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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:19,840 Yura, you warhorse. 2 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:22,200 I can't believe 3 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:25,160 that some rookie politics teacher outwitted you. 4 00:00:25,240 --> 00:00:28,760 Have him return my two favorite words, 5 00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:30,960 Security Service! 6 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:33,240 Look here, who will he rally? 7 00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:35,760 What, Maidan? With what money? 8 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:38,440 Look at those hungry eyes. 9 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:40,600 They're like a piranha's. 10 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:44,760 Don't put your finger into that mouth. He'll bite your arm off at the elbow. 11 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:47,160 Gentlemen, Holoborodko has ushered in scum. 12 00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:48,160 Scum have nothing. 13 00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:49,720 That's the scariest part. 14 00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:53,560 They're hungry and will snatch anything they see. 15 00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:56,320 I suggest that we tackle each problem as it arises. 16 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,000 Our current problem is this. 17 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:04,560 So we'll send our little watchdog 18 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:05,720 to Toronto. 19 00:02:08,759 --> 00:02:11,440 PRESIDENTIAL ADMINISTRATION OF UKRAINE 20 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:43,520 Good morning. 21 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:46,280 I'm Sergei Viktorovich, but call me Serge. 22 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:48,560 If you have any questions or suggestions, 23 00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:50,760 please don't bother to knock, just come in. 24 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:56,160 Good morning. 25 00:02:57,920 --> 00:03:00,080 I'm Sergei, but call me Sergei Viktorovich. 26 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:02,200 If you have any questions, drop by. 27 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:03,800 This place is babe heaven. 28 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:07,040 Thank you, Vasya. 29 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:13,240 Good Lord, man! 30 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:15,920 Are you blind or something? 31 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:17,520 Can't see where you're going? 32 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,200 Yeah, I got overexcited in heaven. 33 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:22,200 What did you say? 34 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:23,960 I said, here are your glasses. 35 00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:26,320 Sorry, it was an accident. 36 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:27,200 Unintentional. 37 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,360 Sergei Viktorovich... 38 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:31,520 -Hello. -Hi. 39 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:32,840 Do I know you? 40 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:35,520 I'm Oksana, your assistant. 41 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:37,240 A pleasure, Oksana. 42 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:38,600 The pleasure is mine. 43 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,000 Where are you going? 44 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:43,400 Grisha, are you crazy? 45 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:44,640 He's the new minister. 46 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:46,240 This way, Sergei Viktorovich. 47 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:48,800 Here's the deal. Today, you have... 48 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:50,120 Today, you have... 49 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:51,600 Oh, Lord! 50 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:54,480 You need to change clothes. 51 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:55,360 Why? 52 00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:57,680 Today, you meet with Liberia's Cabinet 53 00:03:57,760 --> 00:03:59,320 and give a statement on Uganda. 54 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:00,640 -On what? -Uganda. 55 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:02,680 Where's that? I mean... 56 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:04,200 What's going on there? 57 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:05,720 There's a coup. 58 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:08,000 The press conference starts in one hour. 59 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:09,840 You're dressed in who knows what! 60 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,600 What do you mean, who knows what? 61 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:13,880 Here we go. 62 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:16,880 Nina, hi. 63 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:19,880 Listen, I need a classic black suit on the double. 64 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,560 -Thirty minutes? No, seven. -Good morning. 65 00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:26,160 It's all taken care of. 66 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:28,440 -As the diplomat Jules Cambon said-- -Who? 67 00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:31,800 -No one. Later. Forget it. Let's go. -Lead the way. 68 00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:35,640 Hi. 69 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:38,680 Hello, Nina Yegorovna. 70 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:39,960 Greetings, Vasya. 71 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,720 -How are you? You're not worried, are you? A little bit. 72 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:45,080 There's no need to worry. Knock them dead. 73 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,160 -I will do. -There are many to knock dead. 74 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:48,520 And you're entering hell. 75 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:55,200 Dear Lord. What's happening? 76 00:04:57,240 --> 00:05:00,880 Give our money back! 77 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,600 They're robbing us! The government doesn't care! 78 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:08,040 Give our money back! 79 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:10,240 Excuse me, but what's going on here? 80 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:12,840 You tell us what's going on! 81 00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:15,360 -Where's the money? -What money? 