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1
00:00:00,916 --> 00:00:02,746
Previously on "You Me Her"...
2
00:00:02,747 --> 00:00:04,184
I told you, Izzy, this was a mistake.
3
00:00:04,215 --> 00:00:06,510
If you walk out that
door, you are dead to me.
4
00:00:06,967 --> 00:00:09,456
Are you sure you left
for the right reasons
5
00:00:09,494 --> 00:00:11,567
and you're still getting
a divorce on Monday
6
00:00:11,590 --> 00:00:13,235
- and driving back to Seattle?
- Yes.
7
00:00:13,251 --> 00:00:15,579
We agreed that before we started
talking about nannies and daycare,
8
00:00:15,589 --> 00:00:17,528
the girls would be 3 years old.
9
00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:19,135
What is wrong with your
entire generation of men?
10
00:00:19,172 --> 00:00:20,791
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
11
00:00:20,792 --> 00:00:23,663
Well, when I was a kid, my
dad used to leave me at a bar
12
00:00:23,695 --> 00:00:25,869
- while he did God knows what in the back.
- Huh.
13
00:00:25,906 --> 00:00:27,965
How long are you gonna
keep showing up like this?
14
00:00:28,029 --> 00:00:30,424
Until you forgive me or my project ends.
15
00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:31,861
You know, what would look really good
16
00:00:31,986 --> 00:00:34,699
- on this tiny finger right there?
- Jack, I have an idea.
17
00:00:34,726 --> 00:00:36,349
Why don't I propose to you?
18
00:00:36,389 --> 00:00:38,479
- Jack Trakarsky?
- Yes?
19
00:00:38,507 --> 00:00:40,978
- I almost proposed to Jack.
- That's awesome.
20
00:00:41,063 --> 00:00:43,547
Nina, why is Shaun cooking
dinner in your kitchen?
21
00:00:43,548 --> 00:00:45,558
- You're pregnant.
- I am that.
22
00:00:45,591 --> 00:00:48,786
Ky, I'm sorry. It was a massive mistake.
23
00:00:48,787 --> 00:00:50,211
I'll go with you.
24
00:00:50,855 --> 00:00:52,490
You have a right to know.
25
00:01:04,149 --> 00:01:06,760
Jack, did you hear what I said?
26
00:01:07,138 --> 00:01:08,760
Yeah, um...
27
00:01:10,909 --> 00:01:12,762
When you say I have a right to know,
28
00:01:13,144 --> 00:01:14,601
we're talking about...
29
00:01:15,547 --> 00:01:17,015
Mm-hmm.
30
00:01:22,334 --> 00:01:23,927
So what happens now?
31
00:01:24,489 --> 00:01:27,330
Haven't really had a chance
to explore my options.
32
00:01:30,781 --> 00:01:32,269
Kylie offered...
33
00:01:33,130 --> 00:01:34,429
to take me.
34
00:01:35,004 --> 00:01:36,630
I... I didn't say yes.
35
00:01:37,936 --> 00:01:39,738
I also didn't say no.
36
00:01:44,642 --> 00:01:46,522
- Jack...
- What?
37
00:01:47,145 --> 00:01:48,653
Jack, can we just...
38
00:01:49,556 --> 00:01:52,559
can we just sit down and
talk about this like grownups?
39
00:01:52,564 --> 00:01:54,240
Yeah, I'm supposed to be
playing it cool, I guess.
40
00:01:54,254 --> 00:01:55,908
That's how you want me to react?
41
00:01:56,287 --> 00:01:57,561
Please. I'm intrigued.
42
00:01:57,585 --> 00:01:59,299
Tell me more about your
plan to abort the baby
43
00:01:59,326 --> 00:02:00,858
we've been trying to have
for the last seven years.
44
00:02:00,859 --> 00:02:03,126
Okay, can you tone down
the righteous indignation
45
00:02:03,154 --> 00:02:04,582
to a seven or an eight, huh?
46
00:02:04,829 --> 00:02:06,783
We both agreed what
happened was a huge mistake.
47
00:02:06,811 --> 00:02:08,763
So it's pretty fucking
complicated, Jack.
48
00:02:09,033 --> 00:02:10,941
You know, we shouldn't
have this conversation here.
49
00:02:10,955 --> 00:02:11,992
What? Why?
50
00:02:12,028 --> 00:02:14,872
Because Izzy has a meeting with
her thesis counselor right now.
51
00:02:14,873 --> 00:02:17,123
"The Myth of Polyfidelity."
52
00:02:18,832 --> 00:02:21,024
Great premise. Well done.
53
00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:24,838
Thanks. Uh, I call it "The
Communism of Relationships"
54
00:02:24,849 --> 00:02:27,784
because it's way better in
theory than it is on its feet.
55
00:02:28,366 --> 00:02:29,621
Fascinating.
56
00:02:31,798 --> 00:02:33,524
You have no idea what
I'm talking about, do you?
57
00:02:33,750 --> 00:02:36,513
I'm familiar with the
concept of polyamory.
58
00:02:36,761 --> 00:02:38,793
Oh. Okay.
59
00:02:38,918 --> 00:02:43,546
Uh, well, polyfidelity
is the fucktarded effort
60
00:02:43,583 --> 00:02:46,355
to make polyamory exclusive
and... and permanent,
61
00:02:46,383 --> 00:02:47,590
or so I've read.
62
00:02:47,885 --> 00:02:49,842
Why are you so afraid of Izzy?
