All language subtitles for Top.Gear.US.S02E06.HDTV.XviD-MOMENTUM-HI

Now on Top Gear

it's all about value.

Rutledge: Don't act like
you're not impressed.

Oh yeah!

Rutledge finds the car bargain of the year.

Rutledge: I'm coming for you gramps!

And we raced 500 miles
on the California coast

in cars we bought for $500.

Bloodstains.

Somebody died?

Sync by Bellows
www.addic7ed.com

Wood: The cheapest brand-new
car you can buy in this country

is around 11 grand.

And you can get a reliable
used car for around 5,000 bucks.

But what happens if you have
less than that to spend --

much less?

Can you still get a car that works?

To find out, we were each
given $500 to buy a car

and told to meet up in
Santa Monica, California.

I used to flip cars in college,

and I've owned 8 that
cost less than 500 bucks.

And I know what you're looking for.

You want cheap, reliable, and simple.

Enter the Ford Festiva.

1,800 pounds of honest reliability.

You know, it's got 227,000 miles on it,

but it's got a new engine in it,

so I think it's ready to
go another 200,000 miles.

It may look like a total piece of crap,

but it's actually a huge piece of crap.

[Tires screech]

[Laughing]

Don't act like you're not impressed.

Oh, my God, what happened to this side?

That is not the pretty
side. This side is --

that's the $500 side, clearly.

This is a 190 E -- 1989
staple of the Mercedes lineup.

This is back when they were really sweet.

I can't believe it.

And you found yourself a micro
machine with 12-inch wheels.

These are pretty different
from what we usually choose.

What's that gonna say about Adam?

I think Adam's still gonna
go for an old piece of crap --

[laughs] Something big and old.

Better than you can even imagine.

That is a taxi.

Just when you think he couldn't
make any worse decisions,

he goes out and he buys a taxi for $500.

Huh?

[Laughs] Huh?

1994 Ford Crown Victoria
-- the workhorse.

Look inside of this thing. Look at it!

I can't believe you kept
the little bacteria sponge

on the steering wheel, for one.

Look at the back seat. People
have had sex in this car.

They have thrown up in this car.

How does it smell, Rutledge?

What's the huge stain for?

Look, he's got the nose
of a German Shepherd.

What is it like in there?

This car carries human beings.
Human beings have fluids.

Sometimes they get out. No big deal.

How many miles are on this thing?

425,000 miles. [Laughs]

You know how many times
around the earth that is?

No.

Okay, gentlemen, let's see what
we're doing with these hot rods.

"The true test of your $500 cars

is to race them 500 miles to
Twin Peaks in San Francisco."

[Laughs]

"But first, cars this cheap are unreliable

and sometimes need help."

"So to see who chose the best cheap car,

you'll race 100 yards
across this parking lot---

pushing yours cars."

[Laughs]

"First to the other end wins."

Oh, this is gonna be fun.

First one to the black line right there.

Okay, who's gonna call it?

Have you guys looked at the beach here?

Yeah, it's nice.

It is --
ready, set, go!

You already cheated!

[Laughs]

Oh, this is great!

Adam, how's it going back there?

I'm fine!

Just going for a little
jog, fellas. Don't mind me.

Adam, you're gonna hit me!

[Laughing] Oh, look at that!

I think you helped me, Adam. Thank you.

The Festiva roars ahead!

1,800 pounds.

Pure awesomeness.

Hey! Hey, hey, hey, look out!

Not cool, man!

Oh, sorry. I hit you.

I beat you.

I think he's driving it.

Seems like he's cheating.

You won. You happy?

Yeah. We got 500 miles.

It's like, you know,
"everybody gets a trophy."

So, he won. Oh, that's nice.

Good job. We're going 500 miles.

Get on the road, boys. Let's go. Mount up.

- Just follow this winner of a car.
- Yeah.

Winner.

Ferrara: Rutledge may have
won the first challenge,

but the race to San
Francisco had just begun.

The first leg of the race

would be from Santa
Monica to Santa Barbara,

then through Santa Cruz to
the finish in San Francisco.

The car that made it to
Twin Peaks first would win.

This route required our cars

to withstand long stretches
of highway, elevation changes,

and stop-and-go
traffic --

the worst possible
conditions for cheap cars.

Tanner's Mercedes was
not off to a good start.

[Engine sputtering]

Foust: Come on! Come on!

Don't go out this way.

I, on the other hand, was loving my ride.

There's something great
about owning a $500 car.

You don't have to worry about payments.

