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Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...
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♪ ... wonderful guy. ♪
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This has been the
best summer of my life,
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and you're the reason why.
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This is a list of all of
the things that I have done.
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It's bad.
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How did you get in here?
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You sent me poop? You
tried to kill my Lolo?
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And you manipulated me and lied to me.
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Why are you making me
move? I have no apartment,
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no relationship, no career goals.
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00:00:26,599 --> 00:00:28,232
I feel like there's no ground under me.
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The last few months
have meant a lot to me.
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I'll forget about
everything else for you.
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They say love makes you crazy.
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No!
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He was going to kill Nathaniel.
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They're gonna charge you with
attempted second-degree murder.
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He was trying to hurt you.
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I want you to plead not guilty...
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Okay, not guilty.
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... by reason of insanity.
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You have let me down so many times,
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and you are never going
to be any different.
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Wow, I'm sorry, I can't do this.
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I want to face the consequences
of what happened on that roof.
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So I plead responsible.
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I mean... guilty.
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I plead guilty.
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... Synced and corrected by ChrisKe ...
... www.addic7ed.com ...
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I'd like to get started.
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The State is here.
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Where is your counsel, Miss Bunch?
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I'm so sorry. Nathaniel...
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Mr.-Mr. Plimpton should
be here any second.
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Yeah, I'm not so sure about that, honey.
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He stormed out. He seemed really upset.
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Nathaniel's gone.
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I called him, but he won't answer.
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It's okay. It's okay. I expected that.
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I-I'll-I'll call him later and
explain why I did what I did
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00:01:49,482 --> 00:01:52,341
and that I still love him, and
hopefully he'll listen to me.
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So I guess I'll be acting
as Rebecca's counsel.
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Um, full disclosure,
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I specialize in real estate law.
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Uh, Judge, can we get this
over with? Because the State
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would like to close its case,
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- and I have to pee.
- Great.
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00:02:06,682 --> 00:02:08,866
Mean prosecutor has to pee, I'm guilty,
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00:02:08,935 --> 00:02:11,269
so let's just scribble
"guilty" on that pizzle pad
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00:02:11,337 --> 00:02:12,963
and let's get this shizzow on the road.
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00:02:12,988 --> 00:02:14,905
Okay, just wait just a... sizzecond.
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00:02:14,974 --> 00:02:17,275
Uh, Your Honor, may-may
I just have a word?
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Are you also her lawyer?
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Not yet, uh, because I don't graduate
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for another couple of months,
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and then I will,
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like Mr. Whitefeather,
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specialize in real estate law,
but please, I'm begging you,
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please, please don't accept her plea.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Don't accept my plea? Paula.
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What's wrong with you? I thought
you knew what I was doing here.
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I want to finally take
responsibility for my life.
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Do you remember the courtroom?
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I gave you a knowing smile,
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you gave me a knowing smile.
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I thought we were on the same page,
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but now I guess we were, what,
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just two idiots smiling at each other?
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Everybody, just calm down.
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That's why I brought you
into chambers to tell you
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that I can't accept
Miss Bunch's guilty plea.
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For starters, it wasn't
even really a plea.
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It was more of a speech filled
with, uh, irrelevant details
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that you delivered to this lady
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with your back to me,
and then I find out that
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you're in a romantic relationship
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00:03:04,246 --> 00:03:08,793
with your actual lawyer, who
I'm guessing is also in...
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Real estate.
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- Right.
- So, but great. Right?
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Y-You're not gonna
accept Rebecca's plea,
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which means you-you can release her.
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No. Your Honor, respectfully,
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give me one second with
my real estate lawyers.
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Listen. Hey.
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Listen. What are you guys doing?
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I really want to plead guilty, okay?
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- I want to go to jail.
- No.
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This game is over. You
made your statement,
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00:03:29,649 --> 00:03:31,916
and I dug it... I mean,
hence the smiling...
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00:03:31,984 --> 00:03:34,352
But you are not gonna go to jail
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for trying to defend
someone from being murdered.
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00:03:37,113 --> 00:03:39,280
Yes, I am. Your Honor, please.
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I need to do penance.
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00:03:42,824 --> 00:03:45,763
If not only for this crime,
then all of my past crimes,
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00:03:45,788 --> 00:03:47,321
both real and metaphorical.
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00:03:47,512 --> 00:03:50,201
I need... I want to go to jail.
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00:03:50,269 --> 00:03:51,802
Oh, well, I'm happy to hear that,
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00:03:51,871 --> 00:03:54,018
'cause that's exactly
where you're going.
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00:03:54,043 --> 00:03:55,272
I'm sending you to county jail
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for six weeks.
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00:03:57,676 --> 00:04:00,010
Now, let's see how you like it in there,
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and then you can come back
and have another hearing
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00:04:02,115 --> 00:04:03,681
and decide how you want to plead.
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00:04:03,706 --> 00:04:05,387
We are done here.
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00:04:05,752 --> 00:04:08,018
Okay, okay, great.
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00:04:08,087 --> 00:04:10,270
I can work with this. This isn't so bad.
108
00:04:10,295 --> 00:04:12,556
It's six weeks. That
gives me plenty of time
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- to get the charges dropped.
- Nope, nope.
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I don't care how many hearings we have.
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I'm gonna plead guilty
at every one of them.
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And the next hearing after that.
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00:04:18,097 --> 00:04:20,582
Guilty. And I forget
what happens after that
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00:04:20,767 --> 00:04:22,533
because I also specialize
in real estate law,
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00:04:22,558 --> 00:04:24,191
but this I do know:
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Jail is what I deserve.
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00:04:30,910 --> 00:04:32,910
I deserve this.
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00:04:36,149 --> 00:04:37,707
I deserve this.
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00:04:39,385 --> 00:04:41,085
I deserve this.
120
00:04:44,390 --> 00:04:46,123
Next. Contraband check.
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00:04:46,192 --> 00:04:49,894
Lift up your breasts, squat and cough.
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00:04:50,086 --> 00:04:52,183
I deserve this.
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00:05:02,199 --> 00:05:03,541
This one's not bad.
124
00:05:05,145 --> 00:05:06,510
Why do you need these again?
125
00:05:06,579 --> 00:05:08,557
I mean, don't get me wrong.
I enjoyed purchasing them.
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00:05:08,581 --> 00:05:10,221
Nothing like walking
up to a cash register
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00:05:10,249 --> 00:05:11,882
with just an armful of murder.
128
00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:13,818
Bet I'm not on any watch lists now.
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00:05:13,886 --> 00:05:16,153
I told you, I need a
machete for my excursion.
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00:05:16,606 --> 00:05:18,556
Does everyone take a
machete on a camping trip?
131
00:05:18,624 --> 00:05:21,125
It's not a pansy-ass camping trip.
132
00:05:21,332 --> 00:05:24,829
It's an intense outdoor
survivalist excursion.
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00:05:24,897 --> 00:05:26,897
That's why it's called
Death Wish Adventures.
134
00:05:26,966 --> 00:05:28,999
Love that name. Sounds therapeutic.
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00:05:29,068 --> 00:05:30,401
Oh, it is, it is.
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00:05:30,470 --> 00:05:33,404
And for the low, low price of $100,000,
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00:05:33,429 --> 00:05:34,494
I pay this company
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00:05:34,519 --> 00:05:35,585
to beat me up,
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00:05:35,610 --> 00:05:37,377
drive me out to the middle of the woods,
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00:05:37,402 --> 00:05:39,034
and leave me alone to fend for myself.
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00:05:39,059 --> 00:05:40,901
I can't wait!
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00:05:41,013 --> 00:05:42,680
Okay, look.
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00:05:42,748 --> 00:05:44,982
I know that you're going
through a rough time, you know,
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00:05:45,051 --> 00:05:47,184
with the woman you love
publicly rejecting you
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00:05:47,253 --> 00:05:48,552
in favor of incarceration,
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00:05:49,234 --> 00:05:50,311
but, Nathaniel,
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00:05:50,336 --> 00:05:52,323
why don't you just go and talk to her?
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Stop. Okay?
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00:05:53,573 --> 00:05:55,633
She chose what she chose. I'm done.
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00:05:55,883 --> 00:05:57,995
I don't want to talk to her,
I don't want to talk about her.
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00:05:58,064 --> 00:05:59,064
Look at this place.
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00:05:59,098 --> 00:06:00,531
I'm eating pizza and Chinese food.
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00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:03,288
Obviously, I need a complete reset.
154
00:06:03,313 --> 00:06:04,880
Okay, yes, but there's
got to be a better way
155
00:06:04,904 --> 00:06:06,081
to reset than killing yourself.
156
00:06:06,105 --> 00:06:08,479
I'm not killing myself, George, okay?
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00:06:08,504 --> 00:06:10,553
I'm going on a death wish adventure!
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00:06:14,413 --> 00:06:16,514
Go buy me another bag.
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00:06:16,539 --> 00:06:17,939
Machete-proof.
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00:06:17,964 --> 00:06:20,484
Well, I can't go to the same store.
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00:06:25,467 --> 00:06:28,659
I just can't believe
Rebecca's in jail for murder.
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I don't think it's murder.
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It's pretty clear she was
just defending Nathaniel.
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Maybe. I don't know.
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00:06:34,467 --> 00:06:36,144
I don't know what to
think about her anymore.
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00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:39,370
I used to think Rebecca
was so innocent and sweet.
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Well, we all did, right?
