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1
00:00:17,234 --> 00:00:18,714
How dare you?
2
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How dare you put your hands on me,
you filth?
3
00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:25,373
When my associates get
word of this brutality,
4
00:00:25,416 --> 00:00:27,114
you'll find yourself on the wrong end
5
00:00:27,157 --> 00:00:29,551
of a disintegration beam.
You can count on that.
6
00:00:29,594 --> 00:00:32,293
50 and 60.
7
00:00:32,336 --> 00:00:34,338
Pleasure doing business with you.
8
00:00:34,382 --> 00:00:36,123
Whatever he's paying you, I'll double it.
9
00:00:36,166 --> 00:00:38,560
Do you hear me? This is your lucky day.
10
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,045
Damn it.
11
00:00:49,092 --> 00:00:50,920
I bet you never thought you'd see
12
00:00:50,963 --> 00:00:52,400
this face again, did you?
13
00:00:52,443 --> 00:00:54,141
You are correct,
14
00:00:54,184 --> 00:00:56,404
because I have never seen
you before in my life.
15
00:00:56,447 --> 00:00:59,624
Wait. Did you try and sell
me a used shuttle last year?
16
00:00:59,668 --> 00:01:02,932
No! Tevrin Krit.
17
00:01:02,975 --> 00:01:04,890
You slept with my sister
18
00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:08,459
and stole my family's sacred cudgel.
19
00:01:08,503 --> 00:01:10,940
Mr. Krit, with all due respect,
I haven't the foggiest idea
20
00:01:10,983 --> 00:01:12,246
of what you're talking about.
21
00:01:12,289 --> 00:01:14,770
That cudgel was passed down by my ancestors
22
00:01:14,813 --> 00:01:17,164
for over a hundred years.
23
00:01:17,207 --> 00:01:18,687
I was going to give it to my son.
24
00:01:18,730 --> 00:01:20,123
Uh, "cudgel"? Is that...
25
00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:22,125
Are you... are you saying
26
00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:23,648
"cudgel"? I've never heard of that.
27
00:01:23,692 --> 00:01:25,128
Is that some sort of kitchen implement?
28
00:01:25,172 --> 00:01:27,348
It's a hand weapon
29
00:01:27,391 --> 00:01:29,524
used for close quarters combat.
I have never seen
30
00:01:29,567 --> 00:01:31,787
nor heard of a cudgel.
31
00:01:31,830 --> 00:01:33,223
I think you're getting your humans confused.
32
00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:35,486
No, I am a gentleman of the highest caliber.
33
00:01:35,530 --> 00:01:37,488
Wherever you go,
people sing the praises of Harry Mudd.
34
00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:40,230
We must all look alike to you.
35
00:01:40,274 --> 00:01:41,579
Which an easy mistake to make
36
00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:43,929
for a-a gentleman... Oh.
37
00:01:43,973 --> 00:01:45,801
"Harcourt Fenton Mudd.
38
00:01:45,844 --> 00:01:48,934
"Wanted by the Federation
on 30 counts of smuggling,
39
00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:51,241
"20 counts of attempted homicide,
40
00:01:51,285 --> 00:01:53,548
one count of attempted regicide..."
41
00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:55,332
Regicide.
42
00:01:55,376 --> 00:01:57,900
He was a duke. Hardly counts as regicide.
43
00:01:57,943 --> 00:02:00,163
What are we attempting to murder now?
Accuracy?
44
00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:02,165
"Transportation of stolen goods,
45
00:02:02,209 --> 00:02:06,996
and one count of...
penetrating a space whale"?
46
00:02:08,998 --> 00:02:11,000
You kind of had to be there.
47
00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:15,396
Sounds to me
48
00:02:15,439 --> 00:02:19,095
like you pissed off the
wrong planetary alliance.
49
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:23,621
They slapped a 100,000-credit
bounty on your head,
50
00:02:23,665 --> 00:02:26,624
and I'm so, so glad
51
00:02:26,668 --> 00:02:30,019
that I'll be the one to
profit off your downfall.
52
00:02:30,062 --> 00:02:31,890
Something to think about during our journey.
53
00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:34,502
This has all been a big misunderstanding.
54
00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:37,026
What do you say we talk this out, hmm?
55
00:02:37,069 --> 00:02:39,202
Combine forces,
and locate your cudgel together?
56
00:02:41,030 --> 00:02:42,988
I'm sure you're used to worming your way
57
00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:46,209
out of situations like this, but not today.
