All language subtitles for The Iceman Cometh pt.1

(liquid dripping)

(loud snoring)

Make it fast.

Don't want the boys
to get wise.

Jees!

(laughs)

Ain't the old bastard
a riot

when he starts
that bull about

"turnin' over a new leaf"?

"Not a damn drink
on the house," he tells me,

"and all these bums have gotta
pay up their room rent

beginning tomorrow,"
he says.

(both men laughing)

I'm glad to pay up...

tomorrow.

And I know my fellow inmates
will promise the same.

They've all
a touching credulity

concerning tomorrows.

It'll be a great day
for them tomorrow,

The Feast of All Fools.

And their ships will come in
loaded to the gunwales,

with cancelled regrets
and promises fulfilled,

and clean slates
and new leases.

Yeah, and a ton of hope!

Don't mock their faith.

You no respect
for religion,

you unregenerate Wop?

What does it matter
if the truth is

that their favoring breeze

will have the stink
of nickel whiskey

on its breath?

And their sea
will be a growler

of lager and ale?

And their ships will long since
be looted and scuttled,

and sunk
on the bottom?

The hell with the truth.

The history of the world
proves that truth

has no bearing
on anything.

It's the lie of the pipe dream
that gives life to the whole

misbegotten mad lot of us,

drunk or sober.

The old Foolosopher,
like Hickey calls you.

I suppose you don't fall
for no pipe dreams.

No, I don't.

Mine are dead and buried
behind me.

What's before me
is the fact

that death
is a fine long sleep.

I'm damn tired,

and it can't come
too soon for me.

Yeah, just hangin' around,
hopin' you croak, ain't you?

Well, I'm bettin' you have
a good long wait.

Jees, somebody'd have
to take an ax to croak you!

(both chuckling)

Yeah, it's my bad luck to be
cursed with an iron constitution

that even Harry's booze
can't corrode.

The old Anarchist wise guy

that knows
all the answers.

Forget the anarchist
part of it.

I'm through with
the Movement long since.

I saw that,
if men wanted to be safe

from themselves,

that would mean they'd
have to give up greed.

I wouldn't pay
that price for liberty.

So I said to the world,
"God bless all here

"and may
the best man win...

and die of gluttony."

I took a seat
in the grand stand

of philosophical detachment.

Fall asleep
observing the cannibals

do their death dance.

Ain't I telling him
the truth, Comrade Hugo?

Oh, for Chrissake!

Don't get
that bughouse bum started!

(thick Russian accent)
Capitalist swine!

Bourgeois stool pigeons!

Have the slaves
no right to sleep even?

(giggling)

Hello, little Rocky,

little monkey face!

Where are your little
slave girls?

(giggles)

Don't be a fool,
loan me a dollar!

Damned bourgeois Wop!

Buy me a drink!

(snoring)

He's out again.

He's lucky no one don't take
his cracks serious,

or he'd wake up every morning
in a hospital.

"Nobody takes him
seriously?"

That's his epitaph.

I've been through with
the Movement long since.

It's been through with him.

And thanks to whiskey,

He's the only one
that doesn't know it.

He's goin' to pull that
slave girl stuff on me

once too often.

Hell, you'd think
I was a pimp or somethin'.

A pimp don't hold a job.

I'm a bartender!

Them tarts,
Margie and Pearl,

they're just a sideline
to pick up some extra dough.

Strictly business,

like they were fighters

and I was their
manager, see?

I fixed the cops for them,
so they can hustle

without gettin' pinched.

And I don't beat 'em up
like a pimp would.

They like me!

What if I,
I take their money?

Tarts can't hang on
to dough.

But I'm a bartender

and I work hard
for my living

in this dump.

Shrewd businessman
who doesn't miss

an opportunity
to get on in the world, huh?

And that's me;

grab another ball,
Larry.

You'd never think
all these bums

had a bed upstairs
to go to.

Scared if
they hit the hay

they wouldn't be here
when Hickey showed up,

and they'd miss
a couple of drinks.

Me, it's not so much
the hope of booze,

but I've got the blues.

And Hickey's a great one
to make a joke of everything

and cheer you up.

Yes, some kidder!

Remember how he works up
that gag about his wife

when he's cockeyed?

Crying over a picture

and then spilling in
on you all of a sudden

that he left her in the hay
with the iceman?

(chuckles)

Yeah, I wonder
what's happenin'.

You could set your watch

by his periodicals
before this.

We always got here
a couple of days

before Harry's
birthday party,

and now he's only got
'till tonight to make it.

This dump...

(chuckles)

is like a morgue with
all these bums passed out.

It's a lie, Papa!

(sobbing)

Papa!

Poor devil.

Ah, the hell with pity!

It does no good,
I'm through with it.

Dreamin' about
his old man.

From what
the old timers say,

the old gent
sure made a pile of dough

on a bucket-shop game
before the cops got him.

Jees!

I've seen him bad before
but never this bad.

Look at that get-up.

Sold his suit and shoes
at Solly's two days ago.

Solly give him two bucks
and a bum outfit.

Yesterday he sells the bum
one back to Solly

for four bits

and gets these rags
to put out,

now he's through.

That's Solly's
final edition

and he wouldn't take back
for nothin'.

Willie sure is
on the bottom.

I ain't never seen
no one so bad except Hickey

on end of a couple
of his bats.

It's a great game,

the pursuit of happiness.

I don't even know
what to do about him.

He called up
his old lady's lawyer,

like he always does

when Willie gets licked.

You remember,

they used to send down
a private dick

to give him
the rush to a cure.

But the lawyer
tells Harry nix.

The old lady is off of Willie
for keeps this time,

and he can go to hell.

(grunting)

There's a consolation
he hasn't got far to go.

Ahhhh!

It's a goddamned lie!

Nix, nix!
Oh, papa!

Hey, you, nix!

Cut out the noise!
Oh, Jesus, papa!

Shhh!

Cut out the...

Who's that yelling?

Willie, boss,

the Brooklyn boys
is after him.

Then why don't you give
the poor fella a drink

and keep him quiet?

Bejees, can't I get a wink
of sleep in my own back room?

Listen to the blind-eyed
old bastard, would you?

He give me strict orders
not to let Willie

hang up no more drinks,
no matter what...

What's that?

I can't hear ya.

You're a cockeyed liar.

Never refused a drink
to anyone

needed bad in my life.

Told you to use
your judgment!

You're too busy
thinkin' up ways to cheat me.

And I ain't as blind
as ya think.

I can still see
a cash register, bejees.

Oh, sure boss,

swell chance
of foolin' you.

I'm wise to you
and your sidekick, Chuck.

Bejees, you're burglars,
not barkeeps!

You'd steal the pennies
of your dead mother's eyes.

I'll fire both of you.

No one never played
Harry Hope for a sucker.

No one but everybody.

The least you could do

is keep things quiet.

Give me a drink,
Rocky.

Harry said
it was all right.

God, I need a drink.

Then grab it,

it's right under your nose.

Thank you.

When!

When!

I didn't say
"Take a bath!"

Jees, look!

He's killed
a half pint or more!

Leave him be,
the poor devil.

(belches)

A half pint of
that dynamite in one swig

will fix him for a while,
if it doesn't kill him.

All right by me,
it ain't my booze.

Who-whose booze?

Give me some!

Where's Hickey?

What time is it,
Rocky?

Getting near time
to open up.

Time you begun
to sweep up in the bar.

Never mind the time.

If Hickey ain't come,

it's time Joe
went to sleep again.

Hey...

I got a idea!

Say, Larry,

what about
that young guy, Parritt?

Come look you up last night
and rented a room.

He's upstairs asleep.

No hope there, Joe,
he's broke.

Me and Rocky
know different.

He had a roll when he
paid you his room rent.

Didn't he, Rocky?

Yeah, he flashed it
like he forgot

and then
tried to hide it quick.

He did, did he?
Yeah.

I figured
he don't belong,

but he said he was
a friend of yours.

He's a liar!

Ah, it's true, his...

his mother and I
were friends

a few years ago
on the coast.

Did you read in the papers

about that
bombing on the coast

where a few people
were killed?

Well, the one woman
they pinched,

Rosa Parritt,
is his mother.

They'll be coming up
for trial soon,

they haven't got a chance.

She'll get life.

I'm telling you all this
so you'll know why,

if Don acts a bit queer
and not jump on him.

He's her only kid.

Why ain't he out there
stickin' by her?

Must be a good reason.

I get it.

Then what kind of a sap is he
to hang on to his right name?

I'm telling you,
I don't know.

And I don't want to know!

The hell with the Movement

and everybody
connected with it.

(laughing)

If there's one thing
more than another

I can't stand

it's the sucker game

you and Hugo calls
"Movement."

Reminds me of
a damn full argument

me and Mose Porter
had the other night.

He's drunk
and I'm drunker,

and he says,

"Socialists and anarchists,
we ought to shoot 'em dead."

I-I said:
"Hold on, hold on."

"You talk as if
the socialists"

"and anarchists
was the same thing."

"Anarchist..."

"never works."

"He drinks,
he never buys,"

and if you do ever
get a nickel,

"he blows it on bombs,

"but he wouldn't
give you nothin'.

"So you can go ahead
and shoot him.

"But, uh, socialists...

"sometimes he gets a job.

"If he gives 10 bucks,

"he's bound
by his religion

"to split it with ya
50-50.

"So you don't shoot
no socialist

"while I'm around.

"Of course,
if they broke,

then they're no-good,
bastards, too."

(giggling)

Be God, Joe!

You've got all
the beauty of human nature

and the practical wisdom
of the world

in that little parable.

(laughing)
Sure.

Larry ain't the only
wise guy in this dump.

Eh, Joe?

Here's your guy.

Hello, Larry.

Hello.

What's up?

Thought you'd be asleep.

I couldn't make it,

I, uh, thought I might see
if you were around.

Well...

sit down
and join the bums then.

The rules of the house
are that drinks may be served

at all hours.

Oh, I get you but, uh,
hell, I'm just about broke.

Oh, I know,
you guys saw...

You think I have a roll,
don't you?

Well, I'll show you
you're wrong.

You see?

They're all one's.

See, I've got to live on this
'till I get a job.

So you think I made
up a phony, don't you?

Well, why the hell
would I do that?

Where would I get
a roll anyway?

You don't get rich doin'
what I've been doin', ask Larry.

You're lucky in the Movement,
you get enough to eat.

What's the song
and dance about?

We ain't said nothin'.

Oh... Oh, I was just tryin'
to put you right.

Hey, I don't want you
to think I'm a tightwad.

I'll buy you a drink
if you want one.

"If?"

Man, if I don't want
a drink,

you call the morgue
and you tell them.

"Come take
Joe's body away,

'cause he sure look dead."

Now gimme the bottle,
quick, Rocky,

before he changes
his mind.

I'll take a cigar
when I go in the bar.

What are you havin'?

Oh, nothin',
I'm on the wagon.

What's the damage?

15 cents.

That must be some booze.

It's cyanide
cut with carbolic acid,

to give it a mellow flavor.

Here's luck.

I guess I'll get back
in the bar

and catch
a couple of winks

before opening up time.

One-drink guy.

No hope till
Harry's birthday party,

unless Hickey
shows up.

If Hickey
do come later,

you wake me up

if you have to bat me
with a chair.

(laughing)

Who's Hickey?

A hardware drummer.

He's an old friend
of Harry Hope's

and all the gang.

He's a grand guy.

Comes here twice
a year regularly

on a periodical drunk,

and blows in
all his dough.

He doesn't run into anyone
he knows in his business here.

Oh, yes, that's what
I want, too, Larry.

But like I told you
last night,

I gotta stay undercover.

You did a lot of hinting,

but you didn't
tell me anything.

Well, you can guess,
can't you?

So what kind
of joint is this, anyway?

This?

This is
"No Chance Saloon,".

"Bedrock Bar,."

"End of The Line Café,."

"The Bottom of the Sea
Rathskeller."