82 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,720 What the head of Nikolaevskiy Bank stole, 83 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:19,160 and then took to Panama. 84 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:22,840 Sorry, I wasn't aware that Nikolaevskiy Bank collapsed, but... 85 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:25,760 I promise to take this under my personal control. 86 00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:27,120 I'll try to help you. 87 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:31,120 Give our money back! 88 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:38,840 Good afternoon. 89 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:44,120 I see it's not customary for you to stand when a woman enters. 90 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:46,080 We're not in school anymore. 91 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:47,880 May I ask a question? 92 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:49,840 Or do I need to raise my hand first? 93 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:51,240 Don't push it, San Sanych. 94 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:53,200 She's not just anybody. 95 00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:55,560 Nina Yegorovna was responsible for security 96 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,840 of the fourth entrance to a downtown condo. 97 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:00,000 You're well informed. 98 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,160 Instead of digging into my past, 99 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:05,560 you'd do better to deal with current affairs. 100 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,360 Everything's fine with us. 101 00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:09,120 Of course. 102 00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:12,640 For someone who hides alcohol and cigarette smuggling, 103 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:14,200 it can't be any other way. 104 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:16,920 That's right. I know a few things, too. 105 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,000 Well, gentlemen officers, 106 00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:20,880 our discussion will be a long one. 107 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:22,360 Give our money back! 108 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:23,800 Dear Olya Yurievna, 109 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,120 to start and end this formal function, 110 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:29,080 I ask you please to place your, so called, autograph 111 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:31,360 on the first official document. 112 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:34,440 -What's this? -A layout of the 1,000 hryvnia note. 113 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:36,720 You have to choose who will be pictured on it, 114 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,600 Lobanovsky or Korolyov. 115 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,960 Both, so to say, deserve the honor to be honored. 116 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:45,240 Ladies and gentlemen, pardon me, 117 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:48,920 but doesn't it bother you what's going on outside? 118 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:50,400 Excuse me? 119 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:52,680 Give our money back! 120 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,040 Indeed. That's much better. 121 00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:00,600 Do you think the problem can be solved by closing the window? 122 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:03,480 We could bring in the water cannon, but then... 123 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,080 the fetid mass will swell. 124 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:06,120 Wonderful. 125 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:09,240 In other words, you experienced bankers and finance experts, 126 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:10,960 don't see any other options? 127 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:13,680 Olya Yurievna, we feel sorry for them. 128 00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:15,680 But the most that we can do 129 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:17,120 is offer our sympathies. 130 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:20,080 You know, Dmitriy Vasilievich... 131 00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:20,960 Yes? 132 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:22,200 According to law, 133 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:24,560 the Central Bank guarantees deposits 134 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:26,600 and, as such, is obliged to return them. 135 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:27,720 Absolutely. 136 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:29,720 Based on the same law, Olya Yurievna, 137 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:31,680 the Central Bank, in the first place, 138 00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:33,920 looks after the hryvnia's well-being. 139 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:38,320 It's like the stray dog at my summer home. 140 00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:41,760 Out of the kindness of my heart... 141 00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:43,600 I fed it once. 142 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:45,320 Guess what happened the next day. 143 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:49,440 A pack of hungry dogs was standing at my gate. 144 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:51,320 What's your point? 145 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:54,080 Olya Yurievna, if we start returning the deposits, 146 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:55,560 we'll set a precedent. 147 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:57,880 And the swindled clients of other banks 148 00:07:57,960 --> 00:07:59,320 will be here in the morning. 149 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:00,880 -Dmitriy Vasilievich. -Yes? 150 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:04,360 I don't think it's proper for you to compare people with dogs. 151 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:06,040 We're not only bankers. 152 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:07,640 We're also surgeons. 153 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:08,520 Clearly. 