The insurance is low.

You don't care about dings or dents.

You don't have to worry where you park it.

You never have to wash it.

And if it breaks down,
that's where you leave it.

And call
a cab---

which is kind of ironic.

Taxi cabs and law-enforcement
agencies love Crown Vics

'cause they're tough and easy to fix.

L.A. police department even
has a frame straightener.

They go out and mangle these things up,

bring them back to headquarters,
straighten out the frames,

send them out again.

So, how does my survivor drive?

I'll be honest with you.

The suspension isn't tired, it's exhausted.

And there's a several-minute delay

between steering input and actual turning.

Look at this. And I'm still going straight.

What do you want for 500 bucks?

And Tanner shows up in that Mercedes.

He looks like an ambassador
from a sad, broke-ass country.

[Engine sputtering]
You got it! You can do it!

You can do it! You can do it!

Yes! [Engine turns over, revs]

[Sighs]

Foust: My Mercedes finally came to life.

Now I was in last place.

But that'd be no problem for the Merc.

She may not have been as
pretty as she once was,

but at least she wasn't ridiculous,

like Rutledge's little toy car.

It's funny -- if you look
at cars throughout history,

there are a few that are really iconic,

and they keep being made for
years and years afterwards.

Like, the original Volkswagen Beetle

was made up until the late 2000s in Mexico.

Or the Volkswagen Rabbit, the first one,

was still being made in
South Africa and other places.

This car is still being produced in Iran.

Yep, still being produced.

The reason this car's gonna
make it the 500 miles is simple.

It's the best car here.

There's not a whole lot to this car,

but there's not a whole
lot that can go wrong.

Keep gas in it.

Don't overheat it.

Change the oil.

The Ford Festiva.

Wood: But the best thing about my Festiva

was that it was beating Tanner's Benz.

There are two things
you never want to touch

with your
bare hands --

the steering wheel in a $500 car

and the remote control in a cheap hotel.

I'm just saying.

The advantage of buying a $500
car with leather or even vinyl

is that you can clean it.

The surface is made to repel bacteria.

It's leather. It's the skin of a beast.

[Rattling]

Okay, that is some serious
vibration right there.

Let's just hope it can go 500 miles.

Foust: My Mercedes may not have
gotten off to the best start,

but for $500, she was doing great,

and it didn't take me long to catch up.

Oh! [Bleep]

Oh!

How are those bumps, Rutledge?

Totally fine -- not checking
my fillings right now at all.

[Laughs]

Wood: We were surrounded
by gorgeous scenery,

driving on one of the most
beautiful stretches of road

in the world,

perfect for luxurious sports cars.

And there we were.

If there's one thing I
have plenty of in here,

it's dog hair.

Oh,
my---

God, that's gross! Ugh!

It's not much to look at,

and it's obviously in some real disrepair.

The A/C -- Not
even remotely cold.

Doesn't go very fast.

There are stains all over
the seats and the floor.

The steering wheel smells terrible.

But as bad as my car was,

it was still better than the other cars.

It doesn't have nearly a
half a million miles on it

that were driven by
cabbies and police officers.

Ow!

It hasn't been waiting to
be crushed at a junkyard

like Tanner's Mercedes.

[Rattling] Oh, my gosh.

It's a perfect cherry of a Ford Festiva.

Foust: I was living
my biggest nightmare --

gorgeous, winding roads ahead of me

but stuck for miles in a "no passing" zone

behind the Crown Vic and
Rutledge's little toy,

both going way under the speed limit.

As soon as I saw an opening
to pass them, I took it.

All right, finally getting
to open the Mercedes up.

60, 65, 70.

[Laughs] Oh, you know you're jealous.

Yeah! It's fast!

Battered, bruised, and
wheezy as the Merc was,

it still had some power left,

and I took the lead and won the first leg

of the race to Santa Barbara.

What are we doing here?

Well, I got these and this.

Okay. Looks uncomfortable.

"A cheap car is only good as
long as you can hold on to it.

"To see which of you chose
the most secure vehicle,

"you will now attempt to
break into each other's cars.

Whoever can break in first wins."

I'll take the Festiva.

I'll take the taxi.

- Give me that.
- All right.

- Here we go now!
- Go!

Ferrara: Coming up, we
play "Grand Theft Clunker."

Come on!

And the all-new supercharged
Cadillac takes on a Ferrari.

This car's like "'f' you" fast.

Foust: We were racing up
the Pacific coast highway

from L.A. to San
Francisco in our $500 cars.