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00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:42,072
Not really.
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00:06:42,141 --> 00:06:44,008
Look, I like her and she's my friend,
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but she's done some crazy things,
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pretty much from day one.
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So how did I still miss it?
How did I miss it, Hector?
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Look, you loved her
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00:06:53,452 --> 00:06:55,286
and you missed certain
things because of that.
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00:06:55,398 --> 00:06:56,731
And she has mental health issues.
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She has a disorder.
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Disorder.
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00:07:00,255 --> 00:07:02,026
Yeah, maybe I also have a disorder.
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00:07:02,094 --> 00:07:04,036
- What, dude?
- Yeah, think about it.
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00:07:04,061 --> 00:07:06,103
Okay, those things about Rebecca,
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00:07:06,165 --> 00:07:10,222
they're not the only things
I've missed, like, in life.
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I-I didn't realize
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00:07:11,637 --> 00:07:13,571
being a priest would be such a bummer.
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00:07:13,639 --> 00:07:15,539
I didn't realize I was
dancing at a gay bar
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00:07:15,608 --> 00:07:17,274
for, like, a month. I didn't realize
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00:07:17,343 --> 00:07:19,591
your mom doesn't like it
when I whistle in the shower.
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00:07:19,616 --> 00:07:21,590
Now that you bring it up, it's
weird you live with my mom.
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00:07:21,614 --> 00:07:23,047
You lived with your mom.
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00:07:23,072 --> 00:07:24,138
She's my mom.
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00:07:24,773 --> 00:07:25,883
Oh.
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00:07:25,952 --> 00:07:27,729
I see what you're saying.
Okay, I get it. Yeah.
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00:07:27,753 --> 00:07:30,120
So... that's weird.
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00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:31,855
See? I have a disorder.
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00:07:31,924 --> 00:07:33,724
Maybe.
195
00:07:33,793 --> 00:07:35,926
Or maybe you're a little
oblivious, self-absorbed,
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00:07:35,995 --> 00:07:38,395
and need to be more aware
of the world around you.
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00:07:38,464 --> 00:07:39,663
No. Disorder.
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00:07:39,732 --> 00:07:43,067
- Or...
- Disorder. I have one.
199
00:07:43,291 --> 00:07:44,491
I wonder which one.
200
00:07:47,006 --> 00:07:49,406
I deserve this. I deserve this.
201
00:07:49,519 --> 00:07:52,820
I deserve this. I deserve
this. I deserve this.
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00:07:52,845 --> 00:07:54,078
I deserve this. I...
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00:07:54,146 --> 00:07:56,380
Will you shut the hell up?
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00:07:56,449 --> 00:07:58,423
You've been chanting that for days.
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00:07:58,884 --> 00:08:01,418
I'm in here for assault,
and I'm trying to be good,
206
00:08:01,443 --> 00:08:02,730
but God help me,
207
00:08:02,755 --> 00:08:05,022
what you really deserve
is a throat punch.
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00:08:05,371 --> 00:08:07,156
I'm sorry.
209
00:08:07,923 --> 00:08:11,829
I'm just, I'm... I'm sad and scared.
210
00:08:12,021 --> 00:08:13,828
I came here to do penance,
211
00:08:14,306 --> 00:08:15,943
but I don't know what that looks like,
212
00:08:15,968 --> 00:08:19,403
and... I think I just
gave up the man I love,
213
00:08:19,472 --> 00:08:22,706
and, God, this place is terrible.
214
00:08:22,731 --> 00:08:24,464
It's terrible in jail?
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00:08:24,696 --> 00:08:27,378
Wow, really insightful analysis
216
00:08:27,403 --> 00:08:29,670
of the criminal justice system, Harvard.
217
00:08:29,815 --> 00:08:31,478
How do you know I went to Harvard?
218
00:08:31,503 --> 00:08:33,350
Well, other than, "I deserve this,"
219
00:08:33,419 --> 00:08:35,430
that's the only thing you've
said since you got here.
220
00:08:35,454 --> 00:08:38,389
Oh, sounds like I
worked it in organically.
221
00:08:39,064 --> 00:08:40,157
What?
222
00:08:40,226 --> 00:08:42,159
Well, sometimes it sounds
like you're bragging.
223
00:08:42,228 --> 00:08:44,228
Like, when people ask
where you went to college,
224
00:08:44,296 --> 00:08:46,096
and you say, "I went
to school in Boston,"
225
00:08:46,121 --> 00:08:48,266
and they say, "Where in Boston?"
and you say, "Cambridge,"
226
00:08:48,334 --> 00:08:50,412
and they say, "Do you mean
Harvard?" and you say, "Yeah,"
227
00:08:50,436 --> 00:08:52,347
and they say, "Well, why
didn't you just say Harvard?"
228
00:08:52,371 --> 00:08:54,306
and you say, "I didn't want
to sound like I was bragging,"
229
00:08:54,331 --> 00:08:56,607
and, oh, my God, I'm in jail!
230
00:09:02,748 --> 00:09:04,673
You can comfort me.
231
00:09:05,027 --> 00:09:06,460
Yeah, I'm good.
232
00:09:08,754 --> 00:09:10,721
Oh, thank God, activities time. Yes!
233
00:09:10,790 --> 00:09:12,010
Activities?
234
00:09:12,035 --> 00:09:13,601
What do they have? Anything good?
235
00:09:13,626 --> 00:09:15,759
Eh, there's a nonprofit
group that comes in
236
00:09:15,784 --> 00:09:17,071
and does theater with us.
237
00:09:17,096 --> 00:09:18,282
I'm sorry...
238
00:09:18,497 --> 00:09:20,476
does what?
239
00:09:20,933 --> 00:09:23,067
- Zip. - Zap.
- Zop.
240
00:09:23,150 --> 00:09:25,184
- Zip. - Zap.
- Zop.
241
00:09:25,271 --> 00:09:26,870
- Zip.
- Zap.
242
00:09:26,939 --> 00:09:28,338
- Zop.
- Zip.
243
00:09:28,415 --> 00:09:29,548
- Zap.
- Zop.
244
00:09:29,608 --> 00:09:31,508
Okay, let's pick up the pace, ladies.
245
00:09:31,577 --> 00:09:33,318
Don't think, just react.
246
00:09:33,732 --> 00:09:34,769
- Zip.
- Zap.
247
00:09:34,794 --> 00:09:35,846
- Zop. - Zip.
- Zap.
248
00:09:35,915 --> 00:09:37,147
- Zop. - Zip.
- Zap.
249
00:09:37,216 --> 00:09:38,682
- Zop. - Zip.
- Zap!
250
00:09:38,751 --> 00:09:40,050
Oh, no, no. Oh, I messed up.
251
00:09:40,119 --> 00:09:41,980
- It was supposed to be z-zap.
- That's okay, Rebecca.
252
00:09:42,005 --> 00:09:43,316
Why don't you start us
off on the next round?
253
00:09:43,341 --> 00:09:44,988
Okay. I have a question.
254
00:09:45,057 --> 00:09:47,324
Um, do you only do
theater games in here?
255
00:09:47,393 --> 00:09:50,828
No, sometimes we do scenes
from plays or films or TV shows.
256
00:09:50,896 --> 00:09:52,162
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
257
00:09:53,052 --> 00:09:55,691
Okay, um, I actually
have an amazing idea,
258
00:09:55,716 --> 00:09:57,401
and I think it's
something that could take
259
00:09:57,470 --> 00:10:00,333
this theater nonprofit outreach
organization to the next level.
260
00:10:02,975 --> 00:10:06,543
♪ I'm as corny as Kansas in August ♪
261
00:10:06,612 --> 00:10:09,713
♪ High as a flag on the Fourth of July ♪
262
00:10:09,782 --> 00:10:12,816
♪ If you'll excuse an expression I use ♪
263
00:10:12,885 --> 00:10:15,085
♪ I'm in love, I'm
in love, I'm in love ♪
264
00:10:15,154 --> 00:10:16,420
♪ She's in love ♪
265
00:10:16,489 --> 00:10:19,990
♪ I'm in love with a wonderful guy! ♪
266
00:10:35,388 --> 00:10:39,356
Okay, so, I am investigating
everything to do with Trent.
267
00:10:39,426 --> 00:10:41,526
Mm-hmm. We have to prove
that Trent was stalking you,
268
00:10:41,595 --> 00:10:43,717
but then we can show that your actions
269
00:10:43,742 --> 00:10:45,175
were in the defense of others.
270
00:10:46,342 --> 00:10:48,509
Uh-huh. Yeah, cool.
Cool, cool, cool, cool.
271
00:10:51,191 --> 00:10:54,191
Okay, look, I-I-I know
you've committed to this whole
272
00:10:54,216 --> 00:10:57,619
penance thing here, but this
is gonna get old real fast,
273
00:10:57,644 --> 00:11:00,512
and when it does, you're gonna
be grateful that I am here
274
00:11:00,580 --> 00:11:01,913
trying to spring you.
275
00:11:02,285 --> 00:11:04,074
Okay, Paula, I'm sorry,
I know it's frustrating,
276
00:11:04,099 --> 00:11:07,003
but I've told you before,
you're wasting your time.
277
00:11:07,870 --> 00:11:10,822
I'm sorry, I want to be here.
It was the right decision.
278
00:11:10,847 --> 00:11:13,636
And now, I just figured
out what my penance will be.