Don't you notice
the beautiful calm

in the atmosphere?

That's because
this is the last harbor.

No one here has to worry about
where they're going next,

'cause they can
go no further.

Although even here

they keep up
the appearance of life

with a few harmless
pipe dreams

about their yesterdays
and tomorrows.

What's your
pipe dream, Larry?

Oh, I'm the exception...

I haven't any left,
thank God.

Don't complain
about this place,

you couldn't find a better
for lying low.

Oh, I'm glad of that.

I got, uh,
knocked off base

by that business
in the coast.

Since then it's been no fun
dodging around the country

thinking every guy you see
might be a dick.

You're safe here,

cops ignore this dump.

(sighs)

They think it's
as harmless as a graveyard.

And be God, you know,
they're right.

And it's been lonely as hell.

Christ, I'm glad
I found you, Larry.

You know, I kept,
I kept saying to myself:

If I can just find Larry,
he's the one guy in the world

who can understand.

"Understand" what?

All I've been through.

Oh...

Oh, now you're thinking,
"This guy has a hell of a nerve.

I haven't seen him
since he was a kid."

Well, I've never
forgotten you, Larry.

You're the one
friend of mother's

who ever paid any
attention to me.

I remember you used
to ask me questions,

you took what I said
seriously?

I guess I got the feeling
in the years you lived with us,

you'd sort-of, you know,
taken the place of my old man.

I don't suppose
you remember it.

Ah, I remember it
very well.

You were a lonely,
serious little shaver then.

Why didn't they
pick you up

when they got your mother
and the rest?

Oh, I wasn't around.

And, as soon as
I heard the news,

I went under cover.

You've noticed
my glad rags here,

well, I will stake to them
as a disguise,

and then I, you know,
hung around gambling joints

and pool halls,
and hooker shops.

Places where they wouldn't
look for a Wobblie.

By pretending I was a...

a sport.

Anyway, they picked up
everybody who was,

you know, really important,
so I guess they didn't

think about me
till afterwards.

Like you say,
the cops got them.

The Burns dicks
knew every move before hand.

Somebody in the movement
must have sold out

and tipped them off.

Yeah, it hasn't come out
who it was yet,

it may never come out.

I guess who it was must've made
a bargain with the Burns men

to keep him out of it.

Be God...

I hate to believe
it'd be any of that crowd.

All I know,
they were damned fools!

As stupidly greedy for power
as any capitalist they attacked,

but I'd have sworn there
wasn't a yellow stool pigeon

among 'em.

Yeah, they'd sworn
that, too, Larry.

I hope his soul
rots in hell,

whoever it is.

Yes, so do I.

How did you locate me?

Oh, through mother.

I told her
not to tell anyone.

Oh, uh, no,
she didn't tell me,

but she kept
all your letters.

I found where
she'd hid them,

and I sneaked up there
after she was arrested.

Never would've thought
she was a woman

who kept letters.

No, I wouldn't either.

There's nothing soft
or sentimental about mother.

I haven't written her
for two years,

or anyone else.

You know, it's funny she kept
in touch with you for so long.

When she's finished with someone
she's finished with them.

And you know how she feels
about the Movement.

Anyone that loses
their faith in it

is more than dead to her.

Yet she seemed
to forgive you.

She didn't.

She wrote to denounce me,

and bring the sinner
to repentance.

Well, then what made you leave
the Movement, Larry?

Was it on mother's account?

Who the hell put that idea
in your head?

Well, nothing,
it's just I remember that,

little fight you had with her
just before you left.

Well, if you do I don't,
that was 11 years ago.

You were only
seven years old.

If we quarreled

it was because I told her
I became convinced

that the Movement

was a beautiful
pipe dream.

Oh, I don't remember it
that way.

Well, blame it on
your imagination

and forget it.

You asked me
why I quit the Movement.

I had a lot of good reasons.

One was myself,

another was my comrades.

And the last
was that breed of swine

called "men in general."

As for myself...

I'd become convinced

after 30 years
of devotion to the cause

that I wasn't made for it.

I was born condemned
to see both sides of a question.

And when
you're damned that way...

the questions multiply
until the end,

they're all questions

and no answers.

As history proves,

to be a worldly success
at anything

especially revolution,

you've got to wear
blinders like a horse

and only see
what's straight ahead of you.

As for
my comrades

in the great cause,

I've thought about them as
Horace Walpole did about England

when he said
he could love it,

if it wasn't for
the people in it.

(laughing)

Well, that's why
I quit the cause.

You see, it had nothing
to do with your mother.

Well, but I bet mother
always thought

it was on her account.

I mean, you know her, Larry,
to hear her go on sometimes

you'd think
she was the Movement.

That's a hell of a thing to say
after what happened to her.

Oh, no,
it wasn't sneering.

I said the same thing to her
lots of times,

you know, to kid her.

I know I shouldn't now,
but I keep forgetting

she's jail, she...

seemed so real to me,
she's always been so free.

I don't want to even
wanna think about it.

So what have you been doing
all these years since you le...

ah, you know,
left the coast, Larry?

I've been a
philosophical drunken bum,

and proud of it.

I hope you've deduced

why I answer a lot
of impertinent questions

from a total stranger.

For that's all you are to me.

I have a hunch you came
to get something from me.

Well, I have no answers, no,
not even for myself.

Unless you can call

what Heine wrote in his poem
to Morphine an answer.

"Lo, sleep is good,

"better is death.

"In sooth,
the best of all,

were never to be born."

That's a hell of an answer.

Still, you never may know
when it might come in handy.

I don't suppose
you've had a chance

to get any news of your mother
since she was in jail?

Oh, no, no chance.

Anyway, I don't think
she really wants to talk to me.

See, we got in this fight

just before
that business happened.

She bawled me out because
I was going around with tarts.

I told her, "You always acted
the free woman",

you've never let
anything stop you."

Anyway, she told me that she
didn't give a damn what I did,

except she began to suspect
that I was losing interest

in the Movement.

And where you?
Sure I was.

I couldn't go on forever
believing that gang

was gonna change the world
by shooting off their loud traps

on soap boxes, sneaking around
trying to blow up a bridge

or a lousy building.

And then I finally got wise

that it was all
a crazy pipe dream.

And then this business
of someone selling out,

that's what finished me off.

You can understand
how I feel, can't you, Larry?

"The days grow hot,
O Babylon!

"It's cool

beneath thy willow trees!"

Goddamned stool pigeon!

What,
what do you mean?

You can't call me that!

(laughing)

Hello, little Don!

(laughing)

I didn't recognize you!

You've grown, big boy!

How's your mother?

Don't be a fool!

Loan me a dollar.

Buy me a drink!

Sure, I'll buy you
a drink, Hugo.

I'm sorry, got, uh,

I got sore at you there.

I ought to remember
that when you're sauced,

you call everyone
"stool pigeon," ah?

It's just no damn joke
right at this time.

(snores)

Oh, gee,
he passed out again.

What are you giving me
the hard look for, Larry?

You thought
I was gonna to hit him?

What do you think I am?

I always stood up for him
when everybody in the Movement

panned him for
an old drunken has-been!

He had the guts to serve

10 years in the can
in his own country,

got his eyes ruined
in solitary.

I'd like to see
some of 'em here stick that.

Well, they're gonna
get their chance now tha...

Hey, Larry, tell me
more about this dump.

Who are all these, uh,
these tanks in here?

Who's that guy over there
trying to catch pneumonia?

That's Captain Lewis,

one time hero

in The British Army.

He strips
to display that scar,

which he got from
a native spear,

whenever he's
completely plastered.

The bewhiskered bloke
next to him

is General Wetjoen,

who led a commando
in the war.

They met up when they worked
in The Boer War Spectacle

in the St. Louis Fair,

and they've been
bosom friends ever since.

They dream away the hours
and happy dispute

over the brave days
in South Africa,

when they were trying
to murder each other.

He was in it, too.

Correspondent for some
English paper.

His nickname here
is Jimmy Tomorrow.

But what do they do
for a living?

As little as possible.

(laughs)

Once in a while
one of them makes

a successful touch somewhere,

and some of them get
a few dollars a month

from connections at home,

who pay it on the condition
that they never come back.

The rest
live on free lunch

and their old friend
Harry Hope,

who doesn't give a damn
what a man does

or doesn't do,

as long as he likes 'em.

That must be a tough life.

Don't waste your pity.

They manage to stay drunk
and keep their pipe dreams,

and that's all they ask
out of life.

It isn't often
that men attain

the true goal
of their heart's desire.

And that applies
to Harry himself.

He's so satisfied with life

that he hasn't set foot
out of this place

since his wife died
20 years ago.

He has no need
of the outside world.

Place does a fine trade from
the market across the street

and the dock workers.

So in spite
of Harry's thirst

and his generous heart,
he comes out even.

He never worries
about hard times,

as long as there's
friends from the old days

when he was a
jitney Tammany politician

and the friendly brewery
that tied him over.

Pat McGloin, his pal
sitting beside him,

was a police lieutenant
in the lush times of graft,

when everything went,

but he got too greedy.

And when the usual reform
investigation came along,

he was caught red handed

and thrown off the force.

Joe there ran a colored
gambling house, and,

was a hell of a sport.

(laughs)

Well, that completes
our family circle of inmates,

except for the two barkeeps
and their girls,

three ladies of the pavement
that room on the third floor.

I never wanna see
a whore again.

I mean, they always
get you in dutch.

Why omit me from your.

"Who's Who
in Dipsomania," Larry?

It's an unpardonable
slight...

that's generous, stranger.

I trust you're generous.

I was born in the purple,

the son... hmm,

but unfortunately not the heir
of the late world-famous.

Bill Oban,

king of the bucket shops.

A revolution deposed him,

he was sent into exile.

The fact,
not to mince matters,

(giggling)

they locked him in the can
and threw away the key.

Alas,

his was
an adventurous spirit

that pined in confinement...

and so he died!

That's tough luck.

Hmm, hmm.

Even in Harvard
I discovered my father was...

well known
by reputation.

Although that was
sometime before

the district attorney
gave him

so much
unwelcomed publicity.

Even as a freshman,
I was notorious.

I was accepted socially,

with all the warm
cordiality that, uh,

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow,

who could've shown
a drunken Negress

dancing the can can
at high noon

on Brattle Street.

Harvard was my father's idea.

But I did make myself
a brilliant student!

A dirty trick
on my classmates...

inspired by revenge,
I fear.

And I, I, I was
a brilliant student

in Law School, too!

And my father

wanted a
lawyer in the family.

Oh, a thorough
knowledge of the law

close at hand
in the house,

to help him find
fresh ways to evade it.

But I discovered

a loophole in whiskey.

And so,

escaped his jurisdiction.

Speaking of whiskey,
sir, reminds me,

and I hope reminds you,

that when greeting a prince,

the customary salutation
is "What'll you have?"

Nix!

All you guys think
I'm made of dough!

Broke?

You haven't the thirsty look
of the impecunious.

I'd judge you
to be a plutocrat,

your pocket's stuffed
with ill-gotten gains.

Two or three dollars
at least.

Don't think we question
how you got it.

What do you mean
"How I got it"?

That's a laugh,
isn't it, Larry?

Him thinking me
a plutocrat?

When I've been in
the Movement all my life?

Ah, one of those,
eh?

Why don't you go away
and blow yourself up?

That's a good lad.

Hugo...

Hugo is the only
licensed preacher

of that gospel here.

Oh, dangerous
terrorist Hugo!

He'd as soon blow the collar
off a schooner of beer

as look at you.

Let us ignore this
useless youth, Larry,

And let us join in prayer

that Hickey,
the great salesman,

will soon arrive bringing

the blessed bourgeoisie
long green.

Would that Hickey

or Death would come, uh?

(laughs)

Meanwhile,

I will sing a song.

A beautiful old
New England folk ballad,

which I'd picked at Harvard
amid de debris of education.