We'd made it to Santa Barbara,

where we were challenged to
see whose car was least secure.

Whoever could break into
the other's car first

would win.

Go! Start right now?

Yeah.

You know how I know I'm gonna win?

Nobody would feel the need

to design any kind of
anti-theft device for this.

Rutledge's car would be
no problem to break into.

It's pretty much made
completely out of plastic.

The taxi looked a bit tougher.

But Adam would have the hardest time

with my German-engineered Mercedes.

I got to get this down in there.

Foust: There it is. Oh, I pushed it down.

Oh, I'm so close.

Come on! Come on!

Come on, get in there.

Oh, oh. Oh, I got movement.

And then at some point,
you just get frustrated,

and you just sort of shake it around.

[Sighs] Enough of this.

Look at that. Look at that. Come on.

Breaking into a car with a coat hanger.

Adam, I am about to unlock
the chamber of death here.

Yeah?

- Are you really that close?
- Oh, yeah.

I got the pin wiggling.

Adam, what?!

What the hell is wrong with you?

I win.

That doesn't seem fair at all.

No way. That doesn't count.

What, are you playing for
second place? Come on, let's go.

Come on, come on!

Great. You got second place.

Wonderful.

That's not second place. You
broke the window on my car.

- Yeah, I win. Let's go.
- He cheated.

Are you kidding me? What?

That does not count.

You can't just break the window.

Of course it counts. I got in.

It said we had to get in.

Such a New Yorker.

[Cheers and applause]

How could you do that to my car?

Look, a challenge is a challenge.

I got into the car. I win.

How is it you've moved from
destroying your own cars

to now destroying other people's cars?

I was given a challenge, and I
chose a method, and it worked.

Like when you jumped the Coupe de Ville,

you chose to bend it into a banana.

I chose to jump it. The Caddy
bent itself when it landed.

[Laughter]

You killed it, but turns out

you're not the only one who's
into killing off old Caddies.

GM is, too.

Wood: In 1999, with the brand dying off,

like most of its buyers,

Cadillac announced the new
art and science philosophy --

a plan to get back to their roots

with cutting-edge design
and high-end technology.

Now, they didn't even
have a car for it yet,

just an attitude.

But it was a good attitude.

And this new approach
put Cadillac performance

right up there with exotics like Ferrari.

So, could a $60,000 Cadillac
beat a $200,000 Ferrari

in a drag race?

There was only one way to find out.

But first, I would need to check out

Cadillac's new wheels.

[Engine revving]

Now, this is a Cadillac you want to drive.

Old man riding around with your
blinker on for miles, watch out.

I'm coming for you, gramps.

This is a 2011 Cadillac CTS-V.

It's got a Corvette engine in
it, but not just any Corvette --

the daddy of them all, the ZR1.

It's got 556 supercharged
horsepower under the hood.

It'll do zero to 60 in 4 seconds.

[Engine revving]

And it's got a top speed
of 175 miles an hour.

How did this happen?

How did Cadillac become cool again?

Cadillac's history is a
lot like John Travolta's.

It was really cool at first.

And then all of a sudden,
it became seriously uncool.

And then -- bang --
it was cool again.

I mean, this car -- this is
Cadillac's "Pulp Fiction."

So, they took out a sheet
of paper, and, to me,

it looks like they didn't
draw anything on it.

They just folded it.

I mean, there's curves,

but they're all caught in
these sharp edges and creases.

This new look, this is
what sets Cadillac apart --

the CTS, the XLR, even the Escalade SUV

And you know what? It looks fantastic.

And it wasn't all design.

The new Cadillacs would have something else

to set them apart
-- performance.

Oh, yeah.

[Tires screeching]

And it's got a manual
six-speed gearbox -- standard.

You don't normally associate Cadillac

with manual transmissions.

But in this one, it makes perfect sense.

[Tires screeching]

I can smoke the tires at 100 miles an hour.

[Laughs]

This is American badass
wrapped in Hugo boss.

It's like John Wayne in
a Tommy Hilfiger sweater.

[Tires screeching]

Wow!

You shouldn't be able
to do this in a Cadillac!

[Tires screeching]

Now, there are some things about
this car that I really like.

When you first get in the car,

you notice the beautiful interior.

There's suede everywhere.
There's nice leather stitching.

And then you
look up---

and see the same headliner
that's in a Chevy truck.

Why does GM do that?

They get so close to making a perfect car,

and then at the last
minute, ah, just whatever.

