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1
00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:05,539
WOMAN:
Charlie,
2
00:00:05,606 --> 00:00:07,541
honey, wake up.
3
00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,544
Good morning.
4
00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:12,246
You lied to me, Charlie.
5
00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:15,749
You said it was just going
to be the two of us.
6
00:00:17,185 --> 00:00:18,819
I didn't lie, Berta.
7
00:00:18,886 --> 00:00:20,088
Things change.
8
00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:21,589
Good-bye, Charlie.
9
00:00:23,091 --> 00:00:25,059
Don't leave me, Berta.
10
00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:27,161
I love you.
11
00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:28,429
Can't we talk
about this?
12
00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:29,497
Sorry.
13
00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:30,864
I do single men only.
14
00:00:30,931 --> 00:00:31,899
I'm in, I'm out.
15
00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:33,667
There are no complications.
16
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:35,203
But I am single.
17
00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:36,570
ALAN:
Uh, Berta,
18
00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:38,172
I hate to bring
this up again,
19
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:39,540
but you just... you cannot
20
00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:41,542
put the peanut butter
in the refrigerator.
21
00:00:41,609 --> 00:00:42,543
It gets hard.
22
00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:44,412
And, uh,
23
00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:45,579
and on a related subject--
24
00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:47,081
the peanut butter stains
25
00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:49,950
on Jake's shirts really require
an enzyme presoak.
26
00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:54,588
I hope you two will be
very happy together.
27
00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:56,190
But who's going to
take care of me?
28
00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:57,758
Who's going to
do the laundry
29
00:00:57,825 --> 00:00:58,926
and the shopping
and the cleaning
30
00:00:58,992 --> 00:00:59,927
and all the other stuff?
31
00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:01,729
Ask the scrubbing bubble there.
32
00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:07,701
Uncle Charlie, why
is Berta leaving?
33
00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:08,936
Why?
34
00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:10,838
Doesn't matter, Jake.
35
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,806
What matters is she's gone.
36
00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:17,845
And we're all going to die.
37
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:21,615
* Men... *
38
00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:30,958
She left before
she made the coffee.
39
00:01:31,024 --> 00:01:32,126
So?
40
00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:34,595
We'll make our own coffee.
41
00:01:34,662 --> 00:01:37,097
How?
42
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,475
So now we just wait?
43
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:49,843
Yes. It-It takes a couple
of minutes.
44
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:55,316
Alan, this goes
beyond coffee.
45
00:01:55,383 --> 00:01:56,250
Berta's been with me forever.
46
00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:57,718
She does everything.
47
00:01:57,785 --> 00:02:00,254
She's like a wife
that leaves before you wake up
48
00:02:00,321 --> 00:02:02,256
and doesn't mind
if you sleep around.
49
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:03,624
( bell dings )
50
00:02:03,691 --> 00:02:05,393
Is that the coffee?
51
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,760
It's my peanut butter.
52
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:07,961
Made it soft.
53
00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:10,198
Charlie, I've been trying
54
00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:11,532
to figure out a way to repay you
55
00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:13,066
for letting me
and Jake stay here.
56
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,635
Why don't I take over
the housework?
57
00:02:14,702 --> 00:02:16,637
Berta did the
shopping, too.
58
00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:17,905
I can do that.
59
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,540
She did my laundry.
60
00:02:19,607 --> 00:02:22,042
In her way, yes.
61
00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:23,076
But I can handle
that, too.
62
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,279
And look.
63
00:02:25,346 --> 00:02:28,081
I even made your coffee.
64
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,350
Thank you.
65
00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:31,419
Hmm.
66
00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:34,255
No. Uh-uh.
67
00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:37,090
Not as good as Berta's.
Well,
68
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,359
it's her coffee.
69
00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:40,060
I just...
I just pressed the button.
70
00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:43,597
Berta's tasted--
I don't know--
71
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:44,865
Christmassy.
72
00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:47,901
Well-well, what does that mean,
"Christmassy?" What...?
73
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:50,170
It means, like Christmas.
74
00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:51,372
No. You...
75
00:02:51,439 --> 00:02:53,307
you got to work
with me, Charlie.
76
00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:55,609
I mean, nutmeg, cinnamon,
powdered reindeer?
