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1
00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:16,230
Already? It's started already?
2
00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:18,470
I think it's just a rehearsal, love.
3
00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:21,310
They've been playing the same
three songs since 1795 --
4
00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:22,910
what do they need to rehearse for?
5
00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:25,430
Well, practice makes perfect, Aunt Mary.
6
00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:28,190
You know, that is why they are so cracker.
7
00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:29,430
I'm sorry?
8
00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:31,670
Did you just call the
Orange Order "cracker"?
9
00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:33,150
I'm considering joining.
10
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,350
I don't think they accept Catholics, Orla,
11
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:38,390
or, you know, acknowledge
our right to exist.
12
00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:40,150
Give us a hand here, Gerry --
13
00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:42,430
this'll not close.
14
00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:45,830
We need to shift ourselves!
We're the last Fenians standing.
15
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,870
Relax, love, we've got a
good two or three hours
16
00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:49,150
before the rioting starts.
17
00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,950
I'll not settling myself until
we're over that border, Da.
18
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:55,390
You're absolutely sure we
need the big clock, love?
19
00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:56,830
We've been through this, Gerry.
20
00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:58,790
Definitely don't want
to bring the wee clock?
21
00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:00,270
I can't be doing with the wee clock!
22
00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:01,950
What is your problem with the big clock?
23
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,830
It wouldn't say I have a problem, as such,
24
00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:06,310
it's just much heavier and
takes up a lot of room.
25
00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:08,310
I'm telling you, Mary,
that's how it starts --
26
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:10,670
now he's dictating what
size of clock you can pack.
27
00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:12,910
Next you'll be telling you
what to wear, what to say.
28
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:15,150
Before you know it, you'll
be faking your own death
29
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,510
and assuming a new identity.
30
00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:20,070
Erin, I told you not to let him
watch that Sleeping With The Enemy.
31
00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:22,310
- Couldn't stop him, Mammy.
- Great show.
32
00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:23,750
Stick that in the boot.
33
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:27,870
You'll be as well getting
one of the wee'uns to do it.
34
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:31,920
Out of the way.
35
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:41,750
Listen to it! I mean, just listen
to it! I mean... I mean, I don't...
36
00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:44,350
- I mean, why do they have to be so loud?
- Breathe, love.
37
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:47,150
Far worse for me, Clare. I
mean, my hearing's impeccable.
38
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:49,190
I've read the same paragraph 47 times
39
00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:51,190
because I can't concentrate because...
40
00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:53,470
Oh, my God, the noise!
41
00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:56,150
This whale, he's a bad brute, Mrs Quinn.
42
00:01:56,200 --> 00:02:00,200
I have to know if they catch him.
Can I come away with you, please?
43
00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:04,110
OK, well, if your mother has no
objections, I don't see why not.
44
00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:08,160
Thank you. Thank you. I'll
never forget this. Thank you!
45
00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:10,750
She's taking you to a
caravan in Portnoo --
46
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,510
she's not giving you her kidney, Clare.
47
00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:14,990
Listen, Mary, I just did a reading.
48
00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:18,110
The cards say if we go on this wee
holiday, we're placing ourselves
49
00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:21,990
in grave danger, which I'm not
buzzing about, to be honest.
50
00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:23,550
You're not psychic, Aunt Sarah.
51
00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:26,270
I am psychic, Erin. I did a course.
52
00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:28,270
I got a certificate.
53
00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:31,070
Aye, this does not look good.
54
00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:33,590
Still no sign of the lottery numbers?
55
00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:36,110
No, Daddy, this psychic carry-on,
56
00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,710
it's not all it's cracked
up to be, you know?
57
00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:42,760
Last night, I woke up to
this... wailing sound.
58
00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:46,390
I thought to myself,
"Jesus, it's Granny Pat,
59
00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:47,870
"she's trying to cross over."
60
00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:50,670
Now, it turned out it was
only Aggie next door.
61
00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:53,590
She'd put the electric
blanket on full whack
62
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:55,670
and scalded the legs o' herself.
63
00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:58,150
But still, it could just
as easily have been...
64
00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:01,870
- The disembodied spirit of
a dead relative? - Exactly.
65
00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:05,870
My nerves are wrecked. I am
living on a knife's edge here.
66
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:07,590
Is there any Rice Krispies?
67
00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:11,640
Shh! Shh! This is the best bit!