63
00:02:50,298 --> 00:02:52,988
She would freak out if she knew
I was talking to you right now.
64
00:02:53,053 --> 00:02:54,504
She hates you.
65
00:02:54,537 --> 00:02:57,342
Your caller ID on her
phone is "Dead to Me."
66
00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:59,580
She didn't return her
father's calls for over a year,
67
00:02:59,594 --> 00:03:01,194
and he only left her once.
68
00:03:01,488 --> 00:03:03,120
I'm meeting him tonight, by the way.
69
00:03:04,744 --> 00:03:06,287
- That's a big step.
- I know.
70
00:03:06,324 --> 00:03:08,125
I've had the engagement
ring in my underwear drawer
71
00:03:08,138 --> 00:03:10,326
for five weeks now.
72
00:03:11,044 --> 00:03:13,497
Well, not one to drag
your feet, are you, Jack?
73
00:03:13,498 --> 00:03:15,603
Remind me, how quickly
did you jump uteruses?
74
00:03:15,617 --> 00:03:17,010
Or... or is it uteri?
75
00:03:17,063 --> 00:03:19,274
Feeling fucking wounded, Em, are you?
76
00:03:19,316 --> 00:03:21,333
Okay, well, look at it from
my fucking point of view, okay?
77
00:03:21,346 --> 00:03:23,179
My ex-wife shows up in slippers
78
00:03:23,221 --> 00:03:24,612
to tell me that her new girlfriend
79
00:03:24,630 --> 00:03:26,375
is gonna be escorting
her to the Abortion Ball.
80
00:03:26,377 --> 00:03:28,755
- Okay, that's so fucking offensive.
- In what fucking way?
81
00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:30,878
In the way that I am fucking pregnant.
82
00:03:36,696 --> 00:03:37,972
Holy shit.
83
00:03:39,324 --> 00:03:40,740
Yeah.
84
00:03:41,893 --> 00:03:43,453
Aside from the obvious...
85
00:03:43,508 --> 00:03:46,916
cultural conditioning,
insecurity, jealousy,
86
00:03:46,958 --> 00:03:50,404
why do you think polyfidelity is, uh...
87
00:03:51,140 --> 00:03:52,633
"fucktarded"?
88
00:03:53,538 --> 00:03:54,880
Hello?
89
00:03:55,658 --> 00:03:56,985
Izzy?
90
00:03:57,998 --> 00:04:00,434
I'm 38 years old. I live in Seattle,
91
00:04:00,467 --> 00:04:02,801
where I'm gonna be
managing partner at my firm.
92
00:04:02,848 --> 00:04:04,989
I'm with a woman who has literally said
93
00:04:04,999 --> 00:04:07,150
on multiple occasions
these three words...
94
00:04:07,151 --> 00:04:09,683
- "Babies are gross."
- Is that...
95
00:04:11,122 --> 00:04:13,206
- Dr. Trakarsky...
- Jesus! Wear a bell.
96
00:04:13,458 --> 00:04:16,540
So sorry. That came
out very disrespectful.
97
00:04:17,328 --> 00:04:21,511
Well, is there a respectful way to
tell your advisor to wear a bell?
98
00:04:22,423 --> 00:04:24,146
What is she doing here?
99
00:04:24,722 --> 00:04:27,301
Unbelievable.
100
00:04:28,530 --> 00:04:30,023
- What do you want?
- I don't know.
101
00:04:30,050 --> 00:04:32,877
That's why I haven't
RSVP'd to the Abortion Ball.
102
00:04:36,701 --> 00:04:38,198
Maybe you decided
103
00:04:38,829 --> 00:04:41,661
you didn't want kids when you
realized you couldn't have them.
104
00:04:41,786 --> 00:04:44,522
You really think now is the
time for "I told you so's"?
105
00:04:46,658 --> 00:04:48,365
Actually, I think this
should be the happiest moment
106
00:04:48,374 --> 00:04:49,885
of both of our lives.
107
00:04:54,399 --> 00:04:56,034
Don't have an abortion.
108
00:05:01,005 --> 00:05:02,739
We can figure something out.
109
00:05:06,444 --> 00:05:07,777
Will you at least...
110
00:05:08,076 --> 00:05:09,421
think about it?
111
00:05:11,549 --> 00:05:14,141
I will. I promise.
112
00:05:15,505 --> 00:05:18,044
Don't say anything to Izzy.
113
00:05:18,169 --> 00:05:19,794
Not now.
114
00:05:20,058 --> 00:05:23,194
She and I are just about to
go all in together, and...
115
00:05:24,729 --> 00:05:26,259
You are, um...
116
00:05:28,067 --> 00:05:29,881
undecided.
117
00:05:40,278 --> 00:05:42,834
Are you lost?
118
00:05:44,596 --> 00:05:46,455
Couldn't make it in the big city?
119
00:05:46,490 --> 00:05:48,786
Road the rails back to Portland?
120
00:05:49,546 --> 00:05:51,521
These are my driving clothes.
121
00:05:52,023 --> 00:05:53,523
I like to be comfortable.
122
00:05:53,524 --> 00:05:56,011
Well, how 'bout we just
cut straight to the part
123
00:05:56,034 --> 00:05:57,911
where you tell me what
the fuck is going on?
124
00:05:57,946 --> 00:06:01,198
I am staying at the
Carlyle. I went for a walk.
125
00:06:01,199 --> 00:06:03,046
It's right over there, just a mile.