I don't care. No one's gonna look up.

Now, one thing I don't like in here,
is the door handles on the CTS-V.

To get out, it's a strange
video-game-remote door popper,

just like they have in the Corvette.
And I don't like them there, either.

What's wrong? They call it a door handle.

Handle, not door button.

But it's remarkable that
you can get this much car

for just $60,000.

And it gets even better.

For 2011, the CTS-V is
available in three body styles,

all with the same manual transmission

and monster supercharged engine.

The sedan will put you in
the same league as the BMW M5

or the Mercedes E63 AMG.

And the
CTS-V wagon---

---well, this just might be the
world's first wagon super car.

The
wagon --

the fastest production
wagon in the universe!

Wow! This car is amazing!

If it's not obvious by
now, I am a wagon man.

There's something about a wagon, to me,

that screams, "I'm ready for anything."

And this is the perfect
kind of wagon that I'd want.

Can you imagine going shopping in a wagon

with over 500 horsepower?

You could do a burnout all
the way home from the mall

while your kids are in the back screaming.

That's awesome.

Cadillac has developed
an incredible new line

of high-performance vehicles.

I can understand why
some, mainly old people,

might think that the CTS-Vs
are too much of a departure

from the old Caddies, but I
think they can be convinced.

[Mid-tempo jazz music plays]

[Laughs]

Driving Miss Ferrara?

Can I get your bags for you, sir?

No problem. I have people for that.

What in the world is this?

This is a statement,
my friend --

1957 El Dorado Biarritz.

That's when a Cadillac was a Cadillac.

No way. This is the
new Cadillac, all right?

The 2011 CTS-V.

You can get a two-door
or four-door or a wagon.

- Back up. Back up. Wagon?
- Oh, yeah.

- How was the soccer game?
- It's amazing.

Really? This says, "you've arrived."

That says, "you've arrived
from summer camp with the kids."

What are you doing?

They are the new Cadillac.

Okay, look, I'll be honest with you.

I've been burned by Caddies before.

The last great Caddy for me
was the '76 Coupe de Ville.

After that, Caddies got smaller,

and then just went right down the toilet.

Adam wasn't convinced,

so I needed to resort
to a simple demonstration

that even he
might understand --

a drag
race --

the $200,000 Ferrari
California against the CTS-V ---

wagon.

An American grocery getter

versus the world's most famous
Italian performance brand.

The Ferrari California
isn't the fastest Ferrari,

but it does zero to 60 in
3.8 seconds, top speed of 193.

Let's do it.

Okay, here we go.

♪ It's showtime! ♪

Wood: Oh, here we go!

Oh!

Oh-ho-ho-ho,
man!

The CTS-V wagon is smokin' him!

Oh, look at that! I got him!

Whoo!

Holy crap!

The Wagon just beat a Ferrari,

which is a stupid-fast car.

That means this is faster than stupid fast.

This is "'f' you" fast.

Coming up, we continue our
race up the Pacific coast

in our $500 cars.

"Traces of fecal matter."

Wood: Oh, look at that!

The wagon just beat a Ferrari!

[Cheers and applause]

Driving those Cadillacs was a blast.

I bet for once, you're jealous.

I was. That looked like a lot of fun.

But, really, Cadillac, an old-man brand,

now saying they rival the
fastest cars on the planet?

I'm not buying it.

See, that's exactly why we
gave the Coupe and the Wagon

to our anonymous racing driver, the Stig,

to put around our test track
and see how fast they really are.

Foust: Now, the Stig drove
the CTS-V Coupe earlier,

and we'll show you that time in a minute.

But Rutledge insisted on showing
the stig driving the Wagon.

[Engine revving] Shocking.

Let's see how the stig does.

All right, well, Rutledge may worship this

as the ultimate Wagon, but
at the hands of the stig,

I think we'll see some chinks in the armor.

Strangely poised,
actually --

very quick coming around the
first turn into the chicane.

I was expecting to see
quite a bit more body blow.

Now, this is the true test.

Out of the teardrop,
slowest section of the track,

will it have wheel spin

or be efficiently putting
the power to the ground?

[Tires screeching]

I would say
that is a no --

wheels a-blazing on the
way out of the teardrop

but building huge speed

as it comes around the
fastest back straightaway.

Over 120 miles an hour we
see on the speedometer --

very fast by the tires.

[Tires screeching]

Wow. Amazing, beautiful little drift

as the car just seems to
absorb the bumps mid-drift.