68
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,630
OK, everyone! Remain calm!
69
00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:18,680
I need you all to listen very carefully.
70
00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:23,630
OK, I'm going in.
71
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,630
For the love of God, don't come in here!
72
00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:29,350
Everything all right, Mary?
73
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:31,710
Stay back, Deirdre. This
place is a death trap.
74
00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:34,350
Listen, Mary, I hate to do this
to you, but me and Martin are both
75
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:37,670
working nights and I'm nervous about
leaving these two on their own...
76
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:40,270
Don't suppose there's any chance
you could take them with you?
77
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,510
- Ach, away, Deirdre, it's just...
- The English thing?
78
00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:44,150
Listen, Mary, I understand.
79
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,750
I mean, he's my nephew, and
even I find it hard to get past.
80
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:49,790
If I'm totally honest, there's times
when I look at him and I feel...
81
00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:53,840
well, it's pure hatred.
I'll not dress it up.
82
00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:55,830
No, no, it's not the English thing.
83
00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:58,150
I hope to God it's not the
gay thing you're offended by.
84
00:03:58,200 --> 00:03:59,430
There is no gay thing.
85
00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:02,270
Because I'd be disappointed
in you, Mary -- I'll not lie.
86
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:04,030
Of course not. I mean, if anything,
87
00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:06,710
the gay thing sort of cancels
out the English thing.
88
00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:08,350
Again, no gay thing.
89
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:10,270
You wouldn't move over there, James?
90
00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:12,270
I can't see past your massive closet.
91
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:15,190
- I'm just not sure we'll have room
in the caravan. - It'll be grand.
92
00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:17,030
Us men can camp outside.
93
00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:18,750
- Oh, God.
- Oh, God.
94
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,030
Run and ask Jim across the
road for the lend of his tent.
95
00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:22,990
Oh, thanks a million, Mary. I owe you one.
96
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:25,470
Here, if you want our Ryan to
sort that gable wall of yours out,
97
00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:27,950
you've only to ask.
98
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,990
What's wrong with our gable wall?
99
00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:33,830
- Christ's sake!
- Do you think it's an omen?
100
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:40,400
Right, now watch.
101
00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:44,630
What about that?
102
00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:48,870
I tell you, girls, the double
glazing, it'll change your life.
103
00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:52,920
Yeah, as I said, it's...
it's very impressive, Jim.
104
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:54,910
But we're actually in a bit of a hurry,
105
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,950
so if we could just grab that tent.
106
00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:05,390
Mind-blowing.
107
00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:07,990
What are they, stilts?
108
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:12,040
- Golf clubs.
- I thought... spatulas.
109
00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:13,710
They're rifles!
110
00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:15,190
Really? Are you sure?
111
00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:16,430
Fairly sure!
112
00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:19,150
I also don't understand
what connection spatulas,
113
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:22,590
golf clubs or stilts would
have to the Irish resistance!
114
00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:24,470
Christ, he's a dose.
115
00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:26,530
Now, once your tent is erect...
116
00:05:27,280 --> 00:05:30,390
.. you'll want to think about
where to safely store your food,
117
00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:32,310
because believe me, girls,
118
00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:36,350
you do not want to attract predatory
animals into your sleeping area.
119
00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,350
Bears are particularly vicious.
120
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:41,150
Yeah, I'm not sure how many bears
there are in Portnoo, though, Jim.
121
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,390
But there was a cheetah
on the beach one time.
122
00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:45,270
That was a greyhound, Orla.
123
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:49,320
I know what I saw.
124
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,950
He give you the Intrepid, did he?
125
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,510
That's his second best tent, you know?
126
00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,510
I'll tell you what, son, I'm
putting you in charge, OK?
127
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,230
Oh, please don't. Please
don't put me in charge of it.
128
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:04,750
You'll be all right.
129
00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:06,670
Right, there's too many of us for one car.
130
00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:08,670
Some of you will have to go with me da.
131
00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:10,270
Can I? Can I?
132
00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:12,190
Cos Joe drives really fast.
133
00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,910
He, like, runs through red lights
and takes corners on two wheels.
134
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,030
- It's class!
- It really is.
135
00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:20,190
- I think I'll hop in with Mr
Quinn, if that's OK. - Me too!
136
00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,110
I'll go with me da -- he lets me smoke.