77
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:56,710
I don't know.
78
00:02:56,777 --> 00:03:01,048
It's just that
when you drank it,
79
00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:04,051
Sweet 'N Low, half and half,
80
00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:06,019
Mocha Mix.
81
00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:07,020
No, forget it.
82
00:03:07,087 --> 00:03:08,489
I'll just read my paper.
83
00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:10,391
Uh-oh.
84
00:03:10,458 --> 00:03:12,393
Where's my paper?
85
00:03:12,460 --> 00:03:13,594
I don't know.
86
00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:15,463
You might try looking
by the front door.
87
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,598
No, no. It's usually
right here on the table.
88
00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:20,268
Okay, so before you got up,
Berta started the coffee
89
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:21,769
and got you your paper.
90
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:25,005
Well, I don't know
the mechanics of it, but, yeah.
91
00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:26,774
I'll go get it.
92
00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:32,713
He's not off to
a very good start.
93
00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:36,250
Want a glass
of peanut butter?
94
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,989
Here.
95
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,569
Alan?
96
00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:56,804
Yeah.
97
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:57,971
I can see you.
98
00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:01,942
And I can see you, too.
99
00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:07,981
No. I mean, Berta never cleaned
when I was in the room.
100
00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:09,383
She was, like, invisible.
101
00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:10,584
I'm sorry.
102
00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:12,786
I'll try to be more transparent.
103
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:14,622
Appreciate it.
104
00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:23,664
Oh, no.
105
00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:24,565
I see you.
106
00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:26,800
ALAN:
Oh, give me a break.
107
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:27,868
Not you.
108
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,670
That girl
that's been stalking me.
109
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,706
Rose?
110
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,308
Oh, there you are.
111
00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:35,643
( laughs )
112
00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,911
What are you doing,
sneaking up on me like that?
113
00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:39,079
( laughs )
114
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:40,047
Uh,
115
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,382
Rose, honey,
116
00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:43,250
we spent one
night together,
117
00:04:43,317 --> 00:04:45,052
and it was very
nice, but...
118
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:47,220
What was your favorite part?
119
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,889
Gee, I'd have to say,
120
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:52,893
finding out you live
just two doors down.
121
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,395
Sometimes it's all I can do
122
00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:57,264
not to shoot through that house
in the middle.
123
00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:58,866
Yeah.
124
00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:00,133
Uh...
125
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,036
but see, I'm not looking
for a relationship right now,
126
00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:05,739
so maybe
you should find someone
127
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:07,941
who can give you
the attention you want.
128
00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:10,243
Need. Deserve.
129
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,580
Require.
130
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:16,116
Are you saying
we should see
other people?
131
00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:18,085
Yes. That's exactly
what I'm saying.
132
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,753
You have so much
love to give,
133
00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:22,122
and somewhere out there
is a guy who...
134
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:24,525
can take it.
135
00:05:24,592 --> 00:05:26,360
Well, there is
this one guy...
136
00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:28,396
He sounds perfect.
137
00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:30,364
His-his name is Andy.
138
00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:31,765
He works at Jamba Juice.
139
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,435
He always gives me
a free wheat grass shooter
140
00:05:34,502 --> 00:05:35,969
and chuckles when I gag.
141
00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:37,971
( laughs )
142
00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:39,673
Then ask him out.
143
00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:41,875
That seems kind of forward,
don't you think?
144
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:42,743
No. Come on.
145
00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:44,344
Women ask guys out
all the time.
146
00:05:44,412 --> 00:05:45,846
What they don't do
147
00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:47,848
is handcuff themselves
to the refrigerator
148
00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:51,251
when he says
it's time to go home.
149
00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:54,087
That's where you and I went off
the track, isn't it?
150
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,524
Hey, I'm the past.
151
00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:59,493
Andy's the future.
152
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:00,828
Bye-bye now.
153
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:02,996
Good luck.
154
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:05,466
Andy.
155
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:09,503
( plays piano )
156
00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:22,616
Alan?
157
00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,585
What did you do to my piano?
158
00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:25,919
Nothing. I just dusted.
159
00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:27,521
Yeah. Well, I'm-I'm
sitting here
160
00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:29,790
trying to write a jingle
about a chocolate bar,
161
00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:32,660
and my piano smells like lemons.