* Oh

* Jack oh Jack
was a sailor lad *

* And he went to
a tavern for gin *

* And he rapped
and he rapped with a *

(loud tapping)

* But

* Never a soul
seemed in *

The origin of this
beautiful ditty

is veiled
in mystery, Larry.

There was a legend
bruited about

in Cambridge lavatories

that Waldo Emerson
composed it

during his uninformative period
as a minister

while he was trying
to write a sermon.

But my own view

is that it goes back
much further,

and Jonathan Edwards
is the author of both words

and the music.

* Oh he
rapped and rapped *

* And he tapped
and tapped *

* Enough to wake the dead

* 'Till he heard
a damsel *

(tapping)

* On a window

* Right over his head *

Rocky!

Bejees,

can't you keep that
crazy bastard quiet?

And now the influence
of a good woman

enters our
mariner's lifeline.

Well, perhaps "good"
isn't the word,

but very, very kind.

* "Oh

* Come up" she cried
"my sailor lad" *

* And you
and I'll agree *

* And I'll show you
the prettiest *

(tapping)

* That ever you ever
did see *

You see, Larry?

The lewd puritan touch,
obviously,

and it grows more marked

as we go on.

* Oh, he puts his arms

* Around her waist

* And gazed in her bright

* blue eyes *

Piano?

What do you think
this dump is, a dump?

Give him a bum's
rush upstairs.

Lock him in his room.

Come on.

No, please, Rocky, I'll go crazy
up in that room alone!

It's haunted!

Please, Larry,
please!

Let me stay here,
I'll be quiet!

What the hell you
doin' to him, Rocky?

Leave him alone...

as long as he's quiet.

Thanks, Harry,

you're a good scout.

Booze.

Yeah,

can't trust nobody.

Leave it to that Dago
to keep order

and it's like bedlam
in a cathouse!

Singin' and everything.

And you, a big barfly,

you're a hell
of a help to me.

There ain't gonna be
no more drinks on the house

'till hell freezes over.

(laughing)

Good God.

Have I been drinking
at the same table

with a bloody Kaffir?

Hello, captain,

you comin' up for air?

(laughing)

A "Kaffir,"

who's he?

"Kaffir,"
that's a nigger, Joe.

That's joke on him, Joe,

he don't know you.

He's still blind drunk.

A great mistake,

I missed him at The Battle
of Modder River.

With mine rifle

I shoot

damn fool Limey officers

by the dozen,

but him I miss.

(laughing)

Hey, wake up,
Cecil, you bloody fool.

Don't you know
your old friend Joe?

He's white, Joe is!

(laughing)

Oh, profound apologies,

Joseph, old chum.

Eyesight's a trifle
blurry, I'm afraid.

Whitest colored man
I ever knew.

Proud to call you
my friend.

Oh, I know
it's mistake, captain.

You here is a regular,

even if you
is a Limey.

(laughing)

But I don't stand for "nigger"
from nobody.

In the old days,
somebody calls me a "nigger"

he ends up in the hospital.

Me, in old days
in Transvaal,

I was so tough!

And strong!

I, I grab axle

of ox wagon,

with full load,

and lift like feather.

As for you,

my balmy Boer
that walks like a man,

I say it again,

It was a grave error
in our foreign policy

ever to set you free.

Well, now,
Cecil, Piet!

We must forget
the war.

Boer and Britain,
each fought fairly

and played the game
until the better man won,

and then we shook hands.

We are all brothers
within The Empire,

united beneath the flag

on which the sun
never sets.

* Ship me somewhere

* East of Suez

* Where the best

* Is like
the worst *

* Where there ain't

* No Ten Commandments

* And a man can raise

* A thirst

* On the road

* To Mandalay

* Where the flyin' fishes

* Play

* And the dawn

* Comes up
like thunder *

* Outer China

* 'Crost the Bay *

God, you're there
already, Jimmy.

Worst is best here,

and east is west,

and tomorrow
is yesterday.

What more do you want?

Come now, Larry,
old friend.

You pretend a bitter,

cynic philosophy,

but in your heart

you are the kindest man
among us.

The hell you say.

Tomorrow, yes.

It's high time

I got myself
straightened out.

I must have this suit

cleaned and pressed.

I can't look like
a tramp when I...

Yes, sir,

white folks always said
I was white.

In the days
when I was flush,

Joe Mott's the only colored man
they allows

in the white
gamblin' houses.

"You're all right, Joe,

you're white,"

they tells me.

(laughs)

They wouldn't let me
play craps, though.

'Cause they knew I could
make them dice behave.

"Any other game,

any limit you like, Joe,"

they says.

Man, the money I lost.

(chuckling)

Yeah...

look at the
Big Chief in them days.

He knew I was white.

I'd saved my dough

so I could start
my own gamblin' house.

Folks in the know
they tells me,

"You see the man
at the top,

"then you never has trouble.

You get Harry Hope to give you
a letter to the Chief."

And he does.

(chuckles)

Ain't that right,
Harry?

Eh?

Sure,
I gave you a letter.

I says you was white.

There, you see,
captain?

I went to see the Chief,
shakin' in my boots,

and there he was,

sittin' behind
a big desk,

lookin' as big
as a freight train.

He don't look up.

He keeps me
waitin' and waitin',

and after what seems
like an hour to me,

he says slow and quiet,

like he didn't mean no harm,

"You want to open a
gamblin' joint, does you, Joe?"

But he don't give
me no chance to answer.

He jumps up,

lookin' as big as
two freight trains,

and he pounds his fist
like a ham on the desk,

and he shouts,

"You black son of a bitch!

"Harry says you're white
and you better be white!

"Or there's a little iron room
up the river

waitin' for ya!"

Then he sits down,

and he says,
quiet again,

"All right, you can open,
get the hell outta here."

So I opens,

and he finds out
I was white, sure 'nuff.

'Cause I run
wide open for years

and I pays my sugar
on the dot,

and me and the cops
is friends.

Them old days!

Many's the night
I used to come in here.

(laughs)

This used to be a
first-class hangout for sports

in them days.

Good whiskey,

15 cents,
two for two bits.

(laughs)

I throws down
a $50 bill

like it was trash paper!

And I says,

"Drink it up,
boys,

I don't want the change."

Ain't that right,
Harry?

Yes,

and bejees,
if I ever see you throw

50 cents on the bar now,

I'd know I had
delirium tremens!

(men laughing)

Well thanks, Harry,
old chum.

I will have a drink,
now you mention it,

seeing it's so near
your birthday.

I sorry,
can't hear you.

(sighs)

No, I was afraid
you wouldn't.

I don't have
to hear you, bejees.

Booze is the only thing
you ever talk about.

True, true.

Yet there was a time
when my conversation

was more comprehensive.

But as I became
burdened with the years,

it seemed rather pointless
to discuss my other subject.

You can't joke with me.

How much room rent
do you owe me?

Tell me that!

I'm sorry.

(chuckles)

Adding always
baffled me,

subtraction's my forte.

(men laughing)

Oh, think
you're funny.

Captain, bejees,

showin' off your wounds.

Put on your clothes,
for Chrissake!

This ain't
no Turkish bath!

Lousy Limey army.

Took 'em years

to lick a gang
of Dutch hayseeds.

That's right, Harry,
give him hell!

I give you
my word of honor,

as an officer
and a gentleman,

you shall be paid
tomorrow.

We swear it,
Harry,

tomorrow without fail!

There you are,
Harry.

Sure,
what could be fairer?

A promise is a promise,
as I've often discovered.

Naming you, too...

old grafting flatfoot.

Fine company for me,
bejees!

Been livin' in my flat
since Christ knows when,

and you ain't even
got the decency

to get me upstairs,
where I got a good bed!

Kept me down here

waitin' for Hickey
to show up,

hopin' I'd blow you
to more drinks!

I did my damnedest
to get you up.

But you said
you couldn't bear the flat

because it was
one of those nights

when memory brought

poor old Bessie
back to you.

Ah, yes...

I remember now.

I could almost
see her in every room

just as she used to be...

and it's 20 years
since I...

Isn't a pipe dream
of yesterday a touching thing?

By all accounts,
20 years...

Bessie nagged the hell
out of him.

And I've never set foot
out of this house

since the day
I buried her.

Once she's gone, I didn't
give a damn for anything.

The boys was gonna
nominate me for Alderman.

Mm, Bessie wanted it,

and she was so proud.

But when she was taken,

I told 'em,
"No, boys, I can't do it.

I'm through."

I know, Lord,

why Bessie
would appreciate my grief.

She wouldn't want it
to keep me cooped up in here

all my life.

So I've made up my mind
to go out soon.

Take a walk around the ward,

see all the friends
I used to know.

Get together with the boys.

(hits table)
My birthday, tomorrow!

That'd be the right time
to turn over a new leaf!

60, that ain't too old.

The prime of life, Harry.

Hmm.

Time I took hold of myself.

Tomorrow
I must get my things

from the laundry.

Clean collar and shirt.

If I wash the ones
I've got on anymore,

they'll fall apart.

(chuckles)

I must make
a good appearance.

I've heard rumors management

were at their wits' end

and would be
only too willing

to have me run
the publicity department

for them again.

All I have to do
is get fixed up

with a decent
front tomorrow,

and it's as good as done.

Poor Jimmy's off
on his pipe dream again.

I'm sorry
we had to postpone

our trip again
this April, Piet.

I'd hoped
the blasted old estate

would be settled by then.

We'll make it next year,

even if we have to work

and earn
our passage money.

You'll stay with me
at the old place

just as long as you like.

England in April.

Oh, I want you
to see that, Piet.

I admit that the veldt
has its points,

but it's not home.

Especially home in April.

* We've been
together now *

* For 40 years

* And it don't seem

* A day too much

* There ain't a lady

* Livin' in the land

* As I'd swop

* For me dear old Dutch

* There ain't a lady

* Livin' in the land

* As I'd swop

* For me dear

* Old Dutch *

Yeah, Cecil,
I can see

how beautiful
it must be,

but I will enjoy

when I am home, too.

The veldt, ya!

You could put
England on it,

and it would look like a

farmer's small garden.

By God,

there is space to be free,

the air...

(sniffs)

like wine is,

you don't need booze
to be drunk.

I'll make my stake and

get my new
gamblin' house open

before you boys leave.

You gotta come
to the openin'.

Bejees,
Jimmy's started them off

smoking the same hop.

Be God!

This bughouse will drive me
stark, raving loony yet!

What, what'd you say?

Nothing, Harry.

I had a crazy thought
in my head.

Crazy is right,

the old wise guy.

Damned old fool Anarchist.

I-Won't-Worker!

You'll pay up tomorrow,

or I'll,

I'll start
a Harry Hope Revolution!

(chuckles)

I'll tie a dispossess bomb
to your tails

that'll blow you out
in the street!

(chuckles)

I'll, I'll make
your Movement move!

(men laughing)

Sure it's hot,
parching work

sittin' here laughin' at your
jokes so early in the morning...

on an empty stomach.

Who asked you
to laugh anyway?

Bejees, Bessie'd
never forgive me

if she knew I had you
living in her flat,

throwing ashes
and cigar butts

on her carpet.

You know her opinion
of you, Mac.

"That Pat McGloin
is the biggest drunken grafter

that ever disgraced
the police force,"

she used to say.

"If I had my way

"he'd get booted up
in the gutter

of his fat behind."

And sometimes she didn't say
"behind" either.

(laughs)

She didn't mean it.

She was angry at me because
you used to get me drunk.

Hmm.

But Bess,

she had a heart of gold
underneath her sharpness.

She knew I was innocent

of all the charges.

(slamming table with glass)

One moment, please.

Lieutenant McGloin!

Are you aware that
you're under oath?

You know what the penalty
for perjury is?

Come now, lieutenant.

Isn't it a fact
you're guilty as hell?

No, don't say
"How about your old man?"

I'm asking
the questions!

Gentlemen of the Jury!

The court
will now recess

while the D.A. sings out
a little ditty

that he learned at Harvard.