279
00:11:14,362 --> 00:11:16,691
Making a contribution
to my theater class.
280
00:11:16,831 --> 00:11:18,463
Okay, so I suggested
we do South Pacific,
281
00:11:18,488 --> 00:11:19,654
which everyone loved.
282
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:20,912
- Uh, sure.
- And the thing
283
00:11:20,937 --> 00:11:22,578
I'm marinating on is:
what do we do next?
284
00:11:22,602 --> 00:11:23,735
And I'm thinking Pippin.
285
00:11:23,804 --> 00:11:24,914
Scottie Pippen from the Bulls?
286
00:11:24,938 --> 00:11:26,338
- I can't...
- Oh, my God.
287
00:11:26,406 --> 00:11:28,251
Wow, how are we friends?
No, Pippin. It's a musical.
288
00:11:28,275 --> 00:11:29,925
Uh-huh. So...
289
00:11:30,074 --> 00:11:32,377
Okay, it's a musical.
Look, honey, I'm-I'm
290
00:11:32,446 --> 00:11:34,813
- glad that you found a pastime...
- A penance.
291
00:11:34,881 --> 00:11:37,682
Okay, I am going to get you out of here.
292
00:11:37,751 --> 00:11:39,818
And the good news is, is that
293
00:11:39,843 --> 00:11:41,843
I'll probably be able to
do it before you do Cats.
294
00:11:41,962 --> 00:11:45,908
Oh, I would never do Cats.
295
00:11:45,933 --> 00:11:48,951
Come on. I'm not that much of a dork.
296
00:11:52,695 --> 00:11:56,030
Enjoy your campsite!
297
00:11:58,739 --> 00:11:59,916
Great beating, guys, thank you!
298
00:11:59,940 --> 00:12:01,636
Suck it, maggot!
299
00:12:01,661 --> 00:12:05,285
Yeah. Oh. Ooh.
300
00:12:05,912 --> 00:12:07,045
Okay.
301
00:12:10,507 --> 00:12:12,474
Yes.
302
00:12:17,290 --> 00:12:19,891
Ah, that's why they said "maggot."
303
00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:22,626
Okay, that's funny. Funny.
304
00:12:31,694 --> 00:12:34,328
That's gonna miss the spot.
305
00:12:34,353 --> 00:12:36,353
These guys are good. They're good.
306
00:12:36,378 --> 00:12:39,178
All right, let's go!
Big stick here, big stick!
307
00:12:45,166 --> 00:12:48,009
_
308
00:12:50,557 --> 00:12:52,891
- No. No.
- _
309
00:12:52,959 --> 00:12:54,359
Oh, a quiz. Ha.
310
00:12:54,428 --> 00:12:56,728
All right, Quimblepop.com,
311
00:12:56,797 --> 00:12:58,863
thank you for that quiche recipe.
312
00:12:58,932 --> 00:13:01,566
Now tell me what disorder I have.
313
00:13:03,470 --> 00:13:05,837
Okay, so there's
Pippin, there's Godspell.
314
00:13:05,906 --> 00:13:07,572
An unknown gem is Triumph of Love.
315
00:13:07,641 --> 00:13:10,141
It's not perfect. It's
not perfect, Cybil.
316
00:13:10,210 --> 00:13:12,577
Okay, Jasmine, may I
have the talking balloon?
317
00:13:12,646 --> 00:13:14,012
Rebecca? Yeah. Oh, my God.
318
00:13:14,081 --> 00:13:15,591
Of course. I would love
to hear your thoughts.
319
00:13:15,615 --> 00:13:16,848
Okay.
320
00:13:17,466 --> 00:13:19,095
Nicky, you have the
balloon on the wrong face.
321
00:13:19,361 --> 00:13:21,728
No, it's on the right
face. The sad face.
322
00:13:22,902 --> 00:13:24,966
I did not like the
dumb South Pacific song.
323
00:13:24,991 --> 00:13:26,558
None of us liked it.
324
00:13:26,626 --> 00:13:28,193
Oh, I thought you guys did.
325
00:13:28,261 --> 00:13:29,327
No.
326
00:13:29,396 --> 00:13:31,262
Oh, I'm... God, I'm so sorry.
327
00:13:31,331 --> 00:13:32,664
It's dumb and it's old-fashioned.
328
00:13:32,732 --> 00:13:34,732
Right, right, of course, I see.
329
00:13:34,801 --> 00:13:36,901
We all appreciate your enthusiasm.
330
00:13:36,926 --> 00:13:37,758
I don't.
331
00:13:38,887 --> 00:13:40,805
Yeah, um, no, you're right.
332
00:13:40,874 --> 00:13:42,240
Guys, I am so sorry.
333
00:13:42,309 --> 00:13:43,341
I mean, look,
334
00:13:43,410 --> 00:13:44,742
the song's relevant to me.
335
00:13:44,811 --> 00:13:47,212
It symbolizes a time in
my life when I was, like,
336
00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:49,000
truly happy and I maybe
thought, cosmically,
337
00:13:49,049 --> 00:13:51,294
that's why I'm in jail... to,
like, reenact that song somehow,
338
00:13:51,318 --> 00:13:53,351
but that's... that's not relevant
339
00:13:53,420 --> 00:13:54,778
to what's actually happening, right?
340
00:13:54,803 --> 00:13:57,100
I mean, I've never been
to Polynesia. Have you?
341
00:13:57,124 --> 00:13:58,256
Who's been to Polynesia?
342
00:13:58,325 --> 00:13:59,724
- I have.
- Okay.
343
00:13:59,793 --> 00:14:01,359
So what we need to do...
344
00:14:01,833 --> 00:14:04,762
Maybe we need to do
something more relevant.
345
00:14:04,831 --> 00:14:06,270
Right? Yeah.
346
00:14:06,295 --> 00:14:08,800
Something that's more
relevant to the here and now,
347
00:14:08,825 --> 00:14:10,591
to all your lives, to our lives.
348
00:14:10,704 --> 00:14:12,704
I like the class the way it was.
349
00:14:12,772 --> 00:14:14,405
Me, too. Let's play Zip Zap Zop.
350
00:14:14,474 --> 00:14:16,207
Zip zap stop, hear me out.
351
00:14:16,276 --> 00:14:18,778
What we do is an original piece.
352
00:14:18,803 --> 00:14:19,887
Yes.
353
00:14:19,912 --> 00:14:21,746
Put up an original piece.
354
00:14:21,815 --> 00:14:24,516
Uh, yes! Oh, man, this
is what I can contribute.
355
00:14:24,584 --> 00:14:26,401
This is my penance.
356
00:14:26,426 --> 00:14:27,919
Okay, we put that piece up.
357
00:14:27,988 --> 00:14:31,189
I mean, I'm sure that all of
you have the most amazing stories
358
00:14:31,258 --> 00:14:34,225
filled with drama and
romance and-and meaning.
359
00:14:34,294 --> 00:14:36,327
- I have the talking balloon.
- R-Rebecca.
360
00:14:36,352 --> 00:14:38,152
Okay, and we put those
stories on their feet,
361
00:14:38,177 --> 00:14:39,810
and then NPR comes to the jail,
362
00:14:39,835 --> 00:14:41,702
and then Lin-Manuel
Miranda tweets about it...
363
00:14:41,727 --> 00:14:44,027
- What?
- I'll show you what I mean.
364
00:14:52,336 --> 00:14:53,535
The hell?
365
00:14:55,115 --> 00:14:57,182
♪ Story, story ♪
366
00:14:57,250 --> 00:14:59,217
♪ What's your story? ♪
367
00:14:59,286 --> 00:15:01,352
♪ Story, story ♪
368
00:15:01,421 --> 00:15:03,521
♪ What's your crime? ♪
369
00:15:03,590 --> 00:15:05,056
♪ What got you here? ♪
370
00:15:05,125 --> 00:15:07,025
♪ Rage, lust or fear? ♪
371
00:15:07,050 --> 00:15:11,453
♪ We all got a story
'cause we're doing time ♪
372
00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:13,565
♪Ra-ta-ta ♪
373
00:15:13,633 --> 00:15:17,702
♪ Ra-ta-ta,
Ra-ta-ta! ♪
374
00:15:17,727 --> 00:15:19,293
- ♪- Ra-ta-ta ♪
375
00:15:19,406 --> 00:15:21,506
Tell-tell your story.
376
00:15:21,575 --> 00:15:24,909
- ♪ Ra-ta-ta, Ra-ta-ta ♪
- Um, okay, fine.
377
00:15:24,934 --> 00:15:28,012
My boyfriend had meth in the
glove compartment of our car.
378
00:15:28,081 --> 00:15:30,348
- ♪ Ra-ta-ta ♪ - And I got pulled
over for something else...
379
00:15:30,455 --> 00:15:32,121
- ♪ Ra-ta-ta ♪
- ... and a cop found it.
380
00:15:32,152 --> 00:15:35,086
Ooh! Well, did you dump
that good-for-nothing
381
00:15:35,155 --> 00:15:36,588
drug-planting boyfriend?
382
00:15:36,656 --> 00:15:38,489
No, we're still together. I love him.
383
00:15:39,236 --> 00:15:41,359
Oh! Well, did you at least tell the cops
384
00:15:41,428 --> 00:15:43,061
that it was his meth?
385
00:15:43,144 --> 00:15:44,744
I mean, I could have turned him in,
386
00:15:44,798 --> 00:15:47,031
but my boyfriend and I have a son.
