All language subtitles for Top.Gear.US.S02E15.HDTV.XviD-MOMENTUM-HI

Now on Top Gear

What's up, "Top Gear"?

Stay off the streets,

because Rutledge is
taking control of the show.

That is a big bus.

And we finally get a glimpse
inside that big bearded head.

Touchdown! I got it!

Whoo!

Oh!

[Tires screech]

Sync and corrections by bellows
www.addic7ed.com

Wood: This is "Top Gear" 's 25th show.

And to celebrate, they've given
me control of the entire episode.

Oh, that's scary.

Now, we've done a lot of cool stuff,

but there are a few things
I've always wanted to try...

Whoa! How do I look?

...Like driving in a professional race.

Tanner trained for years
to get to get to his level,

but who has that kind of time?

[Tires screech]

I was determined to find a way.

There are thousands of
professional race events

in the U.S.,

but only one that didn't require

more than a few hours' training
before competitive racing.

So Adam and I headed to a
dirt track in California.

[Both laughing]

We were gonna get our shot in these...

$160,000 off-road machines
called superlite trucks.

31-inch tires,

a mid-mounted tuner and
50-horsepower rotary engine,

and 18 inches of suspension travel.

Today was about training.

But in 24 hours, we would
be driving in a real race

with real girls watching, real beer,

and real racecar drivers.

Clearly, we were gonna need a little help.

Luckily, we had an expert on hand...

Ricky Johnson, off-road racing God.

As the piston travels through the shock...

Mm-hmm.

You can adjust positions
to make it ride better.

I have no idea what you just said.

Johnson: So, I'm just gonna say,

if one of you guys is
bigger than the other,

they might want to lean
towards the Jack Links car.

Did you tell him to say that?

I didn't have to tell him
anything. The man has eyes.

That's real funny. You know what?

I'll gladly take ol' snow camo here.

But there was a catch.

Ricky told us there was only
one place in tomorrow's race,

so Adam and I would have to compete for it.

And the competition started right away.

There they are.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I'm gonna get it.

Really?

I want to get dressed faster than you.

Come on, Rut. Hurry up.

I'm going. I'm going.

Almost done. Full dressed.
Helmets and everything.

- You are not.
- Almost.

Done.

You're a moron.

I'm still gonna win.

You're an awkward-looking moron.

Concerned a little bit
about my visibility today.

Fogging up just a touch.

Ferrara: Rutledge managed to
squeeze into his racing suit,

but his truck was another thing.

Like a glove.

Ooh! That's how I would describe it.

[Laughs]

Son of a [Bleep]

My poor nuts.

This thing's like a cheap
motel. There's no ball room.

That's not metal. That's not metal.

First up was a trip around the parking lot,

preparing for the
head-to-head race.

The superlites were
surprisingly easy to control.

This is awesome.

Unless, of course, you're Adam.

- Adam, where the hell are you going?
- I have no idea.

The hardest thing was
getting used to driving

what felt like a metal mattress.

When you cornered, it tipped so much,

it seemed like you were gonna roll.

Whoa! Aah!

That's not good.

I was off to a slow start,
but I soon got the hang of it.

This is great!

After 10 minutes, Ricky had seen enough.

It was time for me and
Adam to race head-to-head,

but he had forgotten to
mention one little thing.

If there is a problem, if you do flip,

remember where your power switches are.

"If you do flip"?

If you do flip. That happens in off-road.

If you crash, flip, if there is
fire, or if there's a problem,

you got to reach over
to that far-left switch,

shut the power down first.

This was it, the moment we had trained
literally dozens of minutes for.

It was race time.

We would do three laps around the track,

and only the winner would
qualify for the professional race.

On your mark... [Engines revving]

Get set...

Go!

Eat my...

Holy [Bleep]

[Laughs]

Rutledge was screaming like a little girl.

Whoa!

I soon found out why.

Holy [Bleep]

Wood: Halfway through the
race, my confidence was high...

Maybe too high, and I
spun out in the corner.

Oh! Rutledge spins out.

Ferrara: I took advantage of Rut's mistake

and took the lead.

The race was mine.

Wood: I had just one lap to catch Adam,

or my racing dreams would be over.

Man: Adam, you got Rut on your outside.

Ferrara: I swung wide on the last corner,

and we were neck and neck
on the final straight.

[Engines revving]

Rutledge is the champion. Whoo!

[Bleep] Won something for once.

Whoo!

That was awesome.

Be honest... how did the
back of my truck look?

I don't usually win, so
I'm trying to remember

what gloating feels like.

Gloating or bloating?

Gloating. Hey.

It was a good game, man.

Good race. A good, clean race.

I want to thank all my sponsors,
my driving coach, Ricky Johnson.