137
00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:25,150
You're coming? What about the grave
danger we're putting ourselves in?
138
00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,670
Well, it's a concern, but so is the fact
139
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,110
that I have nothing in for
me Sunday dinner, so...
140
00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:32,910
All right, Joe, if you just follow me.
141
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:36,950
- Why should I follow you?
- I've got the map. - Aye.
142
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,510
Well, now I have the map.
143
00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:39,870
Ach, Da...
144
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:42,830
Joe, it's all just a bit trickier today.
145
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:45,710
There are so many roadblocks up,
there are so many diversions,
146
00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:47,390
and, you know, I drive for a living.
147
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,790
He says this like it's
something to be proud of.
148
00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:51,990
Look, we just need to get
out of this place as quickly
149
00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:54,190
and as quietly as possible.
150
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:57,470
You know what age I am, boy?
151
00:06:57,520 --> 00:07:01,520
You know how many of these
parades I've lived through?
152
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:05,630
You think I don't realise how
quickly a situation can turn?
153
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:08,790
Do you think I would do anything
to put my family at risk?
154
00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:12,840
No. Of course not. I'm sorry.
155
00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:14,830
Aye.
156
00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:17,230
What are you looking
at, you tangerine tool?!
157
00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:18,870
OK, Granda...
158
00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,870
I think what's happened here is,
now, correct me if I'm wrong,
159
00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:24,630
but I think your father has just
driven through a police barricade.
160
00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:26,510
- Well, it's done now.
- Oh, that's true.
161
00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:29,070
It's probably not even that big
a deal if you ignore the fact
162
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,950
that Orangemen are circling us as
though we're their fucking prey!
163
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,470
It'll be grand!
164
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,070
I'm starting to understand
how Moby Dick must feel.
165
00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:40,120
Christ, I'm sweating here.
166
00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:50,870
You lot tell me where I can
and can't go in me own town?
167
00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:53,870
Orange bastards!
168
00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:57,630
- Sure, didn't I predict this?
- No, you didn't.
169
00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:00,750
I said this trip would place
us in grave danger, Erin.
170
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:04,430
- Those were my very words.
- This isn't grave danger.
171
00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:06,750
Oh, look, that cop's
pointing his gun at us.
172
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:10,510
I mean, it's not ideal, but
this is more of a pickle.
173
00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:13,550
It's a pickle, isn't it,
Grandad? It's just a pickle.
174
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:14,790
Arseholes!
175
00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:17,510
OK, then...
176
00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:20,550
- So, would you do me a reading, Sarah?
- I would surely, love.
177
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:24,600
Grow up, Michelle. A deck of cards
can't actually predict your future.
178
00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:26,750
It's ridiculous. It's medieval.
179
00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:28,150
Shower of shites!
180
00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:33,150
They really don't look
that happy, do they?
181
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:34,830
Why don't we just that it was an accident,
182
00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:36,190
that we don't want any trouble?
183
00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:37,390
I'm not going out there.
184
00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:39,430
- Well, send one of the
wee'uns out. - What?! - What?!
185
00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:41,790
Well, the wee fella's English.
They might respect that.
186
00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:43,590
I think they would respect that, actually.
187
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,030
- Away you go, son.
- You're not serious!
188
00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:47,190
It'll be grand.
189
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:50,240
Underneath it all, I'm sure
they're reasonable enough people.
190
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,990
Absolutely no chance!
191
00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:00,430
And how soon am I going
to meet this fella?
192
00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:04,480
- Dead soon. Really soon.
- And answer me this -- is he a ride?
193
00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:05,910
Oh, God, aye.
194
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:09,470
Is it just a casual thing, or
are we talking a keeper here?
195
00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:13,070
- I'm thinking marriage.
- Holy fuck!
196
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,870
Catch yourself on.
197
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:17,390
To think, I could be
staring at him right now.
198
00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:20,310
You can't marry an Orangeman, Michelle.
199
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,990
That's a pity, cos I think
there's something really
200
00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:25,240
sexy about the fact that
they hate us so much.
201
00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:35,480
♪ Holiday!
202
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:39,670
♪ Celebrate! ♪
203
00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:41,710
I hope your father
appreciates the fact that
204
00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:44,670
- I was the one who got us
out of that mess. - He won't.
205
00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:47,670
Nobody back there actually believed
you were a Japanese tourist, Gerry.