It was composed
in a wanton moment

by the Dean
of the Divinity School

on a moonlight night
in July, 1776,

while sobering up
in a Turkish bath.

* "Oh come up,"

* She cried
"my sailor lad *"

* And you and I'll agree

* And I'll show you
the prettiest *

(slamming table)
Rocky!

* Aay! *
Yi.

Harry, please, please!

Don't make Rocky
bounce me upstairs,

I'll go crazy alone!

I apologize,

I apologize, Mac.

Don't get sore,
I was only kidding you.

You will let me...

take your case?

Won't you, Mac?

Yeah, sure Willie,

and it'll make
your reputation.

Hey, Mac.

What the hell you thinks
happened to Hickey?

I hope he turns up.

(chuckles)

You remember that gag
he always pulls

about his wife
and the iceman?

(men laughing)

Opening time, boss.

Why don't you go
to bed, Boss?

Hickey'd never turn up
this time of the mornin'.

Someone's comin' now!

Oh, that's only
my two pigs,

it's about time
they showed.

You keep them
dumb broads quiet!

I'm gonna catch
a couple more winks here,

and I don't want no damn fool
laughin' and screechin'.

Hey.

Never thought
I'd see the day

when Harry Hope's
would have tarts living in.

What would Bessie
think, hmm?

But he don't let 'em use
my rooms for business.

Pay their rent, too,

which is more than
I can say for...

Bejees, Mac,

I, I'll bet
Bessie's doin' somersaults

in her grave!

(women giggling)

Hello.

Jees, Pearl.

This place is a morgue

with all these stiffs
on deck.

Hey, you Old Wise Guy,

ain't you died yet?

Not yet, Margie.

But I'm waiting impatiently
for the end.

Yeah.

Hey, who's the new guy?

Friend of yours?

Hey, kid!

You wanna have
a good time, huh?

Hey, hell with him!

You dumb broads!

Cut the loud talk!

Sit down before
I knock you down!

Ohh, you!

What, what, what, what?

(sighs)

Well, how do you
tramps do?

Ah, pretty good,
uh, Pearl?

Sure, we nailed
a couple of all-night guys.

On Sixth Avenue,
boobs from the sticks.

Stinko,
the both of 'em!

We think
we's in luck you know,

so we steers them
to a real hotel.

We figured they're too stinko
to bother us much

and we could cop
a good night sleep in beds

that ain't got cobble stones
in the mattress like the ones

in this dump.
Yeah,

but we was outta luck.

They didn't bother
us much that way,

but they wouldn't
go to sleep either, see?

Jees, I never heard
such gabby guys!

So... here we are.

Yeah, I see you,

but I don't see
no dough yet.

Right on the job,
ain't he, Margie?

Yeah, our little
business man, that's him.

Come on, dig!

What, you're scared
we're holdin' out on you?

Way he grabs, you'd think
it was him done the work.

Here you are,
grafter!

I hope it chokes you!

Hey, you dumb baby dolls
give me a pain.

What would you do
with money if I wasn't around?

Give it all
to some pimp.

Jees, what's
the difference?

Oh, didn't mean that,
Rocky.

A lot of difference,
get me?

Sure,
don't get sore.

Jees, can't you take
a little kiddin'?

Hey, come on, Rocky!

Pearl was only kiddin'.

We know you don't live off us,
you got a regular job.

That's why we like you,

you're a bartender.

Sure, I'm a bartender,

and I treat you girls
right, don't I?

(together)
Yeah.

Jees, I'm wise
you hold out on me,

but I know it ain't much.

So what the hell,
I let you get away with it.

(both laughing)

Hey, you know ought not
kid him about that stuff.

Serves you right
if he beats you up.

Jees, I'd bet he'd give you an
awful beatin' once he started.

Ginnies got
awful tempers.

Anyways,

we wouldn't keep no pimp
like we were regular old whores.

We ain't that bad.

Oh, no, we're tarts,
but that's all.

Right.

Ahh!

Hey, Rocky.

Cora got back
around 3:00 o'clock.

She woke up Chuck

and dragged him
outta the hay

to go to for a
chop suey joint.

Imagine him standin'
for that stuff!

I bet they been sittin' around
kiddin' themselves

with that old pipe dream
about gettin' married

and settlin' down
on a farm.

Jees, when Chuck's
on the wagon,

they never
lay off that dope.

Yeah,

of all the pipe dreams
in this dump,

they got the nuttiest.

They been dreamin' it
for years,

every time
Chuck goes on the wagon.

What would gettin'
married get them?

But the farm stuff
is the sappiest part.

When both of 'em have been
dragged up in this ward,

and ain't never been
nearer a farm

than Coney Island.

They'd get D.T.'s

if they ever heard
a cricket chirp.

I heard crickets once,

on my cousin's place
in Jersey,

I couldn't sleep a wink.

Jees, can you picture
a good barkeep like Chuck

diggin' spuds?

And imagine a whore
hustlin' the cows home.

Hey, Rocky,

you oughtn't
to call Cora that.

I mean, she may be
a tart, but...

Oh sure, sure,
that's all I meant, a tart.

Yeah, but he's right about
the damned cows, Margie.

I bet Cora don't know

which end of the cow
has the horns!

I'm goin' to ask her.

Here's your chance.

Hello, bums!

Jees...

the morgue
on a rainy Sunday night.

Hello, Old Wise Guy,
ain't you croaked yet?

Not yet, Cora.

Damned tiring
this waiting for the end.

Aw, go on,
you'll never die.

You'll have to hire someone
to croak you with an axe.

Hey, you dumb hooker,

cut the loud talk.

This ain't a cathouse.

Ohh!

(Maggie)
Hey, Cora, how you doin'?

(Pearl) Hey, Chuck,
what's happening?

(women giggling)

If I'd known this dump
was a hooker hangout,

I'd never come in.

You seem down
on the ladies.

I hate every bitch
that ever lived.

Well, you can understand
how I feel, can't you?

When it was gettin'
mixed up with a tart

that made me have
that fight with mother.

Well, what the hell
does it matter to you?

You're in the grandstand,
you're through with life.

I'm glad
you remember that.

Who's the guy with Larry?

A tightwad,
the hell with him.

Say, Cora,

wise me up.

Which end of the cow
is the horns on?

Aw, don't bring that up.

Me and this overgrown tramp's
been scrappin' about the farm.

He says Jersey's the best place,
and I said Long Island

on account it will be
near Coney.

And then I tells him,

"How do I know you're off
of periodicals for life?"

And I tells her
"I'm off the stuff for life."

Then she beefs
we won't be married a month

before I'll throw it
in her face she was a tart.

"Jees, baby,"
I tells her, "Why should I?

"What the hell you think
I think I'm marryin', a virgin?

"Why should I kick

"as long as you lay off it
and don't do no cheatin'

with the iceman or nobody?"

It's on the level, baby.

Eh?

Aw, you big tramp.

Can you tie it?

I'll buy a drink,
I'll do anything.

No, this round's on me!

I run into luck.

That's why I dragged
Chuck outta bed to celebrate.

It was a sailor,
I rolled him.

Listen,
it was a scream.

My dogs was givin' out
when I seen this guy

holdin' up a lamp post,

so I hurry to get him
before a cop did.

I says,
"Hello, handsome,

wanna have a good time?"

Jees, he was paralyzed!

One of them polite jags.

He tries to bow to me,
imagine,

and I had to prop him up
or he'd fell on his nose.

"Lady," he says,

"can you kindly tell me
the nearest way

to the Museum
of Natural History?"

(laughing)

Can you imagine?

It's 2:00 A.M.!

As if I'd know where
the dump was anyway.

But I says,
"Sure thing, honey boy,".

"I'll be only too glad."

So I steered him into a
side street where it was dark,

and propped him against a wall
and I give him a frisk.

And what do you
think he done?

I mean, Jees,
I ain't lyin',

he begins to laugh,
the big sap!

(laughing)

"Quit ticklin' me," he says,

while I was friskin' him
for his roll!

I near died!

Then I turned him 'round and
give him a shove to start him.

"Just keep goin',"
I told him.

"It's a big white building
on your right,

you can't miss it."

Ohh!

He must be swimmin' in
the North River yet.

Ain't Uncle Sam the sap

to trust guys like that
with dough?

Well, I picked 12 bucks
off of him.

So come on, Rocky,
set 'em up.

Oh, say, Chuck's kiddin'
about the iceman a minute ago

reminds me,
where the hell's Hickey?

That's what
we're all wonderin'.

Well, he oughta be here!

Me and Chuck seen him.

You've seen Hickey?
Yeah.

Hey, boss!

Boss, boss,
come to.

Cora's seen Hickey.

Where'd you see him,
Cora?

Right on the next corner,
he was standin' there.

We said,
"Welcome to our city!

"The gang's expectin' ya
with their tongues hangin' out

a yard long."

And I kidded him,
"How's the iceman, Hickey?

How's he doin'
at your house?"

And he laughs
and says, "Fine."

And then he says,

"Tell the gang
I'll be along in a minute.

"I'm just finishin'
figurin' out the best way

to save 'em
and bring 'em peace."

Bejees, he's thought up
a new gag!

(chuckles)

It's a wonder he didn't borrow
a Salvation Army uniform

and show up in that!

Go out and get him,
Rocky.

Tell him we're waitin'
to be saved!

Yeah, Harry,
he was only kiddin'

but he was funny, too,
somehow;

he was different
or somethin'.

Sure, he was sober, baby,
that's what made him different.

Sure!

Gee, ain't I dumb?

Dumbest broad
I ever seen.

Hmm.

Sober?

That's funny.

He's always lapped up
a good starter on his way here.

Well, bejees,
he won't be sober long!

He'll be good and ripe
for my birthday party

tonight at 12:00.

Listen, he's fixed
some new gag to pull on us.

We'll pretend to
let him kid us, see?

And we'll kid
the pants off him!

(all laughing)

(Rocky)
Here's the old son of a bitch!

(cheering and hollering)
Hello, gang!

* Oh dear old pals

* We're jolly old pals

* In all kinds
of weather *

* We always stick together

* Like we're always game

* Whenever the same soul

* Give me
for friendship *

* My jolly old pals

* And another
little drink

* Won't do us any harm *

(cheers, applause.

Do your duty,
Brother Rocky,

bring on the rat poison!

How goes it,
Governor?

Bejees, Hickey, you old bastard,
it's good to see you!

Hello, Mac.

Welcome, "boyo!"

Willie!

Hey, Hickey!

How you've got...

(laughter)

Hello, Joe.

All right, Hickey,
how you doin'?

Hello, Hickey,
old timer.

Oh, Captain Lewis!

General Wetjoen!

(playful babbling)
I said!

Hello, Hugo!

How goes it?

Wow, wow!

Too much wine underneath
the willow trees, eh?

Hello, Jimmy.

It's grand to see ya.
How's the old scout?

You look great.

Sit down, Hickey,
sit down.

Well, I, I...
Jimmy!

(laughing)

Bejees, it seems natural

to see your
ugly, grinning map.

This dumb broad
was tryin' to tell us

you'd changed,

but you ain't
a damned bit!

Tell us about yourself.

Bejees, Hickey,

you look like
a million dollars!

Here's your key, Hickey,
same old room.

Oh, thanks, Rocky.

I'll be goin' up
in a little while

and grab a snooze.

I haven't been able
to sleep lately,

I'm tired as hell.

A couple of hours
of good kip will fix me.

First time I ever heard
you worry about sleep.

Bejees, you never
would go to bed.

Get a couple of slugs
under your belt,

you'll forget sleeping.

Here's mud in your eye,
Hickey.

(everybody toasting)

Drink hearty,
boys and girls.

Bejees,
is that a new stunt?

Drinking your chaser first?

No, I forgot
to tell Rocky.

You'll have to excuse me,
boys and girls,

but I'm off the stuff,
for keeps.

(gasping, repressed laughter)

(Harry)
What the hell?

