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[Theme music playing]
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[Constantine] There was no hope
after the apocalypse war.
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The world was a stinking charnel house
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00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,436
with bodies rotting in the streets.
5
00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:04,940
And we'd won the bloody thing.
6
00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:09,152
Everyone lost someone, me included.
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And because the world
was ending from the damage done to it,
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time wouldn't heal those wounds.
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00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:19,913
But between thoughts of snuffing it,
I had an idea.
10
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What if there was a way to make
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all of it never have happened
in the first place?
12
00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:32,884
My plan needed the flash
and his speed to recreate a flash point,
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to rewrite the past.
14
00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:36,597
I 'd guide him with magic
15
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to change events
and keep darkseid from ever finding us.
16
00:01:40,642 --> 00:01:42,894
And for my past sins,
17
00:01:43,145 --> 00:01:46,857
I decided to make sure
I paid this bill myself,
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00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:48,734
no matter the price.
19
00:01:56,867 --> 00:02:00,454
It was the first truly
noble thing I 'd ever done in my life.
20
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,707
And, oh, how it would cost me.
21
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,977
What the shite is this about?
22
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Notbad.
23
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Not the stairs then.
24
00:03:01,556 --> 00:03:02,808
Keep it together, Johnny.
25
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[Door creaking]
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00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,527
[All] Surprise!
27
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:15,821
What's all this, then?
28
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,907
It's not every day
a wanker like you turns 50.
29
00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:21,910
Well, certainly not one
with as many demons
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that want to kill you.
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[Zatanna chuckles] Stop that, Jason.
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Zee?
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Tonight is about friends,
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family, and having made it
through it all.
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00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:45,642
And beer. It's also about beer.
36
00:03:48,437 --> 00:03:50,772
John, did you eat
the pickled eggs at the pub again?
37
00:03:51,106 --> 00:03:53,734
I keep telling you,
they don't change them.
38
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No, no, no, it's not that. It's just...
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I thought you were dead.
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[Laughs] Of course not.
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00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:04,035
And don't scare the kids
before bedtime with your stories.
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Kids?
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[Jack and della] Daddy!
44
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She won't let me play with her.
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Because he's a baby
that breaks my awesome creations.
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I told you to treat each other
fair and be nice.
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Della, let him play,
and Jack, don't break stuff.
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00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:23,889
Now give us a kiss and off to bed.
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[Coughing]
50
00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:41,198
What's the matter?
Zee, some water here.
51
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You too? Come here.
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[Both coughing]
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Jack!
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Jason, call the doctor!
55
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[Coughing]
56
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[All coughing]
57
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[All retching]
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For god's sake! No, no!
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00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:48,765
Someone help! Help me. Help!
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00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:51,518
[Gasps]
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00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:57,274
[Panting] Zee? You're okay?
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00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:01,838
Ritchie, if you're taking the piss,
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I'll curse you with a ball sack fungus
that won't ever get sorted.
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00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:09,536
[Della] Oh, it's not a joke, daddy.
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It's what you deserve.
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[Snarling]
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00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:22,549
Happy birthday, John.
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[Scratching]
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00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:56,291
Did you get lost
in your own home again, John?
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00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,296
Of course not. Where's my pint?
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00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,715
Hey, hey, hey, who is the dead geezer
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00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:06,176
we soul cast
to do his comedy act for us?
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Edwin tiggley.
74
00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:10,013
John was so sure it would work.
75
00:07:11,723 --> 00:07:13,475
Screwed that spell up royal.
76
00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:15,977
He came back to us
as a rotting corpse.
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00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:20,774
Worst part was he couldn't
do his pa-pa-pa punch line without lips.
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00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:23,860
[Laughs] Come on.
That made it funnier.
79
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,975
- [All laughing]
- [Gary] It's just a mouth full of teeth.
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00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:29,741
Oh, that's good, mate.
81
00:07:33,244 --> 00:07:35,789
[Jason] You know what to do
with a bad hand, John?
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Get rid of it.
83
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:43,671
[Grunting]
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00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:50,971
Come on, folks, let's give him a hand.
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[Growling]
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[Scratching]
87
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,194
Who's there? Show yourself.
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[Chanting in other language]
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[Chuckles] Most people use a match.
90
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:36,808
Oh, no. Nothing like that.
Just trying something out, you know?
91
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,685
Practice makes perfect.
92
00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:40,269
You think so?
93
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Show me.
94
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,863
You always were the smart one, zee.