154 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:09,680 So... 155 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:11,600 There's no way out? 156 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:15,000 -There is. -Enlighten me, then. 157 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:18,000 Relax and have fun. 158 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:20,920 Thus, is it Lobanovsky or Korolyov? 159 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:23,560 Brut or... 160 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:25,120 demi-sec? 161 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,560 And, so, Uganda... 162 00:08:33,919 --> 00:08:35,320 -Beautiful. -Lackluster. 163 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:39,600 For the past 29 years, there's been a conflict in northern Uganda 164 00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:42,480 between government forces and insurgents. 165 00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:43,919 Oh! Nice. 166 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:45,880 It's too loud. 167 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:48,480 The conflict was contained with help from the USA 168 00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:51,040 and the armies of Southern Sudan, DRC and CAR. 169 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:52,400 What's their best car? 170 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:55,000 CAR stands for the Central African Republic. 171 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:57,120 Museveni heads Uganda. 172 00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:00,480 Yesterday, the Lord's Resistance Army arrested him. 173 00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:01,480 You see! 174 00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:03,600 Even God is against the president. 175 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:05,200 Sergei Viktorovich, 176 00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:07,840 you need to convey Ukraine's position on the matter. 177 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:09,440 Strong and balanced. 178 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:10,320 I like it. 179 00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:12,320 Me too. Keep it. 180 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:14,520 Right. So what's our position? 181 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:15,920 That's for you to decide. 182 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:17,280 Look... 183 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,680 maybe Uganda could wait, after all? 184 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,440 Someone else can give a statement. 185 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:24,080 Sergei Viktorovich, this is international policy. 186 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:25,760 We can't sit idle. 187 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:27,160 What if I'm undecided? 188 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:29,160 Right... 189 00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:31,400 So unlike your great-grandfather. 190 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:32,840 What about him? 191 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,480 Nikita Ivanovich Mukhin. 192 00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:36,160 A great diplomat. 193 00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:38,720 He always made the right decisions. 194 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:40,720 Even in the most dire situations. 195 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,440 Some envoy my great-grandpa was. 196 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:43,920 He enjoyed booze. 197 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:47,040 Anyway, a Mukhin surname doesn't make me a diplomat. 198 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,720 It's a common surname, that's all. 199 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,640 -What's your surname? -Skovoroda. 200 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:52,760 There you go. 201 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:56,640 It doesn't mean you descend from that famous Grigoriy Skovoroda. 202 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,040 Grigoriy Skovoroda is my paternal ancestor. 203 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:04,440 Yes? 204 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,520 We're handling the matter now. 205 00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:08,640 Sergei Viktorovich! 206 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:10,080 The press office. 207 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:11,440 It's time for a statement. 208 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:13,000 Straight away? 209 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,960 Yes, in ten minutes. 210 00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:16,480 Very well. 211 00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:18,360 One second. 212 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:27,240 Yeah, sometimes I just want to say "the hell with it all" 213 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:29,680 and move to the middle of nowhere. 214 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,480 Where do you usually vacation? 215 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,080 Vasyl Petrovych! 216 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:35,760 Where do you usually vacation? 217 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:36,760 -Me? -Yes. 218 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:38,280 In Olvia. 219 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:39,400 -In Olvia? -Yes. 220 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:41,000 Olvia... It sounds familiar. 221 00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:42,320 Is it in Spain? Majorca? 222 00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:44,240 No way. Not Spain. 223 00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:46,200 It's in Nikolaev Oblast. 224 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:48,720 It's an archeological reserve. A nice place. 225 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:49,880 Privately owned? 226 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:51,760 God forbid, of course not. 227 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:53,880 Sounds exotic. 228 00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:54,760 Not bad. 229 00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:56,760 -Yuriy Ivanovich, I-- -Oh! 230 00:10:57,880 --> 00:10:59,720 -Please. I have lots to do. -Yes, yes. 231 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:01,720 Vasyl Petrovych, you know, 232 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,200 I wanted to remark on your choice of ministers. 