Sure, sure!

Joined the Salvation Army,
ain't you?

Been elected President
of the W.C.T.U.?

Take the bottle away
from him, Rocky.

We don't want
to tempt him into sin.

Eh, I know it's hard
to believe, but, uh,

Cora was right, Harry,
I have changed.

I mean
about the booze,

I don't need it anymore.

Bejees, Cora says
you was comin' here to save us.

Well, go on, get
this joke off your chest.

Start the service!

Sing a Goddamned hymn
if you like.

We'll all join
in the chorus.

"No drunkard can enter
this beautiful home."

You don't think
I'd come around here

peddlin' any brand
of temperance bunk, do you?

Just 'cause I quit the stuff

don't mean
I'm going Prohibition.

I'm not that ungrateful,

it's given me
too many good times.

So if anybody
wants to get drunk,

if that's the only way
they can be happy,

and feel at peace
with themselves,

why the hell
shouldn't they?

Hell, I know that game
from soup to nuts.

I wrote the book.

The only reason
I quit is...

well, I finally had
the guts to face myself

and throw overboard
that damned lying pipe dream

that'd make me miserable,

and do what I had to do

for the happiness
of all concerned.

Then all at once,

I was at peace with myself

and I didn't need
the booze anymore.

Well, what the hell?

Don't let me be
a wet blanket.

Set 'em up again, Rocky.

Here, keep the balls coming
until last kill,

then I'll ask for more.

Jees, a roll that'd choke
a hippopotamus.

Fill up, you guys!

That sounds more
like you, Hickey.

All that water-wagon bull!

Cut the act and have a drink,
for Chrissake.

It's no act, Governor,
but that don't mean

I'm a teetotal grouch
and can't be in the party.

Why else do you think
I'm here except to have a party,

like I've always done, and help
celebrate your birthday tonight?

You've all been
good pals to me,

best friends I've ever had.

And I've been thinking about you
ever since I left the house,

all the time I was
walking over here.

"Walkin'?"

Bejees, you mean
to say you walked?

I sure as hell did.

All the way from the wilds
of darkest Astoria.

I seemed to get here
before I knew it.

And that ought
to encourage you, Governor,

show you a little walk
around the ward

is nothin'
to be so scared about.

It was goin' on 12:00
when I went into the bedroom

to tell Evelyn I was leaving,
six hours, say.

No, less than that,

'cause I'd been standin'
on the street corner

some time before
Chuck and Cora came along,

thinkin' about all of you.

Of course,
I was only kidding Cora

with that stuff
about saving you.

But no,
I wasn't either,

but I didn't mean booze.

I meant save you
from pipe dreams.

Because I know now,
from my experience,

that they're the things

that can really poison
and ruin a guy's life

and keep him
from finding any peace.

If you knew how free
and contented I feel now.

Why, I'm like a new man,

and the cure for them
is so damned simple

once you got the nerve.

Just stop lying to yourself
and kidding yourself

about tomorrows.

Hell, this begins
to sound like a damned sermon

on the way to lead
the good life!

It's in my blood,
I guess.

My old man used
to whale salvation

into my heinie
with a birch rod.

He was a preacher
in the sticks of Indiana,

like I've told you,

got my knack of sales gab
from him, too.

He was the boy that could sell
those Hoosier hayseeds

building lots along
the Golden Street!

Now don't look at me
like that, boys and girls.

I'm not tryin' to sell
you a goldbrick.

Nothin' up my sleeves,
honest.

Let's take an example,
any one of you, eh?

Take you, Governor.

That walk around the ward
you never take.

What about it?

Well, you know
as well as I do, Harry,

everything about it.

Well, Bejees,
I'm going to take it!

Of course you are,
because I'm gonna help you.

I know it's the thing
that you've got to do

before you know
what real peace means.

Same thing with you,
Jimmy.

You're goin' have to try
and get your old job back,

and no tomorrows about it.

Ahh, I...

No, don't tell me,
I know all about tomorrows.

I wrote the book.

I, I don't
understand you, Hickey.

I admit
I've foolishly delayed,

but as it happens,

I'd just
made up my mind

that as soon as I could
get straightened out...

Fine, fine,
that's the spirit,

and I'm gonna help you,
Jimmy.

'Cause you've always been
damned kind to me,

and I wanna prove
how grateful I am to you.

When it's all over,

you don't have to nag
yourself any more.

You'll be grateful
to me, too.

And all the rest of you,

the ladies included,

are in the same boat,
one way or another.

Be God, you've hit the nail
on my head, Hickey.

This dump

is the Palace of Pipe Dreams!

Well, well,

the Old Grandstand
Foolosopher speaks, ah?

And you think you're
the big exception, eh?

Life doesn't mean a damn
to you any more.

You're retired
from the circus,

you're impatiently waiting
for the end

in the good old Long Sleep.

Well, I think a lot of you,
Larry, you old bastard,

and I'll try and make an
honest man out of you, too.

What the devil
are you hintin' at?

Well, you don't
have to ask me, do you,

wise old guy like you?

Just ask yourself,
I'll bet you know.

He's got your number
all right, Larry.

That's the stuff,
Hickey.

He's got no right
to sneak out of everything.

Well, hello!

A stranger in our midst.

I didn't notice you
before, brother.

My name's, uh, Parritt,
I'm an old friend of Larry's.

What are you staring at?

Oh, no offense, brother,
I was just trying to figure.

Haven't we met before...

some place?

No, it's the first time
I've been East.

No, you're right,
I know that's not it.

You see, in my game,
to be a shark at it,

you teach yourself

never to forget
a name or a face.

But still
I know damned well there's...

something that
I recognize about you.

We're members
of the same lodge...

in some way.

What are you
talkin' about?

You're nuts.

Don't kid me, little boy.

I'm a good salesman,
so damned good the firm was glad

to take me back
after every drunk.

And what made me good
was I could size up anyone.

But still, I don't...

Well, never mind.

I can tell you're havin'
trouble with yourself,

and I'll be glad
to do anything I can

to help a friend of Larry's.

Mind your own
business, Hickey.

He's nothing to you,

or to me.

You're keeping us all
in suspense.

Tell us more about
how you're going to save us.

Well, hell,

don't get sore, Larry.

We're old pals,

I've always liked you a lot,
you know that.

Forget it, Hickey.

Fine, fine...

Well,
that's the spirit.

What's the matter,
everybody?

Come on, drink up!

A little action!

Have another...

Hell, this is
a celebration!

Oh, forget it if anything I said
sounded too serious.

You think
I'm talkin' out of turn,

just tell me
to go chase myself.

(yawning)

No, boys and girls,

I'm not trying to put
anything over on you.

It's just
that I know now,

from experience,

what a lying pipe dream
can do to you.

And how damned relieved
and contented with yourself

you'll feel when you're
rid of it.

(yawning)

Oh, my God...

I'm sleepy
all of a sudden.

That long walk
must be gettin' to me.

I better go upstairs.

Hell of a trick
to go dead on you like this.

And no,
boys and girls, I've...

never known
what real peace was until now.

It's a grand feeling.

Like when you're sick and
suffering like hell and then...

doc gives you
a shot in the arm.

The pain goes and...

you drift off.

You let yourself go at last.

You sink down
to the bottom of the sea.

Rest in peace.

(keys clattering)

There's no further
you have to go.

Not one single

hope or dream
left to nag you.

But you'll all know
what I mean.

Excuse me,
I'll just grab 40 winks.

Drink up,
everybody...

on me.

Don't let me be
a wet blanket.

All I want
is to see you happy.

(dishes rattling)

Well, how's that, kid?

What the hell do I know
about flowers?

You can see they're pretty,
can't you, you big dummy?

Yeah, baby, sure,
if you like 'em,

they're all right with me.

Oh, Jees, Pearl!

Look at that cake, eh?

Come here,
look, six candles,

each for 10 years.

Oh...

when do we light
the candles, Rocky?

Ask that bughouse
Hickey.

"Just before Harry
come down," he says.

"Then Harry blows them out
with one breath, for luck."

(spits)

Hickey was gonna have
60 candles,

but I says "Jees, if the old guy
took that big a breath",

he'd croak himself."

Anyways, it's a nice cake,
ain't it?

Oh, sure,
it's all right by me.

But what is Harry
gonna do with a cake?

If he ever ate a hunk,
it'd croak him.

Jees, you're a dope!

Ain't he, Margie?

Yeah, dope is right.

You broads better watch
your step or I'll...

Or what?
Yeah, what, what?

Say, what the hell's
got into ya's?

It'll be 12:00 o'clock and
Harry's birthday before long.

I ain't lookin'
for no trouble.

Oh, we ain't
neither, Rocky.

A guy what can't see
flowers is pretty

must be some dumbbell.

Yeah, well,
if I was as dumb as you...

Jees, you got your
scrappin' pants on, ain't you?

What the hell, baby,
what's eatin' you?

All I'm thinkin' is,

"What the hell
could Harry do with flowers?"

He don't know a cauliflower
from a geranium.

Jees,

ever since Hickeys woke up,
you can't hold him.

He's taken on the party
like it was his birthday.

Well, he's payin'
for everything, ain't he?

Aw, I don't mind
the birthday stuff so much.

What gets my goat

is the way he's buttin' in
all over the place,

tellin' everybody
where they get off.

He just keeps
hintin' around.

Yeah, he was hintin'
to me and Margie.

Yeah,
the lousy drummer.

He just gives you an earful
of that line of bull about

you gotta be honest
with yourself

and not kid yourself,

and you gotta have the guts
to be what you are.

I told him,

"That's all right
for the bums in this dump.

"But it don't go
with me, see?

I don't kid myself
with no pipe dreams."

What are you grinnin' at?

Nothin'.
Nothin'.

It better be nothin'!

And don't let Hickey
put no ideas in your nuts

if you wanna stay healthy.

He's ridin' someone
every minute.

He's got Harry
and Jimmy Tomorrow run ragged.

And the rest are hidin'
in their rooms,

so they don't won't
have to listen to him.

They're all actin' cagey
with the booze, too,

like they was scared
if they get too drunk,

they might spill
their guts.

And everybody's getting
a prize grouch on.

Yeah,

he's been hintin' around
to me and Chuck, too.

You-you'd think
he suspected me and Chuck

had no real intention
of gettin' married.

You'd think he suspected
Chuck wasn't goin' to lay off

of periodicals,

or maybe
didn't even want to.

I told him,
"I'm on the wagon for keeps,

and Cora knows it."

And I told him:
"Sure, I know it.

"And Chuck ain't never goin'
to throw it in my face.

"I was a tart, neither.

"And if you think
we're just kiddin' ourselves,

"we'll show ya!

We are gettin' married
tomorrow."

Ain't we, honey?

You bet, baby.

Christ, Chuck!

Are you lettin' that bughouse
louse Hickey kid you into...

Nobody's kiddin' him into it,
nor me neither!

Hickey's right,

if this big tramp's
goin' to marry me,

he ought to do it,
and not just shoot off

his old bazoo about it.

You can't be that dumb,
Chuck.

Rocky, you keep
outta this, you hear?

And don't start beefin' about
the crickets on the farm

drivin' us nuts.

Christ, you'd think
they was elephants!

Ah, Rocky,
don't notice that broad.

You heard what she said,
right?

"Tomorrow, tomorrow!"

The same old crap.

Is that so?
Uh.

Imagine Cora a bride!

That's a hot one!

Jees, Cora,

if all the guys you've
stayed with was side by side,

you could walk on 'em
from here to Texas!

You can't talk to me like that,
you skinny Dago hooker!

I may be a tart, but I ain't a
cheap old whore like you!

I'll show you
who's a whore!

(unintelligible
loud screaming)

Dago whore!

(yelling, screaming)

Oh, bury it!

What are you, a virgin?

You mean you think
I'm a whore, too?

Yeah, me, too?

Now don't start nothin'!

I suppose it'd tickle you
if me and Margie did

what that louse Hickey
was hintin',

and come right out
and admitted we was whores!