126
00:06:03,267 --> 00:06:04,868
And you wore slippers?
127
00:06:04,869 --> 00:06:06,782
Forgot my sneaks.
128
00:06:07,317 --> 00:06:08,860
Okay.
129
00:06:09,090 --> 00:06:11,041
And you didn't tell Jack
you were gonna be in town?
130
00:06:11,042 --> 00:06:13,258
Meeting came together
at the last minute, so...
131
00:06:13,310 --> 00:06:15,924
- You can ask him.
- Oh. I will.
132
00:06:16,218 --> 00:06:18,215
And maybe I'll give you
a call at the Carlyle.
133
00:06:18,216 --> 00:06:19,758
Well, I'm not there. I'm here.
134
00:06:19,775 --> 00:06:21,715
- So...
- You know, just to see if you're registered.
135
00:06:21,934 --> 00:06:23,644
Izzy, I don't know why
136
00:06:24,491 --> 00:06:25,735
we can't be amicable.
137
00:06:25,746 --> 00:06:28,267
- I... I know that what happened at the loft...
- Look, just stop
138
00:06:28,285 --> 00:06:30,288
dropping in and out of our lives.
139
00:06:30,945 --> 00:06:32,832
Let us move forward.
140
00:06:34,532 --> 00:06:36,000
Okay.
141
00:07:02,761 --> 00:07:04,649
Yeah, 8's good,
142
00:07:04,696 --> 00:07:06,636
assuming Jack's still alive by then.
143
00:07:06,883 --> 00:07:08,443
Oh, no. He's perfectly healthy.
144
00:07:08,472 --> 00:07:11,962
But people inexplicably fall out of
windows every day in this country.
145
00:07:12,170 --> 00:07:13,431
Google it.
146
00:07:14,237 --> 00:07:16,056
Okay. Bye.
147
00:07:16,314 --> 00:07:18,737
Hello?
148
00:07:20,930 --> 00:07:23,890
Okay. Okay, Silva. Be cool, be cool.
149
00:07:24,186 --> 00:07:26,107
Just don't be that girl.
150
00:07:26,232 --> 00:07:27,557
Just...
151
00:07:34,503 --> 00:07:37,566
I get... I get that I'm coming
off a little nutty over here.
152
00:07:37,895 --> 00:07:40,393
Um, I'm actually caffeine
sensitive and I just threw back,
153
00:07:40,412 --> 00:07:42,945
like, four cups of Kenyan Dark, so...
154
00:07:45,441 --> 00:07:48,568
Okay, now I hear you wondering
why I would drink four cups
155
00:07:48,573 --> 00:07:52,096
of Kenyan Dark if I have a
caffeine sensitivity. Well...
156
00:07:53,105 --> 00:07:55,436
maybe that's why I'm
seeing the head shrinker.
157
00:07:55,666 --> 00:07:57,421
Did you ever think of that?
158
00:08:00,884 --> 00:08:01,884
- Hey.
- Hi.
159
00:08:01,885 --> 00:08:03,861
- Bumblebutt.
- Bumblebutt?
160
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,319
Yeah.
161
00:08:08,765 --> 00:08:10,920
- How was your meeting?
- Good. Fine.
162
00:08:10,947 --> 00:08:12,366
- Yeah?
- Dad just called.
163
00:08:12,435 --> 00:08:15,548
8 still okay? Are you a steak guy?
Is it weird that I don't know that?
164
00:08:15,673 --> 00:08:17,201
Hey, we're all steak guys.
165
00:08:17,224 --> 00:08:18,647
Some of us just pretend we're not
166
00:08:18,666 --> 00:08:20,954
so we can get laid by
some pale skinny women.
167
00:08:20,986 --> 00:08:22,221
Hmm.
168
00:08:22,386 --> 00:08:24,684
Speaking of pale, skinny women...
169
00:08:25,176 --> 00:08:27,111
You... you saw Emma, too?
170
00:08:28,935 --> 00:08:30,547
Everyone lived?
171
00:08:30,548 --> 00:08:33,684
- Not in my imagination.
- Mm.
172
00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:37,106
"Bitterness is like drinking poison
173
00:08:37,121 --> 00:08:39,105
to kill your enemy," young lady.
174
00:08:39,230 --> 00:08:41,662
- Why you talking like that?
- It's a saying.
175
00:08:41,975 --> 00:08:43,293
Uh...
176
00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:48,931
- It felt like it was from the old times.
- Okay, so, um, why is, uh,
177
00:08:49,116 --> 00:08:50,882
why is she here again?
178
00:08:50,911 --> 00:08:53,235
She was at a meeting,
179
00:08:53,258 --> 00:08:56,027
- and she's staying at the Carlyle.
- Mm.
180
00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:57,805
That's what she said.
181
00:08:57,828 --> 00:08:59,481
- Yeah, that's the gist of it.
- Right.
182
00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:01,659
So why is my Spidey sense screaming
183
00:09:01,679 --> 00:09:04,986
that something weird's going down?
184
00:09:05,239 --> 00:09:07,715
I don't know. I mean,
you... we've discussed this.
185
00:09:07,732 --> 00:09:11,267
You have no version of
a sixth sense at all.
186
00:09:11,392 --> 00:09:13,213
- Right.
- You're way below the mean
187
00:09:13,236 --> 00:09:14,934
- when it comes to basic human intuition.
- Oh.