162
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,027
Gee, I'm sorry, Charlie,
163
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:36,564
but they don't make
chocolate Pledge.
164
00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:38,098
Okay, maybe I'm not
making myself clear.
165
00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:39,567
Mm-hmm.
166
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:43,871
The rest of the house can smell
like any food you want,
167
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:47,074
but my piano needs to smell...
168
00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:48,075
Pianoey.
169
00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:49,242
There you go.
170
00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:50,343
Fine.
171
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:51,845
I'll get an unscented polish.
172
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:56,049
Well, that's not going
to help me now, is it?
173
00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:58,018
Nope.
174
00:06:58,085 --> 00:06:58,886
You know what, Charlie?
175
00:06:58,952 --> 00:06:59,987
You are a child.
176
00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:01,989
You're a-a-a big,
high-maintenance child.
177
00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:04,558
I am not a child.
178
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:05,726
Where are you going?
179
00:07:05,793 --> 00:07:06,359
Well,
180
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,728
if I can't write
181
00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:09,797
my chocolate song,
I'm going to take a nap.
182
00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:18,105
( whispering ):
Charlie,
183
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,540
are you asleep?
184
00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:23,877
I'm doing a load of whites.
185
00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:11,992
( groans )
186
00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:13,360
Geez.
187
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:14,828
Charlie?!
188
00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:15,629
What?
189
00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:17,297
You kicked me in your sleep.
190
00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:19,767
Who said I was asleep?
191
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,334
I can't do this anymore.
192
00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:22,502
You are impossible.
193
00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:23,671
Hey, don't blame me.
194
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:25,038
I tried to
make it work.
195
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:26,106
Excuse me.
196
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:27,274
Berta quit at 9:00.
197
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:28,275
It's now 2:30.
198
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,342
When did you try?
199
00:08:29,409 --> 00:08:30,611
Where is the trying?
200
00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:33,313
Hey, you're the one
who made Berta quit.
201
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:34,748
I didn't make her quit.
202
00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:37,217
I simply raised the bar
of quality housework,
203
00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:39,653
and she insisted
on limboing under it.
204
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,489
But since you obviously
can't live without her--
205
00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:44,558
you big baby--
I will go apologize,
206
00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:45,826
and get her back.
Great.
207
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:47,094
So where does she live?
208
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,065
I don't know.
209
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:53,867
Okay.
210
00:08:53,934 --> 00:08:55,135
What's her last name?
211
00:08:57,705 --> 00:08:59,840
Your entire life depends
on this woman,
212
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,809
and you know nothing about her.
213
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,611
Wait!
214
00:09:03,677 --> 00:09:05,112
She took a bus.
215
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:08,816
I stand corrected.
216
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:09,817
Oh, oh.
217
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,719
Uh, after she works
here in the morning,
218
00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:13,186
she cleans some
rock star's house.
219
00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:14,788
Okay. What rock star? Where?
220
00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:15,923
( knocking )
221
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,758
Steven Tyler
from Aerosmith.
222
00:09:17,825 --> 00:09:21,028
4456 Malibu
Canyon Road.
223
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:23,897
Thank you.
224
00:09:24,832 --> 00:09:26,166
Now, listen,
Judith is coming by
225
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,335
at 5:00 to pick up Jake
for dinner with her parents.
226
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:31,104
Now I-I should be back by then,
but you need to make sure
227
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:32,606
that he is dressed
and ready to go.
228
00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:33,774
No problem.
229
00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:35,142
No, no. It is a problem,
Charlie.
230
00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:37,210
I am trying desperately
to reconcile with my wife,
231
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:39,913
so I don't want to do anything
that's going to tick her off,
232
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:41,615
so you telling me
it's no problem
233
00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:42,650
does not reassure me.
Here.
234
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:43,751
Take my sock.
235
00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:45,953
I want to show
you a trick.
236
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:49,690
I'll go get Berta.
237
00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:51,925
You make sure Jake is ready.
238
00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:54,094
Hi.
239
00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:55,896
Hello.
240
00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:57,931
There are security cameras
out front,
241
00:09:57,998 --> 00:10:00,467
so come up from the back
and bring some dog treats
242
00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:02,069
in case the Rottweilers
are out.