I'm really impressed with the
way the suspension is working.

It's just speeding around the track.

It may not be the most sophisticated,

but as it comes through the last corner,

a bit of a drift
and---across the line.

[Cheers and applause]

Wow!

That is the fastest Wagon I have ever seen.

What do you guys think --
Wagon faster than the Coupe?

Coupe faster? Coupe's
faster than the Wagon?

You would think the Coupe has
got to be faster than the Wagon.

So, the Coupe did it in a time of 1:27.4.

That puts it ahead of a Mercedes SLS AMG.

Wow! [Cheers and applause]

That's quarter-million-dollar
car right there.

Wow. Their super car just
got beat by an American car.

That can't be right. Wow.

Really?

That feels good. [Laughter]

Now, if the wagon was just
even a second or two slower,

it still would be in respectable territory.

You got the Lotus Evora down here.

You got the V12 Vantage.

The Wagon did it in a time of 1.27.2.

[Cheers and applause]

.2 faster than the coupe.

Faster! Faster than the coupe!

Unbelievable. That is unreal,
especially for the money.

I mean, these are both
right around 60 grand.

Wow! Incredible.

And that's only slightly
better value than our $500 cars.

Wood: So far, our junky jalopies
had raced hundreds of miles

up the California coast
towards San Francisco.

My Festiva was doing great,

so I hammered down and tried to pull ahead.

Gas it! Gas it!

Ooh! Ooh!

[Sniffing]

My car smells like a
pack of burning matches.

Apparently, I didn't have the
power I needed to make my move,

so Adam was now in front.

I'm flying along at 65 miles an hour.

As long as I don't turn, I'm fine.

If Adam's life-insurance
carrier knew he was driving

a retired taxi with 400,000 miles on it,

they would drop him like a bad habit.

Ferrara: Tanner was gonna have to
get used to seeing my taillights.

I was the first to arrive at
our next stop in Santa Cruz,

where we received some
unwelcome information

about our cars.

All right, fellas, pay attention.

"Buying cheap cars means
buying a piece of history,

"often one you would rather not sit in.

Your cars were subject
to forensic analysis."

Really?

"Least contaminated car wins."

Is that what these envelopes are?

- I think so.
- Must be. Oh, no.

I'll go first.

I have total confidence in the Festiva.

Here we go.

"Hair of
nonhuman origin---

"variable length and color
found in large quantities."

"Visible under
ultraviolet --

"overlapping stain
fields of organic origin.

"Concentrations of ammonia and fructose

consistent with urine and seminal fluid."

Wait, stain fields?

There's dog breeding that
goes on in the Festiva.

Fields of animal fluids
in the back of that.

"Traces of fecal matter."

Oh, that's so gross.

Well, could be worse.

Yeah, there could be human
and dog fluids in there.

- Oh, like you should talk. What's yours say?
- Okay.

"Present in both left
and right rear foot Wells

"are dispersed areas of dried substance

"with concentrations of
HCL, hydrochloric acid,

consistent with vomitus."

- Stomach acid.
- Ugh!

"U. V. Analysis of the rear
bench seat reveals bloodstains

"in the underlying foam,

covering approximately
1/3 of the seating area."

- 1/3 of the seating area?! Somebody died!
- They were bleeding to death.

Someone could've had a baby
in there. You don't know.

Oh, my gosh.

If it's down in the foam, it got hosed.

This means it's not on the
cover anymore, so it's fine.

[Laughs]

All right, what do you got?

Mine's gonna be boring. This car is clean.

Yeah, it looks so tidy.

There's a few more sentences here
than I would've expected, actually.

"Moderate quantities of nasal mucosa

- found on the steering wheel.
- Snot.

"Protein" -- anything that
starts with "protein-rich"

I'm telling you is bad. [Laughs]

"Protein-rich substance found in
crevices of driver-seat cushion.

"High concentration of dead skin cells

and presence of staphylococcus bacteria."

Oh, no way!

[Laughs] Your car has a staph infection.

You drink some orange juice,
you'll knock that right out.

I got a staph infection
right on the steering wheel.

I mean, I'm not, like,
a hypochondriac, but---

you actually are.
---That is gross.

Clearly, you lose.

How did it get on the steering wheel?

You're done. In fact,
you're probably gonna die.

I win.

You do not win. Of course I win!

You're soaked in blood.

Blood and puke -- what do
you expect to be in a cab?

I got two words
-- boundary layer.

That's what's happening now.

- Really?
- Yeah.