188
00:09:14,952 --> 00:09:17,433
So nice try, but off target.
189
00:09:18,653 --> 00:09:20,093
What?
190
00:09:21,814 --> 00:09:23,040
Ow.
191
00:09:23,420 --> 00:09:24,986
Maybe don't shave.
192
00:09:25,111 --> 00:09:27,133
He's the one on trial, not you, right?
193
00:09:27,812 --> 00:09:29,528
- Your dad? Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
194
00:09:29,557 --> 00:09:32,500
I wanna make a good first
impression. Maybe I'll show up late,
195
00:09:33,023 --> 00:09:36,442
- you know, sweat pants on, half-drunk.
- That's perfect.
196
00:09:36,447 --> 00:09:38,676
- That'd be good, right?
- Yeah. It's perfect.
197
00:09:39,028 --> 00:09:41,693
Oh! That...
198
00:09:41,768 --> 00:09:43,012
Okay.
199
00:09:43,137 --> 00:09:44,941
- You're leaving? That's it?
- Yeah.
200
00:09:44,969 --> 00:09:46,386
All right.
201
00:09:46,812 --> 00:09:48,334
- I'll see ya.
- Mm-hmm.
202
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:49,949
Yeah, have a good one.
203
00:09:53,663 --> 00:09:56,196
Fuck me!
204
00:09:57,001 --> 00:09:59,121
Ugh. Mm.
205
00:09:59,303 --> 00:10:01,015
Hey, Carm?
206
00:10:01,706 --> 00:10:03,894
Hi. I just wanna stop by
207
00:10:04,019 --> 00:10:05,672
and say that I love you,
208
00:10:05,989 --> 00:10:10,364
you know, before I go to Seattle
and probably get an abortion.
209
00:10:10,489 --> 00:10:13,404
and beg Kylie to forgive me.
210
00:10:13,456 --> 00:10:15,529
Oh, and yes, I am mostly
wearing the clothes
211
00:10:15,540 --> 00:10:16,870
that I slept in last night.
212
00:10:16,893 --> 00:10:19,075
But for the record,
I did brush my teeth.
213
00:10:24,170 --> 00:10:27,077
Wouldn't that be hysterical? Uh-huh.
214
00:10:27,632 --> 00:10:29,869
Okay, well, I just wanted to play that
215
00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:34,083
clever little prank on you.
So best to you and to yours.
216
00:10:36,034 --> 00:10:38,066
You left some banana here.
217
00:10:40,091 --> 00:10:42,741
Kind of puts our little
problem into perspective, huh?
218
00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:47,491
Well, it's not little,
So no. No, it doesn't.
219
00:10:51,301 --> 00:10:55,158
So do you guys want to play
princesses or princesses?
220
00:10:55,176 --> 00:10:58,858
- Princesses.
- All right. To the treasure trunk!
221
00:11:30,472 --> 00:11:33,444
Mnh. That's okay. You
just gotta aim better.
222
00:11:34,185 --> 00:11:35,999
So how about school?
223
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,530
- Didn't work out too much.
- Mm.
224
00:11:41,805 --> 00:11:43,601
Nice one.
225
00:11:47,850 --> 00:11:49,381
You really should finish.
226
00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:52,680
You really should
mind your own business.
227
00:11:52,805 --> 00:11:54,539
Okay. Totally cool.
228
00:11:54,573 --> 00:11:58,639
- Just getting my volunteer hours.
- You don't know anything about anything.
229
00:12:00,516 --> 00:12:04,460
I got kicked out junior
year, but... whatever.
230
00:12:06,060 --> 00:12:08,959
For what?
231
00:12:09,981 --> 00:12:13,824
Uh, when my dad bailed, I
went on a bit of a rampage.
232
00:12:14,550 --> 00:12:17,501
Drugs, skipping, failing, fighting,
233
00:12:17,626 --> 00:12:19,674
all the things.
234
00:12:19,876 --> 00:12:21,962
I went to Algebra on acid.
235
00:12:22,087 --> 00:12:24,719
I do not recommend it.
236
00:12:24,844 --> 00:12:28,352
Hmm. And now, you're a grad student.
237
00:12:28,395 --> 00:12:30,035
I am.
238
00:12:30,503 --> 00:12:32,158
Yeah.
239
00:12:32,283 --> 00:12:35,382
I tested into a granola bad kids school
240
00:12:35,404 --> 00:12:37,347
and I graduated with honors.
241
00:12:37,472 --> 00:12:40,478
And then I wrote one
hell of a tearjerker essay
242
00:12:40,521 --> 00:12:45,021
- for my college apps.
- Mm-hmm. You're like a PSA.
243
00:12:45,402 --> 00:12:47,883
In the flesh.
244
00:12:48,502 --> 00:12:51,682
I can't enroll anyway.
I don't have an address.
245
00:12:55,691 --> 00:12:58,310
- No family at all?
- No.
246
00:12:58,435 --> 00:13:01,281
Well, other than my grandma,
but we haven't talked in years.
247
00:13:01,293 --> 00:13:03,325
And she is nuts.
248
00:13:07,557 --> 00:13:09,975
Don't get that stupid
savior look in your eye.
249
00:13:10,021 --> 00:13:12,007
Savior? Me?
250
00:13:12,132 --> 00:13:15,104
No. No, no, no. That
is not my thing. No.
251
00:13:15,818 --> 00:13:18,467
More of the acid-dropping,
pool shark type.
