All language subtitles for Top.Gear.US.S02E16.HDTV.XviD-MOMENTUM-HI

Now on Top Gear

There are 256 million
cars on American roads,

but which one is the worst?

We're about to find out.

Wood: [Laughing] Oh, he almost flips it.

Sync and corrections by bellows
www.addic7ed.com

What you drive says a lot about you.

Some cars are undeniably
cool, while others less so.

But which is the least
cool car in the country?

To find out, we each spent $1,500

and bought the worst car we
could find for each other.

Then we'd compete over which one of us

could make the most out of
the crap car we'd been given.

This is easily the worst car ever made.

It is disgusting.

It is cheap.

This is the ugliest vehicle ever made.

And what makes it sweeter

is I know the person I bought
this for hates this vehicle.

Hates it.

Adam's gonna love this car.

No.

He is going to absolutely hate this car.

But it's perfect for him.

It is so uncool. It's one of those cars

that just doesn't even realize
how uncool it really is.

[Tires screech]

If you're over 60,

you've already guessed the
car that I've chosen for Adam.

It's a 1977 Mustang II.

And it is the most uncool car ever made.

It's a Mustang. It's
supposed to be a muscle car.

And this is everything that
a muscle car shouldn't be.

It's slow, it's ugly,
it's 4-cylinders, 4-speed,

takes over 14 seconds to
get to 60 miles an hour.

What were they thinking?

Adam's gonna hate it.

[Horn honks]

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

Nice.

2001 Pontiac Aztek.

The uncoolest car ever.

Wow.

This personifies everything

that was wrong with G.M. in the late '90s.

Designed by committee.

You know the committee that
designed this wasn't fired.

- They were executed.
- It's terrible.

The interior... the knobs are this big

so you can turn them with gloves,
but they look like cartoon knobs.

And it comes with a tent.

- A tent! -
A tent? - Yes.

'Cause you're embarrassed to
park this in your driveway,

so you have to live in the tent.

Okay, it's pretty widely known the Aztek is uncool.
- Yes.

But it is not as uncool

as a Mustang II, your new ride.

You're an evil man.

I thought you'd like
this. It's a muscle car.

It's an atrophied muscle car.

- What have I ever done to you?
- You picked me on an Aztek.

I didn't pick that for
you. That's for Rutledge.

That means Rutledge picked my car.

[Laughs] I don't even want to look at it.

- Don't turn around.
- I don't want to look at it.

Don't turn around. [Horn honks]

[Laughs] It does have a horn.

- That says something.
- It is justice. Yes.

No!

[Laughs]

Feast your eyes on a 1988 Yugo GV.

This is the lowest of
the low of the models.

- Is it a real Yugo?
- Oh, yeah.

I left the state to punish you with this.

Look at those 13s.

I've got bicycle tires
that are bigger than these.

Look at the style on that thing.

I mean, if the reputation of this car

isn't uncool enough,
you in it just [Whistles]

The bad news for me is that I
see two awful cars over there,

and all I can think is, "please, God,

don't make me drive an Aztek."

Okay, look. I could have got you a Neon.

That would have been
actually better than...

- Aw, really?
- I couldn't find one.

I looked. I couldn't find one.

No, the Aztek is way less cool.

Aw, God.

Okay. Undeniably we've amassed in one place

three of the most uncool cars ever built.

So, what are we doing with them?

Please tell us.

All right. Let's see here.

So, your first challenge will be a hot lap

at Willow Springs raceway
60 miles from here.

Fastest lap wins.

Wait. We have to drive 60 miles?

In these cars.

And then... Be seen...

- Yeah.
- ...Publicly on the way.

- Yeah.
- A Yugo on the racetrack.

Yeah. Could be a first.

[Laughs]

Let's hit the road.

This is so shameful.

An 89-horsepower, turd-brown,
creepy-gym-teacher Mustang II.

[Beep] You, Tanner Foust.

How do you make a Yugo go 60 miles an hour?

Push it off a cliff.

Wood: Honestly, I am
ashamed to drive this thing.

I just hate it so much.

Pontiac made the Aztek from 2001 to 2005,

and they needed to sell
150,000 of them to break even.

And they failed.

In 2007, there were still
some new '05s on the lot.

This car may not be that cool,

but it's way cooler than the Yugo.

And that car is super dangerous.

It has no power.

There's no way you could
ever look cool in a Yugo.

It's just an impossibility.

Not only would we have to drive these cars,

but we were also going to an auction

to find out how much each was worth.

So, somehow we had

to make these crappy
cars we were driving cool.

That was gonna be a struggle with my Yugo,

but I'm a glass-half-full
kind of guy.