Um...

Wood: The next day, it was race time.

This was what I was looking for...

A taste of the glamour that
Tanner gets on a daily basis.

There were fans, there were flags,

and the intoxicating sound
of supercharged lawn mowers.

The rules were simple...
Drive as fast as I could

and jump as far as I could for 14 laps.

And try to beat the other dozen vehicles

trying to land on my head.

I brought Adam along to
give him a taste of my glory.

This is nuts.

Unfortunately, he decided
to try and be helpful.

Hey, pal. You ready?

I'm ready to race. I
can't wait to get in there.

Great. I got some information
for you. Okay, good.

This track is faster than
the one we were on before.

- Okay.
- About 80 miles an hour.

Don't worry. You're gonna be fine.

And I want you to know I'm
gonna be right there with you.

I'm gonna be your spotter.

- Okay.
- All right?

Let's go race.

- Lip balm?
- Thank you.

Ferrara: The track was prepped,
and excitement was in the air.

It was close to the start of the
race when Rutledge finally realized

his idea of being a professional
racer may have been a bit stupid.

- What am I doing?
- You're gonna be fine.

Look at this! You got a race suit.

You're name is on the
truck! How cool is this?!

- I've got Wood.
- See that?

I've got Wood.

Move my junk around a little bit.

If something happens, it keeps
the brains from spilling out.

Man, this [Bleep] neck
restraint is so creepy.

- I feel like I can't see [Bleep]
- It's normal.

That's what your spotter's for. Okay.

We're just trying to
keep your head straight

if anything happens.

Don't need any Dale Earnhardt repeats.

Yeah, seriously.

Rut may have been nervous

and looked like a homemade superhero,

but he was pumped up and ready to win.

[Engine stops]

If he could just stop stalling.

[Engine turns over]

It's okay. Now I got it.

[Engine stops]

Oh.

[Engine turns over]

Wood: My time driving a superlite

was now stretching to a whole hour,
and I was beginning to feel like a pro.

[Engine stops]

Oh, crap.

[Engine revving]

Lord, please be with me here.

All right, pal. Just breathe.
You're gonna be great.

Time to go big or go home.

I'm not worried at all.

The race had a rolling
start. It was "go" time.

Yeah, come on!

That's it!

There was no turning back.

It was time to show
them what I was made of.

That's all right. There's another gear.

Find a gear. You'll be fine.

This is awesome!

All right, here come the whoops now.

No fear. No fear.

I'd gotten through the most
treacherous part of the track,

so I set my sights on making
my way through the field.

All right, watch when
you come into the turn.

You guys better hang a left.

You're going the wrong way, genius!

Nice and simple now.

Here, watch this.

Oh [Bleep]

Hang on. [Bleep]

He flipped over!

Rut, are you all right?!

Rut?!

Ferrara: To celebrate our 25th episode,

we decided to do
something incredibly stupid

and turn the show over to Rutledge.

You got to be careful now.

To everyone's surprise, instead of
heading to the closest dairy queen,

the first thing he decided to do was
compete in a professional truck race.

It didn't go well.

Oh [Bleep]

He flipped over!

Rut, are you all right?!

Rut?!

Rut?!

Ah, good. He's moving. He's standing up.

Are you all right?

All right, man. Be safe out, man.

What the [Bleep] am I doing?

How'd it look? Be honest.

It looked great!

It looked really cool.

We need another angle. Can you do it again?

[Bleep] Leg hurts.

Feel like somebody hit me with a bat.

God!

Did anyone hit me once I rolled?

No. That was all you.

That sucked.

[Cheers and applause]

You finally get to race in
a real race, and you crash.

Yeah. It's a lot harder to
wreck than it is to race.

People don't know that.

Yeah, and I'm okay.
Thank you for the concern.

Yeah.

Bruised my tailbone a
little bit. I hurt my shin.

I think the problem was,

you lifted out of the gas on the bumps.

Like, you were going fine.

Oh, so you want to give me advice now.

Now that I'm never,
ever gonna do that again,

you want to help me... That's really great.

It's probably a good thing
you're not gonna do it again,

'cause you sort of mowed Adam's lawn
by crashing a perfectly good car.

That's true. I'm just saying. What's next?

- You launching out of a Cannon?
- No.

- No? Jumping the snake river?
- No.

Wrestling an alligator? What are you doing?

Now, look, I may not be great
at racing cars on a track,

but I do love to drive cars.

And I found a job in San Francisco

where you get to drive
lots of people's cars.

And I figured, what's better
than one dude in San Francisco?

Two dudes. So I took Adam with me.

[Bell rings]

Ferrara: Turns out there's a service

that will pay you to
drive other people's cars.