Yeah.

It's the truth, ain't it?

Jees, Rocky,

that's a fine hell of a thing
to say to two girls

that's been as good
to you as Pearl and Margie!

Oh, oh look,

I-I didn't mean
to call you that, Pearl.

No hard feelings,
Cora.

There,

that fixes everything,
don't it?

Okay, Rocky,
we're whores.

You know what
that makes you, don't you?

Look out, now!

A lousy little pimp,
that's what.

I'll loin you!

A dirty little Ginny pimp,
that's what!

Yes,

you provin' it to us,
Pearl!

Sure!

Hickey's converted him,

he's given up
his pipe dream.

Lay off of me or I'll...

Oh, lay off them!

Harry's party ain't no time
to beat up your stable.

Whose stable?

Who do you think
you're talkin' to?

I ain't never
beat 'em up!

What do you think I am?

I just give 'em a slap,
like any guy would his wife,

if she got too gabby.

I'm not lookin' for no trouble
on Harry's birthday party!

(gasps)

You lousy little Ginny!

I'll lay off you until
the party's over,

if Pearl will.

Sure I will...

For Harry's sake, not yours,
you little Wop!

Say, listen, you!
(laughing)

If you don't get
no wrong I...

What the hell
are you laughin' at,

you half-dead old
stew bum?

At himself,
and he ought to be.

Jees, Hickey's
sure got his number.

Wake up, comrade!

Here's a revolution
starting all around you,

and you're sleeping
through it!

Be God, it's not
to Bakunin's ghost

you ought to be
prayin' your dreams,

but to the great
nihilist, Hickey!

He started a movement
that'll blow up the world!

You, Larry!

Renegade!

Traitor!

I'll have you shot!

Don't be a fool,
buy me a drink.

(laughing maniacally)

Bourgeois swine, Hickey!

He laughs like good fellow,

he makes jokes.

He dares to hint to me,

so I see what
he dares to think!

He thinks I'm finish,

it is too late.

So I do not wish
the day to come

because it will
not be my day.

Ahh?

I see what he thinks!

He thinks lies

even worse,

that I...

I'll have him hanged
the first one of all

to the first lamppost!

(laughing maniacally)

Why you so serious,

you little monkey-faces?

It's all great joke,
no?

So we get drunk,

and we laugh like hell,

and then we die,

and the pipe dream vanish!

(laughing)

But be of good cheer,
little stupid peoples!

"The days grow hot,

O Babylon!"

Soon,
little proletarians,

we will have free picnic
in the cool shade,

and we will eat hot dogs

and drink free wine

beneath the willow trees!

Like hogs, yes!

Like beautiful,
little hogs!

Goddamned liar, Hickey!

It's he who makes me sneer.

I want to sleep!

Hickey ain't
overlookin' no bets.

Tell it to
Old Wise Guy Larry,

who's still pretendin'
he's the one exception

who don't do no
pipe dreamin'!

I...

All right.

Take it out on me,
if it makes you more content.

Sure, I love every hair
of your heads,

my great big
beautiful baby dolls,

and there's nothing
I wouldn't do for you.

The old
Irish bunk, huh?

We ain't big

and we ain't
your baby dolls!

But we admit
we're beautiful,

huh, Margie?
Yeah, sure thing.

But what would he do
with beautiful dolls

even if he had the price,
the old goat?

Ahh!

Larry, you're okay even though
you are full of bull.

Sure,
you're aces with us;

we're nervous,
that's all.

It's Hickey,
that lousy drummer!

Why can't he be like
he's always been?

I ain't never seen
a guy change so.

What do you think
happened to him, Larry?

I don't know.

With all his gab

I noticed he's kept
that to himself so far.

Maybe he's saving
the great revelation

for Harry's party.

Oh!

Let him mind his own business
and I'll mind mine.

Yeah,
that's what I say.

Say, Larry,

where's that young friend
of yours disappeared to?

I don't care where he is,

except I wish he was
a thousand miles away!

He's a pest.

I told him,

"I'll take
a lot from you, Hickey,"

"like everyone else
in this dump,"

"because you always
been a grand guy."

"But there's things I don't take
from you nor nobody, see?"

"Remember that,"

or you'll wake up
in a hospital,

"or maybe worse,

"with your wife
and the iceman

walkin' slow behind ya."

Aw, you oughtn't make
that iceman crack, Rocky.

I noticed he ain't pulled
that old gag this time.

(gasps)

Do you suppose he did
catch his wife cheatin', hum?

Oh, that's the bunk!

He ain't pulled that gag
or showed a photo around

because he ain't drunk.

And if he's caught her
cheatin'

he'd be drunk,
wouldn't he?

He'd have beat her up
and then gone on the worst drunk

he'd ever staged.

Sure, Rocky's got
the right dope, baby.

I stood tellin' people this dump
is closed for the night

all I'm gonna!

Let Harry hire a doorman,
pay him wages, if he wants one.

Yeah?

Harry's pretty
damned good to ya.

Sure he is,

I don't mean that.

Anyways,
it's all right.

I told Schwartz,
the cop,

we closed for the party.

He'll keep folks away.

I wants me a big drink,
that's what.

Who's stoppin' yuh?

You can have all you want
on Hickey.

All right,

I earned all the drinks on him
I could drink in a year

for listenin' to his
crazy bull.

And here's hopin'
he gets the lockjaw.

I drinks on him,
but I don't drink with him.

No, sir,
never no more!

Oh, bull.

Hickey's all right,
what's he done to you?

That's my business.

Sure, you would think
he's all right.

He's a white man,
ain't he?

Now listen to me,
you white boys!

Now don't you
get it in your head

that I was pretendin' to be
what I ain't,

or that I ain't
proud to be what I am

you gettin' me?

Or you and me
is goin' to have trouble.

What nerve!

Just because
you act nice to him,

he gets a swelled nut...

if that ain't
a coon all over.

He talkin' fight talk, huh?

I'll murder the nigger.

Listen, listen, boys,

I, I'm sorry.

You been
good friends to me.

It's that Hickey,

he gets my head all mixed up
with craziness.

Oh, that's
all right, Joe.

The boys wasn't
takin' you serious.

Jees, what did I say?

Hickey ain't
overlookin' no bets.

And you gotta admit

he's got
the right dope.

I mean, on some
of the bums here.

He's certainly got one guy
I know sized up right.

Ain't he, Pearl?

He certainly has.

Cut it out,
I told ya!

It's nothing to me
what happened to him.

But I have a feeling he's dying
to tell us inside him,

and yet he's afraid.

Like that damned kid.

Strange the queer way
he seemed to recognize him.

If he's afraid,

that explains
why he's off booze.

Afraid if he got drunk,
he might tell...

Well, well, well!

Here I am
in the nick of time.

Well, come on, somebody,

give me a hand
with these packages.

Jees, Hickey,

you scared me outta
a year's growth,

sneakin' in like that.

"Sneakin'?"

You were all so busy
drinking in words of wisdom

from Old Wise Guy here,

you couldn't hear
anything else.

And from what
I heard, Larry,

you're not so good

when you start playing
Sherlock Holmes.

You've got me all wrong.

I'm not afraid
of anything now,

not even myself.

You better stick to
the part of Old Cemetery,

the Barker
for the Big Sleep.

That is, if you can still
let yourself get away with it.

"Old Cemetery!"

That's him, Hickey.

We'll have
to call him that.

Beginning to do
a lot of puzzling about me,

aren't you, Larry?

But that won't help you.

You've got
to think of yourself,

I couldn't give you
my peace.

You've got to find
your own,

all I can do
is to help you,

and the rest of the gang,

by showing you the way
to find it.

Oh, hire a church!

All right, boys and girls,
don't get sore.

I guess that did sound too much
like a lousy preacher.

Well, let's forget it
and get on with the party.

Is those bundles
grub, Hickey?

You bought enough already
to feed an army.

I want this to be the biggest
birthday Harry's ever had.

Now you and Rocky
go out in the hall

and bring in
the big surprise!

My arms are busted
lugging it.

Jees, you got us all
head up!

What is it, Hickey?

Wait and see!

I thought to myself,

"I'll bet this is what would
please those whores

more than anything."

Then I said to myself,
"I don't care

"how much money it costs,
they're worth it,

"they're the best
little scouts in the world,

"and they've always been
damned kind to me

when I was down and out."

And I meant
every word of that.

Well,
what's the matter?

Ehh...

Oh, I see.

Now look, you know I didn't
say that to offend you.

So don't be silly now.

All right,
all right.

Oh, look,
here it comes!

Hickey, what...

What'd you get?

Unveil it, boys!

Oh, it's champagne!

Oh, jees, Hickey,
if you ain't a sport!

I never been soused
on champagne!

Hey, let's get stinko!

Oh, you betcha my life!

All of us!

You sure is hittin'
the high spots, Hickey.

When I runs
my gamblin' house,

I drink that old bubbly
water in steins.

And I'm gonna drink
that way again, too,

as soon's I make
my stake.

And that ain't
no pipe dream, neither.

What'll we drink
it outta, Hickey?

There ain't no
wine glasses.

Well, Joe's got
the right idea, steins!

That's the spirit
for Harry's party.

We will drink wine

beneath the willow trees!

That's the spirit,
brother,

and let the lousy slaves
drink vinegar.

(chuckles)

Got damned liar!

Leave Hugo be!

He rotted 10 years in prison
for his faith.

He earned his dream!

Have you no decency
or pity?

Hello, what's this?

I thought you were in
the grandstand.

Listen, Larry,
you're gettin' me all wrong.

Hell, you ought
to know me better.

Of course I have pity,

but now that
I've seen the light,

it's not my old kind
of pity,

the kind yours is.

The kind that lets itself off
by encouraging some poor guy

to go on kidding himself
with a lie.

The kind that leaves
the poor slob worse off

because he feels
guiltier than ever.

The kind that makes
his lying hopes nag at him,

and reproach him until he's
a rotten skunk in his own eyes.

No, sir.

The kind of pity I feel now
is after final results

that really help
save the poor guy.

Make him contented
with what he is,

and quit battling himself,

so he can find peace
for the rest of his life.

Oh, I know
how you resent the way

I have to show you up
to yourself,

but you'll be grateful to me

when all at once
you're able to admit,

without feeling ashamed,

that all the grandstand
foolosopher bunk

and the waiting for
the Big Sleep stuff

is a pipe dream.

You'll be able to say
to yourself,

"I'm just an old man
who is scared of life,

"but even more
scared of dying.

"So I'm keeping drunk
and hanging on to life

at any price,
and what of it?"

Be God,

if I'm not beginning
to think you've gone mad.

You're a liar!

Now, listen, that's no way
to talk to an old pal

who's trying to help you.

Hell, if you
really wanted to die,

you'd just take a hop off
the fire escape, wouldn't you?

And if you really were
in the grandstand,

you wouldn't be
pitying everyone.

As for my being bughouse,

you can't crawl out of it
that way.

I'm too damned sane.

I can size up guys
and turn 'em inside out

better than I ever could,

even where they're strangers
like that Parritt kid.

He's licked, Larry.

I think there's only
one possible way out

you can help him take.

That is, if you have
the right kind of pity for him.

What do you mean?

I'm not advising him,

except to leave me
out of his troubles...

he's nothing to me.

You'll find
he won't agree to that.

He'll keep after you
until he makes you help him.

Because he's got
to be punished,

so he can
forgive himself.

He hasn't got the guts,

he can't
manage it alone.

And you're the only one
he can turn to.

For the love of God,
mind your own business.

How'd you know about him?

He's hardly
spoken to you.

No, that's right,

but I do know a lot about him
just the same.

I've had hell inside of me,
I can spot it in others.

Maybe that's what
gives me the feeling

there's something
familiar about him,

something between us.

No, it's more than that.

Tell me about him,
for example,

I don't imagine
he's married, is he?

No.

Hasn't he been mixed up
with some woman?