58
00:02:46,253 --> 00:02:47,950
I assure you,
59
00:02:47,993 --> 00:02:50,822
I have never been in a
situation like this before.
60
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:59,266
How dare you?
How dare you put your hands on me, you filth?
61
00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:03,095
When my associates get word
of this brutality, they'll...
62
00:03:03,139 --> 00:03:05,881
You better hope these bindings hold,
or I'll carve
63
00:03:05,924 --> 00:03:07,317
off your skin
64
00:03:07,361 --> 00:03:09,493
like a suckling targ!
65
00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:11,060
No, no, wait, not my face!
66
00:03:11,103 --> 00:03:14,585
Well, maybe I have been falsely accused
67
00:03:14,629 --> 00:03:16,587
once or twice.
68
00:03:16,631 --> 00:03:18,154
I can't help it if my
reputation precedes me.
69
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:21,201
I am a memorable man.
70
00:03:21,244 --> 00:03:22,376
It's all scuttlebutt and hogwash,
I assure you.
71
00:03:30,601 --> 00:03:32,342
Oh, great.
72
00:03:32,386 --> 00:03:36,172
Oh, wait a minute.
Uh, uh, a dim memory is, uh,
73
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,305
bubbling to the surface of my consciousness.
74
00:03:38,348 --> 00:03:39,958
Of course.
75
00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:42,831
Tevrin Krit.
76
00:03:42,874 --> 00:03:44,354
With a... with a "T." "Tevrin."
77
00:03:44,398 --> 00:03:46,051
I was think...
78
00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:48,619
I had a romantic encounter with your sister.
79
00:03:48,663 --> 00:03:50,404
Yes, how could I ever forget?
80
00:03:50,447 --> 00:03:52,667
A forbidden tryst.
81
00:03:52,710 --> 00:03:56,410
Oh, her tusks prodded my face,
82
00:03:56,453 --> 00:03:59,935
her stubble grazed my lips.
83
00:03:59,978 --> 00:04:04,287
Oh, it was overwhelmingly seductive.
84
00:04:04,331 --> 00:04:07,899
Yes, and in a fit of passion,
I absconded with your cudgel
85
00:04:07,943 --> 00:04:11,512
to keep as a memento of our secret love.
86
00:04:11,555 --> 00:04:14,297
And I am not proud to say that
87
00:04:14,341 --> 00:04:15,820
I sold it.
88
00:04:15,864 --> 00:04:17,605
Your cudgel is now
89
00:04:17,648 --> 00:04:20,303
in parts unknown,
90
00:04:20,347 --> 00:04:22,479
and I am so very sorry.
91
00:04:22,523 --> 00:04:24,307
You will be even sorrier
92
00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:26,353
when I hand you over to Starfleet.
93
00:04:26,396 --> 00:04:28,746
I had to sell it.
94
00:04:28,790 --> 00:04:31,358
We were low on capital.
95
00:04:31,401 --> 00:04:33,185
I really shouldn't be telling you this,
96
00:04:33,229 --> 00:04:35,449
but I am a member of the resistance.
97
00:04:35,492 --> 00:04:37,712
The Federation won't stop until
they've consolidated power
98
00:04:37,755 --> 00:04:39,801
across the entire quadrant.
99
00:04:39,844 --> 00:04:41,803
Sure, they blather and prevaricate
100
00:04:41,846 --> 00:04:44,501
about "peaceful exploration,"
101
00:04:44,545 --> 00:04:48,288
but what they're really after
is total hegemonic supremacy.
102
00:04:48,331 --> 00:04:52,379
I've never heard of any resistance.
103
00:04:52,422 --> 00:04:55,207
: That's because it's a secret resistance.
104
00:04:55,251 --> 00:04:58,689
Nobody knows about it except the resistors.
105
00:04:58,733 --> 00:05:02,998
Which I am one... of them.
106
00:05:03,041 --> 00:05:04,695
Look, we're not so different, you and I.
107
00:05:04,739 --> 00:05:08,003
Both forced to fight for
scraps on the fringes.
108
00:05:08,046 --> 00:05:09,700
If only there was a way
109
00:05:09,744 --> 00:05:12,921
that we could work together. Hmm?
110
00:05:12,964 --> 00:05:16,577
Pool our resources,
take control of our destiny.
111
00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:19,275
You have to see the wisdom in that.
112
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,972
Has that line
113
00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:23,366
ever worked on anyone?
114
00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:25,673
It's not a line.
115
00:05:25,716 --> 00:05:29,633
I'm telling you,
I see something special in you.
116
00:05:29,677 --> 00:05:32,332
We're kindred spirits.