To me, that sounded like we
were gonna be valet Parkers,

but Rut got us a job with
a company called zingo.

Andrew: Thank you for calling zingo.

This is Andrew. How can I help you?

A designated driver service

that brings you home in your
own car after a night out.

So, how does this work?

Okay. Let's say you're out
with your family or friends.

Next thing you know, you've decided either

"I've had too much to drink,"

or "I want to stay more and
enjoy myself a little longer."

You give us a call, and
we dispatch a driver to you

on a folding mini bike.

He folds it up, puts it in your car,

drives you and your car home safely.

Rutledge forgot to mention

we were going to be riding
scooters to pick up our drunks.

These kiddy bikes had no horsepower

and were somehow supposed to get us around

one of the hilliest cities in the world.

- Is there any rules we should know?
- Plenty of rules.

Oh, okay. So, what are the rules?

The first thing you want to do

is just avoid getting involved
in the arguments of others.

The husband and wife,
they had a rough night.

What if clearly she's wrong?

You need to keep a serious
face and just drive on.

Okay.

What's the company policy on,

like, a smoky burnout at a stop sign?

Yeah. No go.

What if the customer says, "I
bet you can't light them up"?

Don't do it.

Do we have to drive electric
cars if they have them?

You have to drive any
car that we dispatch to.

- A daewoo?
- Absolutely.

- A dasher?
- Yes.

- A Daihatsu?
- Absolutely.

No. Come on. Camry?

- Yeah.
- An old peugeot?

Yes.

Our drivers make good tips.

You guys are gonna go out there tonight,

and people are gonna tip you.

Oh! We get tips?

You get tips.

And so, the way to get tips is by providing

an excellent level of
service to our customers.

This was a great idea.

Not only would we be

keeping the streets safe
and driving different cars,

we'd also make some cash.

So Adam and I decided to make a side bet

to see who could make the most tips.

Watch out for the birds. Birds!

[Birds squawking]

Oh, they pooped! They're pooping!

Oh, this is nice!

1 1/2 horsepower, all electric.

Wood: I was excited about
driving a bunch of different cars.

That is a big bus. Oh, crap.

But riding around San
Francisco on a scooter

wasn't part of my plan.

This is a pretty decent little scooter.

It's called a Di Blasi,

which is Italian for
"don't go up a big hill."

[Bell rings] Oh, come on, baby.

You can do it.

Oh [Bleep] There's a car.

[Horn honks]

Seemed like such a good idea.

Ferrara: As Rut's scooter
was begging for mercy...

Night fell.

Get out of the way! I
got drunks to take home!

I was ready to go.

Let's go! Pick it up! These
guys are gonna sober up!

I got the first call from Andrew.

[Laughs]

And that put me one
step ahead of beating Rut

in our tip competition.

Until I realized... I was lost.

And something told me this
wasn't the neighborhood

to be wearing bright colors and
cruising around on a scooter.

The bead store.

What kind of beads are they selling there?

[Horn honks]

If you need a ride later, call me.

Oh, yeah. There it is.

Wood: It was around 9:00
when I received my first call.

Is somebody here Matt? Is there a Matt?

- Yeah, how's it going?
- Hey, man, I'm Rutledge.

- I think I'm your ride.
- Hey, how's it going?

Good. Did you call us?

Yeah, I called you guys a little bit ago.

Fantastic. Is this your car here?

- That's mine.
- Get out!

Yeah. Oh, this is awesome.

My first car was an
armageddon-inspired VW Beetle.

Getting to drive this kind of unique ride

was exactly why I wanted
to work for this service.

Wood: Did you model this
after, like, "Mad Max"?

No.

- Really?
- Really.

Turns out it wasn't only
the outside of the car

that was ready for battle.

There's a machete in here.

There is, within reach...
Where'd that other huge knife go?

There's a knife here,
there's a machete there,

some brass...

All right.

'Cause people keep stuff
like that in their cars.

Hey. I drive through West Oakland.

My great idea to drive
cool cars was backfiring.

Just run the red light. It's fine.

Cut off all those cars.

I thought it was very, very yellow.

It's okay.

My first client was not a happy drunk.

Come on! Come on! [Horn honks]

Ferrara: At the other side of town,

I finally arrived at my first pick-up...

20 minutes late.

No Camry, no Camry, no Camry.

- Hi. Are you Doug?
- Yeah.

Hi. I'm Adam from Zingo. Nice to meet you.

Hey, Adam. Nice to meet you.

So, which way is your car?

- Right over here.
- Great.

I'd hit the jackpot...

A Bentley Continental flying spur...

$170,000 of luxury and performance.

Let me get that for you, sir.

I'm just gonna put the bike in the trunk,

and then we're ready to go.