Oh, I don't mean trollops.

I mean
the old real love stuff

that crucifies you.

Maybe you're right,

I wouldn't be surprised.

I see.

You think I'm on the wrong track
and you're glad I am.

Because then I won't suspect
whatever it is he did

about the Great Cause.

That's another lie you keep
telling yourself, Larry,

that the good old cause
means nothing to you any more.

What the hell...

But you're wrong
about Parritt.

That's not
what's got him stopped,

it's what's behind that.

And it's a woman,

I recognize the symptoms.

And you're the boy
who's never wrong.

His trouble is he was
brought up a devout believer

in the Movement,
and now he's lost his faith!

It's a shock...

but he's young,

and he'll soon find
another dream just as good

or as bad.

All right, I'll let it go
at that, Larry.

He's nothing to me,
except that I'm glad he's here

'cause he'll help me
make you wake up to yourself.

I don't even like the guy,

or the feeling there's
anything between us.

But you'll find out
that I'm right just the same,

when you get to the final
showdown with him.

There'll be no showdown!

I don't give a tinker's...

Sticking to
the grandstand, eh?

I always knew that you'd be
the toughest of all the gang

to convince, Larry.

And along with Harry
and Jimmy Tomorrow.

It was you
I wanted to help the most.

I've always liked you a lot,
you old bastard.

Hey, not much time
before 12:00!

Well, come on, gang,
let's get going.

Come on, boys and girls,
let's get busy.

Let's see,
cake's all set.

And my gifts
and yours, girls.

It's a tie,
tie and a handkerchief.

Chuck and Rocky, hmm?

What's this for,
Hickey?

Harry certainly will be very
touched by your thoughts of him.

Now Margie and Pearl,
get back in the bar

and get ready
to bring the grub right in.

There'll be some
drinking first and some toasts.

My idea was to use
the wine for that,

so get that all set.

Now I'll go upstairs
and root everybody up,

Harry the last.

When you hear us coming,
somebody light the candles

and start playing
his favorite tune on the piano.

Well, come on, Cora,
everybody, let's hustle!

We want this to come off
in style, uh?

But Jees,
I gotta practice.

I ain't laid my mitts on a box
in God knows when.

Hey, Joe!

*

Oh, Jees, I've forgotten
this has-been tune.

Come on, Joe,
hum it so I can follow.

(humming)

Be God!

It's the second feast
of Belshazzar,

with Hickey to do
the writing on the wall!

Aw, shut up,
Old Cemetery!

Well, if it ain't
Prince Willie.

Gee, kid,
you look sick.

Get a couple
of shots in ya.

No, thanks, not now,
I'm-I'm-I'm tapering off.

It's been hell up in
that damned room, Larry.

The-the-the things
I've imagined!

(piano music, humming)

But...

I've-I've got it beat now.

By-by tomorrow morning I'll...

I'll be on the wagon.

And I'll, uh...

I'll get back my clothes
first thing.

Hickey's loaning
me the money.

And I'm goin' to do
what I always said.

I'm-I'm-I'm gonna go
to the D.A.'s office,

because he knows that I...

I-I really
was a brilliant student.

Oh, I know I can make good.

I-I owe a lot to Hickey.

He's...

made me wake up to myself
and see what a fool...

(laughs)

It wasn't nice to face but...

It's not what he says.

It's what you feel
behind what he hints!

Christ, you'd think

all I really wanted
to do with my life

was sit here
and stay drunk!

I'll show him!

You want my advice...

you'll put your mouth
on this bottle

and keep it there

until you don't
give a damn about Hickey.

(laughs)

That's fine advice.

I thought you
were my friend!

(piano music stops)

(steps approaching)

Gee, I'm glad
you're here, Larry.

That damned fool Hickey
knocked on my door.

I opened up because
I thought it must be you.

He came bustin' in and
made me come downstairs here.

(piano music resumes)

I don't know what for,

I don't belong at this
birthday celebration,

I don't know this gang,

and I don't wanna be
mixed up with them.

All I came here for
was to find you!

I've warned you that...

Can't you make Hickey
mind his own business?

Just now he pats me
on the shoulder,

like he's
sympathizing with me.

He says,
"I know how it is, son,

"but you can't hide
from yourself,

"not even here
on the bottom of the sea.

"You've gotta face the truth
and then do what must be done

"for your own peace
and for the happiness

of all concerned."

Now, what'd he mean
by that, Larry?

How the hell would I know?

Then he grins at me and says,
"Oh, never mind,

"Larry's getting
wise to himself.

"I think you can rely on his
help in the end.

"He's gonna have to choose
between living and dying,

"and he'll never
choose to die

while there's a breath
left in the old bastard!"

Then he laughs
like it's a joke on you.

Well, what do you say
to that, Larry?

I've got nothing to say.

Except you're a bigger fool

than he is
to listen to him.

Oh, is that so?

Well, he's no fool
where you're concerned.

He's got your number,
all right.

(piano playing continues)

You know
I don't mean that.

Larry, you know what I want most
is to be friends with you.

I haven't a single friend
left in the world.

I hoped...

I hoped you'd...

And you could, too,
without it hurting you.

You ought to,
for mother's sake, Larry.

She really loved you.

You loved her, too,
didn't you?

Leave what's dead
in its grave.

Oh, I suppose
because I was only a kid

you don't think I was
wise about you and her, uh?

Well, I've been wise
ever since I can remember

to all the guys
she's had.

Although she used to try
to kid me along

it wasn't so.

That's a silly stunt

for a free
Anarchist woman, isn't it?

To be ashamed
of being free!

Shut your damned trap!

Yes, I know I shouldn't
say that now.

I keep forgetting
she isn't free anymore.

You know, Larry,
you're the one of them all

she cared most about.

Anybody else who left
the Movement

would've been
more than dead to her,

but she couldn't forget you.

She used to make
excuses for you.

I used to try to get
her goat about you.

I'd say,
"Larry's got brains

and yet thinks the Movement's
a crazy pipe dream."

She'd blame it
on the booze getting you.

She'd kid herself that you'd
give up booze

and come back to
the Movement, tomorrow.

She used to say,
"Larry can't kill in himself

"a faith he's given
his life to,

not without
killing himself."

How about that, Larry,
what she right?

(Cora singing)

I suppose what she meant by that
was to come back to her.

She was always getting
the Movement

mixed up with herself.

(dishes rattling)

But I'm sure she really
must've loved you, Larry.

As much as she could love
anyone besides herself.

No, she wasn't even faithful
to you at that though, was she?

That's why you walked out
on her, isn't it?

I remember that last fight
you had with her.

I was listening.

I was on your side,
even if she was my mother,

because I liked you
so much.

I remember
she was putting on her

high-and-mighty
free-woman stuff,

telling you
you were still a slave

to bourgeois morality
and jealousy.

And that you thought
that the woman you loved

was a piece of
private property you owned.

And I remember you got mad,
you told her, "I don't like"

living with a whore,
if that's what you mean!"

You lie,
I never called her that!

And that's why
she still respects you!

See, 'cause you
walked out on her.

She got sick
of the others.

She just had to keep on having
lovers to prove to herself

how free she was.

Made home a lousy place.

I felt like you
did about it.

It was like living in
a whorehouse, only worse,

because she didn't have to make
her living at it, you know.

You bastard!

She's your mother.

Have you no shame?

No.

She brought me up to believe
that family-respect stuff

is all bourgeois,
property-owning crap.

Why should I be ashamed?

I've had enough of this!
No, Larry!

Please don't leave me!

Larry, I promise,
I only mentioned her name

to make you
understand better.

Why didn't you
come up to my room

like I asked you to?

I kept waiting...

We can talk over
everything up there.

There's nothing
to talk about.

But Larry, I gotta talk to you
or I'm gonna talk to Hickey!

I feel he knows, anyway,

and I'm sure
he'd understand all right,

but I hate his guts!

I'm scared of him, honest,
there's something not human

behind his damned grinning
and kidding.

Ah, you feel that too, eh?

But I can't go on like this,
I've gotta tell you, Larry.

I won't listen!
Okay, I won't!

Larry!

Who do you think
you're kidding?

I know damned well
you've guessed.

I guessed nothing.

No, but I want you
to guess now.

I'm glad you have.

I know now, since
Hickey's been after me,

that I meant you to guess
right from the start.

That's why I came to you.

I want you
to understand the reason.

You see,
I, I began to study

American history.

And I got admiring
Washington and Jefferson,

Jackson and Lincoln,

and I began to feel
patriotic

and love this country.

I saw it was the best
government in the world,

where everybody
was equal,

everybody had a chance.

And I saw all the ideas
behind the Movement,

they came from a lot of Russians
like Bakunin and Kropotkin.

They were all meant
for Europe.

So we didn't need them here
in a democracy,

the way we were
free already.

I didn't want this country
to be destroyed

for a damned
foreign pipe dream!

I began to feel like
I was a traitor

for helping
a lot of cranks and bums

and free women plot
to overthrow our government.

And I saw it was my,
my duty to my country...

You stinking rotten liar.

You think
you can fool me

with such hypocrite cant?

I don't give a damn
what you did!

It's on your own head,
whatever it was!

I don't know
and I don't want to know!

But Larry, I never thought
mother would be caught.

Please believe that,
I never would...

All I know is that
I am sick of living!

I'm through.

I'm drowned and contented
on the bottom of a bottle!

Honor or dishonor,

faith or treachery,

are nothing to me but opposites
of the same stupidity

that is the king
and ruler of life,

and in the end

they'll both rot into dust

in the same grave.

All things
are meaningless to me,

because they grin at me

from the one skull
of death.

So go away...

I've forgotten your mother.

You "old foolosopher," eh?

You lousy old faker!

For the love of God,
leave me in peace

the little time
that's left to me!

No!

Don't pull that pitiful
old-man junk on me!

You old bastard,
you'll never die

because there's a drink
of whiskey left!

You be careful how you
taunt me back into life,

I warn you.

Because I might remember
this thing called justice there,

and the punishment for...

You're as mad as Hickey...

just as big a liar.

Wait'll Hickey
gets through with you.

Well, hello,
"Tightwad Kid."

Hey, did you come
to join the party?

Oh, wow, boy,
don't he act bashful, Pearl?

Yeah, especially
with his dough.

(loud arguing in distance)

Hey, Rocky,
fighting in the hall!

(unintelligible shouting)

Don't touch me!

Can you beat it?

I heard you's two
call each other

every name
you can think of

but I never seen...

A swell time
to stage your first bout,

on Harry's birthday party!

What started
the scrap?

Nothing, old chap.

Our business, you know,

but that bloody ass, Hickey,
made some insinuation about me,

and the boorish Boer
had the impertinence

to agree with him!

That's a lie!

Hickey made joke about me,

and this Limey said
yes, it was true!

Well, sit down
the both of you!

And cut out
this rough stuff!

Jees, would you
look at those bums!

Like a couple of kids!

For God's sake, would you
kiss and make up, ah?

Yeah, Harry's party
begins in a minute,

and we don't want
no soreheads around here.

Oh, very well then.

In deference
to the occasion,

I apologize,

General Wetjoen,

provided
you do also.

I apologize,
Captain Lewis,

because Harry
is my good friend.

Aw, hell!

If you can't do
better than that...

Here's the star
boarder.

It's serious
this time.

I'm tellin' all of you,

that bastard Hickey's
got Harry on the hip.

And it ain't gonna do us
no good if he gets Harry

to take
that walk tomorrow.

He's sure to call
on Bessie's relations

and have a little
cry over poor old Bessie.

And you know
what that bitch

and all her family
thought of me!

Once Bessie's relations
get their hooks into him,

it'll be as tough for us

as if she
wasn't even gone.

Everything all set?

Ah, fine.

Half-a-minute to go,

Harry's starting down
with Jimmy now.

I had a hard time
getting him to move.

Harry don't even want to
remember it's his birthday now!

Oh, here they come!

Come on, everybody,
light the candles!