117
00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:35,204
Hey, hey.
118
00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:36,988
I'm telling you, we're kindred spirits.
119
00:05:38,468 --> 00:05:40,427
Stop dragging your feet.
120
00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:42,646
You are surprisingly strong
for your diminutive stature.
121
00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:46,128
You're throwing my center off balance.
122
00:05:46,171 --> 00:05:48,391
I am of normal height. It is not my problem
123
00:05:48,435 --> 00:05:49,958
you are freakishly weak.
124
00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:51,873
Okay, okay. You know,
125
00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:53,918
we're not so dissimilar, you and I.
126
00:05:53,962 --> 00:05:56,704
Both forced to fight for
scraps on the fringes.
127
00:05:56,747 --> 00:05:58,836
Maybe we could work together,
128
00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:00,621
control our destiny.
129
00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:02,797
Surely, you can see the wisdom in that. Hmm?
130
00:06:05,190 --> 00:06:07,367
A coalition would give us more leverage
131
00:06:07,410 --> 00:06:09,586
against the Federation.
132
00:06:09,630 --> 00:06:11,588
But how can I trust you?
133
00:06:11,632 --> 00:06:14,765
We would both benefit from an alliance.
Why would I lie?
134
00:06:14,809 --> 00:06:17,159
Because you're driven by insatiable greed.
135
00:06:17,202 --> 00:06:20,205
Precisely. So unbind me now
136
00:06:20,249 --> 00:06:23,818
so we can turn a bad
situation into good business.
137
00:06:26,995 --> 00:06:29,214
Is that a no? Wait...
138
00:06:29,258 --> 00:06:31,042
What are you looking for?
139
00:06:31,086 --> 00:06:32,653
None of your concern.
140
00:06:32,696 --> 00:06:34,568
Have you lost track of your ship?
141
00:06:36,134 --> 00:06:37,440
Maybe if you were a little taller,
142
00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:39,137
you wouldn't get lost so often.
143
00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:42,706
I know exactly where I am at all times.
144
00:06:47,102 --> 00:06:49,409
What kind of bounty hunter loses her ship?
145
00:06:49,452 --> 00:06:51,236
The kind who would never be
in a partnership with you.
146
00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:53,456
All right. You know,
147
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:55,763
the light dappling down
through those sewer grates
148
00:06:55,806 --> 00:06:57,852
accentuates your exceptional beauty.
149
00:06:57,895 --> 00:07:00,463
Be silent.Are you spoken for romantically?
150
00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:03,118
Because I would love to show
you the 27 moons of Tartus IV.
151
00:07:04,859 --> 00:07:06,687
You're a much better captor.
152
00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:08,558
She was far too emotional.
153
00:07:08,602 --> 00:07:11,343
I thought you were supposed to be rich.
154
00:07:11,387 --> 00:07:12,736
Oh. A common misconception,
155
00:07:12,780 --> 00:07:14,912
but I have not a jot to my name.
156
00:07:14,956 --> 00:07:16,784
No.
157
00:07:16,827 --> 00:07:19,177
I speak the truth;
any fortune I may have had
158
00:07:19,221 --> 00:07:21,179
has been liberated by
the Federation tax man.
159
00:07:21,223 --> 00:07:22,964
If I had any money, I'd be sipping jippers
160
00:07:23,007 --> 00:07:24,705
on a beach somewhere
161
00:07:24,748 --> 00:07:26,924
instead of being chained
up in this piece of...
162
00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:31,451
...lovely... cruiser. Hmm.
163
00:07:31,494 --> 00:07:33,322
I don't buy it.
164
00:07:33,365 --> 00:07:36,151
I bet you stashed away a fortune. Oh, no.
165
00:07:36,194 --> 00:07:37,674
Trust me.
166
00:07:37,718 --> 00:07:41,112
I am the poorest man you've ever met.
167
00:07:41,156 --> 00:07:43,767
I'm telling you, I'm rich.
168
00:07:43,811 --> 00:07:45,595
You let me down from here,
169
00:07:45,639 --> 00:07:47,684
I'll make it worth your while.
170
00:07:47,728 --> 00:07:49,120
Hmm?
171
00:07:49,164 --> 00:07:50,687
I'm listening.
172
00:07:50,731 --> 00:07:51,862
You'll never have to set foot
173
00:07:51,906 --> 00:07:53,995
in a slum like this again.