252
00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:20,378
Mm.
253
00:13:20,839 --> 00:13:23,377
- Go ahead.
- Stop smiling. I'm serious.
254
00:13:23,406 --> 00:13:25,594
- Oh, now I can't smile?
- No.
255
00:13:25,719 --> 00:13:29,191
Well, I know you can't smile,
but I'm allowed to smile.
256
00:13:30,371 --> 00:13:32,133
Go.
257
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:37,608
Okay, so we've had a few
cancellations for the party tonight,
258
00:13:37,637 --> 00:13:39,393
but I think we've got
a good representation
259
00:13:39,405 --> 00:13:41,264
from the West Coast princesses, right?
260
00:13:41,282 --> 00:13:43,378
Now who was in charge of
snacks? Was that you, Callie?
261
00:13:43,441 --> 00:13:45,335
- Did you bring any snacks?
- No.
262
00:13:45,364 --> 00:13:47,350
Oh, was that a little hiccup?
263
00:13:47,379 --> 00:13:49,209
Was it a magic hiccup
or just a regular one?
264
00:13:49,227 --> 00:13:51,558
You have to have your
gloves. That's important.
265
00:13:51,683 --> 00:13:53,838
- Can you help me?
- Yes, of course I can.
266
00:13:53,963 --> 00:13:56,786
Is this a left or the
right? Here we go. Your left.
267
00:13:56,804 --> 00:13:59,919
- Okay, now can you make your fingers like this?
- Yeah.
268
00:14:00,131 --> 00:14:02,205
Hey!
269
00:14:02,330 --> 00:14:05,506
I thought I heard a persistent
ticking in the background.
270
00:14:05,529 --> 00:14:08,195
In case you're not clear, that's
another, um, biological clock joke.
271
00:14:08,224 --> 00:14:10,687
- You did it!
- I did it. We did it together.
272
00:14:10,728 --> 00:14:11,833
What do you want, honey? This one?
273
00:14:11,868 --> 00:14:13,422
Put it on nicely, okay?
274
00:14:18,298 --> 00:14:22,933
You can be Princess Monsterface.
275
00:14:22,956 --> 00:14:25,506
That's a good name for
you, 'cause you really do...
276
00:14:26,018 --> 00:14:27,584
Oh.
277
00:14:27,768 --> 00:14:29,294
Jeez, uh...
278
00:14:29,489 --> 00:14:31,481
is this about Emma and, um...
279
00:14:31,884 --> 00:14:34,377
Yeah, I mean, she came
all this way to tell me.
280
00:14:34,378 --> 00:14:35,787
That has to mean something, right?
281
00:14:35,971 --> 00:14:39,190
Why else would she
just... show up like that?
282
00:14:39,213 --> 00:14:43,127
Honestly, I'm, uh, punching out
of my weight class on this one.
283
00:14:43,654 --> 00:14:46,190
- Is Carmen around?
- No, she ran after Emma.
284
00:14:46,207 --> 00:14:48,527
- Grand Central Station here. Here you go, sweetie.
- Mm.
285
00:14:48,652 --> 00:14:51,279
What do you think, Princess
Callie? What should I do?
286
00:14:51,509 --> 00:14:53,893
- Twirl around.
- Just twirl?
287
00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:55,902
- Twirl.
- Oh.
288
00:14:56,027 --> 00:14:58,176
Ready? Like this?
289
00:14:58,216 --> 00:14:59,949
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
290
00:15:00,173 --> 00:15:02,623
Do you want wings? We have extra wings.
291
00:15:02,908 --> 00:15:04,491
No, I feel better already.
292
00:15:04,532 --> 00:15:06,363
- There you go.
- Thanks. Here.
293
00:15:08,435 --> 00:15:10,082
See?
294
00:15:16,530 --> 00:15:20,082
And then I'm thinking that
I'm gonna open up a, uh,
295
00:15:20,122 --> 00:15:22,074
my own practice, sex therapy,
296
00:15:22,103 --> 00:15:24,492
but with more of a
holistic approach, you know?
297
00:15:24,515 --> 00:15:27,658
That's so cool. And refreshing.
298
00:15:27,917 --> 00:15:29,143
How is that?
299
00:15:29,177 --> 00:15:31,900
Hey, I don't like it when
women impugn my entire gender
300
00:15:31,917 --> 00:15:33,731
like we're one giant organism,
301
00:15:33,777 --> 00:15:36,851
so I sure as hell don't want
to throw it back the other way.
302
00:15:36,976 --> 00:15:39,229
- But...
- But what?
303
00:15:39,729 --> 00:15:41,900
Let's just say it ain't easy out there.
304
00:15:41,934 --> 00:15:44,542
Word to that, my brother.
305
00:15:46,206 --> 00:15:49,079
Okay, time's up. Remember
the parameters of our...
306
00:15:49,085 --> 00:15:50,403
Yeah, I'm good for now, but thanks...
307
00:15:50,426 --> 00:15:51,905
intrusive barkeep.
308
00:15:51,928 --> 00:15:55,054
- Right, but you... you told me that...
- No, seriously, I'm... I'm good.
309
00:15:55,411 --> 00:15:57,725
Gotcha. Fuck science, right?
310
00:15:59,271 --> 00:16:01,588
Oh, laughing.
311
00:16:01,713 --> 00:16:03,460
And how about you,
Captain Sensitive Pants?
312
00:16:03,488 --> 00:16:05,584
- Are you... you good?