387
00:15:47,056 --> 00:15:49,423
I can't risk our child
having both parents in jail.
388
00:15:53,104 --> 00:15:54,839
That's true. That's a
good, that's a good point.
389
00:15:54,908 --> 00:15:56,841
♪ Story, story ♪
390
00:15:56,949 --> 00:15:58,782
♪ Let's hear another story ♪
391
00:15:58,812 --> 00:16:01,045
♪ Story, story ♪
392
00:16:01,114 --> 00:16:03,147
♪ That one was just sad ♪
393
00:16:03,216 --> 00:16:07,018
♪ What does your story
say about the patriarchy? ♪
394
00:16:07,087 --> 00:16:09,087
♪ We have all got stories ♪
395
00:16:09,199 --> 00:16:11,433
♪ 'Cause we did bad ♪
396
00:16:11,458 --> 00:16:15,560
♪ Ra-ta-ta,
Ra-ta-ta ♪
397
00:16:15,629 --> 00:16:17,495
♪ Ra-ta-ta
♪ Story, go.
398
00:16:17,564 --> 00:16:19,864
- ♪ Ra-ta-ta ♪
- Okay, I stole a sweater from the mall.
399
00:16:19,933 --> 00:16:22,033
Ooh! Have you been
stealing all your life?
400
00:16:22,102 --> 00:16:24,836
Was this the culmination of
a lifetime of kleptomania?
401
00:16:24,904 --> 00:16:27,472
Or were you doing it to stick it
402
00:16:27,540 --> 00:16:28,940
to the problematic fashion industry?
403
00:16:28,975 --> 00:16:31,409
No. The heat went out in my apartment
404
00:16:31,434 --> 00:16:33,867
and I couldn't afford a
sweater, so I stole one.
405
00:16:34,395 --> 00:16:36,748
Oh, hey, I stole a sweater, too.
406
00:16:36,816 --> 00:16:39,472
I got two months. How
long are you in for?
407
00:16:39,497 --> 00:16:41,019
Three years.
408
00:16:41,094 --> 00:16:43,695
- I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
- Mm.
409
00:16:43,757 --> 00:16:46,391
♪ Story, story ♪
410
00:16:46,459 --> 00:16:48,226
♪ These are barely stories ♪
411
00:16:48,295 --> 00:16:50,228
♪ They're just bleak anecdotes ♪
412
00:16:50,297 --> 00:16:52,764
♪ With no start or end ♪
413
00:16:53,562 --> 00:16:54,866
Go, tell-tell your story.
414
00:16:54,941 --> 00:16:56,241
Tell your story.
415
00:16:56,303 --> 00:16:59,037
Okay, sure, I have a story.
I'm in here for murder.
416
00:16:59,128 --> 00:17:02,563
Ooh! Murder? Juicy! ♪ Ra-ta-ta ♪
417
00:17:02,984 --> 00:17:05,905
While I was driving,
my daughter texted me
418
00:17:05,930 --> 00:17:09,914
that she was in the hospital
and I got so distracted that...
419
00:17:10,187 --> 00:17:13,219
I hit a teenager who was
crossing the street and he died.
420
00:17:19,192 --> 00:17:21,426
♪ Story, story ♪
421
00:17:21,494 --> 00:17:23,528
♪ Oh, my God, with that story ♪
422
00:17:23,596 --> 00:17:25,363
♪ Story, story ♪
423
00:17:25,432 --> 00:17:27,695
♪ Take away her chair ♪
424
00:17:28,735 --> 00:17:30,401
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
425
00:17:30,470 --> 00:17:32,170
Please. I'm so sorry. What can I do?
426
00:17:32,238 --> 00:17:34,472
Ugh, sorry. Sorry.
427
00:17:34,497 --> 00:17:36,234
Okay, you know what?
428
00:17:36,274 --> 00:17:38,620
I'm-I'm just gonna share my story.
429
00:17:38,645 --> 00:17:39,755
Because you guys aren't really versed
430
00:17:39,779 --> 00:17:41,179
with a sense of story structure.
431
00:17:41,247 --> 00:17:44,115
So I'm gonna, I'm gonna
show you how it's done.
432
00:17:44,184 --> 00:17:47,418
I was a no-good,
manipulative love addict
433
00:17:47,487 --> 00:17:50,054
with undiagnosed borderline
personality disorder.
434
00:17:50,123 --> 00:17:53,725
I swindled. Drum. I cheated. Drum!
435
00:17:53,750 --> 00:17:55,984
I called out a hit on my
ex-boyfriend's girlfriend.
436
00:17:56,096 --> 00:17:57,362
Drum, drum.
437
00:17:57,387 --> 00:18:00,188
Then, one day, this guy
Trent came into my life.
438
00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:01,746
He was ironically just like me.
439
00:18:01,901 --> 00:18:03,501
He tried to kill the man I loved,
440
00:18:03,526 --> 00:18:05,326
so I pushed him off a building!
441
00:18:06,017 --> 00:18:08,152
And then, when I pled guilty
442
00:18:08,177 --> 00:18:10,074
just for, like, metaphorical symbolism,
443
00:18:10,099 --> 00:18:13,300
the judge knew I was innocent
so she didn't accept my plea,
444
00:18:13,325 --> 00:18:15,493
but I wanted to go to jail anyway.
445
00:18:16,149 --> 00:18:17,482
Wait, what?
446
00:18:17,557 --> 00:18:19,357
You don't have to be here?
447
00:18:19,419 --> 00:18:21,085
You chose to be here?
448
00:18:22,909 --> 00:18:24,423
Yeah!
449
00:18:25,651 --> 00:18:27,050
♪ Ra-ta-ta ♪
450
00:18:27,260 --> 00:18:28,993
♪ Ra-ta-ta ♪
451
00:18:29,018 --> 00:18:30,784
♪ Ra-ta-ta ♪
452
00:18:31,696 --> 00:18:34,198
Wait. ♪ Ra-ta-ta ♪
453
00:18:34,267 --> 00:18:38,369
♪ Ra-ta-ta, Ra-ta-ta ♪
454
00:18:38,438 --> 00:18:41,239
♪ Ra-ta-ta ♪
455
00:18:41,307 --> 00:18:44,656
♪ Ra-ta-ta, Ra-ta-ta ♪
456
00:18:45,835 --> 00:18:49,954
♪ Ra-ta-ta, Ra-ta-ta ♪
457
00:18:51,471 --> 00:18:53,771
♪ Ra-ta-ta. ♪
458
00:18:57,947 --> 00:19:00,180
So, surf sponsors.
459
00:19:00,249 --> 00:19:01,751
Who are the surf sponsors?
460
00:19:01,776 --> 00:19:03,242
So, according to these quizzes,
461
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:06,860
I have ADHD, OCD and synesthesia.
462
00:19:08,524 --> 00:19:10,390
Oh. When I think about the number five,
463
00:19:10,415 --> 00:19:13,349
I see the color blue
and I smell daisies.
464
00:19:13,462 --> 00:19:14,962
Daisies have no scent.
465
00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:17,681
They do if you have
synesthesia.
466
00:19:17,706 --> 00:19:20,007
Yeah, Josh, you don't
have any of those things.
467
00:19:20,069 --> 00:19:21,735
- You really don't.
- Yes, I do.
468
00:19:21,804 --> 00:19:25,606
Okay, for example, my
OCD is why I list things.
469
00:19:25,674 --> 00:19:27,474
Watch. Here are the beers you have here:
470
00:19:27,543 --> 00:19:30,744
pilsner, pale ale, lager,
hard cider, IPA, porter,
471
00:19:30,813 --> 00:19:32,746
stout and Hefeweizen. Explain that.
472
00:19:32,815 --> 00:19:36,149
Mm. Yeah, you worked here.
That's why you know those.
473
00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:38,652
I thought listing was
an autism spectrum thing.
474
00:19:38,721 --> 00:19:40,773
Exactly. I have that,
too. Look right here.
475
00:19:40,798 --> 00:19:43,063
Uh-huh. Josh, where did
you get these quizzes again?
476
00:19:43,092 --> 00:19:44,391
Quimblepop.
477
00:19:44,460 --> 00:19:46,260
- Quimblepop?
- Also,
478
00:19:46,285 --> 00:19:48,052
they're doing original programming now.
479
00:19:48,077 --> 00:19:51,375
Have you seen Terrier Chef? Aw...
480
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:54,167
Josh, online quizzes are just
click-bait; they're not real.
481
00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:55,402
I once took a quiz,
482
00:19:55,471 --> 00:19:57,337
it told me I was Miranda
from Sex and the City.
483
00:19:57,406 --> 00:19:59,940
When you're clearly a Charlotte.
484
00:20:00,009 --> 00:20:01,808
Oh, I thought I was Carrie.
485
00:20:01,877 --> 00:20:04,978
No, no, baby, no. I'm Carrie.
486
00:20:05,047 --> 00:20:08,482
Look, Josh, I really
respect your search for self,
487
00:20:08,507 --> 00:20:10,419
but these are actual
disorders people suffer from,
488
00:20:10,444 --> 00:20:11,955
and you're treating it like you're just,
489
00:20:11,980 --> 00:20:14,914
like, identity shopping.
Yeah, it's kind of gross.
490
00:20:15,102 --> 00:20:16,756
What, Rebecca wants to be in jail,
491
00:20:16,781 --> 00:20:18,498
you want to have a disorder?