So I was gonna concentrate
on the positives.

Okay, sure, the Yugo's been written up

in basically any automotive publication

as being one of the top
worst cars ever built.

That's undeniable.

There are only about 10,000 of these things

roaming the streets of the U.S.

It's almost like a collector's item.

The fact that Rutledge had to go
across the country to buy this car

either means that they
just aren't running anymore

or nobody wants to sell theirs.

I'm thinking that it's the latter.

But could Adam come up
with anything positive

for his turd-brown Mustang II?

At least this is a Mustang.

It's not a cool Mustang, but a Mustang.

It's like Khlo� Kardashian.

Enh, she ain't the best Kardashian,

but at least she's a Kardashian.

Rut, who did you buy that Yugo from?

A very peculiar man in Las Vegas.

Did he have an accent, wear
black socks with sandals?

I think the socks and sandals

might be more of an Aztek owner.

I think the Aztek owner is
gonna be wearing, like, sandals

with white socks under them
pulled up to just below the knees,

short shorts with 12
pockets, and a tank top.

Well, who would own a Mustang II, then?

He's retired from the insurance industry.

He lives with his mom,
and she lives with her mom.

He keeps a locked door in the basement
that no one's gonna see until he dies.

And then the mom

is gonna deny knowing anything
ever went on down there.

[Laughs]

We arrived at our first challenge...

Ferrara: You've got to be kidding me.

...To find that we wouldn't
just be racing each other.

The track was hosting an exotic car day.

There were $300,000 Lamborghinis,

quarter-million-dollar
Ferraris,

tuned-up BMWs, Lotuses,
high-end Mercedes,

and us.

This will be one of the most
dangerous things, probably,

that any of us have done, okay.

Because there will be cars with
100-mile-an-hour closing speeds

on the straightaway.

I'll probably be on fire
and not be able to tell.

I already could tell oil's
leaking onto the back-left tire.

Gasoline's leaking onto
the back-right tire,

which, by the way, is where the exhaust is.

There's a lot that can go wrong.

I don't think either of
you have the fear that I do,

which is rolling this
piece of [Bleep] Over.

You'll be fine. [Laughs]

I mean, you wouldn't...

[Laughing] That was genuine hate.

Yeah. I mean, look at it.

The only way you could make
this thing more attractive

would be to roll it.

I'm gonna get on the track.

Ferrara: Either way,

we had a challenge to complete.

We had to brave danger and shame

to set the fastest time we could.

We'd also be trying not to ruin the day

for the owners of the cool cars,

who paid thousands of dollars to be there.

I'll just gonna be lucky
if I don't die in this.

I think I've done a 1:21 around this track.

I don't think the Yugo's
gonna go quite that quick.

This is gonna be embarrassing.

There it is. Let's go.

Okay, Aztek.

You can do this.

We're timing the car here.

All right, downshifting.

After that, we have to
downshift up the hill.

Wood: Driving an Aztek on the track

was like trying to
jello-wrestle with a bear.

It just has so much body roll,

and it's got
on-road/off-road tires.

And over in the turd-mobile,

Adam was having sand kicked in his face.

Yeah, yeah.

Show-off.

Holy cow, you went with the green, huh?

Lovely.

I got about 30 cars behind me.

Oh, I hope that's a different lotus.

Otherwise I've been lapped.

I've been lapped.

Oh, there's a Ferrari on my ass!

[Tires screech]

Okay.

And I'm off the course.

Whoopsie.

Black flag. Black flag.

Foust: Rutledge got black-flagged,

which meant he was disqualified.

So it was down to Adam and me.

I wasn't about to let the Yugo

get out-cooled by a faux Mustang.

Go on! Get out of here!

There they go.

Kind of like a brake check

in front of a Yugo, though.

Whoa! That guy almost just crashed into me!

All I had to do was
complete this lap to win,

but I hadn't counted on

the Yugo's legendary design quality,

which didn't extend to the gas cap.

This is awful.

I am spewing gas all over the place.

Kiss my Aztek!

Ferrara: We each try to prove
that our crap cars are cool,

and Tanner finds out just how fast

a $300,000 supercar can go.

Oh, my God. This is scary!

Foust: America has over 2.7
million miles of paved roads,

and there are a lot of
cars out there using them.

But which is the worst?

We'd each bought the least
cool car we could find

and given them to each other.

Our first challenge was
seeing whose car was slowest.

Oh, there's a Ferrari on my ass!

[Tires screech]

Rut hadn't even completed a
lap before being disqualified.

Halfway through the last lap,

my Yugo started showing
a small design flaw.

This is awful. I am spewing
gas all over the place.