- Um...
313
00:16:06,085 --> 00:16:07,651
- yeah.
- Yeah?
314
00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:10,156
That's cool.
315
00:16:10,334 --> 00:16:11,808
Cool.
316
00:16:12,182 --> 00:16:13,708
I don't know.
317
00:16:13,926 --> 00:16:15,774
That was interesting.
318
00:16:15,797 --> 00:16:17,882
Yeah, I think they get a... a tax rebate
319
00:16:17,917 --> 00:16:20,225
- for employing him.
- I heard that.
320
00:16:23,478 --> 00:16:26,776
- What?
- Not to make this weird, but...
321
00:16:27,116 --> 00:16:29,361
I feel like I know you, Nina.
322
00:16:33,236 --> 00:16:34,739
Are you...
323
00:16:34,929 --> 00:16:36,460
- did I...
- Did you just say,
324
00:16:36,472 --> 00:16:38,493
"I see you, Nina Martone"?
325
00:16:38,515 --> 00:16:42,339
Actually, no, I said, "I
feel like I know you, Nina."
326
00:16:42,386 --> 00:16:43,704
Let me guess. You, uh, you got it from
327
00:16:43,755 --> 00:16:46,698
"The Millennial Twat's Guide
to Getting Laid" by Andy Cutler?
328
00:16:46,737 --> 00:16:49,990
Wow, so I'm a twat now. Nice.
329
00:16:49,993 --> 00:16:51,648
I'm clinging to a thread of hope here.
330
00:16:51,695 --> 00:16:53,329
Uh, are you fucking with me?
331
00:16:53,330 --> 00:16:54,866
What... what does
that even mean, anyway?
332
00:16:54,866 --> 00:16:57,768
Like, um, like you...
you can see my soul?
333
00:16:57,779 --> 00:17:00,715
The... the vulnerable little girl
that forever lives in my heart?
334
00:17:00,732 --> 00:17:03,501
And then, um, seven weeks later,
you wanna slow things down,
335
00:17:03,541 --> 00:17:07,110
which apparently is code for "I'm
breaking up with you in nine days"?
336
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:09,344
Did you take an unfortunate
combination of drugs
337
00:17:09,379 --> 00:17:12,043
to prepare for this date?
Or are you just crazy?
338
00:17:14,251 --> 00:17:16,425
Oh. Ohh.
339
00:17:16,730 --> 00:17:18,487
- Crazy it is.
- Okay.
340
00:17:18,488 --> 00:17:20,962
Yeah, I'd say drinks are on
the house instead of your...
341
00:17:21,087 --> 00:17:22,758
your crotch, but, uh...
342
00:17:22,759 --> 00:17:25,890
She works here, so... Yeah. Cool. Oh.
343
00:17:28,598 --> 00:17:32,413
I... I need to admit
something to you, okay?
344
00:17:32,602 --> 00:17:34,136
So don't fuck it up.
345
00:17:35,605 --> 00:17:38,780
Okay, but I'm not that
good under pressure.
346
00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:41,475
I... have a...
347
00:17:43,864 --> 00:17:45,717
... pretty girl ego.
348
00:17:46,644 --> 00:17:49,154
Oh, is that when I was
supposed to be surprised?
349
00:17:49,206 --> 00:17:51,110
But I've only seriously opened myself up
350
00:17:51,133 --> 00:17:53,724
to two guys in my entire life, and...
351
00:17:53,942 --> 00:17:56,201
and they both shat on my head.
352
00:17:56,499 --> 00:17:58,094
Disrespectful.
353
00:17:59,029 --> 00:18:01,740
And highly coincidental.
Did they know each other?
354
00:18:01,761 --> 00:18:05,203
I mean, were they part of, uh,
same scatological fraternity?
355
00:18:05,235 --> 00:18:06,666
Right?
356
00:18:06,791 --> 00:18:08,663
Listen, I think we've come up with
357
00:18:08,698 --> 00:18:11,622
- the real question of your thesis.
- Oh, fuck.
358
00:18:12,469 --> 00:18:14,368
Fine, whatever. I'll bite.
359
00:18:14,377 --> 00:18:16,609
What's the real question of my thesis?
360
00:18:16,734 --> 00:18:18,948
"What is wrong with me?"
361
00:18:20,224 --> 00:18:22,423
Like you. You're saying it.
362
00:18:22,463 --> 00:18:24,110
You're saying, "What is wrong with me?"
363
00:18:24,151 --> 00:18:26,960
You know? Because you know that's true.
364
00:18:28,612 --> 00:18:32,216
Okay, um, let's clear
some shit up here, Shaun.
365
00:18:32,341 --> 00:18:35,166
First of all, fuck you and
your latest annoying attempt
366
00:18:35,172 --> 00:18:37,573
- at bartender wisdom.
- Okay, don't do that. Don't...
367
00:18:37,596 --> 00:18:40,417
- don't put up the Nina armor. I'm just trying to...
- And I already have a mejor amiga,
368
00:18:40,446 --> 00:18:42,514
fucking clown.
369
00:19:00,891 --> 00:19:02,610
Why do I get the sense
that you're correlating
370
00:19:02,626 --> 00:19:05,040
me sitting on a swing,
staring at a stuffed octopus,
371
00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:07,261
with my wanting to keep this baby?
372
00:19:07,579 --> 00:19:09,887
Am I even necessary
in this conversation?