233 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:05,720 -In a good way. -Truly? 234 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:06,640 Truly. 235 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:11,440 To take people with a fresh outlook, with no public service experience... 236 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:13,920 in a sense, straight off the street. 237 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,400 -But in a good way. -You're speaking ironically? 238 00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,480 Yuriy Ivanovich, nevertheless, let me say 239 00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:22,640 that they may lack experience so far. 240 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,480 -But they're adept. -Vasya! 241 00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:26,720 -Really? -I guarantee. 242 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:29,640 Fire me f**king now! It's a s**t storm, Vasya! 243 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:31,440 Vanya, wait a second. 244 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:33,480 Excuse me. 245 00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:35,680 -I know those words. -I'll be back! 246 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:37,000 -In a jiffy. -It's awful! 247 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:40,240 -Drink some coffee. One second. -It's fine. 248 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:42,800 What's happening? Fire you? What's happened? 249 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:45,080 -I went there-- -Tell me, and calm down. 250 00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:46,960 -I went there in the morning. -You... 251 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,480 There? Where is "there"? 252 00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:49,360 -There! -Where? 253 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:50,480 What do you mean? 254 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,600 Bella Rudolfovna, do we have sedatives? 255 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,200 -Valerian? -50 grams. 256 00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:57,560 -You went where you had to-- -I was there! 257 00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,200 -There, in the ministry? -Yes! 258 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:00,720 Why didn't you say that? 259 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:01,960 -In the ministry. -Yes! 260 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:03,600 -What's in the ministry? -What? 261 00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:06,560 I enter the room, and they start looking at me like this. 262 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:07,920 Here. 263 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:10,360 The generals. 264 00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:12,040 -Generals. Seriously? -Yes! 265 00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:13,920 -Okay, generals. How many? -Lots. 266 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,200 -In quantity. -Lots. 267 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:16,480 Can you say how many? 268 00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:17,800 430. 269 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:19,280 -How many? -Sedative? 270 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:20,720 No, thanks. I don't need it. 271 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:22,160 Why so many generals? 272 00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:24,400 By comparison, the Pentagon has 40. 273 00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:26,800 The Pentagon has 40. Look here, downsize! 274 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:28,200 The generals? 275 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:32,400 Halve them. 276 00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:33,280 Not enough. 277 00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:38,640 Down to a quarter. 278 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:40,480 Atta boy. Proceed. 279 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:42,960 Take this. 280 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:49,640 "If you have a good army, 281 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:53,720 you will find good allies." 282 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:55,200 -Machiavelli. -Correct. 283 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:57,920 It's as though he looked into a crystal ball. 284 00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:59,000 Vasyl Petrovych! 285 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:00,480 And you... 286 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:02,720 You've found yourself a worthy army. 287 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:04,840 What impresses me is that 288 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:07,680 any minister can walk right in to your office, 289 00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:09,160 the president's office, 290 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:10,800 and resolve any issue. 291 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:14,320 Yuriy Ivanovich, the defense minister just had a tough day. 292 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:16,320 But you must admit, it was the only case. 293 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:17,440 Fair enough. 294 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:18,920 Vasya! 295 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,280 Holy shit. Listen... 296 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:23,200 Which moron assigned those idiots to the board? 297 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,440 Me. Good morning. 298 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:27,760 Good morning. 299 00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:30,240 Sorry, I didn't see you there. 300 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:31,280 Don't worry. 301 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:33,120 -May I have a few words? -Sure. 302 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:34,920 Excuse me. 303 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:38,000 Olya, are you okay? 304 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:40,040 Good heavens. Sorry, I didn't see him. 305 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:41,120 What happened? 306 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:44,960 Did you know that a big bank crashed and thousands are without money? 