So they black-flagged me,
giving Adam the win by default.

[Ferrara laughs]

Nan: Whoo-hoo!

Man *2: Yeah! Mustang!

[Horn honks]

[Applause]

You and I, we should
be ashamed of ourselves

letting what is undoubtedly
the worst pretend muscle car

ever built win anything.

Hey, you bought it for me.

And at least my car wasn't
spewing gas all over the track.

Yeah, that's true.

It's still not as bad as the Yugo.

Okay, first of all, the Yugo
is very rare and very exotic.

So is typhoid. [Laughter] Whatever.

I got a chance to drive
another very rare and exotic car

over in britain recently.

I assume it was faster than the Yugo.

Yes, it is.

In fact, the American manufacturer
hasn't found the top speed yet,

so I went over to England to
see if I could help them out.

This is England, a place

where you can still legally marry sheep

and home to the world's
oldest reigning queen,

Sir Elton John.

Not too far from the
bustling streets of London...

[Engine revs] ...There's a car maker

that claims to have crafted a vehicle

capable of giving you one

of the purest driving
experiences imaginable.

And by pure, I mean it
doesn't have the technology

to help you be a better driver.

It can do zero to 60 in 3.7 seconds.

It weighs the same as a mini Cooper

but has 520 more horsepower.

But what it doesn't have
is a confirmed top speed.

[Tires screech] That was reason
enough for me to hop on a plane.

This is the Noble M600.

If you like super cars
and you've got the means,

well, you can run down
to the Ferrari dealership

and get yourself a 458

or maybe get the latest
Lamborghini, the Aventador.

But if your taste runs
on the extra exotic...

What if you want something that will leave

those somewhat common Italian
super cars in the dust,

something that only 15 people
will be able to buy this year

and that claims to be the
best driver car ever built?

Well, then you're gonna need one of these.

If you've never heard of
Noble, you're not alone.

It's a small company in a
little town outside London,

and only a dozen or so people work there.

Even though it's based in england,

it's owned by an American, Peter Dyson,

who crossed the Atlantic
to build his dream.

Its chassis is made of
stainless steel and aluminum,

and its body is pure carbon fiber.

It has an incredible 650-horsepower,

mid-mounted V-8 engine
developed by Yamaha.

But what it hasn't got
is ABS, stability control,

paddle shifters, power brakes,

and it only has a wisp of traction control.

So basically it's one of
the fastest cars around

with almost no safety features.

But all that nothing adds up to something.

[Tires screeching]

It's got a stronger
power-to-weight ratio

than a Bugatti Veyron...

[Engine revs]

Which is better than most motorcycles.

The Noble does this insane
speed so effortlessly

you don't realize how fast you're going.

And that...

[Tires screech]

Can be flat-out dangerous.

This is not a car for the timid.

It's not much heavier than Lindsay Lohan,

but it's 10 times as volatile.

Noble has stripped the M600
down to the bare essentials,

and it feels like a car

that's only a 5-point safety
harness away from going racing.

But they didn't get so focused
with speed and performance

that they ignored the interior.

Although minimal, you can tell

that they paid attention to the details.

So, basically the $330,000
you pay for a Noble

gets you one of the purest
driving experiences around.

[Tires screech]

[Engine revs]

To compare, a Ferrari 458...

Pretty much the pinnacle
of supercar engineering...

Has formula one technology
that can basically make you

10 times the driver that you really are,

where this has the formula
one technology of about 1973.

But the great thing about
that is that that allows you

to be 100% of the driver you really are.

[Tires screeching]

If you really want to test the
limits of your inner driver,

you can take what little
control the Noble has

completely away.

All right.

Maybe we should turn
the traction control off.

The traction-control switch

is actually a missile launch button

from a British fighter jet...

A not-so-subtle reminder
of what kind of hell

is about to be unleashed.

[Tires screech]

Good God.

This thing takes so much concentration.

But that's what you want in a supercar,

'cause you want it to push
your limits as a driver.

[Engine revs]

[Laughing] Yeah!

That was a
110-mile-an-hour drift.

That's the problem with a car like this,

is the speeds are just so insane.

[Engine revving]

Whoa!

[Tires screeching]

[Sighs] All right.

Let's put that traction-control button

[breathes deeply] Back on.

[Sighs]

I was quickly getting a feel

for how unforgiving the M600 could be.

And one thing was clear...

If I was gonna push this
car to its top speed,

I'd be keeping the traction control on.

But how does all this function
compare to other super cars,

like the Lamborghini Gallardo Superleggera,

packed with 570 horses

and capable of zero to 60
in a blistering 3.4 seconds?