243
00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:07,607
Again, thank you.
244
00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:13,113
I asked Andy out,
and he said yes.
245
00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:14,782
Andy, uh...
246
00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:16,650
The guy you told me to ask out.
247
00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:17,718
( laughs )
248
00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:19,186
I just don't know what to wear.
249
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:22,355
I love this one, but it still
smells like pepper spray.
250
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,093
Where are you going?
251
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:29,262
To roll around naked
on your bed.
252
00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,733
I'm just kidding.
253
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,534
I'm going to try
on the dress, silly.
254
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:35,936
But...
255
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:36,837
but...
256
00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:38,906
Is that lady your girlfriend?
257
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,507
No. She's just...
258
00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:42,175
It's complicated.
259
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,815
What the hell happened to you?
260
00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:49,516
You know
what else is complicated?
261
00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:50,984
Fractions.
262
00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:54,354
You got grease all over you.
263
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:57,424
It's in your hair, man.
264
00:10:57,490 --> 00:11:00,093
Yeah. My bike chain broke.
265
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,361
Can you fix it?
266
00:11:01,428 --> 00:11:03,263
Kid, I'm a piano player.
267
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:04,597
What do you think?
268
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,767
Look, your mom's going
to be here soon
269
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:08,101
to take you to dinner.
270
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,369
I know.
271
00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:10,838
So, how about a shower?
272
00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:12,439
No, thank you.
273
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,875
That wasn't a question.
274
00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:24,317
But my bike's still broken.
I think you made it worse.
275
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:27,654
What are you talking about?
Now you've got a unicycle.
276
00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:29,857
Get in the shower.
277
00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:33,560
I'm so worried he's
not going to like me.
278
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:35,262
He's going to love you, Rose.
279
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:38,832
Just go out, have a great time,
and don't come on too strong.
280
00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:41,668
Me, too strong?
What do you mean?
281
00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:45,038
Okay, well, speaking
from my own experience,
282
00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:47,174
there's nothing wrong
with asking a guy
for a blood test,
283
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:48,809
but actually trying
to take the blood yourself
284
00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:50,543
is a little strong.
285
00:11:50,610 --> 00:11:52,479
I see.
286
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:53,713
Where are you going now?
287
00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:55,816
You've got me
thinking this dress
288
00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:57,317
comes on too strong.
289
00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,086
So I'm going
to put on something
290
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:00,520
a little less
"raahr!
291
00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:01,922
and a little
more "ooh!"
292
00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:07,560
Jake!
293
00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:09,262
Why aren't you
in the shower?
294
00:12:10,663 --> 00:12:11,932
Oh, yeah...
295
00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:27,080
Hi, Berta.
296
00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:30,483
It's me, the, uh,
the scrubbing bubble.
297
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,719
I, I, I came to apologize.
298
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:34,822
Okay, thank you. Bye-bye.
299
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:37,090
Come on. Can't, can't,
can't we put aside
300
00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:38,325
our, our petty differences
301
00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:40,427
and, and, and find a way
to work together
302
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:43,130
out of, a, uh, uh,
a mutual love for Charlie?
303
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:45,232
Yeah, that's why I do this....
304
00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:45,899
for love.
305
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:47,734
The thing is...
306
00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:50,537
I'm, I'm going through uh, uh,
a really tough time right now.
307
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,405
My, my marriage is collapsing.
308
00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:56,176
My, my business is slow.
309
00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:58,545
from his mother's house
to, to, to Malibu.
310
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,080
My alcoholic husband
ran off
311
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:01,614
with my daughter's
parole officer
312
00:13:01,681 --> 00:13:04,952
and I clean rich people's
toilets for a living.
313
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:08,388
Okay, let's not make this
a competition.
314
00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:14,061
Jake.
315
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,029
You've been in there or a while.
How's it going?
316
00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:18,698
Good.
317
00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:21,434
( rattling )
318
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:24,437
( toilet flushes )
319
00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:26,874
What are you doing?
320
00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:29,742
Washing my bike chain.
It's real dirty.
321
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,411
Forget about the chain.
322
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:34,014
You've got to take a shower
before your mother gets here.
323
00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:44,257
We're going to need a new chain.
324
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,429
( phone ringing )
325
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,731
Hello, Charlie's house.