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00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:51,780
Just a minute.
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00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,324
Bloody buttons.
97
00:08:57,662 --> 00:09:00,540
- Kids asleep, then?
- What are you talking about?
98
00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:01,875
We don't have kids.
99
00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:08,589
We don't?
100
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:10,341
You said you weren't sure.
101
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,761
Have you changed your mind?
102
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:19,809
I think so. Yeah.
103
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:21,894
Yes.
104
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:26,316
Well then, this night
is going to be extra special.
105
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,152
I'm all in. One hundred percent.
106
00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:35,325
Are you sure we don't have kids now?
107
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Name of Jack, maybe delli?
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00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:40,497
Delli? Very sure.
109
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Come on, John.
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I could use some attention.
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Right? 'Course.
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Ready to go.
113
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:52,342
But the thing of it is I'm fairly sure
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you introduced me to our kids
not too long ago.
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Why can't your mind be still?
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[Scratching]
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Stairs it is then.
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Okay, Mr. Lamp,
119
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how about we introduce you
to Mr. Window!
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[Glass shattering]
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Cheeky.
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I'll have you now.
123
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Son of a bitch.
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00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:43,786
Illusion tricks, eh?
I perfected that shite, mate.
125
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Let's see who's winding me up.
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Remember how you got here.
127
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Come back to bed, John.
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[Screaming]
129
00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:19,280
So the manager asks,
"what's the act called?"
130
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:22,200
And the dad says, "the aristocrats."
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[Laughter]
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- That was truly disgusting.
- And you secretly loved it.
133
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And where do you think you're going?
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Theloo.
135
00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:38,925
One in, one out, you know?
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[Knocking at door]
137
00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:03,908
[Ritchie] Um, fall in, Johnny?
138
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:05,743
Out in a minute, wanker.
139
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,679
This had better be worth it.
140
00:13:26,681 --> 00:13:28,599
Now remember how you got here.
141
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:36,940
So that's it then.
142
00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:41,195
Lock me in the house of mystery
and throw away the key.
143
00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:44,365
You have no idea
what you've set in motion.
144
00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:47,869
Changing the earth's past
has created not a ripple,
145
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but a tidal wave of disturbance.
146
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:52,373
So, my spell had worked.
147
00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:56,502
And spectre, near-god wanker that he is,
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00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:59,839
took it upon himself to rap my knuckles.
149
00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:01,841
You will no longer be allowed
150
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to meddle with powers
you do not comprehend.
151
00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:06,095
Wait, wait, wait.
152
00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:08,097
What now, human?
153
00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:10,308
I didn't know it was against the rules.
154
00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:11,559
No matter.
155
00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:14,145
What I'm saying is that
others should understand
156
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the high price they'll pay
if they do what I did.
157
00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,069
Announce my sentence.
158
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:24,155
It'll be like putting out a warning cone
159
00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:27,158
on a dangerous street
for us puny mortals.
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00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:32,955
John constantine,
161
00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:36,376
for changing
your planet's past and future,
162
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you are sentenced to spend eternity
163
00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:41,130
in the house of mystery.
164
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:45,635
And, of course, I said something cheeky
to piss him off.
165
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,805
If you ever give up
this almost-god thing,
166
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,890
you'd be a fantastic town-crier.
167
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:53,142
You know, hear ye, hear ye!
168
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,731
Your outfit sucks!
169
00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:06,406
Where'd you learn to use the crapper?
170
00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:07,949
Bugger off.
171
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[Snarling]
172
00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:20,211
[Footsteps approaching]
173
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:23,506
After learning the truth,
174
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:27,427
the memory wipe and confusion spells
didn't work for long.
175
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[Grunts]
176
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This led to me being murdered.
177
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[Groans]
178
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:37,608
You'd think that would have
been the end of it?
179
00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:40,063
You'd be wrong.
180
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:44,777
The spectre's vengeance spell
kept resetting me back to square one.
181
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:49,240
So I got to experience death
at the hands of my friends,
182
00:15:49,323 --> 00:15:53,619
and loved ones over and over again.
183
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[Snarling]
184
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[Grunting]
185
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[Snarling]
186
00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:14,474
Got to the point
where the comical deaths
187
00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:16,142
were a nice change of pace.
188
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:20,313
Go to sleep, you little wanker!
189
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[Grunting]
190
00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:27,278
No telly for you!
191
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:41,334
[Panting]
192
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:56,515
[Growling]
193
00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:07,777
Victory! Yes!