307 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:47,440 Is that a reason to burst in? You couldn't call? 308 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:50,080 Are you mad? Call you? For you, this is chicken feed? 309 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:51,320 This is important to me. 310 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,080 I'm concerned about this. 311 00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:54,720 -You had money in that bank? -No. 312 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,440 Those who lost their money are standing outside. 313 00:13:57,520 --> 00:13:59,080 -I need to help them. -Relax. 314 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:00,600 Will we give them money back? 315 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:02,000 Okay, we will. 316 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:03,400 You say we'll give it back, 317 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,560 but experts say the hryvnia might crash. 318 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:06,480 Then don't. 319 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:08,960 Do we give them their money back or not? 320 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,280 -I need to tell the people something! -Relax. 321 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:12,920 They were throwing tires at me. 322 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,320 Drink this, and then we'll think of what to say. 323 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:19,480 Is this cognac? 324 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:21,360 A sedative. 325 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:24,160 Olya, you're the head of the Central Bank. You decide. 326 00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:28,080 And avoid breathing on people today. 327 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:29,480 Oh, Lord... 328 00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:33,200 One more "only case"? 329 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:35,080 I didn't expect so many problems. 330 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:38,120 No worries. The main thing is that it doesn't become a trend. 331 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:40,600 Mother Trucker, Vasya! 332 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:44,000 What a freaking mess! What did you get me into, Vasya? 333 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:47,120 Why did you stick me in the foreign ministry? 334 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:49,720 It's more of a place for douchebags. 335 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:55,120 I fu... 336 00:14:57,720 --> 00:14:59,040 Hello, Vasyl Petrovych. 337 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:00,600 Hi. 338 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:01,840 A word, Mr President? 339 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:04,120 -Vasyl Petrovych, I think I'll go. -Yes? 340 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:06,520 -Keep working. Good luck. -Thanks. 341 00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:08,400 -I'll return the book later. -Enjoy. 342 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:09,840 Okay, goodbye. 343 00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:11,920 Again, sorry, Yuriy Ivanovich. 344 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,400 -You want it closed? -Yes. 345 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,120 -No problem. -Until next time... 346 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:16,800 What's with you all today? 347 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:19,560 It's like you've all gone mad, and running around. 348 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:23,080 Bursting in without knocking... You can't do anything without me? 349 00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:26,000 -I don't know how to handle the Ugandists. -Who? 350 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:28,800 -Or Ugandosts. -What? 351 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:30,600 I don't know what they're called. 352 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,840 -It's some country in Asia. -Which country? 353 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:34,520 Ugandiya! 354 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:36,280 Uganda. 355 00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:38,800 And it's in Africa, not Asia. 356 00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:40,880 Who cares, Vasya. A coup is underway. 357 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:44,760 -What coup? -Military. We have to act! 358 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:47,040 How? If it's military, then condemn it. 359 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:49,440 The U.S. approved it. 360 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:50,680 Then also approve it. 361 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:54,000 -But China condemned it! -Then maintain a neutral stance. 362 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:55,920 No, Vasya. That's what the Swiss do. 363 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,800 -Are you the foreign minister? -I am. 364 00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:00,080 Then decide whether to condemn or approve, 365 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:01,200 to support or not. 366 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,520 Okay, go to work. And don't blow my head off. 367 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:06,640 -Vasya, what's up? -Enough! 368 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,160 What do you want from me? 369 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:11,160 Or do you also have problems with generals, colonels, 370 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:12,160 or other officers? 371 00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:13,760 Maybe you put money into a bank 372 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,080 and it happened to crash? 373 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:18,000 Or are you planning a coup in Uganda, you Ugandian? 374 00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:19,800 What the hell do you want from me? 375 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,800 I wanted to ask if you'd like to have lunch. 376 00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:27,200 Yes, Olya. I see. 377 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:29,600 I've heard of Nikolaevskiy Bank. 378 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:30,960 Yes. 379 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:33,000 I think she's one of ours. 380 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,680 -From the old days. -A KGB asset from the Andropov era? 381 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:39,360 Or a dissident, whose conditioning isn't complete? 382 00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:42,120 It's hard to check. Moscow has the database. 383 00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:44,280 Let's not guess. 