492
00:20:18,523 --> 00:20:20,160
This is, like, a really
messed up episode
493
00:20:20,185 --> 00:20:21,705
of Sex and the City.
494
00:20:21,730 --> 00:20:24,264
Wow, you guys don't
want to accept who I am.
495
00:20:24,333 --> 00:20:28,271
That is cruel and unfair,
but it's your issue, not mine.
496
00:20:28,296 --> 00:20:29,405
This is the kind of prejudices
497
00:20:29,430 --> 00:20:31,204
we've been dealing with for centuries.
498
00:20:31,273 --> 00:20:33,941
Who is "we"? You just
named eight communities.
499
00:20:34,009 --> 00:20:36,410
Yeah, Josh, if you think you
actually, like, have something,
500
00:20:36,478 --> 00:20:39,146
you should get some help,
like, professional help.
501
00:20:39,214 --> 00:20:40,814
I'm just a regional manager.
502
00:20:40,839 --> 00:20:43,287
I don't need that. The quizzes point you
503
00:20:43,312 --> 00:20:45,819
to some really helpful
articles, which are free.
504
00:20:45,888 --> 00:20:47,632
No, I think you guys should
get on Quimblepop and figure out
505
00:20:47,656 --> 00:20:50,691
what disorder you have that
makes you such crappy friends.
506
00:20:55,397 --> 00:20:59,166
Hey, buddy. It's okay.
507
00:20:59,234 --> 00:21:01,809
I'm your friend.
508
00:21:07,145 --> 00:21:08,645
That's okay.
509
00:21:08,864 --> 00:21:09,977
It's protein.
510
00:21:10,434 --> 00:21:11,812
You need protein.
511
00:21:12,434 --> 00:21:13,880
Now time for some dew.
512
00:21:16,385 --> 00:21:18,318
Okay.
513
00:21:38,998 --> 00:21:40,871
Who's there?
514
00:21:41,377 --> 00:21:43,710
Hey, pal.
515
00:21:44,255 --> 00:21:45,645
Damn it.
516
00:21:45,714 --> 00:21:47,014
How did you find me?
517
00:21:47,082 --> 00:21:49,349
The company said that my
location was confidential.
518
00:21:49,418 --> 00:21:51,229
Yeah, I threatened them
legally, and it turns out
519
00:21:51,253 --> 00:21:52,613
they cannot afford another lawsuit.
520
00:21:52,638 --> 00:21:55,706
Did you know some people have died
521
00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:58,020
while using Death Wish Adventures?
522
00:21:59,310 --> 00:22:00,527
What are you even doing here?
523
00:22:00,596 --> 00:22:02,729
Okay, so, long story,
524
00:22:02,798 --> 00:22:06,133
my old camp counselor is the
real-life guy from 127 Hours.
525
00:22:06,201 --> 00:22:07,441
I wasn't there for him that day
526
00:22:07,469 --> 00:22:08,635
on that slot canyon,
527
00:22:08,704 --> 00:22:09,836
and now he has no arm.
528
00:22:09,905 --> 00:22:11,972
So I'm not leaving your side.
529
00:22:12,041 --> 00:22:13,974
But don't worry about me,
530
00:22:14,043 --> 00:22:16,148
I'll just be roughing it alongside you.
531
00:22:16,173 --> 00:22:19,012
And let me know if you
want some juicy bratwurst,
532
00:22:19,037 --> 00:22:21,671
'cause I brought a whole
bunch of tasty meats.
533
00:22:30,225 --> 00:22:32,159
♪ ♪
534
00:22:35,508 --> 00:22:39,566
Could you... turn off... the ska?
535
00:22:39,591 --> 00:22:42,046
♪ Now let me tell you
something that... ♪
536
00:22:46,484 --> 00:22:47,741
Can I ask you a question?
537
00:22:47,810 --> 00:22:49,309
- Nope.
- Cool. I'm gonna keep going, then.
538
00:22:49,378 --> 00:22:51,511
Is this whole thing helping you
539
00:22:51,580 --> 00:22:52,879
in some way?
540
00:22:52,948 --> 00:22:54,581
Is this helping you get over Rebecca?
541
00:22:54,650 --> 00:22:56,049
I'm not gonna talk, so...
542
00:22:56,118 --> 00:22:57,984
Great, well, you know what? I'll talk.
543
00:22:58,053 --> 00:22:59,953
All right? 'Cause I'm not going away.
544
00:23:00,055 --> 00:23:01,866
Just like the ska band Less
Than Jake didn't go away
545
00:23:01,890 --> 00:23:03,690
after their major label release flopped.
546
00:23:03,759 --> 00:23:05,358
And don't think The Hippos
547
00:23:05,427 --> 00:23:06,793
didn't take notice of that.
548
00:23:06,862 --> 00:23:08,173
That's another ska band.
So are the Impossibles.
549
00:23:08,197 --> 00:23:09,529
There's a lot of s...
550
00:23:09,554 --> 00:23:11,008
Okay, shut up, I'll talk.
551
00:23:11,033 --> 00:23:12,799
Just stop talking about ska.
552
00:23:16,385 --> 00:23:19,840
No. I don't feel better. Yet.
But I will.
553
00:23:19,908 --> 00:23:23,038
I was pushing myself to the extreme.
It's how I work through setbacks.
554
00:23:23,063 --> 00:23:24,396
Gets me out of my head.
555
00:23:25,285 --> 00:23:28,219
When I got a 1400 on the
PSAT, I climbed Mount Whitney.
556
00:23:28,931 --> 00:23:31,251
Went Stanford water polo
placed third at Nationals,
557
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:33,146
I ran the Death Valley Marathon.
558
00:23:33,638 --> 00:23:35,027
And when my best friend Trip
559
00:23:35,052 --> 00:23:38,191
joined a cult, I just straight
up jumped into a frozen lake.
560
00:23:38,260 --> 00:23:39,826
Almost lost a toe.
561
00:23:39,895 --> 00:23:42,195
Wow. Hot take:
562
00:23:42,857 --> 00:23:46,199
is it possible that this
pain is not therapeutic?
563
00:23:46,818 --> 00:23:48,401
It's just more emotional cutting?
564
00:23:48,470 --> 00:23:51,037
No. No, you're wrong, okay?
565
00:23:51,106 --> 00:23:52,706
That's not it at all, all right?
566
00:23:52,774 --> 00:23:54,341
Now, I'm done talking to you.
567
00:23:54,409 --> 00:23:56,676
You want to be here? I
can't make you go away.
568
00:23:56,745 --> 00:23:59,479
But leave me alone, all right?
569
00:23:59,548 --> 00:24:03,083
Fine. Then I'll just have
my flank steak and bratwurst
570
00:24:03,108 --> 00:24:05,317
all by myself.
571
00:24:08,891 --> 00:24:10,457
Sh...
572
00:24:12,728 --> 00:24:14,861
It's so good to see
you. What are you eating?
573
00:24:14,930 --> 00:24:18,064
You look so tight. Ugh,
I wish I was in jail.
574
00:24:18,133 --> 00:24:20,333
Yeah, no. Sorry.
575
00:24:20,667 --> 00:24:22,133
Okay, Rebecca?
576
00:24:22,377 --> 00:24:24,143
We have something to
tell you. You know what?
577
00:24:24,212 --> 00:24:27,413
I have something to tell you.
I figured out something huge.
578
00:24:27,438 --> 00:24:28,904
I am privileged.
579
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:32,142
That just occurred to you
just right now?
580
00:24:32,167 --> 00:24:34,301
Right. It... I know. It's a shock to me, too.
581
00:24:34,356 --> 00:24:36,916
But I am privileged. And I'm myopic.
582
00:24:36,941 --> 00:24:39,572
Okay, Rebecca, stop.
Listen, no, I have some news.
583
00:24:39,597 --> 00:24:41,472
Oh, my God, please don't
spoil Terrier Chef for me.
584
00:24:41,496 --> 00:24:43,174
It's the only thing I
have left. Please. No.
585
00:24:43,198 --> 00:24:44,675
Oh, I haven't seen it,
either. La, la, la, la...
586
00:24:44,699 --> 00:24:46,132
No. What? Girl, stop.
587
00:24:46,201 --> 00:24:47,567
You have a new hearing.
588
00:24:47,636 --> 00:24:49,002
What? Why?
589
00:24:49,070 --> 00:24:50,448
It's a miracle. Trent
woke up from his coma
590
00:24:50,472 --> 00:24:51,804
and confessed to everything.
591
00:24:51,873 --> 00:24:53,806
To stalking you, to
trying to kill Nathaniel.
592
00:24:53,875 --> 00:24:55,575
Yeah. The state has no case anymore.
593
00:24:55,644 --> 00:24:56,958
Yep, you got a new hearing tomorrow.
594
00:24:56,983 --> 00:25:00,747
All the charges are gonna be
dismissed, and you will be out.
595
00:25:00,815 --> 00:25:02,958
I just got you out of jail.
596
00:25:02,983 --> 00:25:04,349
You're gonna be free!
597
00:25:05,872 --> 00:25:08,473
It's great news, right?
598
00:25:10,294 --> 00:25:12,058
Oh, you do not
599
00:25:12,127 --> 00:25:14,360
still want to stay here?
600
00:25:14,385 --> 00:25:16,185
Of course I do.