206
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:51,030
They all thought you were a
nutcase. They took pity on you.
207
00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,670
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Dear God, no!
208
00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:55,510
- What's wrong?
- I can't find my purse.
209
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:58,390
- I can see your purse right there.
- No, that's my sterling purse.
210
00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:01,870
I'm talking about my punt purse. I
can't find my punt purse, Gerry.
211
00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:04,510
Blessed St Anthony, the Grace of
God has made you the patron saint
212
00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:05,790
of all things lost and stolen.
213
00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:07,910
I turn to you this day
with childlike love and...
214
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:11,830
- Look, Mary, calm down.
- Calm down, Gerry? We have no punts!
215
00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:15,110
We can't go to the Free State
without punts. We're puntless.
216
00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:16,830
We haven't a punt between us.
217
00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:19,950
Oh, God. I think... I think
I'm having a panic attack.
218
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,750
- Oh, stupid purse.
- Over this?
219
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:24,710
So what happened back
there was totally fine,
220
00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:26,830
but this, this is worth
having a panic attack about?
221
00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:28,350
You're going to have to turn around.
222
00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:31,190
There is more chance of me
eloping with your father
223
00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:32,830
to a flip-flop shop in Hawaii!
224
00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:36,470
Look, OK, fine! But that means
we won't be able to buy anything,
225
00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:38,190
which means we'll have no food,
226
00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:39,950
which means we'll all starve to death.
227
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,910
So, you know, on your head be it, Gerry.
228
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:45,670
Oh, actually, do you know what?
I think I put it in the suitcase.
229
00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:49,720
False alarm there, St Anthony.
Sorry for troubling you.
230
00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:54,120
♪ It would be, it would be so nice... ♪
231
00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:02,440
What's this prick up to now?
232
00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:10,070
What the hell were you playing
at back there, kemosabe?
233
00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:12,030
That's actually a Native American term.
234
00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:14,510
- What were you meant to be?
- Japanese.
235
00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:17,350
I don't think you get much
Japanese tourism in Derry, do you?
236
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,670
Aye, cos that's why it
wasn't believable. Dickweed.
237
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,230
What's going on? Why have we stopped?
238
00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:23,030
My punt purse is in the bucking suitcase.
239
00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:26,190
Punts are such a pain in the arse.
Why can't they just use sterling?
240
00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:27,670
Well, they did for a while, Sarah,
241
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,470
but then, you know, partition happened.
242
00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:33,520
Holy God!
243
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:35,350
Jesus Christ.
244
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:38,790
- Did you not put him in there, Aunt Mary?
- No, no, I did not.
245
00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:40,230
All right, how's it going?
246
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:42,510
Not too bad, not too bad. And yourself?
247
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:46,560
- I'm sorry, who are you?
- Ah, Emmett's the name.
248
00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:50,670
Well, not my real name,
like, but it'll have to do.
249
00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:54,190
- Anyway, I'll not be keeping
you. - No, hold on. Wait. - Yeah?
250
00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:57,830
- Do you mind telling us what
you're doing in there? - Oh, right.
251
00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:00,070
Well, during the last 24 hours,
252
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,910
crossing the border has become
somewhat of a priority for me,
253
00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:05,510
so I did a bit of asking around,
you know, just on the off chance
254
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:08,590
someone might be heading down
that way, and your name came up.
255
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:12,640
- And... there you have it.
- Fantastic.
256
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,310
All right? Lovely to meet you.
257
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,000
♪ We need a holida-ay! ♪
258
00:12:17,340 --> 00:12:19,010
- I'm in shock.
- It's insane!
259
00:12:19,060 --> 00:12:20,930
- I don't even think I fancy him.
- What?
260
00:12:20,980 --> 00:12:23,210
Well, it's obviously him,
it's obviously my husband.
261
00:12:23,260 --> 00:12:25,170
Like, it's just too much of a coincidence.
262
00:12:25,220 --> 00:12:28,530
Do you remember the whole "us being in
grave danger" thing Sarah mentioned?
263
00:12:28,580 --> 00:12:31,010
Well, I think... I think this might be it!
264
00:12:31,060 --> 00:12:33,050
I thought you said fortune
telling was Medieval.
265
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:35,490
Yeah, well, something has
made me reassess all that.