174
00:07:54,038 --> 00:07:57,955
I'll give you so much latinum,
you'll be able to wear a cape,
175
00:07:57,999 --> 00:07:59,566
and nobody will be able to say anything,
176
00:07:59,609 --> 00:08:02,699
because rich people get
to do whatever they want.
177
00:08:02,743 --> 00:08:06,137
Your enemies will be
positively green with envy.
178
00:08:08,139 --> 00:08:09,576
Greener. Hmm.
179
00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:11,273
So to speak.
180
00:08:11,316 --> 00:08:14,972
You'll be invited to
only the finest soirees.
181
00:08:15,016 --> 00:08:16,800
I would look good in a cape.
182
00:08:16,844 --> 00:08:18,802
You would look amazing in a cape.
183
00:08:23,372 --> 00:08:24,808
Hey, imbecile.
184
00:08:24,852 --> 00:08:27,071
You know we got a camera in here, right?
185
00:08:31,859 --> 00:08:33,948
I nearly had him tricked
186
00:08:33,991 --> 00:08:37,473
into thinking that I wanted his money.
187
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,605
You're relieved.
188
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:46,613
So you have me wrapped in chains,
189
00:08:46,656 --> 00:08:49,529
in a cell, and suspended from the ceiling?
190
00:08:49,572 --> 00:08:51,269
Is there a word in your language for
"overkill"?
191
00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:56,666
You seem nice. What's your name?
192
00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:59,103
Your skin is...
193
00:08:59,147 --> 00:09:01,105
luxuriously green.
194
00:09:02,498 --> 00:09:04,369
Like a delectable lime.
195
00:09:06,067 --> 00:09:09,592
You know...
196
00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:11,725
This may be your lucky day.
197
00:09:11,768 --> 00:09:14,554
I know the secret whereabouts
of a treasure ship
198
00:09:14,597 --> 00:09:16,468
which we could...
199
00:09:21,082 --> 00:09:22,518
No.
200
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:25,042
Krit. No!
201
00:09:25,086 --> 00:09:27,392
This is the Federation starship De Milo.
202
00:09:27,436 --> 00:09:28,437
Please identity yourself.
203
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:30,004
Oh, don't be so naive.
204
00:09:30,047 --> 00:09:33,442
Don't your people have any
kind of code of conduct?
205
00:09:33,485 --> 00:09:34,965
This is Tellarite merchant vessel
206
00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:36,663
D-bar-seven-five-six.
207
00:09:36,706 --> 00:09:38,708
Requesting permission to approach.
208
00:09:38,752 --> 00:09:40,405
Permission granted.
209
00:09:40,449 --> 00:09:43,191
So, do you think you've...
210
00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:45,976
talked me into lowering my guard?
211
00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:48,631
This is your last chance
212
00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:50,677
to use that knife you've got stashed
213
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:52,069
in your boot.
214
00:09:58,249 --> 00:09:59,947
Do you want me to beg?
215
00:09:59,990 --> 00:10:01,644
Because I am not above begging.
216
00:10:01,688 --> 00:10:03,428
Please know...
217
00:10:03,472 --> 00:10:05,343
if those Federation
lunatics get a hold of me,
218
00:10:05,387 --> 00:10:07,389
they'll skin me alive and
blow me out an airlock.
219
00:10:09,217 --> 00:10:11,175
I-I'm sorry about your cudgel.
220
00:10:11,219 --> 00:10:12,481
That was...
221
00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:15,136
was deeply wrong of me.
222
00:10:15,179 --> 00:10:17,007
But you're better than this.
223
00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:19,053
Tellarites are better than this.
224
00:10:20,924 --> 00:10:22,534
Go on.
225
00:10:22,578 --> 00:10:24,624
Take me home with you.
226
00:10:24,667 --> 00:10:26,713
I'll polish your tusks.
227
00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:28,845
Uh... um...
228
00:10:28,889 --> 00:10:30,630
I'll braid your little beard. Please.
229
00:10:30,673 --> 00:10:32,936
I'll clean the lavatories in...
230
00:10:32,980 --> 00:10:34,982
on your... on this ship.
231
00:10:35,025 --> 00:10:37,114
Anything, but just...
232
00:10:37,158 --> 00:10:40,248
: don't hand me over to them, please.
233
00:10:43,512 --> 00:10:45,427
Two to beam over.
234
00:10:45,470 --> 00:10:46,907
Oh, goddamn it!
235
00:10:46,950 --> 00:10:48,691
You mo...
236
00:10:48,735 --> 00:10:51,259
Curse the day I met your pig-faced sister!
237
00:10:52,477 --> 00:10:54,479
Welcome to the De Milo.