601
00:25:19,919 --> 00:25:22,941
What did you expect? I
came here to pay penance,
602
00:25:22,966 --> 00:25:24,666
and I have not done that yet.
603
00:25:24,734 --> 00:25:26,367
I did the opposite of that.
604
00:25:26,392 --> 00:25:28,613
I was selfish and I tried
to force my own narrative
605
00:25:28,638 --> 00:25:31,639
on these women, and steal their
stories for my own purposes.
606
00:25:31,708 --> 00:25:34,809
And for what? For what? For
a Lin-Manuel Miranda tweet?
607
00:25:34,878 --> 00:25:36,244
Oh, he is so inspirational.
608
00:25:36,279 --> 00:25:38,464
Did you know he grew that
ponytail just for that show?,
609
00:25:38,489 --> 00:25:39,649
What? Okay, Rebecca,
610
00:25:39,690 --> 00:25:41,278
I hate to break it to you,
611
00:25:41,303 --> 00:25:43,625
but you know, whatever
you do in here, nothing
612
00:25:43,650 --> 00:25:46,705
is gonna change the fact that
you're a rich white lawyer lady
613
00:25:46,730 --> 00:25:48,997
who pled guilty for dramatic effect.
614
00:25:49,066 --> 00:25:50,262
It's kind of gross.
615
00:25:50,294 --> 00:25:52,684
Exactly. Yeah, it's gross.
616
00:25:52,708 --> 00:25:53,974
So now you expect me
617
00:25:54,042 --> 00:25:55,442
just to waltz out of here,
618
00:25:55,511 --> 00:25:57,021
and not even serve my
mandatory six weeks?
619
00:25:57,045 --> 00:25:58,712
My theater friends can't do that.
620
00:25:58,781 --> 00:26:00,947
Uh-uh-uh, honey, you staying
here doesn't help anyone
621
00:26:01,016 --> 00:26:02,949
who's been wronged, just
like your guilty plea
622
00:26:03,018 --> 00:26:04,985
didn't help anyone you'd wronged.
623
00:26:05,053 --> 00:26:06,831
Yeah, and none of that matters anyways,
624
00:26:06,855 --> 00:26:08,989
because Paula got the
charges dropped... Yes.
625
00:26:09,057 --> 00:26:11,458
... so you're getting out of
here whether you like it or not.
626
00:26:11,527 --> 00:26:13,480
Well, I don't like it. I'm sorry.
627
00:26:14,152 --> 00:26:15,462
Honey,
628
00:26:15,531 --> 00:26:18,558
people just don't want to stay in jail.
629
00:26:19,808 --> 00:26:21,635
I don't understand.
630
00:26:21,742 --> 00:26:23,386
I know you don't, Paula.
631
00:26:27,555 --> 00:26:28,608
No one does.
632
00:26:32,281 --> 00:26:34,214
♪ ♪
633
00:26:54,779 --> 00:26:57,237
♪ Do you ever feel so alone ♪
634
00:26:57,693 --> 00:27:01,474
♪ That if you were
to pick up the phone ♪
635
00:27:01,543 --> 00:27:06,763
♪ No one else would
be on the other end? ♪
636
00:27:07,249 --> 00:27:10,150
♪ Have you ever
been far from home? ♪
637
00:27:10,219 --> 00:27:13,320
♪ So scared you had to roam ♪
638
00:27:13,388 --> 00:27:15,322
♪ And now you're beaten and tired ♪
639
00:27:15,390 --> 00:27:17,324
♪ With no one to call a friend? ♪
640
00:27:17,392 --> 00:27:20,427
♪ He doesn't count ♪
641
00:27:20,495 --> 00:27:23,230
♪ You tried your best
to make a change ♪
642
00:27:23,298 --> 00:27:25,232
♪ But people just
think you're strange ♪
643
00:27:25,300 --> 00:27:26,900
♪ And you feel like ♪
644
00:27:26,969 --> 00:27:30,904
♪ No one else is singing my song ♪
645
00:27:33,487 --> 00:27:35,775
♪ No one knows the rhythm ♪
646
00:27:36,416 --> 00:27:39,412
♪ Enough to sing along ♪
647
00:27:39,481 --> 00:27:42,415
♪ If only someone could see ♪
648
00:27:42,924 --> 00:27:45,452
♪ In three-part harmony ♪
649
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:49,289
♪ How alone, how alone, how alone ♪
650
00:27:49,358 --> 00:27:53,627
♪ Only I am ♪
651
00:27:53,695 --> 00:27:56,730
♪ It's late and getting colder ♪
652
00:27:56,798 --> 00:28:00,133
♪ You're only getting older ♪
653
00:28:00,202 --> 00:28:03,970
♪ And you're next to
someone who is fast asleep ♪
654
00:28:04,039 --> 00:28:06,640
♪ That's so specific ♪
655
00:28:06,742 --> 00:28:09,309
♪ Does anyone understand? ♪
656
00:28:09,378 --> 00:28:12,746
♪ Would anyone understand? ♪
657
00:28:12,814 --> 00:28:18,218
♪ Could anyone understand? ♪
658
00:28:18,287 --> 00:28:20,754
♪ Of course not,
'cause no one else ♪
659
00:28:20,822 --> 00:28:25,792
♪ Is singing my song ♪
660
00:28:25,861 --> 00:28:31,197
♪ No one knows the rhythm
enough to sing along ♪
661
00:28:31,266 --> 00:28:35,235
♪ When the core of
your problem is a ♪
662
00:28:35,304 --> 00:28:39,806
♪ Complicated melisma ♪
663
00:28:39,875 --> 00:28:41,441
♪ No one gets how alone ♪
664
00:28:41,510 --> 00:28:43,643
♪ How alone, how alone ♪
665
00:28:43,712 --> 00:28:48,114
♪ Only I am ♪
666
00:28:48,183 --> 00:28:51,484
♪ But maybe while
I'm singing my song ♪
667
00:28:51,553 --> 00:28:54,721
♪ Someone else is singing along ♪
668
00:28:54,790 --> 00:28:59,125
♪ About a third higher and they
echo at a different moment ♪
669
00:28:59,194 --> 00:29:00,860
♪ Moment ♪
670
00:29:00,929 --> 00:29:03,229
7 How beautiful would it be ♪
671
00:29:03,298 --> 00:29:06,399
♪ If it was the entire company? ♪
672
00:29:06,468 --> 00:29:08,868
♪ But that's impossible ♪
673
00:29:08,937 --> 00:29:10,537
♪ Impossible ♪
674
00:29:10,605 --> 00:29:13,873
♪ Impossible, impossible ♪
675
00:29:13,942 --> 00:29:16,309
♪ Impossible... ♪
676
00:29:16,378 --> 00:29:18,511
Or is it?
677
00:29:18,580 --> 00:29:22,916
♪ Of course not, no one
else is singing my song ♪
678
00:29:22,985 --> 00:29:24,751
♪ We're out of paper bags ♪
679
00:29:24,820 --> 00:29:26,953
♪ I mean, duh, no one knows ♪
680
00:29:27,022 --> 00:29:31,725
♪ The ever-changing rhythm
enough to sing along ♪
681
00:29:31,793 --> 00:29:34,260
♪ If only someone could see ♪
682
00:29:34,329 --> 00:29:37,864
♪ In 11-part harmony ♪
683
00:29:37,933 --> 00:29:41,935
♪ Or maybe just unison ♪
684
00:29:42,598 --> 00:29:45,738
♪ It's logistically impossible ♪
685
00:29:46,174 --> 00:29:48,541
♪ I am super unique ♪
686
00:29:48,955 --> 00:29:52,445
♪ Hold out my lonely hands ♪
687
00:29:52,514 --> 00:29:55,962
♪ Ah... ♪
688
00:29:56,952 --> 00:29:58,752
Oh, hey, guys.
689
00:29:58,820 --> 00:30:01,454
- Oh, hey.
- Hi, guys.
690
00:30:01,523 --> 00:30:03,757
- Why am I here?
- I didn't see you guys there.
691
00:30:03,825 --> 00:30:05,191
Hey, Darryl.
692
00:30:07,488 --> 00:30:10,947
♪ Only I am. ♪
693
00:30:21,095 --> 00:30:23,028
H-Hey.
694
00:30:24,212 --> 00:30:27,647
Do you know any good therapists?
695
00:30:37,552 --> 00:30:40,320
George. Hey.
696
00:30:40,552 --> 00:30:43,419
I'll take one of those meats now.
697
00:30:44,534 --> 00:30:45,967
Okay.
698
00:30:45,992 --> 00:30:47,926
♪ ♪
699
00:31:04,779 --> 00:31:05,878
Hi.
700
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:14,306
Let's go.
701
00:31:23,330 --> 00:31:25,828
- Mmm.
- Another spicy Italian link?
702
00:31:25,853 --> 00:31:27,786
- Duh.
- All right.
703
00:31:27,811 --> 00:31:30,445
So good, so spicy.
704
00:31:30,738 --> 00:31:32,978
Ah. Ah...
705
00:31:33,003 --> 00:31:34,533
- Let me try some water.
- Water?
706
00:31:34,558 --> 00:31:36,124
- Yeah.
- Here you go.
707
00:31:39,313 --> 00:31:41,246
So much better than dew.
708
00:31:41,315 --> 00:31:43,127
Make you feel better?
709
00:31:44,752 --> 00:31:45,533
No.
710
00:31:45,558 --> 00:31:48,447
Well, now, did the torture
make you feel better?