266
00:12:35,540 --> 00:12:36,850
What was it again? Oh, aye...
267
00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:40,900
- The fact that there's an actual
Provo in the boot of our car! - NO!
268
00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:42,490
I've lost my bookmark!
269
00:12:42,540 --> 00:12:43,970
Now I've lost my page!
270
00:12:44,020 --> 00:12:46,170
Oh, my God, this day just
goes from bad to worse!
271
00:12:46,220 --> 00:12:47,890
A bit of perspective maybe, Clare?
272
00:12:47,940 --> 00:12:49,490
I could coolly fancy him, I suppose.
273
00:12:49,540 --> 00:12:52,770
Why doesn't someone just call the police?
274
00:12:52,820 --> 00:12:54,930
Cos that's not how things
work around here, James.
275
00:12:54,980 --> 00:12:58,250
Well, how do things work
here? How do they work?
276
00:12:58,300 --> 00:13:01,210
Will one of you please explain
it to me, because sometimes
277
00:13:01,260 --> 00:13:04,570
I feel like I've gone through
the fucking looking glass!
278
00:13:04,620 --> 00:13:08,620
- Calm down, James.
- Aye, don't be such a dick, James.
279
00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:13,770
Was there something else, or...?
280
00:13:13,820 --> 00:13:15,970
Yes, there was something else, actually.
281
00:13:16,020 --> 00:13:17,490
Look, I'm sure you have questions.
282
00:13:17,540 --> 00:13:19,250
I just don't really
want to get into it all.
283
00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:21,770
Well, we didn't really want you
to get into our boot, but...
284
00:13:21,820 --> 00:13:24,090
Maybe just leave the fella
be. Sure, what's the odds?
285
00:13:24,140 --> 00:13:26,650
And what if they pull us
over at the checkpoint, Joe?
286
00:13:26,700 --> 00:13:28,610
What if the army asks to search the car?
287
00:13:28,660 --> 00:13:30,530
The Brits are flat out with thon parade!
288
00:13:30,580 --> 00:13:33,370
- They'll not bother with the likes of us.
- That's a good point.
289
00:13:33,420 --> 00:13:35,690
- Stay out of it, you!
- Right, in you go, son. - Ah, Da!
290
00:13:35,740 --> 00:13:37,170
Well, what do you want me to do?
291
00:13:37,220 --> 00:13:39,370
Chuck the wee'un out in
the middle of nowhere?
292
00:13:39,420 --> 00:13:42,410
But this is dangerous,
Joe! He is dangerous!
293
00:13:42,460 --> 00:13:43,650
Er, I'm not dangerous.
294
00:13:43,700 --> 00:13:46,370
In fairness, Emmett, if you
were dangerous you wouldn't say
295
00:13:46,420 --> 00:13:48,370
that you were dangerous, would ya?
296
00:13:48,420 --> 00:13:49,610
True.
297
00:13:49,660 --> 00:13:50,310
Shh!
298
00:13:51,860 --> 00:13:54,210
- Can you hear that?
- Hear what?
299
00:13:54,260 --> 00:13:55,570
Come on, Emmett, out you go.
300
00:13:55,620 --> 00:13:58,250
Ah-ah! You just stay where you are, son.
301
00:13:58,300 --> 00:13:59,770
Ticking.
302
00:13:59,820 --> 00:14:02,090
It's...
303
00:14:02,140 --> 00:14:03,370
It's like a ticking sound!
304
00:14:03,420 --> 00:14:06,330
I'm not comfortable driving
him across the border.
305
00:14:06,380 --> 00:14:08,250
Fine...
306
00:14:08,300 --> 00:14:12,300
I'll drive him.
307
00:14:12,460 --> 00:14:14,410
Oh, dear God!
308
00:14:14,460 --> 00:14:16,530
We're all involved in this, Da.
309
00:14:16,580 --> 00:14:20,580
We'll decide what to do as a family.
310
00:14:21,180 --> 00:14:25,180
Bomb! He has a bomb!
Listen, Mammy! Listen!
311
00:14:25,780 --> 00:14:29,780
Och, Erin, that's just the big clock.
312
00:14:38,140 --> 00:14:39,530
It's aiding and abetting!
313
00:14:39,580 --> 00:14:41,690
We're talking serious jail time here.
314
00:14:41,740 --> 00:14:44,130
- Well, it's a risk we have to take.