Then there's the Audi R8
v10 with 525 horsepower

and a top speed of
almost 200 miles an hour.

To find out how the Noble stacked up,

I put it against them
in a 1/2-mile drag race.

Here's the challenge.

I've got two
all-wheel-drive cars.

The v10 Audi is ridiculously
fast, and the Superleggera

is one of the fastest
zero-to-60 cars I've ever driven.

Both of these cars are probably
gonna take me on the launch.

I'm gonna have to really focus

on not getting too much
wheel spin in first, second,

or on this surface, even in third gear.

But once we get to fourth
gear, the hammer is down.

[Engines revving]

Man: 3, 2, 1, go!

[Engines rev]

Foust: Whoa!

Come on!

The Superleggera is so fast,
but I think I got it now!

Yes!

See you!

That is power-to-weight
ratio right there.

Unbelievable.

That Superleggara

has won just about every
drag-racing competition

that we have entered it in.

But it wasn't fast
enough to beat the Noble.

The M600 had proven itself

to be a member of the supercar elite.

[Engine revving]

It's rare.

It's exotic.

It has insane performance capabilities.

But there's one thing the
M600 still doesn't have...

A confirmed top speed.

My goal was to see how fast
I could get the Noble to go.

To do this, I was gonna
need a lot of space,

so I went to a retired
u. S. Air force base...

...The perfect location

for an American-owned
supercar built in england.

Noble estimates the M600
will do 225 miles an hour,

but they've only tested it to 205.

So we're gonna see how close
to that 225 number we can get.

We've got 1.7 miles of track.

Now, the most important part
for me is the braking point.

With no abs, traction
control, or stability control,

if I lock up the brakes at over
200 miles an hour, I'm done.

Having had some time behind
the wheel of the M600,

I knew that if I was gonna
be trying to hit speeds

of over 200 miles an hour,

I would need to make one
minor safety adjustment.

Don't wear skater shoes.

I've had to go barefoot
in this thing just to fit.

[Engine revving]

[Tires screeching]

All right.

This corner is critical

for maximum speed on the straight here.

I barely made it through that turn.

That's 160 miles an hour right there.

I have to admit, my little pinkie
toe is getting stuck in the pedal.

170.

180. It's starting to get loud.

Whoa! 190!

Starting to get a little loud again!

200! Loud vibration!

205! It's moving all over the place!

Oh, my God. This is scary!

215... that's all she's got!

Slow it down. Slow it down.

[Laughs]

[Blows]

Survived. Survived.

Go! Ferrara: Our worst-car
challenge continues.

Wood: Oh, come on! Come on!

And later, we find out if anyone

would actually buy our hunks of junk.

Eric Clapton owned this car.

Eric Clapton owned this car.

And he is a celebrity.

Welcome back to "top gear."

Now, before the break,

Tanner drove the Noble
M600 215 miles an hour.

[Crowd cheers]

Very impressive, my friend.

But I was more impressed

with the fact that you were barefoot.

Yeah. [Laughter]

What was that like?

That was flat-out scary.

That was like strapping
a rocket onto a race car.

Those aren't even street
legal in the U.S yet

'cause they haven't passed
all the safety regulations.

They're, like, basically
too dangerous for America.

Oh, so it's just like your Yugo, then.

[Laughter]

No, it's nothing like the Yugo, actually.

It's just like it.

I mean, that's a car

that shouldn't be allowed in this country.

I think the Yugo is
easily America's worst car.

Mm-hmm. Yep.

The Yugo is way better

than the Mustang II and the Aztek.

That's all that matters.

- Really? -
Okay. - Yeah.

Well, let's find out.

Foust: After Adam's victory on the track,

it was time to put the
Mustang II back in its place.

And what better way to prove its crappiness

than to challenge him to another race?

Only this time, I'd be on foot.

- When you cross this... Ferrara:
- Okay.

That's the winner.

[Engine turns over]

- Lift them up! Foust:
- Let's go!

Bring down!

Come on, Tanner. Rev your engine.

Go, "vroom, vroom! Vroom, vroom!"

You got to arch your back a little bit.

Kick it up. Kick it up a little more.

All right, here we go.

60 feet.

In 5...

4...

3, 2...

1. Go!

[Engine revs] [Laughs]

Foust: Yeah! You did it!

Wow.

That car is so uncool that I beat it.

That is pitiful, Adam.

[Car door creaks]

I don't run very often.

This is terrible.

Yeah. Just terrible. And you know what?

I blame you 'cause you picked this car.

I did. It is the epitome of uncool.

- I am so happy.
- Actually, no, it's not.

That is. You're a stunt driver.

Do a stunt in that car. I dare you.

