue! 428 00:22:01,060 --> 00:22:02,610 ♪ When I'm feeling blue ♪ 429 00:22:02,690 --> 00:22:05,060 ♪ And when I'm feeling low ♪ 430 00:22:05,150 --> 00:22:07,270 ♪ Then I start to think about ♪ 431 00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:09,400 ♪ The happiest man I know ♪ 432 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:11,560 ♪ He doesn't mind the snow ♪ 433 00:22:11,650 --> 00:22:13,860 ♪ And he doesn't mind the rain ♪ 434 00:22:13,940 --> 00:22:16,310 ♪ But all December you will hear him ♪ 435 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,230 ♪ At your windowpane ♪ 436 00:22:18,310 --> 00:22:20,310 ♪ A-singing again and again and again ♪ 437 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:22,730 ♪ And again and again and again ♪ 438 00:22:22,810 --> 00:22:24,480 ♪ Christmas is a-coming ♪ 439 00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:26,980 ♪ And the bells begin to ring ♪ 440 00:22:27,060 --> 00:22:30,860 ♪ The holly's in the window and the birds begin to sing ♪ 441 00:22:30,940 --> 00:22:33,270 ♪ Now I don't take time to worry ♪ 442 00:22:33,360 --> 00:22:35,360 ♪ And don't take time to fret ♪ 443 00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:37,480 ♪ And the more you give at Christmastime ♪ 444 00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:39,940 ♪ The more you'll get ♪ 445 00:22:52,860 --> 00:22:54,310 The line 446 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,770 is "Welcome to Pickle Barrel Falls, 447 00:22:57,860 --> 00:22:59,060 Viva Lost Pages. 448 00:22:59,150 --> 00:23:01,310 Your new forever home." 449 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:06,770 Just... 450 00:23:06,860 --> 00:23:09,650 give me a second. 451 00:23:09,730 --> 00:23:11,650 I can do it. 452 00:23:17,310 --> 00:23:19,400 We don't have to do this today. 453 00:23:20,690 --> 00:23:23,150 Mm... 454 00:23:26,360 --> 00:23:28,560 We don't have to keep Viva Lost Pages 455 00:23:28,650 --> 00:23:33,150 around if it's just gonna dredge up painful memories. 456 00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:38,190 A woman is gonna live. 457 00:23:38,270 --> 00:23:42,060 That's nothing short of spectacular. 458 00:23:52,940 --> 00:23:55,810 I don't really have an excuse to come in here, 459 00:23:55,900 --> 00:23:57,400 but... you can't understand me anyway, 460 00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:59,150 unless I'm holding a puppet. 461 00:23:59,230 --> 00:24:00,030 I just... 462 00:24:20,310 --> 00:24:22,310 May I tell you the sad and sordid tale 463 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:23,940 of a queen enslaved by the demon 464 00:24:24,020 --> 00:24:25,310 locked in her vulva, 465 00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:27,190 and the warrior with a steel penis... 466 00:24:27,270 --> 00:24:29,900 whoosh... who destroyed this demon? 467 00:24:29,980 --> 00:24:30,940 Yes, please. 468 00:24:31,020 --> 00:24:32,060 Have you ever 469 00:24:32,150 --> 00:24:33,310 met a new friend 470 00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,060 that feels like an old friend? 471 00:24:36,150 --> 00:24:38,690 This... 472 00:24:38,770 --> 00:24:40,980 is Viva. 473 00:24:41,060 --> 00:24:43,860 A new friend. And Viva, 474 00:24:43,940 --> 00:24:46,360 this is Ennui and Maestro Fermata, 475 00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:48,190 your new friends. 476 00:24:48,270 --> 00:24:50,480 They'll probably feel like old friends. 477 00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:52,980 Do you have any books on tartines? 478 00:24:53,060 --> 00:24:54,310 Or Mozart? 479 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:56,230 I feel lost. 480 00:24:56,310 --> 00:24:58,560 You're not lost. You're home, 481 00:24:58,650 --> 00:25:01,020 and you can stay in Pickle Barrel Falls 482 00:25:01,110 --> 00:25:02,730 for as long as you want. 483 00:25:02,810 --> 00:25:04,060 - All done? - Thanks. 484 00:25:04,150 --> 00:25:06,520 Forever? 485 00:25:06,610 --> 00:25:09,310 That's a long time, but sure. 486 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:11,980 You get to stay forever. 487 00:25:15,110 --> 00:25:17,060 The great warrior fought his way 488 00:25:17,150 --> 00:25:18,900 guard by guard 489 00:25:18,980 --> 00:25:20,560 until he made his way 490 00:25:20,650 --> 00:25:23,940 to the queen's tower. 