- No, it's not, Joe!
315
00:14:44,180 --> 00:14:46,850
It's not a risk we have to take
-- it's a risk we shouldn't take!
316
00:14:46,900 --> 00:14:48,450
Don't you take that tone with me, boy.
317
00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:50,370
He seems like a nice enough fella, Gerry.
318
00:14:50,420 --> 00:14:51,690
We have to walk away from this.
319
00:14:51,740 --> 00:14:54,210
What if we can't walk away,
Daddy? What if we don't help him
320
00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:56,290
and he kills us all
because we know too much?
321
00:14:56,340 --> 00:15:00,340
I like him. I think he's a character.
322
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:03,010
- Well? - Just a cup of tea for
me, please, love. - Same here.
323
00:15:03,060 --> 00:15:06,530
- And here, thanks, love.
- Oh, and some Cokes for the wee'uns, please.
324
00:15:06,580 --> 00:15:10,290
- What do you fancy, Sarah?
- I wouldn't mind a wee vodka.
325
00:15:10,340 --> 00:15:11,610
Make that two.
326
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:12,950
We don't sell alcohol.
327
00:15:14,700 --> 00:15:17,330
- I'll take a tea.
- Any food?
328
00:15:17,380 --> 00:15:19,010
We're just looking.
329
00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:20,630
Fine.
330
00:15:21,180 --> 00:15:24,810
Yeah, and at 2.25 a burger,
looking is all we'll be doing!
331
00:15:24,860 --> 00:15:28,860
Don't mind me, just grabbing a knife.
332
00:15:28,980 --> 00:15:31,850
- Take it you haven't decided yet?
- Just leave it with me, son.
333
00:15:31,900 --> 00:15:35,730
Aye, no pressure. Sure, I'll
be over here if you need me.
334
00:15:35,780 --> 00:15:39,370
- What the hell does he need a knife for?
- He's eating his lunch.
335
00:15:39,420 --> 00:15:41,770
God, but he has great teeth, doesn't he?
336
00:15:41,820 --> 00:15:45,530
He really does, but tell the truth...
337
00:15:45,580 --> 00:15:48,650
The hair -- can you see a ginger tinge?
338
00:15:48,700 --> 00:15:50,810
Now that you mention it...
339
00:15:50,860 --> 00:15:54,810
So Christ only knows what's lurking
downstairs -- and that is a concern.
340
00:15:54,860 --> 00:15:57,090
But spending the rest of
your life with a fugitive is
341
00:15:57,140 --> 00:15:58,850
less of a concern?
342
00:15:58,900 --> 00:16:01,050
Absolutely.
343
00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:08,010
Hey.
344
00:16:08,060 --> 00:16:12,060
All right?
345
00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:17,900
- I think you know who I
am. - Yeah. - You sense it?
346
00:16:18,220 --> 00:16:20,970
No, I mean, I remember
-- you're with them.
347
00:16:21,020 --> 00:16:22,970
Look, I just wanted to say,
348
00:16:23,020 --> 00:16:25,730
- while there's obviously
something between us... - There is?
349
00:16:25,780 --> 00:16:29,530
- .. the physical thing isn't
really working for me yet. - Right.
350
00:16:29,580 --> 00:16:32,450
I'm not saying you won't grow on
me, you're not a bad looking lad.
351
00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:35,410
- Thank you.
- But the ginger element...
352
00:16:35,460 --> 00:16:38,370
- Well, I've sort of got a
borderline phobia. - I'm not ginger.
353
00:16:38,420 --> 00:16:39,490
There's a tinge of it.
354
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:43,540
And while I can't say it won't
be a struggle, I'm willing to try.
355
00:16:44,940 --> 00:16:46,650
Great.
356
00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:50,700
- Even though it sort of
turns my stomach. - OK.
357
00:16:52,820 --> 00:16:55,810
You really think this'll work?
That they'll tell us what to do?
358
00:16:55,860 --> 00:16:59,050
Sure, it's worth a try.
359
00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:03,100
- Would you look at that. - Well,
what do they say? - I think...
360
00:17:03,220 --> 00:17:04,410
Now, I can't be certain,
361
00:17:04,460 --> 00:17:08,460
but I think they're saying
you should leave Gerry.
362
00:17:09,940 --> 00:17:13,370
I could have told you that
years ago and I'm not psychic!