194
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[Chomping]
195
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,076
And since the house of mystery
196
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is free from the bondings
of normal time,
197
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,874
the days turned into months.
198
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:24,251
Then years.
199
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,045
Then decades.
200
00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:28,839
[Fihuds]
201
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,425
And finally centuries.
202
00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:35,596
For me, time was nothing more
203
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,848
than a blood soaked blur.
204
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:41,476
And just when I thought
205
00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:43,813
things couldn't possibly
get any worse...
206
00:17:48,651 --> 00:17:49,819
You showed up.
207
00:17:51,946 --> 00:17:53,281
[Snarling]
208
00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:57,910
Nice to see you, John.
209
00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:01,497
I stand by my decision.
210
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:06,877
As I said, the world was shite
and none of us had very much to lose.
211
00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:08,462
[Hissing]
212
00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:14,260
[Nergal] Oh, I'll show you
how much you have to lose.
213
00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:18,097
[Chuckles]
214
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:20,224
Not ready yet, huh?
215
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:23,019
If the poker isn't cherry red,
216
00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:26,981
I find the victim
doesn't get the full effect.
217
00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:30,901
Anything worth doing
is worth doing right, eh, nergal?
218
00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:33,863
Indeed.
219
00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:37,742
When I heard the spectre's announcement
that you would spend eternity
220
00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:39,660
under glorified house arrest,
221
00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:42,330
I couldn't abide by that.
222
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:44,957
I own your soul.
223
00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:48,919
I should be the one
to mete out your punishment.
224
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,756
Mom always said, "fair's fair."
225
00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:54,884
You seem content
with your decision.
226
00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:58,054
Perhaps you think an eternity of torture
227
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:01,098
is worth what you
and your friends received.
228
00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:04,935
Well, challenge accepted.
229
00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:06,896
[Tremoring]
230
00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,191
What's this?
231
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:14,737
Did you think you were the only one
who wanted to torture me?
232
00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:19,825
Constantine, now I have you!
233
00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:22,370
What are you doing here?
234
00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:27,041
I'm about to torture
this wretch for eternity.
235
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:28,376
Wrong.
236
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,586
I'll be doing the torturing.
237
00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:33,881
I own his soul. See?
238
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:38,177
You sold your eternal soul, twice?
239
00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:39,302
'Course not.
240
00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:46,102
I, ashox, second of the fallen,
241
00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:49,355
come to claim this human's soul.
242
00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:52,024
I sold it three times.
243
00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:55,236
Over your dead body.
244
00:19:57,029 --> 00:20:00,533
I own his true soul contract.
245
00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:03,661
I will violently disagree.
246
00:20:04,245 --> 00:20:06,580
I demand you both leave this place.
247
00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:08,999
Or what, you pompous ass?
248
00:20:09,083 --> 00:20:12,378
Precedence. I claim precedence.
249
00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:21,011
[Chanting in other language]
250
00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:33,816
- How dare you?
- I will simply break the chains.
251
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:34,899
Don't do that.
252
00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:36,110
[Grunting]
253
00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:40,197
Can't you see the spell
is fueled by our own rage?
254
00:20:40,281 --> 00:20:41,282
Right you are, ashox.
255
00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:44,034
If you all manage to think nice thoughts
256
00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:45,536
about butterflies, kittens,
257
00:20:45,619 --> 00:20:48,456
shite like that,
the chains drop right off.
258
00:20:48,539 --> 00:20:50,374
I will kill you.
259
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:52,793
[Yelling]
260
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:56,255
Well, that's not a nice thought.
261
00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:58,841
I really have to thank you lot.
262
00:20:59,675 --> 00:21:01,635
I could have never gotten
out of here without you.
263
00:21:01,719 --> 00:21:05,765
See, spectre's much too powerful
for the mere mortal like myself.
264
00:21:05,973 --> 00:21:07,808
So I got him to tell you where I was.
265
00:21:07,975 --> 00:21:10,811
So you three arseholes
could break me out.
266
00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:14,607
- He tricked us!
- You're such a fool.
267
00:21:14,815 --> 00:21:17,568
Why didn't you begin
torturing him immediately?
268
00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:20,029
I was savoring the moment.
269
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:23,032
But who are you calling a fool,
270
00:21:23,157 --> 00:21:24,867
trapped right next to me?
271
00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:27,787
If the dunce cap fits, nergal.
272
00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:29,497
Enough talk!