All right. 20 minutes
-- we meet back here.

Make whatever boundary layers you want

and then head up to San
Francisco, all right?

All right, I'm starting to
feel a little better now. Man.

Rut, you might want to get a flea collar.

It's just traces of fecal matter.

Oh, that's much better. Traces.

I thought there was a problem.

Foust: Coming up, Adam sees
Rutledge in a whole new light.

Oh!

And we continue our race
up the California coast.

Let's do this.

Now, it's time for Big Star, Small Car.

Where we put celebrities in our Suzuki SX4

and send them around the test track

to see who's got the fastest time.

Our celebrity today is
Maroon 5's Adam Levine.

[Cheers and applause]

Ow!

- Welcome, man.
- How you doing, man?

We're so excited you could be here.

I am very excited to be here.

Now, we've had some
musicians do well here before.

Do you feel like today you're
going to the top of the board?

Uh, if you ain't first, you're last.

[Laughter]

Well, let's get you out there, man.

Let's go for it. Hop on in.

All right. Let's do it.
All right, good luck.

We're gonna clear the track.

We'll meet you back at the hangar.

Go get 'em. Let's go, you guys.

[Cheers and applause]

Wood: Look at that determination.

Adam's off to a good start.

Catching second. Come on.

What is up with this [Bleep] Man?!

Coming up to turn one,
getting a little intense.

Sorry. This is gonna be all
sound bites of me just cursing

'cause I'm so pissed off!

Damn it, dude!

So annoying.

It's easy to get flustered out there.

[Bleep]

[Bleep] Damn
it, dude! Dude---

[bleep] Dude!

Suzuki does that to a lot of people.

All right, he's got some good
speed out on the back stretch.

Looks good right there
-- nice and smooth.

[Tires screech] Good
speed, a little understeer.

Does third gear exist?

I think it does. It's in
between second and fourth.

Here it is -- last turn.
And Adam is across the line.

[Bleep] And he's still smiling.

[Laughs] [Cheers and applause]

Come on up.

Come on up.

Adam Levine, everybody.

How you doing, man? Nice work out there.

Did you have a good time?

I had a lot of fun.

I just hope that I'm not last.

Look, let's talk. You're a busy man.

One of the judges on
"The Voice" -- great show.

[Cheers and applause]

You're in a hugely popular band, Maroon 5.

I want to know, how did you get into cars?

I've always enjoyed driving.

You know, I'm from Calif-- I was
born and raised in Los Angeles,

so I've
always been --

that's always a huge part of
California culture, I think,

is driving and enjoying your car.

It's kind of your
sanctuary. It's your space.

And I just love it.

East coast people don't understand,

'cause they -- they
don't. [Laughter]

'Cause they're like, "oh, subway, taxi."

[Laughter]

Your first car was what?

My first car was a 1971
Mach I -- Mustang Mach I.

A Mach I.

[Cheers and applause]

And I didn't really know anything.

I still don't know anything about cars,

but I just thought it
was a beautiful thing,

and I loved it, and I started
getting really into it.

Of course, it snowballed out of control,

and now here I am racing Suzukis.

- It's a natural progression
-- Mach I to Suzuki. - Exactly.

Did your car path help
you with the ladies at all?

Not originally,

not when I was driving

my mom's awesome bright
red Jeep Cherokee to school.

That didn't get me any
dates with the ladies.

- Did not? - But I loved that
car. That car was bad-ass.

But the coolest car I've
ever owned is still --

my dad gave
me his, in 19--

- he had, like, an '86 Jimmy, GMC Jimmy.
-Yeah.

It was black and had a red stripe on it.

Still the coolest car to this day.

- Like, you know, it just, you know, had history to it.
- Sure.

And what was that beautiful
car you drove in this morning?

That was an Aston Martin. That was a DB9.

A DB9?

[Cheers and applause]

Yeah. Got some fans.

I love that car, man.

My buddies and I always
take that car out to Vegas,

you know, so we can drive quickly.

I've been pulled over, actually,
about six times in that car,

and I've never gotten
a ticket 'cause---

How do you do that?

This is so stupid to do on television.

'Cause I got pulled over
once on the way to Vegas.

I was probably going
about 95 miles an hour,

and in that car, I mean,

it feels like you're just getting started,

but, clearly, there are
laws against speeding.

So, this cop pulled me over,

and he kind of looked at me for a minute.

This is on the way to Vegas.

He kind of looked at me for a minute.

He's like, "I'll be right back."