Yeah, no problem. All right.

This guy was definitely a big tipper.

All I had to do was get
him home quickly and safely,

and I'd be set.

[Horn honks]

That's not...

There you go. Aha!

[Gears grinding]

Yeah, grip the clutch.

Sorry. Just a hair.

That little pedal over
there... You press that one.

There you go. You're doing
good. You're doing good.

I'll send your company
a bill for the clutch.

[Tires screech, gears grind]

Excuse me.

Wood: I wasn't sure how Adam was doing,

but he couldn't be doing any worse than me.

Easy.

[Horn honks] Ooh. That's not good.

Okay. [Sighs]

All right, Doug. We're off.

Let's do it.

Wow. Look at this thing.

Silver Spur, huh?

Yeah.

This has the W12 in it?

Yeah, it does. Great car.

How much horsepower is this?

560.

560 horsepower.

Wow.

God knows what my
buddy's driving right now.

[Tires screech] There you go.

Sorry. These hills... I'm telling you.

Whee!

I think that cop's gonna pull you over.

It's okay. It's okay.

You don't know what's in this car.
There might be a firearm in here.

Suddenly, it's my car, right?

Yeah. I've never seen this car before.

"I don't know this guy, officer.

"He just said, 'hey, do you need a lift?

You look like you've been drinking." Yeah.

I soon realized there was
a drawback to the Bentley...

The owner.

Yeah, you touch this
button right here. Yeah?

Each individual person in here
has the same exact temperature.

So if you don't...

Have you done a burnout in this?

Uh...

John: 'Cause they only
chase after the guy...

I'm not gonna say "fat guy,"
'cause that would be rude,

but the guy driving.

Wood: Things were going from bad to worse.

[Laughs]

Oh, gosh.

I had to get the owner
back on my side to get a tip

so I could beat Adam in our competition.

- What year is this?
- 2000.

A good friend of mine gave it to me

'cause I had cut the roof off
every other vehicle I owned.

He kind of felt bad for
me driving in the rain.

So you got this car totally
free, just keep the roof on it.

That was the deal.

I've gotten cars for free before, too.

'Cause you're willing to fix them up

'cause someone else doesn't
want to deal with them.

Right. They think it's
a useless piece of crap.

You see free car.

And they want to see their vehicle live on

in a more interesting way
than just going to a scrapyard.

Right. Thank you.

Car nerds unite.

Our mutual love for fixing up
cars brought him back around.

Over in the Bentley,

Adam was still trying
to convince his passenger

to let him do a burnout.

Ferrara: It's real easy.

See this traction-control button?

If you hold it down...

Take it off and hold the button down.

This car will not do a burnout.

Wood: You know, I'm an
open-minded kind of guy,

and they are talented actors.

John: Now, you know you're in trouble

when your religion is based
and created by a sci-fi writer.

That's all I'm saying.

Wood: John and I got along so well

that we exchanged numbers

and agreed to meet up
at the next comic-con.

They say it's the biggest helmet they make,

but I don't believe them.

All right. Thank you.

All right, sir. That's for you.

Oh! A $20!

Yeah! Pow!

Yeah! Thanks, man.

Thank you, sir.

You saved me a lot of money
tonight, so you take care.

You too.

I'm off... Like a prom dress.

[Horn honks]

Ferrara: All right, my
friend. Well, you are home.

All right. Thanks so much. You are safe.

I am so glad. It was
a pleasure to meet you.

Doug: Thanks a lot. Ferrara:
Have a good night, pal.

All right, man. I'll see you.

[Car beeping]

Let's say some guy drives you
home because you were too drunk

and you could kill
yourself or somebody else.

What do you think that's worth?

Nothing! Nothing!

Don't give him a dime,

and one day, you, too,
will be driving a Bentley.

[Sighs]

Ferrara: Coming up...

We did call Zingo!

...Things just keep getting weirder

as we continue our competition
for tips in San Francisco.

Wow.

Get a room.

It's our 25th episode, and to celebrate,
they've given me control of the show.

Now, okay, admittedly, started
out with a bang with the crash,

but now you're driving around
San Francisco on a pink scooter.

What's up with that?

It's not a pink scooter,
and what could be better?

You get to drive around
in these amazing cars

and get paid for it.

Amazing cars? You're in a beetle.

At least Adam got to drive a Bentley.

Yeah, but, I mean, the
whole goal was to make money,

and I was 20 bucks up, and
the night was still young.

[Rock version of "When the
Saints go marching in" plays]

Wood: Oh! Yeah!

- What's up, baby? - What's
up, guys? - Hey, I'm Rutledge.

Rutledge. How are you guys?

Hi. Barrette. How are you?