384 00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:46,240 Just quietly get rid of her. 385 00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:47,520 Immediately? 386 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:49,200 You mean, for good? 387 00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:50,280 What for? 388 00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:53,160 There's a more original method. 389 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:56,720 It's called Summer Rain. 390 00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:59,200 It'll come into effect in four hours. 391 00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:01,520 Tomorrow, she won't remember a thing. 392 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:06,800 Are you sure? 393 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:08,960 We'll find out. 394 00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:14,920 Okay, Olya. Don't worry. 395 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:17,680 I'll handle it... 396 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:19,280 right now. 397 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:21,520 Right. 398 00:17:21,599 --> 00:17:24,240 Who does economic security? 399 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:26,359 Yatsenko, if I'm not mistaken. 400 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:28,560 Yes, ma'am, me. 401 00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:31,440 You finished high school with a C in mathematics. 402 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:33,400 That explains a lot. 403 00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:35,080 You're just average, Yatsenko. 404 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:36,400 I had a B grade. 405 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,080 In gym class. 406 00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:41,760 Yatsenko, have you heard of Nikolaevskiy Bank? 407 00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:43,080 It sounds familiar. 408 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:45,440 I'd even say that it's familial. 409 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:47,360 Its owner is Igor Nikolaevskiy, 410 00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:48,760 your brother-in-law. 411 00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:50,840 Now I recall it. 412 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:52,800 Marvelous. 413 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:55,440 Then maybe you'll recall that under your patronage, 414 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:57,960 Nikolaevskiy ruined the bank, 415 00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:00,080 shifted its funds to offshore accounts, 416 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,480 and fled to an unknown location. 417 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:05,000 Or, perhaps, you know where he is? 418 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:07,440 I don't. God's honest truth. 419 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:09,600 Excuse me. 420 00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:19,800 We'll end with this. 421 00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:22,160 I understand that this won't be easy, 422 00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:25,280 but trust me, I've had tougher classes than you bunch. 423 00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:29,520 There was nothing to it. I handled it. Many even became successful in life. 424 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:32,040 Please be quiet and I'll explain everything. 425 00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:32,920 Quiet! 426 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:35,680 Friends, I fully comprehend your predicament. 427 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:37,920 Our people have been swindled so often 428 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:39,920 that we no longer trust any government. 429 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:43,280 I say "we" because I don't dissociate myself from you. 430 00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:44,800 See, I came to talk to you. 431 00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:46,920 I'm not hiding or running away from you. 432 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:48,560 Therefore... 433 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:50,960 I ask that you trust me as a normal person. 434 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:54,040 We'll get your money back. That, I promise. 435 00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:56,280 Here's your virgin mojito, Nina Yegorovna. 436 00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:57,920 Thanks, Igor. 437 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,440 For both the mojito and the information. 438 00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:02,120 If only you had seen their faces. 439 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:03,920 They're to blame. 440 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:07,520 They get drunk and start jousting over who has more clout. 441 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:09,600 I remember your phenomenal memory 442 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:11,720 from your school days. 443 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:12,760 Speaking of... 444 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:16,000 Didn't you get a PhD in mathematics? 445 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:17,760 What brought you here? 446 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:19,720 The good tips. 447 00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:21,760 I see. 448 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:08,080 This is Krivitskiy. We're minus one person now. 449 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:12,440 We can't do the same to the others. It'll look too suspicious. 450 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:22,120 Olya, how's the chicken? 451 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,360 It looks good. Just the way we like it. 452 00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,720 Ivan, did you handle the generals? 453 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:29,720 I threw the old farts out and fired them. 454 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,520 They will remember... 455 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:32,920 Captain Skorik. 456 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:34,960 -Glass, please. -Get it, Vanya. 457 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:36,680 Mukhin was a trip today! 458 00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:37,840 Olya, can you believe 459 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,720 the foreign minister can't find Uganda on the map? 460 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,200 -He confused everybody. -Listen. 