May I help you?
326
00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:53,600
Oh, hi, Alan, it's Rose.
327
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,602
I got in. How'd you do?
328
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,470
Oh, here he is.
329
00:13:57,537 --> 00:13:59,372
It's your brother.
330
00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:01,041
Thank you.
331
00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:07,347
How's it going?
Did you talk to Berta?
332
00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:08,815
Yes, I'm, uh,
I'm here with her now.
333
00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:10,483
Is, is Jake ready?
334
00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:13,553
Yeah, yeah, we're just applying
the, uh, finishing touches.
335
00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:17,390
What about Berta?
336
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:19,859
The same.
Finishing touches.
337
00:14:19,927 --> 00:14:23,630
She's really a delight.
338
00:14:24,797 --> 00:14:26,466
Just, just make sure
339
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,768
Jake is ready
when Judith gets there.
340
00:14:28,835 --> 00:14:31,004
Relax.
Everything's under control.
341
00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:33,340
I got to go.
342
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:35,475
So you like this dress better?
343
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:38,445
Hang on, Rose.
The kid's running around
on the deck in his underwear.
344
00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:42,315
Oh, sure, when I do it,
you just ignore me.
345
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:43,550
Jake!
346
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:44,417
What are you doing?
347
00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:45,485
Air drying.
348
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,587
You still have grease
in your hair.
349
00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:48,655
Didn't you wash it?
350
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,390
You didn't say to wash my hair.
351
00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:53,293
Wash your hair.
352
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,527
Okay.
353
00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:58,198
You didn't tell him to rinse.
354
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,368
Good. That's good.
Thank you.
355
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:05,338
Jake! Rinse!
356
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:06,706
All right, so you
won't come back.
357
00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:07,941
Will you at least tell me
358
00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:09,442
how you made the damn
coffee Christmassy?
359
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:10,743
Christmassy?
360
00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:13,713
Yeah, Charlie said your coffee
tastes Christmassy.
361
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:14,714
Oh, cinnamon.
362
00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:16,683
I said, "Cinnamon!"
363
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,751
Oh, oh,
364
00:15:18,818 --> 00:15:19,386
lower back?
365
00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:20,053
You, uh,
366
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,288
you do a lot of lifting?
367
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,790
Of course you do.
368
00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:25,758
You're a maid and I'm an ass.
369
00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:26,693
I'm a housekeeper.
370
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:27,594
Of course.
371
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:29,296
And you're an ass.
372
00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:30,730
Yes.
373
00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:33,233
Hey, we don't you sit down?
Let me take a look at it.
374
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:34,567
What?
375
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:35,602
I'm a chiropractor.
376
00:15:37,204 --> 00:15:39,672
Okay, but no funny business.
377
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,510
Not to worry.
378
00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:49,216
Looks like you washed
your hair instead of mine.
379
00:15:52,219 --> 00:15:54,387
I'm not in the mood, Jake.
380
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:57,324
These clothes looks stupid.
381
00:15:57,390 --> 00:16:00,560
You're ten. No one cares.
382
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,362
You're choking me.
383
00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:03,896
Trust me...
384
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,832
you'll know
when I'm choking you.
385
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:09,536
I think my socks
are on the wrong feet.
386
00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:11,571
Jake, dude...
387
00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:12,705
I'm right on the edge.
388
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:18,111
Don't push me.
389
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:20,480
I can't do this
on someone else.
390
00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:21,548
Charlie!
391
00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:23,250
You look great, Rose.
392
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:26,686
I don't think
I can go through with this.
393
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,588
What?
394
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,223
No, sure you can.
395
00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,559
Oh, I'm going to call Andy
and cancel.
396
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:33,993
No, you're not.
397
00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:35,195
Now listen to me.
You're a wonderful woman,
398
00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:36,896
and this guy Andy
is going to love you.
399
00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:40,467
Thanks, but you're saying that
just to get me out of your hair.
400
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:43,670
No, not just.
401
00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:47,107
Now go out
and have a great time.
402
00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:48,708
I...
Shh!
403
00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:50,877
No good-byes.
404
00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:53,446
Just turn around
and walk away.
405
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:54,781
Okay.
406
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:58,151
Good-bye.