I mean, stunts are cool.

If you could do a stunt,

in theory, that would make
your car slightly less uncool.

In stunt driving, you've got, you know,

roll cages and stuff.

Yeah. What can you do in that thing?

I mean, I could do,
like, a reverse 180 maybe

without it flipping over.

Can you do it blindfolded?

Sure.

Wood: With Adam's Mustang II shamed,

it was time to do the same
thing to Tanner's Yugo,

and I knew he wouldn't be able

to turn down the chance to show off.

Wood: Okay, you ready?

Foust: - Ready. Ferrara:
- All right, let's go.

[Engine revs]

Here he goes.

3 miles an hour, topped out in reverse.

[Laughing] Oh, he almost flips it.

Wow.

[Tires screech]

What do you think?

Is that a blindfold,
or did you join a gang?

[Chuckling] Yeah.

This little thing is nimble as can be.

Yeah.

In any other car, it would be cool.

But in a Yugo, it's just kind of, "mm."

But in that, it was just awful.

You said, "do a stunt." It did the stunt.

You lost your race.

You haven't done anything in the Aztek.
- That's true.

You say it's got all this
off-road/on-road capability.

Why don't you climb that mountain?

- Yeah, with your tent up.
- With your tent up.

The goofy back tent?

Yeah.

That's fine. That's fine.

[Laughs] Really?

I love watching him fail.

I headed off to prepare my tent.

I didn't think it was possible

for the Aztek to look any worse.

It's caught in the tail.

How the hell is this gonna work?

But I was wrong.

It looked different in the brochures.

There you go. This is an
alternate version of it.

Wood: Thanks a lot.

All right. I'll see you guys at the top.

The car was supposed to be versatile,

and I think this is gonna prove
it's fairly versatile, you know?

It may be kind of cool after all.

Don't let me die in an Aztek. Okay!

3, 2, 1, go!

Kiss my Aztek!

Come on! Come on!

Foust: Put that 185 horsepower to good use.

Hold on, baby! Hold on!
[Undercarriage thunks]

Oh, come on! [Laughs]

Oh [Bleep] [Bleep]

Ferrara: Look at him. He's
either brave or an idiot.

Get a little speed up. There it is.

A little speed. A little speed.

Failure is so epic. There he goes.

Come on!

He's going for it! Is he gonna make it?

Oh, come on! Come on!

Come on! [Laughing]

Oh, looks like a good spot to camp.

I think I might be stuck.

Let me check.

[Tires scraping]

Yep, I'm stuck.

Rut, pack up your tent.

Meet us back at the track.

Pbht. Pbht.

Come on.

Not cool.

I think I killed it.

Foust: We were finally
on our way to the auction

to find out which of our
cars would get the most cash.

So far, Rutledge's Aztek

was looking like it could
be the worst car in America

after being disqualified on the track

and failing to show any of its
supposed off-road capability.

But it would all come down to this.

Who could get the most cash for their car?

People must just think that it's
like a comedy of errors here.

They're seeing three of the ugliest cars

they've ever seen before all at once.

Yeah, this is like the ugly
parade through this neighborhood.

It's visual overload, for sure.

"Oh, my God. There's a Yugo.

"Oh, my God! There's
a... what is that Ford?

Oh, geez, and an Aztek!"

[Laughs]

On the way, we agreed

we could each spend $1,000
on our cars overnight,

using our failures as inspiration.

Ferrara: Coming up, we modify our cars

in an effort to sell them at auction.

[Indistinct shouting, auctioneer calling]

America is car-obsessed.

And people judge you by what you drive.

But what is the worst car in the country?

We were trying to find out.

The Yugo, Aztek, and Mustang II

had all proven to be equally crappy

through the first couple challenges.

So we decided to modify them

before we tried to auction them off.

[Engine revs]

[Tires screech]

Huh?

You know you love this thing.

It's now an official stunt car.

A pocket rocket, as it were.

Completely gutted the interior,

got a racing seat, racing steering wheel,

roll cage, and the five-point harness.

It's nice you had time

to just knock off the loose rust up here.

I just gave it a quick buff on the top.

- Did you do anything to the
motor? - Put in a high-flow exhaust.

You just cut it off, I think.

[Laughing] You just cut it, didn't you?

Functional hood pins on a Yugo.

I do like the rally
stripes on the headlights.

I'll give you credit for that.

Ferrara: You mean the electrical tape?

Yeah. It's a style.

You want to know what the
best modification you did was?

A gas cap.

I think less is more sometimes.

- Like that Mustang.
- Really?

I didn't think it could get any creepier.

This is a shelby paint job.

[Laughing] What?