461 00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:45,800 I still might not know where Uganda is located, 462 00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:48,280 but I adamantly handled the situation. 463 00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:50,200 -Yeah, yeah! -How was your day? 464 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:52,960 Vasya, everything's in tip-top shape. You know me. 465 00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:54,800 Guys, I want to drink to you 466 00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:56,280 and your first day on the job. 467 00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:58,760 -You're awesome. I love you all. -Thanks. 468 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,120 Likewise! 469 00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:08,960 -I'll turn it up. -Change it. 470 00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:11,440 Wait, I want to see what these buffoons say. 471 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:15,000 Let's proceed in the right order. It's customary for ladies to go first. 472 00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:16,960 So the new Central Bank head... 473 00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:19,040 I shouldn't have worn that blouse. 474 00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:20,240 Olya Mischenko. 475 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:21,720 After her promise 476 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:25,600 to compensate the swindled clients of Nikolaevskiy Bank, 477 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:30,240 the exchange market saw turbulence, with the dollar gaining three points. 478 00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:34,000 Three points, all based on what Olya simply said. 479 00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:38,120 It's scary to imagine what will happen when she begins to act. 480 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,120 We sincerely convey our condolences... 481 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:42,960 That's off-base. Really off-base. 482 00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:44,760 What should I have told them? 483 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:47,640 Sorry, dear citizens, you'll get a big fat zero? 484 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:49,600 Olya, don't worry. It's the first day. 485 00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:53,600 New defense minister Ivan Skorik boldly started his first day on the job. 486 00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:57,880 Today, the construction of a residential complex for army personnel came to a halt. 487 00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:02,120 Some 2,000 military families were deprived of their long-awaited apartments. 488 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:03,240 Screw a kangaroo! 489 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:05,160 It wasn't a building site. 490 00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:08,760 It was the same thing morning until night. They were laundering money. 491 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:09,920 I always said, 492 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:11,640 first use your head, then act. 493 00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:13,800 He always blurts things out. Why do that? 494 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:14,880 No one's immune. 495 00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:16,640 Luckily, that never happens to me. 496 00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:20,720 But the one who stood out the most, of course, was the new foreign minister. 497 00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:23,480 Alert viewers counted 498 00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:27,400 that while commenting on the coup in Uganda, Mr. Mukhin, 499 00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:30,640 in just 20 seconds and 44 words, 500 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:34,320 managed to cross the boundaries of political correctness six times. 501 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:35,200 Say what? 502 00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:36,960 This is their internal ball game. 503 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:40,840 Put simply... Why do we always deliberate over the coups in Africa? 504 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:44,000 Negroes are also people! Let them coup if they want. 505 00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,280 You, clearly, meant to say Africans? 506 00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:48,640 Negroes, Africans... No difference. 507 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,880 Aren't negroes and Africans the same? 508 00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:52,640 Or is "negro" a bad word? 509 00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:55,120 I didn't say "nigger", I said "negroes". 510 00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:58,720 Incidentally, have you heard a joke about this? I'll tell you. 511 00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:01,160 Unfortunately, or perhaps, fortunately, 512 00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:03,640 we can't show Mukhin's joke. 513 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:04,840 What did I say? 514 00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:06,440 Mukhin-Mukhin... 515 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:08,000 In summary, one could say 516 00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:10,600 that for President Holobordko's new team, 517 00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:14,880 this was a black - excuse me - African day. 518 00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:18,000 Well, guys. That was quite amazing. 519 00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:19,960 That's all for now. Tune in tomorrow. 520 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:22,920 We'll talk about the new tax service head, 521 00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,440 Mikhail Sanin. 522 00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:26,880 In one day, he managed 523 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:29,680 to screw up so much that we've filmed a special report. 524 00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:30,680 Goodbye. 525 00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:39,760 Well, then... If without salt, then no salt. 526 00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:46,600 Or, perhaps, add some pepper? 527 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:50,600 Translated by Mark P. Raczkiewycz 37155

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