And he goes to his car, he
comes back, and I'm thinking,

"Oh, great, I'm going to
jail -- reckless driving.

"You know, I'm dead.

He's taking my car away. "
I'm freaking out. [Laughs]

And he just looks at me, and he goes,

"I should arrest you, but
my wife's a big fan, so---"

[laughter]

"---She'll kill me
if I arrest you."

And I was like, "thank
God for your wife, sir."

That is awesome!

[Applause]

So, Adam, how do you think you did?

All right, here's where
I'm gonna make excuses

and bitch and moan about it,

- but I'm gonna do it 'cause I think I should.
- Sure.

I didn't have, really,
the full amount of time.

"I didn't have the total
amount of time. " I didn't.

"I just --
I'm very busy."

I will stab you.

Bring it! Bring it!

You went out there in the Suzuki.

You felt good, though, right?

I started feeling good.

I mean, you know, I got some
lessons and started learning,

and just when I started getting
comfortable, I have to leave.

You give me 30 minutes,
I'll give you number one.

[Crowd "oohs"]

Wow.

You guys want to see his time?

All: Yeah! All right.

[Applause]

Here we go.

Adam Levine,

you did it in 1.49.2.

[All groan]

Boo!

Right there.

You're between two pawn stars.

Oh, look at --
disappointment.

Well, I mean,
here's --

I'm very proud of my very quick progress.

However, I am disappointed,
'cause, I swear to you,

every one, I was shaving whole seconds off,

so I could've gotten down there, man.

There's no doubt in my mind.

- I agree.
- Right here, man.

- I agree.
- Right here and right here.

It was all there. That's
all you needed, right?

Don't you play that [Bleep] violin for me.

[Laughter]

You guys, let's give Adam a hand.

Come on.

[Cheers and applause]

Last question for you.

Yeah.

Have you ever bought a car for 500 bucks?

I've never paid $500 for a car.

Yeah, and we're about to
see why that's a good thing.

We're gonna get back to our $500 challenge.

And had just received
the disgusting results

of a forensic test on our cars.

"Overlapping stain fields."

"Vomitus." "Nasal mucosa."

"Bloodstains." "Staphylococcus bacteria."

"Urine and seminal fluid."

So, we decided to protect ourselves

with whatever we could find.

Oh!

Hey.

"Hey"? You look ridiculous. What is that?

It's a protective suit.

We're at the beach. This is
the best I could find, man.

That's the dumbest thing I've ever seen.

I was wrong.

Morons.

Let's do this.

All right.

Let's go.

May not have thought
this all the way through.

We only had 73 miles to go

to complete our 500-mile
journey in our $500 cars,

which had just been proven
to be rolling biohazards.

Be honest with you
-- the forensic report

didn't tell me anything
I didn't already know.

There's blood and puke in the cab.

You come to expect that.

So, I bought the gloves so I
don't have to touch anything.

I have the traditional beaded cabby seat

so I don't have to sit, actually,

on the germ-infected velour.

And,
ah---

incense -- get rid
of that kind of smell.

[Lighter clicking]

There we go.

Wood: After getting that report,

I really feel like I came
up with a great solution.

I mean, I needed a barrier

between me and all
the nastiness, and---

this vinyl seems to be doing the trick.

I'm noticing my peripheral
is slightly distorted

with this costume.

[Muffled] As if you
ever had peripheral vision.

[Laughs]

You sound awesome!

I can't help but feel
incredibly drowsy in this mask.

I'm gonna just say that.

[Laughs]

Oh, I'm totally falling asleep.

[Breathing deeply]

Foust: I do feel quite a bit better,
though, with the boundary layer.

The rubber gloves are probably the key

because the hands
are gonna be---

scratching itches on the nose,

rubbing the eyes, things like that.

As long as you got
that boundary layer --

in fact, everybody should
be carrying a boundary layer

in their car.

Adam, which
would you take --

a bath of pus and snot or blood and vomit?

Is it puss and snot and my blood and vomit?

Random people.

Sick people or healthy people?

Taxi-cab drivers and patrons of said taxi.

I'll take drunk vomit.

Do you guys ever listen
to what you're saying?

Come on, baby. Third gear.

There it is.

How are you doing on power, there, Rut?

Are you floored right now,
going downhill 68 miles an hour?

Come on, Rut. Pick it up.

[Engine revving]

Power!

Oh!

Hey, Rut, your car is shedding.

Sure, you might be disgusting to ride in

and you're not much to look at, Festiva,

but, damn it, you're
gonna make it 500 miles.