Okay, I ran out of white.

So I had to make... I
had to go with silver.

Foust: It's got some
nice metallic in it. Yeah.

It sparkles in the sun.
It'll attract the eye.

Okay, so if it wasn't creepy
enough, you put a skull shift knob.

Wood: Little day of the
dead seat covers in there.

Ferrara: And I got a skull shifter.

Did you take the two off the back?

Yes. It's marketing. No.

Look at this.

But there's still a hole

- where it used to sit.
- That's all right.

When they come around to look at it,

I'll just put my thumb on it like that.

You might confuse somebody. Mustang!

The stripes and then the shelby...

It's a shelby-ish.

I think a serious collector
would love this car,

and we only need one, my friend.

We only need one.

What have you done?

I did exactly what G.M. should have done

and make the Aztek cool.

I cut out the fenders here,
painted the plastic black.

Some beadlocker... Well,
it's the beadlocker look.

Look at this brush guard.

This looks like something
you would go, like,

attack a herd of zombies with.

- Yes! Ferrara:
- Yes.

It's the zombie killer. It's
from "Shaun of the dead."

Tinted the gigantic ugly turn signals

and the taillights.

I got my spare tire on the roof.

How does it drive with
these tires and everything?

It seems okay? Oh, pretty good.

- It's still...
- Does it rub?

It rubs a touch.

As long as no one drives it
while they're turning. Wow.

It's great in a straight line, though.

Gentlemen, let's regroup.

The cars are here. It is auction day.

So, whoever sells them
for the most money wins.

Let's get them up there and
let people check them out.

All right.

Ferrara: With only 20 minutes

before our cars were up for auction,

it was time to drum up some interest.

You know who owned this car? Man:
- No. Who?

Jimmy Page.

Wow. Jimmy Page!

He bought it on the '77 Led Zeppelin tour

in the United States.

He bought this car.

When John Bonham died, he
couldn't look at it anymore.

It's barely broken in
with 140,000, 130,000...

Mid-hundreds.

Is it original paint job?

Yeah.

It was originally done yesterday.

Adam told me that somebody
had died in your vehicle.

What the hell?!

Once you get this,

you're opening the door to weekend racing.

This is a career for
somebody waiting to happen.

[Laughs]

What would you think is a
deal to take this home today?

12.

$1,200?

12. $12,000?

Thousand, yeah. $12,000.

Yeah. Yes. Yes.

I don't know why. I thought
you were gonna say $1,200. No.

I thought you meant for the tires.

[Laughs] That's what I meant.

[Cheers and applause]

Now it's time for "Big Star, Small Car."

And you know our big star from
the "Harold and Kumar" movies.

- Kal Penn!
- Thank you.

[Crowd cheering] Thanks for having me.

- It's good to be here.
- I'm glad you're here.

Thank you, guys.

- All right. So, you got the car.
- Yes.

- Have you ever been on a track before?
- No, never.

Ah. So, this will be your first time.

- You excited?
- I'm very excited.

All right. How do you
think you're gonna do?

I think I'm not gonna do too well.
You know, I don't drive stick.

- You don't drive stick?
- No. No.

[Laughter]

That's the only ridicule I get?

Then that's not so bad. [Laughter]

I thought I was gonna be
fully ridiculed more than that.

Well, let's see how it goes. All right.

Mount up. Good luck, my friend.

Yeah, thank you. [Crowd cheers]

All right, the time to beat is 1:39,

set by "True Blood's" Stephen Moyer.

Let's see what Kal can do.

All right. He's heading into
the first turn gracefully.

Whoops. Too close. Aah.

It's not bad.

This is a first... Fourth
gear into the chicane.

Ooh [Bleep]

The man's a trendsetter.

All right, now you've got to
pay attention to this part.

The teardrop's pretty tricky.

All right, he's in the right gear.

[Tires screech]

Didn't sound great.

That wasn't terrible.

All right, we're at the halfway point.

This is my favorite part right here.

Kal is dead center in
the middle of the board.

If he keeps this pace up,
he will beat Adam Levine.

[Bleep] Ow! Oh!

Don't do that.

I totally jinxed that.

And by jinxed, he means
dropping the transmission,

which is never a good idea

heading into cameraman's corner.

He's fighting Suzuki the whole way.

All right, now get on it.

[Engine revs] Aah!

Oh. I love the smell of
burning clutch in the morning.

He's across the line!

[Cheers and applause]

Kal Penn! Come on up, Kal.

- Good to see you.
- You, too.

Thank you, guys.

Man. Yeah?

Oh, man. [Laughs]

That was amazing.

Now, were you scared?

Were you excited?