373
00:19:09,927 --> 00:19:13,007
I should be in my car, on the
way back to Seattle right now.
374
00:19:13,051 --> 00:19:15,445
Yet here you are, sitting on a swing,
375
00:19:15,473 --> 00:19:17,334
staring at an octopus.
376
00:19:17,459 --> 00:19:19,499
You know those people who
are so deep in Scientology
377
00:19:19,531 --> 00:19:20,945
that they can't turn back?
378
00:19:21,111 --> 00:19:23,285
Like, even when they know
it's about tiny aliens?
379
00:19:23,736 --> 00:19:26,024
They just forge on because
it's easier than admitting
380
00:19:26,030 --> 00:19:27,886
how fucked up it all is.
381
00:19:29,728 --> 00:19:32,615
So you're saying Seattle's
your Church of Scientology?
382
00:19:32,652 --> 00:19:33,859
Yep.
383
00:19:35,926 --> 00:19:39,395
- You don't seem surprised.
- Well, that's mostly because I'm not.
384
00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:44,847
Jack was right.
385
00:19:45,895 --> 00:19:48,146
I wasn't following my truths.
386
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:49,822
I was running away.
387
00:19:50,426 --> 00:19:51,906
I mean...
388
00:19:52,418 --> 00:19:54,640
my job is awesome.
389
00:19:55,078 --> 00:19:59,114
And Kylie's awesomer.
390
00:19:59,239 --> 00:20:04,190
Well, a lot of things
are awesome and awesomer.
391
00:20:04,380 --> 00:20:06,884
Em, what really matters is,
392
00:20:07,471 --> 00:20:09,314
what do you want?
393
00:20:11,093 --> 00:20:12,561
I want this baby.
394
00:20:12,792 --> 00:20:14,095
And?
395
00:20:16,366 --> 00:20:18,204
And I want my husband.
396
00:20:20,032 --> 00:20:21,580
And Izzy.
397
00:20:25,108 --> 00:20:26,702
Do you think Izzy will forgive me?
398
00:20:27,568 --> 00:20:30,188
Well, begging for forgiveness
is kind of your thing now, right?
399
00:20:30,372 --> 00:20:33,481
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, my
grovel game is on point.
400
00:20:35,079 --> 00:20:36,618
Yellow roses.
401
00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:38,717
Did you just have a stroke
402
00:20:38,740 --> 00:20:40,532
and say "yellow roses" out of nowhere?
403
00:20:40,582 --> 00:20:42,876
It's the official flower of apology.
404
00:20:47,998 --> 00:20:51,476
See? That's why I love you.
You know shit like that.
405
00:20:51,968 --> 00:20:54,240
Oh.
406
00:20:54,300 --> 00:20:56,984
Ugh! How come you always get
to be the caged tiger, okay?
407
00:20:57,007 --> 00:20:59,154
Maybe this time, I wanna be the
caged tiger. You think about that?
408
00:20:59,181 --> 00:21:00,563
It's a big cage.
409
00:21:00,614 --> 00:21:02,644
- So what? We're supposed to do it at the same time?
- Why not?
410
00:21:02,722 --> 00:21:03,726
That's new.
411
00:21:04,657 --> 00:21:06,452
Do I just... do I...
412
00:21:06,457 --> 00:21:08,027
- You just walk.
- Do I like it?
413
00:21:08,488 --> 00:21:11,901
- Fuck, yeah. I think I might like it.
- You do. It's good. You first.
414
00:21:12,355 --> 00:21:13,568
- Fucking Shaun.
- What?
415
00:21:13,609 --> 00:21:15,249
No, no.
416
00:21:15,594 --> 00:21:17,883
No, not me fucking Shaun. Like,
417
00:21:18,008 --> 00:21:19,694
God, no. Shaun's pissing me off.
418
00:21:19,735 --> 00:21:22,526
Okay. So Shaun can piss you off now?
419
00:21:22,586 --> 00:21:24,760
Which means you give a damn about Shaun.
420
00:21:24,787 --> 00:21:26,607
Um, that is so stupid.
421
00:21:26,621 --> 00:21:29,404
Just stop saying stupid shit
and try to be less stupid.
422
00:21:29,406 --> 00:21:32,272
He's big and he's furry and
he wears a rotation of, like,
423
00:21:32,300 --> 00:21:35,643
- four weird t-shirts.
- Okay, I get it. Shaun's not your type.
424
00:21:35,846 --> 00:21:38,084
So, uh, what'd he do to piss you off?
425
00:21:38,209 --> 00:21:41,267
He... he says that my
thesis isn't really about
426
00:21:41,284 --> 00:21:42,768
the plight of the millennial male...
427
00:21:42,818 --> 00:21:44,182
that it's about me.
428
00:21:44,237 --> 00:21:45,531
- No.
- Yeah.
429
00:21:45,573 --> 00:21:47,885
Yeah. And h's, um, he says
that I'm trying to figure out
430
00:21:47,903 --> 00:21:50,132
what's wrong with me,
why guys keep leaving me.
431
00:21:50,173 --> 00:21:51,591
- Can you believe that?
- No.
432
00:21:51,605 --> 00:21:53,378
Yeah. And...
433
00:21:53,447 --> 00:21:56,699
Wait. Wait are you saying
no, like, "No fucking shit"?
434
00:21:56,741 --> 00:21:57,952
Yeah, I am.
435
00:21:58,077 --> 00:22:00,775
Nina, there's been 2 guys in 10 years.