711
00:31:48,472 --> 00:31:50,369
No, that's why I gave up
on the torture. I don't,
712
00:31:50,394 --> 00:31:51,998
I don't know. I don't
know what it is, George.
713
00:31:52,023 --> 00:31:54,157
Maybe I'm just broken.
714
00:31:54,662 --> 00:31:57,236
That is such a sad thing to say.
715
00:31:57,470 --> 00:32:00,899
Part one. Part two, really
good title for a ska song.
716
00:32:00,968 --> 00:32:02,367
Stay with me.
717
00:32:02,392 --> 00:32:03,992
Two, three, four.
718
00:32:04,017 --> 00:32:05,383
♪ Ting, ting, ting, ting ♪
719
00:32:05,408 --> 00:32:06,641
♪ Ting, ting, ting, ting ♪
720
00:32:06,666 --> 00:32:08,500
♪ Maybe I'm just broken... ♪
721
00:32:08,525 --> 00:32:10,358
Trumpets now.
722
00:32:10,383 --> 00:32:12,483
And then...
723
00:32:15,970 --> 00:32:17,220
That's interesting.
724
00:32:17,450 --> 00:32:19,717
What... no. Don't-don't tell
me what it is, all right?
725
00:32:19,966 --> 00:32:22,602
No news from the real world.
I'm still on a retreat.
726
00:32:22,627 --> 00:32:23,771
Rebecca just got out of jail.
727
00:32:23,796 --> 00:32:25,580
What? Let me see that.
728
00:32:26,622 --> 00:32:29,822
You see? That news made you feel better.
729
00:32:33,716 --> 00:32:35,649
You're right.
730
00:32:35,815 --> 00:32:37,431
Of course it did.
731
00:32:38,150 --> 00:32:39,650
I need to see her, George.
732
00:32:39,718 --> 00:32:41,452
- That's what I need.
- Yes.
733
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:43,131
I have been saying that
since the beginning.
734
00:32:43,155 --> 00:32:44,822
Yes, you need to go talk to her.
735
00:32:44,890 --> 00:32:46,023
Yep. Yep, this feels right.
736
00:32:46,048 --> 00:32:47,668
This feels good. This feels good.
737
00:32:47,693 --> 00:32:49,960
All right. Let's pack up and go.
738
00:32:53,963 --> 00:32:55,396
So that's about it.
739
00:32:55,465 --> 00:32:57,732
That's my life story.
740
00:32:57,757 --> 00:33:00,325
It really is. You started at conception.
741
00:33:00,436 --> 00:33:02,244
Interesting you know that story.
742
00:33:02,269 --> 00:33:05,625
So, um, like, how do we
treat all these things I have?
743
00:33:05,650 --> 00:33:07,875
Like, which do we do
first, Dr. Man Akopian?
744
00:33:07,944 --> 00:33:10,678
Should we do OCD first? Because
I might get OCD about my OCD.
745
00:33:10,747 --> 00:33:13,047
Josh, I don't know how to tell you this.
746
00:33:13,072 --> 00:33:14,404
Actually, I do.
747
00:33:14,429 --> 00:33:16,829
You don't have any of those disorders.
748
00:33:16,854 --> 00:33:18,487
I really wish people would stop taking
749
00:33:18,512 --> 00:33:19,864
those online quizzes.
750
00:33:19,889 --> 00:33:21,255
They're very inaccurate.
751
00:33:21,368 --> 00:33:23,034
I mean, on Sex and the City quizzes,
752
00:33:23,059 --> 00:33:25,853
I always get Steve, but
I'm clearly an Aidan.
753
00:33:28,097 --> 00:33:31,198
But... so if-if I
don't have a disorder,
754
00:33:31,267 --> 00:33:32,433
what can I do?
755
00:33:32,458 --> 00:33:33,990
Because something is clearly wrong.
756
00:33:34,147 --> 00:33:35,580
You can do exactly
757
00:33:35,605 --> 00:33:37,705
what you're doing sitting here with me.
758
00:33:37,774 --> 00:33:39,140
Look within.
759
00:33:39,208 --> 00:33:40,674
Josh, it's not about
760
00:33:40,743 --> 00:33:43,210
checking a box and getting
a fancy label, or 12,
761
00:33:43,235 --> 00:33:44,868
for what's bothering you.
762
00:33:44,893 --> 00:33:47,493
Instead, you can think
about the choices you make
763
00:33:47,650 --> 00:33:49,016
and why you make them.
764
00:33:49,689 --> 00:33:51,252
That sounds hard.
765
00:33:51,277 --> 00:33:53,177
Yeah, yeah. But don't worry.
766
00:33:53,202 --> 00:33:55,769
It will take a long time.
767
00:33:58,761 --> 00:34:00,895
Okay.
768
00:34:04,994 --> 00:34:06,868
_
769
00:34:08,877 --> 00:34:10,481
_
770
00:34:10,506 --> 00:34:12,267
Nice custom banner, babe.
771
00:34:12,292 --> 00:34:14,642
Yeah, they weirdly had it at the store.
772
00:34:17,970 --> 00:34:19,169
Wait, whose baby is that?
773
00:34:20,228 --> 00:34:21,582
Are you, are you kidding?
774
00:34:22,224 --> 00:34:23,623
It's my baby.
775
00:34:24,509 --> 00:34:26,487
The one you helped me make?
776
00:34:26,512 --> 00:34:27,752
Oh! Right, right, right, right.
777
00:34:27,824 --> 00:34:29,557
Hey, Rebecca, I'm making
778
00:34:29,582 --> 00:34:31,649
- my favorite ceviche.
- Mm. Family recipe?
779
00:34:31,761 --> 00:34:33,327
No, I got it from Quimblepop.
780
00:34:33,396 --> 00:34:35,362
Also, took the quiz again,
781
00:34:35,431 --> 00:34:37,398
and you're looking at a Carrie.
782
00:34:37,467 --> 00:34:39,600
You gamed the quiz to
get that, Charlotte.
783
00:34:40,298 --> 00:34:41,535
Hey.
784
00:34:41,604 --> 00:34:43,170
You okay?
785
00:34:44,142 --> 00:34:45,206
Feeling better?
786
00:34:45,697 --> 00:34:47,107
Honey.
787
00:34:47,132 --> 00:34:50,119
Honey, you're home.
You're with your people.
788
00:34:50,517 --> 00:34:52,546
What do you want to do next? Pie?
789
00:34:52,615 --> 00:34:54,982
Ice cream? Donut?
790
00:34:55,007 --> 00:34:57,040
Wow, we really need to find
791
00:34:57,065 --> 00:34:59,429
some non food-related
activities for us, don't we?
792
00:34:59,454 --> 00:35:00,820
Paula, I don't want to do anything.
793
00:35:01,365 --> 00:35:03,619
Everything I do is wrong, by definition.
794
00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:06,127
Because of my privilege.
795
00:35:06,152 --> 00:35:08,429
Okay, that's it. I've had enough.
796
00:35:08,498 --> 00:35:09,630
Rebecca, if I hear you
797
00:35:09,655 --> 00:35:11,494
say the word "privilege"
one more time...
798
00:35:14,545 --> 00:35:16,815
You have privilege. I'm
glad you acknowledge it.
799
00:35:16,839 --> 00:35:18,539
So now you have a choice.
800
00:35:18,564 --> 00:35:20,708
Do something good for the world
that actually helps people,
801
00:35:20,733 --> 00:35:21,866
or shut up.
802
00:35:21,891 --> 00:35:23,436
But stop whining.
803
00:35:25,052 --> 00:35:26,484
Baller Miranda move.
804
00:35:28,881 --> 00:35:30,351
Thank you.
805
00:35:30,419 --> 00:35:31,549
You're welcome.
806
00:35:31,574 --> 00:35:33,487
You're right. You're right.
807
00:35:33,556 --> 00:35:38,025
I need to do something
practical, to counteract my...
808
00:35:38,050 --> 00:35:40,094
my pri... my, uh,
809
00:35:40,138 --> 00:35:44,056
systemic socioeconomic racial
and cis-gender advantages.
810
00:35:45,859 --> 00:35:47,692
Oh, you mean that?
811
00:35:52,041 --> 00:35:53,307
Hi.
812
00:35:54,213 --> 00:35:55,676
Hi.
813
00:35:56,135 --> 00:35:57,968
Can I talk to you for a second?
814
00:35:59,877 --> 00:36:01,361
Good banner.
815
00:36:03,553 --> 00:36:07,622
Um, look, before you
say anything, I-I...
816
00:36:08,783 --> 00:36:10,558
I want to say I'm sorry.
817
00:36:10,627 --> 00:36:13,394
I stormed out of the courthouse,
and I took your plea personally,
818
00:36:13,463 --> 00:36:14,929
and I shouldn't have.
819
00:36:14,998 --> 00:36:16,597
I'm just...
820
00:36:17,580 --> 00:36:19,333
I'm just so glad you're out of jail.
821
00:36:19,402 --> 00:36:22,336
Oh, my gosh. Oh, it feels
so good to hear you say that.
822
00:36:22,405 --> 00:36:25,181
You were so mad at me.
823
00:36:25,869 --> 00:36:28,509
Mm. 'Cause you reall... You have to know
824
00:36:28,578 --> 00:36:30,511
that all the things I
said in that courtroom
825
00:36:30,580 --> 00:36:33,147
truly had nothing to do
with how I feel about you.