- What was your experience?
- I was excited.

I wouldn't say scared. More nervous.

- Right.
- I don't drive stick.

I don't know how to drive
stick. I would have loved to...

Well, you know now, right?

Oh, I definitely know now. [Laughter]

I absolutely know now.

And I drive a Prius in real
life, so this was awesome.

Rea... [Audience murmuring]

Hey! Hey! Hey!

[Audience boos] Oh, really?

You like dependence on foreign oil?

[Laughter]

So, you drive a Pri... Ah.

Who hurt you that you're
punishing yourself?

- Why do you do that?
- I like it, actually.

I mean, look, I live 5
miles from where I work.

Right. Uh-huh.

And it takes about an hour to get to work.

Mm-hmm. [Laughter]

So, you know.

Why am I gonna buy
something that goes fast?

[Laughter]

You know, I was amazed

to find out that you're a Nascar fan.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And you drive a Prius?

I do. [Laughter]

It's crazy, right?

I just got into it the last
year, year and half or so.

I'd had a lot of folks I know
in DC that were into it. Right.

And I started watching
and just kind of learning

about, you know, how you
actually put 42 cars on a track

going 200 miles an hour. Yeah.

And I thought about that
when I was out here today.

Like, I was out there...
and you're on it just alone.

Yeah, one dude alone, I
can barely hold it together.

Now, was the stig helpful?

Very helpful. Yeah.

Look, I sat down in the car. Mm-hmm.

I looked at him, and
I was like, "hey, man."

Uh, so, I don't know how to drive stick."

[Laughter]

And you can't see his face

or his facial expressions or anything.

But you just see the helmet move.

[Laughter]

That's when I knew
there might be a problem.

You heard his eyes roll when you said that.

I heard it. Yes.

If, indeed, he has eyes. We have no idea.

We don't know. No.

The "Harold and Kumar"
movies, they're great.

And how do you prepare for your role?

[Laughs]

You know, the same way that
you prepare for anything else.

I remember we shot the
first "Harold and Kumar"...

Both in the first and third one,

Kumar performs gunshot surgery. Mm-hmm.

And so, I spent, like, two days

at the UCLA medical center library

going over gunshot wounds.

Yeah, that's true.

But when I said "prepare,"
I meant the weed.

[Laughter] I didn't...

Look, here's the deal.

This always disappoints people. Right.

I don't smoke weed in real life.

- You don't?
- No.

And I... Hey!

That's twice! [Laughter]

That's twice.

Your dependence on foreign weed?

[Laughter]

Let me ask you this.
Do you eat White Castle?

I don't. So, here, this is... look!

I don't...

I'll bet you're not even Indian.

It's true. [Laughter]

So, let me ask you...

What has more power,
the Prius or the Suzuki?

Uh, what kind of power?

[Laughter]

Were you in that Suzuki just
going, "whee"? I think...

Here's the deal.

I think the Suzuki could accelerate faster.

Uh-huh. I think that's fair.

Okay.

But my baby...

You know, my baby can go longer.

[Laughter] You know?

That was so creepy.

[Laughter]

- I loved that.
- You loved it!

That was great.

"My baby can go longer." You know.

Nicely done. Prius does rule.

You're defending your woman.
I like that. That's right.

[Laughter] Always.

All right. Well, where
do you think you ended up?

In what area do you think you...

Oh, man. Um...

No, no, no. Not up there.

Not in the 1:30s or the 1:50...

Somewhere in the 1:40 range.

I'm gonna say probably between Dominic

and Ed Burns somewhere. Wow.

You're narrowing it down.
You've got laser sight.

[Laughter]

Right around the Ty Burrell mark.

- So, you're in this area, you think.
- I think so.

Okay. You want to see his time?

[Audience cheering]

Kal Penn, who learned to
drive a stick this morning...

Correct. [Laughter]

Did it in one-forty...

[Audience oohs]

9.9. Ohh.

Ah.

[Cheers and applause]

Cool.

Kal Penn!

[Cheers and applause]

That's not bad.

Wood: Coming up, we find out whose car

sells for the most cash.

I've never sold a Yugo,

I don't think, in my life.

The road ways of America

are packed with millions
and millions of cars.

But which is the worst?

We were trying to find out.

So far, the gas cap had flown off my Yugo,

and Rutledge's Aztek had
been an overall disaster.

Wood: Okay.

And I'm off the course.

It would all come down to how
much they sold for at auction.

[Auctioneer calling] Sold, $6,000!

You bought it. Number 10-15. $6,000.

[Engine revs]

My supercool, rally-ready
Yugo was up first.

We'd each spent a total of 2,500 bucks.