Barrette. Nick, right?

Here are the keys. Great.

Don't [Bleep] It up. Okay.

I'm just gonna pack this up.

I'll see you there in a minute.

Wood: The owner seemed a bit punchy,

but his ride was great...

A $45,000 2009 Grand Cherokee Hemi.

I knew a lot about this
jeep, and I had a feeling

my knowledge was about to get me a big tip.

Jeep really started, like, the luxury SUV.

With these in America in '93,
I think it was... great cars.

It's kind of strange 'cause the
car has a lot of power for...

Geez. Hello.

You know, for what it is.

It's a strong car.

It just doesn't... get the power down.

Ferrara: At around 11:00, I
got a call from my next pick-up.

I hadn't made any money yet
and hoped my next passenger

would be more generous than
captain climate control.

- Andrew?
- Andrew.

Adam. Nice to see you.

Adam, nice to meet you. All right.

I'm here to get you home safe, my friend.

[Laughs] Good. Good. After you.

Thank you very much.

Which way's your car?

My car is right over there.

This was a dream come true.

I'd landed a custom '66 Mustang.

There you go. All right. Thank you.

[Engine turns over] There you go.

I knew I had to go easy on
her if I wanted a good tip.

But I had to take a shot.

How drunk are you?

[Laughs]

Had a few, I'd say, at least.

[Engine revs]

Oh, I will have you home
in no time, my friend.

Done.

[Laughs]

I don't want you to baby
this thing, all right?

You have nothing to worry about. Seriously.

[Both laugh]

Oh, that's sweet.

This was great.

If I could just keep him
happy and not wreck his car,

a healthy tip would be in my future.

Don't baby that clutch. Come
on. Give it a little gas.

[Engine revs]

[Tires screech]

Perfect. [Laughs]

There's no way Rutledge
was having this much fun.

You're the best driver that I have had yet.

Wood: Okay, you guys.

Well, this has just been wonderful.

I am just gonna get my
scooter and be on my way, so...

[Car beeping]

Thank you, guys.

I hope you have a great night.

[Car beeping]

Wow.

Get a room.

Wood: I did such a good job
setting the mood for this guy,

he was too busy getting
busy to give me a tip.

So I still only had $20,

and I hoped Adam hadn't
been doing any better.

Andrew *2: I'm gonna throw
this out to you right now.

Ferrara: Go ahead.

40 bucks, burnout right
now, extra tip. Do it.

You know what? I work for you.

You work for me.

[Tires screech]

Oh, I like it when you drink.

[Laughs] Hee-hee!

Nice work.

That was fun. That was really fun.

That was [Bleep] Fun. All right, dude.

Ferrara: Where else can you drive cool cars

and get paid for doing a burnout?

$40 richer, I headed back into
the city for my next pick-up.

I was 20 bucks up, but
with only enough time

for one more pick-up
before the bars closed,

I needed to make sure I
chose a wealthy client.

[Cellphone rings]

"Honda Civic."

I'll forward that to Rut.

I wanted a bigger tip, so
I held out for another car.

And I'm glad I did.

Oh, my gosh! I don't
even want to know that.

Woman *2: It's crazy.

[All talking at once]

No! No, no, no.

I can't even begin to guess
what they're talking about.

Yeah. It's a package. I'm just saying.

Look, I don't wear toe socks around town.

I am out of my element.

He was weird because I went to his...

While Rut was off driving a cheap Civic,

my last pick-up took me
to the Castro district,

and I was looking for a big tipper.

Hi. Did you guys call Zingo?

- We did call Zingo!
- I'm Adam.

- Ah, Bobby Pin.
- Bobby Pin.

I called 1-800-babe.
Is that you?

No, but thanks for asking.

- Okay.
- Okay, you're welcome.

Where's your car?

Okay. I'm gonna wear the hat.

Oh, you are?

This way, ladies.

Okay.

Do I look like a lady?

It's tough to tell in this light.

[Laughs]

Bobby Pin and Rutledge's
lost brother had a ram,

which was ironic, yet somehow fitting.

Which door are you getting in, Bob?

Oh. I'm in over here.

Are you gonna roll my fat ass in here?

No. Not if I can help it.

What does that mean?
Are you calling me fat?

I didn't call you fat.
I just agreed with you.

Which word?

We're doing fine. Leg up.

Okay.

Wait, where'd my other purse go?

- Can I have my glasses?
- Sure.

- And my jacket?
- And your jacket.

Okay.

Okay.

Coming up...

Is something wrong with chubby and nerdy?

...Our competition for tips
on the streets of San Francisco

takes a strange turn.

You know what? You should
come in and check out the view.

[Laughter]

And later, Rutledge makes
a scientific breakthrough.