436
00:22:00,804 --> 00:22:02,595
Three including today's thesis date,
437
00:22:02,605 --> 00:22:04,539
- who was actually a really cool guy.
- Okay.
438
00:22:04,561 --> 00:22:07,565
And he, um, took off
439
00:22:07,813 --> 00:22:10,709
when I called him a twat and
threw a drink in his face.
440
00:22:10,726 --> 00:22:13,921
What a pussy.
441
00:22:14,761 --> 00:22:17,291
Right?
442
00:22:17,303 --> 00:22:19,888
- Oh, okay.
- I... I just...
443
00:22:19,922 --> 00:22:21,753
I can't shake this
feeling that Emma's here
444
00:22:21,776 --> 00:22:24,434
for more than a business
meeting, you know?
445
00:22:24,900 --> 00:22:26,984
- What the fuck?
- I ordered pizza.
446
00:22:27,013 --> 00:22:28,487
- Oh. Sweet.
- Yeah.
447
00:22:28,809 --> 00:22:30,462
I'm starving.
448
00:22:33,628 --> 00:22:35,868
Um...
449
00:22:37,578 --> 00:22:39,605
You can't talk to me like that,
450
00:22:40,998 --> 00:22:43,001
especially in front of customers.
451
00:22:43,606 --> 00:22:46,110
Um... o... okay.
452
00:22:47,227 --> 00:22:50,209
So however it's going to
be between us, it is not...
453
00:22:50,773 --> 00:22:52,926
it is not gonna be like that.
454
00:22:53,823 --> 00:22:56,260
Fine. Um, I'm sorry.
455
00:22:56,501 --> 00:22:58,055
And I'll work on it.
456
00:22:58,641 --> 00:23:00,255
Okay.
457
00:23:00,510 --> 00:23:02,149
Uh...
458
00:23:02,506 --> 00:23:04,714
- Izzy.
- Shaun.
459
00:23:06,052 --> 00:23:08,355
Okay. So to be continued.
460
00:23:08,785 --> 00:23:10,286
Yeah.
461
00:23:11,955 --> 00:23:13,686
Hmm.
462
00:23:22,937 --> 00:23:26,969
So... what have we learned
here today in the tiger cage?
463
00:23:27,313 --> 00:23:30,099
Shaun's got a surprisingly
impressive pair.
464
00:23:31,808 --> 00:23:34,576
And you need to stop
obsessing over Emma.
465
00:23:34,701 --> 00:23:36,748
- Want a beer?
- Yeah.
466
00:23:42,919 --> 00:23:44,671
Damn it.
467
00:23:45,588 --> 00:23:47,515
Uh, maybe we could save this look
468
00:23:47,544 --> 00:23:49,826
for the second time we meet my dad?
469
00:23:55,064 --> 00:23:58,361
Oh, my God. You are nervous.
470
00:23:58,379 --> 00:24:00,446
That is very cute.
471
00:24:02,138 --> 00:24:04,673
It's the first time I met
someone's dad since Hal Seaver.
472
00:24:04,674 --> 00:24:07,591
Yeah? And how did that go?
473
00:24:07,716 --> 00:24:10,379
He gave me a pamphlet
for conversion therapy.
474
00:24:10,380 --> 00:24:12,923
Ha ha. Well...
475
00:24:13,660 --> 00:24:15,940
- well, it looked like it worked.
- Mm.
476
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:19,924
But you have to wait until we get home.
477
00:24:20,256 --> 00:24:21,715
Okay, then I'm gonna
challenge your father
478
00:24:21,724 --> 00:24:24,260
to a speed eating contest.
479
00:24:26,029 --> 00:24:30,286
- I love you.
- Well, duh. I'm touching on your privates.
480
00:24:33,202 --> 00:24:34,779
I'll get this one 'cause...
481
00:24:34,811 --> 00:24:36,682
- Yeah. Yeah.
- You know...
482
00:24:37,006 --> 00:24:38,663
Okay, I'll pick out
483
00:24:38,669 --> 00:24:40,874
the perfect pair of
father-meeting undies.
484
00:24:41,244 --> 00:24:42,712
Mm-hmm.
485
00:24:56,359 --> 00:24:59,021
Oh, hey, Em. What the
fuck are you doing here?
486
00:24:59,146 --> 00:25:02,360
Yellow roses, the
official flower of apology.
487
00:25:03,199 --> 00:25:06,045
Would it help if I knelt?
Others have enjoyed it.
488
00:25:07,103 --> 00:25:08,993
That seems excessive.
489
00:25:09,439 --> 00:25:11,773
But I would move one way
or the other if I were you.
490
00:25:11,774 --> 00:25:13,376
Why?
491
00:25:14,677 --> 00:25:16,298
I dig the vase.
492
00:25:16,423 --> 00:25:18,163
What'd I tell you this morning, Em?
493
00:25:18,589 --> 00:25:20,293
I told you to stay the fuck away.
494
00:25:20,339 --> 00:25:22,150
Did it seem like I was joking?
495
00:25:22,151 --> 00:25:24,571
Yes, would you please just hear me out?
496
00:25:25,642 --> 00:25:26,888
Who was that?
497
00:25:26,889 --> 00:25:29,119
It was just some lost chick.
498
00:25:29,292 --> 00:25:30,933
A lost chick with a vase?
499
00:25:30,939 --> 00:25:32,833
I know. That's weird, right?
500
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:45,400
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
36827
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