238
00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:58,309
How can we be of... Oh.Tevrin Krit.
239
00:10:58,353 --> 00:10:59,920
Pleased to make your acquaintance.
240
00:10:59,963 --> 00:11:01,748
More than happy to turn
241
00:11:01,791 --> 00:11:03,837
this sack of durf over for the bounty.
242
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:05,360
Officer, I apologize
243
00:11:05,403 --> 00:11:07,449
for this disgusting space homunculus.
244
00:11:07,492 --> 00:11:08,885
I'd say you'd get used to the smell,
245
00:11:08,929 --> 00:11:10,539
but you really don't.
246
00:11:10,582 --> 00:11:12,236
Follow me.
247
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,021
Do you transfer the latinum to my account
248
00:11:14,064 --> 00:11:16,240
or just give it to me in one big bar?
249
00:11:17,589 --> 00:11:19,461
I assume you bought Mr. Mudd
250
00:11:19,504 --> 00:11:21,811
from some tall, female bounty hunter?
251
00:11:21,855 --> 00:11:23,726
It was a fair deal.
252
00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:25,641
The bounty's all mine.
253
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,731
True. But this is not Harcourt Mudd.
254
00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:31,865
My scanner says he is.
255
00:11:31,908 --> 00:11:34,302
He is an android duplicate of Mr. Mudd.
256
00:11:34,345 --> 00:11:36,391
Thinly skinned with replicant DNA
257
00:11:36,434 --> 00:11:38,088
and programmed to distract you
258
00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:41,744
until it's too late for
you to demand a refund.
259
00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:44,007
Bounty hunters have been showing
up all week with these...
260
00:11:44,051 --> 00:11:47,402
monstrosities.
261
00:11:47,445 --> 00:11:49,883
Someone took you for a ride.
262
00:11:49,926 --> 00:11:53,060
Oh, that's a twist.Has anyone
ever told you that before?
263
00:11:53,103 --> 00:11:55,192
Just gorgeous!
264
00:11:55,236 --> 00:11:58,195
Oh, very good.
265
00:12:04,332 --> 00:12:07,988
Mudd, tell him you're real.
266
00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:12,993
No!
267
00:12:13,036 --> 00:12:14,864
If I had any money, I'd be sipping jippers
268
00:12:14,908 --> 00:12:16,736
on a beach somewhere.If I had any money,
269
00:12:16,779 --> 00:12:18,563
I'd be sipping jippers on a beach somewhere!
270
00:12:18,607 --> 00:12:19,913
If I had any money,
271
00:12:19,956 --> 00:12:22,263
I'd be sipping jippers on a beach somewhere.
272
00:12:22,306 --> 00:12:23,917
If I had any money,
273
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,527
I'd be sipping jippers on a beach somewhere.
274
00:12:25,570 --> 00:12:27,137
If I had any money, I'd be...
275
00:12:27,181 --> 00:12:29,749
Jippers on a beach, jippers on a beach.
276
00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:31,794
Jippers on a beach.
If I had any money, I'd be sipping...
277
00:12:31,838 --> 00:12:33,535
Jippers on a beach, jippers on a beach,
278
00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:34,884
jippers on a beach.
279
00:12:54,861 --> 00:12:56,819
Your jipper, ma'am.
280
00:13:08,048 --> 00:13:10,050
Hmm.
281
00:13:11,747 --> 00:13:13,705
Thank you, Mudd.You're welcome, Mudd.
282
00:13:14,968 --> 00:13:16,926
Watch where you're going.
283
00:13:16,970 --> 00:13:18,232
I'm mopping.
284
00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:20,495
Delicious jipper.
285
00:13:22,410 --> 00:13:24,455
Incoming transmission.
286
00:13:24,499 --> 00:13:26,544
Will you excuse me, boys?
I have to take this.
287
00:13:26,588 --> 00:13:27,894
Deactivate.
288
00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:35,640
Yes, I hear you're looking for Harry Mudd.
289
00:13:37,555 --> 00:13:41,037
You can take him off my hands for 50,000.
290
00:13:41,081 --> 00:13:44,606
Excellent.
291
00:13:44,649 --> 00:13:46,651
I'll meet you there.
292
00:13:46,695 --> 00:13:49,350
Oh.
293
00:13:49,393 --> 00:13:51,874
Would you happen to be interested
294
00:13:51,918 --> 00:13:54,137
in a slightly used cudgel?
295
00:13:54,181 --> 00:13:55,486
Hmm?
296
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Captioning sponsored by CBS
297
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Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
21030
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