Oh, come on! You unplugged it!

Ferrara: To celebrate our 25th episode,

we've turned over control
of the show to Rutledge.

I've got Wood.

So far, he almost killed himself.

Whoa! Whoa! [Bleep]

And now he had me working the
streets of San Francisco for tips.

Andrew?

I had $40 to Rut's $20.

Pow! Yeah!

And we had our last
passengers of the night.

I want to know more about
this boy that you say you like.

I'm not sure about
this. He was really nice.

- I don't know.
- He was nice.

I thought he was nice. Really?

You don't like him 'cause
he's chubby and nerdy.

No. That's not true. I'll be
honest with you, I did not like him.

Is something wrong with chubby and nerdy?

- I like chubby and nerdy.
- No.

That has nothing to do with it.

I was on scholars' bowl in 8th grade.

[Laughter] Wood: Things were looking up.

If these girls liked
nerdy, I was in business.

This is where I'm a
little bit of a Honda nerd.

You notice, you guys, the
floor back there is flat?

It is flat.

That was a big design point, 'cause
normally, cars have the little hump.

Yeah, there's no hump so
when you're riding bitch,

you're not really riding bitch.

Oh, my gosh. I actually never noticed that.

So, Clark, this is your truck?

Yeah, this is my truck.

How did you arrive at
buying a truck like this?

I mean, I like it. It's a Hemi.

What's a Hemi?

Hemi is the top of the...
It's a hemispherical.

The top of the valve is... It's not flat.

Wait, show me that again?

The top of the...

[Laughter]

Let me just point out why chunky
guys are great for hot girls...

We'll always appreciate
you, not like skinny dudes.

It's true. It's true!

- Skinny dudes...
- My sister married down.

Seriously. Oh, "married down"?

We were just having this conversation.

"Married down"? No, chunky
is like marrying... sideways!

[Laughing] "Sideways."

Ferrara: Like, "drag race" to me

means something totally different

to you guys, I'm guessing. It's true.

And I'm guessing "tranny"
means something different

to me than it does to you.

What does "tranny" mean to you?

"Tranny" means the transmission.

Really?

I think we need to get you a drag name.

Oh, no. You're in San Francisco.

I mean, everybody has a drag name here.

Ready? Wait. We're naming
her miss Tess Tosterone.

"Miss Tess tosterone."

You know what? That's pretty funny.

You know what? You should
come in and check out the view.

I really... I got so many other calls.

I really can't, but you
guys have been great.

Yeah, whatever. That's what they all say.

Wood: Adam was given a $20 tip,

bringing his total for
the evening to 60 bucks.

Gentlemen, you guys have a good night.

And even though I laid on
the charm with the ladies,

they only gave me $10,

making my tip total for the night $30,

which meant Adam beat me at my own game.

- Thanks for getting us home safe.
- I hope you find a nice chubby fella.

[Laughs] Thank you.

Thank you for that.

See you guys later. [Horn honks]

Whoa! Oh!

Whoa! Sorry.

Our neighbors... Not okay with that.

Sorry.

Okay, well... Okay. Okay.

Good night.

Good night. [Horn honks]

[Honking continues, laughter]

[Cheers and applause]

Have you ever ridden a
scooter in San Francisco?

Why would I want to do
a stupid thing like that?

It's pretty fun.

Now it's time for "Big Star, Small Car."

And our star today is
the actress Lake Bell.

[Chrs and applause]

Thank you so much for being here.

Thank you for having me.

Are you ready to get out
there and turn some laps?

I'm ready as I'll ever be. Is that fair?

'Cause I know you like
to drive fast on your own.

Yeah.

I mean, in my own car,

in the safety and
dangerousness of real traffic.

We will see you in the hangar
when you're done. Good luck.

- Thank you.
- Lake Bell!

[Cheers and applause]

Let's get some air going here.

Wood: Now, the fastest lap time
is 139.3, set by Stephen Moyer.

[Engine revving] Let's
see how Lake can do.

And now to shift gears.

Looking good so far.

Little tap on the brakes.

Keep it serious.

Keep it really serious!

Good focus.

Car looks composed so far,

heading down in towards the teardrop.

[Bleep]

Looking good, not
super-fast through there.

And there's a thousand people there.

I hope I don't. Oh, my God.

That's a lot of people

to be looking right at
me as I... don't shift.

But this is where people
make up a lot of time.

So... radio stations in here?

Little kday, little old-school rap for me.

Definitely the first person

to check out the radio on the backstretch,

which is the fastest part of the course.

Oh, my God.

There it is. [Tires screech]

A happy tire is a squealing tire.

That's right, making stig proud.

Good speed on the backstretch.

All right, coming through
the last turn here.