I was looking to make a big profit,

beat out the Aztek and
Adam's creepy 'tang II.

I've never sold a Yugo,
I don't think, in my life.

It's an '88 Yugo Zastiva.

It's been professionally raced,

and let's just sell it exempt on the miles.

[Calling] On the '88 Yugo.

Who will give $100? $200?

[Calling]

Last call. Now $500. $500.

$600. I got $600.

[Calling]

And $650. [Calling]

Last call. [Speaks Spanish]

The wheels are worth more than that!

$650! It's a Yugo!

At $600, you go, I go, we all go. $600.

[Calling]

Last call. [Calling]

Last call. Sold!

$600, you bought her. $600.

How much did you get?

I don't want to talk about it.

Ferrara: Tanner was done.

He lost 1,900 bucks on
his communist getaway car.

The Yugo was looking certain
to be crowned the worst car.

Come on! $600?!

Really? It's a racecar!

It has a roll cage in it.

It was time for some bona
fide American muscle...

Kind of.

1977 Ford Mustang.

And it's kind of shelby-ish, isn't it?

What is "shelby-ish"?

It's a racecar. How's that?

And it may have been a
celebrity-owned classic,

but we're not sure which celebrity...

Eric Clapton owned this car.

Eric Clapton owned this car.

And he is a celebrity.

And how about it? Here we go.

[Calling] 3 grand. $2,500. Start me out.

And $2,000. [Calling]

Last call. [Calling]

1,000 bucks! $1,100. Last call!

[Calling]

Hot rod! $1,050! [Speaking Spanish]

[Calling]

Somebody died in it.

I hear somebody died in it. Shut up.

[Calling]

Anybody else?

Sold! $1,000. What bidder number?

Number 502. 1,000 bucks. Yes!

Number 502. Yes! $1,000.

I might have lost 1,500
bucks, but I was in the lead.

Now all I needed was Rut to fail.

This is an off-road vehicle.

Man, right here. Look at this.

Wood: Yeah! Yeah! That looks tough!

Really cool, man. It's a
tough one, guys, I'll tell you.

And the tent is included.

You pop the top, it's got a tent
back in the back. [Horn honks]

I'll tell you, it's a neat deal.

It's really cool, guys,

and that is green, the color of money.

[Calling] 5 grand.

[Calling] 4 grand. I got $2,000.

[Calling]

Are you [Bleep] kidding me?

[Calling]

Last call! The wheels are worth that!

And $4,200. Last call.

[Calling]

Anybody else?

Sold! $4,100. Number 1056.

Wood: I had done the impossible
and made my Aztek cool.

Congratulations, my friend.

Holy [Bleep] Tanner and
his Yugo came in last

when he got 400 bucks less than Adam.

What is wrong with you?

But Tanner doesn't like losing.

Hey. We've got a question. Yeah.

There's a guy named, uh, Tammer?

Tammer?

- Tanner. Yeah.
- Tanner?

- Is that his name?
- I don't know.

He came up to me, and they were saying

that Eric Clapton didn't
own this car that I bought.

You can't listen to him.

That's the guy trying to sell a Yugo.

Yeah, but I don't understand something.

On the auction block,
they announced that. Yeah.

I assumed that that was true.

I bid the car based upon that.

- It's actually true. Wood:
- Yeah, that's not cool, man.

Can you prove that Eric
Clapton owned that car?

Can you prove he didn't?

Eric Clapton owned that car.

Don't listen to Tanner.
Can you get me proof?

Can you get me a signature?

I'm with you, man. That's [Bleep]

Go pitch your tent. You
don't have to take that.

I've been doing this many years.

Go pitch your... I'll be right back.

I'll be right back. Eric Clapton, my ass.

Go pitch your tent.

I can't. I sold it.

Just so you know, let me make a phone call.

And I will be right back.

If you can't get that, I want $500 off.

[Cheers and applause]

So, basically, let me get this straight.

You lied.

And you sold your car
under false pretenses,

which I'm pretty sure is illegal
in the state of California.

Doesn't count.

I'm not from the state of California.

[Laughter] And I didn't exactly lie.

You did lie. Eric Clapton?

I bet he's never even seen a Mustang II.

What I want to know is,

did you give the buyer his money back?

Let's just say we came to an arrangement.

An arrangement where you sold
it for less than the Yugo?

True or false?

Because I made 1,600 bucks,
so clearly I'm the winner.

It's down to you two.

Did you sell it for
less money than the Yugo?

Not the first time.

Ohh, that's it. You know what?

The Mustang II is the worst car in America.

That's all we got time for.

Sync and corrections by bellows
www.addic7ed.com