Wood: That is, as long
as I didn't hit traffic.

[Horns honking]

Oh, boy.

This is gonna get hairy as [Bleep]

[Honking continues]

Ferrara: Coming up, we hit
the streets of San Francisco.

[Streetcar bell ringing]

Son of a bitch!

Foust: After nearly 500
miles in our $500 cars,

we'd reached
San Francisco---

almost.

We were only 4 miles from the finish line.

[Horns honking]

But it was rush hour,

and stop-and-go
traffic was not friendly

to the tired engines in our clunkers.

Oh, boy.

This is gonna get hairy as [Bleep]

[Honking continues]

[Sniffs]

Oh, something's burning on this thing.

It's starting to stall every time I stop.

I don't know if it's
because it's gotten so warm.

The gauge doesn't say that it's warm,

but I can smell that it's warm, though.

Oh, oh!

No way. Somebody just
climbed in Adam's---

uh, I'm not working.

Did that guy just try to
get in your car as a taxi?

Yeah.

Does he know what he just sat in?

I don't think so,

although he does appear to be scratching.

[Laughs]

I could've made 45 bucks
taking him to the airport.

I should've taken him.

[Horn honking rhythmically]

Wood: The deeper we got into the city,

the more my Festiva began to struggle.

So, my clutch is going,
I've got valves tapping,

and now my blinkers don't work.

And you can probably tell
my horn won't stop honking.

Seriously, Rut? Come
on. Enough with the horn.

[Honking continues]
It's not me. It's stuck.

Ferrara: Rut's horn was broken,

so we decided to help him fix it.

Tanner, you want to play Festiva tennis?

- Please, no.
- Yeah, okay.

Oh [Bleep] [Bleep] [Bleep]

Come on!

Your shot.

Service!

Oh, ow!

[Laughter]

[Bleep] Hate you guys!

- Going for the volley!
- Oh!

[Honking continues]

Come on!

Oh, green light, green light.

[Laughs]

I hate you both so much right now.

[Honking continues]

Hey. I love your town.

[Honking continues]

[Grinding]

Yeah, I think my clutch just went.

Come on, you guys.

[Streetcar bell ringing]

You're kidding.

[Ringing continues]

See you later, alligator!

[Ringing continues] Son of a bitch!

[Honking]

Really? Come on.

[Honking continues]

Oh [Bleep]

Hey, it only weighs 1,800 pounds!

Remember the big victory dance
when he won the push race?

Now he can do it uphill
in an alligator suit.

[Laughs]

I lost my tail. Let me just get that.

Okay.

Okay.

All right, we got some steep hills here.

We'd better be getting to Twin Peaks soon.

Hold on, baby. Come on. We're almost there.

Ferrara: The race was
down to me and Tanner.

He may be a professional driver,

but my car had more power,

and I was riding his tail
like a real taxi driver.

Downshift, baby. Come on.

Oh, yeah! Feel the power! Feel the power!

Come on! Come on!

Almost there.

Dun, dun,
du-u-u-n!

[Creaking]

No, no, no, no, no, no,
no. Keep going, keep going.

No!

Come on! Go, go, go, go!

[Engine sputtering] Hold on.

[Laughs]

"Oh, my Mercedes is the taxi of the world.

This is German engineering."

And that
Festiva --

a rolling pet shop burns out its clutch.

But the Crown Victoria with 426,000 miles

has gone another 500
miles at 35 cents a mile.

Yes! Yes!

We did it! Tanner, Tanner!

I guess you know I won!

[Laughs]

For 45 bucks, I can
take you to the airport!

45 bucks seems a little bit steep!

In a Crown Vic!

[Laughs]

[Cheers and applause]

Ladies and gentlemen, the Crown Victoria.

[Cheers and applause]

[Laughs]

I mean, I got to give it up.
That car is really something.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, especially when
you consider all the extras

that came for free
-- the vomit, the---

blood. And the urine.

Oh, and the victory.

You know, the real victory
here is that, for once,

we found a car that you
can't kill in a show.

Let's hear it for Adam.

He had a car last the
whole show. Yeah, finally.

[Cheers and applause]
- Finally. - Unbelievable.

I think the real lesson here

is that you should drive
a Crown Victoria every day.

Okay. And then you drive
this pet wagon every day.

I think just standing next to this
car is taking years off our life.

We have got to get out of here.

That's our show. Thanks
for watching, everybody.

Thank you very much.

[Cheers and applause]