Nice and smooth, and across the line.

[Cheers and applause]

Lake, come on up.

So lovely.

How are you? Have a seat, please.

It's nice, right?

How'd it go in the suzuki?

It's fun to say the
word "suzuki," you know?

[Laughter]

- So, that's, like, good news.
- Right.

But otherwise, in terms of
fastness and times, all that...

I hope I didn't let you down.

Oh, come on. No, you didn't.

Let's just get comfortable
with being in the lower Echelon,

and then I'll be more comfortable with it.

Do I look comfortable?

Everybody's gonna be comfortable

because you are a beautiful
woman that loves cars,

so they already love you.

I love cars. I love cars.

How'd you get into cars?

My padre,

which is Spanish for father...

Oh. I see.

[Laughter]

Owns and built racecar tracks.
So ever since I was a little girl,

we'd go to the auto shows and, you
know, he would show me about cars.

And I always pretended that...

I mean, this was our big bonding
moment all the time in the year.

So, I get really into it, and
then I realized as I got older

and he'd be like, "why
don't you want to race?"

You know, I'd be like, "I'm the actress.

"I'm not gonna do that," you know?

But really, I think I was just really
scared, which is why today is so tough.

So, I just was always interested in them,

had an opinion a about what
I liked, what I didn't like.

So, if you know what you
like in a car, what is it?

What makes a great car to you?

I am definitely attracted to...
We're talking aesthetics, too.

I drive a mini. I've driven a mini.

Now I've had three minis.

And what kind of driver would
you say you are in that mini?

Yeah, I drive really aggressively.

It's like a video game to you, right?

Yeah, it's tetris. I
call it tetris driving.

Oh. [Laughter]

It's basically, I love
traffic-tetris driving

because you have to make traffic fun.

Right. And traffic out here is awful.

Yeah. It's so bad.

So you have to look for the open spaces.

It's really dangerous, but
basically, you have to, like...

You have to just get,
like, aggressive in there.

You know how it is.

You know, you're like, "oh,
this guy's gonna lag back?"

I'm like, "I will totally get
in there. You're taunting me."

You know, it's like all this stuff.

Do you watch to see who's on the phone

'cause you know you can totally jump in front of them?
- Oh, yeah.

I take photos of license plates
when I see people on the phone.

I'm like, "amateur hour! Get
the [Bleep] Out of my way!"

That's what I would have
said. You can edit that out.

Now, as a woman with style, I feel like

you probably can tell a
lot about a guy by his car.

Right.

What would you think
about a guy in a Corvette?

What kind? What year?

Let's say a Corvette
Convertible, yellow, 2010.

It's not gonna be for me. That's okay.

[Laughter]

A little older, and then
it's sort of ironic and funny.

And then I'm like, "this guy's
got a great sense of humor."

Is he wearing...

[Laughter]

"He's got a great sense of humor. " Yeah.

Is he wearing a chain?
Is he in an athletic tank?

"An athletic tank"? Yeah.

I believe that's the nice
way of saying "wifebeater."

That's the new way of saying the "W. B."?

Yeah. Okay.

Where I'm from, they call them wifebeaters

because everyone on
"cops" was wearing those.

That's... by the way, everyone
calls them wifebeaters.

Okay.

What's the new thing... "Athletic tank"?

"Athletic tank" is what
it says on the package.

[Laughter] Is that a network...

So, if a guy had, let's
say, a classic land cruiser,

what would you think?

I love that car. Like FJ40?

Yes. I had one.

Really? Is it for sale?

The last one I can think of...

And this is just off the top of my head...

A guy with, say, a 1983 Honda Civic Wagon?

Just picked that out of thin air.

Ah... Totally redone.

No. Right. Interior/exterior?

Yeah, plaid interior.

Plaid? [Laughter]

Don't know. I just picked
that out of thin air, too.

Right, right, right. Plaid
buttoned-down interior.

Mm-hmm. Maybe.

Um... Yeah. He's a keeper.

You'd think sensible...

He's a keeper. ...Good dancer...

He's a great guy, great dancer,

kind of suave, knows
his way around a kitchen.

Fun at parties.

"Knows his way around a
kitchen"? Was that a fat joke?

[Laughter]

No!

You could have said anything. A kitchen?

No. That was like sexy chef.

Oh, is that what it was?

Yeah. Oh.

Your lap... fast, slow?

How did it feel?

When you got out of the car,
you thought, "that was..."

Slow.

Slow? Yes.

Let's take a look at the
board because the last show,

Stephen Moyer blazed through with a 139.3.

Well, he's on "True Blood."

Yeah, he's a vampire, so
they can do stuff like that.

Tony Hawk is on there, Bret Michaels still.