363
00:17:13,420 --> 00:17:16,410
OK, look, I've yet to hear anybody
say anything to convince me
364
00:17:16,460 --> 00:17:19,130
that bringing that lad across the
border with us is a good idea.
365
00:17:19,180 --> 00:17:23,180
Shit, he's coming!
366
00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:26,770
- I really didn't want to have
to do this... - Jesus Christ!
367
00:17:26,820 --> 00:17:30,530
- Get down! Everybody get down!
- Is there something wrong with her?
368
00:17:30,580 --> 00:17:34,580
Stop that, Erin.
369
00:17:35,820 --> 00:17:37,850
Sorry, Emmett, you were saying?
370
00:17:37,900 --> 00:17:40,330
I didn't want to put you in this position,
371
00:17:40,380 --> 00:17:44,010
- but I can't stress the seriousness
of my situation. - Anything else?
372
00:17:44,060 --> 00:17:48,060
- Oh, d'you know what? I wouldn't
mind a knickerbocker glory. - Right...
373
00:17:49,620 --> 00:17:52,730
- You need to help me out here.
- We do that and we're breaking the law.
374
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,690
Oh, you recognise the legal system of
375
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,730
a brutal imperialistic oppressor, do ya?
376
00:17:56,780 --> 00:17:59,530
If they can put me in jail for 20
years then yes, Emmett, yes, I do!
377
00:17:59,580 --> 00:18:03,330
- Listen, have you
killed anyone, son? - No.
378
00:18:03,380 --> 00:18:07,210
- Well, at least not directly.
- Well, there you go. So that settles it.
379
00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:10,090
I don't think that does
settle it, actually, Joe!
380
00:18:10,140 --> 00:18:13,450
You know what's wrong with you,
Gerry -- you're an awful wuss.
381
00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:17,130
- I'm not a wuss! - You're afraid
of your own shadow. - I'm not!
382
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:19,570
Well, then, grow a set of
balls and help the fella out!
383
00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:22,570
I have a set of balls,
thank you very much!
384
00:18:22,620 --> 00:18:25,330
- Oh, seriously, Daddy.
- You're even afraid of that wee girl.
385
00:18:25,380 --> 00:18:27,610
- What wee girl?
- That waitress!
386
00:18:27,660 --> 00:18:30,250
You wanted a cup of tea,
she brought you a Coke,
387
00:18:30,300 --> 00:18:32,730
and you just sat there and
said sweet Fanny Adams!
388
00:18:32,780 --> 00:18:34,010
Your grandad said fanny.
389
00:18:34,060 --> 00:18:35,930
But that's because I like Coke!
390
00:18:35,980 --> 00:18:38,930
- Her customer service is shocking as well.
- Aye, desperate.
391
00:18:38,980 --> 00:18:41,090
- Someone should say something.
- Ah, Gerry!
392
00:18:41,140 --> 00:18:43,330
Gerry should say something!
393
00:18:43,380 --> 00:18:47,380
I will! No problem! I'll say something.
394
00:18:49,180 --> 00:18:51,490
Excuse me.
395
00:18:51,540 --> 00:18:55,540
Excuse me, please.
396
00:18:57,980 --> 00:18:59,250
What?
397
00:18:59,300 --> 00:19:01,970
Erm, I just wanted to
say that, er, I, erm...
398
00:19:02,020 --> 00:19:05,650
I ordered a tea, you brought me a
Coke, and that's not acceptable.
399
00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:08,970
- But you drank the Coke.
- That's not the point.
400
00:19:09,020 --> 00:19:11,370
And your service has been
nothing short of appalling,
401
00:19:11,420 --> 00:19:13,330
your attitude is worse.
402
00:19:13,380 --> 00:19:17,370
- It's simply not good enough!
- I'll, er...
403
00:19:17,420 --> 00:19:21,370
- I'll bring you a tea.
- You do that!
404
00:19:21,420 --> 00:19:24,450
I'm sorry!
405
00:19:26,340 --> 00:19:30,340
I got a bit of bad news today.
406
00:19:31,100 --> 00:19:35,100
I haven't really been able to focus.
407
00:19:35,380 --> 00:19:39,090
I've been a bit distracted maybe.
408
00:19:39,140 --> 00:19:43,140
- I'm sorry. I'll just take this...
- No, no, ignore all that.