Cora, get ready to play,
stand up, everybody, eh?

Chuck, Rocky,
the wine!

Let's see, 12:00 o'clock
on the dot.

Come on, everybody,
with a "Happy Birthday, Harry!"

(all)
Happy Birthday, Harry!

Hey!

(Cora singing, playing piano)

Cut out the glad hand,
Hickey!

You think
I'm a sucker?

Bejees, I know you,

you sneaking,
lying drummer!

And all you bums,

what the hell
you trying to do,

yelling and raising
the roof?

You want the cops
to close the joint,

and take
my license away?

Hey,
you dumb tart,

quit banging that box.

Jees, Harry, I...

Bejees, the least you could do
is learn a tune.

You two hookers,

screaming at the top
of your lungs!

What do you think this is,
a dollar cathouse?

Bejees,
that's where you belong!

(crying)

Jees, Harry,

I never thought you'd say it
like you meant it.

Now, Harry, you don't want
to get sore at the gang

just 'cause you're upset
about yourself, hmm?

Look, anyway, I promised you
it'd come through all right,

haven't I?

So quit worrying.
Ahh...

You don't wanna
blow out the old gang

just when they're
congratulating you

on your birthday,
do you?

Bejees,

they ain't as dumb as you.

They know I was
only kiddin' 'em.

They know I appreciate
their congratulations.

Don't you, fellas, huh?

(Pat)
Yeah, sure Harry.

(affirmative exclamations)

Bejees,
I like you broads.

You know
I was only kiddin'.

Sure, we know,
Harry.

Sure!

Sure, Harry's the greatest
kidder in this dump,

and that's
sayin' somethin'.

Look how he's kidded himself
for 20 years.

But unless I'm wrong, Governor,
and I'm bettin' I'm not,

we'll soon know, eh?

Tomorrow morning.

No, by God,
it's this morning now.

This... this is
this morning?

Yes, it's the day
at last, Jimmy.

But don't be scared,
I'll help you,

I promised that.

I don't understand you.

Kindly remember

I'm fully capable
of settlin' my own affairs!

Well, isn't that exactly
what I want you to do?

Only watch out on the booze.

You've had a lot
to drink already,

and you don't want to let
yourself duck out of it

by being
too drunk to move,

not this time.

Bejees, Margie,
you know I didn't mean it.

It's that lousy drummer
riding me

that's got my goat.

I know, Harry,
I know.

Hey, come on,
look at your cake,

you haven't even
noticed it yet!

Ain't it grand?

Yeah, say,
that's pretty.

I ain't have had a cake
since Bessie...

And six candles, eh?

Mm-phm.

Each for 10 years, eh?

You got it.

That was
thoughtful of him.

He means well,
I guess...

The hell with this cake!
Oh, oh, wait, Harry!

You ain't seen
the presents

from me
and Margie and Cora,

and Chuck and Rocky.

And there's a watch
all engraved

with your name
and the date from Hickey.

Ah, the hell with it!

Bejees,
he can keep it!

Jees,

he ain't even goin'
to look at our presents!

Hey, hey,
come on everybody,

this is all wrong!

If someone don't put
some life in this party

I'm gonna go nuts!

Hey, Cora, come on!

Why don't
you bang on that box?

Eh...

ohh, play somethin'
for Harry, uh?

You don't have to stop
just 'cause he kidded you.

Yeah, now you was
playing it fine, Cora.

It was Bessie's
favorite tune.

She was always
singing it.

It brings her back,
I wish...

Yes, we've all heard
you tell us

that you thought
the world of her, Governor.

So I did, bejees...

everyone knows I did.

And bejees,
if you say I didn't...

Now, Governor,
I didn't say anything.

You're the only one that knows
the truth about that.

Marjorie's favorite song
was "Loch Lomond."

She was beautiful,

she had
a beautiful voice,

and she played the piano
beautifully.

You were lucky, Harry,

Bessie died.

But there are more
bitter sorrows

than losing
the woman one loves

by the hand of death.

Now, you needn't
go on, Jimmy.

We've all heard the story about
how you came back to Cape Town

and found her in the hay
with a staff officer.

We all know that you'd
like to believe that

that's what started you
on the booze

and ruined your life.

(crying)

I... I'm talking to Harry.

Will you kindly
keep out of...

(weeping)

My life is not ruined!

But I'll bet when you admit
the truth to yourself,

you'll confess it,
you were pretty sick

of her hating you
for getting drunk.

And I'll bet you were
really damned relieved

when she gave you
such a good excuse.

I know how it is,
Jimmy,

you see, I...

Ha!

So that's what
happened, is it?

Your iceman joke finally
came home to roost, did it?

Maybe you
should've remembered

there's truth
in the old superstition

that you'd better
look out what you call,

because in the end
it comes to you.

Was that a fact,
Larry?

Well, well.

Then you'd better
be careful

how you keep calling
for the old Big Sleep.

Chair.

Well, what are we
waiting for, boys and girls?

Let's get
this party rolling!

Chuck, Rocky,
bring on the big surprise!

Oh, Governor, you sit over here
at the head of the table.

Come on.

Well, sit down,
girls, sit down.

And I'll sit here
at the foot.

Real champagne, bums,
cheer up!

What is this,
a funeral?

Mixin' champagne
with Harry's redeye

will knock you
paralyzed!

Ain't you never
satisfied?

Order, order,
Ladies and gents!

Oh, yes, I am going to drink
with you this time, Larry.

To prove
that I'm not teetotal

because the booze'll
make me spill my secrets,

as you think.

I don't need
the booze anymore,

or anything else.

I just want to be sociable
and propose a toast

in honor of our
old friend, Harry,

and drink it with you.

Wake up our
demon bomb-tosser, Rocky.

We don't want any corpses
at this feast.

Hey, Hugo,
come up for air!

Don't you see
the champagne?

Hah.

We will eat birthday cake

and drink champagne
beneath the willow trees!

(chuckling)

(chokes)

This wine
is unfit to drink!

It has not properly
been iced!

Always a high-toned
swell at heart,

eh, Hugo?

Well, God help us poor bums
if you'd ever got

to telling us
where to get off.

You'd have been drinking
our blood beneath

(fake Russian accent)
those willow trees!

But here's the toast,
Ladies and gents.

Here's to Harry Hope,

who's been a friend in need
to every one of us.

And here's to
the old Governor,

the best sport
and the kindest,

biggest-hearted guy
in the world.

Come on, everybody,
to Harry!

Bottoms up.

(all)
To Harry!

To you, boss.
Happy Birthday!

Thanks, all of you.

Hickey,
you old son of a bitch,

that's white of you.

I know you
meant it, too.

Of course I meant it,
Harry, old friend.

And I mean it when I say
that I hope that this will be

the biggest day
in your life,

and in the lives
of everyone here,

and the beginning
of a new life

of peace and contentment.

And here's to that,
Harry.

Oh, forget
that bughouse line

of bull for a minute,
can't you?

You're right, Rocky,
I am talking too much.

It's Harry
we want to hear from.

Speech, speech, speech!

(all agreeing)

Bejees, I'm...

I'm no good
at speeches.

All I can say is

thanks to everybody again

for remembering me
on my birthday.

Only don't think
because I'm 60,

I'll be a bigger damned fool
easy mark than ever!

Like Hickey says,
it's gonna be a new day!

This dump has got to be run
like other dumps,

so I can make some money
and not just split even.

I'm sick of bein'
played for a sucker.

I know you're all

laughin' at me now
behind my back,

thinking to yourselves,

"The old, lying'
pipe-dreaming faker,

"we've heard his bull

"about takin' a walk
around the ward for years,

"he'll never make it!

"He's scared,
he's yellow,

"he ain't got the guts!

He's scared
he'll find out... ".

But I'll show you,
bejees!

And I'll show you, too,
you son of a bitch

of a frying-pan-peddling
bastard!

Hu, hu, hu,
that's the stuff, Harry!

Of course
you'll try to show me,

that's what
I want you to do.

Bejees...

all of you, forgive me.

I lost my temper.

I ain't feeling well.

I got a hell
of a grouch on.

You're as welcome
as the flowers in May!

Oh, sure, boss,

you're always aces
with us, see?

Listen, everybody.

I know you're sick
of my gabbing, but, uh,

I think I owe it to you
to do a little explaining

and apologize
for some of the rough stuff

I've had to pull on you.

I had to make you help
each other with me, eh?

I saw that I couldn't do
what I had to do alone.

Not in the time
at my disposal.

I knew when I came here
I wouldn't be able to stay long.

I'm slated to leave
on a trip.

Now I know
every one of you,

inside and out,
by heart.

I may have been drunk
when I've been here before,

but old Hickey
could never be so drunk

he couldn't have to see
through everybody.

Everybody, that is,
except himself.

And finally, he had to
see through himself, too.

Now I swear I would've
never acted this way

if I didn't absolutely believe
it'd be worthwhile to you

in the end.

When you're rid of
the damned guilt

that makes you
lie to yourselves

that you're something
you're not,

and the remorse
that nags at you

and makes you hide behind
lousy pipe dreams,

you won't give a damn
what you are anymore.

I wouldn't say this unless
I knew, brothers and sisters.

This peace is real,
it is a fact.

I know, because I've got it,
here, now,

right in front of you.

Well, you can see
the difference in me.

You remember
how I used to be.

Even when I had two quarts
of rotgut under my belt,

and joked and sang
"Sweet Adeline,"

I still felt like
a guilty skunk.

But you can see that I don't
give a damn

about anything anymore.

And I promise you,

by the time
this day is over,

I'll have every one of you
feeling the same way.

I guess that's about all from me
for the present, boys and girls.

So, let's get on
with the party.

(Larry)
Wait!

I think it would help us,
poor pipe-dreaming sinners

along the sawdust trail
to salvation,

if you told us now
what it was happened

that converted you

to this great peace
you've found.

I noticed you
didn't say anything

when I asked you
about the iceman.

Did this great revelation

of the evil habit
of dreaming about tomorrow

come to you after you found out
your wife was sick of you?

Bejees, you've hit it,
Larry.

I've noticed he hasn't
shown her picture around

this time.

He hasn't got it!

The iceman took it
away from him!

Jees,
look at him!

Who could blame her?

She must be hard up
to fall for an iceman!

Imagine a sap like him

advisin' me and Chuck
to get married.

Yeah, he done
so good with it.

At least I can say
that Marjorie

chose an officer
and a gentleman.

Come to look at you,
Hickey, old chap,

you've sprouting horns

like a bloody
antelope!

Bigger, by God,

like a water buffalo's!

(imitating buffalo sound)

* "Oh come up"
she cried, *

* "My iceman lad

* "And you
and I'll agree *

* "And I'll show you
the prettiest *

(banging table)

* "That ever you
did see" *

(mocking laughter)

Well, I'm glad to see you
get in good spirits

for Harry's party,

even if the joke
is on me.

Well, I'll admit

I always asked for it
in the old days

by pulling that iceman gag,
so, uh, laugh all you like.

(mocking laughter)

Well, I guess
this forces my hand,

by brining up the subject
of Evelyn.

I had wanted to wait
until the party was over,

But, uh,

you're getting the wrong idea
about poor Evelyn,

and I've got to stop that.

I'm sorry to tell you
that my dearly beloved wife

is dead.

Be God...

I felt he had
the touch of death on him.

Forgive me, Hickey...

I'd like to cut
my dirty tongue out.

Now, look everybody, you mustn't
let this be a wet blanket on.

Harry's birthday party.

You're still
getting me all wrong.

There's no reason...

You see,
I don't feel any grief.

I've got to feel glad,
for her sake,

because she's at peace;

she's rid of me
at last.

And you can imagine
what I was like being married

to a no-good
drunken cheater like me.

And there was no way
out of it for her,

because she loved me.

But now she is at peace,

like she always
longed to be.

So why should I feel sad?

She wouldn't want me
to feel sad.

Why, all that Evelyn
ever wanted out of life

was to make me happy.