491 00:25:24,020 --> 00:25:26,310 But just before she could embrace him... 492 00:25:29,310 --> 00:25:31,270 The king arrived on his horse. 493 00:25:31,360 --> 00:25:32,860 Wait, how are you... 494 00:25:32,940 --> 00:25:34,520 Please, don't touch it. 495 00:25:34,610 --> 00:25:36,230 The old ruler explained 496 00:25:36,310 --> 00:25:38,520 the door to the castle had always been open, 497 00:25:38,610 --> 00:25:41,650 and it was the queen who had locked herself away. 498 00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,610 - Where's warrior going? - Home. 499 00:25:45,690 --> 00:25:47,110 The great warrior understood 500 00:25:47,190 --> 00:25:49,810 this was a demon for the queen to slay. 501 00:25:49,900 --> 00:25:51,690 Anything else would be infidelity. 502 00:25:51,770 --> 00:25:54,520 The warrior and the queen 503 00:25:54,610 --> 00:25:57,110 are not meant to be. 504 00:25:57,190 --> 00:26:01,400 Will you stay through Christmas? 505 00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:04,190 What the actual fuck? 506 00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:11,400 Just... keep editing 507 00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:13,770 the stuff out that we don't want to see. 508 00:26:13,860 --> 00:26:16,440 Until when? The show is seven minutes long. 509 00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:18,270 And it's PBS. It's not like we could 510 00:26:18,360 --> 00:26:19,730 pad it with commercial breaks. 511 00:26:19,810 --> 00:26:21,020 And what happens when he goes live? 512 00:26:21,110 --> 00:26:22,480 How do we stop him 513 00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:24,020 from puking his off-brand lunacy 514 00:26:24,110 --> 00:26:25,440 all over his shoes, and your shoes, 515 00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:26,400 - and our shoes? - Don't worry. 516 00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:27,810 We're not gonna let that happen. 517 00:26:27,900 --> 00:26:30,400 Oh, so he's not gonna host it this year? 518 00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:31,900 Oh, fuck. 519 00:26:31,980 --> 00:26:34,440 Oh, fuck! 520 00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:35,440 The National Tree Lighting. 521 00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:37,730 I think it's on CBS this year. 522 00:26:37,810 --> 00:26:40,900 That'll be what, 10 million people watching? 523 00:26:40,980 --> 00:26:43,560 How did December get here so quickly? 524 00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:50,020 It's not about the money. 525 00:26:50,110 --> 00:26:52,400 It's never been about the money, Gregory. 526 00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:55,270 It's about doing the right thing. 527 00:26:55,360 --> 00:26:57,270 $42,000 is a lot of debt 528 00:26:57,360 --> 00:26:58,860 for a woman in her thirties. 529 00:26:58,940 --> 00:27:03,110 She has medical bills. This'll help her heal. 530 00:27:03,190 --> 00:27:04,650 As your accountant, I can only recommend 531 00:27:04,730 --> 00:27:06,480 what's fiscally responsible. 532 00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:08,310 Maybe we just pay off the Discover card. 533 00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:11,360 Just pay it all, please. 534 00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:13,860 She's lucky to have a friend like you. 535 00:27:13,940 --> 00:27:17,060 We all are. 536 00:27:17,150 --> 00:27:18,480 Good-bye. 537 00:28:29,690 --> 00:28:31,610 ♪ When I'm feeling blue ♪ 538 00:28:31,690 --> 00:28:33,610 ♪ And when I'm feeling low ♪ 539 00:28:33,690 --> 00:28:35,940 ♪ Then I start to think about ♪ 540 00:28:36,020 --> 00:28:38,150 ♪ The happiest man I know ♪ 541 00:28:38,230 --> 00:28:40,270 ♪ He doesn't mind the snow ♪ 542 00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:42,610 ♪ And he doesn't mind the rain ♪ 543 00:28:42,690 --> 00:28:45,020 ♪ But all December you will hear him ♪ 544 00:28:45,110 --> 00:28:46,730 ♪ At your windowpane ♪ 545 00:28:46,810 --> 00:28:48,940 ♪ God bless you gentlemen ♪ 546 00:28:49,020 --> 00:28:50,940 ♪ God bless you ♪ 547 00:28:51,020 --> 00:28:53,360 ♪ If you haven't got a friendly cat ♪ 548 00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:55,190 ♪ May God bless you ♪ 549 00:29:03,650 --> 00:29:05,650 ♪ Christmas is a-coming ♪ 550 00:29:05,730 --> 00:29:07,770 ♪ And the cider's in the keg ♪ 36813

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