409
00:19:45,460 --> 00:19:49,460
I'll bring you your tea right away, sir.
410
00:19:54,540 --> 00:19:57,450
Well, there was absolutely
no need for that.
411
00:19:57,500 --> 00:20:00,010
- Jesus, Gerry!
- Harsh.
412
00:20:00,060 --> 00:20:04,050
- Awful. - Poor girl. - Aye, I
can't believe you did that, Daddy.
413
00:20:04,100 --> 00:20:05,650
I...
414
00:20:05,700 --> 00:20:08,050
You asked me to!
415
00:20:08,100 --> 00:20:09,730
How could I have known...?
416
00:20:09,780 --> 00:20:13,780
Will you all just stop looking at me?
417
00:20:14,660 --> 00:20:16,530
Fine...
418
00:20:16,580 --> 00:20:20,580
Fine. D'you know what? Fine!
419
00:20:20,740 --> 00:20:24,740
I've had it with the lot of ye!
420
00:20:25,940 --> 00:20:28,050
And just for the record, back there,
421
00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:30,290
I was being an Australian tourist, OK?
422
00:20:30,340 --> 00:20:34,250
Australian! And I happen to think
that my accent was flawless!
423
00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:38,300
Excuse me, mate! Can you
help us get outta here?
424
00:20:38,660 --> 00:20:42,660
Flawless!
425
00:20:44,260 --> 00:20:46,610
OK...
426
00:20:46,660 --> 00:20:49,930
We have to decide what to do here,
one way or another. Let's just vote.
427
00:20:49,980 --> 00:20:51,890
Leave him!
428
00:20:51,940 --> 00:20:53,410
I vote we run away and leave him.
429
00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:56,530
I vote we take him for
better or worse and all that.
430
00:20:56,580 --> 00:21:00,250
- I vote we take him.
- Me too. - I can't decide.
431
00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:04,300
I've decided -- but I'm afraid
to say what I've decided.
432
00:21:04,580 --> 00:21:08,580
Why don't we just toss a coin?
433
00:21:21,820 --> 00:21:23,050
Interesting.
434
00:21:23,100 --> 00:21:26,170
So, heads, the wee 'Ra man comes with us.
435
00:21:26,220 --> 00:21:28,250
Tails, we leave him.
436
00:21:28,300 --> 00:21:30,170
- Aye, ready?
- Go on, then.
437
00:21:36,380 --> 00:21:39,250
- What is that? A fish?
- A dolphin, is it?
438
00:21:39,300 --> 00:21:41,490
It sort of looks like Moby Dick, actually.
439
00:21:41,540 --> 00:21:44,370
- Ah, shite, I used a punt, didn't I?
- What's on the other side?
440
00:21:44,420 --> 00:21:47,970
- A harp. - So harp must be the
head and fish must be the tail?
441
00:21:48,020 --> 00:21:50,530
Oh, well, that makes sense,
yeah, because fish have tails.
442
00:21:50,580 --> 00:21:52,490
Why don't we just do it
again with real money?
443
00:21:52,540 --> 00:21:55,570
- This is real money, Sarah.
- You know what I mean -- normal money.
444
00:21:55,620 --> 00:21:59,450
- All right. Who has 10 pence?
- It was him!
445
00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:02,450
The mural on our house, the spray paint...
446
00:22:02,500 --> 00:22:05,010
It was Emmett. I can prove it.
447
00:22:05,060 --> 00:22:07,090
Sly wee bastard.
448
00:22:07,140 --> 00:22:08,810
You bloody tout!
449
00:22:08,860 --> 00:22:11,090
Where is Emmett?
450
00:22:11,140 --> 00:22:13,810
There he is.
451
00:22:17,220 --> 00:22:21,220
Is that Jim's tent?
452
00:22:25,420 --> 00:22:29,420
What's he doing?
453
00:22:39,820 --> 00:22:41,370
I told you to look after that tent.
454
00:22:41,420 --> 00:22:43,490
No, you didn't, you told
him to look after it!
455
00:22:43,540 --> 00:22:47,540
Ah, blame the wee'un! Big man!
456
00:22:49,700 --> 00:22:51,530
Jesus...
457
00:22:51,580 --> 00:22:54,490
Jim's second best tent.
458
00:22:54,540 --> 00:22:58,540
How am I going to break it to him?
37219
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