826
00:36:35,306 --> 00:36:37,385
I still love you, Nathaniel.
827
00:36:37,859 --> 00:36:39,392
I love you, too.
828
00:36:45,571 --> 00:36:47,772
Oh, I'm so glad all
this drama's behind us.
829
00:36:47,797 --> 00:36:49,497
What happened to your face?
830
00:36:49,565 --> 00:36:52,466
Oh, it was, uh, camping. Long story.
831
00:36:52,535 --> 00:36:54,969
- What?
- Yeah. I'm just so glad we can be
832
00:36:55,038 --> 00:36:56,804
free and clear now.
833
00:36:56,873 --> 00:37:00,073
Yeah. Well, I mean, I
still have some work to do.
834
00:37:00,098 --> 00:37:01,665
A lot of work to do, actually.
835
00:37:02,275 --> 00:37:03,978
Going to jail was totally misguided,
836
00:37:04,003 --> 00:37:05,880
but I meant what I
said in the courtroom.
837
00:37:06,541 --> 00:37:07,688
You know? About being a better person.
838
00:37:07,713 --> 00:37:09,083
I want to do that, somehow.
839
00:37:09,152 --> 00:37:12,019
Right. You want to make some
donations, serve on some boards.
840
00:37:12,044 --> 00:37:13,777
No, more than that. I want to...
841
00:37:13,890 --> 00:37:16,490
I don't know, I want to get
in there and make a difference.
842
00:37:16,830 --> 00:37:18,759
Okay. Sounds vague,
843
00:37:18,828 --> 00:37:20,995
but, um, why don't we talk about that
844
00:37:21,020 --> 00:37:26,041
after dinner, or better
yet, after Hawaii?
845
00:37:26,066 --> 00:37:27,802
- Hawaii?
- Yeah.
846
00:37:27,870 --> 00:37:30,697
I called the Four Seasons
Hualalai, and I got us a room.
847
00:37:30,722 --> 00:37:33,407
I... mm.
848
00:37:33,476 --> 00:37:35,242
Mm.
849
00:37:39,494 --> 00:37:40,852
You know what? I'm so sorry, I just,
850
00:37:40,877 --> 00:37:42,261
I have, I have a lot to
think about right now.
851
00:37:42,285 --> 00:37:43,851
I got to figure a lot of stuff out,
852
00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:45,786
so, yeah, I can't.
853
00:37:45,855 --> 00:37:47,955
Hawaii-Hawaii has to wait.
854
00:37:49,859 --> 00:37:51,225
Rebecca, you are being so silly.
855
00:37:53,775 --> 00:37:55,129
I'm being silly?
856
00:37:55,198 --> 00:37:58,332
And selfish, too. I
mean, I-I, I just want us
857
00:37:58,401 --> 00:38:01,402
to be happy and together.
858
00:38:01,471 --> 00:38:02,570
That's what I want.
859
00:38:03,158 --> 00:38:04,772
Y-You just said you love me, right?
860
00:38:04,841 --> 00:38:07,804
So can you just do that for me?
861
00:38:07,829 --> 00:38:10,111
Can you stop overthinking everything?
862
00:38:10,179 --> 00:38:11,512
Okay, I'm not overthinking things,
863
00:38:11,581 --> 00:38:14,615
I'm just trying to be a good person.
864
00:38:14,684 --> 00:38:16,250
Really? Because from where I'm sitting,
865
00:38:16,275 --> 00:38:19,290
every time we're happy,
you try to ruin it.
866
00:38:23,556 --> 00:38:25,489
- Um...
- I-I...
867
00:38:27,897 --> 00:38:29,630
Yeah, you should go right now.
868
00:38:29,699 --> 00:38:31,599
Okay, fine.
869
00:38:36,372 --> 00:38:38,405
Oh! She's coming. Go, go, go, go.
870
00:38:41,210 --> 00:38:43,010
Mmm.
871
00:38:43,079 --> 00:38:45,679
I'm loving this ceviche.
872
00:38:45,748 --> 00:38:47,359
Darryl, you don't have
anything in your hands.
873
00:38:47,383 --> 00:38:48,616
So...
874
00:38:48,684 --> 00:38:49,812
what happened?
875
00:38:49,837 --> 00:38:52,297
I heard him mention Hawaii,
and then you started whispering.
876
00:38:52,663 --> 00:38:53,754
Which is rude.
877
00:38:53,779 --> 00:38:56,513
Look, I'm in love with him. I am, but...
878
00:38:58,661 --> 00:39:01,562
... we just don't have the
same priorities right now.
879
00:39:02,965 --> 00:39:04,465
Maybe we won't ever, I-I don't know.
880
00:39:04,534 --> 00:39:06,811
I truly don't know.
881
00:39:06,836 --> 00:39:09,403
All I know is I need
to find my own answer,
882
00:39:09,472 --> 00:39:12,406
and it lies somewhere
883
00:39:12,475 --> 00:39:15,532
between jail and Hawaii.
884
00:39:16,192 --> 00:39:18,900
So amazing those are your choices.
885
00:39:19,962 --> 00:39:21,215
You know what? I'll figure it out.
886
00:39:21,284 --> 00:39:23,350
- Hey, Darryl?
- Hmm?
887
00:39:23,375 --> 00:39:25,015
- Hook me up with some of that ceviche.
- Sure.
888
00:39:28,758 --> 00:39:31,058
Oh. Thanks.
889
00:39:33,243 --> 00:39:34,562
This is so confusing.
890
00:39:34,587 --> 00:39:36,554
I actually made ceviche.
891
00:39:36,579 --> 00:39:38,141
So what's next, Cookie?
892
00:39:38,868 --> 00:39:40,801
♪ ♪
893
00:39:42,259 --> 00:39:44,071
- Zip. - Zap.
- Zop.
894
00:39:44,184 --> 00:39:45,316
- Zip.
- Zap.
895
00:39:45,716 --> 00:39:47,516
Zap.
896
00:39:48,506 --> 00:39:49,972
I think they were on zop.
897
00:39:50,010 --> 00:39:52,176
Sorry. Zop.
898
00:39:52,491 --> 00:39:54,091
What is she doing here?
899
00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:57,318
Rebecca would like to volunteer.
900
00:39:58,645 --> 00:40:00,979
But not with, not with
theater. Don't worry.
901
00:40:01,290 --> 00:40:02,556
Um...
902
00:40:03,618 --> 00:40:05,095
_
903
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:08,873
So when I'm not forcing
my opinions and entitlement
904
00:40:08,898 --> 00:40:10,064
on everybody else...
905
00:40:10,132 --> 00:40:11,132
Sorry for that...
906
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:12,907
I'm actually a pretty good lawyer.
907
00:40:13,202 --> 00:40:14,902
And I don't know much
about criminal cases,
908
00:40:14,927 --> 00:40:19,016
but I can study up and
with your permission,
909
00:40:19,041 --> 00:40:21,642
I would love to try and help you
910
00:40:21,667 --> 00:40:23,400
and any of the other women in here.
911
00:40:24,947 --> 00:40:26,146
I told her I thought
912
00:40:26,215 --> 00:40:27,381
it was a great idea.
913
00:40:27,450 --> 00:40:28,883
And the warden approved it.
914
00:40:28,951 --> 00:40:30,451
So what do you guys think?
915
00:40:31,055 --> 00:40:33,120
So she's not gonna sing?
916
00:40:33,189 --> 00:40:34,421
Or pick the songs?
917
00:40:34,490 --> 00:40:36,891
No. Again, I'm just, I'm
here to give legal advice.
918
00:40:36,959 --> 00:40:39,293
- And she can't mention Sondheim.
- Duly noted.
919
00:40:39,362 --> 00:40:41,161
I do kind of like the show Cats, though.
920
00:40:41,230 --> 00:40:43,130
- Cats is cool.
- We should do Cats.
921
00:40:43,199 --> 00:40:44,565
Let's do Cats.
922
00:40:44,626 --> 00:40:47,554
Great. Sign me up for front row tickets.
923
00:40:47,970 --> 00:40:49,904
Who doesn't like Cats?
924
00:40:49,972 --> 00:40:53,073
It's delightful. Who
cares if there's no plot?
925
00:40:53,816 --> 00:40:57,624
Trent.
926
00:40:57,649 --> 00:40:59,582
Wake up!
927
00:41:01,574 --> 00:41:03,408
Wake up.
928
00:41:05,721 --> 00:41:07,640
Trent!
929
00:41:08,624 --> 00:41:10,624
I am not buying this for a second.
930
00:41:10,649 --> 00:41:12,849
Coma my ass.
931
00:41:13,780 --> 00:41:16,630
Wake up, you psychotic,
932
00:41:16,699 --> 00:41:19,300
turtlenecked piece of crap.
933
00:41:19,368 --> 00:41:22,269
If you do not wake up right
now and confess to everything,
934
00:41:22,338 --> 00:41:23,671
I am gonna call Princeton
935
00:41:23,739 --> 00:41:26,443
and tell them to take back your degree.
936
00:41:26,468 --> 00:41:28,776
Actually, I went to school in Boston.
937
00:41:28,844 --> 00:41:30,611
Aha!
938
00:41:30,636 --> 00:41:31,945
Damn it.
939
00:41:31,969 --> 00:41:33,969
... Synced and corrected by ChrisKe ...
... www.addic7ed.com ...
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