273
00:21:29,705 --> 00:21:31,957
[Roaring, screaming]
274
00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:35,044
Cheers, wankers. See you never.
275
00:21:42,885 --> 00:21:45,179
Taking a stroll
in the world between worlds.
276
00:21:46,013 --> 00:21:47,264
Not bad, Johnny boy.
277
00:21:50,601 --> 00:21:51,601
Uh-oh.
278
00:21:57,525 --> 00:22:00,694
You were supposed to be
imprisoned for eternity.
279
00:22:00,778 --> 00:22:03,030
I guess eternity is not
what it used to be.
280
00:22:04,031 --> 00:22:07,785
- Apparently not.
- Well, off I go then.
281
00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:12,331
Don't you have anyone else
to bother, anyone at all?
282
00:22:12,623 --> 00:22:15,960
At the moment,
you are my most troublesome issue.
283
00:22:16,043 --> 00:22:17,043
What now?
284
00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:20,464
Wipe my memory
until I'm a piece of fruit,
285
00:22:20,548 --> 00:22:22,091
or continue using zee
286
00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:24,468
and the rest of my friends
to rip me apart.
287
00:22:24,552 --> 00:22:26,262
You mistake me, human.
288
00:22:26,554 --> 00:22:28,138
I meant you no ill intent.
289
00:22:28,639 --> 00:22:31,225
What, turning the love
of my life into a succubus,
290
00:22:31,308 --> 00:22:33,394
my best mates into demons?
291
00:22:33,894 --> 00:22:35,312
Seems ill to me.
292
00:22:35,479 --> 00:22:38,274
I put you in a place
where you could spend eternity
293
00:22:38,357 --> 00:22:42,570
with those closest to you
in an endless, perfect dream.
294
00:22:43,237 --> 00:22:46,156
You think yourself
unworthy of happiness.
295
00:22:46,782 --> 00:22:49,326
You are unwilling or unable
296
00:22:49,410 --> 00:22:53,080
to confine your failures
in the past to the past.
297
00:22:53,622 --> 00:22:58,294
- Even when those who died forgave you.
- Bloody hell!
298
00:22:59,837 --> 00:23:02,715
I did it... to myself.
299
00:23:03,757 --> 00:23:04,757
All of it.
300
00:23:05,843 --> 00:23:09,054
I turned zee into a monster
along with everyone else.
301
00:23:10,014 --> 00:23:11,181
I'm broken.
302
00:23:11,849 --> 00:23:15,769
Now, at last, you finally see.
303
00:23:17,021 --> 00:23:19,189
I accept my punishment, spectre.
304
00:23:19,648 --> 00:23:20,733
No more tricks.
305
00:23:21,150 --> 00:23:23,319
I'll stay put, forever.
306
00:23:23,944 --> 00:23:26,280
I tried to shield you
from the consequences
307
00:23:26,363 --> 00:23:27,531
of changing the past,
308
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:30,284
but that window is now closed.
309
00:23:30,993 --> 00:23:34,830
You know, you god-like beings
can be a real pain in my arse.
310
00:23:35,706 --> 00:23:37,374
Just tell me what you want!
311
00:23:38,292 --> 00:23:40,210
I? Nothing.
312
00:23:41,003 --> 00:23:43,923
It is the universe
that demands restitution.
313
00:23:44,465 --> 00:23:47,051
The universe is a living thing.
314
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,638
The wonders within exist for all of us.
315
00:23:55,351 --> 00:23:59,313
It's glorious. It is!
316
00:24:00,105 --> 00:24:01,482
I can see everything.
317
00:24:03,567 --> 00:24:05,069
I understand now.
318
00:24:05,361 --> 00:24:08,364
It's... [gasps] Wait!
319
00:24:12,159 --> 00:24:13,369
You were selfish.
320
00:24:14,078 --> 00:24:17,247
You caused the universe harm
by breaking its rules.
321
00:24:17,706 --> 00:24:21,627
And now, the universe
will exact its price.
322
00:24:21,835 --> 00:24:24,713
No, not this. Spectre, help me!
323
00:24:25,506 --> 00:24:26,632
Don't let this happen.
324
00:24:28,592 --> 00:24:30,970
Use your power, spectre. Kill me!
325
00:24:31,261 --> 00:24:33,806
Kill me!
326
00:24:36,266 --> 00:24:39,478
Woe to you, John constantine.
327
00:24:51,031 --> 00:24:52,199
[Theme music playing]
21419
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