407
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:02,021
Good-bye, Rose.
408
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:09,362
What happened?
409
00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:10,730
I have to go to the bathroom.
410
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:13,900
Why did you take
your clothes off?
411
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:17,637
Sometimes I miss.
412
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,572
Okay...
413
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:20,640
that's it.
414
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:22,375
I give up.
415
00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:25,778
You are a child, Jake.
416
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:29,549
Dress, don't dress.
Wash, don't wash.
417
00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:33,620
I don't care.
You're on your own.
418
00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:36,589
What?
419
00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:39,459
( moaning )
420
00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:42,795
Oh, God, that feels so good.
421
00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:45,232
Hey, Berta!
422
00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:47,234
I can't find my...
423
00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:50,770
Berta, if you're
going to do a guy
424
00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:52,105
in the laundry room,
425
00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:54,374
put a scarf on
the doorknob or something.
426
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:56,943
Ah...
427
00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:59,446
I'm a big fan.
428
00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:04,951
Is Jake ready?
429
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:07,086
Where's Jake?
430
00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:10,490
I don't know.
431
00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:12,392
You don't know? My, my wife
just pulled in behind me.
432
00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:13,693
You said you'd have him ready.
433
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,429
It can't be done.
434
00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:18,665
What do you mean,
"It can't be done?"
435
00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:23,102
I'm not strong enough.
436
00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:26,873
His will is greater than mine.
437
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:31,178
I'm just going to get drunk
and stay out of his way.
438
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,447
Please tell me he's ready.
439
00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:35,915
My parents are driving me nuts.
440
00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:38,151
Oh, well, um...
441
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:39,486
Hi, Mom.
442
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:41,654
Oh, don't you
look handsome.
443
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:45,558
Uncle Charlie's got my tie.
444
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:46,793
Well, you don't need a tie.
445
00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:51,531
Grow up, Charlie.
446
00:18:51,598 --> 00:18:53,266
Bye!
447
00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:55,034
I thought you said
he beat you.
448
00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:57,570
He did.
449
00:18:57,637 --> 00:19:00,573
Now he's just screwing with me.
450
00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:04,577
What happened with Berta?
451
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:08,515
Well, it wasn't easy,
but I did it.
452
00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:11,251
She won't do my laundry,
or get my groceries,
453
00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:15,388
and I have to give her a lower
back adjustment twice a week.
454
00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:18,858
And Steven Tyler
thinks I'm doing her.
455
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,495
But, but she is coming back?
456
00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:24,864
Yes, Charlie,
she is coming back.
457
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,601
Right on.
458
00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:33,606
Are you crying?
459
00:19:36,309 --> 00:19:39,779
It's been
a very emotional day.
460
00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:45,184
Here you go, buddy.
Drink your vodka.
461
00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:57,964
( playing piano )
462
00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,932
( knocking on window )
463
00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:04,971
( sighs )
464
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,340
You look great,
Rose. I swear!
465
00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:09,876
He stood me up.
466
00:20:09,942 --> 00:20:11,444
What?
467
00:20:11,511 --> 00:20:13,713
After we spent all day
getting ready?
468
00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:18,685
I don't know
what I did wrong.
469
00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:20,152
You didn't do anything wrong.
470
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,454
Then why did he stand me up?
471
00:20:21,521 --> 00:20:23,356
Because he's an idiot.
472
00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:27,360
He doesn't get what
a truly rare person you are.
473
00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:31,864
Thanks... I wish Randy
could see what you see.
474
00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:34,233
Forget about him.
Come on.
475
00:20:34,301 --> 00:20:35,234
I'm going to take
you to dinner.
476
00:20:35,302 --> 00:20:36,269
Really?
477
00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:38,905
Yeah, sure. Why not?
478
00:20:45,111 --> 00:20:46,579
Hey, uh...
479
00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:48,715
I thought you said
his name was "Andy."
480
00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:51,217
What did I say?
481
00:20:51,284 --> 00:20:53,886
You said, "Randy."
482
00:20:53,953 --> 00:20:56,356
No, I didn't.
483
00:20:56,423 --> 00:20:58,491
Andy's a real guy.
I didn't make him up.
484
00:21:00,226 --> 00:21:01,794
I love your little tie.
31374
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