Now, this is mid-pack.
This could be really good.

Just go down. It's fine.
You don't have to, like...

Just follow me here, way down here.

God, I'm so embarrassed.

Buzz Aldrin, Bridget Marquardt,

still enjoying being underneath an old man.

You guys want to know her time?

[Cheers and applause]

Lake Bell, you did it in one minute...

Fifty...

Oh, dear.

Congratulations.

Listen, you did a wonderful job.

Lake Bell, everybody.

Congratulations. Whoo!

Wood: Coming up...

All right, we can do it. Hit it!

...It's payback time for Adam.

[Laughs]

Welcome back to a very
special episode of "Top Gear,"

where we have given complete control

to our very own man in
plaid, Mr. Rutledge Wood.

Thank you. Yes.

Now, just to recap, you've
almost killed yourself...

Right. ...So far,

you've lost a competition
that you came up with.

Yes. I cannot to see what
you've got planned next.

It's actually pretty cool.

- Have you ever heard of range anxiety?
- I have.

That is when you're more than 1
mile from a waffle house, right?

[Laughter] No!

That is not what range
anxiety is. I'm just saying.

Range anxiety is where
people who drive electric cars

start to get nervous
that their car won't have

enough battery life to get
them to their destination.

Okay.

So, the other day, I'm
watching the movie "Top Gun,"

and it hits me.

I know how to end range anxiety forever.

- You're kidding.
- No. Here's all I need.

I need a retro-fitted
electric British sports car,

a power cable, a
generator, a pick-up, and...

Adam Ferrara.

[Laughter]

That's Adam Ferrara?

Yep. No. No, no.

[Laughter]

Now it's Adam Ferrara.

I thought the best place
to conduct my experiment

would be an airport runway in Compton.

All I needed was a 2,000-watt generator,

a test vehicle,

and someone willing to
risk their life for science.

You look great.

Look at this. I have
cameras all over the place

ha-ha! Really good.

All right, so here's the plan...

You're gonna be in the back of the truck.

When I get a little low on juice,

I want you to throw me the power
cord right through the open top.

Perfect.

- Charge it up, be good to go.
- Got it.

Who's driving the truck?

He is.

Oh.

That's why we got you the harness.

I was pretty sure we were
about to make history,

continuing the American
tradition of bold innovation.

All right, Adam, here's
what I want you to do...

Throw me that football.

It's got a plug in
there. And I'll catch it.

We're just two kids
playing football. [Laughs]

All right, stig, nice and easy.

[Tires screech]

Geez!

Wait up. I can't catch up.

He only knows one speed.

[Laughs]

Stig, slow down.

Too much!

All right, we can do it. Hit it!

Stig, nice and easy.

[Tires screech]

I didn't factor into this experiment

that the stig only knows how to drive fast.

Eventually, he got bored with the truck,

so I took advantage of his
window of low-speed driving

and gave it my best shot.

All right, you ready?

I'm ready.

This is the slowest the
stig has ever driven.

Don't let him down.

Wait a minute. Wait.

The plane threw me.

Come on.

Just like a football.

Throw it! I'm coming!

Wood: All right, that didn't work.

Ferrara: All right, you ready?

I'm ready.

[Tires screech]

Yeah! Yes!

Aw, come on, you unplugged it!

You ready?

Oh, I got it! I got it!

Oh, crap!

All right.

Now, listen, we're gonna do it this time.

I feel good about it.

Right here. Right in the old breadbasket.

Hit it!

Touchdown! I got it!

I got it!

Thankfully, range anxiety
would be a thing of the past.

Yeah! Plug it in! Hold on.

Stay with me. I'm plugging.

We got it! You got it?

I'm charging! Yes!

- I'm charging while driving!
- Great!

- How many amps is that?
- 15.

I need 400.

A couple days, you should be fine.

We could do this as a service for people...

Rut and Adam's electro refueling.

I knew it would work!

You're a man of science, Rutledge Wood.

This is genius!

Well, it's something.

It only takes a truck
getting 17 miles a gallon

for an electric car to charge.

You're saving the earth.

One charge at a time.

Excellent.

[Cheers and applause]

I don't know why you keep
encouraging our man Rutledge.

I mean, so, your solution for
everybody who owns an electric car

is to buy a gas-powered
truck, a gas-powered generator,

and have him lead you
around everywhere you go.

It's genius. [Laughter]

It's about as good an idea as you
getting behind the wheel of a race truck.

Aw. [Audience groans]

I'm just saying. All right, all right.

I think the important thing to remember is,

we've all learned something
here today. Thank you.

We've learned never to let you be in
charge of this programme ever again.

That's all we have. We see you next time.

Sync and